#1169 Damsel, Not in Distress

"Damsel" was diagnosed after her pregnancy. WARNING: Episode contains conversation about physical, mental and sexual abuse. 

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends and welcome to episode 1169 of the Juicebox Podcast.

In today's episode, the person I'm interviewing will remain anonymous, but we're going to call her damsel. Damsel is 31 years old. She's had type one diabetes for just a couple of years. And there are three previous generations of type one in her family. damsel was originally diagnosed with type two diabetes. She has seizures, with something they call idiopathic epilepsy. And I need to warn you that there's going to be conversations about abuse, both at the hands of her father and an ex partner. She's going to talk about having been raped. So please be careful while you're listening. Please don't forget that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan or becoming bold with insulin. Don't forget to save 40% off of your entire order at cosy earth.com. All you have to do is use the offer code juice box at checkout that's juice box at checkout to save 40% at cosy earth.com if you have type one diabetes or you are the caregiver of someone with type one, please take the survey AT T one D exchange.org/juice. Box it takes 10 minutes and you'll be helping with type one research T one D exchange.org/juicebox. Today's episode is sponsored by Medtronic diabetes, a company that's bringing together people who are redefining what it means to live with diabetes. Later in this episode, I'll be speaking with Mark he was diagnosed with type one diabetes at 28. He's 47. Now he's going to tell you a little bit about his story. And then at the very end of the episode, you can hear my entire mini interview with Mark. To hear more stories from the Medtronic champion community or to share your own story. Visit Medtronic diabetes.com/juice box and check out the Medtronic champion hashtag on social media. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by ever since the ever since CGM is more convenient requiring only one sensor every six months. It offers more flexibility with its easy on Easy Off smart transmitter and allows you to take a break when needed ever since cgm.com/juicebox. This show is sponsored today by the glucagon that my daughter carries. G voc hypo Penn. Find out more at G voc glucagon.com. Forward slash juicebox

"Damsel" 2:42
Hi, I'm damsel.

Scott Benner 2:45
You're type one. Yes, you do. How old? were you when you were diagnosed?

"Damsel" 2:49
It was only a couple of years ago. So I think I was like 28. Okay, 29.

Scott Benner 2:55
What are you now? 31? Ish? Yes. Okay. Was it a surprise? Meaning do you see any type one in your family or other autoimmune stuff in your family? It

"Damsel" 3:08
was not a surprise to me. It was a surprise to my doctor. I'm a fourth generation type one. So

Scott Benner 3:14
have that surprise your doctor? That's funny. He did. Did he know your family history? Or she?

"Damsel" 3:22
No, she didn't really know. I didn't know at the time that that was super relevant. So I was diagnosed as type two at first.

Scott Benner 3:32
I see. And how long did that go on before? Well, I guess first tell me who like in your family line. Who else has type one? There's three others?

"Damsel" 3:40
Yeah. Like a great uncle, my late grandfather, my aunt, and then me.

Scott Benner 3:48
Well, how about does your mom have any mom or dad have any autoimmune stuff like celiac or thyroid stuff? Yeah,

"Damsel" 3:55
my mom has low thyroid. That's probably Hashimotos. Okay.

Scott Benner 4:01
So the people that you talked about great uncle, that kind of stuff. They are on your mom's side?

"Damsel" 4:07
Yes. Okay. Got it.

Scott Benner 4:10
So, what was your first symptom? What got you thinking something was wrong?

"Damsel" 4:15
Well, my symptoms started when I was a lot younger. When I was 16 or 17. I started having seizures. So I think it started with like hypoglycemia, or at least like a big crash.

Scott Benner 4:30
You were having seizures when you were 16. Was that ever diagnosed? Like did a doctor ever tell you what they thought it was? Oh,

"Damsel" 4:37
yeah, they thought it was idiopathic epilepsy. Oh,

Scott Benner 4:41
epilepsy that they can't explain. Yes. How lovely. And did that go on for long? Yeah,

"Damsel" 4:48
that went on until I got pregnant with my daughter and then ended up on insulin at that time for a short time.

Scott Benner 4:57
Oh, how old were you when you got pregnant? 20 525 So you had these seizures that nobody could explain for nine years? Yeah. So, and then when you were pregnant, you got gestational diabetes.

"Damsel" 5:11
I mean, that's what they thought when I was 19. I got some blood work done. And my agency was like, 6.4. And they were like, you're really young to be pre diabetic. I wonder what's going on here. And then just kind of brushed it aside.

Scott Benner 5:27
So do you think you had Lada for all that time? Like the slow onset type one where you? It's sort of your body's still fighting the fight, but it's, it's going the wrong way? No one's ever said that to you before. Hmm.

"Damsel" 5:42
In, in a sense, but I mean, I was under 21 When this really started happening. So yeah. Is it Lada? Is it type one with a weird presentation? I don't know. Yeah,

Scott Benner 5:53
I mean, something that takes that long, I think falls into the latter category, but neither here nor there. So you're 25 pregnant using insulin, but then when the pregnancy ends, they take you off the insulin. Yeah,

"Damsel" 6:06
cuz I was back to like a 6.4. But I was also like, eating nothing. And

Scott Benner 6:13
then when you're finally diagnosed, you know, with type one are known, I guess they they started looking at it as type two first.

"Damsel" 6:21
Right. Then we went to all the type two meds, Metformin, that kind of stuff. Yeah. All the way up to the one that starts with the with an A, that they really don't like to use because it causes liver issues.

Scott Benner 6:35
What do you know what it's called? Oh, gosh, like,

"Damsel" 6:38
I can't remember. I'm

Scott Benner 6:40
now going to test my googling skills. Ready. Watch this. If we get this amazing diabetes, is it a pill? Yes. Okay. diabetes pill? Liver. Nothing within a popped up. Dammit. I had such high hopes for that. I don't know why. Shoot. Okay. I don't think we're gonna find it that way.

"Damsel" 7:06
All right. Oh, I'd have to look it up. Yeah, they didn't call it all records. But

Scott Benner 7:10
they didn't call it an anti diabetic drug. Did they?

"Damsel" 7:15
I don't, I don't remember. Okay, that's fine.

Scott Benner 7:16
It's the only thing that popped up here. So okay, so you treat that way for a while, that's obviously not the case. Eventually, you get a type one diagnosis? Did you go into DKA? Or did things just get like, more and more difficult to manage the way you were doing it? You

"Damsel" 7:29
know, I think I had a few bouts of it. Like when I got pregnant, and then was diagnosed as gestational. And then other times when I was sick, but you know, not knowing is like, if it's mild, you know, like, like, go to the hospital. Just, you know,

Scott Benner 7:47
can you describe a little bit what it's like to live in that kind of like Limbo with your health, not really, knowing what's going on treatments aren't doing what they're supposed to do? And you still go on?

"Damsel" 7:57
Oh, gosh, I mean, I didn't really go on it was almost entirely disabling. Tell me. Yeah, I mean, I would work part time and, you know, just try to cover things up or not say anything about it until, you know, you're eligible for FMLA and accommodations and everything. You know, kind of build a rapport before, you know, I see. Hopefully they find out. See, see you're there's been a few times where Yeah, I passed out or had a seizure from what I now know is low blood sugar. And I've been fired.

Scott Benner 8:35
That's crazy, isn't it? Like? So you're getting low blood sugar just on like, oral medications?

"Damsel" 8:42
Well, yes. When I was on oral medications, but I mean, even before I was diagnosed, where I was having that rash for some weird reason, and then going into the seizures, yeah,

Scott Benner 8:54
sorry. I never, you know, people bring this up. Sometimes the having seizures. They, it feels like low blood sugar, but they're, they eventually become type one, but they weren't then or they weren't using insulin. We never come to a real good answer about how that happens. It's um, it's really something I keep waiting for somebody to be like a doctor explained it to me, but doesn't seem to happen that much.

"Damsel" 9:16
Yeah, well, there's one. There's one antibody where it causes you to have hypoglycemia first. And then that can trigger the others from my understanding.

Scott Benner 9:27
Wow, okay. That's a decent expert who told you about that? Dr. Google. He knows everything except for that medicine we were looking for earlier that he didn't know about. today's podcast is sponsored by the ever since CGM. Boasting a six month sensor. The Eversense CGM offers you these key advantages. Distinct on body vibe alerts with higher low a consistent and exceptional accuracy over a six month period. And you only need two sensors per year. No loss longer will you have to carry your CGM supplies with you. You won't have to be concerned about your adhesive not lasting, accidentally knocking off a sensor or wasting a sensor when you have to replace your transmitter. That's right. There's no more weekly or bi weekly hassles of sensor changes. Not with the ever sent CGM. It's implantable and it's accurate ever since cgm.com/juicebox. The Eversense CGM is the first and only long term CGM ever since sits comfortably right under the skin and your upper arm and it lasts way longer than any other CGM sensor. Never again will you have to worry about your sensor falling off before the end of its life. So if you want an incredibly accurate CGM that can't get knocked off, and won't fall off. You're looking for the ever since CGM ever since cgm.com/juicebox. Right now, we're going to hear from a member of the Medtronic champion community. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by Medtronic diabetes.

Speaker 1 11:04
And this is Mark. I use injections for about six months. And then my endocrinologist at a navy recommended a pump. How long

Scott Benner 11:11
had you been in the Navy? Eight years up to that point? I've interviewed a number of people who have been diagnosed during service and most of the time they're discharged. What happened to you?

