#1251 After Dark: Multiple Personalities

Ben is 30 and was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. He talks about his experiences with bipolar disorder, addiction, and multiple personalities, sharing his journey through mental health challenges and managing diabetes.

You can always listen to the Juicebox Podcast here but the cool kids use: Apple Podcasts/iOS - Spotify - Amazon Music - Google Play/Android - iHeart Radio -  Radio Public, Amazon Alexa or wherever they get audio.

+ Click for EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

---

DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends and welcome to episode 1251 of the Juicebox Podcast.

So today we're going to talk to Ben. He's a 30 year old systems administrator who was diagnosed with type one diabetes about two years ago. Ben has a number of different issues that we're going to speak about today, bipolar disorder, addiction, multiple personalities. And a little bit more is one maybe didn't have to be after dark but Ben cursed a lot in it. And so the intent is there even though the curses aren't. And for that reason, today's another episode of The afterdark series from the Juicebox Podcast. Nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan. Alright, for those of you listening on the day that the episode came out, it's Friday, it's a perfect time to sit back with your phone and take the survey AT T one D exchange.org/juice. box I know you're at your desk pretending to work, go help out with type one diabetes research, they're looking for US residents who have type one diabetes or are the caregivers of someone with type one, t one D exchange.org/juicebox. And then go become a member of the private Facebook group Juicebox Podcast type one diabetes

this episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by us med U S med.com/juice box or call 888721151 for us med is where my daughter gets her diabetes supplies from and you could to use the link or number to get your free benefit check and get started today with us met Today's episode is sponsored by Medtronic diabetes, a company that's bringing together people who are redefining what it means to live with diabetes. Later in this episode, I'll be speaking with Mark. He was diagnosed with type one diabetes at 28. He's 47. Now he's going to tell you a little bit about his story. To hear more stories from the Medtronic champion community or to share your own story. Visit Medtronic diabetes.com/juice box and check out the Medtronic champion hashtag on social media. This show is sponsored today by the glucagon that my daughter carries. G voc hypo Penn. Find out more at G voc glucagon.com. Forward slash juicebox. Hey

Ben 2:38
Scott. I'm Ben Jensen. I'm a 30 year old systems administrator living in Nampa. Idaho. I was diagnosed with type one diabetes when I was 28.

Scott Benner 2:46
Two years ago. Yes. All right. Any other autoimmune or diabetes in your family? autoimmune

Ben 2:55
issues up the wazoo? I come from a family of females just about every single one of them has a thyroid problem. I couldn't tell you whether it was hypo or hyper. But yes, tons of it. My mom's side of the family. Okay, on your mom's side.

Scott Benner 3:11
You don't have hypothyroidism? No,

Ben 3:13
but I'm actually getting tested. My nurse practitioner, she just ordered a full thyroid panel. interest on I'm getting the labs drawn for that tomorrow. Interestingly enough, I just watched a tick tock video where bipolar type one can be confused with a thyroid issue. So that's why she ordered the test.

Scott Benner 3:31
So you had a little bit of an audio issue in the beginning, Ben. So the first time you introduced yourself you told people you had bipolar but you didn't the second time. So how long have you had the diagnosis

Ben 3:42
since July of this year, and it is currently November 13?

Scott Benner 3:47
Ben prior to that any psychological issues at all?

Ben 3:51
No, I was a normal guy. I kicked ass at my job. I did have addictions to and his twins at certain points that turned into binge drinking but I was able to I was a functioning addict of sorts. At work. I worked for the State Police I was one of the the lead infrastructure engineer so is there for three years.

Scott Benner 4:13
I don't know how to abuse antihistamines, can you tell me the

Ben 4:17
one that I abused was diaper diaper and hydrazine. It's commonly known as Benadryl and it's in the class of drug called a dissociative and I also believe that I have disassociative identity disorder that's formerly known as multiple personality disorder. Okay. When I would pop the antihistamines I would do them at such large doses. I would hear voices in my head, really? And yes, but I couldn't hear what they were saying. They were more like whispers that, you know, I knew where people but I couldn't quite understand if that makes sense.

Scott Benner 4:58
So while you do don't have a diagnosis before the bipolar six months ago or so. You were having issues that were concerning, but you thought they were related. Or they were related to the abuse. Is that possible?

Ben 5:13
So I didn't mention any abuse Scott. Oh, sorry. I meant

Scott Benner 5:17
I meant abusing the the antihistamines, but did I find something by mistake then?

Ben 5:22
You might have Scott, Freudian slip there. We'll get to that later, I guess. Okay.

Scott Benner 5:26
Do you think like, in hindsight, do you think that's mental health or do you think it was actually the impact from the histamine?

Ben 5:34
I think it was me coping. I found something that helped me cope. Okay. It was antihistamines, I knew that there was something wrong in my head. I believe I I've had bipolar my entire life. I've had di D my entire life. I've only become aware of these things. Since July 20. Of this year.

Scott Benner 5:51
How did it manifest earlier in your life? And what what? How did how was it written off?

Ben 5:58
Looking back on my earlier life. I believe the first personality that was born was my, my gamer personality. I was super manic into games my entire life. And everything about them like duck cones. I was on an old Flash game website back in the day, called a Pong game.com. I was super invested in the community. It just meant the world to me. World of Warcraft, I probably have, I don't know. 20,000 hours played in it. I probably had 7000 hours and Dota two. That was my first addiction. It was gaming.

Scott Benner 6:34
Actually, the the most stunning thing you've said so far is the Duck Hunt is still something a person who's 30 years old would have played That's

Ben 6:42
stupid. It was on it. I had to go downstairs in the basement. It was dark. I had to blow in the cartridge and everything. I was gonna

Scott Benner 6:49
say that. It's an old Nintendo game, isn't it? It is. Yeah,

Ben 6:53
my stepdad had it. SNES.

Scott Benner 6:58
That shocked me the rest of this is making sense. But the Duck Hunt exists and people still use it. I was like, Get out of here. So you hyper focused on those video games? I did. Okay, they were my life. And what did that do for you? Like, a lot of this is I think, in hindsight, I imagined these questions. But

Ben 7:18
what do I mean? I was a good student as well. I was in advanced placement classes during all of this. I had friends who were on the basketball team, I played soccer for like a prestigious club. I had a great upbringing. But at the same time, there was, you know, childhood abuse that I had recognized that I had been living with my entire lives. That was the cause of why I was doing all these things. What did they abuse look like? Viewers, Scott and I were talking before, and we were talking about how our day went. And I told Scott that my therapist fired me today. And he told me to save it for the air. So my therapist just fired me. Scott, where was I going with this?

Scott Benner 8:04
I well, I asked what about about the abuse? Oh, yeah,

Ben 8:10
about the abuse. Okay, so there's a scene in my head. My first memory is a child. This is my first memory. I don't know if you know what your first memory that you have on Earth, Scott. But my first memory is me in a room standing next to my brother who is now I know, he's been diagnosed with highly functioning Autism. I didn't know that until I was 30. Okay, so he has his own demons. It was me and him standing. Looking outside a window watching my dad dragged my mom down the front sidewalk of our house, down to the street. Oh my god. That's the only traumatic memory I have. I love both my mom and my dad. Mom is also related to my mental break. She's been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's disease. And she's very quickly losing her ability to speak.

Scott Benner 9:06
How old is she? 57. Have you ever asked either your parents about that memory?

Ben 9:14
I talked with my mom about it when I was a kid. Maybe six or seven?

Scott Benner 9:18
Did she tell you what happened? She said it happened.

Ben 9:21
I talked to her about it again. Maybe a year or two ago. I was very drunk at the time. She said it was a bad night. Yeah, why would what? Let's hope that wasn't

Scott Benner 9:31
reminiscent of a good night for. Yep. It was a one time thing. And you were just unlucky enough to see it.

