#1176 After Dark: Broken Picker

Marie is 37 and has a daughter with T1D. We'll discuss a physical altercation between Marie and her ex and much more.

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends and welcome to episode 1176 of the Juicebox Podcast

Today's episode will be available without the curse words taken out for Apple podcast subscribers only. Today I'll be speaking with Marie who is the mother of a child with type one diabetes. And we're going to talk about her are we going to talk about today Oh geez. physical altercation with Maria and her ex that took place in front of their child. Oh, goodness. Okay, well, this isn't after dark. Please remember while you're listening that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan. If you have type one diabetes, or you're the caregiver of someone with type one, please fill out the survey AT T one D exchange.org/juice. box when you complete the survey, you're helping to support type one diabetes research right there from your phone. Check out the Juicebox Podcast private Facebook group that now has 48,000 members in it Juicebox Podcast type one diabetes on Facebook. Don't forget ora.com/juicebox Get a free 14 day trial. Keep yourself safe online with aura au r a.com/juicebox.

Podcast. Today's episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by these three fine companies. First up, cozy Earth cozy earth.com use the offer code juicebox at checkout to save 40% because the Earth is where I get my sheets, my towels, my sweatpants, my T shirts. All the companies that I have all the quality companies that I have, I should say come from cozy earth.com use the offer code juice box at checkout to save 40% The pod is also sponsored today by the contour next gen blood glucose meter. This is the meter that is on my daughter right now. Wherever she is. She's got this with her contour next one.com/juice box actually, I think she's on a beach right now. So none of us are going to be feeling bad for her. But she's got a rock solid meter with her contour next.com/juice Box. Today's episode is sponsored by Medtronic diabetes, a company that's bringing people together to redefine what it means to live with diabetes. Later in this episode, I'll be speaking with Jalen, he was diagnosed with type one diabetes at 14. He's 29. Now he's going to tell you a little bit about his story. And then later at the end of this episode, you can hear my entire conversation with Jalen to hear more stories with Medtronic champions. Go to Medtronic diabetes.com/juicebox or search the hashtag Medtronic champion on your favorite social media platform.

Marie 3:00
Hi, my name is Marie. And I have a daughter that is now six years old. Who has type

Scott Benner 3:05
one diabetes. How old was your daughter when she was diagnosed?

Marie 3:09
She had just turned three. Okay.

Scott Benner 3:13
Is there any other type one on your family side or on her father's family said?

Marie 3:19
Nope. None.

Scott Benner 3:22
How about other autoimmune issues?

Marie 3:26
Not that I know of I don't think so. Celiac

Scott Benner 3:29
thyroid, nothing like that. So nobody knew what they were doing how to get present.

Marie 3:38
It was kind of when my husband and I separated. She went to go stay with my mom. for like a week or two. I got everything settled. And my mom started noticing. Like she's drinking a lot. You know, she's paying a lot, stuff like that. And she had like a rash, which I later found out was because of like the sugar, you know, through her urine or whatever. So I'm like a little bit of a helicopter mom. So as soon as she got back, I called the pediatrician and I was like, This isn't right. Something's not right. She looks skinny. Like she's got circles under her eyes. i This is what she's doing. And they basically were like, how fast can you get here?

Scott Benner 4:19
Really? Well, yeah, that's good. Nobody. Yeah. Nobody pushed you off, like happens. Did she end up with a UTI from that or no, no, no,

Marie 4:28
I was very lucky. Like, she wasn't in DKA. She didn't have any kind of UTI or anything like that. It was a besides the emotional aspect. It was kind of a smooth, I guess. Diagnosis. Yeah.

Scott Benner 4:45
Medically, there wasn't a lot of extras. She wasn't even in DK look at you. Congratulations. That's a good catch.

Marie 4:50
Thank you.

Scott Benner 4:52
There's a thing you didn't think anybody would ever congratulate you on but that's, that's well done. Artem was on death's door when we figured it out. And so It was an it remains a thing that you I feel badly about like even, I mean God like 17 years later, like, how did we miss this for so long, like we knew something was wrong with her. And we were like paying attention to it and everything, we just never put it together. And when we intersected with doctors, you know, the right answers didn't come back. And so it just took longer. But you got that quick. Plus, you were super focused. Because you're also probably very, like, heightened, I would imagine at that point. Right? Yeah. Yeah. That's interesting. What made you want to come on the podcast?

Marie 5:35
I feel like, my story might be similar to some other people's story of, you know, separation, or not being able to really depend on the other person who's supposed to be helping you with half of at least 35% of what's going on, when you have a child that has type one diabetes.

Scott Benner 5:58
So how long were you married?

Marie 6:01
Six years?

Scott Benner 6:02
And did the separation sneak up on you? Or was it something you saw coming?

Marie 6:08
It was definitely coming, it was just not a healthy situation, there was like, you know, he has, he's an alcoholic. And so it was just a lot of buildup. And I just got to the point where there was like, a physical altercation in front of my daughter, and I just felt like, you have to start saving money, you have to get yourself out of this situation. And it just kind of once I felt secure, and being able to leave I just left.

Scott Benner 6:36
So you made a decision that you were going to leave because of that. Everything that led to it. But that kind of pushed you over the edge. And when you think to yourself, I have to save money. How long did it take to accomplish that?

Marie 6:49
So this was actually right before COVID. You know, so those, those six weeks of being stuck in that house was just every day, like, you gotta go, you gotta go, you know, and so it just took me from probably March. And then in mid September, I just called my mom, I was like, it's happening, I have an apartment, like, I don't want the kids to be in the middle of this. So I just, you know, will you help me out. And of course, my mom was completely on board, because she had been seeing a lot of those things like, you know, having to stay home all the time not being able to have people at my house because of fear of what would happen or how he would be or, you know, stuff like that.

Scott Benner 7:35
So seven months, it took you to collect yourself to get out. Yeah. And can you give me some context for how he would be what does that mean? Just

Marie 7:45
like, very aggressive, and, you know, does, he doesn't know what the point of stop, like, I'm, I'm drinking to enjoy myself, I'm drinking to, like, socialize with friends, or, you know, just in a setting or every so often, it was every single day, you know, and it would be like a soon he would start at work. And then he would come home from work, and he would stay up, you know, he would usually come home around 233 o'clock in the morning, just because of he works in a restaurant, he's a manager. And so it would be on home at three o'clock in the morning. And then I'm staying up until 738 o'clock in the morning, drinking, you know, where I'm like, You need to go to the room, I gotta get kids ready for school and like, you are not okay. And it was just like a daily thing.

Scott Benner 8:36
Did it start at a certain point? Or was it when you look back, it was the always drinking. So

Marie 8:42
I think that it just progressively got worse. And at the beginning, it wasn't really that bad. I didn't notice it. Until I was already like, a year down the line and the marriage and it just got increasingly worse and worse and worse and worse. You know?

Scott Benner 9:00
Are you separated from it long enough now to look at it and wonder, was it anxiety alcoholism, like stress? Like, do you like do you know what kind of facilitated it?

Marie 9:11
I think that he just is addicted to drinking, he's addicted to alcohol, and that's just his vice, you know, maybe like a little bit of escapism?

Scott Benner 9:24
Would you call your life like comfortable? Was it difficult, like taking the drinking out of it, like trying to just try to paint a picture, right? No,

Marie 9:34
I mean, he has a great job. You know, he works really hard. I will never take that away from him. He's a hard worker. He works in a very high stress environment. So maybe it was a little bit of stress. And there's a lot of pressure in that environment and from the people that he works for and things like that. But you know, he provided for us you know, it was never like we're struggling. We can't pay bills, you know, things like that. We had what we needed. It was not bad in that aspect of life. I don't

Scott Benner 10:06
know how to ask this next question, so I'm gonna probably get it wrong. But this episode is sponsored by Medtronic. diabetes, Medtronic diabetes.com/juice box. And now we're going to hear from Medtronic champion Jalen.

Speaker 1 10:19
I was going straight into high school. So it was a summer heading into high school was that particularly difficult, unimaginable, you know, I missed my entire summer. So I went, I was going to a brand new school, I was around a bunch of new people that I had not been going to school with. So it was hard trying to balance that while also explaining to people what type one diabetes was, my hometown did not have an endocrinologist. So I was traveling over an hour to the nearest endocrinologist for children. So you know, I outside of that I didn't have any type of support in my hometown.

Scott Benner 10:53
Did you try to explain to people or did you find it easier just to stay private?

Speaker 1 10:58
I honestly I just held back I didn't really like talking about it. It was just it felt like it was just an repeating record where I was saying things and people weren't understanding it. And I also was still in the process of learning it. So I just kept it to myself didn't really talk about it.

