#1397 Caregiver Burnout Series: Part 5
Navigating social experiences post-diagnosis
Navigating Social Life Post-Diagnosis: Erica Forsyth discusses the emotional and logistical challenges caregivers face in social situations.
Practical Tools for Caregivers: Discover strategies to manage social interactions, from finding trusted care to handling well-meaning but tough questions.
Breaking Isolation: Explore how to balance caregiving with maintaining personal and social connections.
Shared Experiences: Real stories and advice from caregivers to help lighten the load and find a supportive path forward.
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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.
Scott Benner 0:00
Here we are back together again, friends for another episode of The Juicebox Podcast.
Erica Forsyth is back today for our fifth installment of the caregiver burnout series. If you've missed episodes, 123, and four of this series, go back and get them. If you're interested in learning more about Erica, you can find her at Erica forsyth.com if you're enjoying the podcast, please follow or subscribe on your favorite podcast app, and don't forget to share this with a friend who you think might also enjoy it. Nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan. Don't forget to save 40% off of your entire order at cozy earth.com All you have to do is use the offer code Juicebox at checkout. That's Juicebox at checkout to save 40% at cozy earth.com if you or a loved one was just diagnosed with type one diabetes, and you're looking for some fresh perspective. The bold beginning series from the Juicebox Podcast is a terrific place to start. That series is with myself and Jenny Smith. Jenny is a CD CES, a registered dietitian and a type one for over 35 years, and in the bowl beginning series, Jenny and I are going to answer the questions that most people have after a type one diabetes diagnosis. Today's episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by the contour next gen blood glucose meter. This is the meter that my daughter has on her person right now it is incredibly accurate, and waiting for you at contour next.com/juice. Box. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by Medtronic diabetes, and later in this episode, we're going to be speaking with Heather, who will talk about the importance of education and understanding the impacts of hyperglycemia. Medtronic diabetes.com/hyper, Erica. Here we are for episode five of our caregiver burden series. What's today's topic? Right?
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 2:11
Today's topic is navigating social experiences. Post diagnosis
Scott Benner 2:18
is the part. This is your part. There's just so much to do for our infant, the management consumes our lives. There is no time to socialize, no time even for each other.
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 2:33
That's sad, yes. So obviously, you know, navigating social experiences post diagnosis is going to look and feel different depending on the age and stage of your child's diagnosis, but for the most part, you're in a season of shock and grieving and adjustment. So there is this natural struggle and concern of, okay, how do we navigate social gatherings, and that whether it's parties, whether it's office, talk, community events, whatever, when we're so we're talking about social gatherings, really, any kind of social interaction. The research says, you know that many parents struggle with attending these gatherings being social due to the disruptiveness and seriousness, seriousness of type one. A lot of the The research also said in the beginning it's really hard. You if you're at a party, for example, and you're trying to talk with friends, but then you're worried about, like you're you're looking at the CGM, or you're worried about, Is my child going low? We have to go treat the tension. Is kind of a two fold situation. Obviously, you're concerned for your child's health, but also you're kind of holding this like, what is, what is this other person going to think about? Or how are they going to think of me when I'm kind of half here, I'm kind of half listening, but I'm like, Aha, aha, and I'm looking at my phone or, you know, or like, or excuse me, and so you're that is another burden to carry. How to manage those interactions and the conversations? Yeah? Like
Scott Benner 4:04
when you're driving the car, the passenger doesn't judge you for not turning and looking at them while you're talking, right? They know you're focusing on another thing, and they can tell it's important. But around the diabetes, especially in a world where a lot of people hear from people like, Well, yeah, but you've got it under control. Now, she looks good, you know, like they don't understand what it is you're burdened with and thinking about, and then you get judged for not being present. Yes, right? Yes. So not only do you have to feel shame for not being present during a birthday party or a gathering or something like that, but you've got to sit there and wonder when you're going to get shamed in return for not acting the way you're supposed to act in that situation. The
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 4:47
car example is really good one, because in that there's the expectation and there's norms, right? But part of this burden of navigating these social interactions is the other meaning, the other. Person you're talking to doesn't know, doesn't have those, you know, those norms set in place, and we're going to kind of flush that out well, especially
Scott Benner 5:07
