#1055 Sugar Free Friends

Alex has type 1 diabetes. 

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Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, and welcome to episode 1055 of the Juicebox Podcast.

Let's see what we've got for you today. Alex is married with children. She's had type one diabetes for 34 years diagnosed at three years old. Wow, that's crazy. Alex and her wife have fostered children and also have a child themselves. Ooh, artificial insemination. There's all this good story. What do we got here? You know what, I'm not giving the rest of this away. No, I'm not telling you the rest of this. You have to listen if you want to know. While you're listening. Please remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan are becoming bold with insulin. Check out the Juicebox Podcast, private Facebook group Juicebox Podcast type one diabetes 43,000 members strong. Over 120 new posts every day. There's a conversation happening right now that needs you. wants you or would benefit from your experience or presence. What am I saying? Go to Juicebox Podcast type one diabetes on Facebook. Join the group. Find your community. I'm not going to put any ads on this episode today because I want to take this time to tell you about the series within the podcast. There is so much that you may not know about if you're a new listener, for instance, the after dark series. There are gosh I don't even know dozens of after dark episodes going all the way back to Episode 274. stuffs about weed sex depression, self harm, psychedelics, heroin addiction, all this stuff with people living with type one diabetes, go to juicebox podcast.com. Go to the top click on after dark to see a complete list. There's also asked Scott and Jenny episodes. Those are questions sent in by listeners that Jenny Smith and I have answered an entire series of algorithm pumping episodes. Find out about Omni pod five tandem T Sanaya. Control IQ all the loop Iaps it's all in there. They mean so much. We're going to hear from a tandem pump trainer we have that you want to hear from Kenny Fox gives a three episode tour de force about using loop. I've got a three episode series with Omni pod about starting your Omnipod five. There's the bold beginning series for people who are newly diagnosed. It's sort of like the Pro Tip series, but not as intense. It's great for people who are newly diagnosed or a little timid bold beginnings. Go check that out. How about defining diabetes definitions for every diabetes term you can think of? It's kind of hard to do something when you don't know what it is. So with defining diabetes, get short, fun episodes that define those words for you and help you to put them into context, defining thyroid, the diabetes Pro Tip Series, Episode 1002 1026, completely newly remastered? Absolutely. I don't say this very often. You listen to the Pro Tip series. And understand that a little bit. You're looking at a one C and the sixes you understand a lot. Low sixes you really understand it. I bet you getting the high fives. I'm talking about no diet restrictions, diabetes pro tip.com, or episode 1002 1026. In your podcast app, there's the variable series, mental wellness type two pro tips, how we eat, and so much more. Use the website juicebox podcast.com. Look around, see what's there. And if you need something specific or you can't find something, go to the private Facebook group and ask there are group experts in there that would be happy to answer your questions or tag me. I'd be happy to answer as well.

Alex 4:08
My name is Alex. I am a wife, a mom and have been type one diabetic for 3434 years now.

Scott Benner 4:20
Wait, and you just told me you're 37 before we started recording? Yep. Well, you were three you're diagnosed

Alex 4:27
just after my third birthday, like 10 days after I turned three.

Scott Benner 4:33
I'm interested, okay. 34 years ago, I just real quickly. Sure, man, I absolutely. It's 2023. So basically, I just have to I just have to subtract 11 from 100 which is 89. So you were diagnosed in 1989?

Alex 4:56
Yes, march 21 of 89 to be He is specific.

Scott Benner 5:01
Let the people who are listening just soak it up for a second. Just Let's be quiet. There's the backwards s way my brain works around that, by the way,

Alex 5:10
what how to the end result? I mean, math is definitely not my strong suit either. So you got there faster than I would have been able to?

Scott Benner 5:19
Seriously with my broken idea of mathematics that's like, well, it's 2023. So I'll take 23 off and 10 off is 90. And then one more is 80. It got there. I'm incredibly embarrassed by that. Okay. Well, you must not have known much it was happening then. Right. So I guess my first thought is, what's your first kind of recollection memory of having diabetes,

Alex 5:44
during the whole, diagnose, process, and kind of give that whole story because it really goes into if a parent thinks there's something wrong with your kiddo, like, you need to be your kid's advocate. Because when I was diagnosed at night, like you said, like, diabetes wasn't as prevalent in kids, so they weren't testing me for it. So the earliest memory I have is actually going in to an MRI machine, because they were doing like bone scans, because I couldn't walk more than like 20 feet without wanting my parents to carry me knowing now because obviously, like my body wasn't working, I couldn't walk anymore. So they were testing me for like, leukemias, blood cancers, like bone diseases. I just remember being I think I was probably still two, maybe just three at the time thinking, what is this very scary, loud machine?

Scott Benner 6:48
Wow. I can't imagine that. You remember that? That's fascinating to me.

Alex 6:54
I think it was just so like, it was a very white Stark room. And then, like an MRI. So like, this huge machine that you go inside. So as a kid, it must have been just on the brink of traumatizing enough that it just stuck in my brain. Because yeah, you know, childhood amnesia. There's no real reason I should remember that. But I do. And then snippets of the hospital, but not very much. Like I really don't remember too much about diabetes until entering like, kindergarten.

Scott Benner 7:31
Okay. And then all that plow banging from the MRI machine to

Alex 7:36
probably Yeah, like it was probably just a pretty freaky experience.

Scott Benner 7:39
That's incredible. Well, hey, you didn't have bone cancer. That's good.

Alex 7:43
That is a positive. Absolutely. All that they've tested me for I will honestly take diabetes.

Scott Benner 7:52
I guess that's a, that's a valuable way to think of it. Hey, quick side note. You don't have to tell me where you live. But you've said kiddo. Are you near the Wisconsin? Chicago, Minnesota area?

Alex 8:02
Milwaukee area?

Scott Benner 8:03
Yeah. i Okay. Are you impressed? Alex?

Alex 8:07
I am very impressed. That's, that was really good.

Scott Benner 8:11
I've never heard somebody use the word kiddo with frequency. Other than my sister in law who's from Wisconsin.

Alex 8:19
That's amazing. Okay, I do remember hearing you say your brother lives in Wisconsin, or at one point did I'm not sure if they're still here? Yeah.

Scott Benner 8:28
They're close to you. Okay, cool. I mean, I'm more impressed with the kiddo thing than I am with the math thing. And so I just need a second to soak up how good I feel right now.

Alex 8:39
I'll be honest, that's pretty impressive. You can you narrow that scope down pretty close.

Scott Benner 8:45
Alex, I am so uniquely qualified to make a podcast because I pay attention to things that I don't think anybody else cares about.

Alex 8:54
What your podcasts fantastic. Oh, I love the whole thing. And you are always pretty spot on with your very good educated assumptions and guesses like people, I think are always pretty impressed with that.

Scott Benner 9:09
Oh, I can tell you like me because you didn't call it generalizations and assumptions. Listen, I you know, you see things that I've times you know, absolutely is a rule. And I've never heard anyone say kiddo before except for her.

Alex 9:27
All right. Well, I you know, I will probably say it a couple more times. So I'm glad and at least doesn't put a face to a name but you can at least now know a little bit about me without knowing much about me. Alex

Scott Benner 9:39
is like you can't find my house but you have a little more context. That's excellent. So your early remembrances of diabetes? Do they come in forms of conversations with your parents? Like I'm trying to figure out how often frequently and in depth your parents discussed your childhood with you?

Alex 9:58
Yeah, they've always been really Oh, have been anytime I've asked questions. So I know this is always a conversation about is it, quote unquote better to be diagnosed earlier or later? For me, I don't know, any other world. So it was always just part of what we did. So I think they always did a very good job of involving me in a conversation that was age appropriate or my interest LED. So as I got into grade school, they kind of more explained the whys in the woods. And we were very fortunate that my mom connected with like three or four other moms. So I knew a small population of other type ones, which I think made it a little bit easier to know that I wasn't alone. But that oh, I'm not the only one going through this. So I can, like, I'm trying to think if there's a specific, like turning point that I realized, like, oh, like, this is what that means. But I don't really I think they just always were good about leading me into knowing what was going on. What should I be listening to my body for? I mean, it's definitely weird being you know, a four year old going off to kindergarten, and mom coming in halfway through the day to do a blood sugar check. But

Scott Benner 11:42
I never really see your mom built like a little playgroup at Disney Kids for you to

Alex 11:48
have Yeah, pretty much grew up. So I don't know if they'll hear the podcast, but shout out to my sugar free friends. That's what our parents referred to us as

Scott Benner 12:01
sugar free friends. Yeah. Would have been helpful if you would have just said sugar free kiddos. So I could have named the episode but All right, we'll keep going. So I'm struck by the date of your diagnosis, because 89 is still basically like it's near the transfer between like, when people were like some people were doing most people doing regular and mph, and then faster after insolence were coming. And meter technology was still janky. And you know, like, so you started on? management wise, in my opinion, like an unfavorable footing. So how quickly did you get to faster acting insulin?

Alex 12:42
That's probably later in grade school, actually. So when we left the hospital, I was on regular and Len Tay. And yeah, thinking about it, I don't think I think they gave me like Novolog or human log, probably? Probably like eight or nine years later.

