#1479 Asleep at the Wheel
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23-year-old social worker shares her T1D diagnosis abroad, the emotional toll of burnout, and finding acceptance through knowledge.
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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.
Scott Benner 0:00
Welcome back friends to another episode of The Juicebox Podcast.
Today's guest will remain anonymous. She's a 23 year old social worker who is diagnosed with type one diabetes at 18 years old. Today, we talk a little bit about her diagnosis, but we also talk about people and how they react to different life situations. Nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your healthcare plan. AG, one is offering my listeners a free $76 gift. When you sign up, you'll get a welcome kit, a bottle of d3, k2, and five free travel packs in your first box. So make sure you check out drink a G, one.com/juice. Box. To get this offer, don't forget to save 40% off of your entire order at cozy earth.com. All you have to do is use the offer code Juicebox at checkout. That's Juicebox at checkout to save 40% at cozy earth.com. Are you an adult living with type one or the caregiver of someone who is and a US resident if you'd like to help with type one research, but don't have time to go to a doctor or an investigation and you want to do something right there from your sofa. This is the way t, 1d, exchange.org/juice, box. It should not take you more than about 10 minutes. The episode you're about to enjoy was brought to you by Dexcom, the Dexcom g7 the same CGM that my daughter wears. You can learn more and get started today at my link, dexcom.com/juicebox, today's episode is sponsored by the tandem Moby system with control iq plus technology. If you're looking for the only system with auto Bolus, multiple wear options and full control from your personal iPhone, you're looking for tandems, newest pump and algorithm. Use my link to support the podcast, tandem diabetes, com slash Juicebox, check it out. Your name is Emily Thompson, alright. Epic, alright. Emily, how old were you when you got type one diabetes?
Anonymous Female Speaker 2:16
I was 19. I was actually diagnosed when I was taking my gap year after high school. So I was diagnosed in not America, in a foreign country. So that was my diagnosis story.
Scott Benner 2:31
Were you out on, like, just kind of finding yourself kind of thing. Were you doing good work somewhere? What were you doing? I was actually
Anonymous Female Speaker 2:37
in like a program. It was in Israel. So I was in a program in Israel. And it's kind of like just, kind of, I guess, getting in touch with, you know, Jewish roots, you know, really just, you know, they had a really great program. Like, you know, we learned we also went on great trips. So I was diagnosed there. And, like, you know, I remember we I was actually diagnosed after, like, a particularly intense hike when I was in Israel. My family is super outdoorsy, so like, we would like, do hikes all the time. So obviously, started in front, because, like, I'm super experienced in this, you know thing. I remember, by the end I was in the back, I couldn't move. And I turned to, like, I guess, like the counselor that was on the trip, I'm like, I'm not able to move right now. And she like, okay. So they kind of like, she kind of like, pushed me up the remaining of the trip, which was just ladders. That was the hike. The second half the trip was just ladders. So she was like, behind me and like, kind of pushing me up and like, and that's when I was like, Okay, I feel like something's probably wrong at this point. Like, if I can't do a hike that I'm, like, always able to do hikes, like, probably, like, probably I should go to the doctor, you know, I'm saying, like, like, it might be a good idea.
Scott Benner 3:48
Was that the conversation then, where people were, people, were you thinking, I think something's wrong?
Anonymous Female Speaker 3:54
Like, I had had, like, basically every symptom, all right, but I, I was able to, like, push them all away, like, with, like, you know, reasoning it out, I was like, oh, like, I'm losing tons of weight, but, like, I'm walking a lot and I'm super healthy, you know, I'm saying, or, like, yeah, like, I'm super thirsty and have to go to the bathroom, like, a million times,
Scott Benner 4:12
but I'm finally getting all that water people tell you to drink, right? Like, if
Anonymous Female Speaker 4:16
I was like, listen, like, you know, you're in Israel, it's really, it's really hot climate, like, you need to, you need to, you need to drink a lot of water. I'm like, wait this, this makes so much sense why I have to go to wake up five times the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. You know? I'm saying, Yeah, like that follows,
Scott Benner 4:30
are you, by the way, super abuse that the internet picked. Emily Thompson, and then your story begins in Israel. I love that. I just love how not Jewish Emily Thompson sounds my favorite part of this so far. I
Anonymous Female Speaker 4:46
forgot that my name is Emily Thompson. I'm bonding with it. I think it's good. I think it's good.
Scott Benner 4:52
I mean, I know you, and it's pretty far from your name, you know what? I mean, it's awesome. But. Case. So you're out on that, you're, you know, you're having that experience. Do you go seek medical attention right then and there?
Anonymous Female Speaker 5:05
So we're out of there actually is a guide on our trip. And like, I'm not really sure. And like, he's like, a medic, right? I don't really know why he wasn't, like, oh, maybe I should check your numbers. And like, I don't know he's a medic. He's supposed to do this stuff, you know, I'm saying. So I'm not really sure why he didn't. I actually do know why he didn't. A week before he had tested someone's numbers in the trip, and she didn't have diabetes, and he got and he, like, the school was really mad at him for it, so I think that's why he was nervous to do it. But, like, really, he should have so, like, I was just chilling, like I threw up tons of times in this trip. Like it was not, it was not a great
Scott Benner 5:37
I mean, you're in, DK, do you think,
Anonymous Female Speaker 5:40
oh, for I'm I'm a dk at this point, like, I remember, like, people, like, ill people, aren't you nauseous? People like, oh, drink like, like, eat rice cakes and have pretzels, and I'm like, ill. I cannot look at another carb. You know, I'm saying, like, my body knew that carbs were not for me at this point. I couldn't look at another pretzel. I couldn't look at another rice cake. Emily,
Scott Benner 5:58
how interesting is that, that the medic the week prior thought, hey, I might have a person with me who has undiagnosed diabetes, and then when, when they actually had somebody with undiagnosed diabetes that their first experience stopped them from looking again. I know like,
Anonymous Female Speaker 6:14
I feel like, That's the weirdest coincidence ever. I clearly was not supposed to be diagnosed in this trip. I got diagnosed the next day, like, after this trip was over, it was good. It was really, literally in the middle of nowhere. So I'm happy that, like, none of us decided that it'd be a good idea to go the doctor, because, like, it would have been really inconvenient.
Scott Benner 6:31
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Anonymous Female Speaker 8:41
decided that it's a good idea to go to doctor. So I went to the doctor the next day, and then they sent me for I basically told them all my symptoms, and they're like, I'm like, I think you might have diabetes. And I'm like, okay, rewind to this. A friend of mine weeks earlier had listed all the symptoms that I was having also okay, and the doctor told her that she didn't have diabetes. So I'm like, listen, I also don't have diabetes because my friend doesn't have has all these same symptoms, and she doesn't have diabetes, right? And I remember, like, thinking to myself, I'm like, do I have diabetes? Like, these are the symptoms and everything's like, No, I can't handle diabetes. Like, that's ridiculous. So then for the next few weeks, I just didn't have diabetes. You know, I'm saying
Scott Benner 9:24
you went to a doctor who told you you had diabetes, and you said, Now I don't know, my friend did. I think I'm confused. You're on the trip, you're on the Jewish ladder trip, and then you're diagnosed the next day.
