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Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, welcome to episode 991 of the Juicebox Podcast.

Today I'll be speaking with Ian, he's 32 years old and has had type one diabetes since he was 10 years old. So it's a very emotional conversation we talk a lot about how he feels about a lot of different things, type one diabetes, and other issues. While you're listening, please remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan are becoming bold with insulin. Considering drinking ag one, use my link, drink ag one.com forward slash juicebox. If you want to save 40% off of your entire purchase at cozy earth.com use the offer code juicebox at checkout. And don't forget to follow touched by type one on Instagram, Facebook, and go see what they're doing and touched by type one.org. I have a little time here. So let me remind you that episode 1000 is coming up quickly. And I am re releasing it completely Remastered. The audio is terrific. Imagine I went back in time, found myself in 2019 and said hey, you should probably buy Jenny a good microphone for this. Imagine that happened? Well, it kind of did because it's all remastered look for episode 1000 Soon. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by Omni pod five. Learn more and get started today with Omni pod at my link Omni pod.com forward slash Juicebox Podcast is also sponsored today. By who who want to guess guessing your head contour. That's right, the contour next gen blood glucose meter contour next.com forward slash juicebox links in the show notes links at juicebox podcast.com. When you click those links, you're supporting the production of the podcast and helping to keep it free.

Ian 2:07
Hi, my name is Ian. I'm 32. And I've been type one diabetic for the past 22 years.

Scott Benner 2:14
Wow. Interesting. 22 years diagnosed at around 10 Yep, you're 32 Now, okay, any kids or family?

Ian 2:26
I have two stepkids that I'm currently in the process of adopting,

Scott Benner 2:32
Oh, very nice. Any autoimmune or type one in your family.

Ian 2:37
My great grandpa on my mom's side was diabetic. We're not sure if he was type one or type two. And then I have a cousin on my dad's side who's 10 years younger than me and was diagnosed at the same age with type one.

Scott Benner 2:53
There's type one your dad's side. How about other autoimmune stuff? Do you have anything?

Ian 2:57
Um, I have psoriasis. My mom deals with some hypothyroidism. But that's the gist of autoimmune stuff in our family.

Scott Benner 3:08
I love you said something just now it's so colloquial. It's probably to your to wherever you live your area. But your mom deals with a little hypothyroidism little little touch of it.

Ian 3:21
Just a touch of the hypo.

Scott Benner 3:25
I love that idea. My mom's just got to touch the hypothyroidism. What does that mean? Does it is it something she deals with? It's not impactful on her day to

Ian 3:36
day. Yeah, she does take medication for it. Right. But it's nothing that's ever really impacted her life on a day to day basis.

Scott Benner 3:47
Interesting. Okay. Well, you have more than a touch of the type one I imagine.

Ian 3:52
Yeah. fair bit of the type one.

Scott Benner 3:55
Oh, gosh. II and I don't think we usually named the episodes in the first 120 seconds but you're on a strong start here. More than a touch of the type. 110 years old. Do you recall it at all the moment you found out?

Ian 4:12
I do. We had actually gone to a roast beef chain fast food restaurant,

Scott Benner 4:19
Arby's or Rogers. Arby's. Arby's. Go ahead. Yep.

Ian 4:23
Ironically, the one that I started working at when I was turned 16. But we get gotten there, five for five. Got home as the family and I ate a roast beef. went into the bathroom and puke my guts out. Came back out still starving, hungry. Ate another one puked. Again, we were out a roast beef sandwiches and went to the fridge, opened it up, looked through it couldn't find anything I want and turned to my mom and went. There's no good food in this house. I'm pretty sure at that point. She was like there better be something wrong with this kid. or he's Yeah, he's grounded for the next year

Scott Benner 5:06
because I know how much money I spent on all this food in this house.

Ian 5:09
Yep. So she had been trying to get me tested for a few months before that, because I'd been drinking a lot of water, I grabbed one of the big 32 ounce cups, and fill it up three or four times in the night and get up and use the bathroom. And I thought that was normal. I thought everybody just got up in the middle of night to pee a bunch of times. But every time we had gone to our, our family doctor, it was a fasting test and my blood sugar would be okay. So finally after this, my mom takes me in and says to the doctor, like you're testing them right now. Check his blood sugar, and he checked it and I was 487 Oh, gosh, okay. Yeah. And at that point, our I was not very happy with that doctor, looking back, he gave us a shot to insulin, because there was at the end of the day, said go home. I'll see in the morning. He didn't work out for for pretty much we went in there. At the end of his office day, he gave me some insulin said, oh, yeah, you're diabetic. I'll see you in the morning for a little bit of training. And so, went home came back the next morning, and gave us like, the 1015 Minute rundown of this is your insulin, you're going to take this much at night. You're going to take this much in the morning. These are how many grams of carbs you can eat. Good luck. Wow. And send us on our way. Happy day. Yep, yeah. And I was not big on needles. At that point.

Scott Benner 6:53
You're old you weren't big on needles.

Ian 6:55
For some reason. I didn't like shots. But I remember being on top of my bunk bed and my mom trying to get me to take my insulin and my sister having to climb up onto the top bunk to help get me down to give me my first shot.

Scott Benner 7:12
Yeah, that's a good corner to hide in. Because it's it's in the corner and it's up high.

Ian 7:16
So yeah, you have the high ground. There's no notch back. So

Scott Benner 7:20
you didn't launch a counter offensive when they came for you?

Ian 7:23
I thought about it, but I was out of stuffed animals probably

Scott Benner 7:27
didn't listen. Let's do a little trivia. Do you know who the deep voice guy is for Arby's?

Ian 7:32
I know who you're talking to. I do not know his name. I don't know his

Scott Benner 7:35
name. It's vegan Rames thing rights? actor who would you know Vin rams and Mission Impossible. What else was the in? God? He's been in so many of those Mission Impossible movies lately. I can't think of any other stuff. Oh, Pulp Fiction. Is he Oh, yeah. Okay. Yep. All right. And so when you said five for five I can just that's all I get here is ving rains going Arby's five for five. Jesus. You is knocked me off course early on, with his with his Arby's knowledge.

Ian 8:07
Well, when you get hungry after this episode, you'll at least know why.

