#410 Best Hug

Quincy is the husband of a T1

Quincy is the husband of a a type 1 diabetic and he's here to share his perspective.

You can always listen to the Juicebox Podcast here but the cool kids use: Apple Podcasts/iOS - Spotify - Amazon Music - Google Play/Android - iHeart Radio -  Radio Public, Amazon Alexa or their favorite podcast app.

+ Click for EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

---

DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:09
Hello everyone and welcome to Episode 410 of the Juicebox Podcast today shows a little late because I was sick for a couple of days, but I'm feeling better now. We're getting back on track. Today's episode is with Quincy Quincy is the husband of a woman who has type one diabetes. At one point I thought this episode may become an after dark because of how honest Quincy was getting. But then I realized it's just a good episode. Please remember while you're listening but nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise. Please always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan for becoming bold with insulin. In this episode, you're going to find out what it's like to be married to somebody with Type One Diabetes. If you have a little extra time after this episode, please check out the T one D exchange at T1DExchange.org/juicebox. Take a moment, fill out their survey, add your data support the podcast support Type One Diabetes Research T1DExchange.org/juicebox. us residents only.

This show is sponsored today by the glucagon that my daughter carries Gvoke hypopen. Find out more at Gvokeglucagon.com/juicebox. This episode is also sponsored by the Contour Next One blood glucose meter You can find out more about the meter, their test strip program and whether or not you're eligible for a free METER

Unknown Speaker 1:51
Free

Scott Benner 1:52
at ContourNext.com/juicebox.

Quincy Belk 1:57
My name is Quincy Belk. And I I'm excited to be here.

Scott Benner 2:02
It's excellent. So Quincy, are you person with Type One Diabetes? Are you someone that loves someone with Type One Diabetes? What's your story?

Quincy Belk 2:09
My wife is this type one diabetic. And so I am her. I'm I'm her assistant when it comes to these sorts of things.

Scott Benner 2:22
I my wife's assistant but more for like hair appointments, and doctor's visits and anything she doesn't really want to talk about. I'm always like, Hi. Scott Benner calling for Kelly. Kelly, like a half head with a highlight and a cut. Like, you really know how to ask about this. And I was like, yeah, it's one of the real highlights of my life that I know how to order a haircut for a lady. But But I know I so. I guess let's so you know, we're gonna share your wife's name.

Quincy Belk 2:54
Yeah, yeah, her name is her name is Rachel.

Scott Benner 2:56
Okay. And so was Rachel.

Quincy Belk 3:00
A type one when you met her? Was? Yeah, she. She was diagnosed when she was 19. And her freshman year of college, her and I started dating in her in her junior year of college.

Scott Benner 3:12
Okay. I'm interested in that a little bit, because that's a real unique experience. And honestly, we were just talking about this with Arden last night, I swear to you, I swear to you last night. It came up. And I said to Arden you know there are people who come on the show who have been dissuaded by family members from dating or marrying people with type one that took art in 100% gobsmacked or she she couldn't like wrap her head around that. And I sit in and there are also people who come on who find wonderful supportive spouses and boyfriends and girlfriends and whatever. And and I said I think that that's sort of part of the journey is to find a person who understands and she kind of looked quizzical, I was like, you know, it's gonna take a special person to realize that they may have to wake up at two in the morning pretty frequently and be like, hey, Arden, Arden, you know, your blood sugar's low? or What should we do with that kind of thing? And, and she started smiling. She goes, Oh, they are gonna have to wake me up. Because I don't get up. And I was like, right, exactly. And and so what about Rachel? I guess back in those early days, what made diabetes not seem like, like a bridge too far for you, I guess.

Quincy Belk 4:31
Well, that's a that's an excellent question. It's actually it was part of a struggle that I actually had, weirdly enough, I had this really preconceived notion. I was not going to date anyone with chronic illness. I know that sounds like a very specific dating qualification. Other than than being like ambidextrous, or something, you know, but I had this really specific, I don't know it was this concern that was definitely just based out of mindset of selfishness where I didn't want to have to deal with somebody else's problems.

Scott Benner 5:04
And that actually occurred to you as a younger person. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 5:09
And

Quincy Belk 5:11
I was actually really good friends with a girl before I met my wife. And she, she had some, some chronic issues. And I remember we ended up not dating, and I kind of attributed to that. But whenever I met my wife, I would, I would say that definitely, the turning point was probably the probably the season of life that I was in at that moment in time allowed me to be, I think that I had just come out of some difficult stuff. And it really kind of seasoned to me for, you know, dating and pursuing my wife. And I've known my wife for a very long time, she's actually family, friends, and has been in and out of my life for years. But it definitely took a coming to Jesus meeting, you know, where my wife was very frank with me about the qualifications for a guy that would have to date her. And they weren't necessarily based around. You know, type one care, because at that point in time, she was very independent, didn't really want any help with managing type one. And was okay with that. But she really laid out some very strict qualifications for the guy that needed to pursue her and how, you know, I needed to be a leader, I needed to step up and build this voice number to sit in the car. And I was like, I have no idea why she's telling me all this stuff. But no way in the world, I can do any of this. But I think that was that was part of that journey, was realizing that you know what, typically speaking, I would run from the situation because it feels really hard. But I really liked her, obviously. Yeah. And the, again, I think the me being seasoned before, that really kind of helped move me into a better, bigger, better state of mind. Where I felt a little more capable of, of emotionally being able to step into that void and help her.

Scott Benner 7:15
Well, let me ask you a question. Is there anything that happened prior that would make you not want to be around illness? Was there illness in your family? Did you grow up around it? Or is that just some like wild haired like 17 year old like thought,

Quincy Belk 7:30
I think it was definitely a wild hair kind of thought. I didn't really grow up around any kind of chronic illnesses. And so I think, I think it really just basically came down to this idea of just not wanting to I think I felt that incorrectly. Of course, I think I felt that if I married someone with a chronic illness that it would, it would, it would lessen my ability to have fun in life. Okay, because I would be I would be tethered down to having to move at a pace that was more conducive for them, as opposed to one that was what I wanted to do

Scott Benner 8:07
it. And so maybe just a young, immature selfishness, you think? Absolutely. Okay. Absolutely. All right. And then of course, Rachel so amazing, you have to rethink everything. But prior to even figuring all that out, she's laying out for you. What you need to do. That's a very southern thing, isn't it? This is what you're gonna have to do. If you want to be with me. I like that.

Quincy Belk 8:29
Oh, definitely. Yeah, very, very, very southern in that nature. But it's one of the things I've always appreciated about her. She's very, she's never, she's never minced words, which is sometimes hard, but also at least I don't have to worry about what's going on inside of her head. Right?

Scott Benner 8:47
She tells me you know, what's happening? Well, I think that by the way, that shouldn't just be a southern thing that should be everyone should have a reasonable expectation that they're going to be treated a certain way, especially by somebody they're going to, you know, hitch their wagon to, that's a that's a long life of have not I was listening to someone the other day, who's had diabetes for a handful of years. I don't want to give away any of their details, but one of their husband to be more involved and went to them and had been married for a long time and said, You know, I need you to understand this better, and the husband wasn't interested. And now that's a know a new problem for their relationship. And I would say pretty significant. It's just a it's not for everybody, but I wondered when I heard that person say that. Is the guy not interested? Or is he worried he's gonna screw something up? Like, is it just a fear? Or is it apathy? You know, which, which is it? Exactly. Anyway, so you're dating in college, and she's Of course, like you mentioned not really looking For help with their diabetes, but how does it get to the point where you actually are able to be helpful in that she's willing to take that help.

