#1494 Drone Attack
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Nick, a father battling anxiety and anger, discusses managing his 4-year-old son's T1D (Modi) with heart defect and genetic implications.
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Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, and welcome back to another episode of The Juicebox Podcast.
Nick 0:14
I am Nick and I am from New Jersey, and I have a now four year old that is a type one diabetic. Actually, we found out a few months after his diagnosis that he has Modi, which I know kind of comes and goes through the podcast.
Scott Benner 0:31
Please don't forget that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan or becoming bold with insulin. AG, one is offering my listeners a free $76 gift. When you sign up, you'll get a welcome kit, a bottle of d3 k2, and five free travel packs in your first box. So make sure you check out drink. AG, one.com/juice box. To get this offer, don't forget to save 40% off of your entire order at cozy earth.com All you have to do is use the offer code Juicebox at checkout. That's Juicebox at checkout to save 40% at cozy earth.com. Are you an adult living with type one or the caregiver of someone who is if you are, I'd love it if you would go to T 1d exchange.org/juicebox and take the survey. When you complete that survey, your answers are used to move type one diabetes research of all kinds. So if you'd like to help with type one research, but don't have time to go to a doctor or an investigation and you want to do something right there from your sofa. This is the way t 1d exchange.org/juice box. I'm having an on body vibe alert. This episode of the juice box podcast is sponsored by ever since 365 the only one year where CGM that's one insertion and one CGM a year, one CGM one year, not every 10 or 14 days ever since cgm.com/juicebox, this episode is sponsored by the tandem Moby system, which is powered by tandems, newest algorithm control iq plus technology. Tandem mobi has a predictive algorithm that helps prevent highs and lows, and is now available for ages two and up. Learn more and get started today at tandem diabetes.com/juicebox
Nick 2:30
I am Nick and I am from New Jersey, and I have a now four year old that is a type one diabetic. Actually, we found out a few months after his diagnosis that he has Modi, which I know kind of comes and goes through the podcast with some confusion, and I'm still a little confused about it, too. But my wife and I just had a another son in September, two boys. Thank you. Yeah. We're just a blue collar family living in North Jersey.
Scott Benner 3:01
Awesome. Well, I appreciate you coming on doing this. And I don't think I've ever recorded on New Year's Day before, but here we are so happy new year. Same
Nick 3:08
to you. My wife said, Why are you doing the new year's ago? I don't know. He's very busy. He has a lot of people he records with. So
Scott Benner 3:13
my wife said the same thing to me this morning. She was, why is this happening? And I was like, Honey, the schedule is what the schedule is. I'm like, I send out the link. People grab what's available. She goes, Why? Available. She goes, Why did you not block off New Year's Day? And I was like, I don't know. So,
Nick 3:26
so I actually am pretty tied up at work. Usually, I work for the biggest utility company in the state, okay? I am usually, like, working a lot. So I was like, oh, New Year's Day,
Scott Benner 3:37
right? Yeah, listen, I recorded on New Year's Eve. I recorded, I think I recorded on Christmas Eve? Did I? No, that one got canceled at the last minute the day before Christmas Eve. I recorded three times the day after Christmas I recorded. So you know, it is what it is. You work when you you work when you can
Nick 3:56
work. Yeah, you're finding a lot of people have a lot of stories. Yeah,
Scott Benner 3:59
it's awesome. Let's hear about your story. So how did you first recognize diabetes? What was the process of being diagnosed? So
Nick 4:06
it's pretty, pretty interesting, and it's pretty rare. So my son was born with three heart defects, and I always kind of messed them up, but I just know that they, you know, two of them were not so good, and one was a normal, like defect that is in a quarter of the population. So he had a coronary art arterio fistula, which is where a artery is growing behind the heart. And it was a an extra artery, I believe, is how it's described to us. My wife is really good with this stuff. I'm just really good with the diabetes part. And then he had a flap that wasn't sealed, which is in a quarter of the population, which is not a big deal. And then he had a, I call, I just say, simple, a canal, whatever, that was too narrow, and but all these things, you know, kind of healed themselves over the next year. Were, we were doing a lot of echo scans and stuff like that in the first year, and blood work regularly. And the blood work kept coming back with high blood sugar, and they kept writing it off every couple weeks and months as we were doing it as, oh, he just ate, oh, he's just fighting a cold. Oh, babies have higher blood sugars than regular people. Then it was finally, kind of like, well, you know, let's figure this out. Can we do? And they like, what's doing? A 1c so on the weekend before MLK Day, the Friday before, I took him to a very good phlebotomist in the in the Morristown system, and so he comes back with an 1111, A, 1c and they're like, that's, there's no, there's no, there's no question about this, get to the hospital. So I was like, in shock, because I, you know, I you know, you hear diabetes. You hear type two, mostly. And I was just like, I was like, already crying. I'm like, What? What? The hell. Like, why? Why us? And I didn't even know what I was getting into. My wife was just broken down. My mother was upset. We were I was at our house, and we just had a nice day together after all these months of stressing about his heart, now it's his, his sugar and where it spent three days there it was, was a learning process there, but she my wife, was really good with the calculations, and I was good with the MDI, then injections. So we left after the three days, and when I left there, I just had more so many questions. I was listening to your podcast that that, you know, that those days driving back and forth from the house to get stuff, you know, I found you guys right away, and it was an immediate like, not relief, but immediate like, there's information out there. Yeah, it's
Scott Benner 6:37
only so alone that you can feel before you need something, you know, to to try to fill that, that black hole that comes very quickly. Did they, or have they since? How long ago was this? Now, couple years
Nick 6:48
this is the diagnosis. Was January, 17, 2022,
Scott Benner 6:52
okay, and he's four now, right? Just turned four November into November. So the the heart defect is immediately caught at birth.
Nick 7:02
He spent 10 days in the NICU for hypothermia, whatever, you know, cold. So he was in there for 10 days like they did, they did the regular test. They never heard any murmur or anything. Day one out of the hospital, we go to the doctor, then we have a day three, because it's a two week checkup now. So we gotta go for the two week check up a couple days later with a new doctor, and he hears it and goes, I wouldn't be worried, but you might want to get this checked out. He gave us this recommendation to the doctor he worked with at, you know, his fellowship, or whatever internship, whatever call it. So he we went there, and instantly they, they found the the problems they you know, he was, he was just, uh, like, 13 months old with the blood sugar and that so, but though, but with the heart, he was two weeks old, three weeks old. Okay, so immediately they connected us with Columbia, and they were going back and forth with doctors from Columbia, or the doctors from this practice were involved. It's the three heart defects are, I guess, extreme. The one alone is extremely rare. That Columbia is the place to go in this region, Northeast, and they only see 20 a year.
Scott Benner 8:08
Do they talk about a connection between the Modi and the heart defect at all? He had
Nick 8:13
inter uterine growth restrictions. He came out four pounds, 13 ounces. He was small, but not too small, but he was full 39 weeks, you know, it wasn't like anything like, you know, 32 week or anything so, but we they've never connected that Morristown, um, they had nice doctors, nice people. But we needed, we wanted more information. So we ended up going to Columbia for that as well, through a recommendation of a friend sister, who has type one. And so we go to Naomi Berry, and they were just kind of like, you might think we're crazy, but there's this thing called Modi you might want to we can check it for you for free. Like, oh, it's free. Go ahead, do whatever you guys do, you know. So we did the blood test, actually, no, it was a saliva test. Then they sent it, they came back. Oh, this is he's got a gene defect. And then, like, you can check anyone, your family, if you want. We got checked. And the insane thing is that me and my wife both another one in a billion chance have the same exact defect in the same exact gene. Wow. So we this is why he has diabetes. If one of us only had it, he would put maybe be like a type two, like, so I'm, like, a type two, okay, and my wife had gestational but her blood sugar is fine. When she's not pregnant, it's, you know, borderline, so, but, but that's, it's just, everything is just a weird connection, yeah? So I've never actually asked about the the heart connecting with the blood, because I think the blood is just the Modi caused by the genes. That's
Scott Benner 9:41
crazy. I mean, I've been digging around since you started talking, and I've asked our friend here on the internet, there can be a connection between Modi, which, of course, is called maturity onset diabetes of the young and for people who aren't aware. So there's an h n, f i, or one A and H N. F for a mutation, Modi one and Modi two. There can be a connection between that and the hNf for a mutation and congenital heart defects. So hNf for a mutations have been specifically linked to congenital heart defects. In some cases, studies show that individuals with that mutation can present with structural heart abnormalities, such as septal defects, holes in the heart walls likely due to H and F for A's role in embryonic development. Jesus, that's just like a one in a bazillion chance that the two of you get together, right? Let's talk about the tandem Moby insulin pump from today's sponsor tandem diabetes care, their newest algorithm control, iq plus technology and the new tandem Moby pump offer you unique opportunities to have better control. It's the only system with auto Bolus that helps with missed meals and preventing hyperglycemia, the only system with a dedicated sleep setting, and the only system with off or on body wear options. Tandem Moby gives you more discretion, freedom and options for how to manage your diabetes. This is their best algorithm ever, and they'd like you to check it out at tandem diabetes.com/juicebox when you get to my link, you're going to see integrations with Dexcom sensors and a ton of other information that's going to help you learn about tandems, tiny pump that's big on control tandem diabetes.com/juicebox, the tandem Moby system is available for people ages two and up who want an automated delivery system to help them sleep better, wake up in range and address high blood sugars with auto Bolus. When you think of a CGM and all the good that it brings in your life, it's the first thing you think about. I love that I have to change it all the time. I love the warm up period every time I have to change it. I love that when I bump into a door frame, sometimes it gets ripped off. I love that the adhesive kind of gets mushy sometimes when I sweat and falls off. No, these are not the things that you love about a CGM. Today's episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the Eversense 365 the only CGM that you only have to put on once a year, and the only CGM that won't give you any of those problems. The Eversense 365 is the only one year. CGM designed to minimize the vice frustration. It has exceptional accuracy for one year with almost no false alarms from compression lows while you're sleeping, you can manage your diabetes instead of your CGM with the ever since 365 learn more and get started today at Eversense cgm.com/juicebox, one year one CGM,
Nick 12:44
the heart issue, he was already, like, considered, like a one in a million chance. And then the Modi, our Modi is, I believe they told us that in Naomi Berry, they have no other cases like him, and they haven't had someone in like, eight years that had the same gene defect like this. So he's got, he has Modi two, and I guess the gene is the GCK gene that's affected. Okay, so, but we all have that. The three of us have it. And then my youngest son, we did IVF to eliminate that, that handled that, we hope. I mean, it's in the hospital. I kept begging them to finger poke and begging. And they were like, he's fine. We're not doing that. We're not doing it. I'm like, I might do it. And they're like, No, you don't have to. But I just keep going back to in the hospital first time when they checked my, uh, Logan, my son, he was oldest son's blood sugar. It was like 90 something, and then it was like 70 something. And the nurse said, Oh, don't worry, he'll never have diabetes, he'll be fine. And I was like, oh, like, that always rings in my head. I'm like, I can't believe that she
Scott Benner 13:45
got a 90 and a 70. And she's like, that's it. No diabetes ever, right? Yeah. And
Nick 13:49
then my other son, my youngest son, is Luke, and he's was roughly, it came out at a 60 something, and then he was down to like, 40 somethings in the finger pokes. And they just kept saying, No, you don't need to. That's normal for a newborn. I'm like, Yeah, but it's not normal for our family. So can you just check and they just wouldn't do it?
