#1050 Kick The Goat

Kristin is divorced and her child has type 1 diabetes.

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, and welcome to episode 1050 of the Juicebox Podcast.

Today, I'll be speaking with Kristen, she's the mother of a child with type one diabetes. Gonna talk about a number of different things here. I think Arden comes up in this episode, I think I call her doing it or text or something. And what else happens? Oh, Kristen is divorced. We talked about that with the impact of diabetes management, and a lot more. Honestly, I don't know what to call this one, so the title is probably not going to make any sense. While you're listening. Please remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan are becoming bold with insulin. If you'd like to save 40% off of your entire order at cozy earth.com You can go get yourself sheets towels and clothing and save that 40% With the offer code juice box at checkout. You can also get a free year supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first order of ag one at mydlink. Drink ag one.com/juice box

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Kristin 2:44
My name is Christian. I am a caretaker for re an eight year old type one diabetic.

Scott Benner 2:52
Okay, right is eight. How old was he when he was diagnosed?

Kristin 2:56
She was Yeah, yeah. It's R EY like the Star Wars girl.

Scott Benner 3:02
Aren't you? Oh, like Ray. That's beautiful like that. I love that. Yeah. Okay. So she I'm sorry. So she was how old?

Kristin 3:13
She was six. So it was we're about in our two year in May two years.

Scott Benner 3:18
Okay, how did it present?

Kristin 3:22
Yeah. So she had had COVID in April of 2021. And then a couple weeks later started throwing up. And it was so funny because her sister I just had a stomach bug. So we really just thought no big deal. And then after a couple days, her dad took her to the ER because he said she seemed really lethargic all of a sudden. So I don't know quite what that looked like. But yeah, then she went to the ER, they gave her fluids and did the normal thing where they say, Okay, this is the fluid just go on home. And then right, then she started hallucinating. And then they said, nevermind. Let's keep her here a few more seconds. And then somebody finally thought to check her blood sugar, which I think was, you know, close to 700. And then it all became clear.

Scott Benner 4:04
Wow, they got to the blood sugar that quickly.

Kristin 4:08
Well, you know, it had been, I think it had been four or five hours of kind of like, okay, let's get fluids and monitor and she seemed so much better. So it did take some time. And then not long after, you know, the CDC came out with that report that said COVID leads to type one, so check for it. So I was really grateful thinking, you know, maybe next time they wouldn't have to be like super far into decay before it was, you know, discovered if someone came in post COVID They would just check. Select sugar right away.

Scott Benner 4:34
Yeah, someone would think Oh, look. Yeah. Okay. So that's a couple of years ago already. Right? How long was she in the hospital for?

Kristin 4:45
About four days? Four days.

Scott Benner 4:47
Did that seemed long to you? Or did that seem about right?

Kristin 4:51
You know, it was all kind of a fever dream. You know, I didn't sleep at all the first two nights because it was just so scary. The first night she was So, just still really hallucinating and kind of terrified and miserable. And then, and they kind of told me, you know, you're going to be here for a long time, eventually we'll transfer you to another hospital where you can, you know, go to diabetes school, but we got to stabilize, it could be a week here. So they were really telling me, I had it in my head, like, Okay, we're gonna be here for weeks. So in some senses it it seemed quick. But in other senses, you know, I'm, I've never been admitted at the ER before we always just go in and they say, Okay, go home. Right. So, in that sense, it just felt really surreal to be in a hospital for so many days. And they did transfer us but it was really just about two, two and a half days. And then she was at an ICU. And then then they had beds, the local children's hospitals, they moved us over there to like, go to diabetes school, and then we were there for, I think, just two nights and then came home.

Scott Benner 5:54
No context for diabetes at all in your family or anything like that.

Kristin 5:58
Yeah, so her dad's sister is type one, and it just never occurred to me. I don't think I understood that there could be some genetic links. And so I just didn't even think about that. And I was kind of curious if if he if her dad thought about that. When he took her in.

Scott Benner 6:21
Kristen, you broke up. I'm sorry, Sandra. You, Chris. I'm sorry. You broke up. You were wondering if? And so I think we're I'm not clear on this. So are you in her father not together?

Kristin 6:33
That's right, right. Yeah, we're divorced.

Scott Benner 6:35
So you, you said you wondered if that was in his mind when when he went to the hospital? But you don't know.

Kristin 6:42
Yeah, I don't know. And I have to guess no, just because I think he would have said somebody check her blood sugar sooner. If he had that in his mind at all. But yeah,

Scott Benner 6:52
you know, the longer I do this, I used to be kind of more shocked by that. Like, yeah, why would somebody not think of that, but then the longer I do it, I just think that that's not how it works. You know, we were talking to my son recently. And you know, Arden's had diabetes since she was two. Right? So for, you know, almost like two full decades, they live together with diabetes. And my son said something the other day, and I was like, that's not how that works. And he goes, No, and I'm like, You don't know that? And he goes, No, I guess I don't. And I and so extrapolating that forward, like trying to put my son in a situation 15 years from now, and he's in the ER with a baby going, I don't know what's wrong with this baby. Like, I don't know, if he would think to say, you know, my sister has type one diabetes. And

Kristin 7:41
right, yeah, it's strangely not top of mind. And I feel like I everywhere I go, I tell people like, Hey, did you know this is how she was diagnosed? Did you know that most type ones are diagnosed in adulthood? Now? Did you know because I just feel so traumatized by the experience. And I just think, how do we stop diagnosing and DKA it is a horrible experience, and how nice it would be to just routinely check it or have it more top of mind. But you know, it's just one of those things. It's rare enough that people don't think of it

Scott Benner 8:11
right. Yeah, the other side of that is, it's funny, you're bringing, it's really ironic that you're bringing this up, because right before we jumped on, I was running through my messages. There's this message from this person is like, you know, I'm doing a project for my journalism class, and my father has type one diabetes, and people don't understand that enough. And I was wondering if and blah, blah, blah, may ask the question. My thought was, well, you don't want me involved in this. Because what I'm gonna say to you is, I think it's completely reasonable that people don't understand type one diabetes. And then what's, what's the alternative? Like? What do we do we like, take a week out of everyone's life, and sit them down and explain everything in the world that could possibly go wrong to them? Because, yeah, that sounds like that would be overwhelming. And it's, but I take everyone's point when they're like, you know, it shouldn't get to this point. And it'd be so easy for doctors to do a finger stick check when they're certain symptoms arise. And I kind of, that's why I think it's more on the medical side, like, you're not just going to randomly expect everyone to understand, but if at least, no,

Kristin 9:10
you're right, because there's so many autoimmune disorders that I have so little information about, and it does seem like it must be frustrating to Dino to somebody else who doesn't understand like G tube and, you know, feeding tubes and stuff like that. And I just don't, I think the real frustration comes in, you're right, when medical folks seem to not get it, which I think we all run into. I see it you know, every day on the Facebook page, people run into medical staff that don't quite get it, which is very frustrating and or folks who kind of assume they get it, you know, and I think you know, maybe is it just like we need to respect each other more to understand that, you know, whatever you're going through, you're the expert of that. And yeah, I mean, I think doctors should know we had a dentist just tell us, we should be able to manage her type one with medication and we should stop giving her treatments for low's

Scott Benner 10:00
Really? Yeah, a physician told you that?

Kristin 10:03
Yeah, her dentist at the last appointment was like, Yeah, I think that's, I think you're thinking of type two and she was like, So you're telling me that her doctor wants her to have sugar? That was like, look, let's just move on here. Okay, I understand. I'm gonna try to avoid lows for you. All right, but that's, I'm not gonna get to a low and say, You know what? Your doctor doesn't want you to have sugar let's let's do something else.

