Scott Benner 4/25/24 Scott Benner 4/25/24

#1182 Punk Rock Duderonomy

Amanda's 11 year old daughter has type 1 diabetes but you know there's more to this than just that. ;)

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Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, welcome to episode 1182 of the Juicebox Podcast

I'll be speaking with Amanda today she is the mother of an 11 year old daughter who has type one diabetes and celiac, which she's also colorblind, red and green. Specifically her daughter was conceived from a sperm donor. Oh, look at all the notes here about today's episode. What else do we see here? High School used heroin. Oh my goodness. Are you gonna listen to this? It's gonna be amazing. While the episode is being amazing, please remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your healthcare plan or becoming bold with insulin. You want to help with type one diabetes research. It's simple to do if you're a US resident who has type one diabetes or is the caregiver of someone with type one. All you need to do is go to T one D exchange.org/juicebox. Join the registry. complete the survey. It takes like 10 minutes and you have officially helped with type one diabetes research right there from wherever it is you are T one d exchange.org/juicebox this is your best chance to help research without having to pick your butt up and go somewhere

you know you can start your day the same way I do with a delicious drink of ag one. The supplements I take are of the highest quality and that's why every morning I drink Hu one drink ag one.com/juicebox us med is sponsoring this episode of The Juicebox Podcast and we've been getting our diabetes supplies from us med for years. You can as well. Us med.com/juice box or call 888-721-1514 Use the link or the number get your free benefits check it get started today with us med this show is sponsored today by the glucagon that my daughter carries. G voc hypo Penn. Find out more at G voc glucagon.com. Forward slash juicebox

Amanda 2:22
Hi, I'm Amanda. I daughter is 11 years old type one diabetes, celiac. Well other things that aren't usually related to this podcast and we're in Southern California.

Scott Benner 2:36
Okay. Type one. Celiac. I said celiac in front of someone the other day. And they go celiac and I was like, am I saying it wrong? I was like Jesus put that on the list. Things I apparently don't pronounce. Oh my god. Right. Okay, so I got to one celiac. Other things that aren't usually talked about here. Do you want to mention them or no? Oh,

Amanda 3:00
well, she's colorblind. Okay, which is very rare for girl. Oh, no

Scott Benner 3:05
kidding. Yeah.

Amanda 3:07
We actually like when I figured it out or started figuring it out. I got I had an HMO. So I'd go to a specific doctor and he was like, she's not colorblind. Girls are not colorblind. She's colorblind. She can't tell the difference between red and green. Nope. Girls aren't colorblind. Okay,

Scott Benner 3:25
they made me come to you. I'm assuming now because you were inexpensive. probably harder to charge and you don't understand what you're doing? Yeah. So that's a, I guess, I don't know. How do you How does that first become, like apparent to you? Well,

Amanda 3:43
hers was she was in the bath around three years old. And you know, like the paint the paint? Yeah. And so she asked Mom, can you and I don't remember anymore. She either said mom can hear me the green one or mom can hear me the red one. And I said, That's not that color. And she switched it. So she either said, can you hear me the green paint? And I said that's not great. And she goes red? Or she said opposite? Can you give me the red paint? I said it's not red. She said green. And I mean, then I was like, there's only one way you mess up red and green.

Scott Benner 4:18
Is that once you can't tell the difference? And, and are there? I mean, how much have you looked into this? Are there other versions of colorblind? Yeah, there is.

Amanda 4:28
There's I mean, and she's like 70%, red, green, Deuteronomy, whatever it's called. There's a whole bunch of different things for it like so for her. She can see colors a little bit. It's not pure like I guess if you're 100% colorblind. It's like everything is gold. Like a yellowish gold. Yeah, but she cuz she's only 70% She can tell the difference between red and green. Apparently reds, darker greens, lighter, basic visions. that things like golden brown. Yeah, I

Scott Benner 5:02
started Googling when you use the name of a, I think a chapter in the Bible instead of whatever you said, I think you said Deuteronomy. And I was like, I'm not very religious, but I feel like that. So I looked here, NIH says there's red green color vision deficiency, they call it blue yellow color vision deficiency has a lot of words and complete color vision deficiency. Yeah, wow. Right about that. And it's looks like it's here we go, dude or anomaly. Thank you is the most Deuteronomy. We didn't name the episode like straight out. I'm actually making a note about that for myself. Definitely call them this Deuteronomy is the most common type of red green color vision deficiency, it makes certain shades of green look more red. This type is mild and doesn't usually get in the way of normal activities. Then there's protein anomaly makes certain shades of red look more green and less bright. This type is mild and usually doesn't get in the way of normal activities. Pro Oberoi pro 10 Neopia and due to rot neuropathy both an hoppy Jesus the Mother of God both makes somewhat unable to tell the difference between bread green, there's also blue yellow, there's two different kinds of blue yellow and then complete like you said, Can't see colors at all. This is also called mono Christmassy or why did Jesus or achromat tapas? Son of a bitch Why do they do this? Why don't they just call it like total or I mean Yeah. Anyway, that all seems horrible. It Do you think? Is she impacted by it? If you take insulin or sulfonylureas you are at risk for your blood sugar going too low. You need a safety net when it matters most. Be ready with G voc hypo pen. My daughter carries G voc hypo pen everywhere she goes because it's a ready to use rescue pen for treating very low blood sugar and people with diabetes ages two and above that I trust. Low blood sugar emergencies can happen unexpectedly and they demand quick action. Luckily Jivaro Capo pen can be administered in two simple steps even by yourself in certain situations. Show those around you where you storage EVO Capo pen and how to use it. They need to know how to use G Bo Capo pen before an emergency situation happens. Learn more about why G vo Capo pen is in Ardens diabetes toolkit at G voc glucagon.com/juicebox. G voc shouldn't be used if you have a tumor in the gland on the top of your kidneys called a pheochromocytoma. Or if you have a tumor in your pancreas called an insulinoma. Visit G voc glucagon.com/risk. For safety information.

Amanda 7:58
She's really not the funniest part is the hardest color for her to see is purple, because she doesn't have the cones for red. Okay, blue and purple are her hardest things, I guess with red and green like they're just a shade off. And she can always tell those apart. But with purple and blue or dark blue, she can't like light purple and blue, dark blue and purple. She can't tell the difference at all.

Scott Benner 8:22
Can you explain the cone thing a little bit. And please use as many Bible references as possible.

Amanda 8:27
I don't understand it completely. But it's the shape of the cones in your eyes that determine what you're capable of being transmitted to your brain and therefore think. And the shape of her red green cones are I don't know if they're flat or what's wrong with them. But I know it's the cones that don't work properly. And so she just does not get that information from her eye to her brain.

Scott Benner 8:57
That's so interesting. Okay, I have a tiny bit of information here that you haven't mentioned yet, but you went to 711 and got some sperm and made her was that right? Yeah. Yeah. So she's from us? Yeah. No, she's from a donor. Yes. Okay. Honest donor. Was that because you paid boys? You had trouble with your spent like like the your mate wasn't able, like what leads to that?

Amanda 9:27
I was with a guy for about 10 years. Like the Melotte. Finally, it was like, Hey, maybe I actually want to have a family and stuff. And then that fell apart. And before that I didn't want to have a family. So it wasn't like a big deal. But then I was like, Hey, I actually want you. Oh, I see then what? And then I don't know if it was my biological clock or whatever. But then I was like, Bob, I want to do it. Now. I don't want to wait another 10 years to find somebody. I may be like enough. I was already 30

Scott Benner 9:57
So took you 10 years to find a person you Like, yeah, oh my gosh, where were you looking?

Amanda 10:04
Punk rock shows probably rock shows.

Scott Benner 10:08
You should call me I might have been able to help. I would have said, Hey, I made it. How about first let's not look for the punk rock shows. Let's see where that gets. I can't meet any good guys in this bar for some reason. No kidding.

Amanda 10:28
That's lovely. No, no. So then I, yeah, yeah. anonymous donor. Had her. Six years later, I got back together with a guy and now we are married and live together. And he's our dad really? Adopted? Yep.

Scott Benner 10:42
How does that feel to him? Well,

Amanda 10:46
I mean, once they met and clicked and fell in love with each other, to them, their father and daughter, no

Scott Benner 10:56
feeling of loss, or mistake that you didn't stay together? I don't really know. And yeah, don't talk too much. You might learn about each other.

Amanda 11:06
I mean, I asked him when we were like really thinking about getting back together and like really doing I was like, I'm not having any more kids. So she's got to be it for you. You're not passing on your DNA, not gonna do it.

Scott Benner 11:18
And do not see me with your seed. Been there done that. That's over now. And

Amanda 11:26
he was fine with it. But I mean, he always jokes. I don't know if he's really joking or not. But he always tells people he was like, No, I've never wanted to change diapers. I swooped in at six years old, taught her how to swim taught her how to ride a bike.

Scott Benner 11:39
I can see I can see people being attracted to

Amanda 11:42
do any of the baby stuff. I came in, right when she turned fun. Right when

Scott Benner 11:46
she turned five. Yeah, that's about right. I asked because, but I guess this is just something private. I shouldn't say on here, but what are we gonna do? You know, my brother was with a girl. They broke up, she married someone had children. And now my brother and her are married. And I always wondered In fairness, I never asked him like, you know, but like, we're also not married. So don't laugh at me, man. Okay, but, but I've never asked my brother like, did you ever feel like oh, geez, what if we would have just, like kept going? You know, like, those would have been my kids maybe? Like, like, naturally, you know, not that I don't think he thinks that. Actually, let me be clear about that. He really loves those kids. So that's that's not the case. All right. I understand. Okay, I'm good. I'm good. Some kid with diabetes needed some money and now your kids diagnosed when did that happen?

Amanda 12:39
That was in July of 2020.

Scott Benner 12:44
Right after she turned eight. Okay. She was eight and 2020 and she was diagnosed is the celiac come first? The type one. The type one. Okay. How does it present?

Amanda 12:53
Well, the obvious normal stuff if she got super skinny, I had to like buy smaller sized bathing suits, which is weird. Yeah. Super drinking water getting all my never wet the bed. She always got up.

Scott Benner 13:07
But it was happening a lot. A lot of urine. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. In

Amanda 13:12
March, actually, I took her to a well visit. And she had lost a pound. And they're like, Oh, she's losing weight. And she's always been in the very low percentile. She's short. I'm short. Like never was like a major concern.

Scott Benner 13:25
Amanda short, how tall are you?

Amanda 13:28
I'm five, two. Okay, good. So they're like, Oh, she lost a pal. And I was like, Yeah, but she's like doing stuff. Now. She's running and she's playing outside and she's riding her bike. I'm okay with losing a pound. And she's getting taller. So it looks like she she's skinnier. And like, she's like, No, I want you to go do bloodwork. And my daughter, parents freaked out. She was just like, No, I don't want to do bloodwork. And I mean, she's my only kid. I didn't do it.

Scott Benner 13:59
By your easy, you don't want to do blood work, it's fine. You're probably just gonna grow up to be a supermodel. That's where this is headed, actually. So it's fine.

Amanda 14:06
I didn't do it. And I was just like, This lady's just a little crazy. I don't know what she's saying. I'm really I was mad afterwards when I was like, you could have done a finger prick in the office, if that's what you thought. Right? Right. You didn't have to send us for major bloodwork. If that's where you were going with this.

Scott Benner 14:22
Do you think that was the doctor's inclination that they were looking for diabetes? That

Amanda 14:26
in celiac, she said, Oh, for the weight loss? Okay. Yeah, but either way. I mean, if you were thinking that don't think I've heard in the office, it would have been Hi then

Scott Benner 14:36
how long between your poor parenting decision and you find out?

Amanda 14:42
March, April, May, June, July, so four months? Oh, you

Scott Benner 14:45
think you would have known four months sooner? Well, yeah,

Amanda 14:49
but also I now that I think about it. She's had like a slow onset. Okay, her whole life. Has she never drink juice? She never ate bread. She knows Ever had candy? Like she'd have IT people like hey, do you want this? She's having a bite. And she'd have a sip of orange juice and say absolutely not. I need a lot of water. She'd have some soda and say no, I need a lot of water. And I just thought she was like, healthy, amazing kid. I mean, this was a two and three years old.

Scott Benner 15:16
Yeah. Like, what does that have to do with the slow onset, though? Tell me. Well,

Amanda 15:20
I mean, if she wouldn't eat things that raised her blood sugar and made her feel weird, she didn't have any words for it. She didn't know how to say what would that was?

Scott Benner 15:28
You think that kid was low carb in her life? Yeah,

Amanda 15:30
because now she loves you. She loves soda. Now that she has insulin to

Scott Benner 15:36
counteract it. That's interesting. So it

Amanda 15:39
wasn't a taste thing to her. It was a body

Scott Benner 15:42
maybe all carbs are red or green. She just didn't see them. It's possible. I mean, I don't know a lot about this

Amanda 15:48
stuff. You love pizza still, but that's slow so she could do that and not hard

Scott Benner 15:53
not to love pizza. Wow. Okay, so she's, she's paying a lot. You go to the doctor, you don't do the bloodwork four months later. What happens that makes you go oh, okay,

Amanda 16:03
we finally do the bloodwork. Oh,

Scott Benner 16:05
I was gonna say and she's a rockstar bloodwork. Now, I imagine years later. Oh,

Amanda 16:09
no, no, no, still no. Still still really hard thing. Tell me

Scott Benner 16:13
about that. Because I don't talk about it very often. But Arden's like a cat in a in a carwash sometimes.

Amanda 16:24
Yeah, no, I don't get it either. I'm like, you know, get shots. I mean, when she doesn't anymore. She's on the pump. And yeah, but it was like you getting shots, six or more a day for a very long time. But it's still I mean, it's a bigger needle. It's scary. She is always bribing me. Can we put it off? Can we do it this day, like always last minute, we're just barely gets to the doctor and time.

Scott Benner 16:48
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Amanda 19:21
Well, she just she just makes me feel bad. And so I have this plan a day where I go do something and then her dad has to take her. Oh,

Scott Benner 19:27
I see. So yeah, well now he's there. Back then. Was he there? In 2020? Yeah, he was living without he was okay. Yeah. All right. Because he was probably like, look, I got out of this a couple times. I could probably keep pushing this lady off if I tried hard enough. She's pretty smart about that. Yeah, give her over to him. And he's like, we're going to get bloodwork Shut up. Yes. So I should be I should be clear as an adult, and in her late teens to say she's fine getting her blood drawn. That would be a lie. I have to remember to ask her about it when she's on next time but she She sits there and watches the needle go into her arm. She can't look away from it cannot look away, she does not like it. It's upsetting to her. There have been times where she's given like had blood draws, you know, every couple of months trying to figure out like levels for like thyroid stuff and things like that. Every time it does not get better, but when she, when she was young, it was fine. And there I don't know when it happened to her. But there was this one day in the endos office, where the lady who had drawn her blood, you know, like, I gotta say, at least once a year for forever. She came in and art and just pulled her feet up on the table and started pushing backwards. And before you knew it, she was in the corner of the room and I thought she's gonna go up the wall like spider man in a second. The porn nurses like art and what's going on? We've been doing this for years partners like no more. I had to take her into the bathroom and like we had to sit and talk quietly in the bathroom was by the way so that she felt protected like it did take her into a room close the door and lock the door. So I'm like, Alright, no one's coming in. We got to figure this out. Yeah, being a parent has been a lot of fun. So far. Super exciting. Yeah, the fury of sex for a little while and then just arguing with kids about stuff. And for you, not even you do it yourself or you go to a place you can't do it yourself again. You

Amanda 21:20
know, my OBGYN was already like a fertility doctor too. So he had all the connections.

Scott Benner 21:26
What do you think would happen if I typed DIY artificial? Am I about to see something horrible?

Amanda 21:36
I think those are like the stupid rom com movies where they just use a guy for a night DIY

Scott Benner 21:40
artificial insemination kit. Oh, make fun of me. Well, yeah, you can buy him at CVS. Oh, I thought I was making something stupid up and I was definitely gonna get sent to a porn site. But that is not what happened. Freda for Tality for tat fatality fertility. Unbelievable. At home insemination set. Four and a half stars. It says just add sperm. Now it doesn't say that. It's a real thing. It doesn't say just that sperm. Although it should, right. It really marketing like technique that would be yeah, there's a number of different add home insemination kits from a number of different companies. How much did you pay? You could have done this for $129.

Amanda 22:28
Well, that's just a kid. You'd still need the sperm pump punk rock show.

Scott Benner 22:33
How hard would it have been there? I'm gonna say not difficult. My

Amanda 22:36
kid probably would have been healthier.

Scott Benner 22:40
You know, let's get past this. It's my fault. I didn't record yesterday. I have a lot of silliness pent up inside me. I need to let it out every day or this is what happens. Okay, so diagnosed type one. Finally with bloodwork. Does she have to go to the hospital or

Amanda 22:57
Yeah. So like on a Monday, she went got her bloodwork done on Wednesday, the doctor called and said we got her bloodwork back. Her blood sugar's 480. And I said, Okay, what is that bad? I had no idea. Yeah, right. I had no idea. So I was like, Alright, cool. She has to go to the emergency room right now. I was like she's out riding her bike.

Scott Benner 23:21
Yeah. And that feeling of she's fine, right? Yeah,

Amanda 23:24
she's all right. She's not dying. They're like, are you going to take her like, I guess they thought I really wasn't. I was like, I actually have a work meeting, but I'll take her in an hour. And they're like, You need to take her right now. I mean, she's not gonna die, right? Right here. I put this off for months. What is an hour?

Scott Benner 23:42
Lady I've been doing this wrong for like a half a year. So I'm gonna finish up the work meeting and then we'll be over. I'm not a high stress. You're not a high stress person. Hi, Amanda.

Amanda 23:53
You know what I usually am I just I didn't like high stress stuff was always meant with work and not at home. Oh,

Scott Benner 24:01
I mean, it's super interesting, because I thought you're going to tell me that you're laid back and micro dosing mushrooms or something like that. But it's, you're from California. That could be happening right.

Amanda 24:09
Now, I wish not in a long time. Okay. That's

Scott Benner 24:13
the punk rock show. Wait a minute. Can we name this punk rock Deuteronomy? Maybe? Absolutely. Damn. Oh, hold on a second. I'm gonna write that down. I'll forget. Do you know that if I didn't write that down? Then an hour from now when we were done talking? I wouldn't remember.

Amanda 24:31
I probably wouldn't either. fascinate.

Scott Benner 24:35
I worry about myself in those situations? I'd remember

Amanda 24:37
that there would be something but I wouldn't remember what it was like I know there was something cool. What was it? I have to

Scott Benner 24:42
start leaving in the notes that I make for myself after the recording and so the recording ends. I take a second I get a drink. I bring the microphone back to my voice and I go today we talked to Amanda. Her daughter was you know, this this old 2020 when she was diagnosed type one On she had celiac later, she has red green colorblindness, and then I start going, we should call this episode I'll go Oh, sometime about, like, it's like an hour later. It's like an hour later. I don't know. Actually, I have an editor now. And it's been terrific, like 99.9% Terrific, though part that's not great is that the show gets recorded, it goes out and it's edited. It comes back to me and I have to lay in bumpers and ads and stuff like that, right? So I have to sit back down with the track and be like, Hello, friends this episode. Like I have to do all that. And then there's 30 seconds in the beginning where I like to give a little overview of what the the episodes about, and they would come back to me from the editor and I was like, I have no idea what this is about. Like I recorded this like, months ago. I have no idea. So I had to say to him while you're listening can you take notes about the episode?

Amanda 25:58
Yeah, cuz I mean while you were at any you were hearing it again. Yeah,

Scott Benner 26:00
it but I but I don't listen back through like once the edits done, I just I cut it off by laying the the elements where they go, but I don't listen to it again. And so there's like a little scratch pad in the in the thing and he's really his name's Rob. I mean, wrong way recording. If you're looking for him. I think it's wrong way. recording.com. And his notes are fantastic. Like sometimes I look at them. I'm like, I'm going to start stealing these and using it on the website. They're so like, thorough. He's like really sitting there listening. Yeah. So. Okay, kid. Well, Hi, Rob. Yeah. Hey, Rob. What's up, man do a good job on this one. Because, you know, I mean, his dogs barking in the background so you can get rid of that. That'd be terrific. As I try to make you feel that, Oh, okay. So work meeting ends, we go to the hospital.

Amanda 26:45
Yeah, go home. Go to the hospital. Still. COVID. So, okay, my husband just dropped us off. Her blood sugar was 560. Then they mentioned how clear her pee was because you know, she didn't drink a lot of water. She told us to go to a doctor. That's 15 minutes away. If we got another 15 minutes, we could have just gone straight to chalk. I don't know why she didn't just tell us that. So then we're waiting at the closer hospital for three hours for them send an ambulance takes chalk.

Scott Benner 27:14
So you drove 15 minutes to wait for an ambulance. But you could have 30 minutes to where you're going? Yeah.

Amanda 27:20
She's like, go to Mission Hospital right there. Do that go there? Okay, I'll do it. She's like, are you going? I'm going, lady. I'm going. I'm really um,

Scott Benner 27:29
how long did you wait for the ambulance? It was it was about three or four hours. Fantastic. That's absolutely fantastic. I don't understand half the time what happens but okay, so I

Amanda 27:41
remember sitting in there and we're in there and there's telling us, you know, she's got type one diabetes. I'm like, okay, I'd like the only thing I know about this is I read the baby sitters club, and one of them had

Scott Benner 27:54
ever heard about, do you think it comes? So is there any autoimmune on your side of the family?

Amanda 27:58
I have an aunt that has rheumatoid arthritis. Okay. All right. counts. For sure. Yeah. But that's like it. I mean, I'm sure some people are a little bit crazy and have some bipolar. None of them would. would admit it. Jesus

Scott Benner 28:13
already. You're like, I'm just gonna tell you right now. I'm related to a number of people who have bipolar disorder. They don't say it out loud. But I'm 100%. Sure. Is that what you're saying? Yes, yes. Do you want to name them? No. Both and oh.

Amanda 28:28
The other female of the family, aka my mom.

Scott Benner 28:32
I was just kidding. But okay. Jesus. Do you talk to your mom? Yes. Yeah. Okay. All right. Gotcha. Everybody's nice. They just think they might literally like you think they have? No, seriously she they really do. Okay. Is your mom taking medication? She's

Amanda 28:50
been on some stuff, the last few months and she's been a lot calmer and less. Just crazy. Emotional boy thinks she's like, Oh my God, you stop sharing your location with me. I'm like, I didn't mean to sorry. And I'm 43 years old.

Scott Benner 29:02
So okay, if your location stops being shared through your phone, your mom has a freakout.

Amanda 29:08
Yeah, like I'm your mom. I'm not stalking you. It's fine. But okay. I didn't mean to. I really don't care if you see that I'm at home. Yeah.

Scott Benner 29:16
Well, you're just, I mean, what are you doing? Right? Yeah, you're old now. Yeah, that punk rock show or anything like that. You and Sid Vicious are watching the prices, right?

Amanda 29:24
I don't even listen to music anymore. My husband still he's a drummer. So he still listens and plays it all the time. How old are you? I'm 43.

Scott Benner 29:35
I have to tell you. I don't know that I don't listen to music anymore. I try very hard to but it's it's a it feels like a job to remember to listen to music sometimes. Yeah. It's upsetting to me. Honestly,

Amanda 29:50
I mean, I agree. I music was everything for a long time for me. So it's weird. Is

Scott Benner 29:55
it time you don't have time? Can I just

Amanda 29:58
just don't like the sound anymore. And

Scott Benner 30:02
when you go back to old music that you did love, do you find that it starts to feel dated? Yeah, yeah. happens to me too. Okay. All right. Well, that must be a thing that happens to people,

Amanda 30:12
I noticed that I have a hard time paying attention out to more than, like my mind and pay attention to more than one thing that my ears can.

Scott Benner 30:20
So if you put music on in the background, you might as well not have it on. Right

Amanda 30:26
or I can't hear people over it. I just like somebody's talking me, I'd have to stop the music.

Scott Benner 30:30
Are you losing your hearing? Do you think?

Amanda 30:32
Maybe I don't really think so. I can hear stuff. I just, I just only can only pay attention to one sound at a time. You

Scott Benner 30:39
don't say what a lot of people talk. But that's

Amanda 30:43
to my husband, because he starts talking and he usually talks to himself. So it's like after I'm like, Oh, you're talking sorry.

Scott Benner 30:51
Do you know people who start their thoughts, like five or six words into them out loud? Like the first five or six words are in their head and then they start talking out loud? Yeah, that's my husband. Oh, he does that. Okay. And then you're like, I don't know what you're saying. But they think you do. Yeah. It's interesting. My mom did that.

Amanda 31:08
Yeah, he definitely does say, like, Yeah,

Scott Benner 31:11
I'm like, I'm gonna need I'm gonna need all the work. If

Amanda 31:14
you want me I don't know. What about what?

Scott Benner 31:17
You gotta say it all out loud. That's funny. Okay, so Okay, get to the hospital. Finally, kids got diabetes. Now I'm dying to know how you handle it. Because so far, you've handled the entire thing. Like, just very quickly, when I was gonna say whimsically. You're just like, it'll be fine. But when they start telling you what's going on, and you start getting a grasp of it, does that shift your attention?

Amanda 31:40
I don't know. They must have I remember them. They must have thought that I was just still so nonchalant about it. Because I'm asking the doctor. I was like, Okay, how concerned are we about her right now? And he understood what I meant. And he's like, she's fine. She's gonna live. We just have to do stuff. But the nurse that was in there was like, you can't take her you have to stay here. I was like, I wasn't gonna go anywhere. I was just asking like,

Scott Benner 32:05
hey, the kids not gonna die. Right? That's what you're right. Yeah. How

Amanda 32:08
concerned? Am I right now about her health? Yes, she's about to die. Do I need to call everybody and get them here? Or is she gonna be okay? Because

Scott Benner 32:16
it took a lot to make this one. And I've already decided I don't want to do it again. And I like, I like her and everything. So it can we kind of keep her here. Is there a way to do that? Oh, and the one nurse thought the one nurse thought you were being nonchalant. Like you were just gonna blow out didn't? Yeah,

Amanda 32:30
like if I was like, oh, it's not a big deal. She's like, you can't leave here. Leaving? No, that's not at all what I meant. didn't

Scott Benner 32:35
say that. Doctor got what you were saying. And then how long was she in the hospital for?

Amanda 32:40
That was Wednesday. We came home Friday afternoon. That's pretty quick. She wasn't really in DKA. She was only on IVs for about six hours. Maybe?

Scott Benner 32:49
Okay. Yeah, that's, that's great.

Amanda 32:52
I wouldn't see was 12.1 Which seems high. But I don't I mean, maybe she just drink so much of the water, the acidic or whatever, Amanda,

Scott Benner 33:03
if that was true, then everybody listening would just drink water instead of using insulin. For six, six hours, you've made a couple of leaps in your in your, in your thought you were like, she probably just ate low carb or whole life but had diabetes the whole time. I'm going to tell you between you and I, I don't think that's right. So but but you're telling your story. So I'm happy to listen. But yeah, I mean, it's I mean, it's well, day one see would indicate that her blood sugar had been elevated for a while, but not to the point where I mean, she's still making some insulin. Obviously. You don't think she's how long she three years later? Does she have

Amanda 33:40
any? I don't think she ever had a honeymoon. But no, I don't think so.

Scott Benner 33:44
It was kind of gone before you figured out that there was diabetes is there? Yeah. Okay. I took care of that. Not doing anything with your work meeting and other such things. Do you ever look back and think oh my god, if it would have onset quicker like she would have really been in trouble. Yeah, of course. Does it make you feel a certain way?

Amanda 34:01
Well, yeah, how? pretty shitty. I mean, I feel pretty bad about it. I'm still mad that the doctor didn't just give her a finger prick, right? They're just like, if he would have just said what you thought it was and done. And I mean, she probably would have been at maybe 200. Then maybe, and then I would have found out about it and I wouldn't have had to rebuy brand new bathing suits. Six instead of eight.

Scott Benner 34:29
I like how, at the same time, like thoughtful you are about this and flippin at the same time. It's very it's very much fun to listen to. You're like, you know what, I feel bad because I didn't see it sooner and something could have happened and that's very upsetting. And plus, a lot of money in bathing suits went out the window. I can't tell if you're hilarious, or literally not paying attention anything.

Amanda 34:57
I'm pretty funny. Okay.