Scott Benner 11:12
Did you eventually find people in real life that you could confide in. I

Speaker 1 11:17
never really got the experience until after getting to college. And then once I graduated college, it's all I see. You know, you can easily search Medtronic champions, you see people that pop up and you're like, wow, look at all this content. And I think that's something that motivates me started embracing more. You know how I live with type one diabetes? To hear

Scott Benner 11:38
Jay Lin's entire conversation. stay till the very end. Medtronic diabetes.com/juice box to hear more stories from the Medtronic champion community. Fine. Did you feel loved aside of the drinking? Like? No, no. Okay. No. Got it. How many kids?

Marie 11:59
Altogether we have? Three, but they're only one is our kid together. Okay,

Scott Benner 12:07
so you have a baby with somebody else. You have a baby with him? He has a baby with somebody else. He has a baby with you. Yes, got it. Which ones? I'm just gonna say did you take all three? Are you couldn't do that? I imagine.

Marie 12:19
No, I just have my two your two

Scott Benner 12:23
natural children. Okay. So you weren't there? Like, mother?

Marie 12:29
Know her mom, his his other child's mom is? She's amazing. And she's, you know, she's a great mom.

Scott Benner 12:37
Gotcha. Did you guys work together in the restaurant? A

Marie 12:40
long time ago, probably like 12 years ago. That's and that was before he was a manager. That's how we met. Tell

Scott Benner 12:46
you what is it? This is kind of weird. But I this comes up a lot on the podcast, working in restaurants kind of a party, right. Like after work. I think

Marie 12:57
it really just depends. You know, I think a lot of times when you're in the restaurant industry, there is so much stress. And you're it's kind of like a people pleaser. You're trying to make other people happy, other people happy. And so a lot of people do go out to unwind after they get done working. And I think it's just a an acceptable thing. In that industry.

Scott Benner 13:21
Gotcha. Okay. Well, I'm sorry for all that. That's obviously terrible. Nobody deserves that to be their situation for sure. One last weird question. When you make the decision to leave, but it takes seven months to collect money and, and resources. I'm assuming that entire time you don't want him to know this is happening because of what you've mentioned. So are you just pretending? Do you have to keep intimacy going? Like what is that seven months? Like?

Marie 13:49
There was there hadn't been intimacy for a long time. Okay. All right. So it was not a pretending thing. And it was we barely saw each other. So it was kind of like strangers passing in the night kind of situation. And we didn't sleep in the same room and it was never, and we hadn't for three years since my daughter was born. So it was just a it was wasn't even about faking it or having to not let him know that something was happening. He was completely oblivious. Oh, because he was focused on work and drinking and that was his routine.

Scott Benner 14:26
Gotcha. You didn't have to pretend because he wasn't looking. Yeah, gotcha. Anything about the baby being born that threw him off or was he liked that prior? The podcast is sponsored today. By the place where I kept my oh gosh, my sheets, my towels, some of my clothing. A lot of the things that I stay warm are comfortable with cozy earth.com I'm wearing a pair of cozy Earth joggers right now. I've recently gotten another pair in a different color. I sleep on cozy Earth sheets. They're so comfortable and soft. In temperate, temperate, meaning I've never hot or cold, which is really saying something because my wife loves to turn that giant fan on, but they keep me nice and warm without making me like sweaty or moist. You know what I mean? You want to be moist while you're sleeping. And then of course, the waffle towels, I use every day to dry off of my bits and parts. After I've showered cozy earth.com use the offer code juice box at checkout to save 40% off of your entire order. I'm not saying 40% off of one item, I'm saying 40% off of everything you put in the cart, cozy earth.com use the offer code juice box at checkout. The contour next gen blood glucose meter is sponsoring this episode of The Juicebox Podcast. And it's entirely possible that it is less expensive in cash than you're paying right now for your meter through your insurance company. That's right. If you go to my link contour next one.com/juicebox You're going to find links to Walmart, Amazon, Walgreens, CVS, Rite Aid, Kroger and Meijer. You could be paying more right now through your insurance for your test strips and meter than you would pay through my link for the contour next gen and contour next test strips in cash. What am I saying? My link may be cheaper out of your pocket than you're paying right now, even with your insurance. And I don't know what meter you have right now, I can't say that. But what I can say for sure is that the contour next gen meter is accurate. It is reliable. And it is the meter that we've been using for years contour next.com/juicebox. And if you already have a contour meter, and you're buying test strips doing so through the Juicebox Podcast link will help to support the show.

Marie 16:51
I think he really wanted a son. And I really noticed the difference when we found out that it was going to be a daughter. He was very he was disappointed right off the bat. You know, now he loves her more than anything, I'm sure. But he I just that's when I really noticed a change in our relationship and how he kind of interacted. Interesting and the family environment. Yeah.

Scott Benner 17:16
So the drinking was the entire time you were together? Or it was too Can I ask you like, I'm not? I hope this comes off. Right? I'm sure. Why'd you marry him? Because

Marie 17:29
it wasn't always that bad. You know, like, He's the funny guy. He's, he's got a big heart, you know, just not, not for me. And so like, he's the guy that everybody jokes around with, and he's, you know, very likable. But I also think that that is some of his narcissism and things like that, you know, he, it's not really fooling people. He's just not always like that, you know, the

Scott Benner 17:57
drinking was more, like socially acceptable. And then it just kind of got worse and been worse. And this is not something you did. I have to ask you did the other mom, did she try to tell you before you married him? No, no, no. Maybe that would have been nice. Maybe you guys can start a group and tell the next girl.

Marie 18:20
I would have been very appreciative if I would have known. But then I wouldn't have my daughter. And that would not be I wouldn't be sad.

Scott Benner 18:28
Yeah. Life's interesting, isn't it? Okay. Yeah. So, diabetes comes, I'm gonna guess you're on your own dealing with it. So

Marie 18:36
basically, we were in the hospital because it was like a Thursday. So we ended up being in the hospital until the following Tuesday. And not because there were like medical things going on, but simply just because the doctors were in in all weekend. And we couldn't be discharged until we sat down with the endocrinologist of the hospital to make sure that we knew everything and, you know, things like that were were good. But, you know, he wasn't there, he would show up for 30 minutes, an hour a day, and then leave. And so I was there by myself, you know, learning how to do everything, figuring out numbers, you know, learning how to Pre-Bolus and having those nights of just like, just being really sad. You know, I remember leaving the hospital to go pick up her prescriptions at Publix and just standing in line, bawling my eyes out because I couldn't fathom the life that she was going to have. And I was alone in it. You know, there wasn't a supporting character that was there to help me. And it was, you know, just trying to figure out how I'm gonna figure this out. In the long run,

Scott Benner 19:46
right, Marie, I make notes while I'm talking to people. And you know, the word I wrote down like 35 seconds ago.

Marie 19:53
No,

Scott Benner 19:54
I wrote down a loan. Because that's what struck me right away. Is that you're already three years into this knowledge that he's not really a partner, and you're not happy with your relationship for good reasons, your marriage is a mess. And now there's this next burden on you, that's totally going to be on you. Because you already saying it's not going to be him. And yeah, then you're worried about your daughter on top of all that. And that's, that's definitely a feeling of being alone and separated from happiness. Like, you know what I mean? Like, it feels like it feels like somebody comes along and cleaves away any chance to be happy and just like, moves it off to the side, like, that's not yours anymore. And that that's a you need a person to talk to, and that's time did you go to your mom,

Marie 20:45
I talked to my mom a lot. You know, my mom is a good support system for me, especially during that time. But, you know, she lives 700 miles away, you know, so, I'm in this town pretty much by myself, I don't have family here. And it's very much like, I don't have people that understand how my life is changing, you know. And so it was just like a combination of like, I'm finally free of this life that I had been living and the secrets that I have been keeping. And now, it was like a glimpse of freedom, you know, and I don't mean to put it that way. But it was because now you're chained to, you know, we were MDI for a long time. And so just shots and figuring that out. And for a three year old, you know, it's hard having to get shots, and yeah,

Scott Benner 21:39
no, I remember. Yep. Did you move there to be with him? Is that why you're far from your mom?

Marie 21:46
No, after I finished college, my mom lived here. And so I moved here to be closer to her, you know, I lived with her to kind of pay off student loans while I was working. And

Scott Benner 21:58
then she was like that. Then she bugged out and left. No,

Marie 22:01
she got married to this amazing guy who was in the military, and they were stationed in Germany for three years, they had just moved back. Right before she was diagnosed. And so but you know, then he was stationed in a different place. So, so

Scott Benner 22:20
she moves around a little bit. How old are you? How old? Are you?

Marie 22:25
37.

Scott Benner 22:26
Okay, your voice sounds younger. And so it was, it was making me look at you. You're like, Oh, now, you're very well, which it's? I asked. I mean, for everybody listening, but honestly, I asked for me, because now that you're 37 it's easier on me. I don't even know another way to put that. I have these conversations. I had one recently with a girl was like 26 and had a baby and she was dealing with postpartum and everything. And it was her age was breaking my heart as much as the story was. Yeah, so finding out your 37 alleviates some of my anxiety. So thank you for having me. She knows how to get into it. You know what I mean? Been through a couple of rodeos? Oh, yeah. No kidding. Hey, so when do you think you'll date again? 2094. Maybe because

Marie 23:18
I don't know. It's been a long time. And I am very much just enjoying living my life for my kids right now. You know, if

Scott Benner 23:28
I was you, I wouldn't even get a male cat. What do you think of that?

