#975 After Dark: Wrong Pew
Amy has type 1 diabetes and some mental health challenges.
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Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, welcome to episode 975 of the Juicebox Podcast.
Today I'm going to be speaking with Amy in an after dark episode. Amy's been type one for over 25 years. She's in her mid 30s. And she was diagnosed right before her 10th birthday. Amy story is so unique that I don't know how to explain it to you in just a couple of seconds. I do have a note here that I received from me the other day she asked me if I would read it into the podcast. Normally I do that at the end, but I think I'm going to read this one right after these initial ads, and then we'll let her story unfold. While you're listening. Please remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan or becoming bold with insulin. Today's episode is going to deal with anxiety, depression, cutting, growing up in a unique situation that I might consider to be cultish. It's hard to hard to exactly. Anyway, you'll see I don't know I'll let you decide. If you're looking for community around diabetes, check out the private Facebook group Juicebox Podcast type one diabetes and to keep up with the show proper Juicebox Podcast the public page on Facebook. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by two companies that have been in this house for a very very long time. First Omni pod makers of the Omni pod five and the Omni pod dash you can get started today or even take a test drive at my link Omni pod.com forward slash Juicebox Podcast is also sponsored by Dexcom Ardens warned a number of different Dexcom 's over the years right now she's wearing the g7 you could too dexcom.com forward slash juicebox links in the show notes links at juicebox podcast.com to Dexcom Omnipod and all the sponsors. Okay now I recorded with Amy months ago, but this note is from yesterday, and I told Amy I would read it to you in its entirety. It says Hey Scott, I wanted to write this follow up note to encourage those that are battling with their mental health, substance abuse and making difficult life decisions. After we recorded our podcast, I continued to abuse alcohol. Rather than addressing my pain. I was using alcohol to numb my feelings and mask the real problem. In May I stopped taking antidepressants and realize that this tool was another numbing agent I was ready to stop using. There is no shame in needing and taking medication that helps you through a difficult time. But I saw that that time for me was over. One night in June, I was struggling. I got drunk and self harmed by burning. When I woke up hungover the next morning with fresh scars on my leg. I finally acknowledged that I had to stop. Enough was enough. I couldn't let my past trauma continue to define my life. I stopped drinking on June 28 and I have not had alcohol since then. I recognize that I've been struggling in my relationship and realized I was buzzed for a good portion of it. I was drinking every single night. When I finally came out of the antidepressants, and then the alcohol, it really cleared my mind. My ex boyfriend is a good man. And I am so thankful that I met him when I did because he walked with me through a dark time in my life. One of the hardest decisions that I've made was saying goodbye to him. I started weekly therapy sessions, which I am such an advocate for I exercise daily, and I just ran the distance of a half of a marathon. I changed my diet, and I've continued not drinking. I found that when your mind is at peace, the body falls into line. For so long. I felt like I was drowning. Finally I have a clear mind. And I am learning to regulate my emotions rather than letting the pain and trauma define and control me. Sometimes the place you're used to being is not the place you belong. As I've begun to love myself, I have seen that my emotional trauma has been assigned that I was living against my own truth. It takes courage to change and the first step of change is to become aware of your own bullshit. This has been really difficult, but so worth it. To anyone who is struggling with their mental health. It does get better. It is not an easy battle, but it is so worth it to keep putting one foot in front of the other. And some days that is all you can do. Don't settle for just good enough. Make it a priority to put yourself first both mentally and physically. I have become not only an advocate in my diabetes care, but an advocate for my mental health and wellness. I've learned to focus my energy not on fighting the old but building a new me finally I'm seeing AMI shine through the AMI I thought that I lost for good. She is back and better than ever. Thank you for everything you do, Scott The podcast has helped me more than you will ever know. And I am very grateful for you putting the time and energy into it. You're such a gift. Thank you. And I know we will talk again soon. Best Amy. All right, I'm gonna start the episode and you can all find out how Amy got to where she is now.
Amy 5:16
Hi, Scott. I'm Amy. And I am I've been a type one diabetic for the past 26 years. Actually, this last Sunday was my anniversary. So it'll be 26 years.
Scott Benner 5:31
26 years. How old are you?
Amy 5:33
I am 35. I'll be 36 In a few months.
Scott Benner 5:37
So you were what? Like, nine or 10 when you got diagnosed?
Amy 5:41
Yeah, I was right before it was right before my 10th birthday.
Scott Benner 5:47
26 years ago. Yeah. Yep.
Amy 5:49
spent a long time. i The 9096 86.
Scott Benner 5:54
Okay, yeah. When you jump over the zero, sometimes my brain doesn't go far enough.
Amy 6:00
Okay. I was like, I'll try to figure all the math stuff out before the podcast and SCOTTON is enough.
Speaker 1 6:07
I don't know. I think I'm getting better at it. Because of this. I think you're due for sure. 2635. Now you were telling you're diagnosed 26 years. Okay. I'm going to start with you different a little differently. I'm going to kind of do you backwards. So why did you want to come on the podcast?
Amy 6:25
I think I had sent you an email. And I just was thanking you because I had been kind of going going through it. And so I just was I listened I listened to you more than I listened to the person in my head. So you're always running in our house. Like I have it. I wake up in the morning, I turn the podcasts on I do a lot of walking. I turned the podcasts on I come home, I'm cooking dinner. So it's just something that's always running in my house.
Scott Benner 6:54
What other voices in your head?
Amy 6:57
Oh, myself, you know, the little voice that's like, whatever it tells you whether it's good or bad.
Scott Benner 7:04
So we've we spoke about this Arden and bought art and brought this up last year, and we talked about it forever. About weathers how you hear your internal monologue. Right? And some people hear a voice and some people don't. Did you know that? Yeah.
Amy 7:24
I didn't realize that.
Scott Benner 7:26
Yeah, I don't hear a voice. I think and I can't even describe to you how I think. Isn't it strange? Like, hold on? I'm gonna practice for a second. You do the same thing. We're gonna both think about a red tractor plowing a field. Okay, go ahead. Do that. Think about it. How does that happen to you? Do you hear a voice say there's a red tractor plowing a field?
Amy 7:48
I see a video. Yeah, I see. I see images and then I can hear the farmer.
Scott Benner 7:56
So then I can't hear voices or sound. I see. I see the tractor. I picture a tractor from my childhood. And it's moving across the field because that's what I told him to do. And if there's no color in mind, and it's kind of for people who use like, a Photoshop or something the opacity is low, like the video I see is like at 50%. Like I can almost see through the images. And that's okay. But I don't hear once people like I don't hear the tractor. I don't hear rustling. I don't hear anything like that. And when people talk, I don't hear any talking.
Amy 8:31
Okay, I see a super clear video. It's a Massey Ferguson. It's, it's bright red. I can see a video, like the images in my mind. And you know, and then you think of, I guess it's like, thinking of something else you've seen or heard or watched. So you can hear the farmer, like yelling or doing whatever he's doing.
Scott Benner 8:54
I can hear people in my dreams,
Amy 8:57
though, I definitely do that. Yeah, I actually had a dream about you by like last week.
Scott Benner 9:01
Let's not talk about that yet. All right. If things go really well, I'll bring it up later. Yeah, I don't know. So okay, so, but you don't think you have like a, like a problem? You shouldn't be talking to somebody or something like that. Like skips? telling you to like, put a cat in a bag or anything like that and nothing. We're not at this time. Not currently. Alright. So So you listen to the podcast a lot. And it? I mean, you've had diabetes for a long time. When did you start listening?
Amy 9:40
Okay, so this is crazy because I have been doing I've been working with Jenny at Integrated diabetes for i I'd say about six years, maybe longer. Okay. I'm trying I was looking on my Amazon cart because I bought Gary's book. Think like a pancreas. See, and that was around the time that I had started. I want us to 2017 1819 2120 20 I think it was 2017. Ish. And so I had been working with her. She never brought it up. And then of course, in my emails with her, she has this long list of like, what an amazing person and how smart she is. And I didn't ever see.
Scott Benner 10:24
Is that what you think of when you see her emails like this? Yes. She's like, she'd be horrified. Oh, my God, she'd be horrified if she knew, you know,
Amy 10:35
I know. I know. So it says juice bottle Juicebox Podcast. And so I had started listening to podcasts when I was just struggling and needed to fill fill that monologue with something else. And so I had found some different ones nondiabetic related, really liked. And then I was like, man, it would be amazing to have a podcast that has, you know, diabetes related material. So I started looking and subscribe to a few and was just like, This is not like, I'm not that into this and you know, listen to one and then was like app. And so I came across yours. Really liked it, download, you know, subscribe to it. And then I was like, Wait, Jenny. And so then I asked her about it. She's like, Oh, yeah, I do those with Scott. That was like, Jenny, you've been holding back on me all these years. I had to get caught up like a little quicker than everybody else.
Scott Benner 11:42
I have to say you were so close to using a line from Forrest Gump that I would have made the title but then you didn't say that's my Jenny. So
Amy 11:50
she is she is my Jenny. Okay. So to to expound on that? I have. She's been working with me for seven years. She is and I know, she'll, she's like, I'm gonna listen to the podcast. I'm like, Oh, great. But she's an amazing person. And try not to get emotional, but she's really been there for me during some hard times. And she just is so she's so thoughtful and kind and then very practical at the same time, like, Well, you probably should do this or you probably should, like, take care of this. Like, let's pick out of the like, 900 things that you've written an email to me about let's pick four to work on.
Scott Benner 12:35
Please, please keep doing your Jenny impression. Whatever. Okay. Gonna say something crazy. Your general impression. Sounds like Colonel Potter doing an impression of father Mulcahy on mash, which is a no way reference, you're gonna understand.
Amy 12:55
Oh, no, I know what mash is. I haven't watched much of it, but I know what it is.