Anonymous Female Speaker 9:36
Yeah, so meaning, like months, like weeks earlier, my have, my friend had gone to the doctor for all the same symptoms I had and was told that, like, No, she doesn't have diabetes. So since I had all the same symptoms and she didn't have diabetes, I figured I also didn't have diabetes, right? Okay, so when, like, so when the next day, when I went to, like, the doctor, and they're like, you probably have diabetes, it wasn't like an overly shock for me. Because I was kind of, like, I had been in denial about this for the past few weeks, anyways, that I probably had diabetes. It wasn't, like, overly shocking, but, like, it was still kind of like weight, but like, my my friend and so, like, I was also not supposed to have it. You know, I'm saying, yeah. How old are you at that point, 19, maybe
Scott Benner 10:17
18 still? Yeah, I was gonna say, that's some pretty 1819, year old thinking you had going on there. I
Anonymous Female Speaker 10:21
know 100% I was, I was majorly in that, like, adolescents, 18 year old, like, not. I also was, like, really, probably high all the time. So it makes sense that my brain wasn't working so well. You know, I'm saying it makes sense that, like, in my adult, high brain, I wasn't really thinking so logically. So it didn't, yeah, so like, that was it. And then they sent me the top to the to the hospital right away. So like, my, you know, my door, mother came with me, went to the hospital. They're like, yeah, you have diabetes. You have DKA. So I was, like, in the hospital. I was in the ICU for a few days, and then I got admitted. It's like, the regular ward. And since I was already 18, I was with, like, all the really old people who also had internal medicine people. It's like, like, there was like, there was, like, people who had diabetes and, like, they're like, legs and, like, they have legs amputated. You know, I'm saying, like, that was the ward of people I was in, yeah, so it was kind of like, I was like, this, like, 18 year old who, like, really, probably should have still been in, like, the pediatrics. And then there was, like, all these, like, dying people on the ward of me. And it was just like, Okay,
Scott Benner 11:20
did that get through that 18 year old brain of yours? Like, were you like, freaked out by that, or did you just think, Oh, I'm not like these people? I
Anonymous Female Speaker 11:28
just remember thinking like, man, like, I don't feel like I belong here. I don't, I don't really know why I'm here. Like, I remember like, thinking like, I feel like I should be in the kids place. Like, that's what that's like. That was kind of like, what my thoughts were, and like, also all the doctors were treating me like, the nurses were treating me like a type two patient, because, like, those were the people they were seeing. So they're like, No, you can't have ice cream. So then I was like, No, I need ice cream. So then I asked my mom to sneak in ice cream, and I had ice cream. I
Scott Benner 11:55
was gonna ask where your parents were doing this. So my mom
Anonymous Female Speaker 11:58
actually flew in. She, like, told her boss. She's like, listen, I know. She's like, listen, like, I have to go fly into my daughter, my daughter. And he like, well, all right, so my dad stayed home to take care of, like, you know, my other siblings, and, you know, to uphold his job. Yeah, my mom, like, flew in, and she was there with me in the hospital for that week. My grandmother also lives in Israel, so she was also there with me. So I really, I really had a lot of support. I was very I was very lucky I see so but I would sometimes get my mom to sneak me food in. I didn't like their type two advice that I couldn't be food. I wasn't down for
Scott Benner 12:30
that. So do you have other type ones in your family? No,
Anonymous Female Speaker 12:34
type ones. My uncle probably has lotta like, eventually now he has type one, but he was diagnosed when he was, like, 32 or something, with type one. So I guess he's type one, but, like, he was diagnosed super late. So then,
Scott Benner 12:45
Emily, yes, your uncle is your answer. But, like,
Anonymous Female Speaker 12:49
but it's weird because, like, he was undiagnosed for like, five years.
Scott Benner 12:51
Yeah, he was probably just had a very slow onset, right, right? So
Anonymous Female Speaker 12:55
I guess, I guess, yeah, like, if I had been home, like, my mom would have known in a minute This was her brother, like, she would have been able to pick up on these symptoms. These symptoms because I was so far away from home. No one knew me. You know, I'm saying, like, no one thought it was weird that I drastically lost 40 pounds. Oh, yeah, that wasn't like, that didn't ring a flag for everyone.
Scott Benner 13:12
Your uncle was diagnosed prior to your diagnosis, yeah, I see okay. So then, I mean, once you know that you have type one, and your mom is there with you. Does she have context? Does she reach to your uncle for advice? Like, how do you begin managing?
Anonymous Female Speaker 13:28
We were really lucky. There was someone in Israel who, like, somehow got hold of us, and then she was literally, like, our life saver. Like, she was amazing. She like, had all the answers, all the resources. So she, like, was kind of like my diabetes mother, like, during that year, and really helped a lot in terms of explaining things. She was able to get me into the pediatric clinic, which was incredible. Like, literally, they, I just so much praise for how they handled everything. They actually gave me the option to go on a pump right away. I didn't take it up because I was too stressed about learning everything. Like, you know, what's my mom? The first time that my mom went back to to, you know, home, like I had seen them every few every few weeks I, like, stayed by family. The first few weeks after diagnosis, they really took care of me. They were also incredible, like, so much, you know, just so grateful for them that I had them there also. I went back to seminary, went back to the program, really, and just can, yeah, I was determined. I was like, I'm not letting this stop my year. So I took like, two or three weeks to kind of, like, recover a little bit, and then I was back. I was determined not to let it stop me. I was not going to cut my year short for that. Like, no, well, that's
Scott Benner 14:36
awesome, because that's what I was me. I really did think you were going to end up going home with your mom, but no, so your mom bugs out eventually, and you stay for how much longer I'm
Anonymous Female Speaker 14:46
by? I think that I'm by my aunt and uncle, by my family, there for another two weeks before I gradually went back to school. And school was where school was in Jerusalem. Okay, heart and center in Israel.
Scott Benner 15:00
So you went to college in Israel, it's
Anonymous Female Speaker 15:02
like, I wouldn't call it College, like, I did get credits for it, but like, it's more like, just, like, learning more about, you know, just Judaism, and it's also kind of a lot of, like, just practical tools for life, like, meaning, like, okay, like interacting with people, interacting like, you know, figuring yourself out, building family, like, kind of, like, really, just practical tools for life. So it didn't feel like a college sense, like, Oh, I'm going for my degree and learning this, you know, it kind of felt like a me year where I got to, like, really focus and, like, learn and gain, you know, and like self develop. So like, diabetes definitely raised that bar a lot in terms of self development and growth that
Scott Benner 15:39
year. How? So, how do you think your experience ended up changing because the diabetes diagnosis while you were there?
Anonymous Female Speaker 15:46
So it definitely prompted me, like, in high school, you know, you start thinking a little bit about what you wanted to do. And, like, I kind of played with the idea of, like, maybe a counselor, maybe a therapist, maybe like biology. Because like, biology is super cool. I feel like diabetes was like, okay, like, now I have diabetes and, like, I live biology, and it is really cool. When I have my midlife crisis, I might become an endocrinologist, because, like, hello, body is super cool. But I feel like I got enough of my bio stuff from now, and I really decided from that year, I'm like, Hey, I'm going to social work. Like, I see that there's, this is a big need out there. I want to kind of help, to be there, to be able to, you know, support people, especially as chronic illness. But really, anything. How old are you today? I am 2323 and
Scott Benner 16:30
you are a social worker. Now. I
Anonymous Female Speaker 16:32
am a social worker. Went to school for it, got my masters, all the papers that I could. I really focused towards chronic illness from various factors. So, meaning, like, you know, for cultural diversity, I'm like, okay, chronic illness and cultural diversity. Like, got interesting statistics there. It's like, okay, Erickson and developmental and like, how does your development affect when you get a chronic illness? You know, it's like, I really, kind of, like, made that my mission throughout school to kind of, like, really get a better understanding of, like, how chronic illness affects you from like, all the various kind of factors and like areas of life.