Speaker 1 11:21
I was medically discharged. Yeah, six months after my diagnosis. Was

Scott Benner 11:25
it your goal to stay in the Navy for your whole life? Your career? It was Yeah,

Speaker 1 11:29
yeah. In fact, I think a few months before my diagnosis, my wife and I had that discussion about, you know, staying in for the long term. And, you know, we've made the decision despite all the hardships and time away from home, that was what we

Scott Benner 11:41
loved the most. Was the Navy, like a lifetime goal of yours?

Speaker 1 11:45
lifetime goal. I mean, as my earliest childhood memories, were flying, being a fighter pilot,

Scott Benner 11:51
how did your diagnosis impact your lifelong dream?

Speaker 1 11:54
It was devastating. Everything I had done in life, everything I'd worked up to up to that point was just taken away in an instant. I was not prepared for that at all. What does your support system look like? friends, your family caregivers, you know, for me, the Medtronic champions community, you know, all those resources that are out there to help guide away but then help keep abreast on you know, the new things that are coming down the pike. And to give you hope for eventually, that we can find a cure.

Scott Benner 12:20
Stick around at the end of this episode to hear my entire conversation with Mark. And you can hear more stories from Medtronic champions and share your own story at Medtronic diabetes.com/juice box. Okay, so what leads you to the absolute type one diagnosis?

"Damsel" 12:38
Let's see, I was having terrible periods. I would go really low and I was just bleeding profusely, all the time. That alone would make me pretty unsteady on my feet, sometimes pass out. So we were trying to see if I would be eligible for a hysterectomy. And they're like, Well, you know, your blood sugar is over 6.5 for the A one C. So right now you're not eligible. You need to go see an endocrinologist and get this under control.

Scott Benner 13:13
This is after you've had babies your periods like this. Yes. Okay. Any day Have you looked into it? I mean, PCOS hormonal imbalance has anything like that turned up?

"Damsel" 13:27
Yeah. Now they checked all my hormones, and they were fine. And they even did a biopsy of my uterus and didn't find anything. tissue around when they were in there. They didn't find anything. They call

Scott Benner 13:42
it unremarkable. Yeah, or your period. That's really helpful, isn't it? You go through a whole procedure and come out there like we didn't find anything. Great. Thanks. Thanks a lot. Are your periods still like that today? Well, I

"Damsel" 13:56
don't have uterus anymore. So I don't physically have a period. I still need to use less Basal insulin around that time of the month. But it's like, when is that actually happening? I don't know.

Scott Benner 14:09
So well. So you did end up eventually having a hysterectomy? Yes. Did that fix your problem? Yeah,

"Damsel" 14:16
it's been great. Yeah.

Scott Benner 14:19
That's a really bold step to have to take. So you really were without answers for a while. If you if you were doing that, I imagine.

"Damsel" 14:25
Yeah, I was without answers for maybe a year. I had already had my tubes removed, because people are crazy for having more than one kid. No offense.

Scott Benner 14:39
So you were trying to like, address the heavy periods. And they started with removing your fallopian tubes. No,

"Damsel" 14:48
that was totally elective. Oh, okay. I signed up to have that done. And I got it done like 15 hours after my daughter was born.

Scott Benner 14:56
Oh, no kidding. I don't know that. I've heard that before. Is that a procedure that has The mean,

"Damsel" 15:00
just removing the fallopian tubes.

Scott Benner 15:04
And that's strictly for, like, pregnancy stuff.

"Damsel" 15:08
Yeah, that was so I wouldn't get pregnant again. Gotcha.

Scott Benner 15:13
You didn't enjoy being pregnant? No,

"Damsel" 15:16
definitely not. And, you know, because I didn't know what was going on before with the, with the seizures and stuff is like, I was like, you know, right now I can only work part time how am I going to have more than one kid and support that off of, you know, part time because I spent nine years essentially thinking that that was going to happen to me where, you know, I just be in this unknown, somewhat disabled, what working state

Scott Benner 15:51
and damsel told me like you said this earlier, I didn't take into it. But you were having such trouble, like existing, that you'd get little part time jobs and try to hold on to them long enough that you could get FMLA because you knew you couldn't keep up going to work. Is that right? Yeah. And how about today? How are you feeling today? Well,

"Damsel" 16:10
today, I've been in construction for, like, three years now. And I've had different employers, but it's all been full time. Good for you.

Scott Benner 16:22
What kind of work do you do?

"Damsel" 16:24
I'm a laborer. So, right now, I when I go back to work anyway, I will do everything the carpenters feel like they're too good to do.

Scott Benner 16:35
How am I? But But I mean, that's, that's, that's hard work. And you're not having any trouble with it. Right?

"Damsel" 16:42
Yeah, when I have access to Dexcom is great. You know, if I do end up going a little low, I like to call it at 80 in that environment, then, you know, I get to get off the ladder or the platform or get off the machinery. And, you know, just make sure you're eating candy and and find something a little bit more mundane to do.

Scott Benner 17:12
So is this seasonal work? Because you said when I go back to work, and I know some people who do work like this. So some there's times a year where it falls off. Are you in that spot now?

"Damsel" 17:21
I took a voluntary layoff to spend time with my daughter. She was having a really hard time transitioning to kindergarten. So I just wanted to be there to you know, get her ready and then fully support her while she makes the transition. Yeah,

Scott Benner 17:40
well, yeah. Well, that's That's lovely. And it was available. So it was easy to do. I guess that's that's not bad. Are you married or divorced, separated?

"Damsel" 17:48
Never married? Never

Scott Benner 17:49
married? Are you co parenting with somebody? Are you a single mom? I'm single. Yeah. Your daughter's with you full time? Yes. Okay. How do you handle that when she's that young, and you have to go to work centers or there's,

"Damsel" 18:03
I'm in the Seattle area. And there's a bunch of like in home and 24/7 daycares. Yeah. And you're able to do that. Yeah. So I'm able to be super flexible and nice. You know, she's got kids of all ages. She gets to make friends with and

Scott Benner 18:23
it's nice, but she didn't like go into kindergarten.

"Damsel" 18:26
I wouldn't say that, I think because I had this just kind of wild schedule for raising somebody so young. She didn't get to go to preschool.

Scott Benner 18:39
I say so it was just from like daycare. Or maybe it's a little like Lord of the Flies right into like, structure. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. She's like, wait, I get to sit here the whole day. You kidding me? I get that. I still wouldn't be good at that. By the way. If I didn't have this job specific job to do. If you sat me at this desk, and you were like, just stay here for logic. I gotta go. I can't just say, if I didn't have something to do that I knew was very important. I'd have trouble too. So how long did it take her to kind of work through it?

"Damsel" 19:09
Well, she's she's still working through it. But you know, this week, I'm hoping she'll make it to all of her classes.

Scott Benner 19:18
Gotcha. No, I'm glad you're able to be with her and try to get it worked out. Yeah, that's really nice. So you reached out to be on the show for a specific reason. But then right before we started talking, you were like, we might not talk about that so much. So tell me what it is you want to talk about?

"Damsel" 19:33
Well, I feel like it maybe it might be more helpful to talk about, you know, losing your housing and being homeless and like, actually fleeing domestic violence.

Scott Benner 19:45
Well, yeah, I didn't realize that any of that had happened to you. So tell me about that. Where did where did that issue start?

"Damsel" 19:51
Well, you know, definitely not the first time that I've been homeless but right now, me and my daughter are in a and emergency shelter.

Scott Benner 20:01
Okay. Where were you prior to that?

"Damsel" 20:04
Before that we were car for how long? Um, I want to say a week and a half, maybe two weeks.

Scott Benner 20:14
Okay, and where were you before you had to move into your car? Yeah, I

"Damsel" 20:19
had gotten a roommate, and she thought she could leave her ex, that she ended up reconciling with him and is very abusive. And I just, I can't have that around my daughter. And it's, it's very, very hard to kick somebody out in Washington State. Okay. So I ended up choosing to leave a lie,

Scott Benner 20:45
say, okay, so you in this really no backup plan. You and this woman we're going to we're going to room together and that's how you're going to be able to handle things but then she brings her abusive partner back in into your home. Yes. Oh, and then you bugged out because of that. Right. And you've been the victim of abuse in the past. Yes. Is that with your your baby's father or somebody else? Yes, that's That's right. Yeah. So you guys weren't together for a while? Yeah,

"Damsel" 21:15
maybe six years on and off you know, it takes a while to to leave for again.

Scott Benner 21:24
Was it abusive the entire time?

