#188 Diabetes Burnout
Scott Benner
Diabetes Burnout…
Maria has experienced burnout multiple times in her almost 30 years of living with type 1 diabetes. Today she is a new mother and on the podcast to share how she weathered the journey.
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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.
Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends welcome to Episode 188 of the Juicebox Podcast. Today's episode is sponsored by Dexcom Omni pod and dancing for diabetes. Later today when you decide, hey, I am going to go find out a little bit more about the sponsors, the Juicebox Podcast, the good people who helped bring me the podcast that I love so much that is free to me. I don't pay anything for it. It's just it there. And I mean, someone's paying for that Dexcom Omni pod dancing for diabetes. So check them out. And when you check them out, please use the links that I provide because then they know you came from here, the Juicebox Podcast. You see, it's very Circle of Life fish. Today's episode is spectacular. Do not take my word for it, though. Keep listening. We're going to be talking with Maria about burnout. Now, Maria was diagnosed at a young age, and has had Type One Diabetes for quite some time. And she's experienced burnout at many different junctures as junctures or junctions, jump, hold on one second. Yeah, I looked it up junctures is right. junctures a particular point in events or time, so I was 100%. Correct. And then I doubted myself, which now I feel bad about. But anyway, Maria has experienced burnout at a number of different junctures in her life, and she's going to talk about all of them. And you know what, this is amazing. During the episode, I find out I didn't know this. Maria was pregnant while we were recording this, she was 12 weeks pregnant. And guess what? She's had her baby. And you have to listen all the way to the end to find out how big it was and what its name is. And if it's a boy or a girl, today, Fang. Just listen to the end, what are you doing, I put a lot of work into this. Please never forget that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise. And to always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan. Because this is a podcast, I am not a doctor, and I mean, my God, be responsible.
Maria 1:59
Hi, I'm Maria, and I am 33 years old, and I live outside of just outside of Chicago.
Scott Benner 2:09
How old? were you when you were diagnosed?
Maria 2:11
I was four. So I'm coming up in April, on 29 years.
Scott Benner 2:17
Perfect. And what can I say? I say perfect. Because for what we're going to talk about today, you have length of service, and you and you have experienced as an adult. So I think what you're gonna say is gonna be it's gonna cover a lot of bases, which I can come I'm very excited about.
Unknown Speaker 2:34
I hope so. Yeah.
Scott Benner 2:37
Let's tell people a little bit what happened. So Maria, sent me a note. Do you listen to the podcast? I do? Yes. So you sent me a note. And you were like, you have an episode about burnout. And I said, I don't. But I know how to fix that. If you're experiencing burnout. Which, yeah, I'll put poor Murray on the podcast and talk about our burnout.
Maria 2:55
It's the thing I think a lot of people, you know, experience at some point or multiple points for some of us. But I just thought it was a good topic. And I was I really enjoy the podcast so much. I was like, if he's done a show about this, I should reach out. Because I probably started listening maybe about a year ago. So I knew that there was some archives that I hadn't, you know, hadn't heard yet.
Scott Benner 3:20
Well, we'd like to encourage people to go back and listen to all episodes, man. I don't know how many people listening realize how many people you are listening to got on the show by calling by by sending a text or a message through Facebook or something and saying, hey, do you have something about MDI, do something about burnout? And I'm like, No, but do you? What do you know about it? And, and then it's amazing because sometimes, knowing something about the topic is really valuable for people, but also not knowing and then talking through what you don't know, ends up being just as valuable. So I really appreciate you taking the time and lending yourself to this. So let me let me ask you the first question diagnosed at four. And you're 33 Mm hmm. 29 years ago, you said that's a long time. I By the way, found myself jealous that you're 33 which now I guess means I'm in the latter part of I 40 sounds like three Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 4:21
I pay for that.
Scott Benner 4:26
What do you remember about being diagnosed at four?
Maria 4:28
I'm not much I was you know, in preschool and my teachers were obviously noticing that I cuz it was a pretty like, Good Kid, good student. And then I had a pretty serious like attitude swings, and they weren't really sure where that was coming from. Because I felt horrible. And then at home, you know, all the classic stuff I think I did was a little bit of weight and I'm drinking constantly going to the bathroom constant Lately, like I actually remember getting up in the middle of the night and going to the fridge. And I opened like a, probably a thing of like orange juice or whatever you keep in the house when you have, you know, four year old kid. And just taking the whole gallon out and trying to drink from the gallon, but I was so small that it just it spilled everywhere. Yeah, in the middle of the night, so
Scott Benner 5:23
Well, now, this was a story about diabetes, that would just be an adorable sight. Right? I
Unknown Speaker 5:29
know. And then you look back, you're like, Oh, that's sad.
Scott Benner 5:31
child was dying. And it's all context and the music you play behind it. Really? So?
Maria 5:40
Yeah, but my mom is, is still a nurse and was at that time as well. Um, she knew that something was was up. Um, you know, we went to the family doctor. And I grew up outside of just outside of St. Louis. So the family doctor on the Illinois side was like, yeah, you know, I really think this might be type one. And we were lucky enough in St. Louis to have there's two great children's hospitals. So we went right over there and had, you know, got diagnosed had the week long stay. And, you know, diabetes boot camp that new parents go through, my parents did that and, you know, on your way figure, figure it out.
Scott Benner 6:25
While being diet you've been diagnosed before and having experienced burnout, and I think you've experienced it more than once, right? It's come and gone. Yeah. Right. So you kind of are taking away a tiny bit of my hope, which was, my daughter was diagnosed early that she'll never really remember life without diabetes. And that might help her. I think it does help in some ways. But can you talk about that, from your perspective? The big dancing for diabetes show is coming quickly on November 10. Orlando peeps, have you got your tickets yet? Everyone else? Have you checked it out? Dancing for diabetes.com? That's dancing the number four diabetes.com. But can you talk about that, from your perspective? Yeah,
Maria 7:06
absolutely. Um, so and, you know, I do know, people, it's gone both ways where they've always had it. And so you know, in a sense, they don't know any differently. folks who are diagnosed where they have to totally change their life and their habits. Um, and it may be a little bit personality based, too. But, you know, for me, I think, my The first time I really started to experience burnout was really that transitional age between like 18 and 25. I think that's a, I think it's a hard time for, you know, people in general, you're trying to figure out who you are. In my case, I was going away from home to college. And my mom had been, you know, she's a nurse, so she helped take care of everything, which was really great. And I, you know, I gave my own shots, but I just, it wasn't an ever present thing in my mind when I was a teenager. Um, and I was on a pump, actually, in high school, and I went off of it, and probably my junior year in high school, because it was getting in my way, I had a tube to pump and I didn't like it. Um, so went off to college, with MDI, and then in between trying to figure out life away from home, and, you know, who I who I was and who I wanted to be. You know, it's kind of a partier. So, going out all the time. And I just didn't, I didn't feel like I had room for diabetes in my life. Yeah. And it was a lot easier to just not acknowledge it, right. Um,
Scott Benner 8:46
but it doesn't, he doesn't really let you do that, right? No,
Maria 8:50
no, it totally doesn't. But you, you think that you think that your best thing is, you know, you're, you think you're invincible, because you're 18 or whatever. or in any stage of life, you just, it's the whole thing that you've talked about before, where there's immediate consequences if you have tight control, and you're dealing with lows. And those consequences just seem far away when, excuse me, when it's highs, you know, it's kind of like student loans, like Yeah, and I know I've got them someday I'll have to deal with that. But they don't seem real to you at the moment. Sure. Um, which I have both diabetes and student loans. So I can totally good analogy, but it's something that just it was so much easier for me to focus on the things that I wanted to focus on and, and to let diabetes run in the background but not be a big part of my everyday life. You know, so that was really like college. I just, I was kind of in the attitude like, I don't have time for this. It's going to be fine. Whatever. And then later in my 20s,
Scott Benner 10:02
ask one question there when you were doing that, and you were saying, when you were saying, you know, I don't have time for this, it's going to be fine. Did you? Did you consciously think I'll catch back up? Or did you think this isn't really a problem? Or did you know it was a problem? You just thought it wouldn't be if because it's only gonna be a couple of years? Like, what was the rationale? You used to have that thought? Um,
Unknown Speaker 10:24
I don't.