Ben 9:38
I never had the courage to go that deep enough with it with my mom got my mom lost her mind the same time I did. And by the time I came to it, I she she's not capable of having these kinds of conversations any longer. She's capable of telling you what she wants for breakfast or your parents together. So They're divorced. I thought maybe

Scott Benner 10:03
DC your father at all. If you take insulin or sulfonylureas you are at risk for your blood sugar going too low. You need a safety net when it matters most be ready with G voc hypo pen. My daughter carries G voc hypo pen everywhere she goes because it's a ready to use rescue pen for treating very low blood sugar and people with diabetes ages two and above that I trust. Low blood sugar emergencies can happen unexpectedly and they demand quick action. Luckily, G voc hypo pen can be administered in two simple steps even by yourself in certain situations. Show those around you where you store Chivo Capo pen and how to use it. They need to know how to use G Bo Capo pen before an emergency situation happens. Learn more about why G vo Capo pen is in Ardens diabetes toolkit at G voc glucagon.com/juicebox. G voc shouldn't be used if you have a tumor in the gland on the top of your kidneys called a pheochromocytoma. Or if you have a tumor in your pancreas called an insulinoma visit G voc glucagon.com/risk For safety information. I used to hate ordering my daughter's diabetes supplies and never had a good experience and it was frustrating. But it hasn't been that way for a while actually for about three years now. Because that's how long we've been using us med us med.com/juice box or call 888721151 for us med is the number one distributor for FreeStyle Libre systems nationwide. They are the number one specialty distributor for Omnipod dash, the number one fastest growing tandem distributor nationwide, the number one rated distributor in Dexcom customer satisfaction surveys. They have served over 1 million people with diabetes since 1996. And they always provide 90 days worth of supplies and fast and free shipping. US med carries everything from insulin pumps and diabetes testing supplies to the latest CGM like the libre three and Dexcom G seven. They accept Medicare nationwide and over 800 private insurers find out why us med has an A plus rating with the Better Business Bureau at us med.com/juice box or just call them at 888-721-1514. Get started right now. And you'll be getting your supplies the same way we do. I do. Have you spoken to him about any of this.

Ben 12:42
I texted him all this. I don't know if he read a text messages. But he hasn't returned. I basically confirmed the story with my brother that he saw maybe some he said he saw some. That's all he said. And I said I told my dad my first memory. And then I let him know I'm coming on your podcast. So I called him for his birthday. His birthday was November 9. He didn't answer the phone. He said he was in a meeting. So that's on him.

Scott Benner 13:12
Okay, gotcha. How old is he? Is he about your mom's age? Now

Ben 13:16
a little older? Not entirely sure. He might be close to 60 Little over.

Scott Benner 13:23
Does he have any problems with alcohol?

Ben 13:28
Not that I know of no. At the time I've heard stories that maybe he did. I know I'm a dick but I'm drunk. Stop drinking Ben is no. He's no fun guy to be around. Sometimes

Scott Benner 13:38
drinking Ben is not a fun Ben.

Ben 13:41
Well, he can be fun. If you get like, three and then once you get you know 12 He becomes a different guy. Yeah.

Scott Benner 13:49
You talked about binge drinking. You move to that after the Benadryl.

Ben 13:54
I did. Benadryl wasn't working anymore, was looking for something different. So eventually, what the Benadryl manifested into was a feeling of just impending doom. That's what I would feel when I would do these large doses of it. I'm talking I would be popping bottles of this Scott on a daily basis until my hand shook. Just

Scott Benner 14:16
drink. Is this what the kids call scissor? Sizzle? What am I doing? I'd have it wrong. Am I right? Or no?

Ben 14:22
I don't think I'm a kid anymore. Scott and Luke just as much as you are.

Scott Benner 14:26
You think you think you're more out of the loop than I am? Okay. I'm pretty sure that's not true. I'm up to the point in my life now where I'm asking waitresses, how old I look. Like, hey, we don't know each other. You've already gotten your tip just real quick. How do I look?

Ben 14:46
At your wife Scott.

Scott Benner 14:47
I do because I've I've held on to my dark hair. And so I think this might be the only thing saving me and I'm trying to figure out I'm going to stop going to people who are expecting tips from me start asking just random strangers on the street, maybe? I'm trying to assess my might. I don't know how I guess how old I look. Anyway, I don't think that's the thing that young people do. I don't think young people are like, Hey, I don't look 32 I, I've had a number of these conversations, people with bipolar like, like those kinds of issues. You know, I have my own thoughts that are rooted in absolutely no science, but seems like people who deal with inflammation issues seem to run into bipolar issues as well. Not with a lot of frequency. But I've always been kind of stunned by how many people when you ask them was their auto immune your family, what else is going on? And they eventually get to a bipolar Uncle, you know, it doesn't take too long, in a lot of these conversations. So especially now your mom has Alzheimer's, which I believe people call diabetes type something right? Aren't they saying?

Ben 15:52
I've heard that? Yeah.

Scott Benner 15:54
Hold on a second. Does your mom have type two by any chance?

Ben 15:57
Yes, she does. So when she was down, last time, I saw her I slapped the g7 Honor, we diagnosed it.

Scott Benner 16:06
The exact connection between Alzheimer's and type two diabetes is still in debate. However, poorly controlled blood sugar may increase the risk of developing Alzheimer's. The relationship is so strong that some of called Alzheimer's, the diabetes of the brain or type three diabetes, that's from the NIH just like three years ago, my point overall is, you know, inflammation and things go wonky. I have to be honest with you, before you gave me your backstory about how long you think you've been struggling like through your entire life, part of me was just thought like, gosh, maybe you've had a big shift because of your thyroid, maybe you're gonna find out your thyroid, your TSH is like eight or nine or something crazy high. And that because thyroid is really one of the ways that one of the symptoms of thyroid can be like really strange behavior, and like aggressiveness and agitation, that kind of stuff. And I thought I wonder if that doesn't look like bipolar, but then you said this has been going on for most of your life. And I kind of let that thought go after that. Okay,

Ben 17:08
I mean, I'm excited just to get the bloodwork done, just to see where I'm at knowing that, you know, every female in my family has a problem. So I

Scott Benner 17:17
think just making everything as well regulated as possible only can be good news for you. So yeah, it's definitely worth doing. You've never had it done before. No, no, no,

Ben 17:26
I don't I guess not. Yeah, you've only

Scott Benner 17:28
had diabetes for two years, too. How do you make out with the type one? Is that something like in the middle of all this? Are you like doing well with it? Are you struggling with that as well?

Ben 17:37
After I was diagnosed, I went from a 12 B, one C to a 4.6 and three months. Oh, and I maintain that for two years until my mental break. I'm at a 6.0 right now.

Scott Benner 17:48
What were you doing to get in the Force?

Ben 17:50
I was Scott Benner. And I can just was bowled with insulin dude. And I paid super strict attention to it. Okay,

Scott Benner 17:59
super good at it. I was manic about diabetes. Okay. Oh, so you you kind of you took that energy, and you focused it at the type one? Yep. Okay, well, it worked. Till didn't I guess

Ben 18:15
it can did. I was good at it.

Scott Benner 18:21
Did you know? While while you were doing that, while you had this incredible Uber focus about diabetes, and you had your agency in the fours? Is there any part of you that says, I have a mental instability? And I'm just using it for good right now? Or did you just think, Wow, I'm doing amazing at this?

Ben 18:39
Well, no, I knew my life was. And I would say it out loud all the time. involuntarily. I would say things like I hated my life. And it took me a while to realize that it wasn't me saying it. It was the other personalities inside of me. It was Dr. Bennett was philosopher Ben, they were saying that they hated the current state of things. So I was I was always aware that I was not happy. Okay, I just didn't I didn't see a way out.

Scott Benner 19:07
The DI D can you give more context to what that is for people.

Ben 19:12
It's a disassociative disorder where there's parts, I guess. I'll try to describe my experience of it. There are thoughts in my head that I recognize that are not my own. And there are times in my life where I know something else is dictating what I'm doing with my body. Be that sending a text message or navigating me to a crowded room to read something very important to me at the time. Everything just seems perfectly orchestrated to well orchestrated that I know that it's not me actually doing it. It's something else. The main personality primarily associated with controlling my body I believe as Mr. Congeniality he's he's my tech visionary. In addition to having all of these mental illnesses, I believe that I am becoming the visionary behind artificial general intelligence and faster than light, speed travel.

Scott Benner 20:16
Are these different personalities all together at the same time? Or do they get their moment in the sun?

Ben 20:23
They definitely get their moment in the sun like philosopher Ben, he loves seeing why and Work Chat, or maybe sending a quirky text while he's taking a Mr. Congeniality loves inspiring people to get excited about technology.

Scott Benner 20:38
Did you just say a second ago that there's a personality inside of you that believes it's the driving force behind AI technology?

Ben 20:46
Yeah, that's Mr. C.

Scott Benner 20:49
And you can you can sit with me right now and speak about that other personality as if it's another person. Correct. But if, if the dice landed in a certain way today, and he was the one who got on the call, would he talk about Ben?

Ben 21:08
I'm not sure that's a great question.

Scott Benner 21:10
Are you not aware of when other like you right now that I'm speaking to? I'm going to call you, Ben. I'm trying to understand how this works. Are there long swathes of time, or even hours or minutes where someone else is in control? And then like a movie, you come back and you don't remember what happened?

Ben 21:28
I have selected amnesia sometimes. Most of the time. It's like I'm viewing a movie. Okay, and I'm feeling I'm feeling Mr. C's feelings. I'm, I'm experiencing his thoughts through the text messages that he's sending. I say, he's on his own. He's only had a few phone calls. He hasn't spoken to many people yet.

Scott Benner 21:52
And it's not possible that you are actually working on AI on a computer somewhere. You don't know it.

