#918 We're Not Gonna Take It

Christina's daughter has type 1 diabetes and experienced bullying about her type 1.

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 00:00 Hello friends, and welcome to episode 918 of the Juicebox Podcast here's a little behind the scenes on the podcast for you. This episode has been recorded recently it wasn't supposed to go up for months. In fact, it was slated to go up a few weeks before school started back up. But I saw a post online today. That is this exact same problem. And I thought, God, how many kids are going through this. So I just wanted to get this up. Now. This episode is with Christina, her daughter has type one diabetes, she's about 11 years old. And she experienced some comments from schoolchildren that really led to the regression of her diabetes and Christina and I talked about how to handle that today. I hope you enjoy it. While you're listening. Please remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your healthcare plan, or becoming bold with insulin. If you'd like to support the podcast while getting great sheets, towels and clothing, use the offer code juice box at cozy earth.com to save 35% on your entire order. Better help.com forward slash juice box will save you 10% On your first month of therapy and athletic greens.com forward slash juice box we get you five free travel packs and a year of free vitamin D with your first order. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the blood glucose meter that my daughter has been using for years. And this is no secret. It's my favorite one that I've ever used. The contour next gen blood glucose meter contour next.com forward slash juicebox. Check out the contour next gen the Contour Next One, the full line of meters. Fantastic website. I know it's hard to believe there's a great website that's about meters. But this one's got a ton of information on it. Contour next one.com forward slash juicebox links in the show notes and links at juicebox podcast.com To contour decks comm I'm the pod us man touched by type one better help all of the sponsors. When you click on the links, you're supporting the podcast.

Christina 02:21 My name is Christina, and I live in California. And I have three kids, a 11 year old she is my type one. And then I have a nine year old who's also a girl and a four year old who is are a little boy

Scott Benner 02:40 11 Nine 411 Nine for women. 944 is the youngest is a boy the other two are girls, and the 11 year old has type one. I got it. Okay, how old was your daughter when she was diagnosed?

Christina 02:57 It was actually she's sort of a newer one. It was in 2021 in December. So you know, we got the we got COVID at Thanksgiving, and came home and we all were just Well actually not all of us. Three of us. Husband, me and our oldest. We had COVID and it's kind of the same story, you know, somebody gets a virus. And then she we all have different symptoms. And she kind of just slept. You know, she was sleeping eating. And I just thought that's how it hit her. Yeah. And then she started not eating very much. And then I got to the point where she wasn't eating at all. And then I got to the point where she couldn't keep anything down. So it and then she you know, she did the chug the water in the middle of the night thing because she wasn't doing that before. She just always as a kid drink a lot of water. So I didn't have that sign ever before. And so I was just thinking, You know what, she's really dehydrated, she's probably going to be admitted. So I'm just going to take her in the ER, at our Children's Hospital. And then took her in and the nurse was was kind of like what she hasn't eaten since Wednesday really and it was a Friday. And so she said let's just take your blood sugar and it was 491 and she right away was in this is like in the waiting room where everybody's sitting and right away. She goes, Yeah, I I think does she have type one? And I said no. Is she said, I think we have like a new diagnosis. And I said okay, and so that from there I told my sister is a nurse. So I told her and she's like, Yeah, she's probably in DKA and You know, they, they took us back really fast. And we were in the hospital for like, almost five days. And which I'm actually thankful for, because a lot of times people, you know, get diagnosed and then sent home two hours later, but I actually got to, you know, get bootcamp and ask them how to do things and, and I didn't feel nervous going home. So that's, I'm, I'm thankful she was in DK even though it was scary. But I actually was able to, like, really know what I was doing.

Scott Benner 05:34 Yeah. Well, that's excellent. Yeah, it really interesting to the nurse picked it up so quickly, even in the waiting room. That's great. Well,

Christina 05:43 you know, a week before, the the nurse that we had at nighttime that night, he said, we had a boy in here almost the same age, same story, like, came in with COVID. And he was in DK. Then I think, you know, maybe she was the nurse that saw him. I don't know. But she like right away picked it up. Yeah.

Scott Benner 06:07 Wow. And that's something that's great. I mean, it's, it's nice to hear somebody know what they're doing. So Excellent. Any other type one in your family?

Christina 06:17 My great grandma. So my grandpa's mom when he was 22. He ended up like not going to college because he needed to stay home. And when I was a kid, I didn't know what she was sick with. But she just said she was sick. So he stayed and helped take care of her. And then when he was 22, she passed away. Because back then, you know, it was back in the 1800s when she was diagnosed. Yeah, you know, she, so they didn't really have anything.

Scott Benner 06:48 Sure. So she got she got type one. And then they probably did that, like real restrictive diet high exercise, like that kind of stuff to try to keep her Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, that's something and that story got passed through your family. Yeah, that's interesting. It really is. And then, but that's a number of generations ago. So not something you're thinking about?

Christina 07:14 Oh, no, no, I actually, when we are at because I grew up in Idaho. So we were all for Thanksgiving in Idaho. And we're sitting there and I was talking with my mom and my sister, looking at Charlie and thinking like, Oh, I've been like really thinking maybe it's an age thing. Maybe she's just not eating at lunch. And she's, you know, girls go through stuff. And so she was getting really skinny. But I thought maybe she but then I when I would see her she would eat like tons tons and tons of food. And so then it was like maybe a growth spurt. But at Thanksgiving, I was thinking like, something wrong, like the C word. You know, like maybe cancer and I and I said it to my sister, and my mom. And my mom was like, What is she eating? And my sister goes, Mom, she just ate four pieces of pizza and a big bowl of Turkey noodle soup. She she's not not eating. So if I had to say any sign that was the sign for me knowing something was wrong, but it just was so hard to tell because she's she's 11 and she's like, five, six. really tall. Oh, so I just didn't like

Scott Benner 08:38 cleaning out like, yeah, the Grossberg

Christina 08:41 maybe it's a Grossberg because she's like, just 10 feet. back then. It was like size nine. But

Scott Benner 08:49 Christine I've been doing this for so long. I've been doing this for so long. That might take away from your story is that Turkey noodle soup with sound good for lunch lovely idea. Yeah.

Christina 09:04 Just get get a turkey. It's better if you cook the turkey and then use you know, the the stock from that. And then the actual Turkey. I like dark meat. But the the white meats okay to?

Scott Benner 09:20 I don't know, I'm starting to think about it. Then I was like, What's wrong with this? She's telling me this story about her daughter's like super thin. And she's like, maybe she has cancer. Could be I don't know. And I'm like, boy, that turkey soup. Sounds good. Yeah, I've heard too many of these stories is what I just realized. Okay, so

Christina 09:42 the same story, you know? Yeah.

Scott Benner 09:44 Well, it's what happens next. It's usually interesting. So I guess my first question is, was your daughter was like, maybe 10 when she was diagnosed? Yeah, yeah. How did she deal with it?

Christina 09:58 Um, you know, in the bigger anything, she kind of was like, let's do this. Like she, she was at our hospital they do the walk before you run thing. Because right now she's like on a pump that CGM. But in the beginning they had us do all the, you know, MDI, which I'm thankful for again, because so many times we, like, just last week her had fell off at volleyball practice. And we are going through a drive there. And she's like, Oh, really? Yeah, I forgot the law. He kind of, you know, started to get like upset like, Oh, I'm, I'm, I'm not going to eat till I get home. And I said, no, like, if you're willing to give yourself a shot, you're fine. Because I carry you know, all the stuff with me. So it's in that situation. Nobody was freaking out, except for her thinking she couldn't eat until she got home. So it's, I'm thankful for for that. Yeah. But I kind of forgot what we were talking about. Because I

Scott Benner 11:07 know how she dealt with it. You said she was doing well. Yeah. You made it sound like she came out of the gate strong. But then.

Christina 11:15 Yeah, no, she came out strong. What we're running into now is burnout and peers and that type of stuff. She dealt with it fine. I'm just seeing now, it catching up. You know, maybe that Yeah,

Scott Benner 11:31 tell me tell me about that. What's happening there?

Christina 11:35 Oh, you know, and this is actually gonna go into sort of the, you know, the topic that I brought up that we could talk about, but she was completely by doing it in front of friends. And then you know, she hits sixth grade, a boy makes a comment. And she stops eating or not Pre-Bolus thing at school. Because she doesn't want to do it in front of friends, or people she's comfortable with. So it's kind of we're kind of running into that she'll do it in front of her friend show. And it's really now it kind of simply, you know, you just take out your phone, which people think is a phone and then type in numbers, and you're fine. But she is just so like, Oh, they're going to know, now and doesn't even want to pull it out? Because she doesn't want the question or cuz you know,

Scott Benner 12:36 the comments. It was the boy.

