#1236 Libby, Libby Libby

June 25, 2024Scott Benner

Libby learned to cope.

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Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends and welcome to episode 1236 of the Juicebox Podcast.

Today we'll be speaking with Libby who 28 years ago was diagnosed with type one diabetes around 13 years old. Libby's done a fair amount of counseling, and she's gonna talk about that her new coping skills, her life with control, IQ, and much more on this episode of The Juicebox Podcast. Please don't forget that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan or becoming bold with insulin. When you place your first order for ag one with my link, you'll get five free travel packs and a free year supply of vitamin D drink ag one.com/juice box. Guys I need you on this T one D exchange.org/juice. Box you're a US resident who has type one or is the caregiver of someone with type one. I need you to take that survey AT T one D exchange.org/juice. Box you are literally going to help move type one diabetes research forward T one D exchange.org/juicebox Take you like 10 minutes. I appreciate it very much.

Today, today's episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by Dexcom makers of the Dexcom G seven and G six continuous glucose monitoring systems. dexcom.com/juicebox Today's episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by Omni pod and the Omni pod five. Learn more and get started today at Omni pod.com/juice. Box. Hi,

Libby 2:15
my name is Libby. I guess I've been type one for 28 years. I'm currently on a Dexcom G six and a tandem T slim x two with control IQ. Oh, excellent.

Scott Benner 2:28
Control IQ. Gonna move to the g7 at some point. Geez, I

Libby 2:33
hope so. I just got a brand new G six transmitter like a month ago. So I'd have to go through that. You know, I would hate to waste supplies. So isn't

Scott Benner 2:40
it funny how something that you love so much the minute they put out something new? You're like, I'm stuck with this G six transmitter for three months? Yep. Can you imagine my life? It's terrible. No, that's that's, that's excellent. How long have you been using control? Like you?

Libby 2:53
Pretty much since it was released to the general public. I believe if I remember correctly, I was part of like the beta testing group. Wow. And I was like, Wow, this was really cool. I freaking love it. Because you know, having diabetes for so long. It just gets so tiring and overwhelming. And just, you know, you just want a vacation.

Scott Benner 3:10
Listen, we jumped right in because you're short on time. So let me just ask you a couple of fast questions to orient my mind. And I know you probably said half of this already, but don't judge me. How old are you?

Libby 3:20
I just turned 41 in December.

Scott Benner 3:23
How old were you when you got diabetes?

Libby 3:24
I was technically 12. It was two weeks before my 13th birthday. So 13

Scott Benner 3:28
any other family members have type one? No,

Libby 3:31
I am the only one in my entire family history. Okay.

Scott Benner 3:35
Any other autoimmune issues in you or the family?

Libby 3:38
I've got hypothyroidism. My mom has that as well. My dad was diagnosed type two later in life. And my oldest brother has had kind of an on and off type two diagnosis. It's very weird for him. And we are assuming that my dad's mom was undiagnosed type two. But that's that's really it

Scott Benner 4:01
that's realized celiac. No people have trouble digesting food. Nope. By health

Libby 4:07
stuff, just nothing. Oh, hold

Scott Benner 4:09
on metabolic attorney bipolar in the family. My mom

Libby 4:13
and I joke that there's undiagnosed bipolar and depression and all that stuff running around in our family, but no actual clinical diagnoses

Scott Benner 4:20
are sometimes hard to get a diagnosis. It is. And you are on the show today because I wanted

Libby 4:26
to talk about mental health specifically related to diabetes. All right.

Scott Benner 4:32
Well, you're in the right place. Libby. Libby, Libby Libby, there's no way that's not going to be the episode title because all your name makes me think of is that commercial? Oh, the birth of vegetables? Yeah, no. Yeah. Libby Libby Libby on the Label Label. That's it right label? Yeah, so this is you're gonna have to say something pretty out of there too. For this not to be called that. We'll find out. That's fine. Alright, so mental health and type one. What's your finding?

Libby 4:58
I'll start off with saying If I didn't, I was never opposed to going to therapy or counseling or that I was never that person was like, oh, counseling is wrong, or it's evil or you know, it's not godly or whatever, you know, people say so many things about mental health that you know, because you're in therapy, there's something seriously wrong with you. That's not at all the case. I've never been in that camp would

Scott Benner 5:17
be hold your thought. I have a question. I'm so sorry. I'm jumping in your 20 seconds. Where are you from? Vaguely.

Libby 5:24
I am currently living in Virginia. But I'm originally from Massachusetts.

Scott Benner 5:27
You've heard people say that therapy is not godly.

Libby 5:31
Yes. I won't mention specifically who but there are people close to me that have said not in those exact words. But they are very, I'll say religious. And they are very much of the pride away kind of mentality Jesus

Scott Benner 5:46
saves. Yeah. Put your faith in Jesus, that kind of stuff. Yes.

Libby 5:50
Okay. And I'm not I'm not saying that that can't happen. But I also believe in science and

Scott Benner 5:56
medicine. When I ask you, did you try praying it away? Oh, there

Libby 5:59
are certainly times I have literally prayed and cried to all of the gods. Everywhere, anything that could help me please take this away. I need a vacation, even just taking it away for a week. But I have yet to get my week vacation.

Scott Benner 6:14
So Buddha did not send you a prescription for anything. No, unfortunately, not be amazing. If you prayed in a prescription for happiness fell out of the sky. That you'd be like, I don't know where to get this field. My insurance doesn't cover. Okay, I just that struck me strangely. I'm sorry. So I'm sorry. Continue on. So

Libby 6:31
I have gone through burnout twice in my, you know, years since diagnosis. And mostly that was in high school. So I was still fairly new to diabetes. I'd had diabetes by the time I got to high school for about five to seven years. And then again, it was kind of like end of college slash becoming a real adult. And everything was so overwhelming to me. And the third time I saw burnout approaching me I was like, if I don't get help this time, I'm going to end up in the hospital or did. That's how because that's how my burnout had been in the past, I stopped caring about myself. I wouldn't dose for carbohydrates. I wouldn't even look at any food labels. I would just shove food in my face. And like, Yeah, I'll pay with it later. You know, Ellen's I'll just later for it. I'll deal with how I feel about it afterwards.

Scott Benner 7:17
conscious thoughts while you're eating consciously. I know this is gonna screw me up. I don't care.

