#545 After Dark: Eating Disorder

ADULT TOPIC WARNING. Today's guest is an adult type 1 who will discuss an eating disorder.

You can always listen to the Juicebox Podcast here but the cool kids use: Apple Podcasts/iOS - Spotify - Amazon Music - Amazon Alexa - Google Play/Android - iHeart Radio -  Radio Public or their favorite podcast app.

+ Click for EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

---

DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, and welcome to Episode 545 of the Juicebox Podcast.

My guest today is Aryssah. She was diagnosed at age 19 while away at University, where she also developed what she calls a very specific type of eating disorder. Today, she's going to tell your story, which includes all the details. And that's why this is an after dark episode. Please remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your healthcare plan, or becoming bold with insulin.

If you believe that you have an eating disorder, please tell your physician, a loved one friend, or go right to Google, and just search for diabetes eating disorder, you'll see a ton of different places where you can get help.

There are many other afterdark episodes within the Juicebox Podcast at the end of this episode, I will list them for you and tell you where you can find them.

This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the Dexcom g six continuous glucose monitor. It is also sponsored today by Omni pod makers of the Omni pod dash and the Omni pod promise, which I'll tell you more about later in the show. To get started with Omni pod where to find out if you're eligible for the free 30 day trial of the Omni pod dash, head over to Omni pod.com forward slash juice box.

Aryssah 2:00
My name is Aryssah. I'm 31. And I was diagnosed with Type One Diabetes at 19 1912

Scott Benner 2:07
years ago.

Aryssah 2:10
Yes. My diabetic anniversary is coming up on June 26. And it happened to be the same day that Michael Jackson died. And I remember talking to friends and family and saying oh, you know, I was I was diagnosed with diabetes. And they're like, Yeah, but you know, Pipe down. Michael Jackson just died. Well, we'll talk about it tomorrow.

Scott Benner 2:28
Really, this is the thing it lightheartedly, but yeah, that's kind of how it came across. But you're a little older too, right? So it's not like you're like you were eight and somebody is telling you look, we'll deal with your thing tomorrow. Okay, well, but Billie Jean, is that so?

Aryssah 2:45
Right, I guess. And truly Scott. I mean, that's part of what makes it challenging is you're very right that I was diagnosed at 19, where I'm not necessarily a kid anymore. However, if I had been diagnosed, say three months prior, when I was still 18, I would have gotten much more support than what I experienced. And it's strictly because I was deemed as an adult by the government, if that makes sense.

Scott Benner 3:09
So were you not on your parent's insurance at that point.

Aryssah 3:13
So being Canadian, had nothing to do with insurance Truly, I have fairly decent health care, which I'm very thankful to have and to live where I live, it was more so I guess the support that I received, I very much felt when I left my diabetes education center, there very well could have been a therapist lined up for me there very well could have been a specialized dietician to cook with me, or maybe even an endocrinologist that didn't make me feel like I was just a number. And I think when you're a child and you're diagnosed, your family probably gets more involved. You're much more close, closely examined, and I felt that I kind of got the short end of the stick. Don't get me wrong, there's no good time to be diagnosed with diabetes. But to be 19, where you just missed that CUSP. It took me a longer time to take care of myself and I through therapy and through work that I've done internally to see hey, you know, I just I wasn't set up for success, as most people would have been if they were diagnosed prior to 18. So a couple of questions.

Scott Benner 4:14
Was it just that? Did your family treat you that way? Like, oh, she's an adult, she can handle it?

Aryssah 4:19
Kind of Yeah. And I'm an only child Scott, too. So I feel like my family always puts me on this pedestal of, you know, hey, Marissa has it, she's good. And I think they didn't really seem to understand and nothing against them. They're very supportive, and I love my family, but they knew something was wrong with my body. But I wish they knew that there was something wrong in my mind as well from the diagnosis and from the support. I wasn't getting medically

Scott Benner 4:45
prior to type one. Did you feel like that in your mind, are you It came directly from the diabetes?

Aryssah 4:50
No, it came directly from the diabetes part of my diagnosis. I mean, it was very fit and sporty and prior to being diagnosed, I took very good care. To my body, and it was pretty healthy. And when all of a sudden you start losing weight, you're thinking, Oh, hey, maybe the gym is working. Hey, maybe, you know, those, those extra bootcamp classes that I'm participating in, are paying dividends now. Yeah. And you don't realize that, hey, there's something much, much deeper going on here that that needs to be taken care of.

Scott Benner 5:19
I wonder how much of it is, like expectations, you know, people talk about what age would be better to be diagnosed that and I've even kind of mused that, you know, Arden was so young. She doesn't have a recollection of not having diabetes, which I imagine is helpful to her, or at least to us talking to her. I wonder how At what age? Is it just like, well, life's been going on for a while now. Like you were 19. So you're probably thinking, but you're gonna start your beaver trapping business soon on your own and really start doing things.

Aryssah 5:50
Yeah, my own ugly building business? Well, yeah, no, you're you're, you're very right. You're very right. When you're, when you're at that age, I mean, I can remember a time where I didn't have to worry about pricking my finger, or didn't have to worry about, hey, how many carbs are in this meal? Right was art and or anyone else, I think the younger you are truly, the almost better you are because you don't realize that there's life outside of that.

Scott Benner 6:11
So you're old enough to be able to, you're old enough to go to a concert when you're 25. And remember going to a concert when you were 18. And you have this juxtaposition of what one was like and what was the other and what the other is like, but you're not alive long enough to really gain that kind of life experience perspective that would have helped you through any of this.

Aryssah 6:32
Mm hmm. And I think to your right, the life experience would maybe have set me up differently where, say at 31 now, and I mean, who knows, right? I know what this is 12 years later, at 31. Now, if I was diagnosed now, I think that perhaps I would be more mature about my decisions in terms of how I took care of myself. But when you're that young, and you're surrounded, but you're not even living at home, right, I was 19, I was away University, you're surrounded by your friends, and you're surrounded by you know, the pressures of being in school, you're not necessarily around a supportive environment already, you're already in an environment where you feel judged, or maybe you feel like you can't be your full self or you feel uncomfortable, because everyone's looking at you through a magnifying glass. If that makes sense. No,

Scott Benner 7:20
even and your peers are, are in the same situation age wise and perspective wise. So it's probably just like, Oh, isn't that sad? She has that thing. And they'll sit around with you for a little bit in your bed and like, you know, and then they leave. And that's not real support. It's just, it's a 19 year old hanging out with you for a while because they feel bad about what happened to you. Right? Not like not not a person who in supports an interesting thing, isn't it? That it's it's sort of this quiet understanding that someone's there, it's not so much saying something, or doing something, it's that it's that idea that there's a rock solid person at your disposal? Should you need them. Like, I feel like that's more what support is. Because when you really think about life, like nobody really runs around doing things for other people. You don't mean like, it's more just like, you know, there's somebody there, that's, you know, it's more than got your back they, they actually could come through, if something happened. It's

Aryssah 8:17
right. And I think if I'm reflecting accurately at the time to Scott, I don't even I think I liked that no one really understood it. Because at the time in University, where I wasn't necessarily taking care of myself the way that I should have, I didn't want people to know what I was doing in terms of how I wasn't taking care of myself. So for example, if I went out to eat, I maybe wouldn't inject or wouldn't check my blood sugar, I would just eat because I didn't get the support that I needed when I left that Diabetes Education Center and turned into truly an eating disorder. However, if people around me had known that would have made me obviously fix a problem a little bit sooner would make me feel more self conscious, I probably would have been more active and trying to make myself get healthy. But at the time, I liked that people around me Didn't know other than, hey, she has type one diabetes, they didn't really know what that meant.

Scott Benner 9:10
So path Oh, you had a path of least resistance because no one could hold you to account because nobody knew what though. Nobody knew how to hold you to account. That's excellent. And excellent. It's, it's interesting. I'm sorry. And you did you want to do better and didn't have tools? Or were you truly trying to ignore it?

Aryssah 9:32
I think it went back and forth. Scott, I think every night I would kind of think to myself, Hey, you know what, this, this can't go on any longer. I you want to be healthy? Why aren't you Why aren't you able to do this? But I think in the moment I again would just do things that we're very self harming. Where I mean, my hospital fault folder is larger than I care to admit, where I would have doctors come in and make me feel judged in a way to Scott and I think that's something really Important where instead if a doctor came in and I felt included or I felt that they heard me, I could have maybe had this feeling to turn turn things around sooner. But again, being 19, late University meal support, probably uncomfortable with your body a little bit at that time to where I feel most diabetics might feel this where Hey, okay, you've, you've lost all this, this weight, I probably lost about 20 pounds. And by no mean was i was i overweight or anything I was quite skinny. But you remember how thin you felt? And you have people tell you, hey, you look great. Like what's going on, they don't realize that, you know, underneath, you were very not healthy. Although it comes across like you've been, you know, working out or eating better. So I think when you get those compliments, too, it messes with your own head a little bit to say, Oh, well, Hey, remember everyone complimented you at that time saying how great you looked? Right. But that was when you were the most sick you've ever been?

Scott Benner 10:53
Yeah, it's it's I can see the double edged sword where it's not like you had math teeth. It's not. And they were, and they were going, Oh my God, your teeth are amazing. Like it was, you know, like, that doesn't happen, right? Because that was not something that people physically find appealing, generally, but you start getting a little more sculpted, or you know, your jaws a little more angular, whatever it ends up being, or people can just tell you look a little differently. That brings in compliments, even though even though the compliment they don't realize is Oh, you're wasting away and dying. You look amazing. So in the beginning of dying, we all apparently look great for a little bit like mine, you know, like, I don't know, like, that's an odd thing to think. But it is, is and then I see how it causes that problem for you. Because it's this mixed message. And you are the only one that knows the truth. While they're all saying it.

Aryssah 11:44
Exactly. And I mean I true therapy and things now in my 30s Of course, I talk to my friends or my family or my partner about it now too. But I can't imagine Scott Looking back, I can't understand how I was able to go that long of not taking care of myself of injecting sure but a minimal amount and not checking my blood sugar and thinking to myself, hey, well, you know, you're going to be able to throw up later, anything that you would have eaten that was high and high in carbs. So don't worry about it, not realizing that, hey, when you throw up, that's actually your body's way of telling you. You're you're going to diabetic ketoacidosis. Wow.

Scott Benner 12:21
So that was an that ended up being the process for you. You'd so what would you do? Were you you're injecting so you would would you do? Like a long acting insulin?

Aryssah 12:30
Yeah, exactly. So I would use I would use my long acting, I was on Levin Mir at the time. And I wouldn't necessarily inject them rapid my fast acting and I would eat whatever possible. It's sick to me to think now Hey, I used to keep a pop bottle of sprite by my bed to make myself go higher. But also keep in mind too, when you're when you're that high up all the time, and you're thirsty all the time you get more thirsty. So I think it really created this kind of vicious cycle where you crave sugar, because your highest highest highest can viewer you're not even reading, you know the number anymore on your glucometer. But you would continuously crave that more. So I think now what I've realized being healthy for the past couple of years that, hey, if you're healthy, you crave being healthy. And if you're unhealthy, you crave being unhealthier. And it's very hard to get out of that cycle.

Scott Benner 13:23
I was wondering if I could ask you to kind of step out of this for a second and give me your opinion about talking about it. Because when I first started the podcast, people would come at me kind of privately and say you can't talk to people about how you manage type one diabetes, that's not something that anyone should do. Don't tell people that you're that your daughter's doing. Well, it makes other people feel badly. And I had a very strong feeling that you could be a beacon instead, like you could just say, look, look what's possible. You don't I mean, like, here's, here's the thing that's possible, and that people can't truly understand the scope of things until they can see the entirety of it the good, the bad, you know, the dark, the light, and then they have to be able to make a decision. Are you going to reach everybody and bring everybody to a place where they're a once he's in the mid fives and they're paying attention to their blood sugar's like No. Are some people gonna see a great graph and think and that make them feel poorly? Like maybe I don't know, but it just always seemed to me in the way I put it usually on the podcast is that you can't take a classroom with 20 people in it and teach to the to the least of the of the group, because you're you're robbing the rest of them from an opportunity to learn. But with this, like you just said something a minute ago, no one's ever said on the show before and we're going to get deeper into it. You said you kept scraped by your bed to make your blood sugar higher on purpose. So what do you think about explaining how this eating disorder works? Do you Do you worry that it'll, it'll be a how to for people?

Aryssah 15:04
Oh, not necessarily. And I would caution that, hey, if people consider it as a how to I'm also going to explain part two of the How to, which is it can get better. Okay. And you're very much right, Scott that sometimes I felt people would necessarily brag about their agency, but would kind of, Hey, you know, I'm it's 5.4. And you know, it's never been that low and it's in my own head, I'd be like, that's great, but I'm pretty sure minus 14 at this time. Now, thankfully, you know, it's much more normal range of seven and I serve, I swear, Scott, when that first happened, when I got those results, I could have cried, I just never thought to myself that I'd be able to see that. But now thankfully, to have those tools of adex common and Omni pod to set me up for that success. I didn't have either of those when I was first diagnosed. And you're very right, where, you know, I couldn't get some flack for this. And, and I, I understand why people would be upset or kind of look at it in a bit of a controversial way. But if anything, this needs to be more talked about this was this was an eating disorder and truly a bit of a mental mind game that I had put myself through because I didn't have that support. When you're 19, you're considered an adult, where if I had been diagnosed, as we talked about a couple months prior, I would have been taken to that Children's Hospital here in Toronto and had numerous resources thrown at me. But because I didn't, this is what could happen. So in terms of my goal, I want to be involved in some of these committees and boards that change those rules or those decisions. So that way, I can help those young adults post 18 to not experience what I did. Yeah,

Scott Benner 16:35
no, I think Listen, it be clear, from my perspective, I think what you're doing is really great. And it's brave. And I'm I'm I'm 100% behind it, which is why you're here. It don't thank you. It's just that when you, you know, it's funny, you were in the exact wrong position for a number of reasons that we've already gone over and you got dropped into diabetes almost like dropped into a race at a point where the race was already going. And you were not prepared to run it. And you were destined to lose the race when you were put into it. Right and and there are other people who have been put in that same situation who are in that dire place right now. And some of them are listening. And it just for me, I think that it's it's got to be better to face what this is. So that at least you can make an informed decision. Like if if a person is in right now listening in that situation, and they're still listening to me, that means they want to know, they want to know how to get out of their situation, if the if there's a possible path away from it, it if it just takes them makes them angry, and they run off to be mad about it somewhere to complain about it or something like that. That to me just means that they're in the wrong part of their race to hear the information. Not that the information is bad. I don't know if that makes sense or not.

Aryssah 17:55
No, definitely. No, you're very right. And I think it's, it's amazing how your body can get used to things the body is a is incredible, where previously, if my blood sugar rised, I would just again, as we talked about crave more sugar, where if my blood sugar is high, now even the slightest I'm down for the count, but it's because I take care of myself. So whatever the body gets used to, if I'm consistently 2122, with my with my, like glucometer, which in Canada is obviously a little bit different than than the US so I apologize, but it still means high. It would, it wouldn't affect me. Now if I reach any levels that are out of you know, a consistent range, I feel so sick, and feel so lethargic in the same way I did when I was first diagnosed. But I don't know how I had a normal life and ran high all the time and still go to work and see my friends. And it. I'm assuming there are other people, I can't be the only one. I know I can't be the only one. But I also don't want those people to ever feel like they're alone. I really struggled. And I know you likely are too but talk to someone about it. Whether it be a parent, a friend, a counselor, it's not your fault. You were not set up for success, but it's not your fault.

Scott Benner 19:09
So we're gonna figure that out in a second. But very quickly Juicebox podcast.com. There's an A one C and blood glucose calculator if you're listening outside of the US and the numbers don't make sense to you. Look at me. Look at me, look how I'm able to do a good thing and drive traffic to my website. I feel really good about that. Also, by the way, I don't know if it's a conversation technique that you've picked up over the years. But after I speak you tell me I'm right. And I have to tell you, I love it. And my brain goes She didn't say you're right this time. I wonder she doesn't agree with that. I'm just kidding. I seriously, is that a conversation technique? Or is that? Do you actually mean it when you're saying it? I know I do agree.

Aryssah 19:54
I do agree with you, Scott. And sorry. I realized I just did it again there. No, no, no, don't be

Scott Benner 20:00
Don't be sorry, I feel a foot and a half taller since you and I have been talking. I'm about to charge down to the rest of my family when this is over and be like, I'm right. I'm just teasing. No, there's an affirmation thing in there that conversationally is great, it makes me want to keep talking. And I don't I've just been paying a lot of attention to people who hold great conversations lately. And that was, that was just that was really I was like, are she doing that on purpose? She learned that in the college and Canada's, are they teaching that up north or something? So okay, you just said it's not your fault, and that you weren't given the right tools. But why? It's obviously something psychological, but what I want to understand from you, if you took me outside right now and said, Scott, cut down this tree, you have to, it's very important that you do it, you've been tasked with it, you can't walk away from this task, the tree has to be cut down. Here's a screwdriver and a blender. I think I can't cut this tree down with a screwdriver and a blender. But I would never internalize that. I wouldn't stand there and think I'm such a, I'm such a mess. I can't get this tree cut down. The guy told me it was really important lives are at stake. Like, why does that happen? with medical stuff? Why does somebody asked you to cut down a tree with a screwdriver and a blender. And somehow that turns into I mess this up?

Aryssah 21:29
Right? And it can turn into you're very on point where it can be it's heavy on your self worth. And it's heavy on how you see yourself. However, I think that because if we're using this analogy, because you're telling me to cut down this tree, I also had people coming to me and saying, hey, that tree is beautiful. Hey, that tree seems really fit that tree seems really healthy. Why would you cut that down? Because that's essentially what everyone was telling me when I was skinny. Right? So internally, yes, I knew I was doing something wrong. I knew exactly what I was doing. But other people because they don't understand what's going on. We're still complimenting me. And we're still cheering Hey, you know, you look great. You know, that's all that cycling you'd be doing is really paying off. Yeah. And so it was very conflicting. Yes. Where I value myself to be a good person I value myself would always try to do the right thing. And with this, I know that I didn't. So it was a very hard struggle for me and again, through therapy to be able to talk about it and realize that but also see, as you were saying earlier, you know, it's not necessarily my fault that was dropped into that race halfway through without, without, you know, running shoes, if you want to phrase it that way.

Scott Benner 22:40
Is there an aspect of this, that it's because it's health related, that it strikes? Like, you're kind of psyche at the same time? Like, what? Do you see what I'm saying? Like, why? Why is it? Why is it that you and I'm not asking you understand what I'm saying? Like not you in any way? Why is it that somebody wouldn't just go Whoa, stop. You asked me to cut down the tree. He told me it was really important. You didn't give me any of the tools for this isn't my fault. Like why do why do people end up feeling internally bad? Is it because there's another piece, it's got to be that they know subconsciously or even consciously that they're, that they're limiting their health or shortening their life? Like there is that third wheel like third spoken this wheel that that's the reason why it internalizes but just in general, outside of this issue. It's fascinating to see how quickly people turn on themselves. Mm. Do you know what I mean? Like the like, look at all the things you were doing that were bad for you that I'm assuming you consciously knew weren't right. Okay, but yet you couldn't stop yourself.

Aryssah 23:51
Yeah. And I again, I would pray at night just saying, hey, tomorrow, eat healthy and take all your insulin, where any other diabetic would never have to consider to do that. But I think you're angry as well, that's probably a big part of you're frustrated. You have this invisible disease that people again, keep saying, Oh, you look great, where they don't understand how internally shameful, and how internally, this, this environment of solitude comes up as well, where no one really understands what you're going through, and I get it with diabetics. Overall. We all probably feel that at some point that Hey, no one understands what I'm going through. But specifically because I was hurting myself through the process. I really didn't have anyone who understood what I was going through. I do value the community now where I can talk to people about this, I can share this and maybe necessarily they haven't gone through the exact same experience, but maybe they felt that day were some time in their journey. They're like yeah, you know what I had, I had one day to where I didn't even bother injecting because I just felt so down on myself and I felt so frustrated. And you know to scarf from, you know, managing artists, there are some days you can do everything right? You do everything right. And still it all goes wrong. But I think on my instance, specifically to guys or girls, however, however anyone identifies by their gender, they have different experiences, too. So I've had guys who are gym goers say, Oh, you're so lucky, you get to take insulin and bulks you up, I've heard whereas girls would never want to be bulked up, you know, we're scrutinized for our bodies. So there's those different elements to it to have, hey, as a woman who's 19, who was feeling you know, you're you're going on dates, and you're, you know, going to bars for the first time because legal drinking age in Canada here is 19. Yeah, you fit you're in a different space where you are consistently being evaluated. I was also on a varsity sports team at the time to where, again, the the thinner you are, the more in shape you are, the more congratulated you are, the more you get to participate in races because you're, you're that caliber of athlete. So just lots of things that we're we're not positive.

Scott Benner 26:05
Did you say a minute ago that you felt ashamed of the diabetes or of your care of it?

Right now, in this moment, I can picture myself in the doctor's office with my daughter, as she was getting her first Dexcom CGM. I remember what we did on the way home and what we talked about and where we stopped for lunch. Remember the whole day? What I remember most is a feeling of relief. Because I just spent so many years not knowing what Arden's blood sugar was doing. I was just overwhelmed with the idea that now I would know, right? I would know what our blood sugar was. And if it was moving, or trying to go up or down, you know, and how fast was it doing that, it just all seemed surreal. In that moment, I didn't understand what was going to happen next. How seeing Arden's blood sugar in real time would inform my understanding of how to feed her and give her insulin. Well, now, today, you know, I'm a completely different person, due in large part to the data that comes back from ardens Dexcom g six. And I also think that it would be worth your time to find out more about it dexcom.com, forward slash juicebox. When you get there, you can do some reading, find out about any number of aspects of the Dexcom, I'll name a couple, you can share your data with up to 10 followers, you can see your data on your iPhone or an Android that's for the user and for the followers. I mean, there's alarms that you can set to tell you when you're leaving different ranges, how fast you're moving, these alarms can tell you so many things. Just it's astonishing. It's amazing. It's it is well worth your time, just to go to dexcom.com forward slash juicebox and see if anything I'm saying to you resonates, it really may change your life. I'm going to stick with this theme and tell you about the first day that I saw on Omnipod. We were at my daughter's Children's Hospital at a pod at a pump fair, I bought a pod now but at a pump fair. And there it was the Omni pod, the only tubeless insulin pump in the room. So while I'm holding it and telling my wife Look how great this is, it's self contained. I bet you if they make improvements to it, they'll just happen like we won't even have to like, go back and get the next version. I didn't know what I was talking about back then. But I just kept thinking that the Omni pod looked thoughtful. It looks futuristic. It felt like it was on the cutting edge. So we went with it. And that was 13 years ago, ardent has been wearing it on the pod every day since then. It's been an absolute friend in her life with Type One Diabetes. And I think it may be for you as well. At least it could be and that's worth you finding out on the pod right now is offering the Omni pod promise. Simply put, if you're the kind of person who's waiting around for the next thing, the next thing that's coming you don't want to start now I don't want to get a dash because you know what about the next thing I want to get the next thing? Well, there's no need to wait for the next big thing because with the Omni pod promise you can upgrade to Omni pods latest technologies for no additional cost as soon as they're available to you and covered by your insurance terms and conditions apply. But you can find out more at Omni pod.com forward slash juice box and while you're there. Why don't you find out if you're eligible for a free 30 day trial of the Omni pod dash. That's right. You could get started with the Omni pod today. Free for the first 30 days and then something new comes up. They promise you can switch

links for Omnipod Dexcom. And all the sponsors can be found at Juicebox podcast.com. Or right there in the show notes of your podcast player. Did you say a minute ago that you felt ashamed of the diabetes or of your care of it?

Aryssah 30:28
Both? Oh, both. I definitely felt that I was ashamed to even go low. In public as well. That was a that was a big part of it. Where if I was with my friends, and all of a sudden got so sweaty, and would be reaching for a package use that it was really, it. Yeah, it was very embarrassing. And it was also scary. So I think part of it also, too, could be I just wanted the exact opposite of whatever was low, I want to feel the exact opposite of that. And if I'm high all the time, I'm I know that I'm never gonna have to feel that way.

Scott Benner 31:03
So out of control that people can see worse than out of control people can't see. And you're talking about passing comments a second ago, and this one interests me a lot. So if somebody came by and said, Oh, you're so lucky, I heard insaan, bookshop, right? That sticks to you, then that does that put you in like a Do you fall down a rabbit hole in your mind on that?

Aryssah 31:30
I wouldn't even say a rabbit hole per se. But I, I would acknowledge that what they were saying was accurate. Because we've all had that right where we are diagnosed, we've lost weight. And as soon as we start taking care of ourselves again, and getting on getting on care with insulin, you do gain back the weight that you lost, right. So I think I saw it and recognize it. And again, I'm not saying that I lost 100 pounds, or we're talking 20 pounds, perhaps Scott, this is not monumental. But when you're going through this instance, it felt monumental. Yeah. And many diabetics, I'm sure feel, hey, I'm not in control, I haven't been thrust into a situation where I don't want to be, I don't feel any control over my own body, or even probably my own mind, where, for me, the way that I coped with it was being in control of being constantly high all the time. Because it gave me that someone's of Hey, like, I, I'm in power of this,

Scott Benner 32:24
but there's no, there's no function inside of you that hears the comment about insulin and just wipes it away, and just goes, Oh, no, I don't want that. And, and you never think about it again, like so that's the I realized that. Listen, I realize that things have been said to me that I brush off that I probably hold on to subconsciously. I'm not saying that. That doesn't happen. That's I'm not like some like iron will, like, you know what I mean? But, but I wouldn't spend the rest of the day changing my life over it in a conscious way. And I'm interested when something can be said to somebody that changes their course, instead of them just going no, and then pushing on.