Scott Benner 8:11
Yeah, exactly what the record against it's gonna make me crazy. But, uh, ya know, I that I don't know, like Arby's is not a huge thing. I don't think anymore. And yet, I can hear those commercials in my head. And if I'm doing my job correctly, you're hearing this commercial in your head right now. The contour next gen blood glucose meter is small, accurate, has a bright light and an easy to read screen. But it's accurate, accurate, accurate, accurate. This is my opinion. Well, let me see if I said what's the most important thing about a blood glucose meter accuracy. I guess I got number one. After that bright light for nighttime use. That's that's the second means that the second one, I'd be able to read the screen. I want it to fit my hand. Well, I guess I like it to have second chance that okay, I want the next gen. That's what that's what you want. The contour. Next Gen blood glucose meter has Second Chance test strips, a bright light for nighttime viewing an easy to read screen, it fits well in your hand. And it's incredibly accurate. Not every blood glucose meter can say it's as accurate as the contour next gen contour next.com forward slash juicebox. Now here's the great thing about my link. It's all there. There's a button right there that says buy now it takes you to like six different options where you can buy like Amazon's a bunch of online sellers. Here's the point, the test strips and the meter. Very well maybe less expensive out of your pocket cash than you're paying now for test strips and a meter through your insurance company. That's a that's completely possible. You should check And if your insurance covers it, well, that's great. Just tell your doctor I want to Contour Next One blood glucose meter and contour strips. Because I want accuracy. I want stability. I want to know what my blood sugar is. And I want to not have to think, is this right? am I guessing contour next.com forward slash juice box. Go get it now. The I mean, years three, four years aren't has been using the contour meter. They are exceptional. And that's what you deserve exceptional contour next.com forward slash juice box whether you get it through your pharmacy, your insurance, you buy it through cash on my link, contour next.com forward slash juice box is where you go to learn all about it. Arden is getting ready to go back to school, the summer break is over sadly. And we're packing up our supplies. So we're getting a whole bunch of on the pods together in a box for her to take back to the college with her. And as I was going through the drawer you have everyone has a drawer right supply drawer getting out Chivo Capo pen test strips from contour on the pods. I started thinking about how long we've had these things and how many of these pumps you know has she worn over the years and it's so many I can say like without hesitation. It's a great experience. It is like I mean to Bliss. She can swim with it. Take a shower with it. Activities exercise all with the Omni pod. It's not obtrusive at all. No cords, tubes or anything like that to get caught on things. That just works. It works terrific. If we love it. Omni pod.com forward slash juice box you can get a test drive of the Omni pod at my link and you can learn more and even check out your insurance coverage. It gets started Omni pod.com forward slash juice box when you use my links, you're supporting the production of the podcast and helping to keep it free and plentiful.

And they're pretty new, right like they can't be battled a finger. Eames although he's in his 60s. I guess it could be anyway. I don't want to go down this video rooms rabbit hole.

Ian 12:43
Have an hour long podcast about Arby's.

Scott Benner 12:46
Yeah, I don't know if I could do that. Honestly. I was think no. Yeah, no, I'm sorry. I'm I'm arguing in my head about huifeng Ramzes. Nevermind. What a strange, strange discussion to have out loud in front of somebody else without using any words like that. No, yes. No, no. What are you having rams? Okay. Anyway, Pulp Fiction. I mean, he's, he's, he's got a small very good part in Pulp Fiction. Okay, so Alright, so now you're, you're in your bedroom, you've you're unable to fend off your sister. I mean, was she older or younger. But she's

Ian 13:31
two years older than me. And she's, I've always been the one. And she's always been, like, bigger than me, like, substantially larger and stronger than me. So she dragged me down out of that bunk bed, pretty much kicking and screaming and took my shot. And then we ended up going and seeing a diabetes educator. And she was amazing. She helped me out a lot. And that's she was the one who Morse led the change to grams of carbs to unit insulin. And we saw a switch there and then ended up switching family doctors to somebody who is more familiar with type one

Scott Benner 14:17
and had more empathy, I would imagine Yeah, yeah. A lot more.

Ian 14:21
He was great. Loved him. My niece and nephew actually see him as their primary doctor now.

Scott Benner 14:31
Well, I mean, you know, it's interesting, I can understand if you're if your GP is not the right person for it, like that's fine. Right? You're I mean back then. Right your pediatrician and but, but to just because I have a image in my head of like you with your handout, and him just slapping a couple of needles in your hand and a vial and being like, listen, count that should that good luck. And even if it wasn't like that, that's your memory of it, you know? And so I do wonder sometimes if I mean, if you asked me to sit here and recount the moment when somebody explained insulin to me, I don't think I even remember. Honestly, like, I could paint your pictures like big broad, kind of like fuzzy pictures of the day with words or you know how it went. But I only really remember. Like, like, moments of it.

Ian 15:24
Yeah, I mainly remember him, giving me that like handing on the vial of all, I think it was humor, log and cloudy. And given us a rundown, you can eat this many grams that breakfast, this much for lunch this much for dinner. And then I remember going into my fifth grade classroom, and just walking in and standing up there and be like, I'm diabetic now. Which was ironic, because we had another type one of my class who was diagnosed most in third grade.

Scott Benner 16:01
You remember what the reaction was from the kid?

Ian 16:04
He was just sort of, okay. I'm not alone now. And then his dad was actually great. His dad reached out and was like, if there's anything you ever need, I'm here to talk to your parents ever need anything? Because we went to a really small Catholic school? So there was like, 80 kids from kindergarten to eighth grade. Yeah. So is everybody knew everybody?

Scott Benner 16:28
Well, that's what that's I mean, that's, did you find that helpful? Did you like take advantage of it ever?

Ian 16:36
It was helpful. Just knowing everybody there was there wasn't anybody in the school that I didn't know. But I was listening to your podcast, actually, yesterday, and I heard something you said about Catholic schools. Find them the girls there, I'd have to say, of having been in Catholic schools from kindergarten to 12th grade. Not my experience with the Catholic girls.

Scott Benner 17:02
Because it's because you were the ones they knew. Yeah.

Ian 17:05
See, I found better if you like my wife, if you find a former Baptist preacher's daughter. Those are the ones you got apply.

Scott Benner 17:14
Oh, that's your experience. You need your own podcast if you want to tell that story. Oh, my gosh, that's interesting. That's it wasn't our experience. They just knew you too. Well, to be interested in you. That's all.

Ian 17:30
Yeah. They knew me as the scrawny little guy. So they're like, yeah, it's just em. You gotta

Scott Benner 17:35
go find people who don't know you. So that you can be whatever it is. You say you are, I guess.

Ian 17:40
Yeah. And then you just got to hide the crazy for just long enough for him to get comfortable.

Scott Benner 17:45
Is that it was how you handled it.

Ian 17:47
That's how I handled my wife. I hit the crazy for just long enough

Scott Benner 17:52
that it would you let it out when it was too late. She's like, Oh, I like the guy now.

Ian 17:56
Yeah, well, I waited till I propose She already said yes. Then Then she got crazy.

Scott Benner 18:02
It's too late. Now here's,

Ian 18:05
here's the ring.

Scott Benner 18:09
Well, I don't think it's uncommon for people to put their best foot forward in the beginning. Although that usually does mean holding something back. Right. Well, how about that? How old? were you when you met your wife?

Ian 18:24
Um, it was six years ago. So I was 26.

Scott Benner 18:29
Okay. And so, I mean, how much of that's interesting. So how much of diabetes? Do you let her know in the beginning of dating? And then how much do you kind of let out as time goes on? Or do you just blurt it all out at once? How do you handle it?

Ian 18:47
I let her know I was diabetic, like right off the bat because I have a forearm tattoo. That's medical alert. So she knew. But she wasn't really involved in anything at the beginning, and we moved in together within eight months of dating. And so once she moved in, she started seeing a little bit more but it was me taking care of it and she was just sort of there along for the ride. Okay, and now she's gotten a lot more into it because I've gotten to a point now where I can afford the insulin pump and and the CGM. So she follows me on Doc's calm. And she's really good at if she gets the low notification check in and like you need some you want me to grab you some. So

Scott Benner 19:37
okay, I'm just I don't care one way or the other, how you have your thing set up but I'm just wondering, could she figure out a meal Bolus? Does she know how to help you if you're too low? Like how much of it does she have?