Ben 21:57
That would be bitchin. But I don't think that's

Scott Benner 22:01
actually happening. It's just it's just this belief. This certain part of your mind believes that that's happening sometimes when that part of you. Yeah, so

Ben 22:13
he's convinced me, Mr. C has convinced Ben Jensen, that this is happening, and I'm along for the ride.

Scott Benner 22:20
And so you had the wherewithal to say, Everything's upside down. I'm gonna go get a therapist. I need to figure something out. But I don't understand. I'm so afraid that you're gonna tell me your therapist fired you because you're coming on a podcast.

Ben 22:34
The main reason he fired me was because he didn't like video calls.

Scott Benner 22:38
He didn't like video call like you wanted to see him over like zoom. But he wants to just see you in person. Correct?

Ben 22:44
Yeah, I'm not really busy guy. Like, I did not want to dedicate, like, freakin four hours a day. Like, you know, it'd be like four hours for an appointment on Monday morning,

Scott Benner 22:55
dude. But the traffic here because you're driving somewhere, and then you got to get there and yeah, in rush

Ben 22:59
hour. Right, right.

Scott Benner 23:00
He didn't want to do it over video. Yeah. And are you comfortable with? That's the real reason? Or is it possible that you that one of you, I don't know how to talk about this, but one of your personalities did something that was so egregious that he wanted to get away from you or made up an excuse to get away?

Ben 23:17
No, he also was an addiction therapist, and he wanted me to check myself into a 12 step program.

Scott Benner 23:27
And you're thinking your mental health needs to be addressed before the because you're drinking still. No,

Ben 23:32
I'm not drinking. You're not I haven't drank since I started smoking marijuana, Scott. Okay,

Scott Benner 23:38
so you're, you're what they call California silver. I guess. Okay. I learned so much on this podcast. Fantastic. So I pretty sure that a lot of people are going to tell you that smoking too much weed with Bipolar is not a good idea. Is that not right?

Ben 23:56
That is right. But my I mean, my life is going great right now, Scott,

Scott Benner 24:01
what is your level of expectation for your life, then?

Ben 24:04
I want to have a fulfilling day at work, where I build technology that helps people and then I want to come home and watch some ditch and ask TV with my wife and pet my dog.

Scott Benner 24:16
I can't believe it took you 23 minutes. Tell me you're married. Okay. How long have you been married?

Ben 24:21
Three years. This October. So this lucky

Scott Benner 24:25
girl got you one year before your meltdown. One year before your diabetes?

Ben 24:30
Yeah, yeah. So we got married, and we got married during COVID. And like 2020 Our plan was to go to Japan. That ended up not happening. And then we buy a house and then the month after we moved into the house, I immediately get diagnosed with diabetes. And yeah, she didn't immediately leave. She's the best.

Scott Benner 24:50
Yeah, that was her mistake then but okay, so she hung around. I don't imagine that many people think it's appropriate or possible to have a conversation like this and joke around the same time, but I disagree. She hangs around, but then it's not much longer before it like, let me ask you this. The person you married, does that person know you're having any issues with mental health? Oh,

Ben 25:17
yes, she's completely aware. And she's the most nurturing soul in the world. She's the reason I'm alive.

Scott Benner 25:23
Okay. Does she have any mental health issues?

Ben 25:26
I don't think she does. She is solid as a rock. I cannot wait to have a child with this woman. And because all of my bad genes will just be eaten by her rock solid jeans

Scott Benner 25:35
type. And I don't know if that's how that works. We might want to like, hold off on that idea until we have some more answers. But, but I hear what you're saying. She's She's She's legit person. Yeah. And very supportive and helpful. So how does she help you? Like, is she the person you go to? And you say, I think I'm having a breakdown here. And here's what's happening. Yeah, she's

Ben 25:55
my best friend. Yeah. And

Scott Benner 25:56
what how does she help you in that moment?

Ben 26:00
She let me freak out. She let me spend some money. Um, she let me try to organize the best World of Warcraft raid of all time.

Scott Benner 26:10
And the magic card might work for a while. Yes,

Ben 26:14
yeah, she let me have my fun. Right now we're going

Scott Benner 26:18
to hear from a member of the Medtronic champion community. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by Medtronic diabetes. And this is Mark.

David 26:27
I use injections for about six months. And then my endocrinologist at a navy recommended a pump. How

Scott Benner 26:33
long had you been in the Navy? Eight years up to that point? I've interviewed a number of people who have been diagnosed during service and most of the time they're discharged. What happened to you?

David 26:42
I was medically discharged. Yeah, six months after my diagnosis.

Scott Benner 26:46
Was it your goal to stay in the Navy for your whole life? Your career was? Yeah,

David 26:50
yeah. In fact, I think a few months before my diagnosis, my wife and I had that discussion about, you know, staying in for the long term. And, you know, we made the decision despite all the hardships and time away from home, that was what we loved the most.

Scott Benner 27:03
Was the Navy, like a lifetime goal of yours?

David 27:07
lifetime goal. I mean, as my earliest childhood memories, were flying, being a fighter pilot,

Scott Benner 27:13
how did your diagnosis impact your lifelong dream?

David 27:16
It was devastating. Everything I had done in life, everything I'd worked up to up to that point was just taken away in an instant. I was not prepared for that at all. What does your support system look like? friends, your family caregivers, you know, for me to Medtronic, champions, community, you know, all those resources that are out there to help guide away but then help keep abreast on you know, the new things that are coming down the pike and to give you hope for eventually that we can find a cure.

Scott Benner 27:41
You can hear more stories from Medtronic champions, and share your own story at Medtronic diabetes.com/juice box.

Ben 27:49
And then what I did to initially get myself checked into the hospital the first time was I I called my friend and I tried to recruit him for this tech company to build AI. It was Mr. Congeniality first phone call. And right after that phone call, my friend told me I needed to go to the emergency room. So that's when I told my wife with my friend Daniel said, and my friend, Daniel hit, his mom had bipolar. So he knew quite a bit about it. Yeah, he recognized. Yeah, he recognized it immediately. So he was the good friend that had the check myself in.

Scott Benner 28:28
That's lovely. Good for him. Yeah, that's nice of you, too. It's nice that you were able to listen to him and, and, and that he was willing to speak up and say something. Yeah, he

Ben 28:36
he recognized it immediately.

Scott Benner 28:38
Do you remember that phone call? I do. What were you What do you think you said that made him go up.

Ben 28:46
It was just my it was my intonation. It was how intense I was. It was the things I was saying. I want to whip out my skin Pisidian Swan River Scott. That's my inspiration for space travel.

Scott Benner 29:00
That's what you said. He went, Oh, yeah. Yeah, I recognize this from my mom. I'm so my mom wants. My mom once said she was gonna urinate into a stream to change how coupons were used. And I thought, oh, yeah, I've heard this before. Okay, so he tells you you turn right to your wife and say my friend Daniel just told me I don't seem well. Yeah, I need to go to the ER immediately. She didn't know you didn't sound well.

Ben 29:32
She was outside when the phone call was happening. So she did not hear it and I did I lost it. I screamed and she heard the scream.

Scott Benner 29:44
Was he the first person that ever intimated to you that you have a mental health issue? Yes. As upsetting

Ben 29:52
were relieving, relieving that I hit it so well, I guess. Oh, I see.

Scott Benner 29:57
You're like I can't believe he's the first person that said figure this out.

Ben 30:02
I mean, I didn't even I didn't know there was, you know, at the top. I didn't know any of this was going on. I wish somebody else would have said something. I heard he was the first guy that said something, you know? Yeah,

Scott Benner 30:11
no, I understand your jump to your brother for a second highly functioning. Autism. Yeah. Okay. Does he have any other issues? Or is that that I'm aware of?

Ben 30:25
No, you speak. Yeah, he can speak he holds down a job. He's a he's a sous chef at a good country club.

Scott Benner 30:31
I'm sorry. I meant to you to speak. Do you have a relationship? Yeah, yeah. We have a relationship. Okay. And you told him about this. Oh,

Ben 30:40
about Yeah, he knows about Mr. Congeniality and like my plans and my companies and all that stuff.

Scott Benner 30:47
He was probably pissed when he realized you guys bought a business together and you don't even remember it. He's probably like, over my head when we were not packing startups into diamonds. I thought we were going to be rich. But I have the recipe right here to start us insulin urine. Pressure, like you told me this was gonna work. So are you on any medications for any of this?

Ben 31:13
Yeah, I'm on like half of the pharmacy. But where do you want to start? Well,

Scott Benner 31:17
who's prescribing it?

Ben 31:18
My psychiatric nurse practitioner.