because when you start explaining it, you sound kooky. I've always found that through my life, like, whenever you start telling people about diabetes, they look at you like, Are you out of your mind? And then when you stop and think about it, later, you go, Oh, I do sound like I'm out of my own and by the way, I might be a little bit like, I'm panicked that this is gonna go wrong, or that they're gonna grab a cupcake and I'm not gonna know about it. Where he's gonna go, the kids are all gonna go run down the street, and she's gonna get low while she's like, Oh my god, yeah,
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 5:33
yes. And you're so you're setting us up really well for when we get to the tools conversation. How do we respond to those moments? And then let's say you kind of get past that point of, I don't, I don't know how to do these social interactions. And you get to the point of, well, maybe we want to, maybe we I want to go out with my partner, or maybe I want to go take a yoga class, or whatever it is, even if, when you have that longing to to have that social connection. You might also experience the challenge of either finding reliable care, whether it's family or or professional, finding it and then trusting that care, right? So that's like the second hurdle to get through, which we're going to talk about, also
Scott Benner 6:19
because it's gonna feel like nobody can do it, right? Yeah, mostly you're gonna be like, well, I'll look for and, you know, maybe you get lucky and find, like, a type one kid, and, you know what? I mean, you're like, Okay, well, you have it, so that's good. Or another parent, I've seen that before. I've seen parents, you know, buddy, this is gonna be in the Tools part, isn't it? I'm sorry it is. No, you're good. You're good. But I always get worried about hitting the wall and giving up, actually, in all of this, like, as you go through, like, you know, at what point do you just say, I don't want to stand there and be judged, I'm not going to go, or I don't want to I don't want to deal with the food. I'm not going to go. I'm never going to find a babysitter. We'll just stay here. And then, before you know it, you haven't left your house in five years. You know, yes,
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 7:01
that is exactly what happened. So all of this leads you to staying at home.
Scott Benner 7:06
Yeah, I've lived through this, Eric. I'm aware of how it's gonna go.
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 7:11
Oh gosh. And I know, you know, we giggle, but this is, this is so painful and challenging, right? That's why we're we're highlighting this. It changes
Scott Benner 7:20
the course of your life? Yes, it really does. There's a big difference between getting married and sitting around having sex and eating frozen pizza and not being able to leave the house because of all these things. You know what I mean? Like everyone goes through a moment a season in their life. Erica, to quote you, from another episode, where, like, hanging out kind of alone and at home, like you're building your you're building your family. Yeah. I don't know if people realize that happens or not, but you hunker down at some point, right? But then you go back out again. But this is one of those where you could hunker down for the wrong reasons and just become isolated.
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 7:53
Yes, yes. So because it, it becomes so painful to have to deal with those conversations or the questions like, oh, it looks like things are well, like, your it looks, how is your child adjusted? How have you adjusted? Like, look, you guys are, he's on the soccer team. Good for you. And people obviously don't know, because they don't know, yeah, how hard you're working to make it look so easy. Yeah, I'm thinking
Scott Benner 8:14
of shooting up a bank. Becky, thanks for asking. Yeah,
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 8:18
yes, right. Yes. Uh. So, okay, so what? What can we do? So these, these next, these tools, are going to kind of be a random mixture of, kind of filling your toolbox with actual tangible tools and some kind of cognitive tools. So again, we're leading with, you know, noticing the why, noticing the chatter that's going on in your mind. I know a lot of parents, when they start to go out, whether it's on a trip or to the beach, they might think must be nice when you when you're looking at other families, like, must be nice to go to the beach and not have 50, you know, fruit snacks and 20 juice boxes and a bag full of device changes, like, It must be nice, or it must be nice to go on a trip but not have to worry about going through the X ray, etc, etc, right? I
Scott Benner 9:04
haven't driven away from my house more than an hour without ice with me in quite some time. And you know what I mean? Just that little thing, like, I don't want to drive too far away, because we'll take we'll take insulin with us, and we keep our insulin refrigerator, so we'll throw on some ice, and the next thing you know, you have a little cooler, and you're like, I don't think about it anymore, to be perfectly honest. But for many years, as you're doing it, you're just, you just under your breath, you're like, and believe this is what I got to do, to go to the mall, you know what I mean? So I hear you. I'm sorry,
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 9:31
yeah, so that must be nice, so and so in the beginning that obviously, or in, you know, again, periods or seasons of change, that is either, you know, resentment or bitterness, but underneath that is the grief, right? Of like, I can't like this is, this is hard, this is sad. Why do I have to do this for my child? Why can't we just go off as a family without thinking about all these things? Why can't we go camping again? You know, whatever it is that your your family used to do, and you're noticing that. Must be nice, and so to honor that like it's hard offer yourself that that compassion that you are on that journey of acceptance, it's okay to have those thoughts, and it's normal, and being kind to yourself is so important in that space.