Scott Benner 34:59
That's what I was wondering. I mean, listen, you've got to have a good sense of humor if you get sperm at a 711. So you get a Slurpee while you're there, too. I wouldn't.

Amanda 35:12
I did drink a lot of Slurpees when I was pregnant. I wonder if that gave her diabetes.

Scott Benner 35:17
I don't think that works that way. But I know you drink a lot of Wait a minute. You drank a lot of Slurpees while you were pregnant. I did. So I randomly said 711 But you're a 711. Girl. You know, I got them at Target. Oh, look at you fancy. Yeah, yeah. You don't get a 711 Are there even seven? elevens in California?

Amanda 35:38
Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, I don't know. There's a lot of them there. None of them are gas stations, though. They're always just like corner stores.

Scott Benner 35:44
Fair enough. My 711 Growing up was a corner store. Did you guys get Wawa? Did they make it to the West Coast? No,

Amanda 35:51
I've never heard of them. Okay. Not in the south either. Because I grew up in Georgia. Yeah,

Scott Benner 35:56
you had the buches are down there. Now. You grew up in Georgia. Where in Georgia grew up.

Amanda 36:00
Woodstock. So that's, like

Scott Benner 36:05
inland Right? Like, more? Like

Amanda 36:08
45 minutes north of Atlanta. Yeah.

Scott Benner 36:11
Okay. Well, how'd you get to California?

Amanda 36:13
I was born in California. We moved to Georgia when I was 10. My dad worked for Coca Cola out here. And so got transferred to Coca Cola capital.

Scott Benner 36:23
Which is in Cal. Oh, is it Atlanta, which is in Atlanta. Right. There's that big bike? Somehow there's, if you've never heard of coke, if you've ever been there, there's like a Coca Cola Museum and almost feels like it's like,

Amanda 36:36
it's really cool, actually. Yeah, I

Scott Benner 36:39
mean, you know, soda wasn't bad for you. It'd be amazing. Sure. It's yeah,

Amanda 36:43
they have like little things with soda like sports across the sky until cup four. Yeah,

Scott Benner 36:48
yeah. No, but like, if it was a heroin Museum, you'd be put off by it.

Amanda 36:54
Well, not me but that's the other reason I went to Atlanta.

Scott Benner 37:01
Amanda when that drummer and you break up, call me out have fun.

Amanda 37:11
That's a weird thing. I don't know if I want to I don't know if I don't want this to be an after dark. I won't say but.

Scott Benner 37:15
Wait, you were gonna say something that if you said it, it would be an after dark? Probably. Is it about him? No. Oh, about the other thing about the heroin? Yeah. Oh, I see. Damn. All right, then. It's fine. You don't have to share more than you want to. Just tell me did you snorted or injected? Bow. Oh, there you go. Well, now it's an after dark. Congratulations. You said punk rock. You married a drummer. I assumed there was drug use somewhere. And he's never done it. It's not him. Well, he doesn't need to your eyes. Okay. He's fine. Any man? One of us is gonna be paying attention.

Amanda 37:52
No, I never did it out here in California. I met him out here. Yeah, I only lived in Georgia for 11 years. Middle School in high school. Little bit of college. And then I came back out

Scott Benner 38:00
here. The drugs were in California. Not in Georgia. No drugs. Were in Georgia. Not in California. A weird place sometimes.

Amanda 38:07
Yeah. I mean, I guess it's like it was a small city and there was nothing to do. So yeah, it was just one of those things. When I came out here. Like, I didn't really look for it. But I mean, I guess even if I did, I don't think it would have been easy to find me. Maybe none of the people I met around

Scott Benner 38:23
here. Are you saying you think it was boredom? Oh, totally. When you were younger, and all that fat, Coca Cola money just sitting around it do something? Oh, my God, I don't know if anyone else is impressed that I haven't made a beat on the skins reference because your guy's a drummer. And like, I've kept it completely clean this entire time. So I mean, I don't need like congratulations or anything like that. But somebody you know, to be impressed. So I just completely let it go. You know, so many different versions of inappropriate and they're not me, I held it together. And we went right to drugs instead. Okay, so let's be clear for the people. You don't do that anymore. Is that correct? Correct. hadn't done that while you're a parent?

Amanda 39:05
No, okay. No, not at all. Let me but it's weird. Like I remember. And this was about the only thing I actually didn't know about type one diabetics is that I guess anyone know is type one, but just like sometimes people would go and try and get syringes. So they'd have to go to the pharmacy and be like, say you're a diabetic and see if you can get some syringes used to

Scott Benner 39:23
be able to know, I have that backwards that know the insulin used to use to be able to get insulin, actually, someone told me recently I have no idea if this is true, you still don't need a prescription for like regular. I don't know if that's true or not. But when my buddy was young, he was on like regular mph. He did not need a script for his insulin. He did a script for his needles. But you're saying you could go in and say I have diabetes give me needles and they give them to some

Amanda 39:50
places would but they'd have to have. I mean, I guess maybe they didn't need a prescription, but some places would still do it. Otherwise I don't really know the whole rules because some people could go get him and they maybe they just knew somebody. How

Scott Benner 40:05
long were you involved in that lifestyle?

Amanda 40:08
Two years,

Scott Benner 40:09
you have any trouble stopping?

Amanda 40:10
It wasn't fun. But no, I mean, it really wasn't. I've never like went through crazy withdrawals or anything like that.

Scott Benner 40:18
What makes you stop? I didn't?

Amanda 40:20
Well, I had told myself that I would never use a needle. So I once I actually did that I did it about two more times. And then I was like, No, I'm not going down this route.

Scott Benner 40:32
You crossed your own line, and then decided it was going to keep happening. Yeah,

Amanda 40:36
gotcha. Let's I didn't really like the boy who was dating anymore. That helps.

Scott Benner 40:41
And he was involved with us. Yeah, I see. I'm following. Don't worry. I got this whole thing straightened out in my head.

Amanda 40:49
I mean, I liked the heroin. I just didn't like him. You

Scott Benner 40:53
trying to rename the episode again?

Amanda 40:57
I like I mean, there's a reason people do it. It feels great. It's wonderful. But it's, I don't know, I guess I just grew up. I didn't want to grow up every other night or whatever.

Scott Benner 41:10
So the downside of heroin to you was finish that sentence for

Amanda 41:14
me. nominee.

Scott Benner 41:17
None of the other stuff. Like the vomiting is the thing that turned you off about it. Yeah, interesting.

Amanda 41:23
Yeah, I didn't. I didn't. Yeah. I mean, it felt great to be on it. But I would always throw up always

Scott Benner 41:31
being a person who used heroin. That was not part of what threw you off about it. Not

Amanda 41:35
really. But I mean, I was No, I still worked. I still did stuff. Like the hardest part about it was my boyfriend was kind of a dumbass and a junkie and I'd have to go down to Atlanta and like, saved him a lot. But I didn't get into it so bad that I wasn't still a productive member of society.

Scott Benner 41:55
Okay. Okay. So you're using it? What you would call like, recreationally? Yeah, gotcha. I mean, it's funny. I know what you look like, switch is an unfair advantage. But if you and I met in person for the first time, and you just walked up to me and said, Hey, I used heroin. When I was a child, I'd look at you and I go, No, you didn't stop it.

Amanda 42:17
You can't see my tattoos on me. Yeah,

Scott Benner 42:19
no, but like, you just, you just look like someone's mom. Now. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Everyone has to wonder when they hear this, oh, my God, did my mom do heroin?

Amanda 42:32
You know, I don't so much anymore. But at first when they started just giving us prescriptions of needles. I was like, well, if, for some reason anybody needs a needle, at least I can give him a clean needle instead of going somewhere and getting gross one.

Scott Benner 42:45
Do you still know people who use? No, not at all? No. Okay. Interesting. Wow. I'm fascinated by this. I'm having such a nice time. I don't, I don't know what's wrong with me. But I actually I just met somebody the other day, who said to me, it's a person I knew, but I had never met in person. And we had time to be together for a while. And they said, You're so direct. And I thought, No, I'm not. Am I I'm a I'm direct. And then I started really thinking about it. I was like, oh my god, I guess a lot of people wouldn't say the things I say, I never really It never occurred to me before. Like being completely serious. Like when she called me direct, it threw me a little bit.

Amanda 43:30
That's what I've always liked about listening to you is you are open and honest. You have your opinions, but they're never judgey I think that's what I like, like, whatever it is, you're just like, alright, you only know about it. But you're never like, your person. Yeah,

Scott Benner 43:46
no, if you want to say no, if you want me to judge, you just have to come here in person. And I'd be happy to. But it's not. It's not I'm not a saint. You don't I mean, are there dude, are there saints in Deuteronomy? That'd be amazing. But I don't either, honestly, well, I don't feel judgmental towards people. Like, I mean, I could be if you want me to say, this is what I think and I see this and, you know, I could come down on the side of it, I could, but for the purposes of this podcast, and for life in general, I don't see the value in doing that. You know, like, I mean, sitting around the house and talking about like a mole on somebody's face is judgment is judgy. But it's, you know, it's between three people and nobody can hear and the lady with the mole doesn't know so you know, anybody but yeah, for my actual life and for this podcast, I see no value in doing anything but listening to people's stories, trying to understand them. And that's it. Really I don't I don't see a reason to do anything else about it. But anyway, yeah, I was really thrown off like she's like, you're very direct. I was like, I am not. That's where I started. Then I was like, Oh, I am. But I but I don't take that back. Yeah, I very directly told her she was wrong. No, no, I just I am And I was like, really? Because yeah, it's incredibly so I was like off putting and she goes, No. And I was like, Okay. She's just like you say things I would never say out loud. And I'm like, huh, I don't know that about myself. That interesting. So it's very interesting. I bought an eraser the other day, in the shape of an ear. I don't mean, I don't need it, but it's called an eraser. And they put a picture of Van Gogh next to the box.

Amanda 45:30
I was gonna say, is it Van Gogh's?

Scott Benner 45:32
It's not apparently the Van Gogh. People don't sell erasers. Although I say money left on the table. The picture of Van Gogh next to it cracked me up so much. I was like, I'm buying an eraser. And Kelly goes, do you even write in pencil? And I was like, listen, that's not important. I mean, I have an eraser on my desk from now on. So I'm looking at it and bringing that up, because this episode seems like it's all over the place. Who cares? Talk a little more about why I'm terrific.

Amanda 46:00
Oh, well, you're delightful. And, yeah, I mean, you're pretty funny. I like you.

Scott Benner 46:06
I appreciate this. What you found the podcast for diabetes purposes, I imagine.

Amanda 46:10
Correct. Okay. And that was like, I wasn't right away on there. I mean, she was diagnosed in like August. I think the first episode I listened to was around one of Thanksgivings, of just like, how to get through Thanksgiving.

Scott Benner 46:24
Oh, the talk turkey, the short episode where I just like I stream of consciousness talk about how to manage Thanksgiving Day. Right? Yeah, that's a good one. Actually. It was pretty good. I mean, you said pretty good, which hurt my feelings a lot. But

Amanda 46:39
well, after that it was the Dexcom one with this somebody from Dexcom. And I was like, Well, this is kind of boring.

Scott Benner 46:44
Yeah, that stuff is pretty topical. Like, in the moment when everyone's like, what's happening with Dexcom? Like, what's coming out? Like, then people are like, Oh, my God, it's amazing. It's hard to go back and listen to them afterwards. Because you're like, yeah, that happened already. So yeah, yeah. It's not quite as exciting. But okay, so you found the podcast, listen to it. Do you? For example, like Have you listened to the Pro Tip series?

Amanda 47:05
I did. I didn't, I haven't listened to the remastered ones. But I listened to them. Help. I kind of went back and found very much. Okay, good, good, good, very much. That was like I started coming home and like, we've got to get the pump. We've got to get the Dexcom. At first it was the ducks home. And my husband and daughter. Were just like, No, no, we're doing fine. Let's not change anything. We're doing. Okay. It's like, No, I want to get it.

Scott Benner 47:31
Did you feel like you weren't doing okay. Or do you just feel like there was better to be had?

Amanda 47:35
Yeah, there's this better? I will. Yeah, I just I wanted it. I just knew that. I wanted to know exactly how she was responding to it.

Scott Benner 47:44
Mandy sound like your mom with the Find My iPhone thing? I'm just teasing you. I think what you did is completely reasonable. I just saw a great opportunity. I

Amanda 47:53
mean, I used to be like, What do you work for? Dexcom. Now you're gonna be one of their salespeople. They need it. This is the drummer. Yes. But then once we got it, once I pushed for it and said, We're just doing it, you screw you. I'm the one who works. It's my insurance. We're doing it.

Scott Benner 48:09
Yeah. What about your daughter what you have to do to talk your daughter and awareness? Well,

Amanda 48:13
I told her that she'll be able to choose the pump. That will be her choice, but I'm forcing this on on you. I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't. But I'm doing it till you're 18 you're wearing a Dexcom since you've resisted. She had a first but I mean, once she got it. She was like once she stopped doing sanparks 10 times a day.

Scott Benner 48:36
Then she's like, Alright, I'm in on this. Yeah,

Amanda 48:38
she's like, Yeah, okay, this, she hated the change, like changing and all that she's fine with it now. She just started doing it on her own actually good for her. That's really cool. She likes to watch YouTube videos of people doing it. Like, I want to draw my stomach. Now I want to turn my legs. I don't want to do

Scott Benner 48:53
this. Oh, nice. Oh, that's excellent. That's actually really exciting. I listen, I've said it before. I'll say it again. I don't understand letting children make medical decisions. So it's weird to me. Right. You know, I mean, if you were at the hospital, and the doctor was like, you know, I think she'd be healthier if she wore this heart monitor because of her. I don't know, whatever. And she goes, I don't want to wear a heart monitor. You wouldn't go okay. Or the human.

Amanda 49:14
I also didn't take her for bloodwork for four months. Yes. I'm

Scott Benner 49:17
saying maybe you would, but most people.

Amanda 49:21
But no, yeah, that one. I was like, I'll I'll let you choose the pump. And then she still didn't want the pump a year later. And I was like, You know what? We're doing the pump. Sorry.

Scott Benner 49:31
So you just shows the bump?

Amanda 49:33
Yes, like we're doing it. We're definitely you mean the pump. I'm sick of doing shots. You,

Scott Benner 49:38
you parent, like somebody who grew up in the 70s is done heroin. That's fantastic.

Amanda 49:46
And then we got the pump and then then we're like, oh, wow, this is better and easier. Wow. Imagine that. Oh, so

Scott Benner 49:51
she came along on that too? Yeah, yeah, it's hard. Listen, it's a difficult thing.

Amanda 49:57
You know, the weird thing is like it's so much cheaper. Insurance wise to have a pump like pens. What do I mean? Um, maybe I had crappy insurance, but pens were like 4050 bucks a month where insulin is three or $10.

Scott Benner 50:11
Right? And then the pumps are costing you what? Oh, the pump was covered. Okay? So there's just you're out of pocket the beginning of the year, and then you're done after that, right? But you were paying you were paying for the pens, so

Amanda 50:25
I was paying for the pens like our copay was about 45 bucks. And our copay for pen needles was about 45 bucks. I

Scott Benner 50:32
didn't know that. Let me just slip this in here real quick. Amanda omnipod.com forward slash juice box. There you go. I'm using case people right now are like, wait a minute, a pump could be cheaper than my pens. I mean, you know, no reason we shouldn't support the podcast while it's happening. Oh, wow. So you switch to a it's interesting. So you said look, we're gonna get a pump now got a POM she got used to it eventually. She doesn't resent it. You don't hear feel any pushback now or measure any resentment from her.

Amanda 50:59
Now, once we got it, there was a couple times where I wasn't sure if the site was working or whatever. So I was like, let's just do a shot. Before we change it goes to see which one it is. And she flat out refused. Then she was like, Absolutely not. She'd run screaming and crying. Oh, what did the shots just change the site? So she went from only wanting shots to never ever long shots again. Yeah,

Scott Benner 51:24
yeah, I still haven't gotten art. I tell that story. Actually, those are the two stories. When I say earlier, I needed to have art and talked about on her Oh, her getting blood draws, I'm actually going to write this down. blood draws I gotta get her to talk about and giving herself an injection, which she has done. How many times in her life, you go ahead and guess she used needles for two years old, three years old. Some of four years old. My best math told me she got like 10,000 like shots and no fingerprints combined. How many injections do you think she's ever given herself?

Amanda 51:58
I'm gonna say less than five. Yeah, one.

Scott Benner 52:02
One, and it was like a year and a half ago. And it took her about 45 minutes to get the nerve to do it. Maybe longer. She disappeared into a bathroom for an incredibly long amount of time, and then came out and was like, I did it or like, okay, great. She's like, 18 She's like, I don't I don't want to do that again. I was like, Okay. Like, you might have to at some point, you know, and she's like, I know, that's why I did it once. But let's make sure that that doesn't have to happen. And I was like, I will we'll do our best. But yeah, we were just like wanting to check if a pump site was bad. And so I say hey, we just inject real quick, we'll know if it's the site or if you've got something else going on. And she's like, Yeah, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Oh, my God, I swear to God is our more. I'm gonna get her to tell that story. So she didn't really talk about it. Like I'd like I really would like to hear her perspective on on those two things. So anyway, yeah.

Amanda 52:53
I don't know. I don't know why, like, my daughter was just always for a long time. I was the only one allowed to give her a shot. She wouldn't even let her dad do it. And

Scott Benner 53:01
me, it makes sense to me probably felt safe to her.

Amanda 53:05
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, she, she'd sit on his lap. At first, she'd sit on his lap and like bite his finger as I was doing it. But that started in hospital when they're like, Okay, you can have something to hold and do something. She started biting swinger.

Scott Benner 53:20
Interesting. You both have that in common. You got six shots and stop doing them. I appreciate you coming on the show. And being so honest, by the way, it's very nice of you. Really to appreciate it. Is there a reason you wanted to come on the podcast? I usually feel like I should ask that question at least 45 minutes into the conversation.

Amanda 53:40
Oh, well, I mean, I was just listening all the time. And I was going to work as listen on the way up, listen, during lunch, listen on the way home. And it was just fun to hear. And I did get a lot of like, good little bits of information. Just from the conversation once Yeah. Like, oh, I didn't think about that. That's not in the pro tips or even Jenny talking or whatever. Yeah,

Scott Benner 54:03
I appreciate that very much. Actually. It's it's super interesting. Because as super interesting to me, because I make the podcast but you know, the rest of you might be like, I don't find it that interesting, Scott, but I do. I think it's an insight. The people who really love management, like specific episodes, they love it, like voraciously, but where most of the podcasts popularity is actually in the conversations. Like there are plenty of people who love the conversations who don't listen to the management. And, but the people who are very, like voracious about the management, sometimes they'll be like, Yeah, I don't want to hear people's stories. Kind of incredible. And the management people are highly focused inside of the private Facebook group two. Yeah. Because because the private Facebook group is huge. Right, like, okay, yeah, it's fantastic. It's huge. But if you try to start a conversation there about like, hey, Amanda was on today. And did you get As here, they don't get a lot of like, play one on the conversationally on the on the page. That was the one thing that surprised me. I thought people were going to be like every day, they'd be like, Oh my God, did you hear the story? Those people don't seem to be Facebook people. So yeah, I

Amanda 55:15
don't think so. Yeah. It's interesting to me, I really don't go on it so much anymore. I, I kind of skim through it, or something easy. I can help answer. I answer real quick. Well, that's

Scott Benner 55:25
very nice. I appreciate that. But otherwise,

Amanda 55:27
I don't like really read him that much. But I mean, because I remember when I was first starting, I was like, why does this tubing look like this? Or why is this? And I start to Google it. And I think I'll just put it on Facebook. And like, I have 50 answers. Yeah. And they're pretty much all the same. So I'm like, I'm going with that.

Scott Benner 55:46
Yep. And then you're like, This must be right. A lot of people think it, which I don't think that's exactly the right way to get good information. But it's a fair bet.

Amanda 55:56
of type one diabetics. Yes. Yeah. And

Scott Benner 55:59
it's on something. It's such a simple, specific thing. Like I wouldn't ask about like, I don't know, I wouldn't get online and go, Hey, what's the right thing for me to think about this Ukraine conflict? I think they're your you know, if you get a bunch of people agree, you probably didn't hear the other side, you know, but, but there's not a lot of other side to, you know, how do I handle this with my pen or something like that? And so no, it's, I actually think it's amazing. I'm very proud of it. Honestly. I think it helps a lot of people, and it's free for them. And I think that's nothing but good. Anyway, alright, so you wanted to come on, because you heard other people on here and hearing their stories helped you pull tidbits of good information out? Yeah. What do you think people have learned from you?

Amanda 56:42
Don't wait, when the doctor says good?

Scott Benner 56:47
Yeah. Do you think they learned that heroin makes you throw up?

Amanda 56:51
My knowledge? I have to be honest

Scott Benner 56:53
with you. I have no common knowledge about heroin. So I think first talked to enough people about it. Yeah, I mean, I have their knowledge now. Yeah, but I didn't have any before. If I didn't have the podcast, I'd be like, I don't know. Like my drug references would be from like, I don't know, Eddie Murphy movies from the 80s. If that happened, gaming?

Amanda 57:12
Yeah, yeah, maybe they weren't. I think that's pretty common knowledge, though. They even put that in movies. Can

Scott Benner 57:19
I tell you what I get out of your conversation?

Amanda 57:23
Can I take it? I don't know what Deuteronomy me know,

Scott Benner 57:25
neither of us know that. What I get out of your conversation is, even though you are not classically, if I said if I sat 10 people in a room, and I said, Build me the picture of a really great parent, or a really great mother or something like that. I'm being honest, I don't think people would paint a picture that you just painted of yourself. But you're a real, you're really good mom. And yeah, and you're very good at this diabetes thing for your kid. And I like your focus on it, and all of that stuff. And what I think it tells you what I think this conversation tells us, you probably shouldn't judge people, because, you know, you get a couple of factoids about them, and you think you understand their whole picture. And your factoids, or like, would be easy for people to make a bad decision about who you are. Does that make sense? Yeah, that makes sense. So by having the conversation, the rest of you comes out. And that, to me, is what this is about. So if you guys are looking for behind the scenes idea of what I think this episode is about, that's what it's about for me. But and I think that's very important. Because if you want to get further and further into this, eventually you're going to be judging your own children this way, too. You know what I mean? Like, your kids grow up, and then you start seeing little things about them, you know, like, Oh, my God, just, you know, my kids smokes weed. Everything's terrible. Wow. Is it all terrible? Or is just a very, like, complex person who also does this? And that's what I see in there. It's very cool. Like, I appreciate you sharing your time with me. Oh, thank you. Seriously,

Amanda 58:58
what are we doing?

Scott Benner 58:59
Oh, no, I'm glad Thank you. Did we miss anything? Have I missed anything?

Amanda 59:03
Oh, my God. My daughter wanted to come say hi, real quick. She says come to look and I just realized there's a dead rat on the ledge up here that my cat Mr. Left.

Scott Benner 59:15
Whoa, whoa, slow down. We'll talk to your daughter in a second. The rats on the inside of the outside of your home. Inside

Amanda 59:23
so we have like this like large, like, just big ledge. There's a mini drum set on it, obviously. And it's just like a decoration ledge. I say my cat hangs out up there. And I don't usually come up here. But now I'm looking over.

Scott Benner 59:38
I have questions. How long does the rat appear to have been there? I'm

Amanda 59:43
gonna go for a week. Oh,

Scott Benner 59:44
is it like dehydrated yet? Yeah, the cat rip into it?

Amanda 59:49
No, not too much. left it there. I can see this

Scott Benner 59:53
this how frequently Oh, so first of all, let's just tell people again remind them you're in California, not theirs. There. Are Some people go? I don't understand why is there a rat near your house? But there are in some places, right, so Well, yeah,

Amanda 1:00:06
I mean, my cat brought it in. Yeah, it doesn't live in your house. Right?

Scott Benner 1:00:10
I gotcha. How often does this happen? Well,

Amanda 1:00:12
we moved to this apartment a little over a year ago and they keep it rent free and lots of pesticides. So this is the second one. At our old house, she would bring me like rabbits all the time. Lizards all the time. Rabbits. Yeah, big cat. She's pretty small. But she's part part bangle. She's got a little bit more.

Scott Benner 1:00:37
She's on heroin, so she's very

Amanda 1:00:42
that would make her very bolo,

Scott Benner 1:00:44
actually. Yeah, that wouldn't work for my joke. Nevermind. Hey, not for nothing. You do heroin. You've done coke. Right? Correct. Okay. And you said mushrooms happen in there somewhere?

Amanda 1:00:58
Yeah, we'd obviously I see. We had a couple times that I don't like it. Not a weed person. Look at you. I could never handle that.

Scott Benner 1:01:11
That's it. See, that's the statement I'm looking for to give people a deeper look. Heroin. You are good with we too much for you.

Amanda 1:01:19
It really was. It really is. I can't do it. I flip out and I I just constantly think get this out of my body. I can't think like this. Oh my god, you get paranoid worse thing. Oh, little, I guess I mean, I'm never like, Oh my God. I don't care if people know. And if I did it. I mean, my parents did it. My brother did. It wasn't like I was scared that somebody would find out I was high. I just hated the feeling.

Scott Benner 1:01:41
Me I asked like your mom sounded like a bit of a problem when you were growing up. So was this to kind of escape all that or you were really just doing it? Because the boy did

Amanda 1:01:50
it? No, no, my mom was great. Growing up. It wasn't until later when I was like, I'm gonna have my own life. She's like, No, don't leave me. And then she went crazy. Yeah, she was wonderful. Growing up, give me a break. She sisters. I have an older brother and then an older half brother, which is my dad's

Scott Benner 1:02:10
an older half brother, but this is after your dad. Your mom broke up. Before before, okay. Your mom, your dad, second wife. Right? Are they still together?

Amanda 1:02:24
He died five years ago.

Scott Benner 1:02:25
I'm sorry. From drinking soda. You know, a lot of soda probably right.

Amanda 1:02:32
He never drank that.

Scott Benner 1:02:34
That's what I was trying to get to. That's all I wanted to say. That's all I was hoping you were gonna say. My dad wouldn't drink that garbage. He knew what was in it.

Amanda 1:02:43
My God, he would get so mad when I ate Doritos to go like, Oh, there's a ton of chips. They're gonna kill you.

Scott Benner 1:02:51
I'm in the meeting. Sweetie. Listen to me.

Amanda 1:02:54
I remember we used to have to hide buying something. I think maybe it was Doritos. Because one of them was owned by Pepsi. Something was owned by Pepsi. And we couldn't be seen at the store buying it.

Scott Benner 1:03:07
I do remember that. Frito Lay and PepsiCo were related somehow I thought when I was a kid, though, I'm not sure if I'm right about that.

Amanda 1:03:14
Yeah, something like that. One of them is I remember having to like sneak stuff in.

Scott Benner 1:03:19
There's that documentary, which let me just say I don't remember the name of that was about how algorithms are literally written to just take over and make you do you know, click and swipe and keep you in the app and all that stuff. And there were designers of the algorithms and the thing I said, I my kids are not allowed to have these. That's what I pictured when I talked about your dad than your dad. You were like my dad doesn't drink soda. Are you kidding? That's for you people. Not us. We know. So it's the most telling thing anyone's ever said on this podcast by God, I hope people made it to this part. I don't even know what the hell we were talking about. Your mom's a decent person. Blah, blah. She went wonky when you tried to have your own life. Your dad died from what? I'm sorry.

Amanda 1:04:08
Um

Scott Benner 1:04:12
it's such a long pause. Did he take his own life?

Amanda 1:04:14
Maybe he died from bacon or beer? Not sure. Oh, hard talking. Like one of

Scott Benner 1:04:18
those things? Yeah, okay, cuz you pause for so long as I go, God, our Father might have taken his own life.

Amanda 1:04:24
No, no, no, no, he just, he got he had a bad heart. He had a quadruple bypass when he was like 46. Wow. Yeah. And then towards the end he had a pacemaker and defibrillator and it just

Scott Benner 1:04:41
I should have picture your father with a cigarette in one hand a stick of butter on the other hand, saying this soda is not good for you. Is that about right? Exactly. Exactly. Gotcha. Saturday, you're putting butter on butter. I am I love it. My gosh. ASHRAE in every room

Amanda 1:05:01
when I was young, but I once we moved to Georgia, I think smoking became an outdoor thing. Yeah, like we weren't allowed to do it. Now he wasn't allowed to smoke in the house, my

Scott Benner 1:05:11
age and you know your age. You're close enough to me like your parents were smoking. There was just it was everywhere.