Scott Benner 17:08
What do you think are some of the obvious ones that where the chronic illness impacts so,
Anonymous Female Speaker 17:13
meaning in terms of like, cultural diversity, meaning like, there is a really high correlation between stress and diabetes control chronic illness in general. But meaning, like, where I see it particularly pronounced, I can see this even in my own life. And, you know, I'm very happy to not, you know, like, I'm very fortunate. But like, meaning, like, stress releases cortisol. When you have cortisol, your body, it's like, oh, it tells liver, oh, release glucose. We need glucose to fight right now, right? That's the kind of the response. It leads to insulin resistance. So has both effect, like it literally, it tells your liver to produce glucose in your body, and that also has insulin resistance. So meaning, like, anytime you can see, like, anytime you're stressed, it's going to be harder for you to control your numbers, right? Because you just you have insulin resistance, you have more glucose in your body. And kind of like seeing those, like, numbers and statistics. I'm like, Whoa. Like, that is, first of all, it's super validating. Second of all, that makes so much sense. I was like, I see, like, you know, going through school was obviously stressful, like, there's a lot of essays.
Scott Benner 18:15
You mean, validating, because you feel like you're doing the right things, but your blood sugars are going all over the place, and you think, like, I don't even understand, like, what this is. But then once you have that other piece of information, that makes more sense, and it feels less like you're just messing up, and more like this is the variable that you didn't know about.
Anonymous Female Speaker 18:33
Yeah, yeah. I really thought that was, like, a huge I saw that as a huge variable. I mean, I remember like I was done school, or I would maybe in between semesters or whatever, and I'm like, wow, my numbers, they're just so much easier. Like, oh, it's because I'm not in school anymore. I'm not, like, forever writing papers and studying, you know, saying, and it's like, Oh, that's interesting, yeah, like, you know, just kind of like, see, seeing that so played out. And it's like, well, that's frustrating, because I really needed my numbers to be good throughout school to do well,
Scott Benner 19:03
how valuable is this background in diabetes for you in social work,
Anonymous Female Speaker 19:08
I think it's really valuable in the sense that, like, it's helped me kind of develop empathy for a lot of people, and also, like, so like, right now I work in two places. I work in, like, a general clinic, any age, any any problem, any issue. And I also actually work for, specifically for chronic illness. I've never had someone with diabetes yet, but like, you know, different chronic illness and definitely helps me, like, be able to relate to them, I guess, because of my experience, and also, like, how much I've learned throughout school, I also very much see kind of, like, the mind body connection. Like, first of all, like, I told you, like the whole cortisol thing, like, yes, if you're stressed, your numbers will be harder to control, right? Or your condition, if it's you know, not diabetes. But also goes the other way, like, sometimes people get into this loop of like, Oh my gosh. Like, my condition is my diabetes, and my numbers are. Out of control, and like, diabetes are just hopeless. I don't know why. Like, it's just, they're just these crazy variables. It doesn't make sense. It's never gonna make sense for those people, you know, yeah, and it's like, okay, that's true. It's like, I see, I see why you're coming to that conclusion. You know.
Scott Benner 20:17
Well, when you don't have the knowledge of what's happening to you, or the tools to deal with it, then everything does feel random, right? And I don't know how you're supposed to control a thing that feels so random, yeah, 100% I don't know. Like, let's go into you for a second. So you know, you've only had diabetes for five years, so how are you doing with it now? Like, do you think you're where you want to be? And if so, how did you get there?
Anonymous Female Speaker 20:41
So I'm happy to report to you that I do feel like I am where I want to be, and that's really why I wanted to come on. It's because I wanted to, kind of, like, share that with everyone, like, so I since I got diagnosed at a later age, like, I remember not bolusing, you know, I remember, like, not thinking about food before eating it. You know, I'm saying, like, I remember pre diabetes days, you know, I really made it my mission to, like, figure out diabetes. I was like, I'm gonna get this like, I'm gonna research diabetes. I'm gonna figure everything out. Okay, so, like, I remember super earlier on I heard about your podcast, and I just listened to a man, like, especially, like all the episodes with, like, you and Jenny and like, educational episodes, or like, you know, various other episodes where you talk to other people. And like, I learned so much from your podcast, like and like, I started implementing them and having all this knowledge and like, then I also just research in general, and then I found about out of that loop, and I'm like, okay, like, Yes, I'm gonna figure out loop. And then I learned so much also, like, through like, researching that loop. And like, this is the time where, like, Bones hadn't come out, like tandem and omnipot Five was not out yet. So, like, the fact that, like, my pump is on the phone is, like, a big deal. Still, you know, I'm saying, like, this is, this is like, four or five years ago, you know? I'm saying, so I was like, the head of, I was like, ahead at diabetes technology, you know, I'm saying, like, I made my mission to figure out everything that, like all the variables, and I really want to just kind of take this opportunity to thank you for the Juicebox Podcast, like, literally, the amount you have brought so much into the diabetes space. And I just want to acknowledge that and appreciate that. Thank you. And so much of all the information I know now is
Scott Benner 22:18
due to you. I really, I'm glad I appreciate knowing that. Thank you. This is why
Anonymous Female Speaker 22:22
I reached out to you. It was a while ago, actually, but I remember like, listening to a pod I'm listening to on podcast you're talking to Jenny, and she and you asked about, like, diabetes burnout. And she was like, Yeah, I don't think I've ever experienced that. And I was like, man, what? Like, that's crazy. Like, I remember thinking like, Man, how many people with diabetes haven't experienced burnout? Like, I'm so happy for Jenny, but like, like that doesn't feel like, strange. People feel strange, right? You know, not like I'm happy for I hope she never experienced a diabetes burnout. But like that seems crazy. But you
Scott Benner 22:57
know what? I think it that just points out that how random things could be like, right? I don't imagine that Jenny would take credit for that, right? Her mix of the way she eats, the way she understands insulin, her overall energy, the way she exercises, the things she does, lend themselves to making diabetes less impactful. Now I'm sure she's still impacted by it. But then there's that, that X factor, which I don't know how to quantify, and I've been trying to talk to people for years, to, you know, just get people's stories out so you can hear what makes other people tick and like, why they're impacted by things differently than others. But yeah, Jenny's just, luckily, has a good mix of of of how she deals.
Anonymous Female Speaker 23:41
Jenny's epic. I love her. She's great. You're great. Everyone's great. But I remember I sent an email to you to make sense of I know everything, not everything that seems a bit like funny. I know a lot of things about diabetes, like, I made it my mission to understand it. Like I'm the person that, like, people ask for like diabetes advice. You know I'm saying, and my numbers are still not perfect every day. Sure, do. I have a lot of the knowledge, yes, that still doesn't translate into like, my numbers being perfect, even though I know, like, when I remember my numbers are high, I'm like, Oh, I know why my numbers are high. Like, that doesn't translate into like, me being perfect all the time. And I kind of, I think that that was kind of why I wanted what I wanted to share is like, yes, you should listen to the podcast, and yes, you should understand the variables. Because if you don't know why diabetes is doing what it's doing, then it's gonna be really hard for you to control your numbers, and it's gonna keep doing it 100% it's gonna keep doing it also, even once you get to that place where you really, like, understand diabetes, that doesn't translate into, like, perfect numbers all the time, you know. And I really wanted to share that a little bit, you know.
Scott Benner 24:56
Why do you think that knowing doesn't necessarily translate into some. Success? It's a super good
Anonymous Female Speaker 25:01
question. I think just because diabetes is really hard, and we're humans and we're people, there is so much in diabetes. There's just so many factors, you know, especially when you're high or when you're low, like, like, it really does affect your emotions a lot. Meaning, like, I can't be the only person in a really bad mood, but when one high. It's interesting. I feel like, I feel like, as a father, you can probably say that from like, a different perspective, of like, Man, I don't know.
Scott Benner 25:29
It affects people in varied ways, and it's not a lot of fun, that's for sure, right?
Anonymous Female Speaker 25:34
And it's like, when I'm high, like, No, I'm just, I'm just not taking care of my numbers. And I was like, it's like diabetes is annoying. I know I'm high. I'm doing nothing about it. You know?