Ian 19:50
She doesn't really figure out meal Bolus type stuff, but she definitely could help me with when I'm low. I've been lucky and haven't had to have assistance yet. But she knows where the Basal glucagon is, and how to use it and everything so. Okay, and she also, I sent her your podcast on low blood sugar. Oh, back when I first started listening, and she's like, that's the most I've learned about what to do in a long time.

Scott Benner 20:21
Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's good. I mean, I like that I like the idea that there's shareable content that can help, like, catch somebody up. But it's also interesting that just living with a person doesn't give you that context. And I don't mean, like, interesting, like, Oh, why is she not doing that? Or why are you not telling her? I just think it's interesting. Like you're living your life, like you go to work. I imagine she has a job to, and then there's things to do at home. There's kids, and it's not like every moment of your diabetes is a is a TED talk, you know, right. So it just doesn't come up enough for her to actually absorb it on that level. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Are you comfortable with that?

Ian 21:03
Yeah, I'm okay with it. Um, I've been chronically single for most of my adult life. So it just seems like something that I deal with. And I'm okay. I'm used to dealing with it alone. So it's just sort of what's natural to me.

Scott Benner 21:22
How involved were your parents.

Ian 21:25
They were more involved at the very beginning. And then it was quickly handed off to me, because within a year of my diagnosis, my grandpa died of prostate cancer. And then my parents were separated within another year and divorced my freshman year of high school. Okay, so there was a, there was a lot going on for them. And it was just sort of handed over to me. And I had a lot of self hatred and anger over the diabetes. So that held me back for many, many, many years.

Scott Benner 22:04
Can you tell me about that? What do you mean by self hatred?

Ian 22:09
With everything that went on, with my grandpa passed, and shortly after, and then we were raised Catholic. So it was very family oriented. And my dad ended up having an affair. And

Scott Benner 22:24
can I stop you for a second? Yeah. It's hilarious that you're like, listen, we were raised Catholic. So obviously, we're very family oriented. My father had an affair, which is not a family oriented decision.

Ian 22:39
Because it was so out of character. And so out of left field. It threw me for a loop here. As to what am I supposed to do with my life? How am I supposed to act as a man? Yeah. So with that, and then the hurt that it caused my mom and everything, it just, I had a lot of hatred, just getting diagnosed. And then there's no face to diabetes. There's nothing to be mad at. Yeah. Physical to be mad at. Yeah. So when your parents asked you, what's your blood sugar? I'd get upset. And it was the first question was, What's your blood sugar? It felt like they were tying all of me who I am emotionally to a number. Right. And so that caused a lot of animosity towards my parents, like, they became the physical manifestation of diabetes to be, and they were, what I could take my aggression out.

Scott Benner 23:45
Okay. Well, that makes sense. What about? I mean, what about the part where you were mad at yourself?

Ian 23:52
I guess at some point, I please. I felt like the divorce and everything was partly because of my diabetes. And I never felt good enough. So to punish myself, I just decided not to take care of myself, subconsciously and just, I'm going to keep myself on my feet. Like I'm alive. I'm conscious. But I'd ride in the four hundreds, five hundreds and not not feel it not care.

Scott Benner 24:26
What was the idea behind that you're going to punish yourself for your parents divorce.

Ian 24:31
punish myself for that anything I felt lacking in myself? It had to be my fault. So I'm here. I'm not going to live a long time. Screw it. Let's just try and carry on like, nothing's wrong.

Scott Benner 24:49
So So you became your very own whipping post, basically. Yep.

Ian 24:54
Yeah. For anything many, many years.

Scott Benner 24:56
Okay. Do you? I mean, it's so Hard question. But do you think your diagnosis actually had some hand in pushing their marriage apart? Or is that just your child's head?

Ian 25:08
That's just my child said, looking back. I think it was the death of my grandpa that sent everything sort of. I'm sure it wasn't great before that, but I think that's what, really did it. Yeah.

Scott Benner 25:27
The straw that broke the camel's back kind of a situation. Yeah. Not not like your mom and dad were going along like, June and Ward Cleaver and your grandfather died. Your dad's like, I'm gonna go throw my penis in somebody else. Like nothing like that. It was just like, probably a slow distraction. Yeah, yeah. Okay. And then that hits you? Do you believe that? Did you live with your mom or your dad?

Ian 25:49
We had joint custody. I was supposed to do 5050 custody. But I ended up spending the vast majority of time with my mom. Okay. And there were years at a time where I just wouldn't talk to my dad or I'd see him at holidays. Because I didn't want to see him.

Scott Benner 26:09
Okay. Did your mom know how you felt?

Ian 26:14
Yeah, she did her best to take care of me emotionally and physically. Like, I'll give her credit. That woman is a saint. I don't know how she managed to make sure I always had insulin, always had food. Always had clothes on my back roof over my head. But she managed it somehow.

Scott Benner 26:38
There. But about the part about you, like how you felt and how you treated her? Do you think she was aware of that? And? Or do you think on her? From her perspective? You were just upset? Like, do you think she had a more general idea of what was happening? Like, oh, Ian's upset, because we're divorced. Or he's upset because he has diabetes? But do you think she understood? Like, the deeper because you're explaining clearly how you felt? You know, you're angry with everything and took it out on yourself? And do you think she understood that part of it?

Ian 27:13
Um, at the time, I don't think she did. We've actually talked about it more recently. And I've explained it to her like, this is what was going on. I'm sorry for being a dick as I grew up, but this is what was going on in my head. She thought it was more just uncontrolled blood sugars. were causing everything and being a teenage guy. The hormones that go along with that.

Scott Benner 27:39
Do you think that has some validity?

Ian 27:43
I definitely do. And looking back that uncontrolled blood sugars definitely made me way more aggressive and ready to have those verbal arguments. But it was also be fueled. My like, rage and hatred would be fueled. When it was we'd have those arguments and that was the immediate What's your blood sugar? And then that doesn't felt so invalidating.

Scott Benner 28:08
Yeah, yeah, right. You couldn't possibly be upset. This is your blood sugar? Yeah. I don't know if it's right for everybody. But I mean, for me, personally, I can remember back to being in that age. And when that when those real, like, when that those hormones hit you. It everything is either aggressive, or, or looking for a mate. Like kind of, like it just it feels like you just want you'd like I mean, for me, it was like I looking for girls, and my interactions around other things. I were always turned up to 100 for some reason.

Ian 28:49
Yeah, it was. There's either you're at full stop, or your full set. Yeah, there's no in between.

Scott Benner 28:55
It's hard to it's hard to, like when and when it's happening. You're there's contextually you don't understand. And even if he did understand, I don't think you'd be able to go to step back out of yourself at you know, 1819 years old and be like, Oh, I'm not really upset. This is just the influx of hormones that are making me a man, you know, like, it's, I don't think you'd be able to do that one way or the other. But just like aggressive interactions, and you know, and then I mean, the just, I don't know for you in but like the any free time was spent looking for girls.