Amanda 1:05:18
Oh, yeah, you're smoking in the hospital while I was born, most of

Scott Benner 1:05:23
you don't I haven't seen in decades. My dad stop at a red light. Take the ashtray from his car, which by the way, for all of you young people, cars used to have ashtrays, and it was full overloaded with butts and ash, he used to have to take the bus and crush the ash to make more space to put more butts and ash into it. And then you'd pull up at a stoplight. He'd pop it out, open the door, reach down, dump them on the ground, tap, tap tap on the ground and put it back in the current driveway.

Amanda 1:05:53
I saw a guy the other day with all windows up smoking in a like a nice car was like a SUV Mercedes ish kind of thing. Oh, man smoking with all the windows up cigarettes.

Scott Benner 1:06:04
Not vaping

Amanda 1:06:06
cigarette. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I was like, wow,

Scott Benner 1:06:10
yeah, give it up now.

Amanda 1:06:13
pretty hardcore, but there's he in his 60s 70s 80s late 70s. No more. Yeah, definitely. I'm

Scott Benner 1:06:19
rolling out just like this.

Amanda 1:06:22
Have a heart attack so expensive. It's crazy. You know,

Scott Benner 1:06:24
so I didn't know that. But we were driving to see Arden and we stopped at this place to get drinks and use the bathroom and stuff like that. And I saw a guy asked for a carton of cigarettes. And when they I remember when the woman said how much it was. I was like, wait, what? What is happening? Like, you know, like insane amounts of money for cigarettes. Yeah. Didn't slow him down. He's like he got to actually. Wow. I remember. My dad used to pay two bucks for a pack. And card.

Amanda 1:06:55
I remember I used to when high school. Yeah, we all like cooler. quarters together. Get

Scott Benner 1:07:01
your cigarettes. Yeah, I remember that storage. I remember when a carton went to $20 My dad was like that. That's insane. Like, he was like, he was like, put off by that and went to like a generic cigarette for a while. He was so

Amanda 1:07:16
pissed about it. My dad rolled his arm. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:07:19
obviously it's in your blood. But um, we got almost like, how much is a carton of cigarettes now? I'm gonna find out. Yeah, I don't know anymore. I wouldn't know either. Hold on a second carton of cigarettes. By the way. How much is a car car battery catalytic converter popped up car inspection in Pennsylvania. Wow, you can get a carton for $50. And this is not in California. And this know how much there?

Amanda 1:07:47
I mean, I know that. At least a pack is $10

Scott Benner 1:07:52
here in California, hold on, let's say in California and see what happens. pack of cigarettes. Jesus mother gun. All right. Well, God bless you. You must love people must love smoking. It's all tax too. Right? Like they're taxing the crap out of it trying to get you not to do it. Right. Well, actually here Wow. Price per pack by state. New York. 1045.

Amanda 1:08:19
Cattle Wow.

Scott Benner 1:08:20
California. 553. It says

Amanda 1:08:23
that's you think some crazy pack? I don't know. What's kind of that in

Scott Benner 1:08:27
Alaska. Add one. Minnesota or Minnesota? A 840. That's interesting. It varies a lot. Looks like New York's got the on this list at least.

Amanda 1:08:42
Yeah, New York's always been a little ahead of California. But I mean, I know whenever I go to the gas station, I see that it's nine something Oh, two, nine something to excuse me.

Scott Benner 1:08:51
It 553 for a pack of cigarettes in California. 87 cents for excise tax per pack. 43 cents for a state tax per pack. $1.30 total state tax per pack that all gets tacked on to the 549. So in New York, Jesus 1045 plus four plus 40 cents plus 470 548. Yes. $20. Oh my god. That's enough reason to move. If you're a smoker, you'd have to leave the city, I would think All right, listen, this has been terrific. Are we letting your kid talk? Or did she bail? Yeah.

Amanda 1:09:25
No, she wants to just put on speaker the headphones. It's up to you if she's your kid.

Scott Benner 1:09:33
I mean, well, I mean, you can put your to hear it. You're not going to hear what I say to her then. If you're alright with that. Then Jim has things in her ears. Oh, hey, kid. What's up? What's your name? Karen Perrin. Oh, that's a lovely name. How old are you? 1111 I'm 52 just so we know who each other is. You know my name. Yeah, I'm Scott. Your mom and I were talking about your diabetes. I hear you're using a Dexcom. Yeah, yeah. Which one do you have? That's comme je six, six. And you have a pump? Yes. How you like your pump? Okay. Yeah. Well, what kind of bump is it?

Unknown Speaker 1:10:22
I forget my visit.

Scott Benner 1:10:24
Is it tandem? Tandem? Why is it? Why is it Why is Dexcom good and tandems? Okay. Because

Speaker 1 1:10:33
it has to have the wire the tubing. Yeah, your

Scott Benner 1:10:38
mom wouldn't let you in on the pod. Yeah, she wouldn't get it for you. Or she would. But

Speaker 1 1:10:44
she would get it for me. But I was, I'm afraid because it's bigger, so it'll hurt a little more.

Scott Benner 1:10:54
I don't think that's how that works. But I hear you. You should do what makes you comfortable. My daughter wears nod. Oh, yeah. For like ever. So my daughter's 19 which is eight years older than you. You might be impressed with how good my math is. And she's been wearing it on the pod since she was four. That's 15 years. She's been wearing

Amanda 1:11:14
one. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:11:16
She likes it a lot. Maybe you'll try one. Who knows? Yeah, because because the tubing is. So what's wrong with the tubing is it gets stuck or do you not like taking it off to get baths? Or what's the thing? Yeah,

Speaker 1 1:11:28
like out like taking it off to like getting a poor shower.

Scott Benner 1:11:32
You ever forget to put it back on after shower?

Unknown Speaker 1:11:35
Actually, yes.

Scott Benner 1:11:36
I mean, your blood sugar goes up, right? Yeah, it happens a lot. Okay, what do you eat? Like, what's some of your favorite foods? Probably tacos. Yeah, like, like once your mom makes or once you get to the store? Yeah. Yeah, Mommy, are you pretty good at bowling is one of them? Not really. I

Unknown Speaker 1:11:55
usually have my mom and my dad did him. Uh huh. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:11:58
I understand. It's different. I heard you're changing your own Dexcom now though, right? Yeah. Very cool. Good for you. Was it scary to do the first time? Yeah, a little bit. Not too bad now. Yeah. Have you seen the g7?

Unknown Speaker 1:12:16
Yeah, I'm looking into it more. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:12:18
You doing your own research? Yeah. Yeah. You want to make sure, right. Yeah, my daughter's using it. She likes it a lot. Yeah, smaller. I think she finds it a little easier to put on. And the warm up period where you don't have numbers. There's only 30 minutes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Pretty

Speaker 1 1:12:38
cool. Yeah. So that's how I'm excited about it. If

Scott Benner 1:12:42
you ever decide to buy Can you do me a favor? Yeah, go to dexcom.com forward slash juicebox. When you get it, okay. I use my link. Okay. Okay, I gotta make a living. You know what I mean? Yeah, I guess can't talk to your mom for fun. I mean, I could, but I got bills. You and me. You're young. You don't know anything about money? You got any money? Oh, yeah. Yeah, like score on it away somewhere. How much you got? I'm not sure right. Now. You want to say in front of your mom. She thinks she'll make you pay for something. No,

Unknown Speaker 1:13:15
I'm just not sure how much I have.

Scott Benner 1:13:19
More or less than 50 bucks.

Unknown Speaker 1:13:22
Probably less.

Scott Benner 1:13:23
Okay. What do you get for like, birthdays and stuff like that?

Unknown Speaker 1:13:27
Um, I usually use it on Starbucks. Oh, look

Scott Benner 1:13:30
at you. You're like a what? Do you like a cold coffee or hot tea? What do you enjoy?

Unknown Speaker 1:13:36
frappuccinos so cold stuff.

Scott Benner 1:13:38
How are you? bolusing for those

Unknown Speaker 1:13:42
10 units.

Scott Benner 1:13:43
10 units does a frappuccino. Yeah. Do you get a spike out of that or no? Yeah. Hi. Hi. Hello. Hi. I'm sure. Does it come back down on its own? Or do you and your mom have to give yourself more insulin at some point? Um

Unknown Speaker 1:14:06
I don't quite hear you.

Scott Benner 1:14:08
Oh, I'm sorry. Do you usually have to Bolus again? Or does it come down by itself? After you?

Unknown Speaker 1:14:14
I usually have the Bolus again.

Scott Benner 1:14:16
Hey, can I ask you a couple of questions about your your vision? Yeah. Oh, good. This is exciting for me. Thank you. I'm sure it's not as exciting for you. Has it been your whole life as long as you can remember? Yeah, yeah. So you don't you don't have any memory of it. You feel like it's possibly been like that forever? Because you don't have any memory of it any other way? Yeah, then red and green. How do you tell them apart?

Speaker 1 1:14:44
It's usually easy. I'm not quite sure. I just taught my brain to train me to know the difference you

Scott Benner 1:14:52
taught yourself which is which? Yeah, are they both just different versions of like, like black or or

Speaker 1 1:15:00
low usually, it's more close to orange.

Scott Benner 1:15:06
Reds more like orange or greens more like reds more like red. Okay. And what's green look like? What do you think green looks like? How do you describe that?

Speaker 1 1:15:15
Probably like, light brown. Like

Scott Benner 1:15:20
Brown. Okay. Does it do everything? Well, everything looks different to me than it does to other people. Yeah. How does that feel?

Unknown Speaker 1:15:30
Honestly,

Speaker 1 1:15:31
it doesn't really feel like anything. It's just like kind of wish like see normally. Yeah, clarifying

Scott Benner 1:15:37
this. Maybe if I could see the way you saw. I'd wish I could see like you. Maybe no. Yeah, it's possible.

Speaker 1 1:15:44
Yeah, like it's cool sometimes. But it's also kind of annoying, but people find out. Then they're kind of just like, Oh, what's this color? Or like, was that color?

Scott Benner 1:15:56
Oh, then they want to like play the game with you. Or they asked you like, yeah. Is this the kind that like you can wear glasses to change? Have you ever seen those glasses? Yeah,

Speaker 1 1:16:04
yeah. Yeah, I've worn them when I was little by hated it. Yeah, like the

Scott Benner 1:16:08
glasses. Yeah. Hey, weird question. You're not gonna understand why I'm asking you. Do you like Slurpees? Yes, you do. Do you love them? Yes. Interesting. Okay, thank you. You have any questions for me?

Unknown Speaker 1:16:23
Not really. No, no.

Scott Benner 1:16:25
I appreciate that. Do you ever hear me like coming out of your mom's phone? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Just you dad ever say like crap about me. Like, oh my god. You listen to that again? Oh, no, that's nice. Tell him I think he's cool. Then. Do you see? Is he teaching you how to play the drums?

Speaker 1 1:16:43
He tries to but I don't want to learn.

Scott Benner 1:16:46
Are you any good at it? Are you just not interested? I'm just not interested. Gotcha. Jamia has like a lot of work. It looks like to me. I mean, really does. It was like a sweaty thing. Do you play any instruments?

Speaker 1 1:17:00
I used to play trumpet last year. No.

Scott Benner 1:17:04
Did you like it? Yeah. Nice. But why did you stop?

Speaker 1 1:17:11
Because I wanted to give acting more of a try. You're doing acting in school? Yeah. And school? Oh, wow.

Scott Benner 1:17:19
Tell me like you take classes.

Speaker 1 1:17:22
Uh, yeah. Nice. I'm actually doing the Little Mermaid. Really?

Scott Benner 1:17:28
Are you the crab or the mermaid? Where are you the sea witch or whatever?

Unknown Speaker 1:17:32
I'm one of the sisters. Oh,

Scott Benner 1:17:34
nice. Like the one Oh, yeah. Like behind Ursula right. Oh, no, no, no, the the. The mermaid sisters. Yeah. Nice. You have any lines?

Speaker 1 1:17:46
I'm just singing but otherwise know what songs the daughters are trying to and she's in love. Oh, that's

Scott Benner 1:17:52
wonderful. You're doing that at school? Are you doing that

Unknown Speaker 1:17:54
in the class? In class?

Scott Benner 1:17:56
Oh, nice. How often? How many times a week you go to class

Unknown Speaker 1:17:59
to Monday, Wednesday.

Scott Benner 1:18:03
Do you have any problems with your blood sugar's while you're acting?

Speaker 1 1:18:07
That usually, sometimes when we're dancing, it'll go low. Okay, otherwise now?

Scott Benner 1:18:14
Gotcha. Is there like an exercise mode on that T slim? I think there is right? Yeah. Is it? Is it worked for you? Good. Very nice. Oh, celiac. There's certain things you don't eat right? Yeah, the bother you not eat those things. You do not care.

Speaker 1 1:18:33
Most of the time. I don't care. But sometimes I'm just like, I wish I can have that. I got birthday cake. Like birthday parties with cake. Cake. That's

Scott Benner 1:18:43
that's something I wish I could have. I don't want to rub it in. But I had a cupcake the other day was fantastic. Oh, yeah. You'll never know I guess. But my God So good to cake. And then there was the sugar all over the top with the only thing that you ever eat the icing? Yeah, that's pretty good. Actually, the icing is probably the best part. I don't know if you're missing anything. Yeah. Is this like, gluten free cake? Is it not great?

Speaker 1 1:19:07
It's good. But gluten cakes better?

Scott Benner 1:19:11
Yeah. What happens if you eat gluten?

Speaker 1 1:19:13
I'd throw up after two hours. So it's like digesting it. Oh,

Scott Benner 1:19:18
that might be genetic that's thrown up. Yeah. You see you eat a cupcake, for instance, with gluten in it. And a couple of hours later, you just vomit? Yeah. Oh my gosh. That's insane. Well, yeah, I would want to avoid that. Right? Yes. So are you taller than your mom?

Unknown Speaker 1:19:37
No,

Scott Benner 1:19:38
I think you will be.

Speaker 1 1:19:41
Maybe I'm very much shorter to her.

Scott Benner 1:19:45
Yeah. Hey, I am adopted. out so you and I kind of have something in common a little bit, right? Yeah. What's it like to like, I mean, I know your dad's your dad. Right and everything. He loves you and you love him. But what's it like to not know? Like a parent? Oh,

Speaker 1 1:20:05
really? No views. I was so young. Yeah, that's time and I didn't really know what that was. You don't think about it though? No, not really. No,

Scott Benner 1:20:16
I didn't either. When I was little, I don't know, either. I get all seemed very normal to me. You know, but it's kind of cool. I thought. So I used to think this. I used to think that because I don't know, the people that I came from, like, I get to, like, decide who I am. And I don't have to, like, you know, follow along by what other people do. So I don't know if you might find that freedom at some point when you're older. Yeah, that's pretty cool. What else do you love? Anything? Music drawing?

Speaker 1 1:20:46
Probably my pets. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:20:50
you have a dead rat up there. Did you know that? Oh, yeah. Your cats? Like an animal like religion unmanly? Like, just like it just grabbed a rat and killed it. Is it gonna be weird now to pet the cat knowing that he or she like she she? She was able to do that? Because she's like, a little, like a little murderer. Or almost, you know, anyway.

Unknown Speaker 1:21:12
Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:21:13
Are you scared of her now? Right?

Speaker 1 1:21:15
A little bit? Yeah, she's actually right here. So I shouldn't say much. Yeah, right.

Scott Benner 1:21:21
You don't want to piss her off. Come for you next. It'll be up on the windowsill. You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't think the cat can kill you, by the way. But I have one last question for you that I'm gonna let you go. Or you haven't. First of all, you haven't fun? Yes, sir. Good. Good. All right. My last question is, you don't like to get blood draws, right? Tell me about what it makes you feel like when you know you have to get a blood draw.

Speaker 1 1:21:45
Like kinda nervous. And I'm afraid it's gonna hurt way more than it does like, these. One time, I had to go with my mom. And it kind of like, we couldn't get enough blood or anything. And so I had to do it again. So that's the part I'm most scared of.

Scott Benner 1:22:04
So it makes you nervous because you think it's gonna hurt but then it doesn't really end up hurting that badly. Yeah. Why are you nervous the next time?

Speaker 1 1:22:11
Almost, it's really nerve wracking to get my blood drawn.

Scott Benner 1:22:15
I gotcha. I understand. My daughter doesn't like it either. Yeah, I don't mind it. Can I give you a hint? I think I learned. Yeah. Okay. So you know, when they like, the gut in the vein, like in your like, like the bend in your arm, right to get the blood out? Yeah, I found that if you take out like a, like a deep, not a real deep breath, but a breath in. Right. And then as they're putting the needle in, push the arrow. So while the while the needles going in. It really, it really changed it for me. Oh, yeah. Give it a try next time. So just you know, say, All right, well, I want to make sure we're ready. I'm going to take a deep breath in and I'm gonna blow my I'm gonna blow the breath out while you're putting a needle on. So I want to time it like that. And then just deep breath in. Blow it out while the needle is going. It made a big difference for me. Give it a try. Let me know if it up if I helped you. Okay, if it helps you tell your mom tell her write me a note. Okay. Okay. All right. Cool. It was lovely to talk to you. Is this going to be the first podcast you've ever been on?

Unknown Speaker 1:23:23
Yes, actually. Nice.

Scott Benner 1:23:26
You want to pimp your Instagram or anything while you're here? No. Yeah, Instagram you want people to check out or anything like that? Yeah, yeah. You can share it if you want to.

Unknown Speaker 1:23:37
Okay,

Scott Benner 1:23:37
I'll ask your mom if it's okay first, okay. Okay. All right. Put her back on. So I can say goodbye to her. It was really nice to talk to you.

Unknown Speaker 1:23:45
Have a good day. Bye.

Scott Benner 1:23:48
Hello, two things and I'll let you go. Okay, was that kid on school?

Amanda 1:23:53
Because I scheduled this wrong. She's having a pump failure right now. She'll be a little late.

Scott Benner 1:24:01
I'm gonna let you go. And the other thing is, she told me that when she eats gluten, it makes her throw up and I said, Oh, that might be genetic. But she doesn't know why I said that. And I think when you listen back to it, you're gonna laugh You're I'm gonna let you go. Because obviously you have a life that you have to attend to in Arad, you have to dispose up. So I really do appreciate you doing this very much. It was terrific.

Amanda 1:24:24
Thank you.

Scott Benner 1:24:25
Thank you. Yep, take care. Bye

a huge thank you to one of today's sponsors. Ag one drink ag one.com/juice box. You can start your day the same way I do with a delicious drink of he won. A huge thanks to us med for sponsoring this episode of The Juicebox Podcast. Don't forget us med.com/juice box. This is where we get our diabetes supplies from you can as well use the link or call 888 8721151 For us the link or call the number get your free benefits check so that you can start getting your diabetes supplies the way we do from us med. A huge thank you to one of today's sponsors G voc glucagon, find out more about Chivo Capo pen at G voc glucagon.com. Ford slash juicebox. you spell that GVOKEGLUC AG o n.com. Forward slash juicebox. If you're not already subscribed or following in your favorite audio app, please take the time now to do that. It really helps the show and get those automatic downloads set up so you never miss an episode. Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back very soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. The episode you just heard was professionally edited by wrong way recording. Wrong way recording.com

#1181 After Dark: Black Squirrel

Haley is 28. She was misdiagnosed with T2 but has T1 diabetes. She also has Necrobiosis Diabetica, Ehlers-Danlos and more. Warning: Talk of suicidal ideation, cutting and other issues.

+ Click for EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends welcome to episode 1181 of the Juicebox Podcast.

Today we're going to do an after dark with Haley who is 20 years old and has type one diabetes she works on a hobby farm was diagnosed with type two, obviously misdiagnosed with type two originally. We're going to have a lot here in this one. So be ready for some talks about drugs, depression cutting some suicidal ideation. But there's a lot more to this conversation with Haley so settle in and we'll get going. Nothing new here on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan. Or becoming bold with insulin. Get your FREE 14 day trial@aura.com slashed juicebox that's right protection for your online identity and much more. I mean seriously much more credit score's oh my god, it protects your devices VPN, but this thing what it doesn't do. I mean, it would be easier to list what ora.com can't do for you or a.com/juice box get a free 14 day trial. Don't forget to save 40% off of your entire order at cozy earth.com All you have to do is use the offer code juice box at checkout. That's juice box at checkout to save 40% at cosy earth.com This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the contour next gen blood glucose meter. Learn more and get started today at contour next one.com/juicebox. Today's episode is sponsored by Medtronic diabetes, a company that's bringing together people who are redefining what it means to live with diabetes. Later in this episode, I'll be speaking with Mark, he was diagnosed with type one diabetes at 28. He's 47. Now he's going to tell you a little bit about his story. And then at the very end of the episode, you can hear my entire mini interview with Mark to hear more stories from the Medtronic champion community or to share your own story. Visit Medtronic diabetes.com/juice box and check out the Medtronic champion hashtag on social media.

Hayley 2:20
My name is Hayley.

Scott Benner 2:22
And you don't know how else to describe yourself other than Haley. That's fine. Yeah,

Hayley 2:27
I guess. No, I'm working mom. And I'm a farmer. So

Scott Benner 2:34
you're a farmer? Yeah. Okay. So you have a job and you're a farmer or your job is farming?

Hayley 2:40
Both? Yeah. Okay,

Scott Benner 2:42
so you work somewhere else in conjunction with the farming? Yeah, I actually work two jobs. Okay. What kind of farm? Is that your farm? Yeah, it's gotten a

Hayley 2:51
lot smaller through the years, but my parents live on property, and we all live on the same property. Okay. So I've just been doing a bunch of turkeys and chickens and

Scott Benner 3:01
stuff. Oh, I see. So mostly poultry. Yeah, yeah.

Hayley 3:06
I do the whole process from hatching them out to butchering them.

Scott Benner 3:09
Wow. And do you sell them locally? Or does somebody like take your stock and sell them somewhere else?

Hayley 3:15
I don't really sell them. You have to have certain licenses to be able to sell poultry. So I will give them away to friends, but I will not sell them.

Scott Benner 3:27
Oh, okay. Wait a minute. So you hold on a second you I like you, you're gonna confuse me the entire time. You you do the husbandry part. And then you raise them. And then you go, Hey, come here, buddy, I guess smack in the head and kill it. And then he cut its head off and pull it off its feathers and then give it away to somebody?

Hayley 3:46
Yeah, more gruesome than what how you described it, but yeah. Oh, it's

Scott Benner 3:49
I was nicer about it than it actually is. Okay. What why?

Hayley 3:57
Um, cuz I actually either cut off its head or I slit its throat. Okay.

Scott Benner 4:04
Yeah. Hey, listen, my my father's gone. And he described that his mom to his dad would get this bonus at the end of his work week. On if I've ever said this before. I apologize. They've given they'd give him a chicken at the end of the workweek. And he'd come home and just kind of toss it over the fence. And then his mom, my grandmother would have to go out and catch it and then wring its neck and and pluck it, then cook it. Oh my gosh. So she would do that with her bare hands because she was. Yeah, yeah, she was a farmer, too. There's no compulsion there. But But my point is this you have a farm but you don't make money with it.

Hayley 4:45
No, I usually have people like buy feed for my birds. It's mostly just a hobby farm. It used to be a lot bigger because I used to have like almost 160 birds. But now I just we just get the eggs.

Scott Benner 4:59
Gotcha. I had turkey for.

Hayley 5:01
Yeah, but normally I'll go and help some of my local farmers and I'll help them butcher their birds.

Scott Benner 5:06
Oh, I see classes. Oh, so you got to transferable skills though. Yeah, gotcha. Yeah, it's

Hayley 5:13
mostly it's really just for fun. I don't make any money off of it. It's anything I lose money. But it's something to keep me entertained. So Haley's

Scott Benner 5:20
crazy clarity. You murder birds for fun. Is that correct?

Hayley 5:24
No, no, I, it's the husbandry that's the fun part. Okay, and also to provide food for someone else. That's the fun part.

Scott Benner 5:34
I was teasing you but okay.

Hayley 5:36
I'm giving them the other people's skills. Like a lot of times, I've had people come up to me, and like, ask me like, Oh, do you know anybody that knows how to do this? And I was like, Yeah, I can teach you. Oh, wow. Nice. I like doing those kinds of things. Because it's people learning how to literally grow their own food.

Scott Benner 5:54
Did your parents make a living with the farm?

Hayley 5:57
No.

Scott Benner 5:59
Oh, this is a generational thing.

Hayley 6:00
No, no. My mom used to live on like an Angus beef farm. But my parents won't actually eat any of the meat that I make.

Scott Benner 6:12
They don't trust you know, they

Hayley 6:14
just feel bad. Really? Yeah, I don't. I've effectively turned my mother into a vegetarian.

Scott Benner 6:24
Yeah, accusing the hell out of me, Haley, let's keep going. Do you have type one diabetes? Were you the parent or someone with type one? I have type one diabetes. When were you diagnosed?

Hayley 6:33
I was diagnosed like, seven years ago. So I was right after my 21st birthday. Okay, I was actually diagnosed with type two. All

Scott Benner 6:42
right. How long did that misdiagnosis lasts for?

Hayley 6:45
Like two years. Whoa, really? Yeah. Well, because I was controlling it with the keto diet. Uh huh. And so like, I got my Awan Steen down to like a 6.2 in three months.

Scott Benner 6:59
So you were honeymooning still you were your body was making some insulin? Yes,

Hayley 7:04
it was making some insulin. But what really kicked it is that I finally I got mono and didn't know about it. And so that really just kind of pushed it over the edge.

Scott Benner 7:15
Do you think we can call this episode Burdur? I think we can. I think I'm going to it's a strong contender in my mind early on. So like murderer but with bird. So burger. You got the joke, right? Yes, I do. Yeah. Okay.

Hayley 7:37
I work like 60 hours a week. So it's not just that

Scott Benner 7:40
you better say something much more interesting in the next 15 minutes, or you're gonna get an episode called burger. 100% sure of that. Okay, so you were misdiagnosed as a type two for all you were managing with like a keto diet, any medication. Right now we're going to hear from a member of the Medtronic champion community. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by Medtronic diabetes. And this is Mark.

David 8:04
I use injections for about six months. And then my endocrinologist in the Navy recommended a pump. How long

Scott Benner 8:10
had you been in the Navy? Eight years up to that point? I've interviewed a number of people who have been diagnosed during service and most of the time they're discharged. What happened to you?

David 8:19
I was medically discharged. Yeah, six months after my diagnosis. Was

Scott Benner 8:24
it your goal to stay in the Navy for your whole life? Your career? It was? Yeah,

David 8:28
yeah. In fact, I think a few months before my diagnosis, my wife and I had that discussion about, you know, staying in for the long term. And, you know, we've made the decision despite all the hardships and time away from home, that was what we loved the

Scott Benner 8:41
most. Was the Navy, like a lifetime goal of yours? lifetime goal.

David 8:45
I mean, as my earliest childhood memories were flying, being a fighter pilot, how

Scott Benner 8:50
did your diagnosis impact your lifelong dream?

David 8:53
It was devastating. Everything I had done in life, everything I'd worked up to up to that point was just taken away in an instant. I was not prepared for that at all. What does your support system look like? friends, your family caregivers, you know, for me to Medtronic champions, community, you know, all those resources that are out there to help guide away but then to help keep abreast on you know, the new things that are coming down the pike and to give you hope for eventually that we can find a cure. Stick

Scott Benner 9:18
around at the end of this episode to hear my entire conversation with Mark. And you can hear more stories from Medtronic champions and share your own story at Medtronic diabetes.com/juicebox. That contour next gen blood glucose meter is the meter that we use here. Arden has one with her at all times. I have one downstairs in the kitchen, just in case I want to check my blood sugar and Arden has them at school. They're everywhere that she is contour next one.com/juicebox test strips and the meters themselves may be less expensive for you in cash out of your pocket than you're paying Currently through your insurance for another meter, you can find out about that and much more at my link contour. Next one.com/juicebox Contour makes a number of fantastic inaccurate meters. And their second chance test strips are absolutely my favorite part. What does that mean? If you go to get some blood, and maybe you touch it, and I don't know, stumble with your hand and like slip off and go back, it doesn't impact the quality or accuracy of the test so you can hit the blood not good enough, come back, get the rest without impacting the accuracy of the test. That's right, you can touch the blood, come back and get the rest, and you're gonna get an absolutely accurate test. I think that's important because we all stumble and fumble at times, that's not a good reason to have to waste a test trip. And with a contour, next gen. You won't have to contour next.com forward slash juicebox you're gonna get a great reading without having to be perfect.