Scott Benner 10:26
I mean, I knew when I remember.
Maria 10:28
No, I knew it was bad what I was doing, but I didn't, I didn't consciously think about like, Okay, well, when this happens, I'll be in better control. Like, I really did not think about that. Um, you know, the lows, really scared my head really. Just, I was terrified of them. Because I had had, I'm a person who has seizures if my blood sugar gets too low, and I'm a super heavy sleeper. So I that had happened to me a few times before college. And then it happened, you know, happen a couple times in college too. But for me, like, diabetes is so invisible to other people, if they don't know that you have it, you know, you look totally like a normal person. So I could run around, you know, I was active. I was a dancer in college, and I had a major in a minor, I took all these credit hours and lots of friends, I did had all this stuff going on. And nobody knew that I was kind of choosing to hurt myself in that way. Nobody knew anything was wrong with me. And that's how I liked it at that time.
Scott Benner 11:43
Did you hide it? Like purposely?
Maria 11:46
So I didn't really, you know, I wouldn't say I was checking my blood sugar a lot. But I was wearing my insulin pump. I did end up going back on one, I think maybe my junior year of college. And I gave shots. You know, before that, I would, I would give shots, but I didn't actively hide it. But it wasn't something that I talked about a lot. Gotcha.
Scott Benner 12:11
Sure. Did you ever meet? No.
Maria 12:14
Um, my roommate didn't know. Yes. Actually, all my roommates did no. But again, it was kind of like I mentioned it, you know, a couple times, it just wasn't something that either of us were thinking about constantly. But
Unknown Speaker 12:28
right now.
Scott Benner 12:30
I'm assuming like boys and drinking and maybe going to class stuff like that.
Unknown Speaker 12:37
Normal college kids.
Maria 12:39
I think that was part of it, too. Like, I just, I just wanted to be normal. And that was the closest way that I could come up with to, to be a normal person.
Scott Benner 12:51
So breaking your life down into little bits, right, like going back to this this time first? With your, I don't know, with the with the with the you know, the benefit of hindsight at this point. Mm hmm. How could you have entered college and balanced taking care of your diabetes and being you know, a quote unquote normal person? Would it have been something that existed that you now say you could have had it? Would it be if you could fast forward into I don't know, like, now when what kind of gear to use now to have upon now? I do. I have the Omni pod and I'm using Dexcom. And I've been on both of those for about two years. Okay, so if you had those things going to college Do you think it would have changed? Do you think it was it's time and experience and perspective you need to like what would you have needed back then to kind of seamlessly go to college, have friends dance, get decent grades, go out and drink Take care of yourself?
Maria 13:47
I mean, for me, it was it's really it's all been an attitude change. So it's, it's feeling that sense of like empowerment and control that I didn't have back then I kind of had the attitude back then like, no matter what I do, it's wrong. I just can't figure this out and I feel kind of helpless. So it takes a lot of energy to keep trying and not getting the results that I want not to say that I tried super hard, but when I did it, it was just it was defeating to always like have my blood sugar be out of control or feel badly.
You know, I kind of felt like I was punished when I did try to keep them in control with lows and then you know, a seizure and negative attention that I didn't want and hospital stay. It was just like why even go through this because I can not do these things and I can get by without it makes you feel better. I had a headache the other night and Advil was 26 feet away from me across two rooms. I was like I'm not going through all that. And so, and there was nothing even to step over on the way to where the Advil was, and I was still like, I'll just live with the headache. So I get what you're saying like, what?
Scott Benner 15:09
And stop me if I'm wrong, please. But back then No, no real, no tools that were working for you. And, you know, trying but not succeeding. And then nobody telling you, hey, we like how much you're trying but try this instead of that. So all this kind of effort without reward. It just, it's overwhelming at some point, like, how many times can I push into this brick wall before I realize it's not gonna fall over? I'm looking at a photograph right now of Arden from her homecoming dance Just this past weekend. Arden's a freshman in high school now, she just looks so grown up and healthy and amazing in this picture, and really pretty. And it made me think of another photograph. And it was a photograph that she took when she was four years old. Just as she was beginning to use on the pot, she did it for her children's hospital, it was for one of their brochures. And I just remember her being so adorable in that picture. And I don't know, I just started thinking about the passage of time and a decade. Since these two pictures were taken, you know, a decade had passed. And she's growing up just perfectly. And in both of these photographs is this pump this insulin pump made by Omni pod. It just really made me consider how much of Arden's health and success is tied to her ability to get insulin to keep her blood sugar in a good range. This pump has been in all these pictures for 10 years, the Omni pod has been a stable and reliable friend to my daughter and our family for a decade. It is a huge if not almost complete part of why her a one C is where it is why her blood sugars are mismatched, and why her blood sugars are manageable during school and sleep, and pretty intense physical activity when she plays a sport. I'm going to put this picture on the Facebook page for Juicebox Podcast and for Arden stays blog, you can take a look if you want. But for now, you should really consider going to my omnipod.com forward slash juice box to try one for yourself. There are links in your show notes. And on the pub. We'd love to send you a free no obligation demo pot. A decade of trusted confidence is just a click away. How many times can I push into this brick wall before I realize it's not gonna fall over?
Maria 17:34
Yeah, absolutely. And I mean, there's so many things. Now there's a lot of tools now that I'm you know, I think every diabetic who feels like they have some success and control has a multi faceted approach for why you know why they're doing well. And that certainly is my case. And I had zero of those things happening for me back. You know, at that time,
Scott Benner 18:00
I have a 10 point plan of which at the moment, I have none of the points. Do you think that was burnout? just ignoring it in college?
Maria 18:12
Um, I do because in high school, I didn't ignore it. Um, and it? You know, I like I said, I think people in that age group tend to go through something similar, even if it's not with diabetes. I mean, with some young adults, it's finances, right, you've never really had to deal with it, you go off to school, and you're like, I'm just gonna have a credit card. And you kind of have to, I'm a person who has to, unfortunately learn the hard way sometimes. You know, so I think that it happens, and this just happened to be the, you know, the hand I was dealt with type one. Um, so but that is a different type of burnout that I experienced later in my 20s.