Aryssah 33:04
I think there can be comments to those Scott on the other end of it, where I had people telling me, hey, every time that you don't take care of yourself, and the longer you don't take care of yourself, that's 15 years off of your life expectancy. So it's funny how you mentioned that, that, you know, those comments can really stick to you. But certain comments can also be that okay, well, whatever, I'll deal with it when I'm when I'm 60.

Scott Benner 33:29
I had somebody yesterday, tell me the prospect of losing my leg to an amputation, felt comical, like it couldn't happen, right. But when someone told me I might lose my toe, it felt real to me. And I was like, I couldn't. I mean, I understand what they're saying. And I don't doubt that it could be true. I just was like, Wait, what? And then I guess it's the same thing as saying to somebody when they're 15. Like, if you eat well, you'll be healthy throughout your life. Yeah. And you're like, you can't imagine what that means. But you,

Aryssah 34:05
you feel unstoppable, right? It's a future risk problem. It's not a current or risk problem, right?

Scott Benner 34:10
But it's not Yeah, but if somebody told you like, eat a Dorito today, in three days from now, you're going to spontaneously combust. You'd be like, Oh, well, then I won't eat. Yeah, yeah, I got it. Okay. All right. Um, and the last thing I want to say, because you were you're bringing stuff up while you're talking is that I spoke to someone the other day, a parent of a newly diagnosed very young child under two years old. And we were just talking about amounts of insulin that the baby would need. And I said, looking at your graph, listening to your story, I feel like there's room in here for a little more basil. And right away it went to Is that too much? There's something about I keep harping on it because there's something about the measurement of numbers that messes with people aren't I using too much insulin, isn't that bad? Aren't I using some, you know, isn't this happy? Isn't this number to this or not enough that like people really key in on measurements and movement on a scale? Right? Like if because if this person's kid was diagnosed at four, and not 15 months, then they would have started out with basil that was greater to begin with. And then if I would have said to them, oh, I think you need to use four and a half units of basil today, they'd be like, Oh, that's okay. Because it's an incremental jump. But telling somebody, they have to go from two and a half to four seems huge. And I don't know, there's something about I don't know if I'm ever gonna figure it out. But there's something about how people think it's the movement of a measurement. And it has something to do with where you start and where you finish. It's not the numbers, how far the number moves, and it sticks people. I don't know what that means. But I've heard it enough times. Now. I believe in it.

Aryssah 36:04
I think my my partner says it in a right way, where we have to be so conscious, even more so than someone who is anorexic, I understand that I had a form of bulimia going through what I did in university. However, it's it's worse we what are their disease? Do you have to consider what you eat, the number of carbs and the grams of fiber so closely? And again, it's all those numbers, and it's that analysis of anything you're putting into your body. Yeah.

Scott Benner 36:34
The irony is we everyone should be doing it. You know,

Aryssah 36:39
maybe it's maybe healthier. I'm very thankful that I'm diabetic. I like adversity. I like to be the underdog. I use that, you know, kind of resilience as fuel. And I think if I wasn't diabetic, I wouldn't be who I am today. 100%.

Scott Benner 36:52
So what did you do? What steps did you take to get the universe to pick you up and put you in the proper place in the race.

Aryssah 36:59
Uh, I think I had to go through my own my own rock bottom, if you want to phrase it that way. I was in the hospital. And I had been in the hospital numerous times, as we talked about earlier, I at one point was tied to the bed restrained because I was in a diabetic coma and in thought to be even tied down to the bed. I don't remember any of this. And I remember waking up with a tube down my throat and my grandma kissing my forehead. That wasn't even the lowest point, Scott. I was in the hospital for about two months total. And that's where I said, Hey, I'm going to make a change after that got out and ordered a Dexcom. After that, you know, made sure I got an omni pod. I think hitting that rock rock bottom was really where it was a wake up call, where I didn't want to feel that way. ever again. I'd make them make myself feel good somewhat in the way of Hey, okay, I look good outside. But hitting that point it was I don't want to ever do this ever again.

Scott Benner 37:54
That that two month stint? How long ago?

Unknown Speaker 37:58
How long ago was that? That was 2017. Oh, that's not that long ago? No. 2017? almost almost four years, four years.

Scott Benner 38:11
Wow. So how many years did you live like that?

Aryssah 38:14
I would say so I was diagnosed in 19 2017, I would have been 27. So about eight years, from 2009 to 2017.

Scott Benner 38:24
And so your management style was

Aryssah 38:27
management style was I would inject long acting, and I would eat whatever I wanted. I would then start throwing up and this wouldn't be everyday would maybe be once a week I would start throwing up. And because I didn't want to go to the hospital again. Once I started throwing up, that's when I would inject short acting insulin and then continue that cycle. Every week

Scott Benner 38:47
that vomiting was decay, or you force not forcing yourself to vomit.

Aryssah 38:52
I never forced myself I don't think I have the I wouldn't have the gousto to or the hutzpah to but um, I it was strictly from DK and I know that because there were some times where it was just so far gone that I would have to go to the hospital. And they would tell me obviously what was going on which I already knew.

Scott Benner 39:09
I met a little girl in Oklahoma that that was her management style was DK hospital DK hospital just over and over again. For not understanding how to Matt they didn't they just the family just didn't understand the use of the insulin. Right. I remember feeling so heartbroken when she told me that what was the colloquialism you use before hutzpah. gousto What is that? I don't know that one like like hutzpah. Is that a Is that like a weird Canadian? It must be it must be. I'm sorry to do this in the middle of an important conversation but do you notice about that but he or

Unknown Speaker 39:51
she? You sto I can use it in a sentence again if you like Oh

Scott Benner 39:59
good. I want you to go ahead,

Aryssah 40:02
I had the gousto to write my wrongs and start Take care, taking care of my body in a way that I knew was correct for myself at the time for my future self, for even my loved ones as well.

Scott Benner 40:18
Individual or specific taste, how to use gousto. In a sense, I don't know, this might be a thing that happened in your house that, like, when I met my wife, I learned that her father, you know, this thing. Six of one, half a dozen of the other.

Aryssah 40:38
I must be an American thing I'm unfamiliar. Like

Scott Benner 40:40
he would say it completely wrong. And I would watch everybody. And I'm like, none of them realize this is wrong. And he's been saying it like this for so long. They believe that this is the saying, and it is not. But anyway, that's not my point. gousto. Okay. I'm sorry. Like, I absolutely shouldn't have gone down this road. But we need a break anyway, your story is pretty deep. It's. So you're in that hospital for two, two months, you make the decision, I'm going to do something dying to know, is there a person in your life at that point that you're interested in? romantically?

Aryssah 41:16
Yes, I was actually married at the time. How long were you married? I was married from 2017 to 2020. And he was very supportive throughout throughout the process. But through the breakup, certain things were said that obviously stung me very much in relation to this. So very thankful I had him at the time do I feel that now I have a partner that maybe doesn't necessarily is not diabetic, but understands more, so what I go through, because we're maybe more communicative about it 100% I'm very thankful for where I'm at now, romantically cool.

Scott Benner 41:55
Listen, I don't, I don't need to know about your personal life, I brought it up. Because because I find that one of the triggers for adults to pull themselves together, is having another person in their life that they care about. There's this, I've seen this, this thread over and over again, where for some reason, you can't work up the energy or the whatever to care about yourself. But to be there for someone else, or to see that someone else cares about you can kick it into gear,

Aryssah 42:28
I can see that in a way I did always feel his support truly for, for going down that road. I think I was even preparing myself to be a mother. And I knew to be an an oven or a solid oven, so to speak, right? I didn't want to house a child in me. That would be unhealthy. I felt that was unjust. And I mean event, obviously, I'm not a mother, we ended up breaking up and not having kids. But I think at the time that you're very right, that could have played into it where Hey, I want to make sure that I'm the best I can be for anyone that I would house within my body. And I felt that the I felt that honestly, the way I was going was not the way to do that.

Scott Benner 43:07
I just I've heard people tell stories too many times that mimic that idea, but they don't tell it like that. They don't know that's what they did. It's through the conversation that you hear it. They finally meet somebody, they want to be a mom, they're doing it for someone else. All of a sudden, it's a fascinating psychological thing that we can't do things for ourselves, but we can do them for other people. Even when they're about us. And by the way, sadly, brick oven mama is not going to be the title of your episode, but I wish it was gonna end up being an after dark just because the sensitive nature of it but oh my god, if only if only the story led to it being brick oven, Mama. I don't know why I just that's what I like. Alright, so 2017 you're wack you're like Alright, what's the first step to fixing it?

Aryssah 43:59
Getting a Dexcom Truly, I had been on a pump very close after being diagnosed, I was probably 21 at the time. And I hated it because I would rip it out in my sleep I'm I guess a more violent sleeper than I care to be where if something's on my body, I want it off. And being on a pump when I was 21 I, the idea to me was just off my God, I don't want anything there. I don't want to have a pump ever again. So the Dexcom to me was a still way to take care of myself without necessarily having a pump. So had the Dexcom at the start of 2018. And about a year later, I started inquiring about the Omni pod saying to myself Hey, okay, the Dexcom is good. This is great, but I still want something on my body to help me you know, inject quickly and and probably in a way to Scott as we kind of talked about earlier in terms of a bit more, a bit more discreetly, as well. I didn't like that. Yes, I was on Dexcom I would see hey, Okay, I gotta go and jack. Well, if I'm at a restaurant, maybe I'll go to the bathroom to do that. I just kind of wanted to be myself. For I was,

Scott Benner 45:00
I wonder sometimes if people listening to the ads, and if you listen to the ads, thank you very much. It's how the podcast keeps going, I appreciate that. But in the in the Omni pod ads, sometimes they'll say, you know, one of the best things about it is you can wear it out in the open and be proud about it and let everybody see, or you can, or you can put it somewhere discreet. And that's up to the person. Because some people are going to come through your path and want it to be discreet, and some people are, are going to have been dropped in the race at a better better place. Who doesn't care if you see their Dexcom, their CGM or their or their pump. And, but that, that you have that choice is a big deal because everybody's different. You know, I always just imagine people think I'm saying stuff to say it. Like everything sounds trite. When you bang it down into less than two minutes, you know, name and it's hard to be thoughtful in two minutes. But that is really what I mean by that, that it's, you know, that everybody listening has a different desire.

Aryssah 45:57
Well, exactly. And everyone's everyone's way should be respected. As long as again, they're doing what's best for them and trying to take care of themselves. And, again, no one is ever going to be perfect. The days that we try to be perfect are some of the most haywire days in terms of our sugars. But as long as we're trying and we were, we're each respectful of each other spaces, but there's no judgement in terms of Hey, why don't you be proud to show off your on the potter? Hey, why don't you wear your Dexcom in your arm rather than your stomach? Show it off? If I'm not comfy to that's okay. And if you're comfy, too, I applaud you that you're that way.

Scott Benner 46:30
I don't understand. judging people at all, I guess, in any, but I just think it's a not that some people aren't judgy. I'm not saying that. But but exactly what you just said is just, hey, you're doing a thing with the thing that I have. But the way you do it is opposite of how I do it. You know what you should do? You should do the thing that makes me happy. Mm hmm. Like, that's really what it is. When people are saying stuff like that. They're just they think, oh, there's a happy way to do this. You're doing it the other way. It's, it's they never put themselves in your shoes and think, oh, maybe this is your happy way. I know that's a lot of the same word over and over again. But there's really there's really that idea that people cannot take themselves out of their own experience and put them in someone else's in and in less in a moment in a in a in a pass by like you don't mean like hey, you use insulin. That's amazing. Because you can poke up when, by the way also, you really should know whenever boys are talking. They're just doing their best. It's their best try to have sex with you. That's all. And I realized most of them are just so ham fisted and not good at it. But they literally boys are just like that girl pretty. Yeah, I say thing. She talked me we go dinner. Like it's not we're really dumb. So it's, uh, it's interesting. So so but you have to you get the Dexcom, which is the tool that helps you make the decisions. But you had to immediately start injecting four meals and counting carbs, were you able to just start doing that?

Aryssah 48:04
I would. I've been trained to count carbs. I mean, when I was first diagnosed, because I didn't take care of myself didn't mean I didn't know how to write that time was something I, I very much did on my own accord. But I still know, I still knew how to sew when I did start injecting I, I was able to take better care of myself because you know, I can count count count carbs and ensure that I'm eating the right things and making sure that I have fibers you know, you know, low low glycemic index foods of Hey, okay, well, not gonna have you know, basmati rice, I'm gonna have brown rice instead. So those decisions were easy to navigate, thankfully. But it was challenging in the way of always making sure I had needles on me always making sure that I had my insulin on me, always willing to try to backup. So that was obviously challenging. But yes, I could still manage to take care of myself. Because Because I had those skill sets from before.

Scott Benner 48:58
You just had to use them here. Just make yourself do it. By the way. interesting side note basmati rice really easy on Arden. Well, interesting. When you said that I was like, Oh, I can't believe that's the juxtaposition she had there. But that's goes right back to my last the what I was just saying. Because imagine you go online, you say, ah, somebody says, I eat white rice. And I got really high. Does anybody have blah, blah, blah to help me out and you jump in and go? Oh, yeah, brown rice definitely don't eat basmati rice. And then what if I was like, that's wrong, basmati we're like, it's it's not wrong. It's what works for you.

Aryssah 49:35
Everyone, everyone has a different experience of hate that you know, when I'm low, I really like to have gushers because there's 18 carbs in them. And I feel like it's just the right amount to get me back up to speed whereas other people may depend on juice or other people may depend on I don't know, sugar pills, right. But we're all we're all just trying to do our best with whatever tools that work best for us.

Scott Benner 49:56
Yeah, no, that's that's my point is just stop thinking everybody. Get something wrong. I have such an I have such a good example from the from the internet, but I can't I don't want to use it because I don't want to make anybody feel badly but watching adults not be able to interact is fascinating. I've just like you can see what they're doing wrong like you like Don't say that. Now you said it. Don't react that they did it. They doing it on purpose? like are they trying? Like, is it one of those things where like, let me just get another dig in? Where do they really not understand? Like, it's would be such a gift to step back and watch your own life from a third party perspective. Yeah, but anyway, so Okay, so you're giving yourself your insulin, you're making better food choices? Does it ever? Do you ever fall off the wagon?

Aryssah 50:47
I haven't actually. And I think there are ways where you can still enjoy a few things where you're shaking, I think when you're open and communicative about it, Scott. So for example, on my diabetic anniversary cheer, you know, June 26, maybe I you know, yeah, have a have a packet Smarties or something of that nature. But I do it with my partner to say, hey, like, this is an important day, let's do something to celebrate. And but I'll still inject. That's the difference. I'll eat that. But I know now that hey, I can eat whatever the heck I want, as long as I take care of myself for it. And you know, use my Omni pod. So falling off the wagon no of saying, Hey, I'm going to not inject and eat whatever I want for a week. No, I don't do that anymore. But do I try and enjoy little things in a controlled manner? Of course. And it's, it's because I'm able to talk and share with my partner about it. Cool.

Scott Benner 51:37
Is that, are you? Maybe you're not but are you shell shocked at all? Like, is there any part of you that feels like if I like, like to liken this to alcoholism for a second that one beer would turn into a case? Like, do you have that feeling of like if I ate something, and I got the Bolus wrong and my blood sugar went up? I just be like, whatever, like, would you do have that concern? Are you just being a thoughtful adult about your eating?

Aryssah 52:04
Right, and I, I want to touch on it in the way of I think I think I mentioned this earlier in the way of when you're really high, it continues to feel good, when you're really high until it doesn't, right until you start throwing up. But when you're taking care of your sugar, and you have a spike in an afternoon or a day, I feel like crap, there's no way that I would ever be able to do what I used to do now, because I've had that cycle of continuously taking care of myself. So thankfully, it's not like alcohol, or it's not like drugs or anything along those lines where you're looking forward to that feeling again, I know that I very well could, you know, not inject for a bunch of a bunch of candy that I eat. However, I know that I'm gonna feel so sick afterwards. And to me, that's not worth it.

Scott Benner 52:49
Yeah. You know, the other night. The other day, actually, on the weekend, Arden said, Can you take me to the grocery store, I'm gonna make cookies, and I need some ingredients. We got her all these ingredients. And later that night, she must have spent like an hour and a half in the kitchen making like these snickerdoodle cookies that had this icing on top that were kind of cream cheesy. It was right. There's something over the top. And then she walked out and said, Does anybody want a cookie and gave everybody a cookie? And then she didn't eat one. And she never had one. And I asked her at one point said the cookies are good to try. And she's another too sweet for me. And I was like, Oh, okay. I'm gonna be five of them. Just so you know. But no, but like, it's, it was interesting that she just, she doesn't like too much sweet stuff. And she knows it. And so she just doesn't do it. And I don't even know. It's I don't even know why that is like, how does somebody make a good decision like that? You know? Because certainly one cookie after all that work right. But now, she just didn't and doesn't. And that's not a that's not an uncommon story for her like that. Just so you're making me feel

Aryssah 53:58
good on her to be that way. That's that's I really respect that. Yeah, you should be proud.

Scott Benner 54:02
I just it's funny, because I never thought about it before until I was talking to you like that. This is a an accomplishment of some some sort. I don't know what exactly. But I'm going to give myself most of the credit for it. Right? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, my wife probably a little bit MIMO and ardonagh. You know, whatever. Yeah, it's just happening to her. She's not making decisions. I'm teasing. I just think it's a I think it's I didn't think of that as, as some sort of a life level up, but I guess it is really well, what else should people know?

Aryssah 54:35
The last thing I would probably want to share too, is as as we talked about, I was writing my university career while I was going through this and obviously my mental state, physical health and GPA truly all suffered because of it. And I know that university can be really challenging and that diabetes itself can be really challenging, but I've created a scholarship Actually, this year, hoping to provide some solace to a student who is diabetic themselves. And entering their first year of university. And I want to be able to help people now and I have the means to be able to help people now as a, you know, fully working functioning adult. And I find I find it to be cathartic to be involved with that funding it myself to say, Hey, I went through this, I don't want you to feel this. If you're experiencing some of the challenges that I did, here's a scholarship to help pay for your education. Wow, how many scholarships are you funding? So just the one, it's funded through myself, it's not a whole lot, but it's called the the torchbearer scholarship toward for scholarship for type ones. And I just really want to make sure that I tried to do right by the situation, as I mentioned, that I felt was unjust. And this is a good way for me to give back and feel better, maybe about the situation I by no means I'm ever going to be able to go back and erase those years that I didn't take care of myself. But this could be a way to make myself feel that I've

Scott Benner 55:55
come to terms with it. It's lovely. Is there any chance that's happening in a Canadian province with a really funny name? No, unfortunately, no, nevermind. I was hoping it would be Manitoba or something like no, no, no,

Aryssah 56:08
I live in I live in Toronto, Ontario. So I'm one of the more regulated names

Scott Benner 56:14
you didn't even say at tr. O and like I said, it's it's without the second tee. It's mostly Toronto. Yeah. You don't really say the second tee? No, I know you don't. But I had somebody on recently that was like, I live in Toronto. And I'm like, wait a minute What now? I was like, TRN t. Trump Toronto. Meanwhile, you know, I can't say water. But what the hell, you know? Still, which when I think she when she said it on is like that's by that's gonna be a good episode. I can't wait. There are times where I think I wish the show was just a daily like, show. Because I have these conversations and like, I can't wait for people to hear these. And then I they don't go up all the time. So you have to wait. And like I'm thinking right now like, Oh, this is a great story like this should go up right away. But the truth is, it's not going to, like I'm so recorded ahead. But I'm enjoying talking to you a lot. I want to I just very much want to make sure that we're not missing anything here. So there's no. So you saw let me make Let me see if I can pick through my understanding. So you, you had some sort of a major health crisis that made you say, I am not living like this anymore. First step, I think is to be able to see my blood sugar. So you got you got to CGM, then you had to make the conscious decision to give yourself insulin which it doesn't sound like you had trouble doing. It wasn't like some sort of an existential fight to do you gave yourself insulin, you brought your agency down how long until you felt better? I would say maybe

Aryssah 57:50
the only part was really the big changer. So I mean, even a few weeks after having the Omnipod I felt so much better, so much better Scott and to be able to to be able to not have that roller coaster of the up and downs. I think that's that's one of the most untalked about challenges. Yes, we talk about it certain instances, but it's it's the consistent roller coaster. And I'm sure some people talk about it, but it's just not. It's not known maybe it's the most challenging thing people maybe go to different you know, lows or highs but they don't talk about the in between period of that going up and down where you know, if you're if you're high you over and jacked and then you ultimately go low. And then when you're low, obviously you try need someone else to bring you higher, and then you go high again, and it's just that constant vicious cycle.

Scott Benner 58:36
I think of it as chasing, you're always chasing the diabetes like Daddy, and how did you and how did you know how to do it? Like, did you limit carbs so that you could be successful with the insulin? or How did you know how to be successful and keep away the ups and downs,

Aryssah 58:51
I would say not necessarily limit carbs, I do have a pretty low carb diet. So that wasn't too challenging. I think if we're kind of being candid through this and going back in the schedule, or the or the timeline, once I had the Dexcom I was eating healthier. So when the Omnipod came along, it was just Hey, how do I manage eating healthy already, but without having to necessarily inject got it. So it was it was pretty easy to do and obviously much more handy and a great tool. But I think Yeah, after a couple of weeks on the Omni part of you know it is challenging a little bit in the beginning because you're trying to get your basil is right and you know, trying to make sure that your your I don't have my carb ratio I think changed as well. But once I got it right, it was Oh wow. Okay, I feel awesome and what like looking down on my Dexcom I'm what 6.2 That's amazing. And again, I apologize for the for the discrepancy in American and Canadian numbers but Juicebox Podcast I kind of made once you calculate but it felt it felt amazing. And I think your mind becomes addicted to again, whatever your whatever your environment is, if you're feeling good, you want to continue to feel Good. If you feel bad, unfortunately, you want to continue to feel that way too.

Scott Benner 1:00:03
Yeah. Now your body's process of chemicals, right chemical reactions happening all over the place. If you if you take out sugar, just as an example of what you're saying, your body will stop wanting it at some point. And then you give it back. And it's just like, it just it lights up every one of those receptors again, you're like, Oh, my God, sugar, definitely want more sugar until you completely crash and your system can't keep up with it. And you're, you know, you look up six months later, and you're 25 pounds heavier, and you feel like you've eaten a big dinner constantly. And it's just a drag on your your blood sugar is, is very much in charge of a lot of how you feel. Yeah, just true. I had a question where to go. It's in my brain somewhere. I'm getting older. It's not my fault. is what I'm sticking with for now. Dammit. What was I gonna say? This is very poignant. There should be some music that plays here while I'm thinking but Jeopardy music. Yeah, but then I'd have to pay to use the music and what the hell? Give me a second. I'm not talking. I'm lost. I'm 100% lost. In my own mind, this is terrible. I'm going to start over instead. And I'll find my way back. So Dexcom on the pod, using the insulin correctly, making better food choices. You haven't felt like you're gonna slip backwards? No. therapy. That was it? Did you go to therapy?

Aryssah 1:01:37
Did very thankful for any counseling I've done? And I think in the past, I'd felt and this is this is a conversation that I hope this should be the pinpoint of the episode here to where everyone needs to speak to someone if they're going through diabetes. And I think it's not, it's not talked about enough where Yes, okay, we're given those tools of, you know, a nurse maybe and, you know, you meet with your diabetes education center, you really need to speak to someone about how you feel. Because I felt that I was a failure. I felt heavy on my self worth. I felt like I couldn't do anything right when it came to diabetes. And then after speaking to my therapist and sort of discovering Hey, Yeah, wow. Okay, if I've been diagnosed three months earlier, I would have had all these tools at my disposal. But because of, you know, luck of the draw, unfortunately, I didn't. That doesn't mean that I'm a failure. It just means I wasn't set up with the right tools. So I really want if anyone has a message to take away from this episode, please speak to someone. You're not alone. You can speak to support groups, you can speak to a therapist, you can speak to friends, family, just don't keep how you're feeling to yourself, because it's it's painful to bottle it up. Are you proud of yourself? Oh, very much, very much. And I don't think Scott, if you had told me at 19 what I would be at now? I would think I would think you're crazy.

Scott Benner 1:02:57
Yeah. Do you think you would be dead? Probably. Did you ever have a conscious thought? Like, I'm just gonna ride this wave to like, crash into the reef, or you weren't thinking about it? I

Aryssah 1:03:06
think I didn't care as much when I was treating my body that way. Because I thought I don't know how long this is gonna last anyway. So Screw it.

Scott Benner 1:03:12
Okay. Were you ever misled by the idea of like, they're going to cure this, so it doesn't matter?

Aryssah 1:03:19
Oh, completely. I mean, my mom and I go into my undercut endocrinologists office when I was diagnosed, he says, hey, yeah, five to 10 years, we'll have a cure. And I mean, that was 2009. Right?