Scott Benner 10:26
Sweet. In lieu of a vote cavity. Why don't we just dropped it right now instead? I don't want to have a cavity. Well, you know, cuz that's expensive for me. Yeah. Oh, my God. Insurance for dentistry is terrible. I was sitting in a in an infusion center recently getting an iron infusion, right? And I'm sitting there. And I've been there a number of times, I now have what I would loosely call a relationship with one of the nurses. And she just says like, what do you do for a living? And I was like, Oh, I make a podcast. And that's already a leap. People are just like, what now? You know, and then you're like, Well, I make a podcast and and then they go, Well, I don't understand how is that a job? Podcast reaches a lot of people. And then advertisers buy ads. And so I make a podcast and she's coming online. Right? Yeah. And then she goes, um, what's it about? And I said, diabetes? And she goes, Do you have diabetes? And I went, No. I was like, but then I explained that whole other thing, and she had met Arden once she's like, Oh, that little girl. And I'm like, Yes. And she's not little anymore. Go through this whole thing. Anyway, this leads into her telling me about her experience with diabetes and the hospital, and all the people that she saw, and what she tells people, and I want to tell you that about 87% of what she said wasn't accurate. Hey, guys, just jumping in to remind you that one of our sponsors better help is offering 10% off your first month of therapy, when you use my link better help.com forward slash juicebox. That's better. H e l p.com. Forward slash juicebox. Better help is the world's largest therapy service is 100%. Online boasts over 25,000 licensed and experienced therapists. And you can talk to them however you want text chat phone or on video, you can actually message your therapist at any time and schedule live sessions when it's convenient for you. Better help.com forward slash juicebox save 10% On your first month. Oh, wow. And so I was just sitting there like making a decision. I had like a, you know, a needle in my arm. And I'm sitting, and I'm gonna be there for the next hour and I just nodded through. I was like, Uh huh, uh huh. Yeah. Oh, oh. Uh huh. Thank you. And then I she said one thing that was so egregious that I turned her on it. And then I was like, What am I going to do? Like she's running around, by the way, I'm the only person they're lucky enough not to have cancer in an infusion center, you know? And so she's running around doing her job. And what am I gonna like, pull her aside and go, Hey, listen, you fundamentally don't understand any of the things that you just said, like, what would she have done next? You know,

Kristin 13:05
I mean, you could give her some episode numbers. Right? Well, I

Scott Benner 13:08
told her about the podcast, and I told her how to listen to it. I thought maybe she'll figure something out. She had worked in a hospital. And she knew she knew enough to deal with it the way hospitals deal with it when you're admitted, but you're not admitted for your diabetes. I guess it's the that's what she That's right. Yeah. But she thought she understood it. 100%.

Kristin 13:29
Yeah. And I think that's just the that's really the tricky part is just and that, I don't know, I have a little bit less empathy for that. I think I understand that folks in medical settings, have to just know so much information, but it does feel to me, especially when it comes to chronic illness that there, there could definitely stand to be a crash course or two about like, Okay, how do you deal with this? You know, when somebody's here, just like you said, I guess my only thought on that is that and this is generally how I feel with endos. It's like they have one job. And then as parents and caregivers or type ones, ourselves, we have a different job. And so we're going to fundamentally disagree. And that's not necessarily because we disagree. Does that make sense? It's because we just have different roles. And if you're a you know, medical professional, your job is public health, which means, you know, the best possible advice that's going to work for the largest group of people keeping things like compliance in mind. Yeah, and that's just going to be different advice than you would give your own child. I'm sure even an endo would say that.

Scott Benner 14:36
Oh, no, absolutely, uh, your your goals and their goals are different. You would think they're the same, but if you stop and really consider it, they're not you're you're talking about day to day, minute to minute care. And they're like, look, you're gonna be here for 48 hours. I don't want you to have a seizure while you're here. So we're going to keep your blood sugar at 200. Like that's,

Kristin 14:55
they're talking about advice that's going to work for every diabetic that comes in and I I always just say like, look, you're you're doing a great job for diabetics. But I, you know, I care in a broader sense about diabetic people. But in a specific sense, I care about one diabetic and that's my daughter.

Scott Benner 15:13
Yeah. And we're not going to let you do that today. So yeah, so it's something to stick up for yourself. You just sort of you educate in the moment for that moment, like, you're not trying to change their mind forever and ever, you're just trying to get you through that situation. And maybe that information sticks with the nurse or the physician or whatever. And they carried along to the next one, which is my expectation. And you know, Jenny always points out to me, adult endos overwhelmingly see type two patients and not type one patients. That's right. Yeah, yeah. If you have a child with type one, then you get this. It's a different experience. Like you go into a children's hospital, you know, generally speaking, and everything's very, I don't know how to put it like, it's nice. It's like you're ordering off the menu. You don't I mean, like, the place is really clean. And they tell you everything you need to know when you're having an experience. And like, and when you get to an adult, no, it's like, Hey, hi. What do you need insulin here, get out?

Kristin 16:12
Yeah, it's different. And it kind of relates to what you said is, you know, advocating in the moment for that moment and not trying to change the big picture. I think that is exactly perfect advice to deal with school nurses to you know, I was just talking about this with somebody else. But I feel like with school nurses that can feel like you need to get on the same page in a, in a broader sense. And you really just don't, you really just have to say, okay, how can we get this need met? And this moment? How do we make it so that, you know, I can call the shots in this particular moment, and then we can move on. But I think it can cause a lot of problems for families when they're trying to make sure you guys agree about type one management and that just might not happen.

Scott Benner 16:58
Yeah. Hey, listen, I'm sorry to do this in the middle of this, but I'm gonna call Arden because she's wearing a new CGM. And I don't know if the blood sugar I'm seeing is of a grand concern or not accurate. So I apologize. Hold on one second. I'm not going to stop the recording. So just give me a sec. Okay.

haven't done this in a while. On the podcast, I mean, she just texted me the word stop. So I'm assuming.

Kristin 17:32
Oh, my God, that's so funny. All right. Stop calling because I got this stop calling.

Scott Benner 17:42
Leave me alone. I'm trying to blah, blah, blah. She's probably running around or something like that. It's just it's a new sensor. And I sent her a text this morning. And I said, Hey, can you please calibrate this. And then there's a setting she has to flick kind of flip a switch and loop that she hasn't flipped yet. And now she's made a Bolus. A big she had a meal, very obviously, about 55 minutes ago. And at the moment, the CGM is indicating a 53 blood sugar with an arrow straight down. It just switched over now to 48. So I'm gonna guess that her blood sugar is not really 48 and it's clearly stopping like, so she knows the foods hitting her so she's not worried. And I mean, I've done what I can

Kristin 18:26
now only drops for like that. That's when I kind of sigh

Scott Benner 18:31
Yeah, it's, it's like it's just a brand. It's a brand new sensor. So I don't know if it's, like settled in well, or, you know, whatever. So, and I can never well, not never, but the process of getting her to test around a new sensor is she's she doesn't she hates it. She won't do it. Yeah, it will. She does it but I have to like cajole her sometimes. Yeah. So like, let's just check. You know, it's like, it's a couple hours old. Like, let's just be sure. Anyway, well, that was fun.

Kristin 19:04
I love the one word text. My daughter will just text me one word help sometimes. It drives me nuts. I'm like, Look, there are lots of things that that could mean and that's very stressful for me. It could mean you know you're feeling low. It can mean there's a shooter in a hallway. God forbid please text me something more descriptive than the word help mommy clean it means she wants to come home.

Scott Benner 19:27
Mommy, are you seeing the meteors falling out of the sky to down Shaolin pleases adjectives down to I can't think of the word I need for Exactly. Very helpful. Well, artists,

Unknown Speaker 19:39
my nerves can't take that word.

Scott Benner 19:41
Arden's direct she must be I'm guessing based on the time of day, she's rushing around to get to a class. Like she's, I think she's in her dorm room getting ready to leave. And she's she doesn't have the time to give away to me and my concerns for her safety. So anyway, we'll keep an eye on that as it goes because You know, whatever. Alright, so anyway, so yes, there's diabetes in the family. But no, nobody was thinking about it. You're divorced. And so am I to take from that there's not a ton of communication, or is the communication good?

