#319 After Dark: Sex with Type 1 Diabetes (female perspective)
Scott Benner
ADULT TOPIC WARNING
Alex discusses (with clear and frank language) having sex with type 1 diabetes from a female perspective
Not for children.
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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.
Scott Benner 0:00
Hey, hello, welcome to Episode 319 of the Juicebox Podcast today is an extension of the after dark series. So this is the moment if you're like in the room or riding in the car with your children that you start going La la la la la and and push pause and get back to this later. Because today's show is with Alex and Alex is going to talk about having type one diabetes and doing the foxtrot. The nasty you know playing doctor going for a roll in the hay doing the deed. Hot You know, I'm not saying that one although I used to know a guy who said that but I'm not saying that one. Nevermind. Okay, hold on. Let me get back to this ridiculous list. Can't say that either. Hold on. Oh, stupid list is ridiculous. All right, I'm ruining the mood. A shuck the oyster, ride the Bologna pony, you know, blinking porking if you're not following along, I guess I need to spell it out for you. This episode of the podcast is from a female perspective. It's about having sex and type one diabetes. All joking aside, I believe there are only two bleeps in the entire episode. In this episode, everything is dealt with in a fairly, you know, adult way. It's a lot of euphemisms and talking around things. I still wouldn't like you know, let your kids listen to it. But there's no real dirty words. Although, if you think penis is a dirty word, then there aren't any words. I just don't think it is. This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by Dexcom Omni pod and touched by type one. Check out the Dexcom g six continuous glucose monitor@dexcom.com forward slash juice box can get a free no obligation demo of the Omni pod today at my Omni pod.com forward slash juice box. As always, you can check out touch by type one at touched by type one.org. Please remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan for becoming bold with si.
Unknown Speaker 2:37
Hello.
Scott Benner 2:38
Hi, Alex. Is that Alex are Alexandra What do you prefer? You can
Alex 2:42
call me Alex? Alex. Excellent.
Scott Benner 2:46
How old were you when you were diagnosed with type one.
Alex 2:49
I was 26. So I was a little bit older in life, I have probably more of a unique story about it. Um, I had nobody in my family that was diabete diet, diabetic at all, like no tie to like nothing. And so my uncle that by marriage, he had type one, but I really didn't know anything about it. And so I actually went in for like a very routine life insurance exam where they draw your blood. Yeah. And I got a letter in the mail that basically was like you're denied for life insurance. And, and I was working for an insurance company at the time. And so the agent that I've been working with was just like, Oh, this has to be a mistake, you know. And so I took the I took the note into the doctor. And he looked to gloat he took one look at me, I'm tall and you know, thin for the most part, and was like, Oh, no, this must be a mistake. They must have, you know, switched your blood results with somebody. And sure enough, they took it they did a two hour blood glucose, you know, tolerance test and came back. I was diabetic. And they at the time, like, you know, my agency, I think was a 10.8. But I really didn't feel bad. I had no symptoms. And the only thing was I had really bad leg cramps in the middle of night, probably because I was dehydrated. And I drink a ton of water all the time. I always have so there wasn't really anything that was blaring Oh man, you you know, you're diabetic, but um,
Scott Benner 4:17
so that first diagnosed by mail?
Alex 4:20
Is it no sign? Hell yeah, exactly.
Scott Benner 4:23
I bet you no one else has that story.
Alex 4:26
Yeah, I mean, it was just like it and then just experience from there was it's kind of awful. I, you know, I was in the at the doctor and they were like, Oh, you must have type two because you're older. Like they just, it was a primary care physician. They didn't really understand you know why I would have it and run my family. And then I finally got with a good endocrinologist and he was like, No, absolutely. This is actually, you know, becoming more and more normal for people you know, that are 26 actually, Jay Cutler, you know, from the Chicago Bears had gotten diagnosed about two weeks before me and he was 26 also So he knew of his story, which I thought was kind of fun, fun to know. But yeah, that that was the story. And then you know, that, like, when you're diagnosed older, there's a lot that you just have no educational tools, because you know, you've got maybe diabetes camp, you've got your parents to, to help you it was just me. And so it was kind of a lonely experience when I was first diagnosed, and I got in with, thank God, I got in with a research study, which was a huge blessing for me, because I then all of a sudden had a huge team of research, you know, doctors and dieticians and all kinds of people I could go to whenever I wanted. And I met other people through that research program that had diabetes, that was super helpful, which is another story but build a little community through that. Yeah, it was great. And I mean, still, to this day, my parents like, my dad asked me recently, if I could go on pills soon to take care of my diabetes, like my parents still do not understand the disease at all. I'm 37. Now, by the way, so it's, it's just been me, you know, doing doing it.
Scott Benner 6:02
Yeah. Wow. Were you Did you have a partner or spouse or anything when you were diagnosed a girlfriend, anything
Alex 6:10
I did. Um, so this is another really interesting part of the story, which I think lends itself well to this episode. So at the time, when I was diagnosed, I had been broken up with my then boyfriend of about four and a half years for maybe a few months. And I'll skip to the end of the story. He, he becomes my husband and we are divorced today. But when I got diagnosed, I was again, I had nobody to really talk to about it. And we had broken up for we've been broken up for a few times, few months, for very good reasons. And he was really the person I turned to, you know, because I was shocked, I didn't have anyone to talk to you about it. And because of that, we ended up you know, rekindling our relationship eventually ended up, you know, becoming engaged and got married. And then really, as soon as our, you know, things after our marriage, you know, after about a year or two, a lot of the problems that made us break up the first time resurface that I feel like the diabetes kind of it created this bond almost, you know, false bond between us, you know, just by my diagnosis and everything. So it's an it's an interesting twist to the story. Diabetes is actually what made me get back together with my boyfriend, who then turned in my husband, who then it was never really a super perfect relationship. And then we ended up getting divorced. Oh, that's crazy.
Scott Benner 7:35
You have all kinds of crazy stories. All right. You're the right person for this. Excellent. Excellent, excellent, excellent, excellent. Excited. All right, I have to text my daughter real quick about her insulin. She seems to be ignoring me at the moment. We're not seeing my texts. I would assume kids sometimes do that. Yeah, I think she's just not saying it. But I'm going to ring her phone to try to make her notice that Her phone's vibrating. Hmm. Wow, you've already said a lot. I this is very exciting. Because Because you have layers, because you've, you have so many layers you had you had sex as an adult who was newly diagnosed. And that is a married person. And I'm not painting you in any light right now. But I'm assuming as a single person as well. So yep, you haven't picked up maps today? I wouldn't imagine. So. That'd be amazing. If you're like, you know, what I've decided is really messing this all up. Bob, so So, okay, so let's really start a little more with the diabetes, you're diagnosed at 26. It's so scary. And you're so alone, that you reach out to the only person you still feel reasonably connected to, which happens to be an x. And, and to look for moral support to look for diabetes support, what was it you wanted? Did you just want to not feel alone? Right, then like, what was that?
