#919 Weight Loss Diary: Two

May 25, 2023Scott Benner

Erika talks to Scott about the hollow feeling that came when food left.

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 00:00 Hello friends and welcome to episode 919 of the Juicebox Podcast many of you know I've been using we go V for weight loss and it's been working incredibly well takes away your hunger and your appetite and so much more than losing weight. It's really been terrific so far. But this thing I started noticing was a hollow feeling and emptiness. Like, like, I guess that like food, like the preparation of food, and I just have not been as involved with food as I was before even not to say that I was a lot in the past, but it felt like something kind of been taken away from me. And I wanted to talk it through with Erica So Erica Forsythe is here to mostly listen to me and then offer her insights. But I mean, this is kind of a week Ovie diary, I don't even know what to call this one. Exactly. Anyway, you know how it goes with our guy, start talking to her about something. And then before you know it, I tell her way more about my life than you guys should know. That happens again today. While you're listening, please remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, please Always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan are becoming bold with insulin. And some of you live in the state where you can hire Erica Erica forsythe.com. She's a really terrific therapist who actually has type one diabetes. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by us Med, you can get your diabetes supplies the same way we do from us med us med.com forward slash juice box to get started art and gets her on the pods and her Dexcom is from us Med and you could too. Eric, I appreciate you doing this with me. Oh yes, this is probably going to turn into therapy. So

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 01:59 I don't know I am I am not your therapist.

Scott Benner 02:03 And I want to be clear that I know that I witnessed something that I thought would be interesting for people to talk about. I guess just for people who don't know, I began taking we go V for weight loss. Eight weeks ago, I'm on my eighth injections. So maybe it's seven and a half weeks ago, but about that long ago. For people who don't know we go V and ozempic are literally the same drug. They're branded differently. So they can be dispensed differently so that doctors can suggest using them differently. We go V is meant for weight loss. ozempic is right now I think for people with type two diabetes, although I'm hearing for people who have type one are using it and having a lot of great success with it. Anyway, the way my understanding about weego V was that it's a GLP one, and that it was going to impact me in a couple of ways, I was told that it was going to take my mind off of food and that it would help me feel fuller. This was the extent of how it was explained to me. I have heard people say that there is research at hand that is not complete yet. It says that it might signal your body to burn fat. When when you're losing weight, which, which makes sense to me. And I'm going to tell you a lot about it now. So to say that we go v makes you stop thinking about food in my experience I'm sure other people might be different is an understatement and a half. So I am never hungry. Like mentally, like I never think oh, I'm hungry or I should eat or like there's my brain is never telling me about food to the point where you have to actually remind yourself to eat on certain, you know schedules like are you just you just won't do it. Like it just it'll just never occur to your stomach doesn't crumble. Your brain doesn't say oh my god, I haven't eaten. Like I don't understand how it all works something about the hippocampus way out of my league. But oh my gosh, does it work? And there's been this sort of unintended consequence that I didn't expect. So I am not a food person to begin with. Like I don't run around going like oh, I can't wait to try this or Oh my favorite meal is that like I don't have those thoughts to begin with. But um I am feeling a loss is the only way I can put it. And the first loss is by the way in seven weeks. I am sad Been 13 pounds lighter.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 05:01 Wow. So that's a great loss.

Scott Benner 05:06 I'm starting to see myself now. Like in video, and I think I look different. Like you do. Yeah, it's crazy. But that's not the last I'm talking about a loss I'm talking about is I, I'm still eating. Okay, so I want you to understand like, but I got up this morning, and I got like a yogurt. I had like a coconut milk yogurt. I might be turning to the Jeremy. But But I found these these I was trying to avoid dairy because I wasn't sure how dare he was for me. Not really sure. But I found these coconut milk yogurts that are really good. So I had one of those this morning. And I ate like a half a banana. And I went out and did something. And I came back. And I've already recorded the podcast once today. And I had like 10 minutes in between that recording and you and I talking. And I thought I should eat something like anything like right now because I've not eaten enough food today. Right? So I went downstairs, I ate something very quickly. But not because I was hungry. And so cooking, and eating and hanging with people and watching television and going to the movies. And so many other things in my life are taking on a different flavor. That and it's confusing, because now I have all this extra time that I used to fill with food. And I didn't realize it. And it feels like something got taken away. That's why I put you on today. I don't know how to explain it. Because I didn't care about it to begin with. But if I sat down and watch TV at night, I probably would have like made popcorn, or done something like that. And now it doesn't occur to me. So it doesn't happen. And it feels it's a I don't know how to say it. It feels like somebody took something out of my life. And nothing. But that's not the biggest problem. The biggest problem is that it didn't get filled in with something else. Does that make sense? Yes. Okay, tell me what I'm thinking because I don't know what I'm experiencing Oh,