Scott Benner 10:12
This episode is sponsored by Medtronic diabetes. Learn more about hyperglycemia at Medtronic diabetes.com/hyper.
Speaker 1 10:22
Well, Hi, I'm Heather lackey. I am a wife and mom. I have two children that are seniors in high school, and I've had type one diabetes for 34 years. And I'm a dietitian and a diabetes educator. You know, I'm the Director of Global Medical Education. I lead a team of clinicians that are developing content.
Scott Benner 10:44
How do you feel when your blood sugar is high,
Speaker 1 10:47
irritable, thirsty, hungry.
Scott Benner 10:51
What do you enjoy most about your job?
Speaker 1 10:53
See education working. See people thriving. That's kind of the fuel that feeds, you know, my fire,
Scott Benner 11:01
what would you like to see community members talk about more
Speaker 1 11:05
hyperglycemia is the critical thing, right? That leads to short term and long term complications. Hyperglycemia is the greatest unmet need in the treatment of diabetes currently, and I think that that's where technology can help if
Scott Benner 11:20
you're having trouble with hyperglycemia and would like to talk to other people in the diabetes community. Check out the Medtronic champions hashtag, or go to Medtronic diabetes.com/hyper far too often we accept the blood glucose meter that someone hands to us, the doctor reaches into a drawer and goes, Here, take this one. That is that, is that the one you want? Is it accurate? You have no way of knowing. But if you want accuracy, and you want to be confident in the blood glucose readings that you're getting from your meter, you want the contour next gen. It's incredibly easy to get the same meter that Arden uses. Just go to contour next.com/juicebox that's all you have to do. The contour next gen is easy to use and highly accurate. It features a smart light that provides a simple understanding of your blood glucose levels, and, of course, Second Chance sampling technology that can help you to save money with fewer wasted strips. Contour next.com/juice box. And I do think you can get through it. Yes, yeah. I mean, genuinely, I I've had those thoughts, but I don't have them anymore. Like, I don't even think twice about it. I could just, I mean, I could probably do it with my eyes closed. Grab the insulin, grab the ice, to the thing that I have, a little cup I use, like, you know, like, I just, it takes 30 seconds now, and you don't think about even just, like, pump changes used to feel like that, you know what? I mean, like, you just like, oh, it's gonna happen. And then it happens, and I gotta get the thing and I gotta open it up. And you just, the whole time, you just just grind in your gears that you have to do it. And then one day you just, I mean, for me, I just didn't think about it ever again. I was like, Oh, I guess it's just what happens. It's like, brushing your teeth kind of feeling, you know,
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 13:01
sometimes, so that's, that's, that's a nice moment when it feels like brushing our teeth. But, yeah, some, I mean, even, you know, 34 years in, I still like, Ah, dang, I gotta change my pump today. No,
Scott Benner 13:11
no, I imagine you were, you actually were very helpful for me, because I mentioned how hard and Arden will take a pump down to, like, the last unit, you know what I mean? Like, it'll be 11 o'clock, and I'll be like, Arden, listen, if you just change your pump before you went to bed, you know, you'd be great, but if you go to bed with this pump, like, at 8am it's gonna need to be changed one way or the other. And so, you know whether you're gonna, like, sleep in or not. And I don't know, it's just the way you put it to me, like, and just sitting there looking at you, like, at your age, having had diabetes for so long, you're like, Oh, I ride those pumps right to the bitter end. And I was like, oh, okay, well, then that's a thing I won't talk to her about anymore, because that, to me, felt like a piece of this I can't understand anymore, didn't