Scott Benner 12:59
Keep keep up with whenever you go to Jenny's voice, please go to that. Okay, so. Okay, so you let's talk about what gets you to Jenny, is it? I mean, you said hard times what is hard times mean?
Amy 13:14
Well, what got me to Jenny was actually my dad. So we live in a very small rural town in northern, northern Northern California. And the nearest, I don't know, growing up, we went to UCSF for all our endocrinologist appointments, and anything diabetes related. And so we aren't near anything. And once I graduated from UCSF, I didn't have an endocrinologist and I was working with my PCP. And he at the time, he actually was a type one diabetic. I had a primary care that had type one, which was really cool. You know, but very old, very old school diabetic, like, you know, and so, I was, for a while without an endocrinologist. I don't have an endocrinologist at this point. So I had just been kind of had not struggling like it wasn't horrible, but I'm definitely not. I'm definitely doing better now. And so my dad ended up finding Integrated diabetes and he goes, Well, Amy, I will pay for this if you want to try it out. And I was very skeptical, skeptical, like, great, like, what's a video chat was I'm going to do that's not going to help. And it it's been incredible. My agency now is up 5.8 She in the last six months, I started doing the DIY looping. I've been on the Dexcom since I think 2012. I started on the G four when it was the that was one of the newer ones. I wrote in my email that I'm on the G seven but I'm not I'm on the I'm on the G six currently
Scott Benner 15:00
As we're recording this g7 is only been out for five days. Correct?
Amy 15:05
Correct. And I just had an appointment with Katherine at integrated and she's like, are you going to try to get that? And I said, I, I would like to but I'm, I'm, you know how things are working. And you don't want to like screw it up with like, whether that's insurance or like just karma. Like, I do not want to bleep up my orders.
Scott Benner 15:29
That are like, you think that it would mess up your karma if you updated your Dexcom?
Amy 15:33
Oh, my God. Well, I have had so many issues with insurance where it's like, oh, we need to get this filled in. Oh, well, I have to talk to your doctor. And then you're just going back and forth calling, calling insurance calling the doctor's office calling insurance calling decks calm. So I'm at a good point right now when I don't want to eat or that.
Scott Benner 15:56
I completely understand. I think I had a prescription sent for g7 before g7 ever came out. And so the next time Arden's like her order flips over. We'll get it. Yeah, seven the next time. Very cool. But that's I mean, I don't know when that is. I don't know how many she's at school right now I don't, I don't know how many CGM she has. And, you know, I'm waiting for the text message that says, I only have one G six left, go. Where was that text when you had two left? Right. But she's pretty good about it. So she'll tell me when she's getting lower. And then I'll just have the next one center. But I take your point, like things are working. It's a tough balance, right? Because things are working. And you don't you don't want to rock the boat. And at the same time, you don't want to wake up like 10 years from now. And like, you know, somebody's wearing the Dexcom. I don't know g 24. Right. Wait, no, G 24 is like that conference about? Let's get that she's willing to? Wait, this conference is the g8. What am I thinking of? I don't know. I don't know Scott. Well, they ping pong. Oh, hold on. The Intergovernmental group of 24 on the International Monetary Affairs and development or group of 24 was established in 1971 as a chapter of the group of 77 in order to help coordinate what the hell anyway, I knew G 24 was a thing. But yeah, I You just don't want to get to the point where you're like, you know, like, imagine if you were using a Dexcom g4 right now. Yeah, you'd be missing out. But that's not what you're talking about. You'll update us things.
Amy 17:36
Oh, 100%. Yeah.
Scott Benner 17:39
So before Jenny, what was your one say?
Amy 17:43
It was a little higher. So I went, I was diagnosed, it was in it, I think it was like 15 or 16. And I was, I was in the like, I don't know, Nines at one point. And then I got it down, lower into the eighth, then I got down. So probably was in the sevens. Maybe like high sevens. When we started,
Scott Benner 18:07
what was going on that your you and your father were talking about it and that he offered to? Like he's like, here, I'll pay for basically, I mean, cons here, you're basically getting, yeah, yeah, you know, so
Amy 18:17
1000s and 1000s of dollars. He's taken care of for somebody
Scott Benner 18:21
to talk to you and go put your thing here and do this and try that. So. But what makes that
Amy 18:27
I think I think the biggest thing is my dad, because both my brother and I are type one diabetics. And so my dad is just so supportive of us and, you know, wanting us to live healthy and long lives. And I don't even know, I think he just was on Google. And he was looking at stuff. And I probably was complaining about it at the time. And so some I think he read an article. That's usually how he finds stuff. So he read an article, and then he's like, Oh, this website, why don't you take a look at this. And I at the beginning, it was so funny, because now I'm like, I don't I don't know what I would do if I didn't have that. Emotionally and diabetes wise.
Scott Benner 19:11
Does your does your brother sees me?
Amy 19:14
He does not. So he's, it's, it's hard because I actually had yesterday, Monday morning was a holiday and I get a call from my dad. And he's like, I declined it because we were in bed. And then he calls again, and I'm like, and so he sends me a text call me now. So I call him and he's like, John's boss is trying to get a hold of him. He went to the house, his work cars still there. He couldn't get inside. No one's answering. He's not answering his phone.
Scott Benner 19:49
Now let's talk about the Dexcom g7. The Dexcom g7 is a small and wearable continuous glucose monitoring system. It sends real time glucose As readings to your Dexcom g7 app, or the Dexcom receiver, use my link dexcom.com forward slash juicebox. To learn more and get started today, you will be able to effortlessly see your glucose levels and where they're headed. This way, you'll be able to make better decisions about food, insulin and activity. Once you're able to see the impact that those variables have on blood sugar, you'll begin to make more purposeful decisions and have better outcomes. My daughter has been wearing a Dexcom My daughter has been wearing a Dexcom product for so many years. I don't even remember when she started. But today she wears the Dexcom g7. And it is small and easy. And oh my goodness, are you going to love it dexcom.com forward slash juice box, you can head there now and click on the button that will get you your free benefits check or just hit that other button that says Get Started. When you use my links, you're supporting the production of the podcast dexcom.com forward slash juicebox. My daughter Arden has been wearing an omni pod since she was four years old. And she is now 19 That is every day wearing an omni pod for the last 15 years. I think what we love most about Omni pod is that it doesn't have any tubing. But I don't know is that the thing you love most about it? You don't have to take it off to swim or bave you can leave it on for activity and exercise. It's small. I don't eat I mean, it's so easy to put on. Right to fill it and to put it on. It's just it takes us no time at all. Yeah, I guess it's hard to figure out what my favorite thing about Omnipod is. I guess I'll just say that my daughter loves it. It's easy, and it's worked for her. For so many years. It's just such a friend at all this Omni pod.com Ford slash juice box, you can check your coverage there for your insurance. Or take a test drive, right? Would you like a free trial the AMI pod you can do that there as well. And you can just get started Omni pod.com forward slash juicebox. Now you have a decision to make. Do you want the Omni pod dash, which is an insulin pump? Where you make all the decisions? Or do you want the Omni pod five now the iPod five is the first and only tubeless automated insulin delivery system to integrate with the Dexcom G six. And it's available for people with type one diabetes ages two years and older. It features smarter, just technology. And it's going to help you to protect against highs and lows both day and night. That's an algorithm based system making decisions about insulin given it and taking it away. It's pretty damn cool. Omni pod.com forward slash juicebox the links in the show notes links at juicebox podcast.com. When you use those legs, you're supporting the production of the podcast and helping to keep it free and plentiful.
Amy 22:58
You know, and immediately I'm just like, Yeah, and so I called his girlfriend she didn't answer she was at work, and then gave her number to my dad. And I'm like, we're just gonna go over there. I'm like, I'll break in if we have to. And so I grabbed the glucagon and I grabbed the soda. And we started driving over there. My dad texts me the code to their front door. So I just barged into the house, go back to the bedroom. I didn't even knock. I was yelling, I didn't knock. I was yelling at this point like John, John John. And so I walked in and he's in bed and he was like, very, like not very coherent. And so I'm like, Are you having a low and he's like, gets up and he's kind of, you know, and I go you need to test now and he got up. So I was like, Okay, this isn't like that bad. And he ended up testing and he was really high. So he ended up you know, just taking care of it. And then I didn't even stay very long to talk I was just like, Okay, we're making sure you okay, go you call Dad call your boss and let them know you're alright. And then I'm like and probably want to let Sadie know to and so he anyways, he just got he had gotten really high and he was wasn't waking up. And we've had a couple of times where he's had some pretty bad lows. You know, both of us have. But it just it scares you. Yeah, does it?
Scott Benner 24:31
Do you and he have a relationship where you talk about this?
Amy 24:35
A little bit a heat where life is just so busy, and we do talk about stuff and I have been pushing on him. He's not on any, any devices. I'm like, get on the Dexcom like out of anything that you could do for yourself, at least do that. And he's an electrician, so he's, you know, crawling under houses and in attics and his whole thing is like I just can't get it to stay on and I'm like well that That's bullshit, because there are Olympic Olympic skiers and swimmers that were on. So you know, yeah, I think for him, it's, I don't know, I'm not sure why he fully won't try it. You know, he did the Libra at some point for a little bit. And he's like, I hated it. But I feel like the Dexcom is different.
Scott Benner 25:22
Did you? Did you ever approach it that way? The way he does, or have you always been trying, but not as successful?
Amy 25:29
Just to take care of myself? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I, I've been pretty on top of it. I mean, obviously. So I was diagnosed in 96. And my dad ended up. Well, Google wasn't in 96. But he got on the internet. And he looked it up. And he goes, weight loss, sweetness on the breath, extreme thirst, excessive thirst. And then he's like, Trey's, you take her to the doctor right now. And so my mom ended up taking me to our pediatrician. And they did a, you know, they did a blood test, and they're like, You need to go to the hospital right now. That they told my mom, my mom's like, well, she hasn't eaten can I get her food? And they're like, take her to her last meal. Like the Last Supper?