Scott Benner 31:21
Okay. What did you start with that didn't help what did you move to what's been happening so

Ben 31:26
they started me on Seroquel, which hits me like a brick get house got, and it'll just knock me out. And that's about all it does. It didn't really do anything to help the manic behavior. Okay, that was at the first Psychiatric Hospital where I feel like they mismanaged my diabetes. For the first hospital stay, they had me only on Seroquel. And they only got the dosage up to 200 milligrams, they were worried about pushing it higher because of type one, it really set my appetite

Scott Benner 31:58
gotcha to, hey, this is gonna seem like a weird detour for a second. But, you know, let me do this. I hear this happens a lot. And I'm just going to this is my opportunity to make a stand in the world. You've misused the term brick shithouse printed house specifically is speaking about a woman whose bust to waist to hip ratio is a certain way. So if you're a chesty, hippie with a thin waist, you may be built like a brick house. I know this is not important to the conversation. But I just felt weird that you'd be going through life not knowing that. So it's

Ben 32:32
interesting. I'm going to type it into Google a little later and get a better you check

Scott Benner 32:35
me if you want, Ben, but trust me. I grew up around a person who used that phrase a lot. It's not one of my parents, in case somebody's wondering. And that is definitely what that means. I can't believe I just I was like, we can't let this go. An article built more robustly than its function requires implies an element of indestructibility. Yeah, that's not how I heard it was how it goes. It's isn't that interesting? I have an ear of voluptuous woman with large round buttocks and bust. Yeah, that's how I knew it. Okay, that's that we're moving on now. Then. You start with this medication hits you really hard and makes you tired, but doesn't do anything. Other than that, they add something else after that?

Ben 33:20
No, my wife had to break me out of the psych ward, because they were mismanaging my diabetes. Okay, so that happened, and then get out. And then I start manically texting my old supervisor at the State Police. Because I didn't really trust anybody in the government. I was very paranoid at this point, Scott. And I was like, trying to get him to send me a cop car. That could take me to a hospital that was going to treat me better. Okay, so he ended up calling it a wellness check. And then that that wellness check brought me to the second hospital

Scott Benner 33:57
is that when you lost your job, so or no, or did that? No,

Ben 34:02
no. My wife is the most nurturing soul in the world through this entire time. She put like she did all the necessary paperwork to getting filed with short term disability. I was receiving my full paycheck.

Scott Benner 34:12
Are you back at that job? No.

Ben 34:13
I am no good. Yes, I've been back since October 16. Wow.

Scott Benner 34:17
Congratulations. That's a that's a lot to get through to get back to that place.

Ben 34:21
And I'm up for a promotion, Scott first year. Yeah. Well,

Scott Benner 34:24
I mean, as far as you know, unless somebody in your head is just telling you that and it's not really happening.

Ben 34:30
You know, that would be unfortunate. But that's the reality I live in. I

Scott Benner 34:33
guess. Ben goes into the office one day he goes my check looks exactly the same as last month. I don't understand. I'm the grand Pooh bah. Now why am I not being paid better? The

Ben 34:43
Grand Tour. I had a I had a supervisor his name was used to say that.

Scott Benner 34:50
It's amazing. Also to the editor, why don't we take out the man's last name just in case? That's okay. So he had some Flintstones right. Friends I think you're way too young for that.

Ben 35:03
Now I watched the Flintstones Did you? Maybe too, like I was too young to understand the Flintstones but I saw the Flintstones you know I saw the pictures on the screen. I

Scott Benner 35:14
don't know if Fred was the grant No there was oh my god this is a rabbit hole. I don't think he's healthy for you or I but I think the Grand Poobah was the guy who ran the club. And it was the water buff. Oh, alright, I'm gonna figure this out. Let's

Ben 35:30
deep dive this dude.

Scott Benner 35:34
I assume there's a part of your personality that is just like Yes. Let's find out more about this is how I fix

Ben 35:41
problems at work, Scott when Microsoft consultants I Google things. Alright,

Scott Benner 35:45
so Fred and Barney belong to like a gentleman's club called the loyal order of the water buffaloes. And this is actually still from my memory. And then the Grand Poobah was like the person who like the ranking member of the loader, the loyal order of the water buffaloes. That's I think that might be the only that might be where that phrase is from. Oh my god, do you want to know the the poor Boss Name It was Sam slag heap. That was the character that given the cartoon. And you know what

Ben 36:19
I realized? I didn't I didn't I don't want to know any of this. No

Scott Benner 36:23
one does. No one does. The Flintstones was the cartoon rip off of the honeymooners.

Ben 36:29
Did you know that the honeymooners I'll have to Google this one as well, Scott. Okay.

Scott Benner 36:33
All right. Yeah, you're pretty young. Alright. So let's get back to you. What's life like right now?

Ben 36:39
Life is amazing. I'm going to work. We're kind of in a holding pattern right now. Actually. The wife's FMLA is coming up. And it seems like we're going to have to be moving at some point to help take care of mom who has Alzheimer's. The wife has volunteered to be her primary caretaker. She's the most nurturing soul in the world. And she actually has experience in dementia care. It's what she did before. She became a phlebotomist.

Scott Benner 37:13
Interesting. So she is not phlebotomy rising people right now, which just means drawing their blood. And why is she on FMLA? To help you she was yes to help me. Okay, she's out on FMLA to help you that's coming up on being done now. And you're thinking maybe she'll leave her job or work at part time and then sit with your mom.

Ben 37:32
She's gonna go back to work after her FMLA is over. Okay. She's currently driving me to work right now. And to all my appointments, I'm not allowed to drive on some of the medication that I'm on. She's wooburn. You. Yes,

Scott Benner 37:47
you should make her an Uber driver. I don't want to tell you how to get around tax problems, but make her an Uber driver, You're her only client. And then the anyway, there's a way in there to save some money, but it would probably be a lot of work. She's gonna go are you going to be able to drive again soon.

Ben 38:02
So the the main medication preventing me from driving Xanax. And I think I have my anxiety to the point where I don't need it during the day. I'm currently only using it to help my sleep. I'm kind of a chronic insomniac. And it has been helping me on nights where I get up after you know, sleeping for three hours, and I can't get back to sleep, or one of those will just knock me out. So as long as I'm not on it during the day, I should be able to drive myself but I also have accommodations from I have all the paperwork submitted for work to exempt me from driving, in case so I can be 100% remote if I want to be

Scott Benner 38:43
I say I understand. Do you deal with the multiple personalities like on a daily basis? Or is that a thing? It's not happening right now?

Ben 38:51
It's something that you don't I try not to pay attention to. It's just it just happens. They get triggered and they pop out. Okay. You know,

Scott Benner 39:00
does it feel like a part of your personality is just stronger in that moment? Or does it literally feel like, like an exorcist situation where you're in a dark closet and somebody else is controlling? You know,

Ben 39:13
I feel I feel like I am then I say

Scott Benner 39:17
okay, that's who you are. Now, you now have all this? Yeah, energy or ideas or whatever. Can you do you have it down? Did you know how many there are?

Ben 39:27
So we have philosopher Ben, Dr. Ben, Mr. Congeniality and gamer Ben.

Scott Benner 39:36
Do they name themselves or do you name them?

Ben 39:38
I named them Mr. Congeniality. He's natural name was the schemer because he would just sit there and troll my vape and then send like 1000 Discord messages. So he was pretty creepy guy. So I renamed him to Mr. Congeniality after one of my favorite chick flicks.

Scott Benner 39:55
Okay, with Sandra Bullock. Yes. course. Right? And they, Oh,

Ben 40:02
I almost this is how I slayed at the psych ward Scott It was nothing but 40 year old women, and they all loved my favorite movies

Scott Benner 40:13
where you weren't picking these ladies up or you know, well,

Ben 40:17
I was just talking to him. Okay, okay. I just wanted to be sure. I

Scott Benner 40:20
want to be clear. You don't have any weird thoughts about me? You don't hear me in your head or anything like that ever? No. Okay. If you do you please don't tell me okay? Please don't. Don't send me a message that says that. I swear to you bad if you've ever sent me a message that says, I heard you last night. And I'm on my way to make the star das diamonds. I'm gonna, I'm gonna block you. I just want you to be clear. All

Ben 40:43
right, keep that in mind. I'll send an internal memo about

Scott Benner 40:47
No, no problem at all. It's interesting, man. How are you? How are you so good natured about all this?

Ben 40:53
I just have to keep up my end of the bargain. Dude, I have to keep going. Because because I believe in Mr. C, I believe in his vision. I believe that I can be on the team that that solves the problem of human consciousness. What is the problem? How do you put life in the software? Okay,

Scott Benner 41:16
how do you how do you make it so that something that I'm interacting with on a computer is sentient? Yes. And that's important why?

Ben 41:29
To solve complex problems? For example, timers disease.

Scott Benner 41:33
Yeah. Okay. I was gonna say for example, what is it you're looking for to solve? Alzheimer's

Ben 41:38
disease is the big one. Right?

