Scott Benner 3/29/25 Scott Benner 3/29/25

#1476 Small Sips: Avoid Hot Takes

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Avoid knee-jerk reactions—wait for trends before making diabetes management decisions.

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, welcome to the sips series.

These foundational strategies were nominated by listeners. They told me, these are the ideas in the podcast that truly made a difference for them. So I distilled them down into short, actionable insights. There's not going to be any fluff or complex jargon, just practical, real world diabetes management that you can start applying today. And I know your time is valuable, so we're keeping these short. Another small sip will come out once a week for the foreseeable future. If you like what you hear, check out the Pro Tip series or the bold beginning series for more. Those series are available in the menu at Juicebox podcast.com and you can find complete lists of all of the series in the featured tab on the private Facebook group. Please remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan or becoming bold with insulin. The questions you have, I guarantee you there's answers to them in the Juicebox Podcast, and it's all free. You

okay, so this next one says, respond to the information you're seeing not what you thought. And I know that's not quite English, right? So, oh, I think I shared at some point that I've spoken to so many people, and you have too, so you'll be able to speak to this. I've spoken to so many people who come to me saying, like I have trouble, like I need help. And before the podcast was this big, I mean, I took a lot of private phone calls from a lot of people and tried to help them, right? Sure. And what I started to learn and notice over and over again is that these people were so lost that the things that they would think to tell you, or the explanations they would give about what was happening was so off the mark. They were so lost they didn't even know what their story was, and then they would, they would say, like, I know this is because of my I don't know carb ratio, like, they were so certain. And I'd be like, I don't even know how you could make that leap your basal so far off. Like, I don't even know how it could possibly be that. And so that, what I realized was they're chasing ghosts, is the way I used to put it. Like there's things that they think they're seeing, and they chase after them, and they make all their decisions based on this, but that thing's not really there, or it's not what it appears to be to them, right? That makes and

Jennifer Smith, CDE 2:52
I think it does, and I think it also leads to, again, the piece with our technology we have today is we do have information overload with it. As great as it is, it's a load of information. I think it can be very easy if you have not had enough good education or listened to some of the pro tips or, you know, even just the beginning kind of concepts of things, if you're really all over the place and so scattered, you may be throwing out a an adjustment, and kind of pulling it out of a box, yeah, let's try this this time, right? But it leads to eventual burnout, because you get to the point then where, well, I've thrown everything at this that I think I should and really it boils down to something is probably off in your setting or in your timing based on your knowledge of how insulin works. There are two pieces there that really you should go back to if, in fact, it's so all over the place that you are just lost and just fatigued from battling it. Yeah,

Scott Benner 4:01
yeah. And if you're making well intended actions, if you're performing well intended actions that are emanating from bad information, then you're putting in all the effort and the hope and getting probably not just the opposite of what you're hoping for, but it's probably making it worse a lot of times. And then I don't know if I am good at explaining this in words, but you're trying to balance something in your in your hand, and you know, the wind starts blowing and but you don't know it's the wind. And so then you lean, because you're like, Oh no, it's me, and it's a Nope, it's not you, it's the wind. And now you're leaning, and it's the wind. And now you didn't realize. But when you lean now, the sun's in your eyes, and these things keep, like, piling up on top of each other, and these snowballs, it really does. And then before you know it, if I said, you take one of these problems away now to fix it, you think I don't know we're so far down this path at this point, like, I don't know which way is up, right, right? Yeah, that's what I mean. Like, respond to what's happening. Happening, not what you think is happening. Like, because people, I mean, look, we all have, like, a relative or a friend or something, and every time something comes up, they react, and the reactions always wrong. It's like, always wrong. You're just like, how do they get it wrong? Every time right? You're in that situation now you don't realize it, yeah, because you know, tons of variables, etc.

Jennifer Smith, CDE 5:22
I think again, it boils down to really understanding your own kind of day to day, and also how insulin works, yep. Because otherwise, in all of those variables, the wind, the sun, the leaning the oh my gosh, now the rock is rolling down the hill at me, right? What's that noise? What's the noise? Right? You know, should I put my sunglasses on? Is that the right fix? It's like all the things you throw in when really, if you just sometimes you have to step back and you have to instead of being reactive. I think that's one of the hardest things to see within diabetes is we tend to be too reactive, instead of looking over time at your data and finding a way to be proactive, to address, gosh, this is a trend. Or, you know what today is just, I call them bad diabetes hair days, where you're like, I don't know. I don't know.

Scott Benner 6:20
You know what it is. I just realized how this, how to say this. Don't have hot takes about your diabetes. Yeah, right, yeah. Just step back, take some time, absorb what's happening. Maybe it's gonna go wrong for a little while, or something like that. But you need enough data that when you're making a decision, it's reasonable, and then make one decision and then see what happens. Don't make five, because if you you turn five knobs and something works, like, I mean, I don't even know which was right here, like, and it's

Jennifer Smith, CDE 6:47
and I think that this is valuable, especially for the newly diagnosed. I think everybody Yes, but I think especially for the newly diagnosed, who may be in that, what we call the honeymoon kind of time period, you are going to have weird looking things happen, because, one, you're in a learning stage. You're trying to be as safe as possible, but also to maintain blood sugars that you know are healthy, whether it's for you or your child or the person you're caring for, whatever, right? But there are going to be things that you may do one day, and three days later, it doesn't exactly work

Scott Benner 7:25
quite there's 1000 things. You got all the plates up in the air, and you're like, I think I've got, I think I've got, it's all balanced. And then suddenly the kid, or your your pancreas, is like, no, I'll help today. Like, no. Like, please, no, don't do that. And you don't know that's what's happening when it's happening. And so, oh, the living through the honeymoon thing. When I look back on it now, I so didn't understand what was happening, and nobody talked about it with me. It was maddening, yeah, like, genuinely maddening, you know. So anyway, I don't even remember

Jennifer Smith, CDE 7:54
that. And I was old enough, you know, to potentially have memory. I have no recollection of that time period whatsoever at this point. Jenny,

Scott Benner 8:09
it's been a while now, and

Jennifer Smith, CDE 8:11
I don't even think my mom would remember, though, quite honestly, and she has no like memory loss or anything, you know, but I don't think she would even remember that, nor I don't even think that she'd remember. It was called honeymoon.

Scott Benner 8:24
Oh, nobody called it that. No. And I only, I only have a memory of it because I am personally friendly with my child's pediatrician, and I called him, and I it was, it was a memorable phone call. So like, I started it off by saying, I know I'm wrong. Just tell me to shut up and get off the phone. But is it possible Arden doesn't have diabetes because I haven't given her insulin in two days, and it was so upsetting, you know, by then. Anyway, thank you. This was good. I appreciate this. Of course.

Are you starting to see patterns, but you can't quite make sense of them. You're like, Oh, if I Bolus here, this happens, but I don't know what to do. Should I put in a little less, a little more? If you're starting to have those thoughts, if you're starting to think this isn't going the way the doctor said it would, I think I see something here, but I can't be sure. Once you're having those thoughts, you're ready for the diabetes Pro Tip series from the Juicebox Podcast. It begins at Episode 1000 you can also find it at Juicebox podcast.com up in the menu, and you can find a list in the private Facebook group. Just check right under the featured tab at the top, it'll show you lists of a ton of stuff, including the Pro Tip series, which runs from episode 1000 to 1025 if you or a loved one was just diagnosed with type one diabetes, and you're looking for some fresh perspective, the bold beginning series from the Juicebox Podcast is a terrific place to start. That series is with myself and Jenny Smith. Jenny is a CD CES, a registered dietitian and a. Type one for over 35 years, and in the bowl beginnings series, Jenny and I are going to answer the questions that most people have after a type one diabetes diagnosis. The series begins at episode 698, in your podcast player. Or you can go to Juicebox podcast.com and click on bold beginnings in the menu. I can't thank you enough for listening. Please make sure you're subscribed, you're following in your audio app. I'll be back tomorrow with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. You.

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Scott Benner 3/28/25 Scott Benner 3/28/25

#1475 Surviving on Spite

Keri, 43, has lived with T1D since childhood and opens up about how her brother’s early death shaped her life.

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Scott Benner 00:00 Hello friends and welcome back to another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. Carrie's had type one diabetes since she was a child. She lost her brother early in her life. It had an incredible effect on her and her family. We're going to talk about that today and much more. Nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan. AG, one is offering my listeners a free $76 gift. When you sign up, you'll get a welcome kit, a bottle of d3, k2, and five free travel packs in your first box. So make sure you check out drink AG, one.com/juice box. To get this offer, don't forget to save 40% off of your entire order at cozy earth.com. All you have to do is use the offer code juice box at checkout. That's Juicebox at checkout to save 40% at cozy earth.com. Are you an adult living with type one or the caregiver of someone who is and a US resident? If you are, I'd love it if you would go to T 1d, exchange.org/juice box and take the survey. When you complete that survey, your answers are used to move type one diabetes research of all kinds. So if you'd like to help with type one research, but don't have time to go to a doctor or an investigation and you want to do something right there from your sofa, this is the way t 1d exchange.org/juice box. It should not take you more than about 10 minutes. This episode is sponsored by the tandem Moby system, which is powered by tandems, newest algorithm control iq plus technology. Tandem mobi has a predictive algorithm that helps prevent highs and lows, and is now available for ages two and up. Learn more and get started today at tandem diabetes.com/juice box. This episode of the juice box podcast is sponsored by us Med, us, med.com/juice, box, or call 888-721-1514, get your supplies the same way we do from us med.

Carrie 02:21 My name is Carrie. I have been a type one diabetic for 37 years. I have acquired several other auto immune diseases. We don't talk a lot about the mental load of this, and then outside forces as well. So this, I guess, kind of is mostly about grief and how I handled that with my diabetes and all those other things. So,

Scott Benner 02:42 yeah, hey, way to front load the episode in a way that will challenge people to listen. Today we're going to be talking about grief. Wa you've been collecting autoimmune things like knick knacks or what do you mean? Pretty

Carrie 02:55 much. So I got my type one when I was six. No family history of type one anywhere, and then it just kind of snowballed from there. I didn't know at the time, but I started taking thyroid meds when I was probably 12. And now I guess if we write them all down, I have seven auto immune diseases

Scott Benner 03:15 though. Wow. Can we list them? Yes, type

Carrie 03:19 one, thyroid disease, scleroderma, I have gastroparesis. They don't know if it's from the Scleroderma, if it presents itself that way, if it's from the type one, celiac disease, Raynaud's erythromyalgia, which is fun, because it's the opposite of Raynaud. So I have both of those. I

Scott Benner 03:40 don't know the I think you got the seven, but what was the last one? Erythromyalgia.

Carrie 03:44 So brain nods. Are you familiar with that? At all? Cold

Scott Benner 03:49 fingertips, blue skin, that kind of thing, right? So I have that,

Carrie 03:53 and then I have the flip side of that, which is, and it affects me, mostly my feet, but it's like burning.

Scott Benner 04:00 So actual warm.

Carrie 04:03 It just feels like it, and it's not a nerve thing, like, as in, you know, diabetes related, anything like that. It's just another autoimmune thing.

Scott Benner 04:14 Carrie, if you touch your cold hands to your warm feet, they don't balance out, right? Wouldn't that be wouldn't that be crazy

Carrie 04:20 awesome? Like, hold on, let me take my shoes off. I got this. But how crazy

Scott Benner 04:25 would it be if they did work that way and yet you got one in your feet and one in your hands instead of both in your hands, which would have been awesome, right? Right? We're making things up now. Also, this episode is going to, I hope my daughter doesn't hear this one, because, oh no, I can't say Carrie. Oh, comfortably, doing fine. No, you think I am but my brain yells at me when I like I want to say curry, oh, and then when I start saying Carrie, it sounds like Carrie. I have a lot of problems with this thing. Just if I mess up, I'm sorry differently

Carrie 04:58 too. So I. It's, it's spelled K, E, R, I. So that's maybe that helps, or maybe what makes it worse?

Scott Benner 05:04 I'm going to use the shampoo commercial. There you go. I'm going to go because my is it lotion? Like Carrie is so very So,

Carrie 05:11 yes, I think it was lotion. All right. I don't know if it exists anymore. I

Scott Benner 05:15 apologize to people if I end up saying your name 17 different ways, I'm it's not. You're fine. I have an actual affliction. I just want to say that. Okay, so do you get these things, like Christmas presents, like year after year? Do they all come at once? How does that happen?

Carrie 05:30 Well, for the longest time, and this is probably another thing I could talk about, forever, I've been very in tune with my body, because it started at such a young age that I've just obsessively paid attention to how I feel whenever I would go to the doctor, because I'd be like, well, something's not right. And, of course, I'm a child, so I can't really articulate what I'm I just don't feel right, you know. Well, how's your diabetes? Every single time, right? It's fine. That's this is different than this, well, but is it? You wouldn't know, because, you know, I mean, just constant of, well, how, how are your blood sugars? They're fine. But this isn't what I'm talking about, you know, so it's, it was hard to pick a point that, I mean, it took my most recent diagnoses, I guess, was in my late 30s. I'm 43 if that matters. But it just took me a very long time to find doctors that listened and actually were like, Okay, we're gonna try to figure this out. The Diabetes was six and then, like I said, the thyroid probably 12 ish. And then I kind of just was okay with the fact that this was how I'd feel for a very long time. I found out I had celiac disease when I was, let's see, 24 but obviously I'd had it for much longer than that, yeah, then it kind of just snowballed, I guess I after I had my son, everything kind of just really amped itself up.

Scott Benner 06:52 Your body kind of took a big shift after that. Yep, yep. Auto immune. Feeling more aggressive. Is that a fair way to say it, yeah, yeah, okay. Well, fun times. What would you say that your overall attitude is, after living like this for a while, do you feel beaten and just like I just keep going? Or are you one of those optimistic people, like, where the optimism never stops? Do you how does it feel to you, in your mind? Well,

Carrie 07:19 I think it has to be both, right? I mean, we all have to, we all, I think, regardless of your health or if it's work or family related, whatever, you get to a point where like man, like this is enough for right now, you know? And so I'm, I guess I'm kind of used to feeling exhausted and run down, and I try to be a positive, optimistic person, so I think that does help in my favor, but I also then kind of put up with a lot or like, well, this is fine. I don't feel great, but it's fine. And I think part of that, too was a lot of, you know, the doctors that I would see, and they'd be like, well, you're fine, you know, I'm like, well, but could we just look a little deeper, you know, could we just maybe I am fine, but let's just, you know. So

Scott Benner 08:04 do you think they were putting you off pretending like or saying to themselves like she doesn't really know because she's young? Or do you think they didn't know how to help you so they go, don't worry about it. It's gonna be okay, kid. Do you have an idea diabetes comes with a lot of things to remember, so it's nice when someone takes something off of your plate. Us. Med has done that for us. When it's time for Arden supplies to be refreshed, we get an email rolls up and in your inbox says, Hi, Arden, this is your friendly reorder email from us med. You open up the email, it's a big button that says, Click here to reorder, and you're done. Finally, somebody taking away a responsibility instead of adding one. US med has done that for us. An email arrives, we click on a link, and the next thing you know, your products are at the front door. That simple. US med.com/juice, box, or call 8887211, 888-721-1514, I never have to wonder if Arden has enough supplies. I click on one link, I open up a box, I put this stuff in the drawer, and we're done. Us. Med carries everything from insulin pumps and diabetes testing supplies to the latest CGM like the libre three and the Dexcom g7 they accept Medicare nationwide, over 800 private insurers, and all you have to do to get started is call 888-721-1514. Or go to my link, us, med.com/juice, box. Using that number or my link helps to support the production of the Juicebox Podcast, let's talk about the tandem Moby insulin pump from today's sponsor tandem diabetes care, their newest algorithm control iq plus technology and the new tandem Moby pump offer you unique opportunities to have better control. It's the only system with auto Bolus that helps with Miss. Meals and preventing hyperglycemia, the only system with a dedicated sleep setting, and the only system with off or on body wear options. Tandem Moby gives you more discretion, freedom and options for how to manage your diabetes. This is their best algorithm ever, and they'd like you to check it out at tandem diabetes.com/juice box. When you get to my link, you're going to see integrations with Dexcom sensors and a ton of other information that's going to help you learn about tandems, tiny pump that's big on control tandem diabetes.com/juice box. The tandem Moby system is available for people ages two and up, who want an automated delivery system to help them sleep better, wake up in range and address high blood sugars with auto Bolus

Carrie 10:48 again, I think that was also both I have had. Let me see four or five endocrinologists throughout this time, and one of them, I had a nickname for him that wasn't, I don't, I honestly couldn't even tell you his actual name, because we just really did not get along. What did you call him? Well, I called him Dr dick. And I was, you know, a teen, 15 through, I don't know, maybe 18 or so. And I say this, having lots of experiences with doctors, he just his ego, was just the forefront of his personality. And maybe that's not fair, but he just I wasn't doing what he was telling me, according to him, and there couldn't be any other explanation, except that I just wasn't doing what he was saying I should be doing. And that's why I was having trouble, and that's why, you know, my diabetes was the way that it was, etc. Carrie,

Scott Benner 11:44 hindsight, was it a fair breakdown of who he was?