Scott Benner 13:04
Oh, no kidding. So almost the late 90s later night, yes. No, human log was definitely available then.

Alex 13:13
Yeah. Or which one came first. And with insurances I've flipped flopped on those more times than I can count. But I do remember that being a pretty in my mind, cool, pivoting moment, because it definitely opened up to not eating very scheduled times and very scheduled carb amounts. And he's through grade school. Like, I think I had the same lunch minus a couple of variations. Probably until the, you know, late 90s. So I can remember that being a really sounds kind of ridiculous, but a really exciting, changing point.

Scott Benner 13:54
Wow. Yeah, no, I hear that from people. You're in your, you know, the age isn't important. It's people who who went from mph, regular Ultra lentil stuff like that one day, and to faster acting. So you were eating to a schedule prior to this, right? Yep. Yeah. For nine or 10 years? Yep. Till you were like 12 years old?

Alex 14:19
Yeah, probably probably about that. Like, yeah, middle school age.

Scott Benner 14:23
Can I ask a question? Of course, the whole thing is me asking a question. So when I say that it's ridiculous.

Alex 14:29
You can ask anything at all. If there is something that I won't answer, I will very nicely tell you that. How about that?

Scott Benner 14:35
That's fine. Oh, that I appreciate it. And I expect from everybody, by the way, but here I'll give you a little secret. If I say Can I ask you a question? That's me buying myself time while I'm still formulating my question. Perfect. Good to know. Here's another one for you. Episode went up today. There's an ad for in the beginning for a contour meter. Right. And I wanted to say that the meter was very accurate. And I wanted to I was going to say it was super accurate. And when I said the word super, I could not remember the word accurate. So I could have gone back and re edited it and just said it's super accurate. But instead I went it's super duper Uber, super, super accurate.

Speaker 1 15:22
I couldn't find accurate my head. And then I listened back to it. I was like, oh, that's silly. I'll leave that in. But anyway, the part I was fumbling over is, I want to ask if you're a clean eater, lean person, but then I got certain that if you weren't, it would feel insulting. But I'm trying to get to did eating to a schedule lead to a lifetime of careful eating. That's my question.

Alex 15:52
Yes, and no. So yes, it did. For all of my life, pretty much through elleven, say high school, and I was a very athletic kid, I played soccer, basketball, softball, I was constantly in a sport all the time, my parents, God bless them. And then I reached college, and played soccer and basketball for my college had a wonderful time. But I'll admit, like, I did kind of go off the rails a little bit, because it had been not ingrained. But a very learned, you know, eating is very important. And all the things doctors and parents tell type one, it goes with, you know, you got to be careful, and you got to carb counting all the stuff that we know. But I kind of took it as Oh, I'm free. Now I don't have to do all of this. Always taking care of my diabetes. I did always respect that importance. But definitely, definitely took it as a little bit more. Yeah, I can eat more fast food. And if everyone else is going out for pizza, cool, I can join them. And I'd say it wasn't. Say there's probably like a good eight years of doing a lot of that before pulling things back on track going, you know, I just need to go back to being a little more diligent. Yeah. But yeah, I think there was a little bit of a

Scott Benner 17:30
well, you know, what I noticed too, watching my son in college is that when you're playing a sport in college, you can almost do anything it feels like because you're just burning so many calories constantly. So you know, you can eat a little, I don't know, crazy ecology, and it doesn't hit you the way does people who are not, you know, running active. You said you played two sports played a winter sport and a spring sport.

Alex 17:58
Fall in winter. Yes, I played soccer in the fall. And then there was always a little bit of overlap leading into the basketball season.

Scott Benner 18:07
It's a lot of running through, unless you're the goalie.

Alex 18:12
No, I'm not the goalie or goalie was phenomenal. But I I played typically left midfielder. So that was a lot of running.

Scott Benner 18:21
Is this in a position where you shoot on the goal frequently or no? Yes. Okay. Can I ask a question? I'm being super serious. Now. The goal is so big, and the ball is so small, and a person is so small. How do they miss the open space so frequently? It's a good

Alex 18:39
question. And if I had the answer, I would definitely have been able to score a lot more. But if you're a college level goalie, you are a superhero in my mind. So our team so I played for Alberto college. And the goalie we had while I played was a ninja like she covered so much ground. And if anybody is listening to this elbow college did not have a strong soccer program for the first couple of years that I was there and then we have built up from there. But there was one game. This is not an exaggeration, but we were playing on I think the stats were they had like 80 shots on goal and our goalie let eight in. So just picture this poor college kid diving and jumping like she was exhausted. She took a beating that day we played that was you know, one of the better teams in our league. But how soccer goalies are? I think one of the most underrated people in sports that to them. That's not an answer to your question, but that's not

Scott Benner 19:59
have an answer to my question. It feels like here's what soccer feels like. To me. It feels like somebody gave you a tennis ball stands you 15 feet from a garage door and says here hit the garage door and you throw it backwards. That's how it feels. So much space. And anyway, hey, by the way, do you feel prepared to live a life of personal and professional distinction and meaningful engagement with the world? Because that's what Alvarado college is known for it says online.

Alex 20:26
You know what, it's a it's a great school. i Yes, I would. I would say that.

Scott Benner 20:31
Excellent. Well, then good for them. That's amazing. All right. I'll get past that. And I'm not soccer bashing. Listen, I like Ted lasso like everybody else. Okay. But it's just such a big space.

Alex 20:46
It's a bass soccer real? Yes. When you break it down that simply it does seem like it should be a much scoring game,

Scott Benner 20:54
I want to say I would not be able to do it. It's just not me going. I I'm assuming it's very difficult. It's just it doesn't make sense visually, while I'm watching it. That's all I'm saying.

Alex 21:04
No, I get that I can respect

Scott Benner 21:05
that. Like, even with the running around, I think to myself, there's so much space on the field. Why don't you run where there nobody is then put the ball there. Guys never understand what's happening. It looks like chaos. To me, I recognize that it's not, my brain doesn't make sense of it. That's it.

Alex 21:21
That's all and I'll be honest, that was my team's approach. For the longest time. I am not nearly as athletic today as I was back then. But I was fast. I'm not going to run a marathon. But I will get from point A to point B faster than anybody else. So the coach would yell, run for the border, which was codeword for launch that ball and do an open space. And Alex will go get it. And that is all I did. So it is a little bit of organized chaos. You're not wrong in your approach.

Scott Benner 21:55
Thank you. I also don't understand watching golf. But that's for another day,

Alex 21:59
either. Other podcast.

Scott Benner 22:03
But while you're in college and running around crazy, you also let go of the building your diabetes building blocks. Is that correct? Like you just sort of you're not eating on a schedule anymore. That's as specific you don't have to, which is terrific. But then suddenly does it. Like I guess my question is, do you think that hurt you in the long run? Or do you think that it was just a part of growing in the process?

Alex 22:30
I think it was a part of growing. I think every kid at some point, diabetes related or not? It is biologically ingrained in us to push back and everything that our parents teach us. It's an important part of growing up. And I think, for me, that was my kind of pushing back that was is maybe silly as it sounds like my rebellion. Sure. Like, oh, I don't have to listen. No. So I think I think it didn't help me in some cases. But I think all the years before that. I was at least able to kind of get back now. I am not saying I eat perfect or regimented right now, but I can weigh like, I don't want to go back to what I did in college. So it's easier to stay on a better track.

Scott Benner 23:23
Yeah, I mean, people rebel, like that's, I think, pretty obvious in common. And I mean, my go to example is always like when we graduated from high school, all the Catholic school girls we knew either cut their hair, if their hair was long or grew their hair forever short. It was it was just it was just like, they were like, I'm going to now I'm going to make a decision is what it felt like to me. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I gotcha. Okay. All right. So I tell people all the time. I love speaking with people in their late 20s, who had diabetes when they were younger, because you get to hear them grow up with it and, and hear the struggles they have as they're breaking free of like their help with their parents. But my first question for you is, first of all, you have an extra 10 years on this. So I think this is going to be really valuable. But how involved were your parents before you left for college?

Alex 24:10
They were very involved. Right up until high school, and then it was a little bit more on the peripherals. So by the time I went off to college, it really was completely in my hands. So my mom was primary diabetes caregiver. It was the 80s 90s mom had a little bit more hands on at home dad went to work in, you know, brought home brought home more of the paycheck. So my mom felt more of the diabetes burden. And then in high school, I took a little bit more of the control. Again, I was out a little bit more doing sports, things like that. It just wasn't as feasible for her to be so hands Then the good thing is I went to the high school that she works at. So I would at lunchtime go in and do a blood sugar in her office and things like that, at least made it a little comfortable feeling. But because technology wasn't what it is now, there was no importance because of course, it was always important, but the data wasn't as readily accessible. So I think it made it easier for her and for AI to give me a little bit more control.

Scott Benner 25:33
When you left for college. Was there a feeling of like, I can call my mom if I need to? Or was that not even a concern? Did you? Were you worried about leaving for college? I guess that's my question.