Scott Benner 26:21
How much? How long after your diagnosis was your brother's.
Amy 26:25
So two years later, and my parents I had I was hospitalized. But my dad was able to catch it earlier on with him, so he wasn't as high wasn't, you know, wasn't in DKA. And they were able to just, you know, set up an appointment and, and diagnose him and without having to do the whole hospitalization. And obviously, they had two years of practice before they write.
Scott Benner 26:55
What other you know, I was going to say, Are there any other but I have a strong feeling. So what other autoimmune issues are in your eye? God, Scott, oh, my God. You're not gonna beat the lady that I've recorded with yesterday. But go ahead and try. Okay.
Amy 27:11
Well, we always joke because my grandfather worked at Dow Chemical Company in Michigan, and my dad's like, something went on there. So my grandfather had multiple sclerosis. And this is on my dad's side of the family. My aunt has multiple sclerosis. My dad and I think two or three other sisters have hypothyroidism. I have hypothyroidism. I have two relatives on my mother's side that had type two diabetes. I'm pretty sure my mom has celiac, even though she hasn't had it tested. But it's, I Googled it. And I'm like, my mom has celiac disease. So I actually got tested for that recently, because I was just like, I kind of want to rule that out. I'm trying to think what else there? I think someone has rheumatoid arthritis. But you know,
Scott Benner 28:07
we're just and then you're just type one and thyroid. Type one and thyroid. Correct. Yeah, yeah. You do not beat the lady from yesterday. You don't even come close. So she had she had she had seven. Oh, goodness. Yeah. herself. Yes. herself. Oh, gosh. Yeah. mast cell activation. Type one celiac? Oh, gosh, thyroid. Raynaud's. Oh, my goodness. I'm missing one. But it was it was really interesting conversation. Okay, wow. So I want to I guess I want to go backwards a little bit. So you guys are diagnosed when you're pretty young, your brother gets diagnosed after that you're using are using regular and mph when you're first diagnosed?
Amy 28:52
Correct? Yeah. So clear, clear. Before cloudy. I remember that. My parents were drawing up our insulin, you know, at that point, but I pretty quickly was able to learn and draw up shots and you know, parents, my parents would check it. But I had did a lot of hands on. I'm very like, give it to me. I'll figure it out. I want to do it. And I just wanted that I wanted that freedom. I had a wedding in Washington that I was going to go to friends with go with friends too. And my parents were like, well, you have to be able to change your set. Because at that point I was on mini med five. Oh, wait, you got to do this. You got to do that. And I was like, Hey, bring it on. I'm gonna do it. Right. I figured this out. I need I need Yeah. Felicia little longer.
Scott Benner 29:42
No, of course. How old were you? When? When that happened? When you went to that wedding? Do you remember?
Amy 29:46
I think it was about 13. Okay. Yeah.
Scott Benner 29:50
Who did you know that was getting married? i This doesn't matter. But now I'm interested.
Amy 29:53
Oh, it was friends that at one of the churches up in Washington that we knew Okay.
Scott Benner 30:00
Okay, so you kind of took over your care. And when do you trans? Well, you started regular and mph, but didn't go too long because you moved to the mini Med, right? How?
Amy 30:10
Well I was on the regular and mph for a while the mini med was like, I think 13 is when I started that.
Scott Benner 30:17
Okay. That's about three years then. Yeah. Okay. How would you like characterize your care? Was it going? Well,
Amy 30:26
it was going pretty good. Definitely. It's interesting listening to your episodes, and just going like, there's so much outdated information. You know, like the, if you have a low 15 carbs, wait 15 minutes test again, and there's been, you know, oh, you only need eight carbs, or you you don't even need that much. If you're looping and you see you enter those carbs. You're like, oh, that's worth insulin. Yeah. And so I think a lot of that was just the kind of the era, you know, and I wouldn't say it was, it wasn't like it is now. My control. But it wasn't horrible. It was kind of like in the middle, like you do pretty good. You know, and it's hard to gauge that too. Because you have like, Oh, I'm 120 out of meal. Awesome. Oh, I'm 145 at a meal. Well, what happened in between those two hours? You know? Yeah, we didn't know. So
Scott Benner 31:23
but for that for the standard of care, then everything was going well. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And so then as you move forward, how does it happen? Like, how does? Like, how do we grow? Is it is that that your doctor changes your expert, his expectation, or her expectation of you, and it's a number you're shooting for? Or do you think it's just that they add newer and better technology, and then things just norm? I mean, as a normal part of like, you know, what I mean, like, you throw a Dexcom on somebody, and, and put the range somewhere reasonable. And, and they put some effort into it, like they're going to meet that range. You don't I mean, like, they might not get to it, right. But they're going to least they have a target all of a sudden, or if they went from not having a target not being able to see their blood sugar, what's happening between the 120 to 145. At least now they can see it. Like, you know, I would say there's a couple of episodes of the podcast where it's talked about pretty specifically, but if you just lower your high alarm on your Dexcom Yep. Your, your time and range, you know, gets better your variability gets better, and your agency goes down.
Amy 32:34
Yeah. And that's what I ended up doing. When I started listening, I was like, Oh, what 120? Great. So what it says Hi, when the Dexcom clarity comes in, and it's like, hi, 11% I'm like, Oh, cool. That was like 134 and 148. Awesome.
Scott Benner 32:51
Yeah, I know, sometimes people put up things online, they're like, I was in range. All day today, then I look in the range is like, yeah, 60 to super wide. 50. And I'm like, Well, yeah, I mean, okay. But if that gets him excited, then I think that's great, actually, because then they can kind of ratchet it down slowly. But yeah, but do you see what I'm saying? Like, did you just move along through technology and expectations? It's never really spoken. Right. It's just kind of happens. Do you know what I mean?
Amy 33:18
Yeah, I think I think it's just a mixture of things. Like you see things coming out on the market. And, you know, someone tried it and mentioned it, or the doctor mentioned it, or, you know, you I mean not then but now you see a commercial for ducks calm. But I think it helped one that at the after I graduated from my peds doctor to my regular doctor that he was a type one. And both my brother and I went to him. So that that definitely helped. It was much, much more of a like, I don't know, it's not the care that I'm getting from Jenny, where it's like, Mike, we're not micromanaging. But we're like, micro going into things and like going, okay, so if you're exercising and you want your number to be at this level, and before you exercise, you're gonna you know, so we have all these like little things. It was a little more broad. And then he ended up moving out of the area. And so I was looking for a primary care and I'm just like, frantic, like, great, I need someone to give me an insulin prescription. And I ended up going into this doctor, and my first appointment with her was one of the most horrific, horrible experiences. She first at the time, I wasn't sexually active and she's like, You need to get on birth control. And I was like, No, I actually I really don't need to know it is it is important as a diabetic that you get on birth control. You shouldn't have an unplanned pregnancy, blah, blah, blah. bla bla bla bla bla, I don't need to get on birth control. And then she goes, Are you a lesbian?
Scott Benner 35:06
10 minutes into this, you're like, Okay, I was just like, what went half? way you gotta
Amy 35:14
not that that would have been a bad thing. But I'm like, lady, what the heck? Oh my god, and then she, she's sitting there and I'm like talking about stuff with her. This is our first appointment. And she goes, You know what? I don't think you're a type one diabetic. I think you're, I think you're a Modi diabetic. And I'm just like, you are looking insane. This is madness. And so I'm just like, holding it together. Like, God, get me out of this appointment. I just like let me get out the door. So they asked me an appointment ended and I was just like, I can't even talk. She goes, Do you want to reschedule your next appointment? I go, you know, I'm I'm gonna wait just a bit. I'll call back. Yeah, right. I did not.
Scott Benner 36:02
Did you get a script? No, I didn't, I would have got up and left in the middle.
Amy 36:07
Probably I probably should have I was so upset. I called my previous doctor and I just started crying. And he said the same thing. She's insane. And I was like,
Scott Benner 36:19
why is it so hard? That's hilarious. After
Amy 36:22
what, two years of having diabetes, and someone's like, you're not a type one diabetic. You're Modi.
Scott Benner 36:28
type one diabetic. You're a lesbian?
Amy 36:31
And that too? Yeah.
Scott Benner 36:33
That's the thing. Oh, my God, it was it was How old were you? When that happened? I was
Amy 36:38
in my 20s. And I was just like, shoot me, what am I doing. And then I had a girlfriend who was a type one diabetic. And she goes, Oh, my doctor is taking patients, and you should try to get in. And so I ended up getting in with him. Such a sweet guy. He's very, he's like, You remind me of my daughter. So it's very much like a father figure. I feel very comfortable with him. His knowledge of you know, it's it's difficult because I don't want to judge doctors on their knowledge of diabetes, but a lot of people just don't understand it. And, and the small ins and outs of it. And so I was very hands on, he would be like, kiddo, you're doing a great job, keep up what you're doing. And I'm like, geez, this is not helpful. And so that was what led to my dad finding the Integrated diabetes.
Scott Benner 37:34
I gotcha. Okay. So at that point, when that doctor is telling you, kiddo, you're doing a great job. Where's your agency, then? I was probably in the sevens I think. Yeah. So that doctor is just basically going on what the ADA says. And number seems about right. And he's like, it's perfect. Yeah, I get you. But did you know it wasn't? Or did you feel like no, I am doing right.
Amy 37:57
No, I definitely didn't feel like that. I felt like there's definitely more room for improvement. I mean, Scott, slightly a perfectionist. So if I'm, I have a very hard time just settling like, oh, something's good. I'm like, No, I want to 5.5 We're gonna get it down low. So I just I struggle with that and other things, just wanting it to be like, if it's not perfect, then just throw it out. And so I wasn't, you know, feeling like I was getting that. Perfection, like I wanted
Scott Benner 38:31
did once you got there. I mean, you have a 5.8 Now, once you got there, did that feel and go away? Like this isn't enough?
