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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hey guys, this episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by Dexcom. Dexcom, of course, is the continuous glucose monitor that gives you a complete picture of glucose by showing you where it's going and how fast it's getting there. We're also sponsored by Omni pod the tubeless insulin pump that brings you peace of mind. With it's flexible and precise design. Simple, discreet. The waterproof on the pod is the way to go. If you want a tubeless insulin pump, you definitely want to go to my Omni pod.com forward slash juice box. And don't forget Dexcom dexcom.com forward slash juice box if you can't remember those, there's links in your show notes and at Juicebox podcast.com. Welcome to Episode 158 157 157 Welcome to Episode 157 of the Juicebox Podcast. Today's episode is called Lindsey is a cornucopia of emotions. I reached out on Facebook, I think, looking for the answer to a really kind of strange question that popped into my head. And Lindsay said I can answer that question. Then when she came on, she shared stuff that was unexpected. I'm going to say unexpected, as was the entire conversation. Just really great. And it picked up as it when it was like a rock rolling downhill. It started off and I was like, Oh, this is gonna be good. And then by the time it was over, I was like, Ah, what a great ride. Alright, people listen, what am I gonna say here? Nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before being bold with insulin. By the way, if you're a baseball fan, there is some quality Basal story in the beginning of this episode. has to try to remember the the genesis of this exactly. So I'm online and I see somebody say something about being scared of something going away. And I have this immediate thought, is this person saying that they're, you know, what, what would they do if diabetes went away? And I started having this whole daydream about like, I wonder if that would how that would feel to people. And you assume most people will just be like, this is fantastic. And but I said, but somebody must have had diabetes for so long that they would feel like a little piece of them is gone, or some of their identity or something like that. And by the way, I went back and re read what the person wrote. I just misread them.

Lindsay 2:26
You see what you want to see?

Scott Benner 2:28
Well, at the very least, what ended up happening was I thought this would be great. I wonder if there's anybody It feels like this. And I went on Facebook, and I said, Does anybody think it would be scary to be cured? And there were two people, or a lot of voices who were like, no way. But there were two people who said, I can see what you're saying. And you were one of them. So I really appreciate you coming on and doing this. Thank you so much.

Lindsay 2:49
It. I mean, I do I have thought about this before, you know meeting people who have had pancreas transplants, which I know is not a cure, but it does. You know, it does make the diabetes part pretty much go away. Right, right, in some cases, and just thinking what would that be like if I could wake up whenever I wanted? Yeah. And yeah, it is terrifying to completely be able to change the way you live, like every moment of your life might be different.

Scott Benner 3:23
Yeah, no, it just it's so so we'll start right away at the beginning. How old were you when you were diagnosed?

Lindsay 3:30
I was almost 12 it was less than a month to my 12th birthday.

Scott Benner 3:34
So you're a good long time into having diabetes. Your I don't know. 18 years. That was quick math as I am I right?

Lindsay 3:41
Yeah, it's about 18 years. And but you know, being diagnosed at 12 is a lot different than having it as a small child, like I never had my parents take care of it for me. Like I, I took over myself as soon as we left the hospital. So there's a lot of experiences I don't understand. And volunteering recently, I started volunteering with jdrf chapter here. And I didn't realize how much you know, the disease affected parents. I know that's really really ridiculous to say out loud. But you know, I only had my experience I never even considered that. You know, when children are young, it's the parents have the disease too.

Scott Benner 4:25
Right? Yeah, it is. It's funny because you're you're seeing what what you're talking about right now is super interesting, right? Because you're diagnosed such a long time ago not to try to make you feel old. But but but but so long ago that it's really before any semblance idea of like glucose monitoring, or even people who are testing as frequently as people test nowadays who don't have glucose monitors, right? So you were more in this like space of this is how much insulin you take at this time. Then you eat and then you take insulin again, is that about how your Tell me a little bit about your day when you were 12 years old? You're like, I'm taking care of my diabetes. Now what did that mean?

Lindsay 5:09
Yeah, there was no, there wasn't even a sliding scale, or I don't even remember what they called it. Now. I had to eat this many carbs at lunch. I could not have more or less because I was taking insulin for that many carbs. I couldn't have an extra cookie and take a little more insulin that was not part of the regimen. And that was very restricting. Yeah, and not fun. Especially like I said, it was a month before my birthday. So my first diabetic birthday was very unhappy.

Scott Benner 5:43
Because because it was they restricted foods from you, right? There were certain things they would not let you have.

Lindsay 5:50
Well, I could only have, you know, 60 carbs per meal. 15 carbs per snack. So you know, cake. I could have one piece of cake at my mealtime. And that would be all the food that I could have for the rest of the day. Yeah, so that they didn't say you can't have this candy bar. But, you know, I could only have 60 carbs. That's not a lot of carbs.

Scott Benner 6:14
Right? Oh, so you were so you had this you had a number you're eating to a number? Yes, that's that caused you any kind of weird feelings about food?

Lindsay 6:23
I definitely have some, some eating issues. And some binge eating issues, which may or may not be related to the diabetes, probably, you know, I can only have this many. And I would sneak candy a lot as a kid and gotten a lot of trouble. Because it was against the rules. That mean, how do you explain to this kid that these other roles are going to die? Like

Scott Benner 6:52
and so that is it really. So when you say that against the rules, it really was the idea of like, there's a set written rule that came from a doctor and we're following it, it wasn't so much about your health, like the way you think about your management now I would imagine is more about like, keeping your blood sugar in a range. Try not to spike or fall too far and things like that. But those were none of those were considerations. The rules were just, this is how much food you can eat. This is how much insulin we give you.

Lindsay 7:17
Yes, that's exactly it. Wow. It was like that for years.

Scott Benner 7:21
That's just 18 years ago, which is not that long. When At what point? in your in your life? Does that start transitioning away from that? Like, who's the first doctor? Are you the first person who says this is not tenable? We can't do this.

Lindsay 7:35
You know, I did not start being that honest with my doctor until about five years ago. Okay, it was more of a yes, that's exactly what I'm doing and lying, which is not how you're supposed to handle this disease at all, like doctors are now my partners, and I'm honest with what I can and can't handle and they work with me. And it's, it's wonderful. But as a child, you know, I lied.

Scott Benner 8:01
And even in your mid 20s, you just would go in that room and just be like, everything's right as rain, man. Don't worry about it. Yes. Did your agency reflect that?

Lindsay 8:11
Yes. Well, it wasn't, it was bad. It was about an I was around 8.5 to a nine, all of those years, I was lying. And it It showed when I changed my attitude and my behavior. When I wasn't just trying to ignore the disease. Like when I actually started taking care of myself, it reflected immediately,

Scott Benner 8:34
okay. And then I'm assuming you didn't go into the doctor's office and say, Hey, not for nothing. But I've been lying to you for like the past 12 or 13 years, and I've decided not to do that anymore. And so when you made the change on your end, and the agency started dropping, I'm a doctor commented on that.