Scott Benner 25:44
Why does that happen? Tell me why that happens. Like, when you know you need to be doing something, you don't do it. What are some of the reasons that lead you not to I think it
Anonymous Female Speaker 25:53
really comes down to not accepting diabetes. And it makes sense, because it's really hard, but meaning, like accepting that it's hard, accepting that some days are just hard, and diabetes burnout is a real thing. And it's not like this automatic switch of like, you have diabetes burnout and you're not functioning, and the next day you're you don't have diabetes burnout and you are functioning. You know, I'm saying it's like, not this black and white thing. It's like, yeah, like some days are harder, and some days, like, you don't want to think about diabetes as much. And I think like not accepting it and trying to reject it leads to not taking care of it the way you should, like in DVT, there's a concept called radical acceptance, and it's basically the idea of the example that it gives is, imagine someone breaks their leg, but they're not doing anything about it. No, my leg is not broken. No, it doesn't hurt. My leg doesn't hurt. Maybe it hurts a little bit, but it's not important, you know? And they keep on like, yeah, it's not important. I'm not going to do anything about it. And they're really just in denial about the fact that their leg is really hurting, right? Okay? And then finally they get to this place of acceptance, okay, my leg is really hurting me. And they said, Man, this is really frustrating. My leg is really hurting me, and it hurts, and I'm not able to walk as fast, and I'm able to, you know, do the things I want to do. And then they're in this space of just like, accepting how it's affecting them, right? And then once they accept the fact that their leg is hurting, then they can come up with solutions. Maybe it's a good idea to get this, this x ray, right? Maybe it's a good idea to go to the doctor and get this checked out, right? But, like, you need to accept it in order. Ironically, accepting where you're at then helps you to be able to come up with solutions. Yeah, I feel very much that way about diabetes. Like, sometimes you're like, man, like, I you don't want to accept that you have diabetes, right? Like, diabetes is really hard. There's so many variables. There's no days off, right? Like, it's always kind of like, in the back of your head, in the back of your mind, right? I say for sure, for me, and I think for a lot of people also, like, just having a hard time accepting, like, Yes, this is diabetes, and yes, it affects this, and yes, it affects that. You know, once you can accept it, then you can be like, okay, and not like, rejecting it. Then I think that's when, like, all those things, you know, come in, right? It's like, okay, I do have diabetes. Diabetes is really hard. I am high right now. It's really annoying to be high, right? And then once you get there, then it's like, oh. So, because I'm high, maybe I should Bolus, maybe I should go on a walk, right? Maybe I should do a calming activity, so kind of to, like, calm myself down, to not be so stressed, right? Yeah,
Scott Benner 28:24
in your mind, then it's the fighting against it that stops you from it's not that you don't know that you have diabetes, but you're not. I don't want to reuse your word so much, but you don't accept it intellectually, right? Because you're fighting against it all the time, so you spend so much time fighting against the fact that it exists and you don't have time or effort to put into the actual tasks that it requires you to do. That is really how I think about it. Okay, agreed, you're fighting the wrong fight, right, right? So exactly, how did you get past that fight.
Anonymous Female Speaker 29:00
Ironically, I think did come from going to social work and then seeing all these things, like in a textbook, and being like, oh,
Scott Benner 29:10
even though it's like, oh, this is how people's brains work, and this is what my brain's doing, right?
Anonymous Female Speaker 29:15
You know, it's like, that was a big piece of it. And also, like, learning so much about it, and, you know, or there's, there's another thing that kind of helped me is, like, so when I was writing my capstone, you had to write an issue, as I obviously wrote about diabetes, because I had all that information from all the papers that I've been doing the past few years. It wanted you to say an intervention. So I chose CBT, because, like, a super, you know, evidence based intervention, you know, really, to kind of help me out with paper, because, like, it has like, the most like, data out there, you know? So I chose that it was basically saying how like each CBT is. Like this idea that like behaviors, behaviors, emotions and thoughts, and if you impact one of those triangles, then everything else will be affected and helped also. So meaning, let's say your thought is, I have the worst case of diet. PBS, and no one understands, and no one can help me. And I'm telling you, I haven't heard that everyone else who also doesn't have a working beta cells, right? Like, it's a common refrain that people say themselves, right? And then it's like, that leads to the emotion of, like, it's hopeless and I'm sad about this, and I'm upset and I'm angry, and, you know, whatever emotions people like to think, right? And then that leads the behavior of, I'm just not doing anything about diabetes. I'm not going to Pre Bolus, right? I'm I'm not going to make sure that my settings are correct, you know? I'm not going to carve out right? I'm going to pretend that fat, protein doesn't impact my numbers, right, like any or whatever it is, right? There's that kind of triangle. If you can impact one of those things, then automatic, then you can impact the others. So for example, if you, let's say, impact the thought like, Oh, hey, actually, I listened to Scott's podcast. It's really great. And I can do X, Y and Z, and then, and then maybe I'll feel better, right? So you have this, like, more optimistic thought, and then that leads to the emotions like, okay, I can do this, you know, determination, right? Like, knocking us down, right? And then that leads to the behavior of, okay, so I'm gonna Pre Bolus right now, or, like, I'm going to bullish properly. I'm gonna I'm gonna carp down, I'm gonna whatever it is, you know, so, but you can impact any place, on that triangle, whatever works for you. Like, sometimes, like, even though it's like, No, everything is stupid and everything is dumb, and I'm high and I don't want to do anything. And sometimes I'm like, Okay, I don't want to do anything, but like, let me impact the behavior. I'm going to give insulin, right? And then that, that behavior, I gave insulin, my numbers are going down. And then that impacts my emotions. I'm happier, right? Oh, like, I can do diabetes. Like, this works. I know the tools I got this, you know, yeah, you can kind of help that triangle also, like, so, like, those were things, like, just, just going to school and, like, seeing that, like, it doesn't have to be a catastrophe. Like, if you have a diabetes burnout day, it doesn't mean that, like, something seriously wrong with you and that, like, the world is ending. It's really normal. It's okay. Accept the emotion, accept that it's hard, it's okay, and then you can work on it, because, like, you have the tools,
Scott Benner 32:10
and you're not fighting against the reality,
Anonymous Female Speaker 32:13
right, right? Okay. Like people with diabetes, people with chronic conditions, are more likely to develop 30% more likely to develop depression, 30% more likely to develop anxiety. Develop anxiety, and it's a real thing that I'm not minimizing that. And also having a bad Diabetes Day doesn't mean you have severe depression. You don't have to go get it that spiral, you know? You can just be like, okay, diabetes is hard, yeah.
