Scott Benner 8/26/14 Scott Benner 8/26/14

I Feel Really Dizzy

Nothing diabetes can do to us – is as harmful as living in fear.

It took three consecutive wins on one of the most grueling summer days that I can remember, for then eight year old Arden and her friends to become champions of their softball district in the summer of 2013.

If I recall correctly it was around the fourth inning of game two that Arden pushed open the dugout gate waving her hands at me. I jumped up and moved swiftly in her direction, she was repeating something that I couldn't make out until I got closer.

"I feel really dizzy."

Moments later I was in the dugout with Arden, I didn't bother to check her blood glucose before I gave her the first juice box. She would eventually consume over sixty carbs to get her blood sugar up to only 131.

Her BG dropped so quickly that the DexCom CGM didn't alarm until she was drinking her juice, by that time I had already tested – she was 37. The glucose monitor caught up to what was happening moments later and that's when I saw that not only was her BG 37, it was falling at a rate of greater than 3 points per minute.

Arden's spot in the line-up didn't come up in that inning and she didn't go back onto the field after her teammates batted. Arden spent that time lying on the bench with her head on my lap, waiting for the sugar to be absorbed. She told me that she was dizzier than she had ever been, her head hurt, she was flustered, a bit disoriented – it was one of the saddest things that I've ever witnessed as a parent. Until it wasn't.

Arden twice stood up during that time to check herself, hoping to feel better before her friends were finished on defense. She was beyond determined not to miss her at-bat that was due to come up when they got off of the field. Twice she stood in front of me looking ragged while pressing her hands against her temples, trying in vain to make her head stop spinning.

I told this story after it happened but I'm telling again for my #DiabetesAndFear series because even though it's only been a year, I now have a more complete perspective than I did that day.

Last year I was proud of Arden for being tough in the face of adversity. I felt resolute, if not a bit unsure, with my decision to let her hit at her next at-bat. That was the narrative then, proud with a touch of diabetes can't stop Arden.

Today I know that this moment taught us both a greater lesson. We live in a time where many parents try very hard to remove obstacles, no one wants to see their children struggle but I think that a person is made in those struggles and you find out what you're made of when challenged. In a world where I've seen kids leave a sports event because they skinned their knee, my daughter stood at the precipice of having a seizure, she did what she needed to survive – bore down and then won a championship.

This event happened almost 7 years after Arden was diagnosed. I would not have handled this the same way had it happened years earlier. When I was scared of diabetes this would have sent me running for our house and I may never have come out again. It is with great luck that I can tell you that other, smaller events like this happened before last year and they helped me to be able to find a calm focus on this day. Tomorrow, I'll tell you about one of those small moments.

I am reverent of what insulin can do and while there was a time when I was scared of it's power, watching Arden shrug off it's best punch taught me that this is the diabetes version of a skinned knee. Maybe it's not fair that this is our reality, but I am unwilling to allow the added concern to create a life of regrets. I am never reckless with my children's safety but I will be damned if I'm going to allow what was an anomalous event, to bring back the fear that enveloped me when Arden was a toddler.

Nothing diabetes can do to us – is as harmful as living in fear. You can believe me now or believe me later, but I can tell you this with certainty. I miss the time that we lost to being afraid and we can't get it back.

#DiabetesAndFear don't have to go together.

Good Stuff

So, on this day, I want to thank diabetes... Sure it still owes us about 4,000,000,000 more good moments before I can even consider calling us even, but I won't forget this one.

I've sat through playdates, school trips (Oh the mind numbing school trips), countless practices and untold birthday parties while on BG patrol. I do my best - because I fear that the knowledge would make me crazy - to not wonder where all of the other parents go when they drop their kids, and run.

My time as a wallflower in Arden's life decreases each year as she takes on more and more responsibility for her type I diabetes care. Playdates are now managed via text message and I'm attending fewer parties, but I still stay at sporting events to help oversee her blood glucose levels.

During the early part of June Arden's 9 year old all star softball team won their tournament, ending softball for the summer. Well, it would have ended her season, you know, if she hadn't then tried out and made the 10 year old team. Since the older girls practice longer and more frequently than the younger girls, I've been spending two hours a day watching Arden practice. That is a lot of hours spent sitting on an aluminum bleacher, a literal pain in the ass brought to yours truly, by none other than diabetes.