Libby 7:24
Honestly, no, it's just like, there were times where I'm like, I'm just angry at everything. I want to eat this, you know, I was very emotional eater. And I had no coping skills or tools to use to hear me not necessarily away from food, but dealing with those feelings of anger and frustration and anxiety. And why does my life suck so bad? Why do I have this disease? It's just, nobody wants this?

Scott Benner 7:48
Did you have any of that before the diagnosis? No,

Libby 7:51
no, honestly, like, I had a really happy childhood. I was very athletic. I had a very supportive household. I grew up with two parents and to older brothers, I had pets, I had a lot of friends did a lot of extracurricular. So diabetes didn't necessarily put a stop to those things, but it made them more complicated.

Scott Benner 8:11
What do you think? Looking back on those first five years through high school, and then through college, the next four? What was going on with your management that made diabetes so difficult? Like was it an actual function of like, I don't know what I'm doing and I can't get this straight? Or was it just that overwhelming feeling of why me this isn't fair.

Libby 8:32
It was a lot of like, I don't want to throw my parents under the bus because they were fantastic. And I love them dearly. But they from day one, when I was admitted to the hospital were like, This is your disease, you're going to learn how to take care of it. And at that time, I had no idea what that meant. You know, nobody does on day one.

Scott Benner 8:49
Also happy birthday. No, I mean, I mean, yeah, when you're 13 like, Yeah,

Libby 8:54
congratulations on being a teenager.

Scott Benner 8:56
I know you thought You thought you were getting a bike with a basket. But yeah,

Libby 9:00
in a way, it was a backward saving grace that my mom and my dad were so they were very supportive. Don't get me wrong, they would help me with anything I would have a question with, but they're like, this is your disease. You need to learn how to take care of yourself and not 13 That's too much. You don't know. You don't know anything. You don't know anything you don't know about yourself as a person. You don't know what you want to do in the next 10 hours minus, you know, the next five years. And so, the one thing I did not do after I left the hospital was my own injections. I did everything else that I said I was absolutely not doing in my own injections. And again, this was a 1995 way before pumps, way before CGM, so I was totally cool with finger poking, looking at blood all that stuff did not bother me.

Scott Benner 9:43
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Libby 12:02
drying up insulin. The needles themselves didn't bother me. But there was a mental block with doing the injection. I was like, nope, not doing it. And I'm so glad that that my parents were supportive of that and that the medical team was supportive of that they understood. She's not ready to do this. We're not going to force her to do it. Okay. And I've never told my mom, thank you for that. And I feel like I need to. So anybody who's got a parent that took care of them without pushing them. Tell them thank you.

Scott Benner 12:27
My daughter has a fairly significant needle phobia. Yeah, it's it doesn't go away. Yeah, she pushes through it. But it's, it's hard. Yeah, it's really something and she's only Arden's 19, she'll be 20 in six or seven months. And I think she's given herself besides before the phobia hit her. When she did it a handful of times. It's a little like a little child. She's given herself one insulin injection. Yeah. And it took her an hour. It took her now Yeah,

Libby 13:00
I know, I've been there. I've been down that road. The thing that got me to understand, I will have more freedom in my own personal life, you know, as a 13 year old will be learning to do my own injections. And the catalyst for that, honestly, was going to diabetes camp and seeing six and seven year olds having no problem doing their own injection at the dinner table or the kitchen table, whatever, before dinner, and then going off and playing with their friends. Like or like they probably should be able to do this too, right? Yeah, this little kid that literally half my age can do this. And it's not a huge deal to them. Why can't I do it? Yeah. And so it's like reverse peer pressure.

Scott Benner 13:35
Oh, we just did a thing. So Arden's using ozempic. Just a tiny bit, she's using like a what they would even consider to be a non therapeutic dose, ironically enough point two five a week. And it's reduced her insulin needs significantly the best way I've learned to explain to people how by how much is that my calculations say that show us 11,000 fewer units of insulin in the coming year. Wow. If this keeps working the way so it's insane, right. And so nevertheless, it's an injection. Right? So we started at while she was home for the holidays, and we had to do it for and Arden doesn't just like she's just not just like this. She's thinking like her. Her ninja hands come out. She's like, Get away. Get away. Get away. Get away. No, no, no. And I mean, flopsweat like, really upset. It's upsetting to her. Right? Yeah. And, but we got through it. And she toughed it out the first couple of weeks because there's you know, the side effects from those amputate you're like you feel too full in the beginning when you start taking it like it can feel like nausea to some people. It's you have trouble eating until your body gets used to it, etc. But her insulin needs literally started coming down in the first four days. And so she saw the value in it. It helped her with her acne like rethink it's possible it could help her with PCOS symptoms that she has. It's a lot of value here, right. Oh, wow. And so we send her back back to college with this pen, and these needle calves, and I'm like, on Saturday, you've got to give this to yourself. And she's like, okay, okay, well, I made a plan like she she talked to her roommate, her roommate said, I'll help you with it like this whole thing. Saturday rolls around, and her roommate is gone for the weekend. So my wife says, my wife, Kelly says, What are you going to do? And I said, I'm not going to mention it to her on Saturday. I was like, she's got to get this on her own. I was like, it's and I think the fact that she has to do it will lead to her doing it. And you know, so on Saturday, I said, Hey, your blood sugar's look a little weird. If you haven't shot that ozempic, it's going to impact our settings. Let me know what you want to do. And I did not even ask her to respond to me. I just sent it to her. So she knew that. And I know she knew, but I wanted to remind her, I did not quickly get back. And don't worry, I already shot the ozempic. So I figured, alright, she's dealing with it. And Sunday comes and it's more towards the evening now. And I'm watching her blood sugar's bounce around too much. And I'm like, I don't want to change her insulin because if I put her insulin back, she's going to stop taking the ozempic, right? And I get a text, maybe a couple hours later. I haven't taken that injection yet. And I said, Okay, what's the plan? And she said, Do I have to? And I said, Yes. And she said, Kay, and I said, Do you want me to call you and I never heard from her again. And about an hour and a half later, we get this video of her like in her dorm room giving herself this ozempic injection. Oh, and she's so happy for her. Oh, I was thrilled for I really was and she's FaceTiming with one of her like longtime best friends and I can hear the background. She's like a hard you can do it. You're a groundbreaker. Let's go like at artists like why? She goes, she goes you're a groundbreaker. You're shooting those epic in your dorm room, you're like a Kardashian. Assuming that this girl thinks the Kardashians are using a GOP and and so anyway, like there's this funny conversation going on, she puts it in. But the moment of elation after it's like she put the needle in and I heard her go, it's in. She almost said it like she was surprised. And then you saw on her face her go, I have to push the button, and she pushed the button. And then she's supposed to count the 10 afterwards. And she's like, 123456 good enough, and she took it out for her. But anyway, that's its thing. I think that most people, if you told most people that know, Arden wouldn't believe that. Anytime you tell a doctor, like when she goes to the dentist, you're like, look, you know, you might have to put her into a trance to take out this cavity. The doctors will always say the same thing. But she has type one diabetes. As if you having type one means you couldn't possibly have a

