#508 After Dark: Adult Child of Divorce

ADULT TOPIC WARNING. Today's guest is an adult type 1 living from a divorced family.

Child of Divorce

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, and welcome to Episode 508 of the Juicebox Podcast.

Today's show Lucas is our guest and today, by the way is an after dark episode of the podcast. So you know that means usually it's a topic that you may possibly find triggering somehow, Lucas heard the afterdark episode about divorce which came from the perspective of a parent of a child with type one. And he wanted to come on and give his perspective as a now adult who has type one diabetes, and grew up in a divorced family. This episode got much deeper than I expected it to it really is terrific. Lucas is to be lauded for coming on and sharing his experiences. While you're listening, please remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise. And please always consult a physician before making any changes to your healthcare plan, or becoming bold with insulin. Also, there are a lot of afterdark episodes at this point, I can't list them all for you. But you can find them at Juicebox Podcast comm scroll down, you'll see a list of them there. And of course, they're available right now in your podcast player. If you're listening in a podcast player, please subscribe or follow the show. And don't forget to share with somebody who you think might also be interested.

This show is sponsored today by the glucagon that my daughter carries g vo hypo pen, Find out more at G Vogue glucagon.com forward slash juice box. The episode is also sponsored by the Contour Next One blood glucose meter. The easiest to carry easiest to use best accuracy, blood glucose meter that I've ever had. While none of that was English, g sorry, contour,

you have such a great meter, I should have done a better job. The Contour Next One blood glucose meter is accurate. It's easy to use at night, it has a bright light and easy to read screen. It's super, super karibal is karibal word fits in your pocket or your bag so well. And those test trips allow Second Chance testing, which I'll tell you more about during the ad. There was one person that came on one time this has been recorded just so you know. So and very thankfully, they had terrible audio. And we had to bail on it. And it was their microphone set up. And I had to say to them, you know, listen, I think you need to get a new mic and we can we can reschedule this, like we had tried everything but we tried to do it, you know, and the entire beginning of it was the person just I don't want to use overly simplistic terms, but they were a COVID denier. They were just like it doesn't exist, you know? And I'm just I don't like what's happening. Maybe I don't know. I don't understand exactly. I can tell you if you want to tell me that you don't think it's as much one way as it is another way you think has been politicized. And I can have a lot of meaningful conversations around a lot of things, but they were just like it's not real. I'm pretty sure it is.

Luke 3:22
Good news. I took my meds last night so I'm not crazy. And I've had COVID twice, so I know what's real. over twice. Oh, wow. Okay, well, we'll get into it. Hold on a second. My name is Lucas or you can call me Luke. If you want. I've had type one for just under 24 years. Wow. How old are you? 20 I'll be 28 next month.

Scott Benner 3:48
I got in the game early. Yeah, four years old. Yeah. Wow. Geez. before school even?

Luke 3:54
Yeah, I was in. I was in some preschool thing in Colorado. And it was like one of those half day deals where you go in and hang out with kids and color. Yeah, yeah. beat each other with like, notebooks or whatever. Yeah,

Scott Benner 4:09
they're just they're just trying to figure out if you're gonna if you're going to flip into credit you Well, you know, it's interesting is you would have Do you have any children yourself? I do not. Alright, so here's my perspective on preschool. I think it's just really competitive. Parenting run completely amok and turned into a into a business. You don't I mean, like, I always feel like it's just people were like, I wonder if my kids showed up, first day, day one of kindergarten and already knew their ABCs they'd be ahead. And then they'd probably be a patent attorney and make a bunch of money one day. Yeah, I just I always think it's like the ones like the first person who got their kid like private pitching lessons ruined it for everybody like until then it was a bunch of 11 year olds just trying to get around. At the plate, you know, and then all of a sudden one guy's like I can, I can dial this in a little more. And then it forces people to continue to up their game and up their game, Either that, or it's daycare and they just want to get rid of their kids. Not certain which I'm sure there are other reasonable reasons about people having jobs and stuff like that, which aren't as funny and I'm ignoring but

Luke 5:19
funny story My name is Lucas because my mom wanted me me Luke, but my great grandma said that Dr. Luke press and didn't sound as good as Dr. Lucas.

Scott Benner 5:29
And tell everybody what, what do you what medicine do you practice now? Look,

Luke 5:34
I work in the oil field. My mother, Miss Lilly little bit that she just graduated high school never went to college. So yeah, she she missed that one just, I don't know, couple yards outside. But you

Scott Benner 5:48
were oddly in a student in biology.

Luke 5:52
Actually, science was one of my better classes in high school. Oddly enough,

Scott Benner 5:57
she can sniff it out right there in the hospital. She's like this kid. This kid knows what a cell is. I can tell.

Luke 6:03
Yeah. And you know, being a diabetic for so long, probably gave me a little up on some other kids makes you a little interested. Right. And

Scott Benner 6:11
some of the words that least makes sense. So you're, you're vibing along. So you know, you you on? Your episode has more of a purpose than some of them do. I wish I probably shouldn't admit that out loud while people are listening. But most fun. Most of the times, I'm just like, hey, this person seems interesting. And we'll find our way through it. But I think you've got a lot of specific stuff. So I'm going to maybe dig in a little quicker than than normal. So you sent an email that really got my attention, I thought, do you want to just tell me about it?

Luke 6:48
See, I think I messaged you on Facebook first, but the email. I first started listening about a year ago and one of the first episodes I listened to was about divorce parents of a type one child. And as a child with type one who had divorced parents first thought was well, I want to figure out the other side of this. Yeah. So I asked you and you didn't have anything. And we just kind of started talking. And so that's how we ended up here. Yeah, I'm

Scott Benner 7:17
super interested. And I love your idea of flipping it around and trying to look at the other side of it. Real quickly, you're getting Are you getting alerts on your phone and they're vibrating? Yeah, I moved it. Yeah, we're just sticking under your leg or something like that. You can.

Luke 7:30
Yeah. So it was my work phone. I'm on. I'm supposed to be off. But for some reason. They're still bugging me. Yeah,

Scott Benner 7:35
it's not okay. Your job right now your job right now Lucas to be on the podcast. Let's just like, you know, let's focus this money that you pay your bills with. It's not important for the next hour. So

Luke 7:46
well, how do you get if I do good enough here, maybe I'll start my own podcast like you.

Scott Benner 7:51
I would like to say to everybody listening, please do not start podcast. I mean, this one's fine. You don't need your own. I'll tell you what, honestly, go ahead and start a podcast. There's so much work, you will give up very quickly. The first time you're like, only 12 people downloaded my podcast and I put a week's worth of effort into it. Your brain goes, Hmm, maybe this isn't a good use of my time. I think that must be what happens to most of them because there are so many. But nobody, but it's not important. But I think there's millions of podcasts, most of them are not active. So I think it happens to a lot of people. Oh, yeah, for sure. They're all just like, shut out of accounting. And no one ever sees like that house in your neighborhoods half painted. Yeah. I have one in my neighborhood right now. See, I just imagined like some guy got up on a Saturday morning isn't gonna repaint the house. It's like, it's halfway down the side. He's like, so much work. just terrible. I grew up my entire my entire life grew up with friends. There was a stack of siding next to their house. Excuse me. Hate the springtime, always like an in between thing, Jose. Excuse me, stack a siding next to their house. And their dad was like I'm going inside the house. Well, I mean, 15 years later, you think to yourself, I don't think he's gonna do this. You know? that long. Oh, my God. I'm not lying. Like, I'm sure he lived his whole life. And it's still

Luke 9:30
just was someone else bought the house. They got a stack of siding for free.

Scott Benner 9:34
Yeah, it was like buying a car that had extra wheels. They're like, Hey, I got some winter and summer tires. You can you can have this house. So all this siding if you want it, you know, it just it literally sat there for 15 years that I was aware of. I'm sure it's still there. Anyway. No, it's not a bonus. Yeah, that should be an indication you that this house was not well taken care of and you should run away. So your parents, so when you're diagnosed, your parents are married.

Luke 10:00
No. Okay. So ironically, I spent the first I'd say 21 ish years of my life thinking I was the cause of their divorce. Really? They? Yeah, they separated in July of 97.

Scott Benner 10:19
When you were held?

Luke 10:21
I was four, I just turned four that may.

Scott Benner 10:23
Oh, I'm seeing what you're saying. Go ahead.

Luke 10:26
Yeah. So and then in September of 97, I was diagnosed

Scott Benner 10:32
so easily. You got diabetes, and that split your parents up?

Luke 10:36
Right. So that's what happened in my mind. Right. I guess my little brain didn't understand that they had separated before, or I just don't remember it that way. So I kind of carried that guilt for, like I said, 20 some years.

Scott Benner 10:53
Did you ever? I mean, I'm assuming you didn't voice it, or someone would have addressed it. Right.

