#1272 Chicken Coop Intrigue

Melissa unraveled a web of lies.

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Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends and welcome to episode 1272 of the Juicebox Podcast.

Today's episode is with Melissa she has three children her middle child has type one diabetes, and today we're going to pick through her story of how her child was diagnosed and what made it so difficult to figure out and what else they found out about their lives while they were looking around. Nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan. When you decide that you want incredibly comfortable and quality sheets, towels and clothing, you'll be going to cozy earth.com If you've made that decision, you might as well save 40% off of your entire order by using the offer code juicebox. At checkout, surround yourself in quality for 40% off juice box at checkout at cozy earth.com. I know that Facebook has a bad reputation, but please give the private Facebook group for the Juicebox Podcast. A healthy once over Juicebox Podcast type one diabetes. The group now has 47,000 members in it. It gets 150 new members a day just completely free. And at the very least you can watch other people talk about diabetes and everybody is welcome type one type two gestational loved ones. Everyone is welcome. today's podcast is sponsored by us med us med.com/juice box you can get your diabetes supplies from the same place that we do and I'm talking about Dexcom li Bray Omni pod tandem and so much more. Us med.com/juice box or call 888721151 for this episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the ever since CGM. Ever since it's gonna let you break away from some of the CGM norms you may be accustomed to no more weekly or bi weekly hassles of sensor changes. Never again will you be able to accidentally bump your sensor off. You won't have to carry around CGM supplies and worrying about your adhesive lasting. Well that's the thing of the past ever since cgm.com/juicebox. This show is sponsored today by the glucagon that my daughter carries. G voc hypo Penn. Find out more at G voc glucagon.com. Forward slash juicebox.

Melissa 2:35
Well, I'm Melissa. I have three kids at home. And my middle child figured out how to get around middle child syndrome by developing type one diabetes in October of 2021. I am one of those weird chicken ladies. I have a husband like him. He's at work right now. But yeah, even children are running amok, I'm sure because we homeschool. And they our kids are 1411 and about to be five. And

Scott Benner 3:06
the 11 year old has type one for a couple of years. Right,

Melissa 3:09
Leah? Yeah,

Scott Benner 3:11
okay. Yeah. All right.

Melissa 3:13
That's why I like that episode. I choose Leah because I

Scott Benner 3:16
do. Oh, no kidding. Yeah, I guess you do that episode. Love that episode. For the moment. You're gonna be chicken lady if you're not careful. So you know. You don't I say do something better than that. Or you're stuck.

Melissa 3:31
Oh, I'm sure we can do better than that. Tell me

Scott Benner 3:35
about colons. You raise chickens for eggs?

Melissa 3:39
Yes. My youngest. So we started out doing it like just to be you know, hippie homesteader type deal. And then my youngest came out, apparently with like, major food allergies. She stopped gaining weight, that sort of thing. So having access to food that I control, the sourcing, the feeding that everything got really important. And she passed eggs when she was about two. But before that, like there was a period of time where to nurse her I was eating lamb from one local farm, tallow that I rendered from that farm and plantains and like sugar, salt and a specific random bottle water. You

Scott Benner 4:26
had these specifically just to breastfeed your youngest, who has food allergies, what kind of food allergies, does she have?

Melissa 4:32
Nothing IGE mediated, so allergy can't help us. And gi couldn't help us. It's really like only the hippie out there alternative stuff that's helped at all, and she's still on a pretty limited diet. So I kind of live in the kitchen. You know, it was really no big deal to add on. Maybe we'll cut some carbs. Because I already lived in the kitchen.

Scott Benner 4:53
I just I just get up a roommate and I make food. That's what I do. That's what I do all day. Wow. What happens to her if she gets Some food that she's allergic to. So

Melissa 5:02
when she was a tiny baby, she would stop gaining weight completely. Like she didn't gain weight at all, like not, I mean, I'd milk flying everywhere like, but she didn't gain weight for weeks on end. And then when I cut my diet down to almost nothing, and she started gaining slowly, and then when I figured out exactly what she could tolerate, which is very few things, then she gained like a newborn again. Here until the end, probably. I don't know. I see. Sort of inflammatory process. Yeah,

Scott Benner 5:33
that's what I'm saying. Nobody can help us with. And that's been. Thank you, everybody. That's been her whole life.

Melissa 5:41
Yes. She stopped gaining weight when she was about six weeks old.

Scott Benner 5:44
Okay. Yeah, that's her whole life. And then Leah is diagnosed at what age?

Melissa 5:48
She was nine. Okay, yeah, that nine and a half.

Scott Benner 5:55
And what was that present presentation, like, like

Melissa 5:58
a lot of people, we kind of mistook it for something benign and sell or easily resolving the story is, you know, she's always been sensitive to gluten. A year and a half before her diagnosis. She got gluten, and her pain was so severe that she ended up in the ER, like, mid COVID. She had to go into the emergency room because her pediatric nurse practitioner could not rule out appendicitis her pain was that severe. And so they did an ultrasound and did a CT scan and like the inflammation was visible, but it wasn't perfect. It wasn't her appendix, that was just just bowel inflammation. Okay.

Scott Benner 6:39
So

Melissa 6:40
then in October of 2021, we went to the annual Wildgame cookout on my husband's side, which is like a great time, I hate to miss it. Just a huge gathering of like the coolest people ever, and you have to bring meat that did not come from the grocery store. Okay, so that's really cool for us. And my husband is not as up on the whole dietary restriction thing. You know, he's used to, if it's at home, if it's if it's available, it's safe for the kid. So I just don't keep things in the house that aren't safe for them. So he allowed some desserts that were not safe. And so when she complained of belly pain, several days later, I thought, Oh, you got glute, you're backed up. This is par for the course. And she just kept getting worse. She was in pain. She didn't feel good. She was kind of sleepy. Like, you know, I mean, I don't feel great when I'm backed up either. And by that Friday, I was like, I don't like this at all. So I called the nurse practitioners office. And I was like, if she got gluten, I think this is what happened. Can I bring her in? Can you guys take a look at her and they were like, You know what, this really just sounds like something that needs a mural wax cleanup. So I with their blessing, gave my child who's going into diabetic ketoacidosis a half gallon of juice. I will take that gallon that half gallon of juice like that, the guilt of that to my grave. Oh,

Scott Benner 8:13
well, did that really change anything? Did it hurt anything? You know,

Melissa 8:18
I guess glucose at that point wasn't going to hurt anything. But we cleared any blockage but she still kept getting worse. And I really thought I need to take her to the ER and my husband's kind of like, you know, I'm sure this can wait till morning. You're just hysterical. Which you know, fair. Okay. Any other time he had been right? And so first thing, as soon as the places the urgent care walk in open in the morning, I had her in there. And by then she was doing what I now know is the Kussmaul risk. respirations Yeah, but I was thinking her belly her belly. She's got appendicitis. She's got something wrong with her belly Belly, belly belly. That's all I could think about. Cuz she'd been vomiting. I mean, Mike Scott. My kid was so sick. And I'm an idiot. It's, it's really hard to you know, the hospitalist in the PICU said to me, he was like he's like, do doctors and nurses miss this? You're not special for thinking that. It wasn't diabetes. I mean, I I really hadn't had that come across my brain. I know why you would think we take Yeah, we take her to the walk in.

Scott Benner 9:26
Hey, she got a great the day before, which a lot of people don't get that. That's nice.

Melissa 9:33
Yeah, yeah, there you go. Yeah,

Scott Benner 9:35
it's all you did something.

Melissa 9:37
I do feel like I tortured her. It's hard to shop that.

Scott Benner 9:42
My gosh, I'm now thinking I'd love a lovely clean out. What do you think of that? As you're talking about? I'm

Melissa 9:47
like, Are you off your Metamucil? Like take your magnesium Scott,

Scott Benner 9:50
don't worry, I took my magnesium. Everything's fine. But I'm just saying like, you know, that might be nice.

Melissa 9:56
Yeah, especially if you're going into the hospital. So You take her to a walk in the nurse practitioner. There's great listens to her belly. Yeah, her belly sounds funny. Yeah, she's a little altered. And she's like, I would like you to take her to the ER, like right now. And I said, Okay, can I take her to the one here in town? Or do I need to drive 45 minutes to children's? I'd rather go to children. She's like, Okay, go to children. And then, you know, I'm carrying my staggering five foot tall, you know, I don't know what she probably weighed 70 something pounds at that point down from 90 something she's a tall, solid girl. Um, you know, we're staggering out and the nurse practitioner goes let me get you your analysis cup. Let's let's get a sample before you get on the road. And I'm sure she was going to check you know now in retrospect, I think oh, that's what she was doing. She just wanted to confirm for glucose that the ER could be the ER cuz

Scott Benner 10:51
she could do that while you were driving. So she could call there and be like, Hey, I just sent a kid over with diabetes.