"Damsel" 21:27
It was great the first year maybe year in three months? You know and then after after that, you know, they don't have to keep up such a facade you know, he

Scott Benner 21:40
felt comfortable stop pretending that that's not who he was and then this if this is difficult, like I'm I'm adjusting on the fly here damsel because I didn't know this was like in your notes. This wasn't in your notes. But so if I say something that's insensitive or you know, hard for you, please just stop me. What does the abuse look like? Is it verbal? Is it physical? Is it a mix, if you take insulin or sulfonylureas you are at risk for your blood sugar going too low. You need a safety net when it matters most. Be ready with G voc hypo pen. My daughter carries G voc hypo pen everywhere she goes, because it's a ready to use rescue pen for treating very low blood sugar and people with diabetes ages two and above that I trust. Low blood sugar emergencies can happen unexpectedly and they demand quick action. Luckily, G voc hypo pan can be administered in two simple steps even by yourself in certain situations. Show those around you where you storage evoke hypo pen and how to use it. They need to know how to use Chivo Capo pen before an emergency situation happens. Learn more about why G voc hypo pen is in Ardens diabetes toolkit at G voc glucagon.com/juicebox. G voc shouldn't be used if you have a tumor in the gland on the top of your kidneys called a pheochromocytoma. Or if you have a tumor in your pancreas called an insulinoma. Visit G voc glucagon.com/risk For safety information.

"Damsel" 23:14
Definitely a mix. And I'd say like a like a build up. I don't know I guess if you imagine the abuse cycle where you know things are okay. Then there's some sort of argument or escalation, the abuse happens. And then there's back to like honeymoon, reconciliation, love bombing. And it just kind of repeats like that. But it's more like a spiral than a true cycle because the abuse keeps getting more intense. And then the love bombing and reconciliation gets less intense. Yeah.

Scott Benner 23:53
The first time it happens when there's something abusive that happens and then all of a sudden, it's I'm sorry, and I love you and all that stuff. Do you think oh, it's just a mistake the first time? Or are you immediately like there's something really wrong here, but I'll try again.

"Damsel" 24:09
For me, I think the first time it got to the realm of physical, he had broken some glass I think it was a bottle of alcohol to try and intimidate me.

Scott Benner 24:24
Like in the movies like crack it on the side of the counter thing or just or just against the wall. Oh, I see like make a big loud sound. I got you good. I'm sorry. i Sorry. I had a ridiculous image in my head and I'm cracking the bottle in the corner and go and I'll stick Yeah. So like a bed 70s film or something but Okay, so just like violence to try to like capture the moment throws this glass. Yeah,

"Damsel" 24:47
you just was talking down to me and just literally mean making me feel awful and scared. So I did leave for the night. But you know, he got in contact with me and was like, Oh, I love you. I'm not going to do that again, it really wasn't that serious. You know, maybe you're not remembering this right?

Scott Benner 25:14
Oh, that's nice. Was this before after your daughters born?

"Damsel" 25:19
Before before?

Scott Benner 25:21
Okay. Is it safe to say you didn't get pregnant on purpose?

"Damsel" 25:24
No, definitely not. Because

Scott Benner 25:28
his actions and the fact that you ended up having a baby and you weren't planning on it, that have a lot to do with why you had the procedure to stop yourself and be able to get pregnant again? Or is that more about your health stuff?

"Damsel" 25:40
Hmm, that's a really deep question. I'd say it was more for myself. You know, at that time, I just didn't know if I'd be able to support another kid. And, you know, wasn't super interested in doing that. And it was like, you know, at this point, no one's gonna change change my mind about it. It was just, you know, if I get pregnant again, I'm gonna cry the whole time.

Scott Benner 26:11
Can I ask in that time, before your pregnancy? Were there drugs or alcohol mixed with this? Or was it just purely the violent stuff?

"Damsel" 26:19
Yeah, there was some alcohol from from time to time. But you know, he chose to be this way.

Scott Benner 26:27
How long did you know him before you were together?

"Damsel" 26:30
Maybe six months?

Scott Benner 26:32
How old? were you when you got together?

"Damsel" 26:34
I was 18.

Scott Benner 26:36
Is there something in your background growing up that makes it understandable that you were like, I don't know. I don't want to say so. I'm not trying to say you sought out like this kind of person. But like that makes you gravitate to this situation? Like, is there something that happened to you when you were younger?

"Damsel" 26:53
Yeah, that's that's called what is it called, is called RE victimization?

Scott Benner 26:59
You did have a problem when you were younger, as well.

"Damsel" 27:01
Yes.

Scott Benner 27:02
Are you able to tell me about that?

"Damsel" 27:04
I mean, I will, I won't get a whole lot into it. But yeah, I did experience some of you says, As a child,

Scott Benner 27:11
describe the roller coaster ride between you leaving you getting housing with a friend. And you being in your car? What's the length of time from start to from the first step of that to where you are now?

"Damsel" 27:26
Oh, my gosh.

Scott Benner 27:30
Quite some time, months, years? Yeah,

"Damsel" 27:33
I'd say almost a decade because, you know, I, I would try to get away from him multiple times and just always

Scott Benner 27:42
came back. You came back or he came back?

"Damsel" 27:45
Both, you know, he'd leave and come back or I'd, I'd leave and then he seek me out. And I'd agree to come back.

Scott Benner 27:54
Can you tell me what the what was the thing that pushed you to take him back or to go back when those things happened? You

"Damsel" 28:01
know, it was very comforting and I felt very loved when he wanted to reconcile and the results to the gaslighting like maybe you're not remembering this right? Or, you know, that's not what happened. I remember it happening this way. So it was like, Maybe I'm just crazy. Maybe I just left him because I lost I just lost it. You know? And that worried me it was me

Scott Benner 28:28
back gaslighting works. You do find yourself questioning your your sense of it. Oh, yeah, it's

"Damsel" 28:33
very real. Okay.

Scott Benner 28:35
I'm sorry. Did you ever hit your daughter? No.

"Damsel" 28:38
So I got pregnant kind of in the middle of me leaving, I went to go get my things. And he was drinking and just talking in circles and trying to get me to be with him and just really wouldn't let me leave. And at the end of it, he sexually assaulted me.

Scott Benner 29:01
I say, well, that's difficult. I mean, in the moment, obviously, but I assume moving forward. Are you able to separate that event from who your daughter is in your relationship with her or is that hard?

"Damsel" 29:14
It took a lot of therapy. Probably a year before I could really separate it. But at the same time, I was also very bonded with her like it didn't stop from having a healthy relationship with my child. Did

Scott Benner 29:32
you ever consider having an abortion? No, no, that's not something you would do no matter what. At the

"Damsel" 29:39
at the time. No. Now, you know not to get too political but now that Roe v Wade is is is overturned, I'm seeing some of the situations and the fallout to where like, is absolutely necessary or, you know, almost necessary. So in in those situations today? Absolutely.

Scott Benner 30:06
So I have a difficult question that I don't know the answer to I'm not even sure if it's a good question. But is there? I don't know. I don't doesn't sound like you have a comparison. I'm thankful for that. But I'm finding myself wondering, is the being sexually abused? I mean, you're, you're talking about being raped by him. Right. Right. Right. When it's a person, you know, would it be different if it was somebody I knew versus somebody I didn't know. And I don't know why I'm asking. But I'm wondering if that had any impact on how you dealt with the pregnancy and moving forward, etc?

"Damsel" 30:42
Yeah, I can't, I can't say that. I know. And I think it would really be more individual.

Scott Benner 30:51
You see what I'm like, kind of getting at though, like, I mean, it's horrible in the obvious. I mean, I've never experienced that. But I miss imagining it's horrible in the moment, obviously, in the aftermath of it, it's probably terrible. But when you're weeks and months down the line from it. Is there a part of your brain that's like, well, you know, I've had sex with this guy before, like, is like, didn't you mean? Like, does your brain start making up excuses for why it's not so horrible? I guess that's my question.

"Damsel" 31:19
Yes, I, that's what happened to me anyway.

Scott Benner 31:25
That's kind of what I was imagining. Because then it's, I can see how your brain could try to make you feel better by kind of telling you those things. You know what I'm saying? Right? Maybe that's a just a thing to protect yourself, but which your body does a lot of things to protect you. So maybe that's actually helpful. If you can afford a place to live right now? How are you managing your diabetes supplies and raising your daughter? How do you do that stuff? Well,

"Damsel" 31:53
right now, I'm MDI, I'm working on getting things. Okay, with with the pharmacy, so I can get the Omni pod five. And, you know, once the pharmacy figures that out, there's like a Health Savings Program or something through Omni pod, okay, where if you have insurance, they can pick up the slack, essentially, for a year.

Scott Benner 32:21
Okay. And kind of help you get on your feet a little bit. Right? Is that the play? Like, are you trying to get your own place? Or do you need another roommate?

"Damsel" 32:29
I will be getting my own place. Good for you. If I was working, you know, I probably would have been in a hotel for for a month and you know, gotten a place right off the bat. But now, it's been so long to where I need to wait to get good enough pay stubs. Yeah.

Scott Benner 32:47
How old's your daughter now? I'm sorry. She's what? Five? Yes. Yeah. How do you explain the VA living in the car part? Do you turn it into a game? Or how do you handle that?

"Damsel" 32:59
Yeah, I told her, you know, our home became unsafe. And so we had to leave and it's not her fault. And that we were gonna go camping for a little while.

Scott Benner 33:13
That a big car, or you guys really smashed in there?

"Damsel" 33:16
No, it's a it's a sedan. Okay.

Scott Benner 33:18
And then, but it didn't last long. Because you're in a shelter now. Is that right? Right.

"Damsel" 33:22
Yeah. And it's not what you would imagine a shelter being this is like a set of three log cabins, like, deep in the woods outside of Seattle. It's very nice. Like, each place is like 5000 square feet or something. Oh, wow.

Scott Benner 33:43
It's like a charity or like, how does that set up?