Luke 10:59
Right. Yeah, I didn't. I didn't bring it up to my mom until 2013 when I got engaged myself. And I was talking to her about, you know, my concerns after their failed marriage, and, like, never really grew up brown married people or anything and told her how, you know, I was like, man, I feel like I in the reason you guys got divorced, and she, you know, had to set me straight. But

Scott Benner 11:25
how did she take that?

Luke 11:29
She laughed. My mom, my mom and I have a weird relationship.

Scott Benner 11:37
So she'll go ahead if she laughed, not at you like, oh, you're a fool. She laughed, because she remembers your dad. And she was like, no, that's not why is that?

Luke 11:46
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So yeah, it was she laughed at them. She, you know, explained everything, like how it happened, why it happened, and all that fun stuff.

Scott Benner 12:00
Does that have any comfort to you?

Luke 12:03
Um, yes and no. Because like, I still, I still have these. I guess you'd call them false memories. about them fighting over stuff that I could have swore was because of my you know, being a diabetic and stuff that I was doing wrong, or, you know, whatever parents deal with when they have a newly diagnosed child? You know, I'm sure that's stressful.

Scott Benner 12:33
Dude, it's really stressful. But yeah, I couldn't. I can't imagine. Yeah, I never had a moment where I thought there was any blame for the for my daughter. I can't. I mean, I think your parents would have to be unstable to have that feeling. Honestly, you know, they can Yeah, I can promise you they didn't feel that way. But it would be. I mean, I mean, there are other things that would indicate like, if you ever heard your dad say, the Earth is flat or anything was strange.

Luke 13:01
You know, um, I know, my mom carries a lot of guilt. Okay. about her. Oh, yeah. her oldest brother is a type one. Okay, and so she kind of put two and two together that says, You know, I kind of got it from her side of the family. So it's still bugs her today? And she's 65. Yeah,

Scott Benner 13:25
I think it's pretty common for parents to feel that way. I mean, everyone I've ever spoken to. Even if they know it, intellectually, they take on some sort of feeling of, Oh, this is my fault. I don't think that's just about diabetes. I think people do that with health in general. You know, they got that from my side of the family. Like it's fun when it's, you know, blue eyes. Like, Oh, you got that from me. You get your beautiful ice blue eyes from from your mother, you know, but when it's I don't know, when it's anything when it's a like a weird bent finger or, you know, one of your ears is oddly larger, the other or your pancreas stops working, then people take it on is like I did that to them. It turns from you got that for me, too. I did that to you.

Luke 14:14
Right. Yeah. Have you been checking out my facebook profile? Scott, because I have icy blue eyes.

Scott Benner 14:20
I have not looked. But I have to be completely honest with you. If I had been and I somehow like subconsciously used that example. I would not admit to knowing I 100% would have said no no matter what when you ask that questions now. But in honesty, No, I haven't like that would infer that I put some effort into pre like interview stuff, which I don't do. I really don't like to know anything about you. Like your camera popped on at the beginning. And I was like, Huh, that's not what I expected. And there was no reason like, I don't know what to expect. You sent me a five line email, you know what I mean? And when and I've had to Um, I've had to reschedule you. I mean, and other than that we I don't think we've had any real like, contact at all. So, wow, no, you're poor mom. Yeah. And so you said, You and your mom have a strange relationship? Are you breaking each other's balls all the time? or something? Or what's going on?

Luke 15:20
Oh, yes, sometimes. I mean, there's a lot of give and take there. But her and I've been through a lot together. And it was mostly just her and I that went through it. I mean, you know, I do have an older brother, but he was out of the picture a lot. So it was just her and I kind of battling it out.

Scott Benner 15:44
been through a lot in terms of like bad things happening to your family, or disagreements that took a long time to fix and

Luke 15:54
bad things that happened to our family. We're kind of my mom says, We're kind of the black sheep in the family. So when things go bad, we're the ones they call.

Scott Benner 16:05
Explain. So give me like a job. Do you don't have to say something specific. But tell me what you mean by that?

Luke 16:11
Well, I'll just I'll give you a quick one. I was really close with my grandpa. When I was 15, he got diagnosed with an aortic aneurysm. And we took between my mom and myself, when I was a freshman in high school, we took care of him until he had a surgery, took care of him for a couple months after surgery, you know, helped my grandma around the house did all that stuff.

Scott Benner 16:40
So when the unpleasant stuff happens to a larger family unit, you and your mom ended up being the ones that stepped in and helped and the burden of that stuff? Yeah, pretty much I say. So you're always sort of around. People don't realize this happens. But if you have a handful of brothers and sisters, there's this weird math that happens in people's heads like, oh, Billy doesn't have a real job. He can do it. Like there's that or you know, she lives closer, it's up to her, whatever it ends up being. And then once you do it once, the rest of them are like, that's what happens. Luke and his mom take care of that stuff. And it just sort of like gets pushed on you because nobody else wants to do it. And it's 100% Yeah. 100%. Yeah. And then once you know, the real once you really understand what it's like for people who are struggling and need help, it's very difficult to just walk away from them. But that's time and effort and energy and money that gets taken away from your life. Is that about right? Yeah, that sucks. Well, then the other people in your family suck. That's all.

Luke 17:46
It's a well, I guess all families have their quirks but mine seem to have some really strange ones.

Scott Benner 17:52
I believe you're right, that everyone does, honestly. But okay, so you guys kind of got put into that space? Did that cause friction between you and your mother? Or did it just cause the less than the harmonious life in general?

Luke 18:07
It caused some friction, but it actually like it made us really close. Yeah, I would imagine. Like, she had a full hysterectomy when I was a freshman in high school. And brother wasn't around he was off doing drugs or whatever it was he was doing at the time. And I basically took care of the house, went to school full time take care of the house and help my mom out while she was healing, you know, and after that, she became less of like a really strict parent and more of like kind of just like a she let me kind of do my own thing. But yeah, she had basically two roles. I have to be home before she gets up and if I go to jail that I don't call her so it went from a list of like laundry list of rules to those two.

Scott Benner 19:05
I don't know why that's hilarious. But please don't call me if you go to jail and just don't stay out so late that I know it happened. And it makes a terrible Well, you guys, you guys were married all the sudden. Right? So you know what I mean? Like you were like taking care of a household together and and property each other up. Once your mom becomes like sick for a little while and knocks Rafer game stuffs got to go by the wayside. And now so now you're doing laundry and cleaning the house shopping stuff like that.

Luke 19:37
Yeah, yeah, I go shopping my grandma. Like every was every Saturday every other Saturday, whatever it was. Yeah.

Scott Benner 19:46
Does your Do you talk to your brother anymore?

Luke 19:49
Um, yes, no. We live about 12 blocks away from each other and I see him Three, four times a year maybe? Yeah. Okay.

Scott Benner 20:05
Your dad when your mom and dad split up, did you see your father while you were growing up or no?

Luke 20:11
Yeah, so the weekend before I was diagnosed, we went to visit his dad in the nursing home in the town in Colorado where he was at, and my dad realized something was wrong. Because I couldn't make it like 20 minutes not going to the bathroom. Like it was like a two hour drive back to Denver where we were living. And it took us like four because I just like, couldn't stop going right. And so he told my mom, that Sunday when he she picked us up, she took me to our family doctor, thinking I had a UTI, which, looking back on it. I'm like, I knew better. I just didn't want to believe it. shook my blood sugar. Think it was like 390 400 something like that.

Scott Benner 21:05
How did your mom then take your blood sugar cuz she knew from her brother?

Luke 21:08
No, she took me to the doctor. And that's the first thing the doctor did when she walked in and check my blood sugar. Oh, okay.

Scott Benner 21:13
I meant I was I'm sorry. I got confused for a second. I was wondering how your how your mom knew that it wasn't a UTI.

Luke 21:20
Well, no, my mom thought it like she's like it's just a UTI. But she said in the bag. In the back of her mind. She knew better. She just didn't want to believe it. Okay. So anyways, to my blood sugar doctor writes down the address to the Barbara Davis center, and said you need to take a look here. And any questions call, you know, whatever. And my mom called my father Well, I called my uncle, my dad's brother and said, you know, told him what was going on? Look, Luke has type one, we're going to the Barbara Davis center. Can you please get a hold of stab? And so he did in my dad's like, I wasn't on that, that, you know, important or whatever? He's like, I'll go tomorrow.

Scott Benner 22:03
Wait, where was your father? Was he on the moon? He

Luke 22:06
was working. He was working. Okay. Like, I know, he's probably half hour from the Barbara Davis center.

Scott Benner 22:15
So on that day of your diagnosis about how long is it until your parents separate from that day?

Luke 22:23
It was almost three months prior to that.