Christina 12:38 Yeah, it was the boy, the boy made some silly comments. And now she's like, Oh, I don't want to have diabetes anymore. I don't want people to know, I don't want people to talk about it. It was just that one comment. You know, that's, I mean, yeah. And, and I've talked with her teacher about it, who has been a sixth grade teacher for, you know, almost 30 years. And she said, The bad part is like, she doesn't surprise her. She sees so like kids will wear sweatshirts in 90 degree weather. Because they don't want certain parts of their body to show and they're sweating and their faces are red, that they will not take that sweatshirt off. Just because of Pierce. Yeah, that's she said yeah. It's just unfortunate that it's, you know, a medical thing that she that is affecting her.

Scott Benner 13:32 Yeah. Christina before we move forward. I'm having trouble your voice is fading out a lot with those. Oh god. Do you have wired headphones by any chance? Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 13:42 I do. called on

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Christina 16:38 Okay, here we go. So much better. Is this better? Oh, yes.

Scott Benner 16:41 One. Oh, good. Thank you. This is a it shouldn't be a lesson to all of you. Who's got rid of your home phones. They sounded so much better. Just $12 a month at this point. I have a home phone with just act old with me and make your stuff sound better. Okay. Wow. So did your daughter ever talk to you about the boy? Or did you have to pry it out of her? Did she come tell you?

Christina 17:11 Oh, no. So it you know, I picked her up from school. And she just was like, raging, you know, anything that anybody said was annoying. And we're on our way to volleyball and nothing's working. She can't find anything. And it really was getting to the point where I was like, like, am I gonna yell at her? Start saying bad words. I don't know. Oh, so

Scott Benner 17:40 you so well. So what's your impression when she's complaining? Because what I hear like, you know, obviously not in your house and listening to the conversation is this boy said something to her, sent her down a rabbit hole about this. And now she's very, very sensitive to everything that's happening are saying, but how does it oh, how is it impacting you, though?

Christina 18:02 Oh, no. So. So how was it? What it what it actually did? Was? And do you want me to answer how it's impacting us? Or do you want me to tell you how it came out?

Scott Benner 18:15 No, Christina do the whole thing. We got time. Go ahead.

Christina 18:18 Okay, so you know, it. I'm trying to like, so another thing that I do is like, I look at what her blood sugar is, like, is she just freaking out right now because she has high blood sugar. Because that's usually what happens is when she's acting that way, we've got like, we're rising up. But it wasn't that and so finally I just say Is something going on. Like, we gotta like, I always do this, like, Let's reset. Yeah, cuz that just stops a whole conversation. Like what's going on? And she's like, well, and I'm not gonna say the boy's name. said to me that I can't eat this candy bar, because I have diabetes, and I ate too much sugar. And that's why. And I, I got like, I in that moment, you know, things have been building up. And I just don't that mother.

Unknown Speaker 19:27 Yeah, yeah.

Christina 19:31 Bored kid. The positive thing is like, I don't normally like talk like this. So when I do say something like that, the kids know like, I'm either serious, or something's going on. And they just started laughing. So it was good, because they were like, You just said

Scott Benner 19:52 you broke the tension. Yeah,

Christina 19:54 yeah, broke the tension. And I was kind of like, I know I said that. I didn't mean this. say that and he's not really that. But like, he's just uneducated. Like, he has no idea what he's talking about. And I said, Do you want me to say something? Do you want me to, you know, go because we can't have this keep going on. Right? Like, we need to, like, do some education to this boy. And she's like, No, no, I don't want to get in trouble. I don't want that. So what I, what I eventually do, like I said, it, we literally had just pulled up to volleyball, she went off to volleyball, and then gets back in the car. And you know, it's like, doesn't bother her anymore, because she got some of her frustrations out at volleyball. And I'm still bothered about it. So the next day, I just picked her up from school. And I said, Hey, you know, I'm gonna just run in really quick. And she's like, No, Mom, no, no. And I said, I'm not going to, like do anything, I'm just going to figure out how to how to handle this situation. So I just went in. And luckily, the principal was sitting right there in the office. And, and coincidentally, that kid was sitting in a room in the office. And this, you know, this kid is, is the kid that everybody is always like, Oh, it was this kid, he did it. Right. He said that. So he sort of has a reputation. Like he was in the office for being in trouble most likely, when I got there. So I just said to the principal, look, a situation happened. And he's like, Well, what was it? And I said, you know, adults make an educated by the comments. So I know like that, that's where this is coming from. The kids said this. And I told Charlie, that I just was gonna mention it, she doesn't want him getting in trouble. But if it happens, again, how do we go forward and handle it? And so that's kind of just what we did. And I'm pretty sure the kid heard the entire conversation. And so that was good. You know, I did, he kind of got talked to, but not really. I was able to say what I wanted to say to get it off my chest. Yeah. And, and then it was just, you know, put on notice,

Scott Benner 22:36 well, you're very, very adult and immature. Look at you. When I'm, when my brother was in high school. I was kind of my I was kind of my brother's de facto parent. So my brother is like a, I don't know, a junior in high school, which only makes me like, out of high school for like three years. And my brother gets into a fight with this other boy, and I get called to the school, my mom gets called the school, but my mom doesn't have a car. She's like, going, I'm going. So I go to the school. And I go into the office, I'm like, what happened? He goes, that kid is crazy. He's like, I don't know what happened. He just like, flew off the handle. I'm like, Look at me. I'm like, I don't care what you did. But you need to tell me so I know how to like, you know how to handle this. And he goes, he goes, it really wasn't me. Like he just like, flipped. So the boys were sort of in the outer office sitting there. And the, the principal starts talking to me and the boy's father. And you know, try to imagine you're the boy's father, you're probably in your 40s. Like this 22 year old guy shows up like to speak for person, you also have to be like, it's gotta be in just incensing. And I purposefully spoke in a way that would like the boy up, and then he flipped out and went after everybody. And I backed up and backed up. And I pointed to him, and I went, Hmm, seems like we know what happened. And just like that, my brother got released, and I walked outside. I was like, let me know if you need anything else. And I went back to work. But I, oh, my god, I just I looking back, it's funny, but you know, it wasn't really like I just, I saw the kid was unbalanced. And I just sort of said the things that I thought poke the bear, I poked it, I poked him a little bit, and he flipped out.

Christina 24:20 And I was like, I'm just so curious as to what you said, though. Oh, I don't remember

Scott Benner 24:24 so long ago. I just remember doing it. I just remember. I remember looking at the kid assessing him as being unstable, and thinking I could probably get him to flip out. That's all you were very much more an adult. Obviously. By the way, you that's why you shouldn't put 22 year olds in charge of like, adult problems. But yeah,

Christina 24:44 that's that's the whole like, your frontal cortex has not developed. Yeah,

Scott Benner 24:49 no, no, I was all about like, how do I get my brother out of this? Like, I didn't even I didn't even care about a resolution. I was just I wanted the trouble to go away, but that's also a function of being really broke. Like that. There's always this fear that if something goes wrong, it's going to cost money, or somebody will have to take it. And you won't be okay. So you're always trying to like protect the, you have no money to speak up, but you're trying to protect it, basically. All right. It's how I always saw stuff like that. That's interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, I my mom used to make cheese when my dad left my mom, she had her she got a job making $4 an hour maybe. And then, and by the time this story happens, I'm working. I make like, $5 an hour, and I'm doing like hard labor for $5 an hour. Oh, my God. Yeah. And so like, even just taking off a couple of hours to go to the school. Or like, like, in my mind, I'm like, Oh, God, what is this? Like? What if this is a fight? Like, what if this goes to court? We can't afford it. Like, you know, like, my mind, just kind of, like, ran through that. So I was, I was defending, you know, our bottom line? Which, right, you know, our total savings was, was $400. Probably so. Right. Anyway, the, but I liked the way you did it much better. I'm,

Christina 26:08 yeah. I have have been, you know, in a school office once or twice before?

Scott Benner 26:14 Yeah. Wasn't your first day? Yeah. So does this bring any comfort to your daughter? or No?