Alex 25:45
No, I really wasn't. Part of that was because I went to school close to home. And it was only 15 minutes from my house. So I lived at home freshman and sophomore year. So even if I wasn't constantly checking in, I knew that if I needed anything, she would either be home at night when I got home from classes and practice, or she would be a phone call away. I needed her and leaned on her a lot more when it came to finding a good doctor or how to navigate any of the insurance stuff. So the day to day care I felt pretty confident in but she was always there to help if I had questions or something really kind of stumped me

Scott Benner 26:35
right. Now at that time. There's no CGM, so the can the can. What am I asking? You have a CGM now? Yes. Okay. So, do you look back at that time and think, Wow, I can't believe how lucky I got. When you describe what you're concerned about leaving for college. Your your concerns? Were not the same as what I thought about when Arden left. But I can see Arden's blood sugar in real time. So like, was your I mean, like the junior mom sit around and be like, you know, if you get low, like, was there a lot of worry about lows?

Alex 27:14
I'm sure for her there was. But for you, she did a really good job of not letting me see probably how nervous she she truly was. I think now that I'm a parent, I'm sure she was probably up at night, you know, really concerned. And I always share with her what my eight onesies are, I always have I know, she wants to know more. But at the time, I didn't see how it would be important for her to know, like, you know, all of that wasn't readily available. So I feel, you know, at that time, I probably could have and I'm sure she would have appreciated that. But she was really good at just going Yep, you know, like, go out do this. I'm here, you know, for anything you might need. But yeah, now being a parent or kind of looking back on it. She probably wanted to know more about what my blood sugar was doing.

Scott Benner 28:15
What was what was your focus then? Long term, short term for your outcomes and goals? Like what were you trying to keep? Were you trying to keep your blood sugar anywhere, or were you just trying not to be dizzy? Like I'm trying to understand, like, what the what the goal was,

Alex 28:32
the goal was to stay in range. I think that what range meant at that point was probably closer to like 90 to 200. I think my range at that point that I was aiming for was definitely broader. But being very in tune yet with my body, I knew that showing up to a game or practice anything under 90 obviously was dangerous and wasn't going to be helpful for me or my team. But anything over 200 I was going to feel like garbage and not be able to perform as well either. So staying in something of a range for me definitely was important. I even if I wasn't eating very healthy. I didn't sit in the two three hundreds and I wasn't okay with that. So I definitely brought myself within range. Now, is it the range that I try to keep myself in now? No. But again, you know, college, you're invincible and you think you're on top of the world.

Scott Benner 29:36
It's just very interesting to me that if back then you didn't know what was happening in between your finger sticks. So if Did you find yourself low frequently or no?

Alex 29:49
No, not really. Not Not really too bad. I if I had to put a reasonable guess on it. I would say I was probably Living quite often in like the 151 60 range based on, like what I remember. And I mean, that was a long time ago, there's no way I can tell you what my blood was on any given day. But I think I did a pretty good job, it was always important for me to stay somewhat what I would have defined in range at that point. And that's tricky, right? Because there's still doctors today that say anything below 180 is good. But certainly tighter now. But at the time, I think I was for what I understood diabetes to be was living in a pretty healthy space.

Scott Benner 30:36
That's it. I mean, it's all fat. Like I when Arden left, my my thought is always a low blood sugar that she can't help herself for is my concern. That was that was my concern when she left, right. And that's even interesting to say, because I mean, Orton doesn't get low that frequently. So you know, it's not like she's low every day or something. And I'm like, Oh, it's just gonna keep happening. And just the randomness of it is what concerns me, ended up being the bigger concern is the quality of the food at the college, which is suspect, and

Alex 31:11
perhaps a lot of carbs lot of refined.

Scott Benner 31:16
Processed, fried, refined, carb heavy, like repetition like even that she's like, I'm so sick of all this. It's bad food, and I'm sick of it. And I'm like, Yeah, I gotcha.

Alex 31:29
Yeah, she's got to be, you guys. Gotta be getting ready to bring her back home pretty soon. Hey,

Scott Benner 31:35
so yeah. So she does quarters, though. So she's completing her third quarter or her first year. I know, that sounds crazy. You don't have to do the fourth quarter to complete the air. But it's both the years broken up into quarters. But these last two, there was no real break in between. So the first time she went away, she was gone for a quarter. And she came home for a while. And then she went back. And that was the beginning of January. And now she's not going to be home until the beginning of June. So she's gonna be gone like a solid five months. And it's the longest she's ever been away from home. Okay, so we're starting to hear from her. Like, I can't wait for summer. I want to come home. Like that kind of stuff. You know, which I completely understand. The other day I was, she was FaceTiming. So she was making a skirt. And I was editing the podcast. So we just fake and we talked for a while. And I said, I was joking with her. She's like, I got to do this. And then I have to go over to the fashion, you know, building to do this. And I'm like, right. She's like, it's gonna be late tonight. And I was like, Well, I have to do this. And this this. She was here but in our house. She was look at this little tiny room I'm sitting in. Yeah. And I was like, I know. She's like, I'm trying to so sitting on a stool in front of a coffee table.

Alex 32:59
That's yeah, I guess I got about how limiting college dorm rooms.

Scott Benner 33:06
I'm like, in this tiny little space. It was four of us in here. And she's like, I like these girls. She's like, What if I didn't like them? And I'm like, Nah, now. So, but it just my concern. I never thought about, like the other stuff. Like, I just think that as the time goes by, and the management changes, people's understanding gets deeper. And so their concerns change too. And and there's part of me that that feels like I could see the time when you grew up as just limited information. So you wouldn't know any better almost just like ignorance that you're just you know, it's not your fault in any way. But then it's interesting to hear you talk about it because if I knew what I know now and then you took me back to 1997 and set and I had to send Alex off to school I'd be like Well she's obviously going to die. That's the last I say goodbye to Alex everybody and and not the case obviously.

Alex 34:04
No, I get that I can see where knowing everything we know now and everything we have, if that would all be taken away. It would it would be living in the dark ages. I absolutely respect and I mean I think

Scott Benner 34:18
you're okay right now you don't have any kind of long term health issues.

Alex 34:23
No, I'm doing doing really well. 15 months ago gave birth to a very healthy little boy and everything went very smooth that way. There was one period of time later in college where my eye doctor wanted to keep an eye on a couple blood vessels that she said we're looking a little a little more spotty, but since tightening everything up and making a couple other changes, she says everything is not only stopped where It was but has actually gotten better. That was really the I'll say the closest thing to what I'll say is a true complication or a you know, the the ones you hear about, but otherwise no, I'm, I consider myself in pretty good

Scott Benner 35:12
health. That's excellent. How many kids do you have?

Alex 35:15
So we've got one daughter, who is 20. And she joined our family a little bit later in life. And we've got a 15 month old son, and then we fostered for a while. So one of our foster daughters we see on the weekend. She's not currently in our home, but we're like a mentor, or so we are quite often

Scott Benner 35:40
nice. Yeah. So I'm hearing you. You abducted a child. And you made a baby. I gotcha. Grab it at the ball. Just come with us kind of a situation. Almost. Yeah, least you're taking good care. It's funny when you said 20. Like, you start doing the math. And I'm like, Alex didn't say she had a baby in high school. That's not this. Yeah. And then very easily understand. Well, that's lovely. How old were you when you started fostering children.

Alex 36:09
So she, let's see, okay. My wife and I, we're actually just kind of having this conversation. So we've started fostering five and a half, six years ago, and then met our daughter five years ago. And then she seemed to officially like full time move in with us about three years ago. Oh, that's lovely. Weird. That might be off on that. But she, she has been with us for for quite a few years. Now.

Scott Benner 36:40
That was certainly no 2023 minus 37. But it wasn't terrible. No. She was about 15. When you met her,

Alex 36:49
I lost that whole 2020 just feels like it's gone. So take with a grain of salt. If she's listening to this, and goes, geez, man, I've been here for five years. I'll feel terrible, but

Scott Benner 37:00
it's fine. It's a lot of pressure. There's like due dates all but she was around 15 When you met her? Yes. Okay. That's beautiful. So now I have another question. Yep. How do you decide who carries the baby? Rock Paper, Scissors, please? No, I wish it was paper, scissors. Okay, there was other ways Go ahead.

Alex 37:21
For a lot of families, it probably does come down to it being that simple. My wife has some health stuff that just would have made that process a little bit more tricky, a little bit more medically intensive. So having the conversation on who would have the best chance of staying healthier and having a healthy baby. And it was me.

Scott Benner 37:50
Yeah, that's what I didn't want to say. I'm like, how did you end up being the good choice? This is what I was wondering. I was like, well go with a type one. This will be the way to go. So

Alex 37:59
this is the winner here.

Scott Benner 38:01
I bet you that's the first time you ever won like a race like that. You were like why

Alex 38:06
wouldn't diabetes put me at the advantage point. Right,

Scott Benner 38:09
exactly. That's wonderful. Okay, so very cool. So the youngest is just 15 months old. That's really, that's a great time. Will you consider TrialNet?