"Damsel" 33:45
Yeah, it's a setup. Like, I guess, like a regular house. You know, it's just a log cabin. And there's different rooms for that meet different needs for the families like my room came furnished with dressers and two beds, and it even has a crib in it. For some reason. I think it's just harder to move the crib than to

Scott Benner 34:09
tell somebody there's gonna be a crib in your room even though you don't need it. Well, who pays for that though, like, who sets this all up?

"Damsel" 34:14
Is through a nonprofit? So, you know, they get various grants, and

Scott Benner 34:21
it's wonderful. It really is lovely. Do you do you have an amount of time you're allowed to stay or is it until you can get yourself going? Most

"Damsel" 34:29
shelters there will be you know, some sort of like time limit or expectation. This one is kind of like as as long as you need but they have a whole program. So you know, they do case management once a week. And then twice a week they have like, what they call a goals meet up. So you're not just sitting there doing nothing. You're you're working on getting stability and then working on getting housing.

Scott Benner 34:57
Can I ask you I almost say, can I ask you a personal question? But that seems silly after all this. They've all been pretty personal questions. How much money if it fell out of the sky? would change your situation? Well,

"Damsel" 35:11
for me, near Seattle and wanting to stay in Seattle, maybe $1,500? What would that money do? Yeah, that would, will make it easier to buy insulin, for sure. But it also be a good start to a deposit. And first month's rent. Okay,

Scott Benner 35:32
how much is that the first month's rent and the deposit? You know, it

"Damsel" 35:35
varies, the deposits are a lot lower here. They're like three or $400 for some reason. And then the rent can be as low as like, 1500. Okay, but you know, I do have a little savings. And I've been kind of living off that.

Scott Benner 35:50
Yeah. When are you heading back to the job site?

"Damsel" 35:53
Early, early October, just a week or two?

Scott Benner 35:56
How you're getting there? Okay. I'm just trying to give some context to it. Because everybody, when everyone imagines money, and what it takes to do a thing, they imagine it from their situation? You don't I mean, like, how much would it take them to get into a place where those numbers can just greatly vary? It's interesting. It's just, I find it interesting. And I appreciate you answering the question. Thank you. Do you ever see yourself dating again, or trying to find a partner is? Or is that something you're very sour on? Oh, no,

"Damsel" 36:28
I definitely want to find a partner. You know, maybe even get married one day.

Scott Benner 36:34
Okay. That's wonderful. Your Tyler early experience hasn't turned you off to that idea.

"Damsel" 36:39
No, no, I'm not. I'm not bitter about it. But like I said, I've done a lot of a lot of therapy. So it

Scott Benner 36:48
takes help. Yeah, talk therapy with a psychologist.

"Damsel" 36:51
You know, talk therapy wasn't super helpful for me. psychoeducation, CBT? And EMDR? Rapid Eye Movement?

Scott Benner 37:03
Yes. Yeah. You're like the podcast, of all the things I never thought I'd hear about. I hear about that a lot from people. It's really interesting. And that, how was that helpful? What was it? What did it help you move through past,

"Damsel" 37:18
it really helped me just process. You know, I feel like the memories were kind of trapped somewhere in my mind, to where they hadn't really been processed, but then also, like, stored in my body by like, aches and pains. And I was able to kind of really tap in to what those sensations were and what those feelings were, and how they related to the memory.

Scott Benner 37:47
Well, how long did that process go on for?

"Damsel" 37:50
Well, I, the EMDR was probably, like nine months.

Scott Benner 37:59
Now, that's not bad. I mean, honestly, no one wants to work on something to be able to help you like, that is pretty amazing. What kind of a doctor helps with that? Or is it a therapist? Is

"Damsel" 38:08
a therapist, usually one that's graduated their program? And is trauma informed and then has taken so many hours? I say, specifically related to that therapy? Wow,

Scott Benner 38:23
that's wonderful work. They're doing destroy, I mean, you've been through I mean, density, you know, like, if you know how much you've been through, right? Like, it's not like, you don't lose the, the impact of it, because it happened to you.

"Damsel" 38:38
You know, I, I'm sympathetic for other people. But for me, it's kind of like, at this point, you know, it's yes, a thing that happened. It's

Scott Benner 38:49
amazing. I mean, it's, as you were saying, and I'm like, she's gonna say it's just the thing that happened to me, but I, being the person who's listening to it, like, we're 45 minutes into our conversation, I've never met you before this. Like it's an it's an astonishing story. And over a short period of time to a young person is I mean, there's a lot there. You know, it's really crazy that you're doing as well as you are, do you feel like you're doing well,

"Damsel" 39:15
you know, once I get back to work, I'll be doing very well. You know, I'm three years into this apprenticeship. And so I'm almost finished with it. Then I'll be making some some really good money. It's just, you know, this situation came up and then my daughter needed me home. So

Scott Benner 39:36
yeah, no, I understand. So I think it's a brave decision, especially while you're getting back on your feet, and you're making strides to see that you need to still take a break to help your daughter. I think that's really very mature. You know what I mean? Like, because you don't strike me as a person as like, Oh, my kids having a problem. I can take two weeks off. Yeah. Like it feels like you really made what you thought was the best decision for her. Right? Yeah. Good for you. Where do you get decent parenting skills from? Ah, gotta develop them on your own? Right?

"Damsel" 40:09
No, I wouldn't advise that there's tons of programs for like, new parents, when my daughter was born, I did a program called a nurse Partnership Program, where a nurse would come in home and do some education, you know, towards the end of my pregnancy, and then all the way through age two. And we would meet first every week, and then, you know, eventually it went down to like, once a month, at the end of the program, but I learned so much from from that program. And you know, there's little things that I didn't know, that they were able to educate me on. So I didn't, you know, mess it up.

Scott Benner 40:56
So how did you have the wherewithal to do that, like, so you? I mean, we're talking around it, but you didn't grow up with great parents, is that right?

"Damsel" 41:04
They were super into my education and really supported me that way. But they lost their, I guess, yeah, sometimes I. And I mean, I wasn't the easiest child either. But, you know, I feel like that's what most abuse stems from, like parent to child is, you know, the parent is trying to discipline the child and absolutely loses it. In hurts the child. Yeah. And

Scott Benner 41:35
that happened to you. Yes. And now. So now you're, I mean, not that people need to be reminded, but now you're having a baby that came from your assault, and you want to be a good mom. And you don't really know how so you have the wherewithal to go find services that help you with that stuff? Like that's a really mature is not the right word. That's a really thoughtful decision. So you had, am I right? You consciously thought I'm not going to be good at this. I need somebody to help me and I don't have any guidance.

"Damsel" 42:06
Well, I don't I don't know if anybody's great at parenting. I

Scott Benner 42:09
was gonna say, I think everyone should do this. But I was just wondering what how it got to you?

"Damsel" 42:14
Yeah, you know, I did think, you know, some, some support would be better. You know, this is my first and my last child. So, you know, I do need to be intentional. Yeah, you should

Scott Benner 42:27
be congratulated for that. I'm going to do it. So that is a wonderful decision. And I'm, I'm thrilled that you were that you thought that through the way you did and made it good for you. Like, that's wonderful. I'm certain you don't see it that way. But I think it's a big, it's a really big deal that through that the haze of what your life was that you could see that and take action and do it for another person is really great. That's just terrific. I'm sure. I don't know if anybody's ever told you that before. But I'd like to be one of the people who says congratulations. That's well done. Oh, well. Thank you. Yeah, no, I hope that doesn't sound patronizing because I don't mean it that way. That's unexpected. For a person who has been through what you've been through to be able to stop and focus and make those kinds of decisions. It's really interesting. It feels like Well, let me ask this question what you said your education was important growing up, like, how did you go to college? Or what did you do in high school?

"Damsel" 43:22
Yeah, I did pretty decent, you know, some C's, some B's, when I was going through a hard time with my, with my parents, and then moving out early. I had to drop out to work. So

Scott Benner 43:38
your relationship was not the first time you had to flee a situation? Right. Okay. Okay. So you had to get out of your parents house too early. You dropped out of high school to accomplish that? Eventually,

"Damsel" 43:48
yes, yeah. I did what's called an emancipation where I became my own guardian, essentially. Yeah. You know, got an apartment and got a job and trying to do high school on top of that just wasn't happening. So I dropped out. Got my GED couple couple months later, I think. And then much later on, got a Certificate in Business Administration. Wow.

Scott Benner 44:14
You're really tough. Do you feel tough?

"Damsel" 44:18
I feel like you know, I've I've taken on a lot, you know, but there's definitely been some some really dark places I've I've been as well. Okay. Ever been depressed? Yeah. I have bipolar too.

Scott Benner 44:33
Are you is that being managed? Or how do you take care of that? Yeah,

"Damsel" 44:37
I take medication. And I've recently started therapy again, just to you know, get some stress management tools. Because when I'm stressed, I can fall into you know, hypo manic or depressed more easily.

Scott Benner 44:55
Yeah. Was there any bipolar with your parents?

"Damsel" 44:58
Not that we're aware of Have my mom has like treatment resistant depression? Your mom does? Yeah. Like she said depression for like, oh my gosh, almost 30 years, which is kind of bizarre. Did

Scott Benner 45:12
that physical abuse come from her or from your father? My dad, your dad? And your dad? Was your mom kind of like checked out?