Quincy Belk 10:11
In the early years of our dating, and even the early days of our marriage, we would go to this restaurant that we really loved. And we would always order these, you know, great sandwiches, and then after we would eat, there would always be this big old slice of sweet potato cake that we would always eat. This is an early early years, and I remember Rachel's decision whether or not to eat any of this cake or some of this cake, she would literally do a finger stick right then. And it was almost kind of like just, you know, the magic eight ball, it was the number going to be and that was going to determine her her mindset going into that. And, and that was a really interesting thing, because again, we would she was she was very much in control over the situation, but definitely not to the point where she had things fine tuned. And she really wanted to live a more a more bold life. So to speak with with how she treated her type one. But for her where the turning point occurred, she actually was on the phone, a friend of hers actually called and said, hey, my husband's thinking about getting an omni pod, would you get on the phone with them and just maybe talk through some of the pros and cons of Omni pod? So Rachel's like, Oh, yeah, I love helping people, this would be great. So she gets on the phone with this guy. And before she gets off the phone, he has told her about your podcast. And Little did she know that she thought she was going on to convince this guy to use, you know, an omni pod. But by the time she got off the phone, she was like, hey, Quincy, this kind of tell me about some podcasts where you know, this guy talks about type one, his daughter. I was like, yeah, you should listen to it. Rachel wasn't super big on the idea initially, but I was like, No, you should do it. We were driving to Florence. Let's listen to this thing. And I think it was the episode where you had a girl on that had to have I cannot even remember like she had like six organs taken out or something crazy like that, like a pain Korea or something. I can't I can't know what that word is called.

Scott Benner 12:26
I know which one you mean. And there we go. Yeah. And it. I can't think of the title of it. Because I wanted to name it something super silly. And she stopped me. I was like, Hey, I was so excited. I told her. I'm like, I'm gonna name your episode that she's like, please do not name it that and I was like, Alright, nevermind, I felt like it was married for a second. I was like, Okay, and now I can't remember any of the details. I only remember that experience. By the way she was right. It was I had some silly idea in mind. She's like, don't we want people to know what it's about a little bit? I was like, no, that's not how I think about it. And she goes, maybe you should. That's the funny.

Quincy Belk 13:01
Basically, we listen to that on the way down. And I mean, for the first time in both of our collective lives, she's tried to explain the intricacies of type one to me, but it always felt so medical. And so intimidating. Yeah. And so there was a, there was this fear, of course that, you know, I just didn't, I didn't know enough. And she knew so much. And I would never be able to, you know, achieve her level of knowledge. And we listened to your bold with insulin talk right after that. And I remember looking over at her, I mean, like I I've spent the first year and a half of our marriage having absolutely no idea about any of this stuff. And he just explained this in a way that even I can understand in an hour. And, you know, I kind of refer to it as really just the Rosetta Stone for type one diabetes. And it just it really illuminated my understanding. But it also I think, gave us a common language. And once we had that common language, and I could understand not only you know what bumping and nudging was or you know why you would do an extended bolus, whenever we could actually have those conversations, you know, it gave us some language, some common language to be able to engage one another on that topic. And before I would have never had, you know, any of the wherewithal to, to engage her on that. But through, you know, being able to establish something like that it really helped us to move towards one another, and kind of move towards being partners in in managing things.

Scott Benner 14:41
It sounds to me like you guys are my best shot to get a baby named after me.

Unknown Speaker 14:47
That's awesome. Awesome.

Scott Benner 14:49
really all I just heard. No, I'm just kidding. It's really lovely for you to say. I appreciate you saying that. And I'm happy that it's what happened. I have to tell you that Jay and I were just texting each other before you and I started to record. And we were lamenting about some of the information that's available in the diabetes community, and how some of it seems to pop up very soon after she and I talked about stuff on the podcast, and then suddenly, other people have the idea that maybe that's something they should be talking about. And then we looked at it, and it's so dry, and boring, and technical, that I think this is great information, no one's going to read this, you know, again, like, you have to know how to talk about things, to make them interesting to people. And I used to be worried that, you know, somebody come along and just rip off the podcast. And now I realized that it's about communication. if not more, as at least as much as it is about getting out good information, like the information is great. But if you can't put it out there in a way that can be easily absorbed and and put into practice, it's kind of useless, you know, and then it reached you a person who didn't have diabetes, and was probably more than an arm's length from it. Until then. I'm really pleased by that. I'm glad you told me I thank you.

Quincy Belk 16:15
You're welcome. And it's definitely been a help and I definitely hope that it helps other people. Because it would be a shame for all of this information. You you actually said something I was listening to your podcast, your most recent podcast with openness, gracious, her name is going to escape me. singer songwriter,

Unknown Speaker 16:36
Darcy Darcy, there

Quincy Belk 16:37
we go. I should have written that written that down. But I remember you speaking to her yesterday, and you made the point that this generation of young people are so well armed with their you know, with their education, but also with their resources and their capacity for for helping people. I mean, this is a very unique time in in type one management with all of these CGM is floating around all of these different ideas. And these podcasts that are just armed to the teeth with fantastic information, and all of the just this the the massive amount of really helpful people and resources that did not exist 50 years ago,

Scott Benner 17:30
yeah. Well, I'm unaware of anyone else that I'd be space except for me. I'm feeling the only one. But I hear what you're saying. Like, if you want to learn to barbecue or something like that, there's probably plenty of people who could, by the way, you now just have an insight into what I've been doing personally lately, teaching myself how to use a pellet girl.

Quincy Belk 17:50
You mentioned several times about the barbecue is a

Scott Benner 17:53
very, very specific, very specific example. But But, But to your point. It's gonna sound like a very privileged thing to say, but this COVID-19 thing started, I still get to work, you know, my wife gets to work. We're in our home. it's maddening, but it's not. It's I'm not trapped in a, you know, a 500 by 500 apartment in Manhattan, or, you know, in Brooklyn or something like that. So it's it's manageable, have some space to go outside. It's not the worst thing in the world. We're still making money. So obviously, that's all pretty amazing. But I suddenly had more time. And I was like, Okay, here's one thing I want to happen. And one thing I don't want to happen, what I don't want to happen is for me to gain 20 pounds during COVID-19, which I thought easily could have happened, right. And so I started paying attention to some health stuff that I was interested in before, but didn't have the time to get to. I cut out some oils from my life, canola. Vegetable oil is eight, maybe seven or eight other oils that I heard this doctor talking about, like just don't take these oils, and I'm like, right on. And so I did that. And I moved to an intermittent intermittent fasting, way of eating, so I only eat between noon and 8pm. And then so it's eight on 16 off. And we are pretty far into COVID-19. At this point, you and I are talking at the very beginning of June, and I've lost 11 pounds, and I'm eating way more food than I ever used to eat. And I'm talking about like substantial stuff. So then I was like, Alright, well I got up my game on my cooking, you know, because before my whole diet was about limiting things like limit limit limit, and that way hopefully you won't gain too much weight as I get older. I was like you know, I've always wanted to dumb I feel like I'm a fairly decent cook in the house. But I always wanted to do better with like barbecuing things and grilling things. So I was able to go online and watch videos and read things that taught me enough that I thought I could do this. And then I used that same information to decide on which girl again. And we're six days into it. And I think we've had ribs and steak and burgers. And what else did we make something else a chicken. And tonight I'm making pulled pork. And I have to tell you, if it wasn't for taking the time to stop and listen to what other people had to say, I wouldn't have been able to do this like no lie like it was the slowing down and listening and i and i was saying to, were saying to my wife the other day, I hope that this time has been good for people with the podcast because of that I tried to make the point early on, on social media. I was like, Listen, guys, now's a great time to like, do something for yourself, you know, you've got this extra time. Because you have to slow down and listen to the podcast. It's not something. I mean, don't get me wrong. There's a couple of grabber episodes like, you know, you'll listen to Episode 11. And a lot of people say that that's what got them into it. But you really do have to just take the time to listen to. It's not just me, like, I'll joke about it being me. But it's it's other people's stories, hearing how they handle things, hearing them, say something, amigo, Hey, have you considered this or we do that? That's the amalgam that eventually ends up being? I don't know, like, it's enough information that you can learn how to make a brisket. You know what I mean? Like without anybody sitting down and going step one, step two, step three, it's, you know, I think it's a great way to learn about diabetes. And I and I think it's proving out your experience, you know, specifically and others in a more wide view, but it's how I think of it. And the more I do it, the more I'm certain of it. So,

Quincy Belk 21:51
yeah, it's really kind of like a living cyclepedia or an encyclopedia, where it's just kind of just constantly growing. And the more experiences you have on there, the more helpful it may be for someone in a particular circumstance.