Libby 17:55
phobia. That's ridiculous. You must not be afraid of needles anymore. No, that's not how

Scott Benner 17:58
that works. If I'm yeah, anyway, so But my point of that whole story is I think we did in some way or another exactly what happened to you, we put you into a situation where it was literally sink or swim. You had to do it. Right. Yeah. Well,

Libby 18:12
it was funny. Speaking of people not believing that, you know, that wouldn't happen when the camp counselors, you know, my my grandfather ended up passing away while I was at camp, and my mom had called to say, Should we take her out? And then the counselor was like, oh, no, she's doing great. She's doing her own injections. And this that my mother was like, hold up. Wait, wait a minute. She did what? Like, yeah, she's doing her injections twice a day. It's almost like she wasn't doing that when we dropped her off a couple days ago. They're like, well, she's doing great. So excellent. Yeah, Camp camp is 1,000% recommended by me and probably any other person that's gone to diabetes camp. For anybody Yeah. I wish they had diabetes camp for adults because I would go

Scott Benner 18:54
they have some stuff. Have you ever connected emotion does something for adults. I

Libby 18:57
saw them Yeah, I think they're only in Canada, though. In Michigan.

Scott Benner 19:01
There's one in Michigan I know of. There's one in Toronto. I'm not sure where else and Steven who's a group expert in the Facebook group. I think he's involved with a pretty big adult group in California somewhere there must they must exist as my point. Oh, I'm

Libby 19:17
sure they do. Oh, I just have to do some research.

Scott Benner 19:19
So okay, so you experienced burnout for the first time in high school? It's I'm not injecting I'm not even looking at what I'm doing your blood sugar's get very high. Do you give yourself insulin at some point during every day? Or do you let it go days? Well,

Libby 19:33
at that point, yes, I was doing my own injections and I would you know, my parents would help me dose because I was on I think it was still unregular and NPH. Back then I would have a breakfast injection and a dinner injection and then when it bedtime. So my mom would help me figure out okay, well, we're having chicken and rice and a baked potato. We're gonna have this many, you know, carbs, you know, dose for that. So, you know, she would, you know, be in one side of the kitchen and I would be at the kitchen table doing my end insulin shot. And you know, she wouldn't be actively watching me do it, but she would just kind of be in the room, she would see I had all this stuff out. But she wouldn't like I wouldn't give her the needle to double check that I was giving the right dose, okay, so I would consistently under dose, or I would intentionally overdose by like one or two units, not a ton. So I could be like, Oops, I'm low. Now I have to eat a whole package of cookies, my bad, you know, like, you know, intentionally, you know, shooting myself in the foot, so to speak. I knew, you know, moving on when I was an adult living on my own. I had a live in boyfriend at the time. And he knew about my diabetes, obviously, but he wasn't like, super into it. He wasn't like, actively helping me with my care. Yeah. So it was all on me. And I knew if I, you know what I want to burn out, same things happen, I would under dose or overdose, just, you know, deal with it later with my mentality, just deal with it later. And me and this boyfriend about getting married, he's in the military. So we moved down here to Virginia, where I have no family, I have like, I barely just made some friends. And I could see myself approaching burnout again, because I was overwhelmed with my husband being deployed, I was in a new location, I didn't have any really big support system. With me here physically. There was just a lot going on. And I was like, I can't take care of diabetes right now, like other stuff is taken more important in my brain than diabetes, when it really shouldn't. So a coworker of mine was like, You need to go to therapy. And I'm like, Alright, in therapy, I'm fine. You know,

Scott Benner 21:31
I'm gonna pray to my brother.

Libby 21:35
I'm great. I don't need therapy. I'm like, What's therapy going to do? For me? I have diabetes, only you need an endocrinologist. And that's it. That was kind of my mentality. She was like, no, no, you seem really stressed out. The therapist I've been seeing for X amount of years, she's really great. Call her up. So that's what I did. I called up this therapist, I looked on her website, just you know, check her credentials and all that. And, you know, I was like, alright, I'll call them. See y'all go sit with her for a meeting or whatever, and see if it's something that she can help me with, because I'm thinking, this practitioner knows nothing about diabetes, she knows has nothing on her website about treating diabetics or people with any sort of metabolic disorder, she is very much like a wellness coach more than a counselor, right? So I was like, she's not gonna be able to help me. Whatever. I call make the appointment, I go in, and I meet with her, she seems like a nice lady. And I sit down, she goes, Okay, so tell me about yourself. Why are you here? And I broke down. And she's like, like, I was like, ugly crying the whole night. And she says, Okay, well, what's going on, and I was like, I have diabetes, it's so incredibly overwhelming. There's literally no way for you to, to explain it, if you don't already have it. And I think a lot of people will understand me when I say that, of course, there are so many things. And now of course, I've seen I've been seeing this practitioner for 1012 years now. And I started seeing her I went twice a week, every single week for months. And every single time I would go in there and crying. She's like, Okay, we're gonna break it down. What's the main thing that's giving you anxiety today? You know, not even tomorrow, or last week or next week? What's doing it right now? You know? And that kind of really helped me in a kind of obscure way to focus on what's going on right now that I can fix or work on? Or what do I have control of in this situation immediately right now? Not thinking about an hour from now or a day from now? Just what now? Yeah.

