#716 After Dark: Cate

Cate has type 1 diabetes and this conversation includes everything you've come to expect from an After Dark episode.

You can always listen to the Juicebox Podcast here but the cool kids use: Apple Podcasts/iOS - Spotify - Amazon Music - Google Play/Android - iHeart Radio -  Radio Public, Amazon Alexa or wherever they get audio.

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, and welcome to episode 716 of the Juicebox Podcast.

On today's episode we'll be speaking with Kate she is a type one, and this is an after dark episode. At any point, in the next hour or so you are going to hear Kate and I talk about drugs sex, alcohol, mental health, self harm, suicide attempts, diabetes, and much more. While you're listening, please remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan or becoming bold with insulin. If you have type one diabetes and are a US resident or are the caregiver of someone who is a US resident, I'd love it if you go to T one D exchange.org. Forward slash juice box and fill out the survey survey should take you fewer than 10 minutes it will ask you really simple questions about type one diabetes and your answers will benefit people living with type one. It also benefits the show when you complete the survey. T one D exchange.org forward slash juicebox.

This show is sponsored today by the glucagon that my daughter carries G voc hypo Penn Find out more at G voc glucagon.com forward slash juicebox. today's podcast is also sponsored by touched by type one go to touched by type one.org. Go to their programs tab, click on it and find out about the big event they have coming up in Orlando on August 27. One that I'll be speaking at touched by type one.org. The podcast today is also sponsored by the Contour Next One blood glucose meter. You'll learn more and be able to get started right now at contour next one.com forward slash juicebox.

Cate 2:18
How did you want me to it's not so much like isn't one of those. Okay, so I've never introduced myself as a diabetic. So this is this is to start off as is very bizarre experience for me. I'll be honest. And so am I just like Hi, I'm Kate and I've been a type one diabetic for I don't even know how long I've been a type one diabetic for a long time. I even know how long I've been the type one diabetic for yet Scott. That's awful.

Scott Benner 2:45
Okay. Why don't we take the last 30 seconds of you rambling and make that your introduction? Perfect. So everybody, this is Kate. All right, well, let's figure it out. Kate, how old are you?

Cate 3:02
It's I'm this is probably the basis of my problems. I'm 36 Turning 37. And I was diagnosed either when I was 11 or 12. And my mom can't even confirm either. Let's make a round number because round numbers are easier.

Scott Benner 3:17
So you're not 1,000% sure how old you are. But now you're you're down to being 36. Right? Yeah, sure. Yeah. What year you were born

Cate 3:26

85. So totally 36. maths, maths is, is very important. That's why the

Scott Benner 3:32
math school the math always holds up. So 36 Now you were diagnosed, either when you were 11 or 12. Yeah. Your mom's not sure either.

Cate 3:44
Oh, god. No, no, not at all. This is how like, like diabetes. It's it's significant. But it's not significant to me if I'm sure that yeah, if that makes any sense. It's

Scott Benner 3:56
all out don't worry Kate by the wall know exactly why everything is what it is and why. I was I was interviewing somebody the other day and like 45 minutes into it. She's like, Oh my god, this is like therapy. And you've just unwoven like, everyone knows me now. And I was like, yeah, yeah, just like, I didn't know this is gonna happen. Like,

Unknown Speaker 4:20
here we are. Nice. Nice, though. That's nice.

Scott Benner 4:23
I find my favorite moments are at the ends of episodes when people are like, I could send you my copay, if that would be. That's okay. That's okay. All right over here. All right. So there's a little noise coming through your microphone, I have to decide if you're touching something or if it's just noisy.

Cate 4:41
And it's, I'm not touching anything either. But I've moved the cord onto the desk as opposed to into my lap. So if I'm moving, if I'm moving,

Scott Benner 4:49
no, it just sounds like I don't know how to put it. That what was that?

Cate 4:56
Oh, that was just me adjusting my head my headset but that's the first time I've done It

Scott Benner 5:00
perfectly still Kate's stare straight ahead. Stare at a point in front of you. No, I'm just kidding. I don't think it was that I think it's I think the headsets a little noisy. I'm not sure why.

Cate 5:11
Probably here let me adjust it so that it's like tighter on my head. Maybe?

Scott Benner 5:16
Yeah, it's fine. Just don't futz with it.

Cate 5:21
Be an officer.

Scott Benner 5:22
You know, I said fights you don't know yet.

Cate 5:25
I mean, I don't know you. Oddly enough. It's not a language I've come across

Scott Benner 5:29
yet. I don't really know much of it either. I just there's a favorite.

Cate 5:33
We've been like I've lived in country while not lived. I've been to countries that are supposed to speak Yiddish, but I don't think I've ever heard it to be fair, but I also don't know what it sounds like. So I don't know if I've ever heard it.

Scott Benner 5:45
These are the words my Jewish friends throw around, in in conversation. So I don't really know many of them either. But here we go. So diagnosed 11 or 12. I don't think it matters either. And you're saying that this is an indication that diabetes was not made, like front and center in your life? But do you mean that the bad way? Or do you mean that no, like a healthy way?

Cate 6:06
I think it could be both like I think when I was I think it could be both the first few years ago that I was diagnosed. It was a thing. My mother, my mother very much made it a thing. But not like the ray, I took the reins. So like they weren't my my personality doesn't allow whatever control freak, so my personnel wouldn't allow them to have any control over it whatsoever. So I basically took the reins on my health, and kind of how I like I was the one that gave the insulin, I was the one that did. Like figured out what I needed to eat and all that jazz, they kind of brought me the tools, but I was a woman went through it. Um, did that work out? So it didn't didn't I think it's hard to say just because there's so much that's happened. And my I wasn't, I was not really I don't want to say normal, but like I had a lot of mental health issues and what have you. So there's a lot of things that happen that could potentially have been because of the diabetes, or it was made worse because of the diabetes, you know, like so it's hard to say that mismanagement, because it definitely was mismanagement with my diabetes, but it probably played a stronger part because my mental health was so deteriorated that I used it as a tool to self harm, really. So I don't I so control probably needed to be had from my parents, but it's really hard to control me. So like it's i I pity them for having to kind of put up with any of that nonsense when I was growing up. Because yeah, it was a fight and a half for them. So it's one of those things it's like, I also think that because it's it's not front and center, it's I have great control now and it's and I really don't I think about it, but it's not what I think about the most it's not it's just something that I live with, and it is what it is. And so I think that that's a healthy, like, I think that that's healthy for me, and I'm not sure that I would have that way of thinking if I hadn't gone through this business of, you know, my teenage years. That makes

Scott Benner 8:40
okay, I'm already enjoying being inside of your mind because you just did a thing that was fascinating. You spoke in 17 circles, but but got through all of your thoughts in a way that I understood and came back to the original question, which I was not expecting. I have to tell you, when we got inside of like the fourth concentric circle, I was like there's no way she remembered what I asked her right. And then at the end you're like so you know, and I was like God damn, she buttoned it up I was like that was both frightening and really impressive. I can gonna enjoy knowing you okay, hold on. So prior to the type one diabetes, were there were there mental health issues then?

Cate 9:23
Yeah, so it started coming about I started realizing it or it started making itself known when I was about 10. So 10 was when I started self harming. I was younger than that when I started to just get into like loads amount of trouble so I started getting in trouble when I was like in grade three however old that is. Started like wrecking things and like lighting things on fire. By the time I was in grade four and five, grade six I had like interactions with police like so it's I've been yeah so like I've

Scott Benner 10:07
been Hold on What did we light on fire? What did we laid on?

Cate 10:09
Oh my gosh. So like we there's been like little bonfires in a park like that where I used to live. That was the one so like the cops pulled over my dad at the time where I used to live before we amalgamated to become like a bigger city. My dad was a firefighter so it's not like I and like two of my uncle's were police officers, my other uncle's like an RCMP. So it's we're my family is well embedded in the public service. So I don't know, I don't know why I thought I could get into trouble without my parents never finding out but you still let like a whole bunch of fires and parks and like behind our schools and like picnic tables and used to damage school property all the time. And all that jazz. Yeah,

Scott Benner 11:07
the people listening. Know you're Canadian now because I do. And I'm RCMP. Yeah. I'm super impressed with myself because my brain actually said Royal Canadian Mounted Police when you get the acronym. And I was like, I've been doing this podcast a long time. I was like, of course, RCMP talking about how much said Yeah, and she's Canadian, which now makes sense to so you're lighting things on fire? Your, your attention seeking? Or are you can you back with any perspective on it?

Cate 11:38
No, I just used to know, it was never attention seeking, um, it was just I genuinely, I don't know, it's I have like, a, like an impulse. Like, I've got a lot of impulse issues. Okay. And I don't think of consequences. So it's I have I fall in line a lot, kind of with, like, at any social personality disorder. So the common things where people have like, it gives them conscious thought of maybe this isn't a good idea. I don't have. And so it's just yeah, sure. We like why not? Why would we not? Why would we not do these things? Right?

Scott Benner 12:29
Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, do your parents do anything about it?

Cate 12:35
I feel they've, I feel like there was a summer there where I was grounded the most of it. But I never had issues being by myself. So it was never a punishment, like not being with friends was never a punishment for me, because I am comfortable by myself. And I'm comfortable in a crowd. So

Scott Benner 12:55
they didn't say to a physician or oh, gosh,

Cate 12:59
like Absolutely. It, it's, and when I started getting older, like I started, it's the hospital close to us, the Children's Hospital is called CIO. And so as my mental health continued to deteriorate, I started going into programs via CIO. So like a lot of like group therapy, I have had to go to your management classes as well. Like all these kinds of programs, um, they help now they didn't help at the time. So it's definitely I think, all the programs that have been through, I didn't feel the benefit at the time, but I feel the benefit now is it's something that you go back. Like I said, Because I struggled with impulse issues, and I have a really, I have a really bad temper to the point where I see like, red and black and can absolutely, like blackout and not remember what was going on. Before I get to that, like combustible state, I definitely reflect back on, like, the lessons that I've learned through outreach programs to be able to try and be a I don't I don't want to say normal person, but like a person that can behave in society.