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 07:24 I will say I do know, others who are have tried or On we go V or izembek and have reported the same thing where they forget to eat, because of all the reasons why you just explained and so they are having to retrain their body to eat. As I think you said, as you know, you need energy you need, you need fuel, you need nutrition, you need calories to function. And the other part of it, this loss that you're experiencing it, it feels like you had these big behaviors that were connected and associated with food. Like sitting down, watching a movie, going to the movies popcorn, or sitting at a maybe on a holiday, they their mother's day you're associated with sitting around eating a big buffet. And when you don't have that need or desire to eat, those two behaviors that were connected, are being separated. Right, there's a and it would be natural for your emote your body to think and feel. Wait, I used to do this and I met maybe you there was enjoyment? Did you enjoy those, those two behaviors connected to one another. And so you're feeling the loss because you don't have that, quote, enjoyment that you wants associated with one of those behaviors.

Scott Benner 08:53 It is exactly like my kids leaving. Like it's the same. It really is the same exact thing. Like there was this thing I used to do. And I enjoyed it, I guess like like the food I guess I never thought of it as an enjoyment. But I guess there was some enjoyment coming from it. And with my kids, I love being with my kids and I love like I even love just like when they have problems and we get there like work them out and like all that stuff. And now they just they're off on their own handling their own stuff. And it left me I think I've said this to you in the past, like I feel hollow a little bit that they're gone. But then I started recognizing that same feeling around eating. And I was like that shocked me. Because like, because I really am if you said to me, Scott, what's your favorite food? I'd be like, I don't know. Like I don't I can't answer that question. I've never been able to answer that question. I had a great lobster tail in the Bahamas wants but you know what I mean? Like, I didn't come home and like go I need to find more lobster. Or like like I just don't I didn't think of myself as a person who thought about food that way. But now I'm like, I almost feel like I need to find a hobby to take up the, whatever food was doing for me, and I don't even know how to put it into words, honestly.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 10:15 I wonder if you know, there, there are situations where people do use food, you know, as to feed some emotions sometimes, right that I put in quotes, like, if you're feeling sad, you might turn to your bag of chips. Because you know what's going to be there. And then you get the all the chemical responses, that tastes really good, you like the salt, so you keep going back. So it's interesting thinking about the switch, where people are trying to use willpower and go on a diet, and then they realize why I was turning to food when I was sad, or when I was bored, or when I was feeling empty emotionally. And then you're trying to use that willpower to not go to food and replace it with other behaviors. But it's interesting that you're not having to use willpower to interrupt that whether or not you're using food to meet some emotional need or not. That behavior is eliminated.

