#410 Best Hug

Quincy is the husband of a T1

Quincy is the husband of a a type 1 diabetic and he's here to share his perspective.

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:09
Hello everyone and welcome to Episode 410 of the Juicebox Podcast today shows a little late because I was sick for a couple of days, but I'm feeling better now. We're getting back on track. Today's episode is with Quincy Quincy is the husband of a woman who has type one diabetes. At one point I thought this episode may become an after dark because of how honest Quincy was getting. But then I realized it's just a good episode. Please remember while you're listening but nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise. Please always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan for becoming bold with insulin. In this episode, you're going to find out what it's like to be married to somebody with Type One Diabetes. If you have a little extra time after this episode, please check out the T one D exchange at T1DExchange.org/juicebox. Take a moment, fill out their survey, add your data support the podcast support Type One Diabetes Research T1DExchange.org/juicebox. us residents only.

This show is sponsored today by the glucagon that my daughter carries Gvoke hypopen. Find out more at Gvokeglucagon.com/juicebox. This episode is also sponsored by the Contour Next One blood glucose meter You can find out more about the meter, their test strip program and whether or not you're eligible for a free METER

Unknown Speaker 1:51
Free

Scott Benner 1:52
at ContourNext.com/juicebox.

Quincy Belk 1:57
My name is Quincy Belk. And I I'm excited to be here.

Scott Benner 2:02
It's excellent. So Quincy, are you person with Type One Diabetes? Are you someone that loves someone with Type One Diabetes? What's your story?

Quincy Belk 2:09
My wife is this type one diabetic. And so I am her. I'm I'm her assistant when it comes to these sorts of things.

Scott Benner 2:22
I my wife's assistant but more for like hair appointments, and doctor's visits and anything she doesn't really want to talk about. I'm always like, Hi. Scott Benner calling for Kelly. Kelly, like a half head with a highlight and a cut. Like, you really know how to ask about this. And I was like, yeah, it's one of the real highlights of my life that I know how to order a haircut for a lady. But But I know I so. I guess let's so you know, we're gonna share your wife's name.

Quincy Belk 2:54
Yeah, yeah, her name is her name is Rachel.

Scott Benner 2:56
Okay. And so was Rachel.

Quincy Belk 3:00
A type one when you met her? Was? Yeah, she. She was diagnosed when she was 19. And her freshman year of college, her and I started dating in her in her junior year of college.

Scott Benner 3:12
Okay. I'm interested in that a little bit, because that's a real unique experience. And honestly, we were just talking about this with Arden last night, I swear to you, I swear to you last night. It came up. And I said to Arden you know there are people who come on the show who have been dissuaded by family members from dating or marrying people with type one that took art in 100% gobsmacked or she she couldn't like wrap her head around that. And I sit in and there are also people who come on who find wonderful supportive spouses and boyfriends and girlfriends and whatever. And and I said I think that that's sort of part of the journey is to find a person who understands and she kind of looked quizzical, I was like, you know, it's gonna take a special person to realize that they may have to wake up at two in the morning pretty frequently and be like, hey, Arden, Arden, you know, your blood sugar's low? or What should we do with that kind of thing? And, and she started smiling. She goes, Oh, they are gonna have to wake me up. Because I don't get up. And I was like, right, exactly. And and so what about Rachel? I guess back in those early days, what made diabetes not seem like, like a bridge too far for you, I guess.

Quincy Belk 4:31
Well, that's a that's an excellent question. It's actually it was part of a struggle that I actually had, weirdly enough, I had this really preconceived notion. I was not going to date anyone with chronic illness. I know that sounds like a very specific dating qualification. Other than than being like ambidextrous, or something, you know, but I had this really specific, I don't know it was this concern that was definitely just based out of mindset of selfishness where I didn't want to have to deal with somebody else's problems.

Scott Benner 5:04
And that actually occurred to you as a younger person. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 5:09
And

Quincy Belk 5:11
I was actually really good friends with a girl before I met my wife. And she, she had some, some chronic issues. And I remember we ended up not dating, and I kind of attributed to that. But whenever I met my wife, I would, I would say that definitely, the turning point was probably the probably the season of life that I was in at that moment in time allowed me to be, I think that I had just come out of some difficult stuff. And it really kind of seasoned to me for, you know, dating and pursuing my wife. And I've known my wife for a very long time, she's actually family, friends, and has been in and out of my life for years. But it definitely took a coming to Jesus meeting, you know, where my wife was very frank with me about the qualifications for a guy that would have to date her. And they weren't necessarily based around. You know, type one care, because at that point in time, she was very independent, didn't really want any help with managing type one. And was okay with that. But she really laid out some very strict qualifications for the guy that needed to pursue her and how, you know, I needed to be a leader, I needed to step up and build this voice number to sit in the car. And I was like, I have no idea why she's telling me all this stuff. But no way in the world, I can do any of this. But I think that was that was part of that journey, was realizing that you know what, typically speaking, I would run from the situation because it feels really hard. But I really liked her, obviously. Yeah. And the, again, I think the me being seasoned before, that really kind of helped move me into a better, bigger, better state of mind. Where I felt a little more capable of, of emotionally being able to step into that void and help her.

Scott Benner 7:15
Well, let me ask you a question. Is there anything that happened prior that would make you not want to be around illness? Was there illness in your family? Did you grow up around it? Or is that just some like wild haired like 17 year old like thought,

Quincy Belk 7:30
I think it was definitely a wild hair kind of thought. I didn't really grow up around any kind of chronic illnesses. And so I think, I think it really just basically came down to this idea of just not wanting to I think I felt that incorrectly. Of course, I think I felt that if I married someone with a chronic illness that it would, it would, it would lessen my ability to have fun in life. Okay, because I would be I would be tethered down to having to move at a pace that was more conducive for them, as opposed to one that was what I wanted to do

Scott Benner 8:07
it. And so maybe just a young, immature selfishness, you think? Absolutely. Okay. Absolutely. All right. And then of course, Rachel so amazing, you have to rethink everything. But prior to even figuring all that out, she's laying out for you. What you need to do. That's a very southern thing, isn't it? This is what you're gonna have to do. If you want to be with me. I like that.

Quincy Belk 8:29
Oh, definitely. Yeah, very, very, very southern in that nature. But it's one of the things I've always appreciated about her. She's very, she's never, she's never minced words, which is sometimes hard, but also at least I don't have to worry about what's going on inside of her head. Right?

Scott Benner 8:47
She tells me you know, what's happening? Well, I think that by the way, that shouldn't just be a southern thing that should be everyone should have a reasonable expectation that they're going to be treated a certain way, especially by somebody they're going to, you know, hitch their wagon to, that's a that's a long life of have not I was listening to someone the other day, who's had diabetes for a handful of years. I don't want to give away any of their details, but one of their husband to be more involved and went to them and had been married for a long time and said, You know, I need you to understand this better, and the husband wasn't interested. And now that's a know a new problem for their relationship. And I would say pretty significant. It's just a it's not for everybody, but I wondered when I heard that person say that. Is the guy not interested? Or is he worried he's gonna screw something up? Like, is it just a fear? Or is it apathy? You know, which, which is it? Exactly. Anyway, so you're dating in college, and she's Of course, like you mentioned not really looking For help with their diabetes, but how does it get to the point where you actually are able to be helpful in that she's willing to take that help.

Quincy Belk 10:11
In the early years of our dating, and even the early days of our marriage, we would go to this restaurant that we really loved. And we would always order these, you know, great sandwiches, and then after we would eat, there would always be this big old slice of sweet potato cake that we would always eat. This is an early early years, and I remember Rachel's decision whether or not to eat any of this cake or some of this cake, she would literally do a finger stick right then. And it was almost kind of like just, you know, the magic eight ball, it was the number going to be and that was going to determine her her mindset going into that. And, and that was a really interesting thing, because again, we would she was she was very much in control over the situation, but definitely not to the point where she had things fine tuned. And she really wanted to live a more a more bold life. So to speak with with how she treated her type one. But for her where the turning point occurred, she actually was on the phone, a friend of hers actually called and said, hey, my husband's thinking about getting an omni pod, would you get on the phone with them and just maybe talk through some of the pros and cons of Omni pod? So Rachel's like, Oh, yeah, I love helping people, this would be great. So she gets on the phone with this guy. And before she gets off the phone, he has told her about your podcast. And Little did she know that she thought she was going on to convince this guy to use, you know, an omni pod. But by the time she got off the phone, she was like, hey, Quincy, this kind of tell me about some podcasts where you know, this guy talks about type one, his daughter. I was like, yeah, you should listen to it. Rachel wasn't super big on the idea initially, but I was like, No, you should do it. We were driving to Florence. Let's listen to this thing. And I think it was the episode where you had a girl on that had to have I cannot even remember like she had like six organs taken out or something crazy like that, like a pain Korea or something. I can't I can't know what that word is called.

Scott Benner 12:26
I know which one you mean. And there we go. Yeah. And it. I can't think of the title of it. Because I wanted to name it something super silly. And she stopped me. I was like, Hey, I was so excited. I told her. I'm like, I'm gonna name your episode that she's like, please do not name it that and I was like, Alright, nevermind, I felt like it was married for a second. I was like, Okay, and now I can't remember any of the details. I only remember that experience. By the way she was right. It was I had some silly idea in mind. She's like, don't we want people to know what it's about a little bit? I was like, no, that's not how I think about it. And she goes, maybe you should. That's the funny.

Quincy Belk 13:01
Basically, we listen to that on the way down. And I mean, for the first time in both of our collective lives, she's tried to explain the intricacies of type one to me, but it always felt so medical. And so intimidating. Yeah. And so there was a, there was this fear, of course that, you know, I just didn't, I didn't know enough. And she knew so much. And I would never be able to, you know, achieve her level of knowledge. And we listened to your bold with insulin talk right after that. And I remember looking over at her, I mean, like I I've spent the first year and a half of our marriage having absolutely no idea about any of this stuff. And he just explained this in a way that even I can understand in an hour. And, you know, I kind of refer to it as really just the Rosetta Stone for type one diabetes. And it just it really illuminated my understanding. But it also I think, gave us a common language. And once we had that common language, and I could understand not only you know what bumping and nudging was or you know why you would do an extended bolus, whenever we could actually have those conversations, you know, it gave us some language, some common language to be able to engage one another on that topic. And before I would have never had, you know, any of the wherewithal to, to engage her on that. But through, you know, being able to establish something like that it really helped us to move towards one another, and kind of move towards being partners in in managing things.

Scott Benner 14:41
It sounds to me like you guys are my best shot to get a baby named after me.

Unknown Speaker 14:47
That's awesome. Awesome.

Scott Benner 14:49
really all I just heard. No, I'm just kidding. It's really lovely for you to say. I appreciate you saying that. And I'm happy that it's what happened. I have to tell you that Jay and I were just texting each other before you and I started to record. And we were lamenting about some of the information that's available in the diabetes community, and how some of it seems to pop up very soon after she and I talked about stuff on the podcast, and then suddenly, other people have the idea that maybe that's something they should be talking about. And then we looked at it, and it's so dry, and boring, and technical, that I think this is great information, no one's going to read this, you know, again, like, you have to know how to talk about things, to make them interesting to people. And I used to be worried that, you know, somebody come along and just rip off the podcast. And now I realized that it's about communication. if not more, as at least as much as it is about getting out good information, like the information is great. But if you can't put it out there in a way that can be easily absorbed and and put into practice, it's kind of useless, you know, and then it reached you a person who didn't have diabetes, and was probably more than an arm's length from it. Until then. I'm really pleased by that. I'm glad you told me I thank you.

Quincy Belk 16:15
You're welcome. And it's definitely been a help and I definitely hope that it helps other people. Because it would be a shame for all of this information. You you actually said something I was listening to your podcast, your most recent podcast with openness, gracious, her name is going to escape me. singer songwriter,

Unknown Speaker 16:36
Darcy Darcy, there

Quincy Belk 16:37
we go. I should have written that written that down. But I remember you speaking to her yesterday, and you made the point that this generation of young people are so well armed with their you know, with their education, but also with their resources and their capacity for for helping people. I mean, this is a very unique time in in type one management with all of these CGM is floating around all of these different ideas. And these podcasts that are just armed to the teeth with fantastic information, and all of the just this the the massive amount of really helpful people and resources that did not exist 50 years ago,

Scott Benner 17:30
yeah. Well, I'm unaware of anyone else that I'd be space except for me. I'm feeling the only one. But I hear what you're saying. Like, if you want to learn to barbecue or something like that, there's probably plenty of people who could, by the way, you now just have an insight into what I've been doing personally lately, teaching myself how to use a pellet girl.

Quincy Belk 17:50
You mentioned several times about the barbecue is a

Scott Benner 17:53
very, very specific, very specific example. But But, But to your point. It's gonna sound like a very privileged thing to say, but this COVID-19 thing started, I still get to work, you know, my wife gets to work. We're in our home. it's maddening, but it's not. It's I'm not trapped in a, you know, a 500 by 500 apartment in Manhattan, or, you know, in Brooklyn or something like that. So it's it's manageable, have some space to go outside. It's not the worst thing in the world. We're still making money. So obviously, that's all pretty amazing. But I suddenly had more time. And I was like, Okay, here's one thing I want to happen. And one thing I don't want to happen, what I don't want to happen is for me to gain 20 pounds during COVID-19, which I thought easily could have happened, right. And so I started paying attention to some health stuff that I was interested in before, but didn't have the time to get to. I cut out some oils from my life, canola. Vegetable oil is eight, maybe seven or eight other oils that I heard this doctor talking about, like just don't take these oils, and I'm like, right on. And so I did that. And I moved to an intermittent intermittent fasting, way of eating, so I only eat between noon and 8pm. And then so it's eight on 16 off. And we are pretty far into COVID-19. At this point, you and I are talking at the very beginning of June, and I've lost 11 pounds, and I'm eating way more food than I ever used to eat. And I'm talking about like substantial stuff. So then I was like, Alright, well I got up my game on my cooking, you know, because before my whole diet was about limiting things like limit limit limit, and that way hopefully you won't gain too much weight as I get older. I was like you know, I've always wanted to dumb I feel like I'm a fairly decent cook in the house. But I always wanted to do better with like barbecuing things and grilling things. So I was able to go online and watch videos and read things that taught me enough that I thought I could do this. And then I used that same information to decide on which girl again. And we're six days into it. And I think we've had ribs and steak and burgers. And what else did we make something else a chicken. And tonight I'm making pulled pork. And I have to tell you, if it wasn't for taking the time to stop and listen to what other people had to say, I wouldn't have been able to do this like no lie like it was the slowing down and listening and i and i was saying to, were saying to my wife the other day, I hope that this time has been good for people with the podcast because of that I tried to make the point early on, on social media. I was like, Listen, guys, now's a great time to like, do something for yourself, you know, you've got this extra time. Because you have to slow down and listen to the podcast. It's not something. I mean, don't get me wrong. There's a couple of grabber episodes like, you know, you'll listen to Episode 11. And a lot of people say that that's what got them into it. But you really do have to just take the time to listen to. It's not just me, like, I'll joke about it being me. But it's it's other people's stories, hearing how they handle things, hearing them, say something, amigo, Hey, have you considered this or we do that? That's the amalgam that eventually ends up being? I don't know, like, it's enough information that you can learn how to make a brisket. You know what I mean? Like without anybody sitting down and going step one, step two, step three, it's, you know, I think it's a great way to learn about diabetes. And I and I think it's proving out your experience, you know, specifically and others in a more wide view, but it's how I think of it. And the more I do it, the more I'm certain of it. So,

Quincy Belk 21:51
yeah, it's really kind of like a living cyclepedia or an encyclopedia, where it's just kind of just constantly growing. And the more experiences you have on there, the more helpful it may be for someone in a particular circumstance.

Scott Benner 22:05
Yeah, well, Listen, I'll pull the curtain back for a little bit here, I'm maybe a little more well thought out that I let on. But I see the podcast as it's an extension of how I parent. So I like to not be up my kids asses, I like to sort of sit back, see what's going on with them, do my best to figure it out. And then kind of swoop in once in a while with something that I think will, you know, season what's going on for them at the moment, or move it forward or expand an idea. And oftentimes, they need to just be left alone. But what I do is I take the, the social media around diabetes, and I look at what's going on and what people are saying, and I don't think, how do I talk to them about what they're asking, which I think is what most people do I see. I see other people, sometimes they're like, tell us what you want to hear on the show? Or what do you want me to write about on my blog, and I was like, see, that's your mistake, your mistake is letting the people who are lost lead the tribe like that, and then if they knew they wouldn't be here. So instead, I look at where they're lost. And I decide for me what I think would move them along. Now, I'm not going to be right for everybody. But, you know, again, it's proving out that it might be working for a lot of people. So I just look and I'm like, Where, where are people struggling? What would I say to them? If that was my kid? Like if this is a parenting situation, and my son says, I have this problem? What would I do next? What would I nudge him with bump him with, you know, season and with to keep him moving out of that problem into a better place. And so that's what I tried to do with the podcast that and because of that, it becomes an ever growing conversation. And I hope it's a journey. But that's why when people start listening, I think, Oh, I hope they go back to the beginning so that they can they can catch up. You know what I mean? And I don't know, it's it's a high minded idea, especially now that there's 340 episodes, but people do it. So Oh, yeah. It's astonishing to me. Have you gone back and listen to older ones, or did you kind of start where you started and kept moving forward?

Quincy Belk 24:30
I've kind of bounced around. I have a I have a very short attention span. Like most men, and I have listened to a handful of the Juicebox Podcast episodes. And I've definitely started to try to listen to them. chronologically. Rachel's actually listened to every single one of them. I think from your oldest to your newest chronologically,

Scott Benner 24:52
that's the appropriate way to do it. I just want to tell everybody, you know,

Quincy Belk 24:55
it was impressive. I was like man, girls, girls tearing through I want

Scott Benner 25:00
all of your downloads is what I'm saying, I need every one of them. You can't, I cannot dominate this space. If you guys don't listen to all the episodes. I don't you know it seriously, it's funny. I mean, and don't mean both of those things like, like, I, it's cool if you don't want to listen to all of them, I don't mind. If you did, it would definitely make the podcast more powerful for the lack of a better term. And it would swing a bigger boo ama said something I didn't mean to say swing a bigger stick, which would help fine which would help it find other you know, better. I don't know, guests and I don't mean better guests, I mean more guests and ideas and attract, attract, you know, thought leaders back here, which would be great. But at the same time, I just want you to get out of it what you need. So if you if you need that take the journey to get caught up. That's terrific. And if you can jump in and do pros hip episodes or something like that, and get yourself where you want to be I think that's cool, too. I think it could be a lot of different things for different people. But

Quincy Belk 26:07
yeah, I mean, one thing that I think that I go searching for, as I've been listening through the podcasts, and I haven't I haven't technically come across one yet, which is one from the from the supporter side that talks about the, the emotional and just the physical. kind of pull on the supporter of a type one diabetic

Scott Benner 26:38
puts you doing my job for me transitioning the show to the next topic Good for you. Like this guy's gonna keep talking about how great his podcast is. We're never gonna get to why I'm on. But that isn't But no, but thank you. Yes, Quincy is making a great point. He came on the show to talk about this life he has being the person who loves the person who has diabetes, so and all that comes with it. And so I guess let's start with you right, but is it hard on you?

Unknown Speaker 27:10
It can be it really can be

Scott Benner 27:15
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Is it hard on you?

Quincy Belk 29:51
It can be it really can be.

Unknown Speaker 29:55
I think that

Quincy Belk 29:58
I think that it was harder at first It is now. But each and every day presents its own challenges. And a lot of those definitely, you know, manifest themselves in the way in which Rachel's blood sugar is going in a particular day. If he's having a good day, it's usually a lot less. If she's having a bad blood sugar day that it's definitely a lot more. Like if she has one of those mornings where she shoots low for breakfast, and then she Thai for lunch, and then shoots low for dinner. It's going to be a really challenging day emotionally for both of us. And I will say I have gotten a lot better with it throughout the course of our marriage. But I am not a person that is naturally gifted in empathy. It is something that I definitely have to focus on and put very intentional fall towards. I find myself just being a problem solver. That's that's how I operate when in what I do for a living. That's how my mindset is, if I can rationalize the problem away, then then why is it an issue? You know, it's like, well, I mean, your sugar's high, okay, well, then give yourself more insulin. It's like, yeah, that is that is true. But she's also gone low, and then high, and then low, and then high. So there's that emotional, I mean, literally, it's the rollercoaster of her emotions going up and down, up and down. And not being blind to that, and just looking at it and pulling up the Dexcom be like, Yeah, but I mean, you're pretty much within range. I mean, you went to a 65. And then you went back up, and you were 140. And then you went back down again. So instead of looking at it being like, yeah, for 65% of the day, you've been within range. I think asking myself the harder questions about, okay, what does it feel like emotionally to be her going through that high, that low, that high that low? And not trying to shut myself off emotionally from being supportive?

Scott Benner 32:08
Yeah, well, because there's all these other things that are happening to her, she might be very well nauseous. She could end up getting achy from it cloudy or foggy, you know, to go from dizzy to foggy to nauseous is, that's not exactly a fun ride. But you're looking at the numbers and saying, Yeah, we kind of did it. You know what I mean? Like, this isn't too bad. And I hear what you're saying, Man, like, it's a it's difficult to be a boy in those situations, because you really do for many of us and I, I, in my own life fall into that category. Like I, it's not a stretch, but it's been a learning situation for me to talk to people the way I do on the podcast, because it is really my inclination to be like, what are you sad, just stop being sad. Let's go like, you know what I mean? Like, it's just, even though that's completely unreasonable. It is how things feel like, get it done, move on, let's kill something, build something or whatever we got to do, and keep going, like keep succeeding. keep living like that is a real it's a real way that I feel and it's what you just described to, I think. And so, what's the secret there? Do you have to stop yourself? Do you find yourself being reminded by a look from Rachel? Like, how does it work?