Scott Benner 14:25
You're like, I don't want to shoot all the way for normal, but let's Yeah,

Cate 14:28
like normal is boring. I don't want to do that. And I think that normal is just like a societal construct that isn't actual. True. So I hate using that word, but I think what everyone deems as a normal way to interact with society is kind of the tools that people tried to thrust upon me that I do tend to back on.

Scott Benner 14:53
What can I ask you? Is that a colloquialism like see read or do you? Like, does it not In your vision, or is it just the a way of saying that you're just blindingly angry, and it doesn't nothing matters?

Cate 15:07
It's I don't it's, I know, it's I like I pulses I can't I can't explain it other than it's like the entire you can you kind of get it watching me when they're doing like a point of view, or like, not even a movie, I guess it's like a video game. The first person shooter games where they've been injured and the screen pulses, and that kind of goes red on the on the frame and the image pulses. That's kind of what it's like. And then a lot of it I don't, I genuinely don't remember. And it doesn't last long. It's not like it lasts for like an hour or anything like that. But there's definitely long word comments or long minutes, where you just kind of have no idea what's going on, because you're blindingly angry. And it really is like, you're blindingly angry that you just kind of blackout it about what's going on. And then you kind of come to and you're like, Oh, I just threw like a huge temper tantrum. But it's bananas,

Scott Benner 16:18
can it happen over anything? Or does it have to be a big thing that drives you there?

Cate 16:23
Um, it can't generally it's, it's like a definitely a build up. So again, it's one of those things where I have to go back to like anger management classes. And, you know, they, they at first they kind of push, like, go to your place, or count or deep breaths and stuff like that. And so it happens more in during like, high stress time. So if I'm, if there's a lot going on, and I'm severely stressed, it's a buildup of those stressful moments. So it could be over something really small. But it's like a building effect. It's not like everything is fine and dandy, and then suddenly I snap, it's just it's a lot of progressive moments.

Scott Benner 17:14
Empty tissue box, the 30. A thing that's gone wrong. Could be the tipping point. But exactly, it's just not the empty tissue box on its own. Exactly. Have you ever hurt yourself or somebody else during one of these moments?

Cate 17:27
I'm not somebody else have I wanted to? Absolutely. Myself. Yeah, just like I've punched walls, I've punched like, brick walls, I put my fist through drywall. But generally it I'll like smash something. For the most part, though, I'm quite clear that I need to be left alone. My mother and I used to have a lot of these blowouts. And I used to, like keep telling her that she like she needs to leave me she needs to leave me alone because I will physically harm her if she like she just needs to leave me alone for 10 minutes to calm down. And then we can resume you know, because I it's I feel like I'm going to combust and I don't I don't want to deal with that

Scott Benner 18:16
diagnosis from anybody about that, like one.

Cate 18:19
Like they've tried to diagnose me throughout the years so I've seen like several social workers and psychiatrists and psychologists and doctors and I've been admitted and you know, discharged and stuff like that. So I'm sure that there's quite a few. Diag, Gnostics running around. They're kind of tied up to like a whole bunch of things like it. Yeah, it's it just really do you identify

Scott Benner 18:47
anyway? Um,

Cate 18:52
generally, because the like any social personality disorders probably been pushed around a lot. I don't identify it as it been much like how I the first thing I when I'm introducing myself like when I was telling you like, I've never introduced myself as Hi, I'm Kate and I've been a type one diabetic for X amount of years. It's the same with that is that it's not something that I'm like, Hi, I'm Kate and I'm a mental case a lot of the time it's it's bizarre to me it's I don't find that I define myself because I don't know how to do i That's That's bizarre to me. I don't I I don't allow my personality or the things that have happened to me to defined to define myself and I feel like when I start putting titles to things that whilst it can be empowering, um, I find that it's also something to hide behind what have you so it's I'm very upfront with my mannerisms and how I deal with situations But putting a label to it or being like this is this is what I am is, is bizarre things to come out of my mouth.

Scott Benner 20:08
Okay? No, it does so because I'm like I'm looking at it's, you know, the definition of antisocial personality disorder do not. Do you not associate yourself with with its description, or do you have like, I'll read it for people. Antisocial Personality Disorder is personality disorder characterized by long term pattern of disregard for or violation of the rights of others as well as a difficulty sustaining long term relationships like does that describe? You? Know,

Cate 20:39
I'm really good. I guess I'm married. So like, I'm technically in a long term relationship right now.

Scott Benner 20:46
They qualify marriages. Sorry. Marriages qualify as long term? Yeah, exactly.

Cate 20:52
Um, a lot of the interactions I have is learned behavior. My mother will be the first one to tell you that like I'm not an empathetic character like social, she would definitely be like, yes, actually, that a lot of the symptoms of this is how my daughter is. And I can see some like, there's definitely similarities. It makes sense when going through from start to finish kind of the patterns of how things have happened. Everyone's like, yeah, no, this is yeah, that that's what you are like, this is this is this is your diagnosis. This is what you are. And I'm like yet yeah. Okay. Like that's, I guess, I don't know. Sure. How

Scott Benner 21:39
long have you been married?

Cate 21:41
I've been so we got married in 2019. I've been with Tyler since 24. To 2014 2015. Right, since 2015, the beginning of 2015.

Scott Benner 21:54
Okay, I'm gonna ask a question. This question is only based on my history of talking to other people. Not on anything about you. Does he have any issues?

Cate 22:04
No, no, it's like, the most normal person I've ever been with.

Scott Benner 22:08
Okay. And so yeah, I just think, I don't know. I don't know how normal everybody else was maybe.

Cate 22:14
Like he like he's just like, he's a very like, it's everyone is everyone who meets them. I don't think that they're surprised. But I think there's been a lot of people that are like, ah, that's not this is not who I pictured like he is. So he's South African. I think that's he's South African. So he definitely has been raised differently. But he's an he's like a an accountant and like he's an he's an introvert who is a gamer like he like he's a complete opposite, polar opposite of me in every way, shape and form and he's stable and he doesn't have like trauma and all that guys. So it's the most stable person that I have ever had in my life. It's it's bizarre to experience

Scott Benner 23:12
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Cate 26:12
do it. Genuinely. Yeah. Yeah. Like, absolutely, there's nothing that I would turn down. Like, I will absolutely try everything once. And I'm always like, So Tyler. And he'll say to it's like, the reason he's had the kinds of papers that he's had is mostly because of me, like, so he's seen a lot of the world because of me, because I'm like, Hey, I have an idea. Let's go to like Spain for the weekend. So we used to live abroad so easily, okay. So it would be nothing for me to be like yet let's we're going to Spain for you know, in two days for three. So you know, pack a bag, and we're going, and he'd be like, okay, or we would go on like a 10 country drive like road trip and not book anything until we actually landed in the country. And that is completely normal behavior.

Scott Benner 27:05
So So you drive him away from his comfort and and expand him? Does he drive you towards his normalcy at all?

Cate 27:13
I think so. I think he does. Like I think he's very, he's calming. And so and when I start to spiral, because I don't understand, I don't understand a lot of people's reactions to things. It's, it's, I don't understand them. So he'll have to explain. Like, if I'm having a back and forth with my mother. So we it's a case in point we used to when we were getting married, I my father passed away a few years ago. And so, and my mother was still grieving, or she still is grieving, she'll probably be grieving for the rest of her life. But she was feeling like we were paying more homage to him than her who wish and she was still around, you know. And I didn't feel that way, because she's still around, and she's able to physically, you know, enjoy the moment with me and be there, whereas mine wasn't. And so, logically to me, her feelings just didn't make sense. And so when she would start crying and what have you, I used to have to at the end, I used to have to go to Tyler and be like, is this? Is she being dramatic? Like is she being unreasonable? Or is this a normal behavior? And so he would have to explain, he has to explain interactions with that I have with people so that I can logically understand the way that they're reacting. So that it makes sense. And

Scott Benner 28:50
after experiencing it with her, does it not make sense to you the second and third time?

Cate 28:56
Yeah, it does. So like, it's like I said, a lot of my reactions to people is learned behavior. So generally, like, he can tell. And a lot of people can tell it because I, it's because I'm super awkward if I don't, if I don't respond correctly, or the way that most people respond is most likely because I haven't encountered this situation before. So a lot of my reactions or like, what is deemed as a empathetic response isn't actually any empathy that I feel for them. It's a learned behavior that I have. Had to learn and go back to in order to I don't know, survive.

Scott Benner 29:44
That's the first frightening thing you've said so far. Yeah, the rest of it. All right. Like I've been like, I understand. I understand. You're like I have to pretend to be empathetic.

Cate 29:56
Like, that's, that's crazy. Yeah, but it's genuinely like It's not like it's not like it's I always have to explain to I was like it's I'm not like a Ted Bundy because it's like a Ted Bundy or like a What's the was something Dahmer

Scott Benner 30:12
Jeffrey Dahmer? Go ahead? Yeah,

Cate 30:14
um, it would have it's not I'm not I'm not like I'm like I purposely go out to hurt people or anything like that, but it's I don't have empathy is not a reaction that is something that I feel towards things and people and what have you it's it's not it's something that I have to practice that so

Scott Benner 30:43
yeah do you see that as something you should be doing right?