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 13:59
I mean, yes, and I think that's, would it be wise to change it for the before the last 10 units? Because, you know, although, like, Oh, let me be clearly agree, yeah, I'm
Scott Benner 14:09
100% right, yeah, but, like, but I'm not, but I'm not factoring in the other part of it, which is, she lives with it. Actually, I used your experience as a proxy to fill in a gap in my thinking about Arden, and that helped me a lot. I don't know. I
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 14:25
never told you. Oh yes, well, I'm glad I normalized my procrastination behavior. I don't know, but there's something about like you don't want to. It's not even about wasting the insulin, although that might be a little bit. It's just about wait. Well, why do it now when there, I still have got time, and I can do it tomorrow morning. I don't know. It's a weird
Scott Benner 14:45
I have come to think of it cool thing as her trying to create as much time between touching diabetes as possible. That's kind of how I I've come to think of it when I'm I'm trying to, like, help
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 14:56
her. So, yes, yeah, that's good. That's good. So. We went off tangent. But that's okay. Hopefully that normalized. Yeah, some of that very well, yeah. I hope so. So in the in the kind of noticing this chatter around trying to face social interactions, if you're also feeling like, gosh, I can't, as you already said, Scott, you know, I can't, I can't trust anyone. And maybe that is the actual reality that you have, there's no family, there's no real, reliable source of caregiving other than yourself. And so I want to honor that. And is there something beneath that? Of you know, what if I'll never forgive myself? If something happens like they they go high for while I'm gone, or they go too low or and again, those are real fears. I'm not. I don't want to minimize those, but is shame preventing you from taking some opportunity to take care of yourself?
Scott Benner 15:51
Yeah, like, they there's like, a middle ground, you know, because, you know the there's i, we all have friends who are just like, whatever. It's fine. They go on vacation, they don't take their kids with them, and you're like, Oh, my God. Like, they're like, No, it's nice for us to get a lot, you know, we get away on our own. I'm like, Oh, I would never do that. But you guys seem fine. You know what I mean, like, so you have this, like, held belief about, like, no one's gonna, you know, in this example, no one's gonna be able to do this. They're gonna mess it up. I'm just not gonna go out. I'll stay here. And then you know, the family across the street with diabetes is, you know, I don't know, on a three day Benner and the kid's fine, I wish everybody could come to the middle a little bit. And I do think that happened, because every there are people who just have a freedom about them that are just, it's just, like, everything's going to be all right. And I'm like, Okay, I said to the Arden the other day, I think I have that, but my wife doesn't, so we blend ourselves to the middle, which is kind of nice, actually. Yes, the Arden was saying something the other day, and I texted her Three Little Birds, and she's like, what? And I was like, you don't know that song. And she's like, what? I'm like, every little thing is going to be all right. And she was like, she's like, whatever, so, but I think that. I think everything's going to be all right. I wouldn't drift a three day Benner, but I would drift a little far to that side. My wife pulls me back a little bit, and I anchor her from being too you know, oh God, let's never go out again, because this isn't going to be okay. Uh huh, I don't know, yeah, but what if? What if everybody's thinking one way or the other, and nobody's there to pull you back to the center, I guess. No, I'm sorry. I'm talking a lot. No, it's good.