Scott Benner 11:14 But it has to be like I discussed with Jenny one time that I realized, like I grew up very poor. And like, you could never go to the store and get an extra thing. You got the stuff you were there the ingredients for the things you were doing. There was never any more than that, right? And that I told her that I realized that at some point, I was grabbing a bag of candy in the grocery store that I did not want, because I could afford to buy it. It was almost like a almost like a power move that nobody saw. But me. I was like, I can just buy this if I wanted to. Like like that kind of. And by the way, this bag of candy was like $2. Like, I was really broke. So I was like, Look at me, I can just buy a $2 bag of candy. You get me up to about $5. And you'll see how cheap I am real quick. I'd be like, No, thank you. But But then I would buy it. And then it would die. I'm like, Well, now I have it. I could hear my mom's voice in my head. We paid for this food, you better eat it. Right? And then I would open it. And then I can I can remember feeling embarrassed that I was eating it. Like if privately like I'm like, I don't really want this like I bought it like as this like kind of low key power move. But now I can't waste it. Because I paid for it. Even though it would be well worth $2 for my health to just take it and throw it in the garbage afterwards. So and by the way, wouldn't that be the biggest power move is to buy it and throw it away. Like I can afford to like just throw this out. But it never had those two conflicting problems. But my my reason for wanting to record about it is because I thought if this is happening to me, a person who does not think of food like that, like I like consciously do not like, oh my god, like what is this drug about to show the world. And more specifically, people with diabetes who are going to get, they're going to get given this drug a lot. Like I know right now it's not for type ones, but I'm already seeing type ones getting it, it's going to happen more, your blood sugar is going to be more stable on it, you're going to use less insulin because of it, you're going to have better outcomes with your health, you're going to lose weight, if you have if there's weight to lose, you're not going to be like, you know, a slave to food, if that's been your thing. If this stuff works for you the way it's working for me. And I thought, I don't know that I was not ready for this. Like I did not think like, if you would have told me for eight weeks ago, Hey Scott, like foods gonna get removed out of your life and you're gonna lose weight, I would have thought like, well, that's great. That's the whole story. And instead the story is like, I'm like, oh, no, like, what do I put in that space? Like, that's the thought that starting to come up like I need to put something valuable into this space. And luckily, I'm not like a I'm not a very compulsive person to begin with, or I might have already started backfilling it with something unhealthy for me. So I didn't want that to happen to people, I didn't want them to like, have that loss and then have nothing to replace it with. And not to expect it to come because like as you're losing weight, like just on the surface, you're like, This works like this is genius. Like I can't tell you I stand up I take a pen like this. I go click it clicks again. I record for a couple of minutes because I'm making a weak Ovi diary and I'm out and and then I wake up the next week and I'm lighter.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 14:44 It's amazing.

Scott Benner 14:46 Oh my God. And so what is it? I mean, I know you don't know like, it's not like you're my doctor. I'm not saying that but like, I'm not imagining this right, like something got taken away.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 15:00 Yes, and perhaps the maybe there wasn't as and I hear you say that you were not You're not a foodie, you didn't feel like you were using food and unhealthy ways you didn't have a, you know, disordered eating behaviors or patterns. You weren't not you know addicted to food or, or times of day. But yet with the elimination of the desire or, or physical symptoms I need to eat, there's this loss. So perhaps there I think naturally, food can be a social experience, right? People go out to dinner, you you cut people over, you invite people into your home, there is the social piece. I'm not sure I'm hearing that as a loss, but just more of these kinds of one on one experiences, or do you feel like you're having that as well? Having had

Scott Benner 15:53 that opportunity? Yep. Yeah. Okay, because my wife is also using we go via at the same time, so we're both like looking at each other. Like, don't forget to eat. Yeah. Yeah, I did go to visit Arden for a weekend a few weeks ago. And you go to a restaurant, I was like, I'll have a piece of yours. Or like, I don't know, like, I can't eat a whole thing. Like you have no idea how I got up yesterday morning, I took two eggs, I whisked them up, I put them in a pan with a little bit of butter, some mushrooms, and maybe three ounces of chicken. And I cooked them all together and put them in a wrap. And halfway through the wrap. I thought I cannot finish this. Like, like, like two eggs is now a crazy amount of eggs.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 16:42 That is That is crazy. Yeah.

Scott Benner 16:44 So the next day, I got one egg and I was like, I've learned my lesson here. I'm not going to waste another egg. And but it's just so when you go into a restaurant, I mean, you know, like my wife the other day, she's like, I'm gonna make a BLT. And I was like, okay, and I was like, I'll try a piece of bacon to see if I can eat it. And like, and like I had one I was like, that was good. And then I just, I didn't want it anymore. So I took one piece of bacon and broke it up and put it away. And then the next day, I made some shrimp for myself and I sprinkled the patient over top. I was like look at me being fancy. And and I just saw but even that like I sauteed six shrimp and crumbled a piece of bacon overtop of it, put some lettuce with it could not finish that trip. And it's just it's insane. Like you just eat and I go full now.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 17:35 So Norm so pre free would Gobi? Would you once you've started to feel that fullness, would you keep going to finish the plate because of like old patterns of like, I paid for it, I made it 100% get to eat it, you would have like kind of pushed through that little discomfort and kept going, I