Alex 8:54
Yeah, I mean, it was definitely I had been with him for four and a half years. And I have nothing bad to say about my ex. He was he was a very good man, still is, he's remarried now. And I'm super happy for him to be remarried. But I really, I didn't know. I didn't know what to do. And so he was definitely wanting to come back and to my life at that point. And so any opportunity he could take, so he was like, do you want me to go to the doctor's appointment with you? And I said, of course, so he those first couple of appointments. He actually went with me to, you know, and then I he was there, I remember doing my very first insulin shot by myself, and he was there, you know, watching me and being like, Well, you know, is, are you doing it? Right, you know, like, kind of making sure that I was following all the orders and everything. So, yeah, it was really just this emotional crutch of I didn't want to do it alone. I didn't want to not have to process all of this information by myself. It was really easy to have somebody to do it, you know, to do it with me to be in my corner at that time. Okay,
Scott Benner 9:53
that makes sense. And he was, as most guys have found themselves in some point in their life. Looking for a way to get back with some girl they maybe felt like they messed up with? Is that about right?
Alex 10:05
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Okay. We've all just stopped exercising and some of the things that I needed to implement. He was like, let's go for a run. Let's go do this pool.
Scott Benner 10:16
Not so so he filled, but he's smart, good for him. You don't realize ox guys, we're just running around like we're ugly and weird and we smell funny. And we're just like, how can we make these girls like us? And then eventually you figure out, you shouldn't be with us. And then we're like, oh, how do we trick them again? How do we how do we get them to give us one more try? But that's amazing that that's kind of the catalyst that made that happen. Yep. Were you on a pump right away? Or were you doing MDI at that point? No.
Alex 10:48
So I am also very old school. So my uncle who is diabetic, you know, he again, he's by marriage, so, but he, he was very helpful. But he's very old school in his approach. And I still am a little old school, my approach, I actually just got on index calm a little over a year ago, I had been doing, I've been testing my blood sugar, the old fashioned way up until that point, if you can believe it, and I'm still on pens, and I am right now about to meet with my diabetes educator to start the process of getting on a pump. And honestly, your podcast is what's been, like putting the pressure on me. Like, I don't know why I'm on a pump. But I can talk more about this. But a lot of the reason I was I've been afraid about wearing something on my body all the time is because I'm single and because I'm a sexual person. And I don't want people judging me for wearing all of this stuff all the time. So that's been it's been kind of a mental block, which is crazy. You know, I could make my life so much easier if I would just
Scott Benner 11:50
get with the program, put the stuff on and then just meet people and go, look, this is me. This is what I got. Yeah. I don't care won't care. And the ones that do care you probably didn't want to be with anyway.
Alex 12:00
Yeah, the Dexcom was, I don't know why I was. I wasn't really super resistant to it. But I don't know why it took me so long to get on the desktop. Dexcom changed my life. I mean, it's amazing.
Scott Benner 12:09
It's pretty cool. Alright, so we'll do some more diabetes talk. Like that's cool. Like, let's find the way it works. Right. So you just started Dexcom a year ago?
Alex 12:19
Yeah, it was two October's ago. So yep. Just a year ago, and I was again, sticker
Scott Benner 12:25
a decade by them. Where's your what what got you to it? Was your a one scene out where you wanted? Were you getting low? A lot? it?
Alex 12:32
Yeah, I feel like and I don't really know the science behind it all. But I feel like I had a really long honeymoon phase of where I was able to really manage everything pretty well, like my agency was always below seven, no matter what, you know, kind of vary anywhere between like a 6.2 and a 6.7. But then all of a sudden, I started to, I hit a seven. And so that's what really scared me a little bit. And I was like, oh, get on a test. I gotta get on Dexcom. Now like this is? What am I doing? Right?
Scott Benner 13:05
That's amazing. Um, it happens to everybody. At some point or other. They're just like, I wish I was doing. Like, you hear something? Eventually you see something or you meet another person has diabetes? Or like, how do they have a six? Like, what? What magic thing? Do they know? And usually nothing magical, right? It's just, you're doing something slightly differently, and it works out better. So have Have you gotten the decrease in a one see that you were hoping for?
Alex 13:29
Yeah, I had kind of a, I as soon as I got the decks calm, I went back down to 6.7. But more recently, I went back up to a Mac. And it's so funny. I'm like, embarrassed to say these numbers all out. It's like, horrifying to me. But I went up to a 7.8 after that. And I just wanted the one to the endocrinologist and I was at a 7.2. So it's gotten better. But I think that's the point right now where I'm with the pump is I I just need I need half units, I need to really control my highs a lot more than I do. I've been I get lazy with them. Yeah,
Scott Benner 14:09
well, isn't it? It's so interesting that you're embarrassed to say the number, right? But you're here to talk about having sex with Type One Diabetes, that you're not embarrassed by this? No. And it's I don't even mean it to be funny. Although it is. I mean it to be telling about how pressure filled that a one c number can feel right? That that's scarier to you than finding to having your voice recorded with another adult that you don't know who at some point is going to ask you if your Dexcom gets in the way during doggy style more so than in a different position. And that you're just like, Oh, I'd be happy to talk about that. It's really, people don't recognize how I mean, you know what, that's unfair. I think most people who have type one diabetes, recognize how hard it is to hear that number when it's not going the way you want it to Would you call like your bigger changes lifestyle? Would you call them the way you're using your insulin? What's changed about your your care? I guess?
Alex 15:09
I don't I honestly, that's a great question. Um, I think that I'm just getting older and I think that my body is just, you know, is changing, I still work out, I'm I've started to do a different type of exercise. I do a lot more HIIT exercises now, which makes my numbers skyrocket, and which is good. It's good. It's healthy for me, but I have not really figured out the best way to address like, I don't go low from exercise everybody else does. I do not. Um, so that's what's kind of crazy. I haven't quite figured it out. So I'm afraid of going low though, so I don't really correct for it.
Scott Benner 15:47
Well, there's a great episode about exercise, if you ever want to listen to it. There's an entire series about managing and so on called diabetes pro tip. And it starts around Episode 210. And it takes you it steps you right through everything, MDI, starting over using shots using a pump using your CGM, all that stuff. So and eventually we get to how to manage your exercise without getting low while you're exercising.
Alex 16:12
I probably Yeah, I probably need to listen to that.