Scott Benner 14:06
Well, it's something so well, listen, if you want difficult things done, come to Jersey. It is just, I mean, brutal is the right word, like the randomness of you two getting together and, you know, both having that gene. It's just, you know, I guess it boggles the mind a little. Yeah, you had more kids, though, like, so did they tell you it wasn't going to be a problem, or you shouldn't worry about it? How did you come to that conclusion? So
Nick 14:33
they told us that if we just did the old, natural way, and we would have a 25% guarantee you'd have diabetes, a 25% chance you would have no diabetes, and a 50% chance of unknown combination of, you know, either type one, type two, like, there's just unknown.
Scott Benner 14:52
You're the first person in this is, by the way, this is day one of my 11th year of making this podcast. And I've never heard somebody say they. Asked us to do IVF to avoid the possibility of like. So what? How does that change the possibilities?
Nick 15:05
So the the we're able to my like, I said, my wife is really good with this stuff,
Scott Benner 15:11
make your way through it. I mean, whatever you guys, how
Nick 15:15
it's described to me is, and they can. They took the egg, and they took the sperm, and they looked for the gene, and they removed it. Oh, then it was implanted, once it was mixed together.
Scott Benner 15:30
Oh, wow, a person in a lab picked out who your kid was going to be. I
Nick 15:33
love my son, but I was hoping for a daughter. Of all of the um, all of the eggs that were viable and that were, you know, healthy enough that didn't have that had a 0% chance of this diabetes. There was only one egg that was available, and it was a male. So we kind of said, We'll take the one egg that's the other ones had the other variations of 50% unknown, 20, you know. So, wow. We're like, you know. So we're like, just, you know what? We'll just have another boy.
Scott Benner 15:59
Science, huh? That's awesome. Yes, yes, that's really something. Well, I guess when they people are, like, one day you'll be able to pick your kids hair color and your height or whatever, and like, yeah, that's, listen, that's wonderful, yeah. Or do you think you'll have more? Was it expensive? I'm imagining so
Nick 16:16
it's, it's very expensive, and we're still battling with insurance companies over bills and stuff like that, and now it's this started last year and maybe February, so we're kind of still going back and forth dating my insurance. I didn't cover a penny of it because of our plan, but my wife's did partially. But so in the new year, when we knew that we were going to have give birth, you know, she could give birth, we switched to my insurance. So, because my insurance is better than hers, oddly enough, and she's in the medical field, which is just mind boggling. I've heard that before. So the we, we switched her back to mine. And then there was, there was, you know, back and forth with insurance companies of, oh, this heat, this time happened there. So we just decided that I don't want to have another one. I think the one having one diabetic son, who I stress over every minute of every day I'm obsessed with him, was like having two or three children. Yeah, you know, we're adjusting. I'm adjusting to the second one. What's but I don't know about a third one. She really wants a girl, and I do want a girl, but I do not want to I don't think we could handle three. Just grab
Scott Benner 17:26
one at the mall that looks healthy. I think you'll be fine. Yeah, I think that's illegal. No, you know what? They change the rules every day. You never know. So tell me a little bit about your stress that you have, about the diabetes. So,
Nick 17:36
yeah, my wife is, like, you should, like, talk about how you need, like, you can't get past your anger with it. And it's true, I am. It's a poor me. It's definitely a poor me thing. Because as a, you know, when I thought about having kids, was like, even when I was young, I was like, Oh, I can't wait to be a dad. The whole, like, landscape changed. It's not the same as what you pictured and what you want to do. And you know, you can't just go run around the park the same. You're just, you know, the sugar is dropping the you know, you're going, you're going, you're leaving the house with a backpack full of food. You're, you know, you can't go grab an ice cream cone. And I know everyone's gonna say you can, and you can, yes, you can. But to give a two or three year old three units, to me, is insane. You know what I mean? Like, it's hard that we barely give him, like, one and a half units for that's like a lot for his meals.
Scott Benner 18:26
You're scared of the insulin. So when you try to do something bigger, it's hard to do for you. So I
Nick 18:31
am and I am afraid of the insulin, but I'm not, like, at the same time as I understand that. You know, you give him point one unit, and that's gonna be one unit over three hours, not giving one unit right now, but there has been so many times where he given him one and a half units and he tanks like and and it's just like, doesn't make sense. It's like he had a whole thing of sugar, and he had like, and then he's, you know, so there's just times that are stuck in my brain, where it was he dropped so fast that it doesn't make sense to me that like, oh, is his body still making some is it like, are we so I'm just, like, is the blood moving too fast when he's running around? Like, everything is in my brain is just, it's like, you know, a tornado of, like, all these scenarios where I'm afraid to give them, like, you know, a unit and a half for, like, a, you know, even, like, one of those mini ice cream cones or something, you know what I mean? Like, it's just, I guess I'm afraid, but I'm at the same time I kind of understand what's really happening. Yeah, I always remember what you said is, like, trust the food, you know, trust it's gonna work. And you know that times that comes into my brain when he's at like, you know, 90 and has, you know, whatever unit active, and for some reason he's just dropping, and we poke him, and, you know, he's at 62 or something like that. And then I'm just like, the food's gonna work. Don't overdo it. Don't overdo it. And so you're actually what made me go from the 15 carbs suggested to the seven carbs when he's at, like, you know, 8590 right? And it's like, you know, so it's we just were experimenting through things that I've heard here, and, you know, so it's my wife as. A group that she's friends with, all from the like the Morristown um hospital that they connected us with. She'll ask them about, oh, how do you dose for this? How do you dose for that? And so we, you know, we have that stuff, but it's still just, it's still learning curve for our son, you know, it's different for everyone. So I'm just always nervous to give him too much insulin.
Scott Benner 20:17
I used to do a talk at a hospital up by Rutgers, but the person who would have me up to talk left the organization went somewhere else. But I used to make I used to do it every year, but they always did it during, like playoff season for football, and I was like, oh, and they would do it on Sundays, and I had to watch an Eagles game in the car one time. It was very upsetting, but, but I like going up there and doing that. So when you can trust that what you know is going to happen is going to happen. You're good with the insulin. It's when the variables come in that change it. You're just like, I can't go putting all this insulin into him, because and for you, a unit and a half, two units, would seem like a lot, because you're you can't be certain of it. So as you have more experiences, and as they start to play out the way you expect. Does that make you more confident? No,
Nick 21:03
because, like, His birthday was in November. So my wife's birthday is early November, and his end over. So we already started practicing with mini cupcakes from, like, whole foods that are, like, 13 carbs, yeah? And we were trying, like, the actual sugar on them, you know, icing on them. And we were just like, is he started preschool because he got classified for speech. And then, you know, he's, he's excelling in that. He's doing great. He's a, he's like, a mini genius. He's like, awesome. Thinking about his brain is, like, makes you so happy. Excellent in school. We said, okay, he's gonna be getting cupcakes for school. So let's do this stuff. And now you next thing you know, is he had dinner, and we finger poke him, like, let's, you know, or we check, look at the Dexcom. We give him the insulin off of that, but give, we give him the the food, and we waited appropriate, what we thought was appropriate. And next, you know, he's in the 60s, and it's like, what the hell happened? The experiences aren't always or very often, positive, so it just keeps getting stuck in my brain all the negative Nick
Scott Benner 22:02
Are you pre bowling too long? Maybe.
Nick 22:04
Actually, someone asked us on your Facebook the other day, and it was like, what we do is we do someone else told us this. From there, we do the one minute for every 10 whatever, milliliters or whatever. So it's like, if he's 90, we wait nine minutes. If he's 150 we wait 15 minutes, and we do that, and if it works out for the most part, pretty good, we try to wait 15 minutes as much as we can. But we also know that the pasta isn't doesn't hit him right now. So we don't wait too long with that, you know. So the bread is not gonna hit him right now. So we wait. We don't, we don't wait too long for that. You know, you don't want
Scott Benner 22:39
him to get low before the food comes online.
Nick 22:41
We're thinking about all that stuff, like, like, it's like, so we're not dumb people. It's just that, like, what I think our mistakes are is we're like, like, we gave him his dinner, you know, 15 carbs, whatever, and then we give him his like, 20 minutes later, we go and dose him again. Our 15 carbs for that cupcake. So it's like, well, I guess that was a mistake. We should have probably finger poked or not trusted the Dexcom there, or waited less because he had all that fresh insulin from earlier. So we're still trying to figure that out. We kind of got pizza down, like, just like that. Like, we got a couple, like, like, we you give them a smaller pizza. It's, it's a bar pie, you know, the thin crust, you know, that stuff like that. Like, it worked. Like, we got some stuff. But like, like, the things like, he wants at parties is that's really hard as far as, like, the cupcakes and the ice cream and the juices. Like, forget about we just give them. We give them the Capri Sun. One carb.
Scott Benner 23:32
Yeah, I was gonna say, don't juice. Uh, I mean, you don't want to be drinking juice anyway. But, yeah, I would stick with lower carb stuff as well. Well, I mean, listen, you're getting it. It's you haven't been doing it that long. Like, how long? I mean, it's been two years, right? And he was, how much does he weigh now, I guess is my question.
Nick 23:48
So it's gonna be three years in this three two weeks. So, so just for a picture of us, my wife is like, five four, and I'm like, five seven. Like, that's like, with the shoes on, like,
Scott Benner 23:59
So Nick's, like, I measure with my shoes on. I
Nick 24:03
work. I'm like, come on, you got to go. I got to do my BMI. I'm like, just let me keep my shoes on, you know, it'll help me a little bit. And I'm, I'm a bigger guy. Like, I'm, I'm on ozempic, you know. So I'm right now, I'm about 235 and I was 300 like, last year, yeah, good for you. So
Scott Benner 24:21
you lost like, 70 pounds. Yeah, wow, man, that's awesome.