Melissa 10:57
Yes, she was like Do not stop for gas do not suck. Just go. Just go. And we were almost to Nashville when you ran out of gas. I'm just kidding. No, no, we're almost to Nashville and I the number pops up for her normal nurse practitioner like the one we see the one who has her primary care provider. That's weird. And so I pick it up and she says are you sitting down? I said I'm in the car. racing to the ER What do you want and

Scott Benner 11:26
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Melissa 13:52
She said Okay, so your analysis shows high ketones and high glucose in her urine. She is a type one diabetic. You need to get to the ER right now. And I was like I'm almost there. Can you guys call ahead? Can you let them know? And it's it's COVID Craziness. So I'm like grabbing the mask off the back of the rearview mirror and trying to figure out how I'm gonna get this child into the ER, and stuff like that. Nobody like in at the front desk. And we're just like, let me take your temperature and like nobody was matching my urgency. I was like, my kid is really sick. We need to get her in there. And I knew that type one diabetes, like a lifelong thing. I didn't. I didn't have any illusions at that point. I was like, Oh, this is this is a big deal and it's permanent. Okay. But first we got to, you know, figure out why she's so sick right now. I didn't realize I didn't know what decay was. I didn't know why it was dangerous or why she was this sick right now. Yeah. But they took great care of us in the hospital. I was I was a bit of a mess. She was barely conscious. I read over her First endocrinologist notes yesterday just sent they they kept saying severe DKA, severe DKA. So,

Scott Benner 15:06
I feel bad for the person at the hospital takes your temperature coming because people really don't appreciate that job. You know?

Melissa 15:13
You know, usually I can be philosophical about it like, Yes, this is what we have to do. I'm just thinking that

Scott Benner 15:19
this person if you ask

Melissa 15:20
them like my kids gonna die what's gonna let me I'm

Scott Benner 15:24
just saying I think in their personal life, people say to them, what do you do for a living like, oh, I approach people with thermometers and they yell at me. It's my

Melissa 15:33
might not be fun. Yeah, nobody's favorite person.

Scott Benner 15:36
Oh, my God, I just need to take your temperature. My arms broken. Yeah, I just need to take your temperature. You don't need my damage or my arm is broken. I don't know what to tell you. They hired me to take your temperature. Okay. I gotta do it. Okay. Oh, my gosh, how long have you guys in the hospital for?

Melissa 15:51
So we came in on Saturday morning. And she was discharged. I think Monday afternoon. She was in the PICU for like, a day and a half. And then on a regular floor for like a night you had

Scott Benner 16:01
home is two years. I mean, it's not that long ago, right. Two years ago. So you had home with what? Like? What is your what are your marching orders?

Melissa 16:09
Oh, let's see we had to Seba. And we had humor along those pins. I think they sent us out of the hospital on like nine units of receba. And I think by the time she got onto a pump, four months later, she was on like, I don't know, 2020 Something unit with receba.

Unknown Speaker 16:26
How tall is she?

Melissa 16:26
Right now. She's about 5455. She grew a ton. Like she just like she hit that like puberty growth spurt. Right after diagnosis. So she's, she's in women's clothing like she is. I mean, she's gorgeous. women's

Scott Benner 16:43
clothes. If you don't want the women's clothing thing, you don't want that. Just try to avoid that as long as you can.

Melissa 16:51
So, so much more expensive than going to once upon a child. Oh, my God. Well, that's

Scott Benner 16:54
not untrue. Yeah, it's more expensive. For sure. That's one part of it. So what makes you come on the podcast that I know you listen, and you've listened for a while? And and that's fantastic. But what made you think I should come on? Well,

Melissa 17:07
you actually put out a little call, you know, hey, it was right. You know, of course, when I was thinking about coming on, like a year ago, right? We're starting some of the type two stuffs. And shortly after my daughter was diagnosed, my husband's annual screening, pop the funky one, see, like he'd been writing in the high fives for a while. And I was like, This is not good. I don't like it. But the doctors were like, Yeah, that's normal. And like, Oh, my God. And he finally had an A one C approaching seven. And they were like, oh, that's type two, let's slap a Dexcom on you. Because our former insurance. At that time, they were super, super great for diabetes, I'm so sad that we don't have that anymore. Because they covered Dexcom under percent pump supplies 100% Like outside the deductible was amazing. So they put a Dexcom on him. And then with some diet modifications, mainly cutting out sugared soda, he brought that down to 5.3. Now, I'm sure it's creeping back up. But he hasn't gone to the doctor in a while. Because the man doesn't do anything really, except he cut out soda. Right. And he got a little more receptive to my bad eating burritos, you know, that sort of thing. Like stop eating wheat. I think being gluten free keeps us out of a lot of processed carb trouble. Because it's not as convenient to find it. You know, you have to go looking for the gluten free stuff.

Scott Benner 18:29
I find I mean, I've had a ton of experience driving from the north to the south on the East Coast. And you get to a certain part. I don't know exactly when to say it is but all of a sudden just even stopping at a gas station or convenience store to get you know, bottled water, use the bathroom or something. Drinks that don't have sugar in it start to disappear as you go south. You wouldn't notice that really because you live there, I would imagine. But like,

Melissa 18:56
I'm from the Midwest, I grew up in Illinois. Okay.

Scott Benner 18:59
Do you know what I'm talking about?

Melissa 19:01
No, I don't spend much time up with you Yankees. You can

Scott Benner 19:05
buy a lot of diet or low carb drinks here that once you get where am I gonna say? Virginia, North Carolina ish. They start to disappear.

Melissa 19:20
I believe that? Yeah. And then my husband was my husband was raised in Cleveland. So I don't know we go up there. And I'm like, oh my god, the food's terrible. It's like so like everything got a by not.

Scott Benner 19:32
Well, you guys, so how did you end up in your little hippie commune that you live in now? Where you're? I mean, what are you doing? You? Yeah, chickens. It sounds like you're teaching the kids, you know, at home, like what else you're doing there? Yeah,

Melissa 19:45
I have a big garden. Let's see. I went to school in St. Louis. And that's where my husband I got married and started out and then he was looking for jobs and I'm in by training. I'm an accountant so I could work anywhere. So it was like okay, let's find you a job that you like. It's not a traveling job he was he was traveling, first married. And he came down here for Nissan. There's a big car plant in Middle Tennessee. And we just ended up here and I was I first I remember I cried on my shoulder, we're gonna be from Tennessee, and I would leave it for anything. I don't I don't always love the politics. But I do love, like, being able to target practice in my backyard, and have chickens and homeschool and what are you shooting in the backyard? Melissa? You name it.

Scott Benner 20:31
We're talking about guns? Arrows. Yeah, good.

Melissa 20:36
Oh, yeah. Hello. My dad's a police officer. My husband was in the army. So I'm familiar. I gotcha.

Scott Benner 20:42
Okay, so you say you move there for a job? Did you end up working? Like you said you could work anywhere? Did you get there and start work? Yeah.

Melissa 20:48
I worked for a malpractice insurance company. But mostly for podiatrist, it's right. It's really pretty low risk. Unless you're working on diabetics,

Scott Benner 20:58
you like doing the accounting for podiatrist. Specifically, it's, it's good for

Melissa 21:02
you with the insurance it was selling it was selling the insurance for the podiatrist and some of them are surgeons like they actually do surgery. So okay. But yeah, it was it was a great place to work, not the least of which was that it was almost an all female department, amazing people, amazing people that work with. So I left there. I always knew like a hobby, and I had kind of decided I was going to stay home with the kid. You know, I wanted to do the cloth diaper, you know, all that kind of stuff. Yeah. People were like, What are you going to do? And I was like, we'll just be poor. It'll be okay.

Scott Benner 21:32
We'll just be poor.

Melissa 21:34
Well, you know, yeah, no, I understand. At the time, I was making the same kind of money that he was giving away, then. That's an adjustment, and then put, of course, having a stay at home wife, that's, I'm sure help him in his career. Although he's super, like, liberated and stuff. He does the laundry. I love him.