Scott Benner 16:14
That's actually with me and a CDE, who comes on the show sometimes named Jenny. She's amazing. She's had diabetes for like, well over 30 years. So okay, and she's a CPA. So she's just I have her on because she's amazing. And the way she talks about diabetes is, it fits really well with the way I think about it, too. And I just I love how she talks about it. But anyway, that's not why you're here. You're here because of exactly what you just said, like I'm scared to put on a device because I mean, is it as basic as it doesn't seem sexy Omni pod would love to send you an absolutely free, no obligation demo of the Omni pod tubeless insulin pump today. Just go to Miami pod.com Ford slash juice box, fill out a tiny bit of information. And your demo pod will be on its way. They're gonna send you an entire pod experience kit, it's gonna come right to your house. What's that experience going to entail? Well, you can put the pot on and see how you like it can actually live your life with it, get a shower, go for a walk, do some exercise. for keeping with today's theme. Try a new position. How does the pod you know perform in that situation? Miami pod.com forward slash juice box. Check it out today. Because in all seriousness, the Omni pod is an amazing insulin pump. It does not require you to have tubing, my Omni pod.com forward slash juice box, leave it on when you shower, whatever else you're doing. Now, in a few minutes, Alex is going to talk about the rigors of, you know, adult time and type one diabetes. And I think you're gonna find that being able to see your blood sugar pre, during and after, is really important to see the direction and the speed that it's moving. So that you can you know, plan appropriately prepare in ways that make sense. And even catch below the Dexcom g six continuous glucose monitor allows you to see your blood sugar as it's happening, not just the number, but the speed and direction that it's moving in. And in every aspect of life. That's an amazing thing. But you know, during activity, it's even more important. So if you're kicking a soccer ball or you know, doing something else, you should know what your blood sugar is. And what's one way to keep your diabetes from being invasive during those moments. Whether they be you know, the ones we're talking about today, or just regular old going to the gym, driving a car, just living your life with Type One Diabetes, that is really what we're talking about, right? It's about living a life that is less encumbered. That's more normal, it doesn't get stopped all the time to make an adjustment to your blood sugar. So whether you're looking for an insulin pump that won't get in the way, one that will help you make easy adjustments to temporary basal rates for activity or the glucose monitor that my daughter has been using for you know feels weird invoking my daughter right now. So let's just say the greatest glucose monitor in the world the dexcom g six continuous glucose monitor, go to dexcom.com Ford slash juice box, my omnipod.com Ford slash juice box or you can get those links at Juicebox podcast.com. Always there even right here in the podcast player in the show notes. When you're all done. Go cleanse your palate at touched by type one.org just go see some holes. some lovely things being done with and for people living with Type One Diabetes, you might need a little brain sherbert after this is over, let's get back to Alex. Is it as basic as it doesn't seem sexy?
Alex 20:16
I, when I was, I'll tell you this Yeah, when I was first getting my Dexcom I did have a boyfriend at the time. And it, I had so much anxiety that I picked a fight with him, the first one I had it so that we could we wouldn't have sex. Because I was so scared for him to see it on me. I just felt like it was something that looked weird. And he wasn't gonna accept me, and it was completely in my own head. But I don't think I'm alone in thinking that, especially when you are single, and you're late 30s and you're dating, and you're, and you're meeting people, and I'm not gonna say like, I don't have casual sex on a regular basis. So it's not really who I am. But you're still you're sleeping with somebody when you don't know them super, super well. So you're afraid of what they're gonna think of you, you're afraid that they're not gonna think that you're as beautiful we as women, especially get very sensitive about that kind of thing. So it's a lot of anxiety that goes
Scott Benner 21:10
with it. I don't know that I understand. But I hear what you're saying. Like I I, because the other side of it is I wish you could be in guy's brains. Like, you could probably, you know, wear metal boots, and I don't think anyone would care. Just be like, Oh, sure. I don't know why that girl wants to wear metal boots. Not gonna stop me though. And it but I get it like that idea of like, it's gonna come out. It's gonna be something you can't, you can't, I'm assuming change, right? You want to use the Dexcom. Now, so that's that. And, and you really thought even a guy you were dating? like he'd see that? And just be like, No, I'm not interested.
Alex 21:45
Yeah, I mean, it doesn't make any logical sense, right?
Scott Benner 21:49
No, that's what I want to hear how it feels.
Alex 21:52
Yeah, it does not make any logical sense. But it's like, I'm from Dallas. I'm a southern woman, I was raised to think a certain way that I needed to look a certain way. And and as we grow to adults, it's just this undoing of all of these thoughts that we thought we grew up thinking, yeah, I need to look a certain way. And I need to be in a certain fuzzy shape, you know, or else I can't be naked in front of somebody. So yeah, it doesn't make any sense.
Scott Benner 22:18
So how did the did that ever go into you explain to him? Well, how that night went the way it went?
Alex 22:25
Yeah, he he was, um, I did finally talk to him about it. And he was like, You are literally picking this fight right now. You know, on purpose. And so he talked me, you know, we talked through it and it was fine. But you know, it's funny, even my mother when I was getting the dex calm, my mom and I never really talk openly about sex. But we, we, we do and we don't she, we it's like we talk around it. And she was a matchmaker for years. So she understands dating, and she, you know, we've always like, had an open dialogue about dating and everything. But even she was like, Oh, are you gonna put that on your stomach? And I knew what she was asking me like, isn't that going to get in the way of you having sex? Like, I already knew it? So yeah, all of that stuff. It's just a consideration when you're when you're first getting that Dexcom you're like, well, how is this gonna work? Because I see gonna rip this off of me.
Scott Benner 23:16
Yeah, we're not gentle people, as a as a, as a species, like, you know, and then you get into just the men, we're not even smart really half the time. So in especially in that situation, you really thought those go out the window. So that is one of the concerns, right? Like, is it gonna get knocked off? Is it gonna get ripped off? Are there places where it's safer?
Alex 23:36
Yeah, I typically only I just do stay away from the stomach. I did it like a little bit when I first got it. But I typically only wear it on the back of my arms. I mean, that there's a few reasons I do that. I think everybody feels a lot more comfortable with it on the back of their arms. At least I do. And then I just started putting it kind of right about my butt a little bit. But yeah, I don't want to know my stomach. for that specific reason. Frankly,
Scott Benner 24:00
I'm imagining somebody listening who's like, I'm into bondage and the arms don't work. But yeah,
Unknown Speaker 24:04
maybe.
Scott Benner 24:08
So is it? Did you find yourself mentioning it? Did you find yourself saying, hey, look, my CGM is here. Don't knock it off. Be careful. Did it change the lovemaking at all? Like did it get? Like safer?
Alex 24:22
I'm, I'm more confident like I mean, I think at first you're just so scared of it ripping off. I have written mine off one time when I was doing commodities, which should not feel good. Um, but I don't think a guy really can rip it off. Like it's pretty on there. So you start to just get more confident with it, I think right?
Scott Benner 24:38
Yeah. No, I mean, I think the worst thing can be like banging into it, right? Like pressing on it, like, especially a pumper. And if you just say like you, you would, you know, I'm wondering do you know what pump you're looking into?
Alex 24:50
I'm looking into the Omni pod mostly because your
Scott Benner 24:52
podcast because you talk about it all the time. Thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah. So put it somewhere where it's just not going to get compressed like that. The bigger issue, right? Because sometimes that could work it and you don't want it to get hit, like, you know, I can't believe I'm gonna bring up my 15 year old daughter in this conversation but like sometimes, like when I see a pumpkin banged into she's like, Oh, I don't know if it really hurts her, if it frightens her that it's going to hurt. I kind of can't tell the difference sometimes, if that makes sense. Yeah, but you know, but she doesn't think about it ever. But if you bump into it, you can see or be like, oh, watch out for my pod. Right? Like that kind of thing.