Scott Benner 17:51 never would have thrown a shrimp away. No. Or I would have made enough to save half of it for another meal. And then that would have been okay with me, I would have been like, Okay, well, like I can eat half and put away the rest whatever else I don't want. But if I would have made six and they had to go in the garbage afterwards, I would have eaten all six of them whether I wanted them or not. And and I don't know how to explain it to people. But they say it makes you feel full, which is not. It's not. Not right. But it's beyond that. Like it just sort of, like I could have kept beating. Like I don't know how to explain it's not like you're it's not like there's actually a fist in your stomach and it's pushing you back up and you just can't do it. You're like you just get like I feel full. I don't want any more. But you could eat more. You might feel well afterwards, but you could do it like you could physically consume it. You just like for me, I just I can't find the I can't find the motivation to do it. I guess it's like it just it's not that important to me to say that you don't think about food, like that's absolutely true. Like it's it's three o'clock now here in the afternoon. i The one thing I've learned about we go V is that if I eat anything that really takes time to digest because it is going to it makes you feel full by slowing down your digestion. Like I need to eat dinner before six o'clock or I will absolutely have some sort of heartburn if I try to lay down even four or five hours later. So even that like you know how you're always telling people don't eat after six like don't eat at night like buy money but like yeah, I won't do that. But then you're watching like a movie and you're like well, maybe I will like like you to like make something with it. I can I know not to do that. That will make my stomach uncomfortable if I do that.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 19:41 So you're learning to truly listen to your body. Yeah, what you can and can't tolerate.

Scott Benner 19:51 We receive Ardens Dexcom G seven and her Omni pods from us med us med.com forward slash G Spock's are call 888721151 for us med has an A plus rating with the Better Business Bureau. They are the number one distributor for FreeStyle Libre systems. Number one specialty distributor for Omni pod dash. They have the Omni pod five. They're the number one fastest growing tandem distributor. Oh my gosh, number one rated distributor index. com customer satisfaction surveys. How in the heck, over 1 million diabetes customers have been served by us meds since 1996. And they always provide 90 days worth of supplies, and fast and free shipping. They care everything from insulin pumps and diabetes testing supplies the latest CGM like the FreeStyle Libre three, and the Dexcom G seven. They accept Medicare and over 800 private insurers. Us med.com forward slash juice box. I got an email yesterday morning from us med that said I can't even tell you what it says on one second. See how easy this will be. Second, email us med Hi Arden. It says hi Arden. This is your friendly reorder email from us med dear art and your prescription is due for a refill, please use the order button below to place your next order and then just click on it. And that's that. Us med.com forward slash juice box. That's to get your free benefits check. Or you can call 888-721-1514 Get your supplies the same way Arden does from us met yet we'll see that's the thing is I'm afraid people will hear this and think, Oh, these people are using a drug to trick them into doing what their willpower should do. But it's not. It's not that. Like, I wish I wish people could understand like, I'm not I was not an overeater to begin with. Like, you know what I mean? And I always had the feeling. And it's what I went to my doctor and said, I always had the feeling like I don't think my body works correctly. You know, and now, it's funny, my wife and I were talking about the other day she heard another doctor talking about this. But this doctor was starting to kind of compare thyroid medication with the G LPS mean, meaning if you have a thyroid condition, your body might be making T three, but your body might not be taking it up properly. Or you know, so you might need like, you know, a, you know a pill that will just push enough in that your body gets what you need. And then you can Yeah, then your thyroid works correctly. What if I guess the question is like this is a lot of, you know, assumptions. But what if my body's not making GLP enough, or it's making it but it's not taking it up enough? Because all I can tell you is that my biggest takeaway I thought would be the weight loss. But it's not my biggest takeaway is I feel like my body's working correctly. I just didn't eat that much food before. Like I used to say, like, you've heard me say it. Like, I'm the fattest person who doesn't eat that you're ever gonna meet in your entire life. Like I just I don't take in that much food. And it just never made sense to me. And now my body appears to be going to where it like to where it's supposed to be. And it's not like I'm losing like, a ton of weight, like all at once. It's not like some big drop off. It's 17 pounds over eight weeks, which is I don't know, what is that? The two pounds a week? You know, it's a reasonable weight loss,

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 23:44 right? Yeah.