Scott Benner 22:05
Yeah, well, Listen, I'll pull the curtain back for a little bit here, I'm maybe a little more well thought out that I let on. But I see the podcast as it's an extension of how I parent. So I like to not be up my kids asses, I like to sort of sit back, see what's going on with them, do my best to figure it out. And then kind of swoop in once in a while with something that I think will, you know, season what's going on for them at the moment, or move it forward or expand an idea. And oftentimes, they need to just be left alone. But what I do is I take the, the social media around diabetes, and I look at what's going on and what people are saying, and I don't think, how do I talk to them about what they're asking, which I think is what most people do I see. I see other people, sometimes they're like, tell us what you want to hear on the show? Or what do you want me to write about on my blog, and I was like, see, that's your mistake, your mistake is letting the people who are lost lead the tribe like that, and then if they knew they wouldn't be here. So instead, I look at where they're lost. And I decide for me what I think would move them along. Now, I'm not going to be right for everybody. But, you know, again, it's proving out that it might be working for a lot of people. So I just look and I'm like, Where, where are people struggling? What would I say to them? If that was my kid? Like if this is a parenting situation, and my son says, I have this problem? What would I do next? What would I nudge him with bump him with, you know, season and with to keep him moving out of that problem into a better place. And so that's what I tried to do with the podcast that and because of that, it becomes an ever growing conversation. And I hope it's a journey. But that's why when people start listening, I think, Oh, I hope they go back to the beginning so that they can they can catch up. You know what I mean? And I don't know, it's it's a high minded idea, especially now that there's 340 episodes, but people do it. So Oh, yeah. It's astonishing to me. Have you gone back and listen to older ones, or did you kind of start where you started and kept moving forward?

Quincy Belk 24:30
I've kind of bounced around. I have a I have a very short attention span. Like most men, and I have listened to a handful of the Juicebox Podcast episodes. And I've definitely started to try to listen to them. chronologically. Rachel's actually listened to every single one of them. I think from your oldest to your newest chronologically,

Scott Benner 24:52
that's the appropriate way to do it. I just want to tell everybody, you know,

Quincy Belk 24:55
it was impressive. I was like man, girls, girls tearing through I want

Scott Benner 25:00
all of your downloads is what I'm saying, I need every one of them. You can't, I cannot dominate this space. If you guys don't listen to all the episodes. I don't you know it seriously, it's funny. I mean, and don't mean both of those things like, like, I, it's cool if you don't want to listen to all of them, I don't mind. If you did, it would definitely make the podcast more powerful for the lack of a better term. And it would swing a bigger boo ama said something I didn't mean to say swing a bigger stick, which would help fine which would help it find other you know, better. I don't know, guests and I don't mean better guests, I mean more guests and ideas and attract, attract, you know, thought leaders back here, which would be great. But at the same time, I just want you to get out of it what you need. So if you if you need that take the journey to get caught up. That's terrific. And if you can jump in and do pros hip episodes or something like that, and get yourself where you want to be I think that's cool, too. I think it could be a lot of different things for different people. But

Quincy Belk 26:07
yeah, I mean, one thing that I think that I go searching for, as I've been listening through the podcasts, and I haven't I haven't technically come across one yet, which is one from the from the supporter side that talks about the, the emotional and just the physical. kind of pull on the supporter of a type one diabetic

Scott Benner 26:38
puts you doing my job for me transitioning the show to the next topic Good for you. Like this guy's gonna keep talking about how great his podcast is. We're never gonna get to why I'm on. But that isn't But no, but thank you. Yes, Quincy is making a great point. He came on the show to talk about this life he has being the person who loves the person who has diabetes, so and all that comes with it. And so I guess let's start with you right, but is it hard on you?

Unknown Speaker 27:10
It can be it really can be

Scott Benner 27:15
g Volk hypo pan has no visible needle, and it's the first pre mixed autoinjector of glucagon for very low blood sugar and adults and kids with diabetes ages two and above. Not only is Jeeva hypo pen simple to administer, but it's simple to learn more about, all you have to do is go to G Vogue glucagon.com forward slash juicebox g Vogue shouldn't be used in patients with insulinoma or pheochromocytoma. Visit je Volk glucagon.com slash risk. I remember the moment when I realized that we were using a certain brand of insulin because the doctor had given it to us and said, Here's your insulin, very similarly, I never thought there may be other blood glucose meters, even better ones more accurate ones than the one that the doctor gave me in the office. Well now I know that the Contour Next One blood glucose meter is the easiest to use, easiest to transport most accurate meter that's available, but it wasn't the one that doctor handed us. But that's not a problem. Because you can switch you can use whatever blood glucose meter you want, you really should take a second to go to Contour Next one.com Ford slash juice box to learn more about the Contour Next One blood glucose meter. Yes, it has Second Chance test strips meaning you can go touch the blood not quite get enough and go back without hurting the accuracy of the test. But it's also easy to hold. easy to find in a purse or a pocket has a bright light and an easy to read screen. It does all the things you want your blood glucose meter to toe. So check them out Contour Next one.com forward slash juice box they also have a lot. There's a lot on that web page. Just go look. Also g Volk glucagon.com forward slash juice box and the T one D exchange at T one d exchange.org. forward slash juicebox. Let me get your right back to Quincy there's a lot more coming. He really picks up steam in the second half. It's all full of the fields and really opens up. When you support the sponsors. You're supporting the podcast there are links in the show notes right here in your podcast player links at Juicebox podcast.com. You can type those addresses right into any web browser. Thanks so much for all of your support.

Is it hard on you?

Quincy Belk 29:51
It can be it really can be.

Unknown Speaker 29:55
I think that

Quincy Belk 29:58
I think that it was harder at first It is now. But each and every day presents its own challenges. And a lot of those definitely, you know, manifest themselves in the way in which Rachel's blood sugar is going in a particular day. If he's having a good day, it's usually a lot less. If she's having a bad blood sugar day that it's definitely a lot more. Like if she has one of those mornings where she shoots low for breakfast, and then she Thai for lunch, and then shoots low for dinner. It's going to be a really challenging day emotionally for both of us. And I will say I have gotten a lot better with it throughout the course of our marriage. But I am not a person that is naturally gifted in empathy. It is something that I definitely have to focus on and put very intentional fall towards. I find myself just being a problem solver. That's that's how I operate when in what I do for a living. That's how my mindset is, if I can rationalize the problem away, then then why is it an issue? You know, it's like, well, I mean, your sugar's high, okay, well, then give yourself more insulin. It's like, yeah, that is that is true. But she's also gone low, and then high, and then low, and then high. So there's that emotional, I mean, literally, it's the rollercoaster of her emotions going up and down, up and down. And not being blind to that, and just looking at it and pulling up the Dexcom be like, Yeah, but I mean, you're pretty much within range. I mean, you went to a 65. And then you went back up, and you were 140. And then you went back down again. So instead of looking at it being like, yeah, for 65% of the day, you've been within range. I think asking myself the harder questions about, okay, what does it feel like emotionally to be her going through that high, that low, that high that low? And not trying to shut myself off emotionally from being supportive?

Scott Benner 32:08
Yeah, well, because there's all these other things that are happening to her, she might be very well nauseous. She could end up getting achy from it cloudy or foggy, you know, to go from dizzy to foggy to nauseous is, that's not exactly a fun ride. But you're looking at the numbers and saying, Yeah, we kind of did it. You know what I mean? Like, this isn't too bad. And I hear what you're saying, Man, like, it's a it's difficult to be a boy in those situations, because you really do for many of us and I, I, in my own life fall into that category. Like I, it's not a stretch, but it's been a learning situation for me to talk to people the way I do on the podcast, because it is really my inclination to be like, what are you sad, just stop being sad. Let's go like, you know what I mean? Like, it's just, even though that's completely unreasonable. It is how things feel like, get it done, move on, let's kill something, build something or whatever we got to do, and keep going, like keep succeeding. keep living like that is a real it's a real way that I feel and it's what you just described to, I think. And so, what's the secret there? Do you have to stop yourself? Do you find yourself being reminded by a look from Rachel? Like, how does it work?