"Damsel" 45:20
She was supportive of him. Oh,

Scott Benner 45:23
that's nice. How many kids they have?

"Damsel" 45:26
I have a older brother and a younger brother.

Scott Benner 45:29
Are their experiences similar to yours with them? Or different?

"Damsel" 45:34
No, they're different. They didn't get kick? No, just the middle child.

Scott Benner 45:39
That was lovely. So if you talk to have you talked to them about that, your brothers? My little

"Damsel" 45:47
brother? Yeah, my big brother was away at college at the time. So is that look on? It is like I wasn't there. So like, I can't really say anything.

Scott Benner 45:57
Does your little brother remember the way you do? Probably

"Damsel" 46:00
from a little bit different perspective. But you know, he does believe me. So

Scott Benner 46:07
is the gaslighting more difficult to deal with damsel because of the bipolar. Like you actually find yourself thinking maybe that did happen, and I'm just not aware. Hmm. Because then how do you?

"Damsel" 46:19
I don't know, because I was only diagnosed with bipolar. Maybe a year ago, year and a half?

Scott Benner 46:26
Because, you know, I'm saying like, if no, I'm not trying to do it to you. But I'm I'm just trying to raise the question like, What if a person is saying something to you? I'm not saying that it's a good reason for somebody to hit you or a soldier or something like that. But but you know, in a lighter moment, like, what if something is said that was happened during like a manic episode that you don't remember? And then it feels like you're being gas lit when you're not. And then they use it to their advantage? Like it's a, it's a wormhole of problems? Like, it's, I don't know how to deal with that as I guess what I'm asking. Yeah,

"Damsel" 46:57
I mean, I suppose they could try. But you know, bipolar two, you get hypo manic, you don't really get to, like delusional

Scott Benner 47:06
I see. Do you will have good recollection of what so when things are not going the way you would want them to? You're still aware of what's happening? Right? Yeah. Okay. All right. I, again, I don't know anything about it. So I'm just trying to figure it out. That's interesting. What do you think your most difficult challenges health wise day to day? Is it diabetes? Or is it mental health? Or?

"Damsel" 47:27
I mean, they're so intertwined, right? Like, tell me how, if I'm, if I'm not doing well, with my mental health, you know, my diabetic care is going to be just awful. And if I don't take care of my blood sugar the way I need to, that's gonna affect my mental health, too. It may even trigger either hypomanic, or depressive. So I see.

Scott Benner 47:57
Yeah, no, I can definitely see how that happens. And how do you make How do you manage with diabetes? So you said you have that Dexcom? When you can have I'm assuming when you can afford it, or when you have access to it, too? Are you wearing it now? For example? Yeah,

"Damsel" 48:09
I am. I don't know, I usually have access, because what I've been doing is applying for Medicaid when I have a layoff. At that point, my income is zero. Yeah. And then just not updating them, which was super helpful on COVID. Because they just didn't check in on anybody for years. Yeah,

Scott Benner 48:34
just let everybody go for a while. So you're managing MDI with Dexcom? What are your outcomes? Like? What is your agency and like, what are your goals during the day for your blood? Sugar's?

"Damsel" 48:44
It hasn't been great lately, you know, I've been able to get like a 5.9 Most of the time, but my last day when she was like a 7.1. What do you think happened?

Scott Benner 48:57
By the way, if the answer is I was living in my car, I would be completely reasonable. I'm just wondering, like, it's a big shift. So something changed.

"Damsel" 49:05
Yeah, I think my my mental health wasn't doing as good. There was some depressive episodes. We have been playing with this anti psychotic, that helps bipolar. And that also increases like insulin resistance I see in everybody, not just diabetics. Yeah, this is wild, you know, this medication can cause like pre diabetes in in non diabetics, because it just has that much impact on blood sugar.

Scott Benner 49:39
And does it just, in general, just difficult to take care of yourself while you're struggling with other stuff like so like, what happens? You don't Pre-Bolus a meal, you get a high blood sugar, you don't do anything about it? Is that kind of like where that happens, or no?

"Damsel" 49:54
I mean, it can but then you just kind of bump it down, right? Yeah.

Scott Benner 49:59
So It's just not the diabetes. It's just not at the top of your mind when you're having those other struggles. Right.

"Damsel" 50:05
And like when I was in the car that was during a heatwave, so I'm sure that like fried some some of my insulin I see,

Scott Benner 50:13
well, you make a lot of hard decisions, it makes a good CEO. A lot of tough stuff gets put in front and you're like, Well, we're gonna have to pick one of these horrible things. Let's go with this. This is the best you do? Like, I mean, I grew up poorly, not like you. I do know about choosing between two bad decisions. And, you know, which one keeps you going longer? You know what I mean? Like, like, it's not like, there's a great decision that leads to a castle where I'm a prince. And there's a bad decision, and I just have to make the right or wrong and it's like, I'm, I have two pretty crappy decisions to make. I just have to decide which one's not as bad. And how does that keep me in the game? Another day? So I have another opportunity to get out of this. Does that sound like some of the stuff you've had to go through?

"Damsel" 51:04
Yeah, definitely been through a lot worse. Like, there's no good choices.

Scott Benner 51:09
Yeah, I bet you a lot of people don't know about that. You know, I'm sure there are a lot of people who grow up halfway decent and go off to college. And their big decisions are, you know, do I want to live in this apartment over here, this apartment over there. And you know, that kind of stuff where, when you're trying to decide, like, well, I'll move into my car, because I can get away from the abusive guy that's with the roommate, but then my insulin is not going to be refrigerated. And my daughter's gonna be living in a car. And, but that's better than this. Like, that's a lot of like, running from lava is what it feels like to me all the time. Like, you know, like, I can't stay here because I'm gonna burn. But I gotta go somewhere else. There's not a lot of good options. Just it's a it's an intense way to live. You know? Yeah,

"Damsel" 51:51
I definitely, definitely live on the edge.

Scott Benner 51:54
You're like an action star except with stuff instead of like, asteroids. Not as cool. Yeah, you're the rock. If the rock was being chased by somebody with a stick, that's basically it. But you're doing you're doing really well. God, I've never said this before, because it sounds so just stupid. But I think in your situation, it's not a bad question. Where do you see yourself a year from now?

"Damsel" 52:18
A year from now, I should be graduated from the apprenticeship, I'll probably make too much for like moderate income housing. So I'll probably be with like a private landlord, and, you know, trying to save up to buy a house.

Scott Benner 52:35
Yeah. For you. That's really cool. I mean, you know, I'm going to share something with you that is almost apropos of nothing. But at the same time, I've had conversations with people in their 50s and 60s, who had really like bad events in their life, like stuff that stretched out over decades. And I want you to know that when they're in their 50s and 60s, when they look back on this time, they don't remember it that poorly. It's interesting. And I have an episode that's not out yet. But I think I can make sure it comes out before you're so there's this this older woman, and she's got type one, and she's telling me this story. Like I don't know where the story's going. Alright, damsel like I have no idea. But at some point, she's talking about being molested by a family member when she's like 10 years old. And I think like, gosh, this must be a defining moment in her life. You don't even like everything that happens to her my stem out of this horror. And yet, for 45 minutes before that, before she shared that part with me, it was not a story that she was telling. Like, like her life had been good. She had met people and loved them and lost them and met more people and loved them again and, and accomplish things and had fulfilling work and friends. And, and it's easy just to think that this is it like this is my story. But if you once you have the gift of of like macro of like stepping back and seeing the whole thing, you see that it doesn't have to be that way. And you are definitely headed in that direction. Like if I could somehow stay alive for 30 more years, which I'm pretty sure I can't do. But if I could like and I interviewed you again, I feel like your interview would come off a lot like this woman that I'm speaking about. Like, yes, I'm horrible stuff happened to me, but that's in the past. And that doesn't impact today. You feel like you're on that path that may does that feel that way to you?

"Damsel" 54:39
Yeah, definitely. Definitely. You know, this is just another bump in the road essentially.

Scott Benner 54:46
That's a great attitude. Well, good for you. I just I know people who would get mired down in it. And I don't know that I wouldn't be one of them at some points. Just bemoaning what's happened to me over and over again and never letting go of it but you don't seem to have that gear. It's really interesting.

"Damsel" 55:02
Yeah, I mean, you know, definitely spent a lot of time in therapy, and I've got meds that are good now. So it's actually kind of hard to get depressed anymore.

Scott Benner 55:16
You're like, Listen, I'm in a chemical situation where I'm just happy. I, there's not much I could do about it. There's nothing wrong with that. That's, you know, nothing wrong with that. And the therapy part, I like how much you're just talking about it? Because it just I don't think it's a thing people do. And probably more people than you than you can imagine would benefit from, you know, some of that. For sure.

"Damsel" 55:42
Yeah, I think I think it's more talked about in just the Seattle area. Yeah, I feel like we talked more about, you know, go into therapy and like being healed, especially like, on dating apps, you know, like, people will put in there, like, if you haven't been to therapy, or you're not working on your, you know, swipe left,

Scott Benner 56:04
leave me alone. So, we've had such as, like, a serious conversation, do you feel like we've covered it pretty well?

"Damsel" 56:13
I don't know. I suppose I should clarify that, you know, what I've been doing with with the Medicaid while I've been getting away with it is is most definitely fraud fraud.