Lindsay 8:55
Oh, no, I've straight up told him. I've been lying to you. I want to take this seriously. Now. These are the steps I want to take. What are your thoughts? I were you. I was very honest with him.

Scott Benner 9:06
Wow, good for you. Now what do you what can you share with me? What brought you to that? Like what made you say, I'm, I'm done with it this way, I'm gonna do it better.

Lindsay 9:17
Um, my, my parents had gotten very overweight, and it was starting to affect their daily life and their physical abilities. And I just I looked at them and said, I can't be like that I need to take things more seriously. And so that's what changed my mind and I began actually trying and understanding what I was doing. And I've turned it all around. Things are great, good for you. And being honest with my doctor was really, I joined a support group for chronic conditions. And they had a class about communicating with your healthcare team and They really push that you have to be honest, if you're not going to take the medication, don't tell them you're taking it because that will affect their judgments. So I'm just, I mean, if I had hadn't told them that I've been lying, and they saw this change, they'd be checking for what could possibly have caused this. Like, they might think something else was happening.

Scott Benner 10:20
Yeah, it's such a good point. If you're, if, if you're not being clear with them, then they don't have all the pieces, then they start trying to put a puzzle together without all the pieces, and then they're gonna end up doing a lot of things that that aren't good for you trying to do something good for you. And exactly, that's a danger. You don't want. So okay, so now I have a lot of questions. Well, eventually, we'll get to why you're on this. So why. So you said your parents had had a way to increase that scared you? Were you also having a weight increase as a family? Were you all trending in one way? Or did you just see it happen to them and think I don't want that to be me.

Lindsay 10:57
We were all trending in that way. my eating habits were taking after theirs. And yeah, we we were all overweight. And my parents have taken it more seriously. And they're losing weight as well. And I've learned to eat foods that aren't beige. I spent a year vegan that has really educated me about nutrition and vitamins and whatnot. And

Scott Benner 11:24
what that means, so you won't eat foods that are beige, Tommy?

Lindsay 11:29
Well, I was eating exclusively foods that were beige, okay, no fried foods, pasta. Check in just, you know, the stuff that tastes really good, but doesn't do much for your body.

Scott Benner 11:42
And that's so interesting. I never even I never even considered it like that. But that's amazing. Alright, so because I've seen a picture of you, and you seem like a average looking body type, like I wouldn't look at you and go, well, that girl looks like she had been overweight at some point. So you, you're in a good place. Now, as far as you're concerned, I would imagine I'm in

Lindsay 12:03
a better place. I actually, last year, I had another autoimmune disorder flare up, good for you.

Scott Benner 12:13
And you get an autoimmune disease and you get an autoimmune disease. Like I got one already. Thank you. But though what happened?

Lindsay 12:21
So actually, about four years ago, my thyroid started becoming overactive. And we were treating it and eventually it went away. But last year, it came back again. And we had to kill it. The radioactive iodine treatment. So my thyroid was overactive. And then during the treatment, it's really overactive. And I wasn't allowed to exercise at all. Like, I couldn't even take leisurely walks. Because if you raise your heart rate too high, you could risk permanent damage. Wow. Yeah. So I actually had to let go of my exercise regimen for six months during the treatment, and I kind of lost a lot of progress. So I'm, I have goals that I'm reaching for, and I'm able to start working towards them again. But I'm still much better than I was when I started. And I can see the goals I will get there.

Scott Benner 13:18
And I'm thinking most people are like I wish a doctor would tell me I couldn't exercise like how great would that be if my doctor was like listen to my medical advice that you should not exercise? Well, I'm sorry that you're that are the things are piling up on upon things that sucks. And, you know, I don't I don't like to hear that at all. Obviously, and I'm sure you didn't either, but, but still some to the weight, I just want to go for a minute. So like to you the diabetes. It's interesting, because I don't think of a weight and diabetes as being I don't know if I'm gonna get lost in a thought here. So bear with me for a second. But when I think about the health that revolves around diabetes, I just think about it as blood sugar's in a range that we've decided on and trying not to peek too far out of that range for too long and not then and below that range for too long. But I'm wondering as you're speaking, if I only think about that aspect of it, because my daughter's in is like a fifth child. Like, I wonder if I don't think about the rest of it. Because it's not an issue for me. Do you? Do you know what I mean? Like, I bet you I'm now thinking that if my daughter's weight was in some way, a health concern that I would tie that in my mind back to the diabetes

Lindsay 14:36
and and you're forced to, as well because when you're over weight, your insulin needs are different than fit people and as you're losing weight and exercising more every day, you have no idea what your insulin sensitivity is going to be. Oh, okay. Oh, so Okay, yeah, I have to adjust my temporary basals every single day depending on my activity level, and If my weight is trending downwards or plateauing, there's so much to take into consideration because I let it get so far out of hand. And now I'm trying to get back.

Scott Benner 15:11
I don't make sense. I just it just doesn't didn't strike me initially like that. But that makes total sense. Okay, so you go to your doctor, I am interested, you go to your doctor and tell him, I've been lying to you for ever about how I take care of myself. And what was the reaction back to the doctor like not? I don't know if I'm more interested in. Like, I guess I want to hear first, like, could you tell on a human level? Was it like, was the doctor like, Oh, my God, I just wasted my time here. Do you know what I mean? Like, like, What? What was their their reaction?

Lindsay 15:45
Well, my doctor is not a very expressive man. He's a little bit cold. And I love him. He's great. But he's not easy to read, though. The last few years before I told him. You could see it in his face. He knew I was lying. He knew the numbers I was showing him weren't real. He he knew all I wanted was my insulin prescription. And you could tell Yeah, and so when I told him, there wasn't much of a reaction, but in the following appointments, you could tell that he felt differently, like he cares more about my treatment, because I do, like we communicate. And we have conversations and it's not checking checkboxes off his list. His attitude is a little warmer. And it our relationship has changed.

Scott Benner 16:43
The Omni pod tubeless insulin pump is waterproof, even where the shower the bathtub or the swimming pool. The only pot is also discrete. It's so tiny and lightweight that you can wear it anywhere that you would inject and you can dress however you want. No one would ever know you're wearing it unless you want them to. Now that's simple, isn't it? an insulin pump with no tubes. That's discrete, flexible, waterproof. The only pot even inserts on its own. Well, automatically, like it doesn't actually. Like it doesn't come to life and walk across the room and like put itself on you. But you know, you, you put the pot on, and then just push a button and then it automatically inserts it's hands free. With just a simple push of a button. You're wearing the Omni pod and it is delivering your insulin. You could even sleep in tomorrow because you're not on injections anymore. You don't have to wake up to get your slow acting insulin going. Oh, that sounds good. I know. You know that sounds good. Let me tell you some real world stuff about the alliott. Just last weekend Arden was in an all day softball tournament was indoors because the weather around here is not great yet. So she was across this field in this bubble thing where you're on the pod you know, we kept her blood sugar around at five through three softball games spread out over eight hours, little bumps and nudges events on throughout the day, we used her basal insulin increases and decreases to manipulate her blood sugar and keep it where we wanted it. She had a big lunch we both weren't no problem. everything done right through the Omni pod. Sally pod was out of her way, no problem she was running around hitting a ball throwing a ball sliding diving all over the place never an issue. You can get a free no obligation demo of Valley pod today by going to Miami pod.com. forward slash juicebox. or by clicking on the links in the show notes. So if I'm right, what you're saying is that he knew, first of all, you were involved in one of the things in life that scare me the most like there's nothing to me more frightening in interpersonal relationship when both people are lying. And both people are aware they're lying. That seems like such an incredible waste of time to me. Like Like, that's the and I don't mean that harshly towards your situation. I'm talking about the bigger and in life in general. Like there's that I can think of almost nothing worse than me, taking the time to make up a story to tell you and you taking the time to pretend you believe it. It's just like, I'm like, wow, we shouldn't be talking to each other.