Amy 38:38
Oh, hell, no, I It's more, there's more. I can get it lower. I can do better. I can
Scott Benner 38:45
get my negative numbers. Scott if I try hard enough. So I mean, when you look at a five, eight, what are you thinking like, I want to see a 5455
Amy 38:56
That's my neck. That's my next goal. The other thing that I've been working on recently is just exercising and not having to eat either before during or after maybe a little before being able to almost live like I don't have type type one diabetes, even though I'm like psychoanalyzing everything down to the minute
Scott Benner 39:21
I'm trying to pretend I don't have it while playing well, so but I think that's important, right? The everybody makes statements that are so black and white, right? Like it's always everyone's always either or it can never be both but or a mixture or something just for some reason i i love this. I hate that I you know, five, eight is good is not good. I want 5558 is great. And so six two, and you only mean like these are great agencies. And also, you know, your your agency is fairly heavily weighted towards what your blood sugar squirt, like just prior to the agency being drawn? Correct, right. So I mean, you could have one great week and roll in there and knock a couple, you know, decimals off if you if you wanted. And that doesn't mean that your last nine months weren't, you know, five cents, you know, so it's, but I take your point about being very focused on it, but does it overwhelm your life?
Amy 40:26
I have occasional meltdowns.
Scott Benner 40:30
Okay. Are there other things going on? Amy, that we're not talking about.
Amy 40:34
There. There. There definitely was, I mean, and the fact that the fact that I'm still here now is kind of a big part of that. I had gotten into a relationship that was just that ended up being really toxic, and I was not gonna let it go. And it was affecting Wait
Scott Benner 40:57
a minute, you weren't? What does that mean? You weren't letting him out of it. That easy. He was gonna fix it.
Amy 41:04
Well, I so I, I had never, I didn't date growing up. So I grew up. I grew up in not quite like, not a Mormon thing. But like, you know, we didn't date and people in our church community would. It wasn't, it wasn't. Also it wasn't like when people were pairing people up, but it was just like, Oh, I like her. Oh, why don't you guys get to know each other in a group setting? So it was like, I guess you'd call it like, dating in a group. And so, which I was absolutely, like, I don't need men in my life. Like, forget this. This is too much work.
Scott Benner 41:48
You said when you weren't the new doctor, and you said you weren't sexually active. Did you mean ever or at that time?
Amy 41:55
Oh, never. i
Scott Benner 42:00
Okay, gotcha.
Amy 42:02
That's 31 Year Old Virgin.
Scott Benner 42:06
You're gonna make your own movie. Oh, yeah. But you live with someone now? Yes.
Amy 42:12
I do. Yes. So I'm with I'm currently with a boyfriend.
Scott Benner 42:16
And he's been making all your everything. He he was. He's been near all your parts and everything. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Oh, all of them. See over there. You're looking to your left.
Amy 42:27
No, no, right. Okay.
Scott Benner 42:31
So, okay, so you. Oh, that's interesting. So did you grow up? Sheltered? Do you feel or no? Okay.
Amy 42:41
Like, so I had, I didn't, I didn't really even have a sex ed in school. We went to a private school. And so there were a lot of things just outside of that, that I was like, very oblivious to innuendos, like this stuff. I'm like, I didn't know what it meant. People are like, Oh, God, keep your mouth
Scott Benner 43:05
shut. Were you particularly outside of it? Even in your group? Or did everyone that you grew up with kind of have the same vibe,
Amy 43:15
um, pretty much everyone had the same vibe and in the group I was in, and it was a good group of people. You know, I I really had some very close friends. I had my best friend and I had been Hi, I think 30 years, 30 years best friends for 30 years. So we were like, Hey, this isn't. This isn't a cult, right. Oh, God. People call it that. Okay. People do call it that. It's not it's not I wouldn't call it that.
Scott Benner 43:43
Okay. Well, you get your rural like your rural right, like, yeah, growing up. Okay. Yeah. All right. And all right. So how does that affect? How does that affect your mindset? Like how you attack things? Did it? Do you think it makes you more, like protective of yourself? Like less aggressive or outgoing? Or I'm not sure exactly what I'm asking. Oh, no, no,
Amy 44:14
I am. I'm very outgoing. I always have been, but I feel like just it made for a perfection, like things have to be perfect. And I realized that not everyone is built this way. Right. And other people wouldn't do things quite as perfect, but I just felt like I never like it was never enough. And I think that carried into all aspects of my life of just this. Like, it couldn't be better. If I if I had given an extra hour of practice to the piano, I could have learned that part. If I had done this for I could have if I had whatever not
Scott Benner 44:55
is that the religion part? know
Amy 44:58
a little bit I think it's a little bit the religion part I do my dad's that same way, he's just very organized. And I'm not a go getter, but just like, we're gonna do this, we're gonna get it done, we're going to do it really well. And so I just, I have a personality of like a crazy perfection and just
Scott Benner 45:20
gonna get those things done. I mean, I just I'm trying to figure out like how you get to that point, but, um, I don't know if there's a correlation or not between, like godliness, and a heavenly outlook and perfection. And then you're, you're shooting to get there and everything has to be on that path. Like, I don't know, like, I'm just asking you,
Amy 45:40
I don't I, a part of it is that I think just like, we're supposed to be this act this certain way, or do these things this way? And like, you feel like you're falling short or not doing good enough? I think part of it did have to do with, there were some very judgmental people that, you know, like, what are you thinking? What are your thoughts on that? Like, just kind of always feeling out? where you're at?
Scott Benner 46:08
What you're doing the right things?
Amy 46:10
Yeah. Like, are you talking enough? Are you doing like, are you in communion with people? Are you talking? And and I think at that point, it just may it may be a people pleaser, 100%. Just like, I my mom would get upset. She's like, Amy, you say yes to everyone, you need to say yes to yourself. She's like, you'll tell so and so you'll watch their kids that night. And so until you watch their kids that night, and then you have a practice that night and a practice that night, and you're going in this first this this morning, and she's like, You need to take care of yourself. So my parents were definitely like, like, flow down. Yeah, you know, and I get whipped up and just like, I don't have time to exercise and my mom's like, you make time to exercise.
Scott Benner 47:01
You make time. Okay. All right. I get it better now. All right. So, I mean, do you know any other people with type one besides your brother?
Amy 47:13
I do. I have. I had a girlfriend. She's out of the area now. But she was someone I was not super close with. But we definitely she worked at the gym, and I go and we talk about different things. And she was the one that sent me to my prime Mary care that I'm with now. And she was a really great person, just very upbeat. And then recently, I met someone on Instagram, and she's just a few hours away from us. So we've connected a couple of times in the past year. And we'll talk about stuff.
Scott Benner 47:50
That's cool. Okay, so now I'm gonna go back to when you said you were in a bad relationship. Yeah. And in your note to me, you said you want to talk about being in therapy as well, right? Yeah. Okay. So when? I mean, does therapy come first as a bad relationship come first? Like how? Like, how was there? Like some naivety? With 100%? Yeah. So you had you were naive person coming into like an adult world. And kind of telling me what happened there.
Amy 48:23
So yet another person I met at the gym, so he was at the gym, and I was I don't know exactly how it came up. Oh, I'm a little clumsy. Okay, so I was up in this like, upstairs area, and it was just the two of us and we're on different machines. And I got off my sheet machine and I ah, I fell. I hit my knee, my ankle rolled. I'm just like, sitting on the floor, like, Oh, God, get me up crack. So I get up and he's he's like, are you all right? Is everything okay? And I'm like, Oh, good. Like, it was so embarrassing. And he introduced himself and then I introduced myself and that was it. Then, you know, the weeks went by the month went by, he started chatting with me. And we're just, you know, small talk, found out he had a daughter, talk to her a little bit. And then one week, he was like, would you want to go out? And my answer? I don't date. You know, and explaining that to people is just like, slightly awkward, which I was very good at it.
Scott Benner 49:34
Why did you put me in that moment? Why Why were you a person who didn't date?
Amy 49:39
I think it was growing up. I didn't do it. The people I were with didn't date in the regular sense of the word. And so I just it was I had a quick answer. I was like, Look, I don't date I'm waiting for waiting for someone. I like how do you explain that to people? No,
Scott Benner 49:58
I'm asked you'd explain to me because I don't understand what you're talking about. You're waiting for what?
Amy 50:03
You're waiting for basically someone to come into the church.
Scott Benner 50:09
Ah, okay, you're waiting. Okay. See, now I understand
Amy 50:13
that you want someone that's involved in so my answer to him was I go, I want someone that's, you know, building in the church that I'm building and doing the same things basically, like wanting someone whose life aligns with mine. Yeah. And, and so he's like, Okay, well, where's your church? And I was like, oh, such and such. And he's like, Okay, well, maybe I'll come in. I was like me,
Scott Benner 50:40
you must have looked really good in those workout clothes. This isn't making a mistake right away. This this divining rod is no, hold on a second. This thing you hold out it leads, you know, I think I know what his was. Alright, so you've never heard divining rod?
Amy 51:02
No. But I think I know what your
Scott Benner 51:08
attempts they they used to use them to try to find it's ridiculous like to you. It's a fork rod believed to indicate the presence of water or minerals, especially by dipping downward when held over a vein like people would walk around with them in front of them. And they thought it led them to things divining rod and I'm just yeah, I'm saying yes. You understand what I'm getting at? Yeah. Okay. So he goes to the trouble, why he really did want to have sex with you. He went to the trouble of going to your church.