Scott Benner 23:24
Were you able to accomplish that? Yes, going to therapy

Libby 23:27
has been so overwhelmingly helpful for me. And again, going in remember, I didn't think she could help me because she knew nothing about diabetes. She even told me herself. I don't know anything about diabetes, or I've never had a diabetic patient. And I'm like, great, this is gonna go fantastically. Like she found

Scott Benner 23:44
out me. I'm sorry, let me say you've got you found out that your problems were about something that's more central. And the diabetes was the thing bringing it to the surface. Yeah.

Libby 23:55
So you could say that yeah, the diabetes was kind of like the catalyst to all of the other things. And diabetes was kind of like the the bullet point that I was like, This is why I'm here. diabetes. Yeah. And she kind of saw through that probably immediately that it's not just the diabetes, there's other things on the peripheral that are impacting that because you know, when you get stressed your blood sugar's go high, when you get you know, overworked in your schedule, you don't have time to eat your blood sugar's go low, you know, everything affects your diabetes, and I wasn't even looking at it as that broad picture. I was just so overwhelmed with having to do my insulin shot, change my pump, make sure my prescriptions were up to date, making sure I had enough snacks in the car, making sure I had enough juice with me making sure my friends knew where my glucagon was. Make, you know, all of these things. Yeah,

Scott Benner 24:38
your coping skills weren't there for that stuff.

Libby 24:40
I didn't have any. You could be fair to say I had no coping skills. Because I was never taught any that wasn't a thing to be taught at my diagnosis, or even through all of the practitioners I had seen. None of my educators talked about coping skills. They talked about how to take care of your diabetes, but not how to cope with living with it and Those are two different things. Yeah, it'd be I

Scott Benner 25:01
think it's funny to say, not funny. Haha. But I think it's funny. It's funny to say I wasn't taught coping skills because I think of it more like, between whoever someone's parents are, and the experiences that the person goes through. You were never put in to moments, situations experiences where something happened, and then a learned person guided you through it, right? Because that's what teaching it is. It's you don't I think it's possible people could think, oh, yeah, I probably should sit my eight year old down and teach them coping skills. It's not

Libby 25:37
even on that level. The household that I grew up with as fantastic as it was, you know, a very nuclear family. My dad had severe anxiety and depression on diagnosed, you know, he holidays were a mess in my house, like leave dad alone. He's having his Jack and his Jack Daniels and whatever else watching football, nobody go in that room, just leave them alone. And then my mom would be anxious and stressed because she's having to post everybody coming into the house. So coping skills for me was like, get totally freaked out. And either internalize it or ignore it, compartmentalize it

Scott Benner 26:11
and any stress aid to is that right? Yes, yeah. 1,000% with diabetes, and then that puts that whole chain of events into Oh, yeah,

Libby 26:19
it's a whole bunch of good stuff.

Scott Benner 26:20
That's something I mean, it's it's very obvious, right? Like it just it's how you're looking

Libby 26:25
back on it. Now. It is 1,000% obvious. And I like, if I hadn't got if I had gone to a different practitioner, things could have been different or not. I don't know. I couldn't tell you. I've only been to this one practitioner. Well,

Scott Benner 26:37
also, Libby. I'm not. This isn't me throwing your parents under the bus. I think it's just an obvious reflection of the conversation. But I don't imagine that your dad with his own anxiety and everything. Heard that you had type one diabetes and thought, Oh, I could definitely handle this. Oh, no,

Libby 26:51
he definitely didn't. The first time that he had to try to give me a shot. He broke down in tears. Yeah, that's not helpful because he didn't want to hurt me. And I'm like, Why is dad crying? Now I'm gonna cry. And then my mom got upset because my dad was crying. And he needs to be like, focused and serious about it. And the nurse had to like, shuffle my mom out of the room. So mom wasn't causing more stress and anxiety on my dad. And it was it was a hot mess.

Scott Benner 27:12
Maybe it took you about five to six minutes to get your microphone set up when we should have been recording. So our episode is going to be a little shorter. But I bring it up only because in that time, you apologize to me a half a dozen times. Yeah,

Libby 27:23
that's yeah, that's been a long term lifelong. thing. I over apologize for a lot.

Scott Benner 27:28
Yeah. No, actually, it's funny. I hadn't opened up your show notes, you then the notes that you sent people like here's what you said, I actually signed up to do an interview for mental health seeking counseling due to anxiety stress due to T one D? Well, you put some more in here, but I hadn't looked at that yet. While we were setting up. And the second time you apologize. I said, Oh, this is going to be about anxiety.

Libby 27:50
What gives it away? I'm

Scott Benner 27:52
thinking What are you sorry for? And you're like, it's um, you didn't say, Oh, I guess this happens to everybody. You said I'm sorry. Again. I was like, okay, she's now apologizing. Because I asked her why she was apologizing. It's just it's very natural. So my point is, if your father had all that going on, he's like, What do I say that I'm sure he loves you. So he's like, What do I say to help her? This is your disease, you're gonna take care of yourself. And your mom, here's your dad say that and go okay, those are the marching orders. That's what we're doing. And by the way, she's over here rowing the boat on both sides. It sounds like so like, she doesn't have time for your your diabetes. She's been she's keeping you, your father, her your household and any other brothers and sisters you might have. It's on heart, right? And so she she does the same thing. Which sounds by the way, on its surface, it's your disease, you need to learn to take care of it. It seems like a very reasonable thing to say.

Libby 28:44
Right? And it's not unreasonable to say to somebody, you need to learn how to carry yourself, but it's like the way it's said and how it's received. I think people internalize that completely differently. Also,

Scott Benner 28:57
it's in the 90s So yeah, where are you going to go? Where are you? Where are you going to the library to figure this out?

Libby 29:04
It's funny because my educator that we had was this fantastic educator she was super blonde like to the point did not have any time for being around or you know, screwing around. She's like you have diabetes now your pancreas doesn't make insulin this does this this does this you need insulin shots for this this and this and she drew little pictures on these handouts. That must have been from like the 70s and that was that was our Bible that was our go to like my even the food that I had my my daily like nutrition plan was you know, I could have two breads at breakfast one fruit one fat and one free food and I'm nobody knows what that is anymore. Also good carbs now. Also

Scott Benner 29:47
that to your parents was figuring it out? Yeah. Because

Libby 29:51
we as a family had to figure out a lot and it was so stressful on everybody.