Scott Benner 22:27
Okay. So they had been separated for three months. Now your mom's calling with a medical thing? And he's like, yeah, I'll come when I come. It's probably got nothing to listen, here's where it gets dicey. Right. So like, you probably know from listening, my parents were divorced. My dad left my mom on my 13th birthday. Like he came home from work, had my birthday dinner with us took a shower left and did not come back. So I understand how you feel when you say you can look back and it feels like suddenly you did this thing. Right? So I'm 13 years old, my dad leaves on my birthday. It feels like it's my fault. It's at least feels like a, like a shot at me. You know what I mean? You know, it's it's, you know, I'm saying. And in the meantime, you find out as you get older, my parents had, like, my dad had been cheating on my mom for a decade. You don't I mean, like, I don't know why he picked my birthday. But I don't think it had much to do with me. And it's so easy to look back on these things, and apply your perspective to them. And have no ability to understand anyone else's perspective. Like, I don't know, if my dad's just a bad guy, or if he's just a cheater. Or if maybe my mom's a giant pain in the ass. And I don't realize it like, you know, not that that would. I'm not saying that that would make it be a good reason why my dad would cheat on her but like, you don't understand the dynamic of their life. Like you have no feeling for laws, their kids because to you, they're just these two people who take care of you. And they say they love you. And, you know, they yell at you when you do something bad and they buy you stuff on your birthday, like, you know, and they bring the food in the house right here eat this. Yeah, like, that's it. You don't know them. You don't know how they grew up, you don't know the things they've seen or what's impacted them because now that you're older now that I'm older, I know about the things that I've lived through and how they've impacted me and how they've changed who I am. I don't know what those things that you know what happened to my parents, like it's so easy to just in a cartoonish way. Say my mom and dad got married and my dad cheated on my mom and enjoy doing that so kept doing it and then they kept fighting and then they got a divorce one day cuz they're like, yeah, and they don't get along and they didn't try hard enough. You can say all those like, things that you would hear on like a 45 minute you know, television show From the CW, you know, but that doesn't that's that's not the, that's not the core of anything. But there's no way to get that across to your kid. Like, even if your mom would have sat down and thoughtfully explained it to you were four, and you just been diagnosed with diabetes? Like, I don't know, I think it's kind of amazing that she was there. You know what I mean? Like, it's how I always think about it. Like, I watched my, my mom struggle after my dad left, like greatly. And I learned to just feel like, well, she didn't leave. You know, like, this is much less fun than it was when he left. And, and he bailed, like, she still here. And it wasn't until I got older, and learned that at some point in the first couple of years of my dad leaving, that we didn't have much money. And the state offered to take my brothers and me off her hands, because they thought she couldn't handle it financially. And my mom said, No, I'm out, figure this out. So for all the things that I didn't realize about my mother, and our life, the one thing that was really important was she had an out, somebody gave her an out, and she's like, no, not doing that. You know, to me, she's like, you know, in my mind, she's the greatest person in the world for sticking with us. And it's easier for my brothers not to feel that way. Because they're, they're her kids, but I'm adopted. Like, somebody had already bailed on me once. And then my dad, my adoptive father bailed on me. And then my adoptive mother got the shot to bail on me and was like, No, gay, you know, so. But growing up, I wasn't aware of all that. I think you don't I mean, it's just the stuff you think, you know, is usually not the most important stuff.

Luke 26:49
Well, it took me a long time to realize too, that like, so my dad's mom died of cancer, when he was like, 1617, his brother left for the Navy went to Vietnam. My dad's dad was a drunk, you know, not the best household to live in as a kid. So I think he just he kind of struggles with, you know, medical issues or hard times like that. And, you know, I don't I don't blame him for not being there. But like, I know, he wasn't there. I've known that my whole life. And I mean, it still kind of hurts. But I get it same time, if that makes sense.

Scott Benner 27:34
Well, Luca does and, and I am not here to tell you how to feel. But I blame him for not being there. I'd not blame him for how he felt. Like it. To me. That's the that ends up being the real difference about great parenting, which it's being a parent and having to do something that you have no, no background in. no understanding of no comfort with and still doing it. Because you, you know, you've got these children and they can't do it for themselves. Like somebody needs to step up and do it. I mean, most of what I've done over the last 21 years of being a father. I know what the hell I was doing. You know what I mean? Like I just didn't give up. We have a little noise. Lucas, what is that? Is there a fan noise? Something started?

Luke 28:24
That might be my furnace. It's like 30 degrees outside.

Scott Benner 28:26
Hi, well, we're gonna let you stay warm. Okay. But that's, it's snowing right now. So there have been people who have sat in rooms without the air conditioner on when it's hot. So, I mean, this is this moment. If you if you want to struggle for the podcast, you can.

Luke 28:45
I mean, I definitely can. That's okay. I just got to go upstairs and turn the furnace off.

Scott Benner 28:52
You're allowed to stay warm. Are you in a log cabin? What's happening? No, I'm in my basement. Oh, you're in your basement where the furnace is? Correct. It's not even keeping which is probably plenty of warm where you are. Kind of at you live on a mat. Do you like that? Colorado? I don't understand that at all. That's the thing you drive through and you're like, I'm pretty this is you don't stop. What's your problem? I don't live in Colorado anymore. Oh, no kidding. Yeah. Okay. You got a colder place. I did try North Dakota. I was gonna say Jeff to go north for colder. I did.

Luke 29:33
There was a week this this February where it didn't get above 15 below.

Scott Benner 29:39
Yeah, I would have left immediately.

Luke 29:41
Yeah, I worked through it. I worked through it all one day I got to my first location and it was 36 below without the Windchill.

Scott Benner 29:49
What do you do like that? Like I know you work in an oil field but like what is it you do there?

Luke 29:54
I'm a lease operator. So I got a producing oil wells. Make sure there's no leaks me You know, no environmental issues, check on the production, everything's working properly. And it's not okay. Just have a couple of environmental issues when it's 36. below. We can't just live with

Scott Benner 30:09
that for a day or two. Nope, can't look at you doing that. That's Thank you. Because if I got up and it was that cold, I'd be like, I don't care if you all die, I'm staying inside.

Unknown Speaker 30:21
I can't, I can't do

Luke 30:23
Christmas birthdays, Thanksgiving. 35 below 106 degrees outside in the summer doesn't matter, you got to go.

Scott Benner 30:31
Tried to you know, it's funny when I we were kids, I tried to, like, scare my brother straight about high school. And I brought him to work with me on a weekend I worked at a sheetmetal shop. And it was the horrible place to work as far as like, you know, cleanliness and heat and cold and that kind of stuff. And I made him stay with me a whole Saturday and helped me and it was in the summer. And it was just, like you said 105 degrees in there. You've got a box fan pointed at you. It's the only thing saving your life. And, and I said to him, there's no in between. It's either this hot, or it becomes freezing in here. Like there's no air conditioning and the heat is just enough so that the pipes don't break. Like they're not like, Let's toast you up for the wintertime. Like I was like I basically work outside with a roof over my head. And it's you know, which some days could be worse, honestly, because there's no air moving. But but it did not work. He he he picked similar work. He's very happy at it. He likes it. But I my plan didn't go as planned,

Unknown Speaker 31:30
I guess.

Scott Benner 31:32
I'm sorry. So we got way away from that. But your your father did not count. By the way. How do you remember all this at four?

Luke 31:39
I don't know. I think I have a memory of an elephant because I remember some weird things, man.

Scott Benner 31:46
Are you sure they're real memories?

Luke 31:49
Yeah, before I did this, I sat down my mom. And I like this is what I remember how much of it real? And she's like, well, this is real. This is real. This isn't this is

Scott Benner 32:00
then you got it, then you're also memory is a funny thing, isn't it? Like, I wonder how important it is there isn't? If any of its real, maybe the most important thing is just how you feel about it. Sometimes, you know, on the bigger stuff, not like obviously, you know, you don't want to sit down with your kid and go, Hey, your birthday is not the 15th. Like I mean that kind of like recollection we want to have right. But I mean, wouldn't it be more important if you could live as an adult? Because you're still young man? Like, wouldn't it be more important if you could live as an adult, just knowing that your parents were flawed people like everybody else, you didn't cause or not cause their disillusion. And that's it. Like, this is how stuff happens. I wonder some sometimes I think of my life as like an anthill. And I don't think of the antha get stepped on as being any more or less fulfilled or important as the one that lives his whole life. Like, I don't know how creepy that is for people, but we are just like, scattered all over this planet. And it sucks when you're the one that happens to but I don't think it happens to you on purpose. I don't think it happens to you because of you. Like Don't get me wrong if you rob a bank and get shot that happened because of you. But you know, at the same time. What I mean, what if you got put into that position through generations of poor parenting, abuse, money issue, whatever, like, do you mean like, what if it just was fait accompli that seven generations in the great, great, great, great grandson of some guy was going to rob a bank? Because how could he not because this is the direction we were headed in. And I think when you think about it like that, it takes away blame, which really doesn't fall with you like it's not your fault. Your parents got divorced. It's not your fault. You have diabetes. It's not your mom's fault. Certainly not my fault that somebody gave me up for adoption. And then I got adopted and then the guy left and it ruined my mom's life. And that made it hard on her like I didn't, that's not me. And if my dad wanted to sit back and go, yeah, it's that one. It's the crackheads fall. That'd be bullshit. That would just be him trying to feel better about something he didn't do, you know?