Christina 26:23 No. So that's the thing, we're still, you know, working on this, this. This, this behavior of hers now that? That so it's, it's formed a new behavior? This thing with this boy, now, it's kind of like, she doesn't want to have like, it's a major burnout. Yeah, okay. But on the highest level, because she's sort of, you know, not helping herself out at all. Because she will go to school, like, in the anytime she's with me, it's like, great, great charts, you know, great graphs. Were Pre-Bolus, seeing 20 minutes before, you know, doing all the stuff. But then the second, she leaves me, and there's peers around, especially, it's like, I don't have this anymore. And I'm just going to make up for it when I get home from school. Or if I go to the bathroom. And I remember all correct. Yeah, she really doesn't leave. So. So that's actually currently an active thing we're working on. And, you know, I've tried the, like, rewarding her, you know, this, this thing? Is it this thing that I'm, I've been doing with my middle one, for years and years and years. It's, it's ABA, it's applied behavior analysis, where we, we see a behavior, we understand the behavior, and then we try to modify it, because my middle one is actually on the spectrum. So we've been doing ABA with her since she was three years old. Okay, so now I'm taking the skills that I learned from that, and trying to apply it to this type one daughter of mine.

Scott Benner 28:36 So it gets helping,

Christina 28:38 oh, there, there's actually a lot of different things and, you know, coping skills and tools that I've learned with doing because we've had other situations, you know, like, where we've had to address it. This is kind of the biggest one so far in our type one journey. Yeah.

Scott Benner 28:59 It's very serious and sad. You know, like, it could really like because she's making decisions right now. That are that go against her health, in order to make other people happy, who she will one day learn are not important people to her at all. And that's exactly Yeah, it sucks. I'll tell you like, it doesn't strike me as completely healthy. But I think I'd go with a us against them tactic. I think I'd be like, listen, we don't care about people who don't care about us. And if this person doesn't care about your health, then we can't care about what they think. Like, that's kind of the vibe like, I don't know, like, do you ever notice that? Are you married? Christina?

Christina 29:48 That's actually a whole like three hour conversation. But no, um, yes, but no, we're getting married. I've actually just recently filed.

Scott Benner 29:58 Well, have you ever been in this? might even be more poignant you've ever been in a relationship before? Do you ever notice that you'd never get along better than when you have a common enemy?

Christina 30:10 You know what? That? That's pretty funny. I never thought of it. But

Scott Benner 30:15 I think of it all the time. If my wife is pissed at somebody, I immediately jump on board. I'm like, Yeah, them because? Because then she's like, he's on my team. I'm like, God, damn right. I am. And then

Christina 30:29 well, then you just need to find more enemies. And you'll have a great marriage.

Scott Benner 30:32 Right? Listen, it's a it's a reasonable tactic. But no, but being serious, like, by the way, I don't know that I wasn't being serious. But being serious. The like, when you have a common foe, you feel more aligned. And the way I've said this on the podcast before, I'm happy to say it again to you, because I'm sure everybody hasn't heard every word. But when I caught my little brother smoking, what I said to him was, somewhere in a boardroom, there are 10 Very rich people laughing that you're buying their cigarettes. Why? Why are you doing that for them? Right, like, like, they're like, Haha, these kids out there buying cigarettes, and I own a speedboat. And I have three mistresses and a Lamborghini and my wife and a mansion. And they're going to die. So I can pay for all this. Like, why would you let that happen? And and I think I have a very similar feeling about this. Like what I said earlier, I really believe in like, I'm not on the side of people who aren't on my side. So if you're doing something that is actively causing my health to deteriorate, well, you're not somebody I care about. Like, I can't possibly, why would I listen to you, you don't care about me. And I don't know that if she's old enough for that or not. But I mean, it's a

Christina 31:58 because that is so opposite of, of how I would actually approach it,

Scott Benner 32:06 I know, it's my brother in law, and then

Christina 32:08 invite it and anything like I in life for me, too, I wouldn't approach it that way. And turn and I have completely different personalities she likes, maybe you're onto something there. Because I was gonna go into like, Well, my next plan is to do with doing what I did with my middle one, when we have this certain thing that we want them to do like this good behavior, which would be in this case, Pre-Bolus thing. We were like, do this. It's called a social story. So we would sit down, and we would talk about and kind of at her age, because she's older, I kind of more do it in a journalistic type of way, where we would sit down, and I could write in like, this is a situation that happened. This is now what's happening. This is how this would be a better choice to do. Like, when we're at school, and we're embarrassed that our friends are around. What are some ways that we could like not be embarrassed? And you know, maybe your thing is like, you know what? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what they think about me, because I don't really care about am I gonna be friends with them? No, I don't know. Right? Maybe I have. It doesn't matter.

Scott Benner 33:42 Christina I have a comparison right now. I don't know that I can make but I hold on. So first of all, why did I come to this? Because when we first got on, I wrote down Christina, California as like a possible title for your episode. And I know you live somewhere where people are really like tend to be thought shallow. Well, but but like hippie dippie is what I was going Oh, yeah. And not to say that what you're doing with your your other child is and I can I'm gonna sound all over the place for a second. I love what you're doing with your other child. And I love what you tried with this kid. What it ignores is the nature of people and that there is somebody else in this equation that you're not in control of. You're not parenting the boy or the other people right? Because now everybody is the boy to her. Now she's 100% He believes everyone is looking at her like that when the truth is almost nobody gives a shit about her. Like nobody's thinking about her. That's the thing that kids miss. Right? Right. Like that's why

Christina 34:39 you're worrying about if they smell or not. Yeah, well.

Unknown Speaker 34:43 Oh my god when the internet got bigger, and I was like, and kids were like they're bullying me I'm like online like that. They're not there to like turn like you people needed to get bullied in the 70s like we're a bully held me under the water and was like you're gonna die. I was being bullied it and like, like, in a way that like could kill me in the moment. And you could shut your phone off and never hear from these people. And it's a hard lesson. And I know it's harder when you're a kid. But like, like, I'm a person who puts my voice out into the world, there are plenty of people who don't like me. And some of them make effort to make sure that I know it. But you know what I do? I ignore what I just don't listen to them. And that, you know, you know what, then they don't exist. That's it. There's billions of people on the planet, I'm aware of about 45 of them in person. Everyone else doesn't really exist unless you let them. And I don't say you should. Like I'm not saying like, hold yourself up and don't meet people. I'm saying be selective about who you let into your life. And if right, and she has to realize, first of all, the hardest thing to get is that boy probably thinks she's cute. And you know what I mean? Like, that's the part you lose is that like, he's like, he said, I couldn't eat this. Bah, bah, bah, bah. I used to kick girls in the hallway. You know which ones Christina?

Christina 36:09 The party. They're really.

Scott Benner 36:12 Like, once I found attractive, I don't know why. Like, I can't explain to you why an eight year old boy, a 10 year old boy would do something like that. It's stupid. I get it. But it's kind of how people's minds work. So

Christina 36:24 and that's what I said to her, too. I said, you know, he's probably thinking you're cute, like trying to make light. And she's like, Mom, no, that's so gross.

Scott Benner 36:35 Well, yeah, she's not ready for that idea. Yet. By the way, I wanted to be clear about kicking. I don't mean like full on, like curb stomping. I mean, like, just reaching people who are in front of you in line, you just kind of like messing with them like to get their attention because you want to be involved with them.

Christina 36:49 Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, it's happened to to a lot of us, right? It happened to me when I was eight years old. I just liked it, though.

Scott Benner 36:58 Oh, my God, Christina. No, I would kick them back, get 1000 people together and ask them to tell their story about how they got together with their significant other and it's going to start off with I thought she was blank. I thought he was an idiot. Like, blah, blah, blah, then we just turned out to be like, like, it just always goes like that. It's just not going to happen to you when you're 10. That's all Yeah, yeah. But my point is, is that I think what she needs is agency. I think she needs power. I think she needs the confidence of, I'm just gonna say a lady in a top that doesn't fit her. She just needs that, like, This is who I am. And the rest of you. I don't give a shit. Like, like, in a nicer way, because she's 11. Like, we have to nice that down somehow and fit it well.

Christina 37:45 And I think she would like to be able to say that to you. Like that's her personality. Yeah. So maybe I'm just like, you know,

Scott Benner 37:53 you think you're holding her back with your nice stuff. Yeah.

Christina 37:55 With my with my hippie dippie ways, right?

Scott Benner 38:00 What are you trying to get the title off of Christina, California. Very good. Nice to try. Always not bad.

Christina 38:08 I mean, doesn't send change over here.