Nick 24:25
Yeah. So when I was younger, I was 300 pounds, and I went down to like 185 and then I kind of settled off at like 210 and then, like, kids and life, and I just started getting worse and worse. But so my wife is, you know, she's, she's not like a twig either. So she's not big, but she's not small. So we're not like, we're not like skinny people, and we're not tall people. So his height is like 38 and a half inches, and his weight is like 38 pounds. So they consider him like high on the BMI scale, because he's so short and but he's a solid, muscular kid, like he's eats berries all day, like he. Eats a lot of, like, protein stuff. Like, you know, he's very healthy. Like, he thinks, like, animal crackers are junk food, because that's why I tell him, like, this is junk food, like, you know, I mean, so it's the worst you're gonna get kid, yeah. So he's got, we got a whole cabinet full of animal crackers and little Hershey Kisses and little mini Kit Kats and Reese's. We have, we have all this. He gets all that stuff every day, you know, but we try to mix in, like, peanut butter and like, like, the sugar free, cool whi cream in there and stuff. So his weight is, I think, appropriate for our body, body types, you know.
Scott Benner 25:32
Well, is there a possibility? Like, I mean, the reason I asked about his weight is because sometimes, just when they gain weight, it's easier to dose insulin. But like, is it possible? Is there a honeymoon happening? Or you're not? No
Nick 25:43
so I don't know. It's like because he made it a whole he was born with diabetes like he was. He made it a whole year with no insulin. So maybe that was his honeymoon period that kept him alive and out of DKA, yeah,
Scott Benner 25:55
I see what you're saying. What about activities? He's super active sometimes, but not others. He
Nick 25:59
is like a climbing machine. He loves climbing and running around. And he's just a, like, boys, boy, tough boy, like wrestling and, you know, he could find a reason to run around and swing, uh, anything at anybody. Like, he's just, he's like, a maniac. I was just
Scott Benner 26:15
wondering if, like, some of those lows are seeing, if they're like, around, like, bursts of activity. They
Nick 26:20
do come, they do see the drops from that and but I think I kind of try, like, again, I'm always watching the numbers, so I'll see, as a unit, active or something after dinner. And I'm like, All right, calm down for a few minutes, and he'll just be going crazy. And then, like, you know, then you just know, the drops coming, like, in 10 minutes. So, but they it does affect it, but it's just, he's just very active, and he, I mean, he does have his quiet times. He's, he's a different kid. He just found YouTube recently, and he loves watching people make dioramas, like, it's he. So he has his downtime because, you know, I just got Nintendo Switch. We play
Scott Benner 26:53
that occasionally. Like, he sits a little, but not a lot. He runs around. Yeah, it's like, 7525 Yeah. No, I hear you can can I pivot back again to I'd like to hear a little more. Sounds strange to say, but I'd like to hear a little more about your anger. So is it not dissipating at all? Are you thinking of talking to somebody about it? Like, where are you at with that?
Nick 27:13
I mean, my wife had gone to talk to people recently, and I think I've done about like eight sessions, and I yeah, when I'm there, it's all fine, dandy, and it's, you know, I talk and I I'm honest and but if I'm like, really mad still, the problem is that I talk to these people about diabetes, but I'm what I'm doing is I'm educating them on diabetes. I'm not, like, it's not helping me get past the part where they don't understand what I'm talking about. Like, so it's like, I'm telling them about diabetes and I'm talking to them, but they don't really understand
Scott Benner 27:52
well, I mean, a good therapist though, like, should pivot you away from the diabetes portion of the conversation to the anger portion, right? Because they should understand how to deal with the anger. Doesn't matter what it's over. Like, anger is anger. So are you going in there and using it as your opportunity to complain about diabetes instead of an opportunity to talk about your anger? No,
Nick 28:11
I I'm not. I'm like, going in there and just telling, like, what I'm actually thinking. I'm like, I'm not, like, a big like, liar or, like, you know, bring this subject over here. Like, I'm kind of like, what is on my mind is what I'm is on my mind. I'm surprised I'm not fired from my job yet. For some of the things I say, I'm not, like, a good hider of my feelings. Like, you like, you know, when I'm mad, you know, like, but it's just in the moment I'm not mad at like, anything that's happening. It's when, like, last night at 11 o'clock, his pump fails, and it's like, I'm trying to be positive for the new year. And it's here we go, same, different night, and now he's 280 and I'm going, I'm punching the, you know, the counter, just like in anger. And I'm like, why is this? You know, this? It's basically back to the the what? Why did it happen to my family? You know, like, of all the things I ever want in life, I don't have fancy cars, I don't have nice clothes. I don't, you know what I mean, like, I just want to have a happy and healthy family and like, that's like, not what I got. Like, you know, I mean, like, my wife tries her hardest, like, to make me happy, but I'm just, it's in my brain that the problem is not like, anything that like anyone's really gonna be able to I feel like, help me with it's like, I'm too tuned in to, like, I don't know, I'm just tuned to in the diabetes thing. I just can't get past it. Like it's something that's just like eating me alive. Nick,
Scott Benner 29:29
were you angry before the diabetes?
Nick 29:31
So before I had children, me and my brother was like, an angry guy, like he had kids, and he like, became like the mellow guy, and I was like, the most mellow, like, prank guy, like funny, like fun guy, and like everything with the heart and the, you know, you know the problems since I just turned me, me, my brother swapped roles, basically, like I am the angry guy and the I don't, I don't, like, freak out on people for no reason. It's like, I feel like, if there's a reason, like, I. Mad very quickly, but it's I'm not. I was never, I was always a mellow my mother would always say you were the mellow one, like you were the calm one, you were the easy color one, like you got to, like, calm down. But it's just my brain can't calm down from thinking about the sugar like I'm staring at it right now. I just can't stop staring at the sugar like I don't. It's like, he's fine, like he's 130 after lunch and you know, he's upstairs playing, and I just can't, like, stop thinking about it.
Scott Benner 30:24
Yeah, man, that sucks. Can I dig a little more into you for a second? Absolutely, I'm like, like, I said, I don't I can talk about anything in your past, any physical or emotional abuse. No,
Nick 30:34
no. No physical nothing, no, no. I, like my grandmother and my mother were all great. Like, my father wasn't around much, but, like, my grandfather wasn't around much, but like my my grandmother would watch us every day, and she was the like, she was a saint. She was the sweetest lady in the world. I was never, like, beaten or nobody that was a waste, or anything like that.
Scott Benner 30:58
Like, you know, emotional neglect, feel unloved, unwanted, unsupported, anything like that.
Nick 31:04
No. I mean, I think everyone else is doing their job. I think it's my brain,
Scott Benner 31:08
mental illness in your household, substance abuse, anybody separated, divorced,
Nick 31:14
incarcerated, incarcerated. My father spent some time in prison. My My father, obviously, they're divorced, but you know, since I was like, three, but, you know, nothing like my like I said everyone loved me like they should have. I felt like it wasn't like I was like, Oh man, I wish you would have tried harder on me.
Scott Benner 31:29
No, I know you don't usually feel that way, but you have a couple you should make sure you tell the therapist about that, in case you haven't, because it could really impact your anger. I know it sounds crazy, but we did this great episode, Erica and I on these key reasons why people have problems as adults. Those 10 they're called the aces. Those those 10 indicators are are very consistent with having issues as adults. So, you know, you should get somebody to go through it with you, because it's not going to stop, right? Like, because now you have that diabetes is a legitimate bad guy, so you're not going to have any reason to, like, you know, forgive it or let it go. That's why I think the anger keeps going, because it feels justified to be mad, but you're going to be real close, man like this, between you and me. You're going to be real close to your kid seeing your anger about diabetes is anger about him. And then that's not you don't want that, you know what I mean, and and it's not an easy thing for the kid to deal with. And then you're going to end up giving them one of the aces. And then blah, blah, blah. I know it's, it's a heavy lift, but I would, I would put a ton of effort into that if I was you, because I think it's going to help you. I mean, you're not going to be healthy or happy if you're angry all the time, and the kids definitely is going to see it as him at some point. You know what? I mean?
Nick 32:55
Yeah, I definitely, I try, I don't I mean, he hears it, obviously he hears it, but like, I try my hardest to not blame anything on the diabetes or him or the diabetes. It's just so I definitely hear what you're saying, yeah. I try my hardest to not put any blame on him or on, you know, I try, even with like, the youngest one, I'm like, oh, yeah, you know, I try not to blame it on, like, you know, I can't do this because I have to help the youngest one. It's like, Oh, give me one minute. I got to do something or, you know, so I try not to point the blame at them in any way, just because I can. I was kind of always pictured that like, he'll hear this and he'll get mad, you know, I
Scott Benner 33:30
don't imagine that. You do. I want to be clear, like, but it doesn't have to go that way for them or to feel that way. So, like, as an example, like, sometimes you'll see like, people have a baby, like, very young, and you know, it's on, it's unplanned, and the baby changes the course of their life. And then over the next 20 years of growing up, one of the parents clearly doesn't like the way that their their life went. But it doesn't mean they don't get up every day, love the kid, do the things are supposed to do all the stuff, but at some point the kid realizes, if I wasn't born, this wouldn't have happened, and they're unhappy because of the direction of our lives, and then they see their birth as the reason for that. Like you'll do all the right things and say all the right things, but if you're angry, the kid's gonna at some point think it's their fault. You don't have to tell them it's their fault, or to screw them up. Unlike my dad, who was nice enough to tell my mom that I was the reason he left, which I really appreciate, it only took me, like, 30 years to get through that so awesome. I mean, in my heart, man, like, I know you're a good guy, and I know you're not like, pointing at that, at your kid, I'm just saying, I think it resonates through the house. And kids can feel it as their fault. That's all. It's not gonna be easy, but I think if you go into counseling, stay with it, make sure they know about your background, so they can help you pick through you know you should be able to do something about it. I mean, has anybody talked to you about, like, actual physical ways of helping with stress, or. Like a punching bag. I mean, anything, however, you can get it out. You know what? I mean, yeah, scream and go on pillow.