Marie 23:33
Like, oddly enough. Oddly enough, I've kept my daughter alive for three years with this. And so she's been begging me for a cat. And we just got a little baby kitten. So hopefully I can keep both of them alive. And

Scott Benner 23:44
again, I'm just saying I'd stay away from boys and their stuff until I I don't know, I'd vet a guy. Like, he'd feel like, oh my god, he feels like he was going into the CIA. If he was dating me again, if I was, you know. We've done background checks. We need blood every three days. Yeah.

Marie 24:03
There's an interview process. And Oh, for sure. No

Scott Benner 24:08
kidding. It's gonna take at least a year to get through this. Yeah. Can I ask you a weird question? When you're in college, and you're young, and you're imagining your life? Did you think something like this was your lot? Like, did you think you were going in this direction? Like, or is it? Does it completely blow your mind that this is your story?

Marie 24:27
Um, honestly, and I don't mean to sound like a Debbie Downer or whatever. I have gone through a lot of hardships from a young age. And so sometimes it almost seemed like I would never get out of that, you know, it was just like a cycle of, you know, bad decisions or, you know, losing my brother or you know, it just the hits like kept coming. And so, it almost seemed like I wasn't ever going to have that like Dream Life for that dream, family or anything like that. Okay,

Scott Benner 25:04
so it just does that sound doesn't sound weird at all because I mean, listen, I've spoken to a number of people at this point. It's either your, that's your path. And you're almost it's almost a self fulfilling prophecy. Or it just like a car accident comes out of nowhere. And it's like, I don't know, he was like, such a great guy. And he was the captain of the lacrosse team and blah, blah, blah. And then one day like, it goes, like one way or the other normally. So I'm sorry, what happened to your brother?

Marie 25:34
He passed away when he was 20 years old. I was 23.

Scott Benner 25:38
Oh, that's terrible. I'm so sorry. Yeah. Yeah, it was very hard. You have other siblings? No. Hard for your mom to imagine.

Marie 25:50
Immensely hard for my mom. Yes.

Scott Benner 25:53
Well, alright, my home was everybody take a breath for a second. Did anything good happening in the last three years? Like it's?

Marie 26:01
Um, yeah, I have two amazing kids. They're very smart. They're self sufficient. You know, I'm blessed with this as well. I won't have a third kid because the third is gonna be a bust for sure. Like, I have great, great kids.

Scott Benner 26:17
Got lucky in one spot. You just got to kind of hold on to that. Like, let's not stretch that out. I do understand that. Yeah, no kidding.

Marie 26:24
It's the best part. So good for you.

Scott Benner 26:26
Okay, so each said she did MDI in the beginning, obviously, how long did that go for?

Marie 26:31
I want to say it was the summer we're in 2023. So we did that for over a year, and three or four months, because maybe longer because we had only been on Omni pod for about six or seven months before we went to the five. So it was kind of, we did it for a long time. And that had a lot to do with like, you know, her dad didn't want her to be on a pump. And, and I think that was more like, it was just hard for him to figure out how to work it or to go to a class or you know, and that's part of his alcoholism and, and stuff like that. But yeah, we did it for a long time. Does

Scott Benner 27:14
she see him now?

Marie 27:17
No, she has not. He tried to drive with her drunk in a car. And we had a huge altercation. You know, and so he has a no contact order with her.

Scott Benner 27:33
Wow, that's something that alcohol is Yes. Really something else? Isn't it addiction in general. But it's very, very sad. Yeah. Because there's no way he's, there's no way anybody in there is in their right mind and thinking like this will be okay. You know, like, when you're making a decision like that you're not? I mean, you're not the you're not the one making the decisions anymore. In this case, the

Marie 27:57
I think the alcohol is that is the drive driving force for sure.

Scott Benner 28:00
Let me say this. I'm sorry. That's the case. And at the same time, I'm glad it happened. And she's okay. And you were able to like to kind of separate because something bad was gonna happen at some point. I mean, I don't think being like, blackout drunk, watching your six year old and having to give insulin is a recipe for longevity. So or success. Yeah, no, I think I think that was gonna go bad. Real quickly. So maybe it's nice that nice is probably the wrong word. But maybe it's good that something happened that allowed you to, to create that separation there, too. Yeah,

Marie 28:34
that's also sad for her at the same time, because she doesn't get to see her dad.

Scott Benner 28:38
No, I know. That's what I was thinking. Oh, geez. I don't know. I hopefully that's one hell of a cat you got there.

Marie 28:47
She's pretty cute. She's pretty cute.

Scott Benner 28:49
Cats got a lot to do.

Marie 28:52
Yeah. And honestly, I'm very blessed because I do have a great group of friends that have no qualms no fears about helping me with her learning everything that they can to support me or to support her, honestly, and take care of her. And so there's always a silver lining, and it's made me build a tremendously amazing community around me and my children. So

Scott Benner 29:21
yeah, listen, I don't know if this is valuable for you or not. You're pretty young still. But my mom, I just laugh because I said you're pretty young. So yeah, I feel well feel but you're still pretty young. And my mom had a hard life. My dad wasn't an alcoholic, but the rest of the story, you know, fits pretty well. And she just passed recently she was 81. And no, oh, thank you. And I can tell you that watching her fight through all of that stuff, was a gift for my brothers and I so you You'll see you keep doing the things you're doing and your daughter will wake up one day a fully fledged adult, look at your old somewhere and be like that lady was like a tough broad, get an amen. And and it'll help her. So it'll help her. It'll help her in her own life, and it'll help her with your memory when you're gone. And like all that other stuff. I know, I'm not I'm not killing you yet. But I know you got a couple more years,

Marie 30:24
but that'd be able to get her the 18 at least

Scott Benner 30:27
Yeah. I mean, she won't look up and just think like, oh, yeah, she did make croissants for us on Fridays. Like, she's gonna see somebody who, like, who fought through a lot of stuff to help her. It's gonna mean something to her, by the way, not right away. She's going to be terrible to you for a number of years.

Marie 30:43
I already know, I have prepared myself. I already know. On the other side, my mom told me that you get it back tenfold. So I'm like, Oh, great. Yeah, I,

Scott Benner 30:54
you know, I used to think that was something when I was younger, and I watched like women, like kind of snicker when their daughters had kids that were trouble, you know? And then, and now that I'm older, I'm like, Yeah, I can see what the satisfaction comes from that. Like, it's not because you want your kids to have trouble raising their kids, because you remember when they were giving you crap? So well, okay, so you moved off of MD, once, he didn't have a say anymore, you were able to go to even that, like, let's dig into that for a second. What's that like for you to want to make a decision for your daughter's health and to have a person who you know, should not have a say in it, other than you know, that he is a sperm donor, basically. And he's got opinions that are counter productive for her health, but you've got to be in that conversation. And he gets to say, like, talk about that a little bit. So

Marie 31:43
I basically made the decision on my own. And this was before, he wasn't allowed to see her. And so I took the class, I got her on it, we did our pod of, you know, sailing, and still doing shots. And I was like, you know, this is gonna get better, this is gonna get better for both of us, you know, and I remember taking her to her dad's house and dropping her off and sitting in the living room, and trying to explain to him, you know, this is how this works, this is all you need to do. And him losing his mind and being like, we're not doing this. I don't want to curse but like, we're not doing this. I'm not doing this. This is not what is the best thing for her, you know, I don't want to do this, and just her sitting there. And like it, it was sad for both of us, because we're both seeing this, a little bit of freedom, you know, a little bit of less stress and more consistency in numbers and her feeling better and a little bit more control with those numbers as well. And it was just one of those things that was like, well, listen, you can either get on board, or you can, you know, not see her, you know. And so we kind of did that for a while, but it wasn't very much longer before. That wasn't the case anymore.

Scott Benner 33:13
I'm imagining the two of you coming into the situations already tense you already No, this is not a thing that goes well talking to that probably. Yeah. And you have all this, like, these gains that you've made, right? You've you figured things out, and they're getting better. And now you're it's almost like you're going for permission from the last person on earth who should have a say in it. And, you know, and, and I don't mean like, I know, people can hear that and think but he's just father, he has a lot of sight. And I'm like, I get that. But I mean, if you're not listening to the circumstances, you know, yeah, he's the last person that should have some input. And, and then you it's just the feeding, and she's only little but she understands. Right. Yeah. She,

Marie 33:55
you know, when they're, and I'm sure that you had the same with art and like they kind of grow up a little faster than they really should have, you know, and they're around adult conversations with the doctor and talking about things and explaining things to her. You know, I'm, I've always been very, I don't sugarcoat things for either my kids, I just, I try to be as honest with them as I can. I don't lie to them about things. And so she always since this has happened has understood more than she should you know

Scott Benner 34:31
what alcoholism in his family?