Quincy Belk 33:28
I'd say it's kind of a two fold thing. Um, for me, part of it, we it kind of came to a head one day, we were out grocery shopping. And I finally looked over at her. And I remember saying, I don't know how to say this without sounding selfish. But this emotional toll of going up and down and having you happy, sad, happy, sad really affects me too. And I was like, I know. I don't know, I don't have type one. And I think that it always limited me from being willing to say anything, because I felt as though I probably shouldn't. I don't really have that much going on compared to her. And so it kind of kept me in a very quiet place where I just really sat on my emotions and allowed for them to just build. Which, as we all know, for all of us married folk, it's not helpful.

Scott Benner 34:22
Was it scary to tell her that like, Did you think there was a possibility that she'd say, Well, if you don't like it, why don't you just leave? By the way when you said you were in the grocery store, I thought you were gonna tell her that you were just going to leave her there. I'm gonna do what daddy did go. I'm gonna go to the car. never come back. But which, you know, I? I wonder like, seriously, like when you say that to her, in the back of your mind. Do you think like this is going to start us down a path of destruction or what was your hope that or did it just need to come out?

Quincy Belk 34:53
My hope was that she would meet me in the middle and kind of I understand that, from my perspective, that yeah, this is this is challenging. I mean, I'm, I'm basically asked to be on deck, every single in a minute of every day to handle from an emotional side, how you feel. And one, I'm not traditionally good at that. So that's, that's already put me in a weird place to, if I don't feel like I can talk about it, then that's really, really challenging. But she responded, she actually got quiet after I told her that. And I remember her looking at me saying, I didn't know you felt like that. And that was that was very reassuring. I think I felt initially when the words were coming out of my mouth, I couldn't help but feel selfish. thinking, why? Why am I saying this?

Scott Benner 35:53
But it's true. It really is impactful on your I mean, there's no doubt that art and having diabetes has fundamentally changed the course of how we live. It's not you know, it's, it's just what it is, and wouldn't be any different than if she was, I don't know, anything, you know, different height. I don't know, like, exactly like everything about people's lives, shapes the way their life is. And, and this is just one of those things. It's funny, it's diabetes, so you're aware of it. But if, you know, I don't know, what if you were married to somebody who was just depressed? You know, I think that would be a similar situation. Like you're it's hard to know what's going to happen next. And so that everything always feels like a prep moment. Does that make sense? Like, like, I'm always ready for something to happen. Like I came up last night at you know, for bed. And I just brought a juice box with me and I was I got it cuz Are there any upstairs? I wasn't sure. So I grabbed one. And I think about things like that all the time. Like, you know, you're about to get in the car, you think about things, you're going to dinners in an hour, you know, what's her blood sugar, let's make sure we're ready there. And then when somebody else in the house doesn't do that, you're like, well, I'm putting all this into this and you're not paying attention to it. You don't like it can't be I've said to harden before, like, it can't always be my job. You don't mean like you've got to be there to or you know, or my wife will be working from home. She'll be like, while I was working. I'm like, Well, yeah, but what? You know, it's hard. I was doing something to its I wasn't upstairs like playing Candyland. Which, by the way, is not a reference to something I've done recently. I don't know how that popped into my head. But honestly, I have not played Candyland a really long time. I want everyone to know that not since my children were small. But you know what I mean? Like you get that situation where you're like, Am I the only one thinking about this? And or I don't want to call it anxiety. It's a heightened awareness that something needs to be done will need to be done may go wrong will go wrong. Does that sound right?

Quincy Belk 38:02
Yeah, absolutely. And it's also that the other side of that is obviously the emotional support side of things where if she does have a really hard morning, and she's in her office crying, you know, I can't just walk up behind her and just pat her on the back and say they're there. Right? Yeah. And slunk away and be like, oh, should be fine. She's eating a gluten glucose tablet or something. She'll be okay.

Scott Benner 38:24
You definitely can't say what you're really thinking, which is this is gonna mess us up having sex tonight, isn't it?

Quincy Belk 38:31
It's gonna kind of throw the entire day. I can't

Scott Benner 38:33
believe a bologna sandwich at one o'clock is not gonna keep me from getting laid tonight. I'm sure in the 80s that was a nice way of saying that. But nowadays, I would think being intimate would probably be the way to say that. But I, I it is a really strange feeling that something can happen now that is going to mess up everything like, you know, for the day or an hour or week or whatever it is going to be. I mean, even true, true enough. Arden's you know, as hardens, period approaches. I'm like, oh, like there's a thought in my head. The next four days are going to be more difficult than the previous four days where, and I'm sure that for her as well. Like I'm not saying it isn't, but there's no world where outside of diabetes, my life would change because of her menstrual cycle. There's just so much that goes into it. So emotionally, you feel and I don't want to put words in your mouth but you feel or felt in the beginning like it was back to that person. I'm trying to connect this together like did you feel a little selfish again? And did it spark any of those thoughts from when you were younger? Like I didn't want to be doing this or did you love her that much by then that that was not the concern.

Quincy Belk 39:53
I think by by this point in time, I've definitely grown out of my of my youthful coronations, petta. It definitely put me in a place where I felt like I kind of retreated emotionally. And I was very concerned with especially once I found myself and I kind of hit that emotional wall. I really found myself realizing that, you know, I needed to say something, or else I was gonna just constantly just bottle this up inside and eventually go insane. Yeah. Which will eventually happen in life at some point in time for me, I'm sure, but, but if I can, I can delay that for now. That would be preferable. Yeah. So I would definitely say that, that the way in which I felt about her at this point in time, has definitely changed. And I also, you know, say this as well that whenever all of this was going on, it kind of reminded me of a quote from the pastor at our church that we go to, he actually has a type one diabetic daughter. And I think she was diagnosed in her first year of life. So he remembers waking up each and every night, stressed out checking her blood sugar as an infant. And he went to an event and a type one event, he was talking to another, another dad of a type one child. And the the dad said to him, he said, Hey, you know what, at least now, you know, you know what you're going to lay down your life for? And he remember him being so confused. He's like, What are you talking about? Like, Are you insane? And the guy said, No, no, no, you have the job, you have the honor of getting to lay down your life, to love and protect someone with a chronic illness. He said, there is no more honorable task in life than doing that. And I know, we're just finding some solace and some encouragement. In those words, whenever I heard it, and a moment in which I needed it.

Scott Benner 42:00
I have to say, I agree with you. I think that pretty early on being a stay at home Dad, I had that feeling of this requires something of me that I'm not naturally inclined to give. And I need to find it within myself to give it to people and to my family. And to find real joy is the best word in it in the task. You can't you can't do something for someone unwillingly, and have it be joyful for either of you. So you have to find the reason why keeping the floor vacuumed is important. Do you know what I mean? Like that, what the reason why they are going to be things in your life that you're not going to do or accomplish or experience because you're giving some of that time to someone else. And and if you can find a way for that to be meaningful for you, it is incredibly fulfilling, and much better than probably the other ways I would have found a waste of my time, or to fill my time. I completely agree with that. I it's funny, too. I'm always struck when I'm interviewing people, that there are so many kind of spiritual people who come on the show. And yet, and I think I've been fairly clear about this throughout. I am not a religious person in any way. But I feel like I don't feel like I need it to come from an outside source. I guess. I just kind of found it within myself. And so I don't know that it's any different really, but like we talked about talking to a pastor or I always joke about it. But I'm always amazed at how many, like people from the Mormon faith end up on the podcast, or I always joke with my wife later. I'm like, What is it about me that attracts? So many look like how is this happening? It's, it seems opposite a little bit, but I guess it's not really like the way you just explained it made me realize that's how I think about it. I just came at it. I just found it from a different perspective. Really. It's, it's, it's a lovely idea. And I and I and I, I firmly believe it if anyone out there is in simple terms more worried about themselves than they are about the people around them. You should try doing it the other way because it's a it's a great feeling.