Lindsay 19:08
I agree. And and it was a waste of our time. But I needed that prescription I couldn't afford insulin without Well, sure.

Scott Benner 19:15
Yeah. And the rest of what I was gonna say is that he he's in this situation where he's a doctor, like he is bound to give you this care. And so he can only do what he can do, I guess like, I guess in his mind, if you're not going to be honest, he's waiting for you to be honest. And, and at some point, it sounds like it probably deadened him a little bit when you came in, because he was sort of like, Look, I know this girl's not telling me the truth. But I'm not her dad. I'm her doctor. You know, I'm not I'm not her conscience. I'm her doctor. So I'll do the best I can do for the information she's going to give me what do you think would have been valuable? Like, is there something he could have done that could have sped up this process? Or do you think you just needed to come to this on your own?

Lindsay 19:57
I believe that people have to want it. I don't there's anything you can say, you know, to lots of people who are choosing to hurt themselves. I don't think you can say things to them. I wish it was as easy as saying words. But they have to want it.

Scott Benner 20:15
Yeah, he couldn't want it. He couldn't have said you like, hey, I need you to go see a therapist or something? Or do you think any of that would have been valuable for you?

Lindsay 20:22
I think I would have resented him greatly if he suggested that I needed therapy, which I we probably all do.

Scott Benner 20:29
Sure. Sorry. I should be there right now. And so? Well, um, so you said something just now that made me I want to ask if Do you think looking back? Were you trying to hurt yourself in some way? Or was it just an overall self esteem issue? Or were you mad about having diabetes? Or do you know what

Lindsay 20:49
i was avoiding dealing with it? I didn't want the disease. I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to put the effort into maintaining it. Because I didn't want it. No one wants it. No.

Scott Benner 21:01
Yeah. Right. But no one wants it. But your this was your reaction to not wanting it? And did you feel that way back when you were younger? And you were diagnosed? Or did this happen to you as you grow older?

Lindsay 21:12
No, the whole time? I acted this way. For God, what would that be, like? 1012 years now? That was a long time that I just didn't care didn't want it did the bare minimum to feel good,

Scott Benner 21:28
right? And so you weren't even considering your health? You were just like, what gets me to where I can do the things I want to do today without being in pain or sick? Or that or that kind of

Lindsay 21:39
exactly. Wow. Okay. And I did keep myself out of the hospital. During the thyroid stuff. It was a little more difficult. But I stayed out of the hospital I, I kept myself feeling, you know, using the bare minimum amount of effort. I kept myself good. And that's something.

Scott Benner 21:58
Wow. And so not only is this happening to you, but you're well aware that it's going on, it's not like, it's not like you're having some sort of an odd reaction that you don't understand. You're conscious of what's happening. Like that's even more.

Lindsay 22:13
That's terrifying. Yeah. Back on it. Yeah, I

Scott Benner 22:15
guess. So. Like I didn't, I searched for an adjective just there. And I didn't know where to go to be perfectly honest with I couldn't say if it is, on my end, if it's interesting, or terrifying, or exactly what it is. It's that the idea that, that you were you were not just doing these things, but you were aware that you were doing them. And you had a line that you would draw on for like, well, as long as I don't go past this. I'm okay with this. Did you think while you were doing it, did you think you were limiting the distance that your life would travel while you were doing it?

Lindsay 22:46
I honestly even even now, with me caring, there are worse things to me than death. And I know that's really more of it. And I don't know, if you want to go there not at

Scott Benner 23:01
all. What's something that's worse than that? Now, I've been married for 21 years. So you're gonna have a hard time shock me, but go ahead, what's worse than what's worse than

Lindsay 23:10
getting another disease,

Scott Benner 23:12
something else to deal with, and not

Lindsay 23:15
just just more things that I have to struggle with, and more things that I have to maintain? Like, death will be so much easier than having another autoimmune disease?

Scott Benner 23:27
And so and so I want to I want to sort of back up for a second so that you can do you feel in any way this is completely This is not even why we had lenzi on the podcast, but it's doing a great job nonetheless. Do you feel? Are you a depressed person?

Lindsay 23:42
I have had depression. I am not now and I do sometimes wonder if my thoughts are dangerous, or if I'm just being realistic, and I have a different experience in life than other people because I am not depressed now. I feel fantastic. I am happier than I have ever been. I feel great. But I mean, just being honest, like death would be a nice relief. You know how many times I'd have to stab myself if I were dead. Zero.

Scott Benner 24:16
Now, now, okay, I like where we're going with this. So I so I feel like you're talking about this in a more of a kind of like in your head theoretical way. And and not like, Hey, I'm thinking that when the podcast is over, I'm gonna go hop out a window, you know, like and so, so I'm really it's I think it's cool to talk about because I get what you're saying like if you're being there is a point where something hits you, you know, you listen, you could be the happiest, most fulfilled, you know, joyous person in the world. And if I start waterboarding you for 15 years, you'll probably be like, you know what, I give up, it's over. Let it be like, like, you know, there's everyone's got a limit to how much they can accept before they just say I don't I don't have any more stretch. I can't I can't bend anymore. And then I think that, you know, some people would hear that and think, well, then you have to find a way to deal with it, which is, I think what you've done, I think that you've dealt with it by saying to yourself, look, I'm going to do the best I can. I'm going to be as healthy as I possibly can be. But I'm not going to delude myself. I've lived a part of life that some people don't get to live. And I can tell you that there are worse things than dying. Like, I mean, am I I'm reading you're pretty well.

Lindsay 25:29
Yeah. And the last 18 years might not have happened. Like, I was diagnosed with something that would have killed me 100 years ago. So I'm, I just want to keep doing what I'm doing. Because I can, like, this is great.

Scott Benner 25:47
You feel like you're in bonus time the whole time.