Amy 51:36
So he did. So the first Sunday, he came by himself. Oh, and I didn't tell him that was my dad's my dad's the pastor. Okay. I was like, Oh, I'll bring that piece of information. And so afterwards, he's like, You didn't tell me that your dad was the pastor. I'm like, I didn't know what to do. So anyway, so he comes. And then he comes again. And then he comes again. And it was super awkward, because I just have everyone in my life. Like, why is he here? Why are you talking to him? Why are you know, like, just like, Oh, I am so uncomfortable. And up until that point, like, I had guy friends. I had, you know, the people and I had I, easily, I don't have an issue like talking with guys. So I was just like, This is so different than anything I've ever dealt with before. I don't even know how to act. And so my dad's like, Well, why don't why don't we have a talk? Because like, if you're wanting to date her, and so he started meeting with my dad, and, and just talking about different things. And my dad's like, well, like what's your you know, what's your outlook on, on church and God and all those things. And his parents are Christians, and very, very good and kind people. I'm still in contact with his mom. She's an angel. Then we ended up swapping emails one week, because I was just like, Dude, I cannot handle talking to him in front of like, with these women standing next to me, like lay in the head.
Scott Benner 53:17
So they didn't like that you brought in somebody from the outside.
Amy 53:21
I think they just didn't, yes, but I think it was more like why is he here? Like, is he just here for you know, a
Scott Benner 53:29
lot of effort to have sex with you? Many many weeks in a row? Oh, yeah. Oh, but that no months? months, but that must have been impressive to you. Right? That he kept coming back?
Amy 53:38
Oh, 100% it like, like, my heart Slowly melted. I was like, Oh, someone cares. From our church. Okay, so
Scott Benner 53:46
how does this go wrong? He put in what did he do?
Amy 53:49
So things progressed. And we started emailing each other. And we were emailing back and forth. And now looking back at it, it's like, oh, I had rose colored glasses on and I wasn't seeing red flags. Like, I was looking at this situation of like, someone actually wants me, like, someone wants to get to know me. And I was just like, you know, kind of besides myself, like they're actually doing the work. Yeah. Like, maybe this will work. And one of the things why I think the relationship lasted as long as it did is I told my parents at one point like he was my lash shot. Like, I was looking at it.
Scott Benner 54:35
Oh, Amy, you are, but you're lovely. Why? Why do you think that? I don't know.
Amy 54:41
I made it to 30 years old and I was like, Oh God, I'm gonna die alone and get to buy more.
Scott Benner 54:49
Oh my gosh, Amy. No. I listen to it just seems to me like you were swimming in too small of a pool. Yeah. Oh, 100%. You just weren't seeing enough people. And you weren't seeing the person you were looking for in that group. That doesn't mean that there's no one for you. Just you were too limited. Yeah. Okay. And so,
Amy 55:08
and then it was a little now looking back again, a little bit of a love bombing, like him telling me like, you are the person that I've been waiting for my entire life. You know, and then I think I love you came out too quickly. Okay. And then having him tell me like, I want to marry you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I thought I didn't want any more kids. But I'd, I'd want to have kids with you. You know, so you said all the right things that just made me go like, Oh, this is it. This is finally this is the person I've been waiting for my whole life.
Scott Benner 55:45
And how long does it take to figure out that's not true?
Amy 55:48
Well, things started. So we're so we're talking. And I wasn't telling people that I was talking to him. So my parents didn't know my friends didn't know, I'm just like having these emails and, you know, text conversations, occasional phone calls, and we're talking about everything. And so then it got to the point where we started meeting up. And you know, you know, where this leads, you know, so like, a few months later, we started meeting up, and then we're, you know, and then I had this point where I try August, September, so we're like, about five months in at this point. And I'm just like, I feel uneasy. I'm lying to everyone around me. So I'm like, that's kind of like partially killing me. But I'm like, Okay, we'll get past it because he's gonna marry me, and then everything will be okay, you know. And so we continued on, and things just slowly started to deteriorate. And he did not messaged me back, there was a lot of instances where I was like, I'd ask a question. And then I wouldn't hear from him for a while. And I was like, Okay, it's weird, you know, and then his daughter started coming to the school that we had. So I was her teacher in a couple of the classes. So I'm working with his daughter, and then the app. At one point, both of them got baptized. So that was even more like, seemed like he was in for it. Yeah, he was, he was there. And he was ready to do the work. And I understood, like, you can't have a full life outside of that environment, and then come in and be like, click, it takes, you know, time to understand what things mean. Do you
Scott Benner 57:36
think that after he acquired you that he lost interest and went off to Ohio or something else?
Amy 57:43
I felt that way. And so we so it was about, I think about seven months, and then we finally slept together? And so, you know, in me with like, I mean, it was luckily it was nice that it wasn't like a weird situation, but I didn't know what the hell was going on. And I'm like, Oh my God.
Scott Benner 58:04
I thought you're gonna say I didn't know which end was up, which would have been hilarious Amy, but nevermind. Did this happen to Rashid? Did it really? Did you like you didn't like, I don't know what religion you are.
Amy 58:18
nondenominational it's uh, we are have a background with like, kind of the Presbyterian Pentecostal ish. And then it got more into a Lutheran, not a Lutheran church, but like a Lutheran and Martin Luther. From the Reformation, and just more of a reformational Yeah.
Scott Benner 58:43
You're describing your courtship from the 1800s and 1920.
Amy 58:46
Yes, yes. Yeah, yes, Scott. I realized awkward first
Scott Benner 58:53
we talk and then we took a walk together he came to church and met my father. And yes, we spent more time at social events. Once we danced, it was it was very exciting. Years later, I let him see my flower with the lights off and
Amy 59:22
I will say I clicked into things pretty quickly. It didn't take much so obviously created to do that kind of stuff.
Scott Benner 59:33
Like I have my only fans now. I made that up. You don't have an only fans account. You don't know that? I don't. So like I don't want to be like, I gotta have an ad. He's like romcom but did like did that process light a fire where you like hey, let's do that more. And oh, yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah,
Amy 59:59
I If I felt, and this is this is very toxic, but I felt like that was my connection to him. And that's what obviously he wanted. And so if I could have that short amount of happiness where everything was okay, like, great, like, let's do it as much as possible, because I felt connected to him and like he, like he really cared like, yeah. You know, and what was kind of awful leading up to it, because I was just very much like, No, I'm not ready for this, I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready for this. And he was understanding, you know, and obviously, I made him wait a while. And then at one point, he's like, You got to understand I have needs to. And that comment was what made me go, Oh, I'm just maybe I'm being selfish. Like, maybe I'm just like, yeah. And so that harshly led into it. I think just that that really.
Scott Benner 1:01:03
Like, to me, what occurs to be is that you basically had the sexual understanding of a 15 year old, and you're, you're dating a guy in his 30s. And his 40s is, oh, my God, please, listen, I've been married for I don't even know how long I can do the math for you real quick. 16. And then there's four more 24. And I've been married almost 27 years. And my wife is working downstairs. And when you and I get done with this, I'm gonna go downstairs and every effort I make is going to be about having sex. It won't work out. But that's not the point. So it just yeah, it so you don't know all that about boys. And he's, well now I do. Yeah. So Oh, wow. And so you had this? So you? That's where I'm gonna go back to what you said. So when he hit you with the I have needs thing? Yeah, instead of going, I don't care. I'm worried about me first. You were like, Oh, okay. Sorry.
Amy 1:02:03
people pleaser? Yeah. I mean, I had I think one of the Toxics toxic things from my past is just I had, I wanted people to be happy with me, you know, and everyone. I think it's difficult when everyone likes you, and you just float by in life. And my dad had said this, at one point, he's like, Amy, you are going to hit a time in your life where people just don't like you for you being you like you have to not prove it to them. But like, you're gonna hit people that don't just don't sync up with you. And up until that point, I hadn't had that. I just was happy go lucky. And people like me, and I'm outgoing, and I can talk and do all these things. And then you hit a relationship where you're like, Well, what if? What if they don't like me for me? Yeah. You know, and I had never hit that point. Up until then. And so,
Scott Benner 1:03:00
but this is you. I'm talking to you right now, though, right. Like, this is how you I mean, you seem like jovial and pleasant and you're animated and thoughtful and like, Yeah, okay. Yeah. It's just, you just shot you were just sheltered. Uh huh. That's really Yeah. Yeah. I mean, because there's, I mean, there are going to be plenty of people who like your personality, and I don't see why. Yeah, I understand. I think I understand what you're saying. Your dad said, not that you have to bend who you are. But, but that people might not naturally be like, Oh, this is and you might have dealings with them business or, yeah. Or something where you have to be a little more amenable to what they're looking at. Yeah. But you apply that to your, like, dating. So so there's some there's a there's a tipping point in there between, like waiting for good reasons and waiting too long. Right, like, like to get involved in like a, like a romantic relationship. Like, do you feel like you waited too long?
Amy 1:04:01
No, I feel I feel like everything was so unconventional. And so, you know, like, again, we're six months into a relationship and people didn't know I was talking, meeting up with him talking behind the scenes, like the people in my life that I had been so close with my entire life. I wasn't being honest with them. And it was because I was afraid of what people had to say. And I was afraid that they wouldn't think he was good enough. I was afraid, you know, and that wore on him. And it just it got to the point where he was like, I can't deal with this like this is too much.
Scott Benner 1:04:43
You also didn't have any practice like I can't tell you how valuable it would have been at 16 1718 years old to just date a boy and for that boy to start being a little too aggressive and up going like Get away from me. Like like you having the power because you would have been more mature. If that point then that boy and like you would have had an opportunity to express your sorrow and grow and say, I don't have to say yes. Just because this guy tells me he has needs because trust me if a 17 year old boy would have like, groped at you and been like I have needs you would have been like, I don't care. Yeah. Right. And you didn't get to have that experience?