Quincy Belk 44:34
Definitely, yeah, definitely. And I'd say this right here, I mean, Rachel and i's are our faith has definitely been a very, very big thing in this emotional journey as well and and the type one journey as well. without, you know, going off on too much of a tangent obviously. It's just been a major connection point for us, because it you know, that was that was part of where my life kind of Turned around from being a, you know, a literal and proverbial proverbial train wreck. Before I met her, and we, we really reconnected over some of those common common terms, I think it's definitely helped us to. I think, like you said, I mean it, it kind of manifests itself in different ways. But for us, it allows us to, I think, take some of the pressure off of ourselves a little bit. And to realize that we don't always have to have it together, you know, that we feel a reliance on, on God to, to help us to, to find that middle ground, sometimes between one another and in our, you know, emotional state of mind as well.

Scott Benner 45:45
And so I'm asking a question here, because I don't know, please, if for anybody, I'm, I don't mean this to be insulting, but it does that make whatever that idea is, religion, or God, or whatever it is, is it like a, my, I keep thinking my examples are going to be insulting, I don't mean to be, is it like a shelf where you can kind of take your worries and put them over there for a while to just give yourself a break.

Quincy Belk 46:13
I would say it's more like a hedge of protection that you really can you can take, you can step under, in the rain, whenever things are really tough. When things are really difficult, you just come under the protection and the comfort. You know, in our, in our personal, you know, lives of God. Instead of, I guess, you know, for us, we really view it as like, like I said, like a really like a hedge of protection, just something to come under, to put ourselves in a place where it's like, we don't have the answer. But we're going to step here. And we know that you're going to protect us. And we know that you know, it might not work out the way that we think it's going to work out or the way that we prefer for it to work out. But it's going to be okay.

Scott Benner 47:01
So like an umbrella. You're, you're not out of the storm, but at least you're not wet. And you can maybe regroup or wait it out or come up with a different idea, wait for something to present itself. And in that time not be made maddened by by the rain. Okay. All right. Thank you. I appreciate that. Absolutely. So what so you tell her this at the grocery store? It's, uh, she doesn't take it poorly. Like she could have easily been like, Oh, great, I'm a burden to my husband. But she's thankful to know that you know, this thing that you she didn't know before. What happens next? This, she started letting you in more about the, the, I don't know what, like, how do you get to where you are?

Quincy Belk 47:46
We had a really honest conversation about her expectations, vers, my capabilities. Which I know probably sounds to I don't know, maybe that sounds really basic. And again, I don't I don't know how to phrase that without it coming across as somehow selfish. But it, it definitely, we had to have a conversation because she is like she is her personality type is so empathetic. And mine again, is so task driven. And, you know, I view things in more of a checklist kind of perspective, to where like I said, if I can rationalize it away, it shouldn't really be a problem. It shouldn't be a problem for you. Why is it? And I guess I remember her looking at me and being like, you know, I didn't, I didn't know that you felt that way. That's really hard. And so we just kind of we leaned into that situation and used it as a platform to really launch off of into being like, okay, when you are feeling this way, what is a reasonable expectation for Rachel to place on me to meet her in that moment, and at no point in time was I ever tried to vacate the position of emotional support her but what we did figure out at that point in time is that I can't be the only person you depend on for you know, for emotional support in your struggles with type one. And that was a really hard thing for me to admit but it actually ended up working out you know, exceedingly well because she she reached out to her local jdrf chapter and got connected with a girl here she ended up reaching out to some people in our in our church body that we ended up finding out there were a ton of people in our church body who has type who have type one. And so she's been able to there's a there's a, you know, place where you purchase crepes up and up in a town a little bit north of ours, and three or four of the people who work there were ami pods, index coms, people crepes, cause

Scott Benner 49:51
type one diabetes, you've heard it here first.

Unknown Speaker 49:55
You can quote me on it.

Scott Benner 49:57
Look what they've done to us.

Quincy Belk 50:00
It was interesting. I mean, she she realized that she's like, Okay. And that's actually that that conversation actually preceded us going to the jdrf summit in Atlanta, that I think if we hadn't had that conversation, I don't know that she would have the connection connections that she has, with the type one community. And I don't know if we would have gone to Atlanta,

Scott Benner 50:23
I'll tell you what this all explains to me because I obviously don't know everyone's back story I got in 2020. So far, your wife has hugged me, almost the nicest of anybody that has hugged me this year. And I don't mean that to be pejorative, I mean, like it was, it was exactly how you described it. Like, I could feel her gratitude while she was hugging me. And I couldn't. Like I can't cognitively understand why she feels that way. And I hope people understand what I mean by that. Like, she sort of was telling me with a hug, like, thank you. And it's a different hug than others. Like I've, I've experienced a number of different kinds of hugs from people. And it is really, it's weird. When I go to those things public like those public things. There's always a line afterwards, which feels weird and always feels like a receiving line afterwards. Like, I'll speak somewhere. And then I turn around, I'm like, Oh, my god, there's people here. And and, you know, you don't want to be presumptuous. But at this point, I just, you know, we talked for a little bit I go, are we hugging now? And then they go, yes. And that your she just, Rachel was like, I could feel it. Like she was saying thank you to me without words. And she'd spoken words prior, and you had as well. But now hearing your story, the context is, is so much deeper. Like, I just figured you listened to the podcast and a once he came down? Do you know I mean, like I honestly, that's what I thought we were standing there talking about. And now I'm hearing what, all the backstory to it. And I'm realizing I didn't get myself nearly enough credit in that moment. No, I'm just kidding. But no, it was it was a really, I'm not, I'm not overstating it. So lovely moment that I still recall. And it really was, it's a she's not running for the best hug at 2020. And with these travel restrictions, she might end up living. So

Quincy Belk 52:24
I think she'll definitely covet that award for sure.

Scott Benner 52:27
No kidding. And I looked her in the face. And I thought I did think honestly, there's more to this than I understand. But you know, there's the next person and there's other people and you got to go to another room and talk again. It's just it's difficult to it's difficult to really have that conversation, which is why in that moment, I said to you guys, like somebody should come on the show, because I want to I want to get this better. I'm really grateful to know that. That I mean, so far everything you said, and I'm not rushing you off. Like if you have a couple minutes, I'm not stuck on just talking for an hour because I want to get through all this.

Quincy Belk 53:00
Bring it on, I'm actually off today. So Oh,

Scott Benner 53:02
look at you. I got things to do Quincy now I'm just

Unknown Speaker 53:06
gonna go wash some dishes after this.

Scott Benner 53:09
But don't worry, I've already done that today. And I've got to get I've got to get dinner on and, and I've got to get a podcast episode up, which I think you're gonna really enjoy with that area today. But, um, but no, but but seriously. It's, it's really something. So how long have you guys been married?

Quincy Belk 53:30
We had been married for going into our third year.

Scott Benner 53:34
It's very new. Okay. All right, that gives a lot of context to it. So do you think if you would have bottled this up forever? Do you think it would have broken your relationship?

Quincy Belk 53:48
I think it would have emotionally made me probably a very callous individual, I think it would have it would have would have caused some strife. And, and would have eventually led to some major issues down the road for sure.

Scott Benner 54:03
Now, if she looks at you in that grocery store and has an opposite reaction, and just snaps at you, and it's like, well, I'm sorry that my diabetes is a problem for you. Like if you if it would have gone that way. Wow. Like so? Because and I bring that up because I guarantee it is at least my expectation that would be most people's concern being in your situation is am I going to say this to this person? Have this person be insulted by it in a way that is not fixable? like am I gonna come off as callous? Or, you know, you don't mean like there's a real there's a real risk in what you do. I think it's I think it's terrific that you did it. And I don't know if you did it for self preservation or because you thought it was the right thing, but either way it was the right thing to do. But I can see a lot of people not doing that thing. I think a lot of things go on set.