Lindsay 25:49
Yes, yeah. And that is a gift. I mean, death might be a gift as well. But, you know, having all this technology that allows me to, you know, have dogs, you know, be alive and experience the things I'm experiencing. It's great. It's funny, I

Scott Benner 26:05
hope people can hear through because you if you don't if you're not taking you from the right, perspective, you sound like you're saying two conflicting things. But you're not. It's, it's, it's pretty, it's pretty, I think you're fairly well realized, over over this, I think your path has led you to this ability to see sort of all angles of this idea, like you're thrilled to be alive. But you can also think you can also think about the rest of it. So I'm going to take a drink Hold on a second.

Lindsay 26:35
Yes, I don't let you know the fear of dying, you know, limit, the things I experienced, like, Oh, I can't do that. Because of my blood sugar goes over a certain number and limiting the number of days here, I'm not going to live that way.

Scott Benner 26:49
I see. And and, and so but now you've seen so your weight was was an impetus for you to think about your diabetes in a different way. You're thinking about your diabetes in a different way. Now you've tried obviously a lot different things tried to eating differently. Exercise the the thyroid thing got in the way the exercise. Yeah, what do you what are you doing right now you do have an insulin pump? Do you have a glucose monitor? How do you manage things today?

Lindsay 27:13
I have the T slim g four and Dexcom. And it has been lovely.

Scott Benner 27:21
Do you think if somebody puts those tools in your hand when you're 12? Do you think you're sitting at a different spot right now.

Lindsay 27:29
Now I got an insulin pump when I was 14. And it did not change my habits at all. It just made it easier for me to be a little bit better. You know, I could take insulin during class or, and the middle of the night and not be inconvenienced. But if I had been given a CGM instead of the insulin pump, when I was 14, I think my life would be a lot different.

Scott Benner 27:56
See where the awareness of mania was actually happening, seeing

Lindsay 28:00
the immediate consequences of some of my choices have has changed a lot of my actions.

Scott Benner 28:08
So would you say then, that your weight gain was sort of your first CGM, like it was the first time you were able to see when I do a B happens, like that was the first time B was visual to you and like available for you to absorb? Does that make sense? Or am I taking that wrong? Like,

Lindsay 28:26
it makes sense, but I think that the weight gain was more of a vanity check. And then seeing my parents not be able to do just basic tasks made me that sanity check over to a health check. And the diabetes wasn't really factored into that once

Scott Benner 28:48
he was like, no one's dying, staying alive and not being able to walk up the steps, please.

Unknown Speaker 28:52
Softly Yeah, that's

Scott Benner 28:53
kind of what hit you. Okay. All right. Because Because it's, you know, sometimes you think something has to happen, so that you can understand, you know, how your actions affect things further. And that's what the that's what one of the things that CGM is, is great for is it and it's why, you know, I was able to another lot of other people are able to make, like better dosing decisions, because you can see, like, wow, I did this right here. And then this happened. And, you know, if I would have just maybe done it sooner, or more or heavier, or lighter, or whatever, like, like that, I can see how that would have changed the direction of my, you know, you think of it as that graph line, but it's really the direction of your, of your, of your immediate future. You know, I mean, like, if my budget would be higher low, am I gonna feel good? Or am I not that kind of stuff, and

Lindsay 29:37
it's really affected exercise as well. Like, there are days where I look at that graph, and I'm like, I really need to go to the gym. Tomorrow is gonna suck if I don't go to the gym today, and that's why I go

Scott Benner 29:51
because tell people why then I elaborate on that if

Lindsay 29:54
you would. Um, I mean, if I exercise my insulin sensitivity is different. And if I spend the day where I'm like at 200, and I take insulin and it's not budging, and it's not budging. I'm like, you know what, I need to bump up my sensitivity. So I go to the gym, I do my hit workout for 30 minutes, and then the whole next 24 hours is much easier to handle.

Scott Benner 30:22
Okay, so so not that we don't know that exercise is, you know, really impactful. Like, there's there used to be that the Big Blue tests where you went out the exercise for 15 minutes, you work on your blood sugar, and to show people that, like a 160 blood sugar could become like a 110 blood sugar just from going for a walk for for a couple of minutes that how important being active is to how your insulin works for you. And now

Lindsay 30:48
that's that's an interesting example. Because my body doesn't work that way.

Scott Benner 30:53
And I do no other IV. Isn't your great because you're gonna sit the next thing I was good. I shouldn't talk good.

Lindsay 31:00
Yeah, my body doesn't work that way when I'm exercising, you know, unless I took a huge bolus right before it. My blood sugar does not move while I'm active. It stays perfectly stable, which is scary, but amazing.

Scott Benner 31:16
How about when you're when you're done without in somewhat at fault later?

Lindsay 31:21
Yeah, a couple later, a couple hours later, my insulin sensitivity changes and it starts to drop. And I'm sorry, my dog has just came in. And I don't know where that came from.

Scott Benner 31:30
That's fine. It's usually my dog. So don't worry about it.

Lindsay 31:35
Yeah, a couple hours later, it'll start to affect me. And then the whole next day, my insulin sensitivities better, huh? That's right. Every body is different. But you know, you can follow advice. You can talk to people in support groups, but you have to remember that every body is different. Yeah.

Scott Benner 31:52
No, I, my daughter's been in this in this weird space for about the last six weeks now. Where her insulin needs are exactly the way they've always been, you know, from the time she wakes up to all through the day, everything happens exactly the way I expect the bazel rates are the way I expect them to be bolusing for foods ya expect to be. Then all of a sudden at night, around 10 o'clock at night. It's she still needs the same bait bolus if she was going to eat, but her bazel needs are almost non existent into like four o'clock in the morning. And I know that's gonna stop at some point soon. And I but I for the life of me can't figure out what it is. But it's been a there's been a number of long nights, you know, turning insulin down, you know, keeping it down, not wanting to keep it down so long that it jumps back up. So it's trying to stay aware, you know, a couple too many juice boxes to the point where she was like, I don't want to drink a juice box. I was like, Nah, I gotcha. I don't I don't blame you. But it's weird. Because right before that, nothing was like that. And soon enough whenever that soon enough, is it won't be like that again. And you know, it's and then somebody you could tell that story to somebody else who might just be like, That's never happened to me. I've no idea what you're talking about. Like, it's it's really interesting. So, okay, so 35 minutes into it. The reason Lindsey came on the podcast. Sorry, I know you're gonna be so interesting. So I put this thing out on the I feel like I feel like I'm two days ago, I put this thing on the internet. I was like, hey, if you were to get cured, does anyone see that as being frightening in some way or a loss or something like that? And you came right back? And you said yes. And so I was wondering what you meant by that? cliffhanger. Okay. All right. Listen, let's keep talking about the softball game from last weekend. Arden's wearing her on the pod but she's also wearing a Dexcom g five continuous glucose monitor. We can see her blood sugar, what it's doing, how fast it's doing it what direction it's going. That's where we get the indication for Hey, Arden, we need a Temp Basal decrease 50% for an hour, or Hey, Arden we do Bolus here when we got to art and softball game her blood sugar was so stable at 80 and then it tried to go up. I don't know if the adrenaline got ahold of her what happened. But I was able to aggressively bolus, stop a spike and get it right back where I wanted to because I could see her blood sugar on her Dexcom. Now how can I see that if she was so far away? Well Dexcom has a share feature. So Arden's carrying an iPhone with her that has the Dexcom share app on it, and I'm carrying an iPhone with the Dexcom follow up on it. It works with Android too, but I have an iPhone. So I'm seeing Arden's blood sugar as it's happening on my phone. That's that simple. A quick text message, hey, do this table is that a bang, bang, bet whatever doesn't matter. It's so simple, but it doesn't just work at a softball game. It works while they're sleeping over at a friend's house. It works while they're at school. It works while they're halfway across the country. If you're an adult living with Type One Diabetes, it works while you're at the office or at the gym or on vacation or on a date or sitting at home on your sofa. Knowing what direction your blood sugar is moving and how fast it's going in that direction is great and you know what? You don't even have to pay it. attention to it. Because you can set rise and fall alerts, you can set thresholds, you can tell the Dexcom when you want to know what your blood sugar is, you can personalize it any way you want. Please go to dexcom.com Ford slash juice box where the link in your show notes to find out more.