Cate 30:46
Absolutely. Yeah. So and like, like it's or otherwise if I didn't, then it wouldn't I wouldn't be reflecting, or I wouldn't have like a cache of things to say to people already handy, do you? If you didn't give her, then you wouldn't? You wouldn't put in the time and effort with people who are close to you to be to make them feel like you care, because I genuinely do feel like I do care about people. It's not your it's just yeah, it's just not the first reaction. It's, it's I, I have to I have to work at it is really what it comes down. Does

Scott Benner 31:25
it bother you, personally, that you don't feel that way? No, not at all. It wouldn't. It bothers you because you know that society expects it. And because Tyler has explained it to you. Yeah. All right. Did you have any trauma in your life when you were younger?

Cate 31:43
Not anything to like write a book about or anything like that I grew up, I'm a relatively normal person, I grew up with violence. And other than, like, having large conflict with my dad, but that was just him and I had a lot of the same. We have a lot of the same traits just in personalities. So we're, and we have very big personalities. So it's a, we take up a lot of space in small rooms. So there was a lot of conflict with him. And then there was a lot of conflict with my mother, because my mother hopes to get into things. And it's like a dog at a bone just doesn't leave it be. And so we would have a lot of conflict. And we're both females, and we're both growing up. So I don't think that there are many instances where a daughter and mother don't have conflict, especially in teenage years where like hormones are a mock and all that jazz. But my dad was a workaholic. And so it was my mom who was always around who had to deal with the mental health of her daughter, which was really destructive. So I didn't give any of them a hard time. But an easy time. Sorry. So yeah, so their conflict in that way. But no, my brain just is not wired the way that most brains are in terms of

Scott Benner 33:14
the big ones. The big ones like high stress environment. sudden, violent death, witnessing bodily harm to another person at a young age, domestic abuse, violence physically attacked, assaulted. You didn't live through a natural disaster. You didn't have to run out a hurricane like nothing. No,

Cate 33:34
no. I've been through like have witnessed things since but like nothing, that would be the triggering point for bizarre behavior, I guess.

Scott Benner 33:44
Okay. All right. And your father similarly wired?

Cate 33:49
Absolutely. Yeah. Except he's experienced more trauma than I ever have. But yeah, absolutely similarily

Scott Benner 33:55
variants trauma.

Cate 33:57
He took he was a firefighter like they like and he, at the end of his days, he was definitely he drank a lot more like definitely experienced a lot of PTSD, undiagnosed, he drank a lot more. And he the things I'm sure any, like emergency person would ever experience is traumatic, especially when you're like working in a bigger city than most so.

Scott Benner 34:26
But you you think that he mirrored some of that, like, Did you mirror it off of him? Do you think?

Cate 34:32
No, and I think like, I don't think he had like, I think he was very empathetic. I don't think in the sense that we weren't the same people in terms of how we reacted to and how we reacted to or how I'm trying to think of him and I dealt with situations similarily but not I don't think it'd be cuz we were similarly wired. And I think, because he was super always cool, calm and collected, like it didn't matter what was going on. Like he was always the calm one. So if I injured myself, he'd be like, Yeah, okay, so this is what we're going to do, this is how we're going to deal with it. And like, always be like, boom, boom, boom, that this is this is the plan, this is what we're doing. Whereas my mom would be sterics. Right. And so I that and that's how my brain automatically works that way is that like, okay, so this is the problem. These are the things we need to consider, this is what we're going to be doing. This is how it's got like this is should be the, that's not the outcome. This is Plan B, this is Plan C, like my brain automatically lists that quickly, whenever I'm going through any kind of situation. So whether it's like, whether someone's just broken their arm or gotten to a car accident, or whether I am choosing like a tile for backsplash of a kitchen, you know, like that. It's generally always how my brain works. I don't know if that's how my dad's brain always worked, or if that's just how he was trained. But it's just so we reacted to a lot of things similarly, but I don't know if it was based on personality or just because that's how he was trained.

Scott Benner 36:16
Just the way your mom thinks bother you. Even away from like, personal issues. Like if yes, if she helped you pick the backsplash the way she would talk about it would piss you off. Yes. Yeah.

Cate 36:27
I always Yeah. And my mom, like my mom has more trauma than I do, though. So she's grown up with trauma. And she's very empathetic, like she she feels everyone's emotions. And she feels hers wholeheartedly. So she's like a, she's got this huge heart.

Scott Benner 36:46
Polar Bear. Your mom loved her. Yeah.

Cate 36:51
And she has the end, she has illnesses herself, but it's basically how it's how my mom deals with things drives me absolutely. It drives me batty. Like, absolutely batty. Yes. She does. Yeah, so she has chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia. And she has depression as well. So it's definitely something that runs in the family. But the chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia is the big one is so and she height. She's as a as a crutch. Whereas I think that's also a thing with like, so I am a type one diabetic. And I also have Crohn's. And then I've also had, you know, mental illness for the more than majority of my life. And I those have never held me back or kept me back, nor have I ever used them as like an excuse not to do anything. So differ greatly there. And I definitely struggle to see eye to eye with her and most things. Guard.

Scott Benner 37:52
How old were you when your dad passed?

Cate 37:56
He died in 2012. I'm 36. So it's going to be yes, there's gonna be tenure. So I was about 26 when you died. Okay.

Scott Benner 38:05
All right. So hold on. There was a lot. Give me a second. Sorry. No, don't be sorry. I'm just trying to keep it all straight in my head. That's all and know where to go next. Okay, so you took care of your diabetes through your childhood? Yeah. What kind of outcomes did you have for type one? I mean, were you going to appointments or like how Yeah,

Cate 38:29
yeah, so and it's also like I'm because so I'm specifically I'm from Ontario I live in or I grew up in Ottawa. So our health care system obviously is not only are we different from other provinces, but obviously we're vastly different from the US. So definitely was going to appointments because they don't cost me any money. So like that's, that's it's simple. Like it's I never had to put it through insurance, none of that. And anything that did go through insurance because I was on dependent upon my father who was a firefighter. Our insurance was covered 100%. So definitely went to appointments. Twice a year, I think was the standard every six months, got my blood work done, went through like the diabetic programs and stuff like so. That was always the thing. The first year or two I was where I needed to be like my agencies was in like the sixes. And then, as my mental health deteriorated, so did my diabetes. So the worse I got, in one regard. It happened with the other one as well. So I ended up having like I ended up being diagnosed with them. neuropathy by the time I was like, just before I turned 18. So, CIO, is where I went for my diabetes. They were going to keep me Pass I was 18. So because it's a children's hospital, they tend to only keep you till you're 18 before they migrate you over to an adult situation. And so they said they thought just because of how deteriorated I was with my mental health and with my diabetes, that it would be smart to kind of keep me on for a little bit longer just to make the transition a little bit easier. But the second that I was diagnosed with neuropathy, they had to cut ties because they said that they like their children's hospital and they don't see the neuropathy is not something that children get diagnosed with. So

Scott Benner 40:35
the second one sees how long did they last before they got to the point where they were causing that neuropathy? Like when you said your mental health deteriorated, and then your your diabetes care, like followed along with it? What age does that happen at?

Cate 40:48
Um, so probably, things got really bad when I was about 14, so probably like two or three years into being a diabetic. And then they just kept getting worse. So like having my a one sees in like the 12 and 13 does nothing was nothing like that was the norm.

Scott Benner 41:08
You were not giving yourself insulin at all. Were you just doing for long, I

Cate 41:12
think I think it was just like it was just I was MDI. When I was first diagnosed, you basically pulled straws to see if you would be on two needles a day or three. And so I pulled the two needles a day straw, genuinely, that was how you had to do it. You had to pull a straw.

Scott Benner 41:33
You were just like, like, it was random luck at the doctor's office.

Unknown Speaker 41:37
You're saying yeah, oh, yeah. Well, yeah,

Scott Benner 41:39
they only had so much insulin for one thing or the other.

Cate 41:41
I have no idea. I genuinely have no idea. I don't know. I have no idea. The thought process behind it gets very bizarre like how it is now. And how it was then is I feel like probably night and day. it same with the mental health. You know what I mean? Like I think yeah, I think everything is night and day from how it used to be to how it currently is. I hear CIO is has like a great diabetic program. I've never I have never been a part of that. I didn't have a great experience with GAO and their diet program. I have great experience which to and their mental health programs, but not so much that are di BTC

Scott Benner 42:21
you're doing regular and mph or, or Toronto and whatever they call it. Right. Yeah. And and you're and you're just are you even doing that? By the time you're 40 Yeah,

Cate 42:32
yeah, so was like was so was still taking my insulin but wasn't sticking to the food so that when I was diagnosed, we were on like, to starches to fruits to like that. I don't even know what it's called anymore. But it was that kind of meal plan. But definitely ate whatever I want. Whenever I wanted at any point in time. So you were

Scott Benner 42:58
you were eating well past what the

Cate 43:01
insulin was well past. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Scott Benner 43:04
And then high blood sugars that, I imagine would make your situation worse now with your man.

Cate 43:11
Yeah. Yep, absolutely. But like the thing with like, high blood sugar, it works the same as an alcoholic, right, like, so the more when you become used to it. Your body. Your body gets used to it. So it's yeah, you know,

Scott Benner 43:28
so you don't you don't know. As much you Oh, god, it's

Cate 43:31
so like, even now. So now that I'm in normal range where I'm supposed to be the second I go over, like nine I feel nauseous. Like I don't feel well, like I can physically feel it. Whereas, like, back then if I was at nine, I felt like jittery and weird because it's like the lowest

Scott Benner 43:53
that I owe to you. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

All right. You said as my mental health, like deteriorated, like, what? What deteriorated? Like, where do you go from like setting fires and being combative and like what happened?