Scott Benner 1:03:31
So as a young person that kind of makes you feel like, why not to do a great job of this? Because they'll just cure it. Yeah, not realizing that, I think in the history of mankind, we've only cured like nine things, and five of them aren't that exciting, right? So yeah, the curing something like that. And I'm making air quotes, no one can see me making air quotes. So I better find a way to use inflection, but curing something's uncommon. And the end, if you really understood the system at play, like maybe they'll be able to block your immune system and replace your beta cells one day or something like that. But there's no you're not going to take a pill and not have diabetes anymore. Right? That's not how this is going to work in in any kind of foreseeable timeline that you and I are going to be alive in. You know, I'm not saying that the baby's organs aren't gonna figure it out 5000 years from now or something like that, but we're not figuring out in 2026 like that. So

Aryssah 1:04:32
I think if you folks to probably I don't know I felt this way after leaving the doctor's office that honeymoon phase is so important thinking oh, well, you know, they told me I have this but I don't really write because I mean my blood sugar is not terrible. Now that I've started taking insulin a little bit and then honestly when that honeymoon phase goes away, you know, wham bam

Scott Benner 1:04:51
Yeah. Wham you got diabetes. Boom, here we go. You know, your your Basal goes from three a day to 10 a day like what happened well Have a sudden a unit of insulin won't make you low. It won't even make your blood sugar move. Right and you're 19 and yeah, I think that it prouds not even the right word like, for how you should feel, you know what I mean? Like somebody dropped you in the middle of a war again with a like a peashooter and and your home now. You know, that's it's really a it's extraordinary, honestly, isn't it? No. No. And, and you're Canadian. So bonus points. Because I mean, I don't know. Like imagine. Listen for people listening, imagining having to ride a moose to your doctor's appointment. It's not a great life.

Aryssah 1:05:37
It's challenging. I usually have to Yeah, I escaped to to the pharmacy to pick up my insulin. So you're very right,

Scott Benner 1:05:43
I escaped on two rocks that you tied to your feet. You live at the Arctic Circle, I think I'm not that far for you. I'm not that far from I realize it's very close to me. So Matter of fact, I think you drive through some fairly Hickey, United States states to get to Toronto, where Toronto might be much more of a metropolitan center than those places are right. But it's more fun if we talk about it like this. So you live in an igloo, and, and even though we don't know what you do for a living, we assume you trap beavers, and hats and other warm weather here so that your people don't die. That's right. 100%. Although I guess we're gonna end this in a second, I'm gonna find out you're an attorney or something like that. But is there anything else that you want to add that you think that people should know? But I think this has been a terrific episode. But I just want to make sure I don't miss anything. No, I

Aryssah 1:06:42
think I think I've shared all that I can. And I hope everyone can be vulnerable with anyone that they're speaking to you. And the same way that I have, that I've been this episode. And I there's power in that vulnerability, and there's power in that resiliency, and there's power in that adversity that we're all dealing with. So I guess just be open, whenever you feel comfortable, it may not be right away. But whenever you feel comfortable, feel free to be vulnerable. Well, I

Scott Benner 1:07:04
want to thank you for doing that. I was just sharing with my brother last night that he was asking, it's a weird thing to have a podcast like this that says popular as it is because there are people in your life like that. Like I don't know if it comes to surprise anybody. But nobody in my immediate family has ever heard this podcast. And you know, he's talking to my brother. And he was asking about it a little bit. And I was telling him how it was growing. And we were talking about downloads and stuff like that, while he and I were on the phone. And I was telling him I think I might add another advertiser soon. And he said, what else comes from the show besides like this, this aspect of it, I started telling him about people writing to me, and, and seeking me out to tell me stories. And listen. A lot of people have blogs and podcasts and you'll hear people say like I hear from people all the time. And and sometimes the reality is they get a note every once in a while, which is amazing. I'm not saying that that's not all the time, but I probably hear from 15 people a day. And so I was explaining to my brother about not feeling like you have to not get overwhelmed by hearing people's stories, and not make yourself numb to them either. So that you can you want to really hear them. Like I want to really hear when somebody writes to me or reaches out or whatever, like I don't want to, I don't want your best moment in the last three years to be a blahs a like thing to me, I guess. And so I don't feel that way. But you do when it happens so frequently. Like you got to catch yourself. Sometimes somebody is like, Oh my God, my life is changed. You don't go great. Like, you know, like you, you can really be in it with them. But what I said to him was that personally, that it's been incredibly fulfilling to me, and not for helping people. I mean, although the it is for that. But I still I'm starting to feel like a repository of people's stories. Like I get to hear every one of them and it's different to have the count, even though the people listening I think are being really served well by this conversation you and I are having. I'm listening to it in a different way. Because I do not know what you're going to say. And I do not know what question is going to pop in my head when you say it. So we are having a really personal like interaction right now you and I. And I just feel like the decisions I make around diabetes and life at this point now. May I'm just gonna digress for one more second. When I grew up, I was I'm adopted right so I grew up with a family unit and I did not feel incredibly similar to them. Like something would happen and they'd have a reaction my reaction would always be somewhat different. Whether it was like a question about money or politics or in general, like I just I always was sort of different than them. And because of that, I would kind of go out into the world. And when I met people who I found to have like, real valuable aspects to them, I think about them, like I'm thinking of a man now who I met when he was in his 60s who was, you know, basically a brick Mason. I had nothing in common with them. But he was an incredibly hard worker. And I thought that's, that's his best skill. Like, that's his best trait. Like that's important. Like, look how important being a hard worker is, I'll remember that. Or I met a guy who incorporated his his kind of like, comedic feel into bad situations, I was already doing that. But I was like, okay, that seems viable, like, so I would kind of pick and choose from people like their best attributes to pay attention to like, is that something I'd want to do? And now I'm getting to do it with the podcast. And I record three of these a week. So I have hours and hours of conversation every week with people who are different than me who have different perspectives. And as I'm hearing them, I think I'm remembering the kind of the salient points, the stuff that I take away, and I think it's making me a better person.

Aryssah 1:11:20
Oh, completely. But you're, I mean, Scott, yes. And good on you that you're able to stay present with everyone sharing their story when they do, but you're also creating that community for us all to feel safe to share. You know, it wasn't till I started listening to your podcast, where I thought, Oh, hey, you know what, there were some after dark episodes where that kind of resonates with me, you know, hey, yeah, no, there was that there was that girl I listen to that. Yeah, she was actually throwing up as well, while she was diabetic. So it's, it's the community that you are creating as well. The world very thankful for, and grateful that we get to experience but yeah, it sounds like it's a it's a gift both ways, right? It's a gift to yourself, but it's also a gift to us.

Scott Benner 1:11:56
I think I might be getting more out of it than you are. And I feel like you just said you were getting a fair amount out of it. So I think we're good, but, but I appreciate that. I really do. And it was my it's funny, that was actually my intention. But now hearing it set back by you, I think, Wow, that was like a fool's errand when I started it, like, what made me think I could accomplish that. It's such a big thing. You know, like I, I'm sitting here right now, as you say that thinking like, I can't believe it worked. Yeah, I'm grateful it worked. I just, I don't know, I guess, you know, I guess that's everything, right? If you if you stood at the bottom of Mount Everest and thought, I'm probably not going to make it up there, then you wouldn't, you wouldn't even try. And and so some people try and make it and some people don't. And, you know, for whatever reason, who knows? I'm very grateful that it helps people. And and that it's been that it was that for you or for anybody else. Okay, I didn't mean for this to know how great I was at the end. I really was just trying to say that. I'm grateful for people like you who come on and share so openly like this. Because this is not scripted. And you and I did not talk before we did this, like you sent me like a blurb. I think it was three sentences. I sit down and think to myself about the talk to a woman who had an eating disorder is doing better now. Right? Like that's the only like, and then we had technical difficulties. Now I'm an MIT and trying to keep your your life in my mind at the same time. So yeah, very cool. All right, we are going to stop here.

First, a huge thanks to Arista for coming on the show and sharing her story so bravely. I also want to thank Dexcom to remind you to go to dexcom.com forward slash juice box today right now I mean as soon as you're done with us just shut it off Dexcom comm forward slash juice box, then roll right over to Omni pod Omni pod comm forward slash juice box. check in and see if you're eligible for the free 30 day trial the Omni pod dash Don't forget about the Omni pod promise you can get started today. just dive right in. Just want to say here how terrific it is that people come on the show and share so freely really does make the podcast what it is. If you hold on for a second, I'll let you know about the other after darks in case you'd like to find them. So as the podcast gets bigger, I realized there are more and more episodes and it might become difficult to find some of the ones you're looking for. The afterdark series goes all the way back to Episode 274 where we talked about drinking. In Episode 283 we spoke about smoking weed 305 trauma and addiction 319 it was having sex from a female perspective 336 depression and self harm 365 sex from a male perspective 72 after dark divorce and co parenting 380 for bipolar 393 bulimia and depression 399 heroin addiction in Episode 422, we talked to Amy. Amy is so singularly special I just call the episode after dark Amy. In Episode 450 spoke about using psychedelics while you have type one, Episode 462 a sexual assault survivor came on and talked about how that impacted their life with diabetes. There was another episode of 472 living with bipolar disorder 508, the adult child of divorce in Episode 531, a 30 plus year type one named Mike shares his complications with us and of course today, this is a ressa and she's talking about an eating disorder. You can find these episodes in your podcast app by searching Juicebox Podcast afterdark or you can go to Juicebox Podcast comm scroll down a little bit, you'll find them there. As you're scrolling. You'll also see the pro tip series, the defining diabetes series, the diabetes variable series, how we eat there's a ton there to check out. So I mean, whatever algorithm pumping a you know, there's a lot there, head over and take a look Juicebox podcast.com

---

Please support the sponsors

The Juicebox Podcast is a free show, but if you'd like to support the podcast directly, you can make a gift here. Recent donations were used to pay for podcast hosting fees. Thank you to all who have sent 5, 10 and 20 dollars!

Donate

#531 After Dark: Diabetes Complications

ADULT TOPIC WARNING. Today's guest is an adult type 1 living with significant complications.

You can always listen to the Juicebox Podcast here but the cool kids use: Apple Podcasts/iOS - Spotify - Amazon Music - Amazon Alexa - Google Play/Android - iHeart Radio -  Radio Public or their favorite podcast app.

+ Click for EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

---

DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello, friends, welcome to Episode 531 of the Juicebox Podcast.

incredibly proud of this podcast. I know that I tried my hardest to talk about every topic I can think of around diabetes, I don't want to leave anything out. But when we get to those things that people don't like to talk about so much the things that you kind of keep private. I put those in a series called afterdark. If you go to Juicebox Podcast comm and scroll down a little, you'll see a ton of afterdark episodes, and I think you should check them out. They're incredibly enlightening. Today's show is with Mike. And Mike has had Type One Diabetes for a very long time, as he will tell you in just a little bit. Mike also has a number of complications. And he is going to share with you his story and his complications today. I want you to be ready that this episode is honest, it's emotional, and it might make you upset. Mike felt very strongly about sharing this with all of you. And I was grateful and honored that he wanted to do it here. Please remember while you're listening that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is brought to you by touched by type one. They're an organization doing wonderful things for people living with Type One Diabetes, find out more about them at touched by type one.org. You can also find them on Instagram, and Facebook. I'm pretty pleased with how my voice sounds. So I'm going to do one more. This episode is also sponsored by Omni pod. And you may be eligible for a free 30 day trial of the Omni pod dash. You can find out at Omni pod.com forward slash juice box by the way. There's no reason to wait for the next big thing because Omni pod has the Omni pod promise. And later in the episode, I'm going to tell you exactly what that is. My name is Mike. I live in San Diego. I've been type one. Whoa. Over 45 years now. And yeah. How old are you Mike? I just turned 55 today, okay. Oh, really? Congratulations.

Mike 2:38
Thank you. So I can now eat off the Denny's 55 plus menu.

Unknown Speaker 2:41
Things are really heading in your direction. Finally, you got to take the positives in this world was all the negatives.

Scott Benner 2:48
I didn't know our birthdays were so close to each other.

Mike 2:50
I know happy late birthday my my replacement service dog trainer, or my replacement service dog. The trainer was here working and we were pretty tied up so I didn't get a wish you Happy birthday. Happy belated birthday. Thank

Scott Benner 3:01
you very much and Happy birthday to you. We were five years apart and two days. That's pretty cool. Yeah. So Mike, you were on a how we episode for keto 409 or 96 or 96. There we go. Some other similar numbers for 96. And I would have to say months had gone by after that after we recorded it maybe. And I got a really I thought passionate email from you saying that you needed to come back on the show. And talk about complications and your and your life in general. So yeah, I think that's very brave. And I appreciate you wanting to do that.

Mike 3:45
Sure. I'm happy to do it. I'm happy to you know, explain to people it's kind of emotional for me when I start talking about so. Bear with me.

Scott Benner 3:59
I brought tissues to this one. Do you not have tissues? I have. I have short sleeves and the whole bottom of my shirt. I guess I guess for people who didn't hear you on how he just give them a couple of minutes. You know when about your diagnosis and how things were back then?

Mike 4:17
Sure. So back in the 70s when I was diagnosed, there was no meters no good insolence there was. Well, the I need to back up just a hair there for a quick second. So I was mis diagnosed by a general practitioner for over a year with an ulcer. Could because I had the symptoms of the doubling over stomach cramps. I guess that's when my body was attacking the beta cells of the pancreas for my understanding. So he diagnosed me with an ulcer. And he diagnosed my mom with being so mentally hard on me just as As a kid in general in life, that it stressed me out so much that caused me to have an ulcer which was farthest from the truth. I had a great loving mom a loving family.

Unknown Speaker 5:13
The

Mike 5:16
as the as the time progressed, I was getting obviously losing more and more weight. And they finally took me to the hospital because I was just skin and bones. They just they couldn't figure it out. Yeah. Wasn't a DK at that point. But I was close. Um, they said, I probably had a few more months, and I would have been in DK at that point. But it was funny. Wow, it's funny, but we're walking down the hall in the emergency room. And the doctor that was walking the other way to look at me, pointed to me and told my parents that kids are dying type one diabetic. And turns out, that's the doctor that came into the exam room and properly diagnose me. So at that time, things were pretty primitive. Again, like I said, there was no meters, no good answers, we had beef, and pork, and in and you would take the beef or pork insulin until you started getting resistant to it, then you would switch over to the other that you either or beef or pork until you are resistant to that and you kind of swap back and forth. If you got resistant to both of them, you're pretty much screwed at that point. So I was probably 500 the whole time I was a kid, because at that point, they viewed it if you weren't falling over, you were doing pretty good. And you did one shot a day you'd mix the insulin Can you had exchange rates at that time? example, breakfast, two starches, a dairy, a fat, and then lunch to kind of the same thing, you know, two or three starches for proteins. And that's how they kind of managed it. So I did, I was on one shot a day for till I was a teenager, and I went to type one backpacking camp at the doctors there. Finally switched me over to two shots a day. And again, no meters. No, no way to really monitor how much insulin you need. But I just I can remember it. At that point, when they switched me to two shots a day. How much better I felt so maybe I was I came down from 500 to 400? I don't know, we'll never know. I wonder

Scott Benner 7:35
Do you know why they somebody thought to introduce it? Was it just the new way to do it? And you were like the old one? Yeah,

Mike 7:42
I think there was doctors at the camp. They were younger doctors. And at at the time, from my understanding now of, you know, doctors and how they treated diabetics, they just they kept you. They basically kept you from not dying. And they they wouldn't they couldn't they wouldn't adjust. But that was their goal to keep you from dying. Immediately from a low, but not long term from complications. They there was just no. There was no way to tell but like, but as a teenager, the doctors at that point saw it was pretty antiquated for one shot a day. So they broke it up. So at least you had some more regular to cover dinner, instead of just covering dinner with whatever basil might be leftover from the end. Which I don't know if they really know what the peak on that was whether it was 12 hours, six hours, 24 hours. I don't know. I've I've looked back in that I can't find any good, solid documentation that kind of gives the duration of that like linty now or, you know, a trivia that's 48 hours down. I couldn't find any data on that. And at this point, doesn't matter. That's, that's over.

Scott Benner 8:59
It's gone. So what part of the 70s were you diagnosed?

Mike 9:04
mid 70s right around 7677. I remember the Freedom Train coming through. And it was like the summer before I was mis diagnosed. And then went through that school year and the summer after when I was properly diagnosed. And like I said, I've I've seen pictures from our vacations. We went on family vacation. We were fortunate enough to go for a few weeks every summer. And I just it was just skin and bones man like my my shirt was just literally hanging off my skeleton. Right and that's it was pretty sad.

Scott Benner 9:40
I think that's over five decades after someone figured out insulin that Yeah, that was still the the situation.

Mike 9:48
Did you know there was really no way to, to there was no home monitoring. I mean, I know hospitals at that time. Had glucometers but they're the only ones that really had them. And the reason they had them was if somebody came in passed out, were you a drunk? Or were you a type one diabetic, you know, passed out and

Scott Benner 10:09
they needed this thing to figure that out.

Mike 10:11
Yeah, they needed some way to quickly figure that out. So they weren't putting type one diabetics in the drunk tank, and then them dying. Right? Wow.

Scott Benner 10:20
So you live a long time with a really high blood sugar. Correct. And I'm going to kind of break your life up into segments, I think. Sure. So in the moment, do you know what's happening? Or is it just your life and there's no way to feel it or like, you know, you felt bad when you were on one shot today. Um,

Mike 10:45
I didn't know at the time because I really had nothing to judge it with because you, I was never in a lower range to feel like for instance, you know, 120 versus a 500. And your body kind of gets used to it. And I also remember, as a teenager in high school, originally, I have nothing wrong with private schools, but it wasn't my cup of tea. And I wanted to go back to the public school where all my friends were from growing up elementary school. So my mom agreed to let me go back to the public school, but I had to take up extracurricular activity. So I chose cross country and track perfect. Yeah. And I, I never had a low I never passed out. So that validates all the doctors of today's that. Yeah, you must have been 500 the whole time. Because we were running, you know, 1015 miles a day we got up to. And here's the wacky noodles part of this. My mom read in a runner's magazine that you should carbohydrate load before the day before race. So she'd make me not knowing this was a problem at the time. Again, loving mother, she made me a whole box of mac and cheese that I would eat for dinner the night before. A whole box of pasta. So I was carb carb loading without covering for insulin because there was no knowledge of covering it for insulin right?

Scott Benner 12:09
On top of all that, how did you run? Like, I guess you Really? So so for, I guess for people listening? Who are managing in today's world, the idea that you can be 500 and living for days and days and days or 400 or whatever, like that high high like that. Yeah. Is is probably confusing to them. it's inconceivable. Right, right. But really, you're in that moment. And for those years, your body's in an advanced state of aging. Basically, you're using up your life cycles faster than you should be correct. And your body had a way of making itself feel normal enough that you could function.

Mike 12:53
Correct. Yeah, the other thing, the doctor that diagnosed me when I was a kid, which I found out later in life that he told my mom that exercise equated to insulin. And anywhere I wanted to go like my friend's house that was several miles away in arcade at, you know, when I asked her Hey, can you run me over here? Well, ever since my diagnosis, she conveniently could never take me anywhere. She made me ride my bike, which that probably at that time was one of the best things for me. So which helped me in cross country and track and I still hold the record for the 100 at Christian Junior High this day. So I was in I wasn't top shape. I was just riding everywhere. So go figure I yeah, we we talked about that now with some of the like the just the therapists they see we you know, sports therapy and stuff. And it's just yeah, I think I think that her conveniently but making me go ride for that exercises. Insulin thing was probably extended. At that time. A lot of things.

Scott Benner 14:05
Yeah. But you're more time because she was driving your blood sugar down a little bit with the with the exercise and with you with all the running and everything. Yeah, which would take you right back to prior to insulin. When they started figuring out what was happening. They would just starve people and move them around. That's Yeah, yeah. That's how they would that's how they try to elongate your life. If you had type one before in something, you know, don't eat anything. And then just keep active and you're really just doing those things to stay alive. And so you are getting some function from that. Correct when? What happens next you go to college?

Mike 14:47
No, I went to automotive trade school at that time. So, first part of my life, I was a ASE certified auto mechanic. And again, just, you know, whatever insulin single dose they gave me on the day and at night, I was just taking an eating any and everything and there was no thought process behind it because there was still no. No monitoring, though. Right. I think there was a, I believe there was a meter at that time, but it took like two or five minutes to read. And what do you do with the information? Yeah. And at that point,

Scott Benner 15:30
if I'm remembering correctly, from our, our other conversation, is this the point in your life where you get fairly unhealthy in other ways? Yeah. Okay. Can you tell people about that?

Mike 15:41
Yeah, so moved to Florida, um, for with the girlfriend and, and her family. We love sailing, and it was warm water there. So, you know, we're, we're drinking and you know, eating whatever, because there's really never been told not to. And there's been no great information to Hey, you need to do these things to take care of yourself. So the doctor I saw at that time, because I knew I needed to insulin insulin was life, you could buy syringes over the counter, so I was basically seeing him for the prescription for insulin. And I was really overweight. I'm five 511. I was like 245 fish, 250 overweight, and he finally one day going to get my prescription said that you really need to do better in your life. And I'm like, okay, like, you know, get a desk job or something. To buy cars. Yeah. So he said, No, diabetes wise. He said, I'm going to send you to see this person who I'm still lifelong friends with today. See this person, if I get back good information from this person, that your will start taking care of yourself, I will keep prescribing you insulin will check in the hospital if you if I get bad information from this person. No doctor in South Florida will see you I will. I will ban you from seeing any doctor in South Florida through the medical profession, or however he worded that at that time. So I'm thinking insulin life and no insulin, not life.

Scott Benner 17:29
This next guy is gonna get to tell me whatever he wants.

Mike 17:32
Yeah, so. So I went saw the person it was at diabetes treatment centers they had at the hospitals at that time. And she scared the bejesus out of me. If you want to put any other explicit award in there, you could go ahead and do that and bleep it out. So I, I checked, I got checked in the hospital. At that point, they checked you in for like seven days to regulate you quote unquote, I'm doing air quotes, as you can see, regulate you, as best they can and got my first meter. And I took it serious. I was on multiple injections at that time, MDI. And some pumps were considered experimental. So after that week in the hospital, I continue to strive, I, you know, hung out at the diabetes treatment center, the support groups got within at that time in the community, which made me feel really good about things started eating healthier. And the next thing was I needed to lose weight. And he said, You got to start doing some exercise. And I was working for an accurate dealership at the time. And a parts manager raced amateur bicycles. And he invited me to come out and cycle with them, you know, to try to help them lose weight. And so I bought my first bike that month, wrote over a little over 1000 miles and lost like 45 pounds. Plus that first month so Geez. I'm an I'm an all or nothing guy. In case you anybody that you know, I I don't just dabble in anything.

Scott Benner 19:15
Well, let me let me ask you a couple questions. So you basically are living in your will tell me tell me how old you are when you met this. The Second Doctor? I was in my early 20s. Okay. So early 20s. As you're young, you're a mechanic. You're living, you're sailing, you're screwing around with your boyfriend and eating whatever you want. And drinking. You said drinking I'm assuming you meant beer and stuff like that. Yeah. So just beer. Yeah. Just beer. Was it a rapid weight gain for you or no. through high school?

Mike 19:54
Weight Gain was at Well, when I was in high school running cross country and track I was like, you know Just a rail. And I got in a really bad car crash. I was in the backseat of a little, little Honda Civic, I think it was. And we have these mountains out here. And one of the cool thing is to do, which is really not cool is to go on the mountain, turn your lights out and scare the crap out everybody in the car, you know, and try to anticipate the curve you made. So this girl was driving, and she wasn't a good driver, but I'm in the backseat. You know, I should have said something but didn't because I'm with my friend trying to protect her. We grew up as his neighbor, kids. And we went off the mountain airborne into a tree. And luckily, the tree, the tree branches, as we landed about mid tree, I went back and looked at it afterwards. And it was probably the tree was taller than a two story. Not true story but a one story house. So but between that so landed in that the impacts lifted me up. And of course no seatbelts at the time. So I broke both my ankles shattered my shoulder. As the car fell down. It was pretty gentle fall through the limbs until we hit the ground. It was in front of somebody that we hobbled, hobbled in there and help. Mike, is it possible that Steven Spielberg

Scott Benner 21:24
has stolen a portion of your life story for Jurassic Park and you're owed money?

Mike 21:28
I didn't think of that. But anyways, after I healed, I went out, did six miles with the because at that point, the guy's team was running 10 to 15. And I was trying to get back into it. I did six mile loop and I hurt so bad. I never ran after that again. And it was from that progression. Through my early 20s. I started gaining weight because I was just, you know, right. You know, I could eat a whole large extra large deep dish pizza and was setting myself. So when we go to pizzas, we get three or four pizzas with the family.

Scott Benner 22:05
Well, okay, so take me into that room in your 20s. What does that doctor who scares you? What is what do they say to you?

Mike 22:12
But basically the doctor, the doctor or the diabetes treatment center,

Scott Benner 22:16
the treatment center. I'm sorry.

Mike 22:18
Oh, so she will cut to the quick. Sure. first statement was you got a girlfriend? Yeah. You like having sex? Yeah. Well, if you want to keep having sex, you better start taking care of yourself. Because that's the first thing is probably going to go No, not probably will go. That grabs the young man's attention really quick, like, literally by the short hairs.