Scott Benner 38:10 It works when it works. But it works when the person on the other side is thoughtful understanding, willing to listen, emotionally mature enough to go along with that ride for you. And the truth is, she's not emotionally mature enough to go on that ride yet, like you're, you're painting a picture of for her of the way things should be. And I don't disagree with it. But it's not her reality. And she can't even put herself in it because she probably looks at kids and thinks she probably has thoughts like that about other kids too. So she's Oh, yeah. So she's like, if I'm thinking this way? Well, they definitely think this about me, I'll tell you that, um, I remember very vividly after a day of baseball, my son and I went to this diner. So he was playing baseball in New Jersey. And we were very close to where Kevin Smith comic bookstore was. And I said, Let's go there. And then we'll have lunch. There's a diner. I know, that's up the street. And so we did that. But because like it was kind of like a cultural center because Kevin Smith was very famous at the time and he had this little comic bookstore. There was really nowhere to eat. So we went into this diner, it was packed. We waited our turn, my son's at his baseball stuff. I mean, it's what he lives in. You know, he's comfortable. And the lady seats us. So it's a diner, whether booze or booze, booze, booze, booze. Booth booth. It's multiple booth. Yes, good. Booth. Okay, that sounds wrong. But there were a lot of I can't do it. There are a lot of those ways of seating around the walls, right like down the walls. But in the middle of the room. There were tables. And that's all that was left. And we got seated at a table that base III was surrounded by three walls of people sitting in booth. And we weren't there very long. And I don't think my son was maybe probably around your daughter's age or maybe a year or so older. And I looked up at him and I said, Hey, are you okay? And he was very uncomfortable. Oh, and I said, What's wrong? And he felt like, everyone was looking at him. Oh, gosh, because he was centerstage. You know? And, and we talked about it. And I said, I understand you feel that way. I said, but I want you to really listen to me for a second, like, look me in the face. I said, describe the other people around us. And he starts to look around with no, don't look at them. Describe them to me. And he goes, I don't know, I haven't been looking at them. And I said, yeah, they haven't been looking at you either. And I and I said, and this is a hard lesson at a at a at a young age. But nobody cares about you. Nobody, these people are strangers. They're here eating. They don't have an opinion about you. I'm like, do you have an opinion about them? And he said, No. And I'm like, and they don't have one about you. Nobody sees you. Not that you're invisible, or that you're not important. You're very important to me. You're very important to yourself. But these people are strangers. And they don't. They don't care. Like maybe one of them's looked up at you and thought, oh, that kid just came from baseball. That's the my son used to play baseball, then like, but that's it. Like, if you think someone's looking at you right now going that kid looks odd or strange. I wonder if he got a hit today? Like, are all the things that you're concerned about? I promise you, they don't care. And it was comforting to him. It was honest. You know, but what

Christina 41:47 what gave you like, I would have never thought to say that, you know, look at all these people, or all these people around you describe them?

Scott Benner 41:58 Yeah, well, I just I was trying to put into his head that they don't, they're not looking at him. So I proved I proved it to him by by coming by telling him like he didn't even know what everybody else. You don't know what everybody else looks like. They don't know what you look like. They're not paying attention to you. They're talking at their table just the way you and I are talking right now. We don't know what they're talking about. And I think I said like, what do you think they're talking about? And he goes, I don't know. And I was like, Yeah, that's it. Like, you know, people imagine things all the time. And I very recently was recording with a nine year old girl who has diabetes. And I have to admit her parents like tricked me into it. I totally thought I was talking to the mom and I was talking. They didn't probably Oh my gosh. So I get a record early in the morning. And there's like, hello. And I'm like, wait a minute, what is happening? Like, like, you know, right, I figured out and listen, the kid was terrific. And she's still nine, she was limited in what she could talk about. So we started we started like, she lives in Canada. So I made it, but she didn't understand my sarcasm. So it was just terrific. Because I basically just made fun of Canada the whole time. Like we got into these conversations where I was like, Hey, where are you live? Like, that's where Santa lives, right? And she goes, No. And I'm like, wait, well, where does Santa doesn't live in Canada? And she goes, No, like, we're not gonna, we're just gonna live she was the North Pole on like, wait, the north poles, not Canada. And she's like, No, we're going back and forth. And at one point, at one point, I said something like, how do you get to school like in a sled? Or like, how do you like a four wheeler? She doesn't have a car and like, there's no cars in Canada? And she was yes, there are and I'm like, I'm like, there can't be. And she goes, there's cars in America. And I was like, Have you ever been to America? And she goes, No. And I'm like, Well, how do you know? And she goes, Well, there are there are cars in Canada. And I said, Listen, are you in a room with a door? And she goes, Yes. And I said, on the other side of the door, the side of the door, you can't see. Is there a clown standing there right now? And she goes, she goes, No. And I went, are you sure? She goes? I guess not. Now, I was like,

Christina 44:07 Are you just trying to scare a nine year old I was

Scott Benner 44:09 trying to be funny on the podcast. And I was trying to teach the I was trying to teach the kid Critical Thinking I said, yeah, there's probably not a clown on the other side is not a clown, but you cannot definitively say that it's not there. And I said, and you're right. There are probably cars in America, but you've never been here. So you don't know for sure. And she's like, okay, and like she got it. And I just, I just think that we do a disservice to kids sometimes by not telling them the truth about the world. It's almost like, you know, when people say like, oh, my, my kid cursed. I was so embarrassed. Christina Do you know a human being that doesn't curse?

Christina 44:49 Um, know. Yeah. And the

Scott Benner 44:51 ones that don't do really trust them. You know, I'm sorry. Right? Right. So like my point is, is that everybody curses and we act like they don't. And then these kids walk around with this unrealistic expectation put on them. And I wonder if telling your daughter be nice to people who are mean to you? Like, yes, you should be nice to them. But I think there are caveats to that. I think he doesn't understand. And maybe it's because he likes you. Or maybe it's because he's an idiot. Or maybe it's because of a million things we're not going to understand. But it's not important. We don't care about his opinion. That's what's important. us as a family, we care about people who want you to be healthy, and people who don't want you to be healthy. Not only do we not care about them, we don't want them, we don't want them to have influence over us, because the most important thing is you and your health. And that's it. That's what I care about. So we're going to do we're going to Bolus are for our foods, and we are going to correct if our blood sugar gets high, and we don't care who sees because, you know, the truth is, the people who love you won't care. Tell her that my daughter has 56789 amazing friends in the world who would not care at all about her diabetes, they wouldn't say anything about it or make her feel bad about it. They wouldn't make fun of her. But that's because my daughter has called those people together. Right? And, and you just you can't expect everybody to to be that nice. I don't know.

Christina 46:28 And anyway, maybe the the direction that I always go is like, oh, you know, you don't know. Maybe he's having a bad day. Maybe he thinks you're cute, you know, making excuses. We're really maybe that's not even helping her at all. Because I'm not really empathizing with her.

Scott Benner 46:49 Yeah, you're not hearing her concern? Because you're saying like, here's what you're saying, Mom, somebody punched me in the face today. And you said maybe he's having a bad day. I don't care if he's even worse. Yeah, right. Well, I don't care if he's having a bad day can't punch me. Like, like, there has to be walls. There has to be lines. There has to be you don't We don't bend from this. us as a family. Here's our line. We don't go past this one. You don't get to make my daughter unhealthy. We hid we we do not stand for that. Anybody who would make that assertion? To me mean, I think and listen, I know the the concern is you don't want to make your kids like the cynical little who are running around like saying like, everybody sucks. And you don't know how people are like, like you. You have to explain it to them. Like, it's not everybody. It's not people. It's not society, there are a ton of great people in the world, and you're gonna meet a lot of them. He's not one of them. Or he's not one of them right now, he might be one day, but he's just not right now. And the problem is, is that we don't have the luxury of waiting for him to figure out how to be decent, because your health is injured every time we don't use your insulin. Like to me that's the message. I don't know. Like,

Christina 48:07 you know, I'm really trying to find so with her. She's kind of my, maybe my toughest one has always been she's the firstborn. Like all of those firstborn things. She does. You know, she's always right. Well, she thinks she is she, I go to all these like, like chaperone things, you know. And so I see how she interacts with peers. Yeah, and she really isn't insecure. It really just comes to diabetes. Because, like, there we were, we were at this. And where I'm going with this is like, I don't think she's gonna mind. If I tell her, you know what, and all of those people that make you embarrass you, because she is the type of kid we're at this camp. And at this outdoor camp, and there is this camp leader, that kind of a lot of the kids didn't really like, because she was bossy and not very nice. And she's sitting there doing a stem activity with some of her peer, you know, classmates. And they're doing it. And this one girl just keeps telling her what to do. And she keeps telling the group what to do. And she goes, Oh, you sound like that girl. And I was like, totally. She's like, what she sounds like her she's bossing all of us around. And so she's not one to not say something, ya know, like when she feels like it, you

Scott Benner 49:48 should empower honestly but like don't turn it into like a but

Christina 49:54 so that's why I'm telling you that because, like sometimes I worry about that, because in that moment, she's not afraid to do that. But it's just where where do I get her to be that way about her diabetes? So

Scott Benner 50:09 you're I think you're overthinking it. Is she a good kid? Yeah, okay, well, what's, what's more likely than not taking care of her blood sugar is gonna cause her health concerns or that she's going to turn into an animal?