Scott Benner 32:39
So some people are depressed, but sometimes you think that they're not depressed, but they're having a depressive experience, or a bad day, or something like that, and then you kind of stay in that day by fighting against it instead of what, instead of accepting it moving on, instead
Anonymous Female Speaker 32:56
of just accepting it being with the emotion, meaning, like one of the criteria actually depressing, depressed, and depression or anxiety, and again, I'm depressed. It's a real thing. I'm not minimizing at all. Like I'm a social worker, don't worry. And also, one of the criterion is it disturbs you, greatly affects your life. So, like, there's all these, like psychological there's all the like these, like physical symptoms, right? Like not sleeping or being restless, on edge at all. That's one part of it. Second part of it is like, how much does it affect your life, and how much is it distressing you so? Meaning, if you can, like, deal with that part of like, this isn't distressing. This is normal. It's hard having diabetes. Some days are harder to manage. Others, like, it's just, like, it's just, it's okay. And then that doesn't have to be a distressing thought when you don't want to deal with diabetes that day,
Scott Benner 33:44
it's like walking in the rain, and some people splash in the puddles, and some people step in them and go, Oh, my foot's wet. You're both in the puddle. It's your inclination, but you're saying to some degree, like you can decide how to react for some people, yeah,
Anonymous Female Speaker 34:01
yeah. I definitely think you can decide how to react. And even, and even if you do have depression, you do have anxiety, you do have these things, like you still have the power to react. It will probably, you will. It'll probably be more difficult for you than someone who doesn't have those diagnoses, right? That's what the CBT intervention is all about. Or CBT, it's like you have the power to decide how to act. And I personally, the person, like, loves bashing the puddles. And I'm like, have rain boots. I should get my rain boots. I should wear rain boots today so I can splash in the puddles. You know? I'm saying like that, like, that's me. Like, yes, do
Scott Benner 34:34
you leave space for the idea that some people just can't be the splash in the puddle. People that, like, they step in the puddle and they just, it's not a conscious decision to think my foot's wet, like, it just, it's just how it hits them,
Anonymous Female Speaker 34:47
yeah, and then those, it just makes me sad. Everyone has different dispositions. And like, I do have, I do have a happier disposition. You know, I'm saying like, I have this very distinct memory of high school of, like. Be like, it's raining and, like, turning to my friend and be like, we should, for sure, go out during our lunch break and splash at all the puddles, right? And we did. And then it was not so thought out, because the rest of the day we were, like, soaking wet, but like, it was fun. I do
Scott Benner 35:12
and I but I'll tell you, like, I've made a lot of podcast episodes, spoken to a lot of people, and I struggle between wanting to lean into how I feel and saying to people, just do this, right? Like I do this, do that. Like it, to me, it smacks terribly of, it's been very popular over the last couple of years for incredibly athletic, strong people to make you a podcast and tell you about how to, you know, just go work out. You know, are you upset? You know, you're fat. You should just work out, like I do, like, giving me like,
Anonymous Female Speaker 35:45
and then you too will have incredible apps, right? Yeah, it's easy when
Scott Benner 35:49
it's your disposition. Such an interesting word, because it's easy when it's the way your brain's wired, the way the chemicals fly around in your body, when all your works that way, and you have the outcome that you're describing. It's super simple to say to somebody, have the outcome that I'm describing by doing what I do. And as much as I believe that you can kind of be the master of your path, I also genuinely believe that I've spoken to people who do not have that ability and and it's often because their wiring is different, or their chemicals are different, they have depression like or they are not the kind of people who look out and go, I'm gonna go splash the puddle. They're the kind of people look outside and go, Oh, it's raining. The day has been ruined. I try very hard to give space to the fact that I think all that's it's absolutely true, right? But I also do believe that you can fall into a hole and then throw yourself into it the rest of the way, oh, 100%
Anonymous Female Speaker 36:46
you know, your percent, yeah. And for people like that, like me, like, I'm a social worker, I'll tell you to go to therapy. You know, I'm saying, like, I don't, I don't think that's bad. I think it's normal, you know, like, to meaning, like, let
Scott Benner 36:56
me say this, if you're a social worker, then you deal with people who have financial issues, yeah, right. Like, so you can't just look at them and go, Well, just make more money, right, right, right. You know, the problem is you can't afford your bills. You're not making enough money. Go make more money. Like, that's not how that works. So maybe a business person was that tell that? Well, yeah, but, but my point is that if you're sad, you can't tell somebody stop being sad. It doesn't work that way.
Anonymous Female Speaker 37:22
Agreed. Agreed 100% right? Some people, right? Your brain is wired different ways, and like, you might need a medication that's okay, it's nothing to be ashamed of. You know, you might benefit greatly from therapy. That's okay, nothing to be ashamed of. You know, you can almost tell like I'm a social worker and that I've dealt with these things, and, you know, I have clients. Well, you
Scott Benner 37:41
know, it's funny, I realize you keep saying CBT, and not one of us is qualified, like, qualified that as cognitive behavioral therapy. Oh, sorry, yeah. And you're young too, yeah. So like you're because I think you're an upbeat person, and I don't think you lean towards like, depression, right? I think that, and you're younger, and when you're I'm telling you, when you're younger, it is pretty much hardwired, and most people just to be like, just do the thing. I watch at work every day, just go do the thing. And you have to be alive longer to see that. It just doesn't always work that way. And and it's not as easy as what you'll hear on social media or in media in general, or when people are out there just, you know, pitching their idea like everyone's not fat because they eat too much, right? Right? 100% I just had an experience this week where, on Wednesday, I used my GLP medication, right? Okay? And it has a shorter half life, so you shoot it once a week, but it's not at its full power on day six, okay? It wins as it goes. You know, I watched this thing happen two weeks ago. I shoot it on Wednesday, and on Tuesday, Artem was home from school, and her and her friend came home with a pizza, and I had two small slices of thin crust, not a lot of cheese pizza, and I woke up the next day a couple of pounds heavier, okay? And yesterday I was, let's see Wednesday shot on Wednesdays. So then Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. So five days later, I say to myself, like, you know what? We have a couple of these, like, 2.5 pens, like low dose pens. I'm on a much higher dose, but I'm five days into my shot. I know this is gonna wane. Day five, six and seven, I'm gonna shoot this two and a half, right? Like, so I took out the refrigerator, like, this extra two and a half, and I shot it. And I was like, Okay. And then late last night. I mean, late last night, somebody in my house comes home with that same pizza, and I was like, huh, I'll have pizza. So I had the same two slices, but five hours later in the day. So I ate these slices of pizza, and I went to bed a couple of hours later, right? And I. Woke up this morning and I hadn't gained weight well. So I'm going to say to you that my body doesn't properly make whatever GLP is okay. And so when I'm replacing it synthetically and eating normally, and I really, I know you're like, pizza is not normal, but I if you could just see this pizza, it's the thinnest crust. It barely has any cheese on it. It's like sauce and a tiniest bit of bread, like but my experience, you know, weeks prior, was, ate the pizza without, like, a full dose of the GLP happening, gained weight. Ate it without it, didn't gain weight. So now think about that like mental health or depression or anxiety, if your levels aren't right where they're supposed to be, you end up getting a result that's not optimal and not what you want 100%
Anonymous Female Speaker 40:49
and like, you know you don't, you don't need to tell me these things. No,
Scott Benner 40:53
I know people listening. You're being very positive, which is good, but I'm trying to step in for the people out there who might be listening, who are going, like, yeah, it ain't that easy, honey. Like, you know what I mean? Like,
Anonymous Female Speaker 41:01
right? Yeah, I kind of realized that. And I also want to share that like, This isn't because my journey with diabetes has been easy, and I do want to tell everyone else that also meaning, like, when I was going through school, like I was constantly getting ketones. I was constantly getting ketones. My weight fluctuated like crazy because I kept on getting ketones, because my numbers kept on being high, and my and, you know, and I was just, I was just, you know, in this perpetual state of, like, just diabetes, burnout, and I, and I wasn't taking care of myself, you know, and to the point where, like, I think, I was in DKA for a week, and, like, I didn't go to the hospital, like, meaning, Like, I had severe nausea, severe headaches, throwing up, just ignoring it. I didn't go to the hospital. I don't know again, like, I was like, 20, so I was still, like, in that teenage phase of like, Oh no, I don't need to go to the doctor. And, like, I was saying, I don't really know what was going through my head, but, but like, I mean, like, I've been there in the place where it's like, oh my gosh. Like, major diabetes burnout. I don't want to deal with diabetes, like, majorly impacting my life. Like, my numbers were crazy. They were all over the place, you know, like, to the point where was, I was losing weight crazy because of ketones and getting weight back. And then, you know, I'm saying, like, you know, just having all those symptoms and, like, I've been there
Scott Benner 42:19
and this all happened to you because you just weren't using insulin the way you needed to. Just
Anonymous Female Speaker 42:23
wasn't using insulin the way I needed to. And this was when I had all the information already, you know, saying, yeah, like, I knew what to do, you know, and I knew what to do, and I was just in this diabetes burnout phase, and it took months of just like, trying to accept diabetes, and it was only, like, after months of, like, being in this super unhealthy state, and now we look back in it, I'm like, I'm like, Why did I think it was normal to just all of a sudden, like, wake up, like, seven pounds thinner. I don't actually have a scale in my house. I actually couldn't see my family knows I have my skinny clothes and my fat holes, all right? I literally had different sizes for when I was, like, my normal weight, and then, like, my skinny weight, because, like, I had ketones and I wasn't taking care of my body the way I should have, like, and looking back at it, I'm like, wow, that's that's pretty good. That's pretty
Scott Benner 43:11
crazy, yeah, and dangerous too. Like, you're lucky that it didn't have worse outcomes for you.