Scott Benner 22:46
Like I did not recognize that erectile dysfunction is gonna be what you started with today?

Mike 22:51
No, but she just flat out. It was just I think I turned 50 shades of white. Right? Because it was just like, oh my god. Yeah, no, we know what, no, let's

Scott Benner 23:02
fix this quickly.

Mike 23:04
Yeah, that was when can we check me into the hospital where we have to have the doctor's note first. Can we call him now?

Scott Benner 23:10
Yeah, my ankles are fine. Can I go for a walk? So she hit you with that as a side effect of unregulated blood sugars.

Mike 23:21
Correct. Okay. And she said at that point, it had no age limit. It was just, it could happen to you tomorrow. Or, you know, the better care you take of yourself. Let's just say it could never happen. But at your rate, it will in that

Scott Benner 23:35
moment. Five seconds before that. Did you think of yourself as a person with unregulated blood sugars?

Mike 23:43
No, not at all. Matter of fact, I there was. You could go through the drive thru there. I won't say the name of the place. But you could get and I got fried the fried shrimp platter with two Coors lights to go through the drive thru window

Scott Benner 23:56
on your way to the diabetes treatment center. Yeah.

Mike 24:02
So I got fried shrimp, french fries, a couple of beers. I didn't drink them while I was driving, but I drank him in the parking lot.

Scott Benner 24:07
And that wasn't a goodbye to health because you didn't think that's what was happening. This is just a common way you would have eaten. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Not on a work day. But yeah, I have I have a question or a jump ahead for half a second because I know you now. Yeah, no, I mean, we're not. I don't know you. Well, but I know you. And we communicate. Yeah, right. You don't seem like that person. Was it youth? Was it the high blood sugar's

that was just how I live just how you live. It's just what how things occurred to you and that's what you did.

Mike 24:41
Yeah, cuz, you know, we take the sailboat out for the weekend, you know, couple of 12 packs of beers. You know, maybe after after work, we take the sailboat out or the motorboat and you know, beer was always involved. You know, you go out for pizza have a couple beers. I I will preface this. I never drink and drive drunk. You know, a couple of three beers was about it. But when we be out on the water, we get pretty sloshed. But, you know, sailboat and go so fast.

Scott Benner 25:14
So you got to find your excitement somewhere else. Okay, alright, so she hits you with EDI. Anything else.

That was that was the opening closing statement. It's not needed. She started she's like, there's other stuff like, Nah, I'm good. I'm gonna do it. So she said they were good. You want to hear about the heart disease? Nope, don't care. I'm not gonna make it that far. No, there was heart disease involved at that point, learn that later. So they check you in. And they get you basically, it's a blood sugar detox, I guess for the lack of a better term to the day teach you about food, what happens in that time.

Mike 25:54
So they didn't really teach you about foods, they were still using the exchange rate at that point. So you know, a starches, you know, slice of bread, it's a mashed potatoes, it's about the size, the palm of your hand, a dinner roll. And you kind of went on that. And so I tried I diligently again, as I say, I'm all or nothing, if I know better. So I went into it with, you know, eyes wide open and really focused on doing the best I could had a meter. So I was, you know, test before breakfast, lunch and dinner. So you know that that's what the doctor told me to do. That's what I did. Do you

Scott Benner 26:35
remember any of those early blood sugar tests?

Mike 26:42
Yeah, you know, you know, in the high, one hundreds, low 200 was not uncommon and was praised, you know, you're doing great. And then, like I said, I didn't do the two hour test. I didn't, I wasn't told to. So I was told that I was doing good. I was now in control. I do not remember my a one C's at the time, but they're not what I've got now. They were probably, you know, under 12, maybe 11. I can't remember. But right at that time, whatever the ADA recommendation was, I was considered compliant.

Scott Benner 27:23
Okay. And so how long does this phase of your life with blood sugar's last?

Mike 27:30
Well, so because I was writing, exercising, and I was no Lance Armstrong, or, you know, Tour de France qualifier, but I held my own. And there was a group there, that was out of the Mike cyclery bicycle store just happen to be, and they call themselves to Mike's group. And it wasn't for me, those were the hardcore local guys. And they met early, like five in the morning to go train, and they would, you know, you'd get a 40 5060 mile hardcore workout before work. And on the MDI, I get up at set my alarm get up at two Bolus or inject, go to sleep for an hour, wake up at three, I would eat, and then wake up at five. And depending on my blood sugar, I would either go work out, or, you know, I couldn't because it was kind of out of whack. Being either too high, or what I thought at that point wasn't high enough to go do the strenuous workout. And by, by default of doing the same thing, seven days a week, every morning, I was able to get my breakfast style then so I could do those workouts. And then this is where I progressed to. I wanted to get an insulin pump because I was taking so many injections throughout the day cuz I ride do the hard workout before work. I'd ride my bike to work. I go right, you know, an hour at lunch hard. I'd ride home. So I was doing more and more and more exercises and picking up more and more of these little group kind of heavy workouts and the MDI was getting to be too hard. So I wanted to get on an insulin pump. I asked my doctor and he said, No, no, no, there's just there's there's two high risk for, you know, decay, infection and hospitalization and they're experimental. I don't have it anybody on one. So I did. It took me about six months, begging and pleading him. And I found the only type one diabetic at that time. Who did the Iron Man in Ohio or Ohio, Hawaii. That was on an insulin pump. And that was the straw that broke the camel's Back of his Okay, I'll let you try this. And it worked out really good. Yeah, um, you know, I still didn't have stellar, you know, a one sees that we have today. But in that time, that worked out really good because I didn't have the long acting, floating around in there, right? You know, just had the basil, and then kind of make some adjustments, and I ate a lot of Fig Newtons at that time, because they're 11 grams of carb each, I could figure out what that was going to be for the next two hours of, you know, either strenuous or non strenuous workout, and that, in fact, I had charts and graphs at that time of just about every food, the grocery store sold, what the carbs were, well, how much insulin it needed. Again, the all or nothing guy.

Scott Benner 30:45
I it's funny you say, say that, but I keep thinking. Nobody told you. And maybe nobody knew. But I mean, I think you would have done it if you would have known.

Mike 30:55
Oh, yeah. 100% had I know. Yeah, I would have been doing it. But again, he just I get my prescription see naxian you know, three months, whatever. And tell he finally just said this is insane. This and you're just killing yourself?

Scott Benner 31:10
Well, so now you're riding your bike, and you're in you lost. I mean, it sounds like you lost a lot of weight and one swing. Yeah, yeah. Okay. And now you're living like this higher a one season we would think of now as being okay, but it was way better than what was happening is a huge improvement, etc. in your mind, you're out of the woods, right?

Mike 31:30
Oh, yeah, my mind. I'm golden. I'm gonna avoid any complications, any long term effects. And really, at that point, nobody really talked about it. It was, I don't want to say it was the unspoken. But if I look back, it was kind of the unspoken, nobody talked about it unless you were anybody had the amputation? Is that what you're diabetic? You know, my uncle lost his leg. And you can hear that story from every Oh, thanks. Great. Um, but, you know, being type one, at that time, you were considered able to control it, you were the lucky diabetic, because if you wanted to take care of it, you could, which is further from the truth. But

Scott Benner 32:09
so, you know, from your diagnosis to this time, where you're, you've got the mean, from your diagnosis from one shot a day to two shots a day to, you know, the weight gain to the intervention, I'll call it to, you know, getting on a pump and having stability at eight. What do you think those agencies back then were on that first pump? Nine, eight.

Mike 32:33
I don't think it was eight, it was probably nine between nine and 11, I would imagine because, you know, you go out to do a time trial. And, you know, you might, you know, jack yourself up to 300 before you go out to do the right the the event. Same thing with a mountain bike race, you know, you're not going to start a mountain bike race at that time at 150. you're you're you're going to crash. Okay. So I have a Camelback that I had a go ahead.

Scott Benner 33:00
I just wonder how much time it was from your diagnosis to this time in your life. Like today time, then to that time, would that pump those 11 a one sees from your diagnosis?

Mike 33:12
Oh, I was probably it was pretty quick. So what's even what the multi the MDI that time was the intervention period. I pretty quickly came down to that it was probably months. Once I started exercising, and put that getting into the local amateur bike racing, amateur mountain bike racing and the weekend group rides. Okay, so I've been really physical I could I was doing 300 plus a week, easily,

Scott Benner 33:42
and you're in your mid 20s by that or no still early.

Mike 33:47
I'm in the middle, my late early starting on my mid,

Scott Benner 33:50
okay. And you're diagnosed again at how old? like eight or nine and are between nine and 10. Okay, so fair to say about 15 years of your life is spent at least over on 11 a one C and, and going this whole process that you just described? Yes, right now from that point into I'm sorry, I feel like I'm I feel like the bad guy in the story for some reason. But from that point until your first complication, how long is it and what is that first one?

Mike 34:28
So my first noticeable complication, and I was I've been a type one diabetic Test, test monkey for new drugs and, and apparatuses for, oh 2530 years. And this has to be I'm trying to think of numbers here. I'm not. So this is before my trophy wife now. After I moved back to, so this is around. Right around 2000, maybe one of the studies I was signing up for was people, people with or without neuropathy of known degree, there was a beat, excuse me a pill that they were going to give you for a year or whatever it was to see if once they measured your neuropathy and your lower like, your own or between your foot, and like your calf, they did a measurement. And whatever that was, there was a there was a your inner out parameter. kind of go no go. And they would measure that over the year to see what the improvement was. So they had an electrode on my calf, like it was a, what are they called acupuncture needles, it's how they had the probe in there on your nerve, and they would fire that nerve, and they measured it somewhere in the bottom of your foot. And I'm not looking at what you know, cuz I'm laying on a table, you know, on my belly, and this guy is doing this measurement, feats, you know, straight out, you know, knee bent up, and he's doing this and doing this and spend a little bit time and he's, you know, he kept asking me, are you okay? Yeah, yeah, man, I'm fine. It is okay. Are you sure you're okay? So Yeah, why? And he goes,

Scott Benner 36:42
when you use my links for the sponsors, you're helping the podcast. And I appreciate when you listen to the ads. So earlier I mentioned you may be eligible for a free 30 day trial of the Omni pod dash, that's a tubeless insulin pump. All you have to do is go to Omni pod comm Ford slash juice box to find out if you are eligible and to get started. But if you're sitting there right now thinking, that's okay, Scott, I'm going to wait for the next big thing from Omni pod. And then I'm going to get going. Well, here's the thing about that you don't need to. Because of the Omni pod promise, you can upgrade to Omni pods latest technologies for no additional cost as soon as they're available to you and covered by insurance. Now terms and conditions apply. But you can find out more about that as well. At Omni pod comm forward slash juice box. So if you're excited to get started with tubeless insulin pumping with the Omni pod, you don't have to wait. Here's some of the things you're going to get out of this. You can bave or swim with an omni pod on. So that means no disconnecting for those activities, which means no high blood sugars later from not having your insulin. You can also wear it on the pod while you're playing soccer, lacrosse, going for a run a bike ride, making dinner, running through the house yelling it's raining close the windows. I'm just saying you like you won't get tubing cut on like door handles and drawers and things like that. Because on the pot doesn't have tubing. So if you've been waiting, there's no need to wait. And if you're using MDI right now and thinking I would like that, Scott, I'd like to be able to set a Temp Basal increase when I'm having pizza or extended Bolus, or, you know, I don't want to give myself six injections at a big meal because I'm like, Oh, I'm gonna have a little more I give myself a little more than just push a button and boom Here comes right through your Omnipod if that sounds good to you. If you want to use the insulin pump that my daughter has been wearing since she was four years old, go to Omni pod.com forward slash juice box there are links in the show notes of your podcast player links at Juicebox Podcast comm where you can just type it into a browser on the pod comm forward slash juice box. Last thing before we go, I want to thank touched by type one for being a longtime sponsor of the podcast touched by type one is an organization who is helping people with type one diabetes. All they want you to do is learn more about them. That's pretty simple. And you can do that at touched by type one.org. Alright, I'm going to get you back to Mike now.

Mike 39:41
He kept asking me Are you okay? I've got this thing cranked up and I cannot get a response. Well, what does that mean? It goes, you've got serious, serious, serious, lower neuropathy. And like that can't be true. I can feel he called fuzzy carpet. And he goes no. So my nurse practitioner at that time who I saw as my doctor, quote, unquote, she also did research with the use UCSD VA where a lot of the research was performed. And she kind of just got the result. We're talking about skills now. I'm sorry, I didn't know this things were that bad. I'm like, What do you mean that bad? And I did it. The levity of it didn't hit me. Because I'm thinking that's wrong. I can feel you know, again, hot, cold water. You know, I still I can feel everything. So I, I dismissed it, as you know, kind of whatever. But looking back on that now is, um, yeah, I guess that was kind of harder to take when I look back at it, but I just I blocked it. I'm sorry. You're fine. Um, I guess I just blocked it out in my mind thinking that this this is This can't be true. So that was the first. That was the first on record, I guess you could say, yeah. Results of a test. And that was all because I was, you know, going to do studies.

Scott Benner 41:23
So that's about 25 years in to your life with type one. And literally over 20 years ago now. Yeah. Yeah. Do the, does that progress in a way that's measurable? Or do you just notice one day that it's worse or how does that go?

Mike 41:43
I it's hard to say. Again, I still dismissed it, thinking that they were wrong. But again, it was a machine. They measured it. So yeah, I don't know. I still did a bunch dozens of more studies on different drugs and different things. But that was the first one had a measurement that couldn't do the study. And I noticed there was a you know, something was going down.

Scott Benner 42:20
Well, okay. What's the next thing that happens?

Mike 42:25
Next noticeable? Which I didn't know. And in the, in the meantime, I've had, do you know what the dupa Chin contractures are? No. So duper contracture a lot of people call it trigger finger. But it's not trigger finger trigger fingers, you're using your finger, and it locks. Okay, it's painful. And then it at some point, it straightens up a duplicate contracture, it's really common and type one diabetics, they don't know why, other than they believe it's something to do with the synthetic insulin, but it's basically a growth of collagen weed that goes around your tendons, nerves, and starts pulling your fingers down in a lock so that they want to extend past a certain point, okay. And I've had several on my left hand, and my left Pinky. The last one I did, I had by done by a hand specialist who turned out to be a butcher. And you can see, I don't have a pinky, right? He did the repair, cut the nerve, did it write it in hand therapy. And the nerve repair popped in my finger got stuck at an angle like that, and it would get caught in places. Wow. And for the record, for those of you can't see me, it was bent over more than halfway toward my palm. But it would flex to my palm, but it wouldn't flex past. So as I'm working on a car or something, you squeeze it in somewhere and you figure can't pull out. Oh my gosh, the now you got to get a screwdriver or something in there, pack the crap out of your finger trying to get it bit down your palm and pull out. So that's why they ended up amputating that one at the so they took two thirds off. So

Scott Benner 44:22
I got the nub to two thirds of your left hand pinky is gone. Correct? Right. Okay. Here it is. Yeah, I just want to make sure people understand.

Mike 44:32
Yeah, I believe that's the distal phalanges. I think they call it No, I don't know. But it's one of those phalanges it's I can only count to four and a third on my left hand.

Scott Benner 44:47
But if you hold up both your fingers you can get the eight and a half.

Mike 44:50
Yeah, yeah, cuz I recently lost my other one. But one of the things the complications I felt next After the feet, the finger as I started getting really bad frozen shoulder on my right side to start with, so you'd throw a frisbee or something. It'd be like, Ah, you know, just be that thing at different times.

Scott Benner 45:18
Is there anything they can do for that,

Mike 45:20
uh, when it gets so bad? Well, they can inject steroids, but you know, steroids does. So a type one, so they can go in there. And when it gets to a point, you can't move it and clean it out. I went to the shoulder doctor, and he said, Oh, also my right biceps. The the part, the neuropathy, whatever you wanna call it, it crystallizes the muscles, tendons, and nerves. So when that happens, and you move your arm out real quick, that rips. And that ripping of the crystallization is just painful. That that's a problem. I'm trying to think of. I'm trying to think of the progression of the other complications. So I work with my hands. I'm no longer a auto mechanic, but I'm a piano and incident repair technician. So I'm still working with my hands. And it was several years ago. My mic, as I'm working with my hands, my fingers would just lock up in these contorted positions. And at any given time, and I would drop the tool I'm working with, I'd asked my hand therapist or my hand, my hand doctor, specialist, what what's causing it? Do I have arthritis? And he says, No, you don't have arthritis. Why is the locking up? He's I have no idea why they're locking up. But that that will get worse and worse. And worse, and then recently diagnosed as severe neuropathy. Yeah.

Scott Benner 47:06
When did the brain fog come?

Mike 47:08
Oh, gosh. So the brain fog. So here's what most of my type one buddies my age. We, we can't diabetic drop out. You're talking and, and you you've, you forget where you were talking about or the word or whatever. And that was that that was happening over the years. But that was also it's basically also if

Scott Benner 47:51
you want to take a break.

Mike 47:53
Now, all right, it's the up the crystallization of your fine blood cells in your, in your brain? which they've recently basically it's, it's, it's basically Alzheimer's, there's nothing you could say, Alright, that's what it really gets for I think about that. But they I still haven't had the MRI yet. Because I don't, I don't want to know that. I don't want to know the results. About what what the measurement of it is. You can't take all simers meds because the side effects are harder on you, then what the benefit might be. But that's just years and years of, you know, out of control blood sugars. But there's nothing nothing we can do. We didn't know about it. They didn't know about it. You know, 2030 years ago. This is something there's there's puppies and kittens, puppies and kittens, puppies and kittens. Um

Scott Benner 49:06
Can I ask you why you wanted to do this?

Mike 49:10
Yeah. I hear so often from from people who are newly diagnosed the past few years. If there was ever a time to be diagnosed, now's the time. Sorry, both my sleeves should have a long sleeve shirt but hot out but yeah, so. And it really what really tied this all together is I used to say, you know, it's pretty good time to be diagnosed with diabetes. I've volunteered in a lot of kids ski camps that I can't do anymore because of my neuropathy, but just letting people know that it's pretty good time. Now, fast forward, back forward a little bit. As you know, I started listening to you. When COVID hit, and I started First off, employed bumping nudge. And I got down to the, the high, low six, high fives just with that regular diet. That's figured out stuff. And then that's when I decided to go keto, not because of the juice box method, but it just seemed like something to do easy to do. I love barbecue. And then when we did our first recording, back in October, I was that I believe it was five, seven. Since then, I've been rocking a solid five, five. And then that's when it tied in. to, to myself, and why I wanted to do this. So the parents of kids nowadays, to give them some relief, that by once you learn how to use insulin, and I will say until I listened to your podcasts, your gift to the world, whatever you want to call it. I never really knew how to use insulin, if you really want to take it because the doctors are Oh yeah, your seven your eight, don't eight, five, you know, it's just, it's, that's still not healthy, that's long term. No good. But by keeping good agencies and keeping in the low fives, even at a low six, my heart of hearts, my belief and talking with my neurologists, you're gonna avoid all that you're not going to have

Unknown Speaker 51:53
this

Mike 51:56
this stuff happened to you. You know, when you think about your sandblaster you know, vision that's just that just hits home and feeling the salt, the sugar crystals, it's like, duh. But I really wanted to give some comfort to these new parents and I see it all the time on the on the Facebook group, you know, diagnosed you know, four months ago, a when he was five, seven, you know, it's like, you can get it, you can grasp it, you can live a life without complications. And there's no doctor in the world that will tell you that. And that's what's both. Sorry, that just No, you're fine. Please, you kidding me? You can say whatever you want. But it's it. It took a non diabetic and a non doctor to figure this out and share this with the world to you know, you can do this without the complications if you you know, do the 88 recommendations seven to eight. You're gonna have something happen to you, man. Yeah. And as of now 55 years old. I'm having to go out on disability because like, I can't work who my shoulders, my hands. So I had to have my, my right hand, my right pinky advocated a few months back, they'd fix that dupa trend several times. And within a year, it kept coming back. The blood supply on the outer finger was compromised. So there's just no way to do another surgery. Right? I just wouldn't live. So now I'm doubled up. But in that hand therapy, so you do a grip test. And I've always been in the 95. And that's an average average male, between 9095 100 and this last grip test I did, which proves my point I I can't even open a Gatorade bottle. It was 20. Wow. How quickly did that drop off happen? Hey, it happened over the last couple of years. It started getting really bad. But it was just a progression from all the years gone by. They did a upper and lower neuropathy test where they do same thing with the acupuncture needle and they electrically they started your hip and they go down and it's on this little speaker. I don't know the name of the procedure but it's as they're working the way down. When the nerves are firing here, this should be noise on the on the speaker and the closer they got to my knee the the quieter it got once they got below my knee it was dead silent you know I used to we used to walk miles and miles and hike I I can do about two miles maybe on a walk. I walk with a walking stick now. And that's not hard pavement. You know we don't hike anymore. I just can't.

Scott Benner 55:34
Yeah, hurts too much. Is the issues you're having relegated to your extremities? Or have you willfully not been looking internally at yourself or what what is the rest of it? Like? mean physically or mentally? I was gonna get to mentally in a second I metaphysically first.

Mike 55:52
Yeah, physically. Um, yeah, it's just the neuropathy is so bad at this point. Um, you know, I can step on a it's like the Princess and the Pea by step by a little pebble with bare feet, man. It's just it's excruciating. Wow.

Scott Benner 56:10
Yeah, I guess I mean, I feel compelled to ask you about, like, how? How do you manage? Seeing cuz I mean, what's really happening is you're seeing aging happening happen at an accelerated rate. Yeah,

Mike 56:28
I thought the wheels wouldn't fall off till my late 60s, early 70s. That happened a whole lot quicker. I had jet fuel to me, I guess.

Scott Benner 56:39
Well, immediate, even really. I mean, I hate to talk about it like this, but it must be frustrating for you. Because now looking back and understanding where your blood sugars are, your body really was resilient. Honestly, to get you this far. And I mean, am I wrong, but it can't hate. I hate asking this but

Mike 56:58
ask anything. I'm an open book do you play or to tell I'll be or whatever people need to hear this. They need to. It was hushed and shushed and everything was behind, you know, don't talk about that. So, people need to hear the truth and why it is so crucial to live the way you have are living and of these other people that are in their fives. Yeah, you're going to get to 160 but you're not hanging out there for four or five hours, not the excursion. It's okay to be 300 for seven hours. No, no, it's not.

Unknown Speaker 57:36
But do you play?

Mike 57:37
What if ever, do you ever think about? Like, what if you learned it sooner? Oh, 100 Yeah, every 24 hours a day. You can't avoid it. I imagine right? You can't Well, it was really bad there man. I was I was so spun out. Especially after I lost my right finger that oh my god would have you know, what am I gonna do? And you know, what am I gonna do? You know, my wife? What are you gonna do when I die? And if What if I die? It's like, I was just a such a bad mental place. And you know what's gonna happen tomorrow? Well, God is this doctor would have told me 20 years and yeah, I, I I have sought mental health. I mean, you have to write to do you see a therapist?

Yeah, yeah. So I knew. I knew after my right amputation. I mean, I just I spun out man, I just I spun out because it was it. It threw me off the cliff. And I got so spawned out of you know, what if what next? You know, right if I'm this way now, what's tomorrow? What was next year gonna bring? Yeah. And I just, it was so bad. My trophy wife said if you keep this up, I'm not living this life. It's not what I signed up for. I was I was always known as a it's all good, man. And rule number one. Rule number two. See rule number one. And I was I was in a dark, dark, really dark valley that I just the moon wasn't even shining in. Your wife didn't have any trouble with your, your health issues. She

Scott Benner 59:17
had trouble with how you were facing them. Correct? Yeah,

Mike 59:21
okay. Correct. Yeah. And even when you're dating, so I was in my I wasn't quite 40 yet when we started dating. And you know, you're diabetic you think you're 40 who's going to want you you and so I met her we kind of the, from the first date we went on, we haven't been separated other than a business trip or something like that. We've never really fought until I won't say we fought recently, really recently is when she said I can't This is not what I signed up for. And this is the funny thing. She has a really close relative who is a nurse who is type one. Who had 911 calls on her dozens of times? And knowing that, and she got with me as a diabetic, I'm thinking, What? But you know, we fell in love and she's like, it doesn't matter. You know, things happen, things are gonna happen. And thank God, I haven't had to have 911 called on me but and then after five or six years later, she asked me why. And I, you know why? Yeah, well, I test my blood sugar's, but I was always higher than lower because I developed really bad hyperglycaemic on awareness. And I was paranoid going low,

Scott Benner 1:00:36
right? Like, you're, you're shining a light on something, but I contend constantly, I don't say it out loud as much as maybe I think it. But everyone who's come into this life, you know, in the in the past handful of years and seeing technology like it exists now. I don't think the vast majority of them will see the issues that you're having. No. And I wonder if they don't want to pretend like they don't exist, so they don't have to think about it. And that I understand. But my responsibility becomes such that as the, as the podcast grew, and it started reaching more and more people. I thought, I'm not just talking to, you know, moms with good insurance, or, you know, you know, kids who grew up well and have DAX coms like any more like I realize now that I'm, I realized that then, but as it grew, I'm reaching more people. And my contention is, is that there are way more people like you living in the world right now with Type One Diabetes, than there are the average parent of a child who's got good insurance and found a podcast. You don't I mean, like, so I don't want to be a boutique show. And I, I mean, I was really grateful that you reached out and want to talk about all this. And I have to admit, when you asked, I didn't know how you were going to do it. I have to admit that personally, for me, it gets less than I don't have any of your health issues, you know, and when this is over, I don't have to do whatever you have to do today. But your name being Mike is hard for me. That's the weirdest thing, but at the same time. Like, I feel like I missed my friend Mike. And I feel like I missed you, too. You know what I mean? So it's a weird thing. It's obviously not it's it's not all of your health is not my responsibility. But it's, um, it's a real, it turns up stuff for me, because when I start thinking about my friend, Mike, I don't believe that by the time Arden was diagnosed, and I figured this the end, by the time I figured this stuff out, it was likely too late for him to begin with. But it would have been cool to see him feel hopeful once or to hear him talk about his five, five, a one C or something like that. And it's just it's, it's tough for me to to hear you describing what's happening to you. Because I feel like I I feel like I can see your future already. And I think you feel like you can see it too.