Quincy Belk 33:28
I'd say it's kind of a two fold thing. Um, for me, part of it, we it kind of came to a head one day, we were out grocery shopping. And I finally looked over at her. And I remember saying, I don't know how to say this without sounding selfish. But this emotional toll of going up and down and having you happy, sad, happy, sad really affects me too. And I was like, I know. I don't know, I don't have type one. And I think that it always limited me from being willing to say anything, because I felt as though I probably shouldn't. I don't really have that much going on compared to her. And so it kind of kept me in a very quiet place where I just really sat on my emotions and allowed for them to just build. Which, as we all know, for all of us married folk, it's not helpful.

Scott Benner 34:22
Was it scary to tell her that like, Did you think there was a possibility that she'd say, Well, if you don't like it, why don't you just leave? By the way when you said you were in the grocery store, I thought you were gonna tell her that you were just going to leave her there. I'm gonna do what daddy did go. I'm gonna go to the car. never come back. But which, you know, I? I wonder like, seriously, like when you say that to her, in the back of your mind. Do you think like this is going to start us down a path of destruction or what was your hope that or did it just need to come out?

Quincy Belk 34:53
My hope was that she would meet me in the middle and kind of I understand that, from my perspective, that yeah, this is this is challenging. I mean, I'm, I'm basically asked to be on deck, every single in a minute of every day to handle from an emotional side, how you feel. And one, I'm not traditionally good at that. So that's, that's already put me in a weird place to, if I don't feel like I can talk about it, then that's really, really challenging. But she responded, she actually got quiet after I told her that. And I remember her looking at me saying, I didn't know you felt like that. And that was that was very reassuring. I think I felt initially when the words were coming out of my mouth, I couldn't help but feel selfish. thinking, why? Why am I saying this?

Scott Benner 35:53
But it's true. It really is impactful on your I mean, there's no doubt that art and having diabetes has fundamentally changed the course of how we live. It's not you know, it's, it's just what it is, and wouldn't be any different than if she was, I don't know, anything, you know, different height. I don't know, like, exactly like everything about people's lives, shapes the way their life is. And, and this is just one of those things. It's funny, it's diabetes, so you're aware of it. But if, you know, I don't know, what if you were married to somebody who was just depressed? You know, I think that would be a similar situation. Like you're it's hard to know what's going to happen next. And so that everything always feels like a prep moment. Does that make sense? Like, like, I'm always ready for something to happen. Like I came up last night at you know, for bed. And I just brought a juice box with me and I was I got it cuz Are there any upstairs? I wasn't sure. So I grabbed one. And I think about things like that all the time. Like, you know, you're about to get in the car, you think about things, you're going to dinners in an hour, you know, what's her blood sugar, let's make sure we're ready there. And then when somebody else in the house doesn't do that, you're like, well, I'm putting all this into this and you're not paying attention to it. You don't like it can't be I've said to harden before, like, it can't always be my job. You don't mean like you've got to be there to or you know, or my wife will be working from home. She'll be like, while I was working. I'm like, Well, yeah, but what? You know, it's hard. I was doing something to its I wasn't upstairs like playing Candyland. Which, by the way, is not a reference to something I've done recently. I don't know how that popped into my head. But honestly, I have not played Candyland a really long time. I want everyone to know that not since my children were small. But you know what I mean? Like you get that situation where you're like, Am I the only one thinking about this? And or I don't want to call it anxiety. It's a heightened awareness that something needs to be done will need to be done may go wrong will go wrong. Does that sound right?

Quincy Belk 38:02
Yeah, absolutely. And it's also that the other side of that is obviously the emotional support side of things where if she does have a really hard morning, and she's in her office crying, you know, I can't just walk up behind her and just pat her on the back and say they're there. Right? Yeah. And slunk away and be like, oh, should be fine. She's eating a gluten glucose tablet or something. She'll be okay.

Scott Benner 38:24
You definitely can't say what you're really thinking, which is this is gonna mess us up having sex tonight, isn't it?

Quincy Belk 38:31
It's gonna kind of throw the entire day. I can't

Scott Benner 38:33
believe a bologna sandwich at one o'clock is not gonna keep me from getting laid tonight. I'm sure in the 80s that was a nice way of saying that. But nowadays, I would think being intimate would probably be the way to say that. But I, I it is a really strange feeling that something can happen now that is going to mess up everything like, you know, for the day or an hour or week or whatever it is going to be. I mean, even true, true enough. Arden's you know, as hardens, period approaches. I'm like, oh, like there's a thought in my head. The next four days are going to be more difficult than the previous four days where, and I'm sure that for her as well. Like I'm not saying it isn't, but there's no world where outside of diabetes, my life would change because of her menstrual cycle. There's just so much that goes into it. So emotionally, you feel and I don't want to put words in your mouth but you feel or felt in the beginning like it was back to that person. I'm trying to connect this together like did you feel a little selfish again? And did it spark any of those thoughts from when you were younger? Like I didn't want to be doing this or did you love her that much by then that that was not the concern.

Quincy Belk 39:53
I think by by this point in time, I've definitely grown out of my of my youthful coronations, petta. It definitely put me in a place where I felt like I kind of retreated emotionally. And I was very concerned with especially once I found myself and I kind of hit that emotional wall. I really found myself realizing that, you know, I needed to say something, or else I was gonna just constantly just bottle this up inside and eventually go insane. Yeah. Which will eventually happen in life at some point in time for me, I'm sure, but, but if I can, I can delay that for now. That would be preferable. Yeah. So I would definitely say that, that the way in which I felt about her at this point in time, has definitely changed. And I also, you know, say this as well that whenever all of this was going on, it kind of reminded me of a quote from the pastor at our church that we go to, he actually has a type one diabetic daughter. And I think she was diagnosed in her first year of life. So he remembers waking up each and every night, stressed out checking her blood sugar as an infant. And he went to an event and a type one event, he was talking to another, another dad of a type one child. And the the dad said to him, he said, Hey, you know what, at least now, you know, you know what you're going to lay down your life for? And he remember him being so confused. He's like, What are you talking about? Like, Are you insane? And the guy said, No, no, no, you have the job, you have the honor of getting to lay down your life, to love and protect someone with a chronic illness. He said, there is no more honorable task in life than doing that. And I know, we're just finding some solace and some encouragement. In those words, whenever I heard it, and a moment in which I needed it.

Scott Benner 42:00
I have to say, I agree with you. I think that pretty early on being a stay at home Dad, I had that feeling of this requires something of me that I'm not naturally inclined to give. And I need to find it within myself to give it to people and to my family. And to find real joy is the best word in it in the task. You can't you can't do something for someone unwillingly, and have it be joyful for either of you. So you have to find the reason why keeping the floor vacuumed is important. Do you know what I mean? Like that, what the reason why they are going to be things in your life that you're not going to do or accomplish or experience because you're giving some of that time to someone else. And and if you can find a way for that to be meaningful for you, it is incredibly fulfilling, and much better than probably the other ways I would have found a waste of my time, or to fill my time. I completely agree with that. I it's funny, too. I'm always struck when I'm interviewing people, that there are so many kind of spiritual people who come on the show. And yet, and I think I've been fairly clear about this throughout. I am not a religious person in any way. But I feel like I don't feel like I need it to come from an outside source. I guess. I just kind of found it within myself. And so I don't know that it's any different really, but like we talked about talking to a pastor or I always joke about it. But I'm always amazed at how many, like people from the Mormon faith end up on the podcast, or I always joke with my wife later. I'm like, What is it about me that attracts? So many look like how is this happening? It's, it seems opposite a little bit, but I guess it's not really like the way you just explained it made me realize that's how I think about it. I just came at it. I just found it from a different perspective. Really. It's, it's, it's a lovely idea. And I and I and I, I firmly believe it if anyone out there is in simple terms more worried about themselves than they are about the people around them. You should try doing it the other way because it's a it's a great feeling.

Quincy Belk 44:34
Definitely, yeah, definitely. And I'd say this right here, I mean, Rachel and i's are our faith has definitely been a very, very big thing in this emotional journey as well and and the type one journey as well. without, you know, going off on too much of a tangent obviously. It's just been a major connection point for us, because it you know, that was that was part of where my life kind of Turned around from being a, you know, a literal and proverbial proverbial train wreck. Before I met her, and we, we really reconnected over some of those common common terms, I think it's definitely helped us to. I think, like you said, I mean it, it kind of manifests itself in different ways. But for us, it allows us to, I think, take some of the pressure off of ourselves a little bit. And to realize that we don't always have to have it together, you know, that we feel a reliance on, on God to, to help us to, to find that middle ground, sometimes between one another and in our, you know, emotional state of mind as well.

Scott Benner 45:45
And so I'm asking a question here, because I don't know, please, if for anybody, I'm, I don't mean this to be insulting, but it does that make whatever that idea is, religion, or God, or whatever it is, is it like a, my, I keep thinking my examples are going to be insulting, I don't mean to be, is it like a shelf where you can kind of take your worries and put them over there for a while to just give yourself a break.

Quincy Belk 46:13
I would say it's more like a hedge of protection that you really can you can take, you can step under, in the rain, whenever things are really tough. When things are really difficult, you just come under the protection and the comfort. You know, in our, in our personal, you know, lives of God. Instead of, I guess, you know, for us, we really view it as like, like I said, like a really like a hedge of protection, just something to come under, to put ourselves in a place where it's like, we don't have the answer. But we're going to step here. And we know that you're going to protect us. And we know that you know, it might not work out the way that we think it's going to work out or the way that we prefer for it to work out. But it's going to be okay.

Scott Benner 47:01
So like an umbrella. You're, you're not out of the storm, but at least you're not wet. And you can maybe regroup or wait it out or come up with a different idea, wait for something to present itself. And in that time not be made maddened by by the rain. Okay. All right. Thank you. I appreciate that. Absolutely. So what so you tell her this at the grocery store? It's, uh, she doesn't take it poorly. Like she could have easily been like, Oh, great, I'm a burden to my husband. But she's thankful to know that you know, this thing that you she didn't know before. What happens next? This, she started letting you in more about the, the, I don't know what, like, how do you get to where you are?

Quincy Belk 47:46
We had a really honest conversation about her expectations, vers, my capabilities. Which I know probably sounds to I don't know, maybe that sounds really basic. And again, I don't I don't know how to phrase that without it coming across as somehow selfish. But it, it definitely, we had to have a conversation because she is like she is her personality type is so empathetic. And mine again, is so task driven. And, you know, I view things in more of a checklist kind of perspective, to where like I said, if I can rationalize it away, it shouldn't really be a problem. It shouldn't be a problem for you. Why is it? And I guess I remember her looking at me and being like, you know, I didn't, I didn't know that you felt that way. That's really hard. And so we just kind of we leaned into that situation and used it as a platform to really launch off of into being like, okay, when you are feeling this way, what is a reasonable expectation for Rachel to place on me to meet her in that moment, and at no point in time was I ever tried to vacate the position of emotional support her but what we did figure out at that point in time is that I can't be the only person you depend on for you know, for emotional support in your struggles with type one. And that was a really hard thing for me to admit but it actually ended up working out you know, exceedingly well because she she reached out to her local jdrf chapter and got connected with a girl here she ended up reaching out to some people in our in our church body that we ended up finding out there were a ton of people in our church body who has type who have type one. And so she's been able to there's a there's a, you know, place where you purchase crepes up and up in a town a little bit north of ours, and three or four of the people who work there were ami pods, index coms, people crepes, cause

Scott Benner 49:51
type one diabetes, you've heard it here first.

Unknown Speaker 49:55
You can quote me on it.

Scott Benner 49:57
Look what they've done to us.

Quincy Belk 50:00
It was interesting. I mean, she she realized that she's like, Okay. And that's actually that that conversation actually preceded us going to the jdrf summit in Atlanta, that I think if we hadn't had that conversation, I don't know that she would have the connection connections that she has, with the type one community. And I don't know if we would have gone to Atlanta,

Scott Benner 50:23
I'll tell you what this all explains to me because I obviously don't know everyone's back story I got in 2020. So far, your wife has hugged me, almost the nicest of anybody that has hugged me this year. And I don't mean that to be pejorative, I mean, like it was, it was exactly how you described it. Like, I could feel her gratitude while she was hugging me. And I couldn't. Like I can't cognitively understand why she feels that way. And I hope people understand what I mean by that. Like, she sort of was telling me with a hug, like, thank you. And it's a different hug than others. Like I've, I've experienced a number of different kinds of hugs from people. And it is really, it's weird. When I go to those things public like those public things. There's always a line afterwards, which feels weird and always feels like a receiving line afterwards. Like, I'll speak somewhere. And then I turn around, I'm like, Oh, my god, there's people here. And and, you know, you don't want to be presumptuous. But at this point, I just, you know, we talked for a little bit I go, are we hugging now? And then they go, yes. And that your she just, Rachel was like, I could feel it. Like she was saying thank you to me without words. And she'd spoken words prior, and you had as well. But now hearing your story, the context is, is so much deeper. Like, I just figured you listened to the podcast and a once he came down? Do you know I mean, like I honestly, that's what I thought we were standing there talking about. And now I'm hearing what, all the backstory to it. And I'm realizing I didn't get myself nearly enough credit in that moment. No, I'm just kidding. But no, it was it was a really, I'm not, I'm not overstating it. So lovely moment that I still recall. And it really was, it's a she's not running for the best hug at 2020. And with these travel restrictions, she might end up living. So

Quincy Belk 52:24
I think she'll definitely covet that award for sure.

Scott Benner 52:27
No kidding. And I looked her in the face. And I thought I did think honestly, there's more to this than I understand. But you know, there's the next person and there's other people and you got to go to another room and talk again. It's just it's difficult to it's difficult to really have that conversation, which is why in that moment, I said to you guys, like somebody should come on the show, because I want to I want to get this better. I'm really grateful to know that. That I mean, so far everything you said, and I'm not rushing you off. Like if you have a couple minutes, I'm not stuck on just talking for an hour because I want to get through all this.

Quincy Belk 53:00
Bring it on, I'm actually off today. So Oh,

Scott Benner 53:02
look at you. I got things to do Quincy now I'm just

Unknown Speaker 53:06
gonna go wash some dishes after this.

Scott Benner 53:09
But don't worry, I've already done that today. And I've got to get I've got to get dinner on and, and I've got to get a podcast episode up, which I think you're gonna really enjoy with that area today. But, um, but no, but but seriously. It's, it's really something. So how long have you guys been married?

Quincy Belk 53:30
We had been married for going into our third year.

Scott Benner 53:34
It's very new. Okay. All right, that gives a lot of context to it. So do you think if you would have bottled this up forever? Do you think it would have broken your relationship?

Quincy Belk 53:48
I think it would have emotionally made me probably a very callous individual, I think it would have it would have would have caused some strife. And, and would have eventually led to some major issues down the road for sure.

Scott Benner 54:03
Now, if she looks at you in that grocery store and has an opposite reaction, and just snaps at you, and it's like, well, I'm sorry that my diabetes is a problem for you. Like if you if it would have gone that way. Wow. Like so? Because and I bring that up because I guarantee it is at least my expectation that would be most people's concern being in your situation is am I going to say this to this person? Have this person be insulted by it in a way that is not fixable? like am I gonna come off as callous? Or, you know, you don't mean like there's a real there's a real risk in what you do. I think it's I think it's terrific that you did it. And I don't know if you did it for self preservation or because you thought it was the right thing, but either way it was the right thing to do. But I can see a lot of people not doing that thing. I think a lot of things go on set.

Quincy Belk 54:58
Yeah, I mean, as I said, It's actually the second most difficult conversation that we've had in our marriage. The one was actually before we even started dating, she had some some reservations about dating me because I was a wild child back in my mid 20s. And she had some concerns about whether or not she wanted to date this, this lunatic. And I remember looking at her one night, and I said, Hey, are you? Are you even ready? Or do you even want this to work? And I remember her looking at me being like, I don't know that I am. And we walked around this track near my house 30 stinking times, and just talked, non stop. By the time we were done, she had realized that she wasn't really asking herself fair questions that she really wasn't giving this, you know, an honest shake to succeed. And that actually ended up you know, propelling us to, you know, start dating and whatnot, having her you know, personnel being open to that. So, there was a little bit of context that at least gave me some I guess, I felt like I probably had a better chance and a positive result based off of you know, that prior experience we've been having kind of gauged the water like that

Scott Benner 56:09
before when you say well, it's what you in the poppy trade, you kill people for money, like what are we talking about? Exactly? A little excessive partying, like what does that mean? You don't have to be real specific, but I'm interested in what that means.

Quincy Belk 56:22
And I had a I had a fairly fairly graphic stint with with alcoholism, and another nefarious habits and behaviors in my in my mid 20s. Okay. They definitely cause me to be a very high risk relationship guy.

Scott Benner 56:42
But that's very close to the title of this episode. I risk relationship guy, but I don't think it's gonna win, but it's really gonna be close to my mind when I sit down to do it. I love it. So that's it. So not as a teenager, but into your 20s

Quincy Belk 56:59
Yeah, when I was a teenager, I was fine. Actually, I was a pretty, pretty well behaved kid, and I hit my 20s. And it's like not, here we go. Let's, uh, let's throw all caution to the wind.

Scott Benner 57:09
Interesting. And then you found this lovely person. And it seemed, look at this a nice story. Could you and how old are you now?

Quincy Belk 57:19
I'm 31 Are you thinking of having children? Eventually, but Rachel's 26. So I hit the lottery. we've, we've got some time. So we've, we've definitely considered it. Whether or not when we're going to have kids, we'll probably try to have kids here in the next few years. I would think it's

Scott Benner 57:36
gonna be good for you for a while, but just let me tell you in your later 40s when she's in her earlier, 40s you're gonna look really old to her for a couple years. She's gonna be walking through that house. That kid's gonna be annoying. And she's gonna be like, Huh, what do I do here? guy looks like he's typing over the edge. I'm still young and attractive. What's going on his hairs growing up? And he's starting to cut his nose hair. I don't like it. Don't worry,

Quincy Belk 58:06
I start trimming my eyebrows back.

Scott Benner 58:08
Yeah, she won't be far behind you. She just won't realize it for a couple years is what I'm saying. That's it. That's really something good for you like and did Rachel not that we're going to talk too much about her without her being here. But did she go through any troubles like that? Or like, Did she come from a different path.

Quincy Belk 58:25
She came from a different path. She really was the she's she is a very straight shooter. She is just an incredibly solid individual. An incredibly, she's actually so genuine that even in my most genuine moments, I feel like I'm not being genuine. Like, man, she's really good at this.

Scott Benner 58:46
When I was younger people used to tell me that my sincerity didn't come out. Like I could be as sincere as i as i could possibly be and really mean it. But yet, when I was saying something, it always felt like a little flippant, or sarcastic or something like that. And I don't use it all the time. Yeah, I just don't I don't, um, it's just, you know, it's a very interesting thing the way people can see you, but I, I she comes off like that, as a matter of fact, I would. I mean, not that, you know, you can tell from looking at somebody but I would have never guessed that, you know, you were part of a drug cartel or whatever it was, you said a minute ago when you were younger. So I mean, you guys really feel like you've come I mean, you especially have come a long way and she's obviously you know, letting you in on you know, her diabetes, which was a big move for her What does that entail? Like you being more involved with her blood sugar's and, and things like that?

Quincy Belk 59:42
We have more honest, open dialogue about things. She can look at me and she can say, Hey, you know, we can do pizza. And I know what I know what that physically means. I know there's going to be an extended bolus in there somewhere I know that she's going to be planning for that, you know, for a fat rise later on. So I'm depth To be more on top of keeping an eye on her Dexcom and trying to understand the graph, I'm not quite to Scott Benner level with, with my ninja level. But I, the most proud moment I have was actually at the jdrf conference in Atlanta. And she was we were going into one of the meetings, and she had just eaten something, and her sugar was still falling a little bit. But I was able to look at the graph and see with the updates, that she wasn't falling that fast. So I remember looking at her saying, hey, hey, don't eat anything else. We were actually in Jenny's class, actually, across the hall, in Jenny's little session, right? And I remember looking at Emily, hey, don't eat anything. I think you're, you're trending, like you're gonna level off. And she was like, I don't know, I don't know. I think I think I'm gonna keep falling. And I'm like, just give it give it 10 minutes, that 10 minutes, she had leveled off and she was sitting straight as an arrow at about 80. In the meeting for the rest of the time. I wonder how that

Scott Benner 1:00:57
feels for you to say to somebody, just wait, knowing that if you're wrong, she's gonna get low. Is that feel like a risk to you when you say it? Absolutely.

Quincy Belk 1:01:07
When it came out of my mouth, I didn't think it was actually happening. I was like, I'm having an outer body experience. This is what this is what this feels like.