Kristin 20:16
I know and maybe, yeah, it's okay. I would say that we kind of the way that we manage it is that we just do things separately. So like, even on her pump, we have separate profiles. And she kind of knows, okay, I just got to mom's I got to switch over to the mom profile. And I think in the beginning, we really tried it to kind of communicate and collaborate and it just, we just can't do it. We can't do it. Yeah, we just keep things pretty separate. And that makes it okay. I think it took us a couple years post diagnosis to kind of chill out about it and not think, okay, when she goes the other house, something terrible is gonna happen. We kind of settle and know that everyone's doing their best. Her agency is fine. She's doing fine. So yeah, I think that's about as good as it gets. For us.

Scott Benner 21:07
There's two management styles.

Unknown Speaker 21:08
Oh, yeah.

Scott Benner 21:12
I think I heard a lot in that. Oh, yeah. But okay. So it's a little higher and not as focused at one house. And at the other. You're a little more on top of things. Is that fair enough? Yeah. I

Kristin 21:25
mean, I think that's about how it feels. And I, I will say that I could go into clarity, for example, and try to measure and say, hey, look, on these days of the week, is she really more on range? I'm not going to go down that path. I don't feel like it's good for anybody. But my guess is you would see a better time and range. You know, I have my moments she was high last night. And I didn't truly know why overnight. And that's unusual. So I have times, you know, a sense or a one of those call this infusion site seems to fail or something and I have a she goes up high. But I want to say for the most part, I feel like I know what I'm doing. Fat pizza is still hard for me, but it's getting way better. But I feel like everything else, you do a secondary cupcakes, I can do cereal, like, Oh, that's good to go. And it I think the sense I get from the other house, at least in the beginning is that like, they don't mind if blood sugar is up high, as long as it comes back down within three hours. And that's kind of what they were told. And as far as I can tell, they follow the endo advice kind of perfectly. And and, you know, that is kind of the endo advice that that's okay. And I don't That to me is not a We missed you know what I mean? If we're up over 200. That's not like fine with me.

Scott Benner 22:48
So would you say that it's not apathy, right? Like they're doing? They're doing what they're supposed to be doing? It's just not what you would be hoping?

Kristin 22:57
That's right. Yeah. And I think I had to kind of come to that place in the beginning, where it was like, look, it's not like they're not giving her insulin. They're troubleshooting. When she's high, and trying to do something about it. They're up at night. And I think they both heard step by step mom there. I don't think they're married. But there anyway, she lives with them and has for years, they are doing their best. And I feel confident about that. And I say that was about 86% confidence. It's not that low. Yeah, that's not bad. So I'll take it 86%

Scott Benner 23:30
from a person who just said, I don't think they're married, which would indicate you don't have a ton of insight.

Kristin 23:39
You know, it's not my business. I think at first step parents, she does all the parents do stuff. And, you know,

Scott Benner 23:47
very nice. I mean, can you talk a little bit about what that's like, in the beginning, though, when, like, not now. But when you're doing a thing, I guess, five days a week, and then on two days, or however you're broken up, then it just changes? Does it make you mental? Are you like, Oh, my God, how did it hit you? And how did you get through it?

Kristin 24:08
Yeah, no, it was definitely really challenging. And I sound chill about it now, but I wasn't and I often am not. I mean, it comes up still, for sure. Because I think as a parent of a kid who has higher needs I, my, the way my trauma from the hospital has manifested is in hyper vigilance. And I have that's been a light switch that's turned on for me that as a first time thing prior to this, I was a very laid back parent to a fault. You know, we'd get places and I'd be like, Oh, God, we didn't eat a meal. That's so funny, you know, or, you know, we get to school without backpacks. That was just kind of normal. And that is not how I am anymore, you know, by necessity. And so it's very difficult when she's not here. I would say my anxiety is pretty high every night she's not here. Yeah, I mean, it's it's just so hard not being able to To control your kids well being as a parent period any time, but especially when there's something that does need so much input, and then you're physically not in the same house, that's really challenging. I think early on, there was a lot more. I think the kind of broad Crude Story We kind of told about our management styles was that she was always low at my house, and she was always high at their house. And I don't think either of those things were ever true. But that was kind of the story. So then there was like, extra anxiety every time she did go low here, because I felt like I was like, proving that story. Correct. And it was very stressful for me. Sometimes I would hear about it. And that was really hard. I didn't know in the beginning, how things would turn out. And I think now that we've had enough time, I can see, you know, over all, and you know, maybe 69% and range over there, maybe 70. And that's, you know, she's more in range here. So it evens out. So,

Scott Benner 26:03
yeah, can I ask them like in this situation, like just now with art? Which, by the way, do you think people are listening going, like, is art and alive? Could someone fill me? I'll tell you in a second or so but, but in a situation like this, if you were looking at like a dropping arrow, and it was frightening. You have the ability to call the house and say hi, is someone seeing this? Or is that not something you guys have?

Kristin 26:29
No, we don't have that. And you know what? I don't I don't look, I turn off on my alarms. And I don't wear my watch because otherwise I can't sleep.

Scott Benner 26:38
Yeah, no. Well, that Oh, Kristin. That's what I'm that's the thing I'm imagining like right now. If I wasn't able to reach out to somebody, like what would I do with the with the feeling you don't? I mean, I guess?

Kristin 26:52
Call therapist? Yeah, you know, it's, it's hard for sure. I have a lot of misplaced hypervigilance, and I think it lands on other stuff.

Scott Benner 27:01
Is your dining room very clean, or something?

Kristin 27:04
No, but I I started the grad school program. And I really do think that, you know, I think as far as I'm still I'm still the jury's still out on if me going into grad school is a misplaced way to spend my anxiety dollars, but I think it's okay, you know, it's me pouring into something that I can like research and learn more about and really do something productive, because I'm going to school to become a diabetes social worker. So it's it's a way for me to channel all of that like energy into the the stuff that I can control when I know ultimately, I have to just trust because calling Yeah, calling I did that once or twice. It doesn't it doesn't end well doesn't go well.

Scott Benner 27:51
It turns into the exact reason you're divorced.

Kristin 27:54
Yeah. It just doesn't promote. Uh, yeah. It doesn't do what I intended it to do. I'll just say that.

Scott Benner 28:04
It doesn't do what I do. Now. In fact, I wouldn't be fair in fairness, do you get on the phone? You're like you guys are killing or you're not paying attention? Or is it? Hi? Does it just know it's a mistrust? Even if you're like, Hi, I just saw that blood sugar's falling really quickly. And I was concerned and wanted to make sure that that just goes the wrong way.

Kristin 28:23
Yeah, I think every once in a while I have texted but yeah, I think in general, we try to keep contact really specific to logistics. And anytime there's other stuff. I would say I get more feedback than I give. And how old are you? What's that old? Are you? 37?

Scott Benner 28:45
Is your husband or your ex husband a similar age? Yes. How long were you together for

Speaker 3 28:49
abouts? Seven, eight years, something like that to meet

Scott Benner 28:53
when you were very young?

Kristin 28:54
Oh, we're in college. So average time

Scott Benner 28:58
I gotcha. Okay. I'm just trying to, like pick, you're doing such a lovely job of like, talking around at being you know, you're doing a good job of explaining your situation. There's just a couple of little details I don't have. Okay, so we understand how difficult that is, and you focused it into something else. And you because I'm imagining in those gaps of time, they probably just feel like time is paused. Right? Like they're like, the girls are gone. And then you're just sitting there like paused waiting for your turn again, hoping.

Kristin 29:32
Yeah, it's it was a it is it's still hard. You know, I kept thinking after a couple of years, I'll get used to them not being here. And I really haven't and still find it challenging. But I do think part of it is that experience I had in the hospital which really just rewired my brain. And I found like, you know in the couple of months, up to a year after I really just felt so spaced out

Scott Benner 30:00
So you're breaking up,

Kristin 30:01
hopefully remote at work, but I would get a call from the nurse. And it was like my brain was electric, I could think of a million things at once I knew every, you know, how many carbs was in each part of her lunch, and I could do any of that math. And I knew where all the supplies were and where the insurance did it. And so it was like all of my sharpness was like, retained for this one thing that was so anxiety inducing, and then everything else just felt like soup. And it's, it's not unlike that now, it's just much less extreme.