Mike 1:03:26
I do I know what you're talking about. I've heard you talk about Mike and it, who knows, but I I truly believe in my heart of hearts now that I'm not going to get better per se. But hopefully, I won't get worse. And I will say this. Um, I've always worn glasses to drive at night since I was 18. And since I've been doing your techniques, strategies, not medical advice, I know, but employing how to use insulin, and how to bump a nudge and Pre-Bolus and all those. I no longer wear glasses.

Scott Benner 1:04:14
Oh, that's cool. I wish I could do something to get myself to stop. I'll tell you what, if anybody wants to start a podcast that gets me away from these reading glasses, I'd be really really grateful.

Mike 1:04:25
Well, it's in a talk to my doctor about that and the eye doctor and it's because my eyes aren't you know, shrinking, swelling, shrinking, shrinking, shrinking, shrinking, shrinking. The blood sugar's my my mom wears pretty heavy glasses. My dad, my granddad, nobody else did. So, for what that's worth while

Scott Benner 1:04:45
I'm Thank you. I mean, that's a weird. I'm sorry that I turned this into you making me feel better, but I appreciate knowing that. I was just Charlie give context. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Like I know we're in a weird setup right now where I don't have a camera on it. You do, but I, there are times I've had to look away from you. Because I'm like, Oh my god, I need to be able to keep this moving and, and put a podcast together. We can't both start crying because I don't think anybody would listen to it.

Mike 1:05:15
And the other reason why I was happy to do it, and I knew I was gonna break down, but it's, it's, you know, it's sad, it's it's, it's you look back and you think you know what I used to do and what I warm at now, but you know what? I honestly believe my heart of hearts, how much worse it would have gotten so much faster. The other issues, had I not found the podcast and been able to employ those tools to hopefully stop the future, you know, and carry on where I'm at? And I, I believe that.

I'm glad I do. And it's. And that was? Well, that was part part of it. We'll go ahead.

Scott Benner 1:06:08
I didn't mean to cut you off. I'm sorry. No, I thought it's all you know, I just part of what I was trying to say, and what I've been trying to say about why this all needs to be kind of bulletproof and easy to understand. Because, in my mind, what if the podcast finds you, but it's too convoluted or too difficult? And you're like, yeah, and then you walk away from it. You know, like it needs to be like there was there's a person online last night, who put up some graphs. And people were, you know, pretty much it's interesting to watch people from the podcast talk because they they're like, there's two factions. One of them's right. Okay, this person, this bait, this person's basil is either not strong enough. Or they're bad apologising for their meals, right? It's one of these two things. I saw that but Right, right, but the point is, is that it is definitely going to be one of those two things, but you're talking to a parent of a child is a fairly new diagnosis, they don't know what they're talking about. And yet they're trying to figure it out. And I think that, if I can give myself credit for anything I can give myself credit for, for coming up with the idea, the very simple idea that you first make sure your basil is right, then you learn to Pre-Bolus, then you learn the glycemic load and index of your different foods, and stay flexible. And it's a four step idea. That is doable. And no matter whether you're a person whose basil is too weak, or you don't know how to polish your food, if you go through those four steps, you're going to come out on the other side with an answer that's valuable for yourself. And while these people were talking to this person, I realized that the one difference between all those people who all had rock solid advice and me was that I have a concept of what it's like to talk to a person without having all of their information without really understanding and and knowing that if you go back to get your Basal, right, make sure your Pre-Bolus etc, etc. that no matter what problem, ask what problem perspective you're coming from with using your insulin that will get you to the answer, like maybe this woman's basil is right. For her kid, it could be, but maybe it's not that far off. But understanding that you can't just look and tell somebody something because if somebody were so somebody to swoop in, in that moment on that person in that post and say, Hey, your boluses are way off, which they probably are. But they don't. They don't address the basil first, then these people are going to be making these aggressive boluses forever. And they're going to have these lingering highs. And so I came in, I said, Look, your Bolus looks looks weak to me. People are like no, no, no, look, how stable are blood sugars are these blood sugars are it's just high because they're missing on the meals. And I'm like, well, that could be yet but I know enough to say Well, yeah, maybe where everyone else where everyone else is like no, no, this is it. This is but they only think that's it because it's what happened to them. And and you know, and so understanding how to deliver this information in a way where everybody comes in ends up at the same place if they kind of go through the steps. That's the part. That's super important. Because you miss people, you don't catch them all if you don't have something that everybody can work out. And I don't know, I just think that it means a lot to me that you found the podcast. It struck you and it worked.

Unknown Speaker 1:09:55
Yeah

Mike 1:09:56
and part of it white work. I I understood what you're saying. But you got to remember, I've never changed my own basil rates or adjusted those. Yeah, I've, I've obviously fluctuated my boluses from what I'm eating. And that was always never enough. And then the two or three hours later, you're covering for 250 to 75 300. And that was just a way of life. So I, when, when I first started doing this, I needed somebody there in my corner to agree with what I was seeing, and saying and adjusting. So I hired Jenny from integrated diabetes. As my coach, my mic person in my corner my Yeah, yeah, you're, you're absolutely right. That's the right thing to do. Right. And by having that, that person as my crutch, though, I got it dialed in, you know, you know, we got it dialed in, you know, cuz she was there with me too. But it validated everything that I understood, to make those adjustments. You know, I couldn't do it on my own. But I was terrified, because I didn't again, I'd never made my adjustments. I go see my doctor twice a year, and she'd have my PDM. And you

Scott Benner 1:11:14
go, Okay, well, we should make sure people definitely understand what you're saying. So you listening to the podcast, you're like, Oh, that makes sense. Now, how do I pull the trigger on this like that, then that's a really difficult thing to do. Whether you're a person has been living with diabetes for decades, or a person who's only had it for few weeks, like the the idea that you could move that number, turn that dial, like flip that switch, is, it's freezes people. And I'm telling you, the only my Give me one more second, the only reason I had the nerve to do it was because in the back of my dark mind, I was imagining things that have happened to you happening to my daughter, and I thought we got to do something. Like we can't just look at it, you know, but a lot of people get stuck looking at it.

Mike 1:12:02
Well, you got to remember that I have 27 years of a habit in me of Never making an adjustment to now make this adjustment versus somebody that's a year or two in it. Six months in it. You know, yeah. Okay. You don't have that. Don't touch that. Don't touch that. Don't touch that. Don't touch that. Don't touch that. Don't touch that. Yeah, just looming over you. Um, you know, and I'm not saying we're, we're, you know, sitting in a great place, but you know, I can afford to hire as you know, that help. And I know, she's a big help to the show. And I knew from listening to her in you that that was going to be what I needed. That help, and anybody that needs it. I mean, it's just, it's such a great ability to have that resource. I mean, you're only one man, you know, you've only got so much time in the data. I know, you'll help people and you do all the time. But I didn't need to bog you down at that point. I could afford to. Does that

Scott Benner 1:13:08
make sense? Yeah, well, not only that, but Jenny has something that I don't know how much it comes through. And she's talking on the podcast, but I know Jenny more personally. And the anger. I think that might be the right word that came out of you earlier, when you talked about doctors not helping, like Jenny has that. Like she has that inside, she does a good job of masking it. And it might not come out a lot. But she's driven by the desire, in my opinion, to fart bad information. 100% Yeah,

Mike 1:13:44
I 100% see that and after work with her listening to you, and yeah, 100% and she does a really good job putting the makeup over.

Scott Benner 1:13:54
And she and she really cares about people to which I there's, as soon as I met her, and we started to get to know each other. I just thought like, you know, I joke on that, like, you'll hear me joke on the podcast. I'll say I wanted to have Jenny back on because she agreed with me. But that's just me trying to be funny. I don't know if it works or not. But I guess I like when people agree with me, but that's for a different reason. But what I liked about Jenny was her desire, like I just spoke about. Yeah, I like her knowledge. I like the practicality of how she thinks about it. And I think the first time I said to her, I don't believe that your diabetes may vary. I believe that everybody's diabetes at its core works the same way. And if you had your settings right, knew how to use insulin, it would work out mostly the same for everybody. And she's like, I agree with you. And when she said that, I was like, Yeah, okay, fine, finally, and she validates me. I don't think I don't I don't know that she ever thought about it. I've definitely never said it to her. But her being on the show. Helps me reach more people because there's a validation that that she agrees Yeah, and when she doesn't agree, she just So, and when I don't understand, I just say, I don't understand that, you know, like, it's it. You gotta have no, it's crazy. I'm gonna say this because people will laugh, but you have to have no ego about it. And then once you know, you're right, you have to steadfastly defend the fact that you're right. And because other people will come in and say no, I think the Basal I think it's this. So, you know, the this story online that I told earlier, it's not over yet. It's still happening right now. And this person came back and showed a basil rate overnight that held this, this kid's blood sugar super steady. Like it was great. And everybody's like, Oh, see. And she I think she moved the basil from point five 2.55 or something like that. And everybody's together. Basil is great. And I still was like, well, what's the number? Yeah, and the number was like, 141 3140. I'm like, Okay, so the basil is great. It could still take a little more, like, you could still put a little more maybe point six is the answer. I don't know. I'm not there. But if that basil was right, overnight, your blood sugar would be lower. And maybe you're not comfortable there. Maybe she loves 140. And then God bless. Like, right. But if, but if if not, I mean, Arden's blood sugar last night was like 85 all night. Yeah. So you can say that's not a big of a deal. That's 50 points. 50 points every every minute you're alive. That's 50 points less blood sugar, like sugar, like coursing through your blood?

Mike 1:16:23
Is Yeah, it's that sandblasters just trickling.

Scott Benner 1:16:25
Yeah, it's a big deal. And I'm not saying like, Listen, if your kids blood sugar's 140 for a week, while you're figuring out or honestly for three months, while you're figuring it out. Oh, absolutely. You're gonna be okay. Like, right, but. But what Mike's telling me is it can't be 10 years, it can't be 11 years, it can't be 20 years, it's no, it's not going to be okay.

Mike 1:16:43
No, it's going to happen. You're going to have sick days, sick weeks, six months or six months, you know, that that little time periods is not going to do you know, long term damage. I believe that my heart of hearts because the body does repair damaged cells. But there's a point where it can't repair it anymore,

Scott Benner 1:17:04
right? You're hoping to hang on just to stay steady, stable, where you're at? Yeah. And you've given yourself the best chance possible, honestly. Yeah, absolutely. You're doing an amazing job. Look, man, for people who don't understand what we're talking about. Still, I mean, if you've listened to Mike, and you still don't understand. My friend, Mike, who was diagnosed in the mid to late 80s, passed a couple of years ago. And I would say that his care mimics yours. But he never really until the very last couple years of his life made it to modern insulin. And he was discussing what to eat for dinner, when he stood up and ceased to exist. And that he did not know that was coming.

Mike 1:17:49
No, you don't. And I've, I've heard from my doctor was it was a copy your company a couple years ago. You know, we were making some adjustments or whatever. And

Unknown Speaker 1:18:01
it might have

Mike 1:18:03
I don't it was several years ago. But she goes yeah, you know, right now everybody's dropping their heart attacks. I'm like, right, what 6070 she goes no, 40s and 50s. You know, all these long term type ones. They're dead. We're just, you know, doing their habit doing their thing. So it but and I want to preface right base listening by doing right now, you're gonna avoid that later.

Scott Benner 1:18:28
Yeah, it is very likely not going to be the outcome for most people. 40

Mike 1:18:32
No, five years from now. And I want to stress to these teenagers out there that you think you're invincible. You're not. You know, if you're in college, and you go to the mess hall and you come out of that with a 300 for four or five, six hours and think it's funny. It's not, you're gonna more than likely have problems. And I know the teenage years are tough. I know. They're tough. I know, their early 20s are tough. You think you're that warrior, brave, you're invincible. You can be Take care of yourself. If I can't get any, any across. You got to do that in those years. Because I know a mom and dad's taking care of you. But when you go off to teenage and you want to not be on insulin for a while, because you're tired of being a diabetic, just me. I know what it's like, Been there, done that got the shirt hat sticker, but you just can't do that. And if I can get any message across, you can't do that. do what's right, you're gonna be fine. Anecdotally,

Scott Benner 1:19:35
I've spoken to enough people now. Where I have to agree with what you're saying. Because, you know, you're diagnosed when you're younger. And if you're lucky, you have parents who are on top of it, right? If you're not lucky, I've talked to every I think I feel like I've talked to almost every version of a person who's out there, right? And by the way, every time I say that someone sends me an email and I was like, I bet you haven't heard this story before. Like all I have But, you know, say say you're diagnosed when you're young, and you're and you get me, and I'm your dad. And so you're okay. And then you get the college, and you let it go. And a night turns into and these aren't my this isn't me making it up. These are the stories people tell on the podcast and it turns into a week week turns into a year, your turns into grad school. The next thing you know, you're 27 years old, and some girl are guys telling ya, listen, I mean, I want to have kids one day, are you sure you can do that? And then you go, Oh, no, no, no, jeez, you're right. And then you'll whip it back into shape. And these are the stories people tell. But in that time you lose 1819 2021 2223 24. I don't know what your blood sugar's were during there, you don't know either. And as much as it sucks, you don't know what's going to happen. And what's going to happen from that isn't going to happen until you're in your 40s maybe, you know, and, and if something doesn't luckily snap you back into it, which is what I hear from most people, it's usually it's usually not. It's not usually like a come to Jesus moment. Like you just realized though, I should take better care of myself, it ends up being for other people. I hear a lot of women say I wanted to get pregnant. So I got my blood sugar together, or I got pregnant, I didn't realize I was gonna get pregnant. And I had to pull my blood sugar together, or I met a guy. And I realized I wanted to have a life where I met a woman I realized I want to have a life or vice versa, or whatever, whoever meets whoever. The point is, it seems to be the trigger seems to be when you suddenly care about somebody else. You realize how much you weren't concerned about yourself? Yeah. And then suddenly that love or that connection? Makes you feel like you want to do better for yourself? Almost for other people. Yeah, but if 50 people haven't said that, to me in the last three years, I'm lying. Like, you know what I mean? Like it's been that many.

Mike 1:21:57
But circle back to the pregnancy thing. When when they die big ones get pregnant, the doctors make them get their ABCs below six. And then once they had the baby, they go back to wherever they were like, why did you do that? Oh, it's just so exhausting. But I gotta honestly tell you, I've recently taken on a new primary doctor because of my insurance who is a type one? And when they look at your, you're able to see five, five, that's too low.

Why is it too low? Well, that, you know, I told him, I'm doing a juice box. Well, that's just stressful. Why is it stressful?

Well, aren't you? Are you being stressed? I'm like, honestly, Scott, I think so much less about diabetes every day than I did before I started doing the math because you'd eat lunch. Two hours, three hours, like two senators gas said about that. Yeah. So now you're fighting that and trying to get that down to what you know, should be a good number. Yeah, um, but my high alarm is that 120. And I told the doctor that because you need to raise that. Like, why? Because it's too stressful. I go, why is it stressful? I'm Pre-Bolus saying, Look at my graph, if I'm off a little bit, because you know, stress, happiness, sadness, a car pulled out in front of you, adrenaline, all those things happen everyday in life. So that same turkey sandwich is going to be a little different day to day because of those factors. If I hit 120, and Dexcom, if you're listening, I love you. But please put a Delta in there. So I got to go to sugar mate at 120. Look at the Delta, if it's plus four, I'll give a couple of tenths a unit. If it's 120 plus zero, a watch it and it usually goes right back down.

Scott Benner 1:23:42
Jake's coming on next week from Dexcom. And he's gonna beg him to put it down. I think he's gonna tell me what the what the new apps look like. So I'm hoping that that's something If not, I'll just I'll have to bring it up again. But please do yeah, no shelter they have to have to rely on for anybody listening to us understand Mike's talking about rate of change. Like he wants to know, if his blood sugar's like not just the arrow, like diagnol up, he really wants to know it changed. You know, four points in the last time since the last reading or something like that. Yeah, affirmation.

Mike 1:24:13
I look at that religion, it could be 120 minus three, I'm definitely not gonna do nothing. But even if Dexcom says it's a straight arrow, it's a good reference. Yeah. But I want to see that delta to know, do I need to be aggressive? Like, instead of two tenths, four tenths of a unit?

Scott Benner 1:24:30
No, I completely agree that it's incredibly important. If I was making an app, they would have it on there. Don't go high. You won't go low. Maybe we'll maybe there'll be a Juicebox Podcast app one day, you can just imagine. I started a three app game. That's branching out. Is it? Well, I mean, I do want to ask if there's anything else you want to talk about before we we start to wrap up. I don't want to leave you without Having said the things you want to say, but

Mike 1:25:03
Well, I'd said pretty much everything I want to say, um, if you know if anybody wants to talk, I'm open. I'm in the in the Facebook group. I'm, I'm an open book, I don't hide any, from anybody, anything from anybody I talk about I see a therapist. I'm not mentally and you know, people think you're seeing a therapist, you're meant to say, No, I needed help to try to figure this out. I didn't have the tools. So it's not shameful. And I, I talk about that to anybody, because maybe I've had a couple of my friends say, Hey, I really appreciate you talking about that, you know, what, I need to see somebody because of this, that the other. And so I talked about it, and they see that what normal is normal, you know, they can equate to that. So I, I'm a big advocate of that. re educate, re education, to keep up with the times the new technologies. I heard you talk about,

Unknown Speaker 1:26:03
excuse me,

Mike 1:26:05
why you don't write a book, why you don't write a book, quick notes. because things are fluid, things change, the technology changes, you need to re educate yourself with what's new. Don't rely on your doctor. You know, do your research, you know, you know, look at these drug companies go online, on forum on the Facebook group, and you know, what's new? What's the newest and latest and greatest? I got a buddy in Arizona, who I've recently met, you'll, he's I'm not gonna say his name just for his privacy, but because I don't know if he'd want me to talk about him. But he's on regular and mph. MDI is like there's way better insolence. Really. I mean, he just didn't know because he had it. He didn't know who to talk to reach out. He and I connected to another friend. We text every day. And, you know, he's gonna, he's doing better. I'm so proud of him. So you, Tucson chef, you hear me saying this man. My heart goes out to you. I'm so proud of how how hard you work and you're getting Sorry, man. I didn't think I was gonna break down for that one. It just fills my heart with joy, that he's getting the help he needs and he's finding these tools. Which It's so sad because so many people are just diagnosed from the doctor that graduated 1986 and that's the technology they know. Get a new doctor asked what's the latest from you new doctor don't take their word that this old insulin is great. Just go to Walmart do that. $25 vital insulin. You know, just re educate, re educate, re educated. I just I can't hammer that enough. And after finding the podcast. As I said, I didn't realize I didn't know how insulin worked. Nobody ever taught me. I never asked anybody because my doctor got it. So why would you ask him without the reeducation? And these better ensigns we have I just I can't push that enough. And

Scott Benner 1:28:09
you don't want to be the lobster in the pot, man. All right, it's fine. Everything's good. This feels nice, actually. Yeah. Nice. I like not worried about it. And and yeah, it just I mean, the way I usually say it on the podcast, right is you don't want to look back one day and see that you're doing something the way people used to do it.

Mike 1:28:28
No, no. And part of my therapy. My therapist, I just want to put this out there. I was so focused on yesterday, what happened 20 years ago, and so worried about what's going to happen in 10 years. The best thing that broke through to me, and I think anybody can relate to this is you got to be in the now you got to be in the present. Throw away yesterday, focus on today and have some concern about tomorrow. But tomorrow that's when you'd be the president present president president president and by to help you set yourself up and here's the easiest tool that anybody can us wake up in the morning, get your coffee and focus just on three things you're grateful for that day. And like and what I do for instance, you know, I teach barbecue and I got a barbecue store. I work with a volunteer there I work for product which I was unaware of this. But when I my first dog I had to retire because of this had to have his kidney removed. And she knew I didn't have the dog there to look out for me. She looked out for me we were at one barbecue competition one time and I was overheating so I pop slept in the motor or you know kind of, you know what in the motorhome I took a shower, and I came out and she says where'd you go? I go What do you mean she goes, you need to tell me if you're going to be out of sight. I got I'm watching you. So one of my days of being grateful I thought about that. So I physically call that person, there's something I do. And I explained about my three things. I'm gratitude, Greg grateful for that day. And if it's a particular person, a friend, you know, I want them to know that I'm thinking about them that day, and focus on three things. So since I've been doing that, and that buddy of mine in in Tucson, he and I will text our three for the day just to kind of, you know, see how we're doing and checking in. And there's several days that I've been practicing this, what am I grateful today I'm in the present, there's some days, I can't think of three, I just feel such gratitude. That it's just, I can't focus on three. And that has helped me huge and that I got directly from my therapist, to as an easy tool to work on. It is so effective, B. And now, don't worry about 20 years from now, because the asteroid could hit tomorrow and we get I'll be gone.

Unknown Speaker 1:31:07
Yeah, worry is a waste of imagination. That's for sure.

Mike 1:31:10
It is. But I got so spun up in that I couldn't, I couldn't pull myself out.

Scott Benner 1:31:15
Yeah, no, I understand happens. The people. I don't generally worry a lot. But two days ago, I woke up and I was I just literally worried about the thing I went to sleep worried about. So it felt like it just started over again. Yeah, I have to say that. Being positive for other people to it is really valuable, like not just seeing, like I talked about when I was talking to the doctor the other day, which I heard you referenced earlier. But I think you you if you're having success, and you want to show your work, that's really great, because someone is going to see it and feel hopeful about it. I think it's really important to remember that as we share online, the people you're intersecting with who you can physically see commenting or liking, there are a very small portion of the people who are seeing it. And, and you know, as you're, I mean, listen, if you're if you're in a, if you're in a room with four people, and you're talking, you're impacting four people. But I can tell you, from my personal experience, I don't even at this point, know how many people I'm talking to, I just have to imagine that they're there. And, and I've now heard from so many different people in so many different walks of life, I understand that they're there. I know they're there, whether I can see them or not. And being positive. Not falsely, but but in a tangible way, is very valuable for people. And I'm glad to see that. I'm not hearing from so many people anymore, that you don't show people when you're doing well, because it makes them feel badly. I think I think that they'd much rather know that better exists. And even get the idea that reaching for it might be valuable, rather than just to make them feel like this is horrible. And this is what it's always going to be and look, everybody else agrees with me. So I'm just gonna sit here in this pot and boil. That's all. I don't know why you made me think of a lobster today.

Mike 1:33:19
That Well, that's like, that's a great analogy. It's like putting the frog in cold water and turn it on. And he doesn't feel the difference. He

Scott Benner 1:33:25
doesn't know. This is like, tapping, but I don't know it. Yeah, you don't you just you got to try. He just I mean, the point really is, is that you have a finite amount of time. And even if it all goes perfectly, it's not enough time. So when things start, you know, creeping up, and I think everyone's going to have roadblocks. I think a lot of them are going to be health, even if you don't have type one. And you know, sometimes you only get stretches the time stretches a time where you don't have to think about something. But if you don't pay attention to what you're doing, and try to address it, those stretches are going to get shorter and shorter and shorter, and they're going to disappear one day.

Mike 1:34:03
Yeah, I think you reference roadblock and um, you look at some of these, like military leaders or these lieutenants and stuff and in the way they look at things and right there's a roadblock. What's the solution? Don't focus on the roadblock. You sit there and keep looking at the roadblock? That's how you're going to stare at Yeah, you get caught? What's the solution? What ever it is, whether it's diabetes, whether it's whatever it is, but that's a that's a that's a real valuable message I've got out of you know, some of these discussions and talks. It's like, don't just and you get these negative nouns that keep focused on what happened. That's like being in yesterday. Why didn't somebody tell me to do better 20 years from now, but that that's gone? What's the solution? Now

Scott Benner 1:34:47
you got today and forward and that's it. So yeah, yeah, right. Mike, I really appreciate this. I can't thank you enough. I, I imagined that it wasn't going to be easy for you, and I appreciate what it must have taken to tell everybody. All this stuff. Yeah,

Mike 1:35:05
I know it's gonna be hard. Like I said, I'm, I'm reachable, I'm not I don't know what I can do for anybody. But if somebody is in a dark place or having the same issues or worried about it, you know, I don't know what I can do for money. I'm not Superman. I'm just a normal guy. But I understand sometimes you need to be able to associate that or talk with that, or, you know, I'm saying, Yeah, I'm

Scott Benner 1:35:30
saying find somebody who's in a similar situation as you and see if they know how to get out of the hole. Yeah, I have to tell you that I thought early on when you were describing, I was so tickled I knew how serious everything was going to be today. So I didn't make this joke at the time, but it stuck with me through an hour and a half. The image of you walking through a hospital, just on death's door as a child and this doctor kind of like sachet and pasty and be like, that kid has type one diabetes. I pictured john travolta in Saturday Night Fever. I don't

like swinging his hips with like his like fancy white suit. And he was just like, Hey, kids. Oh, handover. Yeah, he just kind of like made like finger guns at you and was like, type one diabetes. And how proud he must have been of himself later. Like, you know, there was like a moment where he was like, I knew that kid had diabetes. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Didn't think he said that. I just had that. That poster image of the movie poster might show my age. But you said that and that's exactly i got i had a guy strutting down a hallway in my head. And he was like, That kid's got the rickets, that kid's got type one, I can just tell

Mike 1:36:42
it. Can I say one of the things from a reference from please the podcast with a doctor when you were asking her? What's the answer? And she said, 42. And you said, No, no, we're not going there. That was a reference from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the universe. Oh,

Scott Benner 1:36:58
no kidding. I don't know that one.