Ian 29:34
Oh, yeah. Even when it wasn't necessarily free time. You'd multitask. Yeah,

Scott Benner 29:40
you could. You could ignore an important task if it meant if it meant some girl looked interested a little bit, you know? Yeah, I don't know. It's hard to put into words. I tried to explain this. My son was getting older. My wife would be like, What's wrong with him? And I'm like, You have no idea. You leave him alone. He's, he's on a path. So

Ian 29:59
alone. Don't, don't not make sure you knock before you go in,

Scott Benner 30:03
don't spend the adult stand in front of him, that's for sure. When he's when he's on a limb, he's on a tirade or, or, you know, just, I don't know, it's interesting. And my, my son's a little more mellow. But still, it's, it's, um, it's there, you can just see it like, you know, I personally don't think that I don't think it completely stopped for me until maybe like 10 years ago, and just slowed down really more than stopped like that whole, just that. I don't know that aggressive nature when testosterone is and as I get older, and it goes away a little bit, I miss it a little bit, too. Yeah, you know, you're not that old yet. But

Ian 30:49
I feel like it My back's destroyed. But that's what I get for being a landscaper. That's tough work. Yeah. So it beats what I was doing before I used to work in plastics. So I made, I worked in a factory for 12 hours a day and running the machines that make different food cups and stuff. So yeah, landscaping, at least I get to see the sky

Scott Benner 31:15
to go outside. And I worked in a factory setting when I was a kid for four or five years. And there was gaps of time in there where I did landscaping. And some of those landscaping days were something like was just you're up at the crack of dawn. And before you were awake, you're bouncing around in a truck somewhere, you'd already loaded equipment onto a trailer, like the freezing cold even in the summertime, it's feels like it's cold at six o'clock in the morning. And you just spend your day like doing a job that if you did it your house when it was over, you'd collapse. But in this situation, you did it. And then you climbed into a truck and tried to pull yourself back together while you drove to the next place to do it again. And then you know, they wanted you to work until the last ounce of light, then you'd go I'd go home and take a shower and eat something and go to sleep and wake up and do it the next day.

Ian 32:11
Yeah, I made the mistake of doing that and then telling my wife, I would put in a patio at our house. So I'd get home and go start working on the patio. It's like I don't have energy for this. But I promised the wife make her happy.

Scott Benner 32:28
And I'm never gonna get to sit on this patio. Now, it is it's incredibly difficult work I'll never forget when I first got my first job. This guy had a tree farm where he was raising these tiny little trees, you know, and it was just acres. And I remember one day today, I have something for you to do today. And I was pretty young. And I was like, okay, and he dropped me at this field with us a string trimmer and a can of gas and my lunch. And it was like 630 in the morning. And he said, you know, I'll be back to get you at the end of the day. And then I just walked between these little trees just cutting the weeds around each one of them all freaking day. It was I mean, you have no it was it was one of the more soul crushing moments of my of my young working life. I remember standing there thinking like I have to figure out how this isn't going to be my reality. Yeah, so anyway, not fun and I feel for your back. Does anything help it?

Ian 33:40
Actually a hot shower helps. That's that's what I do. I'll just go home take a hot shower. That seems to make it better.

Scott Benner 33:48
Is it muscular? tightness? Yeah,

Ian 33:51
it's just from bouncing around on on the Zero Turn all day. Because we got pretty sandy soil out here. Yet gophers and mole holes and then you're just bouncing CRASH CRASH CRASH.

Scott Benner 34:04
Yeah. My I'll tell you I haven't said this yet. My wife got me a gravity table for Christmas. It's not as expensive as it sounds. I think it was just a couple of $100. But you basically it's a platform you strap yourself. You strap your feet into it and then just lean back and you can hang completely upside down. Oh, I remember those. It's very relieving. It's yeah, it's pretty nice. Actually. I made fun of it when she gets in her head in my head. When I opened the box on Christmas. I was like, What am I gonna do with this? But then she's like, try it put it together and try it. I was like alright, so you kind of like you go upside down and the only and I hang for just a couple of minutes. And it's it's interesting. You have to almost consciously let go of the tension in your back like it like when you hang upside down your body tightens up like it wants to hold you from from expanding and if you Just let yourself like go and let it relax. All of a sudden you feel like you're hanging from a, it almost feels like you're hanging from a hitch between your hips at the bottom of your spine. And then everything just kind of like, expands. It's very nice, very nice, actually. So anyway, it's, it's also sitting in my living room, because no one knows where to put it.

Ian 35:24
At least it's not having all the laundry Hey,

Scott Benner 35:27
oh, yeah, that's actually a good point. There is nothing I knew on it. That would make it worse. Anyway, so when you talked about in your notes about mental health issues around diabetes, this is what you were talking about what you spoke of earlier? Is that correct? Or is there more,

Ian 35:44
there's that and then I deal with a lot of anxiety and depression. That's actually been getting better. As I've gotten my blood sugar's under control. But a lot of it was tied to the self hatred and the poor self image. I felt like nobody would ever want me because of the diabetes. And I felt like I was doomed to die young, which I know isn't the case. Now, like, logically now, but emotionally, that's what it felt like?

Scott Benner 36:18
Well, I interviewed a lady yesterday, in her mid 50s, who was diagnosed as she was young and engaged. And she described a shift in her life about, I don't want to give it all away, because it'll come out near yours. But she described a shift in her life where she became very, like, focused on getting the things she wanted, like children, and marriage and stuff like that. And she ignored, not particularly liking some of the people in her life. I don't want to give it all away, but it was fascinating. And that turned into depression, and drinking. And so it's funny. Not funny. Haha. But but interesting that back to back days, would be with a 50 year old lady who's describing feeling exactly the way you felt. And then you coming along being like a guy in his 30s, who talked about it, about him feeling that way to it, it feels very universal, I guess is what I'm saying. Yeah, you know, it's interesting, you know, that, that a 10 year old boy and a 25 year old girl could pretty much have very similar thoughts after their diagnosis.

Ian 37:35
Yeah, I think it's just one of those. It's such a big change in life, especially when you're old enough to sort of understand what's going on. Because I do remember, pre diabetes. Like what life was like and how much it changed. So quickly, I think that I didn't have the tools on hand to cope with that in a healthy way. So I started coping with it by ignoring it, and just trying to push it down and not think about it.

Scott Benner 38:12
Okay. And that didn't obviously work for you, because it bubbled out in other ways.

Ian 38:17
Yeah, I didn't deal with the root problem. And then it caused so many other issues in my life, emotionally and mentally.

Scott Benner 38:28
Do you think you've dealt with them? Or do you think you just are in the midst of dealing with them? And how did you do that? Was it therapy or something? You do it on your own?

Ian 38:37
Yeah, I'm currently in therapy. And I've been work, I think I'm in the middle of working through a lot of my issues. So it's a process and I know it's going to take time. And I've learned to give myself a little bit of a break with how quickly I'm going to move through that process. But I've seen drastic improvement in my agencies and my control. So I'm taking that as a win. It's not quite where I want it. But we're moving in the right direction quickly. Okay.

Scott Benner 39:13
Do you know anyone else who deals with similar things? Like I'm trying to decide if like the depression anxiety piece takes on a similar life in your inside of your life as diabetes does because it's an alone thing? Or do you are you able to share it with somebody?

Ian 39:34
I don't have anyone really close to me that has type one that I talk with about it. I'll go on the group every once in a while Facebook and reach out there, but it's that disconnected sort of like asking strangers or talking to them, so you got to censor yourself a little bit. Yeah, not that not that they're not great people. It's just it's Different telling a friend something than telling a stranger? Sure.

Scott Benner 40:05
But in your day to day life, there's no one to share with like, I feel anxious or something like that.