Hayley 11:00
No, I really didn't want to do any medication. I wanted to try to do it myself before I had anything intervene. That wasn't myself. Because I've always had like, a lot of health issues, but I've always been like one to push through them myself and not take medication. So honestly, getting type one really hit me hard because that I had to take medication.

Scott Benner 11:21
Yeah. Did they eventually tell you you were Lada. So that's a pretty slow onset. Yeah.

Hayley 11:27
Like go back and forth. But yeah, it would, it would go to the fact that I'm probably a lot of they played around with, like the type one and a half and everything. But I think at this point, I'm really just insulin super insulin dependent. Yeah, you're type

Scott Benner 11:44
one now. Right? So yeah. Any autoimmune in the family or do you have any other autoimmune diseases?

Hayley 11:50
So I'm actually adopted?

Scott Benner 11:51
Oh, me too. So

Hayley 11:53
I didn't have any family history to go off of. So I didn't find out until more recently, in the last like two years when I finally reached out to my biological family. Yeah. But of course, none of them have type one diabetes.

Scott Benner 12:09
Any other autoimmune stuff? You know, I'm

Hayley 12:11
playing around. So I have multiple autoimmune diseases, right? I have diabetes, and then I had necro BIOSes. diamedica. It's like a skin thing. But it's not like your standard blistering skin thing. It just you're literally it's an autoimmune. It's your skins taking attacking itself.

Scott Benner 12:29
I'm still googling Hold on. Wait, say it again? necro necro

Hayley 12:36
or Nbd? Neck row. BIOSIS. Diabetic.

Scott Benner 12:44
Okay. What BIOSIS? Is it? LiPo lipid? dika. I have never lied. Don't read that phonetically. Give me a second. Okay. Uncommon condition related to diabetes?

Hayley 13:07
Yes, it's super uncommon. It's only found on diabetics. So when I actually found out that I had it, the specialist the skin specialist was like, Can we take a picture of it? It's not very common. We'd like to have evidence of it or like, Oh, great. Yeah, thanks. I want a laundry pose

Scott Benner 13:23
with a dead turkey. a skin rash that mostly commonly affects the shins and seems more often and seen more often in women? Is it on your shins?

Hayley 13:33
It's on my shins, but it's also on my hips too. If for some reason I haven't like in more areas than the common. So it's like, again, I want a letter again, I guess.

Scott Benner 13:44
Is the end is that? Wait. It's not autoimmune?

Hayley 13:48
Yeah, it's an autoimmune disease. Gotcha.

Scott Benner 13:50
Okay. Holy hell.

Hayley 13:53
Yeah. And then I have another one that I'm in the process of actually getting diagnosed with like, I know I have it. But I need like clinical diagnosis. It's called it's called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. Oh, sure.

Scott Benner 14:05
The stretchy. Yeah.

Hayley 14:09
It's an autoimmune disease that affects your connective tissue. So you don't create the correct connective tissue.

Scott Benner 14:17
I once had a doctor say, we talking about that. And they said, you know, people can get diagnosed if they want but there's no treatment. He was out there. It was so matter of fact, he's like, so whatever. And I was like, Okay, brother. Oh, so you have a Deal or No, no, no, we I was talking about it with someone wants and he was just making the point. Like, you know, you can get people to get diagnosed that they want to but it's, there's, there's nothing you can do about it.

Hayley 14:41
Yeah, and the crazy thing is, is it actually affects your heart and digestive system as well, because it is the connective tissue.

Scott Benner 14:50
Yeah, so what are you saying?

Hayley 14:52
I'm like super bendy. Okay. But I also have a lot of hip and joint injuries like work and like, put my hip and knee at a place back in. Yeah. Like it's just on a regular basis. Does that hurt? Not anymore. Um, so because of chronic disease, and I've had it for so long. I don't really feel it anymore. Oh, wow. But, but because like if anybody else was in my body, they've been in tritiated pain, but

Scott Benner 15:20
it's just a party trick for you. Yeah, I guess. Good thing. That flexible. Yeah.

Hayley 15:29
But, um, yeah, so I actually started having issues when I was like, 12. And they all just thought it was just like growing pains. And, also, I'm sure I'd have huge feet, like, for my height, like a hobbit. Kinda, I were like, 10 and a half wides for women. And I'm only 530 Hell,

Scott Benner 15:49
you must take an L

Hayley 15:52
pretty much the same issue.

Scott Benner 15:54
Are you serious? When you tried to kiss? Can you not reach each other because your toes are hitting?

Hayley 15:58
No, he was taller than me. But. But Our poor son has big feet now too. I was like, Sorry, dude.

Scott Benner 16:07
That's a good try. But I still think this one's called burger. I haven't interviewed anybody in a few days. And I have like, there was a trip in between. So I feel like very silly right now. I don't know why. And we're doing it at night. I usually do these in the morning when I'm still being serious. Yeah, but but this could go well off the rails. Okay, so tell me a little bit about how you felt when you were younger. And what are you going to do to get a diagnosis? Well,

Hayley 16:36
I guess when I was younger, I tried to I'm very much does I like learning struggles, too. I am very much of like, I'm not gonna let myself stop me.

Scott Benner 16:47
I'm not gonna let myself stop me. That's excellent. Like you tell yourself. Oh, you can't? I gotcha. Yeah,

Hayley 16:54
exactly. Yeah, I never want anything to slow me down, let alone myself. Yeah. So I just persevered through it. And I did soccer. We have a picture of me kicking a soccer ball. It looks like my knees like opposite of what it supposed to be. Like a flamingo. Um, but yeah, so I just kind of grew up with it. And I just dealt with it. I was on swim team, like for like, as a actual, like, almost professional, like a professional. Right. And I did it for like, six years. But then finally, I just had a quick to my joints even though like swimming is supposed to be like gentle, new joints. It's the rotating all the time that really like affected me. So I found I just had to quit. But I've been like going another naturopathic doctors, physical therapy, all different kinds of things throughout my life. My parents really wanted me to succeed. Yeah, so there was a lot of just like when like my learning struggles in the ADHD, and the physical struggles.

Scott Benner 18:02
Yeah, we'll see. You said you had more things you have there, is it URLs then? How do you suppress that? Hilarious. So you probably have that. You've got ADHD. You have type one diabetes. You have the? The patches. Yeah, I don't want to say that word again. Because I think I almost cursed saying that word. It does. I mean, where's that at? Let's look at that again. Yeah, it's lip to the there's the necro BIOSIS. But then it's li P O ID. I see a

Hayley 18:38
Yeah, let the Let the dead code let the day. Yeah. Listen

Scott Benner 18:41
between you me, Haley. I was really afraid. I was gonna say like, and so I just kept stop.

Hayley 18:52
Yeah, so that one is harder to say. So I don't say is that that's a scientific name of it. Yeah,

Scott Benner 18:58
well, it doesn't sound scientific when I say it. So I skip it. Yeah, those would you have anything else?

Hayley 19:03
As of right now? I don't think so. But you know, with with autoimmune diseases, they all come in three and I met three.

Scott Benner 19:12
So it's either you hold here you think you're gonna go to six? Yeah, pretty much. How's your thyroid? Surprisingly, it's

Hayley 19:18
okay. Celiac. No, no, I don't have celiacs. I have a hormone imbalance. It's not like crazy. What

Scott Benner 19:27
does that what does that entail? Well, like I have

Hayley 19:32
higher testosterone than women should. So like I get like, sometimes I get a little bit of facial hair, which is great for a woman. No, you

Scott Benner 19:40
love You gotta love it. Yeah, people. Women are always very excited when they get facial hair and little stray hairs around their nipples are thrilled about to I've noticed you ever get those? No. Oh, good for you. Look at your wedding. Okay.

Hayley 19:55
But yeah, so it's, yeah, it's just weird. I didn't even know they really diagnose was new with it. And so I was going through my medical records after I was diagnosed type one. Okay. I was like, Oh, I guess I had a hormone imbalance.

Scott Benner 20:08
How about do you see any problems with your menstruation? Your periods? Do you have acne stuff like that around?

Hayley 20:15
Yeah, I have pretty bad acne. But also, I've never really like my period is like crazy spot on. Like, I know the day before it's gonna happen. It's crazy.

Scott Benner 20:29
Okay, so not heavy periods or anything like that.

Hayley 20:33
No, no, it's just normal. Interesting. But I also have like, such a high pain tolerance from the Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. So I don't know. But I was like in four days of labor with my son. So

Scott Benner 20:47
wait, I don't understand thought I think was stretchy. It is.

Hayley 20:51
But I had to. I got preeclampsia. Oh, yeah. So he was born two months early.

Scott Benner 20:58
Really? Have you considered giving up?

Hayley 21:03
But it's so true. And that's the thing is it's like, yeah, I got preeclampsia. And like I literally was fighting it the whole time, like trying to make everything perfect. But I've always had like elevated blood pressures. So I didn't succeed. Is that

Scott Benner 21:17
your only child? The your son? Yes. Yeah, that experience may just stop or you just haven't had a chance to try again.

Hayley 21:25
I haven't had like successful.

Scott Benner 21:28
Oh, I say yeah, I gotcha. You're 28. Now? Yes. I did that math, just from the story you told. So people should be pretty freaking impressed.

Hayley 21:40
Well, I'm in person. I remember that correctly, then. Oh, wait,

Scott Benner 21:44
are you maybe you're not 28? I've talked you into believing you are? No, I

Hayley 21:47
am 28? Sure. Yes. But I couldn't remember for sure how long I had had diabetes and stuff. So it was like, ah,

Scott Benner 21:59
what makes you want to come on the podcast? Because

Hayley 22:01
I have all these experiences and stuff. And I had been through a lot. diabetes and everything else. I kind of just wanted to be another voice of, you know, I live in this chaos. And other people might live in it too. And to know that you're not alone, because I know for me for a long time. I felt very alone, because I didn't find out till I was like 21 diabetes, and I had to figure it out on my own.

Scott Benner 22:28
Your family was not helpful at that point. Or you didn't ask them to be

Hayley 22:33
I was moved out at that point. Oh, you had no idea what did how to deal with it. They just freaked out. So I didn't tell them anything.

Scott Benner 22:42
Sweet. So you were on your own 21 you go to college? Yeah,

Hayley 22:46
I did some college. I did. Like it's called Running Start. And it's like, you do college while you're still in high school. Okay. Yeah. So I took on like an 18 credit load, and then I still went to high school and another school. So yeah, I'm a little bit of a overachiever sometimes, or I like to punish myself.

Scott Benner 23:06
Did you finish college?

Hayley 23:07
I have two classes. Both math class, listen.

Scott Benner 23:12
I'm gonna help you a little bit. You can't call yourself an overachiever. And then tell me you still have two classes left to get through college when you're 20. It's because

Hayley 23:20
it's because I got so burnt out from trying to do everything.

Scott Benner 23:25
Okay, so tell me so then let's see. Like, I'd like to know about that. Tell me what happened?

Hayley 23:29
Well, again, I was doing like 18 credits of college. And then I was working, and I was going to high school. And then I also was doing culinary programs to where I went into like, state nationals. Okay. Yeah. So I just, I'm very good at overburdening myself.

Scott Benner 23:47
Is that the ADHD? When did you get that diagnosed, by the way?

Hayley 23:50
Just recently.

Scott Benner 23:52
Tell me what led you to find out that that was the case. Well,

Hayley 23:57
my sisters, my adopted sisters, they were talking to me and they're like, Hey, you should look into ADHD because you have a hard time with these kinds of things. And I was like, Well, okay. And my husband also has ADHD. So

Scott Benner 24:14
why did you giggle like that? You giggle a lot. And I don't know why you're giggling Well, what was so funny there?

Hayley 24:19
It's because it usually people who have ADHD, like, gravitate towards other people that have ADHD.

Scott Benner 24:27
So, okay, why do you think that is? Because

Hayley 24:30
we have the same kind of mindset and understand and can actually keep up with each other.

Scott Benner 24:35
So you follow him when he's kind of jumping around? Yes,

Hayley 24:39
I can keep up with him. But mostly, he can keep up with me because he's more of a quiet, more internalized ADHD brain. Okay, borrow more external.

Scott Benner 24:49
Tell me the difference, please.

Hayley 24:51
So internal would mean that like you have so many thoughts going at once, but you keep them inside and you're very analytical and you're tempted to details like crazy. Whereas nine, I can't keep it inside. And so I'm super talkative and bubbly. And like, jump at different squat like subjects really quickly and say, like squirrel. So it's really hard for me to keep it all in because not only do I have it, it sounds crazy, but you have multiple thoughts in your head. But then also, I can't keep it in my head, it has to be expressed out. And so people get really confused. Okay,

Scott Benner 25:29
so you're saying that you have, like, at any moment, you have two different thoughts going on in your head? Oh, probably more like six? And which one? Are you sharing? How do you decide which one to share with me?

Hayley 25:42
I don't know. I don't really decide it just kind of comes out like so I can't. When I'm talking to someone, you know, you grow up, you look in their eyes and stuff as a sign of respect. Okay, I cannot look at someone's eyes, I have to look or look around them and keep moving. Otherwise, I get distracted. And my thoughts like take over than if I'm actually listening to the person.

Scott Benner 26:05
Tell me why looking at someone I someone's eyes does that. Because

Hayley 26:09
my mind like, is like stop being interested at what it's looking at, like, looking at the eyes without actually like looking at other things around me. It makes my brain really distracted because it's bored with the situation. So it's like, let's think about this now.

Scott Benner 26:26
Okay, so if you're concentrating too hard on somebody, you're looking them in their eyes trying to really concentrate on them. Your mind wants to look around the room.

Hayley 26:33
Yes. And so more. It's more like it's bored. And so it thinks of something else that's internally in your head and then you go like on a tangent in your head.

Scott Benner 26:42
Okay. What if the people are really boring? Maybe it's not ADHD? Maybe you just know really boring people.

Hayley 26:48
Oh, it happens to everybody. So are you jumping

Scott Benner 26:52
around while we're talking? Because I don't find you. You think you are? Yeah, well, I

Hayley 26:58
didn't take my medication this morning. So yes.

Scott Benner 27:01
Just to be fun, or you forgot? No.

Hayley 27:03
Ah. Oh, no, I did. I forgot.

Scott Benner 27:07
The funniest thing you're gonna say the entire time we're talking in case anyone's wondering. I expect nothing funnier than this that have just happened. So you did take your medication today? Yes. I'm not laughing at you. I'm just laughing. It's hilarious. But I want to get back. Hold on. What's the giggling? Are you nervous when you giggle? No, I'm

Hayley 27:28
actually not really a nervous person. I really do. Like speaking like in front of people and doing podcasts and stuff. So like, I've done my own podcast.

Scott Benner 27:37
Okay. Is it wildly successful? Or maybe people are jaded by you? Should I get you off right now?

Hayley 27:44
No, it's just a couple of videos I did on one of my diabetes groups.

Scott Benner 27:47
Oh, are you calling that a podcast? Okay,

Hayley 27:50
I started the podcast doesn't mean that I actually finished it.

Scott Benner 27:53
Nobody does. Do you know, do you know there are 4 million registered podcasts?

Hayley 28:00
It sounds surprising. Yeah. Do

Scott Benner 28:01
you know how many are actually active? I don't know. Yeah, like 40,000 of them. Oh, wow. And active only means at least one episode a month?

Hayley 28:11
Yeah, no, I started doing it. And as many things when you get very common with ADHD, I got distracted and moved on to something else.

Scott Benner 28:20
So are there things in your life that you genuinely want to be doing? That you're not because you've been distracted away from them?

Hayley 28:29
Oh, yeah, absolutely. Well, it's like, again, going back to the hole that I have to overcome myself. So like, for me the school, like not finishing my college is really like, hard on me. Because I feel like I never finished it. It was a close. It didn't close the book. Do you need huh?

Scott Benner 28:48
Do you need the degree? Could you put it to use?

Hayley 28:50
Oh, yeah, but right now my husband's going to college. But when he's done then I'll go back and finish to

Scott Benner 28:56
How old is he?

Hayley 28:57
He's 28 as well. What?

Scott Benner 29:00
What's he going to college for?

Hayley 29:01
He's getting his BA and his MA in it and cybersecurity. So yeah, I

Scott Benner 29:09
know some kids go to school for that right now. They're nine years younger than your husband and probably a much more attractive hire, but tell him to hurry the hell up. Because he's gonna You're gonna want some money when he takes one of those jobs, you know, and those kids are gonna do it for free. Right? Yeah, cuz they're, they're living with their parents like little like leeches. They don't even need money. All unfair. Well, that's cool. Did he go back to school? Or did he just start later?

Hayley 29:36
So he only has like one or two classes to finish his associates. And he stopped around the same time I did, which is after we got married. How

Scott Benner 29:45
old were you? You got married? We were 24 So you guys both got married and then decided not to go to college anymore? No,

Hayley 29:54
I was trying to finish up my college before we got married. But then we moved to another City pretty far away, and then we just started working a ton. So it just wasn't feasible.

Scott Benner 30:05
I understand. I really don't you make that baby on purpose or no? Yeah, we did a plan. Thank you didn't get distracted in the middle of it decide not to do it. Probably. I'm sorry. Ah, she's not funny. You're just delightful. That's all. Oh, good. I love that. You don't know that you giggle a lot.

Hayley 30:30
You know, I think I've done it for a long time. And I think it's just for like, spaces when I don't have a thought. Then I fill it with that.

Scott Benner 30:38
No, I just what I'm trying to get out because you're making me feel hilarious. And I know I'm not. So like, you're just like you're laughing that you said something horrifying. I forget what it was and then laughed immediately afterwards. I was like, That was interesting.

Hayley 30:50
It's kind of it's kind of a coping mechanism to Yeah.

Scott Benner 30:53
So you just did it.

Hayley 30:54
I know, you're aware when you think about it?

Scott Benner 30:57
Well, no. Are you aware that it's happening or know when it happens? If

Hayley 31:01
not, like, right away, I don't notice that. It's if I look back at it, and I'm like, Oh, I did do that right thing. But that's like my life, and not realizing I do things until later on, like, Oh, I did do that.

Scott Benner 31:14
Because you ever tried not to do it? Like consciously not to giggle?

Hayley 31:18
Ah, no,

Scott Benner 31:20
let's do it. Can we do it? Can we try? No.

Hayley 31:24
It's a coping mechanism, as well as like, filling the space. And also, it's like, for me, I have a hard time expressing like, emotions and stuff, and being like the right point across. So if I laugh or giggle about something

Scott Benner 31:38
I don't understand, what do you mean, you have trouble? I don't have any trouble, like understanding your emotions that you've like, laid out for me so far. Why do you think you have trouble doing that?

Hayley 31:46
I've had that for a long time. But again, being on the medication helps.

Scott Benner 31:51
We really don't hold on a second, do me a favor, don't tell me it's just the thing that's always happened. Explain to me what it is. Like, what do you mean, you can't express your emotions?

Hayley 32:00
So are like I don't understand other people's emotions or reading the room? Well, okay. And so I will a lot of times speak thing and matter of factly. But then they're actually like really deep things. And then I really hardcore Empath, so then I feel it, someone else, like I never want them to feel that way. So I A lot of times will giggle at things in order to like lighten the mood. Because I can say things that are horrible, just a matter of fact thing. But then I get to the whole point of like, Oh, now they feel it.

Scott Benner 32:35
So you don't like it when other people feel the emotions of what you're saying? Yeah.

Hayley 32:40
Right. Because I don't like feeling it. And it's hard for me. So it's

Scott Benner 32:47
expected it'll be hard for them.

Hayley 32:49
I very much don't like people. Like, that's, that's why it took me forever to like go to therapy and stuff just because I don't want anybody to feel like the pain or anything that's going on with me. Because

Scott Benner 33:03
that's what I was masking. Like, are you really trying to protect them? Or are you protecting yourself from feeling badly about how they feel?

Hayley 33:09
So hard question, I think is a bit of both. But I think originally, it would have been the thought of protecting someone else from feeling my feelings. But I think it also is a coping mechanism protect myself. If I really look at it.

Scott Benner 33:23
Give trouble being close to your husband.

Hayley 33:26
I can Yeah. Especially like after we had our son, I had really really bad, like, postpartum depression. So it's been a lot of that I've worked through but kind of got really dark. You

Scott Benner 33:40
were you depressed? Like oh, yeah, like, I'm gonna throw the baby out the window depressed or where we're, you know,

Hayley 33:46
nothing like to him but to myself and like, just the burden of both the guilt of having my son so early. And that I couldn't make well my body to make it happen correctly.

Scott Benner 33:59
Okay. Okay. So when you try to be like, open with your husband, does it not work?

Hayley 34:05
He's very good about reading me. I'm not very good about expressing it. Because again, I don't I'm already feeling these heavy feelings. And I don't want anybody else to Yeah. So it's really hard for me to express those especially if I talk to him about like, kind of a more dark stuff. But don't want to know about those things. Kelly I

Scott Benner 34:28
don't normally ask people this but because of the the direction our conversations and I'm going to ask you What in God's name are you doing while we're talking?

Hayley 34:35
Oh, literally just sitting on a spinny chair and rolling around. Okay,

Scott Benner 34:39
like clicking and popping and like if you told me you were like popping the lid on like, the I don't know, like test strips. I would have believed you. But you're not rolling around. No, I'm

Hayley 34:53
just rolling around in a chair.

Scott Benner 34:54
Do you know futzing you know the word? Oh, yes. Yeah, like me. So my cord is uh, yeah, like touching the cord or tapping your glasses on the desk or something like that probably.

Hayley 35:05
Oh, yeah, probably because, yeah, because I'm very. Yeah, everything has moved.

Scott Benner 35:12
What is this medication supposedly doing for you?

Hayley 35:15
It helps. So I'm also on antidepressants. Okay, so I, they're both stimulants. So the depressants, releases happy stuff. But also

Scott Benner 35:29
you really, you really read that label.

Hayley 35:34
I don't remember the top of the head like right now what it is, but um, the other stuff ADHD meds works with your, the antidepressants to help your body release like dopamine and stuff. But it has a hard time releasing,

Scott Benner 35:50
okay. You went on the antidepressants after the birth of the baby. Is that right? Yeah,

Hayley 35:55
I I should have done it a long time ago. But again, been very much of like, not into medication. Until I'm literally forced into it.

Scott Benner 36:03
Tell me how you felt without the antidepressant?

Hayley 36:07
I guess I can go darker. But um, I I did a lot of cutting and self harm, and try to commit suicide, I think three times now. What ages? I'm just in the last couple of years.

Scott Benner 36:25
Can you tell me like vaguely what the the attempts were like?

Hayley 36:29
The first one was because I had recently gotten my insulin pump. And I was struggling with it. And it wasn't. It would keep failing and stuff. And I felt very, like I finally got this thing that I worked so hard for. I literally had to tell a doctor that yes, I needed. And I wasn't working and I was frustrated. And luckily it has a lock on it that you can't overdose yourself. Right? So that's what stopped it.

Scott Benner 36:58
So when you say you attempted to give yourself like too much insulin like, yeah, we can you look back was your real intention to hurt yourself? Or were you looking for someone to notice.

Hayley 37:11
I was definitely hurt myself because I again, don't share things. So I don't really want people to notice. And it was like super late at night, my husband was asleep. And I just tried to give myself a ton of insulin. But again, the alarms shut it off. Okay.

Scott Benner 37:31
Other times were within thought as well are different ways. Different

Hayley 37:34
ways. There was one more recently when I was at work, and one of my co workers kind of just betrayed me who was a friend, and I went into my truck and I was like about to write a suicide letter and stuff. Like I was just done. Luckily, I had therapy that day. So that really saved me. That's

Scott Benner 37:54
amazing. Hey, well, I don't you weren't trying to get rid of birder but I guess you did it. I can't use that now. Yeah, sorry. I didn't know this was gonna happen. All right, I will start over, I guess. Such a perfect title for a POC. It's okay. Don't worry about it. Ellie, I'll be alright. I don't want you to worry. You see a therapist or a psychiatrist.

Hayley 38:20
I see a therapist. I was seeing psychiatrists just to get diagnosed with ADHD. But now I just see my therapist who also has ADHD. So it works out really well. Or

Scott Benner 38:30
not depending on I don't know, I'm not there to judge it. But what if it doesn't? What if you guys, you're just telling yourself, it's going great. She's like,

Hayley 38:44
No, yeah. Yeah. It's mostly that he can keep up with my brain. So I don't have to explain myself all the time.

Scott Benner 38:51
I'm imagining it's going terribly. And he goes, Hey, this is going great. Don't you have to go? Yeah, then it's over. There's no way there's no one there to just check you and go, Hey, guys. I don't go well at all.

Hayley 39:03
We go on so many tangents of different topics,

Scott Benner 39:07
is what I'm worried about. It sounds like you guys are making a podcast for two people is what's going on?

Hayley 39:12
Well, the funny thing is, too, is he also plays d&d. So we'll talk we'll go on tangents about d&d as well. I think

Scott Benner 39:20
you need to find a better therapist, but that's neither here nor there. Like so. The reason I asked about this is because is there any chance there's something else going on? That's not seen? Is there a chance you could be bipolar or anything like that? So that's

Hayley 39:32
when I went to the psychologist and I they thought I might be bipolar as well. But then they ruled that out.

Unknown Speaker 39:40
How did they do that?

Hayley 39:43
I took some tests, like personality and how I deal with things and it was just rolled out that I when I have supposedly I don't have as enough like swings and personality. Also, I don't get stuck there super long. Okay.

Scott Benner 39:58
So That's interesting. I appreciate you sharing all this Haley seriously. No,

Hayley 40:02
it's so good. I'm, I'm kind of an open book when it comes to like just factual things like, I can turn my things on going through into facts. And then I can actually, like, share them. Yeah. But if I feel the emotion with it, I can't share it.

Scott Benner 40:15
Okay. I mean, I'm looking back again. And you talked about, like, postpartum depression in your notes, but I didn't realize that, like your depression led to like suicide attempts and stuff like that. So I, I was a little unprepared for the direction. But I'm okay. I'm okay. It's,

Hayley 40:35
I think I've been dealing with it for a long time, like ever since probably middle school. But I've again, been very much not wanting to go into medication or share my feelings or anything. And so the being diabetic really hit me hard. And then with my son, it hit me hard again. And so it kind of like pushed everything over.

Scott Benner 40:59
Yeah. When you contacted your birth family, did you ask about the depression?

Hayley 41:04
No, I try not to get into their drama. They're very dramatic. I know. Like my biological mom was only like, 17 when she had me and she was 16 when she had an older sister.

Scott Benner 41:20
Okay. Oh, do you know your sister? Yeah. He also adopted as she stayed with the biological mom.

Hayley 41:27
So I was the only one that was adopted out. And that's another sort of subject. But then I had one. So I had one, there's an older one, and then there's a younger one, like, She's three years younger than me. So yeah,

Scott Benner 41:43
sorry. No, I'm just trying to like, they just piece it all together. That's all. Because, you know, I think that the number of people that I talked to who have like, you know, mental health concerns, and other autoimmune issues, it's not, it's not a low number. You know what I mean? Like when people come on here, and they're like, hey, you know, I've suffered with depression or this or that. They often talk about, like, a lot of other autoimmune stuff. And I just wonder how much of that I don't like, please keep in mind, I'm an idiot. Okay. But like, it makes me it makes me think about like inflammation, and how it might be impacting things that people just never think about. Yeah,

Hayley 42:22
the only the other thing is to for me, I was also born two months early, but she forced it happening. And she was a druggie. Okay, so, so there's a lot of other things that are part of that too.

Scott Benner 42:38
Yeah. Also, what kind of drugs was she isn't the mom? Meth? Heroin? Yeah, that stuff can beat a quiet like depression too. Sometimes, like people are self medicating in ways.

Hayley 42:49
Well, she she was only, like, 16 when she was with her 26 year old boyfriend. Yeah,

Scott Benner 42:57
you're not describing a lot of stability there. Yeah. Right. So I'm just saying maybe she's got something going on as well. How about your sister? Does your sister have any of these issues?

Hayley 43:05
Um, the older one, she was into drugs. Her. Our biological father, like pretty much used her as like a drug meal, and would actually like pimp her out and stuff.