Scott Benner 21:54
I love that when guys do like one of the 500 things that I do. I hear their wives like, Oh, I love him. He does the laundry. And I look around my house. And I'm like, No one appreciates the stuff I do here. Like, I know my wife is so spoiled by it. Because we've been doing it for so long. That it just all feels like oh, that stuff Scott does. If I did half the things I do in another household. I would I mean, I think that I think I'd be carried around on a throne like I really do. But it's okay. I don't mind.

Melissa 22:25
No, to be fair, I'm a terrible housekeeper. The best I can say most days is like, but have you ever run out of toilet paper? Like I do take care of those sorts of things. But I'm no housekeeper. Let's, let's be real clear on that.

Scott Benner 22:39
You said your husband, I'm gonna stay home with the kids of please have very low expectations.

Melissa 22:46
High end to how it's worked out. But

Scott Benner 22:48
to try to lock the doors at night and keep the place at a reasonable temperature. If I can do that. I think you call it

Melissa 22:53
lucky. I don't know what the deal is. But he likes me.

Scott Benner 22:58
Well, God bless. Okay, so is there any, um, any other autoimmune stuff in the family?

Melissa 23:07
So there's a strong history of type two, I mean, an insulin dependent, you know, that like grandma, but like, younger people being insulin dependent? Type twos? Oh, yeah. As far as I know, his biological grandmother on his father's side, like, she had major type two complications. And then he also had, I don't know a ton about this. I just know of it. On his biological father's side, there was a half sister, who unfortunately passed away from, I think type one complication. Like, I know, she was a type one diabetic. And I know she passed away very young. I think she was like, in her late 20s, early 30s. And I know she had type one, but they were not raised together like I we never knew. Or we didn't find out my husband was adopted until he was 35 years old.

Scott Benner 24:06
So wait, is the half sister from anybody? He's actually related to?

Melissa 24:11
Yes, because as it turns out, he was adopted by his paternal grandfather and his paternal grandfather's wife.

Scott Benner 24:21
Let's go now we're getting to it. Okay. Are you talking about we this is how does that? I don't understand. So

Melissa 24:29
apparently everybody knew but Him the way I found out he was Scott he. He was in Japan for six weeks. Our son was like, not even two years old. And he was overseas with Nissan. And I was picking up some hammy down little boy clothes from a cousin of his and the the ages are all over the place. Big family so she had a grandson who's the same, same you know? either of our son was coming into it. She was like, Oh yeah, I'd love to give these to you. And I'd stopped by in between my folks house and home. And I know what she was thinking. She's like I'm terminally nosy right, but I also understand boundaries. So sometimes the nosiness is so painful, right? But she had this opportunity where she could ask a nosy question without being hurtful to the person that was actually about right. So she was like, so is Brian, in touch with his biological parents? And I looked at her like, oh, shit, what? And like the color drained from her face. I mean, there are people who think what she did was malicious. She did not know we did not know about she had no idea. Interesting. I

Scott Benner 25:43
like a little family drama. That's nice. Okay, so he is related to somebody else who had type one diabetes, right.

Melissa 25:50
So his his adoptive father, his biological grandfather passed away. When he was seven. He was much older than his mom. And I'm going to call his adoptive parents, his mom and dad without any qualifiers. We're gonna put qualifiers on the bio. Does he

Scott Benner 26:05
know his actual parents? Well, he

Melissa 26:08
was raised to think that his biological father was his half brother. All right, now, but I'll tell you what, you want to hear my gripe when that when that dude passed away? Brian was not mentioned in the obituary, as a son or a brother. And I was like, why that night. I was salty about them.

Scott Benner 26:25
Love this little entry you guys have going on here. This is from Ohio intrigue.

Melissa 26:31
I guess like Ohio and Kentucky. There's like people that are still in Cleveland. There's people that are in Kentucky, various cities in Kentucky. And we actually we reconnected with one of his brothers. So I guess biologically his uncle, when my middle kiddo was very small. I was actually looking over his shoulder. He was surfing on Facebook, and was like, hey, you've got a message request over here. And it was his brother, who had been looking for him. Like, and I, Mike, I love you. And I get choked up my kids. So lovely. So accepting. So you know, when that stuff, the stuff about finding out your adopted was new, we actually didn't know who he like, who were his parents was he was our last name. Our last name was we didn't find out the part about Oh, you were adopted by your biological grandfather. We didn't find that out till a couple years later.

Scott Benner 27:29
Were you put in a position where you had to go home to your husband or he was in Japan? You had to in Japan? over Skype? It gets home, right? And you say he's

Melissa 27:40
taking a nap and you go, what I did though, what I did first I was like, Okay, how can I confirm this? Like, I'm not going to tell him some wild story, you know that I can't. So there's, of course, this was what? Well, 13 years ago. This

Scott Benner 27:57
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Melissa 29:21
you know, internet chat rooms were a thing and forums and stuff like that. So I went on to an adoptees forum and I was like, Oh, my God help me. What do I do? Do I need to have like a therapist waiting at the door? Do I need to like what do I need to do? keeping this secret? I'm not participating in any of the secrecy.

Scott Benner 29:39
Oh, no. I mean, I gotta tell him, right, right. What did the internet say?

Melissa 29:43
The internet says there's such a thing called Search angels. And we will put you in touch with one who can search the public records in Ohio and tell you what you can find out and they were like, yes, he's adopted. Because what they do is they match up the birth date. Like all the children born on this day But they kept his first and middle name the same. So that was helpful and then like, okay, none of these people have any other public records. So they were a baby and then their name change and then we have this going forward so you could get a birth name you know, I did what I could on the internet, you know, even face like people do not let down their Facebook's

Scott Benner 30:20
Facebook snooping people. I totally did.

Melissa 30:24
I totally did. You know, I

Scott Benner 30:26
know what I'm gonna call this episode. So, a couple of minutes ago, I thought I'm gonna call this episode Palace entry. But now I think I'm going to call it chicken coop entry.

Melissa 30:36
That's great. That's great.

Unknown Speaker 30:39
Um, write that down. I love it.

Melissa 30:40
We did not have a chicken coop at that time, we still lived in a neighborhood with sidewalks. This is

Scott Benner 30:45
my this is my way of being humorous. This is why I'm going with you is it's not a goddamn thing to do with diabetes. And I'm still very happy you told me about it. That's it. And so now you're picking your,

Melissa 30:55
for me it is wrapped up in the diabetes. The family history is all from his side. And like, I mean, when I'm in the hospital, it's all I can think about is like, oh my god, she died.

Speaker 1 31:11
Oh, I'll see you. Because you went through like all this set at the time. Yeah. So you're in the hospital with your kid. You're like, this is what killed somebody else in the family? Correct? Oh, my gosh, well, that's upsetting.

Melissa 31:25
One and I kept because they're like, Does anybody else have it in the family? I was like, Well, my husband's half sister, but she died. And I was like, Oh, my God. Did

Scott Benner 31:33
you say, Listen, my husband's deceased? Father's father adopted my husband. I think that his grand weights thought or I'm not sure but some

Melissa 31:49
to try to explain his family. So confusing. Oh, my God. And the thing is like he didn't know from birth, this was just you know, people made, quote unquote, jokes to him about finding him in a Cabbage Patch. Apparently they weren't jokes. Oh my god. I know. Peyton

Scott Benner 32:08
was this I hate to ask, but his father had like drug issues. I

Melissa 32:11
honestly don't know. I could not speculate.

Scott Benner 32:16
How old was he? When he passed away?

Melissa 32:17
I think he was in his 50s or 60s. Oh, wait. His

Scott Benner 32:22
father was How old was your husband when he was adopted? His

Melissa 32:26
his adopted father. He was 54. And then his bio father died just died in the last five or 10 years?

Scott Benner 32:35
What At what age? Did his grandfather adopt him? What age for your

Melissa 32:39
husband? Honestly, it depends on who you ask. And, you know, and everybody involved is getting up there in age. So I

Scott Benner 32:53
mean, I'm I'm this close to singing the song of the Beverly Hillbillies. So I don't know what to say right now. Wasn't

Melissa 32:59
really like that. Now we have had contact with his bio mother.

Scott Benner 33:03
Okay. Does he did he ever know her? He knew the Father. He knew the bio father as a brother. But did he know the bio mother?