Quincy Belk 54:58
Yeah, I mean, as I said, It's actually the second most difficult conversation that we've had in our marriage. The one was actually before we even started dating, she had some some reservations about dating me because I was a wild child back in my mid 20s. And she had some concerns about whether or not she wanted to date this, this lunatic. And I remember looking at her one night, and I said, Hey, are you? Are you even ready? Or do you even want this to work? And I remember her looking at me being like, I don't know that I am. And we walked around this track near my house 30 stinking times, and just talked, non stop. By the time we were done, she had realized that she wasn't really asking herself fair questions that she really wasn't giving this, you know, an honest shake to succeed. And that actually ended up you know, propelling us to, you know, start dating and whatnot, having her you know, personnel being open to that. So, there was a little bit of context that at least gave me some I guess, I felt like I probably had a better chance and a positive result based off of you know, that prior experience we've been having kind of gauged the water like that

Scott Benner 56:09
before when you say well, it's what you in the poppy trade, you kill people for money, like what are we talking about? Exactly? A little excessive partying, like what does that mean? You don't have to be real specific, but I'm interested in what that means.

Quincy Belk 56:22
And I had a I had a fairly fairly graphic stint with with alcoholism, and another nefarious habits and behaviors in my in my mid 20s. Okay. They definitely cause me to be a very high risk relationship guy.

Scott Benner 56:42
But that's very close to the title of this episode. I risk relationship guy, but I don't think it's gonna win, but it's really gonna be close to my mind when I sit down to do it. I love it. So that's it. So not as a teenager, but into your 20s

Quincy Belk 56:59
Yeah, when I was a teenager, I was fine. Actually, I was a pretty, pretty well behaved kid, and I hit my 20s. And it's like not, here we go. Let's, uh, let's throw all caution to the wind.

Scott Benner 57:09
Interesting. And then you found this lovely person. And it seemed, look at this a nice story. Could you and how old are you now?

Quincy Belk 57:19
I'm 31 Are you thinking of having children? Eventually, but Rachel's 26. So I hit the lottery. we've, we've got some time. So we've, we've definitely considered it. Whether or not when we're going to have kids, we'll probably try to have kids here in the next few years. I would think it's

Scott Benner 57:36
gonna be good for you for a while, but just let me tell you in your later 40s when she's in her earlier, 40s you're gonna look really old to her for a couple years. She's gonna be walking through that house. That kid's gonna be annoying. And she's gonna be like, Huh, what do I do here? guy looks like he's typing over the edge. I'm still young and attractive. What's going on his hairs growing up? And he's starting to cut his nose hair. I don't like it. Don't worry,

Quincy Belk 58:06
I start trimming my eyebrows back.

Scott Benner 58:08
Yeah, she won't be far behind you. She just won't realize it for a couple years is what I'm saying. That's it. That's really something good for you like and did Rachel not that we're going to talk too much about her without her being here. But did she go through any troubles like that? Or like, Did she come from a different path.

Quincy Belk 58:25
She came from a different path. She really was the she's she is a very straight shooter. She is just an incredibly solid individual. An incredibly, she's actually so genuine that even in my most genuine moments, I feel like I'm not being genuine. Like, man, she's really good at this.

Scott Benner 58:46
When I was younger people used to tell me that my sincerity didn't come out. Like I could be as sincere as i as i could possibly be and really mean it. But yet, when I was saying something, it always felt like a little flippant, or sarcastic or something like that. And I don't use it all the time. Yeah, I just don't I don't, um, it's just, you know, it's a very interesting thing the way people can see you, but I, I she comes off like that, as a matter of fact, I would. I mean, not that, you know, you can tell from looking at somebody but I would have never guessed that, you know, you were part of a drug cartel or whatever it was, you said a minute ago when you were younger. So I mean, you guys really feel like you've come I mean, you especially have come a long way and she's obviously you know, letting you in on you know, her diabetes, which was a big move for her What does that entail? Like you being more involved with her blood sugar's and, and things like that?

Quincy Belk 59:42
We have more honest, open dialogue about things. She can look at me and she can say, Hey, you know, we can do pizza. And I know what I know what that physically means. I know there's going to be an extended bolus in there somewhere I know that she's going to be planning for that, you know, for a fat rise later on. So I'm depth To be more on top of keeping an eye on her Dexcom and trying to understand the graph, I'm not quite to Scott Benner level with, with my ninja level. But I, the most proud moment I have was actually at the jdrf conference in Atlanta. And she was we were going into one of the meetings, and she had just eaten something, and her sugar was still falling a little bit. But I was able to look at the graph and see with the updates, that she wasn't falling that fast. So I remember looking at her saying, hey, hey, don't eat anything else. We were actually in Jenny's class, actually, across the hall, in Jenny's little session, right? And I remember looking at Emily, hey, don't eat anything. I think you're, you're trending, like you're gonna level off. And she was like, I don't know, I don't know. I think I think I'm gonna keep falling. And I'm like, just give it give it 10 minutes, that 10 minutes, she had leveled off and she was sitting straight as an arrow at about 80. In the meeting for the rest of the time. I wonder how that

Scott Benner 1:00:57
feels for you to say to somebody, just wait, knowing that if you're wrong, she's gonna get low. Is that feel like a risk to you when you say it? Absolutely.

Quincy Belk 1:01:07
When it came out of my mouth, I didn't think it was actually happening. I was like, I'm having an outer body experience. This is what this is what this feels like.

Scott Benner 1:01:15
I, I find myself in my house, sometimes I'm like, Hey, have eight of those. And then a few minutes later, I'm like, stop. Like, don't eat anymore. We're done. If you're not, and then I'll say to her, seriously, if you're not hungry, don't eat anymore. If you want them. I think we need insulin. I know we're correcting here. But if you keep eating, I think it's going to need insulin. And I'm wrong sometimes. Like don't, you know, I wouldn't want anybody to think that I'm not. And it's hard to go to another person say, Hey, I screwed that up. You've got to drink half of this, or I was too aggressive, you know, here or not aggressive enough here. You know, we need more, we have to do it again. I'm the reason your blood sugar's bouncing right now. It's, um, it's a responsibility for certain because in the end, I don't feel the way she feels. And so I I've said it before, you've heard me say it. I think that dispassionate step back, is how you can make those decisions. Except that, then there's not a lot of equity, of blame or not blame but of punishment, I guess, when it goes wrong, you know, if I mess up and make her blood sugar 55 I'm not low she is. And there's a lot of pressure on that. But so good for you for stepping up and and interesting that she was able to give you a shot. Are you wrong? More than you're right or right, more than you're wrong? Do you think?

Quincy Belk 1:02:45
I think my my success rate is about 5050. So I

Unknown Speaker 1:02:49
guess it's not

Unknown Speaker 1:02:51
great, but better.

Scott Benner 1:02:54
Listen, time, time. Time is what fixes it, you just have to do it over and over again. But more importantly, is, is Rachel taking something from a different perspective and making it part of how she thinks about it, because that's something we don't talk about very often, but the person with diabetes has other concerns than the person without diabetes. And so it's harder to take those risks, but once they do, and they see them pay off. There's a you overcome a steep learning curve very quickly, I think. Is she having good successes? like where are we can we talk about her blood sugars inside of her like, you know, where a once he is and what it was? Yeah.