Scott Benner 1:01:15
I, I find myself in my house, sometimes I'm like, Hey, have eight of those. And then a few minutes later, I'm like, stop. Like, don't eat anymore. We're done. If you're not, and then I'll say to her, seriously, if you're not hungry, don't eat anymore. If you want them. I think we need insulin. I know we're correcting here. But if you keep eating, I think it's going to need insulin. And I'm wrong sometimes. Like don't, you know, I wouldn't want anybody to think that I'm not. And it's hard to go to another person say, Hey, I screwed that up. You've got to drink half of this, or I was too aggressive, you know, here or not aggressive enough here. You know, we need more, we have to do it again. I'm the reason your blood sugar's bouncing right now. It's, um, it's a responsibility for certain because in the end, I don't feel the way she feels. And so I I've said it before, you've heard me say it. I think that dispassionate step back, is how you can make those decisions. Except that, then there's not a lot of equity, of blame or not blame but of punishment, I guess, when it goes wrong, you know, if I mess up and make her blood sugar 55 I'm not low she is. And there's a lot of pressure on that. But so good for you for stepping up and and interesting that she was able to give you a shot. Are you wrong? More than you're right or right, more than you're wrong? Do you think?

Quincy Belk 1:02:45
I think my my success rate is about 5050. So I

Unknown Speaker 1:02:49
guess it's not

Unknown Speaker 1:02:51
great, but better.

Scott Benner 1:02:54
Listen, time, time. Time is what fixes it, you just have to do it over and over again. But more importantly, is, is Rachel taking something from a different perspective and making it part of how she thinks about it, because that's something we don't talk about very often, but the person with diabetes has other concerns than the person without diabetes. And so it's harder to take those risks, but once they do, and they see them pay off. There's a you overcome a steep learning curve very quickly, I think. Is she having good successes? like where are we can we talk about her blood sugars inside of her like, you know, where a once he is and what it was? Yeah.

Quincy Belk 1:03:36
Yeah, it's kind of interesting. You mentioned, you know, so I would say that the part of finding your podcast and finding the jdrf community has actually been, I know, I've used this word a lot, but it's been very emotionally very emotionally uplifting, because her anyone see going into doing B or being bold with insulin was, you know, a seven. And so she's never had, to my knowledge, she's never had, you know, an A one C, that's a 10. Right? She's always had a pretty controlled a one C. Now her her variances have been all over the board with up down up down to hundred, you know, it was not something she was like that was uncommon to her, but now her last eight when she was six, and so she is obviously thrilled and she ended up doing a little bit of time with or working with Jenny Smith, for a little bit in 2020, here the first half of the year, which was fantastic. And she recently started looping, which has been a challenge. She's a it's definitely required a bit of a bit of being patient, but she is she's a super trooper when it comes to when she gets set on an idea and she convinces her But she's ready to do it. And I come on board and emotionally push that support it. Usually she gets going 150 miles an hour in that direction. And so soon as she heard, you know, the podcast A few years ago, she was she was really ready to, to come hot out the gate and make this thing work

Scott Benner 1:05:18
dive into it. Well, I mean, once your variability gets lower, it's such a, you know, it's that's a game changer for how you feel better with stability is what breeds just overall body happiness, I guess, with the lack of a better way to say it. You can have a lower a one C, obviously. And if you're bouncing, it's just it's not the same. It doesn't. It just doesn't pay you back the same but how you feel? And it sounds like she's well on our way. I bet you would that what you just told me I bet you her a one c trends into the fives at some point and probably levels around and stays there without crazy lows or anything like that. So good. She

Unknown Speaker 1:05:58
would definitely love that. Yeah. I love that. That's

Scott Benner 1:06:00
amazing. I'm thrilled for you guys. You were so nice. When I met you. I was just like, these are lovely people. I didn't realize of course that you were a trained killer or something like that prior but I you know, it's still you did a nice job of masking. No big deal. Do you think she was so? So I do want to bring up and just a teaser? A little bit? I guess she was really was she excited or nervous to talk to me? What was that that was going on, because you had to talk in the beginning because she seemed like she was gonna pop.

Quincy Belk 1:06:31
It was a bit of both, I think it was kind of this, this shock of realizing I think she does absolutely attribute a lot of where she's at right now to the work that you've accomplished on the Juicebox Podcast and listening to the protests of you and Jenny. So for her, it was really a big moment because I think she really does attribute a lot of where she's at right now to, to you and to the to the hard work of, of Jimmy and yourself and creating the protests and really making type one, something that feels a lot more manageable.

Scott Benner 1:07:12
We'll just see, you know, and so anybody else that might ever be in the situation knows, when you first approached me, I have to make a decision excited or crazy. But she didn't come off as crazy. So I was like, okay, but she was really almost at all. I mean, being honest for a second and insincere is not something I run around expecting. Do you mean like i'm not i know, i i'm sarcastic. And maybe some people can't follow that sometimes. But I'm not walking around going, I wonder when the next person will come up and bow down in front of me as they should? Like, I don't have feelings like that. Yeah, I'm genuinely stunned when someone has has that. You know, that kind of like, Oh, my God, you helped me so much. And thank you and, and seems a little for the lack of a better word starstruck because that's clearly not real. Like, I'm not. I am not a famous person. And then so I don't you know, I don't have expectations around that. And it is hard to know how to handle that. Like, it's a it's so that you, you understand, from my perspective, I don't like that doesn't feel natural to me. So it's a very strange, and I want you to like to have like that. What is happening here. People are coming after us. Can you hear this?

Unknown Speaker 1:08:30
I cannot. Oh,

Scott Benner 1:08:33
I guess a phone call went through the answering machine. And it popped up on my phone just now. And I'm hearing a recorded message to remind somebody about a doctor's appointment, so I'll cut that out if it's coming through. Hold on. It's happening again. I can't get to the phone. Just shut it off. We're gonna just have to live through it for a second klebsiella That's right, we can we can handle it. Oh my god, you said this already. If you're leaving it as a message, why do you have to repeat it? She didn't think of it. And that seems rude.

Quincy Belk 1:09:08
As a southerner, I mean, that's, that's rude.

Scott Benner 1:09:10
Going to all the trouble of making the recording. You could say goodbye at the end of it. But But no, I mean, really genuinely. Like it's not. It's that's not a natural state for me. I don't know how to you can probably hear it on the podcast. Sometimes when people say things. I don't know what to say back. I'm like, thank you, or I'm grateful or I feel like I'm happy. It's helping you. There's no way to um, I don't know, even if I felt that way. Like Could I just be like, of course. Yeah, maybe like, yes, please come on, and tell me how it is. I've helped you evenly you know, like, Can you imagine if I was just like, I don't know. I don't feel that way. But I try to joke about it to keep it light. And every once in a while. I think people don't hear sarcasm and they're just like, he's so full of themselves. I wish you knew the truth which is I'm just like, I'm stunned that Quincy is having a good Good experience are that any of the things that that quincies shared today about his and Rachel's life, like, you know, it's just, I don't know, I just made a podcast. You don't? I mean, I didn't I didn't think one day it was gonna, I don't want to say save your marriage Quincy. But I mean, really, let's be honest, it's premium.

Quincy Belk 1:10:21
I give I give you all the credit for it.

Scott Benner 1:10:23
Thank you. And that's why I think a little Scott would be a reasonable at least the middle name, you know, if there's a baby, unless the kid's gonna go wacky in his 20s, then I don't want to be associated. So you know,

Quincy Belk 1:10:34
whatever. My father, my father was insane in this one.

Scott Benner 1:10:38
Imagine, can you imagine if this backfires on me and 20 years from now there's just a just a wild mob of insane children all with my name.

Unknown Speaker 1:10:51
When she asked for

Scott Benner 1:10:52
my life, I'll be like, wow, I wish I wouldn't have joked about that with so many different people. The Scots again overran a city today, you know, like, I don't need that. Oh, my gosh, that'd be ridiculous. Leaving city by city. Yeah. Just marauding. Which I guess is a weird thing to joke about right now, as you know, it's kind of happening. But we applicable is it? Did we not talk about anything that you wanted to talk about? I leave anything out? Or did we miss something?

Quincy Belk 1:11:24
Not that I can think of I mean, I did actually write down some some notes for the podcast over here trying to keep my my faults organized. Because I'm really bad at that kind of stuff.

Scott Benner 1:11:35
Did we but everybody looking? Do you see some? Yeah,

Quincy Belk 1:11:37
yeah, I'm looking. I'm not I'm not really seeing anything on here. I mean, I feel like we, you really covered everything that I was really thinking. That was that was important as far as trying to address things from the perspective of the the type one supporter to, you know, to not feel if they definitely do feel as though they, they need to have that conversation. I mean, I would encourage it, and I guess, probably know your person. But yeah, I don't think you can live in if you feel like you're isolated, and that it's just you and your person, and you're bearing all of the brunt of the emotional ups and downs of highs and lows. And then for me that would have, I can't think that that would have led us to any kind of a great place. If if something hadn't been said. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:12:25
Now, I'm glad you did. I really am. It's, you guys are lovely. And I wish you nothing but the best I have to ask you, this is the aside of everything we've talked about, but in a minute or two. If people are struggling with drugs and alcohol, can you tell them? What, what did it for you? Like, how did you help yourself?

Quincy Belk 1:12:44
Yeah, well, I mean, I would I would jokingly say that getting older probably helped me as well. When I realized I couldn't survive a hangover anymore. It was definitely an eye opening experience. For me, it was it was definitely lead to my wife and just realizing that I was absolutely just wasting my time and had no appreciation for the relationship that I had formed and the dependence that I had formed on on alcohol. And the desire to just constantly be in a state of inebriation. What ended up happening is I ended up going to the emergency room with what I thought was a heart attack in my 20s.

Unknown Speaker 1:13:31
And

Quincy Belk 1:13:33
I was forced to stay sober for about three or four days, which was the longest run that I had had up until that point in time for several years. Okay, and I remember at that point in time, I was able to sit back and actually have

Unknown Speaker 1:13:47
a moment

Quincy Belk 1:13:48
where I was sober for a period of time and realize that it was an absolute waste of my time. It was emotionally training. And it was an absolutely just, you know, vapid lifestyle that was never gonna lead to any kind of long term benefit.

Scott Benner 1:14:11
So the break helps you so the sometimes you get involved in things that just they pick up their own momentum, and then you just keep doing them because it becomes the thing that you do. Instead of you know, like, you've cut your pot committed now you're like I drink. So this is what I do. I have such a an odd when I was growing, you know, when I was coming of age in the late 80s cigar smoking was popular, and buddies of mine and I we'd get cigars and sit around and smoke cigars and talk and everything and then one day you realize you can't just drive the cigar store every time. So you get like this little humidor to keep them you know, moist and then the next thing you know, I realized I don't particularly enjoy smoking cigars, but I felt committed like I had made some sort of an investment in it. And the the greatest thing I ever did for myself was like, I don't care. And I just threw it all away. I was like, I don't need this, like, what am I doing this for? Like, it was fine when it was a cigar every once in a while. But now they're here. Now it feels like I'm a cigar smoker. You know, it feels like I have free time. This is what I should be doing. It's interesting how quickly you can talk yourself into believing you're a certain thing. And that that thing has to be. And it's it's interesting, like you got a couple of days. Do you think you were drinking? to mask anxiety?

Unknown Speaker 1:15:34
Probably Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:15:36
So I don't I didn't mean to fix you here. We're trying to talk about other stuff. But But have you addressed that now? Like, how do you manage your anxiety? Now? You get one of those hugs from Rachel, that probably helps.

Unknown Speaker 1:15:46
Yeah, I

Quincy Belk 1:15:47
think I think you know, being more willing to discuss my emotional state of mind, which helps when you have someone like my wife, who is a, she pursues, and she loves to ask questions. And some of the questions make me uncomfortable. And a lot of times, I'm not great at answering them in the moment. A lot of times I have to think about them and say I'll come back to you on that one. Because I don't know. Yeah. And but but for me, I think just being willing to live in the open and be willing to just be vulnerable, with my with my emotional state of mind. Yeah. And not, you know, want to lean on anything alcohol, to push me into a state of mind right off to think about it for the next few hours. But I'm going to eventually wake up and this is going to have to be discussed. So I think instead of turning to something else, be willing to turn to my wife and turn to other people in my life who are you know, who can speak into my life and look at me and say, Hey, I can tell something's up? What's going on? what's what's going on in your mind, and just being willing to have more open and honest dialogue I think has been tremendously helpful. All right. Well, listen,

Scott Benner 1:16:55
I'm gonna give you one piece of advice. You stay with that girl, okay. Don't let her go. She tries to get away just like, I don't think so. You have to say,

Quincy Belk 1:17:03
Oh, we have to we have to have a kid named Scott. So well, I had to follow through to them.

Scott Benner 1:17:08
Yeah, don't let me down here. Okay, glitzy. Yeah. Do you ever look at your parents and say so Quincy? Hmm. Thanks.

Unknown Speaker 1:17:20
Definitely unique,

Scott Benner 1:17:20
right, you should send them a note today. I'm sorry. They're probably passed on. I'm joking. But, but hopefully they're fine. Send them a note today and be like, Hey, I figured out today on a podcast why I drank in my 20s was Quincy. Just so you know, put it right back on them. They deserve it. Was it a family name?

Quincy Belk 1:17:36
They didn't just like great. It was my great grandfather's name. And it was his uh, it was my granddad's middle name.

Scott Benner 1:17:43
Do that's not an excuse. My mom 11th hour saved me from being named after my my dad's father. And they stuck it in my middle name. But still, I mean, if if my mom never did another thing for me for the rest of my life, she paid me back in that moment. So I'm not even sharing it with you. I hate my middle name so much. But if I just I can't even imagine if that was my name. It just would it would have would have killed me.

Unknown Speaker 1:18:14
Your life would have been different. I

Scott Benner 1:18:15
really think I'd be alone under a bridge right now.

Quincy Belk 1:18:18
Asking people riddles and stuff.

Scott Benner 1:18:20
Yeah. Hey, can you imagine if I had a microphone, we could record this conversation we're having instead. You know, I now if you excuse me after go put newspaper in the bottom of my shoes, because I don't think I would have been able to afford shoes if they would have named me that that's how badly it would have been. Anyway, man, thanks so much for doing this and for hanging out with me and run it over a little bit. I really appreciate it. Not a

Quincy Belk 1:18:43
problem, Scott. Always Always a pleasure to chat with you and and to you know, just open up about what you know what's going on and in the supporters world, I suppose for for people who who have to or who have to, who have made the choice to love a type one.

Scott Benner 1:19:02
I gotta tell you beyond that, and I mean this like I'm grateful for everybody that comes on the show, but sometimes men have trouble being dishonest while they're talking. This was not a surface conversation. So I really appreciate that. A huge thank you to one of today's sponsors, g Vogue glucagon, find out more about chivo chi popin at G Vogue glucagon.com Ford slash juice box, you spell that g v o ke GLUC AG o n.com forward slash juicebox. I also like to thank the Contour Next One blood glucose meter and the T one D exchange. Check out that contour meter at Contour Next one.com forward slash juicebox and enter yourself into the T one D exchange at T one d exchange.org.

I left Atlanta, and then the world went to hell. So I don't remember a lot prior to what happened.

Quincy Belk 1:20:14
Since then things have been a little a

Scott Benner 1:20:16
little testy to say the least, it's been really strange. That's for sure. I left you guys and did like an immediate turnaround and went to Florida to watch my son play baseball. And he was in a collegiate Summer League, but his collegiate spring League, he was actually playing for his college and they play their first 10 games in the south, because of course, we live somewhere where you know, that time of year, it's just, it's on godly cold here still. Right? So we're down there for a couple of days. And he says, like, I don't feel great. And I was like, what, what's wrong? He said, I think I must have allergies, you know what I mean? I was like, Okay, cool. And, you know, take his earthtech. And then a couple days later, he's like, that I might really be sick. And I was like, era. And he's like, I don't know, I don't feel good. And he's, you know, not prone to being sick and not prone to complaining. And Wednesday came, and he didn't started his position, because they were gonna use him as a pitcher. And in the seventh inning, he goes in, he pitches 789 to no lie, though, the number one team in the country in their division. And if you shut them down, he comes off the field. He's always pissed because he doesn't want to pitch and you know, he's mad that he had to pitch and which isn't weird thing. I've never been good at something and then been irritated to have to do it. Like, I don't know what that's like, you know? And he comes, he's done. And he's like, I don't feel good. He's like, could I have this Coronavirus thing. I was like, Ah, you don't have that. You know, he goes back to the hotel. And we're supposed to go to like a barbecue dinner that night. And he calls me He's like, I can't go to this dinner. You got to come over here and help me, I'm something's wrong. So I went over took him to urgent care and like 101 and a half degree fever. And he turned out to have strep throat. So they medicated him, pulled him out of the hotel with the team. He had to stay with me the rest of the time. We just stayed down there for three more days, while I couldn't play wasn't allowed to be on the bench couldn't go on the field, like like nothing. And people backed away from him. Like he was typhoid Mary. Like, no one would go anywhere near him. And I'm like, No, he's got strep throat, they test them. And everyone's like, Yeah, he's got that virus they're talking about on the radio, and I was like, he doesn't know but everybody was like sketchy. It was really a, I had to talk the school into letting him come back to get the stuff.

Quincy Belk 1:22:47
That's when you just have to push them around in a grocery cart like etc. And just hope that people are understanding

Scott Benner 1:22:54
well, as soon as the um, you know, he got he got a an antibiotic, and no kidding. 24 hours, FEMA bought a kit and he was okay. Like, he was rundown, like he couldn't have kept playing. He was too beat up. But I mean, he, you know, symptoms went away fever was gone if he had coronaviruses fever wouldn't have gone away from an antibiotic, you know? And so like, you're telling people that and but it was so early in the process, nobody knew. So they were just like, Yeah, whatever. Keep that dirty kid away from me. I was like, You know what? I hear it, like, let it happen. It's fine. So if you're still here, that was a little preamble, little conversation that Quincy and I had right before we recorded I left it in sort of as a timestamp around COVID-19 you know, for future understanding. Thanks so much for listening. Thank you so much for supporting the show for joining the private Facebook group for sharing the podcast with others. And generally speaking just for being what I think might be the greatest group of podcast listeners I could ever hope for. I'll talk to you soon.

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#409 Fort Matthias

3 year old Matthias has type 1 diabetes

Chad is a young father of a newly diagnosed type 1.

You can always listen to the Juicebox Podcast here but the cool kids use: Apple Podcasts/iOS - Spotify - Amazon Music - Google Play/Android - iHeart Radio -  Radio Public, Amazon Alexa or their favorite podcast app.

+ Click for EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:10
Hello, everyone and welcome to Episode 409 of the Juicebox Podcast. Today's show is with Chad and Chad is the father of a young boy who has recently been diagnosed with Type One Diabetes. Today we're going to find out about Matthias his diagnosis, some type one in the extended family and where was his mom when he was diagnosed? Hmm. intrigue. Please remember, as you're listening that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, please always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan. We're becoming bold with insulin. If you're enjoying the Juicebox Podcast, please leave a five star rating and a wonderful review on Apple podcasts and consider telling a friend about the show. Do you have a great doctor? Or are you looking for one around your type one care, check out juice box docs.com. It's a list of listener approved physicians. Got a lot of music left here.

Gonna get the ads out of the way up front today. Today's episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the Dexcom g six continuous glucose monitor. Every decision that my daughter makes about her insulin, when to use it. How much to use comes from the information that we get back from the dexcom g six continuous glucose monitor absolutely an indispensable device that you can learn more about@dexcom.com Ford slash juice box. When you get there, you're going to find out about zero finger sticks, glucose readings that are right there on your smart device. customizable alerts and alarms. You'll read about Siri integration and how you can share your data with up to 10 followers. Once you're there, and you've decided you'd like to learn more you take the next step with Dexcom by giving them a tiny bit of information about yourself. That includes what kind of diabetes you have type one type two or other. And who does your insurance come from? This is interesting because many of us have commercial insurance. Some people have Medicaid or Medicare. Some people pay cash, and others get their health care through the VA. And just recently, the VA has started covering Dexcom 100% dexcom.com forward slash juice box. Check it out. Now be able to do this I've swiped up on my phone. And I know that my daughter's blood sugar is 107 that easy. If Arden's blood sugar goes over 120 we're under 70. My phone will let me know why 70 and 120. That's where we set the levels that you could set them somewhere different. It's up to you. As a matter of fact, my wife gets alerted at 130. And at she likes to know different numbers. So you can go to dexcom.com Ford slash juice box where you can find those links at Juicebox podcast.com, or right there in the show notes of your podcast player. And while you're there, you're also going to find links to the Contour Next One blood glucose meter. Don't make the mistake of thinking that in this world of CGM, it's not important to have an accurate, reliable and easy to carry blood glucose meter because it absolutely is. And that's why my daughter carries the Contour Next One meter Contour Next one.com forward slash juice box small easy to handle bright light, easy to read screen test strips that give you a second chance meaning if you touch the blood strip and it doesn't go well you can go back in again without affecting the accuracy of the test. And hey, how about that accuracy? It's gold standard top of the heap. Contour next Next one.com forward slash juice box. you absolutely want to take a look at your blood glucose meter. Don't just use the first crappy one the doctor gave you the one they keep in the drawer, the one the salesperson left in the closet. You don't know how good that one is or isn't. Find out about the Contour Next One blood glucose meter. You deserve accurate. You deserve easy. This one is both. It is absolutely without a doubt the best most accurate blood glucose meter that my daughter has ever used in her now. My gosh long time with Type One Diabetes she was to and she's 16 It seems like 14 years long time best meter no bull I swear to you. They are advertisers because I went and got them. They didn't come to me, a different meter came to me. And I went back to contour and said, Listen, I'm getting a good offer here for an advertisement from a reputable meter company. But I'd rather be you because you're the one we use, and you're the one we trust. It's a true story. Check them out. dexcom.com forward slash juice box. Contour Next one.com forward slash juice box links in your show notes, links at Juicebox podcast.com. please consider supporting the sponsors. Now. Let's get the chat.