Unknown Speaker 18:59
Um, well, I
Scott Benner 19:00
want to stop you for saying I want to I don't want to flash forward yet. So if you're willing, I want to know if you're, you don't need to do this. But if you're willing to put context to, I was paying attention to it in high school. What did that mean? For like average blood sugars? And they one say? Sure. So
Maria 19:16
when I was in high school was the early 2000s. So, I mean, I was paying attention to you know, when I was on injections, I was taking shots, whenever I ate and I'm counting carbs, checking my blood sugar. I was a cheerleader. It's like all my cheerleading friends knew like, Oh, you have to give a shot now, you know, it was just it was more of a presence part of my life. Sure. Um, it was more integrated. So I was, um, and I was very active. So of course my my mom was helping me in or my parents were helping me make sure that I could manage Lowe's if I was doing a dance thing all day or cheerleading or whatever. Um, so it just had, it was just more Incorporated,
Scott Benner 20:05
I guess. And so you your numbers were what you would have called like, I don't want to say good, but I'm looking like you were you were in a stable range that your doctors were happy with and you were happy with?
Maria 20:17
Yeah, I think I was probably my agencies were probably around, you know, in the seventh or eighth
Scott Benner 20:25
and see that, you know, it's funny, taking into account the time MDI high school, I was sitting here thinking she's gonna say, between seven and eight, yes, because that seems reasonable, you know, for that gear for that time of your life. And then do you do you did you keep up with your appointments in college?
Maria 20:45
No, No, I didn't. I became very much a, you know, I was a drug seeker for influence. Like I went to the doctor when I had to get my prescription refills. And I've cried inside of a Walgreens more times. I'd like to admit,
Scott Benner 21:04
just to get somebody to give you insulin.
Maria 21:06
Yeah, yeah. So it was not good. I did not have a steady relationship with my doctor didn't like going to the doctor. I felt terrible every time I went because my blood sugar's were out of control. You know, they'd yell at me, because they I think I've heard I heard you say this on a recent episode, but they didn't know how to motivate me. They're like, Oh, we'll just try to scare her and see if that worked. Well, is
Unknown Speaker 21:29
your legs honey? Oh, and I'm sad already.
Maria 21:35
Yeah, I'm 20. And I know everything. Yeah, honestly. That guy's an idiot. Yeah. So that that wasn't helpful. Um, but no, I and I mean, I would switch doctors, often, because I just didn't
Scott Benner 21:51
come in, get your scripts, get what you need, and then not go back. And then they get tired of that. Yeah. Okay. And I have to ask them and I don't want to throw anybody under the bus. But where was your mom on the not going to the doctor thing in college?
Maria 22:05
Um, you know, I think she was trying to do her best to ask me and you know, should always ask how are your blood sugar's how's everything going? But really try to release the reins to me, you know, she knew that she wasn't going to manage it from five hours away. And certainly we didn't have the technology that exists now. So she, she was concerned, I knew she was always concerned, I probably lied to her a little bit and said they were better than they were. Um, but yeah, they, you know, I kept her in the dark. And it was easy to do that because they were far away.
Scott Benner 22:44
Yeah. Did you do it through? I think I'm gonna know the answer here. But because of your your other answer, about By the way, so funny. A drug seeker for insulin is hilarious. And so but um, but did you do it through like deception? Or did you do it through like putting up a wall that she knew she couldn't get away with asking too much about?
Maria 23:04
It was probably a little bit of both. Um, yeah, I mean, and, you know, I wanted the main thing was, for me, you know, I was in all other areas of my life, being pretty successful. I was, you know, always on like, the Dean's list in college. I was a good student. I liked school. It was never even a question. If I was going to go to college. I always had that in my plan. Um, and so my mom was always really, you know, and my dad too, but they were always really happy with that. Yeah. Um, and if I could keep my blood sugar's up, and I'm sorry, keep my grades up. And
Unknown Speaker 23:42
also my blood sugar, and my blood sugar's down.
Maria 23:46
Um, you know, they were, they were happy with that. But yeah, you know, she just didn't have
Scott Benner 23:53
no, I understand. I was just wondering what what tools you employed to keep her at bay? Because you're 33 now, Do you have kids?
Unknown Speaker 24:01
Um,
Unknown Speaker 24:02
I don't, okay.
Maria 24:04
I am actually 12 weeks pregnant.
Unknown Speaker 24:07
Congratulations. Thank you.
Scott Benner 24:09
You're welcome. I just did an interview with ginger Vieira and Jenny Smith about their pregnancy with diabetes book. It's not up yet. But, um, but I'll give you the title of it when we're done. So, so you can answer from from a 33 year olds perspective, looking back now? Do you wish at that moment, your mom would have ignored you and just pushed harder? Or do you think you would have pushed back harder than it would have just got more contentious in that way? But like, you don't mean like, there's this i? I can only imagine my own kids right at 18. I have almost a 14 there are times they put up walls. And I don't accept that and and if it's important enough, I pushed through it, and they sort of can't stop me. Did you know what I mean? Like I don't let them hold me back and then they get mad at me. Maybe but then that goes away like, would you have preferred that happen looking back now her to just be like, man, come on, like, you know, you got to give me better answers than this. And if you can't, if you can't come through, I'm gonna drive for five damn hours out there and we're gonna get this straightened out like, would you have wanted that kind of loving parenting from her Do you think you would have?
Maria 25:20
I think that would have blown up spectacularly? I don't think I would have been receptive to that at all better
Scott Benner 25:25
than your dad or her? Or would it have mattered?
Maria 25:28
I don't think it would have mattered, you know, and I was very much like, I know that. I know, parents get it because you do it, you take care of them. But at that point, I was living with it. You know, it was a little bit to None of your business kind of kind of perspective. So. And just my, you know, my relationship with my parents is very different now than it was when I was a teenager, of
Unknown Speaker 25:57
course, but I just
Maria 25:58
don't. Yeah, I think that would have not gone well, that would have would have probably ended up in us. Not speaking for a while I would have pushed her I would have pushed her away. Definitely. Joshua,
Scott Benner 26:11
I would have taken your money away made you come home. Yeah, I would have been like, hey, guess who? Everyone that goes to college, raise their hand. And as you start to put your hand up, I'd be like, not so fast. And you're coming home? That wouldn't scare? I don't know, look, I get what you're saying. like everyone's different. Like I don't I didn't ask that question to be like, hey, there's a specific answer for how to handle this. I was just wondering, in your perspective, you want some perspective, I'll give you some perspective. My daughter's a one C, it was not good for a long time. Then I figured some things out, figured out about Pre-Bolus saying I figured out about bumping and nudging all the stuff that you hear me talking about when I'm like bold with insulin that stuff. But you ever wonder how I figured it out? You think it just came to me in the dream. I was just sleeping one day I was bowled with insulin. That is not what happened. I was paying attention, the data that was being delivered to me by Arden's continuous glucose monitor by her Dexcom. Right now, Arden, where's the Dexcom g six, it is the most advanced version that Dexcom has ever produced. It is absolutely spectacular. I'm looking at her blood sugar right now. She's at school and it was 122, we had a little bit of a high and we're in the middle of nudging it down right now. But back to what I was talking about. You do something with insulin, you see the effect, you're not blind. I mean, just get up and close your eyes and try to walk around your house, it's impossible. You're going to come out of it with a with a bloody nose and a black guy. And that's what happens with diabetes when you try to do things with your eyes closed. Dexcom opens your eyes. This device is not just an alarm that tells you when your blood sugar's low. I mean, it does that. But it's so much more. The data is everything. You know, Dexcom also supports share and follow on iPhone and Android phones. So you can see your loved ones blood sugars, no matter where they are. About what are you waiting for? dexcom.com forward slash juice box the links in your show notes the links at Juicebox podcast.com. Do it right now do it today. Do yourself a favor.