Scott Benner 30:32
Did you go to therapy? Is that how you got to this point?

Kristin 30:35
I have always been in therapy. But yeah, I did specifically call someone and say to

Scott Benner 30:43
them, Chris, I'm so sorry. You broke up. I'm getting like an unstable internet connection message from your side. So I'm not sure shoot. You've always been in therapy you called someone you called someone in what? Yeah, I

Kristin 30:56
called somebody and specifically said, I could use some help with this. And I don't want to talk about my feelings. I just really need someone to help me with the here and now kind of logistics of balancing this stuff.

Scott Benner 31:10
So in that calm in those conversations, what what was valuable for you?

Kristin 31:15
Oh, gosh, what a good question. I don't I don't really know, I think, a sounding board, I think, you know, you need connection to what's real. I feel like, you know, you just such a good job with that. There's a lot of, because our kids kind of are like, it's it's so hard to explain diabetes, right? Because it's like, listen, they're fine. They just could die. And like, those things are both true at the same time. And so you have to kind of balance between like what's real and that so like, yeah, your kid is has a 50 blood sugar, that sucks. But they're not actually really close to death, right? Like, kind of, how do you kind of ground yourself in that reality that they that if things keep going badly, they could die, but they probably will keep going badly? Because they're going to eat something?

Scott Benner 32:05
Yeah, because people don't understand. They don't have context for what you're saying. And it really is true. Like, I've listened. I've tried many times to explain it to somebody where I didn't sound crazy. That was always my I was like, Where can I get this out without me sound like I'm like being like, over the top, you know, hey, if her blood sugar is falling, and we don't do anything, it's going to end very poorly. But if we do something, it'll likely be fine. But we want to be vigilant about it and pay attention till we know speaking of vigilance, Arden's blood sugar's 16. Excuse me, 660 now, and obviously, her food hit her a few minutes later than she expected for it to. It's like 100% What's happening here? She made a nice.

Kristin 32:46
It's not still in a 57. I'm

Scott Benner 32:48
gonna guess from what I'm seeing on the Dexcom Oh, there it is. 72. Yeah, this is it. So that's why I got the stop email. Because what stopped means is, it's interesting, right? Because I'd have this conversation is coming together. But it's not much different than you calling your ex. Because I pick I picked her for a very good reason. Like, no one would say that what I did wasn't reasonable. Right. But in her world, this is already handled. Like I did a thing I ate. This is going to be fine. I know the CGM looks a little low right now. But I feel fine. So maybe she was never really, like, you know, like, she's probably higher. Like if we would have tested at 49. She might have already been 60 or whatever. And right. And now she's feeling judged and questioned. Right, right. And you're taking her out of her flow of her day and what she's doing, but none of that changes what it's like to be on this side of it. Right? And the to never even like, you know, we're sitting here almost joking, because it's between you and an X. But this is between me and my daughter who have we have a really great relationship. Right. And it's still honestly the same thing happened. Yes. And

Kristin 34:04
I'm aware that it will be that way soon, too, right. I mean, she's eight right now, but she's already arguing with me about a Bolus or you know, she has her own opinions. And I love that so much. And I really try to encourage it. And I'm aware that at some point, this will be me, you know, texting her going. Hey, hey, do you see that 15 Is everything good? And then she's gonna text back one word help, and I will have no idea what to do.

Scott Benner 34:32
I sent a Artem was on the beach on Friday. So Arden doesn't go to or does have classes on Fridays and she's close to a beach where she goes to school. I'm not like I don't pay attention to what she's doing moment to moment, you know, but I gotta, I gotta, I gotta signal and I was like, oh Arden's low and I looked and it wasn't like, like it was a low that kind of crap up on her. And I looked at her location and She was on a beach. And I texted and nobody answered. And I was like, Well, I mean it's loud there. So I sent like a find your iPhone signal to her phone. Oddly, that when I got back like hey, I'm okay, blah, blah this is what I did. I've already treated this, you know, I said I love you and she's like, that was nice like she hearted. My I love you. Which by the way, as you get older as a parent, it's interesting where you accept your like, reassurance from like, my wife, my wife will be like culpa hard on that and I'm like, you know the hearts the first thing you get to with your finger, right? Oh, jeez, but my wife's like, but it's a heart. I'm like, if the thumbs up was first you would have got a thumbs up. I'm just saying. This is about this is about finger travel. Not about feelings. But okay. And anyway, but so she was okay in her reaction was fine. And she was absolutely fine. Like she didn't mind that I helped that I was looking out for. And this time, I don't even know that she minds. I think if we got her hold of her right now. And as she'd be like, Look, I was just running around getting ready for, you know, class and, you know, I know was more typing than stop.

Kristin 36:13
Exactly, exactly. Yeah. And it's hard to know what that yeah, what that means to her if she would have she actually irritated by it. Or if she was like, Yeah, that was fine. I just want you to know I had it.

Scott Benner 36:25
Yeah. Anyway, let's Yeah, well, how do we how do we manage right? Is it MDI pumps CGM? obviously have a CGM. But what do you do?

Kristin 36:34
Right? Yeah, so she's on a control IQ.

Scott Benner 36:38
Okay. Oh, great. Excellent. How do you find that?

Kristin 36:42
You know, I really like it. I was just talking to somebody about this, who's kind of considering? Well, I don't know if she's considering looping, I was considering looping for her, I was encouraging her to look into it. And because she's on them the pod and so she was asking about control IQ. And I feel like what I feel about control IQ. And this is based on, you know, what I see, frankly, on the on the Facebook page about Omnipod. Five is that control IQ is an algorithm that helps you avoid lows and kind of get an edge on the creep up. But it doesn't get in your business too much. You can still do extended boluses, you can still jump in and it feels like Omnipod five is kind of designed for for more of a hands off approach. I don't know, I'm just kind of speaking based on what I see from folks. No, I really like being able to get in there and make my own decisions about bonuses and stuff like that.

Scott Benner 37:45
Yeah, I think Omnipod five is very specifically designed to be a thing that you don't think about. And right. And I agree that control IQ has a couple of more like options for you on a more like, I'm just gonna say on a manual, but you're not really a manual, you're still in the algorithm, but you can do a little more. And then lupus, lupus probably like the, you know, like the way the nth degree of that idea where you have a lot of, you know, autonomy to make changes as you go. And I think they all have their place for sure. And I think that if you if you ask people who are newly diagnosed, they'd say, I want the thing where I don't think like, I think that it's going that way, like I don't think people

Kristin 38:32
and I think it works for different, like you said it has its place, it works for different people. And I think control IQ works great for us, because we can set profiles, but it's not so manual that we're really fighting over every detail. So I really liked that we can kind of use it in our situation. If I if it was just me caring for her, her I would be really interested to try looping. But in my current situation, this works great. I really, I'm really inspired by some of the folks you've had on the lazy IQ. And then Jeremy but I really just leave it in sleep mode. I override every Bolus, and it's just how I do it. It makes sense to me. I was really, I think that's why I love the podcast right away. Because in the first episodes, I was listening to you were going look, I just looked at a plate of food and I go, Hey, that looks like 25 carbs, I'm gonna give five for the broccoli. I'm gonna give a couple for the burger go. And I was like, Whoa, that's perfect. That's how my brain works. I want to be able to just name the units and you know, think about it that way and not be so underwater with them with the math. So I really liked being able to Yeah, override Bolus.