Alex 38:20
Yes, I we will definitely be doing that. And that has been a funny process, because we've got some friends. He's type one. He has two kids. And he's had the, the information. He's had the box, they call him every six months going, Hey, when are you going to send this in? And he's terrified of it. He you see, he's afraid of what he will or won't find out. And I respect that. And up until even delivery. My wife and I were both like, if it happens, it happens. We know what to look for. And then our son was about three months old. And something came minorly unhinged. And I'm like, we like how old can he be before we do this? And then it became a Well, geez, now I gotta wait till he's two and a half, like, what are we gonna do? But just out of curiosity, I listened to one mom on your podcast, who? Honestly, it's what made sense. In my mind. She said it's not knowing the like, when is it going to happen, but she was able to use it as a teaching point, and help her son understand it before the diagnosis landed. And I thought that's a really cool approach. You know, if that made sense to me, and then I saw a conversation on your podcast about you know, when were people diagnosed, and so many of the people said almost exactly three months after COVID and it was right at the time. Our little one had COVID So, I did tell my wife, I'm like, we're gonna do a blood sugar check. month three or four after like, I just need to put my mind at ease. Yeah, he was perfect. He was 78. Like, there's nothing could have been better. I mean, we'll definitely do try

Scott Benner 40:17
on that. Okay. Yeah. Hey, so when you were looking for a donor, were you just like, look, just there can't be any autoimmune issues in your family. That's what I would have been like, I don't care what they look like, I don't care. I don't know how much money they make. Just please. Not even I don't even want like a sore stomach after a meal. My thing

Alex 40:37
is, yeah, so we went through a bank in Illinois. And for me, it was very important that we picked features that actually complimented my wife. So it worked out perfectly, because he does look like the two of us. So whoever he's with, like, people, if people don't know us, they would assume like, Oh, that's my Oh, that's

Scott Benner 41:01
cool. Oh, I didn't think of that. That's such a wonderful idea. Yeah. Cool. No, excellent, good. Well, I'm glad that cost money by the way.

Alex 41:13
It does. We were very fortunate that we did not need to do a lot of the medical components that a lot of a lot of straight or lesbian families have to go through. We were pretty lucky that we could simply order and you need doctor's approvals, and you have to fax in this like ream of paper to the bank that basically says your doctor is giving permission more or less that you're healthy enough to try. But we were able to attempt at home and things went

Scott Benner 41:50
really well. Alex I was gonna joke about that. But it's a do it yourself kit.

Alex 41:55
It can be oh my

Scott Benner 41:57
god, be honest. The funniest thing that's ever happened to you?

Alex 42:01
It was. I mean, yeah, like that is

Scott Benner 42:04
nerve racking, I imagine but it's hilarious, too, right?

Alex 42:07
Yep, absolutely. I are very, I don't wanna say silly people, but like, we're very relaxed. And it was just it was a weird kind of like, knowing like, what like what are we like? This is an at home science experiment. Like it's just very bizarre but very cool.

Scott Benner 42:25
I'm about to go write a movie where this is the main scene. Nobody steal my idea. Okay.

Alex 42:31
This is yours patent pending.

Scott Benner 42:33
Oh my god. That's I just My mind is picturing so many different odd things that just I would have been laughing the whole time if I was one of you. Oh my god, I got you. I got you in the bicycle position yet abs like oh my god, I got her going. I don't want to touch it. Oh my god, does it. I never mind. My last question is not appropriate.

Alex 43:04
But we can talk out there that's totally fine. Just want

Scott Benner 43:07
to know how close to an actual turkey baster does it look like is what I'm asking is

Alex 43:11
it looks more like a like an at home chemistry set as weird as that sounds. So yes, like everyone says turkey baster but like think much more like high school chemistry classroom.

Scott Benner 43:23
Okay. Now I'm going to ask you a question that I'm serious about this gonna sound like I'm joking. I'm not being salacious. I really want to I really want to understand good job, Scott way to go down this hole. Or not, I didn't mean that stop. Sorry.

Alex 43:39
Unintended there

Speaker 1 43:40
wasn't even intended. I was gonna say path. And then I was gonna say rabbit hole. And I just said the worst thing I could have said, is it best? Is the alright, that's my question. Is it best to be aroused? While you're doing it like or is there like physiological function around that? Or is it just as easy as like, put it in? And we're done? We

Alex 44:02
have. So we did a little bit of homework. Like, it's not super, it's not difficult to find information online. But it's also you got to weed through just like anything like what's reputable and what's not. So they did say that there was higher likelihood. If, if that, you know,

Scott Benner 44:21
things up a little bit, got things go? Yeah, that made sense to me. But I wasn't sure. And then there was probably a very polite adult way. I could have asked that question, but I actually scaled it down pretty far from the juvenile thought I had. So I think I did pretty well. No. Yeah, I mean, that makes sense to me. And so because not, not for nothing too, but if you're if you're paying by the delivery, you want to get it in, get it go in the right way as quickly as possible to

Alex 44:51
pretty much I mean, it wasn't I have friends who are LGBT and straight who have spent lots of money and attempts to get get pregnant. And I mean, it can add up very quickly. I will say our first attempt, or getting pregnant was not our first attempt. So there was some money spent. But, you know, just like, heterosexual people have to try, you know, multiple times sometimes to it, you know, it takes what it takes.

Scott Benner 45:22
Yeah. So do you, if you okay? If so if you try once that doesn't work? Do you go back to the bank and say, Hey, we want more from the same guy.

Alex 45:30
You can Yep. So you. I mean, it's kind of I mean, it doesn't I guess sound ridiculous. But like, yeah, you kind of fill out an order form and either call or email or fax I think are different ways you can kind of do things, you can have it shipped. So there's like a window of like a travel range that they'll deliver.

Scott Benner 45:54
Think about that the next time, you wouldn't be mean to your UPS guy. Right? Cut him or him or her break. You know, they mean their login sperm around them.

Alex 46:05
The package car driver, they're now thinking, jeez, how much have I delivered?

Scott Benner 46:11
Guy was there every day for a week. Every time something comes to my house, I say to the guy, I'm gonna go back inside and say to my wife that you come here, you said you come here a lot. And he goes, I don't feel that way. And I go, I'm still gonna use you as an excuse. Yeah, I'm like the guy said, he this the house. He goes through the most. It's upsetting to him. He really wants a break. I'm just trying to get another buy things online. But it's not working yet. Okay. So you. So you do that. Now, and it is in the back? I mean, there's no way around it right. It's in the back of your head. You were diagnosed at three. Yeah, so the baby comes near like, by the way you didn't chase called the baby Scott. No, no, that's fine. And do you like do you listen to this podcast? I do. Yeah. Cool. That's nice. How did you find it?

Alex 47:02
I think it was in something that like highlighted the top podcasts in different genres. And it was either diabetes specific or like health care something. But am I like, that's really cool. I'm driving, you know, more for work, and then dropping our son off at daycare. So I started listening and really enjoyed it. So I am happy to be able to be talking with you for for a change.

Scott Benner 47:36
I'm good. That's excellent. Your note says that you want to talk about advocating for yourself. And I have not let you get to that yet. So

Alex 47:46
no, that's okay. Right. What I love about the podcast is he, you ask questions, and we just go from there. So even if we would never have touched on that, it wouldn't have been the worst thing in the world.

Scott Benner 47:57
We've learned a lot already today. Like I mean, we've learned from a person who was diagnosed very young, and in a different management time heard about going to college, we've heard about, like, at home insemination, which my goodness, I was gonna joke about that, but I did not realize it was an actual real thing. So I learned something there. And yeah, and I just have a Yeah. Did you wear rubber gloves? I'm just kidding. Did you? Uh, wait, did you?

Alex 48:24
No, no, we did. I was thinking about like, the thought that came in my head is why we weren't rubber gloves. But yeah, like that would be a question, but we did not know.

Scott Benner 48:32
So Alex, here's the end of the insemination questions for me and then I move forward. Are you are your wife Goldstar?

Alex 48:41
We are not

Scott Benner 48:43
okay. That's why you're not scared. I say okay, I got it all. Now. I figured the whole thing out. That's fine. How many people right now are like I don't know what that means? Probably a lot. Yeah. Not me. I know a lot of useless stuff. Do I? Do I tell them

Alex 49:01
asking that question. You know, I'm gonna let people wander. Either wander or check it out? Primarily because like if someone in my family listens to this, I don't want them being like asking like so. Who was it?

Scott Benner 49:15
Oh, so you're, you're you're Hoh. So it happened but it's not like a It's not it's not like you are with guys for a long time. It's just the thing that happened at one time.

Alex 49:26
Right? Yeah. Well, that's that's actually a very good way of summing that up. Okay,

Scott Benner 49:30
can I ask another question? Sure. Were you testing it? Oh, like were you like let me just make sure that it started happening. You went Oh, yeah, no, I'm sure that's enough. We can you can go home.

Alex 49:45
No, it was not taking away from the experience. It wasn't a casual like encounter or anything like that. It was more or less closing a chapter for me and this guy. So, it wasn't like, you know, I mean, like people totally fine if like people are out there, you know, having kind of meaningless relationships. For me. It wasn't bad. It was definitely like a closure piece that me and former boyfriend needed to kind of put in place

Scott Benner 50:17
to us. So prior to the boyfriend, did you think you might be gay? Or you never had the thought?