Unknown Speaker 5:33
And

Scott Benner 5:36
it's rolling. But you know, we'll we'll take a second before we get going. I have to say you're one of the ones I was like, we're never gonna get this done.

Chad Caudill 5:43
Yeah, right. This guy do this forever ago. And I had to push it off like three times.

Scott Benner 5:48
Although it's interesting, because I do definitely know your name now. Because there's times and I'll have people on them. And I'll think of them as like, Oh, it's the lady that wrote the note about the thing or the guy that said this, you know, but I know your name. Now. As a matter of fact, when I think of a spy in any kind of a situation, you know, like James Bond type of a person. I now think of your name. It feels very elusive to me. So

Unknown Speaker 6:16
Oh, man, you've ever

Scott Benner 6:19
you've ever thought about the illiteration of Chad Caudill? It just feels very. I might be pronouncing it wrong, too. But don't don't correct me. Well, how do you say you nailed it? Oh, did I

Chad Caudill 6:29
like it? Yeah, I first person ever given the last name or first try?

Scott Benner 6:32
Well, it's not that hard. The letters spelt right out. lack of a better way of thinking, you know,

Chad Caudill 6:38
you would think that you would think that what do they do?

Scott Benner 6:40
Do they put an H in it after the day?

Unknown Speaker 6:43
Um, yeah, I

Chad Caudill 6:44
get a lot of names Caldwell, Cordell, which isn't the worst. But you know, it's an I know he.

Scott Benner 6:49
Yeah. They just they just they say the word they they think they see and they want to see in front of them instead of the one that's there. Precisely. Yeah. Okay. Well, listen, I gotta be honest with you. I'm normally that guy too. But

Unknown Speaker 7:06
well, you know, the days. Well,

Scott Benner 7:07
this time I had enough practice. Hold on one second. I have one setting on my side for me. I

Chad Caudill 7:13
wanna play guys. You.

Scott Benner 7:15
Can you hear me? Okay. So,

Chad Caudill 7:17
yeah. All right. Great. All right, my name is Chad Caudill. I am the dead of Mathias. He is my three year old type one. He was diagnosed on Valentine's Day of 2019. So this a little over a year now. And yeah, I think we're doing pretty good for for the first year, but

Unknown Speaker 7:52
I just don't know.

Chad Caudill 7:53
It's hard to tell. Matthias Matthias Yes. Where

Unknown Speaker 7:57
did you get that name?

Chad Caudill 7:59
is actually my wife came up with it. And I figured she had to go through the hassle of giving birth she'd come up with the names of the children.

Unknown Speaker 8:08
Gonna give her that one.

Unknown Speaker 8:09
I'll give her that.

Scott Benner 8:11
How very benevolent. Have you chat plus, your name's Chad. So you were probably looking for something a little more exciting than I know. My feel like my name is just the noise. Not really a name.

Unknown Speaker 8:23
scam. You know,

Chad Caudill 8:24
I'm with you. Chad's pretty bland. There's not much power behind that. So but it sounds way better.

Scott Benner 8:31
This is gonna be interesting this talk because I like you. And yet I've known so many chats that I've disliked. So I get that a lot. We'll see if that rubs off on. Really?

Unknown Speaker 8:43
Yeah,

Chad Caudill 8:44
yeah. Like I have a bunch of friends that tagged me in you know, memes on on the internet. Every time you see a Chad meme saying how much of a unlikable person they are, and put it that way.

Scott Benner 8:55
Well, listen, Chad's out there, check yourself. It could be a bad guy, or at least someone people think is a Chad. Chad, you know what later, I'll bleep out. And then everyone listening will spend forever thinking like, what's Chad? Yeah, right. So if you ever make it, I can't even say what I want to say. But you know what? Then I'll bleep the whole thing out. Do you ever take off your pants and say, Look, hanging Chad?

Chad Caudill 9:25
not thought about that before, but that's hilarious.

Scott Benner 9:27
If you no pun intended whip that out. Would you please send me a note later and tell me how it went over?

Unknown Speaker 9:33
Absolutely.

Scott Benner 9:35
Try to imagine that whole conversation with the Bleep so people are just like, Wait, what? It's gonna be great. Anyway. Okay. So Matthias is is three now or was three when he was diagnosed.

Chad Caudill 9:49
He was amongst shy of turning two and he was diagnosed. So

Scott Benner 9:52
you're really right, where Arden was age wise, but many, many years later. So this is going to be Very interesting for me, hopefully for other people too, but I'll at least have a good time talking to you. What was the process like? So first of all, how did you guys figure it out?

Chad Caudill 10:11
So, you know, when it happened, I thought it was this crazy story. But looking back and hearing some more of your other podcasts, I realize it's not all that crazy. Um, so the very first thing I noticed that now knowing what I know now, um, we were on a road trip has actually taken my wife back to work, she was gone for an extended period of time, so it was really just me and him. He had wet himself, I thought he just spilled a drink on on himself, though, because it was just soaking wet. Um, so that was kind of the first sign that looking back on it. The excessive thirst was never really a thing for me. That notice goes, he's like me, he's always drinking something. Um, and then yeah, so around November of 2018, we enrolled him in daycare. And so you know how that goes, you know, how to trade and all the germs around getting sick and everything. So he had been sick off and on since November. And so, you know, I was getting pretty good that like, he's running the fever. Yeah, I can handle fevers. He an ear infection that can handle here, infections. And then early February, he is starting to slip to those same symptoms, ear infection, fever, and whatnot. And it just, it just never went away. And then he started getting really, really lethargic. Like, he was still happy at first, but he was just not really moving around not being himself. Eventually, he just could not keep solid foods down. I took him to his primary doctor. They didn't know what it was. They just gave me some stuff. They're like, try to keep this fever down. I have written the primary doctor, that's when he started throwing up. So it took them to the urgent care. That's down, not too far from my house. And they raised some test, he did a chest x rays on him. They didn't know what it was. They just gave him some suffered nausea. We came back that same night and the primary care. And this kid was just up all night Sleeping Bear with me. He's up all night. Going up on and off.

Scott Benner 12:11
He was so well into DK.

Chad Caudill 12:13
Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I got up the next morning. And that was pretty. Pretty sad. We like we were going to go to the hospital anyway. But I got up with them. And I remember, like I said, ingrained in my memory now of holding him and looking in the mirror. And this kid was just staring back at me in the mirror just like scared for his life. Like I didn't see it until they know how skinny he had gotten, like his eyes or something. And so,

Scott Benner 12:39
ya know, maybe you had a tough time. Was your wife not home at that point?

Chad Caudill 12:45
Uh, yeah, she wasn't home. So my wife left.

Scott Benner 12:48
Tell me why I just really want to feel like she's, you know, like off murdering people for the CIA or something like that, because I'm sure whatever she's really doing is not as exciting as what I'm Anyway, what does she tell me about? Like, it's just interesting that she's gone for extended periods.

Chad Caudill 13:04
Oh, yeah. She was gone from November of 2018. until June of 2019.

Scott Benner 13:09
Wow, what does she like? Can you tell me what she does without being too specific?

Chad Caudill 13:14
So yes, she was in basic training for military. Yeah, that's not as exciting as what I was thinking.

Scott Benner 13:20
Okay. But it does make more sense than when I was thinking. Like, it would be weird if you came on a podcast to tell people that your wife was a hitman for the CIA. Yeah.

Chad Caudill 13:28
International spy.

Unknown Speaker 13:30
Exactly.

Scott Benner 13:33
Oh, my gosh, Chad, you're touching something on the table. Stop yourself. Okay. Oh, no, don't worry about it. You're doing great. Sometimes in the beginning, the first 15 minutes are interesting. People get a little nervous and you can feel them fidgeting or touching things or stuff like that. But it's no big deal. It takes me out of it more than anything. It breaks my It breaks my Bob. Yeah, don't worry. I really appreciate what so your story is crazy. Like that's and crazy because it with the exception of the vomiting. You pretty much just told my experience of art and being diagnosed. Really, from age two. We were on a trip. all wet in a car seat thought they spilled something that literally all happened to me. And I did see Arden's primary care who thought well, didn't think but was confused by the fact that Arden had coxsackievirus. And so, you know, symptoms mimic that well enough being sick, that nobody looked any farther. And we didn't have the like you did better than we did. I didn't know how skinny she was looking at her until hindsight. But it you know, I do remember. I do remember bringing it up once to Kelly and just saying I forget how I put it. It would be nice if I was ever serious. I guess In my life, I said something. I said something Kelly, like, are we training her to be a runway model or something? And eat? No, because she was just like, you could see her ribs. And instead of like, you know, instead of me thinking, that's probably a bad thing we should pay attention to um, yeah, I was making funny about it. So, but I know what you mean that when you know, I only know through pictures, but when you look and you think I am looking at a person who's about to die, and I don't I didn't realize it till just now.

Chad Caudill 15:27
It's scary, man.

Scott Benner 15:28
Yeah, no kidding. Well, you did a great job. Are you a younger guy? How old are you?

Chad Caudill 15:33
I'm 29.

Scott Benner 15:34
You did a good job like this. I mean, by the time you're in your late 20s, you, you're almost a fully formed person. So I I know I sort of trusted myself around 30 ish. But would you say I'm sorry? What do you think?

Chad Caudill 15:46
So I don't know if I go that far. I was.

Scott Benner 15:49
Ellison 10 more years, man, you're really gonna have it?

Chad Caudill 15:52
That's what I got you

Scott Benner 15:55
really pull it together? How do you handle your wife being away during that? what's the what's the Is it a communication thing? Does she come back? How do you do that?

Chad Caudill 16:06
So when he was initially diagnosed, the first few weeks, um, oddly enough, she she got the call me the day that we were in the hospital, and that being diagnosed. So it's like, Hey, I haven't talked to you in weeks, I love you, by the way, your son is diagnosed type one diabetic. After that, she graduated basic training, she goes off to her job training, we get to talk a little more. So she's like in the loop. But I mean, she doesn't have the experience. So I mean, I'm telling her I'm trying to teach her about it. Um, I got on the Dexcom pretty early. So introduce her to the follow ups, as you can see sugars. And, yeah, it's kind of how we handled the first few months.

Scott Benner 16:48
So were you getting settled around diabetes? before? We keep calling her your wife? What's her name? I'm sorry, Tara, Tara, before Tara gets home. Like, do you? Is it weird to have a, like a novice walk into the house and be, you know, your child's parents? So they get an equal say, but you have all this extra? I guess, intuition that she doesn't have at the moment. I

Chad Caudill 17:15
yeah, it was a bit weird, because that, like you said, I was definitely starting to get a little bit of a handle on it, like by no means an expert, but a little bit of a handle on it. And so when she came back, we obviously we took my thighs at a daycare, and she took over his primary care while I was at work. Yeah. And I told her before I went back to work, like the first day I left them with her is like, Hey, I'm not gonna mean to be intrusive. But we're texting you a lot.

Scott Benner 17:43
We're not really leaving you in technically charge of anything. Just so you know. This is a very interesting role reversal. Because most of the people that I speak to and I think most of the people overall, generally, the roles are reversed. Usually, it's it's normally the mother, you know, saying, like making you hear them, when they come on. They're like, they'll they'll make those sideways jokes about their, their husbands, and we don't really let him do anything. You know, he's just he feels like he's helping is that vibe all the time? Or? Or he doesn't really get it? But I'm guessing I want to know how quickly did she come up to speed and then turn and then turn to you and go, okay, you're not in charge anymore. It's me

Chad Caudill 18:24
really, really quickly. Within a few weeks, like she was, she was right there I was at was it at that point, he had already got him on Dexcom. And so we don't do any finger sticks and worry about that. So that really helped. And then we had just started on the pod to write when she came back. So she didn't have to go through all that the beginning pain steak of all these different finger sticks throughout a day and having to stick a needle in your kids. So I say she got off easy. She won't say that she won't say

Scott Benner 18:56
Well, I think you're making a valid point. Honestly, there's the the learning curve around just getting bazel set up on a pump is it's a month of like, agile, you're just like, uh, you know, constantly I'm never gonna get this right. Or, you know, that's really something else. How did he make out in that gear? Did he keep thriving, gaining weight? or How long did it take you to? I mean, I guess my question would be, are you in a comfortable place with this house right now? Do you feel good about where you're at? Oh, yeah, I

Chad Caudill 19:27
think I think we're doing pretty good. I said, a little over a year into this. And he's doing great. He's been a champ throughout this whole process. It didn't matter if we were no MDI, or when we switch over to Omni pod like he'd never minded getting the shot. He never cried about it. He's he hated a lot better than I would have. That would know it. tough kid.

Scott Benner 19:49
I mean, listen, his mom didn't live with him for a number of months early in his life. He was probably like, it's just me and this guy. I better pull out other quick

Chad Caudill 19:59
right? It's gotta be, shall we? This

Scott Benner 20:02
guy doesn't know I'm watching. He's playing PlayStation and watching really stupid stuff on television. I'm not certain I can count on him. Okay, I felt, you know, obviously I was, I've been a stay at home dad for an incredibly long time and over 20 years, and that feeling that you have in the hospital, you know, in the hands of the baby and you think, yo, you're making a mistake, like we're gonna kill this thing like you don't know yet. You don't know us. But this is probably against the law to get, give us this baby. That feeling as crazy as that was in the hospital that day. And I do remember really vividly. The day I took my wife to the train station, dropped her off for work, and drove home and walked back into a condominium. That was just me and Cole. And the stillness was really still and I thought, oh, what am I doing? Like, you know, I don't have no, I don't really know what I'm doing. You know what I mean? Like, there's, you know, just like you said, with your wife, Tara, she comes back and boom, she falls right into it, you know, put you back in your place. She's taken over, you know, like, I don't have any of that built into me that's wired into me. Like, I'm just I just for a year tried to keep him from, you know, getting hurt and making sure he ate he was clean. Like it was so basic how I handled it being a dad instead of a mom. I figured it out eventually. But I was wondering when she when Tara came back and sort of you go back to work and she's doing you know, she's doing the home stuff with with Matthias was that hard for you? Had you fallen into a spot where you thought this is my job? I want to keep doing this? Or was there part of you that got in the car. The first thing was like, who dodged a bullet there? And then went to work? How does that and she doesn't know that she'll never know, just be honest.

Unknown Speaker 21:56
Right? Um,

Chad Caudill 21:58
I would honestly say a little bit of both. Um, I I was really controlling of his care. Obviously, I was I was the primary one doing it. However, I'm, I must preferred her watching him versus him being stuck in daycare, because bless their hearts, they did the best he could. But they have 30 other kids to watch as well. They couldn't really give him the attention that he really needed to kind of control blood sugar. Yeah. So that's what I was really thankful for is like, even though she didn't know exactly what she was doing at the time, she was just a text away the correct the issue. mersa is watching my son's blood sugar go to 400 and hasn't gotten a shot in an hour since.

Scott Benner 22:40
Gotcha. So when she was in basic training, you were using daycare with him and going to work still. And so you were just running kind of like a single dad life.

Chad Caudill 22:49
Yeah, it was a it was nine months of being a single dad. It definitely, uh, definitely respect single parents a lot more.

Scott Benner 22:55
It's, it doesn't it feel like so my obviously I've never been a single father, but my wife had a, an intense job. She still does, but she's older now. So she, she does not just dive into it the way she used to quite as she did intense job that she had to travel far for. So my wife's commute was 20 minutes in a car. hour 15 on a train, 15 minute walk one way. Oh, wow. And then back again. So she would do three hours or so of just commuting and then work very full days, not just eight hours. So there, it was not uncommon for Kelly to leave the house at six in the morning and get home at 10 o'clock at night. And I always talk about there's this spot right around parents, I'll know this or in that situation, there's a spot right around dinnertime around five or six in the afternoon, where it feels like you've been with the baby for a whole day. And it's starting over without sleeping like nobody came in and, you know, just held them for a minute or you know, gave you a break. And it felt like two days in one day. And so I imagine you had that same feeling right? Like, how, how was How were your days broken up during that nine months?

Chad Caudill 24:16
Um, yeah, exactly kind of what you're saying. I mean, they were very, very long. But I mean, the key to me was getting a routine going. Um, so we'd have certain things we did every day and I just kind of we were having fun together and everything but that just kind of kept my mind in check. like, Alright, we got to make this checkpoint, it's going to give it to the day and then that's going to get me through the week, and so on and so forth. Until you know my relief finally came

Scott Benner 24:42
What did the weekends look like that just you and and the baby laying on the carpet next to each other?

Chad Caudill 24:49
We did a bit more than that once. That was a good amount of it. But once once he got the film better, we definitely made trips out to the parks and everything. So we made sure we stayed busy and By the day, which we're just entirely with Google,

Scott Benner 25:02
I had this one sort of rule that I used while I was doing it, where if during the winter months, the weather broke for any reason, meaning, you know, you got one of those, like, 52 degree days, you know, for the young people before global warming, it got cold for a long stretch of time. Maybe I'm explaining this wrong, and you'd get trapped inside for months at a time. And every once in a while, out of nowhere, it would just be 55 degrees one day, maybe you don't, I mean, like, for no reason. And I would just make it a rule if I woke up that day. And it didn't matter what we had to do, if the weather broke like that, we left the house and we did something all the time, like, we were frequently one of 10 people, you know, in the Philadelphia zoo in October, or November, you know, because it just got warm out of nowhere, you know, February, that kind of thing. So some of my favorite memories are, you don't realize, but when you're, you know, at a zoo, for example, there's so many people streaming by, you can't really stop. But when there's quite literally 30 people at the zoo, you can just make sure you're there when they feed the lions and sit there, like you own those lions and enjoy that, like watch that happen. So I have like memories of coal and different places where we just sat and, you know, witness things together. And I watched him see so many things for the first time, but not in a rushed way. That was I love that. I mean, that was a real, I don't really use this word. But I felt like a blessing to me like to be able to see that. Whereas with art in the first couple of you know, after she was to those next couple of years, three and four, and, you know, leading into kindergarten, even, I felt like I was just learning about diabetes like that my whole day was either being overwhelmed by getting my ass kicked by it or figuring something out. And constantly feeling like I was about to kill her somehow, that feeling stuck with me for such a long time. And I still don't know that it's completely gone. I might have gotten it ingrained in me by mistake. I don't feel that way anymore. Like I don't constantly feel like I'm going to kill her. I just walked away from her, you know, a half an hour ago to come talk to you. And her blood sugar 77. And it's good number. Yeah. And I was just like, she'll be fine. Like, I looked for a second. I was like, you know, I said to her, like, do you want food before I go up like really don't have a lot of time. And so we looked at her options. And she just thought, I don't care. You know what I mean? Like, I don't I don't want what you're offering me quickly. So no, and now I look her blood sugar's 103. And she genuinely I wish I made this up. She just texted me, I'm gonna squeeze in a workout while I wait. And I'm not worried about that. But still, I'm sort of like a skittish animal. You don't I mean, who's been like, you know, when you when you rescue a dog and forever, you're like, something's not quite right about Billy. You know, like, there's still I think that's in me a tiny little bit. Because there just was No, I did not tell this long story to say something like this, but I just, there was nothing like this podcast, I just was by myself trying to figure out diabetes with a meter that looked like it came out of a bubblegum machine and a handful of syringes. You know, so? I don't know, it was just it was an interesting world. How did you figure things out? What was your pathway to getting it straight? doctor's advice, internet, what do you do?

Chad Caudill 28:39
Um, doctors advises, as you said, many times I says rules to have your kid not die. So I didn't strictly go off that I'm lucky enough. I have a really great support system in my family. So my mother in law, and my wife's grandmother actually came and stayed with me for about a month after he was diagnosed. So my mother in law is type one as well. So her experience was phenomenal. And then my wife's grandmother is a retired registered nurse. So that kind of helped. So I had a great support system going on there. For fun that I just dived right into to the online community, you know, doing several different pages, just the job, all the knowledge I could. There wasn't long, a couple of weeks into being on the online community that, you know, obviously, I got the hint to listen to the podcast. And it gave me what you're doing is really helped a lot of people. I mean, it definitely revitalize the way I take care of my son. So that's that's kind of been the way our way forward with it.

Scott Benner 29:44
Oh, thank you. That's, that's nice to hear. So I wish I was the kind of person who would say plot twist, because I would have said it, just that and so your mother in law has type one as well.

Unknown Speaker 29:55
Yes, she does.

Scott Benner 29:56
So you told Tara that the baby had diabetes when she sort of like the alpha that might

Chad Caudill 30:01
Oh no, honestly, neither one of us ever really expected it. I mean, we figured if it was going to be passed on the family, I mean, somewhere on her side, we've seen it other than just her, her mother. And it never really registered.

Scott Benner 30:16
I wonder if it, I don't want to say something like, it's a rule, but I do see generation skipping sometimes, which makes me I was like, look at my son. And I'm like, you know, be careful. Like, when you make a baby. I don't know what to say, go find a girl who's got no endocrine issues in her life. Like, write your first AP, like anybody in your extended family have bigger problems with their thyroid, anything like that at all. Make some notes off to the side, like you're pretty and all and I like talking to you. But let me just ask you for a second about your thyroid health. Now, it's that's interesting. So your mother in law, but your mother in law, I'm assuming, you know, is in her 50s at least. Right? So she got How old was she when she was diagnosed them when I take a U turn here for a second?

Chad Caudill 31:12
thing around five. She said diabetes by 50 years.

Scott Benner 31:15
Okay, so she's had diabetes back before. Like, my meter wouldn't look good to her the one they gave me for Arden when we were leaving the hospital. So how did her experience help? And how does your experience look different than how she manages?