Marie 34:33
I would say absolutely. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Scott Benner 34:37
Gotcha. Do you worry about it for your kids, or for your daughter?

Marie 34:41
I do, you know, but I also see my mom, who when I was younger, was an alcoholic. And after my brother passed away, it was really hard. But you know what, my mom is almost 15 years sober and it's the best gift that she ever gave to herself. Ultimately, it's the best gift that she ever gave to me to her grandkids, you know. And so, I think that it is possible. And I think that, you know, it scares me for them. But I grew up watching that. And now, you know, I don't like drinking all the time, I'm not wanting to just sit at my house and and drink when there's nobody there or anything like that, you know. So I think that it also helps you to see what you don't want to do. Right? Or you don't don't want to be like, Yeah,

Scott Benner 35:30
I don't drink, right. And I can't take credit for it, it just isn't a thing I do. It's not a decision I made or didn't make or anything like that. And there's this liquor store at this intersection where I used to live, and he'd get stopped at the red light. And it just felt like cars were streaming in and streaming out and it just never stopped. And as a person who doesn't drink you're like, I don't understand, like, what? Why could all these people like, what are they going to do with all this? Booze their body? Like, like, like beer stores as people constantly in and out cases of beer, and it just, it doesn't make any sense to me. And then to hear the story about your ex who it only makes sense to him. You know what I mean? Like that, that looks like the sun rising and setting to him. It looks perfect. And that's his

Marie 36:21
day, buy a 24 pack, drink the whole thing, and then leave to go get more, you know, and the same night. And so it's Yeah, that's exactly what it was.

Scott Benner 36:31
Does it feel like, even though I don't imagine this is what it is, like, I'm trying to take both sides here in my head. Like, what if i What if I was an alcoholic? I don't think I would think this but from your perspective, this it feels like he chose 24 cans of beer over loving you and and his daughter? Yes.

Marie 36:50
Yeah. Right. I mean, being an active member of a family, you know, going to school functions, even with his daughter, you know, I was the one you know, waking up and going to school and helping out, you know, and he couldn't, he would sometimes go. But you could tell like he was either really hungover, or he was not really there. You know, like, I'm ready to go. You know, it's like,

Scott Benner 37:15
uh, you know, expectations. This might seem like it's off the path for a second. But I think we, we kind of can do our children a disservice by presenting to them that life is going to be like some perfection wrapped in a bow. And when you really get into life, like I just did an interview with Arden, I did my third interview with her the other day, and it's not out yet. But we were sitting here talking and, and she said something like, life's boring. And I was like, what? And she goes, yeah, she's like, can you just do the same thing over and over again? And I was like, right, and she wasn't saying it, like, what was me, you know, when to throw myself off a bridge. Like she was just like, she's like, you know, it's, it's not running to softball all the time and 15 friends around you and every time you look up, you're at a movie or having a party or something like that, like it's, it's going to school and and washing your clothes and making dinner again and again and again. And she's like, it's boring. And and I thought, I'm glad she knows that. Because if you're expecting everything to feel like mainlining heroin all the time, then when it isn't. You can say well, what's the point? Yeah, the point is going to the school function or hanging out with your kids or, you know, leaning on you and watching something stupid on television after a long day or something like that, like that. That's the point. The points like human connection. And if you don't see that, then it could seem I can see how life would seem just stark. And yeah, and you'd want to alter yourself. Because your constant. If you're not taking joy out of what life really is, then existing in It must be painful. I'm getting I'm thinking. My son said he's been away for nine months. Now. I months. He got a job at Christmas last year. But he had to basically move across the country to take this job. The experience was he needed that. And it was really good. So we had to do it. But he moved to a city where he doesn't like he knew one person and she moved like two weeks after he got there. And so he he moved to a place where he didn't know anybody. They moved him up in the company enough that his schedule changed from all the people he came in with. So all the new hires had the same schedule, but they kind of gave him a different job. And so now even the people he sort of knew a little from being hired at the same time with them. He was not on the same schedule with them anymore. Yeah. And he's only got to work there for a year so He's almost done. But he said to me the other day, it He called me and we're FaceTiming. And he goes, what do people do after work? It felt like a four year old asking me a question. Like, he's like, I don't understand, like, what is life? Like is what it felt like he was saying to me, and because and the reason he can't figure it out right now, it's because he's disconnected from people. So he's doing a task, he's coming home. Now, to his credit, he's gone out and found people like in public to play basketball with and you know, he's taking care of himself, and like he's doing the right things. But I don't know that moment. Murray, where he just said, like, what do people do after work? I was like, I felt like saying, I'll be right there. I'll just live with you until you're done with a job. And then we can come home. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm like, I'm on my way. I'll quit my job. I'll be right there. But it's also really good for him. But it's only good for him because he's handling it. Well. Yeah. Because he could be saying, what do people do after work? And then seeing if he can get through a 24 pack? Yeah, yeah. And you can't take credit for being either person. Like, it's, it's just, it's just who you are, I guess, and how you would react to that situation? No matter what. It's sucks. Yeah.

Marie 41:15
It's almost like you have to be stimulated in some way. Or, you know, have that like, not high. But you know, that thing that picks you up? Yeah,

Scott Benner 41:25
no, point, all the things that people do to busy themselves. Smoking, food, drinking. You know, even even when you see people go like the other way, they're like, I'm going to exercise. But we all know, like, there's everyone lives in a town where some like, incredibly skinny person is running. 24/7 Like that's just a person who I think really wants to drink but doesn't like alcohol. Like you don't mean like they're they're looking for. I'm not saying you can't go jogging. I'm saying that, like anything you do to access is a to me a sign of you trying to distract yourself, you know, in one way or another

Marie 42:02
trying to feel fill the void of of something. Yeah. The only

Scott Benner 42:06
thing that feels the void, in my opinion is like human connection. So yeah, that's all anyway, I can see that. Yeah. Okay, sorry. We should talk about diabetes for a second. No, you're fine. Why? No, I'm fine. But like people listening might be like, this is the diabetes podcast I listened to. So she went to Omnipod. Dash. Is that right? And how long did you dash before you went to five? Because I heard you say five in there.

Marie 42:35
We went to five. I think it came out. October of last year or August, maybe?

Scott Benner 42:42
Maybe you want to say August? September? You right in there. Yeah.

Marie 42:47
So we were on dash from about February of last year until August of last year.

Scott Benner 42:55
Okay. So you switch to pumping. But as soon as Omnipod. Five was available, you moved to that? So she's using a Dexcom G six right now as well. Okay, how do you like the algorithm?

Marie 43:06
Well, honestly, I'll be brutally honest. Yeah. When we first started, I loved it. Because I felt like it was tighter, you know, it was had a little bit more control is a little bit more aggressive, which is I, I'm a I'm a watcher. I'm like watching these numbers, I'm trying to figure out how we can get this lower, or, you know what I did wrong this time. So I don't do it wrong the next time. And so I felt for the first three months, it was great. It was awesome. But then it was like, at a certain point, it started like letting up little by little, little by little. But she also started school. So it was kind of like, days at home with me would be tighter. And then when she was at school, it's also learning those things, too. And they're little, a lot actually more lenient, and like, letting things go and I'm calling the nurse. Like, we got to do something about this. And, you know, that's a whole nother episode and in itself, but so I liked it at first, and I found myself being the crazy person that resets it, because I, it starts to get too loose for me. Yeah, so we've reset a few times. And it's always great when it first resets. And I think it's because it's going on those base numbers, which are a little more aggressive. And then it starts letting, letting letting up letting up. So it's, yeah, it's kind of an in between. It's

Scott Benner 44:33
tough, because I mean, the algorithms in general, first of all, I mean, what's already one see,

Marie 44:39
the last appointment we had, it was a six, six. That's

Scott Benner 44:43
pretty great. Does she have lows very frequently. So

Marie 44:46
I think that visit, we were at a 1% low, which was good. And I was very happy with

Scott Benner 44:52
that. Yeah. I mean, it's tough because, I mean, we talked about Omnipod five because you're using it But I don't think it matters which one you're using. They all work within, within reason. They they work similarly. And you see, you know, it's sometimes some meal spike, and they don't do as good a job as bringing them back as you would like. And they're not perfect, but they're amazing. You know what I mean? Like, it's it's really interesting. I've, for me, it's about sleep. Like, are you sleeping safely and feeling comfortable while you're sleeping? Because that's a big deal. You're only three years into it, but trust me 10 years from now, if you're not sleep, yeah, that first

Marie 45:34
couple of nights. I'm like, Oh, my gosh, I slept like through the night. What is this? Like? This is amazing. Yes, it's magic. It was. And I like saw myself being so refreshed. And everyone's like, you're in a great mood. I'm like, I slept.