So you graduated from college. And we're pretty unaware of really anything about your diabetes. At that point. You were you weren't really going to doctors and everything and then you said you experienced burnout again in your 20s What was that? And you know, what, what what is what face does that take because I think when people when you say burnout to me, I think of it just it becomes overwhelming. You don't really feel like taking care of it as much and it's just it's cumbersome and tiring and repetitive and but I also am not in my mind in any way. A person who has ever experienced any kind of like sadness or depression in my life like I've had, you know, the same stuff that everybody else has. My parents are divorced. I live with the idea that I'm being adopted. I've had people die around me, I don't get depressed. So it's it's not my natural course. Is it your natural course or now? Or is this is this Can you describe what Bert because that that's the thing. Sometimes I feel like we talked about things like burnout, you know, burnout, but what is that? Yeah, like what did it do to you?
Maria 29:26
Yeah, so I think for me, that specific term has taken a few different it's shown his face in a few different ways. But I've never been clinically diagnosed as depressed but I have eventually and will get a story you know, sought treatment for dealing with a chronic disease, which was helpful. So early on, no, it was not, I'm sad, I'm depressed about being diabetic, it was more like adds too much and I kind of can't handle it. So I'm not going to Um, I think the the sadness and sort of depression part, which is, I don't know, maybe a little bit of my personality not not completely, but, um, that came that came later, when I started really trying again, that was really like, I just kept feeling so defeated. Every time I would try to, to manage my diabetes and fail. So yeah,
Scott Benner 30:29
so you got it back in you again, I'm gonna try again, a little more mature, a little more aware of your health. And then and then still not the right tools, not the right support and right back to the same path again. Yeah, that would have done me into a problem. Maybe Maybe that maybe the fifth time it happened, I would have been like, you know what I'm, I'm called. So okay, so go ahead, do your 20s What happened next.
Maria 30:52
So after my 20s, I moved, you know, to Chicago and had met my husband pretty young, and had a really great group of friends. So I was, I got a job right away. So it was working and, and, you know, I lived alone, so I was really, really scared of lows, that that was always the other side of it. I just didn't want to be found, you know, dead alone on my apartments
Scott Benner 31:19
are good aspirations for the very good aspirations that have Yeah, I'd like to have a little savings, maybe bump into Oprah once while I'm here and not die in my apartment by myself. Yeah,
Maria 31:28
that'd be that'd be awesome. I'm so you know, I think it was a little more, I probably felt like, okay, now I'm an adult, and now I'm going to take care of myself. But that didn't exactly it happened to be more of the same from college, into my early 20s. And then, you know, something would happen, where I'd be like, Okay, I'm going to try and get my life together. And I'd go see a new doctor, I, you know, maybe I did have, I think of severe low, like a seizure at, I don't know, maybe my mid to late 20s. Okay, I have really have to be better about this. And then I would try, and then I didn't have the, you know, the right tools or the right support in place. And it was just, I was so crushed by not being able to do that. And I think part of that also comes from, like I said, because then the rest of the areas of my life, I do have my life together pretty well in most other areas. So, you know, I'm an educated person. Why can't I figure this out? What is wrong with me that I can't make this work?
Scott Benner 32:40
So is is it's funny, because I bet you being successful in other areas. makes it worse, because you can look and say, Look, I do this, well, I do this. Well, you know, these things are all working out the way I kind of intended or at least closely enough. How is it this one thing? I'm this last about? Right? Yeah. And that's interesting. Um, oh, Jesus, I feel bad. I don't I didn't expect to feel I'm sorry. No, no, no, it's not your fault. I feel like I feel me talking to you about this part of your life. really gives me the same feeling that I think drove me to the podcast, like it was just that like idea of like, you were this person who was like, you're describing a person who was so close to like fulfillment, and just for the want of somebody saying, hey, look, this is how insulin works. And you just put it in here instead of there. And like that kind of stuff. And like those little like tips and tricks and things like that, like you were like, it just it's crushing to me to hear you that you spent that many years. That close to the answer, but still that far away from it. It's just, yeah, we don't know each other. And still, I feel like an incredible amount of like, empathy at the moment, like, like, it's, it's too much for a Friday is what I'm saying. Yeah.
Maria 34:00
I mean, I just think that if you don't, I mean, the support is huge. And having a network and having those tools. I mean, diabetes can be so isolating, and just, you know, even my, my boyfriend at the time, who now is my husband, like he was with me all the time. He kind of saw what I was doing, but he had no idea. And my friends who love me and are so supportive in every aspect of my life. I love them so much. I can't even talk about them without crying, but they, they don't get it and it's fine. They I can't You can't expect someone to understand the nuance of living within debt, managing diabetes, so you know it and then you have the isolation part. And then you have the shame part, which was huge, because I knew that it wasn't doing well. Doctors were blatantly telling me I wasn't doing well. I like couldn't I felt like I couldn't tell my you know, my parents, my family because they'd be really disappointed. Yeah. So you know, I had this whole other like shame aspect of how, you know how poorly it was going, which was even more isolating. So it was just a lot of complex feelings kind of pushed down under this like, hey, this like shiny, Happy 20 year old person who kind of looks like she's got her life together. Yeah,
Scott Benner 35:25
that you just said something you didn't know about. But this week earlier this week, I recorded an episode with a person who we basically just talked about shame. And they reached out to me, and they said, I am so full of shame about my diabetes. And we talked about it for a full hour, what I just realized is I'm going to run yours one week and hers the next week, because they're going to complement each other really well. And it's funny. In one week, I heard the word shame twice, and I didn't really hear it in 150 hours prior to that. Yeah, so I'm glad we're talking about it. Okay, so you're in Chicago, you've met the guy you're gonna marry eventually. I have one question about that. When you get serious with someone, and you're a person who's not really that open with their diabetes. Do you feel like you're hiding something from him? Does it? Does it change? Does that being private change more into I feel like I'm lying to you ever?
Maria 36:20
Um, you know, it didn't in the beginning, because what I what I told people and kind of what I believe myself is, you know, I'm type one diabetic, but it's, it's not really that big of a deal. And so I didn't feel like I was hiding anything. In the beginning, I think when I started really trying to manage it, and it was difficult. That was really like the breakthrough moment of like, you know, crying This is so hard. I don't know what I'm doing. I can't do this. I think that was the time when we really had the the tough conversations around it. And I think he probably was, you know, surprised by all of the all the things that come along with dating and loving type one diabetic,
Scott Benner 37:09
I was gonna say he must have been shocked. He must have been like, Well, I didn't see any of this. And now this is all the sudden here. You're opening up to him, which is great. And I and he didn't like he didn't excuse himself to go into the other room and never come back. So you must have been like, wow, this guy either really loves me or I'm really good at sex. One or the other. Hey, I wasn't I wasn't knocking. You could totally be good above. And so but but no, I it just because that's a real like leap. Like, it really is. It's for somebody to have like been with you for a while and been like, yeah, that she's got diabetes, but it seems really easy. And she's got it to one day, one day, you'd be like, Hey, I haven't mentioned that. It's not easy. And I don't got it. And and then and then here's, here's really how I feel that well, good for you. I mean, I've said it here a bunch of times to people like, you know, don't settle for somebody who doesn't love you like that. You know what I mean? Like, there's that's really wonderful. So I'm really happy for you that you found that. Okay, so you've now opened yourself up to him. Did that? Did that lead to your next attempt of I'm going to take better care of myself?