Lindsay 35:17
I mean, there are a few reasons I'd be scared. But the biggest one, this goes back to the thyroid problem I had where it just kind of went away for a few years. Every time my heart started to flutter, I was scared the thyroid was back. Like, every time I felt a little weird. And I didn't know why. I just knew I was sick. And I I feel like if my diabetes were cured, you know, I wouldn't wear my continuous glucose monitor any to any all the time anymore. And every time I felt a little bit of adrenaline, I'd be worried my blood sugar as well. Every time I felt a little groggy and tired. I'd be like my blood sugar is high. It's back. It's back. I'm sick again. I need to do something right now.

Scott Benner 36:06
Oh my gosh. So your urine, your Oh, that's really so interesting. So when I said hey, would anybody think it would be scary not to have diabetes go away. It's scary to you. Almost in the way of a heart attack survivor has that constant fear forever? Like I'm I'm going to have another heart attack at some point or somebody who's had cancer. So you know, how do I live? Not wondering if it's going to come back tomorrow. So you would almost prefer to have Type One Diabetes than to live. Knowing what it was, what it how it impacted your life and worried constantly it was going to come back again.

Lindsay 36:42
Yeah. Wow. Because I mean, at least I know. I would prefer better technology to take care of it. But, you know, at least I know what my blood sugar is at every moment. I know. What's probably what's going to happen. And I'm not sitting there wondering. Like if I went on a roller coaster when I got off? Am I gonna know that that everyone else is feeling that way? Or am I feeling a little bit different? And I need to be worried? Wow, let's

Scott Benner 37:11
see you are a cornucopia of feelings. I did not. I didn't by the way. That's the episode title cornucopia feelings, or Lindsay's a cornucopia face, we'll see how it fits in the title box. But but but seriously, like, I'm so thrilled you came on because I just thought, I have to admit, like, when someone comes on I sort of in my own mind, everyone who's ever been on the podcast can tell you and you can attest to this. We do literally no preparation beforehand. I don't know anything about you when this starts, because I really want us to have this conversation. But in my mind, you know how like, you hear someone on the radio and they seem impressed. Like that's not what I thought they look like. It's so I when you told me you would be scared if your diabetes went away. I just extrapolated out a completely different story than the one you just told. Which so you really took me by surprise because I expected you to say that it's been such a big part of my life. You know, maybe I wouldn't know who I was without it or say something like that. But you really you showed a different level. Yeah.

Lindsay 38:11
Like it is a part of my identity. I do have a big tattoo on my forearm for a medical alert. Mm hmm you know it and you know I spend my time volunteering and educating people around me it is a part of who I am but

Unknown Speaker 38:24
I stuff you get a job

Lindsay 38:25
that I can give up

Scott Benner 38:27
right right that stuff you could eventually adjust to but you don't think you'd ever be able to adjust to the just the looming nausea that you would feel that it was today was the day it was coming back.

Lindsay 38:37
Yeah, I would probably test myself all the time. I I would be very worried and it would probably get better every year but I don't think I would ever not have a glucose meter in the house just to comfort myself

Scott Benner 38:56
You make I'm going to draw the oddest parallel here but you just made me think of like those World War One World War two movies where the pilots have to go they crash into the ocean then they're alive and when I see them in the in the little plastic boat or paddling I think in my I think in their mind they must be thinking of sharks about the bite made by sharks about the bite make a shark so because I would just think that rental the shark bit me like me like I just like that is that is sort of the feeling like how do you when you know it's there, and you know how dangerous it is? And you know how what it could do to you when it gets to you? And you imagine that it is just a matter of time before it happens. How do you it's interesting that so but you don't think about that that way? No, like you're not sitting around every day.

Lindsay 39:44
Yeah, it happens to everyone. Eventually in a million different ways.

Scott Benner 39:48
Yeah. Lindsay you're very interesting.

Lindsay 39:52
Is that codeword for crazy?

Scott Benner 39:53
I don't know what it is that you are you do you with somebody or Because if you're not, this might be why

Lindsay 40:03
my boyfriend lives with me and he helps take care of me in the middle of the night. In fact, I told him about the new bolusing from the phone patent that I heard about tandem. And he's like, if I could bolus you from my phone, that would have really helped me

Scott Benner 40:18
change the world. Well, yeah, well, so and i joking a little bit, I don't think you're crazy. I just think you're, I think that you're considering more than a lot of people consider sometimes you don't, I mean, like, there's, there's, there's ways to get through the day, and then there's ways to realize that you know, everything around you really, and there's a fine line, like between being paranoid and being just aware that it is true, like I, I have a very big old oak tree in front of our house. And it is not lost on me that if it fell, it would just kill us all, like, you know, and and so my brain says to me, well, that thing's been there for 70 years. It's not gonna follow her. And, and I go, Okay, and then I never think about it again. But every once in a while I walk outside and I go, wonder which one of the kids would take it the worst, if that happened in the middle of the night. You know, like, it would be the girl by the way, cuz her rooms more to the corner. But but the but the point is that, you know, a healthy mind doesn't spend time thinking about that constantly. And yours doesn't either, because you're so blogged about the end of your life, you're just like, that's fine. I'm good. But but but to think that that was the concern that popped into your head, if you took my diabetes away today, I would just constantly be scared, it would come back. I think what that shows more than anything, is the impact of the diabetes has had on your life.

Lindsay 41:39
Yeah, and just how much of every aspect of my life is affected by it?

Scott Benner 41:45
Yeah, you really gave me You're just giving me a lot to think about because you You sound like, you sound like you were, you know, abducted when you were 12. And you've been kept in a dark room for the last 18 years. And now you're out. And all you can probably think about is what if someone else grabs me and sticks me back in that room? Again? It just, yeah. And I think it's probably an apt comparison that diabetes does. You know, we all do a really good job, everybody does a really good job of living the best they can every day with type one, right? But yeah, but you can't. And the way you do that is by not thinking about the parts of it, that it's sort of taken. But at the same time, I put you in this sort of like, fantasy world, right, as you think about it. And that's what you thought about.