Cate 44:10
And being bananas. So as I attempted suicide, I started talking about it. I think I was like 14 And then I attempted suicide when I was either 14 or 15. And so it's how I ended up within CIO in their mental health programs. So I was self harming well before then, and I was self harming well after. And so and I don't think I realized that at a time, but I think I use my diabetes as another form of self harm, right, like so if I'm not obviously taking care of myself. One way, then I'm sure it's not going to be taking care of myself the other way right? Or if I already had plans to end my life. Why would I

Scott Benner 44:57
be why would I get a great Bolus? Yeah. He's just Yeah, yeah, he's

Cate 45:01
like the it's silly. It makes no sense. So, but genuinely, I think my mom, like, bawled her brains out after, like, every birthday I had, since I was like, 21. She doesn't anymore, but like she would a bit of an all she even said it during her the speech when I like at our reception or wedding reception. she just, she didn't obviously go into detail, but she was like, we did not think that she would make it here. Like, I did not think that she would be this age, and marrying this wonderful man, you know. And a lot like all of my doctor said the same thing. Like, in hindsight, obviously, not when I'm going through it. They weren't like, yeah, you're not, you're not going to survive that type of thing. But all of them have said, like, we did not think that you would make it out of your teenage years. Like we didn't think you'd hit 20 and 21. Yeah, so like it like, yeah, I was an absolute mess of a person. And I got like, so I wasn't through to when I was going through school, I was going through the Catholic board, even the Catholic board, and I wasn't showing up for school, like I was not going to school at all. So even the Catholic word, like kindly told my mother, I don't think it's a good idea that she returns here because we don't have the capabilities of being able to support her. Yeah. And then, which is a good thing, because I went to the public board who did and I ended up in like a spec Ed kind, of course, with this woman named Mrs. Innes, who was like a godsend. She's like this Scottish, awesome woman who was like the first woman who was like, No, you are going to survive past this, like you will. You are going to, you know, become old and gray and have babies like you are absolutely going to make it through everything. And she was like the first one to ever say it. Whoever said that?

Scott Benner 47:04
Does it start becoming like a self fulfilling prophecy? At some point? Were you just like, look, this is going wrong. And this is going wrong, like, do you? Do you think you were leaning into it at points as well?

Cate 47:14
Probably. And I think it's hard. Like not to, like it's hard to not be like, Well, I mean, it goes with the same with like decision making as well. Right, like, so if I already have an impulse shoe. And I already think that I'm probably going to die. Like who? Like, yeah, of course, I'm going to do really stupid, because I'm not going to be around long enough to deal with any of the consequences. Right? So absolutely. Probably leaned into it far, far. Yeah.

Scott Benner 47:44
So then what? I mean, did this lead to any? Do you have any personal issues? Like did they become a mountain trying to figure out how to say this, that you become I've heard the word. I know but the word feels wrong. Does it become do you become promiscuous? Oh, god, yeah. Oh, okay.

Cate 48:06
Yeah. Oh, god. Yeah. All right. Yeah. And that used to be like the running joke in the family, which sounds absolutely bananas. But like my aunt, whenever we used to get together, she'd be like, so who's the flavor of the week? And I'd be like, well, several, absolutely became promiscuous. Like, got very, because and like, it's, I think it was a part because you just do. And when you don't feel a whole lot inside or when you're feeling kind of dead. You're kind of looking for something that feels good, right? And you're, you're looking for it often. So again, that comes with the impulse you kind of get a rush Yeah, I'm gonna have this rush because really, it's the only way that I'm feeling anything and yeah, I'm gonna have sex because I know what the gratification afterwards is. And what even if it lasts for only a few moments, at least I've got it and then move on. Right? Yeah, drug addicts feel the same way. It's why they go after their next hit, right? Because they're just looking to just feel something other than what they continuously or like already feel. So it works the same way. Absolutely. Went to drugs as Oh, like, like I said, like anyway, to kind of just step out of my life for five seconds. I was on that train and riding it hard.

Scott Benner 49:19
Well, yeah. Let me ask you a question before we get into that. So actually, let me say this first. I realized while you were talking that I didn't want to say the word because I was afraid people would think that I was asking you just because you're a girl. Oh no. And I would have asked you if you're a guy too. I just like it now because it seems like a date like to me like sex is weird, right? Like if you do it with somebody you really know that seems reasonably as safe as it could possibly be. If you you know have a one night stand once in a while, like I get even that that seems reasonable. But if you start bouncing around to multiple people, yeah, you know, like you're putting yourself potentially in a hole Yeah, situation either constantly or, or maybe even like with your health, you know, so, yeah, okay. Did things ever go badly? Did you ever do you ever? Like, find yourself somewhere thinking like, I gotta get out of here? Or

Cate 50:15
I absolutely and like, and even just in relationships as well, right? So whenever I feel like whenever you don't, if you stop putting yourself first you're going to start getting into relationships where they also don't put you first either. And so it's very easy for you to find yourself in

Scott Benner 50:40
the commodity, somebody else's story. Yeah, yeah,

Cate 50:43
exactly. Like, you're just a thing, right? And you a lot of the time, I thought myself like, yeah, it's I'm, and I, it's bizarre because I used to be like, Well, it's, you know, it's a power. Like, if men can feel this way, why can't I? But I think whilst I still stand by that point, as well, is that I feel like the second it's kind of like probably why you felt uncomfortable asking me because I'm a female, but you would have said the same thing to a male as well. I feel like, because you were saying that what other people would think because other people view women who are promiscuous very different than men do. Right. So I think it was a whole bunch of things. I think it was because I didn't really value myself. But I also think it was kind of like a view to people as well, you know, like, why can't I do this? If, if I am conceptual? Why can't I? Why can't I? Why can they? Why can't I Why am I treated different? Or why am I looking? Why am I looked at different? Why am I called a slut, but this is getting like props because he's just, you know, banged his, you know, three number check, like,

Scott Benner 51:56
I gotta tell you, I've known a couple of those guys. And they seemed as broken as anybody else who would Yeah, yeah. So yeah, I mean, maybe people see it that way. But if you really know them, I don't know how you would say it that way. Exactly. They're doing the same exact thing as you're describing. They're just, yeah, you know, they're they're doing the entering instead of being entered as the only real difference between what they were chasing you were describing so

Cate 52:21
Exactly, right. Like, generally, I find people who do it, it's a void that they're missing. Like, it's there's a void in their life, and they're just trying to fill it however, temporarily, so. Okay, so yeah,

Scott Benner 52:33
how hard of drugs are we talking about? Like, what? Where does that start? And so

Cate 52:40
marijuana or like any cannabis product was probably how it started and how it ended was with cooking.

Scott Benner 52:49
Okay, that's

Cate 52:50
that. So? Yeah,

Scott Benner 52:52
how long did that part lasts for or is it still going on or?

Cate 52:57
No, so it's, it's not so I've I shouldn't say drug free, although I don't really deem cannabis as anyway. I've haven't had like, I haven't snorted Coke or had coke in any way, shape or form. Since I was about 21, or 22. So that's the last time cannabis products it I still is. It's weird for me, because I definitely view it for myself not in every situation, because I want to make that very clear, because people use that as a weapon. Cannabis definitely was a gateway drug for me into that lifestyles. So it opened doors to different people that I probably wouldn't have met had I not started smoking.

Scott Benner 53:43
So you're not saying that the weed is like, see, I think the way people think of it is that the weeds like not strong enough. So they search for something else. But what you're saying is you get put in situations where you meet people. Yeah. And then those people have stronger drugs, and then the whole vibe just pulls you towards it.

Cate 54:04
Yeah. And I think it's different for other people. And that's what I mean, because it's different. I think people who are against it no matter what, weaponize it, and they don't really understand the differences between it I think, yes, I think cannabis can be used as a gateway drug in the sense that they're looking for something stronger. I also feel like it can or at least it used to not so much here now obviously because we have legalized or at least decriminalized legalized. Yeah, we've legalized cannabis. So it's obviously a different conversation in our society or in our Canadian society now, but back then that used to open doors to people that you wouldn't have had interactions with otherwise, you know, so

Scott Benner 54:53
yeah, I feel like I feel like there's maybe two different people in that scenario where you know, like, there are probably plenty of people who are would use cannabis in some way or another in their life and never move on to anything else. And there are other people who were going to get to the cocaine no matter what. Yeah, yeah. Is that how it seems to you?

Cate 55:10
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. And that's what I hate when it gets weaponized. Because it's, it's not I think it's more it's the person, not the actual drug of choice. Really.

Scott Benner 55:21
Right. So if a million people are using or using cannabis, and I don't know, 100,000 of them end up using cocaine? The answer isn't one out of 10 people. You know who the answer is that 100% of the people who want or enjoy or need, we'd want to enjoy and need it and 100% of the people who are going to make it tick, okay, make it to cocaine? Not exactly one makes it to the other. Well, I mean, listen, that makes a lot of sense to me. So, alright, but you see, you want to, like a quick ride. 14 1516 to 21. Like, there's a lot happening in there. Do you how do you get off of that train?

Cate 56:03
I actually have no, I actually have no, I don't I don't know what the turning point was. When I was 20 or 21, I was diagnosed with Crohn's. I was on so when I fit Okay, so I was on when to cocaine. By the time I was 18. I was fully into morphine, which is not I don't feel like I ever. I don't feel like I ever really abused morphine but definitely was on a ton of morphine. I was on morphine because of the neuropathy. So loads of pain. So I was like crippled for six months, I was not able to walk or fully function. So I was kaput. Because I was kaput, I wasn't really doing drugs at that point. But I was up to my eyeballs in morphine, I was up to my eyeballs and morphine because literally no other drug would take the edge off. I was on like so much morphine, I still had to go into the hospital to get intravenous of morphine, just so that I could, just so that the edge could be taken off and I could even just sleep for two hours. And then shortly after I was diagnosed with Crohn's, and then was put on steroids and then my diabetes really took like a huge turn because of steroids. So I just started going down this, like this rabbit hole of health issues that the rest of the stuff kind of just started dropping off a bit. I think that and that's really all that it is. Is that

Scott Benner 57:54
where are you live in during this?