Scott Benner 43:17
Oh, my God. Wait, like sexually? Yeah. Oh, my God. Where the hell do you people live? I got to make a map of places. I'm not going Which one is this? You don't have to say. I was gonna say probably should. It's in the Midwest though. Right? Northwest? Oh, oh, in the rainy part. Yeah. It's hard to live. Yeah. You shouldn't live there. People shouldn't.

Hayley 43:41
Well, I was adopted from like, I again, my dad's a police officer and stuff. So I was adopted to a really good family. But

Scott Benner 43:47
your your birth mother and your adopted family are reasonably close, like in the same state? Yeah,

Hayley 43:53
we're all the same state. My mom actually my adoptive mom. She's my mom. She's been keeping tabs on them all, like through Facebook and stuff. So that if I ever wanted to reach out, then I it was very easy for me to write.

Scott Benner 44:08
Well, you know, earlier I said I'm adopted to and you laughed. I wasn't sure if you laugh because you thought I was going to hear you. Oh, yeah. Sorry. That's okay. Like I was like, I'm adopted too. And you like you laugh and I thought is this nervous laughter or is she laughing? Because she thinks I'm kidding about being adopted.

Hayley 44:27
I didn't hear you.

Scott Benner 44:29
I'm adopted to Haley.

Hayley 44:30
Well, that's good to know. So you understand some of that

Scott Benner 44:33
for me and I don't understand a lot of it to get a lot of that was pretty screwed up. But I understood. Yeah.

Hayley 44:38
Well, I didn't I didn't find out a lot of this until way later. So I like I was very much like, Oh, she was young. And that was so gracious of her to adopt me out to be have a better life. And then, like the things that I've found out with both her like, trying to enforce abortion because I was too far along. Yeah, so she like, tried to do it herself. Oh,

Scott Benner 44:58
with like a stick or what Do we do they're like pushing on her stomach. Oh, wow, what a scientist. Yeah, Jesus. Okay. Sorry. Okay, don't be sorry, Ellie, you're gonna be part of the new uncensored after dark episodes. Congratulations.

Hayley 45:15
I was trying like, I'm like, I don't really cost like anything. So

Scott Benner 45:20
this is good enough. You don't need the cost.

Hayley 45:24
Again, I like I do like it. I can share these things. It's more of a matter of fact. Yeah.

Scott Benner 45:28
Yeah. If we sat down and tried to talk real real personally, you'd have trouble saying these things. Right.

Hayley 45:34
Oh, in the beginning, I would still keep it as like fact. But yeah, if I went in deeper, it would interest you. And I then Yeah, probably.

Scott Benner 45:41
Well, I mean, listen, it can't be easy to know that somebody tried to abort you. First of all, that's.

Hayley 45:47
That's a tough one. That's tough. That was yeah, that was hard. Yeah.

Scott Benner 45:50
And even though it's got nothing to do with you, I still don't know how it doesn't make you have like, oh, geez, backfill terribly. Yeah. You know, well, then on

Hayley 45:59
top of that, with, like her having a kid that she kept after me, too.

Scott Benner 46:03
Yeah. You weren't good enough to keep but the other one was, yeah, right. Right. Which is how it feels probably not what happened, right? Yeah.

Hayley 46:10
Well,

Scott Benner 46:10
you know what I mean?

Hayley 46:11
Yeah, they were. So there's three of us that were from the same dad. And then there's one after that's another guy. So but my biological father had like, 16 kids before different women. So

Scott Benner 46:24
it was the super handsome.

Hayley 46:27
No, really,

Scott Benner 46:29
how does that happen? Haley?

Hayley 46:30
I don't know.

Scott Benner 46:34
Just is the drugs part, right? Because like, I'm trying to imagine talking for different women to let me have babies with them when they knew that they had babies with other people, too. Yeah.

Hayley 46:44
I guess he was kind of forceful. Like, at least my biological mom. Oh, wait,

Scott Benner 46:49
wait, sorry. This is not like a consensual thing. Like

Hayley 46:53
it was but like he she kept having kids because he wanted to have kids. And she wanted to get out of it.

Scott Benner 47:00
But it's not a lot of common sense going on a lot of the things that you're saying. That's No,

Hayley 47:04
it's not again. Yeah, it's chaos. It's

Scott Benner 47:08
upsetting to hear it. I mean, it's not. I'm not like shocked or anything like that. But you don't want to think that people are living in these circumstances.

Hayley 47:17
Right. Well, and the thing is to her, she left her parents because she want to be around her parents. But her mom has like hardcore bipolar. narcissistic. So oh, they Yeah. So that's where a lot of that's why when you said that about, like other things. She's been diagnosed with bipolar and narcissistic.

Scott Benner 47:41
Okay, and this is who told me this is your mom's mom?

Hayley 47:45
Yeah. Someone by my biological grandmother. Yeah.

Scott Benner 47:49
Your parents know about all this? Yeah. Yeah.

Hayley 47:52
I've shared everything with them. This is

Scott Benner 47:55
stuff you found out. It's not stuff they found out. Right. Correct. Yeah, that's tough for them to hear to. Do they adopt other kids or just you?

Hayley 48:02
Um, yeah. So I have a younger sister that's also adopted from a different family. That's nice. Lovely. Yeah. And they had like, 10 foster kids and stuff. Well, no kidding. Yeah, they only have one biological.

Scott Benner 48:14
Oh, my God, they have a biological child. They fostered like 10 kids, and they adopted two kids. Yeah. She trying to like get to heaven or something. What's going on there?

Hayley 48:25
Well, um, so they had my older sister, and then years, they were trying and she kept having issues and miscarriages and stuff. And then in the meantime, they just foster kids, because they could they were able to provide that. And then, yeah, and then she, they adopted me, and then four years later that my younger sister

Scott Benner 48:45
seemed like lovely people. That's very nice. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my gosh. Alright, so hold on. How do you met every once in a while? I think this podcast is about diabetes, you should ask the diabetes question. To me sometimes, I'm like, but how like with this, like, all this that you're describing, like, how are you with your type one? Are you kind of hands on like on top of it? Is your agency where you hoped it to be? Is it something you struggle with? How does that all go?

Hayley 49:16
So right now it's not super great? Because it's like for me, it's really hard to manage multiple illnesses at once. And so it's been kind of put on the backburner when I've been trying to figure out all this other stuff, like I still like in a minute okay, range but not like where I should be.

Scott Benner 49:33
He told me What's okay, right. Like,

Hayley 49:36
I'm consistently in between, like 140 and 180.

Scott Benner 49:46
What's stopping you from doing what you want to do? Just

Hayley 49:48
trying to figure out with mental health and then now this whole thing with ADHD diagnosis and then the researching into the Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, and then we're Getting 60 hour weeks. It's just yeah, it's been a lot. And being a mom, but luckily like my husband's a stay at home dad. Well, he's, he works two jobs too. And the school. That's all online.

Scott Benner 50:14
You guys seem busy.

Hayley 50:16
Yeah, we're prone to kind of showing your schedules probably when we get along so well,

Scott Benner 50:20
I had a pretty chill, I had a pretty chill day. I got up a little late. So here, here's where I'm at. My wife has to travel for business, right, so she left last evening. And then I spent that last night by myself as a little lonely, I have to admit, but that's fine. I lived through it. And then I slept a little later this morning, because I didn't have to get up because you and I were recording at night and I had a lot of like work to do. But I was like, I'm going to sleep a little extra tight up like 10 o'clock, like a king. You know what I mean? And I rolled out of bed and I was like, I'm gonna take care of the dogs get a shower and have something to eat. I didn't even start my day till like one o'clock today. I was like, This is how ballers live. Except there were no like, you know, there were no like scantily clad girls running around or anything like that, or cocaine or not really a baller lifestyle at all. But I just started a little later today. And I got a bunch of work done this afternoon. And then I'm recording with you. I had a turkey sandwich in there somewhere. And, and now I'm after you, I'm going to work more and watch a football game. So yeah, but it's a pretty slow day for me. Usually, I'm up earlier working, like the whole day. It just I was like, let me just let me see what would happen. Like if I live by myself, how would it go? It turns out it would go pretty easy. I would take it pretty easy on myself. But he's got two jobs. And he's taken. And it's school from him. So are the jobs from home as well?

Hayley 51:45
Yeah. So he does one job that for his old job that he had before he went to school. He does their like routing so that he works for a FedEx contractor. So he kind of dictates where everybody's going based on the package load. Interesting. And yeah, so that's what his job is for that. So that's not a ton of hours. But it's a couple hours at night. And then he just started doing a job as they're in it for our church for like their social media and was called anything to do with social media and like, making slides and stuff. So does that

Scott Benner 52:24
making content for them? Yeah, very nice. And that is to watch in the hold yourself at this point.

Hayley 52:31
He just turned to Oh,

Scott Benner 52:33
that's a wonderful age. Have you? Do you worry about diabetes for him? Is that something that's in your head? Or

Hayley 52:39
my son? You know, that's why it took forever for us to like, even get pregnant is because I really was just like I was all down to her adopting. And I because I just didn't want to pass it on to him. Yeah. But, you know, I had a friend of mine who's also diabetic, she said that, even if it happens, you are the best well equipped person to take, like to take care of him and to help him. So I just

Scott Benner 53:09
felt better about it. Okay, that's excellent. The medication you take for your ADHD. Like, what happens if you don't take it?

Hayley 53:16
I get super Spacey. And like, so this is me being bubbly for Ahmed's legend 10 times worse.

Scott Benner 53:25
So without the meds you'd like this would be multiplied for like the kind of jumping around and the giggling and stuff like that. Yeah,

Hayley 53:32
absolutely. Okay. I also I can't concentrate. So like I take most of my medication because of my job that I do. Because I have to be super detail oriented and super, like not distracted. I even I even wear headphones that are for like, their their earplugs but you can still hear out of them. They're just supposed to cancel out outside noise. I wear those so I can not get distracted.

Scott Benner 53:54
Okay. Okay, because any little sound might pull you away, even when you're on and what medication is that? I'm sorry.

Hayley 54:02
I have like eight different medications. You prophy on I think that's

Scott Benner 54:06
for the ADHD. Yeah, it's basically speed, right? It speeds you up, which somehow slows you down. So

Hayley 54:13
I am on a stimulant, whereas what you're thinking of is like, some of the harder stuff that's more of like adding to your body. Yeah, like Adderall? Yeah, Adderall is more of an adding to your body. Whereas what I take help stimulate my brain to produce what it needs to produce. That's kind of interesting. Okay. Yeah, it sounds like one of my friends. He just got on Adderall. Because he found out he has ADHD and his wife was like, Oh, I might have some tendencies at that. I wonder what would happen and so she tried one like to see if I would do anything for her which I don't know why she did that. Yeah, I

Scott Benner 54:52
think you're supposed to but but okay, God, I'm gonna say no, yeah,

Hayley 54:54
she said she like pretty much turned to having like ADHD The brain and was like, how do you live this way?

Scott Benner 55:02
Oh, it actually she doesn't have ADHD. So it sped her up. And she got like, yeah, yeah.

Hayley 55:09
Yeah. And she couldn't call the trade. She had so many thoughts of like different directions and stuff. And she's like, I don't know how you guys live this way. Yeah,

Scott Benner 55:16
I mean, listen, everybody I've ever spoken to who has it, it sounds a little torturous to me. You know. And that's even for people who just talk about lightly. It's,

Hayley 55:25
it's kind of like, if you have your computer open, and you have 100 different tabs open, and you're using all of them at once. Yeah, I have a T shirt that says, My life is like, there's 100 tabs open. There's a video playing and I don't have any idea where the music's playing. And, and you know, that's, that's my life. Yeah.

Scott Benner 55:44
Can't find which tab is making the light. Come on. Why? Stop? Yeah, that's an interesting description, actually, isn't it? But it's

Hayley 55:51
a very good description. Yeah. That's

Scott Benner 55:53
really something. Wow. Okay. Do your, your parents that raised you? Did they ever talk about this when you were younger? Or were you just like, did they just think you were annoying?

Hayley 56:05
No, but no. So I've always had like, learning struggles. And I think it's partly due to ADHD. I'm pretty sure. If I really delve into I'd probably have autism too. They kind of go hand in hand. But I've always struggled with learning. And so my mom, most of my mom, because my dad's a sheriff's officer, so he worked a lot. But um, oh, so kind of ironic. Sorry, squirrel. My dad's not only ensures officer, he's a firefighter and an EMT. So I wonder where I get my work ethic from?

Scott Benner 56:38
I saw a black squirrel today. You stuck on squirrel? No, you said it. I was like, Oh my God, how did you possibly use the word squirrel? In a day when I've only spoken to two people and I saw a black squirrel today. And if I don't say this here, no one's ever going to know what happened. So I had to say it out loud. Did you know there are black squirrels? Yes, there are black squirrels. Yes. You don't see them very frequently at all. No. It was like, right out. I was I went to get the mail. And he was like, right across the street from me. I was like, I was on the phone with somebody. I don't want to brag, but I was on the phone with Pietro who is that? He's the first guy to ever get like a like the, like that jumbo pilot's license with type one. You don't I mean, like he really? Yeah, I was talking to him about his blood sugar. I'm sorry for telling people his business. And I was like, ah, there's a black squirrel in front of me. And then we talked about it for a while and I thought I'll never speak about this again. And then you said squirrel just some hours later. So now we can call the episode black squirrel. And we're all set. Yeah. I mean, right. tie it all together. Yeah. I mean, I have to do something. Because yeah, cuz I just, I'm not gonna lie to you. It was the suicide attempts that got me off a burger. But in my heart, that's what this episode is called. And so just so you know, that between you and me if anybody if people ever like you know, that episode is the after dark with Haley. I'll be like, Oh, that was gonna be burger or Bulaga. Yeah, black scruff. I know which one you mean. So anyway, don't feel bad. Seriously. Do you have any depression now? Oh, yeah. Sorry. You were like, Oh, hell yeah.

Hayley 58:14
Yeah, no, if I'm off my meds like you for like two days, I go back to like, trying to cut myself and everything else.

Scott Benner 58:21
The medications keeping the cutting away? Yes, for

Hayley 58:25
the most part unless it unless it like it's, it's pretty much so the medication does for me is that it softens everything. So it's not as hard of a blow. Like if something happens that I can actually like, kind of pull myself back and process it rather than being in it. So if I'm not on the medication, then I can't process it. And then it just concerns me and then then I go into dangerous directions.

Scott Benner 58:52
But with the medication. It doesn't happen.

Hayley 58:54
Yeah, not as much. It takes a while like you'd see something really big to get past it. Okay. medications.

Scott Benner 59:01
Name something that's overwhelmed the medication and made you feel depressed.

Hayley 59:05
Oh, like when my friend from work?

Scott Benner 59:09
Oh, they double cross you.

Hayley 59:11
Yeah, backstabbing. Only that but I found out she was spreading rumors about me for like six months.

Scott Benner 59:17
Oh my gosh. Yeah. And that was enough to make you obviously feel that way even though the medication was happening. Correct. How long so then you go out to your truck, you don't obviously kill yourself. So how long until you don't feel that way anymore?

Hayley 59:31
I think I did cut myself I was in the truck. And I was feeling very, like, considering how my son would life would be without me here. And debating start writing a suicide note and stuff like it was pretty dark. Yeah. And then I went back to work and like I'm just gonna get back to work. I have like, a good like four more hours at work. And I go straight from work to

Scott Benner 59:54
therapy. Therapy. Yeah. So and then you were able to work it out there. Yeah, interesting. What kind of truck I'm just kidding. I don't know why that would matter. Although for some reason I feel like it does. But I don't tell tell me I don't want people to know what kind of car yeah, like, you know, is it an SUV or a pickup? It's

Hayley 1:00:15
a pickup okay.

Scott Benner 1:00:16
I'm fine with it. Yeah,

Hayley 1:00:17
I tried to older Ford's Oh, is

Scott Benner 1:00:19
it a two door?

Hayley 1:00:21
My first one was a two door that I fixed up and like I actually sold for more money that I spent on it. But my, the one I have now is a four door.

Scott Benner 1:00:31
Okay, interesting. I love a pickup truck. I was thinking to get one. I don't know what I put on it.

Hayley 1:00:38
I was gonna keep my older truck but with it only having a bench seat. I didn't feel good about putting Percy did not

Scott Benner 1:00:45
it's probably a smart move. Yeah, I cried. I every time I'm doing something, I'm like, I really need like a truck. And then when I think I should get a truck, I think what would I do with the truck? I'm getting old. Like it would have been more helpful when I was younger. I think

Hayley 1:01:03
I had a Malibu, little Malibu and I was able to fit a catering event for like 200 people in it for the

Scott Benner 1:01:11
butcher, my Carlos put a bush in my car one time.

Hayley 1:01:18
You know, you figure out how to do it. Not always the best way.

Scott Benner 1:01:26
Guys, like do you want to deliver that? And I'm like, I don't want to pay you to drive that across the street.

Hayley 1:01:31
You know, it just teaches you to be resourceful. And how to play Jenga.

Scott Benner 1:01:38
Yeah, there was a car Bush one time. It's okay. It's like one of those situations where if you're at a stoplight, and you know like people are looking and they're like it's a bush that guy's car. And and you think I really hope no one knows me like sees me.

Hayley 1:01:52
Oh speaking or something like that. My there was one time when I went to grab a white birds and I was going to someone else's house with them to do the deed. And so yeah, so I had like eight roosters, five geese, a bunch of pheasants, quail. And what else do I have some ducks on the back of my truck. I had like 10 turkeys. So they're all in the back of my truck. And I had opened the vents so you could hear all the animals and so stop by somewhere and like you hear the roosters crowing and stuff.

Scott Benner 1:02:27
I don't know why you're laughing It's fantastic. I'm laughing

Hayley 1:02:30
because it was so funny about your whole like, Oh, I just had a tree in the back. Oh,

Scott Benner 1:02:35
there's a bush. But yeah, I hear what you're saying. And the my Bush didn't make any noise. I don't do people have noisy bushes. I guess you could get a noisy blush. Right? You

Hayley 1:02:44
could have like the you know, like the Christmas time thing where you put and it's like, gosh, I can't remember what his name is. But you put the animatronic thing, like in your Christmas tree and it talks.

Scott Benner 1:02:55
Oh, what? Like not the fish? Right? Yeah.

Hayley 1:03:00
The actual thing for your Christmas tree? It's

Scott Benner 1:03:02
like the face of a tree and and talks in the tree? Yeah, yes. I oddly, I've seen that. Okay. I guess a bush could talk. Yeah, talking bush. Who knows? But we've gotten pretty far from the subject at this point, Haley, I'm not gonna lie to you, sir. Anything? Is there anything else we haven't talked about that we should have? What else was on your list that we haven't gotten to? I don't even remember my list. It's been so long. No way. You're gonna remember this list. I'm looking here. It says what are some of the things you hope to recover in Europe? So being diagnosed in my 20s misdiagnosis? Type Two, and we've got those diabetes in pregnancy? We haven't talked about that postpartum. Yes. relationship with your child while having issues not really. And adopted. Okay, so what about your relationship with your child? And your issues? You were you talking about, like more of the mental health stuff? Yeah,

Hayley 1:03:55
a lot of the mental health stuff. It's gotten a lot better than it used to, but I was very much like, I felt that I was inadequate. Okay, and that I had to, I wasn't blaming him. I blamed myself. For all that happened. With like being because I was 21 weeks when I went into the hospital no, 27 weeks, 27 weeks when I went into the hospital, and I was there for two weeks. And then he was born at 20 or 32 weeks. So and for four days of that was labor. So So for me, it just it felt like I failed in that in that whole thing was me having to do everything besides myself. Like in spite of myself. So it felt more of like I failed. I didn't I didn't get past my own body to tell it what to do and make it happen.

Scott Benner 1:04:50
Hey, so just not not the baby not making it to nine months felt like a failure. Yeah, absolutely. Okay.

Hayley 1:04:56
Well, because like I saw when I was pregnant with my son, I got my agency down to an eight. But that's as far as I can get it to go without like causing stress and really causing more issues. So I just kept it at that. And honestly, it was he was pretty healthy. But like he was four pounds, nine ounces at two months early. So he's pretty big.

Scott Benner 1:05:19
Yeah, so he was getting bigger. And you just, there's a lot going on there at the pre account clamp co2. Yeah. So So you couldn't keep your your blood sugar lower and more stable because of your own anxiety. You couldn't take your medication because you were pregnant. Is that right? Well,

Hayley 1:05:35
I wasn't I was on that anxiety medication, because they were noticing that when I go to doctor, I would have this spike in blood pressure, because I'm white coat syndrome and being super anxious about

Scott Benner 1:05:46
it all. So you were able to be on that medication during the pregnancy. Yeah, it

Hayley 1:05:50
didn't really work. But

Scott Benner 1:05:54
he told me three things that are going well for you right now, please.

Hayley 1:05:58
Oh, that's a hard. Like, that sounds really terrible. But it's a hard question. Is it? Yeah. One thing. I got an attaboy at work last week.

Scott Benner 1:06:09
My turkey sandwich was rock solid today. Like it was I smoked the turkey breast and then I cut it up and I put it on a nice piece of fresh sourdough and I had it for lunch. And it was good luck. A lot of you. Honestly, if you ask me what went right today? I'd say that sandwich. I don't have another answer.

Hayley 1:06:29
Well, you've honestly bed. Well, yeah, but

Scott Benner 1:06:31
I'm saying Don't say that your thing is that bad. Like getting a like an attaboy at work is pretty good. You know?

Hayley 1:06:37
Well, yeah. And I've been on the hot seat and my job because of being easily distracted. So

Scott Benner 1:06:43
oh, they're they're telling you like, pull it together? Or you're not gonna work here? Yeah. Yeah, kind of work is that you have to tell me where it is. But like about what do you do?

Hayley 1:06:52
Yeah, so it's a medical supply manufacturer. And I work in the shipping and receiving department. So it's the parts that go into machines that you'll see like at labs,

Scott Benner 1:07:01
okay, you've been sending the wrong parts to the wrong places,

Hayley 1:07:04
quantities or quality issues or whatever, whatever they

Scott Benner 1:07:08
ask for to you set them 15. So

Hayley 1:07:10
I found out later on that I can't like, count. Normally, I have to count with my hands. So like, I have to feel the pieces leading my hand in order to get an accurate count. Okay. So because it's for me, the more senses I use. So like hearing, hearing the piece drop in the cup, and holding it and letting it go. And using my eyes to see it. It's I'm usually more successful with actually getting it accurate.

Scott Benner 1:07:36
Interesting. Yeah.

Hayley 1:07:39
Yeah. So the more senses you use, the more likely you're gonna actually get accuracy. If

Scott Benner 1:07:44
you just throw one in and make a mark on a piece of paper like 1234, then slash for five and keep doing it. No, no, no, that wouldn't work. You would not remember to make the slash

Hayley 1:07:53
I would get distracted and then forget what number was on. Or I would like did I put it into in the cup?

Scott Benner 1:07:59
And that would be the end of it.

Hayley 1:08:00
How about them? Yeah, that would have to restart over. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:08:03
Is there some company right now like holding on to like five really expensive parts? And you were only supposed to send them to and they're just giggling and they're like, I can't believe this is we're so lucky. No,

Hayley 1:08:12
it was mostly what I do now is actually the receiving department. Okay, so I receive in like materials and stuff so they can use it to make the parts. Gotcha.

Scott Benner 1:08:22
Well, I hope that goes well. It sounds like it's going better. I hope that continues like that. Yeah,

Hayley 1:08:27
now that I'm on medication, and actually able to figure out what more were my shortcomings and able to fix them? It's much better. It's

Scott Benner 1:08:35
really interesting. How do you figure that out? Like, are you stuck waiting for someone to tell you?

Hayley 1:08:41
So yeah, so are you mean, like on the end? Like, if I make a mistake there? No,

Scott Benner 1:08:45
I mean, like bigger, like, if you have something going on? I would imagine doesn't feel like that to you. So like, yeah, you know, I'm saying like, how do you know you have ADHD or something like that?

Hayley 1:08:55
Well, I had, because again, I never wanted myself to slow myself down. I would just figure out things in order to make it work. So I'd actually be able to succeed. So a lot of the things like other tools and stuff, they say, like oh, these help you with ADHD. I've already been dealing with them for so long. Because I'm made it up trying to make it work for me.

Scott Benner 1:09:18
I gotcha. Okay, guys. So if you needed somebody to come along and say to you like, Hey, do you know that you are blank? Blank blank, and you go, No, I didn't know that. But now that I know, thank you. Yeah, yeah, it or if it's, you have a trouble with something and you can kind of start seeing it yourself? Well,

Hayley 1:09:35
I guess for me, it's more that I've already found ways to make it work. So I don't notice it myself until someone else like my little sister brought it up to me and said, Hey, you're having these issues. This looks sounds like this. You can do it.

Scott Benner 1:09:49
And that's how you figure that out. Yeah,

Hayley 1:09:51
I said for the most part for me, I just figured out how to deal with it. Wow, that's really interesting.

Scott Benner 1:09:57
I appreciate you sharing all this with me. I really do and it's very A nice way to go out of your comfort zone to talk about this stuff being serious, and

Hayley 1:10:04
I've turned it into a fax thing rather than an emotional thing. So

Scott Benner 1:10:08
if and if I tried to make you like I purposely didn't ask you to dig into your emotions, would it have like, put you into a bad way? Oh, no, because I'm still keeping fax, you wouldn't be able to do it.

Hayley 1:10:19
No, it would literally just because it's the whole paralyzing for me to have someone else feel the feelings that paralyze me. But what

Scott Benner 1:10:26
if we, what if we got into an I started crying? What would happen to you then? Oh,

Hayley 1:10:31
I would turn into like trying to show you the positive side of everything. Oh.

Scott Benner 1:10:38
But you wouldn't be able to see it for yourself. Because we'd be talking about you. If you were telling me the positive side. Yeah. So

Hayley 1:10:43
I wouldn't be able to, like, if you were sharing something I would always like it would automatically I would share something about me and say as a fact of like, I also felt this or something like that. So I'm very much of like, I turn off my own emotions, and my own pain in order to make someone else feel better. What

Scott Benner 1:11:03
happens? But what happens if you experience the emotions? But what if we weren't on your way? Here? You're completely by yourself and you're experiencing them? How do you feel then?

Hayley 1:11:11
Oh, I let it all out. It's like a bottle cap that comes off.

Scott Benner 1:11:15
I just kind of explode. Yeah, do you feel better after that?

Hayley 1:11:19
Depends, either I'll feel better about it. Or I'll go in a deeper depression, because I'm actually forced to think about it. I see. So it's easier for me to just not think about it and move on. I'm very much a person that like, oh, that's inconvenient. But I have things to do. Hence why I also add so much to my work. And everything is because it's easier for me to fill up my time with work and projects or volunteering things or whatever. In order to not feel.

Scott Benner 1:11:47
I say, Wow, I appreciate you sharing all this. I don't I don't honestly know where else to go from here. But it's been really interesting. And I feel like educational i i feel like i've heard bits and pieces of this from other people in the past, but your story is obviously different than theirs. And, again, makes me feel like I heard something new today, which I really appreciate.

Hayley 1:12:10
Oh, good. I like to share, again, like that was part of my whole reason of going on the podcast is sharing what I've experienced and being able to kind of put it in a personal level of understanding. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:12:24
no, no, I mean, we didn't start off like, I didn't start off understanding all this about you. So like, I thought we got through it pretty, like, you know, quickly to the part where you were like, This is all of my story, you know? Yeah. You know, were you not planning on doing that? Or were you waiting for me to find it.

Hayley 1:12:40
I don't ever plan anything. So it just kind of comes out.