Quincy Belk 1:03:36
Yeah, it's kind of interesting. You mentioned, you know, so I would say that the part of finding your podcast and finding the jdrf community has actually been, I know, I've used this word a lot, but it's been very emotionally very emotionally uplifting, because her anyone see going into doing B or being bold with insulin was, you know, a seven. And so she's never had, to my knowledge, she's never had, you know, an A one C, that's a 10. Right? She's always had a pretty controlled a one C. Now her her variances have been all over the board with up down up down to hundred, you know, it was not something she was like that was uncommon to her, but now her last eight when she was six, and so she is obviously thrilled and she ended up doing a little bit of time with or working with Jenny Smith, for a little bit in 2020, here the first half of the year, which was fantastic. And she recently started looping, which has been a challenge. She's a it's definitely required a bit of a bit of being patient, but she is she's a super trooper when it comes to when she gets set on an idea and she convinces her But she's ready to do it. And I come on board and emotionally push that support it. Usually she gets going 150 miles an hour in that direction. And so soon as she heard, you know, the podcast A few years ago, she was she was really ready to, to come hot out the gate and make this thing work

Scott Benner 1:05:18
dive into it. Well, I mean, once your variability gets lower, it's such a, you know, it's that's a game changer for how you feel better with stability is what breeds just overall body happiness, I guess, with the lack of a better way to say it. You can have a lower a one C, obviously. And if you're bouncing, it's just it's not the same. It doesn't. It just doesn't pay you back the same but how you feel? And it sounds like she's well on our way. I bet you would that what you just told me I bet you her a one c trends into the fives at some point and probably levels around and stays there without crazy lows or anything like that. So good. She

Unknown Speaker 1:05:58
would definitely love that. Yeah. I love that. That's

Scott Benner 1:06:00
amazing. I'm thrilled for you guys. You were so nice. When I met you. I was just like, these are lovely people. I didn't realize of course that you were a trained killer or something like that prior but I you know, it's still you did a nice job of masking. No big deal. Do you think she was so? So I do want to bring up and just a teaser? A little bit? I guess she was really was she excited or nervous to talk to me? What was that that was going on, because you had to talk in the beginning because she seemed like she was gonna pop.

Quincy Belk 1:06:31
It was a bit of both, I think it was kind of this, this shock of realizing I think she does absolutely attribute a lot of where she's at right now to the work that you've accomplished on the Juicebox Podcast and listening to the protests of you and Jenny. So for her, it was really a big moment because I think she really does attribute a lot of where she's at right now to, to you and to the to the hard work of, of Jimmy and yourself and creating the protests and really making type one, something that feels a lot more manageable.

Scott Benner 1:07:12
We'll just see, you know, and so anybody else that might ever be in the situation knows, when you first approached me, I have to make a decision excited or crazy. But she didn't come off as crazy. So I was like, okay, but she was really almost at all. I mean, being honest for a second and insincere is not something I run around expecting. Do you mean like i'm not i know, i i'm sarcastic. And maybe some people can't follow that sometimes. But I'm not walking around going, I wonder when the next person will come up and bow down in front of me as they should? Like, I don't have feelings like that. Yeah, I'm genuinely stunned when someone has has that. You know, that kind of like, Oh, my God, you helped me so much. And thank you and, and seems a little for the lack of a better word starstruck because that's clearly not real. Like, I'm not. I am not a famous person. And then so I don't you know, I don't have expectations around that. And it is hard to know how to handle that. Like, it's a it's so that you, you understand, from my perspective, I don't like that doesn't feel natural to me. So it's a very strange, and I want you to like to have like that. What is happening here. People are coming after us. Can you hear this?

Unknown Speaker 1:08:30
I cannot. Oh,

Scott Benner 1:08:33
I guess a phone call went through the answering machine. And it popped up on my phone just now. And I'm hearing a recorded message to remind somebody about a doctor's appointment, so I'll cut that out if it's coming through. Hold on. It's happening again. I can't get to the phone. Just shut it off. We're gonna just have to live through it for a second klebsiella That's right, we can we can handle it. Oh my god, you said this already. If you're leaving it as a message, why do you have to repeat it? She didn't think of it. And that seems rude.

Quincy Belk 1:09:08
As a southerner, I mean, that's, that's rude.

Scott Benner 1:09:10
Going to all the trouble of making the recording. You could say goodbye at the end of it. But But no, I mean, really genuinely. Like it's not. It's that's not a natural state for me. I don't know how to you can probably hear it on the podcast. Sometimes when people say things. I don't know what to say back. I'm like, thank you, or I'm grateful or I feel like I'm happy. It's helping you. There's no way to um, I don't know, even if I felt that way. Like Could I just be like, of course. Yeah, maybe like, yes, please come on, and tell me how it is. I've helped you evenly you know, like, Can you imagine if I was just like, I don't know. I don't feel that way. But I try to joke about it to keep it light. And every once in a while. I think people don't hear sarcasm and they're just like, he's so full of themselves. I wish you knew the truth which is I'm just like, I'm stunned that Quincy is having a good Good experience are that any of the things that that quincies shared today about his and Rachel's life, like, you know, it's just, I don't know, I just made a podcast. You don't? I mean, I didn't I didn't think one day it was gonna, I don't want to say save your marriage Quincy. But I mean, really, let's be honest, it's premium.

Quincy Belk 1:10:21
I give I give you all the credit for it.

Scott Benner 1:10:23
Thank you. And that's why I think a little Scott would be a reasonable at least the middle name, you know, if there's a baby, unless the kid's gonna go wacky in his 20s, then I don't want to be associated. So you know,

Quincy Belk 1:10:34
whatever. My father, my father was insane in this one.

Scott Benner 1:10:38
Imagine, can you imagine if this backfires on me and 20 years from now there's just a just a wild mob of insane children all with my name.

Unknown Speaker 1:10:51
When she asked for

Scott Benner 1:10:52
my life, I'll be like, wow, I wish I wouldn't have joked about that with so many different people. The Scots again overran a city today, you know, like, I don't need that. Oh, my gosh, that'd be ridiculous. Leaving city by city. Yeah. Just marauding. Which I guess is a weird thing to joke about right now, as you know, it's kind of happening. But we applicable is it? Did we not talk about anything that you wanted to talk about? I leave anything out? Or did we miss something?

Quincy Belk 1:11:24
Not that I can think of I mean, I did actually write down some some notes for the podcast over here trying to keep my my faults organized. Because I'm really bad at that kind of stuff.

Scott Benner 1:11:35
Did we but everybody looking? Do you see some? Yeah,

Quincy Belk 1:11:37
yeah, I'm looking. I'm not I'm not really seeing anything on here. I mean, I feel like we, you really covered everything that I was really thinking. That was that was important as far as trying to address things from the perspective of the the type one supporter to, you know, to not feel if they definitely do feel as though they, they need to have that conversation. I mean, I would encourage it, and I guess, probably know your person. But yeah, I don't think you can live in if you feel like you're isolated, and that it's just you and your person, and you're bearing all of the brunt of the emotional ups and downs of highs and lows. And then for me that would have, I can't think that that would have led us to any kind of a great place. If if something hadn't been said. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:12:25
Now, I'm glad you did. I really am. It's, you guys are lovely. And I wish you nothing but the best I have to ask you, this is the aside of everything we've talked about, but in a minute or two. If people are struggling with drugs and alcohol, can you tell them? What, what did it for you? Like, how did you help yourself?

Quincy Belk 1:12:44
Yeah, well, I mean, I would I would jokingly say that getting older probably helped me as well. When I realized I couldn't survive a hangover anymore. It was definitely an eye opening experience. For me, it was it was definitely lead to my wife and just realizing that I was absolutely just wasting my time and had no appreciation for the relationship that I had formed and the dependence that I had formed on on alcohol. And the desire to just constantly be in a state of inebriation. What ended up happening is I ended up going to the emergency room with what I thought was a heart attack in my 20s.

Unknown Speaker 1:13:31
And

Quincy Belk 1:13:33
I was forced to stay sober for about three or four days, which was the longest run that I had had up until that point in time for several years. Okay, and I remember at that point in time, I was able to sit back and actually have

Unknown Speaker 1:13:47
a moment

Quincy Belk 1:13:48
where I was sober for a period of time and realize that it was an absolute waste of my time. It was emotionally training. And it was an absolutely just, you know, vapid lifestyle that was never gonna lead to any kind of long term benefit.