Scott Benner 41:41
It's very relevant to me. Yeah, of course. grand plans is part of some mental illness isn't part of yours. Oh, 100%. Yeah. Did you have thoughts like that when you were younger?

Ben 41:55
When I was younger, I idolized Steve Jobs. Yeah, I did.

Scott Benner 42:03
So like, do big things change the world? That kind of stuff? Yep. Think different. Has anybody ever said grandiose delusional disorder to you know,

Ben 42:12
you're the first person does that shock? You?

Scott Benner 42:14
Know, I could because I am an idiot. I might be 100%. Wrong. I might not know anything of what I'm talking about. All right. Yeah. I just wondered if the if it was something had ever come up that? Well, I guess my question is, are you actually doing anything that would impact AI? Not

Ben 42:29
currently. No, I'm right now getting myself mentally fit to even get into the field.

Scott Benner 42:37
I see. Okay. You don't have this delusion right now that you are currently working towards making AI sentient? You just think it would be a thing you'd like to get involved in?

Ben 42:48
Correct. Got it. And I think I've already identified the people that I want to do it with. Is

Scott Benner 42:53
Daniel one of them? Yes. Is he still returning your halls?

Ben 42:57
He is. One of my best friends are

Scott Benner 43:00
good guy. That's excellent. So have you had that conversation since your diagnosis and and getting on some medications and getting back to the part where you aren't now? Have you actually spoken to Daniel and said, Look, when I'm getting myself together? This is what I want to do. And he said, Yeah, man I'm in.

Ben 43:14
He's not in. That's I'll always be courting Daniel, but he's down with me following my own dreams.

Scott Benner 43:23
Nice. Very nice. Okay, how do you manage your diabetes with all this going on?

Ben 43:29
I've been doing a pretty good job at it with the six a one C for at least for me. Part of that is due to medication circle does make me hungry. Part of that is just binge eating. Part of it is also just not hyper focusing on it, which I think is probably healthy for me. To a point. Oh, for sure. You know, seeing that 681 C yesterday. I do want to get

Scott Benner 43:53
you like to see in the fives. Are you seeing spikes? After meals? What do you think? What do you think caused the rise in your agency?

Ben 44:01
So after my experience at the first hospital, I'm just like, super sketchy to have a bunch of insulin in my system at night. So I've been just kind of Binging at night and not dosing properly for it eating later

Scott Benner 44:15
at night not covering it with insulin, making your blood sugar higher brain up here, I want to say yeah, and in the hospital, they gave you too much. Did you have a seizure?

Ben 44:23
No, but I had to keep shoveling food at a time where I didn't want to eat. It was very distressing. I stayed up for five days straight and at first hospital. Geez. On

Scott Benner 44:35
purpose. Yeah. Or was it just part of the manic thing or were you trying not to like go to so it was

Ben 44:41
definitely related to the mania but it was also motivated by fear. I thought that I was going to go low. And the I mean, the blood sugar logs prove it. Yeah,

Scott Benner 44:49
they don't it's you know, a number of people know over exaggeration. A number of people have come on the podcast and talked about having children with type one who have needed institutional eyes, a number of different kinds, and how hard it is to get an institution that will take responsibility for diabetes even.

Ben 45:07
Yeah, it's the last thing they want to take care of man. Yeah,

Scott Benner 45:11
maybe you understand, but when you need the care, you need the care. So it's hard. It's hard to accept that they're just like diabetes. No, no, thank you. You can't come here. But I mean, at least found a place to take you. But how long were you there before your wife sprung you?

Ben 45:27
It was only like five days. It help it all. That first place did not help me at all. Okay. I met some good people. But like, I love the people at the sideboard. There's a couple of nurses I really related to as well. One reminded me and my grandmother. But no, I don't have many good memories from the first sideboard. Okay.

Scott Benner 45:49
So the second thing you tried was more valuable, or was that just the nurse practitioner that you're seeing now?

Ben 45:56
So I went to the hospital again. So after I got sprung out, and I was basically texting my boss, and then I checked myself in the ER again, and they got me into a local hot

Scott Benner 46:07
boss helped you with a wellness check. And then that got you. Okay, yeah,

Ben 46:10
that got you where you are now, which I have on video. By the way, if you want to watch Scott,

Scott Benner 46:14
wait, you have wait. You have first of all, I do not want to see but what do you have on video? The wellness check. You have? Were you videoing them when they were there? No, they have their dashcam on? Oh, have you watched it? Yes. Do you look out of your mind? Yes. Is it wasn't surprising to to see yourself that way? Yes,

Ben 46:36
there's some footage at the hospital is very shocking. To watch.

Scott Benner 46:39
What how so? Were you trying to fly it? No,

Ben 46:42
it's just me screaming at the sky talking about like saying Dix every three three words

Scott Benner 46:48
saying terrible things. You didn't ask them to be part of the AI contingent?

Ben 46:52
No, I'm not sure that entered into the equation. I was trying to get them over to a barbecue at my house. Actually,

Scott Benner 46:58
wait a minute, you're yelling. First of all, you can't call a guy dick and then expect them to go to a barbecue with you. But so you were trying to get him to come to a barbecue? Yeah,

Ben 47:06
I was throwing a huge party because we because I discovered artificial intelligence. I wanted him to come to my house that Saturday.

Scott Benner 47:11
Oh, wow. Do you think that's what you'd actually do? First of all, I don't want to say this. It might break your heart. They're already working on AI. You're not going to be discovering anything, but But you were telling him that you broke the code on this sentient being. And in real barbecue is how you're gonna see now you've got me stuck. We don't want to go out to my steak, get a nice red, go to a restaurant have a steak, something like that. So we're gonna be a barbecue.

Ben 47:34
It was gonna be a Twitch stream. I was gonna stream it on Twitch. It had to be at my house where I had internet. That's

Scott Benner 47:39
when you knew you were out of your mind? Yes. Okay.

Ben 47:42
I mean, like, I'm thinking of all this while while they're driving me to the hospital. So clearly, none of it was going to happen. Right? So you

Scott Benner 47:49
were actually trying to come up with a way to get him to go like so even though you kind of gave yourself over to the process immediately. You're trying to get out of it. Well, I'm sitting there, just the guy. Okay. And that's his life. Yeah, and you feel bad now looking back at it? Yes. Yeah. He chose the job. But yeah, you don't I mean, it's nice. I

Ben 48:10
think he had he had a good time. There were some good moments in that video.

Scott Benner 48:13
You think you look back you see him having fun a little bit? There. Were

Ben 48:17
there were a few there were some giggles we had some laughs would

Scott Benner 48:20
you be chalk holing? My my burger or gas or how do you cook at the barbecue?

Ben 48:26
For burgers? Definitely gas but for for the steaks, 100% charcoal, you know smoke though? Just the charcoal. So we smoke on a Trager and not very well mind you. We haven't gotten the pork but quite right.

Scott Benner 48:41
Now it's about time, man. Low and slow. Low temperatures long time. That's what takes care of it. The seasonings here. They're just it's not you don't have to put a lot on the port but this season. Have you tried it? Why don't you just go? Oh god, what's his name? Aaron. He's got a video online about smoking and pork, but I'll think of it later and tell you Well, how'd you find the podcast? I found you in the hospital when I got diagnosed with type one. Yep. Okay, so you just digging around like you do like Googling, trying to figure out how do I help myself? Find a podcast start listening to it. You enjoy it or it just has good information and you think I was just this is wrong. Am I good information

Ben 49:29
for Oh, no. I loved the podcasts. I love the after dark series. All the tips. I listened to many episodes. Okay. Very cool. Yeah. Like the I think the episode that you did with Jonathan. I listened to that before I had bipolar and I still think it's one of your best episodes.

Scott Benner 49:43
It was good, wasn't it?

Ben 49:45
I haven't heard from Jonathan a while. Something special happened in that episode.

Scott Benner 49:49
Every once in a while he sends me a message and just tells me he's okay. But then he won't respond. So let's get to know here. Is that weird to look back you were listening to somebody who had bipolar. You probably had it and didn't know it. It is weird. Yeah. I can imagine like when you think back on it now, does it make you feel any certain way?

Ben 50:14
I'll have to maybe re listen to the episode. But yeah, I definitely. It definitely makes sense that. Like, I remembered the episode. Like it stuck with me. Yeah. Like when I got the diagnosis. I remember Jonathan. Well, when

Scott Benner 50:30
you were listening, you didn't think I recognize this in myself? No,

Ben 50:34
I didn't at all. I just I love this story. Yeah. And I love how you got it out of them.

Scott Benner 50:39
Thank you. It was hard. If I remember correctly, he was did an amazing job. Thank you. He was quiet. You have a ton of energy today. I don't really need to do a whole lot then. So you're making this easy on me. I appreciate that. By the way, especially on a Monday, although you came at me pretty manically online, you know that? I did. You're very like it was friendly. But you were aggressive, friendly. Like I am going to be on the podcast, I have this going on. I want to be on the podcast. And I was like, Alright, and then I had this, like, normally, you would have gotten a link that would have found you would have found availability sometime in August of next year in 2024. And instead, I sent you the VIP link, because I wasn't sure how long you were going to have that energy. So I wanted to get you on fast.