Lindsay 42:36
I talked to a lot of people, and I know you have experienced this, where they hear the word diabetes, and they want to tell you about everyone they've ever known, who's had diabetes. And I get a lot of, Oh, yeah, I knew someone that had type one diabetes, but they didn't take care of themselves. And I find myself like defending the stranger, who they're insulting behind their back. Like, it's really hard. Like, you don't understand when you have to think about it every moment of every day. Sometimes you just want a break. And you can't take it. Yeah. And you so you might see them behaving a certain way and think, oh, they don't care about themselves. Oh, they're a bad diabetic? No, they're trying their hardest. It's just way harder than you think. Yeah, every day in and out.

Scott Benner 43:31
I remember it's funny, because we're recording this on the weekend of the hurricane in Texas. And because I don't know when this will go up. So that's in towards the end of August, if you're listening, and you're wondering what it was. And what you just said made me think about a conversation I had with a neighbor going all the way back to Katrina.

Lindsay 43:50
Before before he's got

Unknown Speaker 43:51
good.

Lindsay 43:52
I was actually also in Katrina, my cornucopia of feelings, and lost everything.

Scott Benner 43:59
Of course you are. How would you not have been? Did did a piece of debris happen to hit you in the thyroid during that storm? Well, so Okay, hold on a second. We might get back to that. But But I'm talking to a neighbor, right? Who makes this statement that I found just insane that why don't they just leave? And I said, Well, hey, what if they can't afford to leave? And he's like, who couldn't afford to leave? I'm like, well try to imagine being a person who doesn't have enough money to wait three days notice leave a place where they know is going to be swept over by an ocean basically. And like I said, try imagine being that broke, and then he goes into Wolf, you'll work harder. I'm like, No, no, I'm like, he's like, I worked hard. And I said to him, like, Did you go to college? St. Isaac, did your parents pay for it as well? Yeah, I mean, I'm like, I'm like so you're proud of the hard work you put in after someone else paid to pretend you to college? I was like, what does that mean? Even like, you know, because well, you know, other people. could do that. And I was like, you know, some people live in generational systemic poverty and lack of education, I said, you might be looking at a person who hasn't been in a family structure that's made more than $12,000 a year for 80 years, and hasn't completed any education of any meaningful thing for 50 years. And if that's the case, how are you telling them? All you need to do is go out into this world and figure it out and do it the way I did. I said, they don't have any of the tools that you have. And he couldn't see that. Because I think that if he imagined that, then he'd realize how random the success in his life was, and how little it had to do with his hard work, and how much it had to do with just the random goodness of how his life fell into place. And it's not lost on me that while you're talking, and I'm thinking, wow, I'm so lucky to this point that my daughter is not having the issues that you had. She could you know, I mean, there's that I'm not religious enough to know the saying, but it's like they're, for the grace of God go by right go or whatever, there's probably a V in there or something like that, because it's more religious. But, but that idea that had just a couple of things fallen differently from a, my reality could easily be your reality, and vice versa. And then that's what you're making me think of,

Lindsay 46:19
we can only know our own experiences and trying to judge people based on our experiences is not it's a waste to them.

Scott Benner 46:26
Yeah, it's unfair to them, but it's also just a waste of your time. And it's just an exercise in you trying to feel better about yourself. You know, like every It is, it is a very common thing for people to just try to find somebody doing worse than them. So they can say, Oh, look at these people. What a mess, not like me, like how, like I have it together.

Lindsay 46:46
Exactly. And I I feel like these people are trying to compliment me by think that, you know, they were a bad diabetic. They're

Scott Benner 46:54
not like you and me. You're a great diabetic. And if I had diabetes, I'd be way good at it. That's all I wanted to say. Yeah, just sound reminisce in the country right now. But, um, but so it? Yeah, it's fascinating. And it's not just around diabetes, it's, it's just how people's minds work. I, excuse me, I try to I try to tell my son one time, when he was much younger, he had this moment where I think he had a realization that he was academically much stronger than a friend of this. And I said to him, you know, there's somebody somewhere right now, who could look at you and think, Wow, this kid's impaired compared to me, you know what I mean? I'm like, we're all just, you know, if you're going to really stop and try to slot us all into a space for so that's a big waste of your time. But secondly, it's not important. Yes. Is your friend still a good guy, right? He's a good person, you like him and all that stuff. And there's a guy out there somewhere who's probably way smarter than you, who's also a good guy. You guys could all know each other and be great friends. It doesn't matter which one of you is academically stronger than the other one. And it just and just remember, there's always somebody out there. Who is bigger, stronger, faster, better, smarter than you are like, you're not the you're not the one. You know what I mean? So if you're thinking of, you know, crapping on the person below, you just remember, there's somebody who at this moment is being kind enough not to crap on you.

Lindsay 48:20
And if they don't exist, yet, they'll exist tomorrow.

Scott Benner 48:22
Right? Right. Right. It's just it's just a, it's Lindsey. I don't even know why you came on anymore. And I remember this isn't so good. All right. Goddamnit. Lindsey, tell me about being in Katrina. How

Unknown Speaker 48:34
old were you?

Lindsay 48:36
Oh, I had just graduated high school.

Unknown Speaker 48:38
My gosh,

Lindsay 48:40
I had spent one week at college. And it was I went to college in New Orleans. And yeah, it was. I remember, we're walking around, there's like two or three feet of water in the house. And everyone is scrambling around trying to get stuff up to the second floor to stay dry. And I was feeling a little wonky. Just a little short of breath. And, like, I need to take a break. My mother's like, yeah, yeah, you take care of you like Glasgow, we need you to be sick and I just started crying because I want to help right? And, and I couldn't Yeah, I needed to care more about how I was feeling then whether or not all the food made it upstairs.

Scott Benner 49:27
And that's often and then and there's an irony to you all you want to do is help your health is keeping you from helping and then in an effort to tell you that it's okay Sweetie, we understand you take care of you all that really did was make you realize oh my god, I'm not helping because of my health. And it just it's it's you almost can't escape the spiral that that that that that situation ends up being, you know, so the couple feet of water in your house. How long did the water stay in your house?

Lindsay 49:57
Well, actually, that wasn't even my house. My house was much closer to the beach and it had water up over the roof. Wow. This was my boyfriend at the time his parents house that we evacuated to, which was farther inland. Okay. And yeah, it got four feet of water on the first floor on the so we spent the day on the second floor.

Scott Benner 50:18
What does that do to a house afterwards? Is it livable after that? Or does it need major reconstruction after something like that happens,

Lindsay 50:25
and they had to you what they do is they cut off above the waterline because it It comes in the house slowly. So everything above the waterline it's not like it's splashing around like big waves. So they cut off the drywall, above the waterline and they spray the wood studs for mold. And then they put all that back up. Okay,

Scott Benner 50:49
so the house is allowed to dry out. It's treated with something and it's put back together again.