Mike 1:37:00
You've got to watch that movie. Because as soon as she said that, I say, Oh, that was a what a timely reference.

Scott Benner 1:37:07
I wish I would have known that I I You see, my level of understanding is just 37 from clerks, which is not appropriate for here. But does turn out to be like I said to her, when you ask people for a random number between one and 100, more frequently than not people will say 37 for some reason. Yeah. So yeah. Anyway. All right, Mike, I really appreciate you doing this. I am going to I'm going to think about this a lot. And I hope everybody else does, too.

Mike 1:37:40
Yeah. Thanks for having me on. I'm I'm like I said, I'm happy to spread the story that for people now. do your due diligence. It's not doom and gloom. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:37:51
Well, I'll tell you what, when this goes up, I will put a post on the private Facebook group, that talk that announces this episode, and I will tag you in it so people can find you.

Mike 1:38:02
Sure. All right. You got to do the john travolta the Saturday Night Live. movie poster is the pitcher.

Scott Benner 1:38:08
Oh, for the episode I have. Yeah. All right. Damn it. I will. Alright, man, thanks so much. Hold on. Was that Thank you, I really appreciate you and all you doing. And thank you, man. It really is my pleasure. I mean, stuff like this makes this not that it's hard to do to begin with. But if it was, this makes it much easier. He you said something earlier, that, um, you know, I don't think I'll ever forget. And I know I've said it a number of times. But when somebody who has type one references that I don't have it. But in a positive way. Like I can't believe somebody who doesn't have type one was able to talk to me about this. I mean, I'm very touched by that. It's a the only world where I have it, it means a lot to me, but that I don't come off as as false, you know, so. So thank you very much. Thank you, Scott. I want to personally thank Mike for coming on the show and sharing all of this with us today. And thank you for listening. I also need to thank touched by type one for their sponsorship of the Juicebox Podcast to remind you to go to touched by type one.org. I'd also like to remind you about the Omni pod promise and say that you may be eligible for a free 30 day trial of the Omni pod dash right now. Go to Omni pod.com forward slash juicebox to find out more. If this is your first afterdark episode, you should go look for the rest of them. Childhood divorce living with bipolar sexual assault and PTSD using psychedelics. Amy, heroin addiction Believe me and depression, divorce and co parents thing, sex from a female perspective sex from a male perspective when you have type one diabetes, depression and self harm, trauma and addiction, smoking, weed, and drinking. Those are the ones we have so far. If you think you can add to the afterdark episodes reach out. Besides all of the great episodes of the podcast, there are other series, those about using algorithm based pumping the defining diabetes episodes. The affer mentioned after dark and so much more. Take a look at Juicebox Podcast calm Oh and don't forget the how we eat series intermittent fasting flexitarian keto fodmap Bernstein, low carb gluten free plant based carnivore vegan so many to choose from find out how other people eat. Thanks so much for listening to the podcast. If you're enjoying the show, please feel free to leave a five star rating and a great review wherever you listen. I'll be back soon with another episode.

---

Please support the sponsors

The Juicebox Podcast is a free show, but if you'd like to support the podcast directly, you can make a gift here. Recent donations were used to pay for podcast hosting fees. Thank you to all who have sent 5, 10 and 20 dollars!

Donate

#508 After Dark: Adult Child of Divorce

ADULT TOPIC WARNING. Today's guest is an adult type 1 living from a divorced family.

Child of Divorce

You can always listen to the Juicebox Podcast here but the cool kids use: Apple Podcasts/iOS - Spotify - Amazon Music - Amazon Alexa - Google Play/Android - iHeart Radio -  Radio Public or their favorite podcast app.

+ Click for EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

---

DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, and welcome to Episode 508 of the Juicebox Podcast.

Today's show Lucas is our guest and today, by the way is an after dark episode of the podcast. So you know that means usually it's a topic that you may possibly find triggering somehow, Lucas heard the afterdark episode about divorce which came from the perspective of a parent of a child with type one. And he wanted to come on and give his perspective as a now adult who has type one diabetes, and grew up in a divorced family. This episode got much deeper than I expected it to it really is terrific. Lucas is to be lauded for coming on and sharing his experiences. While you're listening, please remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise. And please always consult a physician before making any changes to your healthcare plan, or becoming bold with insulin. Also, there are a lot of afterdark episodes at this point, I can't list them all for you. But you can find them at Juicebox Podcast comm scroll down, you'll see a list of them there. And of course, they're available right now in your podcast player. If you're listening in a podcast player, please subscribe or follow the show. And don't forget to share with somebody who you think might also be interested.

This show is sponsored today by the glucagon that my daughter carries g vo hypo pen, Find out more at G Vogue glucagon.com forward slash juice box. The episode is also sponsored by the Contour Next One blood glucose meter. The easiest to carry easiest to use best accuracy, blood glucose meter that I've ever had. While none of that was English, g sorry, contour,

you have such a great meter, I should have done a better job. The Contour Next One blood glucose meter is accurate. It's easy to use at night, it has a bright light and easy to read screen. It's super, super karibal is karibal word fits in your pocket or your bag so well. And those test trips allow Second Chance testing, which I'll tell you more about during the ad. There was one person that came on one time this has been recorded just so you know. So and very thankfully, they had terrible audio. And we had to bail on it. And it was their microphone set up. And I had to say to them, you know, listen, I think you need to get a new mic and we can we can reschedule this, like we had tried everything but we tried to do it, you know, and the entire beginning of it was the person just I don't want to use overly simplistic terms, but they were a COVID denier. They were just like it doesn't exist, you know? And I'm just I don't like what's happening. Maybe I don't know. I don't understand exactly. I can tell you if you want to tell me that you don't think it's as much one way as it is another way you think has been politicized. And I can have a lot of meaningful conversations around a lot of things, but they were just like it's not real. I'm pretty sure it is.

Luke 3:22
Good news. I took my meds last night so I'm not crazy. And I've had COVID twice, so I know what's real. over twice. Oh, wow. Okay, well, we'll get into it. Hold on a second. My name is Lucas or you can call me Luke. If you want. I've had type one for just under 24 years. Wow. How old are you? 20 I'll be 28 next month.

Scott Benner 3:48
I got in the game early. Yeah, four years old. Yeah. Wow. Geez. before school even?

Luke 3:54
Yeah, I was in. I was in some preschool thing in Colorado. And it was like one of those half day deals where you go in and hang out with kids and color. Yeah, yeah. beat each other with like, notebooks or whatever. Yeah,

Scott Benner 4:09
they're just they're just trying to figure out if you're gonna if you're going to flip into credit you Well, you know, it's interesting is you would have Do you have any children yourself? I do not. Alright, so here's my perspective on preschool. I think it's just really competitive. Parenting run completely amok and turned into a into a business. You don't I mean, like, I always feel like it's just people were like, I wonder if my kids showed up, first day, day one of kindergarten and already knew their ABCs they'd be ahead. And then they'd probably be a patent attorney and make a bunch of money one day. Yeah, I just I always think it's like the ones like the first person who got their kid like private pitching lessons ruined it for everybody like until then it was a bunch of 11 year olds just trying to get around. At the plate, you know, and then all of a sudden one guy's like I can, I can dial this in a little more. And then it forces people to continue to up their game and up their game, Either that, or it's daycare and they just want to get rid of their kids. Not certain which I'm sure there are other reasonable reasons about people having jobs and stuff like that, which aren't as funny and I'm ignoring but

Luke 5:19
funny story My name is Lucas because my mom wanted me me Luke, but my great grandma said that Dr. Luke press and didn't sound as good as Dr. Lucas.

Scott Benner 5:29
And tell everybody what, what do you what medicine do you practice now? Look,

Luke 5:34
I work in the oil field. My mother, Miss Lilly little bit that she just graduated high school never went to college. So yeah, she she missed that one just, I don't know, couple yards outside. But you

Scott Benner 5:48
were oddly in a student in biology.

Luke 5:52
Actually, science was one of my better classes in high school. Oddly enough,

Scott Benner 5:57
she can sniff it out right there in the hospital. She's like this kid. This kid knows what a cell is. I can tell.

Luke 6:03
Yeah. And you know, being a diabetic for so long, probably gave me a little up on some other kids makes you a little interested. Right. And

Scott Benner 6:11
some of the words that least makes sense. So you're, you're vibing along. So you know, you you on? Your episode has more of a purpose than some of them do. I wish I probably shouldn't admit that out loud while people are listening. But most fun. Most of the times, I'm just like, hey, this person seems interesting. And we'll find our way through it. But I think you've got a lot of specific stuff. So I'm going to maybe dig in a little quicker than than normal. So you sent an email that really got my attention, I thought, do you want to just tell me about it?

Luke 6:48
See, I think I messaged you on Facebook first, but the email. I first started listening about a year ago and one of the first episodes I listened to was about divorce parents of a type one child. And as a child with type one who had divorced parents first thought was well, I want to figure out the other side of this. Yeah. So I asked you and you didn't have anything. And we just kind of started talking. And so that's how we ended up here. Yeah, I'm

Scott Benner 7:17
super interested. And I love your idea of flipping it around and trying to look at the other side of it. Real quickly, you're getting Are you getting alerts on your phone and they're vibrating? Yeah, I moved it. Yeah, we're just sticking under your leg or something like that. You can.

Luke 7:30
Yeah. So it was my work phone. I'm on. I'm supposed to be off. But for some reason. They're still bugging me. Yeah,

Scott Benner 7:35
it's not okay. Your job right now your job right now Lucas to be on the podcast. Let's just like, you know, let's focus this money that you pay your bills with. It's not important for the next hour. So

Luke 7:46
well, how do you get if I do good enough here, maybe I'll start my own podcast like you.

Scott Benner 7:51
I would like to say to everybody listening, please do not start podcast. I mean, this one's fine. You don't need your own. I'll tell you what, honestly, go ahead and start a podcast. There's so much work, you will give up very quickly. The first time you're like, only 12 people downloaded my podcast and I put a week's worth of effort into it. Your brain goes, Hmm, maybe this isn't a good use of my time. I think that must be what happens to most of them because there are so many. But nobody, but it's not important. But I think there's millions of podcasts, most of them are not active. So I think it happens to a lot of people. Oh, yeah, for sure. They're all just like, shut out of accounting. And no one ever sees like that house in your neighborhoods half painted. Yeah. I have one in my neighborhood right now. See, I just imagined like some guy got up on a Saturday morning isn't gonna repaint the house. It's like, it's halfway down the side. He's like, so much work. just terrible. I grew up my entire my entire life grew up with friends. There was a stack of siding next to their house. Excuse me. Hate the springtime, always like an in between thing, Jose. Excuse me, stack a siding next to their house. And their dad was like I'm going inside the house. Well, I mean, 15 years later, you think to yourself, I don't think he's gonna do this. You know? that long. Oh, my God. I'm not lying. Like, I'm sure he lived his whole life. And it's still

Luke 9:30
just was someone else bought the house. They got a stack of siding for free.

Scott Benner 9:34
Yeah, it was like buying a car that had extra wheels. They're like, Hey, I got some winter and summer tires. You can you can have this house. So all this siding if you want it, you know, it just it literally sat there for 15 years that I was aware of. I'm sure it's still there. Anyway. No, it's not a bonus. Yeah, that should be an indication you that this house was not well taken care of and you should run away. So your parents, so when you're diagnosed, your parents are married.

Luke 10:00
No. Okay. So ironically, I spent the first I'd say 21 ish years of my life thinking I was the cause of their divorce. Really? They? Yeah, they separated in July of 97.

Scott Benner 10:19
When you were held?

Luke 10:21
I was four, I just turned four that may.

Scott Benner 10:23
Oh, I'm seeing what you're saying. Go ahead.

Luke 10:26
Yeah. So and then in September of 97, I was diagnosed

Scott Benner 10:32
so easily. You got diabetes, and that split your parents up?

Luke 10:36
Right. So that's what happened in my mind. Right. I guess my little brain didn't understand that they had separated before, or I just don't remember it that way. So I kind of carried that guilt for, like I said, 20 some years.

Scott Benner 10:53
Did you ever? I mean, I'm assuming you didn't voice it, or someone would have addressed it. Right.

Luke 10:59
Right. Yeah, I didn't. I didn't bring it up to my mom until 2013 when I got engaged myself. And I was talking to her about, you know, my concerns after their failed marriage, and, like, never really grew up brown married people or anything and told her how, you know, I was like, man, I feel like I in the reason you guys got divorced, and she, you know, had to set me straight. But

Scott Benner 11:25
how did she take that?

Luke 11:29
She laughed. My mom, my mom and I have a weird relationship.

Scott Benner 11:37
So she'll go ahead if she laughed, not at you like, oh, you're a fool. She laughed, because she remembers your dad. And she was like, no, that's not why is that?

Luke 11:46
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So yeah, it was she laughed at them. She, you know, explained everything, like how it happened, why it happened, and all that fun stuff.

Scott Benner 12:00
Does that have any comfort to you?

Luke 12:03
Um, yes and no. Because like, I still, I still have these. I guess you'd call them false memories. about them fighting over stuff that I could have swore was because of my you know, being a diabetic and stuff that I was doing wrong, or, you know, whatever parents deal with when they have a newly diagnosed child? You know, I'm sure that's stressful.

Scott Benner 12:33
Dude, it's really stressful. But yeah, I couldn't. I can't imagine. Yeah, I never had a moment where I thought there was any blame for the for my daughter. I can't. I mean, I think your parents would have to be unstable to have that feeling. Honestly, you know, they can Yeah, I can promise you they didn't feel that way. But it would be. I mean, I mean, there are other things that would indicate like, if you ever heard your dad say, the Earth is flat or anything was strange.

Luke 13:01
You know, um, I know, my mom carries a lot of guilt. Okay. about her. Oh, yeah. her oldest brother is a type one. Okay, and so she kind of put two and two together that says, You know, I kind of got it from her side of the family. So it's still bugs her today? And she's 65. Yeah,

Scott Benner 13:25
I think it's pretty common for parents to feel that way. I mean, everyone I've ever spoken to. Even if they know it, intellectually, they take on some sort of feeling of, Oh, this is my fault. I don't think that's just about diabetes. I think people do that with health in general. You know, they got that from my side of the family. Like it's fun when it's, you know, blue eyes. Like, Oh, you got that from me. You get your beautiful ice blue eyes from from your mother, you know, but when it's I don't know, when it's anything when it's a like a weird bent finger or, you know, one of your ears is oddly larger, the other or your pancreas stops working, then people take it on is like I did that to them. It turns from you got that for me, too. I did that to you.

Luke 14:14
Right. Yeah. Have you been checking out my facebook profile? Scott, because I have icy blue eyes.

Scott Benner 14:20
I have not looked. But I have to be completely honest with you. If I had been and I somehow like subconsciously used that example. I would not admit to knowing I 100% would have said no no matter what when you ask that questions now. But in honesty, No, I haven't like that would infer that I put some effort into pre like interview stuff, which I don't do. I really don't like to know anything about you. Like your camera popped on at the beginning. And I was like, Huh, that's not what I expected. And there was no reason like, I don't know what to expect. You sent me a five line email, you know what I mean? And when and I've had to Um, I've had to reschedule you. I mean, and other than that we I don't think we've had any real like, contact at all. So, wow, no, you're poor mom. Yeah. And so you said, You and your mom have a strange relationship? Are you breaking each other's balls all the time? or something? Or what's going on?

Luke 15:20
Oh, yes, sometimes. I mean, there's a lot of give and take there. But her and I've been through a lot together. And it was mostly just her and I that went through it. I mean, you know, I do have an older brother, but he was out of the picture a lot. So it was just her and I kind of battling it out.

Scott Benner 15:44
been through a lot in terms of like bad things happening to your family, or disagreements that took a long time to fix and

Luke 15:54
bad things that happened to our family. We're kind of my mom says, We're kind of the black sheep in the family. So when things go bad, we're the ones they call.

Scott Benner 16:05
Explain. So give me like a job. Do you don't have to say something specific. But tell me what you mean by that?

Luke 16:11
Well, I'll just I'll give you a quick one. I was really close with my grandpa. When I was 15, he got diagnosed with an aortic aneurysm. And we took between my mom and myself, when I was a freshman in high school, we took care of him until he had a surgery, took care of him for a couple months after surgery, you know, helped my grandma around the house did all that stuff.

Scott Benner 16:40
So when the unpleasant stuff happens to a larger family unit, you and your mom ended up being the ones that stepped in and helped and the burden of that stuff? Yeah, pretty much I say. So you're always sort of around. People don't realize this happens. But if you have a handful of brothers and sisters, there's this weird math that happens in people's heads like, oh, Billy doesn't have a real job. He can do it. Like there's that or you know, she lives closer, it's up to her, whatever it ends up being. And then once you do it once, the rest of them are like, that's what happens. Luke and his mom take care of that stuff. And it just sort of like gets pushed on you because nobody else wants to do it. And it's 100% Yeah. 100%. Yeah. And then once you know, the real once you really understand what it's like for people who are struggling and need help, it's very difficult to just walk away from them. But that's time and effort and energy and money that gets taken away from your life. Is that about right? Yeah, that sucks. Well, then the other people in your family suck. That's all.

Luke 17:46
It's a well, I guess all families have their quirks but mine seem to have some really strange ones.

Scott Benner 17:52
I believe you're right, that everyone does, honestly. But okay, so you guys kind of got put into that space? Did that cause friction between you and your mother? Or did it just cause the less than the harmonious life in general?

Luke 18:07
It caused some friction, but it actually like it made us really close. Yeah, I would imagine. Like, she had a full hysterectomy when I was a freshman in high school. And brother wasn't around he was off doing drugs or whatever it was he was doing at the time. And I basically took care of the house, went to school full time take care of the house and help my mom out while she was healing, you know, and after that, she became less of like a really strict parent and more of like kind of just like a she let me kind of do my own thing. But yeah, she had basically two roles. I have to be home before she gets up and if I go to jail that I don't call her so it went from a list of like laundry list of rules to those two.

Scott Benner 19:05
I don't know why that's hilarious. But please don't call me if you go to jail and just don't stay out so late that I know it happened. And it makes a terrible Well, you guys, you guys were married all the sudden. Right? So you know what I mean? Like you were like taking care of a household together and and property each other up. Once your mom becomes like sick for a little while and knocks Rafer game stuffs got to go by the wayside. And now so now you're doing laundry and cleaning the house shopping stuff like that.

Luke 19:37
Yeah, yeah, I go shopping my grandma. Like every was every Saturday every other Saturday, whatever it was. Yeah.

Scott Benner 19:46
Does your Do you talk to your brother anymore?

Luke 19:49
Um, yes, no. We live about 12 blocks away from each other and I see him Three, four times a year maybe? Yeah. Okay.

Scott Benner 20:05
Your dad when your mom and dad split up, did you see your father while you were growing up or no?

Luke 20:11
Yeah, so the weekend before I was diagnosed, we went to visit his dad in the nursing home in the town in Colorado where he was at, and my dad realized something was wrong. Because I couldn't make it like 20 minutes not going to the bathroom. Like it was like a two hour drive back to Denver where we were living. And it took us like four because I just like, couldn't stop going right. And so he told my mom, that Sunday when he she picked us up, she took me to our family doctor, thinking I had a UTI, which, looking back on it. I'm like, I knew better. I just didn't want to believe it. shook my blood sugar. Think it was like 390 400 something like that.

Scott Benner 21:05
How did your mom then take your blood sugar cuz she knew from her brother?

Luke 21:08
No, she took me to the doctor. And that's the first thing the doctor did when she walked in and check my blood sugar. Oh, okay.

Scott Benner 21:13
I meant I was I'm sorry. I got confused for a second. I was wondering how your how your mom knew that it wasn't a UTI.

Luke 21:20
Well, no, my mom thought it like she's like it's just a UTI. But she said in the bag. In the back of her mind. She knew better. She just didn't want to believe it. Okay. So anyways, to my blood sugar doctor writes down the address to the Barbara Davis center, and said you need to take a look here. And any questions call, you know, whatever. And my mom called my father Well, I called my uncle, my dad's brother and said, you know, told him what was going on? Look, Luke has type one, we're going to the Barbara Davis center. Can you please get a hold of stab? And so he did in my dad's like, I wasn't on that, that, you know, important or whatever? He's like, I'll go tomorrow.

Scott Benner 22:03
Wait, where was your father? Was he on the moon? He

Luke 22:06
was working. He was working. Okay. Like, I know, he's probably half hour from the Barbara Davis center.

Scott Benner 22:15
So on that day of your diagnosis about how long is it until your parents separate from that day?

Luke 22:23
It was almost three months prior to that.

Scott Benner 22:27
Okay. So they had been separated for three months. Now your mom's calling with a medical thing? And he's like, yeah, I'll come when I come. It's probably got nothing to listen, here's where it gets dicey. Right. So like, you probably know from listening, my parents were divorced. My dad left my mom on my 13th birthday. Like he came home from work, had my birthday dinner with us took a shower left and did not come back. So I understand how you feel when you say you can look back and it feels like suddenly you did this thing. Right? So I'm 13 years old, my dad leaves on my birthday. It feels like it's my fault. It's at least feels like a, like a shot at me. You know what I mean? You know, it's it's, you know, I'm saying. And in the meantime, you find out as you get older, my parents had, like, my dad had been cheating on my mom for a decade. You don't I mean, like, I don't know why he picked my birthday. But I don't think it had much to do with me. And it's so easy to look back on these things, and apply your perspective to them. And have no ability to understand anyone else's perspective. Like, I don't know, if my dad's just a bad guy, or if he's just a cheater. Or if maybe my mom's a giant pain in the ass. And I don't realize it like, you know, not that that would. I'm not saying that that would make it be a good reason why my dad would cheat on her but like, you don't understand the dynamic of their life. Like you have no feeling for laws, their kids because to you, they're just these two people who take care of you. And they say they love you. And, you know, they yell at you when you do something bad and they buy you stuff on your birthday, like, you know, and they bring the food in the house right here eat this. Yeah, like, that's it. You don't know them. You don't know how they grew up, you don't know the things they've seen or what's impacted them because now that you're older now that I'm older, I know about the things that I've lived through and how they've impacted me and how they've changed who I am. I don't know what those things that you know what happened to my parents, like it's so easy to just in a cartoonish way. Say my mom and dad got married and my dad cheated on my mom and enjoy doing that so kept doing it and then they kept fighting and then they got a divorce one day cuz they're like, yeah, and they don't get along and they didn't try hard enough. You can say all those like, things that you would hear on like a 45 minute you know, television show From the CW, you know, but that doesn't that's that's not the, that's not the core of anything. But there's no way to get that across to your kid. Like, even if your mom would have sat down and thoughtfully explained it to you were four, and you just been diagnosed with diabetes? Like, I don't know, I think it's kind of amazing that she was there. You know what I mean? Like, it's how I always think about it. Like, I watched my, my mom struggle after my dad left, like greatly. And I learned to just feel like, well, she didn't leave. You know, like, this is much less fun than it was when he left. And, and he bailed, like, she still here. And it wasn't until I got older, and learned that at some point in the first couple of years of my dad leaving, that we didn't have much money. And the state offered to take my brothers and me off her hands, because they thought she couldn't handle it financially. And my mom said, No, I'm out, figure this out. So for all the things that I didn't realize about my mother, and our life, the one thing that was really important was she had an out, somebody gave her an out, and she's like, no, not doing that. You know, to me, she's like, you know, in my mind, she's the greatest person in the world for sticking with us. And it's easier for my brothers not to feel that way. Because they're, they're her kids, but I'm adopted. Like, somebody had already bailed on me once. And then my dad, my adoptive father bailed on me. And then my adoptive mother got the shot to bail on me and was like, No, gay, you know, so. But growing up, I wasn't aware of all that. I think you don't I mean, it's just the stuff you think, you know, is usually not the most important stuff.

Luke 26:49
Well, it took me a long time to realize too, that like, so my dad's mom died of cancer, when he was like, 1617, his brother left for the Navy went to Vietnam. My dad's dad was a drunk, you know, not the best household to live in as a kid. So I think he just he kind of struggles with, you know, medical issues or hard times like that. And, you know, I don't I don't blame him for not being there. But like, I know, he wasn't there. I've known that my whole life. And I mean, it still kind of hurts. But I get it same time, if that makes sense.