Scott Benner 45:50
Great mood. My brain is working at over 40%. You don't know, normally when you're talking to me, I'm shutting off.

Marie 46:00
Oh, I'm asleep walking with my eyes open like, it's, it's not. But if I could make that number 110 Lower, like that target range or that target? That goal right there? I think it would be a lot better. That is a little. I think that gives like a little bit too much leniency for me you want it?

Scott Benner 46:21
Yeah, yeah. So you'd like to see it. So you know, I was talking to somebody two days ago, who's on control IQ. And, you know, they were talking about how how much they love control IQ and how well it works, etc. And then I said, What's your agency around like six to six, three? And she goes, No, it's five, something and I said, How are you doing that she was I have all the settings made very aggressive. And I was like, Oh, okay. And I thought, Oh, she found a way to work within what the system was willing to do. And I don't know if that's like for, like with Omnipod. Five, like, I would say if you see a spike in a meal, like I would Bolus again, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, you kind of need to keep showing that thing. Like, this is what our total daily insulin is not what I want. Yeah, yeah. And so should be. It's just, it's, I don't know, it's one of those strange things. I'm not telling you that the the algorithms all shouldn't have lower targets, and be tuned to doing that. I wish they would. I've said a million times. I don't know why you can't just say, you know, listen, I want to use the beginner, intermediate or pro level, like, you know, just flip a switch in there and say, Look now, like, let's target 90 And, and be more aggressive, or I want to target 110. Like, do that or higher or lower whatever. Yeah, but I mean, I would

Marie 47:45
do 80. That would be my 85. Somewhere in there. That would be fine with me. That's your goal?

Scott Benner 47:50
Yeah. Well, I mean, I don't know if we'll ever get to that or not like any. They won't. Yeah, the retail systems if it will do that or not? Yes. Still, though.

Marie 47:59
And their doctor doctor is very, like, she's the doctor that she's a great doctor, don't get me wrong. They're amazing. I love their office, but they're like, you know, you're at 110. At this time, I think you should go up to 130. And I'll change it while I'm in the office. And then I'll go home and change it back. Hire, you want to hire especially at night, and she's like, my, your daughter is so young. That like 110 is is is cutting it close. I don't know. What are you talking about? Lady? I'm good with that. Why does she think that? I don't know. But she's also like, if your daughter's 250 At night, don't stay up correcting that, you know, you need to get some sleep don't stay up correcting that. I can see where you're correcting that over and over again. And I'm like, I'm not hanging out at 250. Yeah, she's not for me. Yeah. And she's like, Yeah, but if you're not sleeping and you're not resting, then you're not good for her. And I was like, I don't care about me. I care about her when she's 24 years old. You know, looking back and being like, my mom didn't take care of me the way that she should have. She did not do everything she could you know, so I still stay up and do it. And every time we go to the doctor, it's like, let's raise these numbers. Let's let's make this like, this is a little borderline and I just go home and change it back

Scott Benner 49:16
where you don't look crazy in the the appointment, right? She doesn't think she's saving your life or something like your hair is not going in six directions and you're like, hey, everything's fine. Nothing like that.

Marie 49:24
No, no, nothing like that. They just know who I am. I'm gonna sit there and make sure that you know, yeah, I'm like one one ad diagonal arrow. I'm like, nope, let's do it. Let's

Scott Benner 49:34
talk too much. Is your doctor married?

Marie 49:37
I don't know. She is a little. She's an older lady. And she's, I don't exactly know where she's from. I think she might be German.

Scott Benner 49:46
How old? Is she in our 60s?

Marie 49:48
I would say

Scott Benner 49:49
yeah, you might need a younger doctor. There are

Marie 49:54
no younger doctors in this town. I see. Honestly, I spend more time with The educational nurse, I love her. But even she sometimes is like, listen, you're getting a little low at nighttime, like she's going to bed when she's 80. And that's not okay. You need to like, raise that nighttime. Why is

Scott Benner 50:12
that? Not okay? Is she getting lower than 80?

Marie 50:16
She Yeah, but I'm okay. As long as she's not under 70. You know what I mean? Like, I'm fine with that. It doesn't bother me. You're telling

Scott Benner 50:23
me that you're keeping her blood sugar between 70 and 80 when she's sleeping and the dot, and it's not going lower than that. And the doctor wants you to change that. Yeah,

Marie 50:32
like, I think last night, she got to 93. And then she came right back down and glided on, you know. And so, if we had a doctor's appointment this morning, it probably would have been like, that's not like, I'm not comfortable with that. And you shouldn't be comfortable with that. Because if something happens, you know,

Scott Benner 50:49
those people don't know what they're talking about.

Marie 50:52
It's a little stressful, because I'm always I'm trying to fix it. I'm the fixer. And they're like, You need to let out the reins a little bit.

Scott Benner 51:00
Its stability is what your goal is. If you're stable at 80, then what's the point? Like? Why? Why would we prefer to be stable at 110? I wouldn't. Yeah, they're mixing apples and oranges. Like, I don't want you falling, like below a number and getting low. Like, I'm not saying that. But there's no reason to believe that an ad is going to fall. If your settings are good. They don't know what they're saying. It's interesting. Yeah. Okay. Well, it sounds like you're doing fine. I would just crying.

Marie 51:28
I mean, I got breakfast down to a science. So I felt like if I've mastered cereal and oatmeal and pancakes, then

Scott Benner 51:37
you're probably Yeah, just you know, this penguins from that Madagascar movie, like this smile and wave just smiling life, just like I heard you. Thanks. Just can I get all the prescriptions,

Marie 51:47
change it, and I go back, I go home, and I change it back.

Scott Benner 51:51
Thank you. Appreciate it. I just need the There we go. Thank you. I go, I got my prescriptions. I'm out of here. Well, listen, I'm sure they just don't want a crazy low to happen. But I mean, how many times do you have to show them stability and an ad? Before they go? This lady seems to know how to accomplish this. You don't I mean? Yeah.

Marie 52:12
You know, it was really interesting, because there was a point there where I was going in and they're like, Well, how do you do this? Like when she's having pasta? Like, because we eat pasta? We rice? Like, I'm from Miami, like we eat rice in this house. And so she's like, Well, how do you not have that spike? And I'm like, well, first of all, I cook it and then I pull it off. And I microwave it, which breaks it down a little bit. But I also I'm like really aggressive on that dose. And I'll give her a little bit before she starts eating. And then I'll give her more after because I already know what's gonna happen, you know? And so they're like, you microwave,

Scott Benner 52:50
what you don't understand, like, instead of telling you what they think, why aren't they asking you what you think? Because you're the one that appears to know how to do it.

Marie 52:57
Yeah, well, they did. They're like, why do you microwave it? And I'm like, it just it breaks it down a little bit and makes it not have such a hard hit, you know? And they're like, and I'm like, I do the same thing for pasta. You know, I cook it I call it off. I put it in the microwave. And for some reason, you know, we just don't have that. Oh, it's not.

Scott Benner 53:15
There's no real scientific reason why that works. Yeah. Did you hear Jessie's episode where she talked about that? Yeah, yeah. Glucose goddess, right? Like, yeah, you can I think potatoes. A lot of different starches, like cook them, cool them reheat them. They don't hit you the same way.

Marie 53:32
Yep. Which is great. Yeah.

Scott Benner 53:35
Like, you should say, like, you know what, I heard it on a podcast. How was it? You don't know about it? Like, come on. Well,

Marie 53:44
after when we were in the hospital, we had this incredible nurse and her name was Alex and I will welcome Leila use her name because she was incredible. And she just sat me down one night. And she's like, Listen, this is the podcast that you need to listen to. This is going to save your life and your daughter's life. This is going to help you. And you know, she started telling me tricks. And you know, if she wants to treat before bedtime, give her some sugar free strawberry ice cream with peanut butter. And like, this is how this is going to affect this, you know, and she just was so amazing. But she pointed me straight in the direction of the podcast. And so our first doctor's appointment, I was like, yeah, like I've been listening to this podcast, and they're like, What? Like, you have to listen to it. Like what are you talking about? You've got to so it's like a revelation

Scott Benner 54:31
of she's listening. I really appreciate that. That's wonderful.

Marie 54:36
Revelation is like one so she knew what she was talking about. Gotcha.

Scott Benner 54:40
Hey, can I get a t shirt that says the revelation on it because I think that would be very funny and appropriate. And

Marie 54:47
I think I think you've earned it.

Scott Benner 54:50
I mean, as soon as I leave this room, good Tom, my wife and I would like her to refer to me as the revelation from now on.

Marie 54:58
You might get a funny look, but go

Scott Benner 55:00
I'm not gonna you know, funny like she did tell me to go by oh my gosh, she's gonna say, did someone on that podcast say that to you? Because they don't know you? You're an idiot. And I'm like, Okay, I gotcha.