Scott Benner 56:26
I felt like that was pretty clear. But are you here to say please don't defraud Medicaid? Unless you really have to? No, no. What's your message?

"Damsel" 56:39
Um, you know, I just want that to be abundantly clear. So people don't just go, oh, you know, I'm going to take a layoff and tell Medicaid Oh, I took this layoff so I can get on Medicaid. It's like, no, that's, that's not gonna work for you. They're gonna investigate you six months later. And, you know, you might might have some issues there.

Scott Benner 56:59
Are you saying that you think you'll have issues down the line? But it's just the best of the bad decisions you had right now? Or are you? No, no,

"Damsel" 57:07
no, I, you know, they don't really investigate it unless you like, advertise it. So

Scott Benner 57:14
Okay. Well, you're we haven't used your name. So I mean, good luck. Go find them out Seattle that's on Medicaid and go getter is gonna figure out who this

"Damsel" 57:23
I mean, you do have my, my full legal name, or you can totally, totally cut if you wanted to you

Scott Benner 57:31
imagine they rolled up here, like strong army for your name. That'd be crazy. I would really think my podcast was popular. If that happened. That's the first thing I want you to know. I'd be like, damn, I am reaching people. Okay, so listen, if you're listening from the government, you have type one, just be cool. Okay, let it go. Can I delve into a little bit about what's in your note? Or do you think it's too much of a juxtaposition for the conversation? Because I feel like it connects a little bit, but I don't want to talk about it. If you're not comfortable. Yeah, we could talk about it. Alright. So when I get an, you know, What's your connection to diabetes? Have you been on a type one podcast last six months? What are some of the items that you hope to talk about? You just said BDSM kink from a type one point of view. And then we got on today? And I was like, That is not what we're talking about. So I did a great job adjusting. I think everyone can see that now. But I mean, seriously, right? You were like you want to talk about like, just, you know, s&m and stuff? And I was like, Yeah, I'll do that you got on your like, instead, would you like to talk about like physical and sexual abuse? I'm like, Ah, okay. I can pivot. But it was like nine o'clock in the morning at the time. So I was like, I can do this. But then I realized it's like, it was like, six in the morning when you and I were starting to talk right? For you, right? Yes. I was like, she can do it. I could do it. Is that a lifestyle that you have been into for a long time?

"Damsel" 58:59
Yeah, I'd say you know, maybe just before my daughter was born, maybe six years. Was

Scott Benner 59:06
that with the guy you were with? Or is or is it a bigger group of people?

"Damsel" 59:11
Oh, no, it's a it's a community for sure.

Scott Benner 59:15
Okay. And so you're gonna have to help me her damsel because this is not going to be something I can even guess my way through. We all go to a party. And I guess let's define it first. What's BDSM mean?

"Damsel" 59:27
B is bondage. D is domination. SS sadism. Ms. Mas masochism. I don't know. I feel like maybe that's self explanatory. If you look up each one

Scott Benner 59:41
Yeah, I'm not gonna Google anything right now.

"Damsel" 59:43
It does encompass more. More than that. You know, its impact play you know, hitting with your hands, spanking or objects like floggers is you know, bondage with ropes or handcuffs. laughs are, you know, even like,

Scott Benner 1:00:03
shrink wrap, shrink wrap like your whole self? Yeah. Yeah,

"Damsel" 1:00:07
there's some people who are really into like a modification

Scott Benner 1:00:10
and then being like having sex then or just,

"Damsel" 1:00:14
you know, you, you'd be surprised how much sex doesn't happen. Okay.

Scott Benner 1:00:19
Interesting. So, I mean, I think the obvious question here is, is this a way to take control over things that were happening to you in the past, like, so you're being abused by people, but now you can be in control of it. Like there's abuse, but it's not harming you? You're in control of when it starts and stops? Is it a control thing?

"Damsel" 1:00:41
No, I don't think so. I mean, I, I wouldn't define it as abuse, either. I think I would like being spanked whether, you know, I had been through what I was through or not, I

Scott Benner 1:00:52
gotcha. I don't listen. Let me just first say, I've never been spanked sexually. So I'm not sure what I would think of it. I'm not judging it. But I also don't know how to like, ask Kelly about that. So I don't know that I'm ever gonna have an answer for any of you. Can you imagine I was like, Hey, I did a podcast the other day. And I was wondering, in a sexual situation, can you just smack me to see if I'm good with this or not? I don't know. So that's not a reasonable leap to you than that. How's it started? How do you first become aware that that's something that's interesting to you?

"Damsel" 1:01:27
And that's, that's a good question. I think, you know, it's just a matter of trying it.

Scott Benner 1:01:32
So are you saying that, like, so what's your particular is kink the right word? Okay, what's the thing you like, what's your go to?

"Damsel" 1:01:41
I love impact and that incorporates all kinds of like, striking the body.

Scott Benner 1:01:49
Okay, with like those little floggers you're talking about or something like that, or a hand?

"Damsel" 1:01:53
Yeah. And a flogger with, even like a fist. So

Scott Benner 1:02:00
punched? Like, I don't know how you punch playfully. But that's what you're talking about. Like you're not talking about somebody like rearing back and backing you right? Yeah,

"Damsel" 1:02:08
not not usually I've seen you know, one one scene where it definitely seemed that way. And it was, you know, so concerning to me that I had to go. Oh, really see the dungeon monitor and be like, are you aware of this? Have they talked to you about what what they've agreed to? And they're like, yeah, yeah, no, it was cool. If you can't handle it, go over here. Here's the stuffy

Scott Benner 1:02:31
Yeah, I'm so damn you for bringing up such serious stuff on this podcast and keeping me from being able to call this episode dungeon monitor. I really you You screwed me on that one. I'm not gonna lie. Because that would be a great name for the episode. When you said there's a dungeon monitor. I was like, get the hell out of here. Is there really? It's fantastic. That I don't know tickled me. So, so for you, you want that the impact stuff? Do you want it during intercourse or not necessarily?

"Damsel" 1:03:02
No, definitely not. That's not for me.

Scott Benner 1:03:05
So prior to or not even in conjunction with?

"Damsel" 1:03:08
It depends if you know this is a sexual partner, then, you know, maybe that if this is someone I just met or a good friend then No, probably not. Okay,

Scott Benner 1:03:21
so the these things do not need to be connected to sex.

"Damsel" 1:03:25
Actually, no, they don't need to be connected to sex or romance or anything. Do they like that

Scott Benner 1:03:31
for you? Are they more frequently not connected? Or connected?

"Damsel" 1:03:35
I'd say more more frequently not. Okay.

Scott Benner 1:03:39
So if you and I are dating, you might say to me what? Hey, Scott. After we watched the wall tonight, can you What are you looking for? You're like, I don't know. I mean, I'm

"Damsel" 1:03:51
guessing you're vanilla. And I'd have to respect

Scott Benner 1:03:54
that. No, no, no, listen, let's say I'm up for it. I'm whatever you want. I'm there. We're together. Okay, in this scenario, so I'm good. I know the deal. Like I've met you. I heard the car story. I know you're bipolar. Amen. Okay, like so like, I'm here. What are you looking for?

"Damsel" 1:04:11
I don't know. I guess in my mind, I definitely separate like kink and sex and romance. You know, I prefer like polyamorous relationships. Okay, so, you know, those things can remain separate, as well.

Scott Benner 1:04:30
So what if it wasn't sexual? You were just like you wanted the impact stuff like what would you like? Would you leave it to me? Or would you be like, Look, I need you to slap me here or pinch me or that kind of stuff?

"Damsel" 1:04:43
Yeah, no, I guess I would probably ask you if you wanted to negotiate a BDSM scene. Okay,

Scott Benner 1:04:52
so we pre plan it and then act it out.

"Damsel" 1:04:57
Essentially, you

Scott Benner 1:04:59
understand? I don't know what I'm Talking about I'm just doing my best to try to get it out of you. Because I don't know, I'm, I'm swinging wildly here into the into into the darkness. Not that this is dark, but you understand what I'm saying? I don't know what I'm looking at. Yeah.

"Damsel" 1:05:10
So in negotiating, I like to, you know, say what I want to happen. And then anything outside of that is going to be excluded from what we do at that time. All

Scott Benner 1:05:25
right, let's play the act this out then. So we're in this situation. Let's negotiate. How does this start? You say, Hey, I'm up for something. Tonight. I go, Alright, I am to What are you looking for? Yeah, it's not as easy when you have to say it out loud, is it?

"Damsel" 1:05:42
No, it's not especially on like the

Scott Benner 1:05:46
someone's listening. It's upside to two. Are you a sub? Yeah,

"Damsel" 1:05:53
more towards sub, I'd say I'm a bottom. And the differentiation between that is like the bottom is the act of receiving. Whereas the sub is like a power thing you are giving power to the dominant or giving power to the top.

Scott Benner 1:06:12
So is this a situation where you basically signaled to, again, we've watched the wall, and I only bring this up, because it's my favorite nighttime game show because I love for some reason. Damn. So let me tell you something, I get as much joy out of watching people lose money as I do watching them win it. So there's part of me that likes to watch them get like a million dollars, and then watch it go away. I'm like, you lost. I don't know what that says about me doesn't matter. So we're done watching that. And you make the signal to me that you're up for shenanigans. And then it's kind of on me to like, move forward with it, you're not going to tell me what you want. You just you've given me the nod. And now it's on me to come do what I'm gonna do? No.