Scott Benner 27:34
Well, Luca does and, and I am not here to tell you how to feel. But I blame him for not being there. I'd not blame him for how he felt. Like it. To me. That's the that ends up being the real difference about great parenting, which it's being a parent and having to do something that you have no, no background in. no understanding of no comfort with and still doing it. Because you, you know, you've got these children and they can't do it for themselves. Like somebody needs to step up and do it. I mean, most of what I've done over the last 21 years of being a father. I know what the hell I was doing. You know what I mean? Like I just didn't give up. We have a little noise. Lucas, what is that? Is there a fan noise? Something started?

Luke 28:24
That might be my furnace. It's like 30 degrees outside.

Scott Benner 28:26
Hi, well, we're gonna let you stay warm. Okay. But that's, it's snowing right now. So there have been people who have sat in rooms without the air conditioner on when it's hot. So, I mean, this is this moment. If you if you want to struggle for the podcast, you can.

Luke 28:45
I mean, I definitely can. That's okay. I just got to go upstairs and turn the furnace off.

Scott Benner 28:52
You're allowed to stay warm. Are you in a log cabin? What's happening? No, I'm in my basement. Oh, you're in your basement where the furnace is? Correct. It's not even keeping which is probably plenty of warm where you are. Kind of at you live on a mat. Do you like that? Colorado? I don't understand that at all. That's the thing you drive through and you're like, I'm pretty this is you don't stop. What's your problem? I don't live in Colorado anymore. Oh, no kidding. Yeah. Okay. You got a colder place. I did try North Dakota. I was gonna say Jeff to go north for colder. I did.

Luke 29:33
There was a week this this February where it didn't get above 15 below.

Scott Benner 29:39
Yeah, I would have left immediately.

Luke 29:41
Yeah, I worked through it. I worked through it all one day I got to my first location and it was 36 below without the Windchill.

Scott Benner 29:49
What do you do like that? Like I know you work in an oil field but like what is it you do there?

Luke 29:54
I'm a lease operator. So I got a producing oil wells. Make sure there's no leaks me You know, no environmental issues, check on the production, everything's working properly. And it's not okay. Just have a couple of environmental issues when it's 36. below. We can't just live with

Scott Benner 30:09
that for a day or two. Nope, can't look at you doing that. That's Thank you. Because if I got up and it was that cold, I'd be like, I don't care if you all die, I'm staying inside.

Unknown Speaker 30:21
I can't, I can't do

Luke 30:23
Christmas birthdays, Thanksgiving. 35 below 106 degrees outside in the summer doesn't matter, you got to go.

Scott Benner 30:31
Tried to you know, it's funny when I we were kids, I tried to, like, scare my brother straight about high school. And I brought him to work with me on a weekend I worked at a sheetmetal shop. And it was the horrible place to work as far as like, you know, cleanliness and heat and cold and that kind of stuff. And I made him stay with me a whole Saturday and helped me and it was in the summer. And it was just, like you said 105 degrees in there. You've got a box fan pointed at you. It's the only thing saving your life. And, and I said to him, there's no in between. It's either this hot, or it becomes freezing in here. Like there's no air conditioning and the heat is just enough so that the pipes don't break. Like they're not like, Let's toast you up for the wintertime. Like I was like I basically work outside with a roof over my head. And it's you know, which some days could be worse, honestly, because there's no air moving. But but it did not work. He he he picked similar work. He's very happy at it. He likes it. But I my plan didn't go as planned,

Unknown Speaker 31:30
I guess.

Scott Benner 31:32
I'm sorry. So we got way away from that. But your your father did not count. By the way. How do you remember all this at four?

Luke 31:39
I don't know. I think I have a memory of an elephant because I remember some weird things, man.

Scott Benner 31:46
Are you sure they're real memories?

Luke 31:49
Yeah, before I did this, I sat down my mom. And I like this is what I remember how much of it real? And she's like, well, this is real. This is real. This isn't this is

Scott Benner 32:00
then you got it, then you're also memory is a funny thing, isn't it? Like, I wonder how important it is there isn't? If any of its real, maybe the most important thing is just how you feel about it. Sometimes, you know, on the bigger stuff, not like obviously, you know, you don't want to sit down with your kid and go, Hey, your birthday is not the 15th. Like I mean that kind of like recollection we want to have right. But I mean, wouldn't it be more important if you could live as an adult? Because you're still young man? Like, wouldn't it be more important if you could live as an adult, just knowing that your parents were flawed people like everybody else, you didn't cause or not cause their disillusion. And that's it. Like, this is how stuff happens. I wonder some sometimes I think of my life as like an anthill. And I don't think of the antha get stepped on as being any more or less fulfilled or important as the one that lives his whole life. Like, I don't know how creepy that is for people, but we are just like, scattered all over this planet. And it sucks when you're the one that happens to but I don't think it happens to you on purpose. I don't think it happens to you because of you. Like Don't get me wrong if you rob a bank and get shot that happened because of you. But you know, at the same time. What I mean, what if you got put into that position through generations of poor parenting, abuse, money issue, whatever, like, do you mean like, what if it just was fait accompli that seven generations in the great, great, great, great grandson of some guy was going to rob a bank? Because how could he not because this is the direction we were headed in. And I think when you think about it like that, it takes away blame, which really doesn't fall with you like it's not your fault. Your parents got divorced. It's not your fault. You have diabetes. It's not your mom's fault. Certainly not my fault that somebody gave me up for adoption. And then I got adopted and then the guy left and it ruined my mom's life. And that made it hard on her like I didn't, that's not me. And if my dad wanted to sit back and go, yeah, it's that one. It's the crackheads fall. That'd be bullshit. That would just be him trying to feel better about something he didn't do, you know?

Luke 34:21
Yeah. is weird, like the the whole faith thing. I was I, I've been in and out of therapy and counseling for Well, my mom put us in when I was like four, through like divorce counseling. And the Barbara Davis center did it for us, newly diagnosed patients when we were kids and stuff. But the whole faith thing is actually like a religious belief in some cultures and like we don't actually have control over what we do. It's already been pre planned and stuff. And I kind of agree with you like that. Maybe there's just like we were chosen for certain things like I was chosen to have this because I could handle it or you know, Arden got it, because she had you as a father and now look what you're doing for you know, what, 2 million people I think you had downloads last month or something of that.

Scott Benner 35:19
We got some we got some downloads going it's happening. Yeah, yeah, we had some the other day. I don't I don't know. I mean, I hear what you're saying. And I also think you can reverse engineer that idea quite simply by it and so it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you get diabetes can because you know, you can quote unquote, handle if you're coming at it from that sort of more religious bend. Or if you come at it from the idea of Hey, I was, you know, kind of lucky that, you know, art and God diabetes, because of all the stuff that happened to Scott, he was more ready for it.

De veau hypo pan has no visible needle, and it's the first pre mixed autoinjector of glucagon for very low blood sugar in adults and kids with diabetes ages two and above. Not only is chivo hypo pen simple to administer, but it's simple to learn more about, all you have to do is go to G Vogue glucagon.com forward slash juicebox. g Vogue shouldn't be used in patients with insulin, Noma or pheochromocytoma. Visit je Vogue glucagon.com slash risk.

Alright, let me do a better job for the Contour Next One blood glucose meter that I did in the opening, a Contour Next One blood glucose meter is legit. It is accurate, it is easy to use, easy to read and easy to see when it's dark. That's all. Like really, I think what you need, but I'll give you a little more fits well in your hand, meaning you don't fumble with it, it isn't hard to hold on to. But yet it fits well in your bag or your pocket. The test strips are made so that you can get some blood on them but not enough. Like if you make a mistake like are the drops not big enough which you don't need much blood with a Contour. Next One. But you know, sometimes you hit it, you're like, oh, that wasn't enough, you go back. When you do that with a Contour Next One blood glucose meter, it does not affect the accuracy of the test. And the accuracy is stunningly good. This is in fact, the most accurate blood glucose meter I've ever used for my daughter. Go to Contour Next one.com forward slash juicebox. To find out more, really is a fantastic website, which you don't often find yourself saying about a website for a blood glucose meter. But it has a ton of information on it. It's useful and easy to sort through. That makes sense. Anyway, you're gonna love this meter. I mean, I love it. I imagine you're going to love this meter, I guess I can't promise you you will. But if you don't, I don't know what else you want. This thing has it off. And it's as simple and easy. What you need when you need it. And when you don't need it. It's not in your way. Contour. Next One comm forward slash juice box, links in your show notes, links at Juicebox Podcast comm check it out, I think you may be eligible. Yeah, hold on here that some people may be eligible for a free meter. And it's possible that you might find that buying the meter or the test trips in cash directly will be less expensive than buying a different meter or shifts through your insurance. That's a possibility. You can also check out at the website. It's like I said the websites legit. Head over now. I'm gonna get back to Luke, you're ready. music's gonna go away. Don't panic. It's happening right now.

But it's not like everything in my life is like that. Like we're not like, like, I'm not a superhero. You know what I mean? Like I'm not walking around with a cake blowing behind me. Everything is going perfectly. I happen to be really good at this one thing. I'm bad at other stuff. You know, like there's other stuff I'm not prepared for. I'm married, like it's not easy to be married for anybody. Anybody who tells you it's easy to be married is lying to themselves or really newly married like one or the other. It's difficult. And it becomes different as time goes past and you have to adjust your expectations as it moves forward. Your marriage when you're in your 50s is not going to be like it was when you were in your mid 20s like you don't run around the house being like wow, we should have sex again. doesn't work that way when you're like you know 60 year old people are not right now going you know what do we got to do right now. Let's disappear bushes here at this. This car park it doesn't. It's not like I mean, I'm sure somebody is doing it. But mostly it's, that's not what's going on. Like at some point you say to yourself, here's a person I've been with for three decades. And this morning, they did something really irritating. But I remember being there when we got past this hump, or when we had our kids or when we had money trouble, like, they were there for me when this happened, I was there for them, I want to see this through to the end, like I, you know, as odd as it sounds, to me, uh, when in my life is my wife and I really old somewhere, like, bitching at each other until we die. Like, like, to me, I'll feel like why we like we did it. You know what I mean? Like we hung in. Like, that's how it seems to me like not that there's something to hang in through. But, you know, stuffs not, it's not, you can't sit around when you're 50 or 45, dreaming of a life of when you were 23. And trying to recreate it all the time, because then you just kind of missed the other stuff. And then you'll just put, he just had lived one big party for a number of decades, like I don't know, like, I guess I mean, that's fine. If that's what you want to do. It's just for me, it's not like that. And so with parenting, I think similarly, I'm trying to constantly adjust for what my kids need. And you're always behind, because they're their needs change. And then you rush to catch up, if you're lucky, you can get ahead of it sometimes and be ready. But you also sometimes you plan to get ahead of it, and you just mess it up. And they zig and zag and you miss each other. I don't think personally, that Arden has diabetes, because I would be good at handling it. And because it ends up helping a lot of other people, I think that something bad happened. And I kept adjusting to try to make it better for her. And then at some point, I thought, I wonder if I couldn't share this with other people. And you know, like so I just kind of kept adjusting, I had all this information seemed weird to just give it to just her. So I'll give it to other people. And I wrote a blog. And then I started talking to people on the phone to try to help them. And then one day, I thought I bet your people would benefit from hearing these phone calls. And so then I started recording them. And you know, then I met Jenny. And I was like, Oh, you know we should do from here should do this. And I don't know, to me, that's it. Like I just kind of try to keep growing with the information that I have around me doing the best I can with it. And I don't expect to be happy all the time. And I think that's important too. I don't expect that every day is supposed to be like a big party. I don't know, maybe I'm maybe I'm making a mistake. Maybe every day, maybe I should. Maybe I should be drunk and high and running around and having sex in the weeds. I don't know, maybe I'm wrong. You don't I mean, this is how I feel. But it's comfortable to me like this, probably because of how I grew up. very specifically, I was aware that I was adopted. And then my dad left my mom, I saw the impact that had on my mother, I would never want to make a woman feel that way. So I couldn't live with myself if I did that to my wife. And I don't know. And I grew up broke. So I don't expect great things. Like when great things happen. I'm like, Oh my god, can you imagine was so amazing. And then when you feel amazed by little things happening, that you're not always waiting to win the Super Bowl to be happy. You know what I mean? Like, like my I made a steak the other day and it came out really well. And I've been talking about it for like three.

Unknown Speaker 43:44
Yeah, Lucas, I

Scott Benner 43:44
don't know. Like, I just I find like, I find happiness in simple things. I get online this morning. And I see this woman named grace. And she had diabetes for quite some time found the podcast in three days had her first stable line of her life. And I was like, Oh, that's so cool for her. And I guess somewhere underlying I think I did that. You don't mean like she did it, but I did it, too. And that's nice, then that makes me feel good for the rest of the day.

Luke 44:14
Yeah, well, I'm like, like, I was like I was saying like with the whole faith thing. Like, it all depends on this the person what you want to believe in. Like, I spent most of my life trying to figure out like, you know, why my dad? Why don't trust my father and like, you know, looking back, you know, he wasn't there when I was diagnosed and like, he never really was able to take care of me and you know, when when we go spend weekends with him, you know, I'd have panic attacks and as a five and six year old I'd have like complete meltdowns not knowing that it was, you know, a panic attack. I just thought I was sick and you know, being abused by my brother and watch my mom get abused by our stepdad like from probably like 2012 Two years old. Till now, I spent most of my life just trying to figure it all out what it all means. Yeah.

Scott Benner 45:06
So you're kind of a thoughtful person stuck in a less than thoughtful environment sometimes.

Luke 45:12
Yeah. I'm like my own worst enemy. I spend way too much time in my own head. And I just like, despise myself whenever I make a mistake, even though I know I'm human humans aren't perfect. I still just hate that feeling of not doing the right thing, which stems from a little bit from how I was raised.

Scott Benner 45:39
And probably it will, it probably stems from a lot of people around you doing the wrong thing and you feeling badly about it? Because you want them to do the right thing. And they should, and you see the impact it has on other people. But you're still trying, but you're still turning it in on yourself.

Luke 45:56
Yeah. Yeah, well, I mean, I, then, like my stepdad, Prince, let's just go there real quick. Um, we moved in with him a couple years after my parents were divorced. You know, he basically used us like free labor, we lived out in the country in Wyoming, you know, cutting wood, hauling it into the fireplace, all that stuff. If some wasn't done right, or wasn't done the way he wanted to, I mean, the way he would just make you feel or like, you know, uses belt or whatever, it just, like, I was so young, that just stuck with me. So every time I make a mistake, but even now at work, you know, if my boss gets on me about something, it's not my boss yelling at me, it's my stepdad. Or it's my dad being upset because I'm having a panic attack or, you know, whatever blood sugars aren't right, and he doesn't know what to do. So he's angry about it. Or it's my brother just being a bully, and, you know, beating on me because he resents I think he resents me, or resented me as a kid because of how much attention my mom had to give me as a type one, and, you know, all those things. So I have a trust issue with men. Even now,

Scott Benner 47:20
right? You should move to Mars, you should just get a rocket and start over somewhere else around people you've never seen before that don't look like anybody you've ever met before. How do you do that? And still live here, though? And, and that that really is the question right? Like is how do you? And can you reset those feelings, so that it doesn't feel like your boss being like, hey, do your job doesn't mean that he's not about to like whip your ass, you know, and that you're not letting down the guy who took in your mom and you because that's the that's that parent, that abusive step parent thing seems more egregiously terrible than anything else to me, because you have to feel grateful on some level, because someone took you in after someone abandoned you, and then they're shitty to you. And you're like, Oh, my God, like, this is the person I feel grateful towards, you know, and it doesn't matter at that point. What brought this stepfather to that spot makes him you know, be domineering, and usual, like labor and stuff like that. It doesn't matter to you. I mean, it might matter to him and his personal journey, but it's got nothing to do with what's happening to you right now. But it still doesn't stop you from thinking about it, does it? No, yeah. As you're a good. I try to be sure. Don't, don't tell you that you are a good person like this, this conversation is is a picture of a good person trapped in a bad situation with a lot of bad actors. And you're not bending, you're not whipping on somebody or treating somebody terribly. Like you're staying true to who you are. Like you're doing the most commendable thing in this whole thing. And now you want to start your own family and make sure you keep it going somehow.

Luke 49:08
Yeah, but that's not entirely true. I I did whip on myself as a teenager. She took it out on yourself. Yeah. Cutting. Um, no. I don't know if you want to put a disclaimer at the beginning of this podcast. I said my mom was single parent working like swing shift at a plant here in North Dakota and basically my insulin intake and everything was in my control. So I started reading on the internet how these people were, you know, they couldn't afford insulin, so the rationing and they were, you know, basically just being found dead in the apartment or whatever. I decided to start cutting back insulin skipping shots. I was on a pump yet but i skipping shots from meals. corrections. I think my last agency before I was put on a pump, I was like 13. Seven.

Scott Benner 50:10
What was the? What was the reason for doing it? You were trying to save money for your mom or trying to hurt yourself? What are you trying to do?

Luke 50:17
I just thought it would be okay. If I didn't wake up one day.

Scott Benner 50:21
I say, yeah, that doesn't change what I said about you, though.

Luke 50:26
Well, right. But I just, I mean,

Scott Benner 50:29
no, but I'm just saying that I said, you were a good person. And you said, well, not entirely, because there was part of me that wanted to die. And I don't, that doesn't stop me from feeling like you're a good person that that stops me for a while doesn't stop me. It makes me believe it more, because you're, you're in this scenario. Like I said, if you've got a bunch of bad actors around you, and your options are, be yourself. Or be like them. You chose Be yourself, even if you couldn't stand it. And I think that's credibly commendable that you didn't bend, and give up, even though it felt like you wanted to. And yeah, you don't I mean, like I get I get the I get what you're saying. But and I'm not arguing with you about how you feel about yourself, but just know it doesn't make me see you differently. That's all Yeah,

Luke 51:24
I appreciate I appreciate it. I just, you know, I just saying, you know, cuz like you said, I didn't take it out on anybody else. I mean, I didn't take it out on myself. It's just the point I was trying to make. Here, you know,

Scott Benner 51:35
how long did you feel like you? How long did you feel like it would be okay, if you didn't wake up

Luke 51:41
a Basal about two years from when I was like 13 to 15? Yeah, I just been, I just been put on a Medtronic pump and did a site change. I either put it in a muscle or the candle event or something. I wasn't getting insulin, my blood sugar was just creeping up. And I just decided to go to bed that night, and I woke up you know, puking my guts out, I was hardcore DK. Blood Sugar was like six, I think it topped out at like 635. kidneys are starting to shut down liver wasn't functioning properly. I was in the pedes ICU for three days. And I the like one of the few memories I have of that was, you know, the doctor getting the dialysis machine ready. And basically telling my mom start making phone calls. Tell people that, you know, this might be it. And my mom was so angry at my father. I didn't know this at the time, but she told me later. She called him tell him what was going on. And he's like, well, I guess I don't hear anything. No news is good news. Like that. That was his answer.

Scott Benner 53:05
Yeah, that's

Luke 53:12
it sucks cuz I agree with you. But at the same time, like I still love him. He's

Scott Benner 53:16
my dad. Hey, listen, man. I cried like a baby standing in a in a hospital room as my dad was passed away. And he was nothing but not good to me for most of my life. And I was completely devastated when he was passing away. So

Luke 53:30
this is why besides the, you know, type one, health and everything. This is why I love your podcast, because I associate with some of your stories so much. And it's just like, I like this guy gets it.

Scott Benner 53:44
I just I stood there. I was like, it was such a strange thing because it happened in the middle of the night. And like that, I got called, by his, you know, his new family to come to the hospital. So first of all, crazy fun showing up at the hospital for your father's passing in a roomful of people you do not know. And you know, and they love him in a way that you're like, that's how I'm supposed to feel about him. You know what I mean? So that's hard to begin with. And now you're in there. And at some point, they just realized, like, oh, that kid's his son. We're just people he met in his 50s you know what I mean? Like, they actually kind of stood back a little bit, which was very nice. My, I have two brothers, my one brother lives in the Midwest, and, you know, telling him wasn't gonna help anything. But my other brother was reasonably local, and I couldn't wake him up. And so the whole time I'm trying to like be with my father and wake my brother up so he can get there because I'm like, my dad's not gonna last whole morning. Like, I know he's not. And I couldn't I couldn't get my brother up. I couldn't get him to like, hear his phone. And so I just stayed with my dad and I did what I thought my brothers would want and what I felt was right. And he passed away. And everyone laughed, and I stayed. And I just thought, well, this is my shot, right, like, so I said everything to him that I never said to him. And I figured, like, let me leave it in this room the best I can. And, and that was it. But, I mean, the way he died was, in large part, in large part due to the decisions he made, you know, so it was, um, I mean, it's another way for me to feel like, like, do the right thing. get big do right by the people around you, the people that you make in this world and like, tell them you're going to take you know, when you're holding them in the hospital in their newborn, you're like, Don't worry, I got you like, actually, you know, have my dad was in a room with the some of the children of the woman he went to after my mother.

Unknown Speaker 56:01
And

Scott Benner 56:03
a woman who he had lived with after that woman, and me, and I just thought like, this is a mess. You don't I mean, like, my mom would have been here, my brothers would be here, like, we would have been around him while he was sick. Like, we love them. Like what the hell, man? And it just, I was stunned at the end, about how much I cared about him still. And I still do, I still have very, like strong, loving feelings about the first, you know, the first 12 years and 364 days of my life, even though he was, in a lot of ways, the way you describe, like, angry, hate you if you know, he didn't do what he wanted. You know, he wasn't particularly, you know, 2021 loving the way you think of it now, like I joked with some girls The other day I was recording with and I was like, Oh my god, like, now I see parents like driving their kids, please. Like my parents wouldn't have driven me somewhere, it would be like you want to go somewhere, you find a way to it. And that's the end of it. You know, we're not doing it. I've got my own life. Like it's different now. Like, so making for that, that in the 70s and 80s. It was different than it is now. Like, there are moments where my dad was like, generally genuinely warm to me, but they weren't for long. And they weren't frequently. It's just not how when he was brought up on a farm, you know what I mean? Like, it's not how it worked. I think we were just just north of like, livestock to him, you know, and he, but I don't know, man like I would, I would feel the same way. Yeah, I think you should love your dad. But you shouldn't take out everyone else's failings on yourself. is all I'm saying. I guess. Yeah. No, I get you. Yeah. How are you making out now? Like, are you still in therapy?

Luke 57:51
Yeah, I just, I just started going back. A ci last month. Okay, I'm trying. We're trying something trying something new. Something I've never done before. So we'll see how it goes. Good luck.

Scott Benner 58:08
Yeah, I am. I hope I hope it works out well, for

Luke 58:11
Yeah, my therapist actually said that I have to tell her when this podcast is posted, because she will be listening. So

Scott Benner 58:17
hey, listen, as long as she subscribes and listens to other episodes, she's more than welcome. And if she shares she shares it with other people. Don't let them hear it from your phone. Make them download it on their phone as well. Oh, oh, 100%. Really download got to get the numbers up. Yeah. numbers up downloads. Let's make this happen. That so she's gonna listen to this. Yeah. Well, I wish I could talk to her. How am I doing? I'm wondering, just answer to yourself in your own head while you're listening. I'm now talking to one person.

Luke 58:49
Well, I'll tell you what, I'll find out from her and then I'll shoot you a message after supposed to.

Scott Benner 58:55
Yeah, unless she doesn't like what I said. And then just keep it yourself. I don't need the pressure. So I'll just I'll just lie make you feel good. Now let's see now that you said that I can't believe anything you're gonna say to me. I was honest with you in the beginning, and I told you there's no way I would tell you the truth if I didn't notice that your eyes. I guess I just did the same thing I asked you not to do Nevermind. Oh, yeah. So. So you're how old now? 28.

Luke 59:22
I'll be 28 next month. Yeah. And you're getting married? I was married in 2014.

Scott Benner 59:28
No, you've been married for quite some time. Wait a minute. 2014. Let me do some quick math. That was seven years ago. Yeah. You've been married for seven years?

Luke 59:38
Yeah, I've been with my wife. We started dating. I asked her out to be my girlfriend. The night of her senior prom in 2010.

Scott Benner 59:49
So the first time she didn't threaten to hit you after you did something not quite right. You were like this girl's for me. Like your bar was probably pretty low. And now I'm not saying If you think about your working for you, we're probably just like you're not yelling or striking me, this seems much better. Thank you, and you guys are doing well.

Luke 1:00:08
I think so. Um, you know, we both have pretty steady jobs. We bought a new builds for our first home, which was pretty cool. You know, both have our own vehicles. The reason we had to reschedule This was because I'm going to pick up a new Harley. So I mean, we're financially stable we can do the things we want to do and you know, we're married is probably the hardest job I've ever had. But being with Steph, it makes it fairly manageable. Even you know, no matter what the struggles are, that's lovely. Now, are

Scott Benner 1:00:45
you going to be? Do you find yourself being the kind of person who sees the things that happen in their life and says, I don't want to be like that? Or do you find yourself mimicking any of the stuff that was around you?

Luke 1:00:58
Um, I'm more so the guy that's not going to do you know, I'm not going to repeat the same mistakes other people have.