Anonymous Female Speaker 43:16
I know, I know. I'm very grateful that nothing drastic happened.
Scott Benner 43:20
What flipped your switch like? What made you like? What made you do it? I
Anonymous Female Speaker 43:25
think just, just coming to terms with diabetes, it took a while for me. School was very stressful, even though I was, I was doing amazing in school, but I, you know, I was living it. I was living away from home for the first time, you know, just getting used to basic taking care of myself, you know, at the same time of, like, learning how to do that with it with a relatively new diagnosis, because, you know, I hadn't had any really experience taking care of myself with diabetes previous that, you know. And, like, just the stress of just stressful especially, like a master's program, you know, yeah, and a good master's program, you know? Well, you also have,
Scott Benner 44:00
like, cultural issues too, right around food, or No, I love food, but is some of the food you eat more difficult to deal with than what other people might have to deal with?
Anonymous Female Speaker 44:12
It's funny because, like, I don't think about that because it's such a normal part of my culture. But like, yeah, like every week on, you know, on Saturday, on Shabbos, like, I basically eat a Thanksgiving slash Christmas, Christmas dinner every week. Like, I find it funny when, like, there's like, these podcasts, like, how to deal with Thanksgiving dinner. I'm like, Girl,
Scott Benner 44:35
well, yeah, but I mean, listen, I've been privy to those meals, and they are carb centric in a way that is probably hard to put into work. And fat, heavy
Anonymous Female Speaker 44:46
fat, so fat, so much protein. But again, like right now, because I'm in a healthier place, like I'm able to go through that meal and not get high, but like two years ago, I wasn't able
Scott Benner 44:57
to are you limiting the food you're eating, or are you do you know how to. Bolus for it. I know how to Bolus for it, like
Anonymous Female Speaker 45:01
I don't. I don't limit my food. I like food. I eat food really well. I'm
very good at I'm also good at knowing how to Bolus for it when I when I have the headspace for it.
Scott Benner 45:15
Talk about when you don't have the headspace for it. Like, I hear people say this all the time, like, I don't count carbs, well, they say it like, it's like, it's not a knowable thing, you know? I don't, I don't do well with counting carbs. I actually, yesterday morning, Arden Bolus for something, and I looked at it, and I was like, Hey, that's not enough insulin for what you're about to eat. And she goes, No, she goes, it's gonna be like 45 and I was like, This gonna be like, 90, okay? It was just pancakes, right? Like, it was just pancakes and, and she's like, Yeah. And I was like, No, for sure. And she was, I thought it was 45 and I said, well, here on the package, it says 90. It's not an unknowable thing, is what I'm saying. So when I when I hear people say I don't carb count. Well, what I assume, in my mind is, is, what they mean is, I'm sick of counting these carbs. Yeah,
Anonymous Female Speaker 46:07
yeah, right. So it's right 100% I mean, like, I know how to carb count. I know line meter Pre Bolus. I know how to do like, you know the extend Bolus flash like feature for fat and protein. I know how good exercising is, and how and how beneficial that is for your numbers. You know, I'm saying, like, I know how to do all those things. But your question was, yeah, good. But your question was, like, how do you deal with that when you're not in the mood, not as well, and
Scott Benner 46:34
why does it happen like that? Because, like, for example, it's the amount of effort you have to put into counting the carbs, right? And so there's an amount of effort you put into pressing on the brake on your car while you're driving. So you never, you never start going through a curve and thinking, Well, I'm supposed to press down three quarters on this break, but I don't feel like it, so I'm just gonna press down a quarter on the brake and crash into the into the trees on the side of the road, like but people do that with their diabetes all the time. They're like, well, I should take a second to count these carbs. Push on the brake, but I'm not going to, because I don't feel like it, so I'm going to crash into the diabetes bushes, and my blood sugar is going to be 350 for the next four hours. But oh well. And I know I don't have diabetes, and I'm sure if I did, I'd be like, yeah, no, I understand exactly what you're saying, and I can't quantify it either. I just keep looking for someone to quantify it. For me,
Anonymous Female Speaker 47:25
I think that there's just, first of all, it doesn't feel as immediate, like it doesn't feel like, I mean, like you want to live right, like it's a natural thing within people that, like, you know, there's this natural insects you're gonna, hopefully know how to press in the breaks the car, right? But you'll be fine, right? But meaning like, when you're high, it doesn't, doesn't feel like an immediate threat, I guess. And the immediate threat feels like when, when I'm in that kind of like diabetes, burnout headspace. The immediate threat feels like taking care of my my numbers will, will, will, I won't be able to handle it right? That might not feel like
Scott Benner 47:57
it, but you, you consciously, you do know that that's not true. Oh, for sure, but that doesn't help. To harken back to earlier in the conversation, by the way, this is out of nowhere, but you said haughty earlier, and I thought, I don't think anyone's ever said that on the podcast before, to harken back to earlier when we mentioned Jenny. Jenny wouldn't not Bolus,
Anonymous Female Speaker 48:18
right? And I also would it not Bolus, but if I was in a kind of burnout state, I might, or I might not, be Bolus.
Scott Benner 48:26
I know I'm saying, like that right there, like, I don't know that we'll ever understand it, but that right there is what I want to understand. Yeah. Why does that happen to someone? I'm not coming from like, like the bro podcast, guys. I'm not saying, Why do you do it to yourself? I'm saying, how does it happen? What different variables, circumstances, feelings, emotions, etc, come together to make someone say, I don't care if I press on the brake hard enough, I'm just gonna go into the trees and let be what's gonna be. And is there a way to impact it? Maybe even if we understood it, we wouldn't be able to impact it, but I'm right now stuck on understanding it. Yeah, that's all. And I don't think, I don't know if I'm ever gonna, but I keep waiting for somebody to give me an answer.
Anonymous Female Speaker 49:10
I think it's just diabetes is really tiring and really exhausting. And, like, sometimes you're just in this state of, like, diabetes is hard that you're not able to, like, logically think through what needs to happen. It does not really logical. Because, again, like, I know everything to do, right? And sometimes I don't do it. And I think it comes from like, a more, like, emotional, really human place, like, I don't, I don't think it can be explained by, like, logic. Oh, it makes sense. Someone's not taking care of the numbers. Like, it makes sense if you don't know what to do. You know that makes sense, and I hope that you can get the tools you've listened to the podcast, find friends to help you. But like, in terms of, like, once you know all the tools and not doing, I just think it comes from a super human place. Of like, diabetes is hard, and sometimes you're just in that headset. Of like, I'm just overwhelmed with diabetes. Right now, and I just don't want to, I just don't want to do it, and I don't think there's a logical reason for it. Maybe
Scott Benner 50:04
sometimes you're just like, asleep at the wheel, right?
Anonymous Female Speaker 50:07
Just like, just like, not wanting to feel it, not wanting to see it, kind of going through the motions, but not really thinking so hard into it. You know, is it
Scott Benner 50:15
valuable in that moment for someone to help? Like, do you have a partner or somebody you date, or somebody in your life that could help you. So I definitely, yeah.
