#940 After Dark: Space Musician

Síle has type 1 diabetes and a number of complications. Warning: This episode discusses a suicide attempt.

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, and welcome to episode 940 of the Juicebox Podcast.

Today's episode has a little bit of everything. First of all tell you right up front. It's an after dark episode because at some point, Sheila will mention a suicide attempt from her teen years. But we're also going to talk about her life. She's incredibly funny and a great conversationalist. She's got some type one diabetes complications that we're going to talk about, and she experienced some bullying from a rather unique place. While you're listening, please remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan, or becoming bold with insulin. If you're interested in getting therapy, you can get 10% off your first month@betterhelp.com forward slash juicebox. To start using ag one from athletic greens, go to athletic greens.com forward slash juicebox. And when you use that link, you'll get our free year's supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first order.

This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by Dexcom, makers of the Dexcom G seven, N G six continuous glucose monitoring systems. Learn more and get started today at my link decks comm forward slash Juicebox Podcast is also sponsored today by touched by type one, head over now to touched by type one.org. And check out all the great stuff they've got going on for people with type one. And don't forget their big events coming up in September. I'll be speaking there, don't miss it. Touched by type one.org and find them on Facebook and Instagram. Yeah, we're talking we're not recording. That's stupid. We're recording now.

Síle 2:19
I was like what podcast.

Scott Benner 2:21
I'll tell people who you are. I'm just here to I'm just here to talk about Bruce Springsteen. Tell people who I am. Use your last name. But yeah, you can tell people who Yeah,

Síle 2:31
I'm not going to. My name is Sheila, I am from Ireland. And I have had type one diabetes since 1998. When I was four and a half. I mean, I don't know. Do you want me to tell you how old I am now? Or do you want to like count on your fingers? Or

Scott Benner 2:51
hey, listen, you got a snarky, we just started. Okay. Sorry. You don't know how to do this. Wow, of people just about there's probably a formula that I don't care about it. 98 2008 2018 That's 20 Then 2019 2021 20 233. That's 25. And then you were four and a half when it happened. So you're 29 and a half?

Síle 3:18
Yeah, that's a great.

Scott Benner 3:21
It's not a great method. It's a ridiculous method should

Síle 3:24
know, like, should know. It's I mean, it reminds me of like in primary school when I was like, getting my three kinds tables and I you just you got to figure out your own way to do it.

Scott Benner 3:35
I figure the right way is 2023 minus 1998 plus four and a half.

Síle 3:40
That sounds more complicated,

Unknown Speaker 3:41
does it?

Scott Benner 3:44
All right. Oh, healthcare cares. Anyway, Bruce Springsteen, 73 you're going to see him in concert and you're worried he's going to kick before you get there. Is that what we were talking about before?

Síle 3:54
It was what we were talking about, but I'm less worried now.

Scott Benner 3:58
Because I told you he was 73. Yeah, well,

Síle 4:03
I don't know. And he's in good shape. You know,

Scott Benner 4:05
that's a young person's perspective of 73 years old.

Síle 4:09
Well, it's it My grandparents are in their 80s and they're still

Scott Benner 4:14
can they plow Thunder Road? No, well, there's my point.

Síle 4:23
Can they play a five hour set with no support? I'm not sure.

Scott Benner 4:27
Right. While while looking over their shoulder, John, this Patti woman has really wormed her way into my thing. Meanwhile, I was going to tell you that I love boy, here I go. This is this is like me saying I don't like soccer. I think I don't like Bruce Springsteen. And not not in like, I hate Bruce Springsteen. I actually like all of his music just fine. I just when I was growing up, he was so popular. I mean, it was just I remember being at a middle school dance. I can After school dance, you know what I mean? When people were like 12 and 1314 years old, and we would just stay after school and they would take the lights down in the cafeteria, and DJ, you know, whoever from town would play records. I remember a kid coming in with Born in the USA, like on vinyl. And like taking it to the DJ and be like, you don't have this, but you shouldn't we should be listening to this. And I don't know why it never struck me. But as I got older, I thought, okay, it's musics good. It doesn't hit me like religion like it does for some people. But then recently, Bruce Springsteen did a sit down interview with Howard Stern. And I sat and watched the whole thing, I think on HBO max. And it was really interesting listening to him talk about his life.

Síle 5:49
I agree. I think he's a, I think he's a great dude. And I also listened to his I'm not really a podcast person. I think that first podcast I ever listened to, was the Juicebox Podcast because I went into an endocrinologist appointment, or as I called here, a diabetologist. Appointment. And I said, I want an insulin pump. And he said, Sure, which one and I said, What I don't, what do you? I don't know. I wasn't expecting you to say yes. So I guess I'll go think about that now. And I left and I Googled diabetes podcast or something. And that's when I started. I'm not into podcasts. But I did listen to the Bruce Springsteen and Obama podcast.

Scott Benner 6:31
You know what the problem with that was, is it was boring.

Síle 6:36
It was It wasn't like, groundbreaking, like it was like, it was like listening to like, my dad and his friends chat about, you know, it's like listening to you talk about school dances when you were a kid, you know?

Scott Benner 6:49
Yeah, no, I That's insulting. And now we have to go. I found I found Obama's podcast to be. And Bruce Springsteen being wanted to be reminiscent of two people who have too much to lose to share too much. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. So you got to be willing to say stupid things and, and honest, stuff like that. But I can

Síle 7:14
also understand why.

Scott Benner 7:16
Oh, please, I keep. Spotify has given me this money. So I took it. And how about school dances? Like storytelling,

Síle 7:25
and they have things in common? And they're two people I had never really pictured together. And that's nice for them. No, of course, very sweet. And I wouldn't I don't think I would listen to it again, but was very calming.

Scott Benner 7:41
Yeah, no, I mean, I would sooner listen to Obama speech on father's day while he was running for president was very good. Then I would listen to the podcast.

Síle 7:50
I have to admit, I'm not familiar with. Obviously, I'm familiar with Obama, but I have not paid as much attention to US politics as Americans.

Scott Benner 8:01
I don't even think of his I don't know. He. I like I like his ability to deliver the speech.

Síle 8:12
Oh, yeah. I think everyone agrees. He was like, a good man for the speeches. Very, really amazing. Some man for one, man.

Scott Benner 8:20
No kidding. I also met Bill Clinton once and I understand why people would have sex with him.

Síle 8:25
He's very mad dad had dinner with him once. And he's magnetic,

Scott Benner 8:28
right?

Síle 8:30
I mean, my dad didn't tell me that he wanted to have sex with Bill Clinton, but I believe you

Scott Benner 8:34
he didn't even like say he was considering throwing them out or something like that.

Síle 8:38
I think I was about five when this Oh, yeah,

Scott Benner 8:41
probably not the right place. So let's just assume your dad was willing to do that for Bill Clinton, but didn't share it with you. I'm sorry.

Síle 8:52
I was about to say, let's just assume that and I was like, I don't know if I want to want to go.

Scott Benner 8:58
Alright, so you've had diabetes for quite some time. You are the second person who has a delightful Irish accent that I've heard this week because I just put an act an episode up last week, which by the way, will be six months ago. By the time someone hears this. And it's called haitch ba one C, because that's how she said HBA once every time she said

Síle 9:19
I saw that episode title and I was like, Is that about weed? And I don't know why I thought it was about weed.

Scott Benner 9:28
Just about a lady's accent and and how just delightful it was. Yeah, the first the first time I thought I you have to listen to it. Like she says hey, HBA ones. I can't do an accent.

Síle 9:39
Oh, I like

Scott Benner 9:40
HBA one seat. Yeah, there you go. I should have just

Síle 9:43
I believe you. But so I have lived in in Berlin, Germany for the last five years. So I've developed what we call in Ireland a transatlantic accent, which is because no one can just done when Irish people speak, it's where we put on kind of an American accent so people can understand us. And since I haven't worked in, like native English speaking work environment for the last five years, I do have this like twine.

Scott Benner 10:14
So you're putting on your dialect right now?

Síle 10:18
No, I mean, I'm making a conscious effort to sound less American. But I'm not. I'm trying to tone it down a little, but I'm not. I'm not putting on the Irish. In fact, I don't think I sound Irish at all right?

Scott Benner 10:32
I mean, I can hear the Irish in your voice.

Síle 10:34
During Yeah, during COVID. There was a an American. Who was he? No, he was an English guy. And he was like, so how do you lock it in then? And I was like, what? And he was like, Oh, I thought there was a travel ban. And I was like, Ireland's in the EU. And he was like, Oh, I thought you was American. Please leave me alone. on a train,

Scott Benner 10:57
on a train. Who says with an F? And

Síle 11:02
possibly, I'm exaggerating, but perhaps not. I was like, if anything, you shouldn't be here.

Scott Benner 11:10
So I, I know your name, although in honesty, until you said your name. I was never sure how you pronounce your first name.

Síle 11:19
I get that a lot.

Scott Benner 11:21
I would imagine. Yeah. Because honestly, looking back at it now, I I still don't know how to say it. Like you said your name at the beginning. And I went, Oh my God, that's what this collection of letters means. And then then now I look back at the letters and I my brain won't remember what you said eight minutes ago.

Síle 11:40
So on my first date with my boyfriend, we had like a seven our first date. And about five hours in I was telling a story in which someone said my name so I was saying and then they said hey Sheila, and he goes oh my god okay, thank god that's how you say your name. Was like you can just you can just ask so same applies to you Scott. If you forget how to say my name you can just

Scott Benner 12:07
had Izod found a delightful way to bring it up just now. I would have spent the next hour just avoiding thing or avoiding Yeah, and I would have been masterful at it.

Síle 12:15
It's like It's like Australian like get a Shayla like, you know, she likes it's just, it's just spelled. And

Scott Benner 12:26
unlike the word Sheila. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, your parents a little high when they were younger.

Síle 12:34
No, they just they wanted us all to have Irish names. And my oldest sister was actually born in the UK. And they didn't have anyone to check the spelling with of her name. So she hers is spelled like the, the anglicized way. And then my next sister has like a silent G and her name and it's really long. And she used to cry when she was like learning to write her name because she was like, it's too long. I can't do it. I don't understand. So then they got to me and they were like, Okay, here's a nice simple, short one.

Scott Benner 13:08
Four letters done. Yeah, we pick the artists name out of a book, but I think it's vaguely British somehow. I don't know UK ish.

Síle 13:18
To me. It's like distinct Well, I guess Yeah. Good. Be British. To me. It's like, distinctly a US sounding. But me. Just because I don't

Scott Benner 13:30
know Arden is a unisex given name and an English surname of locational origin is derived from three places thus called in the United Kingdom in York Shire, North riding Shire or the Forest of Arden in Warwickshire. I don't know what any of that means.

Síle 13:48
Cool. I just think of Elizabeth Arden.

Scott Benner 13:51
Yeah, she's passed because everybody's, like, there's a couple of Arden's in the world. And one of them like, I think one of them branded their name Arden II, which is her middle initial. And she was like, oh, there's gonna start a business one day and call it ardente. But now there's now that that exists. So she's like, anyway, so Okay, so you are. Let's say you've had diabetes a very long time you went to your diabetes ologists a diabetologist. I have apologist. That's a really cool word. And, and you didn't know what you wanted? You wanted a pump? What made you after all that time decide on a pump.

Síle 14:34
So I actually had a pump. On my 13th birthday. I started on an insulin pump. And I was so excited because I got to eat. Before that I wasn't carb counting. So from the age of 4x,

Speaker 3 14:48
rapid

Síle 14:53
or Nova rapid or whatever it was back then.

Scott Benner 14:58
You loosen me up Was your signal once in a while I think it's because we're doing the way we're doing it but I hear you now like once you were four then you can go from there.

Síle 15:07
Okay, just let me know I might I can change over to a hotspot or something if

Scott Benner 15:11
it's only happened twice so far not good.

Síle 15:13
Okay. So yeah, when I was diagnosed obviously started on like noval mix 6040 or whatever, you know, I was four I don't remember after that they were like, here's a long acting insulin here is Nova rapid. Take six units for breakfast, six units for lunch, five units for dinner. could not get the concept. It came back to the

Scott Benner 15:42
and you're gone. And you're back. I'm gonna guess right about here seems to be of how long it takes Sheila?

Síle 15:52
Here. I mean, I can

Scott Benner 15:53
hear you. Yeah, you could I couldn't hear you at all. All right, then.

Síle 15:57
I'm going to switch to my phone's hotspot because I lose something of that works.

Unknown Speaker 16:00
Okay. Whereas, yeah,

Scott Benner 16:04
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Síle 18:56
Well, Bruce Springsteen gets organic. So you think

Scott Benner 18:59
that's it? Because they both like, aren't they both like, Italian guys from Jersey from Jersey?

Síle 19:07
I don't know that much about Bon Jovi if I'm honest,

Scott Benner 19:10
to be honest. Wow, Patti Smith looks terrible. Okay, nevermind.

Síle 19:14
Yeah, I saw her a few years ago, but she was still great. She just Yeah.

Scott Benner 19:17
Oh, she's 76. And then I take that back. She looks amazing.