Alex 50:24
No, I definitely at that point, it was very much like a two year ish kind of window of questioning and we weren't together that whole time. Like, I don't want it. I don't want people out there going to use this poor guy.

Scott Benner 50:38
Oh, my gosh, Alex, did you help him out? Otherwise?

Alex 50:46
He's happily married. I think he's got a kid or two.

Scott Benner 50:48
No, I'm sure he's thrilled to be away from you. That's not what I'm sorry.

Alex 50:52
Yeah, we can talk more about that off air and people aren't gonna you know, that conversation. But ya know, neither one of us are gold stars. Okay, which I'm sure.

Scott Benner 51:02
got it figured out. Yeah, for sure. It's so Oh, that's interesting. I do have more questions. Like, did you like, did you just like, oh, you put in so much time, where you tried to give them a like a favor at the end? Or were you really like, I'm just wanting to know, if you were like, let me find out. I'll do this and see if I'm really it's not for me. You know,

Alex 51:22
I'm trying to like,

Scott Benner 51:23
I like to you don't remember?

Alex 51:25
Back? They're like, Well, I'm that's yeah, I mean, like, that wasn't? Yeah, it was it was a meaningful experience. And also, I think I had like known more than that, that I was a lesbian. So I think it was just more. I don't want to say like, yeah, like confirmation, but kind of, maybe kind of a little bit. I'm not exactly sure,

Scott Benner 51:51
Alex, I know. I know how to handle this. If there are any guys out there listening who are gay, but try to Lady to make sure it was real. Please get a hold of me because you'll be way more fun to talk about this with analysis. That's what I want to do. Okay, hopefully, I'll get a nice note from someone. You're being like an adult about this. I don't need that. I need ridiculous.

Alex 52:17
Hey, we can you know, even better yet next time you're visiting your brother. Let's go out from Mexican. I'll pick you up from the airport. We can talk about anything you want. Oh,

Scott Benner 52:25
my brother's being punished for moving to Wisconsin? I don't see him. That's all. He should have moved somewhere warm. If you want to see me. Do you understand? Fair enough. For all of you telling us about the lakes. It's not enough. I've seen the ocean. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. I heard the legs. People tell me the legs are lovely. And then I really shouldn't see them. And I'm certain I'll visit my brother. Now that my mom's out there. I'll go.

Alex 52:52
Okay, okay, so so your mom's out with

Scott Benner 52:57
after her? Her cancer ordeal that so my mom was oddly getting ready to move to Wisconsin. And because my brother moved when he was young for college, and then ended up staying. And my mom's like, you know, I think I want to spend the last bit of my life with Brian. And I was like, Yeah, it sounds. I mean, definitely let them have you when it's really hard. That's the best time for us to say goodbye. But But no, it's sad. She moved but she's having a different experience with him and his family, which is all lovely. But I mean, I can get away with telling my brother to come back here or let's meet somewhere for a vacation. But I'm not like I can get away with asking my 80 year old mom to do that. So I guess I am going to end up with He tricked me into going to Wisconsin I guess. He got you honestly, I was supposed to speak in Wisconsin, right as COVID was happening. Obviously shut down pretty quickly. But yeah, I missed. I missed seeing Wisconsin by like two weeks because of COVID. Okay, would have been there anyway. What have we not gone over yet? Oh, the advocating piece? Like where have you found yourself having to do that?

Alex 54:05
Whether you are the type one or a mom or dad or caregiver? I think it's just so important to be able to stand up for yourself in anything. I mean, diabetes? Yes, of course. Because it could have very serious side effects. Or, you know, I mean, going low or staying too high. You know, we all know that there's so many dangers in that. Then I think once you're out of the terror of like that new diagnosis and you kind of get a rhythm and you're like, Okay, this isn't always going to be scary. I think it's very easy to then discount, like, how important it still is. So, I mean, I went through college in high school without any sort of, like 504 plans weren't really a thing. I to a private school, I was very lucky that my teachers were just accommodating. But college like no one in like any student housing or anything like that knew really that I was diabetic. And I know that you can now go and let people know like what accommodations you need. And I think just because I didn't utilize that doesn't mean it wasn't important. I think you need to advocate for what you need. And I think it will lead to so many more in our community having better mental health and better just conversations about it as a whole, I think a lot of us, you know, hide it without even meaning to, and I don't think it has to be that way.

Scott Benner 55:46
And I actually said something a second ago, that I'll push back on, but in a in a way that you'll understand in a second. You said like, you know how dangerous or concerning lows are like everybody knows that. But I just got back from a speaking engagement in person where I was fairly stunned by the amount of people who did not understand the implications of low blood sugar people who either had type one, or were the spouses of a type one, they just didn't know. There was really something I was stunned, obviously. And then in the middle of a talk that I was giving about something else. I took five minutes to educate everybody on that. So I was like, not the favorite person for five minutes. You know, I'm like, like, No, I'm like, blood sugar's go down, they get too low, you have a seizure. If they can, and you go low, then there's not enough sugar in your blood and your brain shuts off, and then you're gone. And then somebody said, but then you drink your juice. And I went, No, no, no, you're just gone. And a lot of like, shocked, looks in the room, but I just I, I saw it happening. And I thought, well, someone's gonna have to tell them. I didn't relish it being me. But I just thought it's, I mean, we're all here. Like, let's do it. Now. You know, we talked everybody through it. I told him like, like, it's not like, it's obviously definitely going to happen or anything like that. But it's a possibility. And I just think you should know about it. So then that move the conversation to glucagon. I was stunned by the amount of people who don't have glucagon. If they have it. They don't carry it with them. You know, I don't know. It just threw me off. So.

Alex 57:27
And I, I appreciate that pushback. Because yeah, I guess I take it for granted that that is something that I know. But to that point, there are probably lots of people who don't understand how it works, even living with it, which is scary to

Scott Benner 57:43
think then you find somebody who does know about it. They're like, Yeah, I've never used it. So then it's that like, well, then people are like, Oh, well, then what do I need it for? Like you need it for? It's like wearing a seatbelt? Honestly, it's you don't wear a seatbelt for all the times you don't crash your car. That's not how it works. And I don't know, I think I got through them. And the people that were in the event were very kind afterwards because a couple of people complained, you know, like, he's in there talking about dying. And I'm like, well, first of all, I wasn't talking about that this came up. And I you know, I told you that the reality of it. But the people that run the the event were like no, like, we appreciate that you did that. And that must have been difficult. And thank you. That's a cool, cool, level headed people. Excellent. So that was pretty cool. Did you like being pregnant? The experience of it?

Alex 58:32
I did. I really enjoyed it. I know not everybody has that experience. And I respect that. But I really enjoyed it. That doesn't mean it was smooth sailing the entire time. But I we are not having more children. But I would I would be open to hearing again.

Scott Benner 58:53
No, I mean, I just talked to you a minute ago. And there's just a picture of you pregnant with a look on your face that made me think Man, she loved that. Like it wasn't

Alex 59:01
the one or quite honestly. Yeah. So

Scott Benner 59:08
when you're about halfway through being pregnant, right about there. Yeah.

Alex 59:12
That would have been October and our son was born end of January. So that's actually at the diabetes camp that I volunteer at. Tell me about that. It's a really great experience. I know camp is not for everybody. So I'm not saying everybody should go. And if it's something your kid would benefit from, it's how I describe it to non diabetic people. Is it is the coolest, heartbreaking experience that I do every year like it's so cool because there are up to 150 kids for one week, who are all going through the same thing. They all understand what it means they're not having to re explain what their low blood sugar means like it Just they get to be a kid and the diabetes gets to go on the background. But it's heartbreaking. Because inevitably, about halfway through the week, I look around and I go, Jesus, there's 130 kids here, and they're all diabetic like that, that breaks my heart. So it's a really cool experience. Wisconsin Lyons camp, is who hosts it in Wisconsin. They have a beautiful campground, they have amazing staff. It's a really great week for the kids. And they, some of them come the first time never seen another type one kid, and they leave with like a core group of like best friends and I, I can't say enough good things about it. It's so

Scott Benner 1:00:42
great things just happened. One, you said, Wisconsin, very Wisconsin, which I enjoyed you were like your That was fantastic. And then the thing about the way you said, you know, they don't have to explain things to other people, right, because everybody already knows. I thought a little more about that, as you were talking. And that's a lot about language. Like you don't show up at a gathering and have to explain to people that you're breathing, you don't mean that it's an we're to look at them and think, Oh, I'm breathing. And they're breathing, but I'm doing it differently. And they don't understand that like no, that all just that all fades away, right there. Yeah, that must be the best part of it. And that the other thing that you talked about, about the kind of the heartbreaking nature of it is actually, Arden is done at her children's hospital now because she is an adult, and they told her to get out. But they actually said you need to find an adult and they didn't say get out. But that's what they meant. This Yeah, semantics. So we go to what had gone to a satellite office for a really major Children's Hospital. And I hate having to go to the appointments at the Children's Hospital. Because you just walk in, and so many different disease states, so many little kids, so many tired parents like, like smiling when their kids are looking at them. And when the kids aren't looking and they just look like they're gonna run their head through a wall, like that kind of thing. And I find it difficult to be there. So yeah, yeah, it's just somehow amazing institutions that are helping so many people, and I find it to be like, it's like the saddest place on earth. I just can't, but I have trouble being there. So the satellite offices for me, it's just the way better. Anyway. Well, that's very nice. How long have you been donating your time to the camp?