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 17:23
It's Friday. It's good. Okay. So as we talk about going into social experiences, we talk about the burden of explanation. What you already referenced in the beginning, you know this, what do you do when people either they think they're, you know, asking compassionate questions, but they might land as more, you know, ignorant, or even though they're really trying not to be God
Scott Benner 17:45
only gave it to them because they knew you could handle it. Yeah, no one's ever said that to me, where the little voice in my head hasn't gone you just so you all know, and I know you meant well by it, and I never said it out loud, but it never feels good. Yes,
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 17:57
and those are people like, right? They're trying to offer encouragement, and they're trying to affirm your strength, but, gosh, it just land, doesn't land, right? So having something prepared, it feels maybe inauthentic, but in that moment when you're feeling extra fragile and vulnerable and you're you want, but you also need to be out in the world, or need to interact with your child's teacher or other parent in the classroom to have something practiced like, Thanks for checking in. It turns out type one is way more. Is way scarier. It's way more complicated than I ever knew. And then usually people might say, or you could even say, you know, if they're saying, like, how are you doing? Like, it's not looks like Teddy's doing great. And if you aren't quite ready to say anything, so you know what he's doing, okay, I'm not really ready to process or share. And then oftentimes people say, How can I help? And then we're going to get into some tools, right? Because then we feel stuck. What do we what do we want to say there?
Scott Benner 18:56
I'm glad you bring that up, because that sounds healthier than what I do. So I'm Madagascar penguin. The whole thing. I don't know if your kids are old enough to have watched the movie Madagascar probably no. There's three penguins, and they're constantly up to mischief. And when they get caught, the one that's in charge goes, just smile and wave. Boys, just smile and wave. And that's what I do. I do it to end those I do it to everybody. I'm like, oh, yeah, everything's great. Oh, we'll change that right now. Don't worry. When people how's it going? I go away in my head, yeah, I don't want to think about the last 20 years of diabetes when you ask me the question. So I go, she's doing great. Thanks for asking. And that's and generally speaking, by the way, that's true. But the nuance around it, I think the nuance isn't worth sharing in that moment. But I liked the way you were talking about it, like, hey, it turns out this is harder than I thought it was. Like, like, maybe be honest. Anyway, keep going. I thought that was wonderful. I don't like, no, yeah, and
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 19:49
that's good, because it matters who the audience is, right? We don't have to, I think this burden of feeling like, do I need to educate? Do I need to explain to them how. Hard it is, even though you're inside, you might be just like, barely hanging on. And then when someone says looks like you're doing okay, or he's back in class, or he's playing sports, way to go, and you're inside just feeling like, oh my gosh, this woman has no idea how hard this is. Yeah, you get to then make that choice, right? And you'd be like, Oh, everything's great. Or we're Yeah, we're doing okay. Or to say you can do a little it does it feel like you want to do a little bit of education, right? To say, Gosh, type one, it turns out, I had no idea what it was before he was diagnosed, but it's, it's way more complicated and way more serious than I ever knew. But I'm not really ready to like share everything quite yet. But thanks for asking. And as human beings, typically, they want to help, right? And so I often hear, when I'm like, role playing with caregivers in this, people then say, well, how can I help? And it's hard to say, well, you know, you can't drop off a casserole, right? Or maybe you could, I don't know, but that's that's complicated, you know? How
Scott Benner 20:57
can I help? Can I have your pancreas? I So
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 21:03
this like having these resources and mantras planned and prepared, just as we did, like I remember in the the team session at the conference that we just were at at the touch by type one, I asked them, What do you say when people ask you, what's on your arm? Because in the beginning, you might not be prepared. And they, a lot of them, had prepared things like, Oh, I'm part robot, or, Oh, it's my CGM. What's a CGM? Oh, ask, ask your parent. It's complicated. Yeah, you know all these prepared things to protect you, to not have to go as deep as you want to, right? In those moments, right?
Scott Benner 21:38
Arden was asked once if she had cancer because insulin makes Omnipod for insulin delivery. But they also make a medication. They make a pod that delivers medication that you get after chemotherapy that helps.
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 21:50
I've been, I have been asked that. I was asked, are you on, are you either post chemo or something, along with cancer? Yes, actually, I forgot about that, so you just brought that up.
Scott Benner 21:59
I can't forget because my mom called me one day and she goes, I'm wearing Arden's pump today. And she was like, like, I think she felt like a kinship. It was nice. I think she felt excited by it. Yeah, you're gonna get asked any number of crazy things, is that a nicotine patch? Is it this? Is it that, like, you know,
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 22:16
yes. Or with the pump I used to get, are you on call?