But the greatest thing happened the other day, and honestly I wouldn't have been there if it wasn't for diabetes. So I'm writing this blog post in recognition of the fact that diabetes brought something positive into my life.

Arden plays third base on her 9 year old all star team but on the 10's she mostly plays right field. Prior to making the 10's, I would have describe Arden's ability to catch a fly ball as "not bad". That is, if the ball was within a reasonable radius of her, she could catch it most times. This is a skill that she has had to work harder on now that she is playing the outfield on a regular basis. I watched her struggle for the first week of 10's practice to track and catch these higher, harder balls. She never gave up but never-the-less, she was struggling. Then suddenly a few days ago, it all began to make sense to her and I was there when she figured it all out. I was actually looking at her when something that her coach said 'clicked' for Arden. It may seem like a little thing, but as a parent you don't get to see that moment very often. I was able to watch the lightbulb turn on over her head, I saw her smile when she first believed that she understood, and I witnesses the jubilation when she put her discovery into practice. I was only there because I was watching her blood glucose, because my life doesn't allow me to drop and run.

So, on this day, I want to thank diabetes... Sure it still owes us about 4,000,000,000 more good moments before I can even consider calling us even, but I won't forget this one.

-- Arden's team plays their first game tonight at 6 pm

Social Media is Amazing (and so are you!)

Follow the Butterfly...

One June evening Arden walked into our living room and commandeered our TiVo remote. As she settled into our sofa she announced, "The softball World Series is on TV"... we all sat together and watched Alabama take on Florida.

Follow the Butterfly...

The next day I received a Facebook message from an Arden's Day reader telling me that Alabama's catcher, Molly FIchtner, has type I diabetes.

That message prompted me to reached out to Molly on Twitter the next day, I asked her if she would be interested in doing an interview with me for Arden's Day and Huffington Post Sports.

A few days later Molly and I spoke on the phone where, for over an hour, I found Molly to be inspirational, clear-minded and in possession of a drive that one doesn't often come across. I immediately sat down to write her story and posted it on Arden's Day the very next morning, Huffington Post Sports followed a few days later.

Molly's story received thousands of Facebook shares and likes and hundreds of tweets were sent from people who wanted to spread the word about Molly. In the diabetes community, the JDRF tweeted, as did The Joslin Diabetes Center and countless people who live with diabetes. In kind, the softball community got the word out too. Players, colleges and travel teams alike all spread the word about Molly. The NCAA even sent a tweet that included a photo of Molly, complete with a quote that she gave me during our interview. - "Be determined to take your ability as far as it can go."

Then yesterday I received a new message on Facebook, one that delighted me and showed the power of community, positive influences and the power of sharing online. The message was from a mother who's child does not have diabetes, she told me that her daughter's softball coach recently emailed his entire team a link to an interview that he wanted them to read... My interview with Molly.

I'm proud to be a diabetes blogger, and I'm touched that you all take the time to read and share. I wanted you to know that your participation in our community does more than just help you and your family. You are part of something that is much larger, an interconnected process that is bringing hope, relief and guidance to families just like yours and mine - and beyond.

Have a wonderful weekend!

My best,

A1c Countdown: It's Endo Time

Endo time...

Only 24 hours before the American Diabetes Association announced their new A1c guidelines for children 19 years old and under, Arden was in her Endocrinologist office for her quarterly appointment. We missed her previously scheduled appointment in April because of an illness. At that time the Doc told us, "Arden's A1cs have been good for the last year and a half... let's just get back together in June".

Skipping a quarterly appointment made me feel strange but the three months seemed to fly by and before I could wonder what happened to the time, it was June and I was signing Arden out of school just like we have every three months for the past 8 years. It was Endo time. I found myself thinking about those numbers as I drove to the office.

"Diagnosed in August of 2006... first Endo appointment was in early September..."

Then I counted off the months. "October, November, December... December of 2006 was her second visit. Then four in 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013 - we just skipped April of 2014, so this is maybe, Arden's 32nd visit to her Endocrinologist.

This thought made my heart heavy until I remembered my recent trip to the Dominican Republic, and I was quickly reminded that there is an entire planet full of people living with diabetes and most of them can only wish that they were able to visit a doctor. I adjusted my thinking and instead of the number 32 feeling like an albatross, it started to feel like a life preserver.