Síle 19:24
So anyway, my diabetes educators could not beat carb counting into us because for six years, we've just been like, No, we take this much insulin. That's what we do. Yeah. They were like, Yeah, but if you go out for Chinese food, you can take more, and they never really said like, you should take this amount. They were just like more. So we were obviously like, what does that mean? No, just take six units. It's fine. So when I was starting the pump, I had to actually learn carb counting. This meant that I could have like chocolatey cereal for breakfast. That was the theory. That was the idea. It was like If you have the insulin pump, you can eat whatever you want. You don't have to have these like 30 gram carb meals and a 10 gram snack at 11 and two and whatever. Those the idea of this flexibility, which these days you can totally have NDI, but at the time was not really what was done. And basically, my a one C was so bad that they were like, maybe we'll just give her a pump and see what happens.

Scott Benner 20:26
What hurt, it could hurt. And

Síle 20:30
they were like, usually we only give the pumps to like the people who show us that they'll be able to make the most of it because it's so in Ireland, the state pays for it. But you have to kind of justify that your that their money is being well spent. But with me, they were just like, No, what are we got left to lose? Let's just give her a pump, and we'll see what happens. So I think my agency around that time was maybe 12 or 13%.

Unknown Speaker 20:55
How old are you at that point?

Síle 20:56

13. So at the age where I'm old enough to leave the house by myself and go hang out with my friends, but not I guess mentally mature enough that I like, don't eat a piece of cake. Because I know that I shouldn't. Because I haven't taken insulin for it, you know? So I'm just kind of, you know, DNA jour Well, pre pre teen, whatever hormones, rebelling. Listening to emo music and eating. I don't know, whatever I want. And even Honestly, even outside of that, even with like mealtimes and stuff, it just never. It's too it's too long ago for me to now think, you know, was I doing it wrong? Were my parents doing it wrong? Were the nurses doing it wrong? Who you know,

Scott Benner 21:50
you don't know. And there's no way to figure it out.

Síle 21:53
Yeah, I at the time, it was too. I didn't have the analytical skills for that. And it was too I was too, you know, deep in the middle of it. And looking back now, I don't really know. I just know that it wasn't good. And I also I hated checking my blood sugar. And I didn't mind the injections. I didn't mind doing insulin because I was like I made the insulin, it will make me feel better. It means I can eat but the finger pricking I was like, this doesn't do anything. This doesn't make me better. It just gives a number that's probably bad. And then someone will yell at me in. So it was Yeah, I was very excited about this insulin pump. And I'd say for two or three years. My agency was down it was it was the first time I've added a onesie in single digits since a while. And it wasn't like amazing. It wasn't like it was like six or seven, it was probably eight or nine. And after a few years, the novelty wore off. The doctors were saying like, at one point, they were like, are you withholding insulin because you want to lose weight and like sort of screaming it at me in this really scary angry way. And I laughed because that I didn't know that was a thing. I in hindsight, they I don't know. I didn't know that was a thing. But after they told me I sure knew it was a thing. So I don't know if that was the best idea. But I just laughed because I was like the idea that I was putting effort into having a body would see or having bad control, as opposed to just being so depressed that I didn't care what my control was like, and they were all like, you must feel horrible. You must feel terrible. You must feel so sick all the time. And I was like, this is just how I feel like I don't like this is normal. And yes, it I don't feel good. Like I'm severely depressed for 16 year old or whatever. But this is just how it is, you know,

Scott Benner 23:53
were you do you think you were like clinically depressed? Do you think that they were right that some of it was just your elevated blood sugar? Had you feeling terrible? And or do you? What do you think we look back?

Síle 24:07
I think I mean, the fact that now I still definitely suffer with depression, but I can manage it better. And like in healthier ways. I do think I was depressed. And I think a lot of that was coming from things like I guess the isolation, like I didn't really have I didn't know other people with diabetes. I knew one other kid. He was my friend's brother. And he was like, my mom was like, Oh, here's a one C is seven. And now the doctors are like, Oh, you're so good. You should try to get it down to six. And that's all I knew about this other kid with diabetes was that he had an amazing agency. But I didn't know other people with diabetes. So I was kind of like and you know, every teenager feels like no one understands me the world is against me and I think no teenagers more so than those with type one diabetes. So, yeah, I think it was kind of a no one thing but everything all at once fights with my parents about why my blood sugar was high. Was I lying? Was a sneaking food. Why didn't I check my blood sugar? Things like being punished for having a high blood sugar when I was looking at my two older sisters. And they didn't. They didn't have to have good blood sugar. You know, they just their body did that for them. So I was like, hang on a second, you're grading me against something that no one else is being graded on here?

Scott Benner 25:45
Yeah, so So when your blood sugar's were elevated, your parents didn't really know what to do. They saw a person who did better numbers than yours and thought, well, I guess it's possible. She's not trying not for she's lying or something like that. And you're just like, I just don't like, I have no tools over here at all. I have no idea what to do. Yeah. And I'm resistance. I think

Síle 26:04
for them as well, though. Like, I think they they didn't know what else to do. Or they didn't know what else was in their control. So they were like, well, these things that we have in our control. We've done. So the only thing left is her she must be doing something or not doing something right. You know, so I get it. I also get it. From their perspective. I don't think they were maybe as well equipped as parents are these days?

Scott Benner 26:33
Were they were they better at parenting away from diabetes? Or was this the norm for them?

Síle 26:40
Um, I mean, since I moved out of home, we get along great. Since I left the country, we get along even better. But yeah, I mean, like, I don't, you know, they're not perfect. I don't think anyone is, but I don't. I don't really I don't hold it against them. And I don't think that they I think maybe outside of these circumstances if this hadn't been an issue. I don't think there would have been many problems.

Scott Benner 27:23
Your older siblings, but your older siblings have a closer relationship with them.

Síle 27:30
I wouldn't say closer, I think me and my parents are very close. But it's sort of because we were forced to be if you know what I mean. sort of forced to be close through pain. If that's the thing, you know, you and you struggle together you. You just have a you do have a close bond. And then I think also my sisters felt like my parents focused a lot of attention on me as a child. And they were like, ah, Sheila gets everything she wants, because she has diabetes, and they only pay attention to her. And I was sitting there being like, oh my god, can they stop looking at me for five minutes? Yeah. So yeah, it was sort of this like perfect storm of just teenage hormones, chronic illness. Parents, either not having the tools at their disposal or just not being just not being equipped to deal with it. And

Scott Benner 28:26
why does everyone always think that everything's better that someone else has? Why is that? Why is that it's such a fascinating like, human reaction. It is. Yeah, grass is always greener. Like that's better.

Síle 28:38
I mean, at the same time, like at the same time, I try my hardest not to show other people how hard stuff is so I totally understand what they think.

Scott Benner 28:49
Because you think other people are putting their best foot forward all the time. Like you know, it's funny you said data girl, the front of their house looked immaculate in the backyard with like a junkyard. That's hilarious. Yeah. And they and they ran their lives that way too.

Síle 29:02
Like, my sister lives near lives down the street from an influencer? I don't know. Some maybe Instagram. I don't know. And she said that the they're like, their house is an absolute mess, except when they're filming something. So ever notice that? I don't think she knows them that well. She just like she walks past and she's like, Oh, they're filming yoga video today. So they're living room was clean type thing?

Scott Benner 29:31
No, I really is interesting. I used to about that girl. I used to think of it as being very Catholic. They just wanted everyone to know, everything was great. They didn't care if it or you know, they couldn't impact if it was great. They just want everybody to think it was

Síle 29:48
I didn't think of that ever as a Catholic thing. But that's extremely my family's mentality and obviously we are surely a Catholic people.

Scott Benner 29:59
They don't Let's get out of the country if you're not Catholic, right? Like you gotta, I don't think they let you out of the hospital. Don't they baptize you as you're coming through

Síle 30:06
the Well, the thing is, like you joke but actually to go to school, if you want, like, if you want to be placed higher up on the list to get into school, you need to be baptized. Sure, no, I wasn't sure if we'll ever everyone is baptized. There was one kid in my hair who was Jewish, and he was just left out of kinds of, really, yeah, because we do all kinds of activities during school time. Which I find

Scott Benner 30:33
appalling, joke's on you, Ireland, because everyone's so pale that in a war, they're going to be able to see everybody now you're not gonna be able to sneak up on anyone. He's glowing, translucent, white people are going to be coming at everybody. And we're gonna be like, there they are. I see them over there. And the Irish, the Irish, and they're depressed and they're drunk, so we can beat them.

Síle 30:53
They haven't seen the sunlight and 400 days. So

Scott Benner 30:57
do you buy into that at all, by the way, about the depression from Irish backgrounds?

Síle 31:03
Um,

depression in Ireland? Definitely. I don't know if you're familiar with seasonal affective disorder. Sure. Yeah. So that's a thing, like this time of year, in Ireland, and also in Berlin. But it's worse in Ireland. It's like, you're so far north that the sun rises at like, maybe 930 in the morning and sets at like, 330 in the afternoon. So you go to work in the morning, and you leave, and it's just dark all the time. And you never see the sun. And yeah, it definitely, definitely has an effect.

Scott Benner 31:40
Yeah. The whole part of the world, like, so many people that come on here have some sort of background from that part of Europe. And they have autoimmune issues. And I'm always like, what is that about? You don't I mean, like, I don't want to be a thing. It's anecdotal at best for me. But as I approach 1000, people interviewed, it hasn't like, it hasn't slowed my thought down at all. You know, even like, I think,

Síle 32:06
I think as we go along, we're just going to discover suddenly that everything is auto immune.

Scott Benner 32:11
You know, like, I have a large group of people, you know, enough that I'm like, where are you from? And I'm from Minnesota, and then you ask about their background and their backgrounds, kind of like whatever Vikings are. And, and you go and then you start going, Oh, okay, so people emigrated from this one place to here. Also, Minnesota Vikings now I'm getting it. Okay. Like it's all coming together. And I don't know what that means. It's a football team. The real foot. Okay. The one word you kick the round ball, but when you throw

Síle 32:42
with your foot, yeah, you kicked the ball with the foot. Yeah, soccer.

Scott Benner 32:45
You're talking about.

Síle 32:51
But when you were like someone from Minnesota, I was like, I hope he explains what this means. Yes. I don't know where that is. Right.

Scott Benner 32:58
So not the football where they kick the ball with the foot but football where they throw the ball with their hands

Síle 33:02
that like the rugby but less so.

Scott Benner 33:06
More aerial. Okay. We're throwing of the ball, anyway. Yeah, doesn't matter. Point is. I think there's something to it. I just really do possibly. Yeah, Vitamin D deficiency and the anemia and the whole thing. Oh, no.

Síle 33:23
I have a friend from Finland who has Addison's disease. And that is also one of those Nordic Viking countries. Yeah.

Scott Benner 33:35
I mean, I don't think about that. Oh, there's another person. Well, you said Finland, my mind conjured up an image of someone living on an ice float. So I was like, Oh,

Síle 33:43
that's a little bit. Yeah, basically.

Scott Benner 33:46
I don't know. But anyway, so yeah,

Síle 33:50
no, sorry. I'm just drinking the milk carton because I'm wearing another glass of T shirt.

Scott Benner 33:55
As far as it's shook. It's shocking.

Síle 34:01
You can Yeah, I mean,

Scott Benner 34:02
good. Oh, what I was gonna ask you if we can you have the coolest job and I want to understand it, but it's so specific. If you don't want to talk about it. It's okay. Wait, what's your? I don't know, like the thing you say on Facebook.

Síle 34:15
Oh, on Facebook. I mean, I definitely. I don't use Facebook. I only use Facebook for diabetes groups. That's fine. So I mean, just are you looking at NASA, right?

Scott Benner 34:28
Yeah. Is that not true?

Síle 34:30
So I wrote that when I guess when I was in university. I specialized in music technology. And one of my one of my projects in my final year was it was a project based on a specific type of sampler and we had to use either create our own samples or use like free. What royalty free or like you Yeah, license free type stuff. Nothing copyrightable. And NASA has this massive sound library of sounds that you can just use royalty free. So I made a piece of music out of NASA sounds. And yeah, I'm thinking that's what I that's when I, this is dated that so, like over 10 years ago,

Scott Benner 35:24
this is the saddest moment of my my adult life. I'm

Síle 35:27
so sorry. I do actually work in music though I work in music rights.

Scott Benner 35:30
How do I trust that statement? So I have for as long as I've been aware of who you are, can I say what's written here? Sure. Okay. I have thought to myself, This person whose name is spelled in the way that I don't know what it says, is the space musician at NASA. And in my mind, I wish that was true. My mind you sit it like an Oregon, and you play music for people while they work at NASA. And you're telling me that is true. You mother.

Síle 36:04
I'm gonna send you I'm gonna send you the piece of music that I made back then.

Scott Benner 36:10
Can I use it on the pocket?

Síle 36:12
I mean, if you want to do it's all royalty free music anyways,

Scott Benner 36:15
I want to You said that it's gonna be it's gonna be in this. You have discharged me in a way that I didn't think it was possible. So

Síle 36:23
sorry, I didn't realize that you thought that was real.

Scott Benner 36:28
Everything about this is a lie.

Síle 36:31
I'm sorry. So sorry.

Scott Benner 36:36
I have been warmed so many times by the words space musician at NASA. I can't even begin to tell you it's changed my life. I'm sweating now.

Síle 36:48
From the news. You can still you can still hold on to those more memories. No,

Scott Benner 36:52
no, no, no, I can't lie to myself like that. What do you do for a living?