Marie 55:15
No, of course not. Yeah, by

Scott Benner 55:18
the way, this is an after dark episode, I think because of all the drinking. I think I'm going to call it after dark revelation.

Marie 55:23
Hey, I'm good with that. Are you? Good? Hilarious.

Scott Benner 55:28
Oh, my gosh. Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine. You're fine. I

Marie 55:35
have moments of stress. But you know, I tried to just roll with it. Yeah. Because it's, I'm doing it on my own. So there's no other option, but

Scott Benner 55:46
I'm good. Yeah, that was not convinced, at all. Everything's fine. Thank you for asking. It felt like a movie where you're on a bridge and I come up and I'm the cop and I get out of my patrol car. You go you Okay? And you go, Yeah, I'm fine. Absolutely fine. Everything's okay. You can go about

Marie 56:07
your business. Right? Just leave me here.

Scott Benner 56:11
I don't I almost got it all worked out. But like, do you take time to take care of yourself?

Marie 56:16
My mom would say no, I go to the gym Monday through Friday. And that hour of time, hour and a half is is my time. And I feel like that is where I really work out a lot of stressors or things that are getting to me or you know, that's that's the time that I would rather spend on myself because it just clears my mind running. I just takes me to this peace level of a little bit of serenity. And like, in that moment, so that's how I take care of myself.

Scott Benner 56:49
Oh, that's excellent. By the way, be careful some of those gym boys. Like you don't I mean, like,

Marie 56:54
oh, no, I am the only weirdo in Florida right now wearing a hoodie and like sweatpants and that's that's how they don't talk to me. Cuz I'm not I'm not the cute dress girl with the makeup on.

Scott Benner 57:06
Good. Let's keep the gym boys away from you. That's right. We don't need that. I feel like you have a poor track record and you will definitely find one who's jacked up on testosterone and something else.

Marie 57:18
It is a known joke. My pickers broken like I faulty, completely faulty picker. So there's a memory.

Scott Benner 57:26
We can't We can't call it revelations. Now. It's broken picker. God damn it. You ruined my title. It's okay. I'm actually writing it down in case you're wondering, broken picker is hilarious. That's your title. They're done. Plus, I realized the violations is a Bible like thing. And maybe people would not think that's funny. You have a broken picker?

Marie 57:53
Yes, I'm not. I'm not good at that.

Scott Benner 57:55
How do we fix your picker? Just

Marie 57:57
stay single by myself. Is

Scott Benner 58:01
that why don't why don't you just play worked out with? It's worked out? Well, I've stayed away from guys and nothing's gone wrong. Why don't you go out into the world? Pick a guy and then pick one you would never go with and then ask the one you would never go without. That's probably how you should do it.

Marie 58:18
It seems like a great idea. But you know, that will just be a mess. And something always happens. Yes. There'll be a serial murderer or something. Yeah, like the Ted Bundy is that are completely normal all over the place and they're secretly killing people and stuffing them in your,

Scott Benner 58:35
your in the trunk. You're bound. And you're like that King Guy on that goddamn podcast. No, it try a quiet guy. Now he's getting ready to cut my arm off. So and eat it. So? Well. There's always I mean, I don't know. I don't know. It just it seems like I also think Look at me, I'm flustered now because I know when my wife leaves me, which has got to happen at some point. When that happens. I'm gonna be by myself for sure. Although my daughter's like you're my daughter goes, dude, you're such a catch. For some lady whose kid has diabetes. She's like, you'll be fine. Don't worry about it.

Marie 59:19
They're gonna be lining up. No heads try for somebody to help me with this. I don't have to stress on myself.

Scott Benner 59:26
That's all you want. I can do those things. Don't worry. Let's go. You're gonna get insulin. Oh, yeah, man. Don't worry. It's good. That's right. That's right. But no like, but I also think like, a guy called you young earlier, but at the same time, like it's no joke, right? When you find when people get into their late 30s The people leftover can sometimes feel like the ones that they just couldn't find a match or didn't like it feels weird, right? Doesn't it feel like you're? This is gonna sound wrong, but doesn't it feel like you're shopping like on the, like the leftover rack. It's

Marie 1:00:03
kind of like, these people are single for a reason. And it's not because they're, they're good. People are like that they're the catch. They're the ones who people have tried and been like, yeah, that's not that's a no go.

Scott Benner 1:00:19
Oh, hell is not where it's at. That's right. That's right. But you're also

Marie 1:00:25
I know. And you know why? It's because my picker is broken. And I've spent too many years with people that I shouldn't have been with. I feel like I might have been picked up a long time ago. But instead, I always wanted to be with the fun one and the crazy one, and

Scott Benner 1:00:42
this is a problem, there's a problem. That's the problem. When I was younger, my mom was like, you know, somebody's gonna love you. Like, you're so kind and blah, blah, blah. And I was like, that's not how girls pick. I don't think that's how this works. But okay, thanks, Mommy. That's right. And then we'll like talk privately. It's, and those you've heard guys say, like, just be mean, they like it better, which is obviously ridiculous. But also not like you will attract a certain person just being. And yeah, that sucks. But, you know, nobody's looking to nobody's like looking for me, Marie, who's like, I cut the lawn every week, you know, they mean? Like, are

Marie 1:01:23
you kidding me, that would be, I would be fine with that. I want somebody who's gonna be nice to me, and treat me good. And treat my kids good. And that's all I really care about right now. But I also feel like just being where I have been focusing on my kids focusing on, you know, making their life everything that it could be, I would never trade the last two years and for anything, because it's made me realize who I am. It's helped me to find out how to be the best mom for them. And really, just pour everything that I have into them and not into somebody else that will distract me. It's not worth it. That's

Scott Benner 1:02:02
excellent. I'm happy for you about that. For sure. I think you just gotta find another guy who also has a broken picker, and then you guys would probably be perfect together.

Marie 1:02:13
Maybe he exists, maybe. I mean, I

Scott Benner 1:02:15
gotta be honest with you. I don't see why we don't start a dating app right now called Broken picker. And it's just people with like, this story. Like, I always pick the wrong person. I always pick the wrong person. I never know which one to pick, and then let the algorithm put them together. I think it really would work. Yeah,

Marie 1:02:31
except for dating apps or the death of society. I feel like Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:02:35
but I mean, you're older. Now. You don't have time to go out and like, you know, they mean, pop up your caves or whatever girls do it. And like, it's a lot of work. It's like you're not going out and like foreign shields again, ever. Right?

Marie 1:02:49
Meet me on the soccer field, then we'll see what happens. That's how I see it.

Scott Benner 1:02:52
If you think I'm attractive while I'm screaming at a referee, you're gonna love me.

Marie 1:02:59
That is so true. Okay.

Scott Benner 1:03:02
That's hilarious. All right. Well, I really do appreciate you doing this with me. I'm wondering if there's anything we didn't cover that we should have?

Marie 1:03:08
I don't know. I feel like we've covered a lot. I

Scott Benner 1:03:12
took you all over the place. You did really good. That's fine. Yeah. Yeah, I can even feel it sometimes. When people are like, you ask such good questions. And I was like, I bet you people wish I asked two questions in a row that's felt like they went together. But, but I thought this was fascinating. Oh, yeah. And it really is. I think what you said in the beginning is very true. You are not nearly the only person by the way, man or woman like this could handle Yeah, yeah. For sure that this has happened to and you. I mean, I don't know if you're proud of yourself, but you took care of this quickly. I know that doesn't seem like that. Probably but you recognize the problem. tried to make it work. assessed, it is not fixable, and got the hell out? All within a few years. That's that's pretty cool. You know what I mean? Like that. That's, that's good work by you. So yeah, no, of course not. It's a I mean, you could have been there 20 years trying to, you know, coming up with excuses. And that kind of stuff. I shouldn't talk like this. My wife's gonna hear this and be like, yeah, why am I making excuses?

Marie 1:04:18
Or like, stay together for the kids stay together for the kids? Like, yeah, right. I don't want my kids to think that this is acceptable acceptable to treat somebody that way or acceptable to accept being treated that way you're such

Scott Benner 1:04:30
a harsh example to like your your situation is it's over the top you do you know that like, did you have like, like, now that you're away from it? Do you see that your life's not the same like adrenaline fueled, like crazy ride that it used to be? Did you not know it was back then? Or did you know?

Marie 1:04:48
I was in it. So I mean, I knew like, and it was like, Oh, it's 230 He'll be home soon. Like, this is this is not good. You know? So it was every day. And that's not Have a takeaway from you know, how hard he worked. And I know that he loves his kids, I just think that he has to find that balance of or say to himself, like, I am an alcoholic. And I cannot drink, you know, and I think his pride is too much to admit that or to change how he is,

Scott Benner 1:05:20
if he was able to do that, if he was able to get sober, Would you welcome him back as like her dad and everything.