Scott Benner 23:45 So I want people to hear that if you're having trouble, like, like, my wife talks differently about food, like she she says like, she's like, I have a food voice. She's like, I get up in the morning. And I start thinking about what am I going to eat? What sounds good. And as soon as I'm done eating, I think well, what's for lunch? Next? Yeah, then what's for dinner and blah, blah, blah. And she's like, I have like a like a food voice is the way I would describe it. I don't I don't have that. Like, I've never had that. But I I don't know that I'm eating any differently right now than I was before the we go V. Like maybe less, but not that much less. Even. Even here. I'll admit this. That's interesting. Do you want me to admit something? The other day I thought I'm going to test that we go like a friend. I want to make sure it's on my side. You know? Yeah. So I was out picking up stuff at the at the pharmacy, which of course makes me laugh because I bought a buy a box of candy at the pharmacy. So I bought a box of red hots, so I don't know what red dots are, but they're sending me like chemicals with sugar. Pretty much what I did.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 25:00 They're pretty good. Yeah.

Scott Benner 25:01 And I, in addition to everything I ate that day, I made I made certain to try to finish as money of the red hots as I could, I couldn't get through the whole box, but I ate way more than human beings should eat. And then I woke up the next day, 1.2 pounds lighter than I was the day before. And I thought, I'll be damned this stuff works.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 25:27 Because Give me some more better. Yeah,

Scott Benner 25:30 well, yeah, first of all, what I just learned is I can have red hots. We go V. But I don't mean it that way. Like, I don't mean like ejecting the thing. So I can do something unhealthy, and it won't count because I still ate the red hot. So I'm not unaware of that. But I'm telling you that before we go v, if I had a red hots overs, I would gain weight, like my body would just start to immediately retain retain water, like, immediately. And it's just not doing that anymore. So, but so I guess my bigger cause concern is I don't know what to fill the feeling with. And this, I think, is why I'm talking to you and not just somebody else, because I'm worried that I'll feel it was something that's not good for me. And I don't mean like heroin, I mean, like, emotionally not good for me, or something like that. Because, because I feel like there's more time in the day now than I know what to do with. That makes sense?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 26:34 Yes. So if, if you were my client, which you are not, I would encourage you to think about, so the behaviors that you identified earlier that you associated with food that you no longer are consuming food while you're doing that behavior. So like, let's say, sitting at nighttime watching TV, checking in with yourself, okay, what are you? Like, in that moment? What are you feeling? Are you feeling sad? Are you feeling empty? Are you feeling like you want to connect with your wife? Are you feeling like you want to connect with your children? Or your friend or a family member? Like, what is it and that this will take maybe some time? And, you know, over mass experiences of feeling like, oh, yeah, this is I used to eat, but maybe that was mindless. And I just did it, because that's what I do when I sat down to watch TV. But really, I'm wanting to have more, you know, connect intimately with my wife, emotionally, physically, or I want to have a conversation with my family, a family member, or I want to challenge my brain and stimulated and try something new. Maybe I'm bored. And I was eating because I was bored. So I want to learn how to knit while I'm watching TV or whatever. So thinking about in those moments, what is the emotion? first?

Scott Benner 27:59 Okay. All right. So when I feel the hollow, because it feels hollow? Yes. Right. When I feel hollow, I need to wonder why. And if I could have done this healthily as an adult, I probably wouldn't have eaten in those moments, either. Right?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 28:15 And maybe, maybe that's part of what your awarenesses these these last two months is like, Oh, maybe I was just doing it. Because I did it. It was habit. Right. You were maybe meeting a need that didn't need to be met by food. But, you know, we all do it at times. Yeah. And so that it's this kind of this beautiful awareness in addition to the weight loss that you're experiencing, even though it's painful.