Melissa 33:11
Yes, she was a friend of the family. And we have like photos of the bio mother and his older half sister from his mom, like at birthday parties. Listen,

Scott Benner 33:21
here's what I'm gonna say to everybody. birthday party. This is what I'm gonna say to everybody listening. When you find yourself lying. Stop yourself, because this is where it goes.

Melissa 33:30
30 years later. A real nobody's that slick. Nobody's

Scott Benner 33:33
that's like, exactly. You're not that slick. I used to tell my mom that my mom would like, you know, try to like, trick me into doing something. I'm like, Mom, do you feel like you're tricking me into this right now? It's like, that's not happening if you think it is, but But when did she think it was she thought she was so smart. And she was you know, like, writing this story. And everybody was buying into it. I'm like, Mom, no one believes that. Like, and people do it all the time. Just tell the truth. I mean, honestly, what truth could have been worse than what you just explained?

Melissa 34:01
Series? Yeah, I mean, nothing. And it feels like there's a really socially acceptable story for adoption. We chose you You are wanted and loved. It feels good. Like, why would why would people hide that? And yeah, I think there's probably some fear from his mother that he wouldn't love her anymore. I don't know why she would think that. And he wouldn't let me ask her about it for years.

Scott Benner 34:28
Yeah, I'm just sure you're outsmarting yourself and nobody else and it just it's gonna go poorly. If they if you get all those people together and ask them do you wish at this time, doesn't matter what the story was, like, let's just it doesn't matter. Let's say the father was in jail and the mom was on heroin. Okay, and so the grandfather had to step in and do something. I think it's better to just know that. You know what I mean? Like, whatever the truth is, I think it's better to just know the truth and live with it than it is to make up all these stories that no way are going to Like, you're not going to keep this story forever. This is why in every movie when three guys rob a bank, one of them kills the other two. Because Because you look at the group and you go, they're gonna crack. Like that's it like nobody. You know, like you said, somebody told you one day and you think, okay, they weren't being malicious, but other people think they were being but who doesn't matter if they were they weren't? It came out eventually. So I don't know like it to me this whole story tells me just be honest. That's Yes.

Melissa 35:30
Well, then, I mean, and with the advent of 23andme, 23andme is not keeping y'all secret. I did it as part of fertility study, years and years ago, we had a hard time having our youngest. And then I got it, you know, didn't want those half price deals for my husband to have it. And then, a few years ago, he popped up this first cousin match that made the euro cent. No, nine, zero, zilch. And, you know, she got in contact with us. She got in contact with him. And first then I took over because I mean, nosey Hello. With his permission, he was like, Oh, do you want to handle this? And I was like, Absolutely.

Scott Benner 36:08
I would love to get involved with this. Well, listen,

Melissa 36:13
listen, she was like, list doesn't make any sense at all. And I was like, I know. I was like, Well, my husband's adopted. So but we're, we're quite sure who's who, like we have, you know, his mom helped me clear some things up. And then we've been in contact with his bio mom and some other family members, stuff like that, like it all matched. And she's like, well, maybe you've got something wrong. And I was like, I don't think so. And it did come out eventually. That who she was told her bio father was not her bio father. And it was somebody on my husband, bio mother's side. And that was like a whole like, 23 and me not keeping your secrets, what

Scott Benner 36:51
you people do? And I don't just mean your family. I mean, everybody listening, what has happened?

Melissa 36:55
Like we, we you look at people and you think, oh, everybody's normal and average, right? I mean, and this is a recurring theme on the podcast in general, too, right? People are interesting, even like a normal, boring, ordinary life

Scott Benner 37:11
does how to dig far.

Melissa 37:15
twists and turns and stuff like that happens all the time. And she's lovely, like, Thank you, 23. And me for putting us in contact. Yeah. Listen,

Scott Benner 37:22
I'm adopted. And I've done 23andme and gotten nothing out of it. Like it's not a guy, I thought like one person would pop up. And I'd be like, Oh, my God, this is great. I guess somebody's nothing. You know, years ago, Kelly made me contact an attorney. And I got contact with my biological mother's sister. And after an hour and a half on the phone, I hung up and I said to Kelly's, like, How'd it go? And I'm like, I am never contacting those people again. Because the same thing, it's just like, the stories you like, go, you know, if your uncle this calls, don't listen, he's gonna want money. And I'm like, Oh, hello. And this happened here. And this. And I'm like, I'm trying to ask these questions just to get enough answers for myself. I get a little bit of, you know, a little bit of answers for some things that I cared about. And then I never, ever, I so I'm disconnected from that idea that if you asked me, my mother, my biological mother's name, I'd have to search for it for a second my head. Like, that's how far I pushed it out on myself. Because I was like, these are not people I want to be involved in. I think that's sort of the lesson, which is you tolerate the family you have, right, like, we're all related to somebody who's a lunatic, and we're all related to somebody who's not. And everywhere in between. There's lovely people in my family. And there's crazy people in my family. And I grew up around them. So they don't seem crazy to me. Like I know they are intellectually, but I can make allowances for them in my head. You bring another person into my life, who is whacked out of their skull or making bad decisions. And I don't have any personal connection to them. I'm done. Like, I don't want to be involved with that. So like, it's all very, I don't know, I don't care what somebody else did with their 52 years ago. That doesn't make me related to you. Like, I don't care that there's a bloodline there. It's meaningless. I'm related to my, you know, my biological mother and father, they're my parents. I have two brothers who I'm not biologically related to at all who I would step out in front of a truck for and you know, and I don't, I really don't want to know about the rest. I really don't care. Because I think that this is all that's gonna happen. I believe everybody who's adopted just thinks like, oh my god, you know, my mom was obviously like a supermodel and she had to go to a photo shoot in France and so she couldn't take me with her. And so I got put up for adoption. She's probably the Princess of Monaco now, but no, your parents are this. This is what you got away from. I I hate to say that, but I really believe it's true. So good luck for you. I feel lucky that I'm adopted. When I heard when I talked to those people, I talked to those people. And I was like, Thank God, they gave me away. Anyway, this thing's adopted, though. I love this. It's very,

Melissa 40:16
very interesting.

Scott Benner 40:18
Yeah. Because you're you know why it's interesting is because you're raising three kids. And you have like a nice nucleolus and a little family, you're growing, your husband works, you're taking care of the stuff that you're taking care of. And you don't, I'm assuming you don't have children with somebody else he doesn't know about, I'm assuming your husband hasn't made 16 Babies somewhere else that you're not aware of like, you're just just being, well, you're just being a normal person. Like, just be normal. For God's sakes. Is it that hard? Is it all sex?

Melissa 40:46
Apparently it is?

Scott Benner 40:48
I mean, how hard can it be to just like, life is so short, and it's tiring to begin with? Find one person will have sexy, that one that's good, get a house? Buy some food and drop dead? Like, what are you doing?

Melissa 41:05
I can get there because I am super content with my little life. I like it. I don't think I'm important. I'm important enough to my kids and my husband like that. That's enough for most, I

Lija Greenseid 41:18
don't think you have a little life at all. I think you have a lovely life. And your kids will go off and make their own life. Like what is it people expect is gonna happen? Do you really mean? Like, what are you trying?

Melissa 41:28
It's like a thing, you know, where everybody's trying to become? Like, the goal is to become famous to be no.

Scott Benner 41:34
So you know, like, so in a small town existence where you're not on television or have fame somewhere or professional sport. You can be the person who has all these stories about them. And people everybody knows about me. Do you think that might be it? Like they're just looking for connection with people? I don't know. Maybe it doesn't matter if it's good connection? I don't know. I don't think you have a little life. I think you have a lovely life. And I think that I do too. I get up. Right? I say good morning to my wife. I try to catch a look at her before she gets her brown. That's fun for me. And then I grab some eggs. And then I make a podcast. And then I talk to my kids and I help them with stuff. I do the laundry i the other day. Well, I had a gutter break. I went out bought a piece for gutter. What is it? I should be doing? Like I should be impregnating six women. Like you don't I mean, like creating chaos in people's lives. Like I don't, I don't understand. I really

Melissa 42:25
are just lucky to have gotten through our, you know, teens and early 20s. Without making big mistakes. You think it's luck? Some of it? Some, it's good decisions, but some of it's just there. But for the grace of God go I you know,

Scott Benner 42:42
I think if I told you what I think it is, people wouldn't like me.