Marie 1:05:27
I mean, he's still her dad, he'll always be her dad, you know, but, I mean, that would be my ideal. I want her to have a sober dad, you know, and he can be an amazing dad. And I know that, you know, and it's just, he's got to figure out like, which thing is more important to me. And I'll be honest with you, it's coming up in December, when he'll be able to see her again. And my anxiety is like, all over the place, because I don't know what that's gonna look like, because I've been in control of this situation, at that point will be a year and eight months, you know, so it's, I hope that he's getting it together and doing the things that he needs to do and that the court recommended that he does so that he can have a relationship with her. That

Scott Benner 1:06:14
would be ideal. Yeah, of course, do you not know if those things are happening or not? Do you have no contact? No,

Marie 1:06:19
he has no contact with me or, or her because of the situation that

Scott Benner 1:06:24
happened. So he knows he could be sober right now you wouldn't know it. I

Marie 1:06:30
wouldn't know it. I pray that He is, you know, I want that for my daughter urinate

Scott Benner 1:06:34
months. Now, suddenly, he's gonna be back again, and you're worried he's gonna be that same person, or worse. That's terrible. Well,

Marie 1:06:44
he's very resentful, and so I just know that it's gonna be a rocky situation, at least for a while.

Scott Benner 1:06:53
So yeah, that sucks. I I'm sorry. For you. I am, I hope. I hope it is the best outcome it can be. And if it's not, I hope you continue to handle it the way you've been because you're doing a great job.

Marie 1:07:05
Yeah, thank you.

Scott Benner 1:07:06
I appreciate that. Of course. It's sincere. I mean, I've only talked to you for an hour but you know, you're very together and, and thoughtful about this. Thank you. Yeah. Unless you're hiding something. Are you hiding anything? Tell me No. No. You imagine? I try not? You told me so many things about your life. You writing something like I don't know what it could be.

Marie 1:07:30
Maybe I'm a serial murderer. You've got people

Scott Benner 1:07:33
locked in the basement? Maybe? My gosh. Alright. Well, Maria, thank you so much. Can you hold on for a second for me? Absolutely. Thank

Marie 1:07:40
you. Thanks.

Scott Benner 1:07:47
Arden started using a contour meter because of its accuracy, but she continues to use it because it's adorable and trustworthy. If you have diabetes, you want the contour next gen blood glucose meter. There's already so many decisions. Let me take this one off your plate. Contour next one.com/juice box. Huge thanks to cozy Earth for sponsoring this episode of The Juicebox Podcast cozy earth.com use the offer code juice box at checkout to save 40% off of your entire order. Jalen is an incredible example. With so many experience living with diabetes. You show up for yourself and others every day, never letting diabetes define you. And that is what the Medtronic champion community is all about. Each of us is strong and together, we're even stronger. To hear more stories from the Medtronic champion community or to share your own story visit Medtronic diabetes.com/juicebox And look out online for the hashtag Medtronic champion. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you enjoy my full conversation with Jalen coming up in just a moment. If you're living with type one diabetes, the afterdark collection from the Juicebox Podcast is the only place to hear the stories that no one else talks about. From drugs to depression, self harm, trauma, addiction, and so much more. Go to juicebox podcast.com up in the menu and click on after dark. There you'll see a full list of all the after dark episodes. Thanks for hanging out until the end. Now you're gonna hear my entire conversation with Jalen don't forget Medtronic diabetes.com/juice box or the hashtag Medtronic champion on your favorite social media platform.

Speaker 1 1:09:34
My name is Jalen Mayfield. I am 29 years old. I live in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, where I am originally from Waynesboro, Mississippi. So I've kind of traveled all over. I've just landed here in the Midwest and haven't left since.

Scott Benner 1:09:49
How old were you when you were diagnosed with type one diabetes?

Speaker 1 1:09:52
I was 14 years old when I was diagnosed with type one diabetes

Scott Benner 1:09:56
15 years ago. Wow. Yes. Okay. 14 years old. Are you like, do you remember what grade you were in?

Speaker 1 1:10:01
I actually do because we we have like an eighth grade promotion. So I had just had a great promotion. So I was going straight into high school. So it was a summer, heading into high school

Scott Benner 1:10:11
was that particularly difficult going into high school with this new thing?

Speaker 1 1:10:14
I it was unimaginable, you know, I missed my entire summer. So I went, I was going to a brand new school with, you know, our community, we brought three different schools together. So I was around a bunch of new people that I had not been going to school with. So it was hard trying to balance that while also explaining to people what type one diabetes was,

Scott Benner 1:10:34
did you even know? Or were you just learning at the same time,

Speaker 1 1:10:37
I honestly was learning at the same time, my hometown did not have an endocrinologist. So I was traveling almost over an hour to the nearest you know, pediatrician, like endocrinologist for children. So you know, outside of that I didn't have any type of support in my hometown.

Scott Benner 1:10:55
Was there any expectation of diabetes? Is somebody else in your family have type one? No, I

Speaker 1 1:11:00
was the first one to have type one of my family. And do you have children? Now?

Scott Benner 1:11:04
I do not know. Do you think you will one day, still

Speaker 1 1:11:07
gonna validate. But right now, I've just been traveling books at all my career myself. So

Scott Benner 1:11:12
what do you do? What's your career? Yeah, so

Speaker 1 1:11:14
I am a marketing leasing specialist for a student housing company. So we oversee about 90 properties throughout the US. So I've been working for them for about

Scott Benner 1:11:22
eight years now. And you get to travel a lot in that job. Yes, I

Speaker 1 1:11:27
experience a lot of travel. It's fun, but also difficult, especially with all your type one diabetes supplies, and all your electronics. So it's a bit of a hassle sometimes.

Scott Benner 1:11:36
What do you find that you absolutely need with you while you're traveling? diabetes wise,

Speaker 1 1:11:41
I have learned my biggest thing I need is some type of glucose. I have experienced lows, whether that's on a flight traveling, walking through the airport, and I used to always experience just being nervous to ask for some type of snack or anything. So I just felt, I felt like I needed to always have something on me. And that has made it my travel a lot easier.

Scott Benner 1:12:02
So growing up in the small town. What was your initial challenge during diagnosis? And what other challenges did you find along the way?

Speaker 1 1:12:13
Yeah, I think the initial one, I felt isolated, I had no one to talk to that it was experiencing what I was going through, you know, they were people would say, Oh, I know, this is like hard for you. But I was like, you really don't like I, I just felt lonely. I didn't know you know, people were watching everything I did. He was like, You can't eat this, you can't eat that. I felt like all of my childhood had been you know, I don't even remember what it was like for life before diabetes at this point, because I felt like that's the only thing I could focus on was trying to do a life with type one diabetes, when

Scott Benner 1:12:47
you found yourself misunderstood? Did you try to explain to people or did you find it easier just to stay private?

Speaker 1 1:12:54
I honestly I just held back I didn't really like talking about it. It was just it felt like it was just an repeating record where I was saying things and people weren't understanding it. And I also was still in the process of learning it. So I just, you know, kept it to myself didn't really talk about it was I absolutely had to,

Scott Benner 1:13:12
did you eventually find people in real life that you could confide in. I

Speaker 1 1:13:17
think I never really got the experience until after getting to college. And then once I graduated college, and moving to an even bigger town, that's what I finally found that was people where I was like, Okay, there's a lot of other people that have type one diabetes. And you know, there's a community out there, which I had never experienced before, is

Scott Benner 1:13:38
college where you met somebody with diabetes for the first time or just where you met more people with different ways of thinking. So

Speaker 1 1:13:44
I met my first person with diabetes, actually, my freshman year of high school, there was only one other person. And he had had it since he was a kid, like y'all once this was like, maybe born, or like right after that timeframe. So that was the only other person I knew until I got to college. And I started meeting other people. I was a member of the band, and I was an RA. So I was like, Okay, there's, you know, there's a small handful of people also at my university, but then, once I moved to, I moved to St. Louis. And a lot of my friends I met were like med students, and they were young professionals. And that's where I started really getting involved with one of my really close friends his day, he was also type one diabetic. And I was like, that's who introduced me to all these different types of communities and technologies, and which is really what helped jumpstart my learning more in depth with type one diabetes.

Scott Benner 1:14:35
Do you think I mean, there was that one person in high school, but you were young? Do you really think you were ready to build a relationship and around diabetes? Or did you even know the reason why that would be important at the time?

Speaker 1 1:14:46
I didn't know you know, I honestly didn't think about it. I just was like, Oh, there's another person in my class that's kind of going through the same thing as I am but they've also had it a lot longer than I have. So they kind of got it down. They don't I'll really talk about it. And I was like, Well, I don't really have much to, like, connect with him. So sorry, connect with him on. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:15:06
no. So now once your world expands as far as different people, different backgrounds, different places in college, you see the need to connect in real life, but there's still only a few people, but there's still value in that, right?

Unknown Speaker 1:15:18
Correct.