Maria 38:18
Yeah, I mean, my next several templates. Yeah, we, you know, that was something that we we talked about. He was always willing to, you know, help be part of that. But yeah, I think slowly, kind of talking about it more, really, I don't feel like I got into a good, really putting concentrated effort to managing my diabetes until probably my late 20s. Early. Probably, when I turned 30. I had I went to grad school, when I was, you know, 28 and 29. So I graduated right before I was 30. And at that point, I was like, Okay, I'm 30, you really do have to get your life together in all areas, including diabetes. I had been married for, you know, five years at that point. And we, when we got married, we weren't sure if we wanted to have kids. But I was like, I'm 30. Now we need to figure out what we're going to do and come up with a plan if that is the plan. You know, so I think that was the motivating factor. But I started you know, just like my husband before, we kind of had those talks. All of my friends all of my colleagues who say the same thing, she's type one, but you know, she's got it like she does such a great job taking care of herself because to them. It looks like that.
Scott Benner 39:40
Yeah, Marie, all you did, all you really did was do a really good job of making everybody think you were okay.
Maria 39:44
Absolutely. Yeah, I was amazing at it. Yeah. Um, so then I had to start, you know, correcting people actually, not, you know, not so much my close friends and things like that but being able to have those conversations You know, it helped, it just helped me not feel so alone. And I think that was huge. I felt like I had the support, um, I could be honest and have to hide what was going on. And that was really helpful
Scott Benner 40:14
for me, to, to be open with it was to kind of take away a lot of the pressures that cause the, the, I guess the sadness and the burnout to begin with. Yeah, just letting other people in. That's, you know, it's funny when you say it sounds so simple, right? Like, did it doesn't it feel like, wow, how did I not figure that out sooner? And yeah, and it's, and it's funny, because you just trip into it one way or the other. Like you said, it could be personality based, you know, I know, I know, some people who were like, I, my kid will not let anyone see their insulin pump. I spoke at something recently, and I met this person who I know listens to this podcast, and her daughter was there. And she's like, nobody gets to see your palm. And I, you know, her daughter was like, 17, I'm sure I overstep the bound, but I looked at her daughter in the face. And I have to bleep this out later. But I was like, really, you should not give anybody else thinks about your diabetes? Yeah, you know, I was like, just where the pump on your forehead if you want to, just just don't worry about them. Because Because the advice I gave her at that moment was moving forward in your life later, you know, when you're when your health is at risk, because you don't want to pull out your device and give yourself insulin in class, because you're afraid of people looking at you. So those people will all be gone. And you're going to be the one left with the the issues, you know, yeah. So you have to really and then what I said to her at the end was you have to care about yourself more than you care about what other people think. Yeah. And then it's funny, because what you found was, you know, in a slightly different vein is you needed other people to just know you for real, like, like to really like just to see what you are and to just go Okay, I get it. Like it's funny. You weren't asking anything from them, right? You didn't ask them to carry your insulin around for you? Or did make sure you're testing your budget. You didn't ask them to do something. You just you just let them see you. For real.
Unknown Speaker 42:03
I just had to be vulnerable, which is hard for me. Yeah.
Scott Benner 42:07
Well, it won't be hard for you to have that baby because you'll be Yeah, just be sitting here letting him go. I don't know why I did this. I mean, the kids delightful but oh, my god once everything. But but it's it really is interesting to see all this tie back to you. The more conversations I have, the more interesting I'm to see the different interested I am to see the way that things tie together in ways I didn't expect them to. You know, and there are really only a finite number of stories that we're all just sort of living through but just slightly differently depending on our circumstances, I guess and our personalities and perspectives. Yeah. So how much of so we talked about that it's coming gone? We've talked about probably what it you know, what, what leads into the burnout? How do you get out of dancing the number four diabetes.com go to dancing for diabetes.com? Have you not done this yet? dancing? For diabetes.com? Dancing the number four diabetes that maybe don't spell? Is that why you haven't been there? Dancing is da n c i n g four is a four it's a number that comes after three. It's between three and five, and diabetes di a BTS B et s.is a period and calm CLM dancing for diabetes.com? How do you get out of it? Is it just the siding to get out of it? Um,
Maria 43:42
I think that's certainly a part of it. We have to, you know, make a commitment. But I think surrounding you know, as we said, there's resources, there's tools, there's support. And for me the the 10 point plan, you know, was I think a big part of being able to get out of it was you know, I did seek some mental health help, because I was just struggling and so I you know, I changed doctors, that was huge for me, because the doctor I had been going to was very nice. She certainly, you know, cared what was going on with me, but the little stuff I know, you talked about this before, you know, they weren't. They weren't
connected in a digital way. So just you know, write down your blood sugars and bring them in. Okay, well, you know how that goes. Yeah.
Or I would do it I'd be like, Okay, well, this one was to 12 like I wouldn't just make so I didn't want to I was too proud to walk in there without anything but I also I wanted to be compliant but I couldn't be compliant.
Scott Benner 44:49
Were compliant, but not honest. Right, which is probably not compliant.
Maria 44:56
I know it's a waste of everyone's time.
Scott Benner 45:01
Here are the numbers I made up. Let's get going. Right?
Unknown Speaker 45:04
Do you work your magic, please?
Scott Benner 45:08
Oh my god, I'm so sorry. You just made me laugh. So, like, What a waste of everyone's time. That line just made me it just made me laugh. Like, that's such a great, um, just a management from you like
Unknown Speaker 45:23
it was so ridiculous, I should
Scott Benner 45:24
have went to the zoo. Right?
Maria 45:28
I'm glad I paid you my $30 copay to come in here and waste your time. So, you know, it just, it wasn't working for me. Again, I feel like that doctor that I was with she was she was trying really hard, but it just wasn't working. And then she went to the scare tactics. And I'm like, Okay, I gotta go somewhere else. So I ended up going, I actually worked for a health system now. So I ended up coming into my health system in which, you know, they hooked everything up, you don't have to do anything, and they could help read my numbers. But by the time I found them, I was I walked into the office, I said, My agency's terrible, I want to make it better, I'm ready to like, help do that and work towards that. But I need a lot of help. It's going to take a lot of work. Okay. Um, so that was a big part of it, too. I also found I think I started on and had never occurred to me to do this to like, look at diabetes, like message boards and not do like, the jdrf for you know, I wanted like young people who looked and talked like me. So I think I found a Reddit thread that was so brutally honest, about people experiencing burnout, having, you know, struggling to manage their diabetes. And for the first time, I was like, Oh, my God, other people go through this, too. Yeah. And that was really helpful. So from there, you know, it landed on the Facebook groups, which I think is maybe where I heard about the podcast, you know, the Dexcom and Omnipod. Group eventually. But that was a huge part of support.
Scott Benner 47:08
I think the honesty factor can't be undervalued, you know, just scrubbing things up and making them feel nice and telling you it's gonna be okay. And everything is, it's just a very Pollyanna way of approaching everything. Like you shouldn't scare the crap out of people when they're diagnosed, or when they have questions, but it would be nice, at least to let them know, you know, that your expectations should fall somewhere in this range. Not not like if this doesn't happen, you've screwed up and then run away crying, it just it's, I can't be honest. It's just, it's overwhelmingly important. You know, it's funny, you said you, you went to you found some mental health care. I just spoke with somebody this week, privately, who was the parent of a child has been recent, more recently diagnosed, and the anxiety of the of the worry of, Oh, my gosh, am I gonna do this that hurt them or, you know, that kind of thing led them to do the very same thing. And when they told me that, I was like, congratulations, like, for doing it so quickly. You know, for not just like, digging a hole and then burning yourself and digging it deeper and keeping going straight away. This person was just like, I'm gonna go talk to somebody and, and work this out. And, yeah, you just can't ignore things like that, you know?