Carrie 11:49 I think so. Yeah, okay, yeah. Because it wasn't just my parents also were like, wow. Like it was, and I understand there are different, you know, ways to doctor, but it was kind of just like the bullying aspect of it, like, I'm just gonna scare the shit out of you and yell at you, and then that will fix this, because I don't know what else to try. Basically, is how I felt now that I look back on it as an adult,

Scott Benner 12:11 Yeah, that sucks. It really does. It's terrible. It

Carrie 12:15 wasn't great, because then, of course, I'm also, like, a hugely stubborn person, so I was just like, Okay, well, you know, made

Scott Benner 12:22 it work. So you were in embroiled in a battle with him, yes, yes, because you didn't back down, and he didn't stop being himself,

Carrie 12:29 right, any and then the part of it was, you know, I'm like, Well, I'm doing, I'm trying to do, you know, what I'm supposed to be doing. It's not working. There has to be some, you know, logically, even at that age, I was like, there has to be, like, a reason this. I'm so quote difficult, you know. And then it was, you know, my thyroid meds were never right. And then finally, as an adult, after I had let me see I was probably 2423 or 24 my endocrinologist that I had then was like, you were taking four times the amount of thyroid meds you should, for someone your sides. So he was the one, even though I was seeing a gastroenterologist that was like, You need a biopsy, like you're not absorbing something for some reason. And so he's the one that actually pushed and found out that I had celiac disease. I

Scott Benner 13:18 was gonna say the celiac was stopping your thyroid medication from being absorbed somehow.

Carrie 13:23 Yep. And then I found out later that it had gluten in it. Oh,

Scott Benner 13:27 yeah, you can need to use, what do you use? The Tyro scent now, right, right.

Carrie 13:31 Well, now I have to, because my insurance is super fun. They make they deny it every year, and then they switch me to the level of thyroxine and the tyrosine, because theirs are guaranteed gluten free? Yeah, yep, good, good for you. Because another thing was like, Well, no, there's, you're you're eating it. You're getting it from somewhere. Like, no, I'm really not, like, I'm not doing that.

Scott Benner 13:51 So you're taking what felt like a handful of, like Synthroid, but it had gluten in it, and then it was right causing inflammation, and then not absorbing. And then they were throwing in more, which is causing more inflammation, is that about, right?

Carrie 14:02 Yes. And the other shocking thing about that time period was, I'm almost five seven. I like to give myself that little extra quarter of an inch. I'm okay saying you're five seven. Keep going, yep. And I weighed 92 pounds, oh. And so then it was my heart was, you know, beating too fast, working too hard, because I was anorexic, you know, which, again, like, nope, not doing that myself. Like everyone's seeing me eat. I don't. I'm I don't have an eating disorder. Well, it was a celiac disease. Yeah,

Scott Benner 14:35 so you're thin, and your doctor just says you're anorexic, like, like, and you say, No, I swear to God, I'm eating and then that, like doesn't stop that.

Carrie 14:45 Yep, you're not eating your and I rudely remember being so then they had me see a cardiologist, because my heart was my, my resting heart rate was like 120 dumping away. Yeah. The nurse was like, yelling. Me, you know, why are you doing this to yourself? You're anorexic, you have an eating disorder, and I'm just like, Okay, here we go again. Like, no one's listening to me. I'm not doing this to myself. So God bless that endocrinologist that finally was like, something is not right. Like,

Scott Benner 15:14 yeah, they could look past what they saw right in front of their face and could think about a little bit. Geez. It sucks. Yeah. And what do you do? Right? Because you have so many competing issues that, like, things are probably masking other things and causing problems they don't normally see. They don't know what to do, and then they default to what they most frequently seeing, right? Yeah, okay, yep, you pissed about that when you look back. Oh yeah,

Carrie 15:40 yeah. Well, and to throw in another aspect of this, I realize this isn't going to sound real to most people. So all of this is going on when I was 14. My older brother passed away. We're dealing with all these things, you know, health wise, and then, like, the worst thing that can happen happens. And so then it's like, well, then we need to work on, focus on her mental health. But then, you know, I mean, it's just everything compounded everything else. And I was angry, you know, like, at that point, I was like, this fucking sucks. Like, what is happening?

Scott Benner 16:12 Yeah, Jesus. How many siblings did you have? I

Carrie 16:15 have two half siblings that I do not have relationship with. So he was my my sibling, my brother, so I just, just the one, and you're

Scott Benner 16:24 14 and he's how old when he's when he passes away, is it? Yeah. I mean, it's a long time ago, but was it a sudden, accidental thing? Was it?

Carrie 16:33 Yep, and so that's the other thing. I'm happy to talk about this, because I think people need to be more open and honest about things. He did meth, oh gosh, and he collapsed at prom. No

Scott Benner 16:46 kidding, at his senior prom, he died from a he odido, meth, yep, yep, damn, Jesus Christ.

Carrie 16:52 And he was a junior, but, Oh, yep, she's my

Scott Benner 16:56 god. Well, what does that do to the family? And I bet you it takes the focus off of your health for a while. Well,

Carrie 17:02 it does for a second, okay? And then I am the hyper fixation, right? Because I'm the one that's left, okay, which I completely understand. And here's the thing, the way that I thought about it, as a child, I was the one that had, you know, been told my entire life, I will die first, right?

Scott Benner 17:22 Well, people said, Well, hold on a second. People said that to you, basically

Carrie 17:26 like, This isn't good. I was diagnosed in 1987 so, all right, no one else that I knew was type one. No one in our community was type one. You knew about older people that were, you know, type two and that typical, well, my grandpa died from, you know, the thing that you hear all the time, or my grandma or her cat, or whatever, my grandma's

Scott Benner 17:46 cat had diabetes, right?

Carrie 17:49 Yeah. And I remember, you know, at a very young age being told you can't have children. This is going to be, you know, like all of these things. So it was kind of just ingrained in my head how I process everything that like I would be the one that died first. That was just my lot in life.

Scott Benner 18:07 Okay, so I'm picturing your brother passes for a hot second. Everybody's, you know, distracted, obviously, but then you're saying, See, I thought you were gonna say, then your parents started to focus on you, because they're like, we can't let this one die. And no, they did. That's exactly what they did. I thought you were gonna I thought you were telling me that you had this guilt, like you were the only one left, so you had to keep doing better. So how did that all shake out?

Carrie 18:32 And that was probably, again, probably both things were true. And I don't know that they fixated on my health, necessarily. And again, to be completely fair, everybody was just trying to survive, right? Like, this was a huge blow that happened out of nowhere, and it was a shock, and it was devastating, and everybody was just trying to, you know, put one foot in front of the other. Can

Scott Benner 18:58 you talk more about that? Please? Like, what does it do? Does it completely reshape everything? Does the world feel numb the whole time? Like, how long did that last?

Carrie 19:09 It was such a shock. And I mean, I can explain the entire thing. It was just, it was so bizarre and so alarming. I don't think it was handled well in the sense that, like so we lived in a small community. Everybody heard about it, of course, right away and had their opinions. Like, what was his name? The talk show host

Scott Benner 19:32 Maury Povich, Montel

Carrie 19:33 Montel Williams, called our house. Are you serious? To be on the show. I quit watching the news at 14 years old because there were people outside of our high school trying to talk to everybody, and the news articles were terrible. You know, just all of these things that all of a sudden you're like, Oh, the world is not like. I don't want to say that I was naive, but I do tend to see the best in people, or look for it, I guess, yeah. And. That was just like, pulled out from underneath me, right? Because I'm like, this is awful, yeah. So

Scott Benner 20:04 your brother's death becomes like a news cycle thing, because what meth is a popular thing in the news probably well,

Carrie 20:11 and like, we were from a quote, you know, wealthy or well off family, and, you know, they talked about in the articles what kind of car he drove, and all these things, you know, and it's just like, Oh

Scott Benner 20:23 no, kidding. So I don't care about what kind of car you're, you're, of course not. Who does you're telling me that the news would be like this 17 year old high school student died from a meth o day, and he drove a BMW. Can you believe it? It's happening to white people? Is that what they were doing?

Carrie 20:38 Funniest thing is, he did drive a BMW. It was an old Fitty used BMW that he just loved.

Scott Benner 20:44 Oh, yes. So he has a crappy used car like every other 17 year old kid, but it happens to be a BMW, so they try to couch it like this. Look what happened this wealthy kids, wealthy Yes, yeah. And that interesting. And so now this is happening all around you. Your parents are dealing with it. Neighbors have, oh, you said everyone had an opinion, which means everyone was talking,

Carrie 21:03 right, all right, okay, yeah, I'm sorry. I'm I tell stories, not literally, not linear. You're doing fine. Don't, don't worry about so what happened is my parents were gone. I get a call, and it's, of course, my PE teacher as well. She's calling from the prom, and she's frantic, because I don't know this, but my brother has collapsed, and she's asking for my parents, and they're not home. So I give her the phone number to where they are, but I know that something is, like, horribly wrong. I back out the car. They come home, we go to the hospital. They Life Flight him to, like, the biggest, you know, hospital they can get him to. He passes there, the doctor has me go in and see him, and they haven't. His eyes are open. He still has, like, tubes coming out of his like, I think that they were trying to, like, scare me out of I don't even know, you know, and again, I'm 14 years old. I have no idea what's happening. I don't know what meth is. I don't know like, I was a naive, you know, sheltered kid. I guess you could say that's how that was handled, which I can't again, I have a, I have a 17 year old son now, and I can't imagine choosing to like, be like, hey, here. This is your reality. I'm gonna, like, hit you in your face with a brick of it, and this is what this looks like.

Scott Benner 22:27 Your brother's dead, and if you're not careful, Matthew, it's gonna happen to you too, right,

Carrie 22:31 right. Look at what you're look at what's gonna happen, you know, like, Okay, well, this happened

Scott Benner 22:37 something that stuck with you your whole life, psychologically, I imagine, of course,

Carrie 22:41 of course, for the longest time, when I would close my eyes, I would see that it's a, you know, it's a visual that's burned into your brain, of course. So, yeah,

Scott Benner 22:50 my God, I'm sorry, that's, I mean, I don't know why everybody's so stupid,

Carrie 22:55 but yeah, yeah, yeah. I

Scott Benner 22:59 can't believe somebody thought that was the way to go. Had you shown any propensity for drug use? Nope,

Carrie 23:06 sure. Hadn't. Okay. I was the person that Well, I guess not at that age, because only 14, but I drove everyone around. I made sure everybody got home safe, you know, yeah, yeah. I didn't do any of those things. So insane, yep.

Scott Benner 23:19 Okay, so then everyone comes their head comes up above water, and now suddenly, keeping Carrie alive is the most important thing in the world.

Carrie 23:27 Absolutely. Yep, she's, she's the one that's left, and she's been sick her whole life, and we need to, you know. And to be fair, I understand that, you know. I understand the sure hyper fixation and the needing to know literally every single detail because of the one thing that we didn't know. You know, then my brother died. So logically, I understand it. But again, also, I'm 14, just about to turn 15 at this age, and, you know, teenagers are super fun anyway, so Well, yeah, you're in a

Scott Benner 24:01 precarious time as a young girl, and things are happening. This is going on. You have diabetes, etc and so on, and now suddenly you're hyper focused on so you are being helicopter parented, not only by your parents, but probably by yourself. And right? What does that lead

Carrie 24:17 to? Well, it's the first time that I dealt with anxiety and not understanding what it was, and I will I found this out recently, later, with more loss and grief, that my depression, I guess, shows up more as like anxiety and panic attacks. And like I said, Before, I was very focused on like I knew when my body didn't feel right, and so not understanding what anxiety feels like or is, or what panic attacks are, I thought I was dying, okay, you know, the first few times that happened to me, I thought, well, this is when I die, you know, which, of course, is now what was happening. But if I still feel that way, sometimes, if I have panic attacks like, Oh, this is it, you know, and it's just your brain. Train. It's an alert, obviously, be like things are not okay. But also, when you're so focused on your health for such a long time, and how that feels, you're like, Oh, this is it. It was difficult to say the least. Do

Scott Benner 25:12 they get you with all this focus on taking care of you? Do they get you any mental health

Carrie 25:16 care? So they tried. I will never forget this either I again, not something that I had dealt with. Hadn't, you know, it wasn't a big thing. Again, this was 1996 nobody talked about their mental health. They took me, I think, to a regular doctor, just because, like, carries upset. Well, of course, she is. They referred them to take me to, you know, a psychiatrist, psychologist somewhere. And the first question, I had to fill up paperwork, and the first question was basically asking if I like to harm animals, okay?

Scott Benner 25:46 And just for matter, of course, do you, of

Carrie 25:52 course not? Okay, go ahead, Nope. Can't run over something that's already been ran over. Like, that's, you know, I am horrified, and from my parents, and they're, like, instantly angry and like, took me out of there, so that was it.

Scott Benner 26:05 My God, I don't understand. Okay, so you didn't go back for mental health care because it started off so kind of harshly, you feel like you had depression that showed itself as, like, panic attacks and anxiety. Is that right? Yep, was that medicated any point or something that you work through in a different way, once the therapy wasn't the road for you,

Carrie 26:25 it was not medicated. And then again, I found out later, after I had my son, I had post partum really bad, and they tried to medicate me for that, and it made it so much worse. So my body does not handle those kinds of medications. Well. I know that when I'm having an instance of where that's happening, obviously it's a mental game, and I have to tell myself that this is what's happening, and it's okay, you know, everything is fine. But I think at that age, you know, I was 15, then I processed through writing and art and things like that. That helped me at that time, but never medicated. No.

Scott Benner 27:01 Okay, so art like taking your mind off things like going to another place in your mind, like that kind of idea.

Carrie 27:07 I wrote poems a lot. I would write my brother letters, you know, just things like that. Just that's how I talked through things. Was with writing them. Because the other problem was I didn't feel like I could say his name out loud in front of my parents, because they were devastated, right? So I didn't feel like I could talk to them about him, because I didn't want to make them more upset. Oh,

Scott Benner 27:30 I see tell me about the writing the letters. How long did you do that for? And how valuable Did you find it? I

Carrie 27:37 probably did that for a few years, maybe two or three years, and I found it to be hugely beneficial.

Scott Benner 27:46 I know somebody who's doing it right now. That's why I asked I learned

Carrie 27:50 in college for free, right, you know? And again, that was nothing that I knew about, but it really just does help you get things out, you know, and process things without even realizing that that's how you're processing it, because you're just you're not editing yourself, you're just getting it out. And yeah, I found it to be hugely beneficial,

Scott Benner 28:08 awesome, and just talking to him like he was there, like telling him what was happening, how you were feeling, that sort of thing, yep, yep, yeah. I think maybe more people should try that. It's not a bad idea at all, but you couldn't say his name in front of your parents because you were afraid to make them sadder.

Carrie 28:27 Yes, that's what I would I felt like that was my responsibility to not add to that, because again, of course, they were devastated. You know, it was. It's your literal nightmare. I remember the first time I laughed or said his name, and I audibly gasped at myself,

Scott Benner 28:43 oh like you were shocked that you said it out loud. You were like, Oh no, I did it Yes. I

Carrie 28:48 was like, oh yeah. You thought of Voldemort. Yeah, you know, yeah,

Scott Benner 28:52 yep. Have you talked to your parents? I mean, are your parents alive still? No, no, had you talked to them before they passed away about that. Nope, you guys have never talked about this stuff. Nope,

Carrie 29:04 again. That was something that, like I felt like I needed to control that. That was my like responsibility to just keep that in, to not add to anything else.