Anonymous Female Speaker 50:24
So I'm really grateful that I have a lot of really great supports, and I and I am married, and I do have a really supportive partner who really understands diabetes, which is, which is very helpful. And sometimes he'll be like, do you think that maybe we should go on a walk? And I'm like, maybe that's a good idea, you know, or, like, or sometimes he'd be like, maybe you should drink a lot of water right now. I'm like, That's a good idea.
Scott Benner 50:46
Never push back, though, when he says, like, maybe we should go on a walk. Do you ever say maybe you should mind your own business? Well, I
Anonymous Female Speaker 50:53
told him that he can never tell me when I'm high that I'm in a bad mood, because I'll yell at him. So I told them that I'm generally fairly receptive to solutions because I know I need to do them, but I just, like, don't have the energy to, like, think of them or implement them. So like, if someone's doing it with me, then, like, I'll be more likely to do it, you know. Okay, I could be like, Okay, I'll go on a walk. Okay, fine. That sounds like a good idea. I'll usually say no, and then get up to go on a walk. Yeah, like, no. And then I'll be like, Okay, then I'll put my sneakers on, you know, like, you
Scott Benner 51:24
know what's funny, I guess, what's hard for me and maybe not hard, that's the wrong word. What drives me to want to understand is making the podcast. I feel like, if a life is 90 years long, right? It's possible that I have spoken to someone who's lived through every year of that life. If you take all the people I kind of think of like all the people that I've spoken to, if you press them together into one person with diabetes, I've spoken to someone who's raised a nine month old with diabetes. I've spoken to someone who's had diabetes when they were 65 and 44 and 37 and 18, right and 72 and I've heard the stories. I know where the story is going to end. If you are writing it the way the 72 year old wrote it, or the way the 5030 like, Do you know what I mean? Does that make sense to you? Like, it's possible I'm having such a unique experience that I don't know how to explain it to other people. But if diabetes is a write your own story, you used to be able to, like, get these records. And records are these wax discs that people would listen. Okay, all right, so used to be able to get these records, and they would come with a book, and then you could read up to a certain spot and then decide which way the story went next, right? And then you could drop the needle on the record to, like, pick up the story in a different place. Oh, that's fun. I'm very old, but I feel like diabetes is like that, and in a world where you can pick the needle up and put it back down where you want it to go, you can, with some certainty, write a good story for yourself, but at the same time, you can also make decisions that end up with the story not going well, yeah. And when we know that, it's weird to me that we know that, and sometimes people pick the needle up and put it back down, I'm gonna try meth. I'm being serious. All
Anonymous Female Speaker 53:36
right, no, 100% I'm laughing because it's true. Like I'm laughing because the truth in that statement, it's
Scott Benner 53:41
like, Saturday, and you get up, you're like, I'm bored. And the answer isn't, I think I'm gonna go for a walk and check out wicked tonight. The answer is, I think I'm gonna sleep till three, binge drink and do cocaine with friends. I don't know how people decide to put the needle down, where they decide to put it down. I can
Anonymous Female Speaker 54:00
tell you that it's not coming from a logical place, and it's coming from an emotional place, and probably in drugs, also coming from place, and a lot of just pain, it's not coming from a logical place, you know, I'm saying, like, it can't be because, like, Sure, no, the facts, you know? I'm saying, like, it's coming from, like, an emotional place. It's coming from a resistance place. It's coming from,
Scott Benner 54:19
uh, no, but people knowing the facts don't help people, like, process them, because people are still, like, cocaine, ah, it's a party drug. I'll be okay. Do you know what I mean? Or, like, yeah, just a little bit of meth isn't gonna hurt anybody. I'm not gonna end up Toothless in a field. Except maybe you will, and so for me, like that, like, if you want to know, like, why I've never done meth, for example, it's because I wouldn't want that to happen to me, but, but that's also an overly simplistic answer, the answer, but the real answer, going back to what I said earlier, is doesn't occur to me to do so, yes, there are people out there who would occur to them to do it that way. Or maybe they're less risk of or they're more risk averse, or less risk averse, or whatever. Maybe they're. Looking for that jolt. I have no idea, like, right? Like, maybe some people just need that, like, and I don't need that like, I don't need whatever that is that, like, like, you know, like, let's do it. Like, you know what I mean. Like, I don't, I don't really have that in me. Like, I took off yesterday, like, which is a weird thing to say, like, I didn't do anything on Sunday, which is incredibly uncommon, epic, right? Like, so I got up, I didn't do anything. I was like, I'm gonna watch the flip I'm gonna make breakfast for people. I'm gonna watch the football game afterwards. I'm gonna watch a TV show that I enjoy, and then I'm gonna go to bed. Amazing. I didn't drink nine beers while I was doing it. I didn't like, as a matter of fact, had somebody not shown up with that pizza. I don't even know if I would have eaten anything last night, and I don't think I'm special or doing something right. I just don't understand. Like, why doesn't it occur to me to do math if I'm sick, why do I take the pills when I'm supposed to at the times that I'm supposed to on the days that I'm supposed to? Like, why don't I just go, Oh, I forgot today's It's okay. I'll take it tomorrow. I don't have that in me. Arden has that. Arden's like, Oh, I forgot my thyroid medication. I'll take two tomorrow, right? And I'm like, No, don't do that. And she goes, it's not a big deal. And I'm like, no, yes, it is. And she goes, No, it's not. I'm fine. And like, we like, do you understand? Like, you talk to a lot of people who have a lot of issues in their life. Have you ever once looked and thought, I see a common thread on how someone ends up in this position. It
Anonymous Female Speaker 56:25
always comes from trauma, from pain, from emotional stuff and whatever that is meaning like, sometimes I look at people's choices, I'm like, Hmm, I don't know about that one.
Scott Benner 56:35
I promise you, I grew up like a feral dog in the street, I promise you, I'm not making that up. Okay, like, I promise you, I have known that I'm adopted since I can remember, right? So, like, like, and it does impact me, by the way. Like, I think anybody who listens to this knows, like, I have a genuine fear of abandonment. Like, right? Like, I'm probably as good of a dad as I am because I don't want everybody to, like, leave. I'm not stupid. Like, I understand how that works, but my dad also used to kick the out of us. Oh, gosh, right, not all the time, but enough that you were like, is this the moment when I'm gonna, like, get kicked in the like, literally, kicked in the ass. Like, you know, you mean, like, am I gonna get back handed here? Like, is that gonna happen? Like, I definitely heard my brother get belted in a bathtub for splashing, oh my gosh. Like, right? Like, I lived through that and I still didn't do math. Like, why not? Like, you understand that this entire podcast is just a journey of me trying to figure out why I'm not on cocaine. I'm really fascinated by that aspect of it. And I think diabetes is twisted right up along with it, right? Like, the amount of illegal drugs that come into our country every year would astound you, like, by weight, right? Go look it up sometime. Like, how, like, like, how much comes in by weight, right? And it isn't. It ain't sitting in people's cupboards waiting for Thanksgiving. It's being used. And I admit, and I agree that trauma drives people towards stuff like that. But then why doesn't trauma drive everybody towards that?