Scott Benner 28:37 Yeah, no, I I agree with you. I think that this is gonna sound strange, I guess. But I think the weego V is helping me understand way more than like my physical health, like so. Two days ago. This goes back a couple of weeks. Arden asked if we could go away this summer. Like we are not vacation people like we don't go away. We were my wife and I are like workers like we work too much. And Arden's like we should go away this summer. And so Kelly's again Sure we'll go somewhere. And then Kelly's like, Well, do you want to bring a friend and then it just started to get convoluted and before you knew it, like the three of us going away turned into like, well, maybe Cole could come to and his girlfriend and like next season like nine people like are trying to go on vacation. And it's not really something that like financially we should be doing right now. And so my wife kind of like put it in my lap the other day, she's like, You got to find a place for us to go away to and I was like, Wait, me was like, I didn't agree to this. But okay, so anyway, I spent the day kind of editing in my ears but on on another computer. I was just looking for a place where nine people could go and who could fit everybody's like needs as far as like scheduling and finances and like you know, all this stuff. And by the end of the day, I couldn't get it done. Like I just couldn't figure out how to do it. And I can't tell you that I am not normally this person. But I was so frustrated and upset. And I felt like I was letting everyone down. Like I don't this is not me like normally I wouldn't this would not be my takeaway from this. I had that adrenaline feeling in my arms. Do you know what that DNA mean? Like, like, you feel like you have to try to shake it out of your fingertips. Like, like, I was so angry, that it wasn't working out and disappointed in myself. And like, felt like I was letting people down. And so worried that I like all that stuff. And when I was going downstairs, I thought, tell Kelly, how you feel. Like start with how you feel. Right? And uniform. And I did it. And it worked. I was like, Oh my god. 50 years. Because I recognized while it was happening, that I could have gone downstairs and said, I can't believe you put this on me. I can't you know what I mean? Like, I can't believe like you said we could go when you fix it. You don't mean like, or that like one of the kids that was coming along, just kind of couldn't afford the same thing. Everybody else could afford it like, well, if we weren't taking that person with us, then we could like, instead of doing any of that I just came down and I said, I'm frustrated. I'm upset. I honestly feel like I'm gonna cry. And I feel like I'm letting everybody down. But I can't figure out a way for us to do this. And I think that just has to be okay. And then we had a nice conversation about it. And it was just okay. And I was like, Oh, man. Eric is not really my doctor. But I really think this is great that she's been coming on the podcast. But I was so like, like, aware of how Holloway feel right now because my daughter's in college, my son's moved away. And now I can't even figure out how to do this. And I have food is now gone too. And I so easily could have like lashed out about any of those things. And instead, I just I just like don't do that. It's not like I stopped myself. It's not like I was coming down the stairs and like some sort of murderous rage. And I turned I talked myself out of it on the way down the stairs. I stood up, I assessed myself. And I thought this is what's happening. Go be honest about what's happening. And I just didn't have any ego about it at all. Like I just said, I can't figure this out. And then when it was over. I wonder when it was over? Did I eat anything? I wish I could remember, I wonder if I grabbed like a snack or something I wish I could remember back to know if I did or not. But yeah, that would have been interesting. Oh, hell. All right. I almost did a great job on that.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 33:11 Though, I was gonna ask you would maybe would you have it sounds like this is not your MO but free again? Pre two months ago, would you have not been in tune? You know, with that emotion, and maybe had filled it with either food or something else? Like maybe there's this, you know, clarity of mind when you're eliminating these other things that are you're stuffing yourself with other either food or other things?

Scott Benner 33:39 We'll see. That's interesting, because I'm starting to wonder as you were talking and as I'm reflecting over what I just said, if maybe this feeling that I feel is hollow, is really just good space. Does that make sense? Like maybe my life was too packed with things and like distractions and whatnot. And now I actually have some space. And maybe I shouldn't be lamenting the space. Maybe I should be like, happy that it's here. That's what I just thought while you were talking. Huh?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 34:13 Yeah, yes. Interesting.