Scott Benner 29:16 Do you think they ever rebounded from his passing? No, did it age them? Uh, quickly, prematurely,

Carrie 29:25 yeah, and again, this is what's hard to wrestle with myself to talk about they were also alcoholics. So that's also part of my like Preservation, not trying to not add fuel to the fire. That was kind of the household that we grew up in, you know, I always, I was just talking to my son about this the other day, because I saw something in him that I used to do, and I was like, I used to try to make myself smaller, you know, or not draw attention, or not ruffle any feathers. That was just kind of, that's who I was. As a child, yeah,

Scott Benner 30:01 so do you think that you're passing some of this on to your son unknowingly or not purposefully?

Carrie 30:09 Yeah, that's, that's what's hard, because I, like, I said, we literally just talked about it the other day because I said, Honey, I saw you. Like, I see that in you. I see you, you know, if, if, I'll say something to him and he'll just be like, okay, like, like, no, like, react and respond. It's okay, you know. Like, it's just constantly trying to over index how you were as a child and then how you were parented as a child, to not put that on your own child, you know? And it's just yeah. So I did. I said that to him the other day. I was like, I see you, you know, not wanting the attention or trying to, you know, not fit, in a sense, with others, but like to just put yourself in a spot that you don't take up as much space, you know. So it's like, Oh,

Scott Benner 30:53 is there something about you that you think he's protecting? Probably,

Carrie 30:57 you know, which is another thing that I tried to talk to people about over the years. I'm like, he shoulders a lot, you know, like, I wasn't supposed to have him, and then he was in the NICU, and I almost didn't survive. And so it's just like, and he knows about all my health, because I, I want him to know, you know, I'm okay, but if there's a problem, so I try not to talk about it too much. But again, where's the balance there? You know? So I think that he, and especially with what's happened recently, because both of my parents passed within three and a half months of each other, that he's trying to do the same kind of thing that I did, yeah? And so it's like, Oh, buddy, you know,

Scott Benner 31:36 you think currently he's trying to protect you because your parents passing, yeah? And he's an only child, yep. Is there something about, I don't mean this accusatory, but is there something about you that would make me feel like, Oh, you need protecting?

Carrie 31:51 I don't think so. I don't know. I don't know if that's I don't know if it would be different if I had a daughter instead of a son. I don't know if that's like a innate masculine thing, you know? That's interesting.

Scott Benner 32:02 I didn't, I didn't mean it that way, but that's interesting. That's how you thought about it. Yeah. I just mean, like, some people read sad, you know what I mean? Or they they read fragile, or something like that. I have a person I care about that's close to me. I always, the entire time I'm with them, I feel like they're vibrating, yeah, yeah. Like, stuff like that so well

Carrie 32:24 and so maybe, and I think part of it too is he's seen me in dealing with this grief recently, that I do have panic attacks. And so I do tell him, because I want him to know, like, this happens to people. It's okay. Like, if you ever feel this way, it's okay, you know, like, and then I will I over apologize, which is another thing that I've done my entire life. I apologize for literally everything. But I also do feel guilt in that I, you know, lacked on my parenting, you know, role this last year with everything that else that was going on that I'm trying to, I don't know if I'm trying to make up for that, or apologize for it, or, you know, and so maybe I do feel or seem fragile to him right now, you know, I don't know.

Scott Benner 33:10 Do you apologize for apologizing ever? No, no. Have you ever seen people do that? They start apologizing for apologizing, like, oh, my god, are you okay? Right? Yeah, no,

Carrie 33:20 I'm just genuinely sorry. I'm not sorry for being sorry. I'm just, I'm just really sorry. I'm just really

Scott Benner 33:26 sorry. Yeah, you know that about yourself, though? Oh yes, yes, wow. And that's, well, you have a lot of insight about all this, but, but it's not changing it. Is that correct?

Carrie 33:38 Well, and that's the thing. Like, I want to, I try to, like, not sound like an asshole, like I know everything about all this, but I also just, i Nobody shares things that are, you know, not no one. That's not fair, but we don't hear about, you know, the hard things all the time. And I think it's so important because people feel so alone, you know, I mean, it's basis of being type one and what you deal with, people can't understand it. But if you talked about it more, maybe they'd be like, Oh, okay, you know, or at least have more empathy or something. And not that I need empathy from other people, but it's just, you know, part of being a human being to think of others. Yeah, we just don't talk about it enough. It's just like, when I had postpartum, when it happened, I had no include what was going on, because I didn't. It wasn't, it wasn't on my radar.

Scott Benner 34:26 Were you on your own too? Like, was the was the father there? Oh, no, he was there absolutely, yeah, all right. Also, voice, we don't normally know what to do, just so everyone knows, right, yeah, right, yeah, yeah. He's just like, wow. There's certain situations. You should not look to us for help, right? Yes,

Carrie 34:41 no, we're not. And at the same time, know your place.

Scott Benner 34:46 Kerry's like, yeah, they don't know, but at the same time, you should leave me alone too, right, right, yes, Carrie, have you ever heard the episode I did with Erica about the aces, the adverse childhood experiences?

Carrie 34:56 No, but I've heard of that before, and I'm like. Uh, intrigued, and also like, oh, that's probably terrifying to like this list

Scott Benner 35:05 ain't right for you. I'll tell you right now. So there's 10 things that lead to long, lasting mental and physical health effects for a child right growing up with physical abuse, were you ever injured by a caregiver? No, no. Okay. Hey, there you go. Look at you. Your head emotional abuse, being verbally assaulted, humiliated or made to feel worthless. That one, yes, yeah, you got that one? Yep. I'm sorry to ask. Sexual Abuse, no, no, okay, got two nos and a yes. Physical neglect, not having basic needs like food, shelter or health care. Matt, no, excellent. Emotional neglect, lack of emotional support, affection or sense of being valued. Yeah, domestic violence. Did you witness domestic violence? I didn't good a gear four and two, substance abuse in that Oh, you got that one? Okay? Three, yeah, mental illness in the household, depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, suicidal tendencies,

Carrie 35:57 I would say depression. My dad, I also noticed in him, after I started understanding that I was having panic attacks, that he did too, but he, you know, was a war that and of a different generation, and you don't talk about any of those things, you know. So parents

Scott Benner 36:14 stayed married the whole time, or no, they did okay. And anybody in the household incarcerated? Ever being in jail. No, all right, so you got six no's and four yeses. Your four, yeah, but that's a lot though, trust me,

Carrie 36:28 but listen, it's 60% good.

Scott Benner 36:32 I also read that. I like to read them on the podcast and so on, because I imagine people driving along going, Oh God, no wonder. Oh no, yeah, yeah. So each ace increases your risk of chronic health conditions, mental illness and risky behaviors later in life, right? Yeah, awesome, yep. Now, of those 10 things, how many is your son dealing with? Well,

Carrie 36:55 I suppose my mental health, you know, obviously, I think that might be it though you're

Scott Benner 37:00 together with your husband. Yeah, okay, cool. Nobody's hitting each other. Awesome. No, Carrie, look how good you did. I know that's what. You grew up six and four, the kids growing up nine and one, he's doing awesome. Yeah, okay, I'm not kidding. Well,

Carrie 37:17 no, and that's my husband. I talk about it, you know a lot we're like, Listen, this whole, like, stopping the pattern and, like, it was very important to us, you know, so we're cognizant of it and try to, you know, everybody does the best they can, I guess.

Scott Benner 37:33 Listen, I have just so, oh, it doesn't feel like we're picking on you. Parental separation, that's a yes for me. Nobody incarcerated, no mental health issues, substance abuse, no domestic violence. I'm gonna go yes, but not Yeah, not against my mom. It's against us. I get although I guess that's physical abuse. Hold on, right, right. Well, you know what's funny, my dad never hit my mom, but she was intimidated by him, right? You know. So I'm gonna count that. You know, emotional neglect, no. Physical neglect, no. Well, I mean, I never went to a dentist. Does that count emotional so, yeah. I mean, I got four. How are your teeth? I guess? Well, it's the main question, by the way. I just did an episode yesterday with a pediatric dentist, and I ended up admitting to her I didn't see a dentist. I was, like, 19 or 20 years old, but you still have your teeth. I mean, one of I love. They're they're hanging on by a thread. Some of them, but well, but I'm ahead of it now, like, yes, my point is, is that I think that people, you know, generally speaking, this list exists because it's the things that can happen to people, right? You know, do you think your brother's passing wasn't purposeful, right? He was just trying to get

Carrie 38:45 high. No, yep, no, yep. Wow, something.

Scott Benner 38:49 And now you're talking in your notes to me, you know, it's very simple, actually. It just says, I have survivor's guilt, sure, yeah. Can you explain to people what that feels like?

Carrie 38:58 Well, so it's like I said, and I felt this at a very young age. My brother was a healthy one, you know. And I also have guilt in the sense that, like, everything when we were younger was focused on me because I was the unhealthy one, you know. And it was like a dire sentence, like everything that was happening to me was like, Oh my God, she's gonna die. Like, this is it just all was very amped up. And so I got a lot of attention because of that. So that's part of the guilt that I feel. And then, of course, you know, my parents were left with me, which, I don't mean this to sound like self deprecating, but like, again, I was the more problematic one in the sense that I was not healthy, and there's all these variables happening at all, you know, all at once, I guess, or all of the time, I felt guilty for that. And just, I think whenever you lose anyone, you feel a little bit of survivor's guilt because you're still here. You know, why them? Why not you? Why not? You know,

Scott Benner 39:53 did it happen with your parents, even though they were older? I don't know.

Carrie 39:57 I don't know if I've processed that the problem well. Well, there's lots of problems, but they died so so my dad was 13 years older than my mom. He had been married before and had children before, so he was much older, but they were both unwell, and he simply went outside to do something with their pool and broke his hip, had surgery, and then passed away two weeks later. Wow.

Scott Benner 40:23 How old? 84 Wow. That's not a bad run. 84 Yeah, and the drinking, so it's not bad at all.

Carrie 40:30 And he had had leukemia and just was very unwell. He had had kidney cancer. I measure everything by how old my son was at the time, and my son was a toddler, and basically when that happened to him is when I noticed his, you know, I'm dying. I'm gonna die. This is, you know, yeah, the ironic part of it was, is that my husband and my son and I had been taking care of their pool for years, right? Just got into his, have no idea. And again, part of his generation, and him being a man, and you know, who I could see as he got older and more unwell, how upsetting it was for him to not be able to do the stuff that he used to do around the house, you know. And for whatever reason, he felt like he needed to go out there that night and check on something. And, you know, that's,

Scott Benner 41:16 um, it's awful. And I understand too, like that feeling of like, yeah, all the things I was in this world they they shrink, yep, if you can't reform yourself to your new abilities, right? Yeah, it can be really devastating, I would imagine. And then you so, then your mom's 71 so he had had esophageal

Carrie 41:38 cancer. Oh my gosh, did they smoke? Had smoked or, gosh, I don't know, 50 some years,

Scott Benner 41:46 yeah, because how you gonna have a drink and not a cigarette, right? And

Carrie 41:50 they had both quit drinking at this point. She never quit smoking, which, you know, is here or there, it does it doesn't, you know, she had had esophageal cancer, and this was happening like, during COVID. So my dad was not well because he had leukemia and was just very frail. I would take her into her treatments every day. And again, this doesn't seem fair, but it's just part of, like, what sticks out the second we would get out of, like, her chemo and radiation, she'd have a cigarette, you know? And I'm just like,

Scott Benner 42:17 what are we doing? Like, chemo, stressful,

Unknown Speaker 42:21 right?

Scott Benner 42:24 Better off sticking with the booze and not the cigarette if she's gonna pick one. You know what I mean. But God, yeah. So then

Carrie 42:30 she was, they got it. Supposedly they didn't see it anymore. It was gone. But she had to keep, you know, going in for checkups and things like that. And so it was about, and I could she had been not well, like something was not right, obviously. And she had had some, like, major infections and stuff. I took her in for checkup and endoscopy to check on things. It was about three weeks after my dad passed away, and I took her in for an endoscopy checkup, and it was back. Her cancer is back with a vengeance. Like this was, she had a hole in her esophagus, she was not going to survive. They could have done a major surgery. She didn't want to do that. And I get it, she's also my dad had just passed away, you know? Like everything was awful, and so he passed away three months later. No

Scott Benner 43:21 kidding, yep. Do you think, without him, she, I realized she's not in control of the cancer. But do you think that was the thing she was just like, all right, let me get out of here too, or

Carrie 43:30 a little bit. I mean, she, she was absolutely miserable. Things were awful. She had to have a feeding tube. And this is part of where I, you know, my husband took over for our son completely, and I just took care of her. She was She lived with us for the last three and a half months of her life, but it was us being in a different town all the time and going to her appointments and appointments and appointments and appointments, and she just had every card stacked against her. And, yeah,

Scott Benner 44:01 I mean, listen, it sucks. Like, I don't know how to I mean, you've smoked your whole life, and you know, you think you're gonna get away with it, and then you don't. You're like, well, I might as well keep smoking, because it's gonna kill me eventually. Although I did really think the infusion nurses, I wonder how it feels to start chemo and somebody who smells like a cigar, right? I know, I know must make you crazy. And, of

Carrie 44:23 course, it's frustrating. It's frustrating to watch, and part of my, you know, and this isn't fair for me to say this either, but it's like I've been like, working my ass off my entire life to try to, you know, be as healthy as I can and do mostly all of the right things and and then it's just like, come on, like this one thing can we just at the end, it didn't matter, and it didn't I

Scott Benner 44:49 have to imagine that one of the most difficult positions you can be put in as an adult is having two children, loving them both, one of them dying. Right? You losing your will to live, right, but knowing that you have to now like exist through this world for your remaining child, right? And not being able to shake the feeling of what it must feel like to lose a

Carrie 45:13 kid, right? It's an absolute nightmare, yeah, you know, I mean, it's

Scott Benner 45:17 a no win situation, because they probably wanted to go lay down on a train track, sure, and then they look at you and they're like, oh, we can't, because Carrie's here, right? Then they got to feel guilty for not wanting to die along with your brother, right? And then they've got to feel guilty for not wanting to be happy for you. And right? It can't. It just feels like a never ending cyclone of hell it was, yeah, yeah, yep. And drinking smoke too, just so, you know,

Carrie 45:41 I don't want to talk about this in the wrong way, because I do believe they did the absolute best they could, but it was a nightmare, you know? I mean, everything was a nightmare. Honestly,

Scott Benner 45:50 smoking, drinking and cancer still sounds like the best you can do in that situation. I mean, I'm just look, not that there aren't people who pop up, you know what I mean. And God bless them. But like, I had a woman on this podcast maybe in the first year, and her son passed away at college, if I'm remembering right, he had type one. He got sick, he tried to go lay down. He just never woke up again, right? I still see her on social media, and she looks as sad today as she felt when I spoke to her 10 years ago, I don't know. You don't

Carrie 46:22 get over that. Yeah, I have no idea. You know, you you move with it every day, right? You don't move through it. You move along with that every single day. You don't move through it. You don't get through it. You don't, you know, get past it. It's never not there. Like, you know? I mean, I have a child, you have children like it's unimaginable, you know.

Scott Benner 46:43 And having a tragedy feels like, well, we've experienced a tragedy. Life won't give us another one like, you know, and, but I don't know if you saw this, and this would be pretty, be a difficult thing to see, but there's been a woman named Michelle who's been on the podcast twice, right? Her son, Jesse passed away. There's an episode called Jesse was here. It's lovely. It's about her young type one son who died. And I'm gonna try to see what episode numbers they are while we're talking. Okay, I saw yesterday her husband and three of their friends died in a car accident. Oh, my God. They're like in their 50s. As far as I'm as far as I know, Jesse was here part two. She was on again, 722, episode 722, and I'll find the first one. And Part one was episode 90. I did it in 2006 Wow, right. So, and they're all, by the way, like JDRF bike riders. They do all that tour for a cure stuff like lovely people, they've lost the child. You think, Well, what else could happen? Right? Right, right. What about a car accident that kills me and my husband and three other people? Exactly? Yeah, yeah. That's insane. Like, so that feeling of like a bad thing happened to me, more bad things aren't going to happen to me. That's not real. And then once your kid passes away, like your parents had, and then someone gets cancer, you probably think like, man, there's, there's no filter between me and and everything that goes wrong.

Carrie 48:12 Yeah, enough already. Yeah, this is enough, you know, but it's not, and it doesn't stop, and you have to figure out how to, you know, process all that. But it doesn't make it easier, but in

Scott Benner 48:22 a different way, don't you? You have the same problem, right? You've, I mean, seven auto immune issues,

Carrie 48:27 well, right? And so that became a joke with me. And that's how I deal with most things, is, you know, through sarcasm and humor. But it's like, Okay, two, okay. Then I got up to five, and I was just like, okay, seven has to be it. Like, we are done with this.