Alex 25:28
I think it's the anybody who's had one ripped out before especially my apologies machine, you have so much fear that this is going to be the thing that rips it out again. Right?
Scott Benner 25:37
Right. And yeah, right. You've had the experience once and it's unpleasant, and you're trying to protect yourself from it again. Yeah. Right. So now, do you do any adjustments to your insulin? All right, hold on a second. Alex, are all I'm assuming all of your sessions aren't the same intensity? Or length? No. Right. So now, so I guess it's so is there a preparation for I'm just gonna let him do this. So I can go to sleep versus I really like him today. And we're gonna go for it here.
Alex 26:08
Um, so yeah, I think depending on the person I've been with, it's like, I do think that I've handled my diabetes a little bit differently. And it really just is directly related to how long the person likes to have sex or how long I want to have sex. You know, it's, it's definitely related to that I almost never start the process without checking my Dexcom first, see where I'm at. Because there have been it's not pleasant when you have to stop in the middle and get up and get juice. There's like nothing. There's not a mood killer worse than say, and then you're, you know, that Amber Alert going off? That's
Scott Benner 26:46
different walkers. Hi, Alex.
Alex 26:48
Yeah, it's it's awful. So um, yeah, I usually check beforehand. And then I don't, you know, again, I don't have a pump. And so for me to go get a shot or to you know, I have gone and gotten juice, but I wouldn't. If I'm high, I'm just gonna kind of if I'm feeling good, and I'm Hi, I'm not gonna like take insulin before I have sex to bring it down. That doesn't really affect me at all. But I'm definitely I've gotten juice and checked beforehand, because I've learned from that mistake,
Scott Benner 27:16
right? I have to admit, just now when you said if I'm Hi, I was so hoping you were gonna say I just ride it out. I was looking upon there. And then it didn't happen. It's fine. Don't feel pressured upon during this. Yeah. So. So interested seriously for a second. And I'm going to flip flop between being interested in being stupid, probably a lot over the next half an hour, just so you know, when you get low while you're having sex, do you notice i do
Alex 27:41
i i'm really sensitive to being low. So as soon as I get like, 70 to 80, then I'll start to feel it. And it's mostly like, you can't focus, you know, as women, we felt, I personally, if I'm going to have an orgasm, I have to focus on it. And so your focus starts to get clouded a bit if you're low. And so that's something that nobody talks about it for me, at least that's how I feel. So I want to make sure that I'm in a good range before I even start. So I can my brain function is working, and I can focus on how it feels.
Scott Benner 28:13
Okay, well, I have, I've had sex before. And I can vouch for my perspective of a ladies need to focus during that situation. So I think that's, you know, I think it's obvious, right, like, and so if you're a little low, you can't focus, if you can't focus, you can't orgasm, and then you're just caught in a silly loop of this guy mindlessly banging away, you're never gonna get to where you're going. And he's probably thinking, Jesus, how long is this gonna take her? And you're calling this crazy loop when you really just need a juice? Well, is it hard to come back to it after that?
Alex 28:47
Yeah, that's pretty much gonna be Am I at the end? That's kind of well, it's like, it's like halftime, maybe, you know, okay, you take a break, and then have to deal with that, too. You know, it's not it's, it's not as a diabetic issue. Men have their own set of issues sometimes with that kind of thing, where you have to sort of take an intermission or a break and come back to it. But yeah, that's usually like, you need a good 10 or 15 minute break, and then maybe we'll come back to it. Gotcha.
Scott Benner 29:12
And so it has gone either way, where you've just been like, Okay, well, that's the end of this. Right? Do you have you caught any? I'm looking for the right word. I don't anger is not the right word. But have you guys ever felt like hey, this not over? Or is that a different world now in 2020, where they're just like, you know,
Alex 29:35
different world. I'm not gonna date somebody I'll be I'm not gonna be somebody who's gonna get mad or affected by that at all.
Scott Benner 29:41
Okay,
Alex 29:42
nor should anybody else out there hundred
Scott Benner 29:44
percent. Like, I just think that like, I can imagine a scenario where, you know, the guy's worked up and he's like, Yo, I'm not done, like, like, you know, and does that, but it does that feel. I guess my bigger question is, if that happens, do you feel pressure to go do something Extra that you're maybe not up for doing to make them not feel like, hey, sex doesn't end the way it's supposed to end with Alex, do you know what I mean?
Alex 30:09
Yeah, no, I do. I personally have not. And I think it goes, I'm, I mean, I have very strong opinions and views about like, just like, I'm a woman and like, I have my needs and like, my needs are go first, you know. And so it's like, I need to take care of this. And I'm sorry about you. Like, you'll, you'll have an orgasm at some point again, like, you'll you'll be okay. Yeah. So that's just me. And I hope everybody yells kind of feels the same. The same, like they, nobody should ever be putting themselves in this position that they feel like they have to do something for somebody else, because they're complaining, like they'll get over it. I am
Scott Benner 30:47
oddly, and not in a sexual way. But I am in my head thinking like my daughter's 15 I don't believe she's sexually active at all. But she will be one day and like, will like I just found myself thinking like, is she gonna get pressured now? Like, if she gets low while she's having intercourse? Is she gonna get pressured by some guy who's like, yo, come finish this, like, you don't mean? Like, is that gonna happen to her? And so I guess I
Alex 31:07
mean, probably, I mean, if I'm being really honest, it's probably well, and I'm sure that she was raised by you. And she hopefully has a lot of confidence in who she is. And we as women, I just think the whole conversation around sexuality is changing. And it should be just as much for us as it is for the man. And so if you're not fulfilled, he's not fulfilled and vice versa and come back to it, you know, come back to it when you're both feeling confident and ready to do it. But don't do something just because the other person wants to
Scott Benner 31:35
write Have you ever mistaken a low and gotten, you know, situation where you're not capable helping yourself?
Alex 31:43
Thank God, I have not I not to that not to a really significant point, I should say, when I was married a few times, I had my husband, you know, he he needed to get up and go get me juice, I was conscious and everything. But definitely, I wasn't really in my right state of mind. I was very sweaty. And he did have to go get me juice. And then now I make it a point. And this is probably a good segue, I'm making a point, when I am dating somebody new. And we've gotten past that we've gotten to the point where we're having, you know, adult sleep overs, they need to have juice in their house, they have candy, they need to have something for me. And I make that very clear. And I hope that other people do too, when they're dating, because it's, it's not always easy to have a conversation. But I've gotten to a point where I'm confident in myself. And if this person wants me to sleep over at their house, they will go to 711. And they will go get me some juice. Like that's just a basic need.
Scott Benner 32:37
You don't want to have to show up to spend the night with a guy and bring your supplies with you. Right. Agree. Right? That makes sense, right? Yeah.