Anonymous Female Speaker 58:11
It's also your personality, right? Meaning, like, you're an upbeat personality, you're very resilient, right? Like, meaning, like, what does that mean? Though, I don't know, man,
Scott Benner 58:22
Emily, like, you're 23 I'm trying to put you on the path because I'm getting old and I'm not gonna be able to finish this fight. I don't right? Like, like, that's what I want people to wonder. I want them to look at their lives and wonder, like, why do I do the things I do
Anonymous Female Speaker 58:37
that's, like, right? Like, everyone, it's interesting. Because I'll see, I'll see two people, and they have very, let's say they have very similar stories, right? They have totally different responses, right? Like, meaning, like, someone may develop, like, you know, borderline, and out of, like, you know, their borderline as a result of, you know, their past, and other people, like, yeah, it's kind of difficult, but like, I'm doing fine, and they come in for something completely different, you know, like it is, it's so curious to me, like, I don't have a good answer necessarily, you know. Like, you heard
Scott Benner 59:06
me ask Jenny, like, why do you do these things? The right way? She doesn't know either. Right, right? It's not just people who are screwing up that don't know why they do it. People are doing well, don't know why they're doing which is what leads to, like, you know, guys with 0% body fat on a podcast to say something stupid, like, man, you just got to get up in the morning and eat your protein and do your stuff. Like, oh, is that all I have to do? Thanks, basal, sure, that's the thing. I don't know that we'll ever figure out why some people are, you know, I get up every morning and I go for a run and I only eat four ounces of chicken, and I definitely do this. And everything in my life is perfect. And some of those people get diabetes, and they translate that to diabetes. Some people who are more like, I don't know, man, like, I'll take it when I think of it, those people get diabetes too. Like, we're never gonna figure out, I don't think we'll ever figure out why you are who you are, but I. Just think it would be valuable if people knew who they were in this scenario. Like, maybe that would help them along the way.
Anonymous Female Speaker 1:00:06
There's so many factors. Meaning, like, even within the same family, right? Like, you still have different parents. Meaning, like, even siblings, like, you know, parents treat a little bit differently. You're born at different times, even if it's close in age to each other. Like, you have different you have different classes. You have different Yeah, you know, you have, you have different circumstances than me. You know, like, when you look into studies about, like, oh, what makes people resilient? What makes people handle or not? Like, there's some basic factors, you know, like, you know, more positive people, more resilient people. There's, there's protective factors, and there's also factors that make it more difficult. Like, you know, if various traumas could make it more likely for you to develop, you know, psychological disorders, right? Or, you know, to have a hard time mentally. But, and I
Scott Benner 1:00:50
don't think it's got anything to do with how much money you have or how good your parenting was, or, like, I just think some people make a left turn and some people make a right turn, and you're never going to know why. Maybe it's just one of those things I should stop thinking about. Like, honestly, like, maybe it's just it is what it is, and we're not going to come to any answers. And some people are going to wake up one day and say, Hey, I should look into this. And they do. And some people wake up one day and just go, Hey, I'm going to ride this out. I don't, I'm, I'm not looking to change. I don't have
Anonymous Female Speaker 1:01:17
a good reason or a good explanation. But, like, what? What the message that I do want to say is that, like, it makes sense that sometimes it's harder for you to manage your diabetes. Some days, when I say you, like, the general you, yeah, and also, and listening and having the tools will help you once you kind of get to that place of, okay, what can I do to help myself? Like, I have diabetes, it's really hard. There's something I can do right now, you know. And like, sometimes, like, and on, on those harder days, it's just like, You know what? I'm gonna Pre Bolus, that's what I'm new, or I'm just gonna make sure that my carbs are counted correctly, even though I'm not Pre Bolus saying, you know, and doesn't have to be anything drastic, but just whatever you're able to handle that day. And like, kind of both, you know, like, on the one hand, yes, First, know the information that's really helpful. And also, if that information doesn't help you, like, that's normal, and you're a normal person, and you're human, and diabetes is hard. And also, for sure, there are so many things you can do to help yourself, you know, like, kind of like, like holding both of that and like, why it's easier for some people and why it's harder for some people, it's like, I don't know
Scott Benner 1:02:20
if anybody can take anything and apply it from another person. I can just tell you that my simplest piece of advice is that I don't take bad things from yesterday to the next day. Yeah, I wake up every day and I'm like, start over, like, this is a new day, yeah.
Anonymous Female Speaker 1:02:35
And very much, very much I feel that way by diabetes, like, I guess because my I do have good settings. Like, every day, every morning I wake up a good number, you know, I'm saying so I was like, doesn't matter what happened yesterday, not every day, but like, a lot of days, yeah, doesn't matter what happened yesterday. Like, diabetes is a hard day yesterday, if I went up super high. Like, today is a good today is a new day to start diabetes again. Like, I don't have to hold yesterday's, you know, like, bad things that happened, or hard or hard parts, like, like, I don't have to hold that to the next day, you know, like, that happened, it's okay. I learned from it. You know, you move on, you know, like, not, like, not kind of worrying too much about it and settling too much about it and, like, thinking about it like, it's okay, you made a mistake. Hopefully, you learn from it, after something that you said, if something doesn't work out in your diabetes management, don't like, be like, Oh my gosh, that happened. Reflect, why do you think it didn't work out? And then you learn from it, as opposed to needing to go through it again and again and
Scott Benner 1:03:31
again. Yeah, you just can't. You can't continue to beat yourself up over things like you just take the lesson and move on. 100% 100% let's stop on that, because I think that's perfect. I think that's awesome. This was wonderful. I really appreciate it. Thank you for coming on and doing this. Thank you. Oh, no, no, it's pleasure. It's a great perspective, because you are young, Yeah, but you're thinking about things. I can't stay alive forever. If I could, I'd love to talk to you, like, 20 years from now and see, like, all the things you figured out. You know what I mean, like, because it's interesting. You don't know this because you're 23 and because you're 23 and this is the smartest you've ever been right now, like, but That's right, yes, which is awesome. When you're 53 and you look at a 23 year old like, you go, Oh, I wonder when, at what point will this fill in for her? Where will she see this? Or have enough experiences where that'll make more sense? It's just, it's lovely to see a well intended person thinking about things like this when they're young. It's interesting. It's an interesting time. So I appreciate it very much. Yeah,
Anonymous Female Speaker 1:04:26
for sure, awesome. It's funny like I am young, and it also feels like I've lived so much life already, just because of diabetes and because of social work and because the you know, everything that I have seen, you know, and like, I'm probably gonna laugh at myself in like, 20 years.
Scott Benner 1:04:41
Also, because of your culture, you you get married earlier too, and that does ground you pretty quickly. Yeah, you know, 100% you have 75 kids. Yet, are you still working on that part?
Anonymous Female Speaker 1:04:51
Almost I'm working on the 74th right now.
Scott Benner 1:04:55
Do you have kids? No, no. Are you thinking about it?
Anonymous Female Speaker 1:04:58
Definitely thinking about. It would would be excited and grateful when that happens, and you know,
Scott Benner 1:05:04
awesome. Okay, all right, listen to me. I'm gonna let you go. You were terrific. Hold on one second.
Today's episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the Dexcom g7 and the Dexcom g7 warms up in just 30 minutes. Check it out now at dexcom.com/juice box. The podcast you just enjoyed was sponsored by tandem diabetes care. Learn more about tandems, newest automated insulin delivery system, tandem Moby with control iq plus technology at tandem diabetes.com/juicebox. There are links in the show notes and links at Juicebox podcast.com. Okay, well, here we are at the end of the episode. You're still with me. Thank you. I really do appreciate that. What else could you do for me? Uh, why don't you tell a friend about the show or leave a five star review? Maybe you could make sure you're following or subscribe in your podcast app, go to YouTube and follow me or Instagram. Tik, Tok. Oh gosh, here's one. Make sure you're following the podcast in the private Facebook group as well as the public Facebook page you don't want to miss. Please do not know about the private group. You have to join the private group as of this recording, it has 51,000 members in it. They're active talking about diabetes, whatever you need to know. There's a conversation happening in there right now, and I'm there all the time. Tag me. I'll say hi. The Diabetes variables series from the Juicebox Podcast goes over all the little things that affect your diabetes that you might not think about, travel and exercise to hydration and even trampolines. Juicebox podcast.com go up in the menu and click on diabetes variables. Hey, what's up everybody? If you've noticed that the podcast sounds better and you're thinking like, how does that happen? What you're hearing is Rob at wrong way. Recording, doing his magic to these files. So if you want him to do his magic to you, wrong way. Recording.com, you got a podcast. You want somebody to edit it. You want rob you.
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