Scott Benner 48:40 Like, what's going on? I'm running out of fingers. Kidding me, right? Am I supposed to keep track of them if I go over 10? Yeah, my feet are on fire and my hands are freezing. I can't count, right?

Carrie 48:50 And then they're like, the neuro anemic, and you have osteo arthritis and you have severe degenerative disease. And I'm just like, okay, like, can we quit naming them? Like, surely, they're all just one thing. Why

Scott Benner 49:01 don't we just write down on the paper carries up, and then we'll like, well, like, that feels like one thing at least. And really, yeah.

Carrie 49:09 And every time I go to the doctor, which, of course, I have tons of them, and they need me to check in with them all the time. And I'm just like, just read my chart first before you start speaking, please just read my chart. Like, if I haven't seen you before, or if this is your new nurse, which nurses are a godsend, but like, Please don't ask me if anyone's ever told me that I have type one. Like, yeah. Does that actually happen? Though it has happened twice,

Scott Benner 49:35 and I like, not laughing, but I am laughing. Yeah, that's fine. Oh

Carrie 49:38 no, it's ridiculous. Like, you can see my pump. And I again, deal with all these questions all the time. And so one time I literally was like, huh, really? And then she looked at me, I was like, Yes. At that point it was, you know, I was like, for 20, whatever, years now, she's like, oh, like, yeah, people don't have insulin on their medication list, just. Funsies. Like

Scott Benner 50:02 Has anyone ever told you you have diabetes? Do you ever go

Carrie 50:06 right or the other one that I get a lot, which, so I have to see a pulmonologist for my scleroderma. They they do an echo and check my lung, just make sure I don't have hypertension in my lungs. Are you on oxygen? Do you see any?

Scott Benner 50:19 Yeah. Wouldn't it be with me right now? Like,

Carrie 50:22 when I have the cannula? Like, when I like, Nope, no. And you work at a pulmonologist office, like, I think you should be able to fight real quick if someone's on oxygen or not. Like, try harder when you're asking those questions. Look at my face when you ask me that. Yeah, by the

Scott Benner 50:40 way, for people who don't know, scleroderma is a rare auto immune disease characterized by hardening and tightening of the skin and connective tissue. It falls under the category of connective tissue disease and can vary widely in severity. In some people, it only affects skin, while in others, it can affect internal organs, blood vessels and the digestive tract. Yes, that's why you mentioned earlier. You're not sure if your slow digestion is scleroderma or gastroparesis, my

Carrie 51:03 scleroderma, and now they just call it connective tissue. Like, they're not sure, because it does not affect my skin at all. Like, if you look at me, because I've had surgeries before, and they're like, oh, like, crest syndrome. I'm like, No, I so I don't have the skin part of it. It does not affect my skin. It has affected my esophagus. So I've had, have you ever had a motility test done like for your esophagus? Esophagus?

Scott Benner 51:27 No, is it horrible? It's the worst thing I've ever it's, it's awful. Why? What

Carrie 51:31 do they do? They put a tube through your nose, down into your stomach. So what they're trying to they're, they're, they're measuring if you can swallow properly or not. And then they have you while you have this, you know, down your nose, through your throat, into your stomach, you have to eat something and swallow it. And then they like, now swallow, and they'll tell you like when you have to swallow. And all these things, I've had to do that twice, and they do they they measure 10 swallows. And the best I ever did was that I failed nine out of 10, not 10 out of 10. My scleroderma has affected my esophagus, and then most likely my, you know, gastroparesis is that they think it's from that, but who knows, and it doesn't matter, do you have

Scott Benner 52:17 reflux as well? Oh yeah, yeah. Difficulty swallowing, acid reflux, malabsorption, you mentioned earlier, yep, and you also have the pain, stiffness and swelling and joints. Yeah, yeah.

Carrie 52:30 I've had several surgeries. I've had like six hand surgeries, procedures on both my shoulders, which were for frozen shoulders, but I have osteoarthritis bilaterally, and then I had two discs replaced in my cervical spine. Jesus

Scott Benner 52:45 Christ. Have they ever tried any of those injectables on you? Yeah,

Carrie 52:50 I've tried, like every my rheumatologist, we tried, kind of everything you can think of in my body did not respond well to any of them. So all I take right now for it is Plaquenil.

Scott Benner 53:02 Okay. Is your son have any auto immune issues? Nope, good. That's awesome. He

Carrie 53:08 is allergic to outside and he's an athlete, so we manage that with allergy shops and meds, but no, no auto immune stuff. Knock on wood. Real

Scott Benner 53:17 bad hay fever. He's

Carrie 53:20 allergic to grass and trees. Oh, that's hardly anywhere on that won't be a problem. And he's been an athlete his entire life, so it's like, okay,

Scott Benner 53:27 he should move to New York City or something. Yeah, I don't know, yeah, this, this mog will choke him instead, but at least the grass won't go life's great, isn't it? Yeah, I had somebody told me the other day, you should eat local honey. It helps you to not be allergic to local allergens. And I was like, I'll try it. Sure. Like, I'll give it a whirl. So

Carrie 53:49 whenever you go anywhere, because we noticed this with him, he plays competitive soccer, so they travel a lot. Whenever we land anywhere, we're like, oh my God, here it comes.

Scott Benner 53:59 Yeah, and just the over the counter stuff's not going to help

Carrie 54:02 him. I mean, he does fine. And here's the other thing, he's also stubborn, and unless he's, like, really struggling, he's gonna say that he's fine, you know, which I think partially comes from me and from my husband. So yeah,

Scott Benner 54:14 bunch of hard headed people, I listen, if you're not hard headed, I'm assuming you would have dove off a bridge, like, 20 years ago. So,

Carrie 54:20 I mean, I am surviving purely on spite at this point. Like, you can't have a baby. Oh, yeah, okay, oh, just proverbial, hold my beer. I don't drink. But yeah,

Scott Benner 54:32 100% just named this episode. Survive on spite. I think that's great, yeah? Like, I'm not dying. Screw you off.

Carrie 54:40 No outlet. Every single one of

Scott Benner 54:42 you, how was your diabetes through all this? I mean, how do you know? Like, why do you know me?

Carrie 54:46 I honestly don't know when I found the podcast. I have no idea. I think it was at the Facebook group first, somehow. But again, like I said before, historically not sound so I don't know when i. Discovered it. I think

Scott Benner 55:00 you said that before we were recording that you're not historically sound, geographically

Carrie 55:04 or historically sound. So I don't know when I found you, but I love the online community. I mean, again, I've said this before. I think it's so important to talk about things and share things so people understand that they're not alone, or can feel some sort of because you know all of these things are. They can feel lonely, you know. And you can talk to whoever and try to explain everything to them, but there's nobody can actually understand it, you know, which is true of anything. But when your health has affected you your entire life, and it's not something that's going to go away, it's nice to have a group, not of people that you know are suffering, but that you can, you know, oh, so and so, you know, oh, that happened to me, or this is what works for me, or just to listen, you know. So

Scott Benner 55:50 starting that group is maybe one of the best things I've ever done in my life for other people, and I did it begrudgingly, and didn't understand how valuable it would end up being for them, right? I just meant begrudgingly. I did not want to be in charge of a Facebook group who does so far, I've not met one person who's like, oh, I run a Facebook group and I love it. Yeah? The nuts and bolts of it are not fun. Well, it has to be rewarding. Yeah, it's very rewarding. So providing a place where people I don't know are led to so many different valuable things in their life, like listing them is not even important. That makes me feel good when I have bad days, I pop on that and I see people doing better or asking good questions or learning how to communicate with each other, or whatever they're learning to do in there. Yeah, and I think this is a good thing you did here, Scott, like, you know what I mean? Like adults, it's

Carrie 56:34 just as simple as I will see myself like reading someone's response or someone's comment and being ready to just fire off something awful, right? Like, what the like this is, you know, don't say it, you know. And then I'm like, Nope, you're an adult. We don't do that. This is not how we like. You can't be one of those people that adds this to this fire of being able to just say whatever the hell we want and there are no consequences. So even that, like, you're teaching people that. And again, I'm a grown ass adult. I'm still like, Oh, nope, can't do that. That's okay.

Scott Benner 57:05 I have people come to me all the time. They're like, you're teaching adults how to talk to each other. And I was like, I know, yeah, unintended, unintended benefit of doing this. So it's a lovely, lovely thing. It really is, you know, like, Yep, I would have made fun of it five seconds before I did it. Yep. I would have been like, oh my god, Facebook, ridiculous. People are going to be arguing all over the place. But if you just step back and see everybody as being in a slightly different position, right in a similar journey, it's awesome to watch everybody rise up. You know what? I mean, yeah, anyway, cool, but it's awesome. Is there anything we haven't talked about that we should have.

Carrie 57:41 Well, you just asked about my diabetes, and I didn't

Scott Benner 57:43 answer. Oh, no, I want to Yeah, I want to know. I'm sorry I got no,

Carrie 57:47 I go on tangent. I like I said, not linear. Don't

Scott Benner 57:50 apologize, Carrie, you didn't do it. It was me. Well,

Carrie 57:56 I'm sorry. So I was labeled brittle as I was young, which I don't know was, I was like, we didn't have CGM. This was 1987 I have a vivid memory of the sound of my mom rolling my insulin, you know, for me, before we were draw it up, and I started giving myself my shots right away, because it was mine. Even at six, I was like, Nope, this is this is mine. Didn't know about the thyroid thing right away, which everything compounds everything else, so not great. And then teenagers just not great. And again, had not my period was weird because of whatever else hormonally was going on. It was a nightmare without, you know, a pump or a CGM or anything like that. And also, when those were available to me, I was stubborn. Thought that that was taking my, like, own personal control away from No, I do this. I give myself these shots. I do this. You know, I don't need a machine. Type of stubbornness. I've been on a pump for 18 years, in a CGM, for just as long, I guess, with everything that's happened, you know, in the past year, my a 1c went up. I'm typically six, six ish,

Scott Benner 59:11 so awesome. Good for you. But growing up, you don't know what the hell you was going on, right? No,

Carrie 59:16 yeah, no, it was a show I tried to, you know, do what I was supposed to then, you know, teenagers, I did rebel. I did have burnout. I was, you know, I hated the world. My brother died, all of these things. You know, nothing was regulated in sense of, like, my thyroid and hormones and whatever. So, yeah, I it wasn't great as a teen. But

Scott Benner 59:37 could you think of one thing that that teen could have heard back then that would have stopped them from avoiding their health like that. I

Carrie 59:47 don't know. And that's kind of what I the basis of me wanting to talk about or talk to, I guess, like, at what point? Because I see that everybody wanting perfection, which I just think is like. The worst Lord that has ever existed, like there is no such thing in any realm of reality, of perfection, it's just it's not a thing. And people striving for these things, and then what do you give up in that? Like I am blessed that my parents let me be a child when I was younger, they weren't helicopter parents. That wasn't a thing. Like my brother and I would be gone literally all day. And I think about it now, I'm like, Oh my God. Like, yeah, I was diabetic, and they just let me be gone all day. We didn't have phones, we didn't have, you know. And I'm not saying that that's better or worse. It's just that's how it was, you know. So I'm glad that I had that childhood, and that wasn't the focus, because I think I would have been afraid, you know, of just my own health all of the time and living my life. I don't know if there's anything that you could have told me. I think that we all just have to, like, navigate this how we're going to and then, of course, my brother died, so then the emphasis, or my was trying to, like, wade through that grief. I don't know. I don't when

Scott Benner 1:01:04 you say I'm always interested, when people say, like, I'm so glad that we didn't pay that close attention to it so I could be a kid that kind of feeling. But do you think that you feel that way because you're okay today? Like, if you were telling Yeah, right, if you had bad complications, you'd be like, Oh my god, they should have paid better attention to me. And I don't know now I'm stuck. Like, you know what I mean? Like, it's

Carrie 1:01:24 such a pass the blame. Yeah, it worked out for me, right, right. Knock on wood. Up to this point, I don't have diabetic complications, but I, you know, I could say sure that I would feel the other way, but maybe I would just be angry about something else, or, have, you know, feel like I missed out on this, that, or whatever, but that's just how it was. And again, I'm not saying that that's better, because, you know, there are people that have complications and that this, it didn't work out for them that way. That's just how it was. It was, you know, the 80s, yeah. And, you know, I remember, I was talking to somebody the other day, like, I had to collect jugs of urine. Like, that's, you know, like, I'm not thankful that I had to do that, yeah, and then walk into a hospital carrying this bag that everybody knew was full of urine. Like, come on, you know, like, I'm not thankful for that. I'm so thankful for the technology and how things have, you know, I wouldn't have been able to have a healthy pregnancy, as healthy as it was, if it weren't frontal pump and all those things, you know, like, there's no way Sure, yeah, I love the

Scott Benner 1:02:30 way you talk about it, because I think there's no actual answer. It is very specific person to person, and I completely agree, yeah, that's why I always find it interesting when people want to argue about that, and they're like, Well, my parents did this, and I'm okay, so that's the right thing to do. And I'm like, that just worked for you, you know, right for you.

Carrie 1:02:48 You know, it's just like the same old, the argument between the diet, you know, yep, and what kind of insulin use and what kind of pump you use. You have to figure out what works best for you, the healthiest for you that is manageable. It's

Scott Benner 1:03:02 also not to say that the thing that you did won't work for someone else, and you should share it, because someone might it might work out really well for them, but stop acting like the thing you did because it worked out is the right way. It's the only way to do it. You're ignoring the other variables, and most of those variables are you. There's so

Carrie 1:03:18 many, you know, I mean, my God, I have six additional auto immune diseases that my mine is not the same as yours, and it shouldn't be, you know, and that's that includes how you your treatment and all those things. But I don't know. I again, I'm a very stubborn person, and went through a lot, so I don't know if there would have been anything that you could tell me that I've been like, Okay, I you know, it's one of those things that it's just like, when I got it, I started doing my shots myself, like, I take ownership in these things. So I don't, I don't know if I would have necessarily listened, and that's what's so hard. You know, everybody has burnout, and you see people in the group with teens or young kids, and I'm just like, they just eat. My thought on that part of it is you have to figure it out, as in the child, I try to come at everything from the perspective of being the one that has type one, you know, maybe what I would have needed to hear, or someone to understand, that I just had to figure it out, right? And people telling me, you know, you're not doing this, you're not doing this, or being angry, or being mad, or whatever, that was not beneficial. So hard,

Scott Benner 1:04:24 difficult Carrie, to hear that your kid is having a problem and that it's possible they won't get through it. Sure, because that's what you're saying when you're saying, look, they have to figure it out, which is true, right? Like they have to find their way through it, which means they have to have the understanding that allows them to move forward. And it's not just a thing you can hand them right? It's through a process. And even if you try to take them to therapy, what if you get a crappy therapist and that doesn't work, etc. It

Carrie 1:04:50 can happen through anything though, too. And you know, you just have to hope that you have given them the tools that they need, right, or that at some point they're going to understand or value themselves enough, which. Is so hard. It's so hard to watch. I have a 17 year old like, you know, he, he doesn't have the health things, but we all have things, right? It's just like relationships or things that happen with, you know, something that you've poured your life into, and now you're, you know, things are not having for you the way that you think that you should. And everybody has to figure out how to navigate those things, whether it's your health or not. You know, your health, of course, is just the utmost importance. So it feels like it's just, I'm sure it's terrifying, you know, and you just have to feel like you have to fix it, and you just, you can't, you know, I

Scott Benner 1:05:35 know a story of a of a young man in high school who met a girl, and he the girl was dating someone, and eventually she stopped dating that person. And he, he, I think he saw that as this opportunity, right? And started to date the girl and his friend group, um, perceived him as breaking the bro code. And, oh, sure, and alienated him, and he had, like, a pretty significant decline, right? Yeah. After a social circle, walked away from him, of course, yeah. And you look back and he didn't, he didn't do anything wrong, you know what I mean, right, right? And prior to that, like, not more of a rock solid young man, right? Like not a kid you would look at and think, oh, like, something's gonna befall him, and he's just gonna collapse. And you wouldn't, you wouldn't have thought that so and

Carrie 1:06:21 it, you know, it could be anything. So do we hold our breath, you know, forever and wait for the proverbial shoe to drop, or do we just hope that? And I say this, you know, not dealing with something specific right now, in regards to my own child, you know, I'm not trying to make it sound simple or negated anyway, make it, you know, but it's just like, I don't know, keep

Scott Benner 1:06:42 you. Don't give up. What'd you say earlier? Surviving. How'd you say it? Oh,

Carrie 1:06:46 I'm surviving purely on spite. Yeah, survive on spite. That's all. Yeah, I'm with you. Just be the most stubborn person that's ever existed and you'll be fine. I'm with you. Yeah, perfect. I'm

Scott Benner 1:06:56 gonna leave it like that. I'm gonna, I'm gonna end right there. I think that's awesome. I appreciate you doing this very much. I don't know why you thought you were all over the place. You were very place. You were very articulate about your about your story, and clear and forthcoming, transparent. I really appreciate it.