Scott Benner 29:56
If back then I know the 90s doesn't Sounds like it's that long ago. But for diabetes, it really was, you know, if back then the idea was, you know, you're on the exchange diet, and then you do the math, or something or not even math, you do the amount of injections that the doctor told you, none of that means that you were doing well. Right? It doesn't mean anything, it doesn't mean that your blood sugars aren't vacillating all over the place that you're not by the way, your anxiety is not being, you know, pushed up by that, or just the knowledge of I feel high, or I feel low, or I don't know what I'm doing, or I don't feel like doing this or whatever. All that stuff to your parents doesn't look real because you, you know, they think you're injecting when you're supposed to. And that's all you're supposed to be doing now that you move forward 30 years. And we all have these monitors, and we know what's going on. And you realize that you weren't really addressing 10% of what you needed to look into. You know, so it's not throwing your parents under the bus, they were doing exactly what they thought, and they were protecting their own selves. Because if your dad jumps out of window, he can't pay for the house. So like, you know, like, that's what's going on, really. And then obviously, the anxiety thing is passed to you. Do you believe it was? Oh,

Libby 31:06
100%. I mean, that's what I grew up around. That was my learned coping skill was to be anxious about things. And I didn't even have a word for it. Until I got to therapy at all those i My late 20s, early 30s. I knew what anxiety was, but I was like, Oh, those symptoms aren't me, I don't have anxiety. And it wasn't until I was describing, like my daily routine to this new therapist. She was like, um, sounds like you're pretty anxious about a lot of things all the time. And I'm like, am I bro? And she was like, Well, yeah, you, you know, you always have to carry around your mom purse that you call it with all your snacks and your low treatments and your extra insulin and your extra insulin pump supplies and your blood sugar kids and this. And she's like, you have a physical manifestation of your anxiety in your purse that you carry with you everywhere. And I'm like, dang it, she does know. But let

Scott Benner 31:57
me that's interesting. Because you do need to carry those things with you. So what but is there a way to do it without it making you feel anxious that you're doing it? Right,

Libby 32:05
it got to the point where, like, my anxiety got so bad that I felt I couldn't go anywhere without my bag. Oh, I see. And so it's not that my bag was a safety net, or, or you know, a safety blanket. And that was because if something happens to me, nobody's going to know what to do. So it's like, not only me not only didn't have trust in being able to handle myself, but I didn't have trust in anybody else to be able to handle me if I had an emergency.

Scott Benner 32:32
See, the problem is let me that's all very realistic. So I know. But but the key is, is to live in it better, right? Yeah.

Libby 32:41
So now I've gotten to the point where it's like, okay, I know I can go out and run six errands and just bring my wallet with me and I'm fine. I know. I will be okay. Do you have a juice in your car? Something? Oh, yeah, I have tons of stuff in my car. And now I also have a sensor. You know, when I started going to therapy, I didn't have a CGM. So I had no idea what my friends were doing. I had no idea other than how I physically felt no idea. If I was going high if I was going low, if I you know, also,

Scott Benner 33:09
you're wearing the control IQ. Yes. Which did not exist back then. Right. But let me ask you about it. Now because Arden's, you know, where's an algorithm? And it's my finding generally that for my daughter that if her settings are very good, and we're doing the things that we know to do, even if she tries to get low, the algorithm does a pretty good job of at least stopping it by 50. Yeah, as a blood sugar and that there's some comfort in that, first of all, to know that there'll be beeping beforehand, and that even if it gets low, the likelihood of like, Hey, I'm going over low is much lesser with these, these technologies.

Libby 33:47
Yes, it took me a long time to get used to the algorithm. Because prior to my tandem pump, I was on an animus pump. And before that I was on the Omni pod like the original Omni pod. Yeah. And before that, back in the early 2000s, I was on a Medtronic mini med five oh, wait, which may be a handful of your, the the folks that

Scott Benner 34:07
listen to mini med stone they know. You know, what's your you know, which one's not mentioned as much anymore. That used to be all the time animus ping?

Libby 34:15
Oh, I have a friend that was on that she was so mad that they were

Scott Benner 34:18
all went out of business when it went out of business. But I don't hear people mentioned as much anymore. So anyway,

Libby 34:24
so going on. I mean, when I started taking them, I went on the Basal IQ. And I was like, Oh, this is pretty cool. And when they dropped the info about the control IQ, I was like, Okay, that seems pretty cool. I want to try it. So I think I applied to be in their Beta Test Program, and they put me in it. And it took me a very long time to trust that this system would work how I needed it to work. Like I don't feel for a long time. I didn't feel comfortable with an overnight low at 120. Like a low threshold. I was more comfortable with a low threshold at like 150 and My reasoning behind that is because I actually had a severe low while I was sleeping in where I needed to have glucagon. So I tend to prefer to be a little bit higher. And for me 150 Is not that high. So when I saw that the tandem pump for the sleep mode, at least, you know, it raises your, your low threshold to I think it's 110 or 120. And I was like, that feels really, really low to me. But I'll try it. And it's, it's fine. Now, I do not have any lows overnight. And if I do, it's because I dose too much Bolus at dinner for meals though. Yeah, for meals. And that is a clear reason this is you went low because you gave 40 units of insulin instead of 20. Or whatever the case is, you know,

Scott Benner 35:42
did you end up dealing with the stress eating? Have you gotten that into a place where you're happy about how it works? Yes,

Libby 35:48
I mean, I still do it from time to time, but it's not nearly as bad as it used to be. Now I kind of sit down before I kind of look at my pantry. I want to eat this and this. Am I eating because I'm hungry? Or am I eating because I'm bored? Or I'm stressed? Or I'm sad? Like, why do I want to go in my pantry or my fridge or my freezer to grab whatever it is? Yeah. And I've caught myself now I've had to teach myself to stop and think about what I'm doing. Because for me a lot of the times it was just automatic, go grab something and eat it. Not even look at what it is just grab something. Yeah. And now I'll be like, Okay, if I want to eat something, like if I know I'm eating because I'm bored. Okay? Well, maybe instead of eating, you know, a bunch of Triscuits and cheese, maybe just have some carrots because those are a little bit more healthier than Trotskyist and cheese or, you know, a doughnut or whatever. So I'm still like, feeding that craving of being bored and hungry. But I'm giving it a better option, if that makes sense. So it happens