Nick 35:05
No, no at the time. Like, I said, Well, you just talk about what's like on our minds at the moment. But like, if I'm not mad, like, I'm not thinking about, like, oh, this time I got mad. Like, let me tell him about this. Like, so, yeah, I guess people at work, and some people I work, I know, get like, how I feel and get mad, like, but the therapist, like, I spend more time with people at work than I do. You know that 45 minutes with a therapist? You know, so tough
Scott Benner 35:29
it really is. It's hard to like therapies. You know, it's a long haul situation, and if you get a bad therapist, you won't even know it right away. That's the other part that sucks. You know, as you put in a ton of effort and maybe don't see a return or not see a return. Does your wife have that kind of response? Like, what's her response to the diabetes? I
Nick 35:46
don't know she should play, like, poker or something, because she's definitely better than me. Like, she's the like, person that will negotiate the car sale down, and I'll be like, I'll pay full price. You're right. You know, she's like, really good at, like, hiding that stuff, like, in the moment, like, but she definitely handles it a lot better than I do. I think in the like, panicky moments, I excel, and then after is like, when I'm like, shaking, you know, I mean, like, and then she's like, kind of like, doing the shaking when I need her to, like, step it up and, but she's like, you know, so she that's how I feel, but she's like, she does what she has to do. She handles two kids, like, she's home right now. She does both kids, like handles their, you know, meals and finger pokes and Dexcom and pump changes and all that, if I'm at work. And so she does great, but she does, she does really good. Let
Scott Benner 36:28
me ask you a question. When she tells you what you're doing wrong, what does she tell you? Maybe I don't hear it. I would listen. They're wrong. I don't want my wife to
Nick 36:38
hear this. Okay, but no, she's she's gonna hear but like,
Scott Benner 36:41
often you just need another person to see you and to, like, make an assessment. You know what I mean? Like, so if she has an assessment about, like, your angry moments or the adrenaline, or the the the anxiety that you feel, like I I would try listening to what she's saying and try to apply it, because I'm sure she's got a view of you that you don't have of yourself. And I feel for you, man, like I've gone through everything you're talking about, like I grew up I was freaking angry as a kid and as a young adult, and I had kids, and my wife is the one who was like, Hey, man, you gotta calm down like, you know, and like, and was able to point it out to me when it was happening, and I'll tell you the first 50 times it happens, and it's pointed out to you, it's not exactly easy to just stop and absorb that you're overreacting or, you know, whatever. But eventually, like, I really, I thank her. She's, you know, really saved me in that regard. So, I mean, I know it's doable.
Nick 37:38
She'll tell me to just like, it's not like, so do the it's not a big deal. Just give them the juice. It's not a big deal. Just give them, you know, just give them the insulin. And, like, he'll come down and she does all the right things. But my brain is just like, in a different level, as far as, like, you know, is he getting sick? Is the pump working? Is, you know, whatever, like, all the things will pop my head, or is he getting the stomach bug? Is he getting this, like, you know, whatever like correlates with that, whatever the trend is, I'm like, thinking like, so, but like, so my brain just, I hear what she's saying, and it's like, Just give him the juice sale, drink it, give him the fruit. He'll eat it. Like it's he won't stop eating. In fact, you know, so just like, he'll be fine. And she says all that stuff. And I know most likely, or, you know, 99% of time, He will be fine. But I'm just sorry, like, like, last night when his pump, when he failed, and he was at 280 which is, again, not, like, insanely terrible, but, like, for two hours, but I'm already taking out the hospital bag and stuff like that. You know what I mean? Like, it's
Scott Benner 38:36
so, what happens there? Like, so, because I, at first I thought maybe you feel like you're failing, but it's not that, like, you go right into crisis mode all the time, right? Yeah,
Nick 38:43
yeah. I think that I I'm already going to, like, let me prepare for the worst and hope it doesn't happen. Well, Has it ever happened? So, I mean, we did end up in the hospital two or three, probably three times, but they're only for like, a couple hours where they did
Scott Benner 38:57
you need to be there, or did your overreaction put you in the hospital? No,
Nick 39:01
I think, I think we need to be there. I don't believe I don't want to go to the hospital. Like, okay, what? You know, one time it was down the shore on on Fourth of July weekend, and he was throwing up, like, multiple times, high blood sugars, yeah, so we, I, you know, I was on call at work, and I actually told him, Hey, you know I gotta, I gotta, I can't come in. I got to go to down the shore. And they're like, you gotta go down the shore for, I'm like, Yeah, it's like, legit. Like, it sounds bad, but like, and then like, so I shot down to like, LBI hospital, and it, you know, and they were poking them and needles and fluids and running tests and and it was just a common cold, but he just was vomiting and just couldn't keep sense, yeah, so, and then, you know, a couple of times where, just like, he's got high blood sugar, he won't drink any water, like, I'm giving him the insulin. It's not coming down, you know. And so we go and we get the fluids in them, and then they throw their tests, and it's like, yeah, just common cold and like, so, you know, it's
Scott Benner 39:55
so, but my point is, so those times have been around illness. Is that, right? Yeah. Okay, so then last night was an illness. It's just a it's just a site failure, yeah?
Nick 40:05
But my brain's like, I don't, I don't know what it is. It could be illness. Who knows? I mean, it's we saw how many people last week? And it's like, is he, you know,
Scott Benner 40:13
Nick, I'm gonna say something to you that if you listen to it will change your life.
Nick 40:18
I'm listening to all of be real quiet for a second. Worry
Scott Benner 40:20
is a waste of imagination. When you're worrying, you are making up stories about what may be without any knowledge if they are or not. And so you are just making stuff up in your head and then deciding to treat it like it's real.
Nick 40:35
You know, you've you've said plenty of things that stuck with me over the past couple years, so I'm really praying that it sticks with me, which sticks
Scott Benner 40:44
to you, like you are making that up. That's what's happening. You know
Nick 40:49
what? Like when you said it like I felt like a pressure come off my shoulders. So maybe it will stick. I'm not
Scott Benner 40:56
going to tell you that there's not actual things to worry about in the world, right? I said this to my kids, you'll appreciate this because of where you live. Two weeks ago, I'm in the kitchen, both of the kids are like, Hey, Dad, seriously, we gonna die. What's with the drones? Right? Like, so they're both panicking because they're on, you know, they both have social media, and they're looking and I'm like, listen to me. I'm gonna tell you something about the drones. Don't think about it again. Like, first of all, the planet's been here for a bazillion years. It's still here. We've been able to blow each other up since the 40s. I think the 50s. Nobody's done it yet. And I said, and if it happens, the great news is your skin's just gonna melt off your body, and you'll never know. So what are you worried about? Are you worried about a thing that you can't possibly impact anyway, right? And and if it does happen, will be a split second, you'll never even know what happened. So I said to them, like, that's I said to both of them. I'm like, you both drive daily. Do you worry that your car is going to crash into something and that the gooey bag of water that you are is going to pop? And they go, No. And I'm like, then why are you worried about this? I was like, because it's the same thing. It's a random event that probably won't happen, and if it does, you're really not going to know when it does. They were just like, making up. Well, I've heard that the drones are up in the sky looking for dirty bombs. I'm like, okay, my son, at one point, goes, Do you think we should move west? And I went, what? And he goes, Well, if this happens, you're gonna wish you did. And I said, No. I said, because I own this house, and I was like, and I have a job and I can't leave, like, if this is what's gonna happen, then this is our path. But the truth is, that's not what's gonna happen. And you're doing the same thing, like you're making up, like you're like, Oh, the drones are coming from us. Like, no, they're not. And to kind of draw this picture out a little farther, the social media is making them scared, more scared of the drones, right? And you're using the Dexcom information as the thing to keep you upset. So in my opinion, set alarms and don't look at it unless it beeps, because, yeah, you know, I mean, put the alarm wherever you're comfortable with your low alarm. I don't know where that is. If it's 80, if it's 70, if it's 90, I don't care. Like, right? Like, put that alarm there, and put a high alarm at a spot where you know that you can make an adjustment without experiencing a very high blood sugar. I don't know what that might be like. Maybe 150 would be a good for you to start with, so you're not constantly looking right. And if that thing doesn't beat Nick, then you don't look at it. And that'll teach you to relax. Because I imagine the way you're talking, it sounds like you're good with insulin. It sounds like you you understand things like, right, like you probably don't leave that range 70 to 150, that often to begin with, do you?
Nick 43:39
We're pretty tight. I mean, it's like, he's not like a low A, 1c, do you think he's a 6.2
Scott Benner 43:46
or 6.3 right? Well, that's an average blood sugar in, like, the 130s
Nick 43:49
Yes, he's is like, is like 128 to 135 is a normal a couple days stretch. They're, they're extremely happy at the nail Barry for his where he is. But when he hits, like, I have my alarm set at 180 my father in law gave him that same advice. He goes, just send it instead of 200 said at 180 and I go, yeah. So I mean, when hit 180 then I just get mad when I hear the alarm. But, like, so it's like,
Scott Benner 44:12
mad at do you think you're mad at yourself? Do you think you're like, What did I do wrong that let this happen? I don't
Nick 44:18
know what I'm I think I just don't want I'm just nervous. It sounds stupid, but I'm worried. Like, he started, he was born with this, and I remember hearing that like, you know, diabetes takes off, and after 13 years off a person's life, and it damages this stuff after so many years. Yeah, listen,
Scott Benner 44:35
you're talking to the right guy. I don't think you sound stupid at all. I'm right there with you. Okay, so if you're doing a good job of staying in that range, then the real thing to teach yourself is, if it's not beeping, I'm not looking, maybe the drones are in the sky neck, but it doesn't matter, you can't impact it. So like, if the 70 is turning into 80 is turning into 90, that goes all the way to 130 and that takes four hours. And. You're not involved with diabetes for that four hours, maybe your cortisol levels can drop for a second. Like it's possible you might just be in fight or flight constantly, and Dude, that's gonna make it harder for you to lose weight. It's gonna make it harder for you. You said you have type two. Uh, yeah, yeah. So that's gonna make it harder on you. And then, you know, you're just gonna have a different thing to worry about. You're gonna get unhealthy, and then you're unhealthy, and then you're gonna be like, well, who's gonna be here for my kids? And you know what? I mean, like, I'm not gonna say, like, put the air mask on first that before you help others, because it's just, I mean, been said 1000 times, but like, You got to be okay too, you know,
Nick 45:36
yeah, I hear you, yeah. Like, yeah. I mean, I am happy with his when he's in range. I'm like, like, nothing's a better feeling. But like, when he goes over or under, it's just that those emotions, I just can't keep him under control because I'm just like, the under, like, you know, I know that the under, the damage takes a lot longer than the, you know, like, it's not gonna but he's very rarely. He's had a couple experiences where he was, you know, under, you know, 60, like, maybe, like, one, one time we had to call the ambulance because he was shaken so much, and he was, his Dexcom was in the 40s, and then it was down to, like, low. And you know that, you know, what'd you do to get him back up? Yes, we gave him, like, 10 ounces of apple juice, or some crazy number, and then he was up at 300 for a while. And then, you know? But I was just happy he wasn't low anymore. So I was like, you know, the grass is always greener, I guess. Yeah, it's just, like, certain situations, I try to be realistic. Like, yeah, okay, he's, he's not 39 anymore. So let's, you know, it's okay that he's 300 for a little bit, you know. But it's just that, like, I feel like, if he's not in that range. I'm just worried, like, how long? Okay, you might not be in the range for an hour or three hours or five hours right now, because whatever reason, pump veil, you know, getting them down, but that five hours today, and then three hours tomorrow, and then seven hours the next day and one hour, you know, it's like, it just, I feel like it's just gonna add up. And,
Scott Benner 46:56
listen, it probably will. But with the attention to detail you have on this. It's not gonna happen like, you're going to figure this out. Like, that's the part you're not giving yourself, like, it's only been a few years and he's little, like, so like, you'll get better at this. You'll figure this out. And it's, it's your you have the most important thing of when I talk to people and I try to decide in my head, are they going to be okay or not? Like, you have the most important thing, the reason why I know your kid's going to be okay. You care and you're paying attention. Now you got to make sure not to care or pay attention so much that it ruins you or your relationship. Like Nick, I have this great advice that I can never give to the people in my family, so I'm going to give it to you and anybody who's listening who feels like you, it's going to feel so good, because it's not a thing I can say to my wife or anybody else, but you gotta Calm the down. Like, like, Oh my God, just one time without repercussions. I'd love to look at a couple of people in my life and go, you gotta Calm the down. And I know it's not as easy for some people. Like, do you have anxiety? Maybe
Nick 47:59
I do have. I think, I don't know what I mean. I guess children triggered the depression, anxiety, you know, need for meds, but I rare. I rarely ever take them. I keep them always with me, like in my little, like, key chain thing. But what they give you, what they give you, uh, you know what it's it took like, three, like, two or three doctors to, like, actually find one that was like, I don't want to take one every day, right? I want to take one where I need it right now, because I don't need it every day. I don't every day. I don't need
Scott Benner 48:23
it. Is it a thing you can take every once in a while, or just a thing that, if you don't take it every
Nick 48:26
day, it doesn't work? No. So this is great. I The doctor gave me so he goes, it's, uh, I forget the name of it, whatever I ended I could always message you, but it's, it's like, it's like, it works for eight hours and then, or six hours, and then it wears off. You don't need it. If
Scott Benner 48:38
you don't have propane, that's the top of my head. Propanal Law, prop what's it called? God damn it.