Ian 40:10
Not really, like I'll talk to my wife about it. She knows everything that's going on with me. So I'll talk to her quite a bit. She works from home. So when it's like now and I'm not doing much, but waiting for snow. We get to spend more time and she gets to be a sounding board for me.

Scott Benner 40:34
Yeah. All right. Let's shift gears for a second because you're you're saying you're waiting for snow because you you want to go snow plowing to make money. Yeah, yeah. All right. How did Jeremy Renner hurt himself so badly?

Ian 40:47
I thought he got ran over by his is he's got one of those snow cat things. Yeah. Yeah, I think he was helping pull somebody out and it ran over his leg

Scott Benner 40:59
is credible, isn't it? Like it's terrible. Like my wife tells me he tried to jump in at the stop it from rolling. I don't know if that's the like the story or not, and all I could think and he's hurt so badly. I felt even bad for feeling like this. But I was like, Does he not know he's not actually a superhero? And, and by the way, he was one of the lesser superheroes. He wasn't like Thor, and like, this is but I saw an image of him recently. And he looks like he's lucky to be alive. Oh, yeah. He

Ian 41:30
looks I saw is I think it was a Tiktok or something he put up from the hospital and he looks Roth.

Scott Benner 41:37
Yeah, no, no, I it's not just his legs. That's for sure. Not that that wouldn't be enough. But you know, he, I think it got it had to have gotten his chest cavity somewhere. Because he looks like he's, like literally lucky to be alive. Yeah, I'm just really, I mean, it's terrible, obviously. But it's a dangerous thing to do. Like, you know, like, I used to do the God as badly as I didn't like, you know, the landscaping. The plowing, oh, my God, you go out at night after everybody's like, right, like on the first snow, they want you out. It's you plowed completely overnight. You're doing it forever. I remember this one night, we hit a race or cap. And like, I thought the truck was gonna flip over. And then the plow was broken. And then we were in the middle of the night welding it back together. And oh, my god, I can't believe you're excited for that incident around when I hope this happens.

Ian 42:35
Well, I had the first year I was I started the business. I was out found I had the plow fall off the truck at midnight in the middle of the worst storm of the year. And at that point, I was one man show and there's nobody to call for help. Because it's 1231. One in the morning. You got to figure it out.

Scott Benner 43:00
That sounds about right in. Do you stand in for just a moment in front of the truck after you realize what happened? You just cursed for a couple of minutes and then figure out what to do.

Ian 43:14
There was the the very heavy sigh and then but it wasn't as bad as when I was in the factory and would lose my mind when things went bad. It's like, I'd gotten to a point where it's like, alright, this sucks, but it's not going to get fixed. Unless you fix it. So to get going and getting mad. You got it back on. Oh, got it back on finished out the night. I think I plowed for 16 hours straight that day. Wow. I forgot Oh man just collapsed.

Scott Benner 43:47
Listen, I was just the labor in those scenarios. And I remember making great money on those plowing nights.

Ian 43:54
Oh, yeah. When it's good, it's great. And when it's slow, it's really slow.

Scott Benner 43:59
Yeah. Well, you have to keep going north makes you go to Canada.

Ian 44:05
Well, I mean, I have a stepsister who lives in Canada. Okay. So maybe someday we'll, we'll try and move to the great white north.

Scott Benner 44:16
Get closer to the stone. Okay, so what else do we have here? So I'm looking back at your notes. You. You come on the podcast while Oh, no. Let me go back to one of the things first, you're one of the few people who mentioned in their notes. I always wonder why more people don't bring it up, but just the financial side of diabetes. And yeah, I mean, can you talk about that a little bit like where its problems have been

Ian 44:47
for years. It's it was I just couldn't afford it. There was the insulin was expensive even with insurance. Insulin was expensive up Go to the endo wood before you hit your deductible. That's a $300 visit when you're making, like $24,000 a year, that, that hits hard. Yeah. And then you go there and they're giving you a hard time because a you're not taking care of yourself. It's hard to afford the insulin to take care of yourself. And then they would push the pump on me. And it's like, I'd love to do it, but I can't afford it. Like, I don't have any wiggle room in my budget. To pay for that it would be well, am I buying food? Am I paying rent? Or am I paying for the insulin pump. And luckily, back in November, we finally got to a point, we hit our out of pocket Max and I went ahead and got a pump. So after probably 20 years of trying, I finally got one.

Scott Benner 45:56
Oh, good for you. That's great. So have you ever not have you ever rationed insulin? Have you ever skipped things because of money? Or if you've been able to make it so far,

Ian 46:09
there's times I've gone and I couldn't afford the insulin that was prescribed to me. So I went to Walmart and I got the Doval in the dirt, cheap stuff. And I knew it wasn't the best. But it was what I could afford. And it would at least keep me alive. Yeah. So what you had

Scott Benner 46:32
some you had some experience with that, because you use cloudy as a kid, right? Yeah.

Ian 46:37
Yeah, we did for probably about the first eight, nine months, and then I got on Lantis it's not very long.

Scott Benner 46:45
Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I guess people like to understand like nowadays, Walmart actually sells a nova log, as well. It's it's rebranded Nova log, but it's Nova log. Yeah. And they am but they also sell what, what I'm in was just talking about two, which is not the same as your fast acting insulin. And that's where confusion comes in. And it's just upsetting to hear somebody say, Oh, if you can't afford your Novolog eggs, for example, then just go buy this. It's it's not an apples to apples comparison. It's a you know, to me, it's, it's, it's a downgrade in your care, and also dangerous because the insulin doesn't work the same way as the insulin you're accustomed to. But I don't know it just it sucks that that that that's happened to you in the past, but you were able to get a pump?

Ian 47:37
Yep. Yeah. I have insurance through my wife's work. And luckily, she's moved up in the company. And she's doing great. So we hit our out of pocket max this year, or this past year. And I'm like, you know, what, the, the endo had been asking about it and pushing it. And like, if you can give me a price, which was another thing it was trying to get an actual number on what it was going to cost. was always holding back. Like, I'd love to do this. But if I don't know how much it's going to cost every month, then guys can't say yes. I can't say yes, because I got two kids to feed. They're growing like weeds and constantly growing out of clothes. So it's like, I need to make sure they're taken care of first. And their basic needs are met before I think about upgrading to a pump over over the insulin pens.

Scott Benner 48:35
Has the pump been an improvement for your health or

Ian 48:40
just definitely has Yeah, it's been nice to know that I have the tandem and the control IQ just knowing I have something in the background that's also working on it on my blood sugar's it lets me breathe for just a minute. Yeah. So it doesn't seem as overwhelming just knowing that it's doing its thing. given me a little bit of breathing room to know if it's not alarming. You're okay. Don't you don't have to sit and hyper focus on it.

Scott Benner 49:13
That's not it's a nice. It has that has that help with your anxiety by any chance?

Ian 49:19
It has quite a bit of course. That's it's helped with the anxiety around the diabetes, everything else is just life's been one thing after another lately so it gets overwhelming. Yeah.

Scott Benner 49:32
And that is life. It's not going to change if you're waiting for like a moment where it feels like a Hawaiian vacation. That's not coming.