Melissa 42:47
I tell my husband that all the time. I'm like, You think I'm a nice person? That's because I just don't say what I'm thinking. No, I

Scott Benner 42:52
think it's the 20 IQ points. Some people are missing. That's what I think it is. Seriously, because you call it a good decision. But what what's the root of a good why do I sound angry? I'm not angry, I'm just talking about the root of a good decision is being able to think through something. That's all

Melissa 43:07
like, didn't you mean like, wait and delay that impulse? Like not kill someone?

Speaker 1 43:12
What's that saying? Those who know don't say? And those who say don't know, right? Like, you got to know when to keep your mouth shut. Like you have to know what's important to articulate, and what's not. These are impulses that people have. And I don't know, I'm sorry, go off the rails completely. But

Melissa 43:33
like, Well, I knew I knew the family stuff was gonna take us off the rails a little bit. But it is it's, it's part of our story, because it involves how the type two came about how the type one came about, like, and it's, you know, I'm glad we got reconnected with his father's side of the family because I wouldn't know about some of this stuff otherwise, like, Mike has made things a lot easier for us by helping us know these things.

Scott Benner 43:59
My best advice to anyone, if things are always going wrong for you. You don't know what you're doing. I know you're blaming everything else. But it's, it's probably you. And I don't mean that like it's like you're,

Melissa 44:14
it's at least worth considering.

Speaker 1 44:18
Consider for a second that the first thing that pops into your head might not be the best idea. Go look at other people who are having successes and say, how did they handle this situation? Oh, it's funny. I thought this and they did something completely different. I wonder what would have happened if I did that. If you have trouble eating? Here's one for you. I swear will work. If you're overweight, and you don't know why go to the grocery store and follow fit people around. Just go to the aisles they go to notice that they don't go into the aisles you go to notice that they're picking up something different than what you would pick up by the food they're buying. Eat that that's how they got there. Life's not some unknowable thing, if you're constantly having money troubles, and your brother doesn't have money troubles, call your brother up and say, I have money trouble all the time. But you don't? Can you tell me what you do? I'm going to tell you what I do. And you could maybe make some suggestions to me because I like, why would you just, it's always I don't know what happened, or somebody else screwed me or like, just I don't know, shame

Melissa 45:24
is very powerful and avoiding it is a powerful motivator, I think, screw

Scott Benner 45:30
all that. I want people to have a happy life. And I hate to say it, sometimes you're not the right person to decide like, and that's fine. There's no shame. I don't think there's any shame in that. Like, there are so many things I don't understand. So many things I don't know the first thing about, and if they are something I need to be involved in, I go find somebody else that understands it. That's it. Like I do not run around pretending that I know how to do something I don't know how to do. It would be stupid. I'm going to make mistakes. I'm going to screw it up. I'm going to put us in a deficit. I'm going to cost us money. I'm going to, you know, I'm going to waste time. I know it's not something people think about. But all of you don't know what the hell you're talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. Sometimes. I'm good at this thing. Like, do you mean like I have some things I'm good at? I have some things I look at my wife and I go help me. I don't know what to do. I'm dumb. Like, I you know, like, it's, I don't know, there's no harm in it. Mostly, it made me very upset. I don't even know why. How's the kid? How's the diabetes is orange.

Melissa 46:30
You know, you mentioned us in episode, it was like 922, one of the myths. Oh, real. Minute 17. You said this lady's putting in a massive amount of effort. And I was like, Thank you for staying because Part A one C has been 5.4 to 4.9 for the last year plus, wow, we use we use Control IQ. You sleep mode around the clock. You know, Christina Korea's advice has been really helpful for us. As far as like how to gain that. So it can let us ever be below 110 puberty. And you know, the advent of periods have been kicking my butt. So that's why we went because we we held for point like 5.1 4.9 we held that for a long time.

Scott Benner 47:18
This is a pretty low carb lifestyle, too. Right? lower carb,

Melissa 47:22
you know, low Earth, lower, but sometimes we go nuts. And you know, she's always been my fruit that like literally since she could have food that wasn't boob. She's always been my fruit back. So I don't like to not let her have fruit. So that is something you know, I have read Bernstein. I like it. I get where he's coming from. But I'm not going to count my kids salad. And I'm not going to say she can't have fruit. I'm not counting out for berries. I'm just not I'm not going to forbear. Honestly. That's why I like you so much. I could be a fence straggler in the Juicebox Podcast Facebook group. And maybe I get criticized but I don't get a lot of because it's not really tolerated. And everybody's encouraged to do what works for you. So we straddle that fence, like we're we're in both sides we're in, you know, where's that aim small Miss small, like small dose and have you use the insulin that you need? Or what you're going to eat? Like, I don't care how you eat, just learn how to dose insulin. So that's kind of where we are. I will say puberty is kicking my butt. And they have these these first cycles where, like, I know how the female hormones in general affect things. But since cycles are not regular yet, I don't know when that's gonna happen. You know what I mean? Like, okay, so we're super insulin sensitive, like, right after the period starts and maybe some really great sensitivity, like right at mid cycle. And we do well like, oh, we'll have more carbs stay because it'll be easier. Yeah. And then, you know, toward like, right, like, right before like PMS time, major insulin resistance, you know, and we've always heard Basal to Bolus ratio has always been more like 7030 the 5050 stuff I read in books like I read pumping insolence, a great book I read, think like a pancreas, but I found your podcast like, weeks, 123 weeks in. And so I really feel like the podcast spoke to me because I knew I was responsible for it. And I wanted to direct it if I'm responsible for it. If I'm accountable for it, I have to have control over it. So when the doctor like I'm saying, I'm calling into the doctor asking for new pump settings, we got a pump like we had a Dexcom I'm sorry, I'm jumping around. We got a Dexcom a week she was discharged on a Monday we had on Friday. The our first endocrinology since left to make a concierge practice and we don't have that kind of money. So whatever takes insurance, that's where we're going. In our in our city. It's one practice now so We're with them now. But the first one she was like, get that technology, get it, get it, get it. And we have a high deductible plan. She was diagnosed you know, in a pick you stay in October. And I said to them, I think we know we want to pump. This is what she's decided she wanted. We need to get it before the end of the year before the deductible right?

May love you took up for us. She even said to me, this is how vain I am. Right. So I remember she said to me when I was saying okay, so this is what I saw on these the adjustments I made to her MDI, insulin, she was like, this is the kind of critical thinking we're looking for. And I'm like, ooh, ooh, I'll take those aspects all day long. Because, you know, it can sometimes be a little thankless caring for children in general. And, you know, MDI was,

Scott Benner 50:54
that was harder, nice to hear somebody say, I'm doing a good job.

Melissa 50:56
I do love a pump. I do love a pump of those algorithms. I wish everybody could have them. So you

Scott Benner 51:02
brought a lot of stuff up here. I think that it's worth talking about, that most people listening, don't know that online. There's, you know, small wars that go on over, you know, between low carb and people who eat carbs and type ones, right, like, and it's not everybody, it's a small faction of people who are very specific about their eating styles. And if you try to get involved with them, and and then you say, Oh, I'm gonna add fruit to this, there'll be like you are, you know, a bastard. Like your kid. Yeah, yeah. But I want to say something that I've learned recently. This is gonna sound disconnected for a second. I have for my entire life. wanted a chameleon. I know that's a weird thing. I'm an older person. And we were having a conversation around the house recently. or somebody's like, what is the thing you don't do that you could do? And I said, I could have a chameleon. And people I know, they looked at me weird. I'm like, my whole life. I thought, I'd like to have a chameleon. But I've never done it because they're not easy pets to take care of. There's responsibility, a lot of responsibility. I feel very responsible for living things. I don't sometimes I don't enjoy that. Like that feeling of, it feels like I that thing now comes before I do, like, I that's how I deal with things like my kids come before me. My wife comes before me. If I get a chameleon, I'm gonna actually it's gonna come before me. But I thought I could do this. Right. And I saw I said it out loud when we were talking about this thing. And my kids go out and get me a chameleon for Christmas. Like they buy the habitat, learn all about it, set it up, go find one, get it like this whole thing. And as soon as I see it, I have this feeling of dread. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, I don't want to be, I don't want this. Like, I don't want the responsibility that comes to this. But because they did it. I smiled. And I was like, thank you. This is really wonderful. Thank you so much for making your dream come true as far as they're concerned, exactly. And so now I'm teaching myself all about it right. And I listened, I'm lucky I have a little bit of time, I could do some reading, while I'm editing and stuff like that, I figure some stuff out. I know what I need to do to take care of this thing so that it's healthy, and you know, etc. But at one point, I go into a Facebook group about chameleons. And I'm struck immediately with the juxtaposition between some of the people in the chameleon group and low carb people in type one diabetes online. And it's really interesting. And then I realized, it's not diabetes. It's not chameleons. It's not anything, it's people. Some people believe they have the end all be all answer. There is only one way, there is only one way. And if you don't do these things, you are the devil. Like immediately, and not just You're the devil, and you're gonna kill that chameleon. But you're gonna say you did this thing out loud. And other people are gonna kill their chameleons, too, because you have spread bad information. And then I was like, oh my god, this is the same thing about COVID. I was like, this is just people. This is not a COVID argument. It's not a chameleon argument. It's not a low carb diet argument. It's just how people's brains work. Some people grab on to something so firmly, and they say to themselves, my way the highway. And now because of the advent of the internet, they are able to make passionate pleas to you, but they never come off as pleased. They always come off as telling. Like, you have to do this and you have to do that. And if you don't use the enclosure that you're supposed to use, the chameleon is gonna die. And I'm like, and then you go to another person that says, hey, you know what, it turns out if humidity in your house is one way well, this kind of enclosure would work for you and if humidity in your house or where you live is another way this one might be more appropriate. But I go Back to the first person that like, no, it absolutely has to be this one. If you don't do this one, you're a monster. And I think that's how I see some people talk to people about low carb in diabetes, but it's not everybody. Their voices are so loud. And they're so I don't know what the word is vicious very sure. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, very positive. And sure. And I've thought about it in the past. And I was like, you know, specifically around low carb and type one. And I thought, they just feel like they found an answer to something and they want you to be okay, the way they're okay. Now, because let's know what you're saying here. Kids, they want to ease between like, what four, nine and five, four. Amazing, you know, but that doesn't mean it's the only way to do it. And, you know, it's not because they're bad people. It's not because they're anything, it's because they're, they're trying to help. They're really trying to help them they feel passionate about