Cate 57:56
I'm still at home during all of this not Yeah.

Scott Benner 58:00
I'm sick. The neuropathy has got you so screwed up that you're on. You're on morphine for the pain. And then that sort of like this is weird. That gets you you're so loaded on the morphine you can't do any other stuff in your life. Yeah, yeah, that's an odd way to save but okay. Yeah. I mean, and then at some point do you then like start taking care of your blood sugar's because you have neuropathy now that's pain

Cate 58:27
Yeah, so I am I will it's not as bad as it used to and again because I'm a control freak and because I refuse to be on medication of any kind now it's I deal with pain every day so it's I it's again it's just one of those things that it's there I deal with it I move on I don't really think about it. i It bothers me the most when I'm at my lowest so if I'm exhausted and I'm just having because I still have bad mental health days I will always have mental health issues because it's that's my brain but it doesn't all consuming anymore so but I when I am having a bad mental health day the pain is astronomical like it's it's i I'm most likely in bed or I'm sitting and I'm not moving for the most of the day because I'm in I'm in so much pain. they're few and far between but they definitely happen. But no, it's I live with pain. Every I live with pain every day. It's just not like it used to be I guess,

Scott Benner 59:39
good, better blood sugars and better control with your diabetes help that at all. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, gosh. Yeah,

Cate 59:44
absolutely. Yeah.

Scott Benner 59:46
Can I ask you a question that might seem like it's a little out of left field? And if you don't, if you don't have an answer, it's fine. But why is it that most of the people who I speak to who are the most out of control So frequently described themselves as control freaks. I mean, not for nothing. If you're a control freak, you're bad at it. So what is the link? Because there's more in there. If we dig it apart, there's more there like, you. You like the expels all the time. Like, I'm a control freak, I have to be in charge. Like I you said at the beginning, I needed to be in charge of my diabetes, you didn't do a good job of it. But you were in charge of it. I don't it's sort of like is when people tell me like I didn't let diabetes stop me. And I'm like, okay, and then how did that go? Well, my agency was 12.

Cate 1:00:38
Well, I was diabetic, but I definitely didn't let it

Scott Benner 1:00:41
go went to the prom. It didn't stop me. I'm like, Yeah, I think you're misusing that phrase. But it's stopping you just a little slower than you're aware of. And so you're not in control, like everything about you is out of control in this story, but you think of yourself as being very much in control. What is it you're in control of?

Cate 1:01:03
So probably, like growing up? Nothing really like in terms of the circumstances that probably happened around it. Not a whole lot. Did I feel like I was absolutely I think when people

Scott Benner 1:01:19
you want that. You want control. But I think that you

Cate 1:01:21
want. Yeah. And I think I think people use the whole like, well, I didn't let diabetes control me. So I did this. And I think that they're they're doing that because they feel the most out of control. But I think they do that because they're trying to take something back from their life. Like they want to be under the impression that they made this decision and come hell or high water it's going to come through but it's I it's I'm not sure it's I because I was like anytime that my mother even tried to take the control, like control out of my grasp, I would go bananas like I would go sideways about it. And I think it's just me floundering because it's this thing that is scary. And it's, you know, a high potential that it could kill me because I don't have control, right? That I need to grasp for any kind of control in my life as out of control is that seems to everybody else that is looking at it from an outside point. I think that I think that you just kind of grasp for anything at that point, however erroneous it is, or however false it is. Just to kind of, I don't know, pretend like things are normal, or that you had control over it when you really didn't. It's just all a big fabrication. And in the end, you're incredibly

Scott Benner 1:02:52
well thought out, Kate, for somebody who is going through all this stuff. You're a weird mix. Yeah, yeah, I asked you like, by the way, I agreed with everything you just said now. And I asked you because I thought you were gonna have an answer. And I thought it would be more impactful if you said it than if I said it. But it's Listen to me over here. Like, like a puppet master in this conversation. But But seriously, like, people want control because they're out of control. And and so they choose something to feel like everything's not you know, beyond their their whole Yeah, yeah. Right. So and it can be you can see it sometimes. I mean, people change their hair color because yes, they're in control of what color their hair is. Or they they were really like nice nails. Yep. Right Like you've you've we've all like everyone's seen that right? Like somebody's horribly overweight or or ill or something and everything in their life is a disaster. But they're they're incredibly manicured. Their hair is perfect and their nails are perfect and their clothes are on point like the things they can still control they still control but but none of us see it that way. Yeah, like everyone everyone's self describes is like, oh, you know me. I got it all together. Yeah, except for the cocaine I lit

Cate 1:04:17
except for the like the ginormous dumpster fire that is my life. Totally everything is on the up and

Scott Benner 1:04:23
up. You know why they call the cops Mounties because they you know, like, like, yeah, like yeah, all the other stuff. But you're like, but I don't know if you notice my nails. They're beautiful. Yeah, but I look great. But I don't also think that that's specific to you or me or I think everyone has that everybody does

Cate 1:04:41
that. So I have I feel like I just keep being like so also I have this so I have so when I start to spiral I have obsessive compulsive disorder. So when I start to smile when I start to feel the most out of control, because I will be the first one to be like I am I feel out of control. Um But the only reason that I will be the first one to know that is because that's when my obsessive compulsive disorder really starts to show its head. So and that's, it's, it's literally, it only comes about when I start to spiral out. So, and that was that started coming about when I thought I was in the most control of my life. Like in my teenage years, I started doing these small things, and I started doing these small things because it's what I had control over. So it was like what you said what people will dye their hair, you know, they do these small things just to have some sort of resemblance. Like they've got control that up there, like from their very chaotic lives, right? And I used to, you know, sort things by color. Okay, so I have control of this. So I'm going to have control of my life, I can control this, things are going to be okay. And it would be okay. So I'm going to gather all the utensils together, and they have to be like straight and sorted and not out of place. Okay, guys got this under control. Now I've got the colors under control. Okay, I'm starting to feel like I've got control over my life, which was never ever the case. And yeah, it's it's. But to be fair, though, Scott right now I have very good control of my life. Oh,

Scott Benner 1:06:23
one of the really great. Listen, one of the reasons I'm super excited for you to be on is because you actually have conclusion to this story. You know, like, like, You're not about to like, we're not going to finish today. And you're just going to start doing cocaine and no given no. To the neighbor. Like, ya know, like, like, right, yeah, well, I'm gonna have a lot of that out. But I got, you know, I saw someone online the other day who said, said that my show was 30. And I was like, what? That's interesting. And then I realized that I just talked about things that are actually happening with people and that yeah, they think of it as 30 I don't think 30

Cate 1:07:02
No, it's not, which is the way I wish I had found when you had put out like, Hey, I'm looking for some people or whatever. And it was like what is seemingly taboo? And I it's, it's bizarre, I think, I think the world is, is weird in the sense of what they've inherited as being, you know, seen as taboo. And the only reason why it's taboo is because no one talks about it, but everybody goes through it. Like it was weird. We just bought our first house. And no one talks about money. Like no one talks about like, mortgage, no one talks about how much money they make no one talks about what they can and can't afford. And it's so detrimental to everybody, because they don't talk about it. No one knows. Like, no one knows what's normal. Do you know what I mean? Like you grow

Scott Benner 1:07:47
up and like your neighbors got three cars and a house and their kids college. And you don't know that that means that they have to make $300,000 a year.

Unknown Speaker 1:07:57
Genuinely, you're like I don't understand

Scott Benner 1:08:00
themselves into the ground to make

Cate 1:08:01
that money. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And it's the same with like, mental health. So like, before, when I was growing up, the news don't do it anymore. But the news used to not report about suicide. So if someone even famous, if someone famous, committed suicide, our news wouldn't really report it. Or if they report it, they wouldn't say that it was because of suicide because it was believed that, you know, suicide as taboo, but it's also triggering, it's not actually. And so, but it used to be such a taboo subject and now, whilst people still aren't, you know, it's not like an everyday conversation. I think it's important that people understand that actually, it's, it's quite a lot of people go through it, or at least have ideologies about it, or think about it at least once in their life. And it may not be, you know, like completely detrimental to their health, but it's not weird, either. You know, and so many people just feel like they're the only ones going through this which is so annihilating to them it makes them feel like because they are the only person no one else will understand. When Garin T they've probably have about 15 people in their life who have gone through something similar, but because no one talks about it you're never gonna does it you're never going to know them and then you suffer in silence It's so weird to me it's bizarre it makes it's it's so illogical. I don't I don't understand it. And then people think I'm very brisk and like, brash because I don't give a like if you ask me a question about anything, if I've gone through it or if I know about it, I'm going to tell you about it and people get really uncomfortable about it, but I don't understand like

Scott Benner 1:09:42
why have some theories why I will say I will share some theories with you right in a second but first I want to say I find it incredibly comforting that life ends because then it makes none of this team all that really important. Yeah. And then and it keeps you to like, I mean, that keeps me from feeling like oh god like I screwed it up. It's So far, like, even if I screw up my kids, they'll be dead one day to matter. Yeah, eventually, you know,

Cate 1:10:07
exactly. They may need a little bit of therapy, but genuinely It's okay. Like,