Christina 50:24 I think I'm overthinking it. In that moment, I would say like, Yeah, but, but but she could be if I if I tell her to go this route. So

Scott Benner 50:33 I'm gonna be honest with you, if it was 1978. And this was happening, and it happened to me. My father, or mother or your father or mother would have like gone to this person's house and said, Hey, your son said something to my daughter, tell him to apologize. And then you would have explained it to the parents, the parents would have whacked the kid on the side of the head said apologize to that girl. And then that would have been the right. And if it would have went the other way. My father would have reached through the door, grabbed his father banged his head off the door jamb, and then made the kid apologize. And I don't think any of that's right. But that is what would have happened back then. Right. And nobody sat around trying to pre plan people's thoughts. Like, like, I think, like, You're younger than me, right? How old are you?

Christina 51:20 I'm 38. Yeah,

Scott Benner 51:22 yeah, you're you're a generation or so behind me and parenting, like, I'm going to tell you the God's honest truth. You're not in charge of much as much of the direction of your children as you think you are. Right? Yeah. Like you're not going to be able to get her exactly to where you imagine her being. And the truth is that she's different than you. So even the roadmap, you're going to lay out as a good route. Basically, you're parenting your daughter the way you wish somebody would have parented you. I'm doing the same thing, by the way. Well, like but it's but mostly I'm not right. Mostly because, like it works better for Arden than it does for coal. Because coal is more like Kelly and Arden's more like me. So art in response to how I think, quicker. And Cole is more like, What are you talking about? But he's smart enough to listen, and he takes the cold, cold cherry picks from my parenting. He loves me, I watch him, listen to me. And he'll say, What Why did you? Why did you say that? And I'll tell them my thinking, and he'll go, okay, that makes sense. And then I'll see him adapt it, like to his personality. But I'll also say things where he'll be like, that doesn't make any sense to him, and he will just ignore me. Whereas everything I say to Arden makes sense. Because she and I are like, we're like the same person. So like, so I say some if I would just say, if I were to say him to my son, my son might be well gone. I don't know about that. Let me think it through or Arden would just be like, Yeah, let's roll that to be like, You know what I mean, and even now, she's getting older. She's like, I don't know if this old man knows what he's talking about. So just, you're not. You're so the I don't mean you, we all of us. I think we've made this assumption over the last couple of generations that we are somehow just 75,000 Great Decisions away from making a perfect child. And it's not gonna happen like that, like so I go, I go with, you know, have good intentions. Be a good person. Don't lie to people, if you can help it, treat people the way you want to be treated.

Christina 53:32 It's a basically a way you can help it. Yeah, well

Scott Benner 53:35 listen to me, you pull me over and say, Hey, why are you driving so fast? I am gonna start lying in circles, just so you know. Because I want to get out of a ticket. But, you know, if my wife asks me a hard question, I'm not gonna lie to her. And by the way, that's been told to me is not nice. I've had I've had people say to me, like, well just say what they want to hear. And I'm like, I find that insulting. Right? Like, so if I love you or care about you, I'm going to be very honest with you. If I don't care about you, I'd be happy to lie to you to make you happy. But I will I won't lie to my wife. Even if it would make even if it would make her day better. Like yeah, and there and I wrestle with that sometimes. Like I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. It's just it's the way it occurs to me. So anyway, and

Christina 54:30 what what even is the right thing, right? Yeah, that is her Yeah, I think we're doing the right thing.

Scott Benner 54:35 Yeah. But is her being happy the right thing? Or is or is her understanding the honesty of the moment the right thing?

Unknown Speaker 54:43 Hmm.

Christina 54:45 I think lying to make someone happy is a good in the moment thing, you know, things are great. And maybe it'll never catch up. Right? But if you continue to do little ones here and there, it's gonna catch up. And then in the long run, it's not better.

Scott Benner 55:09 I have. The other thing I find is that people are generally lying to themselves. And then they're asked, Oh, yeah, that's a big thing. And they're asking you to go along with a lie. And it's uncomfortable for them if you don't, so that's what I mean by you're lying to them to make them feel better. Right? And I, I'm not using my wife for any like, big reason other than we've just got a long history together and like, it's, you know, it's come up to where she's, you know, but I don't know if you're, if you're, if you're, if your friend is 300 pounds overweight and ordered two pizzas for themselves and said, It's healthy, right? cheeses, milk, and you go Yeah, absolutely. Hell yeah. Like, that's the situation where I'm like, if you really cared, wouldn't you go, Hey, like, no, yeah, like pizzas not healthy. You know, like, and I love you. And please don't eat two pizzas. Like, like, you know, and that's gonna go poorly. They're going to be upset by that. And, and then it's, so that's the question for me is like, do you what, what do you do in those situations? And I think it's, it's case by case and going back to your dorm. I've said this on the podcast for years, I've written about this, when I used to blog about it. I don't care about anything as much as I care about my daughter's health. So right, these, this conversation you and I are having is I would deal with this no differently than I dealt with a school that didn't want to do the right thing for her. A teacher that didn't want her to check her blood sugar, or anybody else who would stand in the way of my daughter having low stable blood sugars. Like, that's it like, I'm not, I don't have any. I don't have any ability to be humorous about that. Right? I just don't. And by the way, I can't wait for the kid at the high school up the street with a loud truck to graduate and get out of this town. Because every day at this time, he drives past my house and make noise. Just heard of my microphone. And I I'm gonna, I would pay him to drive down a different street if I could find him.

Christina 57:14 Because is it good music though?

Scott Benner 57:17 It's not the music. It's the truck. He's got. He's got these loud mufflers on it. And he always, by the way, if you were talking, I could just be quiet and then cut it out. But anyway, not the point. Yeah. So what are you going to do?

Christina 57:33 Um, I think I'm, you know, I'm going to use that approach. Let's see how it goes. You know,

Scott Benner 57:38 like, empower her make her Yeah, tell her there's nothing

Christina 57:41 wrong with that. And then if it doesn't work, I'm gonna go down my hippie dippie Wait, lane again, you know,

Scott Benner 57:45 you're not gonna get slapped. Get out of the kids, mom.

Christina 57:49 Well, I you know what, though, I have this, like, this is just me, I will get so mad and so frustrated. And I have so many drafts in my inbox that are to the school to different people that I'm just like, so mad about. And I'll write it up. And then I'll I'll even go as far as sending it to one of my sisters to proofread. And then, and then I'll let you know, kind of like, see what they say. They don't sleep on it. And then I won't send it. I'll be so fired up to send it and then I don't send it down. Definitely. It's just I'm definitely it's just something that I do for me to cope. Yeah, you know, maybe I just need to send an email.

Scott Benner 58:36 I don't I mean, I don't know in this in this exact situation. I don't know. I

Christina 58:40 wouldn't send an email. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, it was just, you know, yeah. No,

Scott Benner 58:45 I like It's like journaling. Yeah, yeah. No, I that's completely I think that's incredibly healthy. Like, is it going to go in your car and talk to yourself? I don't care what you do, just yet. Like, like, let it out. So it's gone. Yeah, but you're not gonna like meanwhile, like you can do with a 10 year old kid who says something stupid to another 10 year old kid. There's not much you're gonna do that. But I think I think the expectation that everyone's not always gonna be as kind as, as we hope to be for people. And you have to learn how to be like, resilient about that and but resilient, right? Resilient doesn't mean let someone shovel 10 pounds of your head and you walk around and smile. It means it means when you see them coming with the shovel, you walk away you don't you get away from it. You You know resiliency is almost a little bit about not being a victim. I think like you know what I mean? Because once somebody does something terrible to you, you've you're victimized at that point like it is happened to you right and then your what you're telling people is no matter how terrible this is, keep a stiff upper lip, which I mean, again, then that message is people are allowed to do terrible things to you but you're a good First and so you smile. And I don't? I don't think that's right. There's no right to me.

Christina 1:00:05 It's not right. And it I think it also is going to, you know, if we keep going the route of like, Oh, they're just an educated, like they just say even adults say silly things or stupid things or if we keep going around that route, it may becomes even more negative to her to have it. You know, yeah, because like she may even have resentment towards diabetes, because people say all the stupid stuff to her, and she doesn't stand up for herself.