Ben 51:25
Oh, wow. Well, I really appreciate it.

Scott Benner 51:27
No, that's cool. I just I was managing you. I'm being honest with you. I was managing you because I wasn't sure how long this part would last for you. Does that make sense? It does. Yeah. So I just have enough experience with this to know that if I hit you at the wrong time, then you're going to like cancel or reschedule or not show up or something like that. Or maybe you won't, maybe you're maybe got your medications in a good spot. And maybe you'll ride this for ever and ever, which would be

Ben 51:55
amazing. I feel like my meds are perfect. So I'm just ready to kill it.

Scott Benner 51:59
Yeah, no, I actually think that because you're on here talking about what you're specifically talking about. The conversation has that flavor. I also believe that you could have come on here and said like, Hey, Scott, I want to talk about I don't know, Pre-Bolus thing. And we could have like, dug into it and had a conversation. And at no point I would have thought like, I think Ben might have like some mental health issues. Like do you understand what I mean by that?

Ben 52:24
Yeah, I could have given shown you a different side of me if I if I wanted to. It feels

Scott Benner 52:29
like you could you that that that is my point. Whereas there are some people I've had on who I don't think could have hidden it with a tarp and you know, I don't know like it just sometimes I think it's not as high level as it is other times.

Ben 52:45
I let all my co workers know how bad nuts I am. And they still love me. How did you let them know? Each one had their own individual way? It's probably too cute to describe.

Scott Benner 52:57
Wait, just give me one of them. Equity me too cute.

Ben 53:01
Let me I'd have to log in my work computer.

Scott Benner 53:03
You can't remember this. You want to read me something? Yes, I would have to read you a message. You don't have to do that. It's okay. Basically,

Ben 53:13
there's a network admin at work who craves a patwon Daniel is my patwon at work, okay. He's also one of my best friends. And there's a network guy at my job that craves that relationship. And I identified at the company, somebody that could be his patwon.

Scott Benner 53:36
And I

Ben 53:38
picked up so Mr. C, picked up on a word that this man said the word was subnet. And I bounced on that. Like, I wasn't like, Oh, dude, I just jumped on him. And I got him hyped up and he fixed the printer ticket. And then all he wanted was a shot to be on Cameron's team. And I think I gave it to a man I put his name in Cameron's mind. And he closed the ticket for me. And then he gave me at work. We have these things called impressions. It's like when you've touched somebody's day you they they'll give you an impression and be like, Oh, Scott, you know, he helped me with this today. Thank you, Scott. And then everybody sees it and there's a big leaderboard, dude. And before I went on short term disability, I was at the top of that leaderboard, something I was very proud of because I was always farming these impressions from people. Were

Scott Benner 54:35
you trying to get them or do you think you were just helpful and they just wanted to give them to you? Oh,

Ben 54:40
both. I wanted them but I was also the most helpful guy in the room.

Scott Benner 54:46
Okay, because of that energy you think because energy right? But you were also kind of hyper focused on winning the leaderboard? Yes, God very much so is That's still a concern for you guys. When you going back?

Ben 55:04
What do you mean a concern?

Scott Benner 55:05
Like, are you gonna go back and try to be that person again? Or just? Are you just going to let things shake out and be how they're gonna be?

Ben 55:10
Oh, no, I'm still gonna be myself. I still want to be at the top of that leaderboard. I still want to be the most helpful guy in the company. Nice. Getting money for the No, but you get your name put in a hat. And every year you might be flown out on an all expense. Paid trip vacation.

Scott Benner 55:25
Oh, so every time somebody what is that weekly? Now it's a yearly thing. But I mean, like, how many names go into the hat at the end of the year?

Ben 55:34
I'm not really sure. I think it's however many impressions there are. Oh, so like, if I get 30 I get 30 tickets.

Scott Benner 55:40
Oh, and then they pull one out and whoever wins the trip? Yeah. Nice. I would do that. I help a lot of people. How come nobody sent me on a trip?

Ben 55:51
Well, you're self employed. You can send yourself on a trip. Yeah,

Scott Benner 55:55
I mean, I see what you're saying. Now I am. I do work on myself. But nevermind, I don't know what I meant. I just think I wanted to free. I don't even have a point. I was just like, oh, I would like to go away. I never leave this room. You know, I heard somebody say something the other day about health that really was overly simplified and yet struck me hard. He said sitting is the new smoking. And I thought oh, and I'm dead. Because I sit here and make this podcast a

Ben 56:22
lot. You got to get a standing desk, bro. I've been standing up this whole time. You're

Scott Benner 56:26
standing. Yes. I have a standing desk. I just don't like I've never done a county use it man. So our homeless I get. So I've never done this before. I had

Ben 56:38
a comfortable Hi, hold on.

Scott Benner 56:42
It's going up. I actually I have a standing desk. I never use it. Alright, hold on. It's gonna go. You were not prepared for this. I'm sorry. You'll get here. Alright, so it's getting up pretty high now. Wow. Look how high it goes. All right, then I'd have to stand up. doesn't feel like it's gonna be healthy. But okay, so I'm standing up. I'm gonna move my microphone.

Ben 57:09
You sound like a new man.

Scott Benner 57:10
Okay, do I sound the same? You know?

Ben 57:13
You sound better of me. I think I think you do.

Scott Benner 57:20
Okay, so I am standing my hands behind my back.

Ben 57:23
Does it feel good? It doesn't

Scott Benner 57:25
feel any different. Just feels like I'm standing. I think the problem is the reason I've never thought to do it is because if during the conversation, I want to sit down then I got to like, readjust the desk and you heard all the noise. It makes it everything. And I think that would just be like, not a good idea. Yeah. Other than that, do I feel weird? I do feel a little strange. I've never done this before. Standing and also

Ben 57:52
is your mic like attached to your desk? Yeah. Okay, so I see I opted for a headset. This conversation is not encumbered.

Scott Benner 58:02
Well, that's a good idea. That's a good idea for a layman. But I'm I'm speaking into a pretty expensive microphone.

Ben 58:08
Like I can't I didn't imagine what's on the other side. I'm a visionary Scott. Yeah.

Scott Benner 58:12
Oh, you can't imagine it because of your vision. Actually, I wish it was higher. And if I go a little higher than this thing will fall off. Anyway. God dammit then. All right, I'm gonna do the rest of the interview standing up. But this is probably the last time this is ever going to happen. Because now I'm already like spreading my legs apart to make my height different. And the thing with my hands behind my back is freaking me out does it? I've gotten Scott Benner uncomfortable. So yes, yeah, I am uncomfortable. Oh, wow. It really does throw me off. It's interesting. Okay. What have we not talked about that

Ben 58:44
we should have? I think I got everything I wanted to say out you did? I'm gonna look I did not

Scott Benner 58:50
look at your notes Hold on. Stories from the psych ward. drug and alcohol abuse use emotional trauma. bipolar diagnosis. Alright. We are well, yeah, do well, right. We did. Well, we did good as non English as we did. Well, yeah. Also, I've now figured out that I care about fewer and less in when people like, as an example, like counting something like there are here there's six pens in front of me. If I take one away, I have fewer pens, not less pens, but I have a bottle of water in front of me. And if I take a drink out of it, I have less water, not fewer water. And Ultra aware of people using that incorrectly all of a sudden.

Ben 59:40
Are you sure you don't have a mental illness? Scott?

Scott Benner 59:41
Fine. Actually, I'm just yeah, I'm over exaggerating things about my life so that I can talk about them on podcast and just trying to explain Hey, yeah, gotcha. Yeah, I don't hear any voices gonna go over the things that don't happen to me Ben. I like when some people say what I find if you want to like really no. Is when when people want to reach out to me to tell me that I seem like I have ADHD or Scott, are you sure you don't have autism? Or Scott, are you sure? Like, I think they're just projecting mostly. Does that make sense? It does.

Ben 1:00:15
Yeah. 100%. Yeah. Because that's what I was doing right there.