Chad Caudill 31:38
I'm really hurt. Her experience is just kind of been helping me keep my head on my shoulder. So she definitely let me let me take charge of his care. I wish he would advise me if I had questions. Um, but really what helped was he helped me the most with his, uh, you know, those late night conversations who would have just explained the different questions that I would have? I would ask her. Um, so that's how she really helped me through it.

Scott Benner 32:07
has, has her management changed any since you found the podcast?

Unknown Speaker 32:13
So

Chad Caudill 32:14
yeah, a little bit. When I first met her, and relatively diabetic, she was, you know, traditional MDI finger sticks and pins. Um, she has now moved up to she's on the library. Mm hmm. And she's still doing pins while she's on pins now, instead of syringes. This is her like intern Teresa said she did that.

Scott Benner 32:37
She should check out that in pen.

Chad Caudill 32:40
You know, I tried to talk with her about that. Um, I just don't think she's there yet.

Scott Benner 32:44
Yeah, that's it. Well, I, you know, I know, people who have had diabetes for a really very long time. And I always use my friend who's passed now Mike, as an example. But his ability to be flexible around diabetes was non existent. It was I think those poor people who were diagnosed at a certain time, you know, it's almost like, it's almost like the friend you have from the war, you know what I mean? Like, there's he sees the world differently than everybody else. And there's a good reason for it. I think, I think that when people have had type one for a very long time find this podcast and make an adjustment. That's an amazing accomplishment for them to break free of what ends up being years and decades of, like fear and, and the safeguards, I should put quotes around safeguards that they put in place. Because they were coming from a completely different angle, like, all the stuff that you and I can see was completely it didn't exist for them. None of that data, none of that understanding. When you hear them talk about diabetes, they just say things like, you know, I get dizzy sometimes. Or I try not to drive unless I've eaten like, it's this such vague. It's terrible that that is the the perspective they got stuck in, you know, that time in history with diabetes that that they had to come up through. But yeah, when they break free of that, it's amazing. I bet your mother in law continues on because she if she got some gear show, she might keep going. You also she might one day look at Matthias as a one say and be like, Hey, wait a minute. What's the range? All right, tell me again, what you're doing. You know. It's really cool. He's still really young. So what do you feel like his understanding of his situation? Isn't How do you you talk to him about it?

Chad Caudill 34:35
Uh, yeah, it's really been amazing. It's been like the last month or two that he's starting to get little pieces of it. Um, so we'll tell him before you eat like, Hey, we have to, we have to Pre-Bolus you have to give your medicine before you eat. And he's like, Okay, and then he'll look at from that time and be like, I want snack. Can you Pre-Bolus me. That's excellent. So he's starting to get there. But I mean, again, he's three years old, so he doesn't have a full comprehension of what's going on yet.

Scott Benner 35:09
Yeah, he hasn't pulled you aside yet and said that I don't like my time and range here between three and 6am. Can you work on my bazel? Push?

Chad Caudill 35:17
Exactly. He just knows more than routine. But we have what we have to go through that. How

Scott Benner 35:21
much does the way?

Chad Caudill 35:23
I use about 37 pounds right now.

Scott Benner 35:26
Wow, what is what does he get for bazel? Is it like around point two or point three an hour?

Chad Caudill 35:31
Yeah, I got him on point to an hour from 6am to 8pm. And then it goes down. 2.15 from 8pm to 6pm.

Scott Benner 35:40
Okay. Would you mind sharing? How do you where's this a one c falling right now.

Chad Caudill 35:46
So we didn't get to go to our actual endo appointment last month. Right. everything going on? Um, but the last time it did get his actual agency done. It was 6610. Wow, that's excellent.

Scott Benner 35:58
That's great. He's He's growing and gaining weight and all that. Oh, yeah. He's definitely good for you, man. Congratulations. That's really that's well done in a year with a three year old. Me came a long way. I, I just keep imagining that moment when your mother in law and thairis grandmother must have gotten in a room together and been like, Alright, listen. We weren't thrilled when she married him. But now we got to do something. Because what are you gonna leave this guy alone with the baby with it? I know, I know, man. I could see it on people's faces when Arden was diagnosed, you know, like, the guy who would look at his kid skinny and make a heroin model joke is now in charge of the child with type one. You know, like, I know, people looked at me for a while, like, wow, he's gonna mess this up. And they might not have been wrong, to be perfectly honest with you. But it's, you know, for anybody who's older in their 50s, you know, and has kids who are getting close to married age, and they know what I'm talking about. Their kids come home dating, and they leave and you inevitably turn to each other and go, Oh, I hope it doesn't. He doesn't end up with that one. She wasn't following the conversation. Even if you come off great. Even if you're like, Chad is great. He's terrific. He's blah, blah, blah, you add that health piece and suddenly, you know, you get distilled down into We can't leave that baby alone with that boy. Right. You know, and you know yourself. Reasonable right chat?

Chad Caudill 37:29
Yeah, that's pretty reasonable. agitation. Yeah.

Scott Benner 37:33
I didn't mind when those people looked at me like that. I was like, oh, they're paying attention. I'm not wrong. No, no, no, they're not wrong at all. I probably should not be in charge of this. So do you guys have now that, you know, the pendulum swung the other way? Although I guess I should ask this tower get deployed? Or how does? Like how does that all work?

Unknown Speaker 37:53
Um, no, she's

Chad Caudill 37:54
she's not got deployed or anything. She's in the Army Reserves. So she works one weekend, a month and two weeks out of the summer. That's great. So she's more more of a stay at home mom than anything.

Scott Benner 38:06
Could she kill you? Does she Do you ever worry about that, that they taught her something that one day you'll mouth off and you'll find yourself on the ground like wondering what happened?

Chad Caudill 38:15
She likes to think that she can do that. However, I'm in the army as well. Oh, and I've been in a bit longer. So I think I got the job.

Scott Benner 38:23
I didn't realize that. So are you are you in like now? Yeah,

Chad Caudill 38:28
I'm active duty.

Scott Benner 38:29
Okay. That's excellent. Are you guys in the Virginia ish area?

Chad Caudill 38:34
Um, so we're in Georgia, just outside of Atlanta. Okay. Yeah, I currently work as a as an army recruiter. So I get a pretty chill gig for a while. Oh, no

Scott Benner 38:44
kidding. You get to go. Uh, well, those kids must come in so enthusiastic to begin with. Right? Is it? Is it really that hard to get them to go? There

Chad Caudill 38:54
is definitely not the kids. The kids aren't the issues. Parents. Oh, convincing the parents love the kids. You on your music? Sorry.

Scott Benner 39:02
Ah, that that makes sense. Because I've heard my wife say how do we get him to Canada safely? Yes, she said that right after the last election actually. That's it. So that's really did you serve? How's your service gone so far? What's it? What's it been like?

Unknown Speaker 39:23
It's been great. I

Chad Caudill 39:24
mean, I'm loving it. I've been in for nine years now. I got a letter more to go. That'll be it. I'm not I'm not doing a day over 20. Where,

Unknown Speaker 39:33
where did you Where did you train initially.

Chad Caudill 39:37
So initially, I went to Fort Knox Kentucky was my initial trading. But I've been a little bit of everywhere since then. I mean, I've been to Korea, Japan, Hawaii, Egypt, Israel, Syria. I mean,

Scott Benner 39:50
any favorite places when you were moving around?

Chad Caudill 39:54
So we were in Hawaii for two and a half years. So that was a pretty good gig. Yeah, getting off work at 330. And going having a sense that day. In the beach, Katie,

Scott Benner 40:01
I'm gonna say that anybody who felt badly for you prior to that statement has just been like, whatever. And also, I'm assuming people listening. We're just like Fort Knox. I thought that was just a place out of old movies where they kept gold.

Chad Caudill 40:13
There, right?

Unknown Speaker 40:15
I know, we used that, that I was like, that's a real place.

Chad Caudill 40:17
It's a real place.

Scott Benner 40:19
I really don't nothing. I shouldn't be in charge of this podcast anyway, that's okay. So I guess what I want to understand now is are you Is it a 5050 split talking about diabetes now? Or has it swung more terrorists way? And if it has you mind that?

Chad Caudill 40:42
Um, so I definitely think it's swung more tears way at this point. Like, I'm still pretty involved. But he's gotten to the point that where she's really good at his care as well. Now, when I go to work, I don't stress looking at, you know, my, my Dexcom follow up every five minutes. She's got this.

Scott Benner 41:00
It's excellent. But does it hurt? Does it feel like you gave something away that you didn't want to?

Chad Caudill 41:07
Might not? Not really, I mean, that, just because I know that she's so good at it? Yeah. I mean, if if she wasn't able to keep his level of care to where I think I was able to do it, then yeah, at that point, it would hurt me a little more, but she's just as good at this as I am.

Scott Benner 41:24
Excellent. It's a it's an uncomfortable conversation. I'm glad you don't have to have it with I do hear a lot of a lot of the notes that I get are from are from parents who were just like, look what one of my you know, the spouse just don't understand or the people I really feel terrible for and I'm trying to get somebody to come on to talk about it, are divorced parents, when Try to imagine one of them has a great handle on the diabetes, the other one doesn't. And now the child's going back and forth, and they go from this amazing care to higher bouncing blowers, and the kid doesn't feel good. And you know, the spouse doesn't want to list it's it turns into it's a real nightmare. So it sounds like you guys have it together, though. That's really cool. Any plans for more children?

Chad Caudill 42:09
Yes, we're actually expecting our second child or no,

Scott Benner 42:12
it's like I knew that. But I didn't.

Chad Caudill 42:15
Yeah, we have or we don't know if it's a boy or girl yet, but maybe number two will be expected in December this year. So now when you

Scott Benner 42:25
have a first child whose first name is Matthias, and is there a shortening of Matthias, is there something you call him around the house?

Chad Caudill 42:32
Um, so we realize eventually, so we get shortened down to Matt. We just we haven't gotten there yet.

Scott Benner 42:37
Gotcha. So it will the next child get like, I find this interesting. Well, they get like a super different name to or when you go the opposite direction. It'll be Hey, this is my son, Matthias and my daughter Jill did.

Chad Caudill 42:54
So definitely not. If it's a boy, we don't know what we'll name them yet. We haven't thought that far in events. But if it's a girl, my wife's had that name picked out since before we get together. So again, I don't have much say in it. But it'll be an Aveda

Scott Benner 43:08
debayer. Well, she's good at this.

Chad Caudill 43:10
Yeah, she's got this name thing down, Pat.

Scott Benner 43:12
No kidding. We use the book. It's a no, you flip through a name. But you're like, Hey, this is interesting.

Chad Caudill 43:19
People, we don't, we don't have much choice to change it now anyway, because my mother in law's already quilted a blanket with that name on it. So we're kind of stuck to it.

Scott Benner 43:29
We mentioned it, she made this blanket. You know, we changed our mind and about the seventh month of the pregnancy, but there was nothing we could do. So sorry. And it's funny how names no matter what usually people just very strongly either love their name or don't like it. It's It's interesting, how it how it breaks up. But yeah, that's amazing. Congratulations. You're building the whole little thing there. How is Atlanta right now? Because it went crazy there for a while a couple weeks ago. Is it settled in? Or? Oh,

Chad Caudill 44:01
yeah, things are starting to get back to a somewhat normal Um, so I try not to venture into the actual city as least as possible. Um, so I'm about 1520 miles out of it. It's still pretty decent city but no people are going about back about their lives. I just went to the park last night, they look around and kids are on the baseball field again and tossing baseballs back and forth. So it's kind of refreshing to see

Scott Benner 44:25
interesting Oh, that's great. It liked it. I hate to say this because if the answer is yes, I feel terrible that I don't know. Did we? Did you come to the jdrf event in Atlanta was when I was there.

Chad Caudill 44:35
I really wanted to but I was at school at the time first in my army training so was able to make it okay.

Scott Benner 44:40
Oh, that's okay. I mean, sorry if I guess it's all right.

Chad Caudill 44:46
Yeah, I mean, right.

Scott Benner 44:48
Under the army man like listen, I love you knows a guy from a podcast coming down. I really I need the day yesterday. Yeah, right. You imagine never leave the same.

Unknown Speaker 44:59
Excellent. Well,

Scott Benner 45:02
sorry, I just made myself laugh for reasons that I don't understand. So what are your concerns? Or like goals moving forward? Like what are the things you see as because you talked earlier about having a plan, meeting goals, and that got you to the next thing. And the next thing? How do you see the diabetes? Like, like, what do you think the next thing is for him?

Chad Caudill 45:23
Um, so right now just keep refining what we're doing. You know, within being so tiny, it's things change on a daily basis. So we're constantly having to dial in bazel and insulin to carb ratios. So right now, as you're finding that, eventually, once, you know, there's some more advances technology, like I'd definitely be interested in getting him on horizon when it becomes available. But I mean, I know when it first comes out, it's not gonna be approved for anyone lesson six, I think so. That's gonna be a minute.

Scott Benner 45:51
So, you know, I don't know, obviously, I don't know how this is gonna go. On. My wife is bothering me Hold on a second. I can't, she's got to go back to work. I gotta be.

Chad Caudill 46:08
Yeah, it was a, I was stuck at home for about two months. Before I go back to work. I was definitely going stir crazy.

Scott Benner 46:16
It's not even that it's just she's two together. So I can't just be like, wishy washy for five seconds with something or let something go for a day, because she's so well planned out and thought out that I don't know. It's just he can't be can't screw off for five minutes, because she notices, and then I get that look like why are you not handling this thing? And I'm like, if you weren't home, you wouldn't know this wasn't, you know? Yeah, right. Yeah. But I'm sorry. So I agree with you about horizon. I'm excited for Arden to be able to try it as well. I also what I was gonna say is, in the past, when stuff comes out, and it's not okayed for pediatric ages, your doctor can still write a prescription for it and use it off label technically. And that's not I don't that's not out of the realm of possibility. I don't know how it's gonna go in the beginning. I'm not sure, you know, house stringently, the doctors are gonna stick to that or if that's going to be possible, but it has happened with tech in the past. So maybe, maybe it won't be as long of a wait, as you imagine.

Chad Caudill 47:21
Hopefully,

Scott Benner 47:22
yeah. Are you excited about the algorithm idea? And?

Chad Caudill 47:26
Oh, yeah, I mean, I mean, right now, I mean, that seems like it's kind of the way forward to me. I mean, we're, we're not as a doctor save when you talk about time. We're not five years from here? I don't think so. Yeah. working, working with an algorithm and getting, you know, that whole closed loop system going on that? That seems fantastic to me.

Scott Benner 47:45
Yeah, I agree. I think you're gonna I think you'll really enjoy it. And I think you'll have it sooner than you think you think you will as well. I would think, in my mind, if I was in your situation, I just hope to have it on him. And working well before kindergarten. Like that's

Chad Caudill 47:59
that that's really my hope, right? There is a I want to make sure we can have some sort of system like that in place before he goes to school because I'm a trusting God. But I don't want strangers and charging my kids blood sugar, if there's something on the market that could stop that from happening. Yeah,

Scott Benner 48:14
I feel the same way about Arden in college, just you know, let this be running smoothly. before she leaves for school, you know, that that she talks about? I don't know what she's going to end up doing. But when Arden talks about going to college, she talks about like, she wants to learn about clothing and fashion. And, you know, so she throws around things like New York, and every once in a while she's like, could I go to school in France? And we were like, I don't know who's gonna pay for that. But we also don't want to tell her No, sir. Like, yeah, I mean, sure if it works out, you know, by works out. I mean, we dig up the floorboards and find a bunch of money that a pirate left here. Which probably won't happen because we built this house. And I don't remember there being a pirate around, I guess, snuck into the middle of the night? Or what if someone came from Fort Knox and left gold? That would be like,

Unknown Speaker 49:06
Hey, there, yep.

Scott Benner 49:06
You can't believe I didn't know that was a real place. It's very strong possibility that your episode is gonna be called Fort Knox is real. Just because I feel like this is really what I learned so far. But I was so it's interesting when when someone's so young, it's hard to like, look out that far into the future around diabetes, because the technology changes so quickly. And you don't know if Matthias is gonna end up being a kid who's super like, Yeah, I got this or if he's gonna be one of those kids who's like a, like, I don't want to be involved in this or rebels against it. This. I mean, is that crept into your thinking yet, or if I just added a concern to your life you didn't have?

Chad Caudill 49:48
Oh, no, it's definitely crept in my thinking. Um, I mean, obviously, I'm hoping it doesn't happen, but it's definitely something that like, for lack of better terms, I guess expecting to happen, because I hear far too often. People go through burnout, which I understand I mean, I, I'm not even one with type one diabetes, and it's mind numbing to me that the take care of him some days that things just go wrong constantly. So being the one actually having it. I mean, I can understand how it's pretty easy. It hasn't burned out.

Scott Benner 50:18
Yeah. It's tough when you have to think at 830. At night, when somebody is eating something, you have to think, Oh, god, this has to go right. I can't be up till two o'clock in the morning. You know, like that feeling? Like, I'm tired. I gotta get up in the morning. And people have jobs like, I'm, I'm up early. But the truth is, is that, you know, once I get up, and I get my kid, you know, my daughter off to school, and Kelly starts working. You know, I mean, if I'm exhausted from overnight, I move I'll send a note to somebody be like, hey, I need to move your podcast episode to a different day or something. It's not, it's not like I've got to go dig a ditch after that, you know? But for there are people you know, like you and plenty of other people that have to get up and have to go to work and it's a thing they've got to go do and commute and everything and I don't know, it's just that's the little stuff to me is is is mind numbing, you know, and could throw burnout for adults. That's always the side of it, I think about for parents is that they run out of time to rest and to relax, you know?

Chad Caudill 51:21
Yeah, I feel you mean that I had the exact same going, Zack same thing going last night. The sugar was being kind of stubborn high. So I was up from, like, 230 to five, trying to get him back to where it needed to be. I see terrorists

Scott Benner 51:35
in charge. Unless it's three o'clock in the morning. Hmm. Well,

Chad Caudill 51:41
I wake up to the alarms laser. And she does she's a pretty heavy sleeper. So I tend to do the nighttime, she'll take the daytime,

Scott Benner 51:47
nice. That's my life. Just so you know, like, you know, Kelly's like, it's always like, do it my way do it. Like I know better. Bob about four in the morning. She's like, whatever you want to do. Oh, my God. Now you don't have an opinion right? Now, I could barely wake up, I could use your opinion. Now. It's tough, because, you know, we did. It took me a number of years to figure out what I was doing completely. And the last piece that I got right, was overnight. I know that that seems strange, because how I talked about it. But and but I don't even mean all the way overnight, I mean, into those like midnight to two o'clock hours. Because I was trying to figure out how to stay so tight with tolerances, that the that at the end of the day of using insulin, sometimes it would go wrong on me. And it will always go wrong than when it did. And I've never been more grateful in my life to get that thing that part figured out. Because I think I was up against how long I was going to be able to exist like that. Like, I don't know how much longer it would have been until I just like made a weird noise and fell over. You know, it was tough. I actually was I don't know if I've ever talked about this or not on here. But I had a problem with my iron two that took like a year or two to figure out. So at some point, I was staying up, you know, sometimes a lot not getting a ton of sleep. And the level of ferritin in my blood was like, I don't want to get this wrong, but in the 20s like incredibly low. And so doctors all assumed my iron was low and I'm an adult so they just all assumed I had cancer. So I got an incredible battery of tests the entire time I'd look at every doctor going I really think I just need to iron you know like they'd be like no let's do this first let's do this. I had like a scope down my throat one that went the opposite direction I had to swallow a swallow a camera like literally like a pill with a camera in it. I did all of these things and at the end they were like you should probably just get this iron if you Why did we not try that first? Exactly. But they didn't. And so I I existed for like a year during that testing where every day by one o'clock in the afternoon I thought I was gonna pass out I was so tired I couldn't get rested I couldn't like if I walked up the steps I'd be out of breath because there was no no oxygen going around my body because anyway that because of the iron and so when I got that iron I was like I'm good now baby like it felt like somebody like turned my dimmer all the way up. I was like let's do it you know and I took that little bit of energy you know and fine tuned everything and now I sleep like a baby so and diabetes is not very frequently get in the way of sleep around here. Which is excellent because I almost 15 it was gonna kill me seriously

Chad Caudill 54:51
Yeah, I think I think we're, we're getting there to that point. I mean, we still have to make some minor adjustments um, but mean so long has nothing goes completely crazy man. His sugars usually stays pretty stable throughout the night last night. I think he just had an excess of protein on board, which is kind of causing him to say a little higher. Yeah. But for the most part, we got to doubt it for nighttime.

Scott Benner 55:13
Like it's exciting that people know to think about protein, because in the past, you know, what someone would have said in the past is, I don't know, just Hi. I couldn't figure it out. Like, you know, I don't know why, you know, diabetes, you tell that goes. And you're like, now there was some protein in there. What did to cause one of those, like, 180 rises? That was hard to impact?

Chad Caudill 55:33
Oh, yeah, it was one of those 151 50 to 155. And they're just trying to bump it down, but wasn't doing much. So yeah, he got up to about 180. before they start coming back down,

Scott Benner 55:46
the food gets thrown finally. You haven't hit any kind of real? Well, maybe you have, but have you had any growth spurts? And have you seen how that's changed things?

Chad Caudill 55:57
Yeah, we've definitely had a few growth spurts he's grown probably, I would say almost six inches since he was diagnosed. So we definitely do with that. And it's definitely cause some crazy numbers this year.

Scott Benner 56:11
Was there a lot of growth right after you started using insulin?

Chad Caudill 56:14
Yes, yes. Immediately after seven days, like you started growing like a weed. Like it was just a nine day difference.