Alex 32:46
And I always have something with me but it's like, I if in the middle is I use on the middle of night I don't like eating stuff in the middle of the night. I just juice is just what does it for me. So I like having somebody that has orange juice in their fridge. Like Don't be a college frat bro and have an issue about it. Just go get the choose if you know I'm coming over
Scott Benner 33:05
right now mix. I've listened makes sense to me. So my first question, was my brains jumping all over the place? But do you see on their face? Like, are they worried about you? In the beginning?
Alex 33:21
I think the ones I have I am in a extremely wonderful healthy relationship right now. It's only been a few months. But he's amazing. And he was very concerned when I told him and he, you know, wanted to know everything about it. I've had different experiences with that in the past. We know when you're telling somebody and I think people choose different points to tell the person they're with, I wear Dexter on my arm now. So if it's in the summertime, the person usually sees it on the first day. And sometimes they ask and sometimes they don't. But usually the men that I feel like have been good partners for me personally. Are they see it? They want to know about it? They want to understand what their responsibility is in it.
Scott Benner 34:01
What's excellent, really, then, so do you tell them like, you know, I'm, we drop our kids off from school to school when they have diabetes, and we tell them like, Hey, you can look for like, you know, here are the signs that you might look for for a low blood sugar. Do you have to like, do you have that conversation?
Alex 34:17
Um, I think that not immediately, I usually stick to sort of the clinical like, this is what this disease is on a first date. If they ask I never I never really proactively bring it up unless it just naturally comes up in conversation. It is something like when you're getting to know somebody, it's a very personal thing for me. So I actually I'm really curious how other people handle that. If if they just come out and tell people you know, proactively or if they wait for somebody to ask, but I'm typically in the camp of I'm going to wait for somebody to ask. And, and then I and then I kind of go through you know, this is what it is and then eventually, you know, maybe date three or four it'll come up again. I'm having I take shots so I have to take a shot. If we're having dinner, I always do to the table. I'm not embarrassed by it. If they again, if they can't deal with that, and they're probably the person that's, they're probably not the person for me. Yeah, um,
Scott Benner 35:10
you just said something. And I actually booked two of these because I thought, one one perspective might not be enough on this. Yeah. And as I'm sitting here thinking, like, like, what do you say like, Hey, buddy, if my eyes roll back in my head, it might not be because you're a stud just, you know, pay attention to me like a little like, I just that's the part I'm wondering about, like, do you? Like Do I have to? Do I have to come into the bed with you thinking I'm looking for signs of her getting low? Or do or is it smart for you to say, hey, look, my blood sugar is really good. Right now, I don't think this is going to be a problem. Let's bang this out the way you want to like is I
Alex 35:47
I don't put that pressure on the other person. And maybe I should, um, but it's my, you know, maybe this was wrong, but like, it's my disease. And I'm self aware. I'm really, like I said, I'm really sensitive to when I go low. So I usually proactively tell the person like, hey, I need sugar, I need juice, I need something in your house. And then I don't expect exactly explain, like the symptoms that they'll see. until maybe like, I am intimately involved. You know, I've explained that to my boyfriend now. And we've been together about two months. And so he knows, and he actually watches my Dexcom. Now for me, you know, he's my, he's my, he's got the watch app, or whatever it's called, the follow up. And so that's like, a different level of intimacy when you get to that point.
Scott Benner 36:36
Okay, so nuts and bolts questions? Does your blood sugar stay more stable in certain positions than others?
Alex 36:43
I would say it definitely goes down. If I'm on top, I'm doing most of the work. And it definitely I'm in more danger at that point. So I if, you know, I'm not going to get too far into my own situation. But a lot of times I do, I do make sure that I've got, I'm at a good number. And if I'm not, I take some juice before I start.
Scott Benner 37:02
Gotcha. Because my thought was like being serious again, that if you're on top and you're doing more of the work, and it's more like a Robic exercise. Does the exercise get balanced out by the adrenaline? Or is there not after you're certain? I mean, I bet you're an adult, you've been doing this a while, I'm sure you're not excited like a schoolgirl every time you do it, right, like so it's not like oh, my gosh, sex Finally, like, you know, like, I'm so excited. It's so it's not gonna be like that. And so I thought, Well, probably the answer is low. So is there like, do you? Is there an amount of time where you're just like, okay, we're switching now? Or is it not in your head like that? Like, I don't know, obviously, I'm really trying to figure it out.
Alex 37:45
Yeah, it's just not really in my head like that. As far as I was, I will say this, I was in one previous relationship, where sex would last like over an hour, sometimes, like it was heat, this guy was just a little crazy about everything. And I went low more during that relationship than ever. But I wouldn't say like, my norm is really lasting. You know, I don't even know, maybe somewhere between 15 and 20 minutes is probably like an average experience. It's not like an extended experience. And so I don't feel like I have exerting as much energy as if I was at the gym or something like that. So I'm not as worried about it anymore.
Scott Benner 38:23
Look, let me ask you a sex question outside of diabetes for a second, tell them in one hour too much.
Alex 38:30
If you have to be real creative, if you're going to take that much time and this guy was so I'll just say that, you know, for him. Good for him. Exactly. You by the way. You really got to be creative, though.
Scott Benner 38:43
So it wasn't just it wasn't just the the he wasn't just in the center circle. He had the whole big top going there were clowns on one side firetruck on the other. There were elephants coming through? He had a lot going on. It wasn't
Unknown Speaker 38:54
there was a lot. Yeah, there was a lot going on. Sure.
Scott Benner 38:56
Yeah. Well, listen, that's lovely. You know, that that is that seriously, it infers like forethought, right. Like, you know, he's, you know, he's at work in the afternoon going, what we're gonna do is we're gonna start out with this, and then I'm gonna head over to this, and then we'll do that, and then we'll finish up here. You know, like, instead of just bad.
Alex 39:16
I will say, like, I was, I don't think I don't think there are a lot of men out there like that. But that relationship was one of the first after I got divorce. And he and the gentleman had just recently gotten divorced. And so I think both of us were really excited to, to do things that were different than we'd experienced, you know, for it being in a monogamous relationship for nine years. So
Scott Benner 39:36
I hear what you're saying. All right. All right. Good for you. By the way, Alex, you're doing such a lovely job of talking in between this I get I'm assuming you're treating me like I'm your mom. And we're talking about sex. Like you're almost saying stuff and then Not quite. And yeah, I like that very much. I have to tell you, I'm very proud of my own maturity because I thought of something to say earlier that I thought was funny and I thought that's the to Chris, don't say it. And so I held it inside. I found myself thinking, I wish I could get to know Alex, we can become really good friends. And then I could say that, but well,
Alex 40:12
there isn't a lot that surprises me anymore. You know, I'm 37. And I'm Southern. And so I learned a certain way to talk. But I also live in Chicago now, and people are very direct here. So it's a little bit of everything.