Ian 49:43
I just like five minutes to catch my breath. Because we got we got married at the end of 2019 went on our honeymoon and then COVID hit and then my sister in law moved in. And she was staying with us. And then last year, it'll be a year in February, she passed away. Unexpectedly, she had a brain aneurysm rupture. So it was very quick, very unexpected. And then we her son had moved in with us too. And he was a sophomore in high school. So he wanted to finish out high school up here. His dad lives in Illinois. So we had offered you know, if you want to finish out high school up here, that's fine. We'll take care of you. So went from COVID to changing jobs to my sister in law passing away, to all sudden being a parent of a teenager. Yeah. So we're finally seem like we're at a point where we can just,

Scott Benner 50:55
yeah, take a breather. Well, that's, maybe you will actually experience a letdown. I mean, if you have all that going on. That's, that's really, that's kind of you to take him in as well.

Ian 51:07
He was a good kid. And yeah, yeah, he's since moved back with his dad, which is his choice. That's fine. We just want to do what we could to support them because being 16 and losing your mom is horrible. It's horrible. Yeah.

Scott Benner 51:21
Yeah, no kidding. I was gonna my examples pale in comparison, I was gonna say that Arden called the other day from school, and she's like, I hit something in the road in my wheel broke. And I was like, okay. That's like, out of nowhere, like, your day is just going along, and all of a sudden, the phone rings. And it's a thing you don't I mean, you're like, okay, and you stop everything. It's interesting, isn't it? Like, in the course of a normal day, you don't think you have any time to stop? But then something like that happens? And you stop. Yeah, it's it's interesting, how you kind of draw your lines with your time.

Ian 51:55
And especially with the kids, like, when it's your kid, it's a whole different ballgame to Yeah, it

Scott Benner 52:03
was a checklist in my head, like when it happened. I'm like, are you okay? Is anyone hurt? Is the car right? You know, was anyone in the car with you? Did you hit another car? Did you like, you know, you're like going like, she's like, I just hit something in the road. And my, and my tire like, good. I was like, oh, okay, okay. All right. I was like, well, we're gonna have to get the car towed or, you know, get the tire fixed or whatever. And she's like, I've got homework, and I'm like, Well, you're not doing it now. Now, you're gonna stand there on the road and wait for somebody to come. So you try to like, coordinate the whole thing. My point is, is that I was on my way to get a sandwich. When that happened. I just recorded two episodes of the podcast that night. And I was like, I'm gonna go downstairs and make a sandwich. That's very excited.

Ian 52:49
Did you at least still get the snow

Scott Benner 52:51
I don't even think I ate. Oh, well,

Ian 52:53
then when she comes back on break, she owes you a sandwich.

Scott Benner 52:57
It doesn't work that way.

Ian 52:59
You can dream you can dream

Scott Benner 53:01
comes Bo. She goes back on break, she's gonna sleep and then have things she needs. So. But yeah, I mean, my point really, is that it's sort of a false expectation that our lives are going to be serene at some point, especially if you start involving other people. Because then their stuff becomes part of the whirlwind. And then to your point, the kids stuff is your stuff. Yeah. So anyway, try accepting it.

Ian 53:34
That's, that's what I've been working on in therapy is acceptance. Good. And, Lord, give me patience and give it to me now.

Scott Benner 53:43
That's all it is. But you just have to. It's almost like you have to want it. Yeah. You know what I mean, like in that action movie, when the bullets start flying, and one crazy character smiles and runs forward. That's where you got to be in your head, like, your tires broke. Excellent. I know how to fix this. And then go, You know what I mean? So you know, you were talking about insurance earlier and money. And it is, it can be shocking. I got a script filled for someone the other day, beginning of January. And I am so accustomed to getting pumps or Dexcom supplies early in January. Like for years, it's just always kind of hid that way. And then I think something happened because we switched suppliers. So we got a big enough order at the end of 2022 that I didn't need them right away in 2023 for Arden. So anyway, I go to get this prescription filled. And the person hands it to me at the window, and she's like, it's 78 something and I'm like, No, I have insurance. She goes that's with the insurance. And I'm like, No, I'm like, I never pay for this. And so I'm confused for a second. And then I realized, Oh, this is my deductible. I'm so accustomed in the first tours. Three weeks of January of using up my entire coat like, like my part if it's gone already. And my out of pocket is usually is taken care of right away. And because we didn't get pumps or something right away, it didn't happen. And I thought, Oh God, this is what people are talking about. Who don't pump who say that all year long. They're paying their out of pocket costs. I'm just used to making one big out of pocket payment and it being over. That makes sense.

Ian 55:28
Yeah, I was. This year, I was everything that I could get before January 1, refilled, I was like, do it now. I don't care if I need it quite yet, but we're doing it now. All insurance is gonna cover it.

Scott Benner 55:40
Oh, you have to I mean, if anyone's listening who has any kind of issues, like you should be on your calendar. It should be on your calendar. December 1, get everything refilled.

Ian 55:53
My wife was shocked last year when we hit our out of pocket Max. I'm like, Hey, baby, I told you you get with me. We're gonna hit those fat. With me.

Scott Benner 56:01
It's all gonna be clear sailing after that. Anything you want. You need a Tylenol with codeine, you're gonna be free, because you're rolling with it. And now let's ignore the part where we spent all the money already.

Ian 56:18
That's what we always do. Just ignore what money I spend and focus on the kids. They're gonna want quarters for popcorn on Friday.

Scott Benner 56:27
Nice. You can pay something for a quarter where you live. That sounds

Ian 56:31
Oh, it's they do it through their school. Oh, like popcorn thing. So they can buy like a little bag full of popcorn for a quarter and

Scott Benner 56:41
the school? Kids don't miss that.

Ian 56:43
Oh, no, the kids, the school shaken me down. They know who's paying for it.

Scott Benner 56:49
It's like when they do that thing at the end of the year. And they're like, on Monday, everyone will dress like this. And on Tuesday, this and Wednesday, this and that. I'm like, Who's paying for all these costumes? What do you think is happening? And do you not realize that in my life, there's a child running around telling me they have to get a flannel shirt for Thursday's dress up day. Like, stop it. I would love to be in one of those meetings with a teacher and be like, stop. Stop doing this, please.

Ian 57:17
I'm just trying to keep the clothes on the kid. Yeah, this is not fun. They're trying to strip down to their underwear and run around the house and say it's cold in the middle of winter.

Scott Benner 57:26
Oh, you have little kids? Yeah,

Ian 57:29
seven and nine.

Scott Benner 57:31
That's a fun age.

Ian 57:33
Like, they run around the house. I'm cold. Well go put some clothes on Michigan and it's winter, it's gonna be cold.

Scott Benner 57:41
I'm cold. You're not wearing a shirt. My kids like to come downstairs and like it's cold in here. And I'm like, where something, we can turn the heat off. I was like, Who's paying for that? Although my son's now in his second week of his first job out of college. And already it was I don't understand where all the money went in taxes. And I was like, Well, let me show you. And they, there was a holiday. But he's a new employee and he doesn't get paid for the holiday. So he's like, Hey, I have off on Monday. And he's like, but that's not really good news, because I'm not going to get paid. And I was like, right. I bet you and all I could think is he's not going to ask to turn the heat up the next time he comes. So it's gonna be like, it's fine. Someone put his shirt on.

Ian 58:26
Now, you understand that utilities are expensive.