Scott Benner 56:19
That's a That's very interesting. I don't know. Arden is going to come on the podcast at some point. But when Artem was diagnosed with hyper thyroidism hypothyroidism, excuse me. She was the tiniest person in the world. Arden was like five, one, she would like 80 pounds. And she's 571 30 now, and it was beyond when you would expect a girl to grow that much. As soon as she started taking her Synthroid, she just like, took off, but gave her all kinds of she's got all kinds of terrible, like knee and joint aches and everything from girl so much. But uh, it's, it's stunning. She's one of the taller girls in her school. And she was one of the smallest people. Like, I just thought she was gonna be like somebody, we could smuggle a piece of luggage if we needed to. You know, like she was that bad, tiny. And that was fascinating to watch. But I know that insulin hits you and your body starts operating the way it's supposed to again. And that's, that's always why when I see people with kids who are, you know, newly diagnosed to struggle a lot, you know, they don't have some sort of support system about information. And they're restricting food, because they don't know how to use the inside. I'm always like, Huh, I know why you're doing that. And it makes sense, with limited information. But that kid's got to eat, you know? Mm hmm. So yeah, I

Chad Caudill 57:42
mean, we're kind of guilty of that, too. At the beginning, there's definitely still some foods that we try to limit waffles for this kid or the devil. So we we try to live with some waffles. Bananas were the worst for the longest time. But we're just now starting to really reintroduce those. I'm just kind of doing one thing at a time. So we're gonna learn how to bolster that.

Scott Benner 58:02
Yeah, I talked about a lot but it at some point, in those dire situations around diabetes, we start creating a pecking order of who we are. And, and being a human and health sometimes falls below diabetes, you know, you see yourself as diabetes First, the amount of kids that sometimes I see online who are young, who are existing on, you know, hard boiled eggs and string cheese. And I'm like, Huh, would you give that to them? If we didn't have diabetes? Like, you know, would that be lunch? You know, I mean, maybe once in a while, but every day, like poor kids that get up every day and have eggs and bacon, and you know, like, there's no, not that there's anything wrong with that. But there's never any deviation from it. It's adding some bacon every day because I can handle that. And I get that. But at some point, I just think you have to say to yourself, you got to do something here. You know what I mean? Like, we can't just, I can't eat these eggs every damn day for the rest of my life. Just Oh, yeah.

Chad Caudill 58:58
I mean, we're definitely not that extreme. Like, yet ice cream cake for a birthday. It wasn't fun. Yeah. So we definitely don't try to limit finances as much as we can. Anyway,

Scott Benner 59:09
somebody messaged me the other day, and they said, I want to give my kid an AC. And she's like, how do I do that? I said, Well, I know your kid. But here's what I would do. And worked out pretty well for them is exciting. They were celebrating something and when to give the kid something that he just never had before. You know what I mean? So it doesn't get that very often. And I was just like, yeah, that's cool. Just put the insulin in here and watch for this and then re address it if you have to. Don't let it get above like this. That was pretty much it. She did a great job of it. So that's very cool. So just Tara, listen to the podcast. Oh, yeah, she listens. Well, when she listens, she's listening on a different device, right. I'm getting to download so I don't

Chad Caudill 59:53
Yeah, yeah, it's your device. You didn't you get more bang for your buck here. Yeah, don't

Scott Benner 59:56
don't don't listen on the same device. Even if you find that happening. Stop, be like, get out of here. Go listen on your own. Scott said he needs to download. But guys, is it? Is it I know we're gonna go in a second, I don't want to keep you longer than have to. But is it interesting? Have you ever found yourself move into a room together and say to her? Hey, did you hear how this is happening? What do you think of that? How do you guys use the podcast? Or is it something that's personal to both of you?

Chad Caudill 1:00:24
Um, yeah, we definitely have talked about it before. The we listened to it in two different order. So I started from your first episode number, and we have two new ones. And she started from the new ones working your way back. So we sit there and talk about the different things you've heard and kind of put together and it makes your interesting conversations and definitely helps raise care. The I mean, I mean, remember Episode 11, obviously, that's a big one for everybody that's talking about that one with her. And that was just like, life changing for both of us.

Scott Benner 1:00:55
That's cool. So she'll get to it. And eventually, you guys will meet in the middle one day, one day, like Episode 284, or something, or you know, 197, and you'll be like, Oh, my God, I'm on the same line. For one day, for one day, you'll be in the same place, then you'll start moving in a direction where each has heard what the other one? Oh, that's interesting. I like that. That's very cool. I'm glad for you. I really am i i think it's wonderful that it's helpful. I never know what to say when, like, I'll get a note. I always respond the same way. I'm like, I'm glad the podcast is valuable for you. I don't know what to say. Like, you know what I mean? So. But that's really cool. And you guys have that perspective of listening from two ends up in the car, like, how do you do it?

Chad Caudill 1:01:38
Yeah, so for me, it's typically I wasn't on my commute, don't work and back, so I get through about six episodes a week. Then, the wife, she listens, just throughout the day, whenever Matthias has taken a nap, stuff like that, it'll pop it on, listen to her. Well,

Scott Benner 1:01:55
I would like everyone to get at least six episodes a week. That's good chatter set up a nice baseline. Please try to keep up. That's very cool. I appreciate that. I really don't have Is there anything? We didn't say that, that you hope to talk about?

Chad Caudill 1:02:12
Okay, thank you for anything we did conversation. I mean, I'm just appreciate taking the time every day to talk to me. I know you're a busy man. And yeah, thanks. Thanks for all your not medical advice.

Scott Benner 1:02:25
It's my pleasure not to give you advice, Chad, I really, I really mean that. I and I have to be honest with you. It's, it's COVID-19 time, the rest of my day looks like this. I bought a grill, I have to put it together. Man, it's pretty much as I have to actually I'm going to edit a podcast that's gonna go up tomorrow. And that'll take a number of hours. The podcast is I got this message from somebody recently. And they're like, I'm starting a podcast, you know, could I pick your brain? And I said, Is it about diabetes? And she said, No, I was like, yeah, then I'd be happy to help you. And I don't need the competition. But No, but seriously, I got her on the phone. I was like, Listen, a lot of work way more than you expect time is, you know, and I went through, like, here's how long it takes to set up an interview, like you're in my, you know, experience is a great example. I mean, we've corresponded 1000 times moving this thing around and doing everything, I think we started talking in the fall of 2019. It's almost the summer of 2020. And, you know, that happens then the recording time, just this time, you and I are sitting here speaking, and I need to edit it, I have to put in the music, I've got to put in ads, I've got to support it with social media, every episode takes a day of my life, you know, in when it's, you know, kind of compacted down. And I said, you can't you can't just put one up every once in a while. I mean, you can but then that's a audio blog. It's not a podcast, like a podcast is the thing that happens and people can count on and, and she's like, okay, maybe I won't do it. Like I wasn't trying to talk you out of it. Just it's it this is a full time job. It's really crazy. I didn't I didn't expect that so i love it and I'm having a great time with it. But when I first started doing it, I was like oh, you know I made this easy. Yeah, sure. I don't have a blog it'll be fine. That's not really what happened so did I'm thrilled you wanted to do this not enough guys reach out. So it's very cool to see a father so involved and understanding of what's happening like you picked it up incredibly easily. You know your your time from diagnosis to finding the podcast to having a six a one C with a three year old. It's like nothing. It's like a snap of a finger. It's really impressive. I hope you can pass by congratulations on to your wife about the next baby. And I know you don't have a boy name picked out yet but nothing wrong with Scott. You don't

Chad Caudill 1:04:59
have to He said that

Scott Benner 1:05:01
if you name that kid Scott, I will come all the way to Georgia and smack you in the head because you know what you should do that to that job. Thank you very much, man. I really appreciate you doing this.

Chad Caudill 1:05:10
I appreciate it. Well, Scott, great, have a good day. Here's what, hey, I'm

Scott Benner 1:05:14
really grateful for Chad coming. Hey, huge thanks to Chad for coming on and sharing his story. And good luck to him. He's about to have that new baby in just a couple of weeks actually. Thank you also to dexcom makers of the G six continuous glucose monitor and the Contour Next One blood glucose meter. Learn more@dexcom.com forward slash juice box and Contour Next one.com forward slash juice box. Let me remind you as well to consider supporting the T one D exchange at T one d exchange.org. forward slash juice box. You fill out some very simple questions about type one diabetes. Here's how it goes. Look, give me one second to talk about it. If you're a US resident, and you have type one, or you're the parent of someone with Type One Diabetes, you fill out these very easy, simple questions about your type one, your data goes anonymously into the registry. And with that data, the T one D exchange is able to help big decisions about Type One Diabetes be made. The data has been used in the past to impact the American Diabetes associations, a one c recommendations to lower them for children. That's a big deal because doctors use those recommendations to help people the data has been used to help there be more coverage for test trips for CGM is to be better covered all kinds of stuff that helps people with type one diabetes and you can anonymously By the way, 100% HIPAA compliant help T one d exchange.org. forward slash juicebox. And in about 10 minutes, you can make a huge impact for other people living with Type One Diabetes. The T one D exchange is looking for up to 6,000% precipitants. Hmm, the T one D exchange is looking for up to 6000 participants. And so far, a lot of them have come from the Juicebox Podcast which I'm very grateful for way to represent. If you haven't done it yet, please do. It's very simple. You can do it from your phone, your iPad, your computer while you're sitting on your sofa. It does not take a lot of time. I think it actually took me about seven minutes to do it on behalf of Arden at T1dexchange.org/juicebox

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#407 Emotions at Diagnosis & Diabetes Distress

The Psychology of Type 1

Erica is a licensed marriage and family therapist who herself has had Type 1 diabetes for over 30 years and who specializes in working with people with diabetes and their families and caregivers—from those newly diagnosed to those experiencing it for decades. She and Scott discuss burnout, emotions surrounding diagnosis, and dealing with diabetes distress and constructive ways to prevent it from impairing one’s function. http://erikaforsyth.com

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+ Click for EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:10
Hello, everyone, and welcome to Episode 407 of the Juicebox Podcast. On today's show, Erica Forsyth is here she has a master's in social work, and she specializes in diabetes. She's going to tell you more about in a second. But for right now please remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, please always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan are becoming bold with insulin.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 0:44
Hi, my name is Erika Forsyth. I am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and type one for over 30 years.

Scott Benner 0:53
Okay, so I'm already that quickly. My I don't think I have ADHD. But when you said that I was like, Oh, we should just talk about being married. That would be anything. But to find out why is it so hard to be married? And why do people argue about Oh, but nevermind, that's not what we're gonna do.

This show is sponsored today by the glucagon that my daughter carries, g Volk hype open. Find out more at G Volk glucagon.com forward slash juice box. This episode is also sponsored by the Omni pod tubeless insulin pump. And you can get a free no obligation demo of the on the pod sent directly to you today by going to my Omni pod.com Ford slash juicebox. Try it on where it and see what you think before you commit. Don't forget to check out touched by type one there at touched by type one.org. It is my absolute favorite diabetes organization. Check them out. They're also on Instagram and Facebook touched by type one.org. When were you diagnosed?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 2:15
I was diagnosed at age 12. In the summer at summer camp,

Scott Benner 2:20
summer camp, not the best memory or not a bad memory.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 2:24
Um, it was a pretty traumatic memory and diagnosis story. You know, everyone has their own diagnosis story. It was over kind of a span of a couple months. It was a three week long summer camp and I was diagnosed the night, the last night of the three week summer camp.

Scott Benner 2:43
Oh, and then they shipped you home lifeless.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 2:46
They I don't remember this but they put me I was in sixth grade. They put me in a ambulance and I was on my way to a diabetic coma ketoacidosis. And so then I my parents met me at the ER at some point that night. I know it's all kind of a blur. Yeah.

Scott Benner 3:03
So you were there for three weeks? Do you think it's just happening to you the entirety of those three weeks?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 3:09
You know, I think they I was played in a volleyball camp in the beginning of the summer. And you know, to do that I had to have a you know, check in a physical and also before going away for the summer camp. And definitely I was experiencing sometimes, but like many families we did not know to look for, you know, frequent thirst, frequent urination and extreme weight loss. They just thought I was growing and it was hot. And I was playing lots of volleyball. And then I went off to summer camp. And you know, there was a flu going through the camp and I fainted. So they thought it was that they thought it maybe was I was going through puberty. You know, definitely was experiencing extreme fatigue, which was really abnormal because I was an athlete. Yeah. So it can when you're not really looking for type one, the symptoms aren't as obvious. But then when you look back, and you can check off, you know, all of those symptoms like oh my gosh, we should have known. Yeah, I

Scott Benner 4:14
mean, I guess especially when you're under the care of corny 18 year old camp counselors to they're probably just like she's got the flow. Get her in a bed.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 4:22
Oh, yes. Yes. And you know, it was interesting. Finally, it was the last day of camp and in most camps, you know, everyone that daycare, they're getting ready for the banquet, and so all the girls are running around in a room or cabin, and I'm kind of going in and out of consciousness and they're, they're good, they're prepping or getting dressed or getting their makeup on. And I guess finally my symptoms are made known to a male camp counselor who happened to have type one. And so I remember him coming into our room which was you know, a male and the girls cabin was was like, you know, endless scary or just not normal. And he took my blood sugar and at Red high and at the time that was like, I think over 600. And so I think it was really kind of a saving grace that he heard my symptoms. He was there he knew to take my blood sugar. And you know, the rest is history. Yeah. Well,

Scott Benner 5:15
that is lucky, honestly, for you. All right. Well, I've never been to camp but you just made it sound not very good.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 5:25
Oh, I love the camp. You know what I went. It took me a couple years, but I went back in high school to kind of redeem my experience, because it was a special, it's a special place. That's cool. That's good. Yeah. Well, okay, so

Scott Benner 5:35
how long ago was this?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 5:38
This was 30 years ago.

Scott Benner 5:40
Wow. All right. No, I'm gonna do some quick math and say that was 1990.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 5:45
That was that was the summer of 1990. That was good math.

Scott Benner 5:49
Thank you. I'm very impressed at my ability to subtract three. to subtract three from to know it's a negative one, then knock 10 years off a 2000. The way I came up with, it really is brilliant. I don't want to bore anybody with it, but very impressed with what I learned in seventh grade. And was able to retain Okay, so you're on the show today, you were you were actually suggests suggested to me by someone else. Am I right about that?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 6:16
Yes, yeah.

Scott Benner 6:17
So tell me what you do professionally.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 6:21
Professionally, I am, as I said, in a marriage and family therapist, but I specialize in working with people with diabetes and their families, their caregivers, as we know it, you know, it takes a village and it affects not only the person with diabetes, but everyone around him or her. And so I love my job. And I love that I get to walk alongside people, you know, from newly diagnosed to, you know, people living with it for 1015 2030 plus years, who are maybe experiencing some, you know, distress or burnout or other issues that may or may not be related to diabetes, but oftentimes, it can go back to that.

Scott Benner 7:10
Why don't we start with burning out? And I'd love to know. So I'm assuming you see people who've been with diabetes for all length of time. And then how did you think of burnout? Like, beyond, you know, just the word that gets kind of thrown around in, you know, in social circles online? Like what what is burnout to you?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 7:30
Yeah, so I, I think a lot of people really work on clarifying that diabetes, distress leads to burnout. And I think you know, it, if you're experiencing just stress over and maybe it comes and goes, but when you're actually experiencing burnout, people will describe it as you know, hitting a wall, or maybe it's you feel like you just don't have the, you know, capacity to take care of yourself, manage your diabetes, maybe you want to skip a dose, maybe you just want to eat whatever and not think about, you know, carb counting or or think about what where's my blood sugar now, what am I doing and all the things that we have to think about when we're about to do something or eat something or exercise. And so burnout is, I just want to think about it, I'm, I'm done, I want to take a break, and you might you probably not even doing that consciously. And I think you know, burnout can be become very risky and scary when you're experiencing that over prolonged period of time.

Scott Benner 8:38
Well, so you're saying that there's, like stressors that lead to the give up, like the hand throwing up, or even the subconscious hand throwing off of just like, I'm gonna get a bag of potato chips and sit on the sofa now, and this is the extent of my nutrition, like, I've just given up on everything, for reasons that can be external, and unseen. Is that possible, like so the way I to give you a little look into my head that one of the reasons I make this podcast is because that I think that managing Type One Diabetes is arduous, and that if you're mired down constantly in the math, and the worry and things are always going wrong, and your meal spike and you're high all the time, and you don't know why and then you drop low and you're, you know, you're concerned about being low, then you over treat you bounce up, this is an untenable way to live. And so I'm a big proponent of learning quickly how to manage the insulin so that you don't sort of start this journey of, of wherever, you know, it leads to that ends up with many people just being like, I can't do this or this thing beats me all the time or it's unknowable, or whatever. It ends up feeling like the different people. So it could be simple, right? Like it could be like one day I just don't feel like giving myself a shot. Then the next day, I don't know how many carbs are in this, and then it gets high. And I'll just leave it high and see if it comes down. And then these things build and build and build on themselves. Is that true?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 10:10
Yes, I would say that's, that is an accurate description, in addition to maybe other external kind of stressors or you know, feeling like you're powerless. Or maybe you have a constant fear of, of having hypoglycemia, or you're really, you know, particularly in the teenage years, this is can be quite normal of feeling like you want to hide your diabetes from other people. or feeling like your doctor just doesn't understand what it's like. So in these are, that those are maybe at play. And in addition to you know, what, I just don't want it. I don't want to have to think about my blood sugar is and I want to eat five donuts this morning. And that can all snowball. Yes,

Scott Benner 10:56
yeah. And then before you know it, you're so mired down in it that you don't know how you got there. And there's no way to know how to get out anymore.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 11:04
Right. And, and, and kind of, you know, when you're sick all the time, you kind of just get used to feeling sick, and then maybe one day, you're not sick, like oh my gosh, I didn't know how good that feels to not be sick. I think you can become kind of used to maybe not feeling well, because of your sugar's are so high, and then emotionally and mentally, you're, you're down and out. And you that just becomes your new normal, right? Your pain, pain, the nuts, you know, where I want to enter it? Yes,

Scott Benner 11:33
paint paint starts that way. It's a,

Unknown Speaker 11:36
I

Scott Benner 11:37
had a motorcycle accident, I was like 20. And I don't have any, like health insurance. So when I was lucky enough to stand up, they were like, you're going to the hospital. And I was like, I don't have insurance. You're not taking me to the hospital. I'm poor. I know where that leads to. So I just went home and my shoulder healed naturally, which obviously, in hindsight, wasn't a great decision. And over the next, you know, 20 years, it actually worked fine. But it turned out that, you know, the weird healing process besides the lump that's on my shoulder that you can feel that doesn't belong there. It turned out that there was, you know, a calcification that kept building and building and building and one day is impinged a, my, my gosh, it's such a simple concept. Everybody gets their shoulder repaired that thing in their shoulder is called anybody had

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 12:24
their rotator. Thank you,

Scott Benner 12:25
Erica. in pain, it's the rotator cuff. And it just snapped. Right? But it happens super slowly. And it hurt a little you got used to it hurt a little more you got used to it couldn't lift your arm up as high, you got used to it. It's amazing how adaptive we can be, you know, and then I'll never forget the biggest relief I had in four years because it took 20 years for me to start noticing the problem and for years for it to explode. But I was trying to have a catch with my son one day thinking I was pushing through this, you know, stiffnesses what, how I imagined it my addled mind, you know. And then suddenly, I said to him, like, Oh my god, I worked through it. It's, it feels great. And for the next 20 minutes, it was perfect, until I realized that my rotator cuff it the 10 minutes. Right and just the snapping of it alleviated my pain for a while until a new pain showed up. I think that's exactly what you're talking about. Is that it? You know, you start off with a you know, not having diabetes. Your blood sugar's in the 80s all the time, then suddenly, it's not anymore. Now you know, you're in the 90s the hundreds you're honeymooning, and then suddenly it's 120 and 130 and 150. Before you know it, you feel completely normal at 200. And you're not you just don't realize it. So

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 13:42
yes, no, that's a that's a great analogy. And I'm sorry that happened that please.

Scott Benner 13:47
What am I gonna do? You know, the day I figured it out? I couldn't hold a water bottle in my right hand.

Unknown Speaker 13:51
Oh my god, like,

Scott Benner 13:53
I am gonna move this to my left hand and call a doctor. But Batman Oh, yeah, please smart move would have been when I was 20 years old, going a little bit in debt and having my shoulders but I was really broke back then Eric and anything over $45 seemed like a million so Oh, yes. luck, you know, but but so what do people like, given that you don't see it happening to you? I mean, that's why my argument is, you know, just stop it from happening. You know, and but you know, shy of that being able to be your reality say you don't find a podcast that helps you manage your insulin. How do I like what are my signs if I because I'm assuming I'm, I'm hoping that a loved one sees this right?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 14:39
Right. Yes. I mean, I know you know, I speak a lot from you know, the person who's living with diabetes can experience the you know, distress and burnout but obviously the caregiver, like yourself can too because it's it's constant. I think some of you know the the obvious signs would be You know, not doing some of the things that you used to do, like, for example, maybe your check it used to check frequently, and then now it's becoming less frequent. Or you're just maybe looking for signs that something might not be something is bothering you that you might not be feeling as, as hopeful in, in life in general. But also with, with your diabetes care you might be experiencing, you know, this is what a lot of younger, my younger clients will talk about, or experienced just the guilt and shame around the number. Because there is such a hyper focus on the numbers. You know, when I was first diagnosed, I went to a large Children's Hospital, and whenever I, they would take your a one see right there, it was just like from a finger stack, and then it would it would compute, and then they would apply your a one C to A letter grade. Oh, so this is this is in the, you know, the 90s, early 90s. And so if you were in the right zone, it was an A, if you were you know, eight to 10, you are a B or in higher. I mean, there were times where I remember I had like a D. And so talk about, you know, they're trying to encourage you to have a better grade. But that certainly started the turn of the course for me and having some shame based thinking around my numbers. And I hear a lot of clients talk about, you know, I don't want to check because I know it's going to be 350. So of course you don't, then you you're connecting that number to who you are as a person, how you're doing with your diabetes management. And so of course, you don't want to check it, or look at your CGM.