I walked into Arden's 32nd Endo appointment with a fresh set of eyes. Arden however, was not in the same mindset - she was preoccupied, unusually nervous and she seemed just a bit unsettled. When I asked her why she said, "I think I get a blood draw today... I really don't want to do that". A few minutes after we got into the waiting room a nurse called our name and we were off. These visits have their own pattern. Height, weight, blood pressure and other vitals happen in a room thats no bigger than a walk in closet, then we head down the hall for a hemoglobin A1c test and blood draw when necessary. The nurse started with Arden's A1c, loaded the sample into the machine and then ushered us to an exam room, "No orders for a blood draw in the computer", she said. Arden was relieved but confused, "I always get a blood test in the summer", she told me as the nurse left the exam room. Then she smiled as if she had gotten away with something big. About a month ago Arden experienced serious and sudden needle anxiety while at a dentist appointment, this was new for her, and I never imagined that it would translate to her Endo appointments because while she doesn't enjoy the blood draws, she has never resisted them or been afraid.

After the nurse left the exam room we chatted about softball for a minute (Arden's 9 year old All Star team had just won their tournament the day before) and then I snuck back to the phlebotomists room to get an early peek at her A1c result.

Arden's A1c has been steadily improving for the past two years but this was our first experience with skipping a quarterly appointment and I was irrationally concerned that would mean an increase from Arden's last result of 6.7. When I arrived in the room, it was empty and there was about one minute left in the process... just enough time to get my phone out of my pocket.

Watch the ten second video before you read on - trust me.

My heart did a backflip when "6.2" appeared on the screen, a back flip. In July of 2009 Arden's A1c went from 8.5 to 8 when we switched from shots to the OmniPod insulin pump. In October of 2012 I blogged about the factors that I believed helped get us to her new best of 7.5. I remember just hoping for 7.4 in June of 2013 when Arden's A1c made a serious leap to 6.5. We stayed steady for some time around 6.7, and to be honest, staying steady felt like a bigger accomplishment than achieving a decrease. The decreases come as you make adjustments but who knows if they are anomalous... steady is, well, steady... it's balance, it's relief. I love steady!

That said, I'd be lying if I told you that 6.2 didn't make me wonder what a number that began with five would feel like...

Oh, and we did need to get blood drawn on this day, but that's a whole other story...

Arden does not experience significant or frequent lows. Achieving a desirable A1c under those conditions is not healthy nor an indication of health. Steady is much better than fluctuations that "trick" you into feeling good at A1c time. Please remember to read my discloser, it will remind you that I have no medical training and this site is not meant to replace your doctor because my words are not meant to be advice. Arden's Day is just a blog.

Interview: University of Alabama Catcher and Type I Diabetic, Molly Fichtner

I asked Molly if there is one trait that everyone who makes it as far as she has possesses, and after some consideration she answered, “Shear determination”.

University of Alabama’s catcher Molly Fichtner is someone whose story needs to be told for a number of reasons. You may be interested in hearing about a young woman who has been working at her sport since childhood, others will want to know how a type I diabetic balances playing at the very top of a grueling hot weather sport with the insulin and carbohydrates that are required for her to live. I think that many who read this will be impressed at how Molly left UT-San Antonio so that she could chase a dream.

Though these are all good reasons to Interview Molly, none are why I tracked her down. I wanted to speak with Molly because she possess a will to succeed that is not often seen.

Molly began her journey to the 2014 NCAA Woman’s College World Series by playing Little League baseball with the boys and she said that she, “threw a fit” when her parents told her that she needed to switch to softball. Seems like her parents knew what they were talking about…

Molly really dove headfirst into softball when she was twelve years old. At that time she was playing on an 18u team (18 years old and under) and found herself asking her dad to hit her ground balls even after she would arrived home from day long summer practices, “that’s when my parents began to understand how much I wanted it”. Molly continued to work hard into high school, “I think I started peaking between my freshman and sophomore year and I thought, hey I could play in college”. She hit the gym, adding strength to her 5’ 2” frame and power to her swing, “I like being the underdog, I am 5’ 2” but my goal was to play like I was six feet tall”.