Melissa 55:56
it, I feel lucky that I can take it for I can take ideas from everywhere and just do what I want to do.

Scott Benner 56:02
Well, that's what I ended up doing with this. That's why I brought this, I was gonna say this to the community, that's my brother chameleon up because I looked, what I did was I first I looked, and I saw the people yelling, and I disregarded them, like, Okay, I'm not gonna listen to the yelling people. And then I listened to everybody else. And I paid attention to what they were saying, I applied it, you know, to real implications in my life, and my home. And what I'm gonna do here, and I'm like, I know, these are, these seem like healthy ways to deal with the situation. And as I'm having that experience, I think to myself, This is how I set up my Facebook group for diabetes. And that's why it works so well for you. Or for somebody who's gonna, you know, like, literally not eat low carb, you take the bits that work in your situation, and you apply them and you have a nice outcome. That's all you're looking for.

Melissa 56:55
The other thing that I think that the faith the juicebox group gives is a place to belong, even if you don't belong in any other, like, smaller slot. Yeah, there's a lot of room for people to belong there.

Scott Benner 57:07
Oh, it's a big tent idea for sure. Like, I want everyone to be there. I don't care if you have type one, if you have gestational, if you're the parent, I have grandparents in their school nurses that have no connection to diabetes. Other than that, there's a kid that comes in their office that has type one, parents and adults, there's 70 year old people in there, there's 20 year old people in there, and they all talk to each other just fine. It just turns out that, you know, being led by common sense, is really the is really the key to success, I think. And I think that's the one thing that I have is common sense. So, you know, it's, it's the way I run the thing. And basically don't even do anything. I mean, secret time. You know what I mean? Like there's not a lot to do. You set up the expectation. And then the people follow the expectation. Like you don't I mean, like and like you said, I don't like if somebody starts yelling at somebody or acting crazy, I take care of that right away. I'm like, we're not doing that. Like I want you here. I want you to be able to benefit from this. But if you're a crazy person, you gotta go.

Melissa 58:13
That's that no pain in the pool.

Scott Benner 58:15
There's no, exactly right? I treat those people in the Facebook group the same way I treated my extended family when I found out where my adopted family is like, no, no, no, thank you. You go ahead and go. You tell me someone's going to ask me for money. I'm done. I was like, Okay, I'm not doing that. You know, they start telling you some crazy stories. And I'm like, That is not a story I want to be around. And that's not that doesn't bring harmony to my life. And so that's what I want for that Facebook group is harmony. And it obviously works. Because it grows so fast. It's just fascinating how quickly it adds people 150 every four days.

Melissa 58:55
It's really solid. I mean, yeah, they're still like diagnoses are still happening. Gonna keep coming.

Scott Benner 59:02
Have you ever seen craziness? And thought, oh, Scott's gonna come take care of this, right? No,

Melissa 59:08
like, most of the time I missed it. By the time I get there. Somebody's referencing the craziness that's already been taken care of. Like, oh, man, it

Scott Benner 59:17
gets taken care of very, very quickly. Yeah, I'm not I'm not screwing around with that. So anyway, control IQ aggressively with over and you're always using sleep mode with it. Dexcom G seven,

Melissa 59:29
six. No GS six so far. You know, I'm sitting in a parking lot right now because the Wi Fi neither the Wi Fi nor the cell signal in my house will support a reliable like zoom call. So I'm afraid to try and do the update for G seven and I love that it's backwards compatible and you could apparently you can use libre now to

Scott Benner 59:53
Oh, I saw that yesterday. Yeah.

Melissa 59:57
And but you know what? I'm dying them to partner with tidal like I know that Omni pod said they weren't going to do it. So I'm like who's left? Who's going to do tide pool? I want tandem to get a lower target through the FDA of typo could do 87 Do it, do it. That's

Scott Benner 1:00:15
an interesting problem. I don't know that many people know what you're talking about. But tide pool Oh,

Melissa 1:00:20
see, I'm, I'm there because I, I like control IQ. I would love it. If I could set my target 9590 Even I could, that would be so great. Because a lot of the time I'm fighting the algorithm and I think who on them are just continuing Basal IQ? Like, does that mean? Like, does that mean? Like the pump isn't going to be for people under six anymore? Because they don't that control IQs out approved you

Scott Benner 1:00:48
just right off label. That's what they'll do. The doctor will write for it off label, I'm gonna tell you that I don't expect that that thing will ever happen. I was

Melissa 1:00:58
thinking maybe after the g7 integration that

Scott Benner 1:01:01
I just it doesn't seem like from a business perspective. It doesn't seem like an idea that people would do like that. There's just an algorithm out there. And you can use it on our pump. If you want to

Melissa 1:01:12
know why doesn't it doesn't seem like a good way to keep your market share and keep your this and keep your that it's also

Scott Benner 1:01:18
another thing you can explain to people like like every most people, they don't want to know about this. They want to go to the doctor and be like, hey, Pump. Pump me. When the pump comes, they go, Hey, don't use it. Use it like this. Great. Goodbye. That's it. They don't want to know. They don't want to know, me

Melissa 1:01:38
like I had my babies at home because I'm a control freak. Right? Like, yeah, I

Scott Benner 1:01:42
need to feed your chickens. I

Melissa 1:01:44
want to be in control of it. Yeah. Why can't I pick my number? Let me pick my number. You know, I can do it. Like I said I did for 4.9 with, darn it. There's a train coming. I'm sorry. Don't

Scott Benner 1:01:56
worry, let the train happen. It'd be very authentic. This sounds like the Tennessee two to Chattanooga. Oh, that. I'm gonna tell you something right now. Chattanooga, I don't care if we can hear that train. This is going to be Chattanooga Choo Choo. But if we can't hear the train, you're stuck with chicken coop? Entry? Yeah.

Melissa 1:02:23
Well, that's the problem. I bought a microphone that said, Oh, they can't hear me on my Zoom calls when my wife is bumbling through the house. So too bad

Scott Benner 1:02:30
chicken coop intrigue it is. But I just don't think that companies really want to be involved in that.

Melissa 1:02:37
And there's probably a I'm probably part of a small enough subset, like Basal IQ people. They don't, they don't care. It's not a big enough group for them to worry about. I mean, I don't know. And that's what I have to keep remembering about diabetes. Like not everybody is like the Juicebox Podcast group where everybody shooting for five and a half. Yeah, nobody is. It's it's, it seems like everybody because that's the only place I really hang out diabetes wise. And then I go out, it's kind of like parenting stuff. You know, I go out into random like, oh, oh, okay. Not everybody. A hippie, like, okay for God, but had been insulated enough?