Scott Benner 58:29
Yeah, no, I think he's, he's a bright kid. Like he charted it all out as soon as he got there. But now it's, you know, it's an entry level job. It's he's not making, you know, it's not making $500,000 a year. So he's like, he's, you know, he's like, let me obviously, I don't have unlimited funds here. So let me you know, budget myself out. He's like, I have to work on these days. And I was like, No, I know. So, anyway, life, huh?

Ian 58:58
Is life. It's always fun. until it's not.

Scott Benner 59:02
Have we covered everything you want to talk about, or what am I missing?

Ian 59:06
I pretty sure that was everything. No kidding. I wrote that note. Oh, well, it's

Scott Benner 59:13
six months ago. That's my fault. Yeah, sorry.

Ian 59:15
Oh, no, you're all good. Yeah. Wait, you have things going on in your life too.

Scott Benner 59:19
Dude, I I recorded the podcast this week. Let me pull up my calendar. I recorded the podcast eight times this week. And it was one of those things where I was like, I'm going to take off the first two weeks of January 1 to get Arden back to school. And then of course my son's job. You know, like you're looking for a job for months. You can't find anything and all of a sudden they're like, you have to start on this day. And he had to relocate. And so on the same day in January, we had to start back to school for Arden and start off to where Cole had to go. So we split up it was is like crazy. And then I we had to get him an apartment like sight unseen. I had to get him down there and move him in. Like we had to go to IKEA and get him furniture and, you know, pots. He didn't have anything, you know one thing, right? So, you know, so we're doing all that and I'm like, Well, I took off from recording the podcast. So that's, that's good. And I got to play catch up. And now I'm like, I'm looking at my calendar, there's eight this week, and there's two for seven or six next week, I'm doubling up on my Fridays and Mondays, which are my days off to edit. And I'm instead of editing, I'm recording two episodes, like, like, Oh, what am I doing? Now? Listen, that's not landscaping, or whatever hard job somebody listening has. But it's it's incredibly time intensive. And, and I also want to be fresh to have these conversations as well to like, you don't want to get on and be like, oh, so diabetes in Hmm, that's something

Ian 1:00:58
just one hour of dead air.

Scott Benner 1:01:01
Me just going Wow, it sounds hard. So, you know, you're trying to be awake and rested and everything else. And anyway, I'm not complaining. It's obviously a dream job. But nevertheless, I just want to make sure that, you know, men's episodes are always shorter. I did not realize that. I don't know why. Except for Josh, who has more feelings than everybody. His episodes seem to go on forever, which are lovely when he comes on. But no, yeah, men generally come in right around an hour. Oh, they're not as verbose.

Ian 1:01:36
Oh, I have a limited vocabulary. And unless I had a ton of sentence enhancers, then I can usually get things done pretty quickly.

Scott Benner 1:01:48
You know, you think you've making this podcast like writing a paper. Like, like, I gotta throw in some various to get up to my word.

Ian 1:01:57
I'm trying to cut some words out because I don't want you to have to spend hours editing and bleeping stuff out.

Scott Benner 1:02:03
So I don't, I don't, that my podcasts go up pretty much the way they're recorded. I don't edit out content. So I do have some questions for you though. Like when when you found the podcast, how long ago? Was it? I

Ian 1:02:19
want to say it was probably I listened to you early on. And then I stopped like I listened to a couple episodes. And I wasn't in a great headspace at the time. And so I listened to those couple of those, like, history stuff. And I started listening. Hardcore. Oh, probably back in April,

Scott Benner 1:02:45
just this year, or just in the last year?

Ian 1:02:48
Yeah. Okay, I, I cannot stand silent. So I went on my bluetooth headphones while I was mowing and stuff and just listened to your podcast.

Scott Benner 1:03:00
Nice. And does it help you? And if so how?

Ian 1:03:04
It does, I'm just knowing mainly that I'm not alone in dealing with a lot of stuff. And then, like the pro tip episodes, and the defining diabetes, like more understanding how things work, and getting a good basis of what to do are a good starting point. Because I've been diabetic for 22 years. But I don't have 22 years of experience, if that makes sense. I've been sort of slacking off. Sure. So it's like, Alright, like I was, I've been really working on the Pre-Bolus thing lately, and it's like, gets a little frustrating when you can't get it first, right? It's like you've been doing this for 22 years. And then it's like, but you haven't you haven't been working on the Pre-Bolus for 22 years. Give yourself a little grace. Correct what you need to and move out to try it again. That's time.

Scott Benner 1:04:02
Are you seeing an improvement in your variability?

Ian 1:04:06
Very much. So I used to be up and down. Like I'd go up into the three, four hundreds and then shoot down into like the 50s. And I think the last time I went over, like 240 was a couple of weeks ago, and I've cut out the super bad lows. Good. That's like I'll get into the 60s. But I don't usually go much lower than that lately.

Scott Benner 1:04:32
Excellent. So you are you're still pulling together then?

Ian 1:04:36
Yeah, yeah. Was it? Nine months ago, my a one C was 12.5. And this last one I had was a dead seven.

Scott Benner 1:04:48
No shame. Really? Yep. Good for you, man.

Ian 1:04:51
Thank you. Oh, yeah, that's

Scott Benner 1:04:52
wonderful.

Ian 1:04:54
I'm trying to make I told my endo My goal is to be in the high fives the low sixes She's like, as long as we can cut out these, like super bad lows. Let's go for it.

Scott Benner 1:05:04
So you're figuring it out. Wow, man, you were? Well, you're not kidding, either. Like you. You didn't talk around it, but you alluded like you've had diabetes for 10 years. Right? And or 20 years really more? Yeah. 22 years. Yeah. And, and you had a 12 a one C in the last 12 months.

Ian 1:05:24
Yep. And before that, it was probably, I'd ride in like, the teens before that. And not think much of it, just whatever, I'm alive. And I had gotten lucky to this point to not have complications. So I figured, well, I've gotten away with it this far. I might as well just keep doing it.

Scott Benner 1:05:48
But you don't feel like that anymore. No, now I'm,

Ian 1:05:51
I've gotten to a point where it's like, I got kids to look, look out for and if nothing else, I got to do this for them. So that dad's around, to see them get married and go to college and everything.

Scott Benner 1:06:05
She's saying you made me sad. Damn it.

Ian 1:06:09
Sorry, I didn't mean to start off your Friday that way that

Scott Benner 1:06:11
shows me you told me about your agency decrease. And then I realized the rest of the story that went with it. And then you started telling it, I'm like, Oh, God, that would be sad. But I'm happy for you. I'm not sad. I'm, I'm thrilled like, what do you think moved you? Like, was it that you were working on your mental health, and you kind of gotten to a better headspace, is that you heard the podcast and somehow that alleviated or brought something to you. I'm trying to talk to people who might be in your similar situation, like, how can they get started?

Ian 1:06:42
I definitely think starting therapy and working on the mental stuff, got me moving and then listening to the podcast. Felt like it gave me the tools to actually buckle down and focus on it. Yeah. So it wasn't like going in, go fix this car. And here's a pair of needlenose pliers. And that's all you got to completely rebuild this engine. It was all right, listen to the episodes. And now I gotta ratchet in some sockets and get the whole toolkit to focus on my diabetes car.

Scott Benner 1:07:22
And you have the energy, I'm assuming because of the therapy to actually use the tools now.