Scott Benner 16:47
I'm fixated that one

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 16:48
battle spirals,

Scott Benner 16:49
who the moron is that thought that that was would have been the way to go, you know, you know, we'll do we'll grade them. And the people are doing poorly, we'll give them really bad grades that should motivate them. I who, who thinks that way, but like, at least they could have rated you on like the popularity of Nirvana songs, like, you know, like, if you if you had like an 85 you were like, Teen Spirit. But you know, if you were more like, 120, you were paying royalty, and you know, it's somewhere in there, like, why not? Oh, my God, that's really terrible. Like how have we come so far in 30 years, the way we think about things,

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 17:24
and you know, and I am grateful, you know, I don't hold anything against them. But I think that's where we were, you know, kind of fear fear based. You know, if you don't check your blood sugar, if you have a D on your ANC, you're gonna experience all these complications. And so, I love like a lot of doctors and psychologists are, you know, trying to really focus on like, let's do evidence based hope and motivate people based on these the other numbers of if you keep yourself in, you know, good range, or you exemplify or show these kind of behaviors, you are going to live longer with, you know, and I can't pull the numbers out right now, but have a higher chance of not having any complications, as opposed to well, if you don't, you are going to have complications, right?

Scott Benner 18:11
Is it possible that aspirational talk doesn't work on people whose blood sugars are elevated all the time? Or have incredible stress about, like getting low? Or something like that? Is it is it feel like a bridge too far to even hope?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 18:23
I think that's where you want to get that get them to, but obviously, in the beginning, you might need to start smaller. For example, let's focus on you know, the behaviors the process instead of the outcome. And if you're a parent working with a child or a teenager, you know, they catch them being good. You're you're praising the behavior of Oh, my gosh, you know, thank you for checking your blood sugar, and not asking what the number is, you know, thank you for you know, bolusing. I know you. And I really like all your pro tips about the Pre-Bolus. And the timing of the Bolus is so crucial. And so praising them for or helping them around that piece, as opposed to what is your number now before we eat, what's your in the dish, the hyper focus on the numbers has to shift if you're trying to help somebody move away from that shame based thinking around your number and your agency, because that's where a lot because that's where you do need to focus on but at the same time, you need to take that piece away to help elevate a person's mood or distress.

Scott Benner 19:36
I don't think about the numbers at all anymore. I think about an outlet. So my daughter has a dexcom CGM. So I'm lucky to be able to see a graph right but i just think about, like stability and maintaining the stability. To me, the rest of it doesn't matter carbs, you know, try to force the line up insulin tries to stop that. It's it's Kind of, I really I simplify it in my head, just you know, you know, you see a blood sugar that's darting up, you stop it, just stop it, you know. And once it's stopped, if you if you've over addressed it, then you know, fix that without it going back up again and learn from your next mistake, I think, you know, if you've overcorrected don't spend a lot of time hand wringing and saying to yourself, like, oh, I've messed it up again, like, you know, like, just look and go, Okay, well, look, this time I tried one one was too much, I'm going to try three quarters next time, I don't know, whatever, you know. And then you'll learn and build and learn and build. And before you know it, I just, I just saw a note today, in the I have a private Facebook group for this podcast, and a woman said, I came in, I was really desirous to just have success right away. And I almost just went right to the pro tips she's like, but instead I just went back to the beginning of the podcast, and I started listening over, she said, she was like, 40 episodes in, and she's already has an incredible improvement in health. And, and her ability to manage blood sugars. And I said this to somebody privately the other day, I said, I know that the podcast has 400 episodes at this point. But the truth is, in my opinion, you go back, listen to this podcast straight through, you're gonna have anyone seeing the low sixes, and it's not going to be tough to get to. And that's because there are so many little things about diabetes, that if you expect someone to sit in a doctor's office, or in a you know it or, and tell you about, that's not how it's going to happen. Like you have to hear it kind of slowly, you have to hear it as a building narrative, it takes a little time to take in the information. And after that, you know, you're on your way, like, so I like that you don't blame your doctors, but I'm gonna blame them for you a little bit. You don't have to, we don't teach people how to manage their insulin, we just tell them they have diabetes, and that carbs makes their blood sugar go up, and insulin makes their blood sugar go down. And then we're like good luck. And then they send them on their way. And then these little things that you're talking about, naturally pop up in life. And by the way, you don't just have diabetes, you also have a job or you go to school, you might be in a marriage that you're not happy with, you might be in a marriage you're really happy with, but there's a hole in your roof that you can't afford to fix, or any number of other obvious life things happen. While you're trying to figure this thing out, I've said over and over and over again, that I was able to come to these ideas. Partially because I was a stay at home dad, and I didn't have to get up and go to work every day. You know, I too many people are in that situation where it's basically they throw a patch on their diabetes and hope it holds till the next time they're able to look at it.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 22:48
Right? Yeah, I mean, there's just it is a it is as they say, you know, the full time job that doesn't take a break. And I you reference that a lot. And I think it's upon all the other layers of life. It's exhausting. And I think one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself as a person with diabetes or a caregiver is to be kind you know, you said don't don't wring your hands. Let's let the numbers be data for information for decision making in the future, but not a data point to say gosh, I really was terrible. I can't believe I didn't give myself enough insulin or Gosh, now I'm doing the diabetes roller coaster where I I was high and I overcorrected. Now I'm low, gosh, you know, then you get in your headspace. You know what I made a mistake. And that's okay. And I'm going to learn from this and move forward. As opposed to just ruminating in the number and the behavior that got you to that number.

Scott Benner 23:44
And I think Additionally, you have to have the foresight to realize that you can't make a mistake. If you don't know what you're doing. You don't mean like that's, that's an interesting concept, because you feels like you made a mistake. But if no one taught you, are you making a mistake? Like, you're gonna be like, how can I make a mistake about something I have no knowledge of whatsoever the mistake is made in the entirety of how we do this, of how, from the moment you're diagnosed, until the moment someone lets you go, they tell you a lot of really important stuff. And not, I mean, you brought it up a second ago, and we kind of always just like, skip over it, but I have contact with a lot of people. The idea of Pre-Bolus thing, which is honestly the idea of understanding how insulin works, is not mentioned to most people when they leave with it's just it's fat. It'd be like talent, it would be like if I gave you a driver's license, it didn't tell you gas was flammable. You know, FYI, you know,

Unknown Speaker 24:46
right, right.

Scott Benner 24:47
You just got to the gas station. I feel it's leaking all over the place. No big deal. No one mentioned to me this was a problem. Like it just you need to understand how certain things work so that you can be thoughtful about using them. Uh huh. I see you're making me upset.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 25:02
Oh, we you know, I thankfully there has been such a huge shift in trend with you know, the the American Diabetes Association has partnered with the American Psychological Association APA, the APA to recognize that there needs to be this focus on psychosocial care for people with diabetes, because the education piece that you are, you know, that you have done such a great job in broadcasting through your podcast is so crucial, combined with the psychosocial piece. And so I am grateful that there's been a big shift and and care for not only endocrinologist, but psychologists focusing in on that the emotional piece. Yeah, of what it's like that, you know, it's it's exhausting is the understatement, right?

Scott Benner 25:53
It's just it's the tools, you have to have the right tools, or you can't, you just can't, you can't build your box if you don't have a hammer. And that's that. And it's not, it's not that much more difficult. And like you're saying the other side of it is, is that while you feel like you're constantly failing, and failing and failing, and you're not just failing, but your health is deteriorating, and you're starting to feel worse, and worse, yet, you don't notice it after a while. All these things are just, you know, they feel insurmountable. And I think possibly, and I'm not just saying this, because you're here, the only way most people are going to be able to climb out of this hole is with third party help somebody who can break it down for them and show it to them piece by piece, and then give them direction about how to how to manage

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 26:41
it? Well. Yes, I think there is, you do need first to be, you know, aware of the signs and symptoms. And actually, as I was praying to come speak with you today, I found this website, it's called diabetes distressed.org. And you can actually take a survey to kind of assess your degree of distress and it highlights you know, don't worry if your numbers are higher, you know, joined to really prevent No, there's no shame around having to stress, but to first like, let's just try and go be aware of where you are in your level of distress and then it gives some options of what what do you need, you need to talk with your healthcare provider? Do you need to seek additional help with a mental health provider? Do you need to become more clear with your family? have what you need? Do you need help and problem solving? Or do you need just more validation from your family? or your partner whoever is you know, in your, your immediate family support system? I think understanding where you are is the first step and then kind of figuring out how can you help yourself through that process and being kind and compassionate to yourself is also really key.

Scott Benner 28:00
I think we should be deputizing sharpest diabetes Sherpas, I've just come up with this idea when you're talking because because you just said stuff that I could imagine a new blockade for every time we'll go to your doctor, what if my doctor sucks? You know, what if my doctor thinks a 7.8 a one sees great, like the and I don't think that or you know, and it's easy to to say to somebody like don't just see the number. But, but everybody's not great in a panic situation.

Unknown Speaker 28:30
You're gonna be like, there's

Scott Benner 28:31
there's certain people who, you know, there could be, you know, bombs going off around them, and they can stay focused on what they're doing. And there are certain people who hear the bombs and very reasonably jump on the ground and cover their head. So when when ever we can't count on everybody being so resilient in that moment.

Unknown Speaker 28:53
Mm hmm.

Scott Benner 28:54
You know, like they need somebody to take their hand and go Hey, look, you're in over your head. No big deal. Like it's that old story right? Like, guys down in the hole. his buddy walks by yells up Hey, Bill, can you give me a hand I'm stuck down in this hole and Bill jumps down in the hole with him. And the guy goes What are you doing like now we're both stuck down here and bogus. Now don't worry but down here before I know the way out like you need somebody who who can lead you out. And and I think that there's too many there are too many variables and and you're also counting on people to recognize which bucket they fit in. And then they have to go to the right person. Like you just need somebody to stop listen to your story and say, Okay, here's what you need my opinion. I'm going to try to get it to it and let me see if I can lead you forward. I've you've you've just given me a job for after the time when the podcast is over. I'm going to start diabetes shopping. And I think this is I think this is it because you don't need any special skills. Just to know the path that somebody else doesn't know and and is too confused too. find their way on at the, at the moment in their life that they find themselves in that situation.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 30:05
Right? I mean, yes, oftentimes you have someone coming alongside them, helping them through the process and just validation that, you know, I understand that you are in such a challenging and difficult spot and and also feeling like they're not alone. I think that's, you know, with, particularly with type one, it's you can feel very isolated that no one really understands the challenges, the nuances, the you know, every thought, every minute, there's a different thought probably about it about your diabetes management. I agree. And that can feel so isolating. And so I think reaching out for help just for that, to know that you're not alone is also a really crucial step. Yeah.

Scott Benner 30:55
No, I agree. Having some sort of community. I have to be honest, I've been shocked over the last number of years when people write to me privately to tell me that this podcast is their community. Even though they don't have a back and forth it's not a it's not a two way conversation. It's still everything they needed, was just knowing someone else existed in being able to listen to them.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 31:16
Yes. And and not feeling like they're alone in the process. And I think that's, that's, you know, one of the benefits of technology and your and your podcast and all of that many resources that you can access online.

Scott Benner 31:30
Yeah, no kidding. Okay, Sarika So, so somebody can come to this burnout phase, show up, find a therapist that understands diabetes, and hopefully find their way through it? Will the therapist help them with management to or no,

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 31:45
no, and that's, that's a great clarification. You know, even though I have type one, you know, and I sometimes feel like I'm an expert, not always with my own management, I'm not the expert of everyone else's own personal management. And so I oftentimes will consult and collaborate with their health provider, with their doctor with their end with their CD. And, but I would not make decisions or suggestions around their insulin management or carb ratios. I would come alongside them and help them maybe figure out a behavior plan with either the caregiver or depending on the age of the person with diabetes, and help support them in that way. And kind of finding what what are the roadblocks to implementing that behavior plan. And also, just as we talked about, just kind of the validation of the challenges of living with diabetes such

Scott Benner 32:49
you've never, you've never leaned over the table, see the graph, I've been like you consider just up in your meal ratio a little bit?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 32:57
No, that would definitely be out of my scope of competence and practice. So yeah, that would not be appropriate.

Scott Benner 33:05
Well, good. Look at you, your principal person you Erica. So so let's look this is something I'd like to dig into this next thing that I'm constantly unarmored by which is I believe that when you're diagnosed with an illness, that is not it's not curable, that you go through the processes of grief. Am I right about that? Gee, voke hypo pain has no visible needle, and it's the first pre mixed auto injector of glucagon for very low blood sugar in adults and kids with diabetes, ages two and above. Not only is evoke hypo pen simple to administer, but it's simple to learn more about, all you have to do is go to G Volk, glucagon.com Ford slash juice box. g Vogue shouldn't be used in patients with insulinoma or pheochromocytoma. Visit G, Vogue glucagon.com, slash risk. Are you ready to ditch the daily injections or send your pump packing? If you are, it's time to try on the pod, the tubeless wireless continuous insulin management system. Here's all you have to do. Go to my Omni pod.com forward slash juice box, scroll down a little bit and decide do you want to check your eligibility for a free trial or check your insurance coverage to see if you're covered. Maybe you're already sold and you just want an omni pod, just click on my coverage. I want to check my coverage, then fill out a tiny bit of information and you're on your way. Now if you're just looking for the free, no obligation trial to be sent to you, check my eligibility for a free trial, fill out your information. And that Omni pod will show up right at your house so you can give it a whirl. It's just a demo pod. Don't worry. You put it on you where'd you see what's up and the questions are super easy. You know My name my date of birth, do I have type one or type two or another type of diabetes? And how do I currently manage it's very simple, only takes a moment to get that free, no obligation demo, or to get started with the Omni pod at my Omni pod.com forward slash juice box. You want to learn more about touched by type one, check them out on Facebook, or Instagram or at touched by type one.org. So wonderful organization helping people living with Type One Diabetes touched by type one.org my Omni pod.com forward slash juice box g Volk glucagon.com, forward slash juice box support the sponsors support the show.

You go through the processes of grief. Am I right about that?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 35:57
Absolutely. And I probably see the majority of my clients and families are mostly the newly diagnosed who are dealing kind of with the shock with the grief, kind of the the exploration of what what does this really mean for our family? It is it's a you know, it's a community that you don't really want to be a member of, but you're trying to figure out what how is this going to affect our daily lives and you know, some people, like for my, my family, for instance, I actually also have a younger brother with type one. Coincidentally, which, and I have an older sister who does not and no one else in my family have, we have no history of type one diabetes. So I had kind of that built in community with my brother, which was unique, but a lot of family. So you know, we're gonna, we're gonna fight through this, we're not going to let this affect us at all you can do all the things you want to do, we both played volleyball, he actually was this is my little brag spot, he was an Olympic gold medalist playing volleyball in Beijing. And so I just like to say that that you can do whatever you want to accomplish to us that you know, within the means of you managing it. So there are some families on that kind of end of the spectrum. And then there are other families who are really struggle and I it's understandable who, you know, how do we, how do I let my child go to school? And how do I trust other people to manage this, this is you know, thinking from a younger, aged person with diabetes, to a teenager who wants to go out or wants to drive. And now is kind of tat tasked with Well, you have to have your blood sugar in a certain range before you get to go out with your friends or drive your car. So it is such a huge shift, and obviously different with different layers and different complications based on the age. Yeah, but to answer your original question, yes, there is a huge sense of grief and loss around and sometimes it's just ambiguous loss. Like we don't we're not really sure what we're all at all that we know, we don't you don't really know, you know, everything no Sure, initially. And so there's this sense of like, ambiguous loss and grief. Yeah.

Scott Benner 38:25
Is denial always first? Um, or not necessarily, I guess the the stage but by the way, I've also heard from some psychologists who say that they don't call it the stages of grief anymore. Like there's other ways to think about it. There's some thought processes where there are seven stages, five stages, two stages. So keeping in mind, there are different ways to think about it, but I can tell you like right off the bat, I know that I I personally experienced denial, and it popped up around a honeymooning situation. Yes, right. As soon as you didn't need insulin as much, or, you know, there was this, this may be 24 hours for my daughter just didn't seem to need insulin at all. I'm sure she still did. But I was such a neophyte at the time. Less seemed like none and I got I got caught up in it to the point where I called my friend who's my my kids, pediatrician, and I was I was coherent enough to say to him, I actually said, Hey, I'm gonna say something after I say, tell me I'm wrong and hang up the phone. You know, I said, but you know, most people can't talk to their kids doctors that way, but I happen to happens to be a very good friend of mine. And so I said, I don't think Arden has diabetes. She hasn't used that much insulin. And he said, No, Scott Arden definitely has type one diabetes. This could happen, you know, in the beginning, and he described honeymooning to me back then, but I was in such a state. I didn't even hear what he was saying. I just heard him say, Stop hoping she doesn't have it, you know. And that was pretty early on in the first six month or so. And I wasn't, I wasn't out of my mind enough to just be thinking it all the time. But the minute that something concrete happened that opened up the possibility I ran through that door, right away. Everybody goes through that. Do you think denial?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 40:18
Oh, I, I would probably say I've and I can't say, you know, give a fact on that. But I would say a lot of people probably would kind of when you're, you're in shock, your denial, you're kind of trying to figure out what is this mean? Then there's this honeymoon period, which can last, you know, different lengths of time for different people. I think along with the denial, a lot of parents and my own included, feel guilt, or would rather say, Can I can I have this instead of my children? Or did I do anything to cause this? And so those are all really challenging feelings and thoughts to have. And so often, instead of kind of either expressing those or feeling those, and moving through them there is there can be that denial. But that's all part of Yeah, that the stages of grief and shock and like you said it, the stages of grief are not linear. They are cyclical. And so you can experience any of those stages at any point in time.

Scott Benner 41:20
We're all like, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'll tell you that. I've seen. I've talked to people who, when they get to anger, they go a lot of different ways. It's, you hear, like, you know, I don't know how God can let this happen. Like, that's, that's one that I that I hear pretty frequently. Some people go take their anger and direct it right into domination. Like, we're going to support somebody who's going to cure this, we're going to find some, you know, a doctor who's working on something that you've never heard of before, like that anger gets, or I'm gonna keep my kids blood sugar at 84 constantly, and it's never going to move and they direct. I've seen them direct their anger at that as well. That could be exhausting, though. No.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 42:12
Oh, for sure. And the anger could it could also go to the you know, the burnout of I'm so over this, I'm so angry. I'm I just don't want to think about it. And so I'm gonna just ignore it.

Scott Benner 42:28
Okay, so could the anger like, kick, it could jump right to that, or just, I'm so mad at this, I'm gonna pretend doesn't exist, you could also be driving so hard to make it perfect that you end up burning yourself out through that?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 42:42
Yeah, that was a that is an excellent point. Yeah, you can you can experience burnout from the other, like, I'm gonna just hyper focus on these numbers, I'm going to keep it in this perfect range. Yeah, you know, from 80 to 120. And keep it like, try to be a, quote, normal person. And that, as we know, is, is fairly impossible to do on a 24 hour, you know, 24 seven basis. And so you certainly can burn yourself out, particularly if you're the caregiver in that role. Because then that, that often leads to eat if you're going to be perfect, that often leads to feelings of guilt and shame. You know, like, how did I let it get to be 121? Yeah. And so it is, it can be a very messy cycle of trying to live in this, if anger is driving that trying to live in this perfect range. And that's where I would encourage, you know, the the self compassion piece to come in.