Carrie 1:07:08 Well. You might have people that are like, wait a minute, this was all over the place, but it makes sense to my brain. No,

Scott Benner 1:07:14 I don't think that at all. I think you're fine. Don't worry about please. Don't think twice about that. I don't don't apologize. Let it go. Okay. The podcast you just enjoyed was sponsored by tandem diabetes care. Learn more about tandems, newest automated insulin delivery system, tandem Moby with control iq plus technology at tandem diabetes.com/juice box. There are links in the show notes and links at Juicebox Podcast. Com, a huge thanks to us med for sponsoring this episode of the juice box podcast. Don't forget us, med.com/juice, box. This is where we get our diabetes supplies from you can as well. Use the link or call 888-721-1514, use the link or call the number. Get your free benefits check so that you can start getting your diabetes supplies the way we do from us. Med, I can't thank you enough for listening. Please make sure you're subscribed or following in your audio app. I'll be back tomorrow with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. If you or a loved one was just diagnosed with type one diabetes, and you're looking for some fresh perspective. The bold beginning series from the Juicebox Podcast is a terrific place to start. That series is with myself and Jenny Smith. Jenny is a CD CES, a registered dietitian and a type one for over 35 years, and in the bowl beginnings series, Jenny and I are going to answer the questions that most people have after a type one diabetes diagnosis. The series begins at episode 698, in your podcast player, or you can go to Juicebox podcast.com and click on bold beginnings in the menu, the episode you just heard was professionally edited by wrong way recording, wrongway recording.com, you.

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Scott Benner 3/27/25 Scott Benner 3/27/25

#1474 Head Like a Hole

Diagnosed at 26. Chicago pediatric nurse and new mom who built a looping algorithm after overcoming early depression with her husband’s support.

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Scott Benner 00:00 Here we are back together again, friends for another episode of The Juicebox Podcast.

Carolina 00:15 Hi, my name is Carolina. I'm 30 years old. Turned 30 yesterday, and I have type one diabetes.

Scott Benner 00:24 Please don't forget that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan or becoming bold with insulin. Don't forget to save 40% off of your entire order at cozy earth.com All you have to do is use the offer code Juicebox at checkout. That's Juicebox at checkout to save 40% at cozy earth.com AG, one is offering my listeners a free $76 gift. When you sign up, you'll get a welcome kit, a bottle of d3, k2, and five free travel packs in your first box. So make sure you check out drink AG, one.com/juice, box to get this offer. Are you an adult living with type one or the caregiver of someone who is and a US resident? If you are, I'd love it if you would go to T 1d, exchange.org/juice box and take the survey. When you complete that survey, your answers are used to move type one diabetes research of all kinds. So if you'd like to help with type one research, but don't have time to go to a doctor or an investigation and you want to do something right there from your sofa, this is the way t 1d exchange.org/juice, box. It should not take you more than about 10 minutes. Today's episode of the juice box podcast is sponsored by the contour next gen blood glucose meter. This is the meter that my daughter has on her person right now. It is incredibly accurate and waiting for you at contour next.com/juice, box. US med is sponsoring this episode of the juice box podcast, and we've been getting our diabetes supplies from us med for years. You can as well us med.com/juice, box, or call 888-721-1514, use the link or the number. Get your free benefits. Check and get started today with us. Med, the episode you're about to listen to was sponsored by touched by type one. Go check them out right now on Facebook, Instagram, and of course, at touched by type one.org check out that Programs tab when you get to the website to see all the great things that they're doing for people living with type one diabetes touched by type one.org

Carolina 02:48 Hi, my name is Carolina. I'm 30 years old. Turned 30 yesterday, and I have type one diabetes. Are

Scott Benner 02:56 you serious that yesterday was your birthday? Yes, yes. Turned 30 yesterday. Yesterday, I recorded with a woman, and she said, Today is my birthday.

Carolina 03:05 Oh, yeah, and it was Election Day. It was a big day.

Scott Benner 03:09 It was, but that's not but what the heck? Isn't that weird? It is weird. The two people born on the same day recorded a rather niche podcast a day apart, one on their birthday and one the day after it. I don't like it. I think it's freaky. Okay? I just want to say I'm not okay with anything that's happened so far. Well, happy birthday. How old are you again? I'm 30. Congratulations. It's a nice age. Yeah, really is your hips don't hurt yet.

Carolina 03:36 Yeah, right, yet. Awesome. I woke up feeling okay, so we're okay so far.

Scott Benner 03:40 Oh, you might have named the episode. I woke up feeling okay. I like that. Let's see where this goes. How old were you when you were diagnosed? I was 26 oh, what the hell that's a bummer. It sure was. Tell me a little bit about that.

Carolina 03:56 Yeah. So I was, yeah, 26 I did not see it coming at all. I was losing weight. Excused everything away. I was having vision problems. I was just like, oh, I need stronger glasses. I was finishing grad school at the time, so everything I was just like, I'm stressed. I'm tired. Of course, I'm working full time and in grad school. So everything was excused away. And then the weekend of my graduation, we flew to Pennsylvania for graduation. My parents were there. My parents were like, You look really rough. Like, even my dad, you know. And my dad's like, you know, he's the type of guy who's like, everything's always fine, and he doesn't notice those things. And he's like, You look really thin. Like, are you okay? And I was like, yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I'm eating all the time. Like, I'm just so so fit and losing weight. It's great.

Scott Benner 04:48 You don't understand, this is me. This is this is Fit Carolina, okay, yeah, no, I've been doing uh, pilates, exactly, by the way. Had you been doing anything?

Carolina 04:58 Uh, no, no. Okay, working. Full Time and in grad school, so I was just doing homework all the time.

Scott Benner 05:02 I finally found the secret mix of El fudge to Doritos, and it's working perfectly. Dad, I don't know, I just I figured the whole thing out. Okay, so Does that strike you when your parents, who are normally not those people, are like, Hey, what's wrong with you?

Carolina 05:19 You know, when my dad said something, my mom, like, worries about everything. So not from her, but when my dad said something, I kind of was like, Maybe something's off. And then, like, the first thing that ran through my mind was like, okay, unexplained weight loss. Do I have cancer? And then I was like, in my head, I was like, if I do have cancer, I'd rather deal with that in a week after graduation, not right now, so I just kind of avoided thinking about it. And then on our plane ride home, I started vomiting. No, I didn't vomit till we landed. And then after that, I just kept vomiting and vomiting. And so eventually went to the ED and they, you know, looked at me, and they were like, has anyone ever told you that you have diabetes? And I was like, No, I have never heard those words in my life. It's

Scott Benner 06:07 only because I don't. So, yeah, because I don't have diabetes. I don't know if you know, I'm getting an advanced degree. I'm on my way. I'm taking over the world. So

Carolina 06:16 yeah, and that was that, you know, right away, I was like, maybe 100 pounds at the time. I was pretty small, so they were basically right away. They were like, it's probably type one. We're gonna have to wait for all these test results to come back, but probably type one. And I was like, I'm a nurse. So I was like, I like, begged them in the ED I was like, Can it please be type two? And they were like, No, probably not. What about

Scott Benner 06:38 your nursing background in your life made you wish you had type two, not type one. I

Carolina 06:42 was a camp nurse back in nursing school for a summer, and the type one kids were maybe needy is the wrong word, but like, they needed so much care, that was, like the closest experience I had to type one. So I just remember, like, having to wait, anytime we had a kid who had type one, we'd have to take turns, like waking up go prick their fingers overnight. I didn't know about CGM and all that stuff, because none of those kids. I don't know if it was a coincidence. It wasn't that long ago, but nobody had anything like that. So I was just like, oh my god, I'm gonna have to prick myself all night for the rest of my life and give these shots. And it just sounded so overwhelming. And I was like, with type two. I was like, I can fix my diet. Eat less of those Doritos that we just talked about, which, you know, now I know a lot more, a lot more than that, but at the time, that's how I saw it. And I was like, I can, I can go on more walks. I can, I can eat more salads. Like, I can do something, whereas with type one, I knew there wasn't really anything I could do to, you know, prevent or reverse, yeah.

Scott Benner 07:37 So it felt like two fold, like, this is like genetic somehow, I'm not getting rid of this. And functionally, there's a lot of work here, yes, and it's not going to end. It's always going to be this thing. I watched those kids, it felt like a struggle for them. Now I'm going to struggle that whole thing. Yes. Okay, exactly. Now, when you ask the lovely people in the emergency department to change over the kind of diabetes you had. Did anyone pull out a magic wand to try to help you? No, they were just, what a bunch of assholes. Why wouldn't they just help also, I have to get past this in my mind, or I'm never going to. I thought for sure that your name was going to have some weird pronunciation that didn't match its spelling. No, yeah, but it doesn't your Carolina doesn't,

Carolina 08:22 yeah. I mean, some people say Carolina, and I answer to that too, but I usually go by Carolina, but your parents

Scott Benner 08:28 were like, That's Carolina. My parents are Polish. Oh, is that why it starts with a K? I'm just kidding. Yes. No, go ahead. What do they say? Yeah,

Carolina 08:38 no, they say, you know, like Carolina, that's how you say it in Polish.

Scott Benner 08:41 Oh, okay, so it's not your parents being like, I just love the south on the East Coast, and I wanted to name my kid after. It's a name that's not, it's not an American name,

Carolina 08:50 correct? It's a super popular Polish name. If you, if you go to Poland, you'll meet Carolinas on like, every corner, oh, oh,

Scott Benner 08:57 it's the Smith of of Poland. Yeah. Gotcha look at us getting through all this. When they say it to you, what does it sound like? Catalina, Oh, lovely. You don't have a an accent of any kind, though. I don't I was born here. I was born in the States. Gotcha. Do you speak Polish? Is polish a language? Uh, oh, oh,

Carolina 09:15 wait a minute, polish it is language, okay, yes, yeah. Poland is a country. No, no. I mean,

Scott Benner 09:21 I know it's a country, but I don't know if they like, like, you're not like Carolina, that wasn't nice. I mean, I don't know everything. I'm just trying to find out. Okay, all right. So here we are, emergency department. I've got type one diabetes. Your parents are around, right? Because you did you do it while you were visiting, or did you wait till you went home to look into it. Yeah.

Carolina 09:42 So I live in Chicago. My parents live in the suburbs. I'm married at this point at 27 so, yeah, I got married at 24 Okay, which sounds young now, but back then,

Scott Benner 09:52 did it feel young? Uh, oh, I can feel I like you Carolina. I feel like we're gonna be all over the place today. Did it feel young when you were getting married? Or were you like? No, I'm so. Ready for this?

Carolina 10:00 No, I was so ready. Yeah, I always say I forever feel 24 because that's when I got married. Nothing really changed after that. So,

Scott Benner 10:07 yeah, so now when you look back, you're like, Oh my God, why didn't somebody stop me? Or are you, like, happy with it? I'm happy with it. He's the best. He's the best. He's not the best. Yeah, stop it. He's the best. He's one of the best. I guess, if I'm the best, how can he be the best, true,

Carolina 10:21 I said one of the best. Yeah, I see what you're

Scott Benner 10:24 saying. So me and him basically. Okay, yeah. So what are you telling me? He's got a decent job and he's not an idiot, right? Yes,

Carolina 10:31 and yeah, can't imagine, you know, even going through DKA and everything you know, without him. So

Scott Benner 10:37 let's talk more about that. Then you were in DK before you went to the emergency department, and how do you manage all that like, what? What's that run up like? What it's like after you get the diagnosis? You've probably heard me talk about us Med and how simple it is to reorder with us med using their email system. But did you know that if you don't see the email and you're set up for this, you have to set it up. They don't just randomly call you, but I'm set up to be called if I don't respond to the email, because I don't trust myself 100% so one time I didn't respond to the email, and the phone rings the house. It's like, ring. You know how it works. And I picked it up. I was like, hello, and it was just the recording was like, US med doesn't actually sound like that, but you know what I'm saying. It said, Hey, you're I don't remember exactly what it says, but it's basically like, Hey, your order's ready. You want us to send it, push this button if you want us to send it, or if you'd like to wait. I think it lets you put it off, like a couple of weeks, or push this button for that. That's pretty much it. I push the button to send it, and a few days later, box right at my door. That's it. US, med.com/juice, box. Or call 888-721-1514, get your free benefit. Benefits checked now and get started with us. Med, Dexcom, Omnipod, tandem, freestyle, they've got all your favorites, even that new islet pump. Check them out now at us, med.com/juice, box, or by calling 888-721-1514, there are links in the show notes of your podcast player and links at Juicebox podcast.com to us, med and all the sponsors. The contour next gen blood glucose meter is sponsoring this episode of The Juicebox Podcast, and it's entirely possible that it is less expensive in cash then you're paying right now for your meter through your insurance company. That's right. If you go to my link, contour next.com/juicebox, you're going to find links to Walmart, Amazon, Walgreens, CVS, Rite, aid, Kroger and Meyer. You could be paying more right now through your insurance for your test strips in meter, then you would pay through my link for the contour next gen and contour next test strips in cash. What am I saying? My link may be cheaper out of your pocket than you're paying right now, even with your insurance, and I don't know what meter you have right now. I can't say that, but what I can say for sure is that the contour next gen meter is accurate. It is reliable, and it is the meter that we've been using for years. Contour next.com/juice box. And if you already have a contour meter and you're buying test strips, doing so through the Juicebox Podcast link will help to support the show. Yeah.

Carolina 13:21 So before I thought they were going to tell me, I have cancer, as I had mentioned before, I was like, maybe it's stomach cancer. That's why I'm vomiting. And so that diagnosis came as a shock, so I'm still in shock. It's 2021 so it's still COVID ish, so they're not letting him spend the night or anything like that, which was really, really hard that first night. I think I cried like the whole night, the poor, like, CNAs coming in to prick my finger were like, Oh, honey, it's gonna be okay. I'm just like, it's not gonna be okay. So we made it through. And then, rather than, like those moments, the hardest part for me was about six months after, I never considered myself to be someone who had like, anxiety or depression. And six months later, I was, like, deep in a hole. I think the first few months, I was just like, Okay, I'm gonna carb count perfectly, and I'm gonna do everything that I'm supposed to do, and I'm gonna be the best diabetic on the planet, and it's gonna be great. You know, I'm carb counting, I'm trying to work out. I'm like, up, I'm down, I'm 40, I'm 250 like, nothing's making any sense. And few months later, I was like, Okay, I'm trying so, so hard, and it's it's not working. And so that's when I kind of Yeah. At some point, I was like, I don't think I want to live anymore. And having those thoughts really freaked me out, so I found a therapist. Like, right away, I was like, I I have the tools. I have so much insulin on hand. Like, I don't want to go deeper down this hole. I don't like myself like this. Like, that's not me. But I was in that place, and that was really, really hard. So you know, for my husband to be there for me through all of that, I. And, you know, just support me and be like, Okay, what do you need? You know, try to lighten the mood when I was upset, and then at the same time, not like, you know, when I'm having a hard time just, just really being there for me. Was like, you know, that's what marriage is, right? So it was, it was so important. And at some point I was like, we're not even ever going to have kids, because what if I pass this down to them, and he just let me process how I needed to process, didn't try to talk me out of anything or or pressure me in any way. Have you

Scott Benner 15:29 ever wondered if he was just sitting there quietly thinking, like, how long do I have to wait before I leave her? I hope not. I'm sure he wasn't. Probably, he's like, Oh, no, no. You're like, Oh, look how understanding he's being in his mind. He's like, so there's how much money in the bank account. No, no, that's lovely. That's it's really awesome. So how long did you, you know, how long did you have, like, your head, like, a whole moment, oh, look at me, Nine Inch Nails. Is that what I just did? Had, like, a whole black as you're Yeah, oh, I'd rather die than give you control. Is that how you felt? Yeah, I wonder what this song's about. Do you think Trent Reznor wrote this about you, like perhaps, but 20 years ago. I mean, how old is this? Do you even know this song? No, Holy Christ. You're young. You don't know head like a hole from Nine Inch Nails. No,

Carolina 16:23 all right, I don't my parents were foreign, so sometimes I don't know things that other people know. So are they not still?