Amy 1:05:19
No, yeah. And I think it was difficult to because I was like, again, this is it, this is my last chance. He has put in the time he's put in, you know, the work, he's doing it, like I, I took it on as, like, I have to make this workout. And whether that was, you know, giving him gifts or whatever, you know, I bought his daughter things for school, I, I was just like, I'm 100% in and I will give anything and do anything. And I'm here for you. And if you need that emotional support, I'm here for you. And I think he really had a hard time just emotionally opening, opening up. And he'd get angry. And, you know, again, I wouldn't hear from him for a while or he lashed back and I you know, it was like, so sensitive at that point, because I'm just like, carrying all this bullshit around. And so after that, it was a very short period, where he finally told me like, I can't do this anymore. I'm leaving the church. I'm taking my daughter. We're gonna go you know, we're not coming to church anymore. i So he met with my dad told my dad, he loved me, and, but just couldn't deal with the bullshit anymore. And he ended up leaving and cutting me off like we, you know, we met and we're like, I go for anything like anything that make this workout. And he just was like, No, I'm done. I can't deal with it anymore. It's over over
Scott Benner 1:06:55
sexual incompatibility. We're just the pressure of being in the church and
Amy 1:07:01
pressure. Yeah, that pressure? Yeah. I think that had a lot to do with it. Because we, actually, it was amazing. It was great. But yeah, like that was that was not an issue. But the issue was just, I guess, how much he had to give and how much you know, and then I was looking at myself going, am I asking too much? Am I asking him to change who he is? Am I so I'm overthinking everything just going like, maybe I'm not good enough. Maybe like the, you know, like, this is why I'm still single at 32 years old. And it really planted just an unhealthy seed in my mind of like, oh, that can that confirms everything I always thought see from
Scott Benner 1:07:45
I obviously don't know, every second of your life, but just from having this conversation for an hour, it seems to me like you're in an ecosystem. That is just, it's just uncomfortable for outsiders. Like yeah, and and it sounds like he tried to mesh with it, and it just didn't work didn't work out for him. Yeah. Would that make would that make you consider? Like, branching out getting outside of that bubble?
Amy 1:08:14
I haven't finished the story
Scott Benner 1:08:18
is this this is what a therapist holds, you
Amy 1:08:21
know, so what happened is, he ended up leaving, and then completely cut me off and was like, we can't talk for a certain amount of time. I'll contact you when I'm ready to talk again. So I'm just like grasping for, you know, like, anything. I just, I just want like him to respond to me. And so he completely cut me off. And I snapped. So the 910 months of me not talking about it not, you know, and so he's leaving the church. My parents are like apologizing to me. But my mom and dad don't know about what was going on. They don't. They don't know everything that led up to this. And the night that we said goodbye, basically, I came home, and I was a train wreck. So I told my parents I met up with him and he said, he's leaving. And my dad's like, Yeah, I know. I talked to him, which I already knew. And I said, I'm just tired. I need to I need to go. Go to bed early tonight. And so I I went in my bedroom, I took a large amount of insulin. I turned my phone off so the Dexcom wouldn't be on. And I went to bed. I think I took I think I took like a melatonin or something. And I was just like, I don't want my parents to know how awful I'm doing. I am done with everything that's going on. I can't deal with this anymore. And so I took it and I fell asleep. Eat. And I woke up to my parents shoving stuff in my mouth. And I was like, I didn't work. Is that really? Yeah, I was like, that wasn't good enough. And I was trying to make it look like it was an accident or like, you know, I just had a bad low I didn't want them to know. And about, I don't know, a few days later, I did it again. And I was like, I just don't want them to know how bad I'm doing. And again, somehow my mother who can like feel when my blood sugars are off comes in test my blood sugar. And I don't think my dad may have given me a partial glucagon at that point. Like, he didn't do the full one, but like a partial draw with a smaller needle. So I woke up again. And then the next day, I told my dad, I was like, Dad, I need to talk and just dumped everything. And, and told him like, I don't want you to tell mom, but both lows were on purpose. And, and I'm like, I just don't have the energy to keep going.
Scott Benner 1:11:18
And it was about social and personal stuff. It had nothing to do with your diabetes.
Amy 1:11:23
No, no, my diabetes was was doing okay. Like I was doing pretty good considering at that point. I had such stomach issues that I wasn't eating like Whole Foods. I was like, drinking blender smoothies for like breakfast lunch, and then I'd eat a little dinner. So I had dropped like 12 pounds. So I was like, probably at the smallest weight that I'd ever been at, you know, people are starting to comment on that. I'm like, I think I had hypothyroidism stuff going on. Because I was like, not able to go to the bathroom for like, a week to, you know, five days to a week. And so I'm like, my stomach is just completely. And then on top of that I'm dealing with all this stuff with you know, like the with my ex leaving. And then I just it was like everything piled on at once.
Scott Benner 1:12:14
Do you think you were Do you think you really wanted to die? I did. Yeah. Yeah. Have you felt like that since then?
Amy 1:12:24
I've had a couple times, not recently, not in the past couple years. But I had a few times after that. Where I just was like, I can't do this. This is so much work on top of the diabetes on top of dealing with the, you know, my whole relationship on top of like, it just felt like the shovel kept going like, Oh, guess what, you have hypothyroidism? Oh, guess what, you're now you're, you're, you're on medication for this Britishness. And so I just I was so worn down and physically, emotionally, I, I just couldn't, I couldn't handle it anymore. And I didn't want people to know. And then obviously, it like got out there. And there was like people like we need to have an intervention, you know, and they didn't know the stuff that was going on with my past relationship. But they're like, obviously, Amy's not doing well.
Scott Benner 1:13:22
Oh god, did they put you in a circle with the church? We had some
Amy 1:13:25
meetings not with everybody. Luckily, everyone didn't know even though everyone knew that something was going on. Because I was not myself. I mean, like you see me as this like, upbeat like bubbly person. And I was like, I was a zombie. And I had just started antidepressant. And so I had never been like that where I was just like, I like I don't give a shit about anything. Like I'm just I was a zombie.
Scott Benner 1:13:52
Yeah. Do you still take the antidepressants?
Amy 1:13:54
I do. Yeah, I do.
Scott Benner 1:13:56
Is it a different balance? Like was it out of balance? In the beginning? It was Yeah, I
Amy 1:14:00
think it was just that I had never taken anything before. And so I got on it and it was like, slow down a me who are gonna be like a normal person instead of a squirrel on caffeine. Oh
Scott Benner 1:14:16
my gosh, that's crazy. I appreciate you sharing that. I didn't realize that, by the way, like from your notes or any of the conversations. I didn't know that that had happened to ya. Did the guy ever did he ever call back and say I'm ready to talk.
Amy 1:14:31
So then a few months went by no contact. And I did text him that that the about the attempt and he ended up trying to contact my dad. And so my dad ends up finding out and I think that's how it ended up all coming out. Now that I'm thinking back like, he contacted my dad because I was like I you know, I attempted suicide. And I want to do it again. And so, you know, he he did care, but just not enough to deal with me.
Scott Benner 1:15:09
Well do. That's not fair, but I do still feel that way.
Amy 1:15:16
Yeah, there's more. There's more,
Scott Benner 1:15:19
you're there that you feel like you're too much for some people. Yeah. Yeah, I do. Well, what about the guy you're with now.
Amy 1:15:27
He's amazing. If I could go back, though. So my, my best friend ends up getting engaged, got married six weeks later. And I was at that point, just like, I couldn't deal with it anymore. Like, people didn't really knew what No, like about everything. And I was just like, I'm done pretending I am done. And so I, four days after that, I packed a bunch of stuff up from my parents house, and I moved out that same day, moved in with an older couple friend of mine that just kind of took me under their wings. And I was like, I'll figure this out. I don't know what I'm going to do. And I didn't say goodbye to anyone. I mean, to my parents, and I wasn't saying goodbye to them. But I left all my friends and all the families and everyone who I'd grown up with, without even saying goodbye. I just left Was that helpful? Yes, and no, I mean, I was still struggling so badly. And again, you know, my ex would like contact me not contact me, we'd hook up, I ended up paying for this vacation for us, so that we could go to Lake Tahoe for a little bit. And, you know, and just, it was so toxic in, you know, he was using me. And then I was just grasping, grasping for, like, please like, please, like, I love you, I'll do anything for you. And so that relationship went on like that, where he cut me off. And then we talk again, we hook up, and then he stopped talking like, Amy, you know, stop this or, you know, stop getting so emotional about things sometimes. And he said, sometimes you can. You're too much. And he's like, you say, I love you too much. And it's hard for me, because I don't want to say it back to you.
Scott Benner 1:17:29
So I'm sorry. That's horrible. But He's using you for sex, then.
Amy 1:17:34
Yeah, I think so. And then, you know, and things came out. Just recently, actually, like he was with someone else out one point. Yeah.
Scott Benner 1:17:44
That's how it's how it's how it sounded. It sounded like when he was having a downpayment with someone else he'd and that worked perfectly on you, because you'd get isolated. And then one more, because of the isolation, and then he'd opened the door back up, you'd run back through and when he was done, or, or whatever, he, then he dies, like you again. Yeah, it's terrible,
Amy 1:18:06
you know, and then just small things, like, not not even saying anything on my birthday. And I'm like, hey, it's my birthday. And he's like, oh, yeah, but I have such and such. Like, he just, he didn't want to be in a relationship, and I could let it go. I was like, I will do whatever it takes,
Scott Benner 1:18:26
because you thought he was the only chance.
Amy 1:18:29
Yes, and I really did care about him. I mean, I still do in a slight way. But I just, it was so difficult. And I would, I wouldn't, I refuse to let it go. And I was like, I will just I'm going to do whatever it takes. So you know, fast forward a little bit later, he gets a job offer out of state. And so I was like, I'll do whatever it takes to help you move and whatever. And so I ended up helping him pack and cleaning as I cleaned his apartment, he stored stuff at my apartment and the last gave him money, a good summer money and wasn't the first time I had lent him money either. And so then at that point, I ended up taking a vacation drove to Utah. So it was 15 hours away and had a trailer with his stuff in it dropped it off at his place. She you know was there for a little bit and at one point I said if I were to move here could even not living with you. Could we make this work out like I go I would do anything for you. I would give you if you needed my kidney I'd give you my kidney. Like and then he goes you know, I just can't be in relationships.