Scott Benner 1:00:18
The Oh, for sure. Yeah. But I'm just also, I mean, I don't have any of the issues that would go along with those ideas. Like just be you know, like, people are like, Scott jumps around in the in the conversation, sometimes I really just follow the conversation. Yours and my conversation would seem to other people to jump around. But that's just me realizing that if I tried to put our conversation on a path that I think it would be best on, you're going to struggle with it. So I follow your path. Does that make sense? It does. Yeah. And when I talked to like, you know, like a, like a middle aged mom from the middle of the country whose life is ultra normal. And she's used to telling chronological stories, though, you've talked to a hell of a lot of people at this point. Yeah. Then I follow their they follow their path. And I ask questions that keep them on the path that they're comfortable with, if that makes sense. Does Yeah. So I don't want to give away too many of the backroom secrets of my incredible success, Ben, but that is one of them right there. Ben, can I say something that I have no business saying? You're welcome. I am Welcome to say it. You're welcome. Okay. I want you to get the blessing of three people you trust before you get pregnant. Okay, Does that seem fair? That seems fair. Okay. You might not be the best arbiter of whether or not that's a good decision or not. And if you bring another person into it, it's a lifelong situation. So if you are my son, which you are not, but ironically, I am old enough to be your father, right? You're 30? Yes. If I had a baby when I was 22, it could be you, Ben. Okay. So I would tell you like real sincerely, that you need to find a couple of people who you love and trust who love you, who are as honest as Daniel is with you. And when you go to make this decision, say to them, this is what I'm thinking of doing it. And I really want an outside perspective is I don't know your wife. And it's fine. She's rock solid. I trust you and your assessment of her. But she might be trying to make you happy, too. And I don't know, it's just it would be you seem like a really sweet person. And I think you would hold it against yourself, if anything happening with you impacted a baby or if it was transferred, I think I think it would, it would be bothersome to you. So I want to make sure that that's not your situation before you do something like that. That fair. That sounds fair to me. All right. It really is none of my business. And I feel badly saying it. But I'm actually going to apologize. But it still felt like there are times I have these conversations and I want to make sure I say the things I'm thinking so

Ben 1:03:10
anyway. I mean, that's why I came on dude, I came on to talk to Scott Benner, you want to get a little bit of my? Yeah, I only call them on here tonight. hear your opinion?

Scott Benner 1:03:20
Ben, do you know I'm thinking of starting a second podcast? Yeah, I'm thinking of starting a second podcast where I can put the conversations that don't fit into here. And I've just been told by this is gonna sound pompous. But I've been told by a lot of people that this is their favorite podcast, not their favorite diabetes podcast. Does that make sense? No,

Ben 1:03:42
I totally understand. I think the same is true with me like I come here for you not diabetes. Thank you. And I come for the conversations that you have

Scott Benner 1:03:50
with people. Yeah. And so I'm thinking of starting another podcast that just that is not contingent on you having diabetes for for me to have a conversation with somebody. I

Ben 1:04:01
think that's amazing.

Scott Benner 1:04:02
Thank you. Can I share the title I'm considering with you? You can't. Okay. So first of all, there are a lot of podcasts. And because of that every title you can almost think of has already been soaked up by somebody or in some situations, multiple times. There are a shortage of words even to use in your titles because people overuse words, like I said to somebody like Hey, I think I'm making to make a secondary podcast. What should I call it and then I call call juicebox. uncensored, or like the words like uncensored, untethered, like stuff like that have been used over and over and over again, like it would just, you'd get lost. So I was first on what matters, because it was the thing my kids used to say, when they were like both of my children use the phrase what matters when what they meant was that like, you can never kind of tell what they meant. Like it was See, they're like, that doesn't matter. Why does that matter? But when they were super young, they go what matters? And I was like, Oh, that's interesting. We'll do that. But a quick, quick search tells me 123456 At least the nine podcasts use that phrase in their title. Sounds like I can't do that. So here's what I came up with. I'm gonna go with maybe I'm workshopping it with you right now. I'm trying to think the best I've got so far. Because I mean, I like it. Yeah, it's not great, though. You know which one's the best right now? smartlace. It's such a simple, not word word that sticks in your head. You know what I mean? Like, do you listen to smartlace podcast? I don't know. I don't but you're aware of it, though. I'm not You're not.

Ben 1:05:54
I'm not. No,

Scott Benner 1:05:56
I'm sorry. Don't worry about it. It's a Jason Bateman. You know Jason Bateman. Movie Star, right. Yeah, him and two of his friends who are also famous. Make this podcast. I knew it. I just think the name is smart. Like Smartlist is like, Oh, smartlace sticks in your head. It's funny kind of has a couple of different meanings. Anyway, trying to think is from a three stooges skit. You know who the Three Stooges are? I do. All right. And I think curly goes, I'm trying to think but nothing's happening. I just think that's hilarious. I don't know. I don't know. Like, I can't come up with anything. Right now. What's holding me back from doing this is that I can't find a name for it.

Ben 1:06:39
That's the worst part about it is naming things. Is it really? Yeah, I think trying to think is good. Because it, there's kind of a message of always improving behind it. Right?

Scott Benner 1:06:51
That's what I land on is that it's like, hey, I want to I want to try to think about this, or I want to try to expand myself on this. I'm trying to think but it's hard. Yeah.

Ben 1:06:59
And what conversations do you envision having just anything? Like you'll you'll just talk to anybody?

Scott Benner 1:07:04
I think so I think I'm just going to open the podcast up to anybody who wants to have a conversation about anything. And just talk, I am really of the belief that people's stories are interesting. And that they don't have to be famous or of note for people to listen to them. I think that the things that are popular are people who you've heard of, right, like, you know, comedians get very popular. A lot of comedians that have podcasts, for example, right. They go on each other's podcasts all the time, they basically make each other famous by like going back and forth on their podcasts that they build their name recognition that way, but I go listen to them. And I'm not that interested in what they're saying. And then I talked to somebody like you, or Jonathan, or just some, you know, I put up an episode today called celiac shock. It's called celiac shock, because I'm interviewing this woman who's got three kids, one of them has type one, the kids got celiac. And when they go to the doctor, the doctor says, hey, well, we should test you and your husband who for celiac disease, and that process of bringing him into the doctor's office shows that he is an insane alcoholic. She's unaware of it. And he's got cirrhosis, and he's in kidney like encroaching on kidney failure. If I'm if I'm remembering correctly, and this kid celiac diagnosis saves this guy's life. Because they said he was on his way out from the drinking, like, believe it or not Miss 30s, right. And she's telling this whole story. And I think I don't care that nobody knows her name. Like this is interesting, and impactful and meaningful to people. And I just think you get better conversations out of people who are just normal people, if you know how to talk to them. I think that a lot of people don't interview normal people because their interviewing skills suck. And they need a famous person who already knows how to talk when they're being recorded. Does that make sense? It makes complete sense area. So I think you can have these conversations with anybody. And that's what I'm going to try to do. Just pick random people and figure out their stories. Like you didn't tell me you were abused. That wasn't in your notes and I don't know that you were gonna say it or not, but like I got to it, and I think I can do that with other stuff as well.

Ben 1:09:22
I agree. Yeah, it's not you can I

Scott Benner 1:09:23
don't think I'm going to turn like a computer into a sentient being and save everybody but I'm also more stable in your

Ben 1:09:32
that is true. That is definitely true.

Scott Benner 1:09:34
Is there a world where where this goes backwards? Could you one day be 55 years old and look back as oh my god you remember that time in my 30s when this was happening to me, but I'm just not that I'm not there anymore. Like I'm I'm more of what you might consider normal at this point. Oh 100%

Ben 1:09:55
I have I would like to think I have one of the most open minds in the world.

Scott Benner 1:10:00
What do you think gets you to that? Is it therapy? Is it medication? Is it health changes? Like have you changed your diet? Have you gone down like bro science and been like I'm taking out like, butter. It's not grass fed or like, you know, you're doing it that stuff.

Ben 1:10:15
Daniels recommended meditation. So um, you know, I'm doing that I'm also, you know, just trying to read books, generally go on long walks, just things that that helped me calm down. So I'm kind of going down the self improvement path right now.

Scott Benner 1:10:33
I will say this, when you get your TSH back, would you email it to me? Sure. Yes. If it's out of whack, I'd like to, I'd like to put that in the podcast. Okay, yeah. Just because, you know, I mean, my son has a hypothyroidism Hashimotos. And part of the diagnosis was six months before we got the diagnosis. I said to my wife, hey, he's acting really strange. Like his personality was off. And he was just agitated, aggressive for no reason sometimes around like, even in conversationally, you don't mean like, you start talking about something he just like, felt like he was out of his mind for a second. You're like what's going on, man? And that is something that can happen to a person who's you know, got like, bad thyroid labs. I just want to know if that's part of it. But even just eating clean, and like, I don't want to come off as like a hippie, but like, addressing like gut health. Like, do you think your gut works? Well, do you like the way you digest and eliminate?

Ben 1:11:31
Digested eliminate has been great since I started? Since I stopped drinking? Yeah, the diet can definitely be cleaned up. I've just been binging on sweets lately.

Scott Benner 1:11:41
Yeah, maybe get rid of the sugar. See if that doesn't help you that kind of stuff? For sure.

Ben 1:11:45
I mean, and I've gone on low carb, lower carb diets before, and I've done them with great success.