Scott Benner 1:12:44
You hadn't thought about it previously, like when you're getting ready to do this, you hadn't thought to yourself, like Oh, I hope this doesn't come up. Or

Hayley 1:12:50
I knew there was things that I wanted to like talk about, like the whole diabetes and pregnancy. And then also, like, the difficulties of getting diagnosed later on in life when you don't have your family to kind of help you out. And also the adoption and everything and having the uncertainties of like, what else do can I have? Because I have no idea what my background is,

Scott Benner 1:13:12
ya know, it's something else. Okay. I'm gonna stay. Thank you. I think this has been terrific. I really do appreciate your time. Yeah, no, I appreciate it very much. I'm gonna hang up with well, you're gonna stay on for me because I'm gonna ask you more about where you live, because I want to know, but the other people they don't get to hear that's not their business. A huge thanks to the contour next gen blood glucose meter. We're sponsoring this episode of The Juicebox Podcast, learn more and get started today at contour next one.com/juicebox. Mark is an incredible example of what so many experience living with diabetes, you show up for yourself and others every day, never letting diabetes to find you. And that is what the Medtronic champion community is all about. Each of us is strong, and together, we're even stronger. To hear more stories from the Medtronic champion community or to share your own story, visit Medtronic diabetes.com/juicebox. Don't forget, we still have marks conversation at the very end. It's a terrific kind of mini episode about 10 minutes long. That goes deeper into some of the things that you heard Mark talking about earlier in the show. You have questions? Scott and Jenny have answers. There are now 19 ask Scott and Jenny episodes. That's where Jenny Smith and I answer questions from the audience. If you'd like to see a list of them, go to juicebox podcast.com up into the menu and click on Ask Scott and Jenny. And now my full conversation with Medtronic champion, Mark. Mark. How old were you when you were diagnosed with type one diabetes? I was 2828 How old are you now? 4747. So just about 20 years.

David 1:14:57
Yeah, 19 years.

Scott Benner 1:14:59
What was your management Is that when you were diagnosed?

David 1:15:01
I use injections for about six months. And then my endocrinologist at a navy recommended a pump. How

Scott Benner 1:15:07
long had you been in the Navy? See eight years up to that point? Eight years? Yeah. I've interviewed a number of people who have been diagnosed during service. And most of the time they're discharged. What happened to you?

David 1:15:19
I was medically discharged. Yeah, six months after my diagnosis. I

Scott Benner 1:15:22
don't understand the whole system. Is that like, honorable?

David 1:15:25
Yeah. I mean, essentially, if you get a medical discharge, you get a commensurate honorable discharge. I guess there could be cases where something other than that, but that's that's really how it happens. So it's an honorably discharged with but because of medical

Scott Benner 1:15:37
reason, and that still gives you access to the VA for the rest of your life. Right?

David 1:15:41
Correct. Yeah, exactly.

Scott Benner 1:15:42
Do you use the VA for your management? Yeah, I

David 1:15:44
used to up until a few years ago, when we moved to North Carolina, it just became untenable, just rigamarole and process to kind of get all the things I needed. You know, for diabetes management, it was far easier just to go through a private practice. Was

Scott Benner 1:15:57
it your goal to stay in the Navy for your whole life, your career? It was? Yeah,

David 1:16:02
yeah. In fact, I think a few months before my diagnosis, my wife and I had that discussion about, you know, staying in for the long term. And, you know, we made the decision despite all the hardships and time away from home, that was what we loved the most. So that's what made it that much more difficult

Scott Benner 1:16:17
was the Navy, like a lifetime goal of yours or something you came to as an adult,

David 1:16:22
lifetime goal. I mean, as my earliest childhood memories were flying being a fighter pilot and specifically being flying on and off aircraft carriers. So you know, watching Top Gun in the ad, certainly a weight was a catalyst for

Scott Benner 1:16:36
that you've taken off and landed a jet on an aircraft carrier,

David 1:16:39
hundreds of times.

Scott Benner 1:16:40
Is there anything in life as exhilarating as that? No,

David 1:16:43
but there there's a roller coaster I rode at. I think it was at Cedar Rapids up in Cleveland Sandusky, and they've got this roller coaster rotation from zero to like, it's like 80 or something, you go up a big hill and you come right back down. So the acceleration is pretty similar. I would say to catapult shot,

Scott Benner 1:17:02
I'm gonna guess you own a Tesla.

David 1:17:04
I don't I I'm a boring guy. I got a hybrid rav4 I get made fun of I get called. You know, my wife says I drive like a grandpa. I'm a five miles per hour over the speed limit person. No more than that. So yeah, in the car. I'm boring Scott. So

Scott Benner 1:17:19
you've never felt a need to try to replace that with something else.

David 1:17:22
You can't replace it. It's irreplaceable. That's what I thought. So up until the point where someone you know, buys me an F 18. Or allows me to get inside a two seater and fly it you can't replace it? How

Scott Benner 1:17:33
did it make you feel when you saw or maybe you haven't seen? gentleman named Pietro has his large aircraft license. He's flying for a major carrier. Now he has type one diabetes. Does that feel hopeful to you? Yeah,

David 1:17:44
it does. You know, when I when I was diagnosed, that wasn't a possibility. The FAA prohibited commercial pilots who had type one diabetes, but I think it was 2017 when they changed their rules to allow type one diabetics to be commercial pilots. And part of the reason I did that was because of the technology advancements, specifically in pump therapy, and pump management. So I don't have any aspirations of going to the commercial airlines. But one of my sons who has type one diabetes very much wants to be a commercial pilot. So, you know, in that respect, I'm very hopeful and thankful.

Scott Benner 1:18:16
Do you fly privately now for pleasure? I

David 1:18:20
do. Yeah. One of my favorite things to do is fly my kids to the different soccer tournaments I have all over the southeast us so last week, my wife and I and two of our boys flipped to Richmond for their soccer tournaments up there and Charlie who's my middle child has type one diabetes, so you know if I can combine flying family and football and one weekend to me that's I think I've just achieved Valhalla.

Scott Benner 1:18:42
So then it sounds to me like this diagnosis was a significant course correction for you. Can you tell me how it affected your dream?

David 1:18:49
Well, I you know, if I guess three words come to mind first, it was devastating. Everything I had done in life, everything I'd worked up to up to that point was just taken away in an instant. And I was not prepared for that at all. The second emotion was, it was scary. I hadn't thought much about life outside the Navy, certainly not life as anything else, but a fighter pilot. And Heather and I were getting ready to move to France, I was going to do an exchange tour with with the French naval air force. So we're taking French classes. So pretty quickly, I had to reinvent myself. And then probably the most important thing at the same time that all that was going on, I had to learn how to how to deal with type one diabetes and how to manage it effectively. The third thing that pops into my mind, I guess, is challenging, you know, new daily routines. I had to establish first with injections and then eventually, you know, through pump management, and then learning how to count carbs and recognize highs and lows, how my body reacts to blood sugar trends based on exercise and stress and those types of things. And my goal at that time, and it still is today is to leverage technology and make sure my habit patterns are effective so that I take diabetes management from the forefront to the background.

Scott Benner 1:19:56
Have you had success with that? Do you feel like you've made the trip? position? Well, I

David 1:20:01
have I mean, I believe in continuous improvements. So there's always more to do. I will say the technology since I was diagnosed specifically with pump management, it's just, it's just incredible. It takes less of me intervening, and it's really done by the pump itself and by the algorithms through the CGM s, and to me again, that that should be the goal for everybody is to not have to focus so much on the daily aspects of type one, diabetes management, you know, we should let technology do that for us. What

Scott Benner 1:20:30
else have you found valuable? I've spoken to 1000s of people with type one diabetes, the one thing that took me by surprise, because I don't have type one, myself, and my daughter was very young when she was diagnosed. I didn't really understand until I launched this podcast, and then it grew into this kind of big Facebook presence. I heard people say, I don't know anybody else who has type one diabetes, I wish I knew more people. But until I saw them come together, I didn't recognize how important it was. Yeah,

David 1:20:59
I think similarly, I didn't know anyone with type one diabetes growing up as an adult up until when I was diagnosed. And then all of a sudden, people just came out of the woodwork, and when CGM first hit the market, certainly within the last five years. It's amazing to me and my family, how many people we've noticed with type one diabetes simply because you can see the CGM on their arm. I mean, I would say, a month does not go by where we don't run into someone at a restaurant or an amusement park or a sporting event or somewhere where we see somebody else with type one diabetes. And the other surprising aspect of that is just how quickly you make friends. And I'll give an example. We're at a soccer tournament up in Raleigh, this past Saturday and Sunday. And the referee came over to my son Charlie at the end of the game and said, Hey, I noticed you're wearing pomp. And he lifted up a shirt and showed his pump as well and said, I've had type one diabetes since I was nine years old. I played soccer in college, I'm sure that's your aspiration. And I just want to tell you, don't let type one diabetes ever stop you from achieving your dreams of what you want to do. And it's the other man was probably in his late 50s, or 60s. So just having that connection and seeing, you know, the outreach and people's willingness to share their experiences. It just means the world to us and just makes us feel like we're part of a strong community. So

Scott Benner 1:22:19
would you say that the most important things are strong technology tools, understanding how to manage yourself and a connection to others.

David 1:22:28
Yeah, technology for sure, in knowing how to leverage it. And then the community in that community is your friends, your family, caregivers, you know, for me to Medtronic, champions, community, you know, all those resources that are out there to, you know, help guide away, but then help help you keep abreast on you know, the new things that are coming down the pipe, and to give you hope for eventually, you know, that we can find a cure. You

Scott Benner 1:22:50
mentioned that your son wanted to be a pilot, he also has type one diabetes, how old was he when he was diagnosed.

David 1:22:55
So Henry was diagnosed when he was 12 years old, was just at the start of COVID, we are actually visiting my in laws in Tennessee, we woke up in the morning and he had his bed. And several years before that, we had all four of our boys tested for TrialNet. So you know predictor of whether or not they're going to develop type one diabetes, and whether or Henry and one of his brothers tested positive for a lot of the indicators. So we always kind of had an inclination that there was a high degree of possibility he would develop it. But we always had at the back of our mind as well. And so when that event happened, at the beginning of COVID, we had him take his blood sugar on my glucometer. And it was over 400. And so right away, we knew that without even being diagnosed properly, by endocrinologist that he was a type one diabetic, so we hurried home, to get him properly diagnosed in Charlottesville. And then we just started the process first grieving, but then acceptance and, you know, his eventual, becoming part of the team that nobody wants to join.

Scott Benner 1:23:58
How old is he now?

David 1:23:59
He's 15 years old. Now,

Scott Benner 1:24:01
when's the first time he came to you? And said, Is this going to stop me from flying

David 1:24:07
almost immediately. So like me, he's he always had aspirations of flying. In fact, he out of all four boys wanted to be in the military, that was a difficult part of the conversation and maybe something that we don't talk about as a community. But there are some things you cannot do as a type one diabetic, and that's a hard fact of life. And unfortunately, joining the military is one of those hard and fast things you cannot be you cannot join the military as a type one diabetic. So it was very difficult for him and for me and my wife to get over. Then we also started talking about being a commercial pilot. And so I saw that same excitement in his eyes because like me, you know, he can be an NFA teen or a 737 or a Cirrus SR 20 That I fly and be just as happy. So he still has that passion today and still very much plans to eventually become a commercial pilot.

Scott Benner 1:24:53
I appreciate you sharing that with me. Thank you. You have four children, do any others have type one.

David 1:24:58
They do my oldest When Henry has type one diabetes and my middle son Charlie has type one diabetes as well. The boys are twins. The oldest two are twins. One has type one diabetes, my middle son, who is not a twin has type one diabetes.

Scott Benner 1:25:11
I see. Is there any other auto immune in your family? There isn't I'm really

David 1:25:15
the only person in my family or my wife's family that we know of with any sort of autoimmune disease, certainly type one diabetes. So unfortunately, I was the first to strike it rich and unfortunately, pass it along to to my sons

Scott Benner 1:25:30
with celiac thyroid, anything like that. Not about nothing. We're

David 1:25:34
really a pretty healthy family. So this came out of nowhere for myself and for my two sons. That's

Scott Benner 1:25:39
really something. I appreciate your time very much. I appreciate you sharing this with me. Thank you very much.

David 1:25:44
Anytime Scott,

Scott Benner 1:25:45
learn more about the Medtronic champion community at Medtronic diabetes.com/juice box or by searching the hashtag Medtronic champion on your favorite social media platform. Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. The episode you just heard was professionally edited by wrong way recording. Wrong way. recording.com

#1180 Give a Penny, Take a Penny

Too much in this episode to list. Michael is 25 and has had type 1 diabetes since he was 7 years old.

+ Click for EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends and welcome to episode 1180 of the Juicebox Podcast

Hey everyone, I'm back today I'll be speaking with Michael He's 25 years old has had type one diabetes since he was seven. Michael also has been a Lago Hashimotos, ADHD, anxiety and depression. We're going to talk today about Michael's experiences in college boarding school, how he's learned to be more present, and a lot more. While you're listening. Please remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan. If you're looking for a way to protect your finances, your identity if you need a VPN you're looking for aura you know those little ads you've seen with Robert Downey Jr. You know, Iron Man, right? Or a.com/juice box use my link you can get a free 14 day trial of ORA don't forget to save 40% off of your entire order at cozy earth.com All you have to do is use the offer code juice box at checkout that's juice box at checkout to save 40% at cosy earth.com If you're looking for community find that Juicebox Podcast private Facebook group Juicebox Podcast type one diabetes, we're coming up on 50 to one oh no, we got like over 50,000 members. That's crazy. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the Dexcom G seven made for all types of diabetes Dexcom G seven can be used to manage type one, type two, and gestational diabetes, you're going to see the speed, direction and number of your blood sugar right on your receiver or smartphone device. dexcom.com/juice box Have you been experiencing the fear of missing out on Omni pod? Foo? If you haven't, it's easy to get rid of. Omni pod.com/juice box that's right. This episode of the podcast is sponsored by the Omni pod five. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by ever since the ever since CGM is more convenient, requiring only one sensor every six months. It offers more flexibility with its easy on Easy Off smart transmitter and allows you to take a break when needed. Ever since cgm.com/juice. Box.

Michael 2:30
Hello, my name is Michael and I'm 25 years old. And let's let's get started again,

Scott Benner 2:39
it's a perfect start. Sometimes people get confused and think they have to tell me their whole life story in the first 30 set. Yeah, Michael, you're 25 you have type one?

Michael 2:46
Yes. One.

Scott Benner 2:48
How old? were you when you were diagnosed?

Michael 2:49
I was seven. So it's been 18 years. Okay.

Scott Benner 2:53
You're 25 you're diagnosed me you were seven? And do you have anything else going on besides type one?

Michael 3:00
I've got I think before the diabetes, I was diagnosed with vitiligo when I was I think around the age of four or five. Okay, and then the diabetes at seven. And then I've had Hashimotos for I don't know how long I don't really remember when I started taking the medication for it. But I just got confirmation a few months ago that I indeed had Hashimotos I only thought I had just hypothyroidism. Right.

Scott Benner 3:30
But they said it's autoimmune. Yeah. Did they find the lumps on it? Is that what they did? No. We

Michael 3:37
did the the antibody blood bloodwork. Okay.

Scott Benner 3:40
Okay, what prompted you to do the bloodwork did because it didn't change the management at all right?

Michael 3:45
No, no, nothing really changed. I think it just, I just wanted to know for sure. Because I don't think I ever got an answer from previous doctors. And because I hadn't really my medication like the amount of levothyroxine I've been taking has stayed the same since I've been taking it. So I was like, Maybe I should see if, you know, maybe I need to go up and maybe it's, you know, if it is autoimmune, that means that's slowly getting worse and worse. So well, I just wanted to see if that was the case. Where does your TSH stay? Last I checked, which was a couple months ago, it was like the high twos. So not terrible. You

Scott Benner 4:25
could stand a little more maybe? Yeah, you know, it's sometimes good doctors. Like even if they can't go up a full pill. Some doctors will just tell you like, Listen, this is not me telling somebody what to do now. Yeah, but it could be as easy as an extra pill once a month. You'd be surprised how they can manipulate it like the ones that really understand the dosing of it.

Michael 4:47
Yeah, that's what I've been last. Last time I went to the Endo. i He was just like, I already I already had enough of like my 50 milligram pills. He's just like, I don't want to have to have you throw those away. So just every other day take two and so that's what I've been doing. If I remember to take it in the morning

Scott Benner 5:06
gotta remember Michael Don't Don't Don't make me parent util I got enough going on here. Okay. Okay, so vit a Lago type one Hashimotos.

Michael 5:18
I mean, that's pretty much it and autoimmune. Bad got. Yeah, no, I mean, considering Yeah, not bad at all. Yeah. And I don't really have any, like adverse effects from the vitiligo, it's just, it's not really in any super visible parts. So it's not like I really have to worry about sunburn, or it's not really and it's like, I'm obviously very white. So like, it doesn't really,

Scott Benner 5:43
yeah, I'm looking at you today. You're already a fairly pale person. So

Michael 5:48
yeah, and I think it is going around my eyes a little bit, but you can't really tell because of our glasses most of the time. Yeah.

Scott Benner 5:54
Honestly see the dark circles under my eyes? I maybe it'd be great if I could. Could I just get a little right. I guess you don't get to pick where it goes, right.

Michael 6:02
No, no. I mean, yeah. I mean, it'll just kind of spread where it wants to go. Yeah,

Scott Benner 6:07
that's a shame. I could use a I don't want to wear makeup. But there are times I see myself in photos. And I'm like, am I a person who has to wear makeup? is just so dark? Oh, my gosh. Well, let's talk a little bit about it then. So what do you remember about your diagnosis? Or do you not? I

Michael 6:24
remember, it was in August of, I guess what? 2005 I remember that summer, just, I was going to the bathroom a ton. I mean, like the typical, like using the bathroom a lot drinking tons of water. That was wetting the bed, you know, at seven years old, which isn't, you know, typical. And like, I specifically remember, we went to Walmart one time. And before we left, I was like, I gotta use the bathroom. And then within like, the 10 minute car ride to go back home. I was about to pee my pants again. I had to like, you know, the car was basically still moving, hopped out the car went went in the house and, and use the restroom. And so that went on for I don't know, maybe like a month or two before my parents were like, there's something. There's something up and my my cousin was diagnosed with type one, like, four or five months before I was really okay. And he was like two years old. I think so pretty young. And so they had some idea that like, maybe this is, maybe this is what's going on. And so they went in for the blood test. And my blood sugar was I think it was like in the seven hundreds.

Scott Benner 7:34
Oh, god. Yeah, that's that's pretty. You said a month at least the urinating was going on? Right.

Michael 7:39
I mean, from what I can remember, my memory isn't great. So I think it went it went. It went on for a good, definitely a couple of weeks. Okay.

Scott Benner 7:50
Yeah. And so your parents kind of recognized that because of your cousin, do you think or I mean, they just recognized in general, something was up. I think

Michael 7:59
at first, it was just some things up just in general. I haven't really asked a lot of specifics about like that that time. That's just what I remember. Okay.

Scott Benner 8:10
And there's some stuff here and your note to me, that I think of is autoimmune related. So kind of tell me about that. Because you said very specifically, you're like, well, that's the end of those. That segment of my concerns, but you have others, right? Yeah. You want to share them? Yeah, I've got or do you want me to?

Michael 8:29
Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah, if you want to, I don't really remember what I what I wrote down. Okay. Well, it sounds like almost a year ago,

Scott Benner 8:35
I have here ADHD? Oh, yeah. Is that diagnosed?

Michael 8:40
Yes. Yes, it is. And it's a recent, like, within the last, like, two years or so?

Scott Benner 8:46
Is that a thing you think you've always dealt with?

Michael 8:48
Yeah, I think so. I think it's just something that I mean, it's, you know, maybe presented itself in a different way. When I was a kid, you know, I found ways to deal with it. And, I mean, I'm not saying that my parents like didn't recognize it, but maybe they just didn't know that, you know, like it because it wasn't the kid that was bouncing off the walls. And like, you know, I was a very quiet kid. And so I think that they were just like, well, that's, that's just not it.

Scott Benner 9:12
You know, when you look back, how does it feel like it impacted you?

Michael 9:15
I think I mean, paying attention in school. I mean, I was not a good student, pretty much all throughout until I went to college, until I got to, like, take classes that I like, actually wanted to take. Just like couldn't pay attention. I mean, my handwriting is terrible. It's like, couldn't I mean, taking notes on top of terrible handwriting was just like, I couldn't read anything, because

Scott Benner 9:35
you don't pay attention while you're writing. To what you're ugly.

Michael 9:39
Oh, I'm writing so fast. I'm trying to keep up that I'm like, Oh, this is and it's sideways. And it's, it's all blending together.

Scott Benner 9:45
I lose the interest while I'm writing.

Michael 9:48
Yeah, yeah. I'll start writing a list. I'm like, I don't I can just do this. I'll just remember and then I don't

Scott Benner 9:54
remember when I'm handwriting by the way. Like I just had to write something pretty voluminous. As for the internet, and I can sit down and, like pay 100% attention to it for as long as it takes. I don't have ADHD, like, like, I can just sit down and do my thing. But I am not interested in things I'm not interested in. That's for certain. Yeah. And I swear to you while I'm writing, while I'm making the letters with my hand, I'm like, Ah, and then I'll just squiggly line it, because I've just already annoyed that I've, I've spent this much time with it. Yeah. So I think sometimes those things can be a mixture, you know what I mean? Like, yes. And yes, maybe you have ADHD? And you do, but like, is that part of it? Or is that just who you are like to me like, like, it's hard to try to pick through all of it and try to figure out as my point. Yeah,

Michael 10:44
no, I'm constantly thinking back on all these like, little little things that I'm like, oh, that's just something that I did. Which is like it like it is, you know, it's not, you know, it's not like, if I didn't have ADHD, I wouldn't have all these other things that I'm, you know, that make me who I am. But just like, all the little things, the more I think about it, and like this is all starting to, you know, the pieces are coming together. And it makes sense, right? This

Scott Benner 11:10
episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the only CGM you can take off to get into the shower. The ever since CGM ever since cgm.com/juice. Box. Well, I mean, sure, you could take the other ones off. But then you'd waste the sensor and have to start over again. But not with ever since ever since is a six month were implantable CGM. So if you want to take a shower without anything hanging on, you pop off the transmitter jump in the shower, when you get back out, put it back on, and you're right back to where you started. Come to think of it. You could do that whenever you wanted to. Maybe it was your prom night or your wedding day. Maybe you just don't want the thing on for a little while. But you don't want to go all through the hassle of taking it off and having to restart it and you know, starting back over with like wonky numbers and having you know all that that goes with it when you take off the CGM and put it back on Oh, but you don't have to do that with the ever since CGM. Because ever since is the only long term CGM with six months of real time glucose readings. This gives you more confidence, more convenience and flexibility. The Eversense CGM is there for you, when you want discretion, a break, or maybe just a little adult time. Ever since cgm.com/juice. Box, pop that transmitter off, pop it back on, you're right back where you started without any wasted devices, or time. How does the ADHD stop you from doing the things or doesn't stop you from doing the things you want to do? I

Michael 12:43
mean, I forget a lot of things. I mean, a big one is I always I would I mean I still forget to like Pre-Bolus You know, and it's been, you know, 18 years, and it's like, no matter how much I think about it, I just I'll just forget. And just like it's that stuff where it's just like, This is my you know, this is for the sake of my health and you know, safety as a person I will not remember. Or like taking my my medications in the morning or remembering, you know, not being able to leave for work on time even though it's like the same time every day. I know what to expect. I don't play plan ahead. Sometimes.

Scott Benner 13:24
Yeah. Okay. Next here on your list is depression. So is that is that clinical depression is a diagnosis. It's something you manage with medication or how does that impact you?

Michael 13:34
Um, yeah, it was it was diagnosed and it's, I was on a few other medications. I think, while I'm still taking one, I can't remember what it's called Bupropion. I said, Oh, that's that's the generic I think it's like Wellbutrin, Wellbutrin. Okay. So I've been taking that for maybe like two years or so. And I think that also helps with with anxiety and it's supposed to have some minor assistance with ADHD, which I'm not sure if it if it really it's hard for me to, to notice some of those things. Sure. But yeah, I take that and that it helps, I think, and, I mean, there's a lot of other things that that help that aren't, you know, medication. But it does, it does help. It's not really as bad as like, ADHD or anxiety. Where did you first see that your life? I think, probably starting in high school and college, I think just being more on my own, because I went to a boarding school for high school. So I was, I mean, not on my own, but I mean, I was living, you know, in a dorm with another kid that I didn't know at 13 and it was, you know, trying to deal with school. You know, being a bad student on top of, you know, doing being a pretty strict boarding school was difficult. Hold Up first,

Scott Benner 15:00
how did you end up at a boarding school if you weren't, like I think of boarding school is like a place where you send like motivated academic kids to flourish. Or maybe they're also places where you send kids who don't pay attention to try to get them to pay attention is that the other side of it? That's not

Michael 15:13
what it was, for me at least, that's how I, that's how I remember it. When I went there. My, I think all the public school that I would have gone to where I used to live, wouldn't have been great, I think. And so I, my brother went to the same high school. And so I think, you know, I maybe I had the illusion of choice to go there. And so I had, I had it in my mind that I did want to go there because like, Oh, this is cool. You know, it's like college, but earlier. And so it wasn't, it was just a, it's like a college prep, high school. So it wasn't anything specific. It wasn't like, like a military academy, like some of the other boarding schools in the area. And it was co ed. So it wasn't like, you know, boys only or anything. So

Scott Benner 16:00
when you get there, the experience is not good for you. I mean, it was

Michael 16:04
it was very exciting. But it was stressful. Because there was like freshmen, you know, you have to get up every morning to go to the office, like sign in to breakfast and like, you know, because they want to make sure you're getting up and getting class on time. And, you know, living with somebody else who isn't really your friend, you know, and just being kind of monitored, almost, you know, 24/7, kind of and, but I overall I really enjoy the experience. Okay, because I'm not a I'm not a rule breaker by any means. So it wasn't hard for me to follow the rules. Yeah, I

Scott Benner 16:44
would I think I'd be terrible that I immediately be like, What do I gotta say, I don't have to sign it for breakfast. That sounds ridiculous. I'm not doing that. I bet you'd get me at the very first thing on the very first day. But did you find like, so you think that's where your depression started to grow, though?

Michael 17:00
Maybe I think just like, kind of, you know, being less alone. And it's not like, I'm not a really

Scott Benner 17:10
social person, either. Oh, okay. So so then there's a lot of time in the day, where it's very solitary for you. Actually, not

Michael 17:17
really, which is kind of what what helped, because since it was it was a very small boarding school about 200 students. And so you kind of did everything with all the other students, everybody knew each other, which was nice. Okay. And it was an international school. So there were kids all over the world from all over the world, which was I really enjoyed that. I think, just in addition to the ADHD, I mean, obviously, there they go hand in hand. And so like being just, like, stressed out about schoolwork, and like, you know, why am I even? Why do I have to learn this? Why, you know, why is it so hard for me to learn this? No, why can't I get this right kind of feeling? Was Was there a lot that how

Scott Benner 17:57
does the depression, the depression manifest itself with you?

Michael 18:01
I think it's just like, I mean, it's not really anything super specific. It's just kind of like an over overarching kind of like, I don't, I don't feel great. No, it's not like necessarily sadness. But it's just kind of like a, I don't know, like, what am I? What am I doing? Why is this not? Why isn't this working?

Scott Benner 18:20
So did you have that, that overall gloom feeling that some people describe the Dexcom g7 is sponsoring this episode of The Juicebox Podcast, and it features a lightning fast 30 minute warmup time, that's right from the time you put on the Dexcom g7. Till the time you're getting readings, 30 minutes, that's pretty great. It also has a 12 hour grace period, so you can swap your sensor when it's convenient for you. All that on top of it being small, accurate, incredibly wearable, and light. These things, in my opinion, make the Dexcom g7. a no brainer. The Dexcom g7 comes with way more than just this. Up to 10. People can follow you, you can use it with type one, type two, or gestational diabetes, it's covered by all sorts of insurances. And this might be the best part, it might be the best part alerts and alarms that are customizable so that you can be alerted at the levels that makes sense to you. dexcom.com/juicebox links in the show notes links at juicebox podcast.com to Dexcom and all the sponsors. When you use my links, you're supporting the production of the podcast and helping to keep it free and plentiful. You know, if you dream about walking past the doorknob without getting your insulin pump tubing caught or fantasize about jumping into a swimming pool without having to disconnect from your pump first. You may have FOMO fear of missing out on Omni pod. I know you wish you could wear any outfit you want with that to pump that you have button doesn't fit everywhere. Not like an omni pod would. The good news is you don't have to suffer from food move any longer, all you have to do is go to my link, Omni pod.com/juice box, I see a lot of people in my private Facebook group talking about their love of on the pod five, you may have seen those conversations as well, if you've had you found yourself thinking I'm missing out, you don't have to miss out any longer Omni pod.com/juice box head over there now read all about the Omni pod five, and get started today. Just everything feels like a rainy day all the time kind of thing. Yeah,

Michael 20:31
I mean, it wasn't anything until after, like, being in school helps because I was so busy. So I didn't really have a lot of like time where I could just do something like and or like, and do nothing, like there wasn't that much opportunity to do nothing. Same thing with college, like just so much work. And so it was more like after college, that things were like, you know, Okay, I gotta find a job, I gotta, you know, we got to do all this other, you know, responsibilities of, you know, living on our own. And I was able, I am able to kind of shake it off a little bit easier. Now, that's because of the because of the medication or it's because I have no more hobbies now or, or something. But so

Scott Benner 21:23
as you saw when you were busy as a younger person, it wasn't too bad. It was there. Get out of school, and the new pressure. I mean, finding a job and feeling like you have to take care of yourself for the rest of your life. All that stuff. That's there. You also you're managing your diabetes by yourself. When you're 30. Morning school. That's tough. Yeah,

Michael 21:44
yeah, that was tough, because I was never really great. managing it. To begin with, I was kind of pretty much on my own. Not on my own. But I was I was taking it on pretty much right away from when I was like eight or nine. Okay, I kind of did everything. Mostly on my own. I couldn't do the pot, the pump injections by myself at her too much. I was too scared to do that. But like, you know, giving myself insulin at school and stuff. I did that all by myself. I didn't go to the nurse or anything. And so that so that and not being great at it, and then being at school by myself with no one else who has type one. Not really anyone to like to talk about it. Yeah. Or to like explain, like, why this is hard to that. That was a big part of it to

Scott Benner 22:33
come from a big family.