Scott Benner 22:20
Oh, really? Because it was like, on your waist, like a
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 22:22
pager. Yeah, look like, I mean, it still kind of looks like a pager, but I don't think. Don't forget anymore.
Scott Benner 22:26
You look young because I'm here and I'm old, but don't say stuff like that, because, yeah, I'm old. It's
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 22:33
okay. So okay. So what do you do when they say, How can I help you? May you've got, you've navigated that awkward either, you know, ignorant question, and you've shared what feels appropriate to you, given the audience, and then to have some things ready. And a lot of you guys probably know some of these resources already, but I think it's good to hold them here. I actually share this episode with a lot of my clients. The Best of Juicebox explaining type one, number 836, it's you and Jenny, kind of it's just a one hour explanation of what it is, and it's good for coaches, teachers, family. So I think you might have other specific
Scott Benner 23:08
episodes. It might actually be part of the Pro Tip series too. Oh, it's not a best of Juicebox. It might be pro tip. I think, what? Well, no, I think it. I mean, you've, you've caught me. I put it out. Yeah, I put it out as an episode. I think I'm, Wait, isn't that interesting? Let me take a look. I think it's part of the EXPLAIN type one, yeah, so you can find it as part of the Pro Tip series. At 1019 it ran as a best of episode at at 836, and I think it initially ran and that came from the community. Yeah, the community asked for, like, what do I I'm so tired. Actually, you're reminding me about this. I'm so tired of explaining this to people. I wish I had something to hand them. And Jenny and I were like, well, we could make something that you could hand them, and then that's what we did. So, oh, yeah.
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 23:53
And it's a great, easy, you know, you email it out to friends. I email it to clients a lot, to have them share it because it is. It is a real part of this transition, this burden of interacting with people, family, friends, a lot of you guys already have, whether it's five, oh, fours, A, T, 1d, you know, one sheet. There are great resources, you know, touch by type one has already, you know, a PDF letter to the teacher. They also have the type one at school. American Diabetes Association has great safe at school resources. So these are things you probably already know, but if not, there's a lot of things out there already created for you, for the coaches, teachers, family caregivers, another great resource from behavioral diabetes.org are these etiquette cards. I don't know if you've seen these before. Scott, you can print them out as a PDF, or you can buy them from their website, and they fold up to like, the size of a business card. Now, ironically, they have, they have two different types of cards. One. Is for, you know, people who don't have diabetes, and the other one is for for parents, like, what your teen would like you to know, okay, but it would be great, right? If there was one for caregivers to be able to hand out, but they highlight things that are are challenging, and to talk about with your with your teens, and then also with with family members. And so I just wanted to share that from behavioral diabetes.org I'm
Scott Benner 25:27
happy to steal that idea. What your teens would like to know would be good, good podcast episode, actually. Oh yeah, yeah. And I just looked while you were going over that, that episode in the last month, the explaining type one has been downloaded 1000 times in the last month. So people really must share it more than I didn't realize how much it was being downloaded, I mean, and I say that because it's been out for years and in the last 30 days, 1000 times is a lot.
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 25:50
Wow, yeah, that is a lot. Yes, no, that's a good idea. Yeah, we could just even go through those, those topics, because there's often, like, we have a lot of these feelings and tensions, but then when they're put to words, it feels just so, so validating and Yes, can I ask
Scott Benner 26:08
you a question to Can I ask you to suppose a little bit but for the people who are are burdened by these burdens, obviously, this is completely real. Do you think there's anyone that listens to just goes, Huh? This never happened to me. I don't feel this way at all. Like, do you think that's possible, like, just personality wise, or do you think they're lying to themselves to some degree? Or do you think there could be a mix of that? I think
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 26:30
there probably is a mix. So supposing a caregiver, their child's diagnosed, and they are able to go out into the world and interact and don't feel that burden of who, how do I explain? How do I manage my own emotions as I'm explaining what it is possibly, and maybe that's someone who's who's highly self aware, who's who's grieved, and feels like their grieving, their grief is contained. Maybe they've gone through a lot. Perhaps they're highly resilient, and they feel like, you know, we've gone through x, y and z, we can manage this. Maybe there's an over sharing, but like we've talked about before, like maybe you're grieving and emotions are coming out to anyone and everyone who will listen. Oh, we've
Scott Benner 27:10
all had a friend get broken up with and then it just all comes and you're like, oh, please stop sharing all this with me. It's too much. Yes, please stop. Listen. I said it because I think I was probably a mix, like I was handling it, but I also think there were impacts that I was pretending didn't exist as well. And now getting to make the podcast, I can look backwards and see them more easily.