Scott Benner 1:00:34 Yeah. And there's Pete, and you have to stand there and eat that sandwich over and over and over again, instead of like, oh, by the way, it's crazy as this sounds, I just put an episode up today about diabetes myths. And, you know, the first one we did is like, why people have diabetes, which is always like, you ate too much sugar. And it's there's a lot of like, personal stories and their listeners about like, things that were said to them by family members, and you know, onlookers and everything else. And like, the the explanation in that episode, is, is aimed at the people with type one, which is like, you know, yes, people are going to be ignorant, they're not going to understand some of them are just going to be stupid or bad communicators, some of them are going to be having their own pressures. And they're asking you questions, because they're scared for themselves, and you get a mask. But the end result is, you don't need to take that, like, like, you make a decision, you're either going to walk away, or you're going to educate, which is probably going to be a waste of your time. Or you or you have a stock answer in your pocket. And actually, somebody on the episode said, there's a link online, I forget what it was. But you can like hand somebody like a pre printed like PDF that has a link and says, Look, you're misinformed about diabetes, but if you want to learn more about it, go to this link, but you get away from them. Because you know, because it's not your problem to suffer other people's misunderstandings. You know, and I don't know, like, I just think, you know, I don't, I know, it sucks that your your kids see this one girl, and she seems bossy to everybody. But I bet you that I bet you that person doesn't feel like this ever. You know, you know? So? And could there be a better balance? Sure. But I'd prefer to be on the side where where I'm confident and protected. Then not feeling not confident. And, and like somebody's like, I'm now hiding who I am for somebody else. Right? I'm not into that at all. So anyway, I could. Yeah, yeah. That's what that's what it's called. Yeah, I don't know. That's, you know,

Christina 1:02:54 no, it's interesting, because for years, because this, we go to a private school. She has been with kids, since preschool, you know, now she's in sixth grade. So while we don't live in a small place, the school is kind of smaller, like, everybody knows each other. And everybody knows this kid. And for years, I've been telling her about this kid, like, you know what, because there was at one point where I heard them talk, you know, the best thing to do if you want to know about your kids, I think everybody has heard this thing, but like, just sit and drive them around and be quiet. And you can hear all kinds of stuff going on when they have friends in the car. But for years, this kid has been the topic of like, oh, you know, I've heard all of the misfortunes that have happened in his life. And they've talked about it at school, and then they talk about it in the car. And so I know I have a heart for this kid. Because maybe he's having a bad day. Yeah. But at some point, that's probably not I'm not doing a justice. She's not doing justice to him, if everybody just because he's from this. And this is why

Scott Benner 1:04:12 let me put it to you a different way and see how you feel.

Unknown Speaker 1:04:16 What if

Scott Benner 1:04:18 your daughter stops bolusing for her food, and four times a day, her blood sugar spikes up to 250? And when she's 26, she needs laser treatments to stop bleeding in her eyes. Do you care how that kid feels now?

Christina 1:04:32 Oh, no. Yeah, well, you know what's so crazy is because I listened to that episode with with the guy that had all the eye treatment. Okay. And I brought that up to her. I literally said to her, Listen, because I've done like, I'm not going to try and scare her about this. I'm not going to but finally I just got to the point where he said like, listen, I just listened to juice box and and there was this guy that had to do eye treatments for you yours because of not taking care of themselves and just being a kid, and not caring

Scott Benner 1:05:05 won't work, though she can't. Her brain can't fathom No, it can't. Yeah, by the way, so some adults brains can't fathom the future. So

Christina 1:05:13 no, I think I think you're right. And I,

Scott Benner 1:05:17 but that needs to be your motivation. I mean, like quiet right in your head, you don't need to be telling her about it, you need to be saying, This is what I'm fighting for. Like, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not just fighting for an 11 year old to feel comfortable at school. I'm fighting so that my 11 year old doesn't turn into a 26 year old who's a one C has been 12 for 10 years. Like that, right? That's what you're fighting against. You're fighting. You're right now your daughter is at a precipice, and you're trying to stop her from slipping down a slope, that she may slide down forever, nobody can stop her. Or by the time by the time she figures it out. She's so far down the slope, it's hard to climb back up again. And to me, that's what you're that's the bigger argument here is that I'm not I'm not so much defending today. I'm defending where today leads to. Right. That's, that's, that's how I think of it I guess.

Christina 1:06:11 Yeah. And that's that. I mean, how we always should, right.

Scott Benner 1:06:15 Christina, you're very agreeable. How did this what marriage not go? Well, I don't understand.

Christina 1:06:22 Oh, if you if you want to, if you want to, like another hour, we can we can split it up. And I can tell you the whole thing.

Scott Benner 1:06:34 No, it's your business. I was just I was just joking around. Yeah. But no, I was trying to say like, I was joking, but saying like, No, I know, it was I knew of you to come on. And here's something that was so like, opposite of what you were thinking. Because you have like a very thoughtful thing typed out here about all the like, wonderful pair. Yeah, no,

Christina 1:06:51 I haven't. I haven't all lined up to I have like, Oh, and this. Like, I have one page to explain to you what ABA is. I have another that compares how I use it with my daughter who's on the spectrum and with my daughter who has type one. And then I have like all these, it. You know what, though? This, this has been a great conversation. You know, it may have even been, may have even been good. Because I I was totally going in a different direction. As far as like, you know, schools ending, I'm just gonna get her into a great routine where she doesn't mind doing it. And I'm going to expose her to being a lot of friends and doing it in front of friends. You know, I had this whole like, plan for the summer.

Scott Benner 1:07:47 I don't think that's a bad plan. But you she used to be empowered. Yeah, but you know what I mean? But like,

Christina 1:07:52 when I'm not that's the thing. When I'm with her, it's great. And she's like all about it. We kind of team up, you know, right? Because she's still 11 Yeah, right. No, of course. I know when when we go to volleyball tournaments, because she she actually plays like, at a high level. Her team qualified for junior nationals. We're going to Minneapolis, we travel all over the country. And she's like, what are the best 11 year old

Scott Benner 1:08:24 proud country proud of herself about that? Like, and yeah, it feels very confident. That's the confidence you want to give her about her health. And what it takes to be healthy. Right? Yeah, that's all. Yeah, that's why everybody listening adults, especially like, where your pumps where people can see them, please, like so little kids can see them and feel comfortable about it. And don't hide in the bathroom. When you're at a restaurant. Like just pull your syringe out, give yourself insulin, and if people don't like it, who who could possibly care. Like Like, I just, I don't understand. I mean, I just don't understand giving.

Christina 1:09:02 I think I jinxed myself, because I have this group of type one moms. And we like meet up and we'll talk about stuff. And at one of these, that meetups we're talking and I'm just saying, you know, I haven't really run into Charlie. She'll just like polar stuff out, you know, right at the table at a restaurant. Like, we're out in public and she's like, shoving it in her leg like nothing's going on. And that's why it was just so crazy to me that she went from just like, Hey, it's me, too. Like, No, I'm just normal sixth grader that nothing going on?

Scott Benner 1:09:46 Yes, the peer thing. Yeah, it's the peer thing and the boy and it could have been a girl too. By the way. It could have been a mean girl or a boy or boy that she thought was nice or whatever. Who knows. Like it just, I get it like you're You're watching a very normal child interaction. But it's just getting commingled with diabetes.

Christina 1:10:06 Oh, yeah. And it's like, the tough thing is is, and I think you've probably experienced this. Nobody gets how serious this really is. You know? Like, they just like, No, I, like she's good. They say, like, all the time. Does she need a snack? Like, I'll call out to be like, Hey, Charlie needs to, you know, correct herself. And don't be like, Oh, should we ever eat something? Right? That's, you know, that. It's like, you're frustrated. She knows what it means. Just tell her she needs to make a correction. Yeah, no, it's because we don't have a school nurse.

Scott Benner 1:10:53 Right. Very, very frustrating. And I know, but that's the thing that that's why I think she needs to understand that mostly people aren't going to aren't going to know her life. And you know, the truth is, too, if you pulled this 10 year old boy aside and said, you know, you made this comment about her blah, blah, blah. Do you know that that could make her feel badly and start a chain reaction of events that could lead to serious health conditions for her in the future? A kid wouldn't understand most of those words. But they that kid would understand enough to go, oh, I don't want that. Like, but how are you going to? You can't you just can't explain that to enough people to stop her from having those situations. So you have to give her the shield. And the right not just a shield, by the way, but like the armor. I mean, you want her? She wants to be moving forward, not just defending herself. But do you really mean like just like, she hears that crap, she should blow through it. Like, like she's breaking down a wall of styrofoam. Just boom, I don't hear it. You guys don't understand. I'm I'm clear that you're not clear. And I don't hear you and I keep going. I listen to people who have my best interest at heart and understand my situation. Other people. I don't, that don't, you know, nothing against them. But I don't I don't. I don't take time to feel what they're saying. Because it's not important. It's just, it's noise coming from nowhere. And, you know, you take it internally and it ruins days and weeks and years, your

Christina 1:12:24 life. Did Arden ever run into this?