Síle 36:58
I work in music rights. So helping helping like independent musicians, composers, labels, that kind of stuff. collect their money internationally, basically because it's overcomplicated, and I'm gonna. It's not. It's not really designed to help creators get their money. It's more designed to help big labels like

Scott Benner 37:22
ours. Yeah, we've all heard that story. Right? Like you. Nobody gets paid for what they make. Right? You have to go Yeah. So that's my whole. That's your job. How does that be? Yeah, first of all, I'm gonna let it go. That you're big, fat liar. I swear to you, my body temperature has risen like four degrees. I'm like, waving. I look like Scarlett O'Hara right now. I'm like waving air in my face. I'm so disappointed.

Síle 37:54
I'm so sorry.

Scott Benner 37:56
Is that not a job?

Síle 37:58
I don't think Mother I'm sorry to see when you said it. I'm picturing like someone like flying around the universe in a little ship that's powered by playing the Oregon when you were like I pictured you behind an Oregon I was like, yes, in a tiny spaceship. zooming around like that. But no,

Scott Benner 38:16
it says space musician at NASA, National Aeronautics and Space Administration. That it says you're live in Germany. And I'm like, Oh my god. does NASA have a?

Síle 38:28
I'm on? I'm on a. I don't know how to say that in English.

Like, a displacement. What is

Scott Benner 38:37
displacement? My happiness? I can tell you that much. But replacement. I'm not sure what you're saying. But are you looking up English words now?

Síle 38:46
Yeah, displacement, I guess. So I, specifically within music rights, I work in French music rights. Because at University I studied music and French. Neither of which helped me to actually get into this industry. But now that I'm here, I like to tie them together, sort of accidentally fell into French music rights jobs, because I already worked in music rights. And I also speak French. So there's certain terms that I have never used in English, so I don't know what they are. But yeah, displacement. That's the word.

Scott Benner 39:21
Okay. All right. Well, listen, let's get past this. I mean, if we were married, I'd think of leaving you right now. I'd be like, I would understand

Síle 39:29
if I lied to you for our whole marriage about what I do for a living. And you were going around like at family barbecues being like, yeah, my wife, bass musician,

Scott Benner 39:39
idiot, this feeling that I'm learning. I'm a moron. I think that's why I'm upset. I looked at something and my brain was like, That's not real. But I'm like now, a lady on the internet says it is so it must be. Is the other things on the internet that aren't true?

Síle 39:56
I don't know. I feel like we would know. Yeah, you're

Scott Benner 39:59
right. Everything's got it. Be sure we would know. Yeah. So tell me a little Jesus, this is really a letdown. I gotta be honest. I'm so sorry. We'll get past that. I mean, as I keep saying, we'll get past that, and I can't.

Síle 40:13
And we're still talking.

Scott Benner 40:15
The problem is, is that I'm going to shift into some of the things that you that you put in your intake form. So like, you've worked out some complications, and I, it's just, it's hard to go from, like fun to see you have diabetes complications. So what are they?

Síle 40:30
So I think it's actually I don't remember what I said my email to you. But I think it's actually gone beyond that at this stage. So I guess the first thing to come was my eyes. For years and years, the doctors were saying there are changes in your eyes, you know, the beginning of retinopathy, you have to change your get better control, or, you know, you'll regret it. And I was like, Yeah, whatever, I'm fine. So in 2019, I started to notice some black specks and my vision. I was like, I don't know what that is. It doesn't seem great. But my vision hasn't ever been that amazing. Anyway, so it's fine. And one day, I'm in work, and I'm looking at the computer screen, and there's this big black spot on my vision. And I'm like, that doesn't seem good. But I'll you know, I'll see you better at my next appointment. And suddenly, the black spot sort of starts to not expand, but sort of looks like for one have a better way of explaining it looks like there's little worms creeping out of it. And I was like, holy, my eyes bleeding. Sorry, I just swore. Okay.

Scott Benner 41:48
I was just you missed use the term, it's for want of a better term. What did I say for one of a better term?

Síle 41:56
No, I definitely said for one.

Scott Benner 41:58
We'll go back later. And I'll check the whole point. Okay. Probably gonna be the name of the episode now.

Síle 42:03
It's just my accent. Scott, you just can't understand what I'm saying.

Scott Benner 42:06
Like, get to Irish in it up to try to get out of this. That's fine.

Síle 42:11
No, I definitely said the right thing. I don't even know what that would mean, for whatever. No. I went to the hospital. They said, We don't have an eye doctor. They spoken German. I didn't really speak German at the time. They told me to go to a different hospital eventually. And I did. And they were like, Oh, your eyes bleeding. And I was like, Oh, my God, it's been five hours. Yes, I know, my eyes bleeding. And they said, you need some laser colorization, which, I'm sure many, many long term diabetics are familiar with. It's pretty it's, I think, a pretty normal thing to go through. If you have diabetes for a long, long, long time, many decades. But they said you need a lot of it. So I had to go into the hospital every day for about two weeks to have them. Basically, it's like an eye exam where they shoot where they shine a bright light in your eye. Except then there's also like this green light that they shoot more sporadically, and which sometimes hurts. Yeah, I mean, it doesn't hurt all the time. But just sometimes

Scott Benner 43:24
any concern that you're lie about being a space musician is brought these lasers into your life.

Síle 43:30
I think, you know, it was a certain amount of wish fulfillment. Wanted to work with laser ism. Here we are.

Scott Benner 43:38
So these treatments are two weeks you did it for

Síle 43:44
Yeah, every day for two weeks. So usually, I think most people are like, Oh, I had one of those three years ago and now everything's fine. Had it every day for two weeks. Was it was really a hard it's just it's hard to sit there. Like keeping your eye open when you know they're gonna shoot the bright light and everything. And then they did my left eye. My left eye was not so bad, but they were like there's still some we should do it. I went away. Saw my outpatient ophthalmologist who was like, yeah, it all looks okay. But you know, you have cataracts, right? And I was like, What? What do you cataract that's what happens to old people. So anyway, I have cataracts, and that's fine. And I go back to the hospital for my checkup and they do a different type of scan. And they say, oh, yeah, The bleeding has mostly stopped, but you have a bunch of fluid at the back of your eyes. So you're going to need injections. You need eye injections. And I was like and I'm gonna need it Xanax to vodka. And then I show up on the day for my first eye injection and they're like, oh, wait, actually, yeah, your other eye has it too. So you're going to need eye injections in both eyes. Anyway, I do that for six months. I have 12 Eye injections every two weeks. There's one like they alternate the eyes. And I'm like, okay, all my stuff is fine. It's all done. It's great. And they're like, okay, but next we're going to talk about your cataract. And I'm like, yes, people keep saying this to me. So we scheduled a cataract surgery by now it's February 2022. I have my cataract surgery, it goes fine. I guess at this stage, I can't really see much out of my right eye anyway, it's just very blurry. And afterwards, I'm like, my vision is not worse, but it's just kind of whatever. A month later, I get another bleed. I recognize that this time, I go to the hospital. And they kind of say like, it'll probably clear up. And it does. And about a month later, it's cleared up, and then it happens again. So I go back and I'm like, this, this keeps happening. And they're like, Yeah, we think the healing from the cataract surgery is causing your eye to pull on your retina, which is causing it to bleed. And we're very scared that your retina is going to detach, but also we did so much laser a few years ago, that that's unlikely, because it's kind of just welded on there, all that laser, it's probably not going to come off, but it probably will keep bleeding. You need another surgery called a vitrectomy. I'm not going to explain what attracted me is because I don't want any one listening to this to be overcome with nausea. But I'll let you look it up if you want to. So I had that in November. And I'm all healed up. Wow. And I'm having I'm having my next cataract surgery in the middle of this February 2023. So

Scott Benner 46:51
Oh, my gosh, that's so much.

Síle 46:54
It is it's a lot. So that's just my eyes. I recently saw a nephrologist, because my GP had noticed some decreased kidney function. And he just sent me a letter with blood test results. And like, here you have you have these like referral slips and it just for your health insurance to show like, yes, my doctor said I needed this. So you have to pay for it. And he just sent this referral slip with like a lot of exclamation marks and like kidney Reduce function, level three, a kidney disease, whatever. And I'm here google translating everything. Like he didn't send a letter. You didn't say like tiramisu. We found this. He just sent test results on this piece of paper. So I was freaking out. I saw the nephrologist. And she was like, Well, yeah, there is the signs of the beginning, like the beginning stages of kidney disease. But it looks stable from 2018. Like, nothing has changed since then. And I was like, Are you telling me I had kidney disease in 2018? And she was like, Yeah, I mean, your results haven't changed since it's like nobody,

Scott Benner 48:07
how do they mail? This to me?

Síle 48:11
Yeah, so I mean, I, about once a year, I have pretty bad kidney infections. These don't help with the whole kidney function thing. I was in hospital for about six weeks, between hospital and bed rest for about six weeks and 2018, which I guess is when they did those tests. So she basically said to me that stage three A is like the very beginning means everything's still working fine. I don't need a special diet or medication. But I should keep good control of my blood sugar. And I can probably stay at that stage forever if I'm careful. And even even if I go to stage B three B, I can it's still kind of fine, you know? So I'm not supposed to take ibuprofen, but aside from that, it's okay. But it's still it's a lot. She was like, even once you get to stage three B you could stay there for 20 years, and I was like, doctor in 20 years. I'm only 49. And she was like, Yeah, but you're not there yet. So you know, you'll be fine.

Scott Benner 49:23
Great. Yeah, I remember thinking when somebody told me diabetes, complications don't start for 30 years. I thought, Well, my kids too. How was that comforting? Yeah. Not even to say that anything's gonna happen. I just like, why we I don't know. It's a weird thing to say. But

Síle 49:41
what's weird is that these days and I see so many people worrying about the complications that their child like they're saying, like my, my child is three they've been diagnosed we have, we have an omni pod and a Dexcom. And I'm just so worried that like, my child is going to have these complications. And I'm like, we actually We don't know what the complications are like 30 or 40 years down the road for kids with Omnipod sundecks comps, because we're not we're not that far yet. Like, the people who have complications now. 30 years down the road. They were diagnosed in the previous century. Like it's not Yeah, they

Scott Benner 50:16
came up with like, mph and regular and stuff like that. Exactly. Yeah. Three times a day. Yeah. Can I ask you a question without? I'm not. I'm not saying like, tell people what you did wrong. Because I think that your point from earlier as well taken like, I think things just happen the way they happen. But in hindsight, do you see where you were, if something would have happened differently, you might not be in this situation.

Síle 50:49
And I think, I mean, when I listened to, like, honestly, the thing that got me to take control, because obviously when my eyes started bleeding and all that, I took it more seriously, but my a Wednesday, a Wednesday was still maybe seven or eight. It was a bit better, but like it wasn't, wasn't where I wanted it. What actually made me take it really seriously, I did not even take it seriously, but just get better at managing it was hearing the way that you speak. And I mean, I went right back to the start like episode one. airing the way you spoke about Arden's diabetes was so like, I know she's your daughter and everything. But it was so separate from you, you know, you were like, it's this objective thing. And one plus one is two, and I do this and I give the insulin and I do the Pre-Bolus. And it wasn't this personal thing. It wasn't like, oh, life was unfair, and I have to take insulin. And it was just like, an equation almost. It was like, you know, this is how we do the thing. Yeah, step by step. And it was very, whereas for me as a kid, it was like this personal attack on me, like every time I checked my blood sugar, and it was high, which was almost every time which you can understand why I didn't want to check my blood sugar. It just felt like this, like, moral judgment of me like I've done something wrong. Like I'm a bad person. But at the same time feeling like this isn't fair, because I didn't mean to do anything wrong. Like I didn't want to do anything bad. So I think the more hands on, parents approach hands off child approach. I think maybe they tried to involve me in decision making a little too young.

Scott Benner 52:47
I've heard that from people like their,

Síle 52:50
I know a lot of people are like, oh, I want them to understand their care and whatever. And if that's working, that's great. But if it's not working, I would say something needs to change. But I mean, also my my care team in Dublin, I have this like one one nurse who really stands out in my mind. And it's funny, because I think back to things that she said, and I'm like, Oh, she was right. I just didn't listen to her. But she's probably the only one that I want to think about it. I'm like, I should have listened to her. The rest of them were just kind of like, you're not doing good enough. And you need to change these things and

Unknown Speaker 53:29
like, not helpful. Yeah. And

Síle 53:32
they were kind of just looking at readings and being like, you need to increase your insulin here. And I was like, You don't know me? You don't know what I did that day. You don't you're asking me what I ate on July 18 2019. And I don't I don't know. So I always kind of just felt like, these doctors don't know what they're talking about. So I'm not going to listen to them. Which was partly, you know, my own childish arguments, and also the fact that they like even looking back now and like where those doctors didn't know what they were talking about.

Scott Benner 54:06
Don't you think it's obvious to even do a kid? Like when somebody doesn't know what they're saying? Anybody with a half tuned both detectors, like you made that up? You know, like you knew what to do? You would tell me? Like, why are you just telling me I'm doing it wrong, and not finishing the sentence and telling me how to do it. Right.