Alex 1:02:39
I have been volunteering with them this 10 or 11 years now.

Scott Benner 1:02:45
That's really nice. Okay, I love how to you're just at the right age where you apologize to everybody before you say anything. I enjoyed. You didn't say I enjoyed being prednisone. I know some people don't like it, but I enjoyed it. And you're like, I know some people don't want to go to camp. But if you don't have to do that, hear Alex. It's okay. Just say what you think. I appreciate that. Yep. We're not gonna. We're not We're not worried. There's no woke mob coming for you, Alex. It's fine.

Alex 1:03:13
No, and it takes so much to offend me or push me a little too far. So even if they did come back, fine.

Scott Benner 1:03:19
I figured you could I tried in the middle and you were fine. So there's just this whole moment, my brains like, we have to understand better how they made the baby. I don't know. I mean, it just has to be Oh, my gosh, no. Well, somebody's not talking about I'm sorry. You got me. Too, delighted by you. I've lost my, my professional edge. Do I have a professional?

Alex 1:03:47
You do? And I think you're you're maintaining it pretty? Well, I think the two of us just seem to have a good time. And we're having a good conversation. I mean, yeah, you know, lived my entire life with diabetes. So I'm sure if you ask enough questions, you'll hit on different things if you wanted to.

Scott Benner 1:04:05
Okay, well, I do want to know then, what the difference is between modern management and what you are accustomed to till you were 12, like it rearview mirror kind of description of diabetes, where it's common, why it's important.

Alex 1:04:23
I hate to think that people are being diagnosed at the intense numbers that we're seeing. And I think, if you are going to be diagnosed now is the better time than any. And I know that's weird to say, because I'm sure in five years we'll have even more insanely advanced technology, but I really enjoy that I was able to grow up and kind of go through life with the management I had given. There were some hurdles of course, but I think because it also allows me to not hyper fixate and my CGM. So in 30 years I've been with Medtronic tandem. I'm currently on the Omnipod. Five with with Dexcom. And I really love it. And my first closed loop experience was with Medtronic system. And I'll be honest, I went into it thinking I'm gonna hate it. Like, I have gotten my thoughts where I've gotten it this far. Why do I need the machine to do it for me, and I let go of that control really quickly, a lot faster than I anticipated, which I thought was really cool. And if my system were to fail, at some point, I have the skills where I'd be able to move on in, you know, fix it until they got replaced. So if I needed a new controller or Dexcom went haywire, I'd be able to make it a day or two, with very little struggle. I mean, like, I'd probably grumble about it, like, Oh, I got to do shots. But I'd be able to do it, and it would be okay. So I think for me that that really worked out. But I think it's amazing. We you know what we have, I think it's incredibly helpful. I say that I'd be able to put things away. But if my son were to be diagnosed tomorrow, I would be calling everybody to get him on a Dexcom as fast as I possibly can. So I love and respect everything that is out there. And I enjoy knowing that I've got a lot of skills in my pocket that I think some kids don't we did an activity at camp a couple years ago with the cabin I was working with and said, Okay, your pumps don't work right now. You guys have to do the math to figure out your carb counts and insulin for for the dinner. And I was a little scared. Everyone was like deer in headlights. They looked at us like, Well, no, our pump does that. And we're like, we know, but like, if your pump failed right now. And I like but our pump does

Scott Benner 1:07:08
that. That's not gonna happen lady plus the UPS guy. I don't know if you heard he brings everything. So it.

Alex 1:07:15
And that's, that's basically. So we like walked him through like how to, you know, figure it out. And then obviously, we let them use their pump to see you know how close and to actually give the Bolus. But I did leave that conversation going, you know, what we, I think we have to do a little bit better about at least letting them know how the pump is getting to these results. But they were they were 13 and 14 year old girls, and most of them

Scott Benner 1:07:40
didn't know what their acitivity was or what it how it translated to decisions or anything like that.

Alex 1:07:47
Yeah, so I mean it and that's okay. You know, if you don't need the information, you don't need it. Like there's no point in having it necessarily for like a what if and, you know, I would assume mom or dad has that information. But we just thought it'd be kind of a fun, quote unquote, activity, you know, for one meal, and, oh, the pushback we got was,

Scott Benner 1:08:08
I don't know how to get away, leave me alone. Well, I work when we make adjustments to art in settings, which we haven't, in a while, things have been going very smoothly. So I probably should have said that. I'm not, I'm not superstitious at all. And I still was like, Oh, God, don't say I shouldn't said that out loud. But like, That's why I'll text her and I'll be like, hey, you know, we're gonna make some changes in your pump, like, just FaceTime me for a second. And like, now, by the way, the screen sharing on FaceTime even, like, you know, she's making changes to like, our loop algorithm. It's all like, right there. And I'm like, Okay, so we're gonna make your insulin sensitivity 43. And I know, you know, and I just say the same stuff over and over again, I'm like, I know that we're going from 44 to 43. But just remember, that's making it stronger, not weaker. You know, let's make your Basal this at night. Because we're seeing this happen. I just figure if I keep saying the why I'm doing it as I'm doing it. Like, she'll have no choice but to understand it. You know, like, I'll kind of like, trick, I mean, not for nothing. I'm basically tricking her to take care of herself, like, sort of like the way I'm tricking all of you into doing it. By like having conversations and bringing stuff up here and there and letting it drop in and fade away and bring it back. And I think it's working but I am now fascinated if I said to her, like do a meal. But you know what she swags Boy, that's not a word I ever use to people no swag. She guesses her carbs. So well. I bet you she could do it. But But if she had to know the math of it for a correction, I think she'd come up with the answer, but I don't think she'd know why she was at the answer mathematically. That makes sense.

Alex 1:09:47
No, that's, I feel like I mean, she's had it 16

Scott Benner 1:09:54
She's almost 17 years. In a couple a couple more.

Alex 1:09:59
I feel like some of It does become just so second nature. I mean, how can it not after day to day and like so many times throughout the day? I think that was yes, I can I can get her if she's not doing the math, she could at least come close, probably within a half a unit. I think that makes sense to me.

Scott Benner 1:10:19
Let me ask you this, right now appear to know what you do for a living. Are you willing to talk about it?

Alex 1:10:25
Absolutely. I'm surprised it took this long.

Scott Benner 1:10:28
When I was a kid, and we were young, and we're graduating from high school, and people are getting ready to go to college and go into work and stuff. My buddy's like, I'm going to become a funeral director. And I'm like, yeah, and he goes, Yeah, man, for sure. And I was like, why? And he goes, I have a job right till the end. And I'm like, what he goes, people aren't gonna stop dying. I'll always have money. It's like, Well, okay, rock solid thought. And so. But here, I'm going to tell you his best story, that I want to hear that I want to give your best story. He was once preparing a body. And he found things stuffed in the person's throat. And they came to he saw he solved a murder. Oh my gosh. So while he's preparing the body, he saw something way down in the throat. And he got it out. And then what ended up happening was a young This is such a crazy story. But a young neighbor of an older person murdered this older person by like shoving a rag down their throat and something else. And it was so gone from sight that they just assumed the person just died. Wow. Oh, my friend solved a murder.

Alex 1:11:45
That's good for him. That is cool, fantastic. Child.

Scott Benner 1:11:50
Have you ever solved a murder? Alex? That's what I'm asking.

Alex 1:11:53
I have no, I have not solved a murder. I feel like I need to step up. My game.

Scott Benner 1:12:00
Did you just think oh my gosh, I've never looked down everybody's throat. I wonder how many murdered people I didn't find?

Alex 1:12:06
No, you know, I mean, okay, so I don't work in the prep room is often anymore. If anyone in the prep room is listening to this, they'll be like, you never work in the prep room. It's been a long time. So I'm not the one who typically gets people ready for their services I used to, and I did really enjoy that part of, of the profession. But no, now I'm gonna ask our team like, Hey, why aren't we solving any emergency?

Scott Benner 1:12:35
Why is nobody trying hard enough? Are you being you're just what's it like? Being around deceased bodies? I don't even know how to use the phrasing wrong. Probably. Right. I was gonna say dead bodies. And that seemed harsh than deceased bodies seems I mean, just the deceased, right? What should I say? First of all?

Alex 1:12:55
No, you're good. I would say this is probably the softest way of saying that because

Scott Benner 1:13:01
I've watched my friend who he lives in the funeral home above the funeral home, which is not uncommon. By the way, if you've seen six feet under on HBO,

Alex 1:13:08
I lived in the home, I work at this. There's a beautiful apartment in this space above our funeral home that's reserved for the apprentices typically. So when I was an apprentice and early director, I lived up above there, it's got its pros.