Nick 48:45
Uh, let me see. I can look at my I might have a picture of it on my phone, yeah, but I could. We'll figure
Scott Benner 48:49
it out. Task, yeah? Because I feel like I know what this is. It's okay.
Nick 48:55
Let's see. Uh, no, that's for his that's for vomiting, yeah, I was taking a picture of his medicines. And, like, it's stupid, it's ridiculous. You know, if I find it, I'll let you know, yeah, but it's like, literally, it's, it's, I don't need to take it every day, because that was always another thing. It's like, oh, take it every day for a month for it to start working. And I'm like, I don't want to take company every day. Like, that's why I don't do the the like, metform and I do that ozempic, because I'm gonna forget I'm busy. I can't, you know. So, like, even though it's epic, I forget for three days after, you know, but this is if I need it for this next, you know, couple hours this, I'll pop one in, take it. It works. Sometimes I'll get anxiety going home. Like, if I've had a rough couple days with him, I'll take it coming home, and then I'll get home and I'll be mellow with it. And I'll, you know, I just don't want to take it every day. If, like, I
Scott Benner 49:42
hear you, Xanax, Ativan, Klonopin, none of these. Volume, no,
Nick 49:47
no, strong thing. So, yeah,
Scott Benner 49:52
so, but I'm not for, like, just taking pills to take pills. So, you know, if you don't need to take something, you don't need to take something. If you're kind. Constantly have that adrenaline going and that cortisol is up, and your fight or flight's always on. I mean, like you're grabbing the hospital bag for, like, a high blood sugar, like, I would think that anything that would help you find a lower, calmer, like, you know, place to be, generally speaking, maybe if you could get down to that spot, you could re learn how to react to things. I don't know. Maybe you'd stop again and just, you know, would come right back. I have no idea, but obviously that's, I mean, you're not unaware, but obviously that's the thing that's messing with you more than anything. Are you Irish? No, I'm Greek and Italian. You're Greek and Italian. Jeez, Greeks are supposed to be mellow. What happened? Yeah, I'm
Nick 50:40
telling you, I was. I used to mellow. I was fine.
Scott Benner 50:43
Everybody thought I was Greek, until they realized I wasn't. You do look a little Greek? Yeah, when, uh, I used to say, because I'm adopted, uh, Greeks thought I was Italian. Italians thought it was Greek. Everybody else thought I was Jewish. And then that's just how it would go, you
Nick 50:59
know, I get this. I get the same thing about me. People actually, Are you Jewish? I go, No, it's a bad thing. But
Scott Benner 51:03
Nick but last year, at Christmas, I don't know if I've told this on the podcast or not, I was in the city for a couple of days up in New York with Arden and my wife, and we were just, we just spent a couple of days in the city, and we were like seeing shows and wandering around and thrifting, and obviously we were doing stuff hard and wanted to do and the Orthodox community was out in like force giving out menorahs to people on the on the street. Maybe I forget what they were doing exactly. I can't remember exactly what it was, but if I didn't get approached a half a dozen times, swear to God like you were walking down the street, and every four blocks, somebody was like, shalom. And I'm like, oh, here, okay. Are you Jewish? And I'm like, I'm not. And then they get that look on their face, they're like, Oh, I'm sorry. I could have sworn and I was like, no, no, it's okay. Every it must happen. So I swear to God, it started becoming a joke. Like, big we were walking down the street, you see, like, a group, you know, they were just out, like, doing nice works Kelly or Arden would be like, Hey, you're gonna get enough. Like, and I would turn it down very graciously afterwards. But it was, it was hilarious. Nevertheless, I don't know, man, like I feel for you. Obviously I don't have the answers. I make a podcast, not the right one to ask, but I just wanted you to be thinking about the things that I've heard from people over and over again, and that I've experienced personally. So hopefully you can, you know, make some inroads with it. Because it sounds to me like you guys are doing really well diabetes wise. Yeah,
Nick 52:31
yeah, we're, I mean, we're definitely, I mean, um, I would like, because a 1c even better. But the thing is, I have to trust the insulin more to get it better. And I have to, you know. But I just, I'm okay. Where, if he stays at 121 30 all day, I'd be happy in a way, you know, but, like, until I wasn't. But, you know, I he's stuck it. Sometimes you get stuck at 141 50, and I'm like, what the is going on? Like, you know? So it's, I'm hard to please, I guess I'm just, my thought is, I need to be perfect for him. I need to extend whatever I can, you know, on his body for for as long as I can for him, until he takes over and disappoints me or makes me, you know, happy. So
Scott Benner 53:12
like Man, if I was you, I'd readjust your targets in your mind for happiness. I think then you'd be able to relax a little and then put effort, like more targeted effort, into doing what you wanted long term, like you got to realize. And I'm not saying this was right, but you know, when my kid was four, doctors were telling me it was okay if their blood sugar, her blood sugar, went up over 300 as long as it came back down again. And that was every day, every meal, because I didn't know you're making me shake stop saying stuff like that.
Nick 53:43
But I figured out the the medicine. It's abuse. Barone bus Barone, it's spelled. It's used to treat anxiety disorders in or in short term treatments for symptoms of anxiety, b, u, s, p, i, r, O, N, E, it's a short term acting anxiety pill, brand name, juice bar,
Scott Benner 54:03
yeah, baby, yeah. So that that, does it work for you?
Nick 54:07
Yeah, I feel like it does. I mean, I might need to pop him right now. Like, right now, he's dropped in like, 25 and, like, the last two updates. So, like, I'm like, my wife is just doing
Scott Benner 54:16
well. What's his blood sugar right now? 103, and he's dropped 25 points in the last listen to 120 you're looking at his blood sugar while we're talking, and your wife's with him.
Nick 54:28
Yeah. So I have trust issues, not like, anything outside of like that. Like, I don't trust my just, like, don't trust my wife for, like, what our marriage and stuff like that, it's I don't, you know, I just his life. Nick,
Scott Benner 54:38
can I give the advice again? No, I can't. You got to Calm the down, man.
Nick 54:43
I know she's got, I know she's got it. She's got, like, you know, we were always got, like, fruit clean and like, bottles of juice ready and so, oh
Scott Benner 54:50
Nick, oh no, you're breaking my heart. Now, I
Nick 54:53
know it's like, I'm terrible. I'm a terrible person. No, you're not a terrible person. You're worried now, just fishing for compliments.
Scott Benner 55:01
You're a handsome boy, Nick, don't worry about
Nick 55:04
cutest in high school. Did you really? Yeah, but it had to be a joke. We also voted the guy with bad like baggy eyes as, like, best eyes to themselves.
Scott Benner 55:15
I wish everybody could live in New Jersey for a little while.
Nick 55:18
Yeah. So you know the drone, the drone thing, actually, I'm 10 minutes away from piccati, where it all started. Yeah, yeah. So, like, I was, when you said that, I was like, Oh God, these drones. How stupid. Like, I guess a big joke. Now, when I'm at work, I'm like, Oh no, look, there's a drone. It's just like an airplane.
Scott Benner 55:32
I'm sure somebody saw something. I'm sure then it got on the news, and people were like, I have a drone. I'll fly it and screw with people. And then, you know, and then that happened, and then people started taking old videos of other stuff and saying, oh my god, I'm seeing them here. Like, before you knew it, there was this video going around where people are, like, there's eight lights in the sky, and they disappeared in the ocean. And finally, someone came along and said, that is the end of a Christmas display I saw three years ago. So people are just like, using video to, like, you know, pump up their social media. They're looking for clicks at some
Nick 56:03
point, yeah? Like, I mean, I left my house the weekend, the week it started, I went up to target, and I was like, I did see a, you know, regular drone that, you know, like you buy at the store. Like, I'm like, oh, so there was one. I'm like, This is what people are seeing, is driving down the like, it was going along the river, yeah. I'm like, you know, that's the only drone I saw. Like, you know, I you could, you know, it's like, so I don't know where all these videos are coming from.
Scott Benner 56:24
Listen, I have a little hobby drone. And, yeah, first of all, they're awesome, and they go way farther than you would think they would. And Arden, you know, the one day, I shouldn't, I don't know if I should tell this, but, but like, you know, the one day, she's like, seriously, like, are we gonna be okay? And I'm like, Arden, everything's gonna be fine. And her friend went out for a walk, and as soon as they left the house, I went, got the drone, put it up in the air, found them on their walk, hovered over top of them, and I just followed them very slowly for a while, and then I think they figured it out pretty quickly, but and then I took a photo of them, because you can take pictures with it. I took a photo of them, and later I sent it to her, but I was like, see this? They are following you. And she's like,
Nick 57:06
they know what you're doing, projecting your blood sugar. They
Scott Benner 57:08
know what you're doing. You're walking, trying to find healthy, uh, activities. Do you walk to you? What do you do to relax? Man,
Nick 57:16
analyze blood sugar.