"Damsel" 1:06:51
So would negotiate and say, Okay, what do you want? What are you in the mood for? And I'd say something like, oh, you know, maybe a little rope play and impact. And you say, okay, for rope? Are you okay with us doing something maybe like a chest harness? Or are you thinking of doing maybe some suspensions or, you know, kind of evaluating what, what equipment you have to work with? And, you know, taking into consideration, you know, maybe some health limitations.

Scott Benner 1:07:30
Yeah. So, so we're looking at, like, making a harness to suspend you if we can, or you said chest harness. So like, Am I like, I'm so sorry. Am I wrapping this like around your breasts or the rope? Gate? Like sort of, like, what am I trying to say? Like, confined them? Like, like, you know, when those guys do the, at the parties, the birthday parties, they make the balloon

"Damsel" 1:07:53
animals? Oh, yeah. You know, you can definitely make them pop out like balloons. That's, that's

Scott Benner 1:07:58
the vibe. Okay. See, I'm figuring it out. Don't you work? And okay, so you might be up by the way, where do we keep the ropes in the car? When we're living in the car? They gotta be in the trunk. Right?

"Damsel" 1:08:07
In the trunk? Yeah, okay. Definitely suspicious. Especially with my tools and my shovel back

Scott Benner 1:08:15
there, pulled over you got a bunch of construction stuff and a bunch of ropes in the cops like, Hey, what's going on here? And you're like, let me tell you about my chest harness fantasy. He's like, just go, I don't care. But okay, so are you so we negotiate all this. I've got a hook. I got you hanging up your your boobs look like hot dogs from like a party balloon. And then I just give you some wax.

"Damsel" 1:08:41
Yeah, if that's all stuff, I said that I want to

Scott Benner 1:08:45
if it's in the negotiation, right, we do the business, but then you and I are not like it doesn't necessarily need to be sexual, then. No. What do you get out of it when it's not sexual?

"Damsel" 1:08:55
It's definitely a rush of chemicals. Okay. Yeah, it really gets the adrenaline up. I forget what that hormone is after, after the cortisol comes to where it kind of helps calm you down.

Scott Benner 1:09:15
Okay. I was gonna say, do you get fight or flight? Or no,

"Damsel" 1:09:18
no, there's just kind of a mindset you get into, for me, it would be subspace to where I just feel really light and pretty happy.

Scott Benner 1:09:33
So when this is like, you're in the light, happy place, and you're still swinging, like, like a ham in a butcher shop. And I say to you, I say to you, damsel, I'm really turned on. I want to have sex. Are you up for that? You might say yes. And you might say no.

"Damsel" 1:09:51
Right? Or no, me. Yes. If it's something that wasn't negotiated before you We can't bring it up in what we call aftercare, then we're not, we're not changing it. You know, if you're in that mindset, that's also influencing your decisions.

Scott Benner 1:10:13
So let's say we negotiate it, but then we're done. And I go, damsel, I'm just I'm tired here. I don't want to do the sexy part anymore. Are you okay with that? Are you gonna be like, Yo, I was planning for that part. Do something. No,

"Damsel" 1:10:28
you definitely can't. Can't do that.

Scott Benner 1:10:30
I can't. I can't bail. I can't be like, I'm tired. No, oh, no, no,

"Damsel" 1:10:34
you can't be like, I wasn't planning on that. We need to have sex right now. Like, that's, that's not okay. That's not sexy. That's not concerned.

Scott Benner 1:10:42
I'm just trying to say like, what if we can I maybe I missed I spoke. I'm saying we already talked about it. We've consented we're gonna have sex at the end. And then I'm so tired. I have to bail. And I'm like, I can't do this, like hoisting you up here really took a lot out of me. And so like, I just not to say that you are heavy, but you don't I mean, like this. I'm a magic. It's a lot of work. And so like, now I'm all like, oh, I smacked around. I did all the stuff I was supposed to do. I'm tired. I don't want to have sex anymore. Would you be mad? or No? Would you know you'd be alright? No,

"Damsel" 1:11:11
you know, the great thing about consenting to sex is you can always not consent anymore. Sure. So

Scott Benner 1:11:17
I removed my consent, so So you'd be cool with that? What if the roleplay was in reverse? Where do you put the rope on me?

"Damsel" 1:11:23
Well, really, there's just the same. It's a body. You know, just different parts.

Scott Benner 1:11:33
No rope, or is there a different rope? Is there a rope and rope or no? Same rope? No,

"Damsel" 1:11:39
no, it's just up to personal preference. There's all kinds of rope that people like to use some like more silky materials and some like more scratchy materials. Oh,

Scott Benner 1:11:53
yeah. It's just come out and ask a bold question. Ever pega guy? Yes. Because they asked me because you want it to?

"Damsel" 1:12:01
Well, both have to have both to make it happen. Right? Well,

Scott Benner 1:12:06
I guess so. You're making a point. So, so that's the thing you're up for? If they're apart? Yes. Interesting. Okay, I just figured we'd go completely into making this an after dark and just like let me just get all my questions out here. You don't I mean? Yeah, is it you use the word I'm gonna sound old for a second you said polyamorous, can you define that for me?

"Damsel" 1:12:32
Ethically having multiple relationships that are usually like full full on, like boyfriend girlfriend relationship, husband, wife relationship? Just with multiple people more than

Scott Benner 1:12:45
one person? Okay. Can you have a like a kink relationship with one person and a completely like? Leave it to Beaver relationship with another person? Like, is that a thing? Could you separate those things? Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Have you ever done? Have you ever had multiple relationships at one time? Yes.

"Damsel" 1:13:09
I at one time. I think when I first contacted you, I had a boyfriend who was vanilla. I had a joy friend. That was kinky. And then I had a regular that was kinky.

Scott Benner 1:13:29
Three different endings. All men. Are there women in there.

"Damsel" 1:13:31
It was two men and one non binary. Gotcha.

Scott Benner 1:13:36
All right. When you moved in with a roommate, did you was that going to be a sexual relationship? or No? No, no, that was just a roommate thing. Gotcha. How do you put the bat signal up for this? Like how the hell do you find other people like who are interested in this too? Is it like the internet? Is that where we do this? Are there codewords? Yeah,

"Damsel" 1:13:57
well, I mean, if you wanted to, you know, ask your wife first. But you know, you could get on FetLife and it's fetlife.com and you make a profile and just kind of look through the local events. And you can message people but it's better just to go to the events to meet in person. I feel like that FET Yes, FET L I F e.com. Free plug bigger. Advertisers will love that.

Scott Benner 1:14:32
Oh, there's not gonna be any advertising on this one. Don't worry. You made it onto the official subscribers only episode. The rest of it will be bleeped out and given to somebody for for an after dark. Do you ever get there? Do I how to say this? I'm not judging anybody. But what if you get there and people are heinous. You don't I mean, like, does that matter? Does body style matter? Does the kink matter? Do you have to be attracted for it to work?

"Damsel" 1:15:03
Oh, you know, it varies person to person. But I'd say for a lot of pickup play where you're just meeting somebody and then negotiating with them, that it doesn't matter, because this is more of a friendly.

Scott Benner 1:15:18
Yeah. Like you're playing Pinnacle together, or chess in the park or something like that. Sure. Yeah. No, seriously, I'm, I know what you're saying. Okay. So just the thing you both like to do you need another person to do it doesn't really matter who they are you just going to do the thing? Is the negotiation. exciting to you?

"Damsel" 1:15:37
It can be, especially when you're just meeting someone new. And it's like, oh, I wouldn't. I wouldn't guess that you were into that. Okay. Let me let me try that.

Scott Benner 1:15:47
I know, I'm wondering about all the people I know, which one of them are doing this account? I gotta, how do I find out? They need to know, damsel? I'm serious. I want to I want to I need a McCarthy style hearing of all the people I know. That's probably a very old reference that you don't get, but don't worry about it. And, and and where I find out everybody's kinky, like, backstories. Even those of you listening immediately, you should I'm wondering about you all too. Do you think there are mostly people thinking? I don't know what this lady is talking about? Or do you think there's more people who are like, Yeah, I'm into this too, that I just don't know about? Oh,

"Damsel" 1:16:23
my gosh, that community has so many diabetics. Oh,

Scott Benner 1:16:26
interesting. Type ones, specifically. I've

"Damsel" 1:16:30
met one, type one, and then I've met, maybe seven diabetics, type two, some of them were type two, and then the rest just didn't disclose. Hmm.

Scott Benner 1:16:42
Okay. Interesting. I don't know if there's a correlation there or not. But that's still very interesting. Have you ever met somebody you've known? Have you ever gone to an event? They're called events? Alright, if you've ever gone to an event, and looked across the room and been like, oh, hell, that's my third grade teacher or something like that? No,

"Damsel" 1:17:02
not that closely. But I mean, if you're there just at the at the right time, you know, you might see like a city council person or

Scott Benner 1:17:15
lovely. This is what I'm talking about. Okay.

"Damsel" 1:17:18
But I mean, if you know them, you don't know them. Right? Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:17:21
Are there a lot of people who if I saw them in their street clothes, there's no way I'd ever guessed this? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Are you? Are you one of those people? The older people? Oh, yeah. Like, like, like, oh, there's grandma. But no, she's got a whip. Like that kind of thing.