Maria 48:21
Yeah. And it wasn't. I mean, it was certainly wasn't my grand idea they just came up with it was when I started seeing my new health team. And it really is a team of the endocrinologist the CD ease. But that was, when I said, I'm having a hard time they're like, you know, it might be worthwhile, we have somebody who specializes in dealing with chronic illness. And it might be worthwhile to go talk to them. So I did. And that was, you know, I think one of the best things I learned from that actually don't see that person any longer. But they had had a lot of anxiety. This is before I had the pod about changing my pump. I had like a Medtronic before that. And I was like, I just it like, takes forever, I have to run around and get all this stuff. And like, I just don't want to quit what I'm doing to change the site. So I just sit there like without insulin for, you know, hours or whatever. And, and she's like, you have to get the time how long that chain it takes to change a site. And she's like, do that let me know. And I was like, it takes one minute and 30 seconds.
Scott Benner 49:26
Forever.
Maria 49:28
Is that like a mental? You know, I just had all these mental barriers of like, I can't do this. I don't have time to do this. I'm not I don't know how to do this. And so she helped me it was kind of like cognitive behavioral therapy. So she said, you know, here's the thing you're worried about here are the tools that we can use to kind of deal with that and that was really helpful for me furnace.
Scott Benner 49:52
Okay, so I'm assuming that all this led into your 30s I'm gonna You know, I'm imagining, you know, Mary Tyler Moore running down the street. The wind's blowing in your hair, everything is fixed, you're on a new path. But But how much of deciding to have a baby, like whipped you together the rest of the way? Because this is something I was talking about just yesterday with Jenny while we were recording. It's funny how this all lined up. But, you know, I said to her, I'm like, how many people couldn't find a way to love and care about themselves enough to really make the leaps they needed to make. But once they decided they were going to grow a baby found the way to like, you know what I mean? Like, it's sometimes it's easier to love and care for somebody else.
Unknown Speaker 50:40
Yeah,
Scott Benner 50:41
rather than yourself. Yeah.
Maria 50:43
Yeah, that I mean, that was certainly part of it. So I think that, because I did get serious about I asked my team, you know, what would, what needs to happen if that's something that we want to do? Because we're not we still weren't 100% either way on it? And they're like, Okay, well, we want your a one fee under six, which I don't know, my job was on the floor. If I had never, I was gonna say, Where was it when they said that to you. Um, I think when I started seeing this particular team, I think my agency was like an 11, it was high. And then I kind of hung around eight, nine, for a while it would kind of bounce back and forth. So it was like, Okay, I have to get it down to a six. So I was like, I am not sure I will ever, ever be able to do that. But they're like, you know that that's what has to happen. And so did you.
Scott Benner 51:33
Did you tell your husband, you better start looking at puppies? Because I'm not 100%? sure this is gonna work?
Maria 51:39
No, I mean, we had, we had several in depth conversations about, here's what it's going to take and you know, I will need your support. But it's all me, you don't have to do anything, I have to do all of this. It's, it's a lot. I don't know if I'm going to be able to do it. And then there was the other aspect of, you know, we've never tried to have a baby before, I had no idea if it was even going to work. So I was like, we could go through all this. And we should go through this exercise. Because I do need to get my agency down. I think my life's gonna be it will be better once I am able to do that. Um, it's something I should be doing anyway.
Unknown Speaker 52:19
But it's
Scott Benner 52:20
your head, like, what if we're in fertile somehow or? Yeah, yeah, cuz that wasn't you weren't thinking like you couldn't figure out how to do it, do it? You were thinking, right? You weren't just like, what if this doesn't work? And my hand ends up pregnant? And so. Right, right, right. It wasn't a misunderstanding like that. Right. Interesting, is that you needed his support, but you didn't need him to do anything. What does that mean?
Maria 52:47
I mean, so to control my diabetes, you know, I need I need a supportive ear to listen to me whine when things aren't going well or, you know, be there to support me emotionally but physically, managing the disease, managing my insulin, making sure my blood sugar's stay within range, I, I do all of that. My husband understands her diabetes works. But if I was, you know, if I was unable to communicate with him, he couldn't run the show. But, um, so it's on me, so I, you know, I felt pressure to like, if this is something we want to do, if I can get my act together, it won't happen, because it's all on me. So, you know, just, I wanted him to understand what that what that pressure was, for me what that meant. And then, you know, be just kind of be ready to go through that as I was gonna really give this a try to get the agency down. And like, we kind of made an agreement, like, you know, if we're going to do this, if we're going to try to have a baby, we will not start trying until my eight one C is where it needs to be.
Scott Benner 54:00
You have to prove to yourself, you can actually get there. And then on top of that, you want that. Trust me, I had a long conversation about all this yesterday with the CD. So now I understand that a little better than I used to, but you want the baby's development to start at the right place? Not right, not begin and then hope you can get it the rest of the way.
Maria 54:18
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, and then you have to write maintain it for nine months. So it's much easier to already be in that spot rather than Oh, crap. Now I have to get there and figure out how to do it on an ongoing basis, right? Because
Scott Benner 54:30
what if you can't figure it out right away and it eats eight months of the pregnancy? Okay, so what did you figure out? Like, because I'm assuming you, you've steadfastly made that agreement with each other. So you had Dre once he had sex when you got pregnant. So how did you how did you get to that spot?
Maria 54:47
So that was a combination of getting the Dexcom getting the Omni pod, which I love so much, but it was Have that happened, like I said about two, maybe almost three years ago at this point, so I was already on those. But then finding, I guess, finding the tips, and listening, you know, listening to this podcast, I think the Pre-Bolus thing really helped get me there. My range on my Dexcom now is 70 to 120. So I'm really trying to keep that tight control.
Unknown Speaker 55:27
Those are my limits.
Maria 55:30
So, you know, that was combination of it just trying to be I'm just I'm so much more relaxed about it. Now, when something goes, quote, unquote, wrong when I get a blood sugar that I don't want or don't expect. I can still get frustrated, but it doesn't just, it doesn't turn into, Oh, I can't do this. What is wrong with me? It doesn't get to that point. Like it used to be.
Scott Benner 55:55
I'm so glad to hear that. Can I go out on a limb and ask if it's a boy, you name it, Scott?
Unknown Speaker 56:01
We can. We'll keep it on the list.
Scott Benner 56:04
It won't know. My middle name is terrible. So I can only offer my first name to you know, that is just really, that's great to hear. Like it really is. It's It's It's hard to put into words from my perspective how nice it is to hear you say that. So I'm just really happy for you. Yeah, oh, wow, congratulations. The you weren't infertile? And I, you know, do you know, I don't, I don't know how much people will believe. But when you came on, I didn't know you were pregnant.