Scott Benner 34:15 Okay. So maybe I brought you on under false pretenses. Maybe the hollowness is just awareness. Like maybe I'm just not being pulled 1000 directions. And because of that, I can kind of see, like, you ever hear people say like, my wife and I fight the most about the kids. Right, right. Like, because it all feels so dire. I just interviewed a lady this afternoon. Right? Who I could tell while we were talking that she just had this pressure. Like if she just made like 10,000 good decisions, her kid would turn out okay. You know what I mean? And I and that's a constant like, like that pressure hits you constantly. And now I don't feel that way like my kids are gone. There. Okay, they're doing well. And I'm not giving all my time off. Oh, wow, this is interesting. So I'm not giving all the time off to the thing I used to, I gotta find something else I love. Oh, I see. Okay. First, it should be made right. Right, first I take care of myself. And then I make sure I'm interacting well with other people. And then I get comfortable with the silence. That's it.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 35:30 Pretty much. All right, that's it just just that easy.

Scott Benner 35:33 I usually pay you $40 For this next one. Which would not be right, because you're not licensed in my state. So we can't do that. But this is a podcast and that thing, you are not giving me therapy. But did I just did I walk through that correctly?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 35:50 I think you are creating the space that you have created. Intentionally but that also environmentally given the children are gone out of the house that has forced you which has been I know that's been kind of painful, right? Like you've been feeling bored or lonely. Yeah, and and then the elimination of the food that maybe was meeting some sort of need sometimes is now also removed, you now have all this space. And that has allowed you to feel maybe feelings that you hadn't really allowed yourself to feel or had the freedom to feel

Scott Benner 36:32 right. Yeah, I wonder. It is hard. I, I was standing at the sink in my kitchen last night. And I can sort of see out. But there's a road obviously it goes past my house. And a car turned onto my street is the exact make model year and color of my son's car. And I got all like fluttery inside I thought oh, Cole's home. And I realized he's not right, because he doesn't live here. And I was standing there. My wife was in the other room, I just out loud. I went off. And she goes, What am I calm, we're gonna cry. It's like, I was like, I know, I'm gonna cry now telling you about it. And I was like, damn it. And she's like, why I'm like, I just saw a car come around the corner looks like Kohl's car. And I don't know, like, I'll be alright. You know, I mean, they just kind of wiped tears way out of the corner of my eye. But I'll share with you. I just said that, like, there's not a lot of people listening, but I'll share, I'll pretend I'm just sharing with you. When my father left my mom. And I got really upset, I would usually get really upset overnight. And I would sneak downstairs and sit in the bathroom. And look out the window. And I would pretend that every car light that was coming towards My House was my dad coming home. And then I would let myself feel really happy until I realized that wasn't his car. And then I would do that until I felt okay that I could go to sleep. He used to do that a lot when I was little. So anyway, that's, that's why my son's car like hit me so hard, I think. Because I'm not an idiot. I know. He's not in New Jersey. And like I've seen other cars there. So I just think I was standing there. We were already talking about something. I was feeling vulnerable to begin with. Then I saw his car and then it hit me really hard. And then later I thought, Oh, I used to do that with my dad. Like, you know what I mean? So has everyone not pulled a family portrait out of the back of a closet and sat with it in the middle of the night by themselves? You really shouldn't get divorced unless you really have to. It's hard on people. Everyone oh my god, I just gotta tell you everything so everybody could figure out what's wrong with them while they're listening to a big Sears portrait in a frame. My mom just stuck it behind a bunch of coats. And I would get up in the middle of the night and put it on the sofa and sit next to it when I was like 13 years old. Oh, my God. All right, I'm fine.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 39:18 Wow. All right. No, I'd like to send you some referrals.

Scott Benner 39:25 You just keep coming on the podcast, I think it'd be okay. If

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 39:31 it was you're doing all the work. You're that's how you're reflecting.