Síle 54:27
Yeah, and it's like, there were so many times and I can remember it now so many times. When I was a kid where I was like, I wish someone would just take over my diabetes for me, like, just do all my do my finger pricks do my injections, just that like I don't have to think about it. I'm gonna think about it. Now. I'm like, That's what parents these days are doing.

Scott Benner 54:47
Yeah, it's funny. You know, Arden's at an age now where she's basically like, I have it. Leave me alone. I got it. I know what I'm doing. Like that kind of stuff. Right? And I'm like, okay, good. You know, like, that's fine. But every once in a while She'll come back from college. And we'll just be I don't know, in a restaurant, for example. And she just kind of looks at me and just slides across the table. Why don't you Bolus get it meal? Yeah, keep me out of this for this one. And so yeah, I mean, it's good. It's all? I don't know, I have a lot of questions. For one. Here's my biggest question. Do you think that for the want of a space musician is too long of a title for an episode? Because I'm afraid it's gonna get cut off in the player.

Síle 55:36
I don't think I mean, because most of them do the scroller thing, and

Scott Benner 55:39
I'm thinking hard about it. I really think that's the way to go. Being honest. I mean, the one.

Síle 55:45
I mean, you could also I was gonna say you could you could say, for the what of a space musician? Yes.

Scott Benner 55:51
I don't know if people would get that.

Síle 55:54
They just think like, oh, because that's not what I said. So

Scott Benner 55:57
people would just assume it was a typo, don't you think? Yeah, that's maybe Hey, also real quick. So I know about like, 10 minutes ago, you said your last name. You'll may take it out when I'm editing. Oh, yeah. All right. Well, don't worry.

Síle 56:10
I mean, I don't think anyone I know listens to this. But we haven't said anything. I don't. Well, I mean, I wouldn't want my parents to hear this.

Scott Benner 56:20
Okay, that's interesting. Why?

Síle 56:23
Just because I, we don't you know, we're Irish and Catholic and repressed. And we don't talk about things like that. So

Scott Benner 56:30
yeah, I was crying the other day, because my son left. And I watched my wife look right through me. I was like her Irish won't even let her talk to me right now.

Unknown Speaker 56:42
Yeah, no, we don't do that.

Scott Benner 56:45
I tell you what I cried about,

Unknown Speaker 56:46
what did you cry

Scott Benner 56:48
about. So I like cooking for my family. And interesting. And I like to every once in a while, like, when I have a little free time, the way I usually unwind is to make cookies for the kids. And they don't even as they get older, if I'm being honest, they barely them. Like sometimes they just sit there and get thrown away later. But I get an immense amount of happiness out of making the cookies. And so my daughter's way at school right now. And my son just moved away really far for a job. And we have some things that every time, every time somebody leaves the house, they leave something behind. So we have these boxes of like little things that have been left behind that I'm getting ready to mail to

Síle 57:34
me, I've been abroad for five years, and I still have stuff in my parents house, right? Well, your

Scott Benner 57:38
parents are lazy, or they would have sent it to you by now. So I have these boxes of little things that are gonna get sent to the kids. And I thought, Oh, I'll bake cookies and put them in the box. So I'm making the cookies. And it doesn't feel the same. And I'm mixing them and putting them on the pan. And it just doesn't feel right. Like the whole thing feels wrong. Like I'm not getting any of the I don't even know what it is like I can't ask that. Now I'm standing there at the oven thinking what is it? I even enjoyed about this? Like, right, like, it's like, I'm not enjoying making them. I am not going to eat them. i Why did I like cooking for them when they were here in the house? The kids? And why is the fact that they're not here, robbing this experience of every bit of joy that it used to have. And I start to cry. And then my Irish Catholic wife looked at me and pretended she didn't say it

Síle 58:45
I'm not gonna lie when you were saying like, Oh, and Something didn't feel right. I thought you were gonna say like, and then I realized that I switched the sugar and the salt or you know, something that you had just like,

Scott Benner 58:57
No, I meant or metaphysic No, you just emotionally wasn't like it just in my heart. The task was empty. Yeah, and it used to feel so wonderful. And that wasn't the point the story the point of the story was watching Irish Kelly look at me like oh, he's crying. Just look away so I'll have to deal with this.

Síle 59:20
Yeah, no, we don't we don't do that. I mean, I cry all the time. It's like one of my big pastimes is having a good cry but I'm on your own. Oh liquid whatever on my own with people like I you know, and I will I will cry in front of my parents no problem, but I would not do so or I wouldn't. I wouldn't want to do so well bringing up something that they did or didn't do. Well, you know, like them being the reason that's more the part I mean, the talking than ever, or saying like, Oh, hey mom and dad if maybe you had done things differently. I wouldn't have kidney damage now or, you know, I'm like, they don't need that, either, if I want it like that you

Scott Benner 1:00:06
also don't blame them, right?

Síle 1:00:09
No. Yeah, exactly. It's just, it's just different. Like it was different. And I think I mean, during the pandemic, I think a lot of a lot of couples separated. And I think those couples, maybe if it weren't for locked down, and whatever, I think they never would have separated, and they may have gone on to have very whatever happy normal lives, if they had never gone through that period of like, extreme stress and pressure and confinement, which is not to say that, like it was meant to be, or it wasn't meant to be or whatever, I just think that sometimes you can't take the pressure and you don't stand up to whatever it is, that's thrown at you and doesn't make you a bad person or whatever, just

Scott Benner 1:01:02
right. I think just anyone what it is during lockdown, who didn't think I wonder if we're gonna make it out as wasn't being honest with themselves. If you didn't think that I mean, you're married and you didn't think that you want to be honest with yourself?

Síle 1:01:14
I mean, do you want to hear something horrifying? On October 2 2021, I was supposed to get married. But six months before that, my ex was like, I can't do it anymore. And I was like, What are you talking about? Like, we just came out of winter, obviously, everything's terrible. His sister and her friend moved into our two room apartment for four months. Just over the winter, like when there was locked down, couldn't go outside. Berlin is super dark. In the winter, everything. Everyone was depressed, don't get out of bed in the morning. And after the kind of winter was done, he had a thesis deadline coming up all this kind of stuff. And he was just like, oh, I can't take it. And I was like, you're just letting like, you're depressed. That's the pressure talking, you know, summers coming, it'll be you know, you'll feel better. You'll submit your thesis, like you'll the pressure will be off your sister has moved out of our apartment. It'll all be fine. Just like, let's just talk about it if you want to take some space and like, I don't know, maybe go back to Ireland for a while or whatever. And he was like, No, I'm done. I'm gone. And he's still done and gone. And that's, you know, I was kind of like, oh, he'll be back. I'm super angry. But he'll be back and know that chapter is closed. But I'm like, if that pandemic never happened, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be married right now. And it's okay, that I'm not and I'm, you know, I'm happy with my life now. And I am with someone new, and it's all good. But

Scott Benner 1:02:53
yeah, cuz he might have just divorced you in the middle of it, then. Six months, and he might have been like, that might have been more pressure. Wow. See, that's

Síle 1:03:04
the weird thing is that I do think the whole concept of marriage or whatever was the catalyst that like, Oh, God, I can't do this. But the thing is that, like, six months before this fortnam, not even six months, let me think. Yeah, six months before this, we adopted a puppy. And I'm like a puppy is way more commitment than marriage. A puppy is gonna live for like 10 or 15 years. Yeah. Exactly. So I mean, he was just like, you, you keep the dog, whatever. She's yours. So

Scott Benner 1:03:43
you keep what a war. Was he also Irish sort of warm conversation you had? Yes, exactly. Seriously, I'm leaving. Okay. That's it.

Síle 1:03:55
I'm just like, it's I sometimes I think about if it weren't for this weird moment in everyone's lives, I would probably be living a very different life right now. But that's okay. Yeah. Who's to say whether that is good or bad. So, I mean, to bring that back to the diabetes, it's like, you know, it is it is what it is. We love to say that in Ireland is what it is. And Sherlock, there you are. It is what it is.

Scott Benner 1:04:25
Where do you stand on? We're very

Síle 1:04:27
resigned. We like to just, we like to just say like, yeah,

Scott Benner 1:04:31
I don't I don't know how to explain it. I've had so many interesting moments. Like I have my my wife's father, who you know, I think is a comes from a pretty strictly kind of British background. And the mother's Irish I mean, they're just mixed right in there. And the mother, my mother in law is like the mother I just said it like I was pairing up puppies. Like I was like, You're gonna love this one, the mother's Irish and just Though I've seen them have conversations where one of them has said something emotional, and then everyone gets upset. And then then I get blamed for having a conversation that let somebody say what they thought out loud. They're like, it's

Síle 1:05:14
like you, you Americans, you just say your feelings all the time.

Scott Benner 1:05:18
It's his fault. I'm like, Well, you said it. Not me. Also, I'm not involved in this. But it is really my son has it from my wife. But Arden's Arden's quiet right up until she's me. And then she's emotional. And my son's quiet right up until he's me and then he's goofy. No, it's interesting. So but where do we stand on this? Source? See? Ronin girl we okay with her.

Síle 1:05:49
See her Sharona? Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:05:52
I like her. But I don't know how you feel if like you're from the place.

Síle 1:05:56
Um, I think she's grant. I don't I'm not like a big fan. I don't I'm ambivalent.

Scott Benner 1:06:04
Whatever. Have you. I hope yours. Good news. Shun hate you. Unlike Yeah, I don't really know anything.

Síle 1:06:17
Yeah, it's more like who am I to judge? You know,

Scott Benner 1:06:19
oh, that's a lovely, your generation statement. Young people want to attack anybody.

Síle 1:06:28
I mean, I love judging people that I know. But people I don't know. I don't feel generalization

Scott Benner 1:06:33
is the basis of all that is good and fun. And I don't know why. Why young people want to good podcast, by the way. He can't. You have to be able to just randomly say something and go. I don't know. But I don't like that girl in that movie.

Unknown Speaker 1:06:50
Yeah, yeah.

Síle 1:06:52
I just I feel like every time in my life when I've sort of taken a stance on not liking something a few years later, I've turned around and or has, you know, I've met someone who I like I admire or I agree with on lots of things. And they're like, oh, no, that thing actually, I really liked that. And I'm like, Why do I hate this thing? And then I give it a second chance. And I'm like, actually, this is good. So I just, you know,

Scott Benner 1:07:12
I think that's good, though. Because it lets you see that you had a strong feeling about something for no reason. And then, but if everyone walks around being milquetoast all the time, then you're never going to have a you're never going to take a stance on anything. So you won't be able to look back later and go, Oh, I was wrong about that, like me with.

Síle 1:07:30
I'm very pro being like, I'm very pro having very strong pro stances. So I'm strongly Pro.

Unknown Speaker 1:07:39
You're pro Pro.

Síle 1:07:40
I'm pro Pro. Yeah, I think I just think it used to be cool not to like things and I think it should be cool to like things again, you know?

Scott Benner 1:07:48
Yeah, no, I think that's a great idea. I but I mean, a good example of like, I told you, I listened to that Bruce Springsteen interview. And then after that, I listened to more Bruce Springsteen music in two weeks, and I'd heard my entire life. And so he got me, he had a good story, and he got me and I wasn't mad at myself for having spent my whole life not listening to Bruce Springsteen. And I, you know, I was just like, alright, well, I guess this is the thing. I don't love it still. But I mean, I don't understand why people go to every Bruce Springsteen concert they can.

Síle 1:08:22
Because you never know if he's going to make it to the next one.

Scott Benner 1:08:25
This is just you being funny. Yeah.

Síle 1:08:29
I mean, he did. You did a he was on who said guy? Jimmy Fallon, the guy who likes Ariana Grande.

Scott Benner 1:08:40
Jimmy Fallon, here's this to this person. You're the guy who likes Ariana Grande. Well, it's just

Síle 1:08:46
so I really love Ariana Grande. And so that's kind of I think the most Jimmy Fallon content I've ever watched is when he has Ariana Grande on which is, weirdly frequently. So

Scott Benner 1:08:58
I just imagine that Jimmy Fallon believes that whether you love him or not, people know who he is. And that if he heard that he think this person has no idea who I am other than to say I'm the guy who likes Ariana Grande. I love that idea. Oh, I hope or else

Síle 1:09:14
you'd be like, Who's that weird German girl. She doesn't know what she's talking about.

Scott Benner 1:09:18
You're not even German. Stop it. No, I'm

Síle 1:09:20
not. But you know. Ya know, Bruce Springsteen was on Jimmy Fallon. And he's talking about the lyrics to find a road and the argument over whether the lyrics are the screen door slams, Mary's dress sways or waves because apparently the crowd is divided on this. And he said he's talking about like, how meticulously he went over everything at the time and how he was like a real. He was really neurotic about every detail, and how he went back to settle the argument and he opens a sleeve and he's looking at the lyrics. And it says, Mary's dress waves. Eddie turns around to Jimmy Fallon and he's like, the book is wrong. It's waves. Just I love him. He's just I don't know, he's like,

Scott Benner 1:10:07
can I ask a question? That's weird. Sure. All right. Do you find yourself in your generation looking at things like music, for example, where a song is super catchy? And then because of generations of people being more sensitive to certain things, the thing becomes persona non grata all the sudden, like, what was that Christmas song that we can't sing anymore? Baby, it's cold outside.

Síle 1:10:38
Because I thought you were gonna say fairy tale of New York. I think all the Christmas songs are just canceled now at this point.