Luke 34:21
Yeah. is weird, like the the whole faith thing. I was I, I've been in and out of therapy and counseling for Well, my mom put us in when I was like four, through like divorce counseling. And the Barbara Davis center did it for us, newly diagnosed patients when we were kids and stuff. But the whole faith thing is actually like a religious belief in some cultures and like we don't actually have control over what we do. It's already been pre planned and stuff. And I kind of agree with you like that. Maybe there's just like we were chosen for certain things like I was chosen to have this because I could handle it or you know, Arden got it, because she had you as a father and now look what you're doing for you know, what, 2 million people I think you had downloads last month or something of that.

Scott Benner 35:19
We got some we got some downloads going it's happening. Yeah, yeah, we had some the other day. I don't I don't know. I mean, I hear what you're saying. And I also think you can reverse engineer that idea quite simply by it and so it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you get diabetes can because you know, you can quote unquote, handle if you're coming at it from that sort of more religious bend. Or if you come at it from the idea of Hey, I was, you know, kind of lucky that, you know, art and God diabetes, because of all the stuff that happened to Scott, he was more ready for it.

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But it's not like everything in my life is like that. Like we're not like, like, I'm not a superhero. You know what I mean? Like I'm not walking around with a cake blowing behind me. Everything is going perfectly. I happen to be really good at this one thing. I'm bad at other stuff. You know, like there's other stuff I'm not prepared for. I'm married, like it's not easy to be married for anybody. Anybody who tells you it's easy to be married is lying to themselves or really newly married like one or the other. It's difficult. And it becomes different as time goes past and you have to adjust your expectations as it moves forward. Your marriage when you're in your 50s is not going to be like it was when you were in your mid 20s like you don't run around the house being like wow, we should have sex again. doesn't work that way when you're like you know 60 year old people are not right now going you know what do we got to do right now. Let's disappear bushes here at this. This car park it doesn't. It's not like I mean, I'm sure somebody is doing it. But mostly it's, that's not what's going on. Like at some point you say to yourself, here's a person I've been with for three decades. And this morning, they did something really irritating. But I remember being there when we got past this hump, or when we had our kids or when we had money trouble, like, they were there for me when this happened, I was there for them, I want to see this through to the end, like I, you know, as odd as it sounds, to me, uh, when in my life is my wife and I really old somewhere, like, bitching at each other until we die. Like, like, to me, I'll feel like why we like we did it. You know what I mean? Like we hung in. Like, that's how it seems to me like not that there's something to hang in through. But, you know, stuffs not, it's not, you can't sit around when you're 50 or 45, dreaming of a life of when you were 23. And trying to recreate it all the time, because then you just kind of missed the other stuff. And then you'll just put, he just had lived one big party for a number of decades, like I don't know, like, I guess I mean, that's fine. If that's what you want to do. It's just for me, it's not like that. And so with parenting, I think similarly, I'm trying to constantly adjust for what my kids need. And you're always behind, because they're their needs change. And then you rush to catch up, if you're lucky, you can get ahead of it sometimes and be ready. But you also sometimes you plan to get ahead of it, and you just mess it up. And they zig and zag and you miss each other. I don't think personally, that Arden has diabetes, because I would be good at handling it. And because it ends up helping a lot of other people, I think that something bad happened. And I kept adjusting to try to make it better for her. And then at some point, I thought, I wonder if I couldn't share this with other people. And you know, like so I just kind of kept adjusting, I had all this information seemed weird to just give it to just her. So I'll give it to other people. And I wrote a blog. And then I started talking to people on the phone to try to help them. And then one day, I thought I bet your people would benefit from hearing these phone calls. And so then I started recording them. And you know, then I met Jenny. And I was like, Oh, you know we should do from here should do this. And I don't know, to me, that's it. Like I just kind of try to keep growing with the information that I have around me doing the best I can with it. And I don't expect to be happy all the time. And I think that's important too. I don't expect that every day is supposed to be like a big party. I don't know, maybe I'm maybe I'm making a mistake. Maybe every day, maybe I should. Maybe I should be drunk and high and running around and having sex in the weeds. I don't know, maybe I'm wrong. You don't I mean, this is how I feel. But it's comfortable to me like this, probably because of how I grew up. very specifically, I was aware that I was adopted. And then my dad left my mom, I saw the impact that had on my mother, I would never want to make a woman feel that way. So I couldn't live with myself if I did that to my wife. And I don't know. And I grew up broke. So I don't expect great things. Like when great things happen. I'm like, Oh my god, can you imagine was so amazing. And then when you feel amazed by little things happening, that you're not always waiting to win the Super Bowl to be happy. You know what I mean? Like, like my I made a steak the other day and it came out really well. And I've been talking about it for like three.

Unknown Speaker 43:44
Yeah, Lucas, I

Scott Benner 43:44
don't know. Like, I just I find like, I find happiness in simple things. I get online this morning. And I see this woman named grace. And she had diabetes for quite some time found the podcast in three days had her first stable line of her life. And I was like, Oh, that's so cool for her. And I guess somewhere underlying I think I did that. You don't mean like she did it, but I did it, too. And that's nice, then that makes me feel good for the rest of the day.

Luke 44:14
Yeah, well, I'm like, like, I was like I was saying like with the whole faith thing. Like, it all depends on this the person what you want to believe in. Like, I spent most of my life trying to figure out like, you know, why my dad? Why don't trust my father and like, you know, looking back, you know, he wasn't there when I was diagnosed and like, he never really was able to take care of me and you know, when when we go spend weekends with him, you know, I'd have panic attacks and as a five and six year old I'd have like complete meltdowns not knowing that it was, you know, a panic attack. I just thought I was sick and you know, being abused by my brother and watch my mom get abused by our stepdad like from probably like 2012 Two years old. Till now, I spent most of my life just trying to figure it all out what it all means. Yeah.

Scott Benner 45:06
So you're kind of a thoughtful person stuck in a less than thoughtful environment sometimes.

Luke 45:12
Yeah. I'm like my own worst enemy. I spend way too much time in my own head. And I just like, despise myself whenever I make a mistake, even though I know I'm human humans aren't perfect. I still just hate that feeling of not doing the right thing, which stems from a little bit from how I was raised.

Scott Benner 45:39
And probably it will, it probably stems from a lot of people around you doing the wrong thing and you feeling badly about it? Because you want them to do the right thing. And they should, and you see the impact it has on other people. But you're still trying, but you're still turning it in on yourself.

Luke 45:56
Yeah. Yeah, well, I mean, I, then, like my stepdad, Prince, let's just go there real quick. Um, we moved in with him a couple years after my parents were divorced. You know, he basically used us like free labor, we lived out in the country in Wyoming, you know, cutting wood, hauling it into the fireplace, all that stuff. If some wasn't done right, or wasn't done the way he wanted to, I mean, the way he would just make you feel or like, you know, uses belt or whatever, it just, like, I was so young, that just stuck with me. So every time I make a mistake, but even now at work, you know, if my boss gets on me about something, it's not my boss yelling at me, it's my stepdad. Or it's my dad being upset because I'm having a panic attack or, you know, whatever blood sugars aren't right, and he doesn't know what to do. So he's angry about it. Or it's my brother just being a bully, and, you know, beating on me because he resents I think he resents me, or resented me as a kid because of how much attention my mom had to give me as a type one, and, you know, all those things. So I have a trust issue with men. Even now,

Scott Benner 47:20
right? You should move to Mars, you should just get a rocket and start over somewhere else around people you've never seen before that don't look like anybody you've ever met before. How do you do that? And still live here, though? And, and that that really is the question right? Like is how do you? And can you reset those feelings, so that it doesn't feel like your boss being like, hey, do your job doesn't mean that he's not about to like whip your ass, you know, and that you're not letting down the guy who took in your mom and you because that's the that's that parent, that abusive step parent thing seems more egregiously terrible than anything else to me, because you have to feel grateful on some level, because someone took you in after someone abandoned you, and then they're shitty to you. And you're like, Oh, my God, like, this is the person I feel grateful towards, you know, and it doesn't matter at that point. What brought this stepfather to that spot makes him you know, be domineering, and usual, like labor and stuff like that. It doesn't matter to you. I mean, it might matter to him and his personal journey, but it's got nothing to do with what's happening to you right now. But it still doesn't stop you from thinking about it, does it? No, yeah. As you're a good. I try to be sure. Don't, don't tell you that you are a good person like this, this conversation is is a picture of a good person trapped in a bad situation with a lot of bad actors. And you're not bending, you're not whipping on somebody or treating somebody terribly. Like you're staying true to who you are. Like you're doing the most commendable thing in this whole thing. And now you want to start your own family and make sure you keep it going somehow.