Scott Benner 1:10:11
it's okay that nothing's forever. Yeah. And if nothing's I mean, honestly, Benjamin Franklin figured out a lot of things that we do. Okay. Like, I don't know if there's, um, he wrote a book. I think it's I think he under a pen name. Poor Richard, maybe I know, this seems like a left turn. But hold on a second. Poor Richard's Almanac was a yearly almanac published by Benjamin Franklin, who adopted it, who adopted the pseudonym poor Richard or Richard Saunders for the purpose he wrote under a pseudonym. It's basically just common sense written down. Right, and, and you go back, and I'm sure somebody might have done it before him, you know, etc, etc. But the truth is, is like, we don't think about Benjamin Franklin anymore. Like, and, and he really impacted people, and it's gone. Like, it still exists in the ether. And I'm sure some of the things that he said back then to a small group of people got around, and they started thinking that way, and he probably really impacted things. But day to day, nobody walks around going, huh, thank God for Ben Franklin. You know what I mean? Like, so, point is, is that none of this matters all that much. I mean, in your day to day, if you want things to be perfect, I take your point that it would be important for you not to use cocaine. But But um, but but grand scheme of things. I'm comforted by that like that you could have a 10 year swath of your life be show and, and that doesn't mean that the next 10 years are going to be like that. Exactly. I find a lot, a lot of comfort in that. The other thing that I really enjoyed talking to you, one of the reasons is because if we make a line, and we say that this is societal norms, this line, like what people understand, and everybody on the other side of that line, is not acting like you, and you're acting like you on the wrong side. I'm making quotes on the wrong side of the line. I don't know that we're all not closer to being you than people think. Yeah, you know, so I think without, without some of the things that, you know, people push back on all the time, like society and jobs, and you know, like, Oh, I've got too much responsibility. Like, you didn't have any responsibility and anywhere to go, we'd all just be in like a pile of ants running around on top of each other having sex Yeah, dying, like Yeah, it would just be happening. Crazy. And you're you're just, you just have a little bit of your brain lacks a tiny bit of fine tuning that lets you live on the other side of that line. That's kind of how I see you. I don't know if that makes sense or not. It does. Yeah. I don't see you as like I don't see it was like Don't get me wrong. I don't see was broken or like, you're just not like, you know something that you're no your brains no different than your pancreas. It just almost works and then kind of doesn't at the end. Yeah. It's not in a way that like you're delightful. In I am enjoying talking to you, I guess is what I'm saying. Yeah. Anyway, I think we're all I

Cate 1:13:15
would expect, you know else.

Scott Benner 1:13:17
Delightful. We're all. We're all about two problems away from being caged. So watch yourself while you're judging.

Cate 1:13:24
Watch. Watch it. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Like it's, yeah, it's like, I feel the same way. So

Scott Benner 1:13:30
I enjoy this is nice. Are we doing okay for you so far? Okay, fine. You're good with how's it going? Alright, um, well, okay, so we don't exactly know how you got to where you are now. But you did. I'm guessing that the neuropathy puts you in bed, and then took away a lot of the, like, the kind of ancillary things floating around your life probably made it easier for you to focus on stuff, but I don't know.

Cate 1:13:59
I don't. And to be fair, I I don't know. It's I also get like, I genuinely feel like I probably just got bored and was looking for something else at that point. Like, I don't know what switched. I don't know, a lot of the times. I don't know if it's, I, I'm very good at being like this no longer works for me, I need to move on to something else. And which sounds bizarre is being like so you know, drugs don't really work for me anymore. I'm going to need to, you know, look for some other means to get gratification, you know, but I think it is just as simple as that. It's that like, it was the same. So I used it the first time I started smoking cigarettes, so just cigarettes I was 10 So like I said, when things started to really get it was around 10 So I first started smoking cigarettes when I was 10. I quit smoking, I think maybe when I was like 30 So I had been smoking it's still to this point I have been smoking longer in my life than being a nonsmoker. But it wasn't one of those, like, you know, I'm going to quit for health reasons or I'm going to, you know, I'm going to quit for this or it just, it got expensive. And I was like, This no longer does for me what it used to be, so I'm going to stop doing it. And then I stopped doing it. It's the same with, like, with drugs, this no longer suits, the purpose that I initially started out for. I'm no longer going to do that anymore. And then I just stopped doing it. Like something. I probably like it's I. I don't, I don't even know. Like,

Scott Benner 1:15:44
it's is this Tyler just in a corner somewhere smiling right now?

Cate 1:15:47
No, not at all. I'm like that. No, not at all. Um, no, I think like it Tyler probably just replaced, um, sort of, like, the relationships that I had with men. You know, like, up until him I think the the longest relationship I had was maybe like, nine months or a year was the longest relationship I had. And I can't even I have no idea how many people that I like, and that's a relationship. So like, the actual title, boyfriend and girlfriend. I think I've had maybe five, like boyfriends in my life, but I am. I've lost count. Like, I have a very healthy amount of partners who I've been with in my life, you know. But I was getting to the point where like this, this no longer suits my purpose anymore like this. And I'm no longer satisfied with the way that I'm a treating myself as well as like, going from person to person. Like, I don't get anything from that anymore. So Tyler kind of replaced that thing. He became my person. And is that settled with him?

Scott Benner 1:17:06
I don't think that I don't think that's a nice thing to say. I

Cate 1:17:07
think it's not it's not the way that people is. Yeah. Because you're like, Well, I have to you know, settled for something. But I settled with him like, not the me as a person, my, my whirlwind of of how I kind of run through life finally settled when I was when I'm with

Scott Benner 1:17:30
him. Yeah, no, I understand. No one I knew this part of your life began with him.

Cate 1:17:34
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And it like started definitely, like, I don't attribute I really don't attribute a whole other than just like that. But like, because I started when I started traveling, I was it was 2009 the first time that I started traveling outside of the continent. And I think that's really what kind of took off how like I started to get a different view of the world and people and how it ticks and works and stuff like that I've finally started not seeing it's I'm definitely still self involved. I have a very healthy ego it's I'm surprised I can fit through doors most days. But I started seeing other people and how they live and it became fascinating to me and it made me not feel as big as I actually am that I'm actually like you said like we're kind of all ants or we would be if you know it's

Scott Benner 1:18:43
your gateway that you got

Cate 1:18:47
Yeah exactly. Yes Two things

Scott Benner 1:18:50
on there on top of it

Cate 1:18:54
Yeah, again perspective of like what else is outside of me and so that definitely started changing and then I moved to the UK back in 2014 and I was still going out partying a lot but I got like a I got my first ducks like desk job and became like an actual professional and became like an actual adult that how people describe adults which was weird. And things just started kind of settling that way and that was where I started like actually taking control of my diabetes I have not had great control for long but like for the last decade I've had really tight and to me I'm I find myself very admirable in terms of how I've completely like 180 My health in terms of my diabetes and my Crohn's. I like it my Crohn's went into remission and I started saying like note doctors when they kept trying to shovel pills down my throat to make you know me different I started becoming more kind of self aware of am I doing this for a purpose? Or am I doing this for a like for small gratification, you know, like, what is the the grand scheme of all of this? And I think that how I started viewing things and how I started making my decisions definitely changed within the last decade. And

Scott Benner 1:20:34
do you have an addicts mind or no?

Cate 1:20:37
I love mine

Scott Benner 1:20:38
addict, are you? Are you addicted to something else right now?

Cate 1:20:41
I know right now, other than like coffee? No, but yes, I do. So it's I tend to stay away from like, I've never been to Vegas, because I feel like that is a dangerous place for me. I don't game because I know it's the same with like, on my phone. I don't have games on my phone, because I know that I can. I know that it's very easy for me to go down that oh, yeah, absolutely. And not a healthy way. Like in a very, very disruptive way.

Scott Benner 1:21:14
exam late at night to connect the dots on some Oh, yeah.

Cate 1:21:17
You know, like the, the Big Bang theory when what's her face becomes like a you know, becomes like a gamer and she goes like three weeks without washing herself like that. That would be that's absolute that would absolutely be me. But yeah, so I definitely have an addict, addicts mine. And I'm also very compulsive like so like, I become obsessive like I'm obsessive, right. So when we when we were looking for the house that we bought, it's I spiraled I spiraled looking for the house that we bought. So like something very normal, I became obsessed with like, to the point where I was probably getting maybe two hours of sleep every night because I was looking at houses or like, I became obsessed with it. And that was what my husband had to deal with, for like a good solid year, or at least nine months from like, start to end. But that's all that I did. And like a girlfriend of mine was looking for house at the same time. So obviously, and we had just found ours, we just put in, like an offer and it was accepted. And so I was feeling I was feeling like like something was missing. Like I didn't know what to do with myself. Because now this this obsessive compulsive thing had been it's over. It's over. What am I going to be doing with my life now? And so she's like, so you know, we're putting our house on the market. And I was like, perfect. Like, and we laugh about it, because I'm like, you know, it's something else I need to obsess over. But genuinely, that was actually the point. I was like, Yes. And then so I then started staying up until like, two or 3am in the morning sending her ads about like, here's a house here's a house. Here's a house. Let me

Scott Benner 1:22:57
point my crazy at your problem.

Cate 1:23:00
Like, please give me a reason. Like, absolutely.

Scott Benner 1:23:04
Yeah. Are you okay? In silence or no?