Scott Benner 1:13:26
Or the cons that there are six bodies in the basement at all times, or what's the cons, ultimately, that

Alex 1:13:33
even if it's not your weekend on call, if there's a funeral, like you're expected to, you know, get the flower door open and kind of if something happens, you're the one that kind of has to attend to it, which fortunately, things don't typically happen. But you'll get, you know, a call on the weekend to go, Hey, I've got a family dropping off clothes, can you make sure the doors open? You know, tomorrow at noon? It's like, sure didn't have plans or anything. But yeah, I can make that happen here.

Scott Benner 1:14:00
So what's always stunned me about his life is that, you know, he moved in there, he's had three children, they raised his children in that house, they're so comfortable with death, like just and not in a morbid or creepy way. It's just a, it's just such I've always thought of it as a good thing. Like, they're just like to see little children playing hide and seek around caskets, or like, you know, or when you have an event with a bunch of people to get together. And it's his turn to host. And you're having dinner in the same room where there are services because that's where the space and the tables are and stuff like that. Like it's a really different experience, but it becomes very normal very quickly.

Alex 1:14:39
It does, and I think so one of the foster kiddo who we still see on weekends, if they, when they were living with us, no, probably like nine or 10 at the time, and because they were at an age to understand kind of What I do not maybe the specifics, but they've at least heard a funeral directors before. And there was one day I came home from work, and they asked, so who died today? And it was meant in a very, like, I'm trying to connect with you and ask about your day. But we're like, okay, that's, Let's not ask that. Like, that's not, that's not the question that we're gonna go with. But I am a firm believer that you shouldn't shield children away from death, that at an age appropriate level, there needs to be a conversation. And if there's not, that's how you end up with 30 year olds who won't go to a funeral. And I think that's really hard for a lot of people. Because you, you know, you want to protect your kids. And I understand that. But shielding them from everything doesn't exactly prepare them, you know, for later on. So what is your way to story? Oh, that's a good one. I don't know that it would be many people weirdest, but it was day one on the job. So it really sticks in my head. We had a family whose loved one passed away, he was probably in his late 30s. And they donated his his organs and tissues. And what that means, sometimes is that they will take your arm and leg bones as well. So I had to watch right had an opportunity to watch how they dress this guy who is really nothing more than his trunk and appendages. But those were replaced now with PVC pipes to hold shape. And I remember thinking, what the heck did I get myself into. And I think I'm going to do this for a really long time. So it was weird enough that it definitely will always stick with me as like first day on the job. This is what we're leading with. But not enough that it scared me off.

Scott Benner 1:17:04
Here's the thing that has so far in my life of all the things that my friend has shared with me. The thing that's, like, weirded me out the most. Is that for women of a certain breast size, he stitches the he stitches the breast together so they stand up in the coffin.

Alex 1:17:26
Yep, yeah. You that yeah, that's like a trick of the train. Yeah, there's

Scott Benner 1:17:33
that was just so I just see it though. I was like, Oh, okay. Is it? Can I ask a question? Why do you have to embalm a body to cremate it? You know, you don't have to?

Alex 1:17:45
Okay. No, you don't. So at least in the state of Wisconsin, if the only reason you would have to be embalmed is if you were having an open casket service more than 24 hours after a person passed away, or if they were being sent out of state. So in order now, minus any religious reasoning, so if someone passes away in Wisconsin, and is going back home for a funeral, we would have to involve here before getting them on the plane

Scott Benner 1:18:16
to cost the UPS body across the country.

Alex 1:18:21
Right now, you're looking at about 2500

Scott Benner 1:18:27
Oh, Mom, you're getting buried in Wisconsin?

Alex 1:18:31
Yeah, right now. I mean, that also depends. So I mean, we have milk. So I work in South Milwaukee. And South Milwaukee has a pretty strong affiliation with like lacrosse, a lot of people from the lacrosse area moved to this outside of Milwaukee for a lot of factory jobs. So we oftentimes are going anywhere, you know, from lacrosse to the cities. And we'll weigh out the cost difference. Like if it's going to be cheaper to drive, like to lacrosse or Minnesota. We'll just make the trip. So sometimes, driving is easier. I think we've driven to Indiana. Yeah, like for your mom's example, I don't know that it's going to be more cost effective to drive her back East. But yeah, it'll end I mean, it depends on gas prices and airline flights and stuff like that.

Scott Benner 1:19:30
I just want to be cremated. I have to be honest. I Yeah. You know, what just happened that was really funny is that apparently Lacrosse is a town in Minnesota. But when you started saying it, you said a lot of people from lacrosse, like moved here and I'm like, wait, people who play lacrosse showed up in South was kind of like, Alright, no, no, that doesn't make sense. So then I then I started thinking, Is she mispronouncing the, I think there's a cos in France like is maybe she's mispronouncing that. And then eventually I'm like Oh, there's just another town called the cross some Crosse, Wisconsin. Okay. My brain just kept stepping through the conversation trying to find out what you were talking about. And I was all over the place. At one point, I thought, isn't there a clothing manufacturer with a name like that? Like maybe people who work there moved there for the job?

Alex 1:20:18
wasn't very clear. Yeah. along the Mississippi and the Wisconsin side, but

Scott Benner 1:20:26
wait, now you're really freaking me out the Mississippi rivers in Wisconsin.

Alex 1:20:29
It Yeah, it starts up but goes right along, Wisconsin, Minnesota, and then all the way down.

Scott Benner 1:20:36
Holy Hell, we're learning stuff today. Okay. See, ya. By the way, I'm at a point now I don't even know what this is about. There's no way this they I can't name this episode, anything. It's ridiculous. We're all over the place. I love it, though.

Alex 1:20:49
We'll come up with something. And I should I do love the funeral directing. I am very happy to still be a licensed director. I'm, I'm actually in the process of going back to school. But I don't think I will ever not be somehow involved with funeral service.

Scott Benner 1:21:07
I'm going to ask you a weird question that I think relates to something diabetes, we'll see if it goes for you. i Oh, okay. So I'm going to I don't know what the position is that to talk about it. But like, so I make this podcast to help people, right. But it's a business too. And it makes money. And it makes money through advertising. So there are times when you're in meetings, talking about advertising, and it feels wrong to be talking about it because it's people's health. Right. And so I'm always very conflicted. Anytime I sit in the meeting, and they're talking about like, penetration for the podcast, listen through rates, like how far are they listening through? Do they share it? What states are you like, strongest? And like when there's questions like that, I just, I'm like, my mind is gone. I just want to help people. This is how I pay for it. It's okay, I make my living this way. It's all right, like, but it always feels wrong. You're oddly in a sales position as a funeral director. And I'm wondering how you, like, how do you deal with that moment?

Alex 1:22:07
It is really tricky. And one it's some point someone in my life made a very simple, but poignant statement of you can't spend other people's money. So the good thing is we are not like a commission based, like funeral home. So whether you buy the cheapest or most expensive stuff, it does not matter to me, even if it was commissioned, it would not matter to me. Whatever works for your loved one is what I'm going to do for you. My job is to make I want to see you happy, because you're never going to be happy with a funeral per se, but kind of like me. You guys hopefully know what I mean.

Scott Benner 1:22:54
Yeah, no, I understand. I just, it's, you're in a unique position to know how I feel. So I was wondering about that.

Alex 1:23:01
Yeah, no, it's definitely it's definitely weird. And money definitely needs to be discussed. But yeah, like, it's, it's very strange. I can't say enough about rearranging like, you know, if, if you're in a position to do so, that makes it a lot easier for your family, and for the funeral home. Like you get to say what you want, you get to pick your stuff out. And then it does make that money conversation a lot easier.

Scott Benner 1:23:33
Okay. Have you ever seen an argument between, like children, like one of them wants to bury mom was something expensive? And the other one's like, don't put that in there? Either. They

Alex 1:23:41
every family's got a dynamic, and that's fine. I mean, my family has their own dynamic, too. But oh, yeah, like we've had people walk out of arrangements we've had, like you. It's always sad when someone's passing is viewed by a family member is a paycheck. And if you can see for those people, even when they're trying to not make it seem like that, you can tell, oh, you're, you're not choosing to do what your parents wanted, because you're hoping for a bigger payout like that. That sucks. Like, that's hard.

Scott Benner 1:24:18
You know, one of the things that I've learned in the last couple of years that threw me off, which seems similar, is that when my mom after my mom's surgery, she had to go to like a facility where she could rehab but also they could help take care of her right. And this place was also like it's a home where people end up sometimes living for the rest of their lives. The stories from the staff, that people come in big smiles, they drop off their parents, and I'll see you tomorrow mom, blah, blah, blah, and then they never come back. And not just not I'm not saying they don't visit. They ghost the place. They don't pay the bill. They literally just abandon their parents there. That's a freak one occurrence.

Alex 1:25:01
That is terrible. That is just horrendous.