Scott Benner 57:18
You don't like you watch go for a walk. You
Nick 57:21
I watch whatever he watches. I don't really do anything as far as fun and Nick
Scott Benner 57:26
I used to do before you made these kids. No, I
Nick 57:30
mean, I wasn't like the most fun person. I mean, I'm I'm funny, but I'm not like the most fun like, I didn't like, go, like, shooting, or, you know, fishing, or anything like that. Like, so it's I was never like, I never really had
Scott Benner 57:40
hobbies. Like, yeah, but you got to do something. I'm a loser
Nick 57:43
that likes to watch wrestling, you know. Like, that's about it. When's the last time you and your wife went out? We went out. So my mom came over last night. We ran and got sushi real quick. But that's about, you know,
Scott Benner 57:53
what were you out there the whole time going? We got to get back because of diabetes. No.
Nick 57:58
So she had the, she actually had the Dexcom up on her phone. I just kept, like, kept checking in. She said, Stop. It's fine. It's like, 123 I'm like, I know, but it's it was open. So I kept looking. But like, she was gonna, you gotta figure out a way to stop watching the numbers. And I go, Yeah, but like, it's there. So I'm gonna look like I have my watch. My watch alerts really goes under 100 and over 200 but my phone goes off and he's one 100 or 95, and 8180, so, like, it's always, like, there, but like, you know, it's stupid. Like, I'm like, ridiculous. Like, I have the sugar pixels, which are the greatest thing. And like, you should give me a free one, because I bought nine of them. So use my link by any chance. I did the way I found it. So
Scott Benner 58:42
this nickel. When you buy one of those
Nick 58:45
good you're making. You got a whole dollar. I got one in my son's room. I got one of my other son's room. I got two in my bedroom, one of my wife's side, one on my side in the
Scott Benner 58:54
kitchen. You guys are sleeping or No, is the house like gonna glow? So
Nick 58:58
the only one, yeah, it is. It's, I actually use one in that my youngest son's room as a night light, because I put it in full brightness so but like,
Scott Benner 59:06
wait a guy, you have a sugar pixel in your youngest son's room for your older son?
Nick 59:12
Yes, because I want to know when I'm rocking him to sleep what His number is, because I'm insane.
Scott Benner 59:16
Oh yeah, no, hey, I'm gonna agree with you. I've been arguing with you for 45 minutes, but you're insane. It's okay.
Nick 59:24
Don't know. I live by that number. I don't know how to stop it, but you told me to stop worrying. I don't
Scott Benner 59:28
think you're the only person who finds this. For every person I've met who's like, Oh my God, these, these CGMS are awesome. I've met a person who said, you know, it really dug into my anxiety, and it's like, the worst thing in the world for me, the thing I can tell you, and I don't know the pathway to this, but I believe that if you allow yourself, that you won't feel like this forever. But you have to let yourself, you're holding yourself in this place right now. Does that make sense? Yes,
Nick 59:55
because my even my dentist, like, said, like, you carry this with you too much. Like. And that's my dentist, so I see twice a year, like,
Scott Benner 1:00:03
do you grind your teeth? No, no, she
Nick 1:00:05
because she's like, because it's funny. Like, it's not funny. But, like, I'm telling you, whenever I leave the house, like, there's something that goes like, like, for like, not for like, work, it's like, but for like, if I I remember when I went to, like, I had a science mix, I went to the N T and, like, now next thing you know, like, I leave and like, my son's sugars drop. And he's like, going down like crazy fast. And I'm like, he's in the 70s and like, which is like, Yeah, I know it's not good, but for me, that's not good either, and it's not bad, but it's not good for me there. But so she I start just like, I was so mentally drained, I just started crying at the antis. And she's like, are you okay? I'm like, Yeah, my son sugar is dropping. I was like, like, and then, like, whenever I leave that, I go to the dentist. Next thing you know, I'm getting cleaning. And now my watch is vibrating, my phone's going off like, it's like, and I'm talking about diabetes, or my dentist. Now, through the splashing of my eyes, I just, it just follows me. It won't leave me. Could your wife take this from you for a week? I wouldn't let her. That's the problem. We can't
Scott Benner 1:00:58
say there's a problem and then not be willing to try an answer, though, you got a letter, you know. I mean, just tell her for a week. Like, try to disconnect me from this for a week to see what happens. Yeah, like, so or you gotta find a thing. Nick, like, you need a thing to do.
Nick 1:01:12
Yeah, you're right. I But thing is, I'm my family, that while it drives me crazy, is the one thing that makes me happy. Like, it's like, it's like, I want to spend as much time with
Scott Benner 1:01:21
them as possible. I appreciate that. I think you're a good guy, but like, I'm going to be harsh for a second. Like, the thing you're trying to do to help them is going to hurt them. Like, your wife's going to get sick of this. Your son's going to get sick of it as he gets older, and you're going to be sick in general from the worry your good intentions are going to lead to bad things. He's going to have great blood sugars, and everybody's gonna hate each other, and you're gonna be dead.
Nick 1:01:42
Like, I'm saying you're okay with messages getting across somebody, you know, I'm hoping the person get across to somebody and me eventually. But like, I hear you, but like, I just, I'm just obsessed with, like, that easy I cannot break my focus on on his health. I don't know why. I just, I tried
Scott Benner 1:02:00
the rubber band on the wrist thing. I know a version. Like, every time you think about the diabetes, snap the rubber band on your wrist, or something like, like that. I've seen old ladies stop smoking that way. Yeah, I don't know if that worked. It was the 70s, but it worked. Did we just have someone come in the
Nick 1:02:17
room? No, that was just me doing an old lady. Oh, that was you being an old lady.
Scott Benner 1:02:22
Nick, Listen, I'm not a very exciting person. Outside of that, I make a lot of podcasts. But I mean, for Christmas, for example, like, in about 10 days, Arden's taking me to a glass blowing place, and we're gonna, like, we're gonna sit for 90 minutes while they show us how to make a bowl, and then we're gonna make our own right, like, so I know you have little kids and you can't do the same things with them, but like, something like that that you should, it's only, you know, I think it's three hours, right? But like, you go somewhere and you just can't focus on anything else. You're gonna focus on that. Like, that's a thing. Think I've mentioned this on the podcast before, but for the last three years, for Christmas, I've, I've never, I don't know if this is a thing people would like find weird or not, I guess, depends where you live or who you are, but I've never held a gun in my life, and I said I would just like to go, like to get a gun safety training, and like, shoot a firearm. Like, I don't want to keep one. I don't want to own one. I just want to do it one time, just to do it. So my son got me that for Christmas. He and I are gonna go together and do this, like, half day thing together while I'm there. I'm never gonna think about Arden's diabetes. You know, she's older, it doesn't need to be said. But, like, if she was younger, I'd say to my wife, look, I'm gonna go do this thing. I can't be in charge of this. You're gonna have to do it. And that would be the end. Like, you don't need, like, and then you don't think about it again, because your wife's going to handle it. Like, right now. Like, she's not ignoring the fact that your kid's blood sugar went
Nick 1:03:50
down. No, she caught it. She it's already leveled off at 104, it's not like, a problem. It wasn't
Scott Benner 1:03:53
just a problem. It was awesome, is what you're telling me. Yeah, she does
Nick 1:03:57
a really good job. Like, you know, like, occasionally she'll get, like, an overreaction, but like, I'm guilty of that too. So like, she's, she does a great job. I mean, honestly, she's 7060, 70% of the time, the one that's handling the blood sugar. Because I'm, I work a lot like so that's another thing, is that I'm so far away sometimes, sometimes I'm an hour away to get even to my work and then to drive home, and, like, in an emergency, but like, at that point it's already handled. But like, my brain is like, I'm so far from my family I can't help like, I feel helpless. That's a lot of times where I'm at tube. Mental is like, I'm I'm up in West Milford. To get to my work is 45 minutes or an hour. Then to drive home is our half hour. I'm like, what the like. Just hope nothing happens today. Yeah,
Scott Benner 1:04:43
not listen, man, I hear you. Do you have any auto immune issues? Auto
Nick 1:04:47
immune? No, I been fairly healthy my whole life. I mean, my wife, too, she doesn't have anything. Knock on wood. I don't want to say it's all been Logan, but it's he's been the introduction to a lot of these. Kind of product. No one in my family has had, knock on wood, cancers, anything like that. So I haven't been around these chronic, long term things ever, for you people being sick too, right? Yeah, I'm not used to that. I'm not used to like, someone needing constant attention, or, you know, checkups, or, you know, every couple weeks or months going somewhere, yeah? So it's, it's, it's new. I mean, I'm, I guess my family's fortunate, and here's the pity, not me, you know, so Nick,
Scott Benner 1:05:28
if you want to feel fortunate for a second, just remember that, you know, 100 or so years ago, your son would be dead. Now, I know, right? And he's not. He's gonna grow up and live a perfectly normal, happy life. Yes, this very likely won't even shortness life because of this great technology that we have now, the understanding of how the insulin works better, new insulins that'll come, new technology that you can't even imagine that's coming. Still, it's a different world now for diabetes, there isn't a lot to be worried about right here. No, it just sucks. I mean, it sucks, and you didn't want it and everything. But I was online the other day. I don't go on my personal like social media very often it says I don't have time. I realized that this woman I know who lost an adult daughter a few years ago, just five kids, and she's an older woman, she lost an adult daughter to a cancer a handful of years ago, and then one of her other adult daughters died unexpectedly last week. I don't know, man, like, there's a lot of bad things that can happen. There's not a lot of bad things that happen that you can control with insulin. You know what I mean? Like, there's of all the bad things that could happen. This isn't the worst. Like, I hope it brings you some comfort to know that there are times when I'm speaking to people, overwhelmingly, who have more than one medical issue, and I'll give them the like, Sophie's Choice. I'll be like, Hey, if you could get rid of this, or diabetes, this or diabetes, whatever, they so infrequently pick diabetes. Like, if they have more than one medical issue, they almost always wish away something other than the diabetes. And they'll say things like, Oh, the diabetes is manageable. I know how to do that. Those are the kind of like, almost like, flipping answers like adults with serious perspective about illness will have over and over again. They're like, well, if I'm gonna keep one of these, I'll keep the diabetes. Like, so, yeah, you know, I mean, you're in Jersey. I don't know if you're like, more of a New York fan or not, but you know, the GM of the Phillies has been on the podcast a couple of times. He played nine years in the MLB with type one diabetes, and you know, he's the GM of the Phillies now. And when I asked him one time if he ever thought about not having kids because he had type one. He didn't even understand the question. Like, he didn't even, like, go, oh, because they'd get it too. And then when I led him to the question, he goes, No. He's like, I know how to take care of it. They'd be fine. Yeah, just nothing. Like, it was a nothing to him. I don't know, man, like, I don't know how to get you there, but there's a place for you where you don't feel like this, and I hope you can find a path to it. I don't, I don't exactly know what it is, but I'd start by listening to your wife. She's probably smarter than you, and she definitely is.