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 27:33
Yes, like in the moment, perhaps it might feel like you're you're processing and interacting with the world in a really healthy way. And that might be true, and hopefully that is true, but maybe upon reflection, looking back and thinking, well, maybe I was holding everything in and pretending, doing the as you were saying, like, everything's great, thanks, and then you're going home and just into a puddle, just
Scott Benner 27:55
smile and wave, boys, just smile and wave. That's the line from the movie. Yes, I also find it's valuable to just assume I'm always making mistakes, and that way I just don't know what they are at the moment, because sometimes you are and sometimes you're not, but if you always think you're right, you're never going to be able to look back and and self adjust. And, you know, maybe I don't know, learn from it, move on. So I try my artist. You know,
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 28:21
that is the complication, or the the duality and pain of that burden of smiling and waving. Does that feel easier on the moment? But then do you end up feeling isolated and alone and feeling like people don't get it? Yeah, but then it also feels exhausting, right? I have to say, Gosh, this is really hard. Listen to how hard it is. It could feel
Scott Benner 28:43
easier in the moment, but I definitely think it does damage. Like, the only time you're gonna get away with that is when you get so old, like, I'm so looking forward to this part in my life, when you're just like, there's nothing left. I did. This is who I am. Let's just ride it out. Like, I can't wait to get to that one, but until then, you're growing hopefully so. But I am excited to get to that point where I could just be like, Listen, I want to let you all know this is as good as it's gonna get, and I'm gonna stop worrying about it now. But that day's not today, Erica, so gotta keep going a little longer. I guess. Did I cut you off before you got to the babysitter list? I apologize. Yeah.
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 29:17
So the last thing a lot of you guys might know this too, from type one together, there's a babysitter list that they've created that you can go look and type in your zip code and see if there are any type ones who have registered as babysitters in your area. So I think that's just a nice resource to have from them, from type one together. That definitely eases the burden of explaining what type one is, right? Because they have, they're living it. But then there still is, you know, the conversation around, how much do you want them to to treat, not treat? You know, all those things like, how personal you have to have, the personal type one management conversation, but not the, this is type one diabetes conversation, and
Scott Benner 29:57
that's Raquel, by the way, she's been on the show. Yes, yes. And she started
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 30:01
as a babysitter and then created this whole thing.
Scott Benner 30:05
And once drove me to an airport, which is a a piece of I don't think anybody knew that, but I gave a talk somewhere. When it was it was at the beginning of Uber, and I was like, I'm not getting in someone else's car. Like, that's not happening. And Brock was like, I'll take you. And I was like, okay, that I'll accept you. You look like somebody I can hold accountable. So nice. Yeah, anyway, yeah, she's lovely. Before
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 30:28
that was the beginning of Uber that's just that you just dated yourself. Now, listen,
Scott Benner 30:33
I'm very old. That's neither here nor that I'm getting, I'm getting by Erica and having dark hair, really, it's the only thing saving me at this point. But no, I mean, it was ride shares were new, and I was like, I'm not calling a stranger who couldn't get a job with a taxi company to come pick me up in their Corolla. I'm not doing it. And I was really adamant about it. Just in case you're wondering. I was like,
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 30:52
Do you do you take Ubers now, now, or lifts?