Scott Benner 40:22
Honestly, you know, it's funny, he said that it really was more about the directness of what I was gonna say, than the words of it. And so yeah, I actually found a way to say it differently, but, but the way it popped into my head, I thought she's gonna hang up if I say, just be clicked dead silence like, Let's go, Alex. Hello, hello, hello. Oh, a bridge too far? Sure. Okay. So what are your expectations? I can't believe I'm gonna jump back into diabetes talk here. But what are your expectations about having a pump? What are you looking most forward to with pumping?
Alex 40:52
Oh, I'm so and this is, you know, this is very forward thinking. But I, my boyfriend and I, you know, things have been going very well, I'm 37. I am worried about potentially having a baby at some point. And really not knowing how to use a pump, not knowing how to make my blood sugar tighter. So that's sort of in the back of my mind, it's not the reason total reason why I'm getting a pump, but it's like, I want to start to get prepared. if things continue to go very well, my relationship, that I am the healthiest I possibly can be when I'm ready. Like when we want to be ready for that I want to be able to push go and just be ready for that. So I'm, I am really excited about the idea of being able to especially the highs, like just, I get really lazy, I don't want to get up off the couch and go get my pens, because I'm like, you know, ate Chinese food an hour ago, like I just want to be able to easily, easily adjust in small amounts button, I'm pretty pumped about that, actually, well,
Scott Benner 41:53
you're gonna be an interesting place, really, because you're gonna come into this soon. And about the time you figure out what you're doing there. If you stay with on the pod, their algorithms gonna come on the market, and then you're going to have the ability if you want to use a meal, let your Dexcom and your pump together make decisions with an algorithm about your insulin.
Alex 42:12
Yeah, I've been reading about that. Actually, I asked my endocrinologist about it. And she didn't know anything, but I am. That's another reason I'm definitely wanting. Everyone was talking to me about the T slim and about how it already does it. But the idea of having a wire and again, being naked with a wire and all that kind of stuff. It just doesn't appeal to me. I want to not have wire and then yeah, the handle to control.
Scott Benner 42:34
The other thing that people on to its pumps end up having to make a decision about is, am I going to keep this pump attached to me while I'm having sex? Or am I gonna? Or am I gonna disconnect? And now when I disconnect, I'm not even getting my basal insulin anymore. Right? So is every one of my sexual experiences going to end with a high blood sugar? Like, do you know what I mean? Like and is that? Is that going to be an hour or two of me getting it back down again? And at what point does that end up impacting your decision to have sex? Like maybe you're like, yo, I'd love to, but I don't want my blood sugar getting high, they're gonna bring it back down. And then I'm always awake two hours after you're asleep. And like, what if that's that book with it on the pod? You can wear it constantly. Yeah,
Alex 43:12
I would 100% expect that that would play into my decision making about having sex is the the just the pain of dealing with all of that, you know, the pens, the pens have been good for me. But they're a pain in the ass sometimes. So they that is what's preventing me from addressing my highs as much and as quickly as I should.
Scott Benner 43:32
And so if you thought you had to take off a to pump to have sex, you might end up not having sex, because and I'm going to use a term that a friend of mine uses that I don't think I've ever used on here, but it's one of the more I love this term, he always says the juice isn't worth the squeeze. Yes, and I think and this get you don't mean like I'm just not like why am I going to go through all this just have sex with you, then I'm gonna feel not well afterwards. And maybe I won't get my blood sugar back down. And that would be a shame. Really, it would be sad if that was the trade off you started making.
Alex 44:02
And I think I really do believe that like impromptu sex is one of the greatest gifts that we have as humans. Like, I think it's a wonderful thing just to be laying there and then just quickly decided, like, I'm gonna start doing this and, and that the idea of not being able to do that as easily is not appealing to me.
Scott Benner 44:21
Almost like the idea of like, God, you're, you're probably old enough to remember this. And maybe people still do it before Viagra. There were guys who would have to give themselves injections in like the shaft of their penis to get a wreck like that. And you have to plan ahead for it. Like I'm gonna give myself like what happens if you inject yourself and then later people are like, I don't feel like doing this anymore.
Alex 44:40
Like, yeah, what if you get in a fight with your spouse or whatever, it's
Scott Benner 44:43
probably gonna happen when they see you injecting something into your penis. So they're just gonna be like, why did I pick this guy? But But no, but like, the seriousness of it is is that the spontaneity is what you're talking about. And once you lose that, then I guess the magics a little Like dissipated to, you know what I mean? Like, I hear that, like, that makes sense to me so. So do you still do that, but you said you do that though you check your blood sugar a little bit before like so
Alex 45:10
I usually do but like, also, and all, I mean, not to get too specific, but it's like, I'll try check it before I go to bed. And so it's like, I'm checking it already. I'm laying in bed, and maybe I'm talking for a little while with my boyfriend. And then it's kind of like, I don't talk anymore. I think I want to do something different, you know? So it's more of that, like, I've checked it within within a decent amount of time.
Scott Benner 45:31
Okay. Um, I'm sorry, I actually finding myself apologizing before I say this, but I do think it's important for people to hear and I don't know the answer to it. So I'm gonna find a really creative way to talk around it. Does sex that you get to keep your pants on for impact you too
Alex 45:51
much exactly. sure what you mean. But
Scott Benner 45:53
imagine sex you could give to somebody that wouldn't include the loss of your pants? A
Alex 46:02
like orals? No,
Scott Benner 46:03
yeah, I'm not following. When people change your blood sugar
Alex 46:07
sky. I understand. Um, no, it does. Know that. No, it doesn't. That's not like, yes, they call it a job. But it's not a Usually, it's not usually a long enough period of time, for me at least bragging or you brag, baby, but it's usually not that big of a deal. And then honestly, like a lot of men I've been with like, some of them like it, and some of them aren't as into it. And I know you're gonna probably debate me on that. But no, I believe men are just some men are just like, Nah, I'd rather just have sex. And so that's, you know, a different thing.
Scott Benner 46:44
No, I have a friend who did not ever want that. And I didn't understand it. But he was solely how he felt. So yeah, something he was interested in. Okay, I just didn't know if there was enough. I don't know what like adrenaline or like, you know if that impacts your blood sugar, or if it's, you know, if there's actual effort that that goes into it that the you know, I don't have any experience with this one specific thing. Yeah, my head moves in a different direction when I'm doing something similar to that. But it's still I guess, the same idea. Okay, so not that not the thing there where even your mouth wouldn't be involved. That's not a problem. You don't have to plan ahead for that. And you're so good at it. Apparently, it doesn't take very long anyway. So that is that experience, by the way or enthusiasm?
Alex 47:34
I think it's enthusiasm. Yeah, I was
Scott Benner 47:37
one I think.
Alex 47:38
I think that's I think, I think a lot of women, you know, maybe don't like doing it. And I it's never been a problem for me. I don't mind it at all. It's I like the intimacy factor of it. So I think that's 100% gasm. Cool.