Scott Benner 36:46
listen, I'm I use zip bound for weight loss I was using we go Vietnamese except bound. I had plateaued on we go V and in the middle of the fourth quarter of watching the Philadelphia Eagles. Absolutely. The bed last night, I grabbed a handful of potato chips that were in my house. I don't even like there was salt and vinegar that not something I even particularly enjoy. And I picked I had a couple and then it hit me. I was like, What am I doing? You know, like I was like I don't and I rolled the bag back up and I put it back in the thing. But I think I was able to do that. Because that craving feeling. And the satisfaction that comes from food doesn't exist as much on those GLP medications. And so like I was able to have a couple of them and go what am I doing this is stupid, then I put it back. But it was like a knee jerk reaction. I wasn't paying quite attention to what I was thinking or what I was doing. There was a commercial, I got up, I took a you know, a lap around the kitchen. And I was like, I grabbed this food. And I was like, I don't even want this. So I know I know how you feel. And jeez, Well, I'm glad you worked on it. Did it ever impact your weight?

Libby 37:53
I don't personally think it has my weights pretty plateau like pretty, you know, within five pounds it stay pretty standard or what I guess? No, when I was seeing my pediatric endocrinologist, he, I remember he sat down with me and my mom at one clinic appointment. He's like, I don't think your blood sugars are matching what your food blocks are showing me and I'm like, Oh, you're a GM. So he, you know, had a very frank conversation with my mom and I about both of our eating habits. Because you know, you learn from your parents. And my mom admits she's like, Yeah, I go throughout the day, and I'll grab some chips or some crackers, or, you know, whatever, just hanging around. And while she's vacuuming or doing laundry, she'll have a handful of chips and crackers. He's like, Oh, so you guys are just a family of grazers. And I was like, Okay, I like that being called a grazer, instead of you know, a fat kid, or you need to lose weight or so my pediatric endocrinologist didn't necessarily like, shame me, per se for eating so much, which may be a good or a bad thing. But it was you know, as I got older, it's like, you know, you might want to start looking at, you know, losing a couple pounds. Of course, the doctors are always trying to be very, you know, kind about how they say that, especially to a female. And so that is always on my mind. But I certainly know as the years have gone by, with me getting these tools from my therapist about managing my anxiety and my stress and stuff that mice just random grazing eating has lessened quite a bit. Yeah. Which is good. I mean, it's it's good to be aware of that. That's a problem spot. Cuz a lot of people don't notice it.

Scott Benner 39:25
Yeah, so you think yours is more psychological than physiological? Definitely. The physiological

Libby 39:31
one is for my lows for that when I have a low I feel like I'm dying if I don't eat everything, but I think that's pretty standard across the board for most diabetics.

Scott Benner 39:38
Yeah. How low do you have to get before you feel that way?

Libby 39:41
I actually start feeling my lows pretty high. I feel them around like 80 or 75. And then I'm like, okay, the algorithm is gonna kick in, it will turn my basil off, I'll be fine. And the next time I look at it, and it's 65 and I'm like, Oh my God, I need to eat everything.

Scott Benner 39:56
Does that feeling is it the number that makes you think that or is that the physical feeling? It's

Libby 40:01
different every time honestly, like, sometimes my low symptoms are super, super intense. And I will feel like I don't have a brain in my head. And the only thing that I'm laser focused on is getting food in my mouth. Yeah, doesn't matter what it is. And other times in my life, I'm like, I can you some crackers, I'll be fine. So it's so weird. I'm sure other people have that similar, you know, thing happened, but I it's like, there's no consistency to if I'm 65 my symptoms will always be this and I will always feel this way. Right. It's I've never noticed it to be consistent. Every, you know, back to back.

Scott Benner 40:35
Okay. All right. Yeah. I mean, I would wonder it's hard in that moment. But if it says 65, but you have that, that crushed feeling like I have to, I wonder if a finger stick wouldn't tell you were lower. Yeah, that's, that was just all I was wondering. Right. Okay, I want to keep going. Because you're short on time. You're gonna do a doctor's appointment today. So we have to have to get you moving. You listen to the podcast. I

Libby 40:56
have a couple of times, my friend actually recommended she had one of her her podcasts recorded a while ago. And I guess she just shared it with me like a month or so ago. And she's like, Hey, listen to this. I'm like, Oh, he's not Oh, I'd

Scott Benner 41:08
like to do this, too.

Libby 41:09
I think I had heard about the Juicebox Podcast, but I'm not a big podcaster to start with. So I was like, Oh, I think I've heard of this. And then I was like, oh, there's a Facebook group. There's so many things. Are you in the group? I am in the lobby,

Scott Benner 41:20
by the way not to call you out. But I'm the podcast or you're the podcast listener? Yeah, you want to know something I won't go deep into but I know for certain. I've created a lot of new podcast listeners. There are a lot of people listening to this, that if they open up their podcast app, it's basically a Juicebox Podcast app, and there's nothing else in there. I do think I found a group of people who otherwise would not have been listening. Right? Well,

Libby 41:45
I mean, honestly, there's not a lot of support, at least from my perspective, I have not seen a lot of support, in general, for type ones doesn't matter if you're a pediatric patient, an adult patient a long time or that's been in, you know, diabetes land for 50 plus years. Sure. There's your clinic, but there's so little support out there. Yeah. And so having it in a podcast or a Facebook group, or, you know, if you're lucky enough to be in an area that has an in person meeting, you are so blessed. Yeah,

Scott Benner 42:15
you just don't know, right? It's just you really don't know. It's one of those things that when you need it, it needs to be there.

Libby 42:19
Yes, exactly. And I honestly wish that all this stuff had been around when I was a kid, specifically when I was a teenager, because I was the only diabetic. In my middle school. I was one of two diabetics in my high school. I was the only diabetic and my college until my senior year when there was another girl who was on a pump showed up. The few friends that I have that are type ones are from camp, and I love them. They know who they are. And I love them desperately.

Scott Benner 42:43
I hear that story all the time. Well, hopefully, you'll meet people online that are valuable. And you can be valuable for them as well.

Libby 42:50
I hope so.