Cate 1:23:07
I'm, yeah, to the point where it disturbs other people. I have no problem. I have no problem with being by my like I said, I have no problem being by myself in silence. I can sit and stare out the window and not have a thought cross. I'm absolutely fine being still. And I'm absolutely fine. Being in a crowd. And I have it makes people uncomfortable because I've got no problem letting them sit in quiet with me. And generally people need to have some sort of white noise. They they need to feel like fill the silence with something I hate small talk like the second someone starts small talking me I get pissed off. It's like, I hate it. Because the only reason they're doing it is just to fill the silence because they feel uncomfortable. I welcome on comfortable feelings and I it brings me joy to make other people uncomfortable. Kate,

Scott Benner 1:24:02
maybe they just like talking to you. Well, I

Cate 1:24:05
mean, I mean, I am again, I'm delightful, so I get it, but I feel like Yeah, well, that's good. It's good. Otherwise, I feel like it would be kind of weird. I feel not that you'd need to fill the silence, but I feel like you're very engaging. And that was that's what makes a bit good podcasts. So things started going quiet. I feel like I could be potentially awkward. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:24:31
well, you won't let me talk over you. So it doesn't I couldn't if I want to. I've tried a couple of times. I know. Yeah.

Cate 1:24:37
Doesn't it doesn't happen. I know. There's like a funny meme that goes is like how dare someone talk over me while I'm interrupting? Like

Scott Benner 1:24:48
I like when people say like, he talks over people. I'm like, you know, some people will talk forever if you don't interject, and that, you know, I'm just trying to move the conversation along. But nevertheless, we are um Okay, so I want to go back to I'm sorry, I'm gonna forget myself in a second. So you've, you know, you just take a left turn, start taking better care of yourself. But then how does that happen? Like, I mean, you've been living a long time with diabetes and not doing a great job of it, like, did you know what to do and just weren't doing it? Or did you have to learn what to do?

Cate 1:25:20
I think it's a bit of both. So I'm, like I went on to it. So I went on to a pump when I started going to the adult hospital. So the one that I go to is uch is the short form for it. When I was 18, diagnosed with neuropathy, the diabetes nurse educator, QC H, automatically put me on a pump and I'd been fighting to to be put onto a pump and they didn't trust me to be on a pump. They didn't think it was good for my health, despite MDI, obviously not working for me. And Sharon was like, yeah, no, you're going, you're going straight onto a pump, it doesn't matter. Like, this is what you need. And within like, six months of being on a pump, it's my doesn't sound it still sounds awful, but like my h1 sees, went down to nine. So when I'm used to being you know, like, 12, and 13, going down to nine, I was like, Yeah, you know what I mean? Like, so this is what this is, like, that's cool. Um, and then it kind of just snowballed effect. From there. Like, I was like, okay, so I kind of, I still wasn't great at doing it. But I was a lot better at doing it and watching kind of what I was eating. And then as I started becoming, like, more aware of my body and how it felt and how it reacted to things, I saw, I started being like, Oh, my, I can feel good. Just by looking after myself. I don't, I don't need these outside sources to feel great. Like, I if I take insulin, when I'm eating, I, I can feel good about that. Like, I'm not going to go like super high and Spike and want to vomit all over the place. Because my numbers are so high. And I'm going to DKA that's how diabetes works. Oh, I had no idea that this is what control looks like, like, so it was just one of those like, Oh, this is this is what it actually means to have control over my diabetes. I can actually like function and not feel all of the time. Got you. Okay. And then it just kind of spiraled from that.

Scott Benner 1:27:39
Yeah. Did you point your crazy at the diabetes now?

Cate 1:27:42
Ah, not like, I still have a lot. I still have a lot to learn. I still feel like, there's things that I should know that I don't like. But my a one sees, like, currently is 6.1. And it has been for the last like three years. It's been like 6.1 to 6.5. So I feel like that's not just by chance, or that's not just because I fudged the numbers, you know, like I've gone, you know, because I'm really high. I just started going really low. Anything like that. To me, that's like, yeah, no, I think I'm getting a pretty good. I think I kind of know what I'm doing by now. You know, it's, like 25 years, but I feel like yeah, no, I It's okay, like, cool. So I can actually start saying like, hey, no, I do have control of my diabetes. Instead of that, what I was saying, you know, when I was a teenager being like, you know, I need to have control because I'm a control freak. I can actually be like, yeah, no, but I actually I do have control. Let me let me show facts.

Scott Benner 1:28:46
I think of diabetes control in a really strange way. Like, I don't think I think of it the way other people do. Like, I think it just once you have it, it's this thing that happens. Yes. It's not a thing you do. If not, you know, it's just you know, what, you know what to do in certain situations, you just kind of do it. They these things start to happen without you putting too much effort into them. And all of a sudden, you've got a sixth one for three years.

Cate 1:29:10
Yeah, exactly. And I feel the I absolutely, like that's the even like, even as a diabetic because I know that you're a non diabetic, I know that you're very you're very like hands on with your daughters, like type one diabetes, so it's almost it's almost like you're diabetic. Um, but I feel the same way. I feel like diet, diabetes or anything. I think anything that you have any disease, any long term illness that you have, you have it like it's just it, it is what it is like there's no point. Once things just kind of start working for you. You just kind of roll with it and everything to me just starts falling in place. You got to put a little bit of work into it at the beginning but then it becomes second nature and it just is what it is. Like yeah, No, it's I genuinely forget a lot to say, Oh, by the way, I have diabetes. Like if I'm talking to a new doctor, being a diabetic isn't the first thing that comes out of my mouth and it should be. It's, there's, you know, when you're speaking to a medical professional, hey, I'm like, I'm a type one diabetic. And I have Crohn's should be one of the first things that come out of my mouth, but a lot of the time, it's not something that comes out of my mouth, because it's just that I got a

Scott Benner 1:30:27
lot to lead with your you can you can lead that a lot of different Yeah, yeah. No, I know. Yeah. Absolutely. Well, Kate, listen, keep the shop and they and they shop will keep the that's a Poor Richard's quote. Okay. So I think Ben Franklin was saying, take care of your body and your body will take care of you. Yeah, I think it's good advice. Oddly, half the man is an older person for having that thought. But whatever. It's, it's okay. He, he was full of good ideas back then before people got a chance to have. Do you think he was smarter? Just the first one? You don't? I mean, I think give us just the first one. Because some of this is really, really common sense. Just like stuff. You'd go. Yeah, obviously. No,

Cate 1:31:11
yeah. But that's a lot of the case. I think people have become famous all that, like you talk to any kind of self help guru. And they're just all spouting common sense. Everything that they talk about is not new news. It's just, they might just understand,

Scott Benner 1:31:25
to be honest, here, no ill of a friend nor speak any of an enemy. That's interesting. So if I hear something bad about you, and we're friends, I don't I don't I don't absorb that. And if I have somebody I don't like, I don't speak poorly of them. This is it. This man is a genius. He'd been dead for hundreds of years. No one thinks of him. That's all I'm saying. Your life's not that important. Relax. No,

Cate 1:31:45
it's not. Everyone's like so hopped up on trying to leave a legacy. I don't think they thoroughly really understand what leaving a legacy actually my point,

Scott Benner 1:31:56
Kate, if we don't remember Benjamin Franklin, really? You're gonna be okay. That's yeah, yeah, we have a very odd relationship now with, with what we think of as the world knowing us, because of like social media, and it feels like everyone has this idea that everyone's aware of what they think now, because they post it somewhere, or it's on some social media place. I have to tell you, I reach a lot of people. And I really don't reach many people at all, in the grand scheme of how many people they are. There are so you know, a person on their Facebook page or on their Instagram page. They're not really talking to as many people as they think they are. No, you know, so that's a something to keep in mind. You're not spreading your genius everywhere. It's no three of your friends. And two of them are probably like, Oh, my God, this guy. Yeah. I mean, how many people follow people on Facebook just because they're like, look how irritating gene is. You know what everybody's like, I know, it's all air. You know? In his house, he's like, I'm leading a nation now. Yeah, okay. Yeah. I'm sure there are a fair amount of people listen to me, because they like think like, that guy is so wrong. I enjoy listening to it. Listening, ya know, whatever, you're just you're not, you're not doing what you think you're doing. No. I also believe that, you know, that line I talked about earlier about where, you know, polite societies rests and where you might be like, I think I'm on your side of that line. I hope so. Yeah. I don't think our company I might not be as far as like you might be for now. I don't think I can find you on the first day after I crossed over the line. But yeah, but I don't. I think that's why these conversations exist on the podcast, because as you start talking about things, I don't brush up against any of them. Like I didn't, I did not feel judgmental towards you once in the last hour and a half. And I think that if you would have tried to go tell the story to other people, they would be like, Well, let's not say that. You know, we don't want kids to hear that you had sex? Yeah. Or, you know, we don't want anybody to know that you did drugs, or you know, like, it's just and I think that's, it really is, I mean, if you if everyone's listening, when Kate needs to hear herself reflected in other people, and when you don't let her hear that. It's hard for her. And it's hard for you when you're not reflected and other people you have to let people talk. You know, I don't know people who are online and look perfect. Those Those aren't. Those aren't probably real people. They're probably just showing you the one really great part of their life. Yeah.

Cate 1:34:39
And it's really toxic. Like it's really really toxic to think because then people start thinking that that's what they need to be

Unknown Speaker 1:34:48
and then hard to attain. That it's

Cate 1:34:51
Yeah, it really is. It's the it's the it's the greatness as well as the downfall of social media is that everyone is so inert connected now that you can kind of find like minded people like you where you couldn't before. But then you also find this weird, like, pedestal like people on pedestals that it's really hard to obtain that kind of perfection,

Scott Benner 1:35:14
I think, I think sharing online is valuable if you just share reality. And then, and then then people can sift through that on their own. And there are people who are trying to be famous, and they want to look perfect. And that stops, I think their content from being valuable, to be perfectly honest. And then all you're really attracting is, you know, young people who think the world might still be perfect one day, you don't have one adult, you know what I mean? Like, not one adult is looking at you going, Oh, I can get my butt that size. You know, adults, like I gotta pay for my stuff like I need. You know, I don't have time to, I mean, how many deep knee bends do I have to do before my free time?

Cate 1:35:58
I don't have time, I do not have time.