Nick 1:08:07
She says that all the times, like, you don't even understand this is not that there's people that have kids that are in wheelchairs or that can't, you know, could that have cancer or that, you know, there's way worse things that could be.
Scott Benner 1:08:17
Yeah, I'm not big into like, you know, holding up people's illnesses against each other, but I'm just saying like, you know it could, and I'm not usually a person who says this, because I don't minimize what's happening to you or your son, but it really could be worse. Yeah, and forget that. At least, this is something you can it's manageable. Imagine if you your insurance wouldn't cover the Dexcom. It's funny,
Nick 1:08:38
because they just sent a letter saying that they might not be covering but it might have been a mistake. A mistake. So, like, you know, but like, I can't imagine what that was like. That was like, another like, meltdown, like, for my emotions a couple weeks ago when I got that, like, I'm, like, Yeah, well, that's, I could not imagine paying $3,000 a month for Dexcom, or whatever the number is, but it's insane. I'm I don't
Scott Benner 1:08:57
think it would be that much, but it would be a lot. And also, like, it's like you said, it's not going to happen, and still, if it happened, you could pivot, man. You know, there's things you could do. You could go on Medicaid. Nothing that's going to happen to your kid isn't in some way addressable, like I said, unless the worst thing happens. But then, now you can't stop that anyway. You know, I'm saying like, like, the drones, if the drones are gonna come then start shooting missiles at all of us, or whatever the whole people thought was gonna happen, that's not a thing you're gonna you're in control of, you know. I mean, like, Do you worry about being attacked by a bear? Nah, no, but you live, there's a lot of bears. Where you
Nick 1:09:36
are. Yeah, there are, yeah. I mean, there, not by me exactly, no,
Scott Benner 1:09:40
but in Jersey, like you could walk into a park in a barrack, it's not you've never once thought about it in your life,
Nick 1:09:45
didn't you? Remember, I don't do anything. I stay home all day. What do you
Scott Benner 1:09:48
do for a living? Like you don't have to tell me exactly, but are you I
Nick 1:09:52
work with a gas company. I work on gas lines so and I'll work everything me.
Scott Benner 1:09:55
Nick, yeah, so you work on stuff that blows up. Ah,
Nick 1:09:59
don't. Do you got you're doing the whole news thing, that stuff doesn't happen. You know when that happens when people, like, fiddle with something inside their house and they're not supposed to? That's when houses blow up. People should not be scared of okay,
Scott Benner 1:10:09
well, then take your advice about the gas and apply it to the diabetes. Yeah.
Nick 1:10:14
I mean, listen, I'm you're like, uh, like, a higher power to me and a lot of people, I'm sure, like, you have so much information you share and bring people together. Like, I'm hoping this stuff sticks like, I've heard it for the last three years on the podcast. Like, and things you said stuck, like, very, you know, good with me, but like, I just, I just need to, like, you said, Calm the
Scott Benner 1:10:37
down, yeah. Well, Nick, we're gonna leave it there, because I'm gonna, right now, go find my wife and tell her I'm a higher power and see what I can accomplish. I don't even think it's gonna get me lunch, but I'm gonna give it a shot. I'll buy you lunch one day. You don't need to do that. You also don't need to say what you just said. That was insane and kind but I swear to you, I'm just making a podcast like that. Yes, like, you know what I mean? Like, you know, I've been thinking a lot about the podcast lately, just because it's the end of the year and I had time off, and it's a lot of work to make this show, and a lot of time and a lot of effort and, like, thought and consideration everything. So I kind of took off for Christmas, like, you know, for like, a week or so, you know, I did a very good job. I'll tell you what Nick I followed my own advice. I stopped making the podcast, and a day into it, I started thinking about the podcast, not making it, but how to make it bigger, or how to make it more popular, or do all the things that needs to be done. And I stopped myself. I was like, Do not think about this right now. And there were like thoughts in the back of my head, like, I'm a very competitive person, like, so I think if I'm not moving forward. I've lost, like, that's how I feel about like, professionally, like, when I do not just this. I've done other things professionally, too. So taking a couple of days off was hard for me, but I stopped myself, and I just let go of it. I just let go of it. And I was like, I am not going to think about this podcast for the rest of the year is basically how I put it. I have two advertisers who I haven't heard back from. Like, I'm nervous about that. I probably should have been sending emails, but I was just like, whatever. As soon as I wasn't looking I started getting nervous about downloads. Then December did way better than it usually does in December. So like me worrying about it wouldn't have done anything like it, just it would have worked out the way it was going to work out one way or the other. You're just not in control, as well as as much as you think you are. And I think that the illusion of control is what you're actually chasing, because everything is fairly random, you know, like, I don't think anything bad is going to happen to your son or my daughter, but if it does, like, you have to try to put yourself in my shoes for a second. I've been making a podcast about type one diabetes now for 10 years. What if my daughter dies? What if she has, like, a horrible low blood sugar incident and she she dies, then I'm the guy you just said to me, whatever you just said to me that was ridiculous. Like, I'm a higher power about diabetes. Like, can you imagine? Like, so if I walked around with that pressure all the time. I wouldn't be able to do this because I'd be too worried that, like, what if this unthinkable thing that is very likely not gonna happen happens? I'd be too worried about it to make the show, and then you wouldn't learn what you've learned about, and everybody listening wouldn't have learned what they've learned about. Like, I would stop myself with the fear if I let an irrational fear get in my way, and even, and I've had to have that thought, right? Like, I've had to have that thought, like, you're out there talking to people about diabetes, what if something bad happens? Arden had a seizure, and mostly people are very kind about it. But there are a handful of people on the internet who will run around and talk about it, like, don't listen to that guy. His daughter had a seizure. Well, yeah. And I hope that never happens to you or your kid, but it might, and it didn't happen to her because we're unsafe or, you know, didn't understand what we were doing. It was the randomness of diabetes, and when it happened, we did the things we knew to do, and we fixed it, and that was it. That's what diabetes is. Diabetes is to me, being aware of what can happen, being ready to deal with it if it happens, but never thinking about it unless it happens, like the scary parts. To me, that's how I deal with the scary parts. I know what to do. I have stuff that I can do it with if it happens, I will handle it, and otherwise I never think about it. And I know that's easier said than done, especially for people with anxiety, because I hear from people all the time where, like Scott, you're just lucky, you're not anxious. I get that, I really do, but that's the path to that. Be ready, be aware, never think about it, till it happens. I don't know. I think you're doing great with the management stuff. I don't imagine you guys are going to have a problem, but if you do, it sounds like you know what to do,
Nick 1:14:45
yeah? I hope. I hope so too. I hope that it just keeps going pretty smooth,
Scott Benner 1:14:50
yeah, but Nick, it's going to be bumpy at some point, but the bump is going to happen twice a year, not 365, days a year, and you can't be jacked up. Been ready for it to go to hell every five seconds because you're gonna pop you have a heart attack, you know what? I mean? Yeah, you just lost 70 pounds, dude. That's awesome. Like, keep going with that, you know? Like, focus on something good. Yeah. Have you ever celebrated the weight loss, even just in your own head?
Nick 1:15:17
No, no. It's like, I'm not big on the cell, you know, it just, it is what it is, you know, it's funny, because about me, it's like, it is what it is. It's, you know, it's fine. Who cares? Like, uh oh, 10 years this coffee. Who cares, you know, it's like, but for, you know, like, again, I'm just really focused on one individual. And, you know, pretty much it, which is a very bad habit, I'd
Scott Benner 1:15:40
celebrate more wins if I was you. Seriously. And diabetes related to, like, you get a Bolus, right? Take a second to be, like, if that went all right. Like, awesome. Like, instead of just discussing it with yourself when it's bad, when it goes good, go, Yeah, I got that one, you know, there we go. Like, you know, I mean, like, you know, when you're watching a football game, and like, you know, they run the ball and, like, they go two yards, and everybody watching at home is like, Oh, come on. But they're really excited. They're like, hey, we pushed the ball ahead two yards. Like they have a different perspective than you do. Yeah, you got to give yourself that perspective. Like, hey, it was just two yards, but that's a win. We're moving forward. We're doing it right? Maybe we're gonna punt here. But you know what I mean, we learned something from this. We're gonna keep moving forward, and then if it doesn't work out in that game, you expand it to the next game, and if it doesn't work out for 18 games, and you expand it the next year, you just have to kind of keep giving yourself the opportunity to learn and grow, instead of cutting yourself off at the knees every time something goes wrong. Because the truth is, is, like, something's not going wrong that often.
Nick 1:16:44
No, yeah, you're definitely a half glass full, and I'm a half glass empty in this situation. Kind of well
Scott Benner 1:16:51
in this situation. But generally speaking, Nick I'm not like, I'm a no person. You ask me about something we should do, and I say, No, should we go on vacation? No, it's too expensive. Should we do this? No, we can't do that. No, no. Like, I start with no, but I don't stop it. No, I work backwards from No. And that's the thing my wife pointed out to me that I have, generally speaking, stopped doing because she said it was heavy. You know what I mean? Like, you know, should we do this? No, but I wasn't really saying, No, I just my brain works that way. I start with what could go wrong, and I work backwards to how to make it go right. Okay, so you don't jump into stuff that's Well, that's a nice way of putting it, except it's a bummer for people who are around you, yeah, like, right. So now I try to start with yes, let's find reasons why this is a good idea, and if it's a bad idea, that's fine, but let's try to find reasons why it's good. I've been doing that the last couple of years, and generally speaking, I'm happier. And I got to go on vacation last year, and guess what? We didn't die. It was awesome, like we went on vacation and I still paid my electric bill. So yeah, got money. You got big money. I grew up really broke, so my fear is what held me back, like, I'm very afraid of being broke again. Like, very, very afraid of it, but, yeah, it's probably not going to happen. Like, I'm not going to be wealthy at any point, but like, I'm not gonna, like, I don't think I'm ever gonna be a hey, it's meatloaf on Thursday, and on Friday we're gonna have meatloaf sandwiches, and then on Friday night, we'll have leftover meatloaf. And then on Saturday, if it doesn't smell too bad, we'll eat the meatloaf again. I don't think that's gonna happen to me again, but at the same time, I don't know, man, like time's ticking. How old are you? 38 All right, I'm gonna tell you something. I am 53 I don't know how it happened. I genuinely, genuinely do not know it how it happened, and I am 100% sure the next time I look up, I'm going to be 60.