Scott Benner 42:50
Yeah. No, I hope so too. i The group is fantastic. I actually, I'm very proud of it. And it's unexpected. From my perspective, though, how well it helps people I didn't I just I never thought it would. I mean, I just I did it because people asked, you know, they were like, can we have a Facebook group to talk about the podcast. And by the way, the bliss of what they do in there is talk about the podcast. It's pretty funny. But it's cool. It's just grown. It's got already, I think it's almost a 46,000 members. And then by the time it'll go, yeah. And by the time this comes out, you check it, it'll be like 50,000, you'll be like, Oh, he said, 46 in the pocket, but it just grows crazy. 150 people every four days, just keeps adding and adding and adding. But anyway, I'm glad your friend shared the show with you. What else should we be talking about? That we're I'm speeding you up? Because you you're short on time, is there anything we're missing totally

Libby 43:38
fine. I did want to mention one big thing that my counselor therapist gave me to clue in about my anxiety, and I'm sure it will be helpful for others. Take it if you want it and if not just leave it there. And she's like, you know, when you have anxiety, you're thinking about something happening in the future. And when that thing actually happens, you're concerned about it doubly, because you've already worried yourself over at once. Now in the past, and now you're worrying about it again, when it's in front of you. So here's a perfect example on a few random occasions where I have to do MDI, you know, multiple injections because my pump broke or I'm taking a pump vacation, whatever. I have to psych myself up to do my injections. Now that anxiety might be an hour ahead of my injection or it might be the whole day before my injection but putting myself through that anxiety but worried about oh I got to do the shot I have to do this needle I have to do this this that no, it's making me anxious whatever. Putting myself through that anxiety before even have to do the thing is making me go through it twice. Because as soon as I have to start getting my my vials ready to get my insulin in the syringe. I've got anxiety there already. You know it's there at the table with the vials of insulin. Yeah. So I've already wasted so much energy getting anxious about this thing that's happening in the future. Why would I Why am I Doing that, why am I wasting that energy, that precious energy to me that is already taken up by all the technology and all of the monitoring the beeps, the sounds everything. Why am I spending all this energy, getting anxious over something I know is either definitely going to happen, or I don't know is definitely going to happen. And I think that second thing is really, really hard for a lot of people to kind of internalize or understand. Because, you know, thinking in the future, we don't know if our kids in a year, five years, 10 years, 15 years, if they're going to be without complications due to their diabetes. Yeah. And I think a lot of people feel guilt if their kid has a consistently higher a one C or if they are running all over the roadmap on any particular day. And what I have to say to that is, as a diabetic that is for quote, unquote, normal, you know, like to have a completely straight line or line with very little hills and bumps in it. I wish I could have that. I so wish

Scott Benner 46:02
me if you would, what's your one say?

Libby 46:04
My last one was 6.6. That's not bad. What about that? No. And for a long, long time, I was stuck at 8.8. And my highest a one C, I think back when I was a teenager was like 11 or 12?

Scott Benner 46:19
Let me say this to you. Try the Pro Tip series in the Podcast, episode 1002 1026. Just listen to those. And then send me an email in six months, when you tell me your agency's 6.1 I'll have to do that. It's just little like you because I don't think about diabetes, like do this do that I think of it as tools that you just know when to pull out. So you don't have to think about them. And I think that for somebody like you've had type one for 30 years, first of all a 6.6 is insanely good.

Libby 46:51
I know it's It surprises me every time I get that result back. I'm like, How was this possible?

Scott Benner 46:56
And everything you said I was nodding along with, right until you said, but this is how diabetes is. Because if you really know how to use the insulin, and your settings are very rock solid. It's not like that for everybody. Right? Well, everybody's

Libby 47:10
different. You know, and they are

Scott Benner 47:12
in Libya. I'm not arguing with you that everybody's different. But there is a lot to that everyone's different. And that's just diabetes, that feeling it's a lot more about using insulin at the right time. Like I take your greater point, there are spikes, and you'll get higher blood sugars that stick for a while. And that is part of the game, you just you know, I don't think unless you're gonna eat a very ultra low carb lifestyle that you're going to see, you know, a stable 80 to 100 your whole day. Right. Right. I do know that your point. But I get concerned when people hear that that what they think is Oh, spikes are okay. And then they'll see one at 200 years ago. This is okay. Someone totally is okay. And it's okay. If it's certainly

Libby 47:53
not condone that. I mean, yeah, I've sometimes looked at other people's ranges, and like my range of 70 to 120. And like, that's really, really tight. Like, how do you have the time to manage that?

Scott Benner 48:02
So Libby, my daughter's range on my phone is 70 to 120. On her phone, it's 70 to 130. And we don't think about diabetes hardly at all. Yeah. And I'm telling you, it's just the stuff that's in that Pro Tip series.

Libby 48:16
Right. And I'm sure it also could be because you know, 20, this is what I was taught 20 years ago. So this is my, this is my baseline, from what I learned back in the dark ages of no technology, no tools, nothing, you know, two different kinds of insulin that don't even exist anymore.

Scott Benner 48:31
I'd be super insulin interested to hear back from you. If you did listen to that. Yeah, I'll do that. And trust me, it's not like a It's not like you're going to take a test or you know, sometimes just listen to the podcast, when you get a chance and listen to those episodes, start at episode 1000. You'll see them there. And you know, tell me if five you know, a couple months later, it's not it's not different for you? And if it isn't great. Tell me that too. But send me an email and let me know. I'd love to hear.

Libby 48:56
I could certainly do that. Yeah, no, I

Scott Benner 48:57
think I think it would be an interesting experiment. Because you are, you do know what you're doing. And you are doing a great job. And yet, you still have some of the older Oh, you're very welcome. But you still have some of the older thoughts in

Libby 49:09
your head. Oh, definitely. And I don't deny that not even a little bit.