Scott Benner 1:10:43
Right. But like, I can't, we can't sing baby. It's cold outside because some people say that it seems like this guy's getting this girl liquored up and keeping her in his house.

Síle 1:10:51
Right. And I think people got over that one. But I know what you mean. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:10:55
Or like, there's some, like, there's some songs, right? Like, was she's 16 she's beautiful. And she's mind being sung by a guy who's way older than that. Like that. Yeah, but you don't care.

Síle 1:11:06
I mean, the big one, I guess for my generation was probably Blurred Lines. The Robin Thicke one, it's got some

Scott Benner 1:11:16
isn't even on I think, because of how he treated people on the set. While they were making the video though.

Síle 1:11:22
I think it was the lyrics. I remember at the time, I was kind of like, I don't really get this, but student unions are trying to have a ban on campuses, so I'll just go with it. I mean, I thought it was a cool song, but I wasn't not enough to defend it. You know?

Scott Benner 1:11:40
Yeah. I, I would not defend Robin Thicke as I don't know about him. But I would tell you this, he doesn't seem smart enough to write something thoughtful.

Síle 1:11:51
No, I mean, there was there was just there was apparently in the lyrics. There was a lot of stuff about like, Oh, that was I mean, it's all in the title of the song, but Blurred Lines, kind of the idea that, you know, like consent, and so I think you realize, I think, yeah, all right. That was the whole thing. Can I tell you something wasn't?

Scott Benner 1:12:09
I've heard that song a billion times. I never, I didn't even listen to it close enough to know that.

Síle 1:12:15
I've talked about this. I mean, I feel like at least three or four times in my life, and that's the first time that I made the connection.

Scott Benner 1:12:21
Yeah, I'm not. But this is back to the Jimmy Fallon thing. That is Robin Thicke somewhere thinking that everything he says out loud is consumed by his fans and understood completely I listen to on a smaller level. I do that sometimes. How am I go? I already said that on the podcast as if that means everyone's heard it. Yeah, I mean, it's a weird thing. Anyway, this isn't the

Síle 1:12:44
I don't have fans or listeners. So I don't think about this. You have

Scott Benner 1:12:47
me I was a huge fan of yours. Seriously, it's really depressing. But I'm sorry. But I will send you my

Síle 1:12:57
space music. I actually have it I have a second, I have a second track of space music that I can send you.

Scott Benner 1:13:02
I want this. It's literally going to be on this episode. Give it so that I get it goes right on this episode. we've skipped over one big thing in your notes. Are we going to talk about as we can. So it's, you know, I don't know, I guess people say trigger warning and stuff like that. But I can never remember to do that. I apologize. But

Síle 1:13:24
I mean, I think you brought it up already, during the conversation, my trigger

Scott Benner 1:13:27
this week, because I have interviewed a lot of people this week who have had suicidal thoughts or attempts. And I don't know what happened that they all got clustered together in one recording week. But did you have thoughts? Or did you try?

Síle 1:13:46
So I realized I never finished the bed about the insulin pump was that I had it till I was 17 or 18. Basically, the doctor said, this is costing the state more money than we can justify with your results. I said, I don't care. I don't give a shit. I'm depressed, whatever, take it away from me. I can use pens to do the same thing they did that was that for 10 years till I went to my German doctor and I said, Hey, I want an insulin pump and was expecting to be fought on it saying like, Oh, we reserve those for the best diabetics. And he instead said, Well, what do you want? And I wasn't expecting that. Anyway. I know, on Omnipod and everything and close looping and everything and it's all great HBO and CS 5.6. But back then, back in the days when I had my old wired insulin tubes, I guess they're not wired tubes. insulin pump. Yeah, I'm trying to remember now. So when I was 14, so I guess I had the insulin pump for about a year and a half.

Unknown Speaker 1:15:00
Like as I was a kid, it was

Síle 1:15:03
it's weird to think about it now because it doesn't happen anymore. But anytime we had a family dinner, so anytime we went to a restaurant or like sat down on a Sunday or whatever, there would always be some point in the, in the conversation where my family would like, try to wind me up because they knew that I mean, in hindsight, again, being a child with a high HBO and see high blood sugars, it's pretty normal. I think that I was moody is not the word, but like, I, you know, I was easy to anger I, I didn't have tantrums. But I just I would get angry, like, you know, deep in my bones like red flaming, angry. Yeah, quite easily. Which is not something that happens now. So again, I think I don't think that's all, you know, maturity. I think that's there's definitely a very chemical element of, Oh, I agree, my blood sugars are in control. So anyway, it sort of became the game of like, who can make Sheila angry during dinner. And I being a child, was not. Like, I was not aware enough to stop myself playing into this, you know, I think as an adult, you go to dinner with your racist uncle, and you sort of just sit quiet, or you know, you don't, you don't play into it. But as child of like, this kind of happened for as long as I can remember. So as a child of seven years old, you're not going to sit there and be like, Oh, I'm gonna be the bigger person that not, not given when my dad is teasing me, you know. So this every single meal, every time we went to a restaurant or tried to have like a nice family evening, every single time there would be something. And someone in the family would say, like, oh, Sheila, relax, they're just trying to wind you up. And this doesn't really, I don't think that's a reason. That's like saying, like, oh, he was only joking, don't you know. So I would play into it, every time I would get angry, I would storm off crying to the bathrooms or whatever. Or else, either either I would get angry and storm off crying, and someone would come and get me and be like, oh, you know, they're sorry, and whatever. Or I would end up like yelling or something, I would get in trouble. Like, my parents would yell at me. And I would go off crying and whatever, sort of same result anyway, not good feelings. So I'm 14 ish. insulin pump for about a year and a half at this point, I guess. And I've just finished I did this sort of, like science exhibition competition thing, which ended? Well, it involves, like, you know, you prepare a project, and then it's judged and whatever. But it basically involves like a week of activities, socializing with the other competitors, like that kind of stuff. Very little parental supervision, whatever. At this point, in my life, I have already started drinking, because in Ireland, it's not so much that everyone does it. But it's very easy to do. I was at this point, like raiding my parents alcohol, I realized that it was not a not a good feeling. But you know, I mean, the way that people these days who are addicted to alcohol, they like it, because it's a form of like, it's a way it's an escape. It's a form of escapism. As a 13, and a 14 year old, I was drinking to escape my day to day life. So as a 14 year old, I met my science competition. I I'm with all my friends, I've made loads of new friends, we're drinking at this, like, you know, discover whatever. And when that week comes to an end, and I'm suddenly thrust back into like, Oh, I'm with my family every day, I'm with my parents all the time, parental supervision. And it just like something kind of snaps, we're having dinner, it's a Sunday evening. And like, we have whatever the fight is at the dinner table. I've run out of the house. I don't I don't take anything. I don't take my phone. I don't take anything with me. I just run out I go for a long walk. I'm very upset. I'm like sitting on a pet bench in a park. It's like 9pm not really a time that any 14 year old should be out in the park. I'm just sort of sitting there being like, I'll show them you know, like, I'll show them like I'll teach them a lesson like Oh, I'll teach them to be so mean to me, and to upset me. And I just, I don't even know how much it was. But I think I took like 120 units of insulin, oh, my God just sitting there. And I had done a site change that day. So it's like fresh cartridge, fresh everything. And I don't know what it is that I don't have any pain with the Omni pod, but back then, if I did more than like five or six units, it was it was painful. I think it also injected much faster than the Omnipod does. That's possibly why. So I think it wasn't, wasn't fun to inject. And there was I mean, there was a, whatever a Bolus limit or whatever. So I think I had to do like several. I have to input like several rounds of I don't know how many units Yeah. And then I just kind of start walking again. And, and obviously, I'm starting to feel the effects now of the low. And as anyone will tell you, with, if you wake up in the middle of the night with a low blood sugar, you eat the whole kitchen, and it was sort of like that. In that I stopped thinking about like, you know, my, my brain went into like survival mode, it was like, okay, stop, stop, stop with those depressed, whatever. Metaphysical, depressed intellectual thinking and just get some sugar, you know, get some food. Stop thinking about your feelings, just get food now. So I'm walking past a supermarket, I go in, I buy a bunch of stuff, I don't even know what it was. I eat it. And I don't like the math doesn't work at because 120 units of insulin I didn't even know. But as we know, insulin sensitivity is not linear. For me, when my blood sugar gets low, I become extremely insulin resistant. Which is great for me. Because once I hit about like, I'm trying to think in American figures here, once I hit about 50 It kind of just plateaus there. It's very rare that I go below that because my body just is like no, no insulin no more. So I guess that helped. I guess my liver helped out? I don't know. So I go home, I sit in the garden for a while. I think I also set a temporary Basal, right, like I don't, I haven't thought about this and so long that it's like, it's, it's not the kind of thing I like to think about all the time. So the details are gory. But I think I also set a temporary Basal rate of like 200% or something, and then you know, I get in trouble with my parents for running out and telling them where I was going, taking my phone, whatever. And I go to bed. And I get up the next morning and I still obviously feel like crap because yeah, but obviously when you your body like it was like a hangover, you know? And it makes with everything else.

Scott Benner 1:23:30
Plus, how you felt that led up to

Síle 1:23:32
Yeah, yeah, and it's like my brain you know, my blood sugar had stabilized enough that my brain was back to like, Okay, we've sorted out the emergency we can go back to thinking about our like, non What's that the Hierarchy of Needs thingy? It's it was it was that basically it was like okay that this this thing is gone. So now we can think about this thing. So I'm I go to school and I'm still like, Jesus, like I just do not want to be alive like I can't deal with this. And I'm I was very like, what's the word like? I don't know, like high achieving like a school student. I always put a lot of pressure on myself in school so school was generally a stressful place. So again, I am I'm in school and again I just take like masses and masses of insulin and and I get home I don't even know like thinking back on it now with the these events don't make sense because I like I would have had to eat so much and I don't think I did. But I get home somehow. in one piece. My mom is at work. and I go to my room to see, I go to my room to see all the vodka bottles lined up on the bed. And I'm like, gosh, she's, she was cleaning my room or something, you know, which is not something in our house, it was you clean your own room, there was none of this. You know, mom did not do our lawn, but I'm sure she did her laundry at some point. But at age 14, I was doing my own laundry, I was cleaning my own room. And I'm there going, like, I don't know what she was in here, but I'm in it. Now. There's no getting out of this. And I was like, still feeling the way I felt the last two days. Plus, somehow hanging on with having taken like 300 units of insulin in the last 24 hours. And then faced with this, and I was like, oh my god, like I just want. There's all that plus, now, I'm also going to get in trouble. And I was like, screw this. And just so I go into the medicine cabinet, my sister. I know, you're gonna want to ask questions about this, my sister has rheumatoid arthritis since she was like nine years old. So there's more autoimmune stuff in the family. She has these giant boxes of paracetamol like big tubs that you can't buy, normally over the counter, because they just won't sell you that many. I just take one of the tubs and I go into my room, and then I hear the front door open. So I stashed it in a drawer. And I'm like, okay, I can take care of that. Now, I can't take care of killing myself. Now I've got to do it later. And I go downstairs, and my mom is there. And she's like, looking at me, you know, and there's there's no one else at home at this point. I don't know where everyone was. But it's just the two of us sit down in the kitchen. And she just wants to have the talk of like, you know, my teenage daughter is drinking. And now we're going to talk about the dangers of alcohol. But for me, it feels so much bigger, because it's piled on top of everything else, I feel like my life is over. And also, when considering the ways my parents would would say like your blood sugar is high. So like your granddad or we're taking your phone away that kind of stuff. I was like, Well, if that's what they do for a high blood sugar, what the hell are they gonna do for this? So I'm sitting there and my pump is beeping, because the insulin reservoir is low, right? Or is empty or whatever. And we're talking for a while. And she's like, so like, what are we going to do? And why did you do this? And then she's like, and why the hell is your pump beeping? We just changed the reservoir yesterday. And at this point, I'm like, oh, whatever, it's all out in the open, I might as well just tell her so a, like, I don't I don't have loads of other ways of explaining how else I got through 300 units of insulin in 24 hours. So I just, I launched into it.

Unknown Speaker 1:28:13
And

Síle 1:28:15
it's hard to remember what her reaction was. I mean, obviously, she was upset and I was upset. But it was I think she just was sort of like, okay, obviously, things are really hard for her right now. So we're not going to freak out about it. We're just going to try to I think she was like, I'm just going to try be bit more understanding with her. And I think she didn't say anything to my dad or to anyone else in the family at that point. But, you know, just kind of had dinner went to bed. That's fine.

Scott Benner 1:28:56
And was it just a big relief to tell somebody?