Scott Benner 39:49
I think that can't. I mean, obviously it's the way I think so I'm going to agree with it. But I think I've seen it, touch so many people and have a similar impact that I really I mean, even Arden like, look, she went away to college and she's maintaining her. I mean, her agency went up like, I don't know, like point to like they don't I mean, in the first the first couple of months she was there. And then we very recently visited. So her spring break came. So it was the end of our Arden has an assistant with quarters, not trying, like not semester. So it was the end of the quarter, we took that opportunity art and traveled from where she is to where her brother is she spent a couple of days with him. Then we showed up and we spent like four or five days together. And then he had to kind of get back to work. So we went back to school with Arden and we got her like, you know, weekly, we helped her clean her dorm room and went shopping for food and stuff like got her set back up for the next quarter. And we were kind of at dinner one night. And I was like, Look, you're doing a terrific job. Like a really, really, really great job I'm very proud of. But here are the two things I need you to do that you're not doing right. And and I was like and they're not big thing. So I was like But you're looking at high blood sugar's a little too long. And you're not Pre-Bolus Singh long enough before your meals. And she's like, Okay, I'm like really hard. That's my only feedback. I said, I think you're, I think you're a one C could go back to under six, like in the fives. If you just do these two extra things, and it's saying a lot because her sleep schedule screwy. Her eating schedule school. The food she's getting is terrible. From right from the school. She actually is in the middle of trying to get an up a cot one of my I just said every word except the one I wanted a dorm that has has a kitchen in it because she wants to cook more of her own food. Yeah, like

Kristin 41:46
I can the college food holy cow that is impressive to be able to handle that even remotely.

Scott Benner 41:52
Oh my gosh, you have no I mean this Bolus that we're talking about this morning, by the way, her blood sugar's 107. Now for everybody who's concerned? Yeah, I mean, she Bolus 65 carbs this morning, which was almost 13 units of insulin. And you know, it. Sorry about that. It was I hate the set. By the way, whoever makes Nightscout I hate that noise, fix it, make it go away. Pick a different noise, anything at all. I mean, she didn't miss by much. Like, the reality of it is she probably ate five minutes too late. And if she wouldn't have this curve that she created would have happened a little sooner. Now if this 107 levels out. I don't know how to argue with that. Like, you know, then her her eating. She just she just started a little late. And that again, it's probably because she's rushing around. So I mean, she's 18 Right? Yeah,

Kristin 42:48
it's pretty good. Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah, and I feel like it would be so much easier for it to go the other way where it went too high. And I I appreciate that perspective. And I definitely keep it in my head when she goes low. Before breakfast or something like that. Look, it was just a little the curve was just a little too soon.

Scott Benner 43:06
Yeah, stop fix it or whatever. It sounds like what Arden did was she was like that'll be fine. And because she knew that because she knew the food was in she probably if she responded back would have said you should have seen what I just the mess that these people just gave me that I just say trust me, it's gonna hit my blood sugar and and then right, yeah, right. But anyway, it's you know, and for people listening who have like a late high school aged kid who might be going to college. I have to tell you that I've one child who's gone through college has graduated already. And one child who's a freshman. The food service at the first school was terrible. But it was it was obviously terrible. Like you looked at it and you're like, Oh, God, like I'm so sorry. You're gonna have to eat this like if it felt like that right? Like he wants send us a picture of pink chicken. Oh, mom. And he's like, Hey, look, you know, here's a piece of chicken a kid got in the cafeteria the other day the kids blew the school up on on Instagram about it. Like they went after went after him on social media and the school responded with this like a like a government thing that said that because of the way they cook the chicken. It may look pink and that safe. Well, they didn't say I get you don't want your chicken to be pink. Or they just went after that's fine. It's safe. Like anyway, Arden gets the school and we're on the tour. You know, before she chose the school. And the cafeteria that she eats in is magical. Oh wow. If you walk in you're like oh my god, like I I'd happily live in here. You know, like beautiful like food everywhere and blah blah blah. But what she ended up telling me after not much time is she's like that this is all just really processed crappy food. And you know, she's like, even though vegetables are good like they're soaked in something that's not really butter, and I don't know what it is. And, you know, like, so it's just it's really impactful. Your kids are really going to need to know how to use insulin if they're gonna go to college. That's for sure. So,

Kristin 45:15
yeah, yeah, I mean, it's just a whole How do you feed that many kids without getting giant cans of green beans soaked in something, you know? How do you do it?

Scott Benner 45:24
I don't know. And that's the other thing is it's almost like the the conversation earlier about you need to understand diabetes better. But how's everyone going to do that? Like, what's Gordon Ramsay gonna show up at every school and set it up? And, you know, they're just, and it sucks. Because, you know, even she said to me recently, she's like, you know, everybody talks about, like, you know, they still say, like, I'm gonna put on the freshman 15. And she's like, maybe that wouldn't be necessary if this food was decent.

Kristin 45:52
Oh, yeah. I think that's what it is. 100% It's the food. Yeah,

Scott Benner 45:57
well, that freaked me out. Because there's a person who has put so much effort into, like making small changes. You know, for my kids, like, I was like, Wait, so 20 years, I've been at this. And now I'm powerless. You want to hear a funny story? Kirsten, hold on. So my, my son moves, you know, to take a job. And I go with him. Like, because he is poor kids. Like he got a job. And they were like, you have to be here in two weeks and start it was in another state 700 miles from our house. He had never had a job before because he was a college baseball player. So baseball was his job. He's never had a job before he's moving across the country to take a job, right. And so I'm like, I'll go with you, I'll help you get the apartment set up. Like we had to rent him an apartment sight unseen, which was frightening. Anyway, we're in the grocery store, like two days before I'm gonna leave, I'm gonna leave like the next day. And we're trying he doesn't know he's walking around. Like, I don't know what to buy, you know, like, I don't know, you know. So I'm like, Here, grab some of this. Like, I'm just trying to get him going. And I go to get him some olive oil to cook with. And they don't have cold pressed olive oil in the grocery store, which for anybody who cares when you press oil and olive oil with heat, you change it and you fundamentally make it it's just not as healthy afterwards. Right? And it's a little thing, but it's a thing I figured out years ago, Kristin and dammit, like removing other oils out of the house like canola and vegetable oil, all that stuff. If none of that exists in the house. In my house. There's olive oil that is cold pressed, and there's coconut oil to make popcorn it like that's all in my house. Okay. So I'm standing in the grocery store. Oh my god. Alright, I'll just tell you, I'm standing in the grocery store. They don't have cold pressed olive oil. And I start to cry. Oh, I literally like not like, like, you know, like soap opera. But I was just like, tears started coming out of my eyes. And I was like, so frustrated that, like, I'm like, oh, no, like, I did all this to put him in this position. And now this, so this lady next to me goes. She goes honey, you okay?

Speaker 3 48:12
Oh, yes. Thank you. Like, how am I going to explain this to her? Just say they don't have code for methodology. She's gonna call the cops, you know?

Scott Benner 48:24
So I just shifted the conversation tiny bit I said is I'm I just brought my son to the city. He's staying for a job and I'm starting to realize I'm leaving. I just lied to her a little bit. Like this is why I'm crying. Meanwhile, you know,

Kristin 48:40
part of you were crying is that you were sad to leave your son. Well, yes,

Scott Benner 48:44
those a whole shopping experience was terrible. I walked around there with blinders. I try not to make eye contact with him. Because I was like, I was upset. Don't get me wrong. I was on the edge Kristin. But the actual reason that I couldn't hold it together was the freakin olive oil. And, and I just told her, you know, I'm just sad about leaving my son and she goes, Oh, sweetheart. She's like, it's the greatest thing. It's like, oh, okay, she's

Kristin 49:11
ready. Your kids. Yeah, she

Scott Benner 49:12
didn't like she didn't like her kids as much as I like mine. I don't think she was like, Oh, please, you're gonna love this, and I don't particularly love it. Okay, sure. But my bigger point was, I guess I needed to embarrass myself on the podcast. I haven't done that. But But the other thing, just like all this preparation goes into something and suddenly gone. It's not even up to you. It's over. You know? No, I

Kristin 49:39
totally get the freaking olive oil moment because it's, it's about like you just like, you know, kill yourself to make things happen for your kids and to get things together for your family. And in the end, you have no control. And I think being confronted with that realization is sobering and sometimes makes you tear up in the grocery store.

Scott Benner 49:58
Oh my God, I'm such Baby to I mean, there's no no way around it also, I'm calling this episode freaking olive oil. And but anyway, so you're using control IQ. Do you think there are people listening are like yes about control like you 10 minutes ago, and now we're back?