Nick 1:18:49
So, yeah, that's I look at people at work. I go, 25 man, 22 man, I wish I started the year when I was that young. And it's like, and I remember, I'm like, I'm 38 like, I'm, like, not even that old, but for what I in my field, it's a little bit old. Like, it's like, to be digging holes and stuff like that. That's, yeah, you know, I go look at these guys. I'm like, man, they don't know what they got at 22 and 23 like, good job.
Scott Benner 1:19:14
Yeah, well, listen, I'm just saying, like, don't waste time. Yeah, it goes fast. It goes it. I'm telling you, it sounds like when I I am now, one of those people, if you're pregnant and young and are looking for any kind of advice from me, it's the advice you get from me. Time goes faster than you think it does. That's the only advice I can give. Like, I would give anything for my kids to be younger. I would give anything for me to be younger, you know, like that feeling. That's like, you know, when I took my wife out on a date when I was like, 25 like that stuff, it's just all gone. You can be like, Oh, you can make it. You can't. Life changes in it, and it's fine, like, it's not bad now, it's just different. But there are moments you look back at and you're like, Oh, I wish I could be back in that happiness. I don't want you to look back as a person. Who's no longer angry or no longer, you know, running around crazy, anxious all the time, and think, oh my god, I wasted that time, like I wasted that day being angry. I wasted that five minutes being upset. Because when you realize you can't get it back, it's, it's a bad feeling. So
Nick 1:20:16
here, here's a question for you, Are you, uh, it's a totally off. But are, are you afraid of death or just, or just getting older and going, what did I miss? Or, like, Where'd it go?
Scott Benner 1:20:25
Well, I've thought about this fairly extensively. Academically, I am not afraid to die, as long as I die at an older age, right? Like, and fear of death is, is silly, like, if, I mean, if my house collapses right now and I die, I won't even know like so that's not my concern. My concern is about I want more of this, so I want to stay in the game as long as I can, to have as many of these experiences as possible. But I'm also not religious. I do believe that when I die, I shut off and I'm done. And I have also had people in my life die, and I know that as sad as it is and as horrible as it is, after time passes, after a while, it really doesn't hurt anymore, and so you do disappear eventually, you know what I mean? Like if I died now, my possible grandchildren won't know me. That's upsetting, but it won't matter to them. Yeah, but when you stop and think about all the things Ben Franklin did, for example, and no one thinks about it, that almost makes me mad, by the way. I realized it was a long time ago and we hadn't done a lot of things yet, but it was a guy who, like, innovated a ton of things that we still do today, but no one thinks about it that way in the confines of your own personal life, I don't know that. It's about legacy that's beyond how happy the people around you are. Meaning, I don't care if my son runs around for 20 years after I'm gone going my dad was awesome. I don't care if he does that or he doesn't. I care if his life is awesome, because I was awesome. Like, that's what I'm worried about. Like, I'm worried about him having an enjoyable, happy, healthy life, and being able to pass those ideas on to possible children or people around him, so that that spreads in the world. Like, that's what I feel like my job is. It's why I'm so upset that you're angry, because I know you're going to spread that anger over your kids, and it won't be on purpose. I don't know that the happiness I'm trying to put on my kids is on purpose. I'm just trying to be the best person I can be look out for everybody. I have that feeling you have about being a good dad and taking care of people and all that stuff. I have that a lot more than probably is healthy, but at the same time, like, if you can't do it while you're screaming off this fcking sucks. Everything's terrible.
Nick 1:22:43
That was like, spot on impression right there of you. Like, when my wife hears this, she's gonna be like, Oh my God, how do you know what you say? Because
Scott Benner 1:22:50
I've said it before too, because I've seen a blood sugar and been like, I've been that person, man, I'm talking to you as you like, I've been that person. I've seen that blood sugar and thank God I screwed up, or this is going to kill her, or whatever. Except what I didn't know, but I know now to tell you, is that with more time and more experience, those things don't happen as frequently. And once I really see what's happening, I know like I didn't make a mistake here, like this is just what happened. This was always going to happen. There was no getting around this one like Arden had a low this morning, like she was like 70, but she was sleeping, and it needed some juice because it was going to keep going. It was unavoidable, because at two o'clock in the morning, her blood sugar, for reasons I can't figure out, jumped up significantly. So it jumped up. I knocked it back down again because she was sleeping. When I did it, I thought she's going to be lower than I want her to be, like, four or five hours from now, and she was and I was asleep, because I was up in the middle of the night for two hours with the high blood sugar. And you know what happened? My wife got up and gave her the juice, or she would have done it, or something would have happened, but I didn't stay up for 24 hours and make myself a zombie over it, like, that's just not doable. So back to your question, I don't want to die. I'd like to be here for as long as I can walk around, take a without shitting on myself and think, like, those are the things I'm concerned with, right? Like, I'd like to be mobile. I don't want to be incapacitated, and I want to be able to have my thoughts. Like, if I can do that, I want to stay here as long as I can. But if five minutes from now I walked my head on something, and I wasn't coming back, and you gave me a button, I'd leave like, because I wouldn't want that for my my family, like, I wouldn't want them to sit and watch me deteriorate if I if they didn't have to. Like, it's not about being afraid of death. It's about being afraid of not living.
Nick 1:24:51
If that makes sense, yeah, I feel, yeah. I've been known to walk around here and say, Jesus just kill me at when things are going bad. Right? But like, that's like, the total opposite of what I want. Like, I really would want to be here as long as I can, and to see my family keep, you know, going as long as I can. And, you know, see, my children have the children, their children, you know, it's just, it's the stress is, just, for me, is immense. It's like, just, no, I It's hard to it's hard to get through it. But I
Scott Benner 1:25:22
am not unfeeling to what you just said, like, and I'd have to tell you five years ago, I'd be like, Man, I'd say, Calm the down. I'd mean it like I was kidding before. I've now spoken to enough people with stress and anxiety issues, I'm 100,000,000% behind you. I understand how difficult this is for you and but that's why I would do whatever I could to mitigate it, because if it's a lifelong thing that you're going to deal with, then just trying to power through it, hoping it's going to go away is not the answer, either, because you're not going to power through it, it is going to give you, like, a heart attack or a stroke, or, you know, you're going to gain a bunch of weight again, or, you know, something bad is going to come from all that anxiety. So if you got to mitigate it with a medication, I think I would, if I was you like, I know you don't want to, but, like, just imagine that, you know, six months from now, you don't feel like this, not just once, but for like, a week, and then a month and then, you know, I mean, that would be freaking crazy. That'd be awesome. I don't know. I don't know the answer. Again, not a doctor. This is not advice barely got through high school. My wife thinks I'm an idiot. You probably shouldn't listen to me, but it's just how it occurs to me, we did good here. Nick, you're gonna be alright. I'm gonna worry about you for the rest of the day. I just want you to know, oh, just the rest of the day. Yeah, I mean, listen, I'm busy, but I wish you a ton of luck. Tell your wife thank you that it was really lovely to speak to you, and I think she's super lucky to get to spend time
Nick 1:26:57
with you. Hopefully, yeah, I'm gonna go upstairs and give them a big hug. Awesome. So thank you. I mean, like I said, I appreciate all that you've done for the community. It's you don't give yourself enough. I mean, you just made a collection of information for people for a lifetime beyond you to use. So it'll hopefully live on forever, or at least until it's cured. I hope
Scott Benner 1:27:21
so too. That was very nice of you to say, but I was thinking of something for you. I did an episode with Erica, episode 913, it's called the 54321, method. Yeah, I pulled it up. Okay, it's grounding techniques. See if that's helpful to
Nick 1:27:38
you. 517, that's that's my wedding anniversary. Is it
Scott Benner 1:27:42
really? Listen to that one, and it's a episode, 913, the 54321, method, and try to put it into practice when you're having like stress or anxiety. I think that a lot of these things work for people, and people are just too embarrassed, or they think it's stupid, so they don't do stuff like this. So basically it's this, you acknowledge five things, you can see four things you can touch, three things, you can hear, two things you can smell, one thing you can taste. And by the time you put your brain through that process, which does not take long at all, it'll kind of help you reset. But listen to it. Erica does a much better job of explaining it than I just
Nick 1:28:19
did. Yeah, all right, I'll definitely check. I mean, I I'm like, I'm in and out with the podcast. Honestly, it's, there's so much. I mean, I definitely in the first, probably the first year I listened to so much that I think I burnt myself out mentally with diabetes. I hear you. You'll be back. Yeah, no, I come and go. Believe me, I still appreciate, I still look for certain keywords when I'm looking for something, and I'll listen, you know, the Pro Series, if you add something, yeah, I think in a way, it gave me a little little depression, but also kept me informed. So it was, like, kind of the balancing I need to, like, start doing there, because I gained so much information from you guys that, like, you know, I still come and go, but like, it's, it's a lot. It's a lot to keep harp like, he's, like, you know, you notice what I'm saying is, I understand. I'm constantly thinking about it non stop. To add, you know, six more hours a week to it's a
Scott Benner 1:29:13
lot. Yeah, no, I completely understand, and it's there for you if you need it. And but 913, is not about diabetes. It's about kind of centering yourself and getting your mind off the things that are bothering you. So check it out. It really could be
Nick 1:29:26
valuable. Thank you. I really do appreciate your time with me today.
Scott Benner 1:29:30
No, I appreciate you telling your story and chopping it up with me like this. I thought we had a good time. So this is great. Thank you so much. That's my pleasure. Happy New Year. Same to you. Thank you. Hold on one second.
I'd like to thank the ever since 365 for sponsoring this episode of The Juicebox Podcast, and remind you that if you want the only sensor that gets inserted once a year and. And not every 14 days you want the ever since CGM, ever since cgm.com/juicebox, one year, one CGM. The podcast you just enjoyed was sponsored by tandem diabetes care. Learn more about tandems, newest automated insulin delivery system, tandem Moby with control iq plus technology at tandem diabetes.com/juice box. There are links in the show notes and links at Juicebox Podcast com, hey, thanks for listening all the way to the end. I really appreciate your loyalty and listenership. Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back very soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. The episode you just heard was professionally edited by wrong way recording, wrongway recording.com, you.
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