Scott Benner 1:03:16
Yeah, no, listen, most people are not doing that. Like most people are just trying to get by, like you don't I mean, like, that's why I'm proud of building it up. Because it means you're bringing in more and more people, those people go back to doctors, they tell doctors, I listen to a podcast. And guess what, here's my one, say it's 5.3. It's six, it's, you know, I don't work that hard. And it's six or I work a little harder, it's five and a half or whatever. And then eventually, doctors should be able to get it their heads like, oh, there might be ways to do this that aren't as difficult as I thought they were. And, you know, maybe that spreads. But the truth of it is, is that for most people, they're going to have middling a one sees middling success, there are going to be a lot of people who have complications, like that's not new, you know. So I think from a technology standpoint, companies are thinking, if that's who we're helping, then let's try to get this stuff in a place where it's plug and play, and you put it on them, it's going to keep their a one C lower is going to keep their stability, you know, lower, and they're gonna have a better chance to good outcome. Like you're thinking about it, like, I can learn this, I can do this, I can change my reality. Whereas I don't think a lot of people think that way. I think a lot of people think oh, a thing happened to me. And now I have to like use this device. And what's going to happen is gonna happen.

Melissa 1:04:41
Now our first endo told us when I was asking, I was like, we're having trouble with Hi, can you help me adjust? And they gave me a they gave me pump settings that reduced her insulin delivery when you needed more insulin. And I said, What about the highs I'm experienced? We're not experiencing lows. We're experiencing high eyes. And the CD told me, Dr. So and so will not give pump settings that increase insulin delivery unless and until her average glucose is above 200. Yeah, well, that's a problem. That was where I got angry. And it wasn't. It wasn't the CDs fault, but I was like, then clearly we have different goals. Yeah, for my daughter's help.

Scott Benner 1:05:23
Yeah, that's insane. So your doctor wouldn't give you orders to increase insulin until average blood sugar was 200.

Melissa 1:05:32
Yes. And so I was like, Okay, I'll do it myself. And I had the podcast that point. So I could, like I had read things like a pancreas. I had read pumping insulin, I had these tips and like, here's what, here's the variables I'm working with. Here's, you know, the things that could affect it. Here's, you know, not saying we never have to catch lows we do. I mean, I'm not perfect. But we're very, just always trying to keep it under 2%. I don't like loves to go over 2%. I know. 4% is like the ADA standard. But that's not what we're shooting for. I

Scott Benner 1:06:04
mean, I don't care about the ADA standard. I care about what your standard is. Just do what you can do. You

Melissa 1:06:09
know, I feel like mine is reasonable. And I think that's where I was butting heads with the Endo. Like, just support what I want. Because I can tell you why it's good.

Scott Benner 1:06:20
Yeah, that's not gonna happen. With some doctors, it's not gonna happen with some doctors, it will, you'll get you'll get ones that understand it on a bigger scale, and you'll get ones that don't. That's the thing that people I want people to understand. Is it a doctor that's willing to manage it with a 200 blood sugar is saying extensively, I will trade problems down the road for not being low right now.

Melissa 1:06:45
Is that common among pediatric endocrinologist because they don't see the complications? Like it's, it's not their problem,

Scott Benner 1:06:53
it's common with everybody. Because they just they don't, I mean, doesn't exist, I'm turning around to get to another computer. So they don't have the thing I have. And that thing is access to you. I don't have a pressure of having to say everything. Today. I can say something in one episode and something in another episode and a third thing and a fourth thing, and you can take six months to listen to those and listen to them and make sense of them and coalesce it together. And I used to work cold last time twice. And take your time and build a narrative for yourself. The doctors don't have that. I couldn't tell you everything you needed to know in 15 minutes, four times a year. It's unfair. And so maybe they've decided it just won't work. And so we'll shoot for you know this because the ADA says it's okay. And if the ADA says it Okay, then I'm not doing anything wrong. I don't have to feel bad about this. You don't I mean, like, who knows? I'm not in their heads, I can tell you that an average 200 blood sugar isn't a one C of 8.6. It she

Melissa 1:07:57
actually argued with me, she said kids who have an A one see under seven are having significant hypo episodes. And I was like, here's the Dexcom data, show me the hypose. And she was complaining when we were a 6.1.

Scott Benner 1:08:11
By the way, a seven a one season average blood sugar of 154. Yeah, or 8.6. If you're in Canada and other places, and see,

Melissa 1:08:20
that's one thing I really like about the strident low carb people is they're like, this a one C is not good for you. We're not really we're not really hearing that from many other places.

Scott Benner 1:08:33
No, I completely agree with them. Yeah, on that, on that topic. I don't agree with yelling at people. That's, and I also think that this is very manageable, down on the farm. But if your daughter goes off to Ohio State one day and has to eat in the cafeteria, she might not know how to Bolus for that if you don't teach her how insulin works. And then you're gonna put all this effort into this 4.95 to a one sees her first 18 years of her life. And then what happens to her when that food doesn't exist anymore. And she doesn't know how insulin works because she's been so low carb that she's using, you know, I don't know, regular an MP regular wood, a low carb, some low carb people still use like regular insulin right to like, like for their protein rises, which is cool. If you know how to do that. It's amazing. And if you're an adult living in a house, you have control over your food, go for it. That's cool. I think it's cool. But like, you know, off in the world, 21 years old, 18 years old. Good luck. You know what I mean? Like so like my point is know how insulin works, be able to use it, and then apply it to the lifestyle you have. That's all

Melissa 1:09:45
yes. And that's why I call us Ben stragglers because we eat fries. We we leave taco shells. We have a brand of taco shells that are really at a dose where

Scott Benner 1:09:55
I'm sure you can figure a lot of stuff out I would imagine like I'm not I'm not against people eating low. card at all. I'm not certain that it's doable for everybody. And you can't just tell people it's doable, and then send them out into the world. You're not there anymore. You know, you and your little in your Facebook avatar gone. That kids at college, I don't know what they're gonna do. And you know, I've heard people say, Well, you can meal prep, and you can do that. And like, yeah, I see your fancy lady in your kitchen with your $95,000 worth of like cabinets and countertops telling me how easy it is to meal prep. Your kitchen costs more than some people's homes. And you know, like, you're telling me how easy it is. I'm not saying anybody specifically, I've seen a lot of these. I've seen a lot of these ladies on the internet. All you have to do is you just set it by the way you spend your life in the kitchen. Yeah, right. So all you have to do all you have to do. I'm at Walmart trying to make a living. I don't have this. Like it strikes me like when I'm famous people tell me that all I have to do is work out three hours a day.

Melissa 1:10:56
So simple, Melissa,

Scott Benner 1:10:58
I get up in the morning, I go for a walk, then I cold plunge. And then I like to get into the sauna. And then I have a nice breakfast of meats and cheeses that I've made myself. And then I'm like, where do you think my time and money comes from? I don't have a contract with like Warner Brothers. Like like they're not paying me to be in a movie once a year. I can't do the things you're doing. I love it when famous people do that. Like all you have to do all you have to do shut the fuck up. Like I don't have your money. I don't have your time. I don't have your access.

Melissa 1:11:32
It's so simple, though. It's just a matter of prioritize.

Scott Benner 1:11:36
You don't know cold shock proteins, Melissa? Cold shock proteins. You need them? They're gonna save your life. Yeah. Would you like to live forever? Getting some cold water?

Melissa 1:11:48
Oh, thank you. So all

Scott Benner 1:11:50
I'm saying around diabetes is that people need practical advice. You're not saying anything wrong, that other person, your variables aren't the same as theirs. You know, like, you know, today I did this, I look at the plate. I'm like, This lady's grocery bill must be $1,000 every two weeks. She's like, Oh, all I have to do. It's just have you ever done this? No, I haven't. Because I'm at work. Because my grandfather is my dad, like I got going on, like, so like, I want those people to be able to use insulin to and it bears out. I see it bear out online all the time. You know, you take again, like we talked about earlier, you pick and choose from the podcast, the things that work for your life. And people are really able to keep low stable a one sees that are going to lead to good health. And, you know, their ability to actually navigate the world that they live in. So anyway, I'm not against anybody's i Whatever works for you, I think is terrific. I'm very clear about that. How do

Melissa 1:12:50
we get the NGOs to stop giving us a hard time for wanting an agency under six? I mean, smiling, not giving a is definitely you know, like option number one, but they stop hassling us. No,

Scott Benner 1:13:02
they're not gonna stop hassling us because they're just doing the thing they're supposed to. They're the lady with the thermometer or the guy with a thermometer at the emergency room. Okay, somebody paid me to be here with this thermometer, open your mouth. Like that's it. Like I'm the doctor. This is what my practice does. I am now going to say the thing do we say? So, you know, it's up to you to be able to do the I always call it like the Madagascar penguins from that movie. You get a smile and wave. Just when they're like, You know what their problem is? You go Uh huh, uh huh. Yeah, okay. Yeah, no problem.