Scott Benner 1:19:57
Yeah, but that's not I mean, it doesn't sound like that's the whole thing. Sounds like he's just they just continue to use you. That's all.
Amy 1:20:03
Like it's Yeah. And so
Scott Benner 1:20:05
yeah, yeah, well, I would bet because it really does. I'm gonna go back to this again, it sounds like and I don't mean this in an insulting way. It sounds like I'm being told a story by an 18 year old girl who's going out with a 40 year old guy. And like you're having all that angst, the like problems that you would have is because this was your first time. Yeah, yeah. And no one around you live through these sorts of things, either. So no one could just say that to you like me stop, go beat a different boy. And try again. You don't I mean? Oh, and
Amy 1:20:38
they didn't even know I kept it secret here. So
Scott Benner 1:20:41
on top of Yeah, okay. I'm sorry. So So when he says no, when you're out in Utah, that doesn't go well, right?
Amy 1:20:49
No, I made him dinner, and cleaned his apartment. Cuz, you know, just keep giving, it's the gift that keeps on giving me
Scott Benner 1:20:58
I want to tell you something. If you took me to Lake Tahoe, I'd be way nicer to you. That just seems decent. So even after Wow, you realize you're not okay, then. When do you when do you realize when do you know I had
Amy 1:21:19
known this for since I left that since I walked away from like the church family and my friends I had known things weren't good. And in 2020, I started self harming because I was just like, I can't, like I have so much like pent up, not rage. But like, so much stuff going on. I just couldn't handle it. And I was watching a romance movie, which I really don't enjoy any more. And I ended up getting a razor blade and cutting myself. And it was like a relief like, okay, like, and then I continued to do that. And you know, and it progressively got worse and worse, like it was in the winter. And so I was like, keeping my arms covered. And I did it in an area where everyone could see if I didn't have if I had a t shirt on. So it was like, you know, stupid. Well, if I was trying to keep it a secret.
Scott Benner 1:22:21
So I've had that explained to me in the past. Like there's the tiny release, right when you when you harm yourself, but it doesn't last long enough to be valuable. So you have to do it again to get the release again. Okay, yeah. And, okay, is there any point because now you're by yourself that you're doing this, right? Yeah. So how do you get the help?
Amy 1:22:41
I took it took a while, I think I was at that point, too. I was working seven days a week, like I was just like, throw yourself into work at least, like do something profitable with your time. So I had, I wasn't making friends, like, you know, wasn't hanging out with people or going out and partying or going to bars or anything I just was working and working. And you know, had a few friends that I had made. I had worked in a car with a general contractor in town restoration, fire and water damage restoration and had friends from there. And so I did have people and the couple that took me in are two of the most amazing people, Fred and Linda. And they are just they were rocks when I needed them like a second their second parents to me. And so I had her encouraging me like you're doing good, just keep keep doing the work. Like this relationship isn't really working out. So she was kind of telling me things that my parents had been telling me all along, but I couldn't hear. And so the cutting continued that that did continue into even when I met my boyfriend that I'm with now. Like I was still doing it and he was like a mate. We gotta stop this. We got to figure something out for this. And it's gotten better. I so I ended up after the whole thing. I drove back from Utah. I cried the entire drive home and got back home, went to work the next day, you know, and told everybody what happened at work just like this is what happened. And they're like, Amy, you're better off like you need to close that door. And so I went for a year without contact. And that in itself was a really big deal for me, like that showed me showed myself like, you can do this, like you can get past this. And through our work. We have this therapy online therapy thing and so I ended up signing up for it and met this wonderful woman who is based in Reno and was doing sessions with her once a week and that was just so helpful because it was someone who was not attached. It didn't just like hate my ex's guts, because of the way he treated me but someone that I could talk through how I was feeling and you know, the feeling like, I'm not enough. And you know, it. It just it opened doors that I was like, Oh, I never thought of that, like, oh, that people pleasing. Oh, I've been doing that for so long or caring so much about what others think odd. That is, that's from my past. And so that therapy just kind of was like,
Scott Benner 1:25:42
Yeah, saying things out loud is helpful, especially if you grew up pretending everything was always perfect, then, I mean, because it isn't like nothing's perfect. So you're pretending if you're acting like it is, and then you don't know how to cope with like, no sadness, emotional pain, when you get mad or stressed out or anything like that. You have no coping skills. Really? Yeah. And then yeah, and then you get put in this situation with this guy. And you have nothing but a need for those coping skills. And you have absolutely none of them. Yeah. And then that spirals, right?
Amy 1:26:12
Yes. And it was hard for me to think I did talk to my therapist about my relationship with my parents, because I love my mom and dad, and they've been so supportive. And like, Amy, anything that you need, we are there for you. Whether that's, you know, your therapy, your diabetes stuff, you're just like, we're here, we're what we want to support you, we want you to keep living. And it's so hard because I walked away from something that I had grown up in my whole life, and it was basically kind of a little bit of like an fu to them. Like I'm done. I'm out. And so it made it. It has made it hard for me knowing like, I know, my parents care. I know they love me. I know. But like, did I drive a wedge? Did I? You know, and they would say no, you haven't like we love you. I know what my mom and dad would say, but I still just have this like, I'm not fully like, their family is the church. And I'm not a part of that. So I'm not a part of their family.
Scott Benner 1:27:18
Yeah, I think maybe I mean, from my perspective, what, what seems like it would hurt to me is that they created a world that you don't fit in well, like, that's not good. I, you know, you could make the case that they drove the wedge by doing that not on purpose. You know what I mean? Like, you're just rescuing yourself from it. Yeah, honestly. I mean, I listen, I don't care how people worship or what I have. No, but I mean, you're telling a story of a scenario where you just don't fit, like, at all. And and it retarded a lot about your growth. You know, like you didn't, you didn't meet people outside of that bubble. So you didn't have like dating experiences until you were older. You don't know how to cope with things because you weren't put in those situations. You're pretending everything's okay. All the time, which obviously, it can't be, like, you know, I think the only I think the most sane thing that you've described is leaving that situation.
Amy 1:28:15
Yeah. And it's difficult to because there are a lot of good things that came out of it. I have a really good work ethic driven. I really enjoy just helping people and serving and giving and, but I did have to stop and go. I am so willing to give and do anything for anyone else. But I'm not doing that for myself. Right? Yeah, you're not helping me. I feel like I don't deserve it.
Scott Benner 1:28:39
Right. And you could have put that effort into yourself for sure. And you obviously deserve it. So yeah, I don't know it just to me. It sounds like it sounds like you were in a situation that was pushing you in this direction. And you know, I understand why it was so hard to stop doing it. Yeah. So where are you? How old are you now? You're 35 a lot yeah, this is fairly recent. All it's so recent. Yeah. Wow. It's so weird. Because it's and I don't mean this like I know you don't take it this way. But I don't mean it in an insulting Wait, like part of it sounds like a story like seriously, like a 20 year old but tell me, like, I met a guy and this happened. He took advantage of me and I didn't know any better and but you know, like, like that stuff. Except? Well, is that hard? Like to feel like you? Yeah,
Amy 1:29:28
but yeah, it is. I mean, I've I've grown I've grown a lot last year, even the last year, year and a half, but it is difficult because it's like now and then you're coming into an environment where you're like, I am a newbie I'm, I'm in my 30s but I was like nothing, no coping skills for these situations. You know, and so that that was difficult.
Scott Benner 1:29:54
Yeah, no kidding. So did you find somebody who knows that life? You're dating him? or is it somebody outside of it who's just like a, like such a decent person that they're willing to help you?
Amy 1:30:06
So I am no longer I, when I left the church, I didn't go back. So I have never been back in the last since 2019. I am very close with my parents still, I visit them all the time. But I just, I guess their shame in it because I left the way it did and all the things that led up to it. So I I walked away from everyone I knew. Yeah, but
Speaker 1 1:30:37
I say who cares? Like, seriously? Like, I mean, I mean, if you're gonna feel shame, I can't stop you. But you shouldn't. Yeah, I mean, like, There's nothing. There's nothing. There's it's the opposite of that. It's you should. It's laudable that you did that. I mean, that's a hard thing. Also, we're not saying it, but your parents not
Scott Benner 1:30:55
guilting you about it is also very kind. Yes. Like, they just let you do it. Right. They did. Yeah. Yeah, they didn't give you crap about it, or try to make you feel bad or tried to bring you back that's really loving to. Yeah, I think what it indicates to me is that they didn't. I think that world they set up for themselves really works well for them. And it sounds like they were like, it doesn't work for me. So okay, good. Don't let her go do what works for her.
Amy 1:31:21
Yeah, I mean, I think it worked until it didn't. And that's like, kind of weird. And like, I don't know how to explain that better than that. But like, mine,
Speaker 1 1:31:30
was it is you're younger, and you weren't having interpersonal relationships with people and you weren't, like acting on sexual feelings. And like you don't I mean, like you weren't doing, you know, you weren't doing all the things you were like a, like a half version of a person. But you were doing some of the stuff, you know. Yeah, I get that. But yeah, I mean, so. I mean, look, I can't help you. But you should. You should. I shouldn't tell you, but you shouldn't feel bad about that. Thank you. So you should be, you should be proud of yourself, honestly. You know,
Amy 1:32:03
I'm getting to that point where I'm like, Okay, I'm, I survived. Yeah, I've made it this far.