Scott Benner 1:11:52
So maybe there's more things to do for yourself. Just from a nutrition standpoint, that might be helpful. I'm saying even with your mental health. Yeah, yeah.

Ben 1:11:59
And that, you know, that that's something that every doctor I talked to emphasizes is that diabetes affects the mind. That's why they're very careful with my medication. They have this crazy program. I have a doctor just for my pills. That's her only job. She has this crazy program that just runs all these calculations and figures out what medication is safe for me based off all these side effects. That's interesting. So I'm on a very tailored medication dose for me. And this is kind of where we're at.

Scott Benner 1:12:29
Good for you. Oh, that's good. I'm glad you're getting that kind of care. That's excellent. Yeah,

Ben 1:12:34
she's one of my favorite doctors.

Scott Benner 1:12:35
Yeah, no kidding. Well, that's a great idea. I didn't know that people did that. It's it's a lot to keep track of for the regular practitioner and you see a bunch of diff practitioners, so why not have one person whose responsibility it is? Yeah, they're called mid managers. Oh, wow. That's good for you. Oh, good, good. Good. All right. Well, then I'm going to wish you well, and if we have talked about everything, I appreciate you going over my flight of fancy at the end here about maybe I'll start another podcast. Yeah. Good luck with that, man. Thank you. I appreciate it. I seriously the name thing is the hardest part, which is ridiculous, because it doesn't really matter.

Ben 1:13:13
We'll see. Like, you're big enough. Don't you have guys at this point? People like advertising guys. Like you'd be like, hey, Ken, like you don't have a guy you can just like run a brand name by they're

Scott Benner 1:13:23
all gonna do the same thing. They're gonna pick words. They're gonna pick buzzwords and keywords, and they're just gonna like in your Melton to everybody else.

Ben 1:13:30
You think so? Dude,

Scott Benner 1:13:32
I started this podcast right? 2015 January, when I started it, the words juice box did not appear in podcast titles. And now there's like nine of them. Your trendsetter? Know, it's when you get popular people knock off the words in your title to try to like to try to get some of your juice. It's just, I didn't mean that. But you know what I mean? So like, if I typed I have a, I'm not going to tell you what, what site I use. But when I type just the word juice in to a place where I can track all podcasts. There are 1-234-567-8910 returns. I'm one of them. The minute you add a B to juice. There are now 369 11 returns that all use the word juice box. And they're called the Juicebox Podcast. So mind Juicebox Podcast, type one diabetes. When I first started it, it was just Juicebox Podcast. I added the type one for search reasons. But there's juice box juice box radio, the juice box juice box with a capital J and a capital B podcast. Then there's Juicebox Podcast with no space between box and podcast. There's the Juicebox Podcast, the Juicebox Podcast, one word, juice box a musical. Good that's how many times how many.

Ben 1:14:51
How developed are these podcasts like they also

Scott Benner 1:14:55
let's pick one that I've seen forever. Here's one the Juicebox Podcast, all they did was add the word VA. They have not put out an episode since 2020. Do you think they're making any money off of that? No, they're not. The Juicebox Podcast all one word. So that now this is somebody took that and put it in front of my title. And now these people took the Juicebox Podcast and squish it together to one word, they haven't put up a post since 2021. Doesn't look like they ever had enough to attract an advertiser. Here's a new one Juicebox Podcast one word. And this person is has put up four episodes, but hasn't put one up in five months. So that's over already. My goal for this podcast is to help people grow and to also grow myself, I feel the best way to do that is by seeing other people's perspectives. Oh, sounds like a 21 year old. On we found how to make a podcast let's see here.

Ben 1:16:09
That could have been something I wrote. Trust

Scott Benner 1:16:11
me, a lot of these could be the juice box hasn't had an episode since 2020. It just goes on and on. So my goal here of like when I picking a new title, is I type something in here like like I told you what matters earlier. I was like, I can't do that. There's like eight people using it. But trying just the word trying. That's a big one. Adding think to it. There's nothing there.

Ben 1:16:43
And you think the search problem is such a big one, that the name is really that important?

Scott Benner 1:16:48
No. I think that if I pick a word that everybody else uses, then my idea for my podcast is pedestrian.

Ben 1:16:55
You're that attached to the just the name. The

Scott Benner 1:16:59
name is more of an indication of my idea than anything else. Does that make sense? It

Ben 1:17:05
makes no sense to me. Yeah. It seems like you're you're very fixated on the name, though, in a way I can appreciate.

Scott Benner 1:17:11
I don't want to have an idea that everybody else is happening. Because then what's the point? Like? Why is my podcast popular? Why do you think Ben?

Ben 1:17:23
I think it's because you know how to talk to people. Probably

Scott Benner 1:17:26
a big part of it. But that's not that's what makes it good. Not what makes it popular. What made it popular was I was first. And I separated myself from other diabetes content by not using the word diabetes in my title. That's why I'm popular first and unique. I have longevity because I'm good at it. Does that make sense? It does. Yeah. So as I'm trying to consider about putting up another podcast, if I can't figure out a way to be those things, then it won't work. Then why don't I just like, Yeah, I don't know.

Ben 1:18:04
Put those episodes. You're not starting from scratch on the platform, right? Oh, not

Scott Benner 1:18:08
at all. Like I'm gonna and this is the only way I'll tell people about it. By the way is I'll just, I'll get on the podcast one day, and I'll say, Hey, guys, I started another podcast. It's not about diabetes. This is the title, you can check it out if you want to. That's all I'm going to do. Because growth, boom growth isn't good for this. For me, if I was famous than it would be, then you'd want boom growth. And you'd want to walk around going like I don't know. I'm Tom singer, and Bert kreischer And listen to two bears one cave, because everyone does, you know, and you'd be like, yeah, the machine. I know that guy. And then you go listen, right? And like that, that works for that. Because it's comedy, and it's just conversational, and comedy, and you know them. They're famous. But I need people who like me to listen to me, because that's how they tell other people about it. Because I can't just go out and say, I'm Scott, listen to my podcast. I'm not big enough for that. I'll never be big enough for that. So my growth is going to come through word of mouth. Does that make sense? Of course it does. Yeah, that's the only way it works. When you're not famous. When you're famous. You just do it. That's

Ben 1:19:11
how I found you on Reddit was word of word of mouth. Somebody else recommended you I have to

Scott Benner 1:19:15
say I'm, I always take a moment to say this. I'm very grateful for how red it is red. It's really supportive the podcast. And I always really appreciate because I'm not a Reddit person. And I don't I don't go there for no reason other than I just don't. But when people come into the private Facebook group, I heard about you on Reddit is one of the major ways that I see people come into the private Facebook group. So yeah, they've always been really good to me. I appreciate it. Thank you, Reddit. Because you don't want people on Reddit to be angry at you because it goes the wrong

Ben 1:19:45
way or no, definitely not.

Scott Benner 1:19:49
But yeah, no, I sincerely I've always appreciate that. All right, Ben. So I don't know if I'll ever make a second podcast or not, but if I do, it'll have a weird name and it'll be different and Got a little obtuse? Well,

Ben 1:20:02
I'm excited for it. Do not listen. Thank

Scott Benner 1:20:03
you, I appreciate it. And I want to wish you a ton of luck. It sounds like you're on a on a better path and, and you got good support around you. Don't let the thing with your mom. That's gonna be a lot of pressure and stress but do your best not to not to absorb it if you can do it. Well, thank you. Of course. Hold on for me one second. Okay. Good. Mark is an incredible example of what so many experience living with diabetes. You show up for yourself and others every day, never letting diabetes to find you. And that is what the Medtronic champion community is all about. Each of us is strong, and together, we're even stronger. To hear more stories from the Medtronic champion community where to share your own story. Visit Medtronic diabetes.com/juice Box A huge thank you to one of today's sponsors, G voc glucagon, find out more about Chivo Capo pen at G Vogue glucagon.com forward slash juicebox you spell that GVOKEGLUC AG o n.com. Forward slash juice box. A huge thanks to us med for sponsoring this episode of The Juicebox Podcast. Don't forget us med.com/juice box this is where we get our diabetes supplies from you can as well use the link or call 888721151 for use the link or call the number get your free benefits check so that you can start getting your diabetes supplies the way we do from us med if you're living with type one diabetes, the afterdark collection from the Juicebox Podcast is the only place to hear the stories that no one else talks about. From drugs to depression, self harm, trauma, addiction, and so much more. Go to juicebox podcast.com up in the menu and click on after dark. There you'll see a full list of all of the afterdark episodes. Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. The episode you just heard was professionally edited by wrong way recording. Wrong way recording.com

---

Please support the sponsors

The Juicebox Podcast is a free show, but if you'd like to support the podcast directly, you can make a gift here. Recent donations were used to pay for podcast hosting fees. Thank you to all who have sent 5, 10 and 20 dollars!

Donate