Scott Benner 1:14:11
So the break helps you so the sometimes you get involved in things that just they pick up their own momentum, and then you just keep doing them because it becomes the thing that you do. Instead of you know, like, you've cut your pot committed now you're like I drink. So this is what I do. I have such a an odd when I was growing, you know, when I was coming of age in the late 80s cigar smoking was popular, and buddies of mine and I we'd get cigars and sit around and smoke cigars and talk and everything and then one day you realize you can't just drive the cigar store every time. So you get like this little humidor to keep them you know, moist and then the next thing you know, I realized I don't particularly enjoy smoking cigars, but I felt committed like I had made some sort of an investment in it. And the the greatest thing I ever did for myself was like, I don't care. And I just threw it all away. I was like, I don't need this, like, what am I doing this for? Like, it was fine when it was a cigar every once in a while. But now they're here. Now it feels like I'm a cigar smoker. You know, it feels like I have free time. This is what I should be doing. It's interesting how quickly you can talk yourself into believing you're a certain thing. And that that thing has to be. And it's it's interesting, like you got a couple of days. Do you think you were drinking? to mask anxiety?

Unknown Speaker 1:15:34
Probably Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:15:36
So I don't I didn't mean to fix you here. We're trying to talk about other stuff. But But have you addressed that now? Like, how do you manage your anxiety? Now? You get one of those hugs from Rachel, that probably helps.

Unknown Speaker 1:15:46
Yeah, I

Quincy Belk 1:15:47
think I think you know, being more willing to discuss my emotional state of mind, which helps when you have someone like my wife, who is a, she pursues, and she loves to ask questions. And some of the questions make me uncomfortable. And a lot of times, I'm not great at answering them in the moment. A lot of times I have to think about them and say I'll come back to you on that one. Because I don't know. Yeah. And but but for me, I think just being willing to live in the open and be willing to just be vulnerable, with my with my emotional state of mind. Yeah. And not, you know, want to lean on anything alcohol, to push me into a state of mind right off to think about it for the next few hours. But I'm going to eventually wake up and this is going to have to be discussed. So I think instead of turning to something else, be willing to turn to my wife and turn to other people in my life who are you know, who can speak into my life and look at me and say, Hey, I can tell something's up? What's going on? what's what's going on in your mind, and just being willing to have more open and honest dialogue I think has been tremendously helpful. All right. Well, listen,

Scott Benner 1:16:55
I'm gonna give you one piece of advice. You stay with that girl, okay. Don't let her go. She tries to get away just like, I don't think so. You have to say,

Quincy Belk 1:17:03
Oh, we have to we have to have a kid named Scott. So well, I had to follow through to them.

Scott Benner 1:17:08
Yeah, don't let me down here. Okay, glitzy. Yeah. Do you ever look at your parents and say so Quincy? Hmm. Thanks.

Unknown Speaker 1:17:20
Definitely unique,

Scott Benner 1:17:20
right, you should send them a note today. I'm sorry. They're probably passed on. I'm joking. But, but hopefully they're fine. Send them a note today and be like, Hey, I figured out today on a podcast why I drank in my 20s was Quincy. Just so you know, put it right back on them. They deserve it. Was it a family name?

Quincy Belk 1:17:36
They didn't just like great. It was my great grandfather's name. And it was his uh, it was my granddad's middle name.

Scott Benner 1:17:43
Do that's not an excuse. My mom 11th hour saved me from being named after my my dad's father. And they stuck it in my middle name. But still, I mean, if if my mom never did another thing for me for the rest of my life, she paid me back in that moment. So I'm not even sharing it with you. I hate my middle name so much. But if I just I can't even imagine if that was my name. It just would it would have would have killed me.

Unknown Speaker 1:18:14
Your life would have been different. I

Scott Benner 1:18:15
really think I'd be alone under a bridge right now.

Quincy Belk 1:18:18
Asking people riddles and stuff.

Scott Benner 1:18:20
Yeah. Hey, can you imagine if I had a microphone, we could record this conversation we're having instead. You know, I now if you excuse me after go put newspaper in the bottom of my shoes, because I don't think I would have been able to afford shoes if they would have named me that that's how badly it would have been. Anyway, man, thanks so much for doing this and for hanging out with me and run it over a little bit. I really appreciate it. Not a

Quincy Belk 1:18:43
problem, Scott. Always Always a pleasure to chat with you and and to you know, just open up about what you know what's going on and in the supporters world, I suppose for for people who who have to or who have to, who have made the choice to love a type one.

Scott Benner 1:19:02
I gotta tell you beyond that, and I mean this like I'm grateful for everybody that comes on the show, but sometimes men have trouble being dishonest while they're talking. This was not a surface conversation. So I really appreciate that. A huge thank you to one of today's sponsors, g Vogue glucagon, find out more about chivo chi popin at G Vogue glucagon.com Ford slash juice box, you spell that g v o ke GLUC AG o n.com forward slash juicebox. I also like to thank the Contour Next One blood glucose meter and the T one D exchange. Check out that contour meter at Contour Next one.com forward slash juicebox and enter yourself into the T one D exchange at T one d exchange.org.

I left Atlanta, and then the world went to hell. So I don't remember a lot prior to what happened.

Quincy Belk 1:20:14
Since then things have been a little a

Scott Benner 1:20:16
little testy to say the least, it's been really strange. That's for sure. I left you guys and did like an immediate turnaround and went to Florida to watch my son play baseball. And he was in a collegiate Summer League, but his collegiate spring League, he was actually playing for his college and they play their first 10 games in the south, because of course, we live somewhere where you know, that time of year, it's just, it's on godly cold here still. Right? So we're down there for a couple of days. And he says, like, I don't feel great. And I was like, what, what's wrong? He said, I think I must have allergies, you know what I mean? I was like, Okay, cool. And, you know, take his earthtech. And then a couple days later, he's like, that I might really be sick. And I was like, era. And he's like, I don't know, I don't feel good. And he's, you know, not prone to being sick and not prone to complaining. And Wednesday came, and he didn't started his position, because they were gonna use him as a pitcher. And in the seventh inning, he goes in, he pitches 789 to no lie, though, the number one team in the country in their division. And if you shut them down, he comes off the field. He's always pissed because he doesn't want to pitch and you know, he's mad that he had to pitch and which isn't weird thing. I've never been good at something and then been irritated to have to do it. Like, I don't know what that's like, you know? And he comes, he's done. And he's like, I don't feel good. He's like, could I have this Coronavirus thing. I was like, Ah, you don't have that. You know, he goes back to the hotel. And we're supposed to go to like a barbecue dinner that night. And he calls me He's like, I can't go to this dinner. You got to come over here and help me, I'm something's wrong. So I went over took him to urgent care and like 101 and a half degree fever. And he turned out to have strep throat. So they medicated him, pulled him out of the hotel with the team. He had to stay with me the rest of the time. We just stayed down there for three more days, while I couldn't play wasn't allowed to be on the bench couldn't go on the field, like like nothing. And people backed away from him. Like he was typhoid Mary. Like, no one would go anywhere near him. And I'm like, No, he's got strep throat, they test them. And everyone's like, Yeah, he's got that virus they're talking about on the radio, and I was like, he doesn't know but everybody was like sketchy. It was really a, I had to talk the school into letting him come back to get the stuff.

Quincy Belk 1:22:47
That's when you just have to push them around in a grocery cart like etc. And just hope that people are understanding

Scott Benner 1:22:54
well, as soon as the um, you know, he got he got a an antibiotic, and no kidding. 24 hours, FEMA bought a kit and he was okay. Like, he was rundown, like he couldn't have kept playing. He was too beat up. But I mean, he, you know, symptoms went away fever was gone if he had coronaviruses fever wouldn't have gone away from an antibiotic, you know? And so like, you're telling people that and but it was so early in the process, nobody knew. So they were just like, Yeah, whatever. Keep that dirty kid away from me. I was like, You know what? I hear it, like, let it happen. It's fine. So if you're still here, that was a little preamble, little conversation that Quincy and I had right before we recorded I left it in sort of as a timestamp around COVID-19 you know, for future understanding. Thanks so much for listening. Thank you so much for supporting the show for joining the private Facebook group for sharing the podcast with others. And generally speaking just for being what I think might be the greatest group of podcast listeners I could ever hope for. I'll talk to you soon.

---

Please support the sponsors

The Juicebox Podcast is a free show, but if you'd like to support the podcast directly, you can make a gift here. Recent donations were used to pay for podcast hosting fees. Thank you to all who have sent 5, 10 and 20 dollars!

Donate