Lindsay 50:53
Yeah. Wow. So I mean, you don't have you know, air conditioning. But you know, if you have a second floor that could be livable. Or you get a trailer and you live in the trailer while you fix the house up. But yeah, don't they fixed it up? And it look better than before?

Scott Benner 51:12
Do people do people who can't afford it, just abandon the area of art? Do you see people just be like, that's enough for me, I'm out of here.

Lindsay 51:20
Most of my neighborhood was completely abandoned. Because you get your insurance money, and you get more of it if you rebuild, but you still get insurance money. And a lot of people just left because Katrina, especially there, you couldn't hire anyone to fix your houses. There were two, there was too much damage in too wide of an area that, you know, getting a team down there was way more expensive than if it wasn't a damaged area and not enough hands to help everybody who needs to help. So then it becomes an either impossible to find or too expensive once you find it. Exactly. And to this day, there are still houses that were just abandoned, and they can't sell them because

Scott Benner 52:05
I never got repaired. Wow. But so it's a devastation not just in the moment, but for for a long time afterwards. The area's just never the same again.

Lindsay 52:16
Yeah, I know that some of the smaller hurricanes and other areas while I was living down there, you know, it was much easier to fix up like three towns than it is to fix up, you know, but what was it four or five states?

Unknown Speaker 52:31
Yeah, it was crazy.

Lindsay 52:33
So that that is unique to Katrina. That's not the case like Ivan damaged Pensacola, but all of that was was repaired. Now, like, none of it sat there for decades.

Scott Benner 52:46
So as a person with diabetes, when you hear the hurricane, a hurricane is coming, and it's going to be that kind of thing where you have to run inland. How much of your focus goes to your medication and your things like that? Is that the first thing you think of or?

Lindsay 52:59
Absolutely, yeah, right. I mean, makeups on the list, but it's much farther down.

Scott Benner 53:05
Well, I mean, if the news comes, you're gonna want to spruce up a little bit before you definitely because I you have that thought when your kids first diagnosed you, you know, it rains hard. You're like what if all the you know you start you know, what if the pharmacy was closed and I dropped this vial of insulin What if everybody drops their vial Vincent the same time am I gonna have to shoot somebody at the pharmacy to get Arden her insulin like you know, to me like it's Yeah, I'm

Lindsay 53:29
terrified of international travel. I don't know if I'd be able to do it. Okay, because the black market value of insulin is very high

Scott Benner 53:38
it's a what if I got there and I couldn't get I couldn't get summer I lost my someone stole mine. So mine or anything like that. We don't actually when we go we we infrequently, but a few times in our life, like to go to the Caribbean on vacation. And we only go to the the US Virgin Islands for some reason, because it feels like at least if there was a problem we could I don't know like it just I don't know. It's it's probably a completely unreasonable feeling. But

Lindsay 54:06
yes, it's totally irrational. Have diabetics and other countries going to be in might be expensive, but it's going to be fine. I

Scott Benner 54:14
think the British Virgin Islands has somebody with diabetes though. You see you have that like but but to make the point is the first time we ever traveled like, that was a long time ago, when Arden was much younger and it was one of the considerations I remember discussing Well, at least it to us held territory. And the way I guess we ended up liking the place so we revisit back a lot but you know, the one of the things that got us there was just an irrational thought about insulin. It really was so and I pack enough when I leave to, I would say, you know, keep eight to 10 people with diabetes really healthy for like a month. You know, like it's just there's so much stuff like I look at the on the pods I take with me and I'm like, What am I expecting to have In here, you know, like, is she gonna need one every day? Which, why do I have so many? But then

Lindsay 55:07
ami and you better have it and it's not doing any good at home? Well, right I think about it right?

Scott Benner 55:13
So So when this, you're like wow Katrina is coming, your first thought is we're getting out of here. And I go, Oh no,

Lindsay 55:19
I have Katrina was not our first hurricane. I mean, you having to leave every single time is a crazy thought, okay, there's so many hurricanes, apparently not in the last 12 years. But when I was living in Mississippi, it was just every year there were a couple hurricanes. You can't leave for every single one.

Scott Benner 55:41
Yeah, bug out every time.

Lindsay 55:44
Yeah. And they kicked us out of our neighborhood, which is why we went seven miles inland. Not enough by the way. We really thought that it was going to hook in hit Florida, so we didn't leave like days before. And then once you get up to the day, the traffic's so bad that we couldn't have made it very far. Right. But that's

Scott Benner 56:07
the other thing is that everybody's not driving on these roads. And I actually said to my wife the other day, they were interviewing some guy who was like, you know, I don't feel like we have to leave because we're 10 miles from that line. And I was like, why is the guy acting like 10 miles is a big deal for a storm that's 300 miles across, like, why is 10 miles that's like the deciding factor for me saying, Don't worry, we're 10 miles wide, we'll be finally 10 miles not that far. And it just, it's funny how I get exactly what you're saying. I get you can't leave every time and yet when you heard a guy on the news, say we're not going anywhere. I was like you're a fool. But he's, to your point. He's lived there his whole life. And he's like, Look, I can't leave every time this happens.

Lindsay 56:47
Yeah, you get kind of jaded and kind of dead into the threat, which is dangerous, obviously. But yeah, when you have it when you experience it not hurt you so many times. It's hard to. I mean, the night before, we had a bonfire on the beach, like oh Katrina's come and let's go have a party.

Scott Benner 57:10
You know, you know, it's a good reason to get together. Yeah, my

Lindsay 57:13
first tattoo that night, Did you really? It was a horrible idea. I couldn't wash it. It went bad. It was like yeah, that's what you do. There's a hurricane. Let's go get tattoos and light stuff on fire.

Unknown Speaker 57:25
Cheese. That's

Scott Benner 57:27
another incredible perspective. Lindsey is a completely. She's just like looking from behind the mirror yourself a little bit like they should just be seeing seeing things in a Do you have this feeling about other I guess you do about other aspects of your life. You don't like the way you spoke about earlier about? Like, there's things worse that you like other aspects of your life? Are you sort of carefree about it? In that regard to do you think of things differently as a whole? Or do you think it's,

Lindsay 57:53
I mean, I'm a little bit of a control freak, but I definitely have worked on my perspective in a way that I stay happy about it.

Scott Benner 58:01
Okay, I gotcha. Well, you've got that boyfriend, he can you can tell him, he has

Lindsay 58:06
helped me so much, because he is not a worrier. Right. And he is not a super planner. He went up, he went out of the country, and like, didn't even have a hotel reserved. I couldn't do that.