Unknown Speaker 50:19
For sure, yeah.

Scott Benner 50:20
But you're liking that. So you're using the Dexcom G six using control IQ, right? That's right. Do you intend to move to the g7 once it's compatible?

Kristin 50:30
Oh, yeah, I'm so excited. I am very much looking forward to a 30 minute warmup time. That sounds so nice to me. And the the transmitter thing

are you still there?

Scott Benner 50:52
Kristen, do you have a mountain bike? I

Kristin 50:54
mean, I I live in a mountainous area. There's not like mountains right next to me. Is it

Scott Benner 50:59
do? That's okay. But like a goats? No. No, no, no. Okay. Just you just kicked out. I'm sorry. g7. Oh, yeah, I'm

Kristin 51:09
looking forward to the warm up time being only 30 minutes. And the transmitter thing but I was just asking you guys are on the g7. Is that right?

Scott Benner 51:18
So Arden just used a g7 for 10 days. And going back to use up a couple of G SIX sensors. And then I think in about a week her the rest of her G sevens get delivered for people who are like, I don't understand how that happens. I'm happy to tell you. I got one promotional g7 For Arden to use because of the podcast. And while we were visiting with her, I said, Hey, why don't you wear this while I'm here. That way we can learn about it together, then you can switch back to G six. And then you know, go back to g7. And you'll have some context for it. So she worked for 10 days, she'll be wearing it again in like a week or two for the rest of it going forward.

Kristin 51:57
Cool. Cool. And so when you put it on,

Scott Benner 52:01
I can't believe you just broke up again. Kristen. That's hilarious. Just your connection is unstable.

Kristin 52:14
I think Oh, no. Oh, sorry. Sorry. I

Scott Benner 52:16
think they're the go just stop for a second. So when you say Yeah, I heard you say so when you put it on?

Kristin 52:22
Oh, geez, when you put it on? Is there something you have to do with the transmitter? Or do you just kind of ignore it and it connects.

Scott Benner 52:29
Okay, so you unscrew the little lid from the doohickey. Sorry, you push it against your skin, it kind of collapses this, like there's a ring, once you unscrew the lid, you'll see this kind of clear ring. And then you press down, the ring kind of goes up inside of it. So then the I'm doing a poor job of this, but then the The device is now touching your skin. You push a button on the side. I've seen I've seen it inserted now for a couple of different people about a half dozen times, nobody seems to notice any pain from it, close it down, put the cover on. And then you take your phone, scan the QR code on the side of the inserting device. And somewhere between like 25 to 30 minutes later just pops on and it's there.

Kristin 53:19
Oh, cool. Okay. And I was just wondering if there's like, you know, the getting the transmitter to connect always feels dicey to me. So I was wondering like, does this make that go away? Or does this just happen every time?

Scott Benner 53:33
Yeah, I mean, I've seen four of them so far. And so far, I haven't noticed the problem with that at all. Cool. Okay, that's great. The one thing I'll bring up, is that it doesn't delete the transmitter from your Bluetooth profile on your phone, which I know it can no, there's no way for it to actually happen. But I don't know if people pay attention to this or not. But every time you put on a GSX you put on and with a new transmitter, you're pairing to a new transmitter, you're making a new Bluetooth connection to something and then your your phone holds on to that as something that it's been it's good to delete the old ones is what I'm saying. Okay, and so on G six, you know, a transmitter last 90 days, you're really only deleting a few a year, but with g7 every 10 days you're gonna I would go into my Bluetooth and delete the old transmitter being very careful not to delete the one that you're using currently, obviously,

Kristin 54:27
okay, well that is totally I can do that that's worth the headache of it's just you know, it's like one more thing just the other night we had to do a a Dexcom change I finally gave up at two in the morning and decided to pull it because it was so bad and dad once I got it and so just you know picture me at two in the morning. Hunched in the bottom bunk of a bunk bed with the sleeping kid and you know, test strips trying to pry out the transmitter to get a new one in there. It was his a rough night. So I'm very excited for that just to be one problem. instead of to,

Scott Benner 55:01
well, just just that it's one thing, like, it's so cool. Like you peel it off, you like tossed in the trash kind of don't even feel bad about it. It's so small, you know, you're like, oh, and I asked Arden afterwards, I was like so g7 What do you think she was smaller? And I was like, Cool. Like, that's really what she had to say she's, like, smaller. And so she must have noticed that it was smaller. Yeah, yeah, that was, that was kind of it. It's, uh, you know, I've heard people say, like, oh, there's, you know, like, I'm seeing connection issues with mine, and blah, blah. And like I, you know, Arden didn't have any of those problems. So I don't know what to say. And the other person that I see using it is not either. Great. And I'm being a little vague, just because it's nobody's business. But maybe one day, I'll talk about it. Okay. That sounds

Kristin 55:47
like a story. Now. I'm intrigued. Oh, sure.

Scott Benner 55:49
It is always a story. Kristen has to be a story. What am I not talking about that you'd be interested in cover?

Kristin 55:58
Gosh, yeah, I don't know. I mean, I can talk a little bit about, you know, school stuff. That's kind of interesting. I don't know that I was I was kind of having a little impostor syndrome coming on here. I was like, gosh, what in the world would make this valuable for people to listen to? They've heard all about control IQ. And they've heard all about divorce. And they've heard all about anxiety and mental health stuff. So I don't know. I don't I'm not. I don't know if I have anything unique to share? Well, no,

Scott Benner 56:23
I think that the thing, like the massive thing that came out of this, I thought, was just the intersection of the conversation about what happens when, you know, when race somewhere else, and you don't have the autonomy to reach out. And then this thing happened art and all at the same time, which is weird, but I thought that was terrific. And I don't think there's anything wrong with reminding people that, you know, you have this kind of hypervigilance that's given to you by the diagnosis. And then it's really difficult. Like, I thought it was very cool the way you talked about aiming it at something else. Yeah. Honestly, I thought that was really valuable. Because I think what happens to a lot of people is that they just stare at a number on a screen and make themselves, you know, upset. Looking at

Kristin 57:11
which I do, which I do, do I just also to school?

Scott Benner 57:16
Don't get me wrong, Scott, I do that. So.

Kristin 57:20
Yeah, that's definitely part of the deal. And I wonder if if I imagine that's true for type one diabetics, as well that you have a lot of hypervigilance and in different ways, right? Because it is your body. And I was a part for a little while of a meditation group that was virtual, and it was for type one diabetics and their caregivers. And that was really cool. Because it was just kind of acknowledging the relationship you have with your body or with the body of the person that you care for, which is just really strained in some ways, because of chronic illness in a way that, you know, it's not for the typical person with a functioning pancreas trying to meditate, you know,

Scott Benner 58:01
would you get like you got together? Like, digitally, like over zoom or something? And then yeah,

Kristin 58:07
over zoom, and there were some guided meditations, it was so cool. I'm not sure when I stopped doing it. Except that, you know, everyone gets zoom burnout every once in a while. But it was very, very helpful to see a particularly a lot of the most of the people on it were diabetics themselves and adults, and they're talking about things like how difficult it is to trust your body to be well, when it might not be and how you kind of exist in that space of learning to build that trusting relationship. It might sound a little out there for some people, but I thought it was really helpful.

Scott Benner 58:41
No, I don't think so. I also I think that people do exist in different spaces, right? So you'll see people like us. Arden is an example Arden does her thing. The diabetes does what it does, she does what she's supposed to do. Sometimes she's high, and she fixes it. And sometimes she's low, and she fixes it. But for the most part, you'd be hard pressed. If if I pulled Arden aside and said, describe yourself. I don't know that she'd ever mentioned diabetes. Right? That's right. And I think there are people who you'd pull aside and say, describe yourself and they'd say, I have the first thing that come out of our mouth is I have diabetes, and right, you know, and then they'd go from there. So does everybody get where Arden is? I kind of think they do eventually. I think that the one thing, this is kind of a big idea from a personalized perspective, because I see a lot of people talking and I see a lot of people living with things at different points in their journey. I think eventually, if I could somehow make sure that the next 10 people I interviewed had had diabetes for 10 years but also understood it. You'd hear a lot of people talk like Arden Yes. You know, and I think if you find a lot of newer diagnose people, or people who are not quite in control their surroundings like you are they sound like you.