Luke 49:08
Yeah, but that's not entirely true. I I did whip on myself as a teenager. She took it out on yourself. Yeah. Cutting. Um, no. I don't know if you want to put a disclaimer at the beginning of this podcast. I said my mom was single parent working like swing shift at a plant here in North Dakota and basically my insulin intake and everything was in my control. So I started reading on the internet how these people were, you know, they couldn't afford insulin, so the rationing and they were, you know, basically just being found dead in the apartment or whatever. I decided to start cutting back insulin skipping shots. I was on a pump yet but i skipping shots from meals. corrections. I think my last agency before I was put on a pump, I was like 13. Seven.

Scott Benner 50:10
What was the? What was the reason for doing it? You were trying to save money for your mom or trying to hurt yourself? What are you trying to do?

Luke 50:17
I just thought it would be okay. If I didn't wake up one day.

Scott Benner 50:21
I say, yeah, that doesn't change what I said about you, though.

Luke 50:26
Well, right. But I just, I mean,

Scott Benner 50:29
no, but I'm just saying that I said, you were a good person. And you said, well, not entirely, because there was part of me that wanted to die. And I don't, that doesn't stop me from feeling like you're a good person that that stops me for a while doesn't stop me. It makes me believe it more, because you're, you're in this scenario. Like I said, if you've got a bunch of bad actors around you, and your options are, be yourself. Or be like them. You chose Be yourself, even if you couldn't stand it. And I think that's credibly commendable that you didn't bend, and give up, even though it felt like you wanted to. And yeah, you don't I mean, like I get I get the I get what you're saying. But and I'm not arguing with you about how you feel about yourself, but just know it doesn't make me see you differently. That's all Yeah,

Luke 51:24
I appreciate I appreciate it. I just, you know, I just saying, you know, cuz like you said, I didn't take it out on anybody else. I mean, I didn't take it out on myself. It's just the point I was trying to make. Here, you know,

Scott Benner 51:35
how long did you feel like you? How long did you feel like it would be okay, if you didn't wake up

Luke 51:41
a Basal about two years from when I was like 13 to 15? Yeah, I just been, I just been put on a Medtronic pump and did a site change. I either put it in a muscle or the candle event or something. I wasn't getting insulin, my blood sugar was just creeping up. And I just decided to go to bed that night, and I woke up you know, puking my guts out, I was hardcore DK. Blood Sugar was like six, I think it topped out at like 635. kidneys are starting to shut down liver wasn't functioning properly. I was in the pedes ICU for three days. And I the like one of the few memories I have of that was, you know, the doctor getting the dialysis machine ready. And basically telling my mom start making phone calls. Tell people that, you know, this might be it. And my mom was so angry at my father. I didn't know this at the time, but she told me later. She called him tell him what was going on. And he's like, well, I guess I don't hear anything. No news is good news. Like that. That was his answer.

Scott Benner 53:05
Yeah, that's

Luke 53:12
it sucks cuz I agree with you. But at the same time, like I still love him. He's

Scott Benner 53:16
my dad. Hey, listen, man. I cried like a baby standing in a in a hospital room as my dad was passed away. And he was nothing but not good to me for most of my life. And I was completely devastated when he was passing away. So

Luke 53:30
this is why besides the, you know, type one, health and everything. This is why I love your podcast, because I associate with some of your stories so much. And it's just like, I like this guy gets it.

Scott Benner 53:44
I just I stood there. I was like, it was such a strange thing because it happened in the middle of the night. And like that, I got called, by his, you know, his new family to come to the hospital. So first of all, crazy fun showing up at the hospital for your father's passing in a roomful of people you do not know. And you know, and they love him in a way that you're like, that's how I'm supposed to feel about him. You know what I mean? So that's hard to begin with. And now you're in there. And at some point, they just realized, like, oh, that kid's his son. We're just people he met in his 50s you know what I mean? Like, they actually kind of stood back a little bit, which was very nice. My, I have two brothers, my one brother lives in the Midwest, and, you know, telling him wasn't gonna help anything. But my other brother was reasonably local, and I couldn't wake him up. And so the whole time I'm trying to like be with my father and wake my brother up so he can get there because I'm like, my dad's not gonna last whole morning. Like, I know he's not. And I couldn't I couldn't get my brother up. I couldn't get him to like, hear his phone. And so I just stayed with my dad and I did what I thought my brothers would want and what I felt was right. And he passed away. And everyone laughed, and I stayed. And I just thought, well, this is my shot, right, like, so I said everything to him that I never said to him. And I figured, like, let me leave it in this room the best I can. And, and that was it. But, I mean, the way he died was, in large part, in large part due to the decisions he made, you know, so it was, um, I mean, it's another way for me to feel like, like, do the right thing. get big do right by the people around you, the people that you make in this world and like, tell them you're going to take you know, when you're holding them in the hospital in their newborn, you're like, Don't worry, I got you like, actually, you know, have my dad was in a room with the some of the children of the woman he went to after my mother.

Unknown Speaker 56:01
And

Scott Benner 56:03
a woman who he had lived with after that woman, and me, and I just thought like, this is a mess. You don't I mean, like, my mom would have been here, my brothers would be here, like, we would have been around him while he was sick. Like, we love them. Like what the hell, man? And it just, I was stunned at the end, about how much I cared about him still. And I still do, I still have very, like strong, loving feelings about the first, you know, the first 12 years and 364 days of my life, even though he was, in a lot of ways, the way you describe, like, angry, hate you if you know, he didn't do what he wanted. You know, he wasn't particularly, you know, 2021 loving the way you think of it now, like I joked with some girls The other day I was recording with and I was like, Oh my god, like, now I see parents like driving their kids, please. Like my parents wouldn't have driven me somewhere, it would be like you want to go somewhere, you find a way to it. And that's the end of it. You know, we're not doing it. I've got my own life. Like it's different now. Like, so making for that, that in the 70s and 80s. It was different than it is now. Like, there are moments where my dad was like, generally genuinely warm to me, but they weren't for long. And they weren't frequently. It's just not how when he was brought up on a farm, you know what I mean? Like, it's not how it worked. I think we were just just north of like, livestock to him, you know, and he, but I don't know, man like I would, I would feel the same way. Yeah, I think you should love your dad. But you shouldn't take out everyone else's failings on yourself. is all I'm saying. I guess. Yeah. No, I get you. Yeah. How are you making out now? Like, are you still in therapy?

Luke 57:51
Yeah, I just, I just started going back. A ci last month. Okay, I'm trying. We're trying something trying something new. Something I've never done before. So we'll see how it goes. Good luck.

Scott Benner 58:08
Yeah, I am. I hope I hope it works out well, for

Luke 58:11
Yeah, my therapist actually said that I have to tell her when this podcast is posted, because she will be listening. So

Scott Benner 58:17
hey, listen, as long as she subscribes and listens to other episodes, she's more than welcome. And if she shares she shares it with other people. Don't let them hear it from your phone. Make them download it on their phone as well. Oh, oh, 100%. Really download got to get the numbers up. Yeah. numbers up downloads. Let's make this happen. That so she's gonna listen to this. Yeah. Well, I wish I could talk to her. How am I doing? I'm wondering, just answer to yourself in your own head while you're listening. I'm now talking to one person.

Luke 58:49
Well, I'll tell you what, I'll find out from her and then I'll shoot you a message after supposed to.

Scott Benner 58:55
Yeah, unless she doesn't like what I said. And then just keep it yourself. I don't need the pressure. So I'll just I'll just lie make you feel good. Now let's see now that you said that I can't believe anything you're gonna say to me. I was honest with you in the beginning, and I told you there's no way I would tell you the truth if I didn't notice that your eyes. I guess I just did the same thing I asked you not to do Nevermind. Oh, yeah. So. So you're how old now? 28.

Luke 59:22
I'll be 28 next month. Yeah. And you're getting married? I was married in 2014.

Scott Benner 59:28
No, you've been married for quite some time. Wait a minute. 2014. Let me do some quick math. That was seven years ago. Yeah. You've been married for seven years?

Luke 59:38
Yeah, I've been with my wife. We started dating. I asked her out to be my girlfriend. The night of her senior prom in 2010.

Scott Benner 59:49
So the first time she didn't threaten to hit you after you did something not quite right. You were like this girl's for me. Like your bar was probably pretty low. And now I'm not saying If you think about your working for you, we're probably just like you're not yelling or striking me, this seems much better. Thank you, and you guys are doing well.