The winter after Molly first played with the older girls, at age twelve, she was diagnosed with type I diabetes during her Christmas break, Molly lost over ten pounds in a month and experienced other tell-tale signs of type I diabetes; like frequent urination, an insatiable thirst and generally feeling terrible. Those symptoms prompted Molly’s grandmother (a type 2 diabetic) to suggest that the family use her blood glucose meter on Molly. That’s the first time anyone would strike a hole in Molly’s finger to test her blood, her blood sugar was so high on Christmas Day that her grandmother’s meter couldn’t offer a number, it only said, “HI”.

Today Molly has a plan for handling every aspect of her type I diabetes in her life and when she plays softball. Her trainers test her blood sugar every thirty minutes during games and practices. She told me that regimen works the best for her but noted that during particularly intense games her adrenaline can spike, sending her blood glucose value climbing. She also knows that her blood sugar tends to get low after night games and so she makes adjustments to her food and insulin that help avoid them. Type I diabetes is certainly a challenge, it’s impact on the body can not be denied but, Molly doesn’t let that get in her way in her daily life and it didn’t stop her from becoming UT-San Antonio’s catcher.

In two years at UT-San Antonio Molly started in over one hundred games, she was receiving accolades and having success, “but I didn’t feel like I was being pushed to see how far I could actually go”. Her parents sat Molly down and asked if she wanted to transfer. “It wasn’t about the playing, it wasn’t about anything (softball related), it was about having the experience”.

What Molly told me next is where her story lies. “When I arrived at Alabama I didn’t even know if I was going to play and it didn’t matter to me”. What Molly wanted was a chance to push herself, she wanted to be surrounded by the best to see if she could measure up, to have the opportunity to learn from the best; she wanted more and somehow at the age of twenty had the courage to give up a sure thing to get the chance to breath rarified air. I tried to tell Molly that I thought that what she did was incredibly brave but I don’t think that she saw it that way and after talking to her for a little longer, I started to see why. I think Molly just didn’t want to stop growing. What I saw initially as bravery, I soon began to think of as perspective. I told Molly that many of the people that I’ve met who have type I diabetes seem to have a very clear perspective on life and that I thought that clarity comes partially from living with a chronic illness.

During her freshman year at UT-San Antonio Molly played in a tournament against the Crimson Tide. “I got to see them firsthand. I looked at the players; the camaraderie… there was something different about the program. I was catching so I could hear them in their dugout”. That day Molly went 2 for 2 with two home runs and she threw out one of Alabama’s fastest runners trying to steal. She thinks that her performance in that game helped her when she called Coach Murphy to inquire about playing for the Crimson Tide.

Before Molly could make the call to Tuscaloosa, she had to ask UT-San Antonio to release her because NCAA rules prohibit players and schools from talking about such things while they are signed with another institution. She had to be released from the UTSA Softball Program and cleared by the NCAA prior to contacting Coach Murphy.

You can see why I thought Molly was brave; she told me that she was scared when she asked for her release, “They pulled my scholarship right away… I had no where to go”. Molly gave up a full scholarship and guaranteed playing time to have the chance to find out what she was made of. Molly Fichtner is a person who understands that life is more than just succeeding, it’s about being motivated and fearless, life is about wondering what you don’t know and having the audacity to try and find out.

I asked Molly if there is one trait that everyone who makes it as far as she has possesses, and after some consideration she answered, “Shear determination”.

Her advice to kids who have aspirations of playing at a higher level was simple but profound. “A lot of kids, when they think they’re good - they stop working. The determination to be the best you can be and to keep working and to not be satisfied, that’s what’s going to separate you in the long run. Be determined to take your ability as far as it can go”.

Last week Alabama fell short of winning the Woman’s College World Series in Molly’s senior year, losing to Florida in the championship round, but when she spoke about the experience all I heard was a positive attitude. She talked about wanting to have an impact on kids playing softball and being a part of helping them to fulfill their dreams through coaching by getting her Master’s Degree and continuing to try to find the parts of herself that have yet to be challenged.

I described to Molly that I often tell my children, who both play competitive baseball and softball respectively, that I don’t care about the end result... I care about how they do what they're doing.

Molly interjected, “At Alabama we call that process over outcome”.

I think that phrase perfectly describes Molly’s life and her success. In fact, I can’t think of a better message for people living with diabetes, children who dream of playing a sport on the world’s stage or the little girls who will grow up to be the next generation of woman; so I’m going to stop writing - even though I could go on all day about how impressed I was with Molly Fichtner.

Listen to Molly on the Juicebox Podcast