Scott Benner 49:13
I think I could push those thoughts out of your head. Actually, if I if you were my kid would be, which would be weird, because I would have had you when I was 11. But if you were Can you imagine me? Just this lovely little 11 year old out there. I don't see it. I don't say it. But if you were my kid, I would have taught you that worry is a waste of imagination. Oh, and I agree with you. 100%. And that would have been good for you to know, especially because that whole thing you talked about about what your therapist told you. You're not wrong. Hmm, you had to go to a professional to get something that I told my kid, right? Yeah, that when you worry about something, you are literally making up a story about something that may or may not ever happen, and that nothing we do today changes whether or not that thing happens later. I'll tell you where I feel bad for people. The day He's prepping. Oh, yeah, we're there. I actually saw somebody the other day say I have been stockpiling our insulin for when things get upside down. That used to be me. Yeah, yeah. Let me tell you something. If things get that upside down, we're all dead, not just because you have diabetes. 100%. Don't worry about it. You just you'll just go a couple of months earlier. So have yet like, like, yeah, and by the way, the world has been here a really long time. And everything's not falling apart. And when it does, if it does, you're not stopping it. Yeah. And you'll never put aside enough needles and pens and insulin and every you just won't. This is a fact of life. But instead of being upset by that, I embrace it. I'm like,

Libby 50:42
like, the SOC s, as the army says,

Scott Benner 50:45
My daughter came to me one time, this is years ago. And we were talking, I think it's probably back when zombie television shows were very, like, popular. And she goes, Hey, if this really happened, what happens to me? And I turned to her, and I said, You'll be dead pretty quick. And she's like, Yeah, right. And I was like, Well, I said, in honesty, we'd over hydrate you if we could we give you an ultra low carb existence. But I mean, it seems like we'd probably all be on an ultra low carb existence, because no food and everything. I'm like, but we'd keep you very low carb, we'd manage you like it was before 1922. And we'd see how long we could keep you going. I'm like, but yeah, I don't know are, you know, month? Two, maybe, you know, and she found the knowledge freeing, not like, because, by the way, because zombies aren't coming. But she found the knowledge freeing, she's like, okay, that's how I learn. I'm like, and I'll be dead. Three days later, I'll be sad. You're gone. I'll forget the zig and zag zombie will chew on my arm. And I'll be right behind you. Don't worry about it. And I said, but I won't let you turn into a zombie. And she was thanks. Anyway, that worry is a waste of imagination. Really diagnose those words, pull them apart and really feel what they mean. You are imagining something going wrong. It is not. So it's not something that's absolutely going to happen. And you're trying to prepare for it. Yeah. And

Libby 52:10
what you think about you bring about so if you only want good positive things to come about in your life, that's what you got to think about. Think about fantastic blood sugars or a cure eventually, Lord, help God, I hope so.

Scott Benner 52:23
Livia, you and I would have gotten along really? Well. You know what I usually say to people, you get what you expect. Generally speaking, that is true. So, yeah, but you learned all these things from a therapist. I could have told you, if you would have come here and hung out for a living. That's okay. I really appreciate you doing this through Oh, you share what kind of doctor's appointment you're going on? Or is it not diabetes related? Actually,

Libby 52:46
it's not diabetes related, but I don't mind sharing if anybody cares. Let's see, maybe it's something fun. What is it? I'm actually going to see a genetic counselor, because due to my mom's breast cancer she had back in 2009. I'm considered high risk. Okay. So the genetic counselor, I'm assuming it's going to tell me you know, what sort of markers that I might have in my body or might not. And I also want to ask him if I have the markers for getting diabetes, because that's something that's always been

Scott Benner 53:14
very, no one's ever given you a C peptide. Oh, I've

Libby 53:17
gotten that before. The last one I got was years ago. And I was like, You got zero C peptides and like, fantastic. I'm

Scott Benner 53:22
sure you I mean, you're type one you you. I'm gonna guess you're gonna have them. Good luck. Good luck. Get your insurance to cover that, by the way. Yeah, we'll see. But oh, by the way, good for you doing this? Yeah, it's a brave thing to do and proactive. And I think it's terrific. My mom

Libby 53:39
is a very brave woman, and she went through hell. And I hope that I don't have to go through what she did. So if I can do anything to keep that from happening, I will do

Scott Benner 53:47
it. My mom passed away recently from cancer. And you I'm so sorry. No, no, I appreciate that. You. You don't want to answer if you can avoid it, that's for sure. Yeah. Well, I appreciate this very much. We didn't get to dig into all the fun things. This would have been so much more fun if we had more time. Like when you said my boyfriend who was my husband, I was like, Oh, I'd love to hear about that. But we didn't have time.

Libby 54:05
Well, I think what I'd be happy to do another podcast with you. If you wanted. Libby, raise

Scott Benner 54:09
your right hand to God, the one who's gonna save you and you pray to him and tell him that you're going to listen to the Pro Tip series, then live your life for three months, then send me an email. I will do that and then we'll get you back on. Sounds great. Libby. I really enjoyed it. I really enjoyed you have a great day. All right. Thanks, you too, Scott. Bye.

Today's episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the Dexcom g7 Which now integrates with a tandem T slim x two system. Learn more and get started today at dexcom.com/juicebox. A huge thanks to Omni pod. Not just my longest sponsor, but my first one Omni pod.com/juicebox If you love the podcast, and you love to Bolus insulin pumps, this link is for you omnipod.com/juice box. I know that Facebook has a bad reputation. But please give the private Facebook group for the Juicebox Podcast. A healthy once over Juicebox Podcast, type one diabetes. The group now has 47,000 members in it, it gets 150 new members a day, it is completely free. And at the very least, you can watch other people talk about diabetes, and everybody is welcome type one type two gestational loved ones, everyone is welcome. Go up into the feature tab of the private Facebook group. And there you'll see lists upon lists of all of the management series that are available to you for free in the Juicebox Podcast, becoming a member of that group. I really think it will help you it will at least give you a community. You'll be able to kind of lurk around see what people are talking about. Pick up some tips and tricks. Maybe you can ask a question or offer some help Juicebox Podcast type one diabetes on Facebook, if you are a loved one was just diagnosed with type one diabetes, and you're looking for some fresh perspective. The bowl beginning series from the Juicebox Podcast is a terrific place to start. That series is with myself and Jenny Smith. Jenny is a CDC es a registered dietician and a type one for over 35 years. And in the bowl beginning series Jenny and I are going to answer the questions that most people have after a type one diabetes diagnosis. The series begins at episode 698. In your podcast player, where you can go to juicebox podcast.com and click on bold beginnings in the menu. If you're not already subscribed or following in your favorite audio app, please take the time now to do that. It really helps the show and get those automatic downloads set up so you never miss an episode. Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back very soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. The episode you just heard was professionally edited by wrong way recording. Wrong way recording.com