Scott Benner 16:33 So now I can't play a song on here, so I'm gonna leave it to you to listen to. Do you what kind of music do you like? Oh, like country. Oh, you're not gonna like this song at all. Okay, I still listen to it. All right. Try it once head like a hole by Nine Inch Nails. Okay, all right. So obviously we can't go down that road or that hole, because you don't know what we're talking about. So your your boy is being very like supportive, which is awesome. You are not that far into being married, right? Like two years maybe, right? And you're, you're doing the whole thing. Everything's wrong, everything's nothing's gonna work out the way I want it to. I'm trying my hardest. All it's doing is returning, like, horrible results. And how do you get you go to a therapist? Is that? Right? What's the therapist tell you? That's helpful.

Carolina 17:20 She had type one, oh, which that was enough for me. I realized I really needed community, and I didn't have that at the time. I needed someone who understood without me having to explain, you know, the the mental toll of every day of type one, right? And so she gave me the phone number of someone she thought I would hit it off with, and I met up with this girl, and she was my first friend with diabetes, and that I feel like more than anything, more than the therapy, more than anything, that really started to turn it around for me. Wow, and I just really needed that community. Is that

Scott Benner 17:57 legal? By the way, I don't care, because it worked out really well for you. But are you? Isn't that a HIPAA violation? She asked, I suppose. Oh, okay. Oh, that makes sense. Yes, I see, I see she didn't just go like, Hey, check this girl out. Yeah, no, here's her Instagram handle, just like stalker. Till you can find her, it'll be great. Okay, I see she worked it out like a professional, yeah? So she gave you a friend. Is that right? That is right, huh? Say, Listen, I'm I, I'm not super surprised by that. Like, I watch it happen in my Facebook group constantly. So as a matter of fact, one of the things that I I'm saddest about that I have to say things on Facebook like, please don't DM each other like, you know, like, if you have an answer, put it here. Because, you know, for every great person who wants to help somebody, there's like, one Nick in there that's trying to take advantage of people, and so in order to try to stop everybody from being taken advantage of, sometimes you end up blocking what I think could be some of the best aspects of it. Yeah, now I imagine people do it on the slide behind my back, and I act like, I don't know that's happening, because almost like, when people are like, I have pumps that I want to give to somebody, and I'm like, oh, you can't give away medical stuff, but I sometimes wait an hour before I say it, you know what? I mean, yeah? But that's awesome. Like, she just gave you a buddy, yeah? Tell me what that did for both of you,

Carolina 19:13 yeah, for both of us. I mean, we still talk all the time. She ended up coming to my baby shower like we are legit friends, yeah, having her was amazing. We we built Iaps together. We had a little I back before it was, what is it now trio, when it was Iaps, we had a little IPS building party. We could just text each other like, you know, a screenshot of our Dexcom graph, and be like, today sucks. And just having that more than more than my husband, more than my mom, more than people who were like, yes, that sucks, but I don't understand. I don't know that was just so important for me, just to have that understanding without me having to explain. And since then, I hope you don't kick me out of your Facebook group. I met two other people on Facebook through your Facebook group. One. One of them lives a few blocks away from me, so we hang out, and I met another girl, and we have not met in person, but I'm going to her wedding next year, and so I just feel like having diabetes as a foundation to a friendship for me has just been, I don't know, I've made such great friends that it's like, unbelievable. Carolina.

Scott Benner 20:18 Me too. Listen. Would you believe that the first time I met Jenny, I had probably had hundreds of hours of conversations with her before we met in person? Oh, really, yeah, and no, Jenny and I did not like face to face meet for God, five years of knowing each other, I just met Erica last, like, two months ago. Oh, wow, yeah, I had no idea, for the first time in person, and it's such a strange thing. And I told her ahead of time. I was like, listen, Eric, it's gonna be weird. She's like, Yeah. And I was like, she's like, No, it won't I'm like, It's gonna be weird. I'm like, because we feel like we know each other, and then you're gonna get there, and there's gonna be this physical aspect of it that didn't exist before. But two days later, she and I at the end of, like, a long weekend where we were both exhausted from all the talking we did. We sat and had a dinner at the end of the night, and I felt like I was talking to somebody I'd known for years, because I was, you know, yeah, the internet for all the things that it does that, you know, I'm not always thrilled about it really does, right? It makes the pond, smaller so you can find your fish. That's pretty much it, you know, it's awesome. So look at how you, kind of like, low key slipped in that you made a baby. Yes, I did. How old were you when you did that?

Carolina 21:32 Well, I was 29 was born five months ago, just a little baby, still,

Scott Benner 21:38 holy shit, is this it Carolina? Is the baby's name, Scott. Is that? Why you're here? Come on, is it? Oh, my God, it's, I knew that was gonna come up, but it's not. It's not, did you even think of it for a second? We didn't, but

Carolina 21:50 we have a valid reason. It's a

Scott Benner 21:53 terrible name, but what else was the reason?

Carolina 21:56 No, so my husband's from Italy, so we wanted an Italian name. Oh

Scott Benner 21:59 well, I'm adopted, and I went to 23andme and I'm mostly Italian, so apparently Scott is an Italian name, and you messed now, we know, no, it's too late now, isn't it? I mean, are you gonna make another

Carolina 22:11 baby? Oof, not right now? Oh, I don't think so.

Scott Benner 22:19 I have kids. I know what you meant. I'm gonna get back to the making the baby part with diabetes. But before I do these words from Chief o kypo pen, no, I'm just kidding. It's actually like, are those lies? Can you imagine if I start doing live ads? Chief o kypo Pen is actually, God bless chief oak. They don't make me re record those. I don't even remember what that one says. I recorded it years ago. I could do some of the other ones off the top of my head, though, so I don't know. I just cracked myself up. Now, I gotta give me a second. Also, I have a day in front of me. So, I mean, election was last night. I think it was up to, like, three in the morning, and I'm recording with you, and then I'm recording two more times today. And the truth is, all I really want out of today, besides doing good recordings for you all listening, is I want to go to the grocery store and buy like, a half a pound of shrimp and steam it for my dinner. And I think I'm not going to be able to accomplish that, and it's pissing me

Carolina 23:17 off. Love, sucks. Can you order it? Can it be delivered?

Scott Benner 23:19 I'm old and I don't let people bring me groceries in their car. Oh yeah, I think you're all gonna live to regret that one day. I don't know how it's gonna happen. I just think one day, collectively, society's gonna stand up and go, Hey, do you remember back when we let strangers drive us around in a Corolla. Why did we do that? I don't know. Maybe not. Then again, I the cars are going to drive themselves. It's not going to matter. You're not even have time to think back on it. So whatever. Yeah. Anyway, this is not the point. The point is this, you got diabetes. It sucked. You got sad. You dug your way out of it through what it sounds like a really supportive young guy who was nice enough to not leave you when he found also, by the way, I don't think there's any reason he should have but do you know how many stories I've heard of people who did,

Carolina 24:11 yeah. I mean, I was telling him to leave me. So tell me more. There was that, yeah. I was like, you know, this sucks. I'm gonna have this forever. It's super expensive. We have to max out our health plan every year. I was like, we're not going to have a baby because that baby's going to get diabetes, so that's out the window. I was like, we're young. I was like, Go find someone young, healthy and leave me here. And he just ignored me. But yeah,

Scott Benner 24:38 he just ignored me. He's like, by the way, that's how I got my wife to marry me. She's like, I don't really like you. I'm like, I'm just gonna stay. I think you do. I think it's gonna be fine, don't worry. But by the way, see, that would have been a funny thing to say 20 years ago, but now everybody will get upset about it. But yeah, I just outlasted her. That's all I did.

Carolina 24:59 I. First it worked. You guys are still together, right? So, oh yeah, and

Scott Benner 25:03 we're generally happy, right? It's generally the right word, I think so mostly it might be better when you've been married for 30 years. Yeah, that's crazy. How old will you be when you're married for 30 years? I guess I'll be 54 ah, I'm 53 Oh, exactly I did the same made the same mistake you did. It's your husband your age. Uh, he's two years older. They're always older, right? Because you can't find boys your own age that are not nut next Am I right? Where's nut next coming from? What am I Yiddish? All of a sudden, it's hard to find boys that aren't idiots when you're younger, right? Yes, yeah. That's why I found one. And then we you're like, Oh, this is good enough. Let's go, yeah. Oh, I like you talking like a boy. Go ahead, say it again. I locked that up, Scott, that's what I did. How did you start your management off? It's not that long ago, right? So how long until you find CGM? And is that something you found through your buddy or on your own?

Carolina 26:05 Yeah. So I actually got to CGM super early, so I was in the hospital, and you know how they like listen to you. So I was literally getting ads for Dexcom, like the next day after I got diagnosed.

Scott Benner 26:17 Oh yeah, your Siri knew you had diabetes, yeah.

Carolina 26:20 Literally, Instagram started showing me like Nick Jonas Dexcom, I don't remember what else, but all sorts of stuff. So

Scott Benner 26:27 all you're making me think is that I know somebody at Dexcom in marketing. Why don't I ask them how they did that? So that when people get diabetes, they get my podcast on Instagram?

Carolina 26:36 Yeah, you should. They did a good job. So Okay, all

Scott Benner 26:41 right, I'll figure that out on my own, by the way, right now, there's people out there like, do not do that, you idiot. I can't afford it. Obviously, I think Dexcom has a couple more dollars than I do. I almost said shekels. I am Yiddish today. By the way, Yiddish is not a person Jewish speaking Yiddish. This is not my point. Okay, so you're on what is wrong? Oh, I'm tired. Is that? What's happening that will never up till three, yeah, that could be it. Never mind. You get your ads. What happens? Yeah,

Carolina 27:05 so I get discharged from the hospital with nothing, I mean, a long acting, pen and short acting. I get the Dexcom, like a couple days later because somebody had sent in a prescription for me. And so I have a virtual meeting with an endo. I think they were like, a PA, do you feel like you can? She's like, you're a nurse. She's like, it's easy to put on. Like, do you think you can just figure this out? Or do you want to come in for a class? And I was like, I want to put this on as soon as I can. Just the like, four days of pricking my finger, that was enough for me. I was like, I'm either 40 or, like, 300 and I don't understand, I need something more. So she was like, okay, then just put it on and see you later. And so I put it on, and kind of from that moment on, I was like, Oh my God, no one's really gonna help me. I'm gonna have to figure this out on my own. And so I tried. I actually got, I don't know if it was an ad, but somebody on Instagram posted about your podcast. About your podcast, probably within that first week. And this is going to sound so bad, but the name threw me off. It made me think it was for kids or something, even though she was an adult who was diagnosed at like 30, and she was like, go listen to this podcast. It's the best. And I was like, that sounds like a child podcast. It's not for me. So it took me a while to actually listen to it, but the first episode I listened to was bold with insulin, maybe a month or so after being diagnosed, and I was like, Oh, my God, I need a pump. And then I did not want a tube, pump. And back in 2021 there was no algorithm except loop for the Omnipod. So, I mean, within like, a month or two of diagnosis, I was like, I need to loop. And I don't really know what that means, and I don't really know how I'm going to do this, but that is what I want. Okay, and so I had to fight with my underdog office to get the arrows pods. They really wanted me on Dash. And again, in 2021 you couldn't dash. Wasn't ready. Finally got my arrows pods that took forever, and so I started looping in, like, maybe, like, four months, four or five months after diagnosis. So I wasn't on pens very long. And so I never really figured out pens. I hope I never have to go back to them, but if I do, I guess I know how to, like, survive, but I did not have good management. And then all of a sudden, my my agency dropped. It was I was 11.7 at diagnosis, dropped to 6.8 and then after that, I've been in the fives. Oh, good for you. So that's awesome. It's been, I think, a combination of loop trio, Iaps and obviously your podcast, learning how to manage insulin. It's not

Scott Benner 29:41 lost on me that I wore you down too. You're like, Juicebox, nah, go off, and then you're like, woke up. Like, sometime later you're like, man, where's that podcast? This ain't going well, by the way. I imagine that's how it goes. For a lot of people, to be perfectly honest, do you know what I mean? Like, I see the barriers to entry, like I have type one diabetes. I'm an adult. I'm gonna go to listen to a guy who doesn't have type one diabetes talking about how he took care of his daughter with type one diabetes. Like, that doesn't sound like that's me. That sounds like it's them, until you listen, and then don't let me put the words in your mouth when you listen to the podcast, you realized what? Yeah,

Carolina 30:22 well, one, I was starting to get that community that I realized later that I really needed. So listening to the stories, especially the ones of people diagnosed as adults, was kind of my only like tangible connection to someone with type one at that point. So that was so helpful to me, and then the management, because I knew what I wanted. I wanted good control. And I got really lucky that when I was in the hospital, you know, we met with some of the doctors, and there was a fellow there, and my husband asked her, like, what can we expect in the future? Like, in terms of blood sugars, what is this going to look like for us in real life, and she just, like, off handedly, was like, Oh, I imagine, like, she's gonna have, you know, pretty normal blood sugars, like, once everything is, you know, stabilized and she gets the hang of it. And so that's what I had in my head, that like, I'm going to have stable blood sugars, but I couldn't figure out how. And so when I started listening to the management episodes, I was like, Oh, this is exactly what I was told was going to happen. But nobody, at the end, though, is able to give me any tools to, like, make this happen. So it just gave me everything I was kind of searching for, I guess. Well,

Scott Benner 31:32 good, just what I wanted, honestly, get. You know what I mean, like, I'm thrilled that it worked that way for you, genuinely, genuinely happy. You get your tech very quickly, you're motivated by not wanting to poke your finger CGM. You hear about, like, more stable blood sugars. You think, I need more control over my insulin pump. You go right to Omnipod because you don't want tubes. And then the algorithm is a leap. But why was it not a leap? Who in your life is tech savvy enough that you were like, Oh, I could do that. Is it you? I guess it's me. Yeah, cool. So you were, you're not put off by any of that. No, here,

Carolina 32:06 well, here's where I'm gonna sound, you know, dumb because I was a nurse. I was in healthcare. I'm a pediatric nurse at that. I thought that's how pumps worked, that they read your blood sugar number and responded to it. So when I got diagnosed and I found out that that's not how most pumps back at that time worked. I think it was just tandem, maybe, oh, and Medtronic. But I found out very quickly to not get Medtronic. So I, you know, didn't consider that one. And so I was like, shocked that that was not how it was. So when I found out you could do it yourself, I was like, Oh, well, perfect. This solves all my problems.

Scott Benner 32:42 That's awesome. So it was your expectation that led you to desire that stuff. You're like, this is how it should work,

Unknown Speaker 32:48 yeah,

Scott Benner 32:52 ignorance is bliss, yeah, yeah, and so, oh, that's awesome. Also, it should be noted that before we started recording, I joked with you, like, how quickly you, like, fixed your technical problem, versus people who are, like, 10 years older than you, who fumble around when it happens. Oh, that's right, yeah, and get pressured, and they're like, oh, I don't know what to do, and I like all that, but you were just like, okay, click, click, click, and it was like, oh, Bucha fixed that very quickly. So just generationally, you're not put off by technology either.

Carolina 33:19 Yeah, that's probably what it is.