Scott Benner 58:20
So my, my wife and I have this same dynamic where my wife is very sort of, like, structured and type, I guess. And we were first married. This is gonna sound completely ridiculous. And this will be a great way to end the hour. So I had watched the movie The American president in the middle of the week. And it made me feel very patriotic. And I don't know why. And I said to my wife, my very new wife, by the way, we had only been married for a very short amount of time. I said, Hey, this weekend, let's go to DC and sightsee. He said, I've just watched the American president, I'm feeling very patriotic, you should watch it too. You will also feel patriotic, and then we will go to DC and we will sightsee. And she was like, okay, because we weren't together that long. And she was probably, like, look at it that I married. But But you know, she's probably she's like, okay, so I said, when we get home on Friday afternoon, let's just, you know, throw a bag together, and we'll go and she's like, okay, so we get in the car, and I've got this Jeep, we were at the top down. We're really young. We haven't been married very long. And we're going down 95 going south down 85 towards DC. And she says, where's the map? This is before navs and cell phones. And I said, I don't have a map. She will go, you've been there before? And I'm like, No, not really. Like, you know, I went with a school trip when I was a kid. And she said, Well, how are we going to know when we get there? And I said, Well, I figured we drive south on 95 we saw giant white buildings and then we get off an exit and there and we had a hotel room and then we'll find the hotel. I'm like it's numbered streets going one way and letters going the other way. We just have to find word like the G and the 10 intersect, you know, like it shouldn't be that difficult. And she just you know, played it. So like, yeah, sure, everything's fine. Well, we got to the hotel Lindsay, we checked in She got in bed, like she had been kidnapped and beaten, and pulled the blankets up to her chin and looked horrified. And I was like, I'm like, Hey, what's wrong? And she's like, I just want to try to go to sleep. And I was like, are you okay? She was, that was just the worst three hours of my life. And I was like, why? And she was because I didn't know where we were going. And I said, Well, we were going south. But we saw the big white buildings. I said, it worked. We're here. And she just her personality did not lend to that. And that's really one of the first times I recognize the real difference between that, you know, like that, how, like, free and I was just like, well, it'll be fine. And she was like, Oh, God, why don't we have a map? How come? We haven't talked about this? Why didn't we write this down? It was no joke to her. She was not overreacting. It is how her it was just how her brain works. And she

Lindsay 1:00:47
was anxious just listening to you tell that story?

Scott Benner 1:00:51
And really, it makes sense, right? South 95 big white buildings all lit up, look for an exit that says washington dc on it. And you're there. Right, then that makes sense. You're like, no, does that make any sense at all?

Lindsay 1:01:04
That's how it happens in TV and movies. I'll give you that.

Scott Benner 1:01:08
Driving to Washington DC worse than death?

Lindsay 1:01:13
Like, oh, that would that would make me feel anxious that somewhere? Where can we stop for gas on the way? Like, what if what if you get a flat tire?

Scott Benner 1:01:21
Oh, my God. See, that's it's such a great insight, because that is exactly how she felt. And it would have never occurred to me. And because we had only been together for a short time. I think she was just trying to be a sport, you know what I mean? And so she didn't bring it up. Now, if I said something like that, she'd be like, You're an idiot. And I'm not doing that. I'll be like, okay, and, but,

Lindsay 1:01:41
but it just made me the dossier. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:01:44
let's go over this a couple times, before we leave and make sure everyone even tomorrow, I'm taking my son to Boston to do a couple college visits. And the extent of my planning is that, um, I know what hotel we're staying at. I've made a you know, I've made a reservation. And I know what time he has to be at the school on Tuesday morning. And that's pretty Other than that, I couldn't possibly tell you anything else about the trip? And I if I told my wife that she'd be irritated with me.

Lindsay 1:02:12
Oh, do you already have the snacks in the bags? Do you have a cooler setup?

Scott Benner 1:02:16
No. So I'm not. So this is my son who doesn't have Thai diabetes. So my daughter will stay behind, right? But still,

Lindsay 1:02:22
we're still human beings. You guys have to eat and drink

Scott Benner 1:02:26
awawa You must have something like a wah wah down there. Right? It's a place where there's gas and food at the same place. It's America, where could you go where you could meet? If you had just $10 in your pocket? You'd be fine.

Lindsay 1:02:37
I just I need the cooler.

Scott Benner 1:02:41
I'm actually going to go out today buy a backpack? Because I don't have one. And I don't want to take a piece of luggage with me. I'm like, That's too much. Yeah, so I it's just it's two different ways of thinking about things

Lindsay 1:02:52
it is. And he has helped me a lot to kind of let go of some of these irrational fears and calm down a little and be more realistic.

Scott Benner 1:03:02
Let me just let me tell you that we need

Lindsay 1:03:04
only need a week of supplies for two days, I don't need a month.

Scott Benner 1:03:09
That's good. That's that's a nice improvement. But let me say this, as a person has been married for 21 years, to a person who sounds like you a little bit. You will eventually find a way to ignore the good advice that he's given you about relaxing. And one day when it's far too late. You'll just pummel him with your anxiety. until he's like Fine, I'll be anxious to leave me alone. And that Ladies and gentlemen, is marriage. Now. I'm sure I only mean like 18% of that. But But nevertheless, you were really delightful. I've now cap you over an hour, I apologize. I really do appreciate you coming on and being open because you have thoughts that either are pretty different from some people, or at least I think you know that they might not be popular with people and so that it was brave for you to share them. So I really appreciate that. And, and we came together on the one idea but then this conversation ended up being way better than that. So thank you. So

Lindsay 1:04:08
yes, I'm sorry, we spent so little time on your original topic.

Scott Benner 1:04:12
Now. My original topic was just an excuse to get john. It's all good. Plus, you answered the question fine. It's just here's the secret the podcast and I'm gonna give it away at the end of the podcast there. You can't really do a whole hour on one thing that becomes really boring and nobody wants to listen to that. So you have to have a I think it has to be a conversation and wherever it leads, it leads and you said some interesting stuff. When we first started talking What was I gonna do? Ignore it? Like what were you gonna say? There's worse things than dying and I should I have segwayed into So anyway, you're on for this. Like, how would I leave that just hanging up in the air? Like, I gotta find out what's worse than dying. Let's get to it.

Lindsay 1:04:49
Things Let's start with the hurricane.

Scott Benner 1:04:52
Driving to DC without a map.

Lindsay 1:04:54
Oh my goodness. Yes. Oh, yes.

Scott Benner 1:04:57
All right, Lindsay, you are a cornucopia of feelings. Thank you for Much Thank

Unknown Speaker 1:05:00
you Have a great day.

Lindsay 1:05:01
You too.

Scott Benner 1:05:04
I want to thank Lindsey for coming on and sharing her perspective. I want to thank Dexcom and Omni pod for sponsoring the podcast there's links to your show notes to find out more about both of the great products. I know the sound quality on this episode was not perfect. There was something going on on Lindsay's side, but I just let her conversation was too valuable not to share. You can look forward to hearing the audio quality that you've come to expect from the podcast and all the weeks moving forward. Just a little hiccup this week. Thanks for being patient.