Ian 1:07:27
Yeah, that's great. Now there's not that self hatred, holding me back.

Scott Benner 1:07:32
Yeah. Is there anything I could have done inside of the podcast to help you feel like that? If you weren't a person who found therapy? Is there anything I could be doing to help people who aren't seeking out like the help that you're getting?

Ian 1:07:48
I honestly don't know. I never question.

Scott Benner 1:07:53
I just follow my gut on this whole thing. So I'm just I like hearing like, it's appreciate you sharing this with me, because I don't know how to put this like, like, I'm the guy who made a thing, and I don't know how it works. It's

Ian 1:08:08
just flying by the seat of your pants.

Scott Benner 1:08:10
I don't know why it works. I know what it does. And I know that it works. And I know that if I fuel it the way that I think to fuel it, it continues to work. But I couldn't rebuild it on purpose, I don't think and and so I'm somewhere between confused about what it is that I do. And marveling at what you just said, and that some of it came out of this, you know, you know, so it's a I'm in a strange headspace. When people talk about this. It's possible. I'm trying to figure it out for myself if nothing else, because you're talking about what you're saying. And I I'm feeling very I don't even know how to explain how I feel. Part of it is like accomplished but that's not the whole feeling. Some of its proud but that's not the whole feeling. Some of it, I just feel lucky to be involved. It's there's so many. I think that's why I can't put it into words. I think there are so many different feelings that come from hearing somebody say what you just said, as the person who makes this podcast. And, and it's I don't know, I don't know how to I don't know how to articulate it, which might be strange if people have been listening for a while like, oh, like Scott ran out of words, finally. But I think I have too many words. To make sense of them if that makes sense. Yeah. Well, we'll

Ian 1:09:44
just the way I say that to my kids is you have big feelings right now.

Scott Benner 1:09:49
I do have big feelings.

Ian 1:09:52
Gonna go to treat you like a seven year old?

Scott Benner 1:09:55
Why don't I get a warm piece of toast and go watch television for a while.

Ian 1:09:58
I mean, I think you've earned it.

Scott Benner 1:10:02
Thank you. I'm not even gonna put my real pants on yet. I'm just gonna sit on the floor. But I'll tell you what, if they still ran cartoons on Saturday morning, I think one day just for fun, I'd get up at 530 in the morning, go watch my emails. I remember doing that when I was a kid at my grandmother's house, and it was wonderful.

Ian 1:10:24
I would sit down and want to watch the the Robin Williams is Genie from Aladdin. Oh, really doing that great minds think alike. Not that I remember that childhood. That's your space. Hmm. That's my space that a bowl of Cheerios. And sitting on the floor. That was a good Saturday morning.

Scott Benner 1:10:47
We used to watch. So on Saturday morning for me, it was the mighty heroes and Mighty Mouse. And then they'd run Superman cartoons. And sometimes Spider Man as I got older, but if you don't know what the mighty heroes are, if anybody doesn't know what the mighty heroes are, I'm sure you can find them on YouTube. But it's just I don't know. It's like when I tried to explain it. Like my son watched Top Gun, the original Top Gun The other night. And he's like, Hey, I watched Top Gun. And I was like, Yeah, so what do you think he has this terrible movie? I'm like, what he goes, it's old. And I was like, Yeah, I guess it's just the old. I didn't like it. I was like, right. But he saw the new Top Gun. And he enjoyed that for what it was. But he saw the old one. He's like,

Ian 1:11:43
that's like me trying to get my wife i i grew up watching like 80s movies like Uncle Buck and family vacation Christmas vacation. And I'll start quoting those to my wife and she looks at me like I've never seen that. Okay, go watch it. Now. That movie sucks. 90% of my vocabulary is movie quotes.

Scott Benner 1:12:10
I'm talking to you from John Hughes films right now. You don't even know it. Well, you grew up in the right area. Those John Hughes films must have felt like old home week, right? Oh, yeah. I know. I tried to tell my kids I'm like Ferris Bueller's great. And they're like, it's not we watched it? Like, no, it is there. Like, it's too slow for them.

Ian 1:12:30
You guys, they better watch out, they might get written out of the inheritance?

Scott Benner 1:12:34
Well, I'll tell you what, first of all, we're gonna get some inheritance together, and then we'll worry about writing it down somewhere. I need about I need about 100,000 More of you to listen to this podcast, then there'll be some inheritance. But anyway, and I enjoyed talking to you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to do this.

Ian 1:12:51
My pleasure. My pleasure. It was great talking to you, too. No, I

Scott Benner 1:12:55
really was wonderful. I wish you a ton of luck. You are on a terrific path. If you wouldn't mind in a year, send me an email and tell me how you're doing. I? I'd love to know how it's going.

Ian 1:13:06
Yeah, no, put that on my calendar.

Scott Benner 1:13:09
I would really be wonderful. I sincerely mean that too. I don't say that to a lot of people. But I would love to hear how you're doing

Ian 1:13:15
it because I named the episode so fast, isn't it? Making your job easy?

Scott Benner 1:13:19
Well, the biggest problem is is that we already have somebody's got the meats title. Ah, so I can't go with the Arby's thing. And randomly calling you Ving Rhames it's not going to make any sense to anyone at all.

Ian 1:13:35
This guy sounds nothing like

Scott Benner 1:13:37
I tuned in. I have to be honest with you. I didn't hear it. Yeah, Episode 483. Jessica no longer has the meats. I already have an Arby's theme title.

Ian 1:13:50
Well, when I was there, it was Life's good under the hat.

Scott Benner 1:13:55
Good under the hat. That yeah,

Ian 1:13:57
that's showing how old or how long ago I worked at Arby's. That was I worked actually saw on my Facebook memories was 11 years ago on January 1 was the last day I worked there.

Scott Benner 1:14:10
No kidding. Now, I have to tell you something before we go. Have you ever heard me talk about my friend Mike? Who had type one he's passed away? Vaguely. Yeah, I don't. I don't bring him up very much. But when we were kids, he worked at Roy Rogers. And when you said you worked at Arby's it made me incredibly sad for a minute. And so I set your day Oh, no, no, it's no trust me. I'm okay. I have these conversations for a living I'm okay. But it hit me really hard. Because I can picture Mike and that stupid uniform working at Roy Rogers. And like stealing like roast beef sandwiches the end of the day and stuff like that. And and I just thought like, I don't know, it just made me it put you in his space in my head for a minute. I had to separate you guys. eyes for myself so that I can talk to you. But anyway, you're, you're doing much better than he was so so I'm happy for you. I think that's why I care about what happens. So please do let me know what's going on. Okay. I will most definitely. Alright. And I hope you have a great day.

Ian 1:15:15
Thank you. You too.

Scott Benner 1:15:16
Thanks. Hold on one second, okay

I want to thank him for coming on the podcast and telling me that story. It was really very kind of him. It's kind of all of you to come on and tell your stories, but I really appreciate it and thank you very much. I also appreciate the longtime sponsorship of the contour meters contour next one.com forward slash juice box, get yourself a contour next gen blood glucose meter and those Second Chance test strips. And of course on the pod who's been with me since the beginning, Omni pod.com forward slash juice box I guess with me as the podcast or as an advertiser, and with my daughter who's been wearing it on the pod every day since she was four years old, Omni pod.com forward slash juice box.

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