Scott Benner 33:21 Yeah, no, that's that's really great. Let's see I'm looking at we skipped over that you ended up on antidepressants when you weren't feeling your best. Did that something that you kept doing? Or has that stopped? How are you managing that

Carolina 33:35 I am still on that I'm nervous to get off of it, because I hated how I felt like I didn't feel like myself, and I had all those thoughts and so I would be, I've been nervous to get off of it, especially, you know, considering that I was pregnant and now I have a little baby, I was like, it's probably not the best time to go off of it. So I'm hoping in the future, I'm just on, like, one low dose once a day to get off of it, but I feel like myself, and so I'm okay with it right next. I mean,

Scott Benner 34:06 listen, I think what works is what's right usually. So it's a thought in your head though, like you're like, one day in the future, I might like, wean myself from this and see what happens. Yeah, has your doctor talked to you about

Carolina 34:18 it? Whenever I get my refills, she's just like, do you want to try? Do you want refills? And I'm always like, I want to refill. And she's like, Okay, see you in six months, or

Scott Benner 34:28 whatever. Gotcha. I'm glad it's working for you. Yeah. How was it being pregnant with type one, it

Carolina 34:33 wasn't that bad, which I would never expect to say on the other side, I thought it was going to be it sounded so scary, but now going through it, I'm like, Okay, that wasn't really that bad. I will say I did a lot of work in the front end to get a team that I thought would help me have the pregnancy that I imagined. I think I went through like three undoes before I finally found one who would support me. Looping during pregnancy. That was a challenge. I had an endo who was supportive of loop, but literally, was like, the second you're pregnant, you have to go off of it. And I was like, What happens if I don't go off of it? And she's like, well, we you won't be compliant. We could hold your refills. I was like, That sounds terrible. Don't know if they actually would. But I was like, this is not the endo office for me. Hey, you're no

Scott Benner 35:20 fun. We're gonna find something. Did you say to her? I'm gonna be leaving? No,

Carolina 35:24 I went back a second time because I felt like I was so thrown off in that conversation. Because she was supportive of loop. I didn't expect it at all. So I went back for one more visit, hoping to have kind of an adult conversation about it, advocate for myself and it literally, she just like, said no. And I was like, you can't say no. You don't control what I do outside of here. So then after that, I left good for you. I went somewhere else that didn't work out either. And then I finally found a third Endo, and she was wonderful. And same with, you know, finding an OB GYN, I really did not want to be induced early, simply because I have diabetes. I know that happens a lot, just for me. I was like, I want to go to at least week 40 before we talk about induction, assuming the Baby and I are healthy. And so I finally found an OB who was on board with that. She was like, That's reasonable. She's like, you will have like, extra monitoring. But she basically said, like, even if we schedule an induction, she's like, we don't show up to your house, like, so if you don't show up, like, you know, not much

Scott Benner 36:30 we can do.

Carolina 36:31 And I was like, Wow, I like you.

Scott Benner 36:33 You're like, I just want this baby to be like, medium well before it comes out exactly. Yeah, I don't want it to come out too rare. And I don't want it to be tough, you know what? I mean, like, excellent. But what'd you end up doing? I

Carolina 36:46 ended up going into labor at 39 and actually exactly at 39 on my own, nice. So I'm glad that I did not agree to be induced at, you know, 37 or 38

Scott Benner 36:56 and maybe a good size. Were they happy with the size? Yeah, he was seven pounds. He come out the, the natural way. Or did he? Did you make a little pocket and take him out through

Carolina 37:06 that? I love that. Um, he came out the, the natural way.

Scott Benner 37:10 Gotcha, yeah? Something that is another reason you don't want to have another baby, right?

Carolina 37:15 Yes, no, we're good.

Scott Benner 37:22 But yeah, you keep listening. You can be the academic as you want and understand everything, but as it's happening, you're like, what the is going on?

Carolina 37:32 I know my husband was like, if somebody offered me a million dollars to do that again, I would not do that.

Scott Benner 37:38 It's like, whoa. The fun part turned into the weird part. What's going on? Yeah,

Carolina 37:43 and I was like, you, you're just, you were just there. You didn't do anything. Well, what

Scott Benner 37:49 does that tell you? He's like, I wouldn't go through this again, and nothing happened to me. Yeah, it's off putting. I'm just gonna say beautiful, Miracle life, etc, and so on. But what the hell am I right?

Carolina 38:03 Yeah, no, it's people

Scott Benner 38:07 ask me, How do you know there's not a god, I'm like, if there was, there'd be a zipper on the side of a lady, and that's where the baby would come out from. I mean, duh, oh my gosh. Like, right? Zip here. Zip done. I mean, if we're engineering this thing, why go with that? Yeah, no. Seriously, nice. Also, why doesn't P come out of the tip of your pinky? How great would that be if you just walked over to something you're like, convenient. I'm making a lot of sense. I'm just saying, if this is on purpose, maybe they could have thought it over for another week or two. Yeah, before me getting sick meant boogers getting in my nose. Like, I mean, was there not another way? True? You know what I'm saying. I do. Where are you from? What part of the country did you say Chicago? Chicago? All right, okay, it's the worst.

Carolina 38:54 Boogers the worst. No,

Scott Benner 38:55 boogers are the worst. Oh, oh, yes, oh, we can definitely call the episode boogers are the worst, can't we?

Carolina 39:02 People might not listen to it. Oh no,

Scott Benner 39:04 them, they'll listen i I've set my expectations up in a way where they're like, it doesn't matter what it's called. You know, can I loop back around to the thing I wasn't sure if I was gonna say or not. Yeah, okay. Is part of my charm, and this is me leading you by saying I'm charming, because you might not find that I am, but is part of why you like the podcast. That's not the question. Once you were like, Okay, I'm going to listen to a podcast, and it's going to be from the dad of a guy of a girl who has diabetes, right? And then there's this expectation, right? That it's a parent, I'm going to be like, all high voice, then like, oh my god, everything's great, or everything's terrible, or like that. But like, when you jumped on and you're like, This is just a person talking to me, like, I would listen to this podcast if it wasn't about diabetes. Did that happen to you first of all? And if so, was it surprising? Or am I making this up and I'm wrong? Like, I just, I feel like people must jump on here and be. Like, well, this is not what I expected.

Carolina 40:01 It was not what I expected. Okay, but I will say the first episodes I listened to were, it was definitely bold with insulin. And then, like, some management episodes, because back then, you didn't have all your lovely helpers on the Facebook group, and so somebody just randomly posted, like, if you're newly diagnosed, try out these episodes. And it was like a picture of, like, a note card with, like, handwritten right? Episodes, yeah. And so that's the list I went off of, because you had so many at the time. Now you have even more. But we had so many, there's

Scott Benner 40:29 gonna be more. Hold, hold, tight. Carolina, we're making a podcast here. There's gonna be like, 1000 more by the time you look up again. But go ahead.

Carolina 40:36 So I feel like I wanted the management and I wanted the diabetes, so I didn't even think about the fact that I would probably listen if it wasn't about diabetes, because I was searching for diabetes.

Scott Benner 40:45 So is that unfair of me? Like, or in hindsight, if, if I started making a podcast about something else and it wasn't like something that you hated, do you think you'd listen?

Carolina 40:55 I don't listen to podcasts except yours, so I'm probably a bad person to ask this question.

Scott Benner 40:58 Too interesting, but you do listen to mine like a podcast though, like you like, Oh, someone's here to talk about they used math. I'll listen to that. Like you do listen to it. Like, oh, yeah, I drew you in. Yeah, it's exactly how I tricked my wife. This is awesome. I'm glad to know it works in other forms of life. It just occurs to me that, I mean, if you said to me, I'm gonna listen to something that's made by the parent of a child with a chronic illness. I would not expect for someone at 30 minutes into a conversation to refer to childbirth as you turned the fun part into the weird part, yeah. And I think that's why people like the podcast,

Carolina 41:36 oh yeah. And that's why you keep listening. Because in the beginning, I was looking for the management I was looking for the diabetes, like I really needed that,

Scott Benner 41:44 but you wanted to get in and get out. Was, yeah, yeah. I would have stopped

Carolina 41:48 listening. But now it's, it's entertaining. It's nice to hear about people's different walks of life. And yeah, the conversations are casual or entertaining. They're they go all over the place. I never know. Like, when I click on an episode, I'm like, oh, what's gonna happen in this one, you know? So, yeah,

Scott Benner 42:03 podcast, I'm just following my heart. Seriously, I'm doing something later today. I'm recording with ever since, actually, I'm gonna, I'm gonna record about the ever since 365 that came out. So the new implant, the implantable CGM now lasts a year, and so I'm having somebody on from the company to talk about it, and the person who sets it up is, like, very cool with how I am, which is awesome, because some companies will be like, well, what are you gonna ask and what are you gonna talk about? And what do you I'm like, Oh, I don't know. And I think that, like, they think that's like, a facade, like, like, because the podcast does run very well, right? And it is popular. So I think they must think that, like, behind the scenes, I'm like, all Machiavelli, and I'm like, today I'll talk about this, and tomorrow I don't like, I swear to you, like, a week from now, there's gonna be an after dark episode on a Friday and then another one on a Monday. I didn't do that. I just was like, actually, when I found that, that's how I set it up, I was like, What the hell did I do that was dumb, like, so I'm not planning anything. I really don't know what we're going to talk about. I don't look at your notes before we start talking. You don't, no, I don't look at the note that you sent until, like, we're into the conversation.

Carolina 43:13 Oh, okay. I was like, Wait, why did we fill that out? No, no, you filled it out because,

Scott Benner 43:17 like, also, I want to make sure you're a real person and stuff like that. Also, honestly, it's your relationship with diabetes. Have you been on a podcast in the last six months about because another pipe on pot, because I wouldn't want you to come like, I'm not looking to like, regurgitate some conversation that somebody already had. So and then, what are some common themes you want to talk about? Is basically, once we start talking. My assumption is you have things in your heart you want to get out, and I don't want to, like, steamroll you and miss them. And as you're seeing today, I could easily be a little sleepy and then go off on a tangent, and then you don't get to tell me your story, and other people will enjoy it when they listen. But you, I don't want you to get short changed. If that makes sense, makes sense, having the baby with loop, not so bad. Yeah,

Carolina 44:07 I was on Iaps IPs for my pregnancy, not so yes, it really wasn't that bad. I mean, I had an easier time managing my blood sugars when I was pregnant than I do now. Postpartum. I know that's not always the case for everyone, but that's how I personally found it postpartum. I'm almost five months out, and I still, I think I'm having like, the worst blood sugars I've had since, since I figured out what I was doing. Okay,

Scott Benner 44:30 so are you breastfeeding? Is that part of it? Do you think?

Carolina 44:35 I think so, especially in the beginning, anytime he would eat, I would I would just crash, like, like, crash, crash, just double arrows down. So I would have to eat, like, while he's eating without taking insulin.

Scott Benner 44:47 Do you drop crumbs on him when that's happening by any chance?

Carolina 44:50 Oh, yeah, he said all sorts of things on it.

Scott Benner 44:54 Cleavage. Crumbs must be the worst. No, they're so uncomfortable. I would think, yeah. Yeah, the worst, I'm just imagine you like you're just chowing down and the stuff's like falling on the kid. You're like, Listen, I'm gonna pass out if I don't do this. Just nothing. Are you just flicking them off of him? How does it go? Exactly? I usually

Carolina 45:12 pick them off and eat them inside.

Scott Benner 45:15 Awesome. Oh, look at that big piece. What do you eat to help keep your blood sugar up while you're breastfeeding? It

Carolina 45:22 was like, breastfeeding? It was like bars for the most part. You know, Lara bars, Kind bars, whatever I could get my hands on. It wasn't usually like fast acting, maybe a little bit of fast acting, but I tried to circumvent by something that would keep me a little more stable. Yeah.

Scott Benner 45:36 So breastfeeding with type one sort of like going for a run. You just got a car blown in the beginning and put something in there. It's not going to digest very quickly. You didn't need it in there to hold you up for a while. How long is the impact after the breastfeeding?

Carolina 45:48 That part of my life is such a blur because it's gotten better, like, I'm definitely more stable now than I was, you know, the first month postpartum. I just remember my husband waking me up all the time, and he'd be like, sorry, but like, you're you're 35 you're low. I was constantly low, right? Don't die. I

Scott Benner 46:05 don't want to take care of this baby by myself. Yeah, Jesus, I should have left her. She said you can leave. And where was I? So it sounds like very hormonal. So you didn't have as many hormonal impacts during the pregnancy as you did in the weeks after it.

Carolina 46:20 Yeah, I never, you know, I feel like I hear, you know, I joined on some, like, Facebook groups and type one in pregnancy. And, you know, I read a lot. I read Jenny's book. And so I know some people are, like, on a one to one by the end of pregnancy. And I was terrified because some of sometimes, some parts of the damn like, one to five. So I have, like, a relatively stronger, you know, carb ratio. So I was terrified. I'm like, Oh my gosh, I'm gonna end up on u2 100. This is gonna be crazy, but I never got there, okay, like, I think one to four was, like, my strongest carb ratio during pregnancy. Are

Scott Benner 46:54 your blood sugars after pregnancy more like before or no, they're different.

Carolina 46:59 They're different. I just feel like I'm having a harder time timing my insulin than I used to, and I can't figure that out. So things that I used to have, I'd be like, Okay, I need I enter this many carbs, this much fat, this much protein. I Pre Bolus 15 minutes, 10 minutes, whatever it is, you know, I had these meals figured out. I cannot figure them out.

Scott Benner 47:19 Are you? I'm sorry to ask like, this, is your weight different than it was before you got pregnant?

Carolina 47:23 No, I'm basically back to my pre, pre pregnancy. Oh, show

Scott Benner 47:27 off. Wait, I mean, that's nice. Good. Good for you. That's excellent. So I was just wondering if, like, your your ratios were off and because of that. But that's not the case. So, yeah, do you think it's hormonal? I think

Carolina 47:40 it might be, you know, I still have not gotten my period back since having the baby, so I assume there's some hormone somewhere in my body doing something. And, like I said, the timing of it. So I don't know if my digestion is different, or maybe that's related to milk production. I don't know, but, yeah, the timing, I think it's the timing rather than the amount, okay, but I can't seem to figure

Scott Benner 48:02 it out. Yeah, and, but you think it's normalizing slowly as time passes. It does

Carolina 48:06 feel that way. Okay. Now my nights, most of the nights, I don't get Dexcom alerts for a long time. I did, especially low ones, so that's been nice. Yeah, that's

Scott Benner 48:15 tough. Overnights are like, I mean, plus the baby, right? How old does he even sleep at this point. Yeah,

Carolina 48:21 he did till he turned four months, and now we have a fun four month regression. Oh,

Scott Benner 48:26 it's going backwards. Yeah, hey, buddy, go to sleep. Go to sleep. I'm losing my mind like that. Or is that about where we're at now?

Carolina 48:38 Um, kind of he sleeps with me now my my husband's in the guest room. So that's where we're at. That's how we're surviving right

Scott Benner 48:47 now. Oh, no kidding, because your husband can't go to work if, if he's near the what's going on? Oh, I see why you're not having another baby. There's a lot of reasons I got you. It'll happen to you. Probably you just wake up one day and you'll be like, Hey, honey, you know we should do and he's gonna be like, go on vacation, and you're gonna go, no, no, I think we should give away all the money that we were gonna spend on that vacation and make another baby because our son needs a sibling or something ridiculous like that. That you're gonna say, My God, God bless everybody. You're all in trouble, by the way. Good luck paying for college. I just want to say that too. Oh, I know, yeah, that is probably gonna like, I mean, have you already saved a couple of million dollars? So you'll be all right if you have, I wish. No, you haven't. Oh no. Oh, my god, yeah, it's ridiculous. Arden, by the way, is like, at some point today, she's like, I just looked into baking school. And I was like, Oh, if you want to drop out of college, that'd be awesome. I support that. Yeah, I'm fully behind that. I would also write you a check for a few $1,000 to help you get on your way. What do you think of that? Like, let's get you out of here. I'm sorry. You're a nurse, and can I ask what your husband does? I. He's an engineer. Oh, oh, I didn't know this about you. Is your dad an engineer too?