Maria 56:39
Yeah, no. When I reached out to you, I certainly wasn't
Scott Benner 56:42
right. And so. And when we started this phone call, like when you said a couple minutes ago, like when I was like, how did you do it? Like, I don't, I don't know. And you're like, Well, you know, it all starts with on the pod indexing. I'm like, oh, people are gonna think this is ad placement. And then you were like, but I got them three years ago. I'm like, Oh, that's back when the podcast started. There's no way that they think that now, but I think we're learning is. And I really mean this is that first of all, I've said it a billion times the podcast, there are ads on this podcast from Dexcom and Omni pod because I 100%. Believe in them, and know how you can how they can be used to create great experiences like the one you're having. And then that's why it's there. plenty of other people try to advertise on the podcasts, and I don't talk to most of them. And, and but the the bigger point is, is that those tools really are. I mean, they're just game changing. They just they really, really are, I mean, you can live your life otherwise, you don't have to use a pump, you know, you can you can totally do MDI, if you're willing to give yourself a bunch of injections every day, you can't manipulate the basal rates, which is, which is problematic if you're really trying for, you know, to make, like small adjustments, these bumps and things like that. But I'm not saying that's the only way to live. I'm just saying that. It gives you a layer of understanding that most of the time without, it just makes a lot of this really difficult and can put you in a lot of situations like the ones you've experienced, which were, which are terrible. I really think if we go back in a time machine and find you in high school and slap a tubeless insulin pump on you in the CGM, your life goes differently. And so, you know, it just didn't exist them.
Maria 58:26
Yeah, I think so. I mean, the the Dexcom certainly is game changing, and I did have other CGM before Dexcom. You know, that stayed on for three days. They were painful. They were inaccurate. I hated wearing them. Like, there were I wear for three days, I'd be like, yeah, I need a break. I'm not gonna wear this for a little while. And now, I actually had a situation a few months ago, where my Dexcom I did something like goofy and started a new transmitter earlier than I should have, because I thought the other one was dead. But it wasn't. It was just a little bit of a learning curve mistake. But anyway, I found myself I was going to have two weeks before my insurance would pay for another transmitter. And I paid out of pocket because I was like, I can't, I can't. And I never would have before I think back many years ago, I would never have said I love a piece of diabetes equipment that just never would have come out like it was cumbersome. It was something I had to have. But I I love the Dexcom I love it it. Um, it makes my life a lot easier. And I just it's hard to imagine that there were days where I didn't have it.
Scott Benner 59:46
Yeah, no, no, you just described Dexcom the way I talk about TiVo. But no, it is weird to talk about something that is wholly unsexy. Not something you really want to have in your life. If ever Anything was perfect. And you had your druthers, right? But, but it this being what this is, this stuff is it's just it's it's aces, I don't know another way to say it like there's nothing better than then than having that kind of view. And then having the ability from there to make these like little bumps and everything like that, and not just in your insight, I just did it. While you know, we've been talking for just about an hour now. And when we got on, right before we got on, I got alerted that Arden's blood sugar was creeping up over 120. And so I sent her a text because she doesn't get alerted till 130. And I said, you know, just, I think I gave her like, literally like point three, I said, 2.3 and we You and I were talking for about 15 minutes, the point three didn't work. And we we bumped it a little more. But I've got a you know, we're gonna have to Pre-Bolus for her lunch in about 40 minutes. So I didn't want to do too much. But at the same time, she just got rubber bands in our braces, and her mouth hurts, I thought maybe a little more sweet, bumped it a little more. And now it's coming back it that 120 diagnol up got to 139 now it's down to 133. And it's gonna keep drifting down, she'll be more like 120 when we Pre-Bolus you know, and that's still higher than I was hoping for today. You know, but she's got this pain in her mouth. So she's a little elevated and stuff. And then but just all of what I just described, took 25 seconds to accomplish. Like, literally, if I did it while I was talking to you. I never lost track of what we were saying. And you'd never know why I was doing it. Right. But if Artem is using, you know, if she was using pens or injections, I would not have texted her at school and been like, hey, try to draw up less than a half of a unit of insulin while you're in math class. And, you know, just it just wouldn't, that wouldn't be the world we live in. And then you don't think of it that way. But that 120 would have turned into 150, maybe 160 than it would have sat there. And then she would have been more resistant when we Pre-Bolus and the Pre-Bolus wouldn't have worked. And then the insulin I tried to use for lunch wouldn't have been enough. And you know, and if anxiety hit me and I thought oh, well, I can't you know, I don't want to be too aggressive because she's at school. And that's how she comes home from school. But 200 later today, like it's just if this one little thing, I I can't stress enough to people that it is so much easier. And I want to ask if you find this to work in the tighter parameters, right? Like it takes less effort, and less of your focus and time and attention than it does to be all over the place. Do you find that? Yeah,
Maria 1:02:34
I will tell you when I think you said you've probably been saying on the podcast for a while. But when I first heard that I was like, absolutely not. I mean, that's so hard.
Scott Benner 1:02:44
That doctor here we're like, idiot shut off.
Maria 1:02:47
I mean, I was like, I mean, sounds great. But I don't know how to do that. But I am at that place now where it is it's so much easier. I didn't think I could ever get to a spot. I mean, nothing's easy, right? It's, it's still work. But it is a lot easier to keep things in that tight control, rather than always correcting higher low. You just you're swinging around. For me, that makes me actually pretty exhausted. I feel bad when that happened. Um, so you can feel better, and make those subtle shifts and it it it is easier. I know it's hard. It's hard to imagine. Right? Right. But it really is.
Scott Benner 1:03:33
I'm glad you found that and how long did it take you to get from? Hey, that guy on the podcast doesn't know what he's talking about to Wow, this is easier.
Maria 1:03:41
Um, I mean, it took a while. So within the past year, I had a one sees I was pretty steady at like 7.5 7.5 I think maybe two or three visits in a row over the summer, actually, probably in August got down to 6.5. I think I had I think I adjusted my limits probably last summer on my Dexcom. And then I was at 5.9 in January. So I say really within the past six months. I've probably been getting to that place. Was it being more aggressive with the insulin? That was the last step? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Not being you know, a friend in the DEF CON kind of gets rid of that fear.
Scott Benner 1:04:30
Yeah. And also, I would say that making smaller adjustments like a lot of insulin highs cause lows and as much as you make these big boluses and then later the carbs in your body or whatever is affecting your blood sugar ends up gone, but the insulin stays behind and then you get low. And if you're making smaller adjustments, and there's not as much insulin to cause those lows later,
Unknown Speaker 1:04:51
right. Yeah.
Scott Benner 1:04:52
My gosh, you are you are you are you really put my weekend on a good path. Like I know I was sad in the beginning. But now I'm super happy. Thank you did Is there anything about anything that we didn't cover? Or sometimes you seem like you thought about this before you came on, which I appreciate, by the way?
Maria 1:05:11
I did I made notes. Um, no, I
Unknown Speaker 1:05:14
think.
Maria 1:05:16
No, I think that it's just, you know, I hope that I know, there's a lot of parents who listen to your show. And so I hope that they're not totally terrified, by, you know, the experiences that I went through that I talked about today. You know, because even if your child or even if you're listening to this, and you have diabetes, and you go through it, you can come out on the other side, it's a much better place to be, it's, it's hard to get there. But you can do it if, if I can do it, anybody can do it. You know, and I think that, just because you have a time in your life where diabetes seems impossible, it you can come back from it, and especially with the right tools and support, just keep looking for what works for you. Because it's a little bit different for everybody, but
Unknown Speaker 1:06:08
it can work.