Scott Benner 1:32:10
It's it. It doesn't even sound like is anything, like bad that you were running from it other than a place where you just didn't fit? Well. Yeah. And you were trapped there because of the insulated nature of how they have it set up. Yep. I got you. Okay, well, good for you. Congratulations. You're not still Are you still cutting now?
Amy 1:32:32
I self harmed a couple months back. I was burning. I would take a cigarette lighter and heat up a bobby pin, just sear myself. I am trying not to do that. It's gotten less and less over the last, you know, I mean, once in the last eight months. if not longer, you look back
Scott Benner 1:32:57
and see what precipitated that. Was it something super stressful? Or?
Amy 1:33:02
Yeah, there was like a couple situations that came up. And I was just like ignited stuff from the past.
Scott Benner 1:33:12
So but otherwise, talk therapy helps with that.
Amy 1:33:15
It does. I just I have some really good friends. I also have my boyfriend who's probably it's funny, because he has names. And he's everything that I wanted. Oops, you're gonna bleep that out. I wanted him to be right. And that's what it's to me. And so
Scott Benner 1:33:39
I'm yeah, I'm excited for you. I think that's wonderful. Yeah.
Amy 1:33:42
We met on our first date, because I was like, I actually had a ticket to Austin because I was planning on relocating. And I'm like, get me out of here. I don't care where I go. I visited Colorado Springs, I was gonna go to Austin, Texas. And I had the ticket. And we met and went on our first date. And then I was like, Dad, I don't know if I want to go Ross.
Scott Benner 1:34:06
Want a refund on my plane ticket.
Amy 1:34:09
And so he's like, Amy, you can do that later in the month or late later in the year. Like, why don't you see how this works out. And so we met and on my date. I told him I was still in love with my ex. So I was like, I gotta I gotta lay the cookies out here like you got to know everything because you might want to walk away really fast.
Scott Benner 1:34:33
Are you were you trying to sabotage with you think or do you want to test them?
Amy 1:34:39
I think I just wanted him to know everything. I was like, I went through a relationship where I held back so much of my feelings. I was like, I'm putting it all out on the table. I told him about the self harm. I told him about the suicide attempts. This is like a first date and I was just like, I'm not built my way through this and like waiting for dates in and being like, oh, btw,
Scott Benner 1:35:04
I'm trying. I'm imagining you unloading this stuff. He's still taking off his jacket. And you're like wondering where the waitress is. Waiting jig. What are nachos coming? And then I did this. And he's just
Amy 1:35:21
like, oh God. And so he ended up. So he ended up coming over, we hooked up. And he legitimately like never left. So I went from one relationship. And if there was time in between into this next one, but it clicked, something was different, right? And if I if our first date hadn't gone the way it did, I probably would have just gone. Like, okay, cool. That was a great day like we're done. But just the kindness of he's so thoughtful. He's sat with me on the kitchen floor when I've been bawling my eyes out like he's just there for me. Yeah.
Scott Benner 1:36:09
Maybe put your microphone down like a half an inch. Also, and we've skirted around it, but you're pretty Hornitos. So
my mom and dad are gonna they heard it, too. We all heard it. You're trying to pack in 10 years worth of, you know, missed opportunities. Which I don't blame you for. I'm thinking. That's a damn good idea. That's hilarious. So you got him. And now you How long have you guys been together?
Amy 1:36:44
Though? We have been together January 15 was a complete year. So it's a little over a year. And it's funny because he was like, Oh, I knew I wanted to marry you on the first day. I was like, Whoa, dude, I told you I love my ex still.
Scott Benner 1:37:00
Also, make sure you didn't miss that red flag. You want to look into him a little closer.
Amy 1:37:07
Like to soon and he's like, No, I could see who you are as a person.
Scott Benner 1:37:13
Oh, that's lovely. That's good. Very nice. Okay, well, I guess I'm just going to finish up by asking you. What, what is the dream? What is the dream you had about me? Oh.
Amy 1:37:27
So I had, this is so weird. This is like all everything compiled. So we were at my old church. I was there. You were there, too. And we were together. And we were talking. And you were like asking me about past stuff. But then you're like, No, I can see myself dating you. And I was like, I don't know.
I'm like, Okay, and so we went to tea, and we have tea. And then I ended up waking up and was just like, What in the actual heck was that?
Scott Benner 1:38:08
You and I had tea together? We had tea together. It's nice. So it was lovely. Tea for Two or other other people there.
Amy 1:38:16
There was a whole group of people, but we were like at the table talking.
Scott Benner 1:38:20
Yeah. Do you know what you're talking about?
Amy 1:38:22
I have no idea. I
Scott Benner 1:38:23
do. It's hilarious. All right. Well, I'm glad it wasn't like, weird. That's fine. I'm okay with us having tea in your drink? Oh, my God. I thank you very much for sharing this. Like it comes at a an interesting and strange time. Because tomorrow, there'll be an episode coming out with me and Erica about a discussion about suicidal ideation. Like being able to like recognize it, and help people. Because I, I went, I don't know how to say this. I almost said I went through, but that's not right. I had an experience a few months ago where a listener committed suicide. And that I had connection with their family for a little bit. And it made me want to do this episode to tell people what to look for. Do you think if people would have known what to look for? Could they have seen linear? Were you withdrawing like that kind of stuff?
Amy 1:39:20
Yes, but I was hiding stuff so well, like my mom and dad knew stuff was going on. But they didn't know how. How bad it had gotten. Yeah, they were worried. My mom. My mom called it suicide watch. She's like, I'm been on suicide watch for the last like, however long but they I think they knew. I don't think they knew how bad it was. I just I didn't I didn't want anyone to know I wanted it to be an accident. Or booboo. My cat's
Scott Benner 1:39:56
gonna say you're talking to a cat right? Yeah, yes. Uh, well, yeah, I just it's just been. I don't know, it's been it's been weird talking about this this stuff because again like you are now you're not even the first person that's told me that they've given themselves too much insulin. And and I'm, you know I've made this point in the past but I was just the guy who was like, well I'm gonna make a podcast about diabetes. So people like know how to like, you know Bolus three Bolus? Yeah. So things have gotten beyond what I expected. And I elated quickly, yeah, I always feel really grateful that people are willing to tell stories like this, because I know how much it helps other people when they hear it. And in ways you don't even expect, you know, like, it'll help parents to look out for things that will help adults say, like, oh, I maybe I should be looking into this for myself, and, and all other different kinds of ways. And plus, it just, I don't know, it just gives me more of a perspective on the outside, it gives me this podcast gives me what you didn't have growing up, which is a look into how a lot of other people do things. Yeah, you know. So I feel like
Amy 1:41:07
that's been, I'm just, I'm so thankful for you. And I be able to have something that I'm like, oh, there's someone else out there that's struggling as badly as I have been. And I'm just so grateful for you, for Jenny for my mom and dad. And these people that had taken the time to stop. Whether it was a podcast or Jenny listening to me, my, my dad pains. So I can see Jenny. And just knowing that there's other people out there that are struggling, and like, Oh, I've listened to so many episodes and gone like, Oh, I wish I could talk to talk to that person. Like, oh, I wish that like, you know, I could tell them this. And I think that's the biggest thing I've seen with your podcast is it draws people together. It just, it's a connection. And like, we're humans, and we fail, and we need help. And this, your podcast is just a platform for that. And I'm just I wanted to say thank you.
Scott Benner 1:42:14
You're very welcome. Thank you for saying that I just think of it is. You know, it's a way for people not to feel isolated. Oh, yeah, on so many different levels. And like you said, to have a connection to things you just don't have a personal connection to your, your example is just so almost cartoonish about how like, like, you know, insulated you were, but everyone's insulated to some degree or another, you know, you just, you don't think of it that way. But you're like he's become an adult, you get up and you go to work and you come home and you hit a routine and forget out you're not seeing people very often and just at work and it can happen kind of quickly, and you might not even notice it. So anyway, yeah, I really, I really do appreciate you sharing this with everybody. Thank you. Thank you. I want to start by thanking Amy for sharing that difficult story with us. And I also want to thank Omni pod. Don't forget to check out the Omni pod five, where the Omni pod dash at Omni pod.com forward slash fuse box and I think you can even take them for a test drive. Go check it out. Let's thank Dexcom makers the Dexcom G six and Dexcom G seven continuous glucose monitoring systems, you can wear the Dexcom G seven just like Arden dexcom.com forward slash juice box. There are links in the show notes and links at juicebox podcast.com to Dexcom Omni pod and to all the sponsors when you click on those links, we were supporting the production of the podcast and making it so we can hear more stories like Amy's.
Once there was a time when I just told people if you want a low and stable a one C just listen to the Juicebox Podcast. But as the years went on, and the podcast episodes grew, it became more and more difficult for people to listen to everyone. So I made the diabetes Pro Tip series. This series is with me and Jenny Smith. Jenny is a certified diabetes care and education specialist. She is also a registered and licensed dietitian and a type one herself for over 30 years and I of course am the father of a child who was diagnosed at age two in 2006. The Pro Tip series begins at episode 210 with an episode called newly diagnosed are starting over and from there all about MDI Pre-Bolus Singh insulin pumping, pumping and nudging variables exercise illness, injury surgeries glucagon long term health bumping and nudging how to explain type one to your family. Postpartum honeymoon transitioning all about insulin Temp Basal. These are all different episodes setting your base insulin, fat and protein pregnancy, the glycemic index and load, and so much more like female hormones and weight loss. Head now to juicebox podcast.com. Go up in the menu at the top, and click on diabetes pro tip. Or if you're in the private Facebook group, there's a list of these episodes right in the feature tab. Find out how I helped keep my daughter's a one C between five two and six two for the last 10 years without diet restrictions. juicebox podcast.com Start listening today. It's absolutely free. Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. You know what else there's a ton more of these after dark episodes. You can go check them out as well. Look in the private Facebook group under the feature tab for a full list or you can go to juicebox podcast.com up in the menu and you'll see after dark
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