Scott Benner 47:54
All right. Have I now here's where we get to the part. I usually say this with a few minutes left, but I'm saying it today with more time left, because I fully expect that I don't know what the hell I'm talking about here. So what am I not asking you that you should be telling me?
Alex 48:08
I think there, you know, and I have shamelessly plug my little Instagram I just started it's really new. It's called dating with diabetes. But I think there's so many nuances when you're dating and, you know, I, I'm 37 I got divorced, I went on dating apps, a lot of people that's most of the time, I feel like how people meet. Now you're meeting basically strangers, and you're meeting people that maybe you've texted with for a few days. And you know, you're going out. And there's a lot of room for people to judge you when you tell them that you have diabetes. And there is a little bit of anxiety that goes with that. And you know, telling somebody that you barely know that you're trying to convince that you're like the greatest woman you've ever, you know, they've ever met, and then saying, oh, by the way, I have this chronic condition. And I think not enough people talk about that and talk about the right time to bring that up in the dating process. And then you get to the really wonderful time that I'm in right now where I'm with somebody who cares so much about me and wants to watch my Dexcom wants to be there watching it and once and then seeing them learn about my diabetes, when again, they don't they haven't known me that my whole life. But they want to learn about this disease. And that level of intimacy is like the level of privacy that like like it's like feel like as good as getting married on your on your wedding day like you the day that I that he was like, Nope, I'm going to start following your ducks calm. I'm getting emotional talking about it. Like it's, it was one of the greatest days of my entire life. And he's he's the second person I've had do that. But it is a different level of intimacy, at least for me because my parents didn't do that for me, that I've never experienced and that is a wonderful thing
Scott Benner 49:56
is that acceptance, it feels like
Alex 49:59
acceptance is But I'm not doing this alone. I've got somebody that has that didn't choose to, like, not only didn't choose to have this disease, but doesn't have this disease that's taking on this burden with me.
Scott Benner 50:13
That's a lot to ask of somebody and, and you weren't married, so it wasn't thrust upon them. It wasn't like they had no choice. Like they have no time doing it.
Alex 50:23
We don't live together, we have, you know, we live about 15 minutes apart. So it's not really very long of a Uber ride. And he, we he's got find, you know, find me on his iPhone, and I can see where he is. And so like, if I'm, if my I'm really low healing knows where I am, you can come get me. It's not that that would really get to that point. But he texts me as soon as it starts beeping, he makes sure that I'm awake. And I'm, I'm aware of what's going on both high and low.
Scott Benner 50:48
Yeah, that's beautiful. It really is lovely.
Unknown Speaker 50:51
It is beautiful. And I think that
Alex 50:54
this is such an emotional, it's an emotional disease. I think everybody feels that way. You feel really high highs and really low lows, excuse upon, but with with intimacy and with using the disease to establish intimacy, or I don't know if that's the right way to say it. with somebody. It's a it's a total like sugar on top, you never know, but somebody else that is does not have diabetes, doesn't have that privilege to have that level of intimacy with somebody. So that is something that we have going for us but other people don't
Scott Benner 51:25
know I yeah, you're letting them in a little further than then just yeah, normal people have to deal with and talk about how did you is that? So? So dating is you're 37. I'm 48. We're not that far apart. But because of technology changing the way I met my wife, and the way you'll meet your husband is completely different. Right? Like I had to meet a person who was within my physical sphere. Right? Yeah.
Alex 51:54
And that's how I met my my first husband. Absolutely.
Scott Benner 51:56
And then that person had to be attractive to you. And then they had to be attracted back to you. And then you had to ask him out on a date. And there was no like, feeling. It felt like a long game. Do you know what I mean? But you're with AP dating? Doesn't it feel more like Alright, we met each other. Now let's have sex and see if this is something we want to keep doing? Is that more the vibe? Now?
Alex 52:18
I don't think it has to be I think for some people, this is what's wonderful about the world we're living in now is that women, I think more than ever have more choices before you're waiting for a guy to come up to you at a bar or to ask you out and I know it can work the other I know it can work the other way around to all my feminist listeners. But for the most part you're waiting around. But we as women now have a lot more choice. And Bumble, the woman has to speak first, you have more opportunity to go after what you want. I feel like women now are more sexually empowered. There's more of a focus on No, we're gonna make sure that we have an orgasm just as much as the guy is, you know, there's just so things have changed a lot with with apps and the control that we have. So I think that's cool. I've never used apps just have sex. That's not who I am. I think that apps aren't that different in the way of, you know, you're meeting somebody at a bar, you meeting somebody on an app, there's going to be a mix of crazies, there's going to be a mix of decent men, and there's going to be a mix of people. You just don't want to ever talk to you again. So
Scott Benner 53:21
it opens up your ability to see people yeah, really? Like, it gives you more people. Yeah. It's amazing. Yeah,
Alex 53:29
there's a lot more people in the mix. Now, I'm not sure if that's a good thing. I think there's also a lot more opportunity you know, you ghosting is a big thing. I don't know if you know that that term, but you go on a couple dates or one date with somebody you think it goes well, and then you just never hear from the person again, because there's infinite opportunity to meet plenty of other people,
Scott Benner 53:49
right. So you can maybe feel like you're mining for perfection more, like like her, but she had a hammertoe, so I'm gonna keep going like that kind of weirdness where there just feels like there's no end to the people you can choose from.
Alex 54:04
Absolutely, like I think about, I used to be a big Seinfeld fan. And I think about Jerry and he would come up with all these weird excuses of you know, her hair is too straight, or whatever the thing was. And a lot of people do that on dating apps. And so when you think about it through the lens of diabetes, you're kind of worried like, well, is this going to be the one random thing that he's gonna be like, now I don't want to I don't want to mess with this girl. She's got a chronic condition that costs a lot of money and might affect my life in some way. I'm just gonna move on to the next person.
Scott Benner 54:32
So let me ask you a question that might be tough to answer. And maybe not. If you're on one of those apps, and you meet somebody, and you get there and they have diabetes, too. How do you feel about that?
Alex 54:44
Oh, my God, that would be the dream. I've been like searching for that my whole life. I've never I don't meet very many people. on diabetes. One of the reasons I wear my Dexcom on my arm actually is because I do have perfect strangers and I like it when Perfect Strangers come up to me and say, hey, I've got diabetes. I had a guy at the gym do that the other day you showed me his Dexcom. It was kind of a cool, it's a cool, it's a cool moment when you get to meet a diet, buddy. I've never, I've never met anybody. I never had it on my dating profile of, Hey, I'm a type one diabetic. I've done little subtle things like, Hey, I support jdrf or something like that of causes I like, but I've never been outward about it on like, just the dating profile aspect of it. But I wish there was a dating app for diabetics. I think it would be really cool to meet another diabetic and live a life together with somebody like that. Doesn't sound impossible, does
Scott Benner 55:36
it? I'm busy, so I can't do it. So if anybody thinks it's a great idea, go ahead and run with it. Yeah, no, but that that's, I listen, you seem like a lovely person. And I thought that's what you were gonna say. But I you know, you meet people who are sometimes self hating and a lot of different ways, and they don't realize it about themselves. Like, like, I just wanted to hear if you would say, Oh, no, I wouldn't want to date somebody with this. It's too much trouble. Like, I already have trouble with my I didn't think you'd be the person to say that, but I think somebody must feel that way.