Kristin 1:00:03
Yeah. And I think it's I'm wondering if that's true. Like, I almost wonder because there's been so much stigma around diabetes, there are folks who've been diagnosed for a long time and they're very kind of loud and proud about it. And I, I do think you're true if we were to look 10 years in the future, what what are kids 10 years in the future who are diagnosed now going to be saying about diabetes? And I wonder if it's a lot like garden, you know, these kids are in a different time, where there's, it's not this grim diagnosis that it was, it's not people are showing their CGM is just this kind of de marginalizing of, of chronic illness that's happening. And I don't want to say, oh, things are gonna be great and easy, I still think you're gonna have to advocate but that's got to have an impact.

Scott Benner 1:00:48
Know, for sure. I, I, I believe that totally. And I always try to also think about all the people who are not on social media, because that is that is most people I just saw, I just kind of put people in slots. Like I didn't mention all the slots that I think of people there also people have had diabetes for a long time don't understand it are struggling terribly. And there are people who have given up, there are people who run high on purpose, there are people who run low on purpose and feed their insulin, like everybody's doing it slightly differently, which I think you mentioned earlier, like I do the thing that fits how, how we live and how I do it. So right. But in the end, my goal is for anybody to have the Act have access to information that would let them live a stable existence at a blood sugar that's not going to cause them a problem in the future.

Kristin 1:01:39
Yeah, people have a choice, right and not feeling like they're, they're kind of stuck in one way. And I'm curious how Ray is gonna go. I mean, for her right now she's very, she really likes having diabetes, it makes her feel special. I mean, in this morning, she just said to me, mom, before I had diabetes, my life was kind of boring, I didn't have much going on. And I thought that was so interesting that now she feels kind of like herself, like there's something to focus on. I mean, I don't know what that means. It was also you know, a pandemic, so who knows what kind of was working out for her mental health wise,

Scott Benner 1:02:19
that is interesting. Like, there's something that she identity wise, like, you know, like, you're like a little kid, and there's just you get up and you do a thing every day, and blah, blah, blah, and it's just over and over again. But all of a sudden, there's a thing about you that's different. And instead of, like, brushing up against and be like, I can't believe this happened to me, she's more like, Ha, there's a thing about me, that's different. That's cool.

Kristin 1:02:43
Yeah, and I was thinking this the other day, too. And I don't know how I feel about saying this, but I just know that it's true, that if, you know, tomorrow, we would wake up and they were to say, hey, look, there's a cure for type one, and it's totally accessible. Here it is, and that we're to go away from our lives. You have to feel this way about art. And I just felt like, way that would be pretty jarring. Obviously, I'd be happy. But also, I'd be really lost for a little bit in my connection to her. Does that make sense? Oh, no, yeah,

Scott Benner 1:03:17
you'd have to read kind of rejigger your focus of your life, I think that's what it really is, is that you've put so much effort into this thing. Now, that takes up time, it is part of your identity, right? Like if I asked you about you, at some point, you say I'm the mother, you know, a child who has type one diabetes, and you know, and then all if that all went away, it would take time to to, to settle again. And by the way, that's not I put this I've put this question online a couple of times over the years, just to kind of give people some comfort. But the amount of adults with type one who say they wouldn't give it away is interesting. Yes,

Kristin 1:03:58
I've noticed that too. I found that so fascinating. I mean, as a parent, I'd have to say Yes, take it away, because, you know, obviously there's just so much risk involved. But it is true that it would shake up myself in my life, but I specifically the kind of connection we have, you know, it's funny when she switched to the pump. I had this feeling of kind of loss and despair that was very not connected to like the fact that I was very excited. I knew it was the right thing and I and I that I sat with that for a while and I was like you know this feeling of loss I'm having is the same feeling I felt when we stopped nursing and she was a baby. It's like this connection I had to her and this way I provided for her went away and it changed my connection to her and so it was giving shots which is like a pretty weird you know, not super like loving you know, intimate connection with your child but it's still was in so many ways and you You know, obviously I still have that connection with her, but just like the the way I can make eye contact with her across the room, and we know we're checking in about blood sugar, you know, you know, she plays sports. And if I walk up to the edge of wherever she's playing, she knows to run over and get a snack like I value that connection, we have an that kind of understanding and the way she knows how proud I am of her for managing or the way she'll tell me, Hey, No, Mom, I think it should be this many units. Like that's a whole thing we do. What would it be like to just, you know, give her a meal in the morning and let her go play softball and not really pay attention, you know, to what was happening, it would just change us fundamentally,

Scott Benner 1:05:42
is the message here that because of diabetes, you focused on your kids in a way that you hadn't prior?

Kristin 1:05:53
100%? Yeah, absolutely. And I'm sure it's true with any thing. I mean, even if it's just, your kid takes up a new instrument you have, you know, and say your kid starts playing the trumpet, and they get all this confidence about it. And you also play the trumpet, and you talk to them about I mean, now, that's part of your shared experience, and the way that they have, you know, they feel loved by you. And so I think that's going to be true with a lot of things. But there's something so relentless about diabetes. I mean, it is relentless. There's not something relentless about it. And yeah, it really changes the way the two of you connect. I mean, with Arden, if you suddenly never had a talk about diabetes with her again, I'm sure it would change the stuff you randomly texted her about, you know, instead of going, hey, oh, no, three, you know,

Scott Benner 1:06:49
we're definitely yeah, I mean, we're definitely closer because of diabetes. Right? That's for certain, like, it just it forces you together, you know, like, and it's not that you don't listen, it's not that you're not interested in your kids. But life gets moving. And sometimes you just like, Oh, it's on autopilot. And it's working. Like I'm gonna get through this week, I'm gonna get through work. We all ate, you know, everybody's clean. They went to school, like, you know, and that's that there's function things. They just keep happening. And you have a way of like, drifting, like apart, like during stuff like that. And this is something that holds you together. Listen, I've said this before. But I once wrote a blog post a long time ago about how lucky I felt because in the middle of the night, I hold Arden's hand, and I've watched her hand get bigger and bigger and bigger. And yeah, and no, you don't get that if you don't have to go test your kids blood sugar in the middle of the night.

Kristin 1:07:40
That's right. It's a bizarre, it's a bizarre kind of extension of babyhood where you're up in the night. And you kind of fill that role of the, just the Nightwatch. And it's become really precious to me, too. And it's always that way with kids, you know, there's always something. But this is a particularity of that relationship that is weirdly meaningful, despite, you know, all the challenges, and sometimes the, you know, just general regret of it, and wishing it would go away. Yeah, there's just some radical acceptance, I