Scott Benner 1:15:19
What do you think that value was at the time?

Speaker 1 1:15:22
I think it was just what making me feel like I was just a normal person. I just wanted that. And I just, I needed to know that like, you know, there was other people out there with type one diabetes experiencing the same type of, you know, thoughts that I was having.

Scott Benner 1:15:37
When were you first introduced to the Medtronic champions community? Yeah.

Speaker 1 1:15:42
So about two years ago, I was, you know, becoming more I was looking around and I noticed stumbled upon the Medtronic community. And I was like, this is something I really, really, I kind of need, you know, I said, I, all throughout these years, I was, you know, afraid to show my pump. You couldn't, I would wear long sleeves, like, didn't want people to see my CGM, because I didn't want people to ask me questions. And you know, I just felt so uncomfortable. And then I noticed seeing these people really, in the Medtronic community just they embraced it, you could see them, they weren't afraid to show it. And that was something I was really looking forward to.

Scott Benner 1:16:17
How was it knowing that your diabetes technology is such an important part of your health and your care? And having to hide it? What did it feel like to have to hide that diabetes technology? And how did it feel to be able to kind of let it go,

Speaker 1 1:16:30
I will refuse to go anywhere, like, I would run to the bathroom, I just didn't want to do it in public, because I felt like people were watching me. And that was just one of the hardest things I was trying to overcome. You know, I was fresh out of college, going into the professional world. So you know, going out on work events and things like that. I just, I just didn't think I just didn't think to have it out. Because I was so afraid. But then, once I did start, you know, embracing again and showing it that's when the curiosity came and it was actually genuine questions and people wanting to know more about the equipment that I'm on, and how does this work? And what does this mean? And things like that which meet, it kind of inspired me? Because I was like, Okay, people actually do want to understand what I'm experiencing with type one diabetes.

Scott Benner 1:17:15
What did you experience when, when the internet came into play? And now suddenly as easy as a hashtag, and you can meet all these other people who are living with diabetes as well? Can you tell me how that is? Either different or valuable? I guess, compared to meeting a few people in real life?

Speaker 1 1:17:32
Absolutely. I think if you look back from when I was first diagnosed to now, you, I would have never thought of like, you know, searching anything for someone with, you know, a type one diabetes. And now it's like, it's all I see, you know, you can easily search Medtronic champions, and you see people that pop up, and you're like, wow, look at all this content. And I think that's something that that kind of just motivates me, and which is how I've kind of came out of my shell and started embracing more and posting more on my social media with about, you know, how I live with type one diabetes. And I think that's something that I hope can inspire everyone else. What

Scott Benner 1:18:06
was it like having more personal intimate relationships in college with type one?

Speaker 1 1:18:11
I think it was kind of hard to explain, you know, just, for example, like, no one really knows, it understands, like what a logo is. And I think that was a very hard thing for me to explain, like I, you know, it can happen in any moment. And I'm sweating. I'm just really like, not all there. And I'm trying to explain, like, Hey, this is what's going on, I need your help. And I think that was something that was hard for me to, you know, I did talk to people about it. So when this happened, they were like, oh, you know, what's going on with your mate? I'm actually a type one diabetic? This is what's going on? I need your help. What about?

Scott Benner 1:18:49
Once you've had an experience like that in front of someone? Was it always bonding? Or did it ever have people kind of step back and be maybe more leery of your relationship? After

Speaker 1 1:19:02
I would tell someone I had type one diabetes after some type of event or anything, they were kind of more upset with me that I didn't tell them upfront. Because they were like, you know, I care about you, as a person I would have loved to knowing this about you. It's not anything you should have to hide from me. And that was a lot of the realization that I was going through with a lot of people.

Scott Benner 1:19:19
Okay, let me ask you this. And now we talked about what it was like to be low, and to have that more kind of emergent situation. But what about when your blood sugar has been high or stubborn? And you're not thinking correctly, but it's not as obvious maybe to you or to them? Yeah.

Speaker 1 1:19:33
So I also I go through my same experiences when I have high blood sugars, you know, I can tell like, for my co workers, for example, I didn't really talk to you know, when I go out backtrack, when I visit multiple sites for work, I usually don't announce it. And so sometimes, I'm working throughout the day, I might have snacks, forgot to take some insulin, and my blood sugar is running high and I'm a little bit more irritable. I'm all over We're the place. And I'm like, let me stop. Hey, guys, I need to like take some insulin and I'm sorry, I'm not I didn't tell you guys, I'm a diabetic. So you may be wondering why I'm kind of just a little bit snippy, you know, so I like to make sure I do that now going forward, because that's something I noticed. And it was kind of hindering me in my career because I was, you know, getting irritable, because I'm working nonstop. And I'm forgetting to stop, take a step back and focus on my diabetes, right? Hey,

Scott Benner 1:20:26
with the advent of new technologies, like Medtronic, CGM, and other diabetes technology, can you tell me how that's improved your life and those interactions with people? Yeah, I

Speaker 1 1:20:36
can. I feel confident knowing that it's working in the background, as someone and I always add what you said it, I have been someone that's really bad with counting my carbs. So sometimes I kind of undershoot it because I'm scared. But it allows me to just know that, hey, it's going, it's got my back if I forget something, and I think that allows me to have a quick, have a quick lunch. And then I'm able to get back into the work day because it's such a fast paced industry that I work in. So sometimes it is easy to forget. And so I love that I have that system that's keeping track of everything for me.

Scott Benner 1:21:09
Let me ask you one last question. When you have interactions online with other people who have type one diabetes, what social media do you find the most valuable for you personally? Like? What platforms do you see the most people and have the most good interactions on?

Speaker 1 1:21:25
Yeah, I've honestly, I've had tremendous interactions on Instagram. That's where I've kind of seen a lot of other diabetics reach out to me and ask me questions. I've commented, like, Hey, you're experiencing this too. But I've recently also been seeing tic TOCs. And, you know, finding on that side of it, I didn't, you know, see the videos in different videos. And I'm like, I would love to do stuff like that. But I just never had the courage. So I'm seeing people make, like, just the fun engagement videos now, which I love, you know, really bringing that awareness to diabetes. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:21:54
Isn't it interesting? Maybe you don't know this. But there's some sort of an age cutoff somewhere where there is an entire world of people with type one diabetes existing on Facebook, that don't go into tick tock or Instagram and vice versa. Yeah. And I do think it's pretty broken down by, you know, when that platform was most popular for those people by age, but your younger people, I'm acting like, I'm 100 years old, but younger people seem to enjoy video more.

Speaker 1 1:22:21
Yes, I think it's just because it's something you see. And so it's like, and I think the one thing and obviously, it's a big stereotype around diabetes is you don't like you have diabetes. And that's something I always face. And so when I see other people that are just, you know, normal, everyday people, and I'm like, they have type one diabetes, just like me, they're literally living their life having fun. That's just something you want to see. Because you don't get to see people living their everyday lives with diabetes. And I think that's something I've really enjoyed.

Scott Benner 1:22:51
What are your health goals? When you go to the endocrinologist, and you make a plan for the next few months? What are you hoping to achieve? And where do you struggle? And where do you see your successes, I'll

Speaker 1 1:23:02
be honest, I was not someone who is, you know, involved with my diabetes, I wasn't really focused on my health. And that was something that, you know, you go into an endocrinologist and you get these results back. And it's not what you want to hear. It gets, it makes you nervous, it makes you scared. And so I personally for myself, you know, I was like, This is my chain, this is my chance to change. I know, there's people that are living just like me, everyday lives, and they can keep their agencies and their blood sugar's under control. How can I do this? So I go in with, you know, I would like to see it down a certain number of points each time I would love for my doctor to be like, Hey, I see you're entering your carbs. I see you're, you know, you're not having lows. You're not running high, too often. That's my goal. And I've been seeing that. And that's what motivates me, every time I go to the endocrinologist where I don't dread going. It's like an exciting visit for me.

Scott Benner 1:23:50
So you'd like to set a goal for yourself and then for someone to acknowledge it to give you kind of that energy to keep going for the next goal. Yeah,

Speaker 1 1:23:58
I feel as a type one diabetic for me, and it's just a lot to balance. It's a hard our journey. And so I want someone when I go in, I want to be able to know like, Hey, I see what you're doing. Let's work together to do this. Let's you don't want to be put down like you know, you're doing horrible you're doing it's just, it's not going to motivate you because it's you're you're already fighting a tough battle. So just having that motivation and acknowledging the goods and also how we can improve. That's what really has been the game changer for me in the past two years.

Scott Benner 1:24:34
Jalen, I appreciate you spending this time with me. This was terrific. Thank you very much.

Unknown Speaker 1:24:38
Absolutely. Thank you.

Scott Benner 1:24:40
If you enjoy Jalen story, check out Medtronic. diabetes.com/juicebox the episode you just heard was professionally edited by wrong way recording. Wrong way. recording.com

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