Scott Benner 1:12:28 I mean, Arden's run into like, like mean girls before. But she's, she always works through it. i My wife was saying to me the other day, she's like, I'm so impressed with Arden's like emotional maturity. Because like she, like even had a thing at school with a boy and another girl. And, you know, like, the boy might have liked Arden first. And then Arden was like, nine, I don't think I'm interested. But then the girl kind of picked right up with him. And Arden was like, Hey, is like I thought we were closer than this. And, and like, you know that it starts that way. And then when it ends are just like, You know what, it's fine. Who cares? Like just like, if they're happy then great. Like, you know, like, I don't know how she does that. Like, I would say,

Christina 1:13:13 Yeah, that would have been like, that's a superhuman power for a college girl.

Scott Benner 1:13:17 Yeah, she's just like, it's fine. Like Kelly's Kelly could explain it better than I could. But she's just like, she's so good at. She's so good. At just seeing the bigger picture. And not taking on the parts of it that are I don't know, unimportant. The

Christina 1:13:36 it's the emotional. Inner like, Girl girls are very emotional. Yeah. And sensitive. And she it seems like she has that. You know, why is beyond her years under control. Like it's not a big deal. We always say I say to my four year old this a big deal or a little deal? Like, sure.

Scott Benner 1:13:59 Yeah, no, no.

Christina 1:13:59 Do you think you're gonna marry that guy? But it's not a big deal.

Scott Benner 1:14:04 Right? Wait, yeah, seeing the bigger picture just understanding like stepping back. It's just a macro approach to things like, Could I be mad that this girl that I am friends with? took up with a guy who liked me and blah, blah, blah, like, all that stuff. And in the end, like I even said to her at one point, it was like, What's it matter? Like, if you don't want to go out with him? What's the point? And she's like, Yeah, no, it's just very, like, you know, she still needed to talk it through a little bit. But she got she got through it pretty quickly. I don't think I'll ask her on here the next time I'm on here, but I don't think Ardens ever cared what someone's thought about her diabetes. Like she doesn't care when people joke about it. Or, you know, you hear like a late night hosts make a joke about diabetes. Like I don't even I don't even think that. I don't even think she hears that. Like I just don't think she she cares about that at all. Yeah, so

Christina 1:14:55 I don't know. You know, and maybe it's a That's all she knows. You know, her body has only known being poked?

Scott Benner 1:15:05 Well, yeah, she wasn't she wasn't like she didn't grow to 10 without diabetes. And then suddenly people are like, Oh, my God, what's going on with you? But I mean, it doesn't mean that people haven't been like, what's that she just had, I'll have her tell her story. But she just had a situation in college, where she's wearing her pod. And like, this will be horrifying for some people to hear. But her, her professor came up to her and points to it and goes, and the professor like, she can do it better than me, but the professor's like British. So she's like, she came up to me and she's like, she's like, A, then what's wrong? What's wrong with you a, and she like points to the garden can do the whole thing. And she points to the pump. And Arden goes, I have diabetes, and I need insulin from this. And a woman's like, a woman's like, all right, and then walks away from her. And art and like, she's like, when I talked to her, she goes, you want to hear something hilarious? And I'm like, Sure. And then she tells me the story about the teacher. Right? Like, I know, plenty of people who would turtle up over that. Oh, yeah, yeah. And that's to me, like, look, everybody's got their, their line, right. But for most people, that's just a decision you get to make like, some people have psychological issues that would, would make it it's not just an issue, it's just not a decision for them. But a lot of people, you can choose to be upset or not be upset, right? You know, and like, I don't know that. Have you ever been in a conversation with somebody? And like, I watched it all the time. Online. And I'm like, oh, this person wants to be upset. Like, I don't know what they really want to be. But it's their inclination to lean into being upset. Oh, yeah. You know, and I see it every once in a while, like, you know, like I say, stupid, on this podcast all the time, like trying to be funny, or just like light hearted. Every once in a while, I'll get a letter from somebody's like, Well, you said this, and it was very upsetting to the person you were talking to. And I'm like, I'm like, wait, what? That doesn't make sense to me. And I go back and I look at the episode, I look at the person, I checked my emails. And you know what, I have an email from the person I recorded with, Oh, my God, I had such a great time. I hope everybody listening has as good a time as I did, like, but this is an unforced email that's just sent to me later. Like, it was so funny. And we got through so many things, and blah, blah, then I'll read a review of the same episode. And I'm like, Huh, that's interesting, because a person who isn't the person I interviewed has some clear thoughts about how the person I interviewed felt. But that's not how that person feels at all. So you sometimes it's just, you put it on? Like, they want to be mean, or they Yeah,

Christina 1:17:42 no, no, I know. There are people that I have a family member, we, we've seen, go on to Facebook, but after a couple drinks. You know, it's after a couple of drinks, usually. And so that's why sometimes, when did you take the time as to which that person sent it? Yeah, with a little liquid courage

Scott Benner 1:18:10 fired up as the person who manages a large online presence for people. I, for certain know that there are some things where people are just junky, and that I just ignore it and it goes away.

Christina 1:18:25 Maybe don't go on social date. That's where somebody needs to be truthful and not give them a white lie and say, you know, after a certain time, don't go on your social media,

Scott Benner 1:18:36 right? Yeah. Because then some people see that and they go, Oh, I get to be upset that that person misspoke. It's my turn. I get to be right. Here we go like that. That whole thing. And I don't know, it's just, it's just like, by the way that that example I used earlier, I was talking to a girl she's like, 23 years old. Her parents had like seven kids, right? And I said something I said something along the lines of by Your dad must have never been home like your dad must have just been that guy who like appeared every once in a while tapped him to be smacked your mom on the gas in the kitchen and walked away. And I paused that I went because you know, if you're gonna make seven kids, you got to keep it hot. And it's just such a dumb statement and clearly meaningless. And the girl like pause for a minute. And because she's the sweet kid, like she's 20, but she's 23. And then that's the other side of it. Like you can't run around going like you had a peak treat people equally. That's how I would have talked to anybody. She's 23. And by the way, she had a great time in the conversation and sent a long email about how lovely it was and how much fun she had and how she hopes people appreciate it and enjoy it as much as she did. But one person heard that and said, That's inappropriate. I'm like, it's inappropriate to you. It wasn't inappropriate to her. And if it was, she could have said so. And at the end of every episode, and Christina Europe out to have this experience. I'm going to shut off the recording and say to you, is there anything we spoke about today that made you uncomfortable that you don't want in the recording? Please tell me now you cannot hurt my feelings. It's absolutely fine. Oh, wow. And you'll get to answer that question just like she did. And by the way, it's not a rule, I could just delete the file. Like, I record every day if she if we would have got to the end, and that girl would have been like, hey, that thing you said 45 minutes ago about my dad smacking my mom on the butt. Like I It made me so uncomfortable. It ruined the rest of the recording for me, and I didn't know how to speak up about it. I would be like, that's fine. Let's just get rid of it. Yeah, yeah, I have no trouble with that whatsoever. Like, I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable. But I also don't want to make a boring podcast that nobody listened to. And so you know, anyway, well,

Christina 1:20:51 well, it's all about expectations, right? Like, if you have an expectation of someone, like, Does this person expect you not to make jokes? If they've listened to it before? Shouldn't their expectation be, oh, he makes jokes. You know, like, every episode, there's jokes. So why are they getting disappointed? If they know that that's what they expect? You know, like, don't have these expectations of you to be, you know, buttoned up and polished. And not make jokes. Yes. When that's the type of podcast you have.