Luke 1:00:08
I think so. Um, you know, we both have pretty steady jobs. We bought a new builds for our first home, which was pretty cool. You know, both have our own vehicles. The reason we had to reschedule This was because I'm going to pick up a new Harley. So I mean, we're financially stable we can do the things we want to do and you know, we're married is probably the hardest job I've ever had. But being with Steph, it makes it fairly manageable. Even you know, no matter what the struggles are, that's lovely. Now, are

Scott Benner 1:00:45
you going to be? Do you find yourself being the kind of person who sees the things that happen in their life and says, I don't want to be like that? Or do you find yourself mimicking any of the stuff that was around you?

Luke 1:00:58
Um, I'm more so the guy that's not going to do you know, I'm not going to repeat the same mistakes other people have.

Scott Benner 1:01:08
It's good. When you have kids, it gets pressuring again. So be aware of that. Like, it's like right now you're, you're in the middle of things that you can kind of control more like, you're good at your job, you can make money with it, you can buy your things. But when you start having kids, if you should, they have their own thoughts, it's very strange. And they're not always going to agree with you, even younger ages. And that pressure to make a perfect life for them. So that they don't have the struggles that you had, or your family members before you can like throw you into a situation where you just have weird reactions. So be aware of that, when it when it happens that you know, if you find yourself doing something that you think oh, my God, my father, or my stepfather would have done this. Like, just step back for a second and figure out what made you upset? What what are you worried about right then in there, because whenever I have moments where I'm like, this is not how I want to be. It's normally because I'm scared for my kids. I usually do that. Yeah, when I was younger, I would do the wrong things in those scenarios. Now, I'm just older. Doesn't matter. No one expects anything from me. So I'm pretty good.

Luke 1:02:17
I don't know if we're actually gonna have children. But if that changes, I'll definitely keep that in mind on purpose. He a yes and no.

Scott Benner 1:02:29
Yes and no. Is this something you don't want to tell me about?

Luke 1:02:33
No, no. I just not sure if we can have kids. Do

Scott Benner 1:02:40
you not know how it happens? Because I can explain it to you.

Luke 1:02:43
Well, I had a class in fifth grade. I think I'm doing it right. But

Scott Benner 1:02:48
you just gotta find the places where hair grows, basically. That's the first step. And then yeah,

Luke 1:02:52
so I started the armpits. And that wasn't right. So I just kind of work my way down. For years, we weren't having any luck conceiving? No. So we're just haven't really looked into it medically to see if it's thing but at the same time, we're not sure if we actually want to have kids. Um,

Scott Benner 1:03:17
well, did you have did your wife have similar upbringings? Like issues?

Luke 1:03:24
Yeah, yes. And no, like she her, she has a family, her parents are still together. She has two siblings. She was the middle child. But her dad is very controlling. I'm manipulative. him and I do not get along whatsoever.

Scott Benner 1:03:44
So is it fair to say that you both are pretty concerned that you might not be great parents, and therefore you don't want to put people through what you've been through?

Luke 1:03:53
That might be part of it. This is gonna probably sound terrible to a lot of people on this podcast. But my thing is, I don't want to, like I don't know if I could live with myself if I gave my like, if I had a child ended up being a type one, like I would burden you could not. could not imagine that. Yeah. After what I like how I was brought up and the stuff I went through.

Scott Benner 1:04:16
Well, I think understanding your limitations and staying within them sometimes is pretty commendable. So I'm not judging you. Everybody doesn't have to have kids. I'm you know, I don't think that's how this has to work. And yeah, if you really feel like that would eight sounds like you feel like it would crush you. But like, psychologically, not just like emotionally right? Right. Right. Yeah. Well, then like, yeah, then do the right thing. Don't make a baby and then like, it gets diabetes, you just fall apart. Now the kids like, Oh, great, now I'm alone. And it's just basically your life starts over again in his body or her body, you know, so, yeah, breaking cycles is a good idea.

Luke 1:04:58
That is my number one sheet. So, yeah,

Scott Benner 1:05:01
well buy a reindeer or something. What do they call caribou? That's the same thing as to be fed and taken care of. It'll get sick. You have to help it. It'll be very similar. perfectly.

Luke 1:05:13
Yeah, I guess I could do caribou or I could get out and oligo a mule deer or something.

Scott Benner 1:05:17
That'd be nice. I mean, listen, I guarantee you right now, if I showed you eight seconds of art and being angry at me yesterday, you'd be like, Yeah, I don't think kids wouldn't think twice about it again. Listen, do it. Do what makes sense. Like, that's what I was talking about earlier. Just, you know, take the information around you and make good decisions with it, move forward and continue to reassess. And maybe one day you'll think you want kids. And maybe one day you won't. I mean, whatever they done, you know, what are you gonna do? Like, you know, my dad, right? Well, yeah,

Luke 1:05:55
I'm young yet. I mean, my parents weren't. What were they? They were in their mid 30s when they started having kids. So

Scott Benner 1:06:02
you got me you got married when you were 12? basically. So yeah, I mean, 21. But yeah, I mean, if you're dyslexic, it was 12. Listen, that's how my wife was when we got married. And allow me to tell you a huge mistake. We didn't know what the hell we were doing. I think it's just random. Sometimes it had even worked out as well for us. You know, God, we didn't have a lot of good information.

Luke 1:06:25
Yeah, if you were to ask me at 16 how old I was gonna be when I got married. I would have never said anything younger than 25% 45.

Scott Benner 1:06:33
That look, you know, you get this magical idea that you're gonna understand the world at some point, but doesn't happen either. I'm sorry. I cut you off. No, you're good. My pump is going off. Oh, really? Yeah. How's your blood sugar been during this? Some people say their blood sugar's go up, bother interviewing

Luke 1:06:53
minds up a little bit, but I just did a slight change. So cool. That's not my fault. But yeah.

Scott Benner 1:07:01
So um, how was this is my wife and I were talking recently about an episode that I did. And Arden says, I come down after I record, and I'm like, full of energy for a while. And I do think that's true. Like, I, I feel very like tuned in right now. Like, I'm focused and listening and trying to think and everything. Anyway, she teases me about it. But my wife and I started talking about one of the episodes, and she's like, are the afterdark episodes becoming people like doing therapy on the podcast? And I was like, I just think that's what they are, in general. Like, I don't think they're becoming that I think that if you expect someone to lay out their life with some trauma attached to it, that's what's good, if they're going to be honest. And this is what's going to happen. You know, and I don't see it as like, people using the podcast for therapy. I mean, and if you are thinking about and you're listening, like, just keep in mind, I'm woefully under prepared to help you with anything. I just, you know, I'm just interested in talking to people, I like hearing what they're thinking. And I like asking the questions that pop into my head, like when I'm listening to something else, that's audio, and someone says something. And the next question that's asked, isn't the question I would ask. I'm irritated. I'm like, that's not what we need to know. We need to know this, you know, so that, that's all it is to me. But you were just trying to add to the fabric of the podcast, right? Like you enjoy the podcast, and you're trying to fill a void that it has.

Luke 1:08:32
Yeah, I'm mostly like, I granted I know, now, like, you know, Dexcom, and Omnipod, t slim, all these, you know, closed loop systems, or whatever. Parenting is, the type one child is probably way easier than anything my parents had to deal with. But I just wanted to share my story. Because, you know, not every marriage ends with, you know, 75 year old people bickering at each other in a Walmart parking lot or something. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:09:04
most of them don't, by the way, look,

Luke 1:09:06
right. So I just thought maybe, you know, if I share my side of the story, you know, for anybody listening to the podcast that is divorced, or going through divorce, they'll see just kind of how their actions do affect their children, and maybe it'll help them keep their kids from doing some of the stupid things I did, and making, you know, feeling the way I felt. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:09:28
I had a question for you. I want to answer that. Now. I don't want to forget this question. But well, first of all, it's it's lovely that you shared and you you know, tell your mom even thank you because the perspectives of the things and the decision she made are helpful to hear. Even your father you know, seeing what he did. That was not great. You know it. It's valuable for other people to hear because I don't believe mostly I don't believe that people know they're being bad people while they are like I don't think But your dad was making decisions. And while he was making them saying to himself, I'm about to do the wrong thing, here I go. Like he might have done it later and felt let down. But then people just justify what they do so that they don't have to feel that way. And, you know, even the stepdad thing like, Hey, I took him in, he can cut some would, I bet you that seemed reasonable, you know. So I don't think that people are busy. I don't think it's a it's not a movie where we're all twirling our mustaches and saying, you know, what we're gonna do next? It's gonna be nice to people. Yeah, like, I just don't, I don't think it's like that mostly. I mean, there are some people are, are broken and maybe tried to hurt people. But for the most part, what I think is important is to know that people who are hurting, you are not always doing it on purpose. And you're still going to feel it as if they are. Right. You know, the question I had, that I didn't get to ask earlier is when you stopped taking your insulin when you were younger, and you woke up? And this was all happening to you, how soon did it take you? Or did you regret doing it? At any point