Síle 1:29:01
I think so. Because I think I mean, you hear this so often about a lot of suicide attempts being these kind of cries for help. And I do I mean, that was what it was. And even if the cry for help was to the people who were also making me feel bad. It was like a, you know, cry for help in the sense of look at what you're doing, like look at what your actions like look at the pain your actions are causing me. And yeah, it was kind of like okay, well, maybe. Maybe we might take this seriously. And so the next morning she comes in and she's like she's like, so I called the hospital and God I'm really struggling to remember like orders of events now that she was like, I called the hospital and we're gonna we're gonna go in and see Yeah, the girls like, that's what we used to call the, like, the diabetes nurses switch the girls. It's like, we're gonna go in and see the girls later. And you know, I can stay home from school. And, as I mentioned, previously, we were, we were in charge of cleaning our own rooms, which meant that my room was never tidy. It was constantly looked like a, I don't know, just explosion. So she's like, What if you know, until then what if we just like go through your we're just going to pick up your clothes and tidy stuff put stuff away? I think she, at the time, it didn't seem. It didn't seem weird to me. But thank you back now. I'm like, I think she wanted to go through and see what else was there. Yeah. And at one point, she opens this drawer and she finds this handful of paracetamol that I had just stuffed in a drawer, the previous evening that I had totally forgotten about. Because so much other stuff that happened. And I think that's when she kind of flipped because she was like, she was like insulin is something that she understands. And Sheila knows that, you know, and she obviously ate the sugar and she didn't die and she's still here and like it all worked out. Whereas the paracetamol she was like what she said to me after and I don't know if this is true about paracetamol. I've never looked into it. I feel like maybe she was confusing it with better drugs. But she was like the problem with you know, taking overdosing on paracetamol is that at first you feel really, you feel like everything's better and you feel really good. And then you get really, really violently ill. In hindsight, I feel like maybe paracetamol is not a good enough drug to make you feel really good ever. But that's what she said to me, the 14 year old at the time. And she did she seemed really scared by that because it was something that I think she wasn't expecting. And she, she also she seemed angry, or like, it was like before that she wasn't so angry. But then it felt like she was she sort of thought I was like just doing it to mess with her or to you know, it didn't feel like it was about me anymore. It felt like it was something I was doing to her. Which was never, like if I wasn't doing this for fun, I wasn't doing this. Just because I was like, you know, what will be hilarious is to mess with people by trying to kill myself. It was like, no one will listen to me. And I need to find a way of either making them listen to me or else just escaping all of it. So for me, it was like deeply I mean, deeply selfish, you know, deeply only concerning myself. But for her it, she sort of she started acting like it was this targeted attack on her. And I was like, come on, lady. That's not don't make this about yourself, even though I mean, I realized everything I'm saying is kind of contradicting itself, because I'm saying I was doing it because I wanted to affect them. But that was because of the pain I was in not because I just wanted to cause them pain. So anyway, we got to the hospital. They checked me in they are basically like we don't trust you to be at home right now. And I start to see this very nice, calming, psychologist. We go through events, all that stuff. And I think all I can. All I can remember is that I think that must have been the Tuesday. Yeah, it was the Tuesday I was admitted to hospital. And when we got to the Friday, I was like, please don't discharge me. I don't want to go home. Because if I went home it meant I would have to like face, my parents and face like, I just I knew they were so angry at me. Because to them, it was like, I wasn't doing this because I was in pain. I was just doing this because I wanted to be a little shit and cause problems for them. Which is not like it's not an amazing way to be received. And I think when my parents I don't know, I you know, I don't know what was communicated between doctors and parents or whatever. But I think when my parents realized that I wasn't coming home that weekend, they were like okay, well we have to tell her sister something. So before that it was just she lives in hospice. Little for her diabetes, which, to be honest, was not a rare occurrence. For me, it happened probably once a year, where the doctors were just like, we don't understand how your agency is so bad coming into the hospital, so we can just observe you for a while. So I think by the Friday, my parents were like, Okay, we have to tell them something. And again, I don't know, if the doctors told them, I didn't want to come home, or if they just said they weren't discharging me. But my parents were sort of like, had the attitude of, you know, again, she's just doing this to make our lives more difficult. Like, you know, it's pretty expensive hotel. Not that it costs. I mean, in Ireland, healthcare is free, like they weren't, you know, paying this, but you still get a bill. It's just, it's paid by the state. So I'm released on the Monday morning. And we are told that we're going to start like group therapy group counseling as a family, which I think is a great idea, because obviously, there's something not working there. But I think and this comes back to our fun, Catholic repression, my parents took it as now people are going to know that we're not like, you know, the perfect happy Catholic family. As the Catholicism doesn't come into it, they never would have thought Catholic family. But, you know, that's,

I think that's,

they were like, you know, we don't want people to know our business, like, we're a family, this should be between family. And also the idea that they had, you know, this group therapy wasn't just to enable us to talk as a family. It was also the fact that a child had tried to kill herself. So obviously, I guess in the US social services would be called, but in Ireland, honestly, I don't know what the structure is like, because it's not something I've engaged with a lot. But basically, just to keep an eye on things to see what was going on. And we had these very nice, these two very nice ladies would come to our house, I think, once a week. And the whole family would sit down, and we'd all talk. And I mean, I think there was a lot of anger there. From my part, I got to hear from my sisters, how they felt stuff like that, they felt that I got more attention than them because I was the problem child or whatever. stuff from my parents about like me, not looking after myself and stuff like that. So it definitely helped get things out in the open the way they should be. I'm a I'm a huge proponent of therapy, I think everyone should do therapy, no matter what their life circumstances are. Even if it's not all the time, I think at some point in their life, everyone needs therapy. And I had, I had been seeing psychologists since I was a little kid like when you're diagnosed. In Ireland, they they organise like annual visits with the psychologist just to check that you're developing normally, and all that stuff. So those obviously those visits increased after this. They asked if they needed to take away my insulin pump, but I think they kind of were like this. I don't, I don't, I don't think the insulin pump is the danger in this scenario. You know, I think she's a resourceful child. And she, if she wants to do something, she'll do it. I kept the insulin pump until Yeah, till I was 17 or 18. And things changed. The family dynamic changed. We didn't have more of those episodes, like the picking on are not even picking on but like trying to get a rise out of me because I was easy to get a rise out of. But what I did notice was that it shifted to instead of doing that to my mom, so instead of going to a nice restaurant and sitting down as a family, instead of the dinner ending with one of the kids, you know, to an outsider, one of the kids throwing a tantrum and running off in tears. It would end with my mom dissolving into tears. And I was like, wow, our family is so wrapped up. And I don't think our family is, you know, outside of the ordinary. I think every family has their problems are, you know, especially around communication. But you know, I don't think we're special in this, but I just was like, Oh, wow, we obviously have some like thing here we need to work on. If we have this, like, weird need to make someone cry at every meal. beyond just having that observation,

Scott Benner 1:40:22
yeah, beyond just like, what the way it was described to you, which is just like, Oh, I'm just trying to get a rise out of your I'm just kidding or something. It just kept going and going and going until somebody broke.

Síle 1:40:34
Yeah. And it's like, it's like, I don't care if you're just trying to get a rise out of me. Like, why is that something that's fun for

Unknown Speaker 1:40:40
you? Yeah. No, I didn't want to do

Síle 1:40:43
Yeah, no, no, I know. It's just like, why is that something that you as like, a normal, nice, fun loving person? Like, why is that? Your way of expressing that? So yeah, I think I don't I feel like the others probably noticed that as well, that it was like, oh, wait a second. Suddenly, all of our meals are ending in tears, but it's a different member of the family. Maybe we need to address this, but I guess. Yeah, I mean, slowly over time. We got better. We don't. We don't talk about that time. And it kind of, like for several years was not talked about. Except, like, there was one time, there was one time my mom brought it up in an argument. But she had totally like rewritten events in her mind. So that instead of me running out of the house, because I was upset with them. It was because I was upset with something one of my friends had said, and she was like, Oh, I don't want you hanging out with those friends anymore. Because like, they upset you so much. Last time, I was like, What are you talking about? And I understand being in denial about that kind of thing. And especially being part of the reason, I totally understand not being able to deal with that as a concept. But yeah, it was very much just like, we don't talk about this. And when we do talk about it, it's totally warped. What's crazy, so yeah, totally crazy. But yeah, I mean, I continued, like, even after that, I continued, like very much, not wanting to be a life. Like I just everything was too hard. diabetes was too hard. I've, you know, felt bad all the time. But I also like, after this, I don't know didn't have the courage, which feels like a weird way to phrase it. But you know, I wasn't brave enough to like, actually do anything about it. You know?

Scott Benner 1:43:07
Like, how long have you feel like you wanted to?

Síle 1:43:11
Oh, God, like, probably 10 years after your early 20s. Yeah, in a in a sort of way that I was like, I'm not going to do anything about this. But if, like, if God struck me down in the night, I would be happy about it.

Scott Benner 1:43:28
When did you move out of your parents house? How old were you then?

Unknown Speaker 1:43:32
Oh, about that age.

Síle 1:43:34
Yeah. I live. I lived on campus for my last year of college. And it was better, but I think the mixture of final year pressure and still, like still very much, you know, I'd still go home for the weekends. I was still in Dublin. I was still you know, it's still in that environment was not an amazing year, mental health wise or physical health wise. And once I finished once I graduated, I moved home for about six months where I was working. I was working with my dad. So in the company he worked for. And I was also still working in the bar that I had been working working in in college. So I was working two jobs and living at home with my parents and it was just hell. And I started seeing I remember seeing my, my Endo. And he was like, I think before he even spoke, I was like, Hey, I know my numbers are really bad, but I just I don't have it in me to care about it. You know, I don't I don't have the strength to look after myself because I don't care enough about myself to do that. And he was just like, Okay, we'll make you an appointment with a psychologist. Which was, you know, he was like, there's no point giving you advice about insulin right now when that's Obviously not the problem. So I see the psychologist and I'm seeing her for a while and I finished my my contract. My dad's company, I go off and get my first real big girl job. And a few weeks later, I move out into a tiny, teeny tiny apartment with a bedroom the size of a single bed with like, maybe a foot between the bed and a wall, so you could get and about a month later, my psychologist, yeah, about a month after I move out, the psychologist is like, you know, I think our work here is done. You seem fine now.

Unknown Speaker 1:45:43
So it's,

Síle 1:45:46
it's definitely a thing. And it's not that, you know, I don't I don't hate my parents or even dislike my parents. And like I said, we get along great, but it was not. It just wasn't an environment that I could be in at that time.

Scott Benner 1:46:00
So are they different parentally than they are? Like when you think of them? Like if I just asked you to describe your parents as people. How would you think of them? Oh, um, are you okay? By the way, your breathing? Yeah,

Síle 1:46:18
I'm okay. Yeah, I'm, I'm having a good cry here.

Scott Benner 1:46:22
Expect this when you asked to come on? Oh, yeah. I

Síle 1:46:25
knew I was gonna cry.

Scott Benner 1:46:26
Okay, all right. Okay, oh, it's okay. Yeah, but if you don't mind, like, can you describe them as people like trying to forget about your parental child relationship?

Síle 1:46:37
Yeah. Um, so my mom is like, very chatty. And she's really involved in, like, social stuff. And she loves, she loves organizing stuff. She loves you know? Kind of like no, no. She's like, very good at organizing other people and very bad at organizing herself. So like, sort of person who she can, like, go into a room and like, rearrange it and I don't know, do amazing stuff. But then you look at her office and it's like, just stacks of papers and empty boxes and like Christmas decorations. And, you know, so I don't know. She's like, she's a little bit scatterbrained. But also, very I don't know she's, she's got this like you. She's got all this spatial awareness and logic e brain mathematicae type stuff. But then got this sort of like crazy.

What's that, like crazy

scientist kind of stuff going on where like, everything around her is a mess. But the things she's working on is perfect types of, but very outgoing, bubbly, social. Friendly, whatever. My dad

Scott Benner 1:48:03
was. Let me ask you about your mom. Was she one of the people who picked on you with the restaurants?

Unknown Speaker 1:48:09
I would say less so.

Scott Benner 1:48:11
Okay.

Síle 1:48:13
But at the same time?

Scott Benner 1:48:17
She didn't stop doing it either. Right?

Síle 1:48:20
Yeah. And also like, she was probably the person closest to my diabetes care. And that that aspect of like, me feeling bad about like, having high numbers and whatever. Yeah. So it kind of yeah, she's also definitely much more like, she cares what other people think. So like, if I was going out of the house wearing something she didn't like, she'd be worried about what the neighbors would think of her because her child looks like that, or that kind of thing. So she would definitely put that on me. Like, she'd be like, you know, why did you do this? What are people gonna think of me? And I was like, I don't know what people are gonna think of you. It's my life. Like, do you

Scott Benner 1:49:09
think I thought you look bad? Or do you think she worried about what people would think? Because I see those two different things.

Síle 1:49:18
Like, I mean, I don't think she thought I looked good.

Scott Benner 1:49:21
But was she judging you? Like, if there was no one else in the world would she have looked and said, I'm not comfortable with what you're wearing? Where was it? I

Síle 1:49:29
think it was, it was definitely more about other people. Outside people. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I

Scott Benner 1:49:37
yeah, I wonder why she cared.

Síle 1:49:41
I think again, it's just like, to me that feels very Irish. It feels very like small town. Everyone is going to talk about everyone. Which all of Ireland is Ireland. It's just all small towns like there's no big, no big towns, even Dublin. Like what is the capital city It's only a million people. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:50:04
yeah. It's something about how she grew up. Is that Yeah, got her head about that, then. Yeah. So now describe your dad as a person.

Síle 1:50:14
My dad, I think, to his friends would seem like, laid back. Funny.