Scott Benner 1:08:13
understand. you'd listen if you if I gave you the magic wand after thinking about it for a long time, you'd be like, Yeah, goodbye, diabetes, I'll figure out the rest of it later. But, but I understand all the pushing, but listen, about having something taken from you. This is not in the public Christmas. So this is just between you and I. But by the time people hear this, it won't matter. It will be out by then I decided to take a GLP one for weight loss. So I'm using weego V. and the details are not important here. But I mean, your appetite really does. Its I did not have a big appetite to begin with. I'm almost at the point now where I don't think about food at all, like to the point where I'm reminding myself to eat throughout the day, but I do recognize that in the evenings. Like if you sit and watch, like, even if it's just like, I'm gonna make popcorn while we watch this movie, or something like that, like you don't realize how much of that just the preparation of the food and the talking about and all that stuff is part of your day. So my wife and I sat down. I don't know, Saturday night to watch television together. We work really hard, like so during the week, my house just this very still. Nobody uses like TVs or anything. So we're like, we're really going to do this, like we're gonna stop working and like, we're all like, excited. And then I sat down and she looks over me she was are you okay? And I'm like, why? Yeah, I'm okay. Why she goes, You look sad. And I was like, I'm, I am. And she goes, why? And I'm like, I I I thought to make popcorn. And I was like, but I don't want it. Oh, no. And it was a really, really interesting moment where I was like, Oh my God, how much of my time am I filling with things I don't even want or need because it's the way Do it. Yeah, Rachel? Yeah, does that just just absolutely ritualistic and? And so I'm like, I'm not sad, like, um, but I feel empty. And yeah, and that that is the I sat there for like two hours enjoying what we were doing together, enjoying the thing I was watching. And I still had this feeling of emptiness inside. And I thought, oh my god, like, I'm like, so fundamentally broken about like, about food, like, Thank God for this. This, this injection, like, like, really like, I never would have like known this because I'm not a big eater. Like, I joke, I joke all the time. Listen, this is just this, these are the words I use in my private life. I'm like, I am the fattest person you'll ever meet, that doesn't eat. Like, I just don't take in a bunch of food, my body shouldn't. Like, based on what I take in, I shouldn't be this size. And I'm not I don't want you to give the impression that I'm like, you know, but I am like, I, obviously my doctor wrote me a prescription for something. And the insurance company said yes to it, because my BMI is high enough that I, I fit, I fit this need, right. But in that doctor's office a couple of weeks ago, I said to the doctor, before we start, because I think you need the context for why I'm asking about this. How much do you think I weigh? And I said, Please, can't hurt my feelings. I have a very close relationship with this physician. You know, it's almost like friends sitting together there. They're not going to like I stood up, I took my sweatshirt off. I spotted a circle. And she goes, I got you to 175 pounds. And I was like, Yeah. And I said, Yeah, I think that's part of the problem. And she goes, what I said, I weigh 233 pounds. And she goes, What do you mean, you think that's part of the problem? And I said, I look in the mirror, and I don't look at a person who looks like they need to lose weight. Yeah. And then I'm like, I don't know how I'm carrying it. Like, it's like, I'm broad shouldered Kristen, you don't need me. So like I just kind of like, I don't know, like, it's, it's the way you hear people say like, I just carry it differently. And doesn't mean I'm not gonna have a frickin heart attack 10 years from now from it. And so like, I'm like, I can't like I've done this, I've done this, I'm like, my body's breaking down and like, My knee is messed up, I can't ride the bike, I used to ride like, I can't, I need help, or I'm gonna, I'm gonna have a health issue. And I don't want that. And, and she was like, Yeah, let's like, you know, she gave me a full physical and everything. And then we started doing it. For context. In the first five days, I lost six and a half pounds.

Kristin 1:12:35
Oh, you know, I think I think one thing you're bringing up is really interesting, which is that we do have a lot of our food and our emotions are so interconnected, which takes us back to diabetes to but I do think that sometimes when we, I mean, this idea, right? And all these religious groups where there's like fasting, that when you take away a food ritual, like your popcorn at night, suddenly you have feelings there, and you're like, oh, wow, look at this. This is super interesting. This feeling was probably there before, but then there was also food, and there's actually help deal with trauma. I mean, this is real, you can't make this stuff up. And I was like, oh, that's why I used to get hamburgers all the time when I was going through my divorce, How fascinating. But um, you know, when you take away that food, then there's all this stuff there for you to kind of focus on. And what do you do with that? And how does that impact your relationship to all those things,

Scott Benner 1:13:36
I realized I could have busied myself with anything sitting there, right. Like, if I would have taken two sticks and tapped them together and focused on doing it, it would have been the same as eating the popcorn. And it's not gonna it's what I like, it's not that I don't like the popcorn, but what I realized is I would have made a bowl of popcorn, and then eaten half of the bowl, right? I would have been just as happy with a handful of popcorn. And you know, as far as the popcorn part goes, so for the there is value in the food part of it, but then there's the rest of it, which has nothing to do with the popcorn and the popcorn is masking it. And I was like, and the one thing I'm proud of is that in that moment, I was like, Oh, I'm doubling down on on what I'm doing. Not going the other way. Because I easily could have been like, I don't want to feel like this. I'll eat. I'll stop doing this need the popcorn. But instead I was like, no, no, I'm like, let this whatever that magic juices in that pen. Like let that help me until I can kind of rewire my brain around this.

Kristin 1:14:33
Yeah, yep. And just it'll be such a fun adventure to see what interesting emotions pop up. Yeah. And what's kind of there for you to sift through? Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:14:44
I really agree. Because I don't I've said on the podcast before, like, I don't think of myself as my physical form. Like you said that you said something or you're like that might sound weird to people. Like I like if you asked me to describe myself, I would never describe my height, my weight my Like nothing, I think of myself as my thoughts. So the only reason I had to want to address this is I just want to keep being alive and thinking. And seriously. So like, I, it's not like I want to have ABS or I care what people think when they look at me, I'm not self conscious in public like nothing like that. And I also don't want to give the idea that I'm, you know, in some serious situation that other people might be in, because I'm certainly not right. I'm carrying, probably, but I mean, 50 pounds, to get me to 175. I don't think I don't think I want to be 175. But I would be at 190, I'd have a much healthier lifestyle, because I am carrying enough fat that you can't see it, and it's that much weight. So maybe my nails stop hurting, and I can actually ride my bike again. And maybe like, you know, maybe I won't be eating to fill like time because that really is what it was. In the end. It's like boredom. And yeah, you know, anyway. Well, that's interesting

Kristin 1:16:05
what you say about you really think of yourself as your thoughts you have picked the right career, because as a podcaster, you kind of are this. You're leaning into your thoughts. Everybody kind of knows you as your thoughts. Such a great way to be actualized and affirmed, as you really see yourself.

Scott Benner 1:16:21
I'm a disembodied voice scan. Just just me, I'm just like, I'm hearing you're in your head. But for me, it's about talking. Like, I don't even think without the podcast, that I would have understood the popcorn moment. Because, yeah, because I've had to talk to so many people and pick through their feelings like, I know it feels it can feel like I know something you don't know when you're listening. But you shouldn't think of me that way you should think of me is like a person who's like, Hmm, I don't understand any of this. And I'm just asking the questions that I think get me to understand it better.

Kristin 1:16:54
Right, right. So you've like, done all the work with all these folks. And now you can offer that to yourself?

Scott Benner 1:17:01
Exactly. Yeah, this, this podcast acts as talk therapy for me, but we don't really ever talk about me that much. Although I'm sure some people think all I do is talk about myself, but whatever. I saw I saw your review. Go to hell.

Kristin 1:17:18
Oh, that's funny. Oh, gosh.

Scott Benner 1:17:19
All right. Is there anything we haven't talked about that we should have?

Kristin 1:17:22
No, I think we've we've heard it all.

Scott Benner 1:17:25
Thank you. I really appreciate you doing this. I hope the goat is okay.

Kristin 1:17:28
Yeah, I'm gonna go check that honor. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:17:32
you're gonna absolutely when you listen back to this, you're gonna be like, Wow, I broke up more than I thought I did. Because there's times where I

Kristin 1:17:39
can be like this. I'm so sorry. Don't worry.

Scott Benner 1:17:41
I mean, maybe you should tighten the rubber bands or however it works. I like that you're like I'm in a city but a mountain. So Denver.

Kristin 1:17:52
Oh, my goodness. All right.

Scott Benner 1:17:53
Thank you very much. Hold on one second for me. I want to thank Kristin for coming on the show and sharing her story. I think I've decided to call this episode kick the goat. What else I want to remind you of the diabetes Pro Tip series has been remastered It sounds amazing and it runs between Episode 1001 1026. It's my humble opinion that if you listen to that series, you'll be able to maintain an A one C and the low sixes with very little trouble. diabetes pro tip.com and juicebox podcast.com is where you can find the series online. But listening in an audio player is probably much easier episode 1000 to 1026 Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back very soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast

a huge thank you to one of today's sponsors better help. You can get 10% off your first month of therapy with my link better help.com forward slash juice box that's better. H e l p.com. Forward slash juice box. If you've been thinking about speaking with someone, this is a great way to do it on your terms betterhelp.com forward slash juice box

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