Scott Benner 43:37
So do you. Can you, I should have said, Can you explain the bargaining step to me? Because it's, that's the one that doesn't make sense with how my brain works. Like, I like I I saw it happen. I feel like I feel like bargaining covers, this is my fault, because there are no issues in my family, like, my people, or they're the people who feel like if they would have gotten to a doctor sooner, there could have been something they could have done about it. Right. You know, or it's my fault. I didn't see something like that. Is that all kind of falls under the bargaining portion?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 44:16
Yes. And I think it can happen fairly. It's common, particularly, you know, with parents, like I said, you know, bargaining like why can I have this instead of my child? And I think it happens because we often really don't know the initial trigger right to your pancreas not working the way it's supposed to. I think if we had a clear, you know, trigger and a clear explanation as to why the bargaining and the the either the guilt wouldn't happen as much I'm sure it would happen to certain degree because you still don't want your child living with a chronic illness. But that the confusion around the the actual diagnosis of Type One Diabetes is still very much You know, there. Yeah. And so we want it we always want to know why, like, how did something how Why did this happen? How could I have prevented it? Could I have done anything differently? Did I you know, do we use the wrong detergent? I mean, I hear all sorts of things that maybe it was because that my child broke their arm and their immune system was in shock. Or maybe it was because my child had the flu. You know, we, we want to always figure out the why. And we don't really know why with this. It's funny, I don't

Scott Benner 45:35
care about the why, like, even when I talk about blood sugars with people, I tell them, one of the biggest mistakes you make is staring at a high blood sugar wondering how it happened. Like I don't like I don't care how it happened, just use some more insulin and get it down. And so the bargaining the bargaining part didn't like, to me bargaining is that it's your brains last vestige right? To keep it from feeling sad. Like, yeah, right, you're trying to you're trying to stop yourself from getting to the depression part to the, to the grief part. And, and so you keep trying to figure out a way where this doesn't have to feel sad, and there's no, I don't, there's no way not to feel sad about getting diabetes, like it just it's not a great thing to find out that one part of your body stopped working and isn't going to start working again, sucks, you know, but but I get why it happens. But I wonder if people listening, can't hear what we're talking about right now. And then go back to any number of other episodes and other people's stories that you hear. And realize that all of their stories are just some version of the steps that you feel after something like this happens these stages. You know what I mean?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 46:49
Yes, and, and then, you know, getting to some people say, you know, the last stage of grief is acceptance. But as I, you know, when a highlight, you can, you can accept the diagnosis for a period of time, but it's okay to go back to periods of feeling sad, you know, I love to tell the story. I, I had a stint, I worked at the jdrf in San Francisco, many, many years ago. And there were a lot of type ones on staff there. And there was one particular woman who had had it for over 50 years in great health. And she, I think it was either once a month or a couple times a year, she would take I hate diabetes day, she would take a she would take the day off, she would lay in bed, she would she would feel all the feelings, she would feel sad, angry, and then move on. And so she kind of had this planned out to be like, you know what, I'm living with it, I'm living successfully with it, she had a very, you know, robust life. But she still had these moments and created these moments for herself to feel sad and angry about it. And that was, that was her way of kind of coping. And that's okay, so even she lived in kind of the moat, the majority of her life was the life of acceptance and thriving, but it's okay to compact to feel like, gosh, you know, we all have different seasons of life. And there are going to be more challenging ones with with your diabetes, particularly in as you're growing and going through different seasons, I've been in hormones and different life stages and different stressors. So it's, it's okay, yes, to

Scott Benner 48:26
have those different emotions around it. So just because you got through the, the, the depression and grief state, and you got to acceptance, and you started thinking, Hey, you know what, it turns out, I figured out how to use my insulin and this sucks, but it's, you know, you know, everybody's it's like, Who's way better than this other thing that could have happened to me or, you know, whatever. So I'm feeling good about this. Now, um, I feel like I'm going a little more control of what's going on. And you start sort of just turning the corner, it doesn't mean that you can't remember one day that this sucks, if you don't just get the dislike, it's not the so it's for people's understanding, like the five stages of grief, I think is like an older idea. There's a seven stages of grief, that, that breaks things down a little differently, and is way more hopeful at the end where you kind of, you start putting things back together again, you're working through them, you accept what's going on, and you actually end up feeling very hopeful. And just because you feel hopeful today, doesn't mean that something won't that you know that your pump won't fail while you're on, you know, a roller coaster at Six Flags. And you won't be like, Oh, this is depressing. It's ruined my whole day like you can you're going to bounce in and out of these things as you go. And not just with diabetes, by the way, life in general. I don't know if people realize that. We're all very basic, like organisms, right? Like we just we sort of do the same things over and over again. And when we reapply them to different ideas, somehow we're like, oh, diabetes is sad. Well, everything is sad. At some point, you know, like I get depressed about things like everyone else has, the bigger issue ends up being for people who hit that depression, pothole. And for real, physiological reasons can't actually get out of it ever. Like everybody gets depressed sometimes, but most people are able to get through it, the people who aren't there now, now they've now found a new another new issue that they need to deal with.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 50:25
Yes, yes. And I think that's, it's important to note that, you know, when we're talking about diabetes distress, it's, you might experience a certain level of distress at certain points throughout your, you know, career with with diabetes, and that's okay. I think the, the important part is to be aware of when you feel like, as you just were describing, you know, when did stress becomes, you can, you can have diabetes, of stress and struggle with the elements of living with diabetes and not be depressed, because maybe you're functioning in other areas of your life, or your job, your, your family life, your friendships. If you're an athlete, you know, it's, it can be different. But when it becomes when diabetes distress is prolonged, and you aren't able to either recognize symptoms, or reach out for help, or have community around you, that can, you know, it can transition into, you know, a full blown depression, diagnosis. And I think that's, that's what we're trying to prevent, you know, before it kind of impacts and impairs all of your levels of functioning,

Scott Benner 51:33
are there just some people who are predisposed? And eventually they're going to have a turn in their life that is so impactful, that they're going to become depressed? Like it like that it's always going to happen.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 51:47
But that's, that's a great question. I feel like could be almost another another episode, I feel like you're asking like are people are people predisposed to having depressed thoughts or experiencing depression?

Scott Benner 52:02
The same idea with diabetes, like if you have the markers, the genetic markers for type one diabetes, then your likelihood of getting it goes up. And if this happens, and that happens, and everything just kind of goes wrong for you, boom, you have type one diabetes, there are other people who have those markers, who never end up with type one. And so I'm assuming there are people who have markers for depression that they're unaware of. And then if they have life, circumstances that push them in that direction, that they're more likely to get caught in a real depression than other people are, because I've had some fairly terrible things happen to me in my life. But I've never had long bouts of depression. And there are other people who have had things happen to them that you know, are equal to mine, or less or more, who gets stuck in it for ever. And so my assumption is that, I don't know. Do you understand what my assumption is? Yes,

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 52:55
yeah. Yeah. Are you are you kind of more prone to either depressed thinking or experiencing depression? because of certain genetic markers? I would say? Yes, that that is certainly does exist. But there's also the other components of life like the, your, your resiliency, you the people around you, the support that you have, I think is really crucial. If you are experiencing a, you know, a triggering event that might lead to depressed thinking or symptoms, or clinical depression, the the capacity for you to reach out for help. And are those all due to genetic markers? Maybe are those due to the fact that maybe your the community around you can support you or not? There are a lot of different I'd say factors around that. But yeah, it's a it's a both it's Yes. Both? And to answer your question,

Scott Benner 53:56
do you think that people so people who maybe know, in the past that they've had trouble or gotten stuck for longer times, then maybe feels what they see normal around them? If something like this happens to them? Should they be running right to a therapist? Should they be should they literally like, leave the hospital and go and call the therapist and be like, hey, look, my kid was just diagnosed with Type One Diabetes, I got a feeling this isn't gonna go Well, for me, like, let's start now because I've interviewed people who have like, I just did an interview the other day, that will be out in a little bit where, you know, this, this woman describes an incredibly happy life. And then at one point, she felt suicidal and said she had never felt that way ever. And it was after a diagnosis for a child. And, and then, you know, just as you described to had had a spouse with her, that was able to, you know, kind of keeper focused as this thing had hold of her and it took a very long time for her to get through it, but she luckily had somebody with her in that moment. You know, she could by herself, I just feel like, you know, what if she was a single parent, or didn't have a lot of family around her, like, how do you? How do you make that decision to get help when getting help? Seems like another failure?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 55:16
Right, right, or just another problem. Another problem, another thing to do, and maybe if you are in, you know, at an extreme level, experiencing extreme levels of depression, you know, it's hard to motivate to do anything. Yeah. And I think if, if we're talking about this, within that scope of diabetes, I mean, hopefully, because there has been such a shift, and a trend in, in our medical health providers, or health care providers to be more aware of the psychosocial symptoms for not only the person with diabetes, but also for the caregivers, that they would be assessing, you know, both both parties, at their level of their psychosocial care, their mental health. And so my, my hope would be that, that would be the starting point, you know, whether you're, you're coming in for your, your checkup, or you're bringing your child in for a checkup that they would be asking those questions. And if not, that you would be able to tell them, you know, how you're doing? And your question is, what if it becomes to a place where you feel like you can't reach out for help? I think that's where it may be reaching out for a mental health support is too much. Maybe exploring in sites like your like your podcast, you know, realizing that I think depression likes to tell the person that they are alone in that. And that becomes isolating, and it feels really scary to be in that state of mind. And so recognizing that you're not alone in that, and if it just means listening to your podcast, if it means going on a different website. jdrf just had their their summit, and there's a lot of great resources on their website from their summit this over the summer.

Scott Benner 57:07
Oracle, what was wrong with the idea of listening to the podcast? What are you doing driving people? What are you doing? I'm just kidding. Wherever you can find help. I'm happy for you to find it. Well, okay, so I know we're up on an hour. Do you have a little time beyond the hour if I drag you past it? Or you have a heart out?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 57:24
Um, I have. I have a little bit extra time. Yes. Okay.

Scott Benner 57:27
So I have one more question. As a real simple thing real quick. Is it true, I was told this at my daughter's diagnosis that the that in America, one in two marriages end in divorce, but when you have a critically or chronically ill child, excuse me, it goes to two and three?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 57:48
Well, I don't I don't, I can't back that. But

Scott Benner 57:51
is it more likely you're gonna get divorced if your kid gets sick?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 57:55
Gosh, I hope not. No, but I think like any other major stressor will be at financial or, you know, JOB, JOB insecurity. And that's chronic, you know, any other chronic stressor in a marriage is, is a challenge. But I think the important pieces, and I think you mentioned this in one of your podcasts that, you know, if one parent is the sole caregiver for the person, for the child with diabetes, that's, that's there's going to lead to burnout and maybe some feelings of resentment, unless that's already established. And you've communicated that. And that's the way you all want it to be, which would be hard to believe if that's if but if that's how your family setup works, then that's great. But I think the communication piece is so key and understanding without a sum without assuming, okay, well, you know, mom's at home, so she's going to take care of Bobby, or vice versa, like in your case. And so I think if there's the communication around that, that would help prevent issues of resentment.

Scott Benner 59:13
Oh, it's really easy to be like, Look, I'm doing everything and you're doing nothing. And, you know, because you cuz especially in the beginning, if you don't know what you're doing, it's already mind numbing. And then you start having that feeling like you're killing the person because you can't figure out how to use the insulin. That's an added thing, then you feel like you're alone and you're by yourself and no one's helping you. And then when your spouse acts like, Oh, that's your job. You're like, oh, wait a second. You know, like, I would love help, but it's also not reasonable like my wife and I came to the conclusion that it needed to be one of us, because as we tried to pass it back and forth, we would just we found it impossible because we found ourselves having to, like you know, recount everything that had happened. Like the nine hours prior, like, okay, so for breakfast, you know, it's six o'clock at night and you're telling someone who just got home from work, I breakfast this happen, we use this much, and it happened and bla bla bla bla, and then at lunch and then this and that you feel like you have to you feel like a nurse passing off to another nurse. Right? And so one day we were like, Alright, look, I'm gonna take care of it, we won't pass it back and forth, because this wasn't working for us. And so I don't feel any, like, bad feelings around the fact that it's, it's more me than it is her. But how did it just happen that way? Had she just like buried her head or like, you know, turned her back on me and started kicking up the ground. Like she found something interesting. While I was doing diabetes, I would have been angry, like, quite right, you know?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 1:00:43
Right. So yeah, you guys had that kind of pre determined role and responsibility set. And I think that's, that's key, you know, a lot of a lot of arguments or misunderstandings in just in marriages in general is without, you know, the assuming things, feeling like someone's someone has responsibility to do something when maybe it's a joint responsibility. So I think that's, that's great that you guys had that opportunity to have that conversation and agreement. Eric, I'm

Scott Benner 1:01:14
gonna ask you to generalize, then you're gonna tell me you're not going to, but it's not going to stop me from asking, okay, I've realized You're too professional. And you're on the ball. By the way, you must be really good at what you do. Because I talk in big word pictures. And you remember my question and come back to it afterwards, which I find incredibly impressive. I don't hear you're making think so. Well done. But look at me. I'm just like, I'm so impressed by that. Well, thank No, seriously. But here, here's my here's my statement that I'm going to ask you to agree with or tell me that I'm wrong. Boys are boys, and then they grow up and become men, and then they marry people. And then they're not as much help as the women just say it right? Like weak women are more generally speaking, focused. And familial, and guys are more like I made money already. Let me get to my PlayStation like that kind of like, Is that true? I know, there are some men who aren't I'm obviously one of those men who isn't like that. But for the most part, if we were just going to generalize, women are screwed, right? Go ahead set.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 1:02:19
Well, I'm curious, I'm curious as to where where you're going with this,

Scott Benner 1:02:22
I grew up in a blue collar world where men did not get involved in family. Uh huh. And then, and it all seems to be like this, you know, quiet agreement that people come to in their marriages, I do this, he does that he does this, I do that blah, blah, blah. And it all kind of works out. And the resentment is quiet takes decades to build. But then when you bring in the diabetes, real quick, everything gets jacked up. And now suddenly, he's not just ignoring the fact that the Christmas decorations need to go back in the basement. He's ignoring the fact that your kids blood sugar's 250. And now, and now what ends up happening is this goes from a thing that I find irritating because the house is a little bit of a mess, or we haven't fixed the hole on the roof or something like that, too. We're killing our kid and you don't seem to care. And then it has been my, my experience. And what I've witnessed from other people, is that women appear to have a genetic component to them that once they give birth to a child, they care very much about that child, and a lot less about everybody else who is not that child. So now you suddenly went from being like my boyfriend who became my husband becoming this guy who doesn't care about this 250 blood sugar, and now you're a danger. And am I wrong about all that? Like, that's just how I see people?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 1:03:46
Yeah, well, I think, you know, I, you're right, I'm not gonna generalize, because you wouldn't be as you're a professional. I because, you know, look, look at you. Okay, some point, I think there are families who create different structures for them within themselves. I think the issues that you are, like the example that you just gave, occurs, when there's not there's no communication, and that now they've gotten they've just kind of, you know, the partners have been set in their ways. And for better or for worse, and then when a when a major stressor occurs, such as a diagnosis, the, the rhythms and routines can become obviously troubling, but then then it's exactly exacerbated because now we're talking about our child who it's it feels life or death, you know, to manage their diabetes care. Yeah. And so if there's already this built in resentment that I'm doing, I'm doing x but you're doing y, but now you're not helping me with my child with our child. That creates obviously a major conflict And so I would, I would encourage people to, you know, what, what you have modeled and just explained within your family system, every family system is different. And while you know, there, there might be stereotypes of what the male or female or different partners do. It doesn't really matter when it comes down to your child who's living with diabetes, to get really clear with who was doing what, and what does that look like on a daily basis? Because if it's not clearly communicated and understood, then that resentment and that burnout is going to happen for the caregiver. And then you know, who knows what's happening for the child with the diabetes?

Scott Benner 1:05:46
Allow me now to argue the other side of it? Because really, did I believe what I said? Or was I just painting a picture, okay, and now, so here's the next side of it, right? You can get into a situation where, hey, you one person are in charge of the kids, you make decisions like this, I'm not involved, I haven't been involved in two years, three years, four years, five years, I feel out of the loop, you seem to be doing such a good job with the diabetes, this is a scary thing. I don't know anything about it. I'm very afraid to mess it up. So I think that there can be a time where one of the spouses looks disengaged, but is really just frightened out of their mind. Yeah, but doesn't have the extra problem of being the person with the kid. So they get to walk away from it. Whereas you are frightened out of your mind. But you're stuck there making the decision. So you figure something out, tried, it doesn't work, try something else, this works. Now you're going through trial and error on your side, the other person's not going through that. And because of that, they can feel more like, hey, maybe I should stay out of this. I think there are plenty of people who heard me say the first thing that I said and thought, yeah, that's right, my husband or wife is is an apple, and they don't help me with this, and blah, blah, blah. But I also think that that person could have heard it and thought I just don't want to mess this up. And it seems really important, and I don't know what I'm doing. I think that there's a misunderstanding, almost constantly between married people, like I think we mischaracterize each other almost constantly. Do you think that's true? You talk to married people? Do people not really understand each other?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 1:07:24
Well, I think not not consistently, but I think there are moments or events, or going back to you notice any stressor that might challenge our, our understanding of one another of what the you know, relationship looks like? I think, you know, I'd be curious and, you know, I have seen couples who are, you know, we I'm working with it with the child with diabetes, but also the couple who are are struggling with that dynamic of, well, you know, she takes care of the house and I and I do the diabetes, or vice versa. Or, you know, whatever, whatever role is defined for each person. But then there's that the fear of not knowing or maybe the other person is feeling like the partners passive in the in the children's care, diabetes care. So it all goes back to what are what is everyone feeling in the moment? Let's communicate around that. I mean, I'm curious if you do have check in times with your wife like, does she want to, to be more a part of the care

Scott Benner 1:08:34
or you better know if she's mad money making money, Erica, she better not lift her head up, I need her working your stand. She's not allowed to look up, she's allowed to eat, use the bathroom twice and work. That's it. That's her job. Now I know, we are we, when when life allows. we bump into each other and fill each other end, when that really ends up being how it goes. I would love to tell you that I have a specific time for it. But that's not reasonable. You know, sometimes it's before bed, which by the way completely kills the idea of having sex when you're like, oh, the kids are having trouble with school and blah, blah, and you're just like, I'm gonna go to bed now. That we're you know, like, we'll stop. I have to be honest, because of COVID. We're around each other more often. We just had a conversation before I jumped on with you about something that would not have happened before. And I'm going to tell you from my experience, these little like pitstops are super important because once they get to build up, your conversations turn into this mishmash of like you blurting out a bunch of stuff you meant to say her trying to respond she blurting out a bunch of stuff she meant to say you try and respond. I've never seen one of those conversations go well in my life. But you know, like you have to everyone smile, stop and say, Hey, did you see that this happened? Or that you know, college said that they're going to go back but this that doesn't seem right. Maybe we should figure something else out because keep people thinking about things over time. They're To me, it's just a constant conversation. Yes. And it's yes doesn't always go great. It's just the best you can do. The problem with managing a life is that you're trying to live one at the same time. Yes, there's two competing things happening in every second of your day.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 1:10:16
Yes, and I think sometimes for the caregiver, you know, the caregiver just might need some validation to I think it's important, just like we're asking, I would ask the person with diabetes to ask for what they need, do they need some more problem solving? Or do they need some validation? I mean, those aren't the only two things you could be asking for. But those are kind of the main points. And just like, you know, apply those same ideas to the caregiver, does the caregiver needs some more problem solving around how to manage your child's diabetes? Or are they just wanting some validation of like, Wow, it must be really hard to really monitor you know, Bobby's blood sugar's while also trying to do all the things you want to do for your own life. That must be really, really challenging. And thank you so much for doing that. I mean, I think, like, basic validation, and gratitude goes a long way. But to be to ask for what you need as a caregiver, and also for the person with diabetes if you're able,

Scott Benner 1:11:15
and this goes for being married in general, right, like, because I think that I think that overall, people think there's two ways that marriages end either you just get sick of each other, and you go your separate ways, or you give up and die. And that's not those shouldn't be the two basically conceived endings of how marriage go.

Unknown Speaker 1:11:33
And

Scott Benner 1:11:34
I think there's a way to realize that there, you're shooting for a long time, that there are going to be good days and bad days, good weeks, and bad weeks, good months and bad months, good years and bad years. Like I once told my wife when we were first married, she's like, what's your expectation for all this? I said, Well, listen, if we stay married our whole life, it'll end up being maybe about 40 years, if we're lucky. I think if we have, you know, 10 really great years and 10 Okay, years and five years, it sucked in five years that weren't too bad. that'll probably be pretty good. You know, like, like, I mean, I think that a striving for perfection constantly, is a bit of a fool's errand. And it really just leaves you more let down than fulfilled. I think there's Yes, you know, what I mean, like, everything can't be perfect all the time.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 1:12:21
That's exactly and it leads to the thinking of, you know, I'm I'm not a good enough. You know, parent, I'm not a good enough caregiver. I'm not a good enough partner, spouse. And so yes, the the validation, the gratitude and the self compassion are our key. Yeah. to kind of get through the long haul of diabetes when they're in a family system for sure. Right.

Scott Benner 1:12:45
Yeah. Once you've heard my stories, 800,000 times, there's got to be something else that makes you go, I'd still be okay, waking up tomorrow, if he was here. And like that, you know, and I think what you just said is really important is that we're all just, I mean, listen, I can be completely honest, I need validation, just like everybody else does. I know, I'm doing a good job. But if the people I'm working so hard for don't appear to care, then what's the point of it? You know what I mean? And they can you can feel like that at some point, like, nobody seems to care. And I get that, you know, nobody's gonna run around telling you, I really appreciate my laundry being clean. You know, and I'm not looking for that. I'm not looking for someone to come up to me every five minutes. But there's a moment where, you know, Arden has Chinese food going into a donut and I don't let her blood sugar go over 110 where it would be cool. If someone would look over and be like, Damn, you're good at that. I'm

Unknown Speaker 1:13:37
like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 1:13:40
say that. I'll say that. That's really impressive. Erica,

Scott Benner 1:13:42
put your ABC right in the fives. No trouble you come over here. I really appreciate you doing this. I this conversation was everything I hoped it would be. And I'm hoping you might decide to come back on more than once because I think there's a lot more to talk about in this was great.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 1:14:00
Oh, wonderful. I would love to thank you. I really I really enjoyed it as well.

Scott Benner 1:14:08
A huge thank you to one of today's sponsors, g Volk, glucagon, find out more about chivo Kibo pen at G Vogue glucagon.com forward slash juice box, you spell that GVO ke GLUC AG o n.com forward slash juice box. Don't forget you can get your free no obligation demo of the Omni pod tubeless insulin pump at my Omni pod.com forward slash juice box and learn more about touched by type one at touched by type one.org or on their Facebook or Instagram pages.

If you're listening in a podcast app Please press subscribe, and if the show has been valuable to you, please share it with someone else. Have a great day. I'll be back very soon with another episode of the Juicebox Podcast. You can learn more about Erica at Erica forsyth.com erikaforsyth.com

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