Michael 22:34
I've got one brother, he's 10 years older. And I've got nine cousins. Pretty much all my family that's in the US is on my mom's side. And it's decently sized. It's probably about like 20 people. But that's pretty much it. And then I've got some some distant and like my grandparents live over in Sweden.

Scott Benner 22:57
But oh, that's your background? A lot of autoimmune there. Yeah, yeah. About that. Okay. So your brother's 10 years older than you because I was trying to imagine. I'm not judging anybody. But I was trying to imagine like, where, how do I if I'm your parents, like, how do I make the leap and descending my 13 year old type one off to school by themselves? But they have a different sensibility than I do. They're from? They're from a place where that's pretty common.

Michael 23:25
Yeah, well, I mean, my, so it's just my dad is from Sweden. My mom's from just from the Midwest. And, and so and he, he's lived in the US since he was, like, 19, or 18. I don't I don't think that was really the case. I think it was just they thought I was taking good care of it. By myself, you know, but I would, you know, they don't they didn't know the whole story. You know, they weren't necessarily checking all my records. I mean, they would go with me to the doctor and see, not only are your numbers aren't great, but my agencies were never terrible. So I was kind of, you know, barely, you know, coasting through,

Scott Benner 24:04
right. But you say I'm trying and they believe you and then it kind of just gets pushed on to the next appointment.

Michael 24:08
Yeah, or, like, you know, I would, you know, they would see that I would, you know, or like a few instances, they would pick me up from school. And then I would realize getting into the car that four hours ago, I didn't dose for lunch, you know, and then I would dose and they'd hear the pump clicking any like, oh, did you forget and like, like, No, this is for something else. And you know, that would and then so then you know they would get upset or you know, or angry with me and so then I would feel bad because I forgot

Scott Benner 24:38
that it just compounds when you talk about that even now at your age now. You forget to Pre-Bolus Does that does that mean like you're literally in the kitchen cooking, and it just never occurs to you and then you sit down you think oh my god, or is it that you're like you're not thinking about food at all. Then you just decide to eat and jump right into food like that question makes sense. both. It's

Michael 25:02
both of those. So like, if I'm cooking, and it's like the foods right in front of me, and I know when it's going to be done. I know when I'm going to start eating, I'll get through the meal completely. And I'm like, I didn't, I didn't do anything. I don't even know what my number is not

Scott Benner 25:14
even before. Okay, like, you've just don't have diabetes, when it comes to food when you forget. There

Michael 25:19
are there yeah, there are a lot of moments like that, where I'm like, I totally just am not aware of it for you know, maybe it's a half an hour, hour at a time. And it's like, I know, it's like, in the back of my head is there. And it's like, you know, I have I have a Dexcom I have, I have the glucose lights in my inner house. So I can see everything. It's right in front of me, but I just, it just totally just blows right past doesn't

Scott Benner 25:41
prompt you at all. And it's not apathy. Right? Like, it's, it's a thing that when you're talking about it, you're disappointed that it's not happening. It's not like you're like, I don't care. It just isn't happening.

Michael 25:52
Yeah, like, I mean, sure, there are some points where I'm like, I know, I can't deal with this right now. And it's like, but that only happens if it's like, you know, three in the morning, my blood sugar's a little high on like, I can't, I don't even know where my pump is, like, it's downstairs or something I don't. Like that'll happen every once in a while. But it's never like, I don't care. I don't care if my blood sugar's high, I don't care if I'm low, it's like, I know that if it's high for long enough, I'm gonna feel like, you know, crap for, you know, for like, for sometimes until the next day,

Scott Benner 26:22
I went Arden was home from college recently. It just something I forget what it was, honestly. But I had the feeling like we should test her blood sugar in the middle of the night. And I went into her room. And I was like, I'm not going to wake her up, I'll just do it. And I couldn't find her bag. It was just nowhere. And the next thing I know, I'm like, I'm in the kitchen in my underwear looking around. And I'm like, it's here under something. And I all I could think is, how could she go to bed without this? But then I listened to your perspective. And I was like, what's easy, right? Because, I mean, you don't want to deal with it all the time. You don't want to always be thinking about it, you know? So, I mean, I got it in the moment. But what you just said made me think of that, that situation again, just the like, how, like, I was like, I don't understand how you could come upstairs without this and lay down like what if, what if you need it? And she just doesn't see it the same way. You know? It's interesting. I mean, not to say that nine times out of 10 The bag is not right there. It because it is but the one time that was and I was like oh my god, like I was incredulous. I was like, how could this possibly. But you hear that? You're like, yeah, that makes sense to me. Yeah,

Michael 27:27
I mean, I do that with mean with all kinds of things. I mean, it's not just you know, to be like all like, you know, wandering water all day. And I'm like my water bottles full. Nice ice cold water right next to me. That's just like, it does not come across my mind.

Scott Benner 27:41
But you think that's ADHD?

Michael 27:44
I mean, I think that has something to do with it. Because it's I think the type that I have is inattentive. ADHD, and you know that like they don't call it add anymore. I don't think it's like inattentive ADHD. And so it's just like, you're not, you're not always able to, like, focus on what's directly in front of you what you're exactly focused on, right in the moment, it's hard for me to focus on things that aren't right in front of me, like, you know, the the next meal the next, like, f5 to get to work, but like thinking a few hours ahead of time. It's like, it's it can be difficult. I'm

Scott Benner 28:16
not discounting your experience, but I feel like you're, I feel like you're describing everyone on the planet. So yeah,

Michael 28:22
no, no, no, yeah. I'm not saying Yeah.

Scott Benner 28:26
If everybody if everybody right now who didn't drink as much as they meant to today, could raise their hand wherever they're at in their car. I think I think everyone listening is now not holding on to the steering wheel anymore. So yeah, I mean, it's, I don't know, I do beat yourself up about it. With the diabetes

Michael 28:42
stuff I do. Because it's like, it's like, sure, I don't have really any. I don't have any, you know, complications or anything. Really, I haven't really noticed anything major. But it's like, I know that it's going to catch up. If I if I keep doing this. And it's like, I'll do everything right for like two days. And then, you know, if I forget one time, then it's like, the cycle is broken. And it's, you know, it's really hard for me to get back into it. Does any sort of routine

Scott Benner 29:09
is difficult. What's your agency right now?

Michael 29:12
Last time, it was a couple months ago? 6.1 No, it's

Scott Benner 29:16
amazing. And what about your variability? Like, what's your standard deviation? You know, probably

Michael 29:20
a lot. I bounced around a lot. Okay, it's so

Scott Benner 29:25
as is and that's the part you're where you're more worried about is that if you could just remember to Pre-Bolus You wouldn't jump up and you wouldn't be bouncing around and doing all that stuff. Yeah,

Michael 29:32
yeah, it's a bouncing around. I just don't I don't like having to chase that all the time. I mean, it's not constant. Like when I'm at work, it's not really bouncing around that much. Unless my you know, the pods on the last last day and it's not working very well.

Scott Benner 29:47
Okay. I know I take all your points and I mean, although look even a bouncing six one, we don't want you bouncing but man, you know, you deserve a lot of credit. That's fantastic.

Michael 29:58
Yeah, and Well and that's mostly before that it was like 7.8 like a couple of months before that horrific and that was because I got on the on the pod five

Scott Benner 30:08
on the pod fight I've been from a seven eight to a six one. Pretty

Michael 30:12
much I didn't really change that much. Wow. I think the overnights which is like what everyone's what everybody says the overnights really help. Just like if I mess up a Bolus, and I'm you know, on the high, two hundreds, almost three hundreds, they were bringing you back down to 120 at a time a week up. If I don't if I don't catch it.

Scott Benner 30:30
That's wonderful. Good for you. I'm just noticing because we're on camera today, I've lost weight. But I haven't thrown out all of my shirts that don't fit me anymore. And I'm like, I can't stop looking at like, how big this t shirt is all I thought when I looked up that as soon as we're done doing this, I'm throwing the shirt. Yeah. Here's the last part of your note. And I'm I'm endlessly fascinated with this. So I'm gonna dig into it with you. All right. What is the potential autism diagnosis mean? I,

Michael 30:59
I mean, I know that like this is a, I don't know, weird to say a trendy thing right now. But like,

Scott Benner 31:06
You're not wrong, by the way, the amount of people I hear that, that like, kind of like, blindly say, Oh, I'm a little autistic. And I think they mean it. Like I think they they're being sincere. It's gone. It's gone up significantly. Like, like the amount of times you hear people say it. I don't know if I want to say like a social contagion or not. But you do wonder, because people, and I don't think this is I'm not saying this to you, and I want to hear your story. But I do think sometimes people just want a thing. Yeah,

Michael 31:35
they want they want to they want a label to it. They want a reason for me. Like, this is why I'm acting like this and like kind of like a thing to put it on. Yeah,

Scott Benner 31:43
I think that I do. I also by the way, this isn't you. But I've just as a side note, but I've also seen people who feel left out. So they start trying to attribute some of their personalities to something and they go look, I have this like, oh God, is it important for you to have something? You know, like, but but that's not this. So tell me what brings you to that thought first? Is somebody come to you and say it? Or is that a feeling you'd have on your own?

Michael 32:07
I mean, it's it's a little bit of both. It's something that I feel on my own. I've been with my my current girlfriend for almost six years now. And there are a lot of things that she has noticed about me that she has also noticed about herself, that, that we have kind of been like, this isn't, neither of us have a ton of friends. And like, I'm I don't know, I mean, there's I mean, there's a lot. I mean, there's, you know, obviously it is a spectrum of sorts, and it's hard to get, you know, a diagnosis, and there are just a lot of things that on top of the ADHD, all this the social anxieties and, and things that can be attributed to that. And it's like part of it is like I need I want something to be like, this isn't just who I am. There's something. No

Scott Benner 32:58
reason why this is happening. Yeah.

Michael 33:01
And it's like, that's what I've always wanted to know, what

Scott Benner 33:05
is it that's happening? Like, what do you mean? Like social anxiety? What's that? First of all, for you? Like,

Michael 33:11
I mean, it's just like, I can't talk to people if I don't. If there's no reason for me to, like, I haven't absolutely no desire to, like talk to people, sometimes.

Scott Benner 33:27
It feels like a thing you don't want to admit. Yeah.

Michael 33:28
Because it's like, it feels like I feel bad thinking this like or if like if I'm at, like, even if it's like someone in my family or someone at work. I'm like, I make myself ask them how their weekend was no kind of thing which is like, but it's like, deep down. I really don't care. But let's like I do as I want to care, but I don't right. Like I would be totally fine. Not talking to anybody all day except for my girlfriend.

Scott Benner 33:56
Michael, I gotta tell you again, I don't know that you're much different than anybody else. So like, but it strikes you hard. I'm looking at you. It seems upsetting to you that you don't care about their weekend. I don't. Can I be clear, I don't care about anybody's weekend either. So none of us do. It's not that we don't care. It's that we don't have time to care. And I mean, if we were all living in a yurt together, then that's the right poll, right isn't a you're a giant tent that hippies living? Yes. If we were all living in a yurt together, then I might say to you, hey, what's going on my goal? And I'd really care because I wouldn't have anything else filling up my brain. But you're 25 you're with somebody, you live in a place that from what I can tell looks clean. So you've got like stuff to do that you have responsibilities. You're working a job, there's probably things you enjoy doing with your free time. And you're out of time to worry about how Jim and accountings like weekend win, but you're such a decent person you're upset for not caring about his weekend. Am I right about that? Like am I characterizing that pretty close to correctly? Yeah,

Michael 34:58
no, you Yeah, it's that's definitely the lie. I am in no way saying that I am like the only one No, no

Scott Benner 35:05
that like this is yeah, but let me stop you, Michael even there. Yeah, you're concerned that, that we're discounting how other people feel while we're having this conversation. You don't need to concern yourself with how they feel like we're just talking about you and me. You know what I mean? And they're listening in. But we're not, we're not saying, See, this is a, you're young. So you don't know this, okay. But this is a fairly new phenomenon in the last like, 10 years, where we all have to pressure ourselves to be worried about how you feel about what I'm saying. Like that didn't used to be a thing. If you were 40 years old, and we were having this conversation right now. You'd be like, I don't know, man, I don't care how people's weekends go. And that would be the end of it, and you go, but I heard about this. And I'm wondering if maybe I got a touch of this. And that would have, that's how our conversation would go, it would never occur to you or to me to worry that someone hearing it could be offended or upset by it. That is a fairly new phenomenon. It burdens you like I mean, it's burdened you a couple of times in the last half an hour already, like you're worried about other people, you know what I mean? Which is nice. But not to the level where it where it impacts you. I care about other people. I hope they have a good weekend. I don't want anything bad to happen to them. If it does, it's not my fault. And if I can't help or can't do anything about it, I can't shoulder that burden with me. So are you an incredibly like empathic person? Yeah,

Michael 36:35
I think so. I, but there's certain things where I care so much more about other people versus, you know, my, myself. And it's hard to like, I don't care what other people think, or I don't care how other people are feeling. I just want to do what's good for me right now. I understand what it's like, really, I can't get hurt. It's like, almost almost impossible for me to do that.

Scott Benner 37:05
Because it feels like you're, you're doing something to them. Like it feels like an affront to other people that you're not spending your time worried about them.

Michael 37:16
Is that right? Yeah, yeah. Or just like making sure that they're, like, it's, I mean, this is mostly a thing with my girlfriend, and I like I will take on as much as I can. So that she doesn't have as much to worry about, you know? Because, like, I'd rather me do it, because I can deal with it maybe a little bit more than she can. So that it's not as hard for her like her as an example.

Scott Benner 37:43
Does she have other struggles? Like are some that are similar to yours?

Michael 37:47
Yeah, I mean, she, she is she's got chronic migraines. And I mean, she's on medication for it now, which helps a lot. But she's got she's got a lot of chronic pain, and headaches, migraines, and pretty severe depression, and anxiety like myself. So there are a lot of things that can overwhelm her more than they will overwhelm me. And so I'll try to like, I just try to do as much as I can. Does that

Scott Benner 38:17
create an echo chamber? Like does does it bounce around like sonar? Does her anxiety bounce into you, that causes your anxiety to bounce back to her that makes her feel depressed? Because you're not happy? That makes you feel depressed? Because she's depressed? Like, does it just keep feeding itself like that? It

Michael 38:31
can, I will try my best to, like, reassure her that, like, you know, that, you know, or that I am okay. And, you know, if that's me, you know, lying to her that I'm, you know, maybe I'm not maybe I'm more anxious than I put on, or I'm more, you know, worried about something. Because usually the things I'm anxious or worried about are, it's never a big deal normally, and so but like the things that she's worried about are usually it is totally make sense for her to be worried about these things and to want to, you know, figure these these things out and get, you know, whatever, these things, these things fixed, and are

Scott Benner 39:08
they the kinds of things that in truth, if you push them, like if you could convince her that they were okay, and she didn't think about them anymore? Are they the kinds of things that really wouldn't cause a problem?

Michael 39:18
I think that they still would, because some of these things are like the real impactors, then

Scott Benner 39:23
not, not stuff that falls under that, like, I have a motto that one of my one of one of the things that I kind of like I model some of the things I do after and one of them is often the best thing to do is nothing. Yeah, so and and it works like you know, you're moderating a Facebook page or dealing with business stuff or a lot of times the best thing to do is nothing goes away and it's never a problem, but you're talking about real things that would actually be like negatively impactful if they weren't managed, but yet their day to day things that a lot of people just handle without incidents but it's tougher for you guys. Is that right? Yeah,

Michael 40:03
like, you know, you know, maybe it's deciding what we want to eat for dinner, you know, it's just like, it's hard for us to think about, like a week at a time versus a day at a time. You know, so like, stuff like that it can, like, I used to get really upset when I couldn't decide what to make for dinner, which is like, it sounds, you know, I obviously know how that sounds like, it sounds ridiculous. And it sounds are like, you know, if things don't work out, as well as I want it to. And it's like, not that big of a deal. I'll just get like, I'm like unreasonably upset if it's something like in my personal life, or if it's at work.

Scott Benner 40:43
So let's say that that is autism for a second, let's just suppose that this right. You need somebody to teach you how to how to deal with that stuff. Right? Yeah. So you need services, I imagine that would identify this and then help. Yeah, and but it's you and her by yourself, your are your parents involved in your life anymore?

Michael 41:05
They are I don't talk to them that much. Because pretty much ever since going to boarding school, we kind of went by the no news is good news motto. I would only call them if I needed something. Or if they just you know, or you know, at most every, you know, twice a month, we would call and talk. But it's just like I

Scott Benner 41:26
device like your mom right now how you worship like, Oh my God, He's great. He's got a job. He's got a girlfriend, they got a nice place. Like, that's how she would respond. Right? Yeah. Does she know all this stuff about you? I

Michael 41:38
mean, she knows. I mean, they've known about the, the anxiety for that was like my first like, you know, you know, it's, I guess, mental health diagnosis. When I when I was a kid, because it used to be really bad. Like, I used to go to a diabetes camp in the summer. And it was like a four hour drive. And the morning of the entire car ride I was, I was incredibly sick and nauseous and I would throw up. And like, every time we would travel, I would get, you know, just, I would get sick. I couldn't eat the day before I couldn't sleep. You know, and that's not as much of a problem anymore, but it still was throughout high school and college. Like the first day of class was like, you know,

Scott Benner 42:24
it was terrible. either of your parents like this. Like, do they have personalities that are similar? Yeah,

Michael 42:29
my my mom and I have some things that are in common. And my dad night to my dad's also very quiet. My my brother and I are pretty much like the same person. So that's kind of nice to kind of have someone to talk to you about some of the stuff. Yeah,

Scott Benner 42:44
you can talk to your brother about it. Yeah, it's great. Even he's 10 years older than you. Ah, yeah. So he's 35. That's good for you. Because he's been through a lot that he can kind of relate back to you. I would imagine how he's worked on. Yeah. Is he married? Yes. Yeah, this is unfair. But is he married to a person who's similar to him? It's unfair, because he's not on here. But I don't and I won't ask more than that. Because you've found a person who understands your stuff, because they have the same stuff that he has to do the same thing?

Michael 43:12
I'm not sure if that's nice. I mean, they are they are pretty similar. Okay. But they're not. I don't think that they are like the same person by any means. Okay. I think that she is very understanding, just like, I think, yeah, just very understanding of like, all the things that you know, that he has going on. Okay. Which is really all you can ask for.

Scott Benner 43:33
Yeah. So I'm sorry. So back to my initial thought was, you don't have somebody that you? Well, you do have somebody to your brother, just not your parents, that you could go to and say, Hey, these are the issues I'm having. I need. I think I need help. I don't really know where to go for that help. Like, have you tried saying that to him?

Michael 43:49
Yeah, yeah, I have, because he's gone through a little bit more than that. I have, he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, like, I don't know, maybe six or seven years ago, maybe more, I don't know, the exact date. And so he's had his fair share of, of therapy, and, you know, going into a hospital for for that, and, you know, staying there for, you know, a week or so and like, dealing with that on top of trying to explain that to our parents.

Scott Benner 44:22
That was going on. Yeah,

Michael 44:25
I mean, I know that it did not go that that well, because they don't you know, people have, you know, my parents generation. I mean, obviously, this is well known that like they don't fully understand the severity of some

Scott Benner 44:39
mental health issues. Issues. Yeah. And they also I mean, I think it can be it can be common for people to not want their children to have problems to begin with. You know, yeah, so saying I've learned this Oh, no, you just you just don't like car rides. Like that kind of stuff. You know what I mean? Like because that's probably how they remember because it honestly, when you're vomiting on the way to like, diabetes camp. They're not thinking, Oh, that's a really anxious kid I got there. They don't see it that way. You don't I mean, yeah, so it makes sense. Wow, man. That's a lot. You overwhelmed me for a second. So don't feel bad. I know you're gonna feel bad. I don't feel bad. I'm alright. Don't worry, the internet already attacked me today. You can't hurt me. I'm good. Every once in a while the internet likes to come for me. Did I seem to be the day? Wow, what made you want to come on the podcast?

Michael 45:32
i Sorry. No, Michael, I

Scott Benner 45:35
didn't know you're gonna emotional. Go ahead. Take your time. It's fine. It's fine. Do you want me to cry? Would it help if we were both crying? Because I'll do it. I can cry it through the face for three more seconds, I'm gonna cry just to get us. Like it's okay.

Michael 45:47
Take your time. Yeah, it's just that this No, listening to this podcast has helped a lot. Because I've been I've been listening for a couple of years at this point. And just like, you know, I want to be able to do that same thing for you know, someone else, you know, even if it's just that one other person, you know, that maybe has something similar. I'm like, you know, because like, I've had some some friends that are that are diabetic. But like, obviously, going to camp was like, probably one of the best things I could have done. I went consistently for like, like, 15 years in a row. And so I think just having someone like, like you, who is, you know, taking this, this thing, and just making it that much more manageable. And like, you know, even if it's just, you know, having people who don't have diabetes, understand, you know, just all the different perspectives decided just wanted to be a part of it. Because I'm not very active in, like, on the Facebook group, or, or, or anything. I think the only time I posted on there was because I ran out of pods and insurance and send me more, try to see if I could get some but

Scott Benner 47:21
not an uncommon. So let me make sure I understand. I think I do. And you made me cry. So I'm good. Now. Now we're going to cry. You found this connection that it's giving to you. And you recognize that the reason there's value in it for you is because other people come on and tell their stories and you want to add to it. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, thank you. And like,

Michael 47:45
because because like, I know that, you know, you know, I may not be the only one who has this exact, you know, experience, but everyone's got something a little bit different, you know, and everyone's got a different combo of, you know, autoimmune diseases and, you know, mental health issues and, you know, different different stages of their life.

Scott Benner 48:03
Right. Well, I think you'd be surprised by how many people have your combo, actually. Yeah,

Michael 48:07
you know, yeah.

Scott Benner 48:10
It's, I mean, you know, and I would know, without making the podcast for certain, but it's incredibly common, the, the anxiety, depression part, along with the autoimmune stuff, just like even when you said your brother had a bipolar diagnosis. It was hard for me not to say yeah, like, doesn't surprise me. So many people have said it, like somebody in their family has bipolar diagnosis. At this point. I mean, I don't know. I guess I'd have to go interview 1000 People who don't have any autoimmune in their life, but it seems connected to me. You know? No,

Michael 48:49
yeah. There's, I mean, there's no way that it isn't because, I mean, my mom's got, she's got hypothyroidism and my brother's got hyperthyroidism, recently diagnosed. You know, my grandma on my, on my dad's side, too, has thyroid issues. So like, it's, you know, it's like, and like all this stuff on you know, because like, I think I've heard you say that, you know, ADHD can be, you know, inflammatory kind of in this in the same way. And I mean, it's definitely related. And then they kind of bounce back on each other because like, your blood sugar's out of whack.

Scott Benner 49:19
You know, she's around more, you're not who you are on top of everything. Yeah, I completely buy into it. I listen, I'm not a scientist. I don't know how cells work and how inflammation works. And also, I don't think I mean, I think we're on the in the infancy even in the science world of how people understand inflammation, or even like, You're, like, you know, if I would have said 20 years ago, if I would have turned to somebody in my life and said, You know, I think it's possible that the biome in your gut is impacting how you feel and how you think. I don't know that people wouldn't have locked you up for saying something that sounds too crazy. I'm still old enough that when I say it out loud I get weird douche chills. I'm like, oh my god, do I sound ridiculous right now? But I think it's just I think it's obvious. You don't mean like, I'm not saying it would fix anything but like, I'm drawn to ask you if you're taking a good probiotic. And that makes me sound like a lunatic in my own voice like, in my own head. You don't I mean, no,

Michael 50:18
but I mean, after listening to I mean, I've listened to all those episodes where he talked about the different supplements and art and supplements. And I've been, I started taking a while I was already taking magnesium, but I started taking it, I think I was taking a little bit more, because you know, you kind of have to, you kind of have to take too much to know how much to take. Yes. And so that that's been helping a lot and taking a same digestive enzyme, which I've, I think the past like month, I have not taken it, I've totally forgotten that I hadn't had it. But that did help that help with the like, even just like making sure I don't like, go sky high after a meal. If I didn't know, if I was a few minutes off on the Pre-Bolus or something. You know, it helps to now

Scott Benner 50:59
you're gonna make me really upset, like, I'm actually going to cry now. Because to know that sharing that with someone helped you or anybody is, you know, I spent? And I don't want to turn this conversation to me, but no, and I also know that people are laughing now. And they're like, of course, she just got but I don't.

Michael 51:20
I mean, it's, it's conversational. Yeah, it's a team effort.

Scott Benner 51:25
But the thing that happened today online, caused me to have to explain what it's like to be in my position. Right. And, and it's, it's a thing that I can tell you with, with great certainty that most people won't be able to understand. Like, it's like, I know, we all think of ourselves as like, you know, internet, like, everybody feels like they're a personality now and internet because everybody has, you know, an account here and there. And you might even have 1000, or a couple 1000 followers. And it feels like, wow, I say something and 1000s of people see it, but they don't really like people follow you. They're not on Instagram constantly. They're not on wherever you're at constantly. But I have a significant following. And you would think that it would impact me to say that, like, yeah, it's obvious, I talked about this, and it was going to reach you and you were going to try it and it was going to help you. But I don't have that feeling about myself. So I don't honestly think that way. Like, I know that it's there are probably some cynical people who won't believe this, but I'm just recording my thoughts. And I put them out. And they do what they do. And I don't really think about them anymore. After that. I'm not here maniacally trying to be like, Oh, I'll say this. And this, you know, and it'll make people think like, I don't have, like, I don't think like that. So that when someone comes back and says that the podcast has been helpful for them in some way, there is a small part of me that's shocked by it every time. You know, like, like, I'm just like, oh, wow, that's crazy. Really good for you like that. That's how it feels to me when you say that, Oh, I got something that helped me. And so it's just a, it's impactful to hear that something about your life got better, because something happened to my daughter, and we talked about it on here, and it made its way to you. And anyway, I think when I say that, it It must seem disingenuous to some people, like you know, how many people you're reaching? Because I do I know, I know how often the podcast has been downloaded and how frequently and what the numbers are and how it ranks and all that stuff. But, um, but it's not a thing that I it's not a top of my mind when we have conversations like this, I guess. Right? So,

Michael 53:35
I mean, it's, I mean, that's a totally like, you know, you can't expect yourself to be constantly thinking about, you know, how you're coming across to people during a conversation, because then it's like, you'll, you'll never be really in the conversation. Yeah, you're not really focused,

Scott Benner 53:50
right? You'd always just end up I'd be, I'd be the equivalent of our local news anchor, then, you know what I mean, if a big dumb look on my face, and I only say things that I know, everybody could agree with. Like, we love it when it's sunny, right, Bill? Yeah, like, great. Thanks. That's gonna help no one, but okay. Anyway, like, You shocked me, like when you started talking about like, oh, the magnesium like, Oh, my God, he does that. Wherever you hear about that? You know, so it's an oddity for me, I get this, and I get better at it all the time, like absorbing it and taking it. But there's also part of me that thinks that I shouldn't go too much farther the other way. Because I mean, what's over there, except me just like pompously believing that everybody hears what I say. And like that. I don't think that would be healthy to feel like that. So, you know, I mean, I don't feel like that, but I wouldn't want to either. Anyway. Wow. Well, you definitely help people with your story, that's for sure. That's really great. I mean, you're incredibly open. And it was people can't see you. But it's been difficult. We've only been talking for an hour. It's been difficult for you at times, like genuinely difficult to say things that you've said and and that's that's very nice of you to do. Actually, I have a question going all the way back to like 20 minutes ago, maybe 20 minutes in. You said like, I don't care how their weekend is, could that be the Wellbutrin keeping you from caring how their weekend is? Or did you not care before the Wellbutrin? I?