Luke 1:11:13
is probably I was probably the last day I was in the ICU days getting discharged. My grandparents had my cell phone. My grandpa was a big part of my life. So they were always like, we moved to North Dakota, particularly for my stepdad. And because my mom wanted us around him, and my grandma helped them raise us. But my mom gave me my cell phone. And when I was finally lucid and coherent enough, you know, he gave it back to me and said, you know, all your friends are calling and texting you to see what's going on. And there was a girl I was interested in trying to date and she was, you know, worried and all this stuff. So after, after seeing all these people, besides, you know, my mom, my grandparents kind of freaking out is like, is almost like a realization like, yeah, you know, I might be in pain, you know, emotionally hurting emotionally. But if I were to kill myself, the pain doesn't end, it just gets kind of pushed on to other people. Yeah. And then after that, it kind of just, I was like, wow, this is really not the best. Not the best way of doing this. He just made me think that there's a certain amount of pain in the world. And

Scott Benner 1:12:30
if we can distribute it evenly amongst the people, then you shoulder the bits that that are yours to shoulder, that that makes it bearable. But when you start shoving it on to somebody who can't help it, or can't handle it, like a 13 year old kid, then that becomes like an unfair balance of it. So I don't know if that makes sense. Like maybe as a father, who left You are cheating, the amount of life burden that you're supposed to be holding, but it doesn't fall to the ground, it just falls on someone else. Is that what you're saying?

Luke 1:13:16
Yeah, yeah, like, you know, I was I was obviously I was depressed. I was, I was done with, you know, being a diabetic, I was done taking shots, I just, I didn't want to do it anymore. just tired of the pain, the needles, you know, all this stuff. I'm sure we all go through, at some point, you know, as a teenager,

Scott Benner 1:13:37
when what I'm wondering is, is there an amount of that reality that if someone else would have taken off of you, or at least helped you hold up, if you would have not fallen to where you did? I guess we'll never know that. But I mean, if you were in like, I Leave it to Beaver family structure, and your dad was, you know, helping with the diabetes, and like, all this stuff was happening, like, could they have gotten you through that part of your life? Where that impact? Because I mean, that's a spot where kids feel the way you feel like 13 1415 like, there's so much going on in your brain and hormones are changing, and you don't have great perspectives on some things like, like, I wonder if like in the right setting, if you wouldn't have felt like that maybe?

Luke 1:14:22
I don't know. Maybe, um, you know, it was it wasn't just, you know, the family side like I was getting bullied in school because I was the only kid you know, that had type one. So I got to leave class. I didn't have to take tests when I was low, or, you know, I had snacks and I was just I was different and kids are Well, I mean, that age group was like Gladiator training school, right? You just you pick on each other and weak ones get bullied, whatever. So I don't know if if having a complete family would have helped or not Maybe

Scott Benner 1:15:02
you'll never know I just did fascinating to kind of consider. And yeah,

Luke 1:15:06
I have a friend now that I'm really close to she had her own sort of issues about the same age, she was assaulted. And her and I are really close. Because we just like, I guess our our unhealthy coping mechanisms are similar, you know, we both pop pills at one point, we both, you know, had some form of self harm. So now that, like, I mean, granted, we're older, we can handle it a little bit better, but having that person who gets what you're saying, and can kind of like, take some of that, like you said, some of that grief off your shoulder and handle it is actually really helpful. And it's kept me grounded a lot more now that I'm older than, than anything prior. I don't know if that makes sense.

Scott Benner 1:16:01
But it's lovely that you found somebody like that. And yeah, it's funny, like, as we're talking about it, there's something kind of beautiful about the idea that some people can hold more than other people. And it's, you know, just as striking to me that if you get paired with a person who can't pay a little extra for you, it's not even their fault. It's not your fault. It's just unlucky. Like I, to me, that's all that seems to me, is luck, randomness, whatever you want to end up calling it, you know, I get notes all the time from people, and that they always end with Arden. So lucky. And I don't know, like, I that's sad that everybody's not that lucky. Like, I don't think of hardened as being lucky. I just think of me as doing the thing I promised to do when I met my wife and married her. And we said we were gonna have kids. Like, that's all I say about this. But I guess when so many times people don't stand up and take on the responsibilities that they say they're going to? I guess maybe it doesn't make it lucky when someone does. I don't know, maybe more people do, then we know we just don't hear from them. That's what I would like to hope. I would like to hope that your story is not the norm. And maybe it just feels a little more that way because I have a podcast where people talk about stuff like this. Because I don't I don't want to think of it being that way to be honest.

Luke 1:17:37
Well, I like Arden, in my opinion is lucky because in my in my eyes, you wouldn't like an extra step. Maybe maybe that's just because I know you through the podcast and how much you've done. But like just on on the Facebook group. I think I'm kind of the anomaly, like seeing how many people ask questions I kept. It was about a week ago, someone asked a question about the Bolus thing for for high protein meals. And I've been working with that for a while. So I was going to answer and they posted it, like 30 minutes before I saw it. And there was already like 76 answers. And I scrolled through, I'm like, well, all these people are saying exactly the right thing, you know. So if you take a snapshot of the diabetic community and look at through your podcasts Facebook group, I'd say 95% of people are probably closer to you than closer to what I was brought up. And

Scott Benner 1:18:38
it has done a really good job of bringing together people who think similarly, around management of insulin and ideas around diabetes and living with it, I have to tell you, that we've been talking for an hour and 15 minutes. And I've not felt like crying the entire time. I think I'm which I'm assuming means I'm pretty good with my parents divorce and how it all went. And so I don't feel real emotional around that anymore. I feel like it's something that's happened, and I understand it. And I'm not pushed by it anymore. But to hear you describe that, that there's a thing I made that brought a bunch of people together that helped another person, which I guess really is just a distribution of burden. That made me feel very emotional. I was very happy to hear you say that. And I agree with you. I see it happen all the time. And it's it's fascinating, and it's fulfilling. And then I like to imagine all the people who are listening who aren't in the Facebook page, and I like to hope that that either exists for them somewhere or that they're getting to it, but I'm happy to know that it's possible. And I used to think that it was my responsibility to get that To get everybody listening to that spot, but I don't feel that responsible anymore. Now I just feel like the podcast shows them the way that it's exists and that it's real. And if they can find a way to follow it, it's there for them. And they can get that information. So I've found a way not to feel burdened by that either, because there were a couple of years during the podcast where everyone listenings Health felt like my responsibility. And I knew that wasn't right. So I had to, I had to figure that out. And you guys all coming together. And that Facebook group, actually was a big part of helping me feel better, because it didn't feel like it was just up to me to answer people's questions anymore. So So that's, it's been a really great thing. I agree.

Luke 1:20:44
Yeah, it's almost like you're the captain of the ship. And then, you know, that group's kind of just your crew, you know, we step up and help you out.

Scott Benner 1:20:52
You know, I appreciate you saying that. That's, um, that's really nice. I think of similar way like I don't captains, not what would have popped into my head. And it's interesting that a pop is yours, because you're in a landlocked state. But nevertheless, I think it's, it's almost like a good coach to me. Like, you know, you know, when you're young if you ever played a sport, but you can get coached by people who are just there, and they're nice people. But every once in a while, you get somebody who sets a tone. And the responsibility for the players is to meet the tone, it feels like, the best way I can I explain that is that when my son was younger, before, it was common for kids to be very good at tracking fly balls in the outfield, he was incredibly good at it. And I asked him one time, like, just wondering like, you know, I mean, people who don't play baseball, don't know, but this tiny little white thing jumps up in the sky in a split second. And in two or two and a half seconds, it's going to travel three or 400 feet, and then be on you. Like, how do you get to the spot where it's going to come down? Like how do you how do you see it? How do you follow it? How do you run and still know where the ball is. And my son would say that he more than anything, didn't want to let the coach down. And so there was something about this one specific coach, because he was coached by a number of people, but there was something about this one specific guy, that I when the ball went up in the air, my son was like, I'm gonna catch it for him. You know, and, and I think that whatever that man did to make my son feel that way, was magical. And he did, like, in this very small way. He just he laid the groundwork for him. And so I just think of the podcast is me saying, like, here's the here's the way it could actually happen. And now, for reasons that I can't completely wrap my head around, there are plenty of people listening who are like you, okay, Scott, I'm gonna go catch the ball for you. And I just think it's terrific. It's, it's really great. I can't believe that. It's helping so many people. And we don't usually talk about this seriously. Usually by now I joke about it. And

Luke 1:23:11
yeah, it's well, not to talk about other podcasts on your show. But I listened to one that does a sports movie breakdowns. And called the brick wall test, like, you know, would you after, like, if you've seen the movie miracle, Herb Brooks, give that speech for the Russia game. You know, you want to run through a brick wall just for that guy. Just, you know. Because of what he did for you, you want to pay him back, and you definitely pass the brick wall test. For me Anyways,

Scott Benner 1:23:42
thank you. That's right. Yeah. It'll, that'll help me later today, when my family thinks I'm an idiot and yells at me for something. And life is real. Like, it's not very real. When I'm on this microphone. It's very segmented and focused. So it's, I always think of it as um, you know, there's somewhere there's probably some like, like, really great athlete or, you know, famous person who just brings their kid to dinner and the kids like, Oh, it's not what I asked for. And they're not like, they don't go Hey, three time Oscar winning man. is just like this idiot always messes up my dinner. So it's, it's really nice. My, my wife and I were talking about something about this maybe a month ago. And she said, Don't worry, I'll keep you grounded. And I said, Yeah, don't Don't worry. I know. You. think there's a sensor on her phone? And if she feels me happy, she's like, Oh, we got this guy. A little too happy.