Scott Benner 1:01:08
It's good. When you have kids, it gets pressuring again. So be aware of that. Like, it's like right now you're, you're in the middle of things that you can kind of control more like, you're good at your job, you can make money with it, you can buy your things. But when you start having kids, if you should, they have their own thoughts, it's very strange. And they're not always going to agree with you, even younger ages. And that pressure to make a perfect life for them. So that they don't have the struggles that you had, or your family members before you can like throw you into a situation where you just have weird reactions. So be aware of that, when it when it happens that you know, if you find yourself doing something that you think oh, my God, my father, or my stepfather would have done this. Like, just step back for a second and figure out what made you upset? What what are you worried about right then in there, because whenever I have moments where I'm like, this is not how I want to be. It's normally because I'm scared for my kids. I usually do that. Yeah, when I was younger, I would do the wrong things in those scenarios. Now, I'm just older. Doesn't matter. No one expects anything from me. So I'm pretty good.

Luke 1:02:17
I don't know if we're actually gonna have children. But if that changes, I'll definitely keep that in mind on purpose. He a yes and no.

Scott Benner 1:02:29
Yes and no. Is this something you don't want to tell me about?

Luke 1:02:33
No, no. I just not sure if we can have kids. Do

Scott Benner 1:02:40
you not know how it happens? Because I can explain it to you.

Luke 1:02:43
Well, I had a class in fifth grade. I think I'm doing it right. But

Scott Benner 1:02:48
you just gotta find the places where hair grows, basically. That's the first step. And then yeah,

Luke 1:02:52
so I started the armpits. And that wasn't right. So I just kind of work my way down. For years, we weren't having any luck conceiving? No. So we're just haven't really looked into it medically to see if it's thing but at the same time, we're not sure if we actually want to have kids. Um,

Scott Benner 1:03:17
well, did you have did your wife have similar upbringings? Like issues?

Luke 1:03:24
Yeah, yes. And no, like she her, she has a family, her parents are still together. She has two siblings. She was the middle child. But her dad is very controlling. I'm manipulative. him and I do not get along whatsoever.

Scott Benner 1:03:44
So is it fair to say that you both are pretty concerned that you might not be great parents, and therefore you don't want to put people through what you've been through?

Luke 1:03:53
That might be part of it. This is gonna probably sound terrible to a lot of people on this podcast. But my thing is, I don't want to, like I don't know if I could live with myself if I gave my like, if I had a child ended up being a type one, like I would burden you could not. could not imagine that. Yeah. After what I like how I was brought up and the stuff I went through.

Scott Benner 1:04:16
Well, I think understanding your limitations and staying within them sometimes is pretty commendable. So I'm not judging you. Everybody doesn't have to have kids. I'm you know, I don't think that's how this has to work. And yeah, if you really feel like that would eight sounds like you feel like it would crush you. But like, psychologically, not just like emotionally right? Right. Right. Yeah. Well, then like, yeah, then do the right thing. Don't make a baby and then like, it gets diabetes, you just fall apart. Now the kids like, Oh, great, now I'm alone. And it's just basically your life starts over again in his body or her body, you know, so, yeah, breaking cycles is a good idea.

Luke 1:04:58
That is my number one sheet. So, yeah,

Scott Benner 1:05:01
well buy a reindeer or something. What do they call caribou? That's the same thing as to be fed and taken care of. It'll get sick. You have to help it. It'll be very similar. perfectly.

Luke 1:05:13
Yeah, I guess I could do caribou or I could get out and oligo a mule deer or something.

Scott Benner 1:05:17
That'd be nice. I mean, listen, I guarantee you right now, if I showed you eight seconds of art and being angry at me yesterday, you'd be like, Yeah, I don't think kids wouldn't think twice about it again. Listen, do it. Do what makes sense. Like, that's what I was talking about earlier. Just, you know, take the information around you and make good decisions with it, move forward and continue to reassess. And maybe one day you'll think you want kids. And maybe one day you won't. I mean, whatever they done, you know, what are you gonna do? Like, you know, my dad, right? Well, yeah,

Luke 1:05:55
I'm young yet. I mean, my parents weren't. What were they? They were in their mid 30s when they started having kids. So

Scott Benner 1:06:02
you got me you got married when you were 12? basically. So yeah, I mean, 21. But yeah, I mean, if you're dyslexic, it was 12. Listen, that's how my wife was when we got married. And allow me to tell you a huge mistake. We didn't know what the hell we were doing. I think it's just random. Sometimes it had even worked out as well for us. You know, God, we didn't have a lot of good information.

Luke 1:06:25
Yeah, if you were to ask me at 16 how old I was gonna be when I got married. I would have never said anything younger than 25% 45.

Scott Benner 1:06:33
That look, you know, you get this magical idea that you're gonna understand the world at some point, but doesn't happen either. I'm sorry. I cut you off. No, you're good. My pump is going off. Oh, really? Yeah. How's your blood sugar been during this? Some people say their blood sugar's go up, bother interviewing

Luke 1:06:53
minds up a little bit, but I just did a slight change. So cool. That's not my fault. But yeah.

Scott Benner 1:07:01
So um, how was this is my wife and I were talking recently about an episode that I did. And Arden says, I come down after I record, and I'm like, full of energy for a while. And I do think that's true. Like, I, I feel very like tuned in right now. Like, I'm focused and listening and trying to think and everything. Anyway, she teases me about it. But my wife and I started talking about one of the episodes, and she's like, are the afterdark episodes becoming people like doing therapy on the podcast? And I was like, I just think that's what they are, in general. Like, I don't think they're becoming that I think that if you expect someone to lay out their life with some trauma attached to it, that's what's good, if they're going to be honest. And this is what's going to happen. You know, and I don't see it as like, people using the podcast for therapy. I mean, and if you are thinking about and you're listening, like, just keep in mind, I'm woefully under prepared to help you with anything. I just, you know, I'm just interested in talking to people, I like hearing what they're thinking. And I like asking the questions that pop into my head, like when I'm listening to something else, that's audio, and someone says something. And the next question that's asked, isn't the question I would ask. I'm irritated. I'm like, that's not what we need to know. We need to know this, you know, so that, that's all it is to me. But you were just trying to add to the fabric of the podcast, right? Like you enjoy the podcast, and you're trying to fill a void that it has.

Luke 1:08:32
Yeah, I'm mostly like, I granted I know, now, like, you know, Dexcom, and Omnipod, t slim, all these, you know, closed loop systems, or whatever. Parenting is, the type one child is probably way easier than anything my parents had to deal with. But I just wanted to share my story. Because, you know, not every marriage ends with, you know, 75 year old people bickering at each other in a Walmart parking lot or something. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:09:04
most of them don't, by the way, look,

Luke 1:09:06
right. So I just thought maybe, you know, if I share my side of the story, you know, for anybody listening to the podcast that is divorced, or going through divorce, they'll see just kind of how their actions do affect their children, and maybe it'll help them keep their kids from doing some of the stupid things I did, and making, you know, feeling the way I felt. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:09:28
I had a question for you. I want to answer that. Now. I don't want to forget this question. But well, first of all, it's it's lovely that you shared and you you know, tell your mom even thank you because the perspectives of the things and the decision she made are helpful to hear. Even your father you know, seeing what he did. That was not great. You know it. It's valuable for other people to hear because I don't believe mostly I don't believe that people know they're being bad people while they are like I don't think But your dad was making decisions. And while he was making them saying to himself, I'm about to do the wrong thing, here I go. Like he might have done it later and felt let down. But then people just justify what they do so that they don't have to feel that way. And, you know, even the stepdad thing like, Hey, I took him in, he can cut some would, I bet you that seemed reasonable, you know. So I don't think that people are busy. I don't think it's a it's not a movie where we're all twirling our mustaches and saying, you know, what we're gonna do next? It's gonna be nice to people. Yeah, like, I just don't, I don't think it's like that mostly. I mean, there are some people are, are broken and maybe tried to hurt people. But for the most part, what I think is important is to know that people who are hurting, you are not always doing it on purpose. And you're still going to feel it as if they are. Right. You know, the question I had, that I didn't get to ask earlier is when you stopped taking your insulin when you were younger, and you woke up? And this was all happening to you, how soon did it take you? Or did you regret doing it? At any point

Luke 1:11:13
is probably I was probably the last day I was in the ICU days getting discharged. My grandparents had my cell phone. My grandpa was a big part of my life. So they were always like, we moved to North Dakota, particularly for my stepdad. And because my mom wanted us around him, and my grandma helped them raise us. But my mom gave me my cell phone. And when I was finally lucid and coherent enough, you know, he gave it back to me and said, you know, all your friends are calling and texting you to see what's going on. And there was a girl I was interested in trying to date and she was, you know, worried and all this stuff. So after, after seeing all these people, besides, you know, my mom, my grandparents kind of freaking out is like, is almost like a realization like, yeah, you know, I might be in pain, you know, emotionally hurting emotionally. But if I were to kill myself, the pain doesn't end, it just gets kind of pushed on to other people. Yeah. And then after that, it kind of just, I was like, wow, this is really not the best. Not the best way of doing this. He just made me think that there's a certain amount of pain in the world. And

Scott Benner 1:12:30
if we can distribute it evenly amongst the people, then you shoulder the bits that that are yours to shoulder, that that makes it bearable. But when you start shoving it on to somebody who can't help it, or can't handle it, like a 13 year old kid, then that becomes like an unfair balance of it. So I don't know if that makes sense. Like maybe as a father, who left You are cheating, the amount of life burden that you're supposed to be holding, but it doesn't fall to the ground, it just falls on someone else. Is that what you're saying?

Luke 1:13:16
Yeah, yeah, like, you know, I was I was obviously I was depressed. I was, I was done with, you know, being a diabetic, I was done taking shots, I just, I didn't want to do it anymore. just tired of the pain, the needles, you know, all this stuff. I'm sure we all go through, at some point, you know, as a teenager,

Scott Benner 1:13:37
when what I'm wondering is, is there an amount of that reality that if someone else would have taken off of you, or at least helped you hold up, if you would have not fallen to where you did? I guess we'll never know that. But I mean, if you were in like, I Leave it to Beaver family structure, and your dad was, you know, helping with the diabetes, and like, all this stuff was happening, like, could they have gotten you through that part of your life? Where that impact? Because I mean, that's a spot where kids feel the way you feel like 13 1415 like, there's so much going on in your brain and hormones are changing, and you don't have great perspectives on some things like, like, I wonder if like in the right setting, if you wouldn't have felt like that maybe?

Luke 1:14:22
I don't know. Maybe, um, you know, it was it wasn't just, you know, the family side like I was getting bullied in school because I was the only kid you know, that had type one. So I got to leave class. I didn't have to take tests when I was low, or, you know, I had snacks and I was just I was different and kids are Well, I mean, that age group was like Gladiator training school, right? You just you pick on each other and weak ones get bullied, whatever. So I don't know if if having a complete family would have helped or not Maybe

Scott Benner 1:15:02
you'll never know I just did fascinating to kind of consider. And yeah,

Luke 1:15:06
I have a friend now that I'm really close to she had her own sort of issues about the same age, she was assaulted. And her and I are really close. Because we just like, I guess our our unhealthy coping mechanisms are similar, you know, we both pop pills at one point, we both, you know, had some form of self harm. So now that, like, I mean, granted, we're older, we can handle it a little bit better, but having that person who gets what you're saying, and can kind of like, take some of that, like you said, some of that grief off your shoulder and handle it is actually really helpful. And it's kept me grounded a lot more now that I'm older than, than anything prior. I don't know if that makes sense.

Scott Benner 1:16:01
But it's lovely that you found somebody like that. And yeah, it's funny, like, as we're talking about it, there's something kind of beautiful about the idea that some people can hold more than other people. And it's, you know, just as striking to me that if you get paired with a person who can't pay a little extra for you, it's not even their fault. It's not your fault. It's just unlucky. Like I, to me, that's all that seems to me, is luck, randomness, whatever you want to end up calling it, you know, I get notes all the time from people, and that they always end with Arden. So lucky. And I don't know, like, I that's sad that everybody's not that lucky. Like, I don't think of hardened as being lucky. I just think of me as doing the thing I promised to do when I met my wife and married her. And we said we were gonna have kids. Like, that's all I say about this. But I guess when so many times people don't stand up and take on the responsibilities that they say they're going to? I guess maybe it doesn't make it lucky when someone does. I don't know, maybe more people do, then we know we just don't hear from them. That's what I would like to hope. I would like to hope that your story is not the norm. And maybe it just feels a little more that way because I have a podcast where people talk about stuff like this. Because I don't I don't want to think of it being that way to be honest.

Luke 1:17:37
Well, I like Arden, in my opinion is lucky because in my in my eyes, you wouldn't like an extra step. Maybe maybe that's just because I know you through the podcast and how much you've done. But like just on on the Facebook group. I think I'm kind of the anomaly, like seeing how many people ask questions I kept. It was about a week ago, someone asked a question about the Bolus thing for for high protein meals. And I've been working with that for a while. So I was going to answer and they posted it, like 30 minutes before I saw it. And there was already like 76 answers. And I scrolled through, I'm like, well, all these people are saying exactly the right thing, you know. So if you take a snapshot of the diabetic community and look at through your podcasts Facebook group, I'd say 95% of people are probably closer to you than closer to what I was brought up. And

Scott Benner 1:18:38
it has done a really good job of bringing together people who think similarly, around management of insulin and ideas around diabetes and living with it, I have to tell you, that we've been talking for an hour and 15 minutes. And I've not felt like crying the entire time. I think I'm which I'm assuming means I'm pretty good with my parents divorce and how it all went. And so I don't feel real emotional around that anymore. I feel like it's something that's happened, and I understand it. And I'm not pushed by it anymore. But to hear you describe that, that there's a thing I made that brought a bunch of people together that helped another person, which I guess really is just a distribution of burden. That made me feel very emotional. I was very happy to hear you say that. And I agree with you. I see it happen all the time. And it's it's fascinating, and it's fulfilling. And then I like to imagine all the people who are listening who aren't in the Facebook page, and I like to hope that that either exists for them somewhere or that they're getting to it, but I'm happy to know that it's possible. And I used to think that it was my responsibility to get that To get everybody listening to that spot, but I don't feel that responsible anymore. Now I just feel like the podcast shows them the way that it's exists and that it's real. And if they can find a way to follow it, it's there for them. And they can get that information. So I've found a way not to feel burdened by that either, because there were a couple of years during the podcast where everyone listenings Health felt like my responsibility. And I knew that wasn't right. So I had to, I had to figure that out. And you guys all coming together. And that Facebook group, actually was a big part of helping me feel better, because it didn't feel like it was just up to me to answer people's questions anymore. So So that's, it's been a really great thing. I agree.

Luke 1:20:44
Yeah, it's almost like you're the captain of the ship. And then, you know, that group's kind of just your crew, you know, we step up and help you out.

Scott Benner 1:20:52
You know, I appreciate you saying that. That's, um, that's really nice. I think of similar way like I don't captains, not what would have popped into my head. And it's interesting that a pop is yours, because you're in a landlocked state. But nevertheless, I think it's, it's almost like a good coach to me. Like, you know, you know, when you're young if you ever played a sport, but you can get coached by people who are just there, and they're nice people. But every once in a while, you get somebody who sets a tone. And the responsibility for the players is to meet the tone, it feels like, the best way I can I explain that is that when my son was younger, before, it was common for kids to be very good at tracking fly balls in the outfield, he was incredibly good at it. And I asked him one time, like, just wondering like, you know, I mean, people who don't play baseball, don't know, but this tiny little white thing jumps up in the sky in a split second. And in two or two and a half seconds, it's going to travel three or 400 feet, and then be on you. Like, how do you get to the spot where it's going to come down? Like how do you how do you see it? How do you follow it? How do you run and still know where the ball is. And my son would say that he more than anything, didn't want to let the coach down. And so there was something about this one specific coach, because he was coached by a number of people, but there was something about this one specific guy, that I when the ball went up in the air, my son was like, I'm gonna catch it for him. You know, and, and I think that whatever that man did to make my son feel that way, was magical. And he did, like, in this very small way. He just he laid the groundwork for him. And so I just think of the podcast is me saying, like, here's the here's the way it could actually happen. And now, for reasons that I can't completely wrap my head around, there are plenty of people listening who are like you, okay, Scott, I'm gonna go catch the ball for you. And I just think it's terrific. It's, it's really great. I can't believe that. It's helping so many people. And we don't usually talk about this seriously. Usually by now I joke about it. And

Luke 1:23:11
yeah, it's well, not to talk about other podcasts on your show. But I listened to one that does a sports movie breakdowns. And called the brick wall test, like, you know, would you after, like, if you've seen the movie miracle, Herb Brooks, give that speech for the Russia game. You know, you want to run through a brick wall just for that guy. Just, you know. Because of what he did for you, you want to pay him back, and you definitely pass the brick wall test. For me Anyways,

Scott Benner 1:23:42
thank you. That's right. Yeah. It'll, that'll help me later today, when my family thinks I'm an idiot and yells at me for something. And life is real. Like, it's not very real. When I'm on this microphone. It's very segmented and focused. So it's, I always think of it as um, you know, there's somewhere there's probably some like, like, really great athlete or, you know, famous person who just brings their kid to dinner and the kids like, Oh, it's not what I asked for. And they're not like, they don't go Hey, three time Oscar winning man. is just like this idiot always messes up my dinner. So it's, it's really nice. My, my wife and I were talking about something about this maybe a month ago. And she said, Don't worry, I'll keep you grounded. And I said, Yeah, don't Don't worry. I know. You. think there's a sensor on her phone? And if she feels me happy, she's like, Oh, we got this guy. A little too happy.

Luke 1:24:39
That I've got to bring up that thing you did wrong. 10 years ago. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:24:42
You remember when we were dating and I said this. You said that what you are. You remember that? live in it for a second. I don't care how many people's pay one ceaser better. You failed me when I was 23. Everybody lied and said I looked Add in that dress is very much like that they're on top of me like right now my wife's like this. I just got a text from her. This is running over and the dogs need to go out. Yeah, I'm sorry I'm getting you in trouble. Look. Oh, now she's like, Don't worry, he laid back down. This reminds me long time ago. It's not apples to apples. But Jim Carrey did this interview on the stern show after he got divorced, and he said he would come home from a movie set and then his wife wanted him to take out the trash. And it rubbed them the wrong I'm pretty sure it was Jim Carrey and it just like he couldn't reconciled anymore. He was so like, famous that he's just like, why somebody's talking to me like this. Like I don't have to take the trash out. Like he had that whole like thing. I don't ever want to feel that way. I don't for clarity, but I don't ever want to like at that always made me sad that he that he had slipped down some rabbit hole that he couldn't find his way back out again. And that just simple things didn't seem like they fell to him anymore. I like this part of having a family. Like I like being responsible. And I like helping people. It sounds like you're gonna have you have a bit of a caregivers mentality as well. You just don't seem like you have any place to point it at the moment. But you want people around you to be well, it sounds like

Luke 1:26:19
yeah, it's my it's my like, I enjoy making people feel good. You know, it, it's always been easier for me to help other people feel better than than myself. I've kind of just clung to that my whole life.

Scott Benner 1:26:35
But listen, it's a it's an odd I mean, it's obvious why if you've been listening for the last hour, it's obvious why but it should be obvious to anybody, like people are stopping you from being happy. But you see somebody who can be made happier and you're not going to then later hit them with a belt or scream at them like you're you can be their their conduit to that feeling. And it makes you feel good. It probably also, on some level makes you wonder why somebody can't treat you that way. But I just think it's because there are a lot of different kinds of people and you're not as common as as some of the others or at least in your in your ecosphere. You aren't as common, but there are a lot of people like you. You know, you just got to meet them. And I don't know, man, I really enjoyed this. So interesting. Yes.

Luke 1:27:24
This is fun. If you ever do decide to get a Jim Carrey head, though, just remember, you almost choked to death on ice t on this podcast. I bring you back down.

Scott Benner 1:27:36
Yeah. Oh, if I ever feel that's a good point. If I ever start feeling special, I'll just remember the time I couldn't ingest iced tea. Almost did get me that stuck with me for like, I must have been like 20 minutes without recording everyone. So I was like, what's happening again?

Luke 1:27:52
You and the guests like she was so sweet and concerned. And all I was doing in my pickup driving home from work is I was just laughing so hard that I have a terrible person. But this is hilarious.

Scott Benner 1:28:03
I'm glad you were happy. I you know, I just I couldn't really did this cat way down the back hit me right in the back of the throat. And I was like, oh, and then I just couldn't shake it. My eyes were water. It was terrible.

Luke 1:28:15
I mean, we've all been there it just you don't get reported. It will be so funny as yours was recorded. You could have edited it all out. But you didn't.

Scott Benner 1:28:25
I don't I don't see any reason that editing is really a pain in the ass. And I don't like doing it very much. I edit the show for sound more than anything. I like people to have like a nice, clean sound experience. That makes sense. Yeah. So some people breathe heavy, smack their lips. You know, there's all kinds of little things. I think that people do that. While you're having the conversation you don't notice but when you're listening to it, it can be distracting. So that's pretty much what I added for I don't think I've ever Well, not ever, but very infrequently do I take content out of the podcast?

Luke 1:29:03
I like Well, let me know besides my furnace, how bad my audio is

Scott Benner 1:29:07
how your audio is terrific except for the furnace. And it's actually enough in the background that I think it'll add to it. I think people will be like, no, Luke's freezing his ass off in the in the basement to be part of the podcast. I appreciate that I really do. So much. There's a one woman that always sticks in my head that she had to go after her car during the summer in the northeast. And by the time we got all the noises going she was in a sealed car that wasn't running. And there was like a sauna but she did it. It was a really good episode and I was like stunned because I wouldn't have done that. If you said to me close the car doors and sweat your ass off in the heat to be on my podcast. I'd be like no, I don't I'm not doing so I was always really grateful for and I in my mind you're in the in my mind you're like in a in a there's a furnace behind you like out of the horror movies. It looks the great on the front looks like teeth and it's lighting up and coming down and lighting up and coming down. That's how I've been thinking about it the whole hour. We've been talking, I've been aware of it. Sure, it's not,

Luke 1:30:10
I won't. I won't ruin that image for you.

Scott Benner 1:30:13
You're really just surrounded by a bunch of Christmas decorations.

Luke 1:30:17
Well, not a whole lot of Christmas decorations. I got a deer mount and some hockey flags. And that's about it.

Scott Benner 1:30:26
Alright, let's go with my picture. Is that mine? Mine was better. Yeah, wait better? Yeah. Look, I didn't ask him. Like, let's just finish up with. How's your management right now? Is the podcast been valuable for you that way? Or is it more of a community thing for you?

Luke 1:30:39
A little bit of both. I'm not gonna lie to you. I don't listen to every podcast.

Scott Benner 1:30:43
But there's,

Luke 1:30:44
Yeah, I know. I know. There's certain ones that just don't like I can't take anything from it. Sure. You know, but I can't remember which one I listened to last. It's been a while. But you're talking about, you know, adjusting basil and cutting back your Bolus. Because you Bolus dip and then you'd get heigen. While I was kind of fighting that, with how weird or whether it's been it's gone from like 70 to 30 and snowing for days. So that's been helped me out. But my last day one C was 5.9. That's great. Good for you. And then before that was a five, three. That's excellent.

Scott Benner 1:31:27
Man. You're doing great. That's so yeah, yeah, I listen, I I listened to audio. Like I enjoy audio a lot. So there are things that pop up in my player for shows that I listened to that I'm just like, I'm not. I try every one. I think it's the creator in me, I don't skip them. I try them. But there's sometimes I'm an hour into a conversation on my I just don't have anything in common with this person. And I'm not jiving with this. I'm gonna find something else. But that's also why I think good creators put out a lot of content too. It's because they know not everything that happens on every episode is going to be for everybody. If I expected that would be insane. You know, right. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's going to be an episode that comes out with three girls who know each other who all have type one diabetes. And I find it incredibly interesting. But if you don't want to listen to an hour and 45 minutes of a 1315 and 17 year old girl talking, I would understand that, you know, just as I would understand if they don't care to hear about your, you know, sad childhood, because they have a really great child. And they're like, this doesn't make any sense to me at all. You know, that just, everything's not for everybody. But as long as you say, subscribe and download your episodes. I don't even want to delete them afterwards. It's fine, but I need the download. You people need to understand my needs here. Download. I need downloads. Anyway, I really appreciate you doing this. You were incredibly honest. And this was really great. I'm glad we were able to get it rescheduled and get it out. Can you hold on a second? Yeah, I'm good. Thanks.

A huge thank you to one of today's sponsors. g Vogue glucagon. Find out more about chivo Kibo pen at G Vogue glucagon.com forward slash juicebox you spell that GVOKEGL Uc ag o n.com. forward slash Juicebox. Podcast I want to thank the Contour Next One blood glucose meter for sponsoring this episode of the Juicebox Podcast. Go to Contour Next one.com forward slash juice box. And of course, thank you so much to Luke for coming on the show and laying his story out so well. And so honestly, I really appreciate everybody who comes on the show. It cannot be easy. If you're enjoying the Juicebox Podcast, please share it with someone who you think might also enjoy it. That's pretty much it. The show grows when you share it. Thank you very much. I'll be back soon with another episode of the Juicebox Podcast.

---

Please support the sponsors

The Juicebox Podcast is a free show, but if you'd like to support the podcast directly, you can make a gift here. Recent donations were used to pay for podcast hosting fees. Thank you to all who have sent 5, 10 and 20 dollars!

Donate