Michael 55:17
That's a good question. I don't know. Maybe. But I'm not taking. I mean, I think I'm taking like 300 milligrams does. But that's a good good. I don't, it's hard for me to take notice of some of these things. Sure. I'm like, I don't I don't remember why. Right. I don't know what it's, I don't know what it's like to, like, you know, like, it's hard for me to have breakfast, sometimes the morning before you go to work. But then in the morning, I do have breakfast. I won't really notice if I feel better. You know, like, like, stuff like that. It's like hard for me to like, I can't pay attention to myself enough. It made me

Scott Benner 55:54
wonder like is the medication helping you with one thing, but hurting you in another way? And because that description, like you won't know this until you hear it back? Maybe not even then. But that that push and pull of like, I do care about their weekend, but I can't make myself care about their weekend as like a torture statement. You know, and it's it's tough to know, like, but but I also don't know what you're being helped, like, what what has been alleviated for you that is incredibly important to be alleviated? I don't know that either. So,

Michael 56:27
I mean, even I don't even know what's been illegal, like, I'd have to stop taking it to be like, Oh, this is what it was helping me with. Like

Scott Benner 56:36
the enzyme I don't really know. Yeah, you start taking it and it helps and everything gets better. They actually say that, like cycle like, second, what's the word I want just, let's just say depression medicine, like, the biggest problem that they have with it is for people to become non compliant taking it because they have a problem. And then for the ones that start taking it that are helped by it, their life normalizes and then they start thinking, I don't need this medicine, I'm fine, when the medication might be the only reason they're fine. And you know, and so yeah, you get put into a slightly different reality than you would be. And without it, you don't even know where the other reality is, let alone to have ability to I guess, adequately discuss it, and then evaluate it, right? It's a weird position to be in. Do you ever think of just stopping it? Or do you remember what it was like before that and that doesn't seem like a good idea.

Michael 57:33
I've thought about it, because I'm like, I want to see like, you know, maybe just from having maybe a slightly better routine of, you know, eating regularly eating healthier, doing more exercise, like maybe, if I or if I just go down on it, you know, cut it in half to see if it would make any differences, but I kind of don't want to mess with it quite yet. Because, you know, what if it is, it's like, I've forgotten to take him out one night, and I feel terrible. The next day, he was just like, it's the withdrawal. Right? Right, right. Yeah, talking there. But like,

Scott Benner 58:08
there's a way to titrate off of it. If you're going to come off of it, it's actually takes some time to grow. We prior to that, did you ever have like thoughts about hurting yourself or anything like that?

Michael 58:20
Not nothing serious is always fleeting, like kind of like, you know, but it was it's always in, you know, like, I have a lot of guilt about a lot of things that are like on an unreasonable guilt. So that kind of can play a part

Scott Benner 58:40
be overwhelming without it. Yeah. I was going to ask you did anything like tragic or traumatic happened to you when you were younger?

Michael 58:51
I don't think so. I mean, other than the diagnosis, which really, I mean, I remember like, crying when they had to prick my finger over the roof, because it hurt, you know, but like, and like having to deal with all the shots and all that stuff. Yeah,

Scott Benner 59:05
I'm talking more like a neighbor's never take me in the basement to show you this train set or something like that.

Michael 59:11
No, no, not nothing like that. I mean, I've had I mean, I got a pretty gnarly concussion a couple years ago. But I mean, like, that's not but nothing like yeah, no, like, no, like physical or like, mental abuse,

Scott Benner 59:23
actual mental, like physical stuff like that. And you had a bad concussion. But you've had these problems prior to that. Yeah. Okay. Not to say that it has to be one way or the other. But the stories that I hear from people over and over again, it's either wiring or something really bad happened. You know what I mean? Like and, and that's, that's it. You see somebody do you talk to a therapist?

Michael 59:46
I do. I see someone almost every week. Good. Does it help? Yeah, I think it does help even if it's just like, you know, having feelings. Yeah, that is You know, Microcenter isn't, you know, family or, or, you know, friends and someone who can like really kind of understand what's, what's going on. But

Scott Benner 1:00:12
it helps in that it relieves the pressure, but it's not. It's not lessening the strain. Overall, is just keeping it from exploding. Yeah,

Michael 1:00:21
I think yeah, I think it's just yeah, being able to get it out and to like, talk about it in a way that, like, just how I am talking here. It's like, I don't really, you know, it's like, in a way I know you but not not really interested. Yeah, you know. And so it's like, A, it's really easy for me to talk to somebody I don't know, which is kind of weird. Because it's like, if I like talking to people at work, it's like, I don't want to let them know who I really am all the way. Yeah, no, I

Scott Benner 1:00:47
I agree with because it's like, I

Michael 1:00:49
see them every day.

Scott Benner 1:00:50
Yeah. And you have to keep the job too. And you don't want them to walk away and go, we should get rid of Michael. Yeah, he's worrying me. And, yeah, it's a weird place to try to make a really sincere personal connection, because there's always the job. Is that the core of why you even know each other, you know, and I don't know what you do. But if you're in a competitive environment, there are certain terrible people that will use that against you to try to just jump up the ladder. You know what I mean? So

Michael 1:01:19
yeah, well, thankfully, I work at a very, very relaxed, and somewhat I don't want to say easy, but it's a it's a, it's a pretty easy job. And I really like it. It's, it's hands on. So I'm a hands on person. So but they're

Scott Benner 1:01:35
not currently, it's not a place where people are clawing at each other to make 10 more dollars or something like that. It's

Michael 1:01:40
no, there's only like seven or eight people that work there. So good. Okay, well, that's good. It

Scott Benner 1:01:45
sounds like a good fit for you. Did you end up making it through college with a degree? I

Michael 1:01:49
got my BFA in furniture design from SCAD. Oh, really? Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:01:55
Where are you? I think I'm not supposed to say my daughter goes there. So yeah, no. Are you in Atlanta? Were you in the Atlanta campus? Or Savannah?

Michael 1:02:05
Savannah?

Scott Benner 1:02:07
Oh, no kidding. Did you stay local, or if you left, we

Michael 1:02:09
left to go to Milwaukee. After we graduated, we graduated 2020. So the West Center graduate, and then we moved back. We're in the we're back in the southeast, okay, after like, almost three years in the Midwest, just because we like the weather down here. And it's more familiar to us. And we're close enough to Savannah, because we love living there. It was, it was amazing to live there already

Scott Benner 1:02:36
and can't wait to leave. Really, she's like, it's too hot. And everyone moves too slowly. That was the other thing. She says she's like,

Michael 1:02:45
Yeah, no, the slowness can get to you. I mean, but after four years, I mean, you kind of learn to settle. And to like, enjoy it to be like, you don't need to move fast. You're you're gonna get way too sweaty to move fast.

Scott Benner 1:02:57
I think I think those two things actually do impact each other. Yeah, it's a lovely area. I've visited obviously, a number of times, and I've always had a good time. I again, I've never lived there for more than a week. But yeah, it's always been a really pleasurable experience, actually. Yeah. So So do you design furniture for a living?

Michael 1:03:14
Not for a living? I mean, obviously, ideally, that's what I wanted to do. When I graduated. I wanted to do more, you know, hands on furniture making and, you know, maybe some some, I mean, obviously, I love to design and make my own stuff. Which I, which I still do for just for making stuff for our house or making stuff for friends. I'll do but I'm never really got a job to do that. Because it's a pretty small. It's a pretty small industry. Yeah. And like, I don't want to be sitting behind a computer doing CAD work, you know, all day, because I don't, I just sounds like the worst.

Scott Benner 1:03:48
How do you apply what you learned that in the world, making stuff for myself,

Michael 1:03:53
I love just making, like, I've always loved making things that somebody or myself could use in their everyday life. I think that's just something like really fulfilling for me. And so the job I have now is, does that and it just in a different way. Okay. And so, I mean, I use my like, whatever I learned for like, design wise, almost every day, but furniture wise, I just, I'm always thinking about stuff I want to make, but I haven't had a job and like the furniture or like woodworking industry like properly. I was a finished carpenter for a few months. And I did a furniture maker apprenticeship with a guy in Milwaukee for a few months.

Scott Benner 1:04:35
Did you enjoy it? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I

Michael 1:04:38
really liked the the apprenticeship. The finished carpentry was difficult. I mean, it was during the winter in Wisconsin, so it was really cold. I mean, it started at like seven in the morning. And I did drive 30 minutes to get this freezing outside.

Scott Benner 1:04:52
Doesn't seem that bad, but it does when it's minus one degree. Yeah, yeah. And

Michael 1:04:57
those roads are frozen. So we're working in isn't finished so it's not heated and my girlfriend's from Texas and so she anything below 50 is, you know, the coldest ever. And so like living there for you know, three years was that was bad.

Scott Benner 1:05:13
She must have hated that. And you go where your girlfriend wants to go. So you're stuck. Yeah. Well,

Michael 1:05:17
no, because she she had a job. She had a she had a job route to college. So we figure why not, you know, and it's, you know, there. You know, it wasn't the worst. I mean, we did really love living there for half a year.

Scott Benner 1:05:30
Did you guys meet at school? Yeah, yeah, we

Michael 1:05:32
met at SCAD. Sophomore year.

Scott Benner 1:05:36
Nice. Oh, that's, that's lovely actually Arden's a sophomore right now. Yeah, she's working. It feels like 50 hours a day, at the stuff that it's fascinating how much work there is? Yeah,

Michael 1:05:49
it's. And it's funny, because I mean, obviously there. I mean, every school is different. But people will come into an art school like that and be like, Oh, it's going to be easy. But it's like when you have two and a half hours to do classes. And like I had a couple of five and a half hour classes. And like it's not. And it's like you're working constantly. And it's like, it's not, it's definitely not easy. And it's not especially the first year and doing all the Gen Ed's and the drawing and those things. And one 3d design and all that stuff is yeah, it's it's not easy.

Scott Benner 1:06:25
She's in life drawing right now. And last week, the instructor teacher that whatever you would call them, I didn't go to college. So no fancy words, I guess, Professor, they said, Hey, this weekend, you have to draw this. And you should spend at least six hours in the lab doing it. And art was like, I have so much to do. Like, I don't know how to, like accomplish that. But she did it. And then she went back to class and she said, Everyone who didn't spend the time, you could tell in their work that they didn't put the time in, you know, she's like, so the time is, it's the effort, but the effort takes a lot of time and if you don't spend it then you don't get it back. She said the the teacher pictures upset. It was really good show to the people. So this is like, what we were looking for that kind of thing, but aren't like that, like, that was great. But it took a whole day. You know, like, like, Hey, get up. I gotta eat. I'm gonna take a shower. I gotta go over there. Now I'm there for six hours I get home. It's dark, you know? Like, it's, she's like, it's a lot. And she goes, I don't think people just like you said, I don't think people would believe how busy I am here.

Michael 1:07:28
Yeah, yeah, it's it's constant. And that's why I'll have to go in there open 24/7 so that you can stay drawing until three in the morning. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:07:35
I don't walk the buildings. You can just yeah, you can go in and work whenever you want to because you have to. Well, I think most people would hear that and go, oh, there's no science and there's no math and there's no this and you're not really at college, but it's a little work for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Like what did your girlfriend do while she was there, which was her degree with?

Michael 1:07:54
She got her degree in fibers. So like, I tried

Scott Benner 1:07:58
so hard to push Arden towards the Yeah,

Michael 1:08:01
yes. It is one of the coolest majors I think there is. I mean, she learned so much. And she is a hands on person just like me. And so like learning how to weave and like, she knows how to spin her own yarn. And then the job that she got was like surface design. So it's like designing print and pattern for clothes and graphic. And, you know, like the the flowery prints on a dress, you know, stuff like that. Yeah. But it was it was a corporate job. So she hated it. She left. I

Scott Benner 1:08:32
think that's what Artemis said. She's like, I'm not gonna want to do that. I even just I'm like, just take a minor in it. And I was like, seriously, it looks so interesting. And she's like, Yeah, I don't know. And I'm like, but we anyway, we were really like my wife. and I were like, This is good. I would look at this. And she's like, not what I want. Okay.

Michael 1:08:47
Yeah, no, I mean, you should I mean, if she could take even just a class at Pepe, it's, it's an awesome that buildings awesome. And the minor is, I had a friend and furniture who took the minor. And he said it was it was a lot of fun, because it's just like, it would go hand in hand with with fashion.

Scott Benner 1:09:07
I know. That's what we really did push her towards that she just took a business track as a minor instead. Because I think she really feels like she's gonna, like run a small business. It's something

Michael 1:09:16
I want to do do her own thing. Yeah, that's definitely and you can't really go wrong with that.

Scott Benner 1:09:20
Right? So we'll see. But anyway, Arden doesn't go there. She goes someplace. And where am I supposed to say Chicago? Chicago? Yeah, all of you are wrong. And please don't look for her internet. I get a note the other day from a woman who said, I'm not a stalker. Any note you get online that begins I'm not a stalker. You're like, Oh, I'm gonna die. But anyway, this one, she goes, I'm not a stalker, but she was I was in Forsyth Park the other day. And I saw a girl with an omni pod or with a Dexcom on her arm. And she had like your daughter's color hair and I stopped myself from going up to her. And I responded back and I said, Listen, you're lucky you didn't do that. because that wasn't her, because Arden doesn't wear Dexcom on her arm. Oh, I said, so you would have been rushed? A person who did not know at all, what the hell you were talking about? Like so. So anyway, so for all of you in Savannah, don't just assume you see her. You might be seeing other people have diabetes to get out. Yeah,

Michael 1:10:20
I mean, I will do that. There was we went to this art art show gallery thing a couple of weeks ago, and there were two people there who were I could see their pumps. So I forced myself to be like, a diabetic. And like, ask them questions and be like, oh, like, I would love to get your number, right. So that we can, like, have some sort of, you know, community, which I think is really important, you know, something like, the podcast, or just like, you know, being able to have somebody to, you know, even if it's like, I had someone at SCAD, who we had the same, you know, on the pod Dexcom. So, like, I would often run out before my insurance would get me more. And so she would trade me one, and I give her one when I got mine in the mail next week. Of course. Yeah, stuff like that is just like, it's a, you know, it's a priceless resource. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:11:09
diabetes. Give a penny take a penny. Yeah. Oh, we're gonna call your episode. Give a penny take a penny. What a great idea. All right. See? You mind that? That sounds good. All right, is that I mean, that's what you're doing. Right. You're adding your story and taking other people's stories out and putting that in there. And it's perfect. Look at me being creative. Alright. Anything we missed anything? Michael, anything we should have talked about that we didn't?

Michael 1:11:36
I don't think so. Unless there's anything you wanted to ask me more?

Scott Benner 1:11:41
I mean, you feel good about what you got out, though. I want to make sure about that. Yeah, I

Michael 1:11:45
think so. I'm trying to think if there's anything else I wanted to talk about. But I mean, I think just I think I'm just so hard on myself with like the daily, the daily stuff of like, I've had this for 18 years, I still haven't nailed this down. Like what's like, what's wrong with me? You know, that kind of feeling? I guess we kind of touched on that. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:12:03
dude, you have a sixth one. And really, the last thing for you to do is Pre-Bolus. Yeah, just stop, you're bouncing off the chase. So like, is there? Like, I know you said earlier, like when you and your girlfriend are trying to even make like a schedule for what you're going to eat this week that it's difficult for you to do. I wonder if instead of trying to say to yourself, let's sit down and make a menu for this week? Could you not just say, let's sit down and write down all the food we like. And just write it all down? And then just take what you've written down and slide it into segments and do your grocery shopping? You don't I mean? Like, maybe it's the pressure of what are we going to make for like, you know what I'm saying? Like, like, what if you just made it more fun. I know, that seems simplistic, but it's what popped into my head when you were saying it earlier? Just like let's just, let's just write down everything we like to eat, and then we'll make it or why don't we just decide that we're gonna go grocery shopping twice a week, and, and just choose the next three days, like, we'll take our master list of food we love. And we'll look at it and choose three things and go grocery shopping for them. And then go again, why not make your thing fit into life? Instead of trying to make a life fit into your thing? I guess is my thought and then, you know, from there? I don't know man, the Pre-Bolus things tougher everybody. But yeah, do you eat at the same time every day? Or a similar time?

Michael 1:13:31
Similar, I try to eat lunch at the same time lunch I can usually remember to because I'm like, cuz I'm looking forward to taking lunch when I'm at work. So I'm like, Okay, I guess that means I can I can eat lunch soon, you know, all you know. So I'll plan it more ahead. And it's I don't eat a huge lunch. So it's like, easy for me to Pre-Bolus Is this not

Scott Benner 1:13:49
as easy as setting an alarm on your phone that says Bolus at certain times a day? And even if it's not exactly right, at least maybe it's in your head, then I

Michael 1:13:57
will do that for lunch. I'll like be like, I want to eat. I want to eat soon. I'm going to people's now I'll set a timer for 10 minutes. So because sometimes I'll Pre-Bolus I will forget to eat. Sure. Yeah. And then and then I'm dropping and then I'm like, I can't eat fast enough for it to catch and then I have to eat more. Like you know, drink a juice and then a pie and then it's like that. That happens way too often for me and I don't I mean, even if it's or if it's you know the other way

Scott Benner 1:14:21
around. Yeah. But you struggle most with timing your meal insulin. That really is your biggest struggle. Am I wrong? Yeah, yeah. Also, related, unrelated. If you could get your TSH down a little bit, maybe you maybe use insulin a little better. Actually, if you drank water a little more, maybe you'd use your insulin a little better. Like maybe these little like fixes along the way would all kind of commingle and make a big guy you know and pick improvement for you

Michael 1:14:50
know, I mean, so far even just in the past year that I've had because I've had the Omnipod fi for almost a year now. Pretty much got it as soon as I could. I had issues with insurance but What's new, but yeah, that it helped a lot. I was so excited. I was looking forward to this for years, once they had like the ones there's like the little teaser for it for automation.

Scott Benner 1:15:10
I remember when they used to call it, whatever they're gonna call it first. Like Verizon, they were gonna call it an omni pod horizon, and they changed the name to Omni pod five. That's right, even though there was not an Omnipod 123 and four. Yeah. I've never asked anybody about that. Maybe I will one deck. Yeah, it's like the Dexcom numbering, like, somehow started at seven then went to four, like, and then seven plus then four, then five. And then I was like, You guys are overthinking this. Start at one. Yeah, but excellence to keep going. But I think I think when even it shows you, even with a company like they don't when they're doing it, they don't know the future. Like they probably didn't realize when they were making Dexcom that ended up being iteration after iteration after iteration of it. You know what I mean? So the first person calls it something and then you wake up three years later, you're like, Oh, our naming system doesn't work, right? What's it you know, just what happens? Honestly, I have that problem. Sometimes with my episodes, I'm like, Oh, I shouldn't call it that. Now. I'm stuck. And they got to work around it. It's a pain in the butt. How'd you find the podcast?

Michael 1:16:20
My dad was out walking his dog. And one of their neighbors has type one. And she had mentioned it to him. And that was like, that must have been sophomore freshman year of college. Okay. And so that's how I heard about it. And then I didn't listen to it for a while until I remembered it. So I wasn't really listening to podcasts yet. Like, I was just like, I'm not ready to lay I don't have time to listen to podcasts. Like, I can't we listen to him in class. And I was more like, couldn't do them yet. But now I'm like, podcasts 90% of the time. And so that, so I found it through my dad.

Scott Benner 1:16:59
Okay. And it helped you like management wise, the podcast is, has helped you make better decisions. Yeah,

Michael 1:17:05
I mean, I didn't know about I mean, my doctors haven't told me anything. Basically, about, I didn't know about protein rise. And like I didn't know, like, I didn't even know about Pre-Bolus thing until a few years ago. Like, I mean, I knew that, like, that's kind of what you should be doing. But that's not like, we didn't do that at diabetes camp. You know, we didn't you know, the doctor didn't tell. Tell us about that. You know, I did the extent of my diabetes education was you can read a nutrition label, you're good. Okay. And that was like, and that and I was seven years old. And so then no more after that.

Scott Benner 1:17:37
So like, Well, is it maybe it's fair to say that maybe you don't forget to Bolus as much as you've been trained not to? Like maybe this is a habit you're trying to break? You know what I mean? Yeah,

Michael 1:17:48
yeah, I have a lot of, I don't think I've had a good habit. Like, I don't have a consistent habit of anything, I think, which is, like, weird to think about, but I think about it a lot. Like, I haven't done anything good consistently for more than three days in a row. Pick

Scott Benner 1:18:04
one. Just pick one. Yeah. Drink, drink water thing. Or, like you don't I mean, like, pick one thing, and then prove to yourself that you can break a habit. And you know what I mean? And then just keep trying to apply it to other things. It's gonna be a long process. But But here's, here's what I here's what I'm pretty certain of, if you were my kid, and I am old enough to have, yeah, oh, my God has word. But But I would say this, there's trying, and there is accepting it. So if you just accept that, if you accept it, and like, I'm never going to get this, right, it's not going to make anything better, because you're still going to torture yourself about it, you're gonna feel disappointed. I hear your voice when you're talking about how you treat people or like, even how you feel like you're never you're just going to burden yourself in a different way. Right? So you have to there's no choice, in my opinion, you got to keep working at it. And then working out, it can't just mean knowing that you're not doing a thing. It has to mean actual, like functional, functioning, functional, excuse me, like steps. So you have to create steps that are small enough that they're going to make an improvement. But tell yourself it's okay if it doesn't happen today, or this week, or this month, has to be like a big improvement. And, you know, I can tell you like I gave myself over to that idea when I started like we go V because the doctor will say to you Oh you know, where do you see like once it's in your system, like you're gonna lose like a pound a week. And I know when the doctor says that they're like, that's amazing. A pound a week's amazing but back then when someone says it to us, you're like, Why? Why, like a pound like I got, I got more weight to lose and all that like, like, how's that gonna help anything? But that's how it happens. You lose a pound a week. So you just accept that that's the situation and you call that you don't just call it progress. As you celebrated the weekends and you're a pound lighter, and you're like, I can't believe this, you don't look in the mirror and go, I have to lose 50 pounds to this is not very exciting. The you don't eat meat, you say this is amazing. I was supposed to lose a pound this week I did. This is a major celebration. I think that's how you treat like when you pick your waterglass up you go look at me doing it. And you act like you've done. I mean, fake it till you make it. And that's what they teach in AAA. So seriously, I don't know if you like it or not, it doesn't matter if that's a staple of that of that recovery idea. It is really what you're trying to do is you're trying to recover from a habit into another one. So just yeah, you know, man, I say it a lot of different ways, but just set the bar so damn low that even if you trip, you'll end up on the other side of it.

Michael 1:20:43
Ya know, I tried to do the I tried to set my expectations really low. Because it's like, that's, I mean, it's like, you got to start somewhere, you know? It's like, Yeah, I mean, you got to, you know, if you can do one thing. And then it's like, if you like, even if I don't expect to do it, and then I do it. It's like, Oh, great. It's like, you know, those couple days a week where like, my, my, my blood sugar doesn't go above 150, which is like very rare. But it's like, it feels amazing. It's such a great feeling.

Scott Benner 1:21:12
Please think it's interesting when people say that, they have to drink more water, it's a great example. And then there, they end up with a flat a Hydro Flask in their hand that's holding like it feels like it's a half a gallon of liquid. And they're like, hey, you know, it's got lines on it and drink this by eight o'clock this dynamic. You were a person yesterday who drank six ounces of water all day. And now you want to drink? I don't know, however much isn't that thing. That seems to be an unreasonable leap to me. Like, why don't you just start with 12 ounces. And then tomorrow try for more into like, because you'll build up a muscle to it. Like I take that AG one in the morning, it was actually hard to learn how to do. And it wasn't after not actually tastes fine. And like all that's fine. It's just it's that it wasn't a thing I used to do. And then I wanted to make it a thing I did it taking vitamins is the same way like people like oh, I forget them all the time. I get it, like I that happened to me, I had vitamins I want to take, I would forget to take them all the time. So I went out like an old person and bought a vitamin caddy, and I load them up. And I it's right in the middle of the island, like right in the middle of my kitchen. My wife did not like them there. So she moves it, then I go take it and move it back. Because not because I'm messing with her Michael, although that is a lovely byproduct of the of it. Because I do enjoy. I do enjoy screwing with her. But not because of that. But because I just said to him, like if it's not right here, I won't remember. And that needs to be important to you. Because it's important to me, and I need them to be right here. So there's this big, ugly plastic thing on my countertop, and I cannot avoid it. I literally put it I did the like physical equivalent of taping it to my forehead, or writing Pre-Bolus on my palm or something like that. You know what I mean? So, and then it became a habit. And now I can't, I can't forget, like it's impossible. Every day. I'm like, Oh, I take these vitamins. Every day I eat something that I know my body will struggle with. I take those enzymes with it, because I leave them out in front of me. Like I don't give myself the opportunity to forget it. So I don't know you're not the same person. But I hope something in there is valuable for you. Oh, yeah.

Michael 1:23:23
I mean, I did the same thing with my, with my pills. I got like a I got like a, like a very nice looking wooden pillowcase. So that if it's on my nightstand, it looks good. And I'd be like, Oh, it's right there. Let me just take it. I can preload it, you know, for the week. And it has it has a morning, morning side and a night side. So I can keep it all right there.

Scott Benner 1:23:42
I thought for sure you were gonna say that you made it. Like when you said, No, I

Michael 1:23:45
wish I wish it looks it does look really nice. I mean, I probably could, but it would be this person did it so well. So it's like I'd rather somebody else by law. I

Scott Benner 1:23:56
really appreciate this. We're getting along now. So I'm going to say goodbye. But yeah, I want to hang on from it and talk to you when we hang up. And then. Yeah, and I appreciate your time very much. Thank

Michael 1:24:04
you. Of course. Yeah. Thank you.

Scott Benner 1:24:06
That was a real pleasure. Hold on one second.

Here huge thanks to Dexcom for being longtime sponsors of the Juicebox Podcast dexcom.com/juice box head over there now get started today. If you'd like to wear the same insulin pump that Arden does, all you have to do is go to Omni pod.com/juice box. That's it. Head over now and get started today and you'll be wearing the same tubeless insulin pump that Arden has been wearing since she was four years old. I want to thank the ever since CGM for sponsoring this episode of The Juicebox Podcast. Learn more about its implantable sensor, smart transmitter and terrific mobile application at ever since cgm.com/juicebox. Get the only implantable sensor for long term wear get ever Ever since. If you're living with type one diabetes, the afterdark collection from the Juicebox Podcast is the only place to hear the stories that no one else talks about. From drugs to depression, self harm, trauma, addiction, and so much more. Go to juicebox podcast.com up in the menu and click on after dark. There you'll see a full list of all of the after dark episodes. I know that Facebook has a bad reputation, but please give the private Facebook group for the Juicebox Podcast. A healthy once over Juicebox Podcast, type one diabetes. The group now has 47,000 members in it, it gets 150 new members a day. It is completely free. And at the very least you can watch other people talk about diabetes, and everybody is welcome type one type two gestational loved ones, everyone is welcome. Go up into the feature tab of the private Facebook group. And there you'll see lists upon lists of all of the management series that are available to you for free in the Juicebox Podcast, becoming a member of that group. I really think it will help you it will at least give you community you'll be able to kind of lurk around see what people are talking about. Pick up some tips and tricks. Maybe you can ask a question or offer some help Juicebox Podcast type one diabetes on Facebook. Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. The episode you just heard was professionally edited by wrong way recording. Wrong way recording.com