Scott Benner 30:56
I care less about my life now, so no, I mean, I do now, but it's a little more of a sanctioned, you know, yes, you know, it has been normalized. Yeah, in the end, I'm an adult. I would like to be in my own car, but if I can't be, then I will do this. Is that an old person thing? Like, I want to be in my own car? I
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 31:16
don't know if that's an old person thing. That might just be a human being thing, I don't know. Young people don't seem
Scott Benner 31:21
to care about anything Erica. They're just like, whatever. It's fine. We did good. We're good.
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 31:26
Yes, I think, I think we are good. And that also that it, you know, with the Navigating the social experiences and gatherings, it will, you will grow and evolve. And that those pain points that we discussed, you know, hopefully will lighten. Yeah,
Scott Benner 31:44
now i Listen, I I spoke with a person today. I record sometimes more than once a day, and she's in her 70s. She has type one diabetes, and she was making this point, and she just said, you know, it's not like when you break your arm and you just forget about it. And I thought, Oh, she's been alive so long that she broke her arm at some point and doesn't think about it anymore. Like, if you're eight, you're like, I broke my arm last summer, you know? And that idea that eventually just keep going and you don't remember, I'll tell my kids if they're arguing or something, and I'll say, listen to me. A year from now, you won't remember this. And that's an indicator of how maybe unimportant this moment is like again, not that in this moment you're not having a real disagreement or something's not happening, but you don't have to judge it as if it's going to be with you every day for the rest of your life, because sometimes you make that a self fulfilling prophecy. You
Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 32:37
know, yes, to give it perspective is so important anyway.
Scott Benner 32:41
All right, I'm out of gum store wisdom for today, Erica, we have to go gum store candy. What is the what it Wait? What's the saying? Dime store wisdom, right? Who's gonna find it first? I mean, I'm using the internet. What are you doing? Is that the saying, dime store wisdom like a little kernel of truth you pick at in the unluckiest places, I don't know. Oh and then in Oh Brother, Where Art that was that this episode or no, that was this episode. Okay, hold on a second. Erica and I, we sometimes record more than one episode. In this sitting he's trying to tell his wife that he has value, but he uses a word, and now I can't think of what it is. Let's see. George Clooney tries to convince his estranged wife Penny of his worth. She has doubts, especially with his slick talk and past mistakes. So he defends himself by saying, I'm the damn patter families, basically declaring that he has value because he's the man of the family, even if he's flawed. And she replies with a dead pan that he's not bona fide. That's what I was thinking about. I don't know why, like, I I'm sorry. It's the end of the day anyway. See it in context, you'll love it. Uh Oh, brother. Where art thou? I don't know what year it was made, but you should be able to find it all right. Now we're gonna go, okay, okay, see you.
I'd like to thank the blood glucose meter that my daughter carries, the contour next gen blood glucose meter. Learn more and get started today at contour. Next.com/juicebox prolonged hyperglycemia can lead to serious health problems and long term complications. Learn more at Medtronic diabetes.com/hyper. This episode of the podcast was sponsored by Medtronic diabetes. Are you starting to see patterns, but you can't quite make sense of them. You're like, Oh, if I Bolus here, this happens, but I don't know what to do. Should I put in a little less, a little more? If you're starting to have those thoughts, if you're starting to think this isn't going the way the doctor said it would, I think I see something here, but I can't be sure. Once you're having those thoughts. Products you're ready for the diabetes Pro Tip series from the Juicebox Podcast. It begins at Episode 1000 you can also find it at Juicebox podcast.com up in the menu, and you can find a list in the private Facebook group. Just check right under the featured tab at the top, it'll show you lists of a ton of stuff, including the Pro Tip series, which runs from episode 1000 to 1025 I can't thank you enough for listening. Please make sure you're subscribed or following in your audio app. I'll be back tomorrow with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast. The episode you just heard was professionally edited by wrong way, recording, wrong way, recording.com and one more time. If you're enjoying the podcast, please make sure that you're subscribed or following in the audio app that you're listening in right now. If you're listening online, go find one of those free audio apps and subscribe. And if you're enjoying the show, please share it with someone else who you think might also enjoy it. You.
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