Scott Benner 1:36:00
Now. By the way, if you'd all stop watching that person on Instagram, they wouldn't have time either. So yeah, you know, like, you get in that weird kind of, I don't know, like, what are you doing? And who are you doing it for? It's, it's all just, I mean, look, I make this podcast because I think it helps people. But it's also a business. It makes money. You know, I mean, there are days when I get up, and I think I'm going to have this conversation today. Because it's going to be really important, and people are going to get a lot out of it. I think that almost every day, honestly. But there's a small percentage of me that's like, I need to make content to put an ad on. Right? You're all you're all just lucky. I'm a decent person. Because, seriously, because if not, there'd be 12 ads on each one of these episodes. Yeah. And you all have heard something where you know what I'm talking about where you're like six minutes into it. And the guy's like glycine, you're like glycine? What is this like? Well, glycine is and you're like Jesus, Are we ever gonna get the cake. And then the cake comes on, it's got six seconds to talk, because the ads are so much I could do that I could probably, like, do it tomorrow. Doesn't seem valuable to me now, because then I don't think you'd listen. And then now it's all gone. So it's gone. I want this to exist, because I want someone to hear you. And reach out and be like, I heard Kate. And I want to be on the podcast because of that, because you have no idea how many really interesting conversations. You all have heard on this podcast that started with a private note to me that says, Hey, I heard this girl say she took heroin on your podcast. And that made me feel like I could be on. But then that person talks and doesn't ever mention heroin. So you have no idea how great it is to just be yourself and be honest. And Kate, you've helped a lot of people today, you just don't even know it yet. So thank you very much. And you gave me a place to put my ad so right on. I'm just Yes. Yes. Plus, Canadian women. There's something there. I haven't figured it completely out yet. But you're all different. In a weird way. I guess. I don't know how to. I haven't figured it all out yet. But I don't know. I think it's good. Like,

Cate 1:38:10
I feel like I feel the same way about Americans as a whole. Like, cuz you guys aren't you're not different. But you're different. And it's in I can, it's weird. I don't I don't understand it. Because a lot of us sound the same. But we're not. And yeah, you

Scott Benner 1:38:26
know, a couple of times today, I appreciated that. You were like, you just did I

Cate 1:38:31
say a boot or did I say about because so this is the thing. You did not say eat the east. The east coasters are the ones that say boot. They're the ones not all of them. Newfies especially are the ones that kind of sound a little bit funny. For the most part,

Scott Benner 1:38:48
so Okay, fair. You didn't say a boot you said about what you about. you're Canadian, though. Who in the middle? I don't know how to put it exactly.

Cate 1:38:56
I don't know how to I know. But the the people saying it's a boot it they're taking it from the East Coast, you can get like hosers like our which are also like the Canadians is more and it's not derogatory. I don't find it a derogatory term. If anyone calls me a Hoser I'm like, Yeah, I am. But like there's a, a, a very like Canadian accent whenever you start, like, all your holes are. Like, it's just a very, like, even though you're a Canadian. I know what you are not just because you've just said a very Canadian term, but no, you actually have a Canadian accent. So there is like a very specific Canadian accent that tends to be mostly outside of cities not along the US border, I find that we start sounding a lot more American, the closer to the borders we get. But the more North you get is where you start. The Canadian isms as well as a Kenyan accent is really honed in on.

Scott Benner 1:39:57
I have I have one more real question. And before I let you go, Okay, I've kept you much longer than I said I was going to apologize. Do you? Are there people in your life professionally or personally who don't know any of this about you?

Cate 1:40:12
A lot of the majority of people know what I want them to know. So there's nobody in my life Tyler included that knows the entire story, right? Yeah. So and a lot of the time, it depends on where they've entered into my life. But like, even my mom, and I'm close with my mom now, like, we're like, we're very close, which is bananas to think about? Because of what we've gone through together, like me growing up and what have you. But even she doesn't know all the ins and outs of it. She has the best understanding of it. But even she doesn't know all the ins and outs of it. That's because I keep it close to me. Yeah. But it's not something you sit down with two people at dinner and be like, yeah, so I tried to off myself back when I was 14. And man, what a trip. Like it's not really, because it's such a lot of what I've been through is very taboo, that it's not normal conversation that you have, right. It's a the rest of our dairy.

Scott Benner 1:41:22
I'm so sorry. The rest of that question to me is like if we take a coworker, for instance, like not that you would go to work and be like, Hey, did you want to hear about the time I thought to kill myself when I was 14? Like not that you would say that? But I mean, are? Are they're just like, is there a person in your life? Who would hear this and be like, Wait, Kate, the girl I ate lunch with? Are you serious? Like, like, do you come off? Like totally normal to people in some aspects of your life?

Cate 1:41:47
Oh, god. Yeah. Yeah. But a lot of it's because it's I'm really good at reflecting what they want to see all the time. So yeah. Oh, god. Yeah. I don't give like that's not it's I don't I don't care. But absolutely, that there will be people listening to this being like, I thought I knew that chick. And clearly, I did not know that.

Scott Benner 1:42:09
There's part of me that thinks that one day this recording will be used in a court case.

Cate 1:42:18
I feel like there's a lot of things that could be used against me, and it is what it is. I feel Scott,

Scott Benner 1:42:23
we need a copy of that recording. You do? Yes, she killed a fisherman with a seal. It was horrible. I don't even want to explain how it happened. But it was terrible. So yeah, okay. Well, listen. I for anyone else listening, if you're as up as Kate is, on the podcast,

Cate 1:42:46
please come on. We need a group, you need to show that there's more of us out there. Because there are there are more of us out there. Scott.

Scott Benner 1:42:55
I also don't mean up. I mean, like, who have been through things and are willing to talk about? Yeah,

Cate 1:43:01
it's okay. Like, it's okay to talk about it. And it's okay to go through a lot of production. And at the end of the day, if you if you want to you will come out the other side. And it's not to say that like if you don't want to that you're weak or anything like that, but it's I feel like it's you can go through a lot of and you can still find a meaningful relationship, buy a house, I don't Scott, I don't even have my high school diploma. And I'm, I work as a professional, I've traveled the world I've been through a lot of that should have seen me dead. And I, for all, you know, for all intents and purposes, I've kind of checked off a lot of checkmarks that people growing up, think in order for you to make it as an adult. These are the things you need to do. I have accomplished that. But it's I've just done it in an automated way.

Scott Benner 1:43:53
I have to say the least shocking thing you've said today is I don't have a high school diploma. I was like, I don't have a high school sense. Yeah.

Cate 1:44:00
I don't I had to I dropped out. I got like, halfway kicked out and then I dropped out. And

Scott Benner 1:44:06
last question. I said last question that I asked the question now second question. Do you ever think about having kids?

Cate 1:44:14
i The conversation has come up I have been pregnant and the conversation has come up. I am cognizant that I I don't know how good have an idea that is. more so because of my because of what's already been established with my mental health. I don't know if postpartum is a good idea for me. And I feel like it is more likely to happen like to have some postpartum trauma and what have you. I definitely think it is something that needs to be considered. And I will probably make it like it's it's I like to think I would be really cool mom. But, you know, I'd say, if they would be crying to me, I'd be like, I don't know what the crying about, like in that thing where we like, where parents are like, I don't know what's wrong like why like, tell me what's wrong with you? I'd be I genuinely be like I don't understand what you're saying because I don't I don't understand. So let's I think I could put a lot of trauma on my own kids. But I still think I could be a pretty cool mom because I've been through it all and yeah, I hear easygoing.

Scott Benner 1:45:28
Again, I think you, you answered exactly how I expected you to you have a lot of introspection and, and I didn't think you'd say much different. Maybe you just be cooler Kate, who knows where the coke is? Maybe that would be

Cate 1:45:39
which I already am. I'm like, I like that was the big thing. So for years, I've always been like, anti kids. Relief cool on. And that's when I am like, so I've got like two nephews and then I've got like a few best friends that have babies and they're like all my nieces and nephews. So like, so I'm like, Auntie Kate, to a lot of little kids. And I love it. Because they also get to go home to their parents. And you know, like, come see me if you want to go get a tattoo. Like

Scott Benner 1:46:08
sounds like a bad joke. But it's no kidding. There are times as parents I'm just like, What am I why did i What was that was everyone needs? Yes. I never write about anything which is fascinating. And I you know, I find myself standing in my home sometimes going you know, a lot of people seem to agree with things I say sometimes you'd be it's shocking that you all have an agree with me once ever. Just like I've never said anything sensible. Is that right? Yeah, anyway, if I'm you, I don't do it. But whatever. Yeah, don't listen to me. Thank you, Kate, very much for doing this. I really appreciate it. Thanks for having me on it last.

A huge thank you to one of today's sponsors, G voc glucagon, find out more about Chivo Capo pen at G Vogue glucagon.com forward slash juicebox you spell that GVOKEGL You see ag o n.com forward slash juicebox. Thanks also to the Contour Next One blood glucose meter visit contour next one.com Ford slash juicebox. And of course you can get your tickets and learn more about touched by type one at touched by type one.org. Also, you can find them on Facebook and Instagram

it's a pretty long episode. So I'm gonna get out of here and just say thank you for listening. Like you know, if you're enjoying the Juicebox Podcast, please tell a friend. If you like this episode of afterdark there are a lot more afterdark episodes, head over to Facebook page Juicebox Podcast type one diabetes, go to the feature tab. There's a whole list of them there where you can find them on juicebox podcast.com. If you're listening in a podcast app right now just search Juicebox Podcast juice boxes one word, and after dark again. Those are two words. So juice box one word podcast one word after one word dark one word Juicebox. Podcast after dark. They should all pop right up in front of you. I made it sound much more difficult than it is

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