Unknown Speaker 1:50:25
He likes,

Síle 1:50:27
He likes kind of leisure stuff. He likes playing golf and sailing and going for walks, and you know, taking it easy. And he got a rotary saw, and he likes to do stuff with, I don't know, trees and stuff. Now. He's retired now since about two years. So he's like, he's like, I'm gonna take up a hobby, and let's start carpentry? And I don't know, he just he likes to

enjoy life. And

Scott Benner 1:50:59
but he was the one that would take the piss out of you. Right?

Síle 1:51:02
Yeah. And he also,

like, grew up.

He's a very smart man. He grew up working very hard. But he also was kind of came out of university, you know, worked as an engineer, a chemical engineer for a few years. And then someone basically headhunted him to run a company. And that's where he stayed for the next like, 40 years in his career. So he was sort of like, I worked really hard in my life. And that's where it got me and he is a little bit, one of those people who is like, I don't know what these people are all complaining about. If they just knuckle down and got a job, they'd have a house and a nice garden and a boat. And,

Scott Benner 1:51:48
you know, we have an engineer. Is he a little not socially a little socially awkward.

Síle 1:51:55
But we know it's we're all everyone in the family has the engineers brain, like we're all problem solve the logic, geeky type people

Scott Benner 1:52:04
think? I think he was trying to toughen you up because of the diabetes. Like, if you ever thought like, I mean, obviously not the right thing to do not saying that. I'm wondering like, what was his because you're not describing a mean person?

Síle 1:52:19
Yeah, no, it's I mean, this is obviously my perspective. Now, as I know them differently. I think if you'd asked me 15 years ago to describe them. I would have said like, my mom is a nosy Busybody who's always telling me what to do. And she's so annoying. But it I think, honestly, I think for the family, it was just that. It was it was funny. They were like, Oh, look, if I if I push this button, she's going to explode. And Haha, I think they weren't thinking about it. Like, oh, this actually affects a person

Scott Benner 1:52:57
or you like them. I let me tell you why I'm asking. I'll never forget in second grade, second grade, I had a teacher Her name was Mrs. Nelson. And she and I hated each other. And, I mean, imagine how old I was in second grade. I mean, I don't know how old that is. Hold on a second. Now you're gonna make me think five and kindergarten. I was seven. Okay, okay. I'm seven. She's a grown ass lady. Okay. And we went at each other, like, I don't know, like, like, we were Russia in the US during the Cold War. Like, like, every day, we beat the hell out of each other. Like it just back and forth, and back and forth. And I will never forget that on the last day of school. She took me out in the hall, I spent a lot of time in the hall. So she put me in the hall on the last day of school when everybody was having a party and having fun. I just sanded off for seven and a half hours by myself. Oh my god. She's just she just seems just gonna get me one more time. Right? I think these days they call that child abuse. Oh, trust me, look at me, made me almost tough. And so at the end of the day, she comes out and she says something to the effect of in the end, Scott, you and I were just too much alike. And I was like, Yeah, I see that. And then I went in the room grabbed up my stuff looked at everybody who I would never see again probably all summer felt like forever. And I left and and I'll never forget her saying that. Like I really I do think there was something to that, like we were so similar, that we just just attacked each other constantly. And I don't know why that happens.

Síle 1:54:49
I would say I'm I'm similar to both my parents like there's definitely aspects of both of them that I embody or whatever

Scott Benner 1:55:00
Also, by the way, I don't think you should treat a seven year old like that she obviously had the Oh, absolutely. By the way, if she was still alive, which she's not, she's got to be dead forever. But if she was alive now,

Síle 1:55:10
I love it. You know that? Oh, well, I

Scott Benner 1:55:11
mean, she was she had to be in her late 50s then. I mean, that was 43 years ago. She's not alive. Now. She's on She's no Bruce Springsteen. And, and so I just want to tell her her her dead self. I could, I could have got the best of you as an adult. If we would have been a fair fight, and I was heard her 50s that made her 50s I could have drove her out of her mind if I wanted to. But at a seven year, as the seven year old, I was limited

Síle 1:55:38
still. Yeah, no. Yeah. But also Yeah, it's like you were seven. What were you supposed to do? She was a grown woman.

Scott Benner 1:55:45
It's a ridiculous story that absolutely is true that I just kind of remembered because of your conversation, honestly. And I was like, wow, they're just torturing each other.

Síle 1:55:56
Yeah, I mean, I had teachers over the years who, you know, were extra hard on me because they wanted to get the you know, they thought I was the class was too easy for me. I was taking it I was resting on my laurels and they wanted to push me so I would get better results. I had teachers we had sort of like we do these like fake exams before our real exams to prepare and you send them out for to like external examiner's from other schools to who mark them because they don't know you. So they can't you know, there's no favoritism or whatever. I had teachers who marked down my independent examiner's because they were like, no, no, no, we I don't want you slacking before the exam. So I had teachers who were super hard on me, but I never felt like they were picking on me. I just felt like, you know, I understand what this is. They're clear in what they're doing. I need to keep up the hard work. Whatever. I don't think that's what this was. Your dad was just yeah, there's Yeah, this felt like you know, she's the she's the the clown today that we're gonna pick on and laugh at. And

Scott Benner 1:57:03
that's well that's up is what that is.

Síle 1:57:08
But I mean, in the end everyone I think learned a lesson of compassion and empathy and whatever.

Scott Benner 1:57:14
on your on your ass. They learned it but yeah, I guess. And did you in so now as an adult, like almost 30 years old, day to day? How often do you think about this? Not? It seems like you struggled to remember the story a little bit. So

Síle 1:57:32
yeah, I would say I don't think about it. Like, I think the only time that I've thought about it in the last year are when I thought about the podcasts like when I felt like oh god, what if Scott asks me this? Or I

Scott Benner 1:57:53
wrote it down. She'll I would have never been. You could have you could have just been the fun girl with the accent who lived in Germany. But no,

Síle 1:58:01
no, but it's like, like a few nights ago. I think on what day? Is it? Tuesday? Monday? Yes. Okay. Yeah, a few nights ago. Maybe it was last night? I don't know. I was like, oh, that's soon. And then of course, I couldn't go to sleep because I was like, what if you know, what things do I need to remember? What do I need to say? What if I forget to say this? Like, those are the only times I thought about this in the last year?

Scott Benner 1:58:28
Okay, so Alright. Well, that's I mean, that I'm trying to give good news to the people who are listening. Yeah, you're not tortured by it. You live? Would you consider that you live a fairly normal life now?

Síle 1:58:40
Yeah, totally. I mean, asides from the it's kind of a joke. Now when I meet new people, that I'm like, oh, excuse me, like I'm a little bit blind or like, Oh, I forgot my reading glasses or, Oh, no, I can't take you ibuprofen because of my kidney disease. And oh, I just have to do my vitamin B 12 shot because I have Pernicious anemia. Because of my I was I was diagnosed last year by my endo with poly glandular autoimmune disease. which basically just means you have a bunch of autoimmune diseases. I have Hashimotos as well. And yeah, they they monitor me for all the stuff Addison's and stuff like that. So I think technically once you have three, so Pernicious anemia, Hashimotos and the type one diabetes, um, technically, poly glandular autoimmune disease, which is classified as a rare disease,

Scott Benner 1:59:41
a rare and complex recessively inherited disorder of immune cell dysfunction with Matobo auto immunities. I think that what I just heard was we all got to stop getting Irish ladies pregnant for a couple of decades to try to get rid of these autoimmune diseases.

Síle 1:59:54
It's too late. There's more Irish people outside Ireland than there is in Ireland. Like we're just Yeah, we've been emigrating for too long. We're everywhere. We're among all of you.

Scott Benner 2:00:05
All of you. Like your aliens you like, we're, we're even in your government.

Unknown Speaker 2:00:12
You can't find us.

Scott Benner 2:00:15
That was funny. Oh my god,

Síle 2:00:17
I think I think it's too late for that. I mean, like, yeah, like I said, my, my eldest sister has arthritis. My other sister doesn't have anything wrong with her. And I think she's also the child. But she's the middle child. And she has that like, middle child syndrome of you know, that plus, while the other two have things wrong with them, and they go to the doctor all the time, and I don't have anything wrong with me, and no doctors would have seen me.

Scott Benner 2:00:48
So what I'm telling you, everybody thinks everything's better all the time. Well, yeah, well, this episode is, it's gonna do great things for the people who say that I talked too much, because I really didn't talk very much at all. And

Síle 2:01:00
there were times when I was talking. And I was like, I was like, Am I still online? Did I disconnect? You were

Scott Benner 2:01:07
telling some deepest story I wasn't getting involved in I wanted to hear what you were gonna say. I don't even actually good.

Síle 2:01:14
I just thought, when I was saying, I never think about my, my juvenile suicide attempt. It's actually another thing that causes me to think about it is when I see parents worrying about their kids. And I'm kind of like, you know, guys, I've been through it. I'm still here. It'll be okay. Oh, I

Scott Benner 2:01:35
thought you were gonna say I wish someone would have worried about me.

Síle 2:01:39
No, I mean, I mean, people were worried about me, they just didn't express it in the best way, I guess. But um, no. I mean, when I see people kind of saying, like, you know, my, my kid is sneaking food, or my kid doesn't care about his diabetes, or my kid, whatever. I'm like, I feel like you need to zero in on the mental health here. And once those problems are better, everything else will follow. Sure. But it's like the first thing to because I mean, regular people, when they're depressed, they find it hard to shower and brush their teeth. And I was when I'm talking to people about this. I'm like, shower and brush my teeth. Like I can't even do my insulin I like what do you

Scott Benner 2:02:24
do you think, though you do you think you have depression because of diabetes? Or do you think it's something you would have had without diabetes?

Síle 2:02:32
I don't know if there is much point in speculating on that, because there's no way to know. But I also at the same time think it's the cause of diabetes. But that's only because the two are so linked, like so many people with type one, are also depressed. So I think if you ask me from like a scientific point of view, I would say probably yes,

Scott Benner 2:03:04
I feel as a non scientist, and as a person who spent the entire last day of second grade in the Hall of inflammation has something to do with depression.

Síle 2:03:14
Oh, that's Yeah,

Scott Benner 2:03:15
I think I think the inflammation is. It's a lot of a lot. So

Síle 2:03:20
yeah, I mean, and also just this idea of isolation of like, no one around me knows what I'm going through, I think it it's like when you put the two things together, it's like the magic recipe for being super depressed. So I also have extreme anxiety. Like, I've been shaking the whole time, we're on the call. And I'm just talking normally, but I'm, like, very shaky. My heart rate is 100. Right now,

Scott Benner 2:03:46
do you think how do you think this conversation will impact the rest of your day? Because it's 630? Where you are right? In the afternoon? Yes. Yeah. It's all in the afternoon in the evening, the evening, it's 1230 here. Well, I

Síle 2:03:55
mean, it's been dark for like three hours already.

Scott Benner 2:03:58
Like, do you think you'll just like get down and be like, Alright, I'm okay. Or do you think that this will weigh on you for a while? Or how do you think sharing this? Is it been good for you? Or is it upsetting?

Síle 2:04:10
No, it's good. I mean, after I do anything, even after just like a morning of, if I have like two meetings in a row, I need to like sit down for a while, you know, so I'll probably just like, drink a cup of tea and

go for a walk, take my dog outside. And I think tonight we're making Chinese hot but for dinner. So we're gonna go to the Asian market.

Scott Benner 2:04:37
That is lovely. That's gonna be it. My wife just did a five day fast. Oh, she last night, laid out the entirety of what she's going to eat today. She's like, for breakfast. I'm going to have this at lunch. I'm gonna have a say she's like, I'm gonna have a tuna sandwich at lunch with a tomato. And she talked about it like it was heaven and sex and money. He wrapped all in one. She was just, she's just like, it's going to be wonderful. And I was like, Okay,

Síle 2:05:06
I believe you. I mean, I spent Christmas in France, because I mean, with the vitrectomy that I had in November, I wasn't able to, I'm not gonna explain why, because if you Google it, you'll know why I wasn't able to fly afterwards. And to get to Ireland from Germany, you need to fly. Otherwise, it's like a 50 hour drive plus a ferry, plus more driving, so And also, I can't drive so that all those things. So instead, we took the train me and my boyfriend who was French, and my dog, we took the train to his family for Christmas, in France. And for the like, four months before we went, we just talked about all the food we were going to eat. And it's not like you can't get French food and other places. And we have this amazing cheese shop here. Run by French people, where we get all their cheese. So it's even like we couldn't get it. We were just like, it's just, it's gonna be so good. She

Scott Benner 2:06:06
said different slice of tomato. Like she said, we're going to get into a time machine and go back to when we were young. Like she was just like, so taken by the whole thing. Well,

Síle 2:06:19
I'm happy for her. That makes me happy.

Scott Benner 2:06:21
Oh my god, she's gonna have the best tuna sandwich in the world today.

Síle 2:06:25
But you know what I mean? It's like, it's cool to like things. I'm happy that she was so happy about that. Oh,

Scott Benner 2:06:29
it's the it's the fast. She's just Yeah, yeah, she's definitely was a five day fast.

Síle 2:06:36
So honestly, if fasting makes you even happier to eat food, maybe it's worth it.

Scott Benner 2:06:41
There are some people that fast once a month. I don't know if I'm that person. But I for health purposes. So yeah, I think they do it. Because they think it's good for their vitality somehow.