Carolina 50:06 No, my dad's a construction worker,

Scott Benner 50:09 contractor. Do they think similarly the two of them? Uh, no,

Unknown Speaker 50:13 no, okay,

Scott Benner 50:17 why? How do you like being married to like an engineering mind. I

Carolina 50:20 like it. I, you know, my dad was a business owner, and so I was like, I want somebody who works a nine to five and is, I mean, you own a business. So, you know, it's, I mean,

Scott Benner 50:30 I was working last night at 930 I don't know what I was doing. I just, I'm, like, up here. I'm just, like, hammering away Kelly's like, what are you doing? I'm like, trying to make money. I mean, you wouldn't be able to be able to pay the bills, right? Like, it's a terrible feeling. So okay, you're looking for a guy who's going to be around a little more,

Carolina 50:47 yeah, except he is now a consultant, so he works, like, you know, 800 hours a week. So it did not work out for me, but I gave it my my best try. I chose

Scott Benner 50:55 poorly. Scott, Okay, what else do you want to talk about? What else is on your list here? What are you thinking about? I mean,

Carolina 51:01 I think we covered most of the things. I think I just wanted to say how helpful it was to have community definitely advocating for yourself. I feel like I see especially in the pregnancy and type one groups like, Oh, my doctor said I have to do this. And, you know, people do it. I put a lot of time and effort into picking physicians who would support the pregnancy I wanted and the birth I wanted, and I think that was worth all the effort. And so I think sometimes people just forget that you don't have to stay with that doctor just because that's the one that you live closest to. And I know I'm in Chicago, so I have a lot of doctors to choose from, but if anybody's, you know, kind of on the fence of, should I stay with this doctor? Should I not? You know, it's okay to to leave them. I think sometimes people are like, Oh, I felt bad leaving. They're so nice, but at the end of the day, like you have to look out for yourself and your family. I'm so grateful, because I think my my pregnancy would have been way more stressful and way different experience if I hadn't done all that work up front. So, yeah, I just wanted to, I guess, encourage anyone who was thinking about

Scott Benner 52:05 it. Yeah, it's awesome. Are you an only child? Yes, oh, okay, I figured it out. Nevermind I got you, I don't know where, at 24 years old, you know, 26 years that age, like, where you get the like, your first response is just like, Whoa, no, I'm going somewhere else. I was trying to figure out, like, Why did you have such, like, a clear vision of yourself and what you would be willing to accept? And that I thought, oh, probably a only child, plus immigrant parents, right? Yeah, working hard. They weren't looking to, like, right? They're not trying to repopulate the world. They're trying to get their feet under them. So it made sense to me, and you speak like you're older than you are. Oh, interesting as you're talking, if you told me you were, you know, 40, I believe that easily. So not because you sound old, but because you're sure of yourself and measured. Does that make sense? That's nice to hear. Oh, is it? Oh, good. Well, then I meant it as a compliment. It was not, I know I didn't mean in any special way, but since you took it that way, I definitely meant it. No, I mean it is a compliment, and it's um, but indicative of someone who's an only child. Yeah, that's interesting. My son's girlfriend's an only child, like she doesn't accept bullshit. It's just very simple, and I was an only child for five years, and I have a bit of that myself. I was just trying to figure out, like, the whole time you've been talking, I've been in the back of my mind thinking about, like, what makes a young, pregnant, almost newly diagnosed type one say, like, be so self assured in the face of doctors telling them something, especially because the doctor was very curt with you. Yeah. It wasn't like, hey, we can talk about it. No, it's not going to work out. It was no, if you do that, you'll be non compliant, and we'll withhold your medication, yeah. And you were like, or you, and then you left, and I was like, Oh, awesome, because a lot of people would go, Okay, well, I won't do that. Then, yeah,

Carolina 53:59 maybe some of it is because I'm a nurse, so, like, I also know that doctors are human, because I've worked with so many doctors over the years, right? So, yeah,

Scott Benner 54:07 my wife says that my wife works with a lot of medical people. She said to me one time, she goes, Oh, doctors, some of the dumbest people I know are doctors. But it's not because they're doctors. She just realized they're people. And yeah, and they can be wrong or, you know, influenced by how they feel, or things they think that, you know, might not be what you think. It's just really awesome that you were just like, No, I'm just gonna go find somebody else. I'm gonna do this. Look what you got out of it. You had what you described as not a bad pregnancy with type one, which I think is, I mean, that's like saying rainbows and sunshine. Not bad, you know what I mean, yeah, yeah. Did you ever go back to that doctor and go like, Oh, I just wanted to let you know how wrong you are. No, look at you. I wish very mature. It's awesome. And a photo, yeah, a photo of the kid with a note that just says, Hey, just wanted to let you know how wrong you were about everything. My pregnancy went great. It's very easy to manage with IEPs. I. I carried the baby just about the completely full term all by myself, in case you're wondering. And also, like, I know who you are, a little bit like, you're a tinier person, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. So like, that baby gets neck, it gets pretty big, and you were like, now I can hold it in forever. Don't you worry. You were wrong. Go away. Thank you. Carolina pronounced and then write it out phonetically. But I'm petty. So you know, I'm actually not petty, but I would have thought all those things.

Carolina 55:32 Oh, I thought a lot of things. Oh, okay, all right, cool. Yeah, it's

Scott Benner 55:35 good to know I'm not petty. Seriously, I would have laughed, but I'm older, like, if at this point, if a doctor would say something to me, I go, oh, oh, you're serious. Okay, never mind. You know, most people don't get into that situation. They get that white coat syndrome when they get in there and they're scared, and not you, though, huh? Were you in there by yourself during these conversations? Or was your husband with you? Oh, I was by myself. I like you. Okay. All right, you're allowed to be on the podcast. This is awesome. Oh, great. All right. Well, let's end strong.

Carolina 56:08 Well, I will say before we go, the one thing you didn't ask me was auto immune in my family. Oh, you're polish.

Scott Benner 56:14 I just assumed celiac. And hold on, what else did I assume? Celiac? Thyroid? Am I right

Carolina 56:23 kind of I have thyroid. I have Hashimotos. My mom has lupus. Oh,

Scott Benner 56:27 wasn't on my bingo card today, but it could have been on a different day. Go ahead.

Carolina 56:32 Yep. And then her brother, so my uncle, this is pretty recent. He was diagnosed with MS. I want to say, like a year or two ago. That sucks, yeah. Up until then, it was just my mom that we knew of, then me and now my own no celiac. I'm gluten free, but I don't know if I'm

Scott Benner 56:49 actually celiac. Oh, why are you gluten free? You trying to be trendy? Or did your belly hurt?

Carolina 56:54 Yeah, after I got my wisdom teeth removed back in high school, I got, like, super sick, and I was losing a lot of weight, and we couldn't figure out why, and so we were trying diet things, and I went gluten free, and I felt a lot better.

Scott Benner 57:08 Don't go getting tested find out Scott was right. Okay, yeah, let's just let that be a mystery.

Carolina 57:14 We decided it doesn't change anything. I will be gluten free either way. So what's the point of actually finding out? Yeah,

Scott Benner 57:21 is that part of your trouble with your blood sugars? Like, are you eating? Because I know a lot of gluten free foods can be car beer,

Carolina 57:28 maybe, but I've been gluten free the whole time. I've, you know, had type one, so I don't know it any other way. Yeah,

Scott Benner 57:33 it makes sense. Why would it matter this? Yeah, it's hormonal or something, something in there is messing with you. Yeah, get that kid to drink a diet fresca or something instead of your you know what you're making for him. And I think maybe a lot of your stuff goes back to normal. Yeah, diet fresca. Where did that come from? I don't know. Am I having

Carolina 57:53 a is there a regular Fresco? I don't actually know what fresca is. Oh, well,

Scott Benner 57:57 first of all, fresca is a terrible soda that was for sale when I was young. I don't know if it's still for sale or not. Oh, was there a diet fresca? I mean, we can look.

Carolina 58:07 I'm googling fresco right now. Damn, right here. Okay, to see what it looks like from

Scott Benner 58:11 the Coca Cola Bottling Company. Now, it's a sparkling flavored soda. Oh, so does it have carbs? Oh, it's soda. I don't think it does. If Wait, hold on a second. Oh, because you said sparkling, I see what you're saying. Hold on. I'm looking boy, anything you click on takes you to Amazon. That's Bezos guy, huh? He must be doing all right.

Carolina 58:28 Ai overview says it was introduced in 1966 and is a sugar free diet soda. Oh, it's

Scott Benner 58:35 a diet fresca. Yeah, there you go. Now we know. Now we know. Yeah, what do we know exactly? Not much. I'm laughing in my mind, thinking of you listening to head like a hole later. So, oh yeah, yeah, it's on my list. Is it really? Are you really gonna do it? Well, I have to,

Carolina 58:51 right? I feel like

Scott Benner 58:52 you and I could listen to it now at the end, but then I'd edit it out, and then afterwards, just ask you what you thought, but I don't know if you'll be able to hear it. Never mind. It seems like a lot of work. I just as I said all that, I was like, ah, that I'm not doing all maybe we gotta listen to the song. Then we gotta wait, and then you gotta tell me what you think, and the editor's gonna take out the bar over it just seemed like a lot. I was just like, Ah, never mind. We don't give a what she thinks about this,

Carolina 59:20 and I'll probably hate it. So we don't all have to listen to

Scott Benner 59:22 that. What kind of country music do you like? What's your go to right now,

Carolina 59:26 I have a baby. I just type in, like, you know, hot country hits, and then they play. Are you? I don't have a lot of time to

Scott Benner 59:34 Well, now you sound 40 for real. By the way, you're like, I let the machine Tell me. Like, so wait, like, more like jelly roll, or more like Luke Bryan,

Carolina 59:44 like Luke Bryan, Poppy country, yeah,

Scott Benner 59:47 so more like Poppy pickup truck songs, yes, all right, they're the best listen. I'm alright with. That's good, yeah. Can you imagine if I wasn't? You imagine if, right now, after all these episodes of the podcast, I just. Like, sat up on my chair, stealed my spine, and said, Listen to me. I can't believe these are the songs you're listening to. I have a lot of thoughts about this. I don't give a what you listen to, but I just wasn't sure if you were, like, where you were, like, falling your whole life. Country music, I'm

Carolina 1:00:13 not that picky. So like, whatever's on the radio, I'm usually like, Oh, this is catchy. I just like catchy things. Okay, faster music, catchy things. I'm less of like a slow listen to the words,

Scott Benner 1:00:27 would you listen to a Taylor Swift bop? Yeah. Okay, so it doesn't have to be boss. She's Do you know she started as a country artist. I do know that. Yes. Oh, finally, we found something that happened recently enough that you're aware of it. And I don't sound like I'm about to die. Why does he keep saying things I don't understand. I interviewed somebody recently and they said, Can I be honest, Scott, I don't understand a lot of your references. I like it when Arden says to me, like, like, what's a good example? She's like, you know that Dua Lipa song? And I go, what I'm like, is that a person? And she's like, Yeah, you know who it is. And I go, No, I don't. My wife will be like, you know this song? And I go, I do not know this song. And she goes, No, you've heard this before? And I'm like, No, I have not. I do not know this song. And she's, you know, like, I only hear stuff if it breaks through for like, weird social reasons, you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, if, what is that Whap song, like that. I was like, Wait, what's going on? Like, that made it to me. But do you even know what that is? I don't wait, hold on a second. This is gonna have to get bleeped out the Oh, God, I can't believe I'm gonna say this.

Carolina 1:01:36 Oh, wait, oh, wait. Don't

Scott Benner 1:01:39 make me say it. You're a young mother. You know what I'm talking about.

Carolina 1:01:41 Right now, I got it. Okay, yes. Now I know all right. Like that

Scott Benner 1:01:45 made it to me because I was like, What the hell is happening? In fairness, if you said to me right now, gun to your head, sing that song, I'd be like, I don't know how to do that. You don't even sing

Carolina 1:01:54 it either. Yeah. Well, I think, I don't know if that helps or not, but I

Scott Benner 1:01:57 think it's good. You think we could be friends, even though we're 23 years apart, I feel that way. I do too. It's awesome. That just makes me feel young. By the way, it's got nothing to do with you. I'm like, I can still hang I know I can. The minute my hair is not dark, I fear for how I'm gonna feel about myself. I feel like it's the only your hair. No, I don't, by the way, okay. No, no, I'm just saying I have nice dark hair, and I think that the minute it lightens like, if it goes to gray, I feel like it's my superpower right now, it's the only thing that allows me to, like, you know, when people say I feel like I'm 12 inside my whole life, like, I really do feel like that. But I think people do get to an age sometime where they just give up on that part. And I don't see a time where that's gonna happen for me so far, and I just think that, like, all this silliness, if I was gray, would be weird. I know that sounds super strange, but I think it would be

Carolina 1:02:49 weird. Yeah, you don't care, though, right? It'll be interesting when it happens to see how you feel.

Scott Benner 1:02:54 What's the cut off for when you go, I can no longer listen to a podcast made by a 65 year old. Like, where's the number, where you're just like, What am I doing?

Carolina 1:03:03 I don't know. I mean, as long as you keep bringing on the guests and all the Dexcom people, I feel like

Scott Benner 1:03:09 doing everyone, all right, yeah, I'm done. Okay, well, I'll tell you what. I've been holding off buying a new enclosure for my chameleon, because I always feel like I want to tell you, like, when you make content for a living, which I hate talking about, like, this way, but it's what I do. There's this, like, feeling in the back of your head constantly where you're like, this can't last much longer, right? You know what I mean, like, this has got and now it's a decade I've been doing, literally, making this podcast for 10 years. Wow. But I'm not like, I grew up broke, so I just want to buy a new enclosure for my chameleon. And I'm like, seems like a waste of money, because, like, this podcast thing, like, I'm gonna have to go get a real job. Like, you know what I mean? Like, maybe not. All right, I'm just gonna put that out there at everybody I would like to not get a real job. So if you can all keep listening, I think that would be awesome. Thank you very much. All right, Carolina, all sticking around, help me say, I want to try to say your name the way your dad says it. Okay. Help me one more time. I'm very bad speaking phonetically. But go, yeah, Carolina, Carolina, no, that was close. It was close. It wasn't good, though. Why? Why? It's back your throat? Carolina, no, front of your throat. Carolina, no. Bucha, I lost it. I'm so bad at this. The

Carolina 1:04:20 first A is different. It's

Scott Benner 1:04:24 Carolina, Carolina. Oh, Carolina. We're in that bounce. All right, I'm not doing that, but does your husband call you

Carolina 1:04:36 that? I don't know what he calls me. What a great question. What is your Oh, go ahead. What

Scott Benner 1:04:40 does your husband call you? Let's figure it out before we go, because that whatever he calls you is the name of the episode. Go,

Carolina 1:04:46 oh, I think he just calls me like Carol, or Carol or something like that, like

Scott Benner 1:04:51 the syrup that people put on pumpkin pie. Oh, there's no way you knew that one either. I. Yeah, all right. Carol is a corn syrup, which I think is really not good for you. So my dad was a Pennsylvania Dutch, like, I know it's not a thing you know about. It doesn't matter, like think Amish, but not that serious, okay, does that okay? They eat like the strangest things. So when Thanksgiving rolled around, my grandmother would make pumpkin pies from scratch, and then they would pour dark carro syrup on it, and then a little whipped cream. And I have a small jar of dark carro syrup in my house all year long, for the time when I put a tablespoon of it on a slice of pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving. Now, if you google this, you will look at it and think, oh, Scott, I don't think that's a thing you should put in your body.

Carolina 1:05:46 So I'm googling it right now. Yes, it looks a little scary to me. Oh,

Scott Benner 1:05:52 don't get me wrong, but if you put a little bit of that dark on pumpkin pie with whipped cream, and eat it and don't love it, I don't understand you. Now, I think the craziest thing we've learned by clicking on carrot.com is that Tia Mowry is their spokesperson. Oh, do you know who that is?

Carolina 1:06:08 Yes, but I'm not actually on their website. I was just on, like a grocery store from Sister. Sister. Yes, I see her now. I did know Sister. Sister. So there's something I know more crazily, am I right about this? I think it's possible

Scott Benner 1:06:26 that I once moderated an online chat that she or her sister was in for a diabetes org, and just now, when I Googled her name to see if I was right. I've learned that her daughter's name is Cairo. Oh, so Caro, K, A, R O, her daughter's name, c, a, i, R O, I think that's Cairo, right. And then I think I've spoken to her or her sister at some

Carolina 1:06:58 point. That's wild. Are they related to diabetes? I don't know.

Scott Benner 1:07:02 Now I'm trying to figure it out, because I don't remember why they were there, but I don't it was, it was some diabetes org, and they reached out to me to moderate their thing. So Tia had gestational when she was pregnant. Oh, I wonder if that's so long ago, I don't remember, awesome. I don't know what to call this episode now, before I'm excited to find out. Yeah, I mean me too. All right, I'm gonna let you go. It feels like you have to go breastfeed something. So, um, do you is that coming up? I'm at work, so, oh, you have a job. You're trying to get back to work. Yeah? All right, go do your thing, hold on one second. Having an easy to use an accurate blood glucose meter is just one click away. Contour next.com/juicebox That's right. Today's episode is sponsored by the contour next gen blood glucose meter, touched by type one, sponsored this episode of The Juicebox Podcast. Check them out at touched by type one.org. On Instagram and Facebook. Give them a follow. Go check out what they're doing. They are helping people with type one diabetes in ways you just can't imagine. Us. Med, sponsored this episode of the juice box podcast. Check them out at us. Med.com/juice, box, or by calling 888-721-1514, get your free benefits check and get started today with us. Med, hey, thanks for listening all the way to the end. I really appreciate your loyalty and listenership. Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back very soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. The Diabetes variable series from the Juicebox Podcast goes over all the little things that affect your diabetes that you might not think about travel and exercise to hydration and even trampolines, Juicebox podcast.com, go up in the menu and click on diabetes variables, the episode you just heard was professionally edited by wrong way recording, wrong way, recording.com do.

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