"Damsel" 1:17:39
Yeah, there's there's quite a few from like the Boomer and like later Gen X generation that go to events because they're, they're empty nesters. Now, they have all this time to actually do it. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:17:51
I'm gonna ask my wife. She's not here right now. She's traveling for work. I'm gonna ask her I'm gonna be like, Hey, is it possible you have like any like kinky leanings towards this stuff? And I just have never asked, maybe I should ask, What do you think she's gonna say? You know what she's gonna tell me. You know, I

"Damsel" 1:18:09
don't know. I've been married for

Scott Benner 1:18:11
27 years. She's gonna walk away from me and not say a word. She's gonna be like, and then a half an hour later, she's gonna be like, What did you talk about on the podcast that made you ask me that? And then I was like, well, you're gonna want a mic. You know what I'm gonna call your episode, by the way. What? Damsel not in distress. It's good, right? I love it. Yeah. Because you seem like it for a person who has been through a lot of stuff. You seem like the least in distress person I've ever met. And you asked me to call you damsel. So that's what I'm going to call it. Is that alright? With you? Yeah, that works. Well give me negotiating and asking permission. All of a sudden, I was like, This is how I have to do everything. I want to go to lunch today. I'd be like, Would you like me to sit here? Or should I sit there? I'm gonna get all like that. I am having lunch with a friend that an hour. Okay.

"Damsel" 1:18:59
Yeah, you should totally like, slap the butt of the seat before you sit down. Oh my god.

Scott Benner 1:19:07
Do you get judged by people on this? Like? Well, let me ask my one question. I'll get the you listened to. I mean, there's no way you don't listen to podcasts. That's how you found out about it, right? Oh, yeah, I listen. Okay. So like, do you get judged by people? Are there times in your life where they find out stuff about you and you feel judged? And here's my question. Have you felt more judged by being bipolar? By enjoying your an s&m lifestyle or having diabetes? Oh, that is a good question. One of the best questions. This is one of the best interviews I've ever done. But go ahead. Let's

"Damsel" 1:19:40
see. Well, not a whole lot of people know that I'm kinky. So I mean, they can't really judge and I try very, very hard not to use my real first name in the community, right. So I think, you know, maybe I'm judgment for about the diabetes. because I'm so open about it so more people can see it. Like I love wearing my Dexcom just out on my arm. Yeah, just be like, what's up? There's

Scott Benner 1:20:11
no way you could tell guys at a job site about the s&m thing, right? Because that would just open a floodgate. They'd be horrible to you. I'm imagining, right? Yeah,

"Damsel" 1:20:21
I've been open about it before on other job sites. And it was kind of like, oh, you know, she must be a freak. I've got a chance with her. You know,

Scott Benner 1:20:32
everyone takes a run at you once they know. Right? Yeah. That's interesting. Not surprising. Just interesting. Yeah, so that I mean, there's a place I would keep it to myself. I'm pretty sure I'm thinking about myself here. If I was a lady and I was at a job site, and like that kind of stuff. Okay. Well, we've done it, damsel, this is I'm gonna tell you right now, officially the best podcast I've ever made my life. So you were and it's because you're so open. And you were willing to talk about so many different things. So honestly, were you pretty nervous in the beginning?

"Damsel" 1:21:04
And not really, I smoked a cigarette just before?

Scott Benner 1:21:09
Little nicotine. Myself. Yeah. And nicotine works. Don't tell the kids. Yeah, don't tell children that. But that little jolt you get from it's not bad. Right? Right. Yeah. It's the smoking part. That's not great. And the addiction and all the other stuff, but whatever. Listen, one mountain at a time. Am I right? Right. Let's not get crazy here. Try to fix the whole world at once. Maybe

"Damsel" 1:21:37
I'll quit smoking after I you know, get an apartment.

Scott Benner 1:21:42
That's the funniest thing anyone's ever said on here. Congratulations. Way to joke about being homeless and do it in a fun way. That was really well done. It seriously, what's your like, maybe I'll smoke after I get an apartment. let's prioritize a little bit. That's fantastic. You were terrific. I usually say goodbye. And then like, tell you people you're they were terrific afterwards. But you were really good. I mean, your life is significantly different than mine, obviously. So I enjoyed listening to your stories and hearing about them. And learning more about it. I I can't thank you enough for sharing all this with me. And with everybody listening. Thank you really sincerely. Yeah, thanks. I like how you're just like, Yeah, cool. That's fine. You don't so. So we're not my

"Damsel" 1:22:27
hardest, smiling. So Greg is probably the med student. I can't go too far up or down. So,

Scott Benner 1:22:33
I mean, we're done. But I want to ask you just one more question. I'm gonna keep recording. So for people who are not into this at all, what do you expect that their reaction would be to hearing your story? Well,

"Damsel" 1:22:45
it's kind of like we did two episodes in one, right? We

Scott Benner 1:22:49
did. This was weird. I'm not gonna lie to you, but it's your life. So you know, but, but like, we'll just put the kink thing out there first, if people heard about that, like, just, you call them vanilla, like so you people who don't have those thoughts? Or do and they're not doing anything about it? If they hear this? Do you think it sounds weird to them? Do you think it sounds freeing? Do you think they would judge it if they knew?

"Damsel" 1:23:12
You know, I think most people would would judge it? You know, is kind of a interesting niche. But I think there's also a lot of people who would be, you know, more interested? Yeah, maybe want to explore it.

Scott Benner 1:23:30
Listen, I'm not gonna lie to you. I've been married for a long time. I'd love to slap my wife. I mean, once we negotiate on it, and she was something she just oh my god, you have to be married for a really long time to know about those moments where you look at each other. You're like, Hmm, maybe I could choke you. And, and they look back at you like yeah, come over here. Try. I'll choke you back. Oh, you gotta be married for a really long time really? To imagine this like you trust me. You'll know when you're like 60 But I guess I should ask Do you like being choked?

"Damsel" 1:24:15
That takes a lot of trust in somebody just because it's so so risky. Delicate to write. Yeah, so I love it. But I don't do it a lot.

Scott Benner 1:24:25
I need the right person. I

"Damsel" 1:24:26
don't do it with anyone. Okay.

Scott Benner 1:24:27
Do you ever do it to yourself? Does this move into your Alright, here I go. I know. I said this is over. But does this move into your masturbation at all? Ever hate yourself?

"Damsel" 1:24:39
Sometimes.

Scott Benner 1:24:42
Okay, it's alright with me. I'm just wondering. What about away from sexuality? Do you ever like if you've ever done it, just just the impact stuff? No sexuality by yourself. Can you self impact?

"Damsel" 1:24:56
Yeah, yeah. When I'm told to You know, smack. Say well, no.

Scott Benner 1:25:03
Okay, if I tell you, not me, but if we're together and we've talked about it ahead of time and like at some point during this, I'm gonna tell you to smack yourself. You're gonna do it. But you wouldn't do it like him. Yeah. In bed to just chill out at night.

"Damsel" 1:25:17
No, probably not.

Scott Benner 1:25:18
Okay. All right. I've asked a bad question. That's okay. I'm doing my best. How do I handle this? Seriously? I'll let you go in a minute. But like, Did I do okay? Because this is a big shift from topics and I, I want to make sure you're comfortable.

"Damsel" 1:25:32
Yeah, no, that was That was beautiful. I'm just glad I had enough time to dig in. Do both, I guess. Yes. Really awesome.

Scott Benner 1:25:42
I appreciate that. Listen, I wasn't gonna stop talking to you. You're fascinating. So, and you're really honest, and that's hard to find. So thank you very much. I'm gonna let you go Hold on one second for me.

Mark is an incredible example of what so many experience living with diabetes, you show up for yourself and others every day, never letting diabetes define you. And that is what the Medtronic champion community is all about. Each of us is strong, and together, we're even stronger. To hear more stories from the Medtronic champion community or to share your own story, visit Medtronic diabetes.com/juicebox. Don't forget, we still have marks conversation at the very end. It's a terrific kind of mini episode about 10 minutes long, that goes deeper into some of the things that you heard Mark talking about earlier in the show. A huge thank you to ever since CGM for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. Are you tired of having to change your sensor every seven to 14 days. With the ever since CGM you just replace it once every six months via a simple in office visit. Learn more and get started today at ever since cgm.com/juicebox. A huge thank you to one of today's sponsors GE voc glucagon. Find out more about Chivo Capo pen at G folk glucagon.com Ford slash juicebox. you spell that GVOKEGL You see ag o n.com. Forward slash juicebox. If you're living with type one diabetes, the afterdark collection from the Juicebox Podcast is the only place to hear the stories that no one else talks about. From drugs to depression, self harm, trauma, addiction, and so much more. Go to juicebox podcast.com up in the menu and click on after dark. There you'll see a full list of all of the after dark episodes. If you're looking for community around type one diabetes, check out the Juicebox Podcast private Facebook group Juicebox Podcast type one diabetes, but everybody is welcome type one type two gestational loved ones. It doesn't matter to me. If you're impacted by diabetes, and you're looking for support, comfort or community check out Juicebox Podcast type one diabetes on Facebook. Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. The episode you just heard was professionally edited by wrong way recording. Wrong way recording.com

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