Luke 1:24:39
That I've got to bring up that thing you did wrong. 10 years ago. Yeah.

Scott Benner 1:24:42
You remember when we were dating and I said this. You said that what you are. You remember that? live in it for a second. I don't care how many people's pay one ceaser better. You failed me when I was 23. Everybody lied and said I looked Add in that dress is very much like that they're on top of me like right now my wife's like this. I just got a text from her. This is running over and the dogs need to go out. Yeah, I'm sorry I'm getting you in trouble. Look. Oh, now she's like, Don't worry, he laid back down. This reminds me long time ago. It's not apples to apples. But Jim Carrey did this interview on the stern show after he got divorced, and he said he would come home from a movie set and then his wife wanted him to take out the trash. And it rubbed them the wrong I'm pretty sure it was Jim Carrey and it just like he couldn't reconciled anymore. He was so like, famous that he's just like, why somebody's talking to me like this. Like I don't have to take the trash out. Like he had that whole like thing. I don't ever want to feel that way. I don't for clarity, but I don't ever want to like at that always made me sad that he that he had slipped down some rabbit hole that he couldn't find his way back out again. And that just simple things didn't seem like they fell to him anymore. I like this part of having a family. Like I like being responsible. And I like helping people. It sounds like you're gonna have you have a bit of a caregivers mentality as well. You just don't seem like you have any place to point it at the moment. But you want people around you to be well, it sounds like

Luke 1:26:19
yeah, it's my it's my like, I enjoy making people feel good. You know, it, it's always been easier for me to help other people feel better than than myself. I've kind of just clung to that my whole life.

Scott Benner 1:26:35
But listen, it's a it's an odd I mean, it's obvious why if you've been listening for the last hour, it's obvious why but it should be obvious to anybody, like people are stopping you from being happy. But you see somebody who can be made happier and you're not going to then later hit them with a belt or scream at them like you're you can be their their conduit to that feeling. And it makes you feel good. It probably also, on some level makes you wonder why somebody can't treat you that way. But I just think it's because there are a lot of different kinds of people and you're not as common as as some of the others or at least in your in your ecosphere. You aren't as common, but there are a lot of people like you. You know, you just got to meet them. And I don't know, man, I really enjoyed this. So interesting. Yes.

Luke 1:27:24
This is fun. If you ever do decide to get a Jim Carrey head, though, just remember, you almost choked to death on ice t on this podcast. I bring you back down.

Scott Benner 1:27:36
Yeah. Oh, if I ever feel that's a good point. If I ever start feeling special, I'll just remember the time I couldn't ingest iced tea. Almost did get me that stuck with me for like, I must have been like 20 minutes without recording everyone. So I was like, what's happening again?

Luke 1:27:52
You and the guests like she was so sweet and concerned. And all I was doing in my pickup driving home from work is I was just laughing so hard that I have a terrible person. But this is hilarious.

Scott Benner 1:28:03
I'm glad you were happy. I you know, I just I couldn't really did this cat way down the back hit me right in the back of the throat. And I was like, oh, and then I just couldn't shake it. My eyes were water. It was terrible.

Luke 1:28:15
I mean, we've all been there it just you don't get reported. It will be so funny as yours was recorded. You could have edited it all out. But you didn't.

Scott Benner 1:28:25
I don't I don't see any reason that editing is really a pain in the ass. And I don't like doing it very much. I edit the show for sound more than anything. I like people to have like a nice, clean sound experience. That makes sense. Yeah. So some people breathe heavy, smack their lips. You know, there's all kinds of little things. I think that people do that. While you're having the conversation you don't notice but when you're listening to it, it can be distracting. So that's pretty much what I added for I don't think I've ever Well, not ever, but very infrequently do I take content out of the podcast?

Luke 1:29:03
I like Well, let me know besides my furnace, how bad my audio is

Scott Benner 1:29:07
how your audio is terrific except for the furnace. And it's actually enough in the background that I think it'll add to it. I think people will be like, no, Luke's freezing his ass off in the in the basement to be part of the podcast. I appreciate that I really do. So much. There's a one woman that always sticks in my head that she had to go after her car during the summer in the northeast. And by the time we got all the noises going she was in a sealed car that wasn't running. And there was like a sauna but she did it. It was a really good episode and I was like stunned because I wouldn't have done that. If you said to me close the car doors and sweat your ass off in the heat to be on my podcast. I'd be like no, I don't I'm not doing so I was always really grateful for and I in my mind you're in the in my mind you're like in a in a there's a furnace behind you like out of the horror movies. It looks the great on the front looks like teeth and it's lighting up and coming down and lighting up and coming down. That's how I've been thinking about it the whole hour. We've been talking, I've been aware of it. Sure, it's not,

Luke 1:30:10
I won't. I won't ruin that image for you.

Scott Benner 1:30:13
You're really just surrounded by a bunch of Christmas decorations.

Luke 1:30:17
Well, not a whole lot of Christmas decorations. I got a deer mount and some hockey flags. And that's about it.

Scott Benner 1:30:26
Alright, let's go with my picture. Is that mine? Mine was better. Yeah, wait better? Yeah. Look, I didn't ask him. Like, let's just finish up with. How's your management right now? Is the podcast been valuable for you that way? Or is it more of a community thing for you?

Luke 1:30:39
A little bit of both. I'm not gonna lie to you. I don't listen to every podcast.

Scott Benner 1:30:43
But there's,

Luke 1:30:44
Yeah, I know. I know. There's certain ones that just don't like I can't take anything from it. Sure. You know, but I can't remember which one I listened to last. It's been a while. But you're talking about, you know, adjusting basil and cutting back your Bolus. Because you Bolus dip and then you'd get heigen. While I was kind of fighting that, with how weird or whether it's been it's gone from like 70 to 30 and snowing for days. So that's been helped me out. But my last day one C was 5.9. That's great. Good for you. And then before that was a five, three. That's excellent.

Scott Benner 1:31:27
Man. You're doing great. That's so yeah, yeah, I listen, I I listened to audio. Like I enjoy audio a lot. So there are things that pop up in my player for shows that I listened to that I'm just like, I'm not. I try every one. I think it's the creator in me, I don't skip them. I try them. But there's sometimes I'm an hour into a conversation on my I just don't have anything in common with this person. And I'm not jiving with this. I'm gonna find something else. But that's also why I think good creators put out a lot of content too. It's because they know not everything that happens on every episode is going to be for everybody. If I expected that would be insane. You know, right. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's going to be an episode that comes out with three girls who know each other who all have type one diabetes. And I find it incredibly interesting. But if you don't want to listen to an hour and 45 minutes of a 1315 and 17 year old girl talking, I would understand that, you know, just as I would understand if they don't care to hear about your, you know, sad childhood, because they have a really great child. And they're like, this doesn't make any sense to me at all. You know, that just, everything's not for everybody. But as long as you say, subscribe and download your episodes. I don't even want to delete them afterwards. It's fine, but I need the download. You people need to understand my needs here. Download. I need downloads. Anyway, I really appreciate you doing this. You were incredibly honest. And this was really great. I'm glad we were able to get it rescheduled and get it out. Can you hold on a second? Yeah, I'm good. Thanks.

A huge thank you to one of today's sponsors. g Vogue glucagon. Find out more about chivo Kibo pen at G Vogue glucagon.com forward slash juicebox you spell that GVOKEGL Uc ag o n.com. forward slash Juicebox. Podcast I want to thank the Contour Next One blood glucose meter for sponsoring this episode of the Juicebox Podcast. Go to Contour Next one.com forward slash juice box. And of course, thank you so much to Luke for coming on the show and laying his story out so well. And so honestly, I really appreciate everybody who comes on the show. It cannot be easy. If you're enjoying the Juicebox Podcast, please share it with someone who you think might also enjoy it. That's pretty much it. The show grows when you share it. Thank you very much. I'll be back soon with another episode of the Juicebox Podcast.

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