Síle 2:06:53
Okay, it's just once a month seems,

Scott Benner 2:06:56
I think, I don't know, it seems frequent. But maybe I think the intermittent fasting allows your body to do the other things. Like almost Yeah, you don't I mean, like it gives it a chance to like do the digestion do this kind of stuff, like work on other things, because you're not constantly asking it to digest food.

Síle 2:07:14
Yes. And I think I mean, I think with

Unknown Speaker 2:07:18
with

Síle 2:07:20
when you have a CGM, I think you've see that I think you're, you when you're on like a level flatline, you're like, Okay, here we go time for normal life when I'm not constantly, even even just on a metaphorical level, like where I'm not constantly monitoring my blood sugar to make sure it doesn't go below a book belove above this level, or below this level. It's like, Oh, I haven't eaten in five hours. And I'm, you know, on a flatline, and nothing's happening, and I can concentrate on the other things in my life without worrying about everything else. Like that's what your body's doing.

Scott Benner 2:07:54
I'm not certain, but this might be the longest episode I've ever recorded.

Síle 2:07:58
I was just thinking it's been a very long time. Now,

Scott Benner 2:08:01
how about that? I actually just got a message. A person, a new review has been sent to the podcast, and it is not good. It's so it's so like, just now I'm like, What is this? And I clicked and like, oh, goodness, and didn't say you talk too much. So this is a person who never heard the podcast before. They Googled a term wanted to learn more about it. They don't have diabetes, nor does anyone else in their family. And they really don't like me. Do you want me to? Do you want to hear? Yes. I don't know if I've ever done this before, because this makes me I feel like I don't care. And I feel uncomfortable at the same time.

Síle 2:08:45
I know what you mean, hold on a second.

Scott Benner 2:08:48
Because honestly, I know what the podcast does for people. It's okay if one person Oh, yeah, you know, misunderstood me and this person definitely misunderstands me. Oh, it sounds so harsh. I searched out glycemic index on podcast on podcasts in an effort to educate myself. First of all, I mean, get a hobby, but let me say I'm not diabetic nor thankfully aren't any of my family. I do however, like to be informed. Okay, you're great. I get the setup. Let's get the kick in the ass now where I'm not great, Rachel. Here we go. I have to say that I found Scott irritating and very self centered. As he spoke over Jenny, you misspelled Jenny. While she was trying to port Jenny tried to make a point I spoke over top of her. And this person is from Great Britain. By the way. I don't know if that has anything to do with that

Síle 2:09:39
makes sense. It makes sense that they're obnoxious. I didn't think I don't know if he I don't know if you don't know that Irish people have a thing about English people

Scott Benner 2:09:48
don't but I'm glad I'm saying this in front of you.

Síle 2:09:52
They occupied our country for 800 years and caused a genocide and all this kind of stuff. Sorry, I'm sorry. I don't hate all English people. It's just like when we're When we're talking about generalizing, I'm like, you know.

Scott Benner 2:10:02
So now now the next sentence is going to indicate how Ashley completely. I'm so sorry I said she, it could be a guy. I don't know by the name that there's no like they didn't leave their real name, which by the way, both of you not to leave your real name while you're trashing me. Furthermore, he seemed to boast how when wearing a glucose monitor, he couldn't get his sugar to spike, even though he gorged himself eating two slices of cake. Now see, that's a complete misunderstanding of that, like I was talking about how a person with type one will fight with the glycemic index and glycemic load of foods because they don't have any insulin to resist them. Whereas a person like myself who doesn't have diabetes was literally had to gorge myself to get myself up to like 160 blood sugar. I wasn't I wasn't, she wasn't

Síle 2:10:58
believe you would boast like that about how good your pancreas

Scott Benner 2:11:01
my pancreas works so good. You guys shouldn't be jealous. Like like this. This is an obvious like misunderstanding of the context of the conversation plus probably of sarcasm because I guarantee I made some stupid joke in there like that. Right?

Síle 2:11:14
And probably just the whole concept of the podcast itself.

Scott Benner 2:11:18
She left the podcast early and won't be back again to listen. Which Oh, yeah, I, I so thought she was going to try one more episode. And, again, could be a guy 45 minutes of my life, I will never get back. So

Síle 2:11:35
they are long episodes. Well. I say after two hours,

Scott Benner 2:11:42
you might want to shut up. But so like, but, but I loved it. Somebody listened to something that has 830 episodes, and 11 105 star reviews. And after 45 minutes thought they were like, Oh, I know the real thing that's going on here. I'm fascinated by

Síle 2:11:58
Well, yeah, because they like to be informed so well. And they came to this with an open mind. And they have

Scott Benner 2:12:03
to take the time to tell someone else about it. Yeah, yeah. You other.

Síle 2:12:08
I've never reviewed the podcast, but I think after this, I'll go and I'll do it.

Scott Benner 2:12:13
Well, I need a couple of people now to push hers down a little bit to get it you know, what's gonna happen is like, I'm gonna get a new advertising to go let me go check out the reviews of this thing before I decide if I want to advertise on this podcast or not. And it'll be this blast. She really didn't like it. She had a bad time. By the way, she still I'm gonna

Síle 2:12:31
I'm gonna go on and be like, I love how long the podcast episodes are. They really allow me to experience the depth of detail and everyone's stories. Would you

Scott Benner 2:12:40
consider writing a review that said, I searched out glycemic index on podcast and in Africa did you make myself let me say I am a diabetic. And there are people in my family who have autoimmune diseases. And I love to be informed. I have to say that I found Scott amazing. And it was wonderful how he and Jenny went back and forth on the topic.

Síle 2:13:01
In verse every sentence that's in there,

Scott Benner 2:13:04
put it right next in this one. Furthermore, I loved how we joked about his pancreas stopping the cake, and blah. Yeah.

Síle 2:13:13
I love to hear about cake and pancreas.

Scott Benner 2:13:18
Do you know what a glutton I am for? For conversations like that? I'd love to talk to this person. Absolutely, I would. I would talk to them forever about this. So interesting.

Síle 2:13:29
I mean, what I what I will, honestly, I will go on and I will write that review. What I would have written if it weren't for this person is about how I never heard of, like all this open source close looping community stuff before. I mean, before the episodes. Yeah, I guess I remember I started on Episode One. And I went chronologically through so Wow. It's like in the two hundreds or something where we first encounter looping or the concept so and I just started looping. Probably close the loop two months ago, good for you. And in Germany, we have the we have the Libra three for like, year and a half here now. So I'm on that and I have my own mi pod and I'm like the the wireless woman and and yeah, I mean, honestly the whole thing. I just, it's like even on a bad day. I still don't have high blood sugar even on the days where I don't Pre-Bolus I eat food and I don't carb count correctly. I still don't have bad blood sugar and

Scott Benner 2:14:38
I'm horrible person and that review helped you get to that.

Síle 2:14:41
Yeah. Yeah, no, it's like I never would have known about any of that. If if I didn't listen to the

Scott Benner 2:14:49
pop up. If I'd stopped talking over Jenny so much, you would have been able to figure it out earlier.

Síle 2:14:54
Like 150 episodes earlier. I don't even think Jenny was in the picture. Back then. She

Scott Benner 2:14:59
wasn't chatting had been On the show one time and the first caller,

Síle 2:15:03
because I kept seeing the posts about like Scott and Jenny and I was like, is that that Jenny who was on one time because I don't, I don't understand what's happening.

Scott Benner 2:15:10
Why would this? Why would this be the person? Well, anyway I listened to anyway, this person is well, you know, welcome to their opinion.

Síle 2:15:19
And that's absolutely fine. And I'm gonna go on and mock them mercilessly. Now,

Scott Benner 2:15:24
please leave, I would pray if you're gonna take the time to leave a review, leave your review of the podcast because only you and I only you and I will understand that everyone else will be like, plus, you're gonna go through the German podcast app, and she went to the UK podcast that I don't know how any of this works. Yeah, so So joke's on her. Nobody's really gonna say it because she lives in the UK. It's a tiny little place where hardly anybody is. And I don't know how many people live in the UK. Don't start bad mouthing them again, by the way.

Did you Did I lose you, Sheila? Hello. I know. You can hear me. What a great way to end the show. Alright, thanks a lot, everybody for coming. Two hours and 11 minutes. You're back.

Síle 2:16:20
I'm back. I don't know what the hell just happened. Sorry.

Scott Benner 2:16:23
There's 67 million people in the UK.

Síle 2:16:27
That's too many.

Yeah, I don't know. It's Ireland. Only has 5 million pupils though.

Scott Benner 2:16:38
Well, you better raise up a bigger army if you're gonna go over there. And

Síle 2:16:41
I mean, people left Germany is way bigger. I don't know how many people there are in Germany. I don't

Scott Benner 2:16:45
want I don't want Germany raising up another army. I'm good with that.

Síle 2:16:49
Maybe not? Yeah,

Scott Benner 2:16:50
let's leave that word. Where it is.

Síle 2:16:53
I think we could get the Scottish on our side, though. I don't think the Scottish people like English people, probably about as much as Irish people like English people

Scott Benner 2:17:00
not believe how far down this rabbit hole you went.

Síle 2:17:06
I stand by I want

Scott Benner 2:17:08
to just say, I don't know anything about any of this. This is just the person talking who I've allowed to come on the podcast. And I love all the listeners in the UK. Except for this one lady who clearly doesn't. And I still like her to or him. But I come off really poorly thinking that was a woman who left that review.

Síle 2:17:23
I mean, I think sometimes you just have to pick a you know, in order to personify a review or you just have to pick

Scott Benner 2:17:33
trouble and project even a guy could care enough to leave a review about anything to be perfectly honest. You know,

Unknown Speaker 2:17:38
oh, I don't know. You think?

Scott Benner 2:17:42
I don't think men care about crap.

Síle 2:17:44
I know there's loads of I mean, men on the internet, especially someone who goes to the trouble of searching glycemic index on podcast. Could be

Unknown Speaker 2:17:53
could be either. You know, you

Scott Benner 2:17:55
mentioned something at the very beginning of this that I thought to say something and then I just I didn't want to cut you off. But you were talking about I forget what you were talking about. Nice. I was thinking that. Oh, you were talking about how I manage Arden's blood sugar's kind of matter of factly. And I thought at that point to say that there have been a number of times in my life where I have thought that being a stay at home dad was beneficial to my kids. Because of the matter of fact, way that I approach things. And I do wonder if in those very same circumstances if my my wife would have handled them differently. And I wonder how much impact that's had both for probably good and for bad? Because I wonder what I don't do that my wife would have done. And I wonder when that's been beneficial and what it hasn't been? So, but I didn't say that. Yes, you were

Síle 2:18:52
on a roll. So I'm sorry. I mean, what's worth saying?

Scott Benner 2:18:56
Your Chatty is, is all good. Yeah.

Síle 2:19:00
But it's, I mean, what what is also cool is as a stay at home, dad, I mean, you were able to dedicate time and energy to that kind of stuff, which I mean, both my parents worked. You know, I'm not surprised my mom wasn't micromanaging my insulin dosing from work while I was at school and all this. And also, I mean, yeah, it just wasn't. It's a different time. Yeah.

Scott Benner 2:19:29
Technology was different. And the ideas about managing diabetes were different. And the insulin was Yeah, and a lot was different. Yeah. So yeah, I can't I can't thank you enough for doing this. I really do appreciate you being so forthright with everything.

Síle 2:19:45
No, I mean, thank you for having me on. I mean, the thing is, I don't think that my experience or story or whatever is especially unique, especially the more that I hear from people who've lived with diabetes for a long time. So I mean, I Guess as time went on, I was like, do I actually have anything to say that's interesting here, but, um, I mean, we met a shock for a long time anyway,

Scott Benner 2:20:08
I think you said planning, I think it was very valuable. I do think that even if it is something that a lot of people go through hearing the steps and I mean, just imagine if this is the thing that happened to you and you're listening, just maybe hearing you say something about a realization you had about your parents or something that might be a realization that another person hasn't had yet and it might help them move forward. I also think it's incredibly valuable for them to hear that you are a successful stable adult. And you know, because that gives people I would think a lot of hope. Plus, you're a musician. So everybody has to aspire you know what I mean? You know, raise for the rest of your life becoming a space musician for me if you care to me about me at all.

Síle 2:20:57
I'd need to figure out go back to playing music, but I will endeavor

Scott Benner 2:21:03
now you won't stop it. Okay. Hold on one second for me. Sure, thank you.

Unknown Speaker 2:21:36
I believe that this nation should commit itself

Scott Benner 2:21:50
thanks so much to Sheila for coming on the show and for lending us this music for our altro today. I also want to thank touched by type one, and remind you to go to touched by type one.org and find out all about their programs and offerings. The podcast was also sponsored today by Dexcom. And of course if you use my link dexcom.com forward slash juice box you can learn all about the g7 hear from real users and get your free benefits check dexcom.com forward slash Juicebox Podcast The other thing, the other thing

if you're looking for community around your diabetes, check out Juicebox Podcast type one diabetes on Facebook. It's a private group with 40,000 members it's absolutely free. And there's something there for everyone type ones type twos, Lada parents of children with type one adults, everybody's represented. The conversations are amazing. Check it out Juicebox Podcast type one diabetes on Facebook. And if you're looking for the diabetes Pro Tip series that begins at Episode 210, but you can find all the series at juicebox podcast.com Right at the top in the menu, check them out

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