Scott Benner 1:21:30 Right? Right. It's, it's, I can't go through the whole thing. But like, it's silly and fun and poignant. Because if it's not, it's not interesting that Christina like, sound like a douchebag saying this. But this isn't the only diabetes podcast. But it is the only one that is listened to, with any frequency enough to put it on. Any kind of like Apple or Spotify list that shows you that, like, there are a lot of people listening to this. So I'm not saying that somebody else isn't out there saying something that might be really valuable for people with diabetes, they very well, maybe, but they're not there, their, their episodes are not being listened to 50 60,000 times. They're not like, you know, like, I just looked at something the other day, because I, you know, I have to stay in business to write like, I have to get advertisers and stuff like that. So I posted somewhere, you know, just looking for new advertising. And the here's what I said. It's, by the way, it's the middle of a month right now, I said so far this month, over 50,000 devices have downloaded over 290,000 episodes of this podcast, why is your company not on one of them? Right? Like that's my kind of like my pitch for that. You trust me when I tell you that if we took all the other diabetes podcasts and added up all of their downloads, you're not getting anywhere near that number. And I will tell you, it's because this isn't boring. And it's no, it's not bland, and it's not sterile. And it's it can be entertaining, and you might hear something you don't expect. Like for instance, today, a lovely woman from California came on with a lot of great ideas about how to be a good parent. And some guy who grew up in the 70s was like, why don't you just tell him to shut up? And you went, but that might not be like, I don't know if people will really hear it. But there was a minute, there was a minute in this conversation when you thought, Oh, God, I'm parenting my daughter. The way I would want to hear this not the way she would want to hear it. You Oh, yeah, you had that moment. And on any other podcasts, I would have been like, Oh, my God, ABA tell me more about it.

Christina 1:23:52 And can I tell you though, that I think that's also where you're hitting the nail on the head with the podcast is when you pull it up, all scroll, I'll pull up, pull up your podcast, like if I have a drive, and I listen, I'll go, and I'll scroll. And I was so excited that it's one you just did you know, because you know, I was all prepping and getting ready to talk to you. And I was so excited that one of your newer ones, there was a reality TV guy on there. Yeah. And I could not wait to hear about this reality show. And now I'm like, Oh, should I go? Try and watch that show? He's had nothing to do. Like you guys had great, you know, conversation. And it was a great topic. And I think everybody should, should get some some knowledge from it. But I also loved listening to the non diabetes stuff. And in this diabetes world, you kind of don't want to talk about it all the time. Oh, you were normal people too. You know,

Scott Benner 1:24:57 I could make a dry Episode of this podcast that was so factually clear, and and great for your management and all that other stuff. But I wouldn't listen to it. So if I'm not going to listen to it, how would I expect you to listen to it like, like when people, people already have enough trouble understanding their health needs, and the things that they should be doing? They don't want to listen to a pamphlet, be read to them. And no one else understands that. Like, I haven't heard a lot of other people's like content, but mostly, it's just dry. And I'm like, oh, yeah, so irritating. I would never make it through this, I'd sooner just throw myself in front of a truck. Like then. It's hard. Like I had this time, one time, I was consulting for a company. And they said, hey, you know, one of our things came up on a podcast, would you listen to it and tell me what you think? And I was like, Yeah, okay. So I'm listening. And I texted back to the person. And I was like, Where is the comment? Because I don't think I can make it through all this. This is so boring. And that person was paying me to listen to it to give them my opinion. And I was like, I can't do this. I was like, Who listens to this? I can think it's like when you watch a bad TV show, and you think, I don't think the director's mom made it through this. You know. And I just think that way about, about this like it in the end, I told somebody recently, I think my job is to trick you into taking better care of yourself. By by interlacing the things you need to know about diabetes into a conversation that doesn't feel like it's about diabetes. Right? That's all like, I mean, we talked about some really important stuff today for people who are raising kids with type one. But I said about 50 Stupid things while we were talking. But it keeps that many you know, they give us 50 I don't know. No, I actually said something. I think I'm like, cut out. What do you think of that? I was like, that might have been too far. But it makes a perfect picture to me in my head. And so like, I figured, well, that might work for other people, too. Anyway, Christina, I know what we've learned here today. You're a little too hippie dippie. I'm fine. Hey, you

Christina 1:27:20 know what, though? I've, I've been called that before. I like my oils.

Scott Benner 1:27:28 I didn't say anything like that. Maybe you should put some lavender in the diffuser and see if it fixes the hole. By the way, nothing wrong with that. They're just not going to fix anything. Like it's still Wofully you don't even we were talking about that. In one of the episodes Jenny and I. And I said like, at some point. In this episode, I am going to make fun of your diffuser. So if you can't handle it, you should stop listening now. And we had like a nice moment where Jenny's like, look, I love essential oils. And she's like, but they're not going to cure your diabetes. Right now. Yeah, it's so. And I said the same thing. I'm like, Arden tells me all the time. Like sometimes she's stressed down. She has little diffuser in her room. And she's like, it's lovely. And I'm like, yeah, it's great. I have no trouble with that in the world. I have trouble when I hear people say, you know, I forget what the example was. I used the opposite. I was like, my lumbago went away because I diffused this with this. Like that's that's not how that works. So, but anyway, you're really lovely. Thank you for your lovely to. Nobody ever calls me lovely back that you

Christina 1:28:32 are What's the word for boy? Lovely. I don't know. I'm already with lovely charming, charming charm.

Scott Benner 1:28:39 Oh, am I charming? Yeah, I was talking to a girl from South Africa the other day. And she goes, I just want to say something about your accent. And I thought I was like, Oh, here it comes. I'm like, go ahead, you know? And she's like, I love your voice. And I went oh, nevermind, go on.

Christina 1:28:57 Go I'm gonna

Scott Benner 1:28:58 go downstairs right now and tell my wife that I'm charming. And then I will. I will time how long she laughs and I'll tack that time but at the end. She'll be like, they don't know you.

Christina 1:29:12 Well, you're charming enough to have people want to come on your your podcast. And for somebody who say they like your accent or love your accent unless

Scott Benner 1:29:21 you are Christina. All right. When I get rid of my wife, I'm gonna call you up. This was by the way, I'll get a note about that. At the end. It was so creepy. He told this woman that boss Shut up.

Christina 1:29:34 Yeah, tell them to send a note to me. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:29:37 you don't understand. Sorry. If you had that thought just now. You don't understand sarcasm. That's like go go figure it out. It's a lovely way of

Christina 1:29:46 are there a new generation?

Scott Benner 1:29:48 You think so?

Christina 1:29:49 A little? Yeah, it's it's the generation and then the ones that are older that comment on things. They're just angry and bored.

Scott Benner 1:29:58 Okay, and the younger one Insert two, what are they two Tachi here and brainwashed? brainwashed. Christine up. There we go. That was the least California thing. You've said the whole time we were excellent. Yeah. Christina. Yeah. Look at me and tell the kids anything else have opinions.

Christina 1:30:17 I have other opinions about different things. It's parenting that I'm a little more gentle about.

Scott Benner 1:30:21 Oh, cool. So I could have taken you down a different road. Remember, I

Christina 1:30:25 grew up in Idaho. So we shoot things. We eat lots of me.

Scott Benner 1:30:32 Oh my gosh. Well, I think what Christina is saying is if you mess with her kids, she's going to barbecue.

Christina 1:30:38 Yeah, you just have to hit that button. I did call the boy a mother. You remember at the beginning,

Scott Benner 1:30:44 you were like that? Yeah. Oh, yeah. By the way. It's funny, because in that whole conversation, I thought that was the only time you actually connected with your kid. Really? Yeah. Like when you said that kids a mother. I thought that kid probably thought Yeah, mom is on my side. Yeah, that's how it seemed to me, like good. Like, look at her. This made her so upset. She's so upset how someone treated me that she said something out of character. And she is 100% on my side. Like that's how I think that probably made her feel. That's for me. I don't know. i

Christina 1:31:18 Yeah, it probably did. Yeah. Also, I don't think she was into it until she was like, but I don't want him to get in trouble.

Scott Benner 1:31:26 Well, you made her too nice. Yeah. The kid to get in trouble. I'm gonna question my entire life. No, just the last. I'm joking. 11 years, not the whole thing.

Christina 1:31:39 Not the whole thing. Just the last 11 years. Oh, gosh, I

Scott Benner 1:31:43 wish everyone could have senses of humor. That include thick, thick sarcasm, you guys would all have it. Yeah. So alright, guys, I appreciate this very much. Hold on one second for me. Okay. Yeah, I'm going to ask you now if I said anything that made you upset that you need to have taken out so but I want to do that privately so that you don't feel like okay, hold on. Okay. Really want to thank Cristina for coming on the show and having such an open minded conversation with me. And I'd also like to thank the contour next gen blood glucose meter contour next.com forward slash juice box. If you're enjoying the podcast, please share it with someone else who you think might also enjoy it. Subscribe in an app like Apple podcast, Spotify, Amazon, music, Stitcher, wherever you get your audio at. And of course, check out the private Facebook group Juicebox Podcast, type one diabetes, I think you'll like it. Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back very soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast.

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