Scott Benner 39:36 I'm you know what's truthfully like, step out of this conversation for a second. I started doing this with you thinking that it would help other people. And then it quickly I was like, that's gonna help me too. But like, I really was. I can't believe I'm doing the same thing that I bust people's balls about all the time. him, I'm helping myself to help other people, but never helped myself to help myself. Like, right like, and I always say like, don't they always tell you like, how interesting is the I'm such an idiot. I always say to you like, how interesting is it that people will do better for their diabetes, if it's for a pregnancy? Or because they want to be around for a child or they just met a guy, they think they blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, how could they not have done that for a decade before? All they had to do was the right thing for themselves? And then I sit here and do the same goddamn thing.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 40:31 We all do. It's human nature sometimes. Yeah.

Scott Benner 40:36 All right. All right. I feel so actually, I think I'm a little hungry.

Unknown Speaker 40:47 Go eat something.

Scott Benner 40:49 So anyway, like to flip back to the week OB for a second, the only way you really know you haven't eaten, is you get I get like a little like woozy. Almost like I'm like, like, it's my body going yeah, we do not have enough calories right now. But in the past that would come up as hunger in my stomach, like a like a literal rumbling in my stomach, which which does not happen anymore. And I don't understand the hippocampus. Exactly, and what it does, but whatever's in that GLP one, like it just like, it is not functioning that way. It is not telling me like giving you the cues. Yeah, like dude, go eat. Like, I don't, I don't get that at all anymore. It's really something else. I used to do this thing. When I when I was worried about food. Like if I thought like, I guess this was an exercise about, about, like, trying to have self control. But I would like take, like, I don't know, like three minutes with me on a long car ride. And, and be like, don't eat those, like all at once. Because I am totally a person of eat the first meant that I'm definitely gonna eat the other two, and then they're gonna be gone, right? So I would bring them along with me and be like, don't eat them. And I would inevitably fail at that. Like, I was just like, I'd be like, I'll have one now and then one on the return trip. But then I'd have the one now in a bag. Oh, snap, let's just have the other one now. And I tried that the other day, too. And that was so easy to do. Like, just because, like, I just looked at them. Like, I don't really care about this. My wife's describing that, um, food is starting to taste different to her. Like not as appealing. Like still, like not not wrong. Like it's still taste good. Like it's supposed to taste but it's not hitting. Yeah, you know, by a friend of mine used to say the Kelly has a food face. They'd say like Kelly eats, she's never looked so happy, as good as was when that's happening. And that is. So I'm also trying to understand this because she started this after me. And her impact was slower. It probably because I didn't have as many issues with it to begin with. Like, it hit me pretty immediately. She's just starting to come into some of these feelings. And I wanted to try to understand them before she got involved in them because I think her path through them might be more difficult than mine. So, okay. Okay,

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 43:18 is this this interesting? This is

Scott Benner 43:20 the secret of your job? Do you really not talk? Do you just just say, Oh, my God, that's insightful. Scott about that. Tell me more about that. Feel like me?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 43:35 Well, hopefully I do more. But I think you are you're really, you're able to unpack things that maybe sometimes I would need to add or ask different questions to help people get to where you got yourself.

Scott Benner 43:50 Yeah, no, I use you for cues. Like I look up to see how I'm doing. And I'm like, like, she doesn't want to say anything right now. Like I should keep saying what I'm saying. Like, that's how it like occurs to me like you make me want to keep saying what I'm saying. So it's an amazing skill, actually. All right, I'm just saying You're very welcome. I'm just gonna try to shift gears here for a second Erica force life.com. You can see people virtually in California where else?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 44:16 Florida, Oregon and Utah. Okay.

Scott Benner 44:20 Erica Forsyth back calm. Thanks. Yeah, thank you very much. I want to thank you for listening. I want to thank Erica for listening. And I want to thank us med for providing Arden with her Dexcom and her arm the pods us med.com forward slash juice box or call 888-721-1514 If you're looking for community around your diabetes, check out the Juicebox Podcast on Facebook is Juicebox Podcast. type one diabetes a private group on Facebook with 40 1000 members, type one's type twos Lada gestational doesn't matter to me what you eat, what kind of diabetes you have. You're welcome in my absolutely free, private group. Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back very soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. If you're enjoying the show, please subscribe or follow in an audio app like Apple podcasts, Spotify, and all the others. And of course, tell someone else about the program help it grow.