Scott Benner 1:06:10
Yeah, I can't agree enough. I really can't, I can't tell you how happy I am for you, or for your husband or for that little baby that you're making little Scott. And, and, and but just generally speaking, I'm just thrilled that you said that because it is really difficult to imagine when you're not when you're not in this place that this place exists or that you have the, the skills or the or the wherewithal to get to it. And I'm just because you just said if I can do it, anybody can do it. I'm telling you, if I can do it, anybody can do it. Because I was I'll tell you a million times in the shower crying, I'm gonna kill her. I'm not good at this. I'm never gonna figure this out. I mean, that was me. I was as bad at this as you could possibly imagine at one point, and, and now I'll say it here because I think it I think it, it bookends things nicely. 5.6 to 6.2 that's Arden's range for over four years now. Yeah. Incredible. Not even hard to accomplish. And I'm telling you last night, homemade chicken pot pie. And then she ate it and goes, I didn't love the crust and then went to the refrigerator and got a piece of lasagna out that was leftover from last night. I don't know how many carbs were in the pot pile nominee, Congressman lasagna. Later in the evening, around 10? Yes, my 14 year old is still up at 10 o'clock. You can judge me if you want. She's like, I'm hungry. And then she had Apple Jacks. And sure none of this sounds healthy. But but
Unknown Speaker 1:07:41
but a teenager.
Scott Benner 1:07:42
Right. Right. And, and her blood sugar was like 110 all night?
Unknown Speaker 1:07:47
Yeah, that's awesome. Like, like,
Scott Benner 1:07:48
yeah, just that's it and, and had labels the Apple Jacks, I don't know, she was eating handfuls out of a box. And then at one point, she's like, Can I get a cup of milk and throw them in that? I'm like, Yeah, sure. And like, you know, I had her blood sugar drifting down from the lasagna, and I knew she was gonna need some sort of a snack at the end of the night. So she's eating it and eating it. And like, she's down at like, 76 and a little diagonal down sheet in the cereal, oh, my God, and where everybody else might be like, I don't know what to do. I was like, This is perfect. And you know, like, and so I saw the end of the lasagna Bolus as the Pre-Bolus for the nighttime snack and, and then when it was over, I'm like, Alright, let me wait. And you know, you might say, well, she had, it's ridiculous, I don't even know, seven of her handfuls of Apple Jacks, one of my handfuls and the amount of milk that I can't possibly tell you. And then I looked at the Dexcom and watched what it did. And I said to myself, Okay, I'm gonna put in, and it was a tiny bit of insulin, it wasn't nowhere, it wasn't anywhere near the amount you would need, if you would have taken those Apple Jacks weighed them out, and count the carbs with and I'm like, I'm just gonna put in like, three quarters of a unit right here. And I just kind of manipulated the arrow around and when it leveled out, I was like, Okay, then it tried to drift a little bit, so I bumped it back. And then I went to bed. And that was it. Yeah, I
Maria 1:09:11
mean, it just does become a little bit intuitive. After, you know, after you do it for a while, it does start to get a little bit easier, and you just have to, you have to work a little bit less hard. You still have to work but it it's not. It's not quite the uphill battle anymore. And I think that's certainly, you know, being able to look at the Dexcom I still have issues when, like being just being at work where I can't totally focus on my diabetes shirt, you know, 100% every minute. But it's just easier now. I'm able to catch things and it is intuitive now. I kind of feel things or I know like this food. Yeah, it's probably this many carbs, but I know I'm going to have trouble later if I don't split This dose extended or whatever, that it becomes easier. I
Scott Benner 1:10:04
don't want to say that I get it right every time. I certainly don't. and I are gonna Arden's blood sugar jumps a couple times a day, honestly 151 8200. But we get it right back again. It's not like a, I don't see it going up and go, I wonder how this is going to end I see it going up. And I'm like, Oh, you know, we missed on a bolus hit it, you know? And, yeah, and it's just, you know, I know that some people here anyone see a 5962. And they think that they imagine a like a CGM line in their head that's 85 straight across for forever and ever. It's It's not like that. They'd be nice. Yeah, that's not gonna happen. That's what, you know, you get that when you don't have diabetes.
Maria 1:10:42
Right. Um, and I think that you, you know, you do it gets to be, you know, those highs and the lows are going to happen, they're going to happen. And I mean, you're expected to keep during pregnancy or agency, you know, in very tight control. But you can't beat yourself up and go off. Fourth, if you do get that high, because I know it's going to be there. You just have to fix it. And, you know, and move on with your life.
Scott Benner 1:11:10
So just that mantra when something goes not the way you wanted, don't think of it as a mistake, but a learning experience it that actually helped you.
Maria 1:11:18
Yeah, I think so. Um, it's kind of like, you can be upset about the thing that's happening. But then you're also giving yourself another problem, in addition to your existing problem.
Scott Benner 1:11:29
Yeah. So you might as well just, you know, better fix it and move on drama is definitely your enemy. Even if it's just personal drama in your own head. It's not a, it's not helpful. What is really great to hear that anything that I made up in my silly head and said on this podcast helped you. So I really appreciate knowing that because in the end, all I'm doing is I'm having experiences over and over again. I'm thinking them through, I'm coming up with an answer. I then try the answer a bunch of times it actually works. And then I go, Okay, this is valuable to share. And that's pretty much the process. So it's really cool to hear the end of it, which is you heard it and it did something.
Maria 1:12:08
Yeah, absolutely. It does. It helps. You know, you don't get it. I think a podcast is unique, because you get to really kind of dive down into what was what was the context of the situation? What were you thinking about? What were you anticipating and what happened? It's different than sort of a message board where it's just a thought here, a thought there you really get. It's like sitting with someone else who has diabetes and kind of doing shadowing them.
Scott Benner 1:12:35
Yeah, yeah, that's really helpful. Yeah, even blogging about it, it's not as bad. It's, it's valuable. But it's not as it doesn't accomplish what you just said, you can't, you can't really break it apart, deep dive, give examples, you know, that kind of stuff. So I'm just I'm so thrilled. I really am. A huge thanks to Maria for coming on the show and sharing her experiences with burnout. And hold on one second gonna tell you about the baby. But first, thank you Dexcom. Thank you on the pod. Thank you dancing for diabetes, please go to the links in your show notes at Juicebox podcast.com. Or if you have to type it into browser yourself, do it. But just remember i'd love it. If you click on the link. It's my omnipod.com forward slash juice box. dexcom.com forward slash juice box and dancing the number four diabetes.com. Okay, let me find my my note from Maria Hold on a second. tell you about the baby. A lot of babies born for people who've been on this podcast. Have you noticed? All right, here it is. Maria, I said to Maria. Hey, Maria. I'm getting ready to post your episode. Do you have any updates that you can share? She said Hi, Scott. exciting to hear from you. I've got a pretty big update. Actually. Our son Wesley was born two weeks ago tomorrow on 925 height a very healthy pregnancy. My agency was between five nine and five seven the entire time. He came a little bit early, but with no complications. It looks like Wesley weighed six pounds 13 ounces, and was in the 50th percentile for growth during the entire pregnancy. Maria says they're at home now doing well and trying to figure out life with a newborn. But they're very much in love with the newest addition to their family. Guys, listen, this isn't an after school special or anything, but I think I got to come in here with the moral to the story. Maria experienced burnout a number of times throughout her life and look where she is. Now. What does Maria's story teach us? Three simple words. Don't stop believing. And I'm not gonna sing Don't worry. I actually tried it a second ago it went incredibly poorly and I deleted it was really kind of scary. Actually. I was all falsetto and I'm not a good singer. It was really horrifying. I mean, I've left a lot of stuff in this podcast where I sounded stupid but this I was actually like I'm taking that out. That is horrible. I should should never do that. Alright journey fans. See you next week.
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