Melissa 1:13:33
Right. My prescription, please.

Scott Benner 1:13:34
Yeah. Oh, don't worry, I'll turn it down. Thanks. Bye, bye. You know, either just get the heck out of there with your prescription and keep going. I feel like I'm

Melissa 1:13:43
gonna set my daughter up to not care as much what they think when she's on her own. But it's sometimes it feels like judgment when you're the parent and a pediatric endo office. That's not just your health, it's your kids health. If you're not doing it, right, then

Scott Benner 1:14:00
I don't know how to pass that part of my of myself on to people either tell you like I don't I don't give a what other people think about what I'm doing. So yeah, that's pretty much it. Like I am happy to listen to outside, you know, ideas all the time. And I integrate things people say to me constantly, but if if you're wrong, you're wrong. And so I mean, I'm not going to give it any weight at that point. A person who would tell you hey, your kids a one C is 5.8. It's too low. I'm going to I'm gonna take away some of their basil. Like II talking about, like, No 2% lows. Are you kidding me? Is that what you have?

Melissa 1:14:39
Yeah, we keep it less than 2%. A lot of times it's less than 2%. No one should be telling you anything. Yeah, you know what the last endocrinologist appointment we went to they apparently they only look back two weeks when they check our Dexcom data. And I was telling about something that had happened so mom of the year. My husband was on the road For work, and I had not slept in two days, because various things that had happened, diabetes and Babywise, she had turned control IQ off, which we sometimes have to do for dinner because it's always taking away basil. It's a specific problem that I can't get tandem to help me with. Her basil gets stuck at three, even though she needs more, which is a whole other thing. But we had turned control IQ off and then forgot to turn it back on. And she was low at night, and I slept with the alarms. And she slept through the alarms. And her dad is several states away getting urgent, and he had to send the police, he could not get anybody on the phone, right. And he had to send the police to wake us up. And I said that I of course brought that up thinking I was gonna get help at the endocrinologist office. And they basically documented it like they were gonna document to turn me into CPS. Yeah, nothing about anything else we talked about is like you are treating with insulin for normal glucose levels. And you need to not do that, and blah, blah. It was it was very upsetting to read those notes. And they wouldn't have known about it if I hadn't called if I hadn't brought it up and asked for help. Like if the algorithm like were bolusing for these corrections, and it in turn takes away more and more and more and more basil because it's perfectly happy to let her sit at 200. So now I now I just have an alarm to turn control IQ on every night at midnight. Melissa,

Scott Benner 1:16:29
I want you to imagine what would have happened if you went into a doctor's office and told people who had 15 More points of IQ, that same story. And then said I just need help with this one problem. The dumb they don't know. They don't know how to think the hero thing and they go scared run. Some people have trouble thinking. I don't know what to say. It just was.

Melissa 1:16:53
It was horrible. I asked for help. And instead they documented it like I had done something criminal. Yeah. I'm telling you. I felt very defeated by that.

Scott Benner 1:17:02
I bet you did. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry. You went through that. You're not a smooth criminal. Well, I

Melissa 1:17:06
can't wait till our next appointment, which we have to camp because we don't have insurance right now. But we'll see. We'll see how the new insurance is. Oh,

Scott Benner 1:17:14
can you sell some of those eggs that Aetna and trade or something like that? No,

Melissa 1:17:19
those eggs are for my baby.

Scott Benner 1:17:21
How hard is it to make it to feed a chicken every day? Oh,

Melissa 1:17:25
not hard at all. Do you know what I have set it up? So I don't even have to feed them every day. So I went on the internet. Everything's on the internet as

Scott Benner 1:17:33
the chickens and

Melissa 1:17:34
ozempic I'm just kidding. God. No, no, no. But hey, you're about to get me on it because I'm tired of being chubby.

Scott Benner 1:17:43
I just switched, actually. Anyway,

Melissa 1:17:45
yeah. Good. I'm carrying I'm like comparing menopausal it's, I'm sure there's other should I should be doing but no, I made like great big feeders with giant plastic trash cans. Like got a like a you know when those circle bit things and cut a hole out and put in some PVC elbows. So they don't spread it everywhere. They just get their head then. And I can put two 350 pound bags of food in there. And I don't like I always check it like I check on them every day. And I gather the eggs and I shoveled it and stuff like that. Yeah, I don't have to. And I did the same thing with waters. My husband helped me with that in great big barrels and you know drilling holes and putting in little automatic cup waters. And so, like we check on them every day, but we don't have to haul water in whole food every single day. And that makes it so much nicer for us.

Scott Benner 1:18:37
A little bit of ingenuity. That's all you need. Yeah,

Melissa 1:18:39
and an automatic coupe door. lets them in and out. I mean, we can go on vacation now. It's great. And this is why we don't have a dog like with first you know, we had our you know, one the dogs that you get when you get married. You don't have kids yet? Well, you know, we've been married a long time. So they're dead. And they die before the baby. The youngest was born. She's gonna be five. By the time we were ready to think about getting a dog again. Her food allergies were such there was no way that we could have even crumbs of dog food anywhere. Mind you. I'm not a housekeeper. So that was a legit concern.

Scott Benner 1:19:14
How to get this off the floor? Yeah,

Melissa 1:19:17
I mean, there's there's many times like the kids, you know, get food on the floor. I'm like, Oh, if only we had a dog. But you know, we've been dogless long enough now that I'm, I'm reluctant to jump back in. Now the chickens don't tie us to the house the same way a dog would. So I know kids need pets and stuff like that. But they're gonna have to settle for chickens right now.

Scott Benner 1:19:35
I'm just gonna get a chameleon. And oh, I already have one. Nevermind. I'm good. Yeah,

Melissa 1:19:39
my sister has a house full of reptiles. And she has a much cooler mom than me because I'm like, Absolutely.

Scott Benner 1:19:44
I'm not getting any more. This is just this one thing. It's good for me because I find keeping the chameleon to be a lot like raising a cactus, which is they are so slow that they really teach you how to be patient. And I need more patients always Smart patients so I can sit and watch that thing, move a half an inch in 15 minutes and think, okay, I can slow down. Get it. I mean, so I'm good with it. Anyway, I appreciate you very much doing this. I don't know what we talked about. It doesn't matter to me. I love the podcast. We just sometimes we chit chat and things go one way or the other. I'm looking here people are thrilled with an episode that went up the other day. I'm getting a lot of notes about episode 1100. So maybe yours will be one of those that one day I'll look online and be like, Oh my god, I was listening to Melissa on episode 1500. No, I had such a good time where we're so thoughtful or whatever. But I really appreciate this. Thank you so much for doing this with me. Yeah, thanks for having me. Of course. Thank you for sitting in a parking lot to get your Wi Fi.

Melissa 1:20:46
I appreciate that. Well, I mean, pros and cons are living.

Scott Benner 1:20:57
Want to thank the ever since CGM for sponsoring this episode of The Juicebox Podcast and invite you to go to ever said cgm.com/juicebox. To learn more about this terrific device. You can head over now and just absorb everything that the website has to offer. And that way you'll know if ever sense feels right for you. Ever since cgm.com/juice box. A huge thank you to one of today's sponsors, G voc glucagon, find out more about Chivo Capo pen at GE Vogue glucagon.com Ford slash juice box, they spell that GVOKEGL You see ag o n.com. Forward slash juice box. The conversation you just enjoyed was brought to you by us med U S med.com/juice box or call 888-721-1514 Get started today and get your supplies from us med. If you're not already subscribed or following in your favorite audio app. Please take the time now to do that. It really helps the show and get those automatic downloads set up so you never miss an episode. Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back very soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. Hey, what's up everybody? If you've noticed that the podcast sounds better, and you're thinking like how does that happen? What you're hearing is Rob at wrong way recording doing his magic to these files. So if you want him to do his magic to you, wrong way recording.com You got a podcast you want somebody to edit it. You want Rob

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