Scott Benner 1:25:05
I just I didn't know what to think of that. And my buddy helped me find a place for my mom, my buddy's a funeral director, because he said, Listen, you can tell a lot about these places about how the areas of the building that the public can't see are kept. And it's like, I come in the back, I come in downstairs, this place is very clean. The people are respectful behind the scenes. This is a place I think that's how we ended up picking where my mom went.

Alex 1:25:33
Absolutely. I have people periodically asked me questions about, you know, Mom's going on hospice, you know, is there somewhere you would recommend? And usually let them know where I would not recommend? But you have to, you know, you got to be careful, because people, yeah, you know, you got to be careful on how you make recommendations. But I, yeah, people. And I tell people ask away, I will let you know if I would not trust my family member somewhere.

Scott Benner 1:26:06
No, no, it's interesting to get like a backroom view of it. And from a funeral directors where I got it from, which is both sad and obvious, I think at the same time. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah. Okay. All right, Alex, you're terrific. I am, I'm in the position where I feel like we could do this forever, which eventually, it'll get too long. Not for me. By the way, I could easily listen to a three hour podcast, but not everybody is me. So I stopped them. Right? Yeah. Some people like there's no short ones, or they've been getting long lately. Like, Oh,

Alex 1:26:38
okay. Yeah. And then one setting. I mean, you can get caught

Scott Benner 1:26:41
breaking a little. That's all I listened to something this morning. And I paused it to do this. And we go, pause, just make sure you come back and get through the ads. Because if you don't get to the ads, and my listen through rate goes to hell, and then it's hard to you know, anybody support the podcast? I don't mind if you fall asleep listening to it, as long as the player keeps rolling. And those of you while I'm making my pitches as those of you who listen and a spouse listens, and you listen on the same device, you're killing me. Okay. Oh, my God, downloaded on another app for the other is two people. I deserve two downloads. i Oh, my goodness. Alex, nobody understands my problems. What do you think people will remember about this episode when I when I blurted out that I'm not bringing my mom home because it cost $2,500 to move her.

Alex 1:27:34
We've got a lot of different points in this.

Scott Benner 1:27:39
We went, we went from like, we went from a lesbian couple artificially inseminated themselves at home in a DIY situation to how you bury people and stitch their breasts together, so they look nice. And I used to hold about the pipes in the in the oh my god, this is all

Alex 1:27:57
points. People could be like, well, this lady's not for me.

Scott Benner 1:28:01
No, I think you were terrific. Yay. No, this was wonderful. I had a great time. Are you kidding? Stop it. I'm the arbiter of what's okay. By the way, I get to decide. You don't like it? Don't listen. Although please keep listening. I'd really again, nevermind. Anything. I forgot to ask you anything you want to say?

Alex 1:28:18
I don't think so. I think we we did a good job. I think if anyone is able to take anything out of our wonderful conversation, I hope if there's newly diagnosed families listening, I hope they feel a little bit better knowing your kiddo is going to be okay. Like,

Scott Benner 1:28:38
no 100% and bind to a foster child like you're fostering children. Like I don't I don't I'm not that kind. I know. I'm not. I want to think I am. But I don't know. I don't think I know I'm adopted. How bizarre is that? It's a strange thing. Could I do it? It didn't? I don't know. It never came up in my life. That's not the point. The point is, is that it seems it seems like such a kindness to me. Like I almost feel like I don't know that I'm that kind. In case there's not a lot. It's a lot of right.

Alex 1:29:15
I mean, because of the trauma that is involved in fostering and adapting world. It actually led my wife to the career that she's on. And she helps keep families together ultimately is what she does. She helps families who who need help in navigating their kids behavior. She She does some really cool things. I've a lot of people say they couldn't do what I do as a funeral director. There's no way that I could do what she does. So you're right. I mean, fostering is a is a wild and intense thing to do.

Scott Benner 1:29:57
The first time my kid was like, really annoying. I was like, Oh, well, I now I know why they the they make you love them so much like so because I want them to leave. You know, it's very upsetting.

Alex 1:30:10
And if you don't always necessarily like, oh, well,

Scott Benner 1:30:14
no, I actually liked my son. I'm just saying the first time he did something where I was like, What the hell is this? Like you realize like, well, it doesn't matter. Like, he can't go anywhere like, you don't I mean, like we're gonna figure this all out. But when it's somebody else's child, I'm wondering if you're like, Wow, this didn't work out, you can go now. But but a lovely answered on the list. By the way, I can tell what a good time I'm having with you. Because the funny part of my brain is still working, because you're saying something very serious. And you're like, that's what, what led my wife to the job she's in and my brain thought human trafficking?

Like no, that would have people would have been like, Alright. Oh, that's fun. That's money. Thank you. I don't know. Like, again, I've said it before. I'll say it again. I'm letting you hear about 40% of my thoughts, the rest of them would really throw you off. Nevertheless, thank you so much for doing this. Can you hold on one second for me? Absolutely. Thanks.

Hey, I really want to thank Alex for coming on the show and sharing her fantastic story and having such a good time with me. And I just want to remind you about all of the great content that lives inside of the Juicebox Podcast, go find it. Look on the private Facebook group, check out juicebox podcast.com. Go up to the menu at the top. There's so much great information. Actually, I didn't mention it earlier. But in the private Facebook group in the feature tab. There are lists of all these episodes with corresponding episode numbers on them so you could find them very easily in your audio apps. Speaking of that, podcast is completely free. Just subscribe on Apple podcast Spotify, or wherever you get your audio and dig right in. I don't talk about this stuff with frequency but the Juicebox Podcast is number 16. Today in the United States of America medicine category on Apple podcasts. It is number 16. It also ranks in I can't count all these but the last time I looked over 45 Other countries that's top 200 And over 45 other countries. Number 16 In the US, number 80 in Sweden, number 67 in Ireland 60. In Denmark 92. In New Zealand, it's 199. In Switzerland today it was 180 in Saudi Arabia the other day it's an Austria, South Africa, Portugal, the Philippines, Argentina were 83 today 62 In Malaysia, 58 and Romania. Oh my gosh. Number 12 and Bahrain, number 56. In Oh my gosh. Sorry, that confused me. I'm in. We're in the top 200 of all podcasts in Bahrain, we're number 15. In Qatar, Bulgaria, Iceland, Egypt, Romania, Slovenia, Nigeria, the United Arab Emirates, Malaysia, the Czech Republic, Finland Hungary, Simcoe, Singapore excuse me, Israel, Argentina, Hong Kong, Philippines, Portugal, Poland, Belgium, India, South Africa, Austria. It goes on and on and on Japan, Italy, Canada, South Korea, Australia, France, anywhere you can think of this podcast is being consumed. I don't even speak Italy. You know what I'm saying? It's crazy. Last thing I'm going to tell you is this. I'm just gonna scroll down here to reviews I'm gonna go to the most recent reviews. This one's from five days ago. Most of us living with or supporting someone with type one diabetes have an occasional wonky glucose day, the day when all the tools in the toolbox don't seem to help. The day when we go to bed with small voice in our head that says we'll try again tomorrow, the wonky days or when I turn to the Juicebox Podcast. The next one so helpful, easy. And excuse me so helpful especially for newly diagnosed people. My seven half year old son was diagnosed with type one three years months ago. The first thing I did was turn to social media for support every single group I joined suggested the Juicebox Podcast. I love Scott's we go V diary. I love the weego V diary as part of the podcast. This is the best resource for type one diabetes information my young adult child was diagnosed last year it's so important to me that I learned all I can on it on the podcast is a game changer. This type ones need Juicebox Podcast I've been a diabetic this says for 40 years. Oh my god Scott has hit a home run but this podcast type one for 40 years diabetes educator with nursing background twin Mom who works in the diabetes world here, this series has answered. So much has answers and so much more. It's always real talk. I've learned laugh related, shared and maybe shed a few tears. That person's talking about the Pro Tip series juicebox podcast.com diabetes pro tip.com 26 episodes. Listen to them. Let this get easier. It's free. Just go check it out. Tell a friend if you enjoyed it. Tell your doctor literal Lifesaver excellent podcast heavenly bits. huge help. This person doesn't like me but we'll skip over that too much information never so helpful entertaining and informative. Life changing Game Changer masterclass and type one diabetes management. Scott is the same that's not true. I'm not a same great resource game changer. Life changing funny and relatable. Why am I just finding this? Someone here called me a chauvinist? I don't think that's true. A Game changer. So helpful life changing information. My my I'm coming to write a review because my brother in law has certainly learned so much from your podcast. He looks incredible and feels great. Thanks for making this content available to everyone. I could do this all day with you read these over and over again. And about every 50 somebody really wouldn't like me, this person calls me self centered. That seems unfair, but whatever. Actually, two of the people that don't like me are from Great Britain. Do I not go over in the Great Britain as well? Hold on, let's scroll. I'm sorry, at this point, no Great Britain number 88. It's just two wackos. Nevermind. What am I saying here? Please check out the podcast. There's so much information inside of the show. That's why it's broken up in those series in digestible ways for you. I really think that you can get the agency and the time and range and the happiness and the health that you deserve and want. I think the answers are inside of the show. I hope you go find them.

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