Alex 56:05
I'm sure people do I think that people probably would need to change their I don't know how you live your life like that. If you're so negative on your disease, like, like, I always try to look for the silver lining. ie we have a way to have a level of intimacy that others don't you know, with with this disease, there's, there's positives to having type one, I truly believe that we have a sense of community that other people don't, there's you get to listen to wonderful podcast, you know, and other people wouldn't. I
Scott Benner 56:33
was gonna agree with you, then you brought up the podcast. Now it just seems like I'm saying something nice about myself. But I, I have absolutely seen things that have benefited my daughter that would not exist without type one. So it's hard to argue with it and you have it, it's not like you can decide not to have it. So you might as well find those good things and lean into them.
Alex 56:52
Absolutely. I remember when I was doing my research study when I was first diagnosed. And that's when my ex husband and I got back together. And at the time, that was a very positive thing. And I would, I was meeting these other newly diagnosed people and I was like, Hey, I, I have a boyfriend again. Because of you know, this diagnosis, you know, you find whatever you can kind of grasp on to that is the silver lining. with anything.
Scott Benner 57:17
I'm going to flip flop again, Alex. Can blood sugars effect? I'm having trouble saying the word like I almost stopped by sight. It's not there's nothing wrong with it just like could it affect lubrication? excitement, arousal, like, Are there blood sugars where you can't be horny? Like, I don't know.
Alex 57:38
I don't know. I don't think so. I'm not a doctor. I feel like I feel like I should ask my doctor that person I guess. Yeah, no, no, I don't think it does. I definitely just as a woman, your menstrual cycle probably affects that more than anything, but no, not for me. Okay. I usually don't have any issues with that.
Scott Benner 57:57
Gotcha. So I could, if you're in the mood, you're in the mood, it wouldn't matter if your blood sugar was 100 or 200. Or a bit, I'm assuming though, there's a blood sugar rate that you wouldn't want to do anything, let alone sex, though.
Alex 58:08
Yeah, if I'm in the three hundreds, I, I'm getting that blood sugar down because I don't feel good. And so I'm not probably not feeling very sexy in that moment. In time, that's probably more so the mental aspect of just the way you feel
Scott Benner 58:20
than anything else, I'm going to ask you to consider that perhaps your boyfriend is just tracking your blood sugar to make sure you're always in range. So you're available to us.
Alex 58:27
That could be you know, that could be the case, I'm sure
Scott Benner 58:30
he's just a wonderful person that cares about you. But you know, if if little voices didn't make up stories in my head while I was doing this podcast, you wouldn't enjoy listening to it. So I just really, you know, either there's somebody out there, it's just like, I got to keep her in the hundreds. She's better than the 150s It's funny, too, because athletes will come on here and talk about their performance. And over 200 they can feel their dexterity lesson, their foot speed goes away, like stuff like that. And, you know, it's just all really interesting, because it isn't a physical activity. You know, I mean, I guess if you're doing it right, right. Yeah. And so it could be what about I just the one thing you said that I wanted to just dig a little more into she said, you would never give yourself a like a shot while you were. If you were high while you were having sex. But do you think of once you're on a pump, if it was just pushing a button, do you think you would?
Alex 59:27
Yeah, I probably would. Okay, so you don't I probably not ignoring
Scott Benner 59:30
it. It's just that the again, the juice isn't worth the squeeze there. You feel like
Alex 59:34
no juice isn't worth the squeeze. And I still am a little bit weird about doing I do my shots at the table. But I'm also not like, Hey, here's my shot. I'm gonna do it right now in front of you. I'm a little bit weird about doing shots in front of other people because everybody feels differently even even though like my boyfriend might be like, Oh, I don't care. like seeing a needle going to somebody else's body is a little uncomfortable and so I just wouldn't want to do that in front of somebody else. In a sexual moment, at least Yeah,
Scott Benner 1:00:04
because it would just it would kill the vibe.
Alex 1:00:07
It would kill the vibe. Yeah, it's a very, you know, it's literally a clinical thing.
Scott Benner 1:00:11
You would let him see it outside of that moment.
Alex 1:00:14
Yeah, I don't really care. But I'm also not like, looking. I don't like to bring my so much attention to myself about it. Yeah.
Scott Benner 1:00:21
So is this fair to say that when you're coupled with somebody, are you a open door pooper or a closed door? Oh, my
Alex 1:00:29
god closed that I that is a whole other thing. You're not sure that night buddy, right? Absolutely not. Yeah,
Scott Benner 1:00:34
no, it's just interesting. Because I mean, listen, your imagination can run wild. But I'm seeing every square inch of view in this moment. But the idea of using the needle seems like a bridge too far. Like, I don't want to see that. Do you think he would care?
Alex 1:00:50
about seeing, see me give myself a shot.
Scott Benner 1:00:53
Yeah. And by the way, not to less than the fact that you would care if that's, you know, that's
Alex 1:00:58
fine. No, the boyfriend I have now. No, not at all. I have been on dates with people. This is kind of like a surefire. Like, I'm not sure if this relationships really gonna go anywhere. But if they're like, they're like, yeah, they're afraid of needles, I'm like, get get over yourself. You know, I have an attitude about that. I'm like, you're not a child. People do this every day. And I probably have more of an attitude about it. I had a client one time that made a very big deal. I used to travel with her quite a bit. And I, you know, I'm on the road. Like, there's, I'm in New York City, we're at an event like I'm having to work right now. And I have to give myself a shot. And she would make a huge deal about me going to the bathroom. And I it became kind of a I gotta bring it up to my boss, it became kind of like a work issue because she was so afraid of, quote, unquote, afraid of seeing needles. And so I have a bad attitude about people who say that now I'm like, get over it. I didn't choose this disease. Look away. Yeah,
Scott Benner 1:01:53
yeah. How about you go to the bathroom? And I'll stay here and take care of my blood sugar. How's that sound? Right? Unbelievable. Hey, listen, here's a good time to say I'm looking for someone who's been in prison who has type one diabetes, if you have, please reach out, I'd like to do an after dark episode with you. seems really interesting to me. For some reason,
Alex 1:02:10
that seems very injured. I would be worried about that person all the time.
Scott Benner 1:02:13
Yeah, I've just I'm, I'd love to talk to somebody who's been incarcerated for a length of time with diabetes, or even just, you know, in holding for a couple of days, like I would I just want to know, I think that would be very interesting to people. Okay, have we missed anything? Because I've, because Please keep in mind, as you're doing this, I'm not a woman, and I don't have diabetes, I have zero perspective. For my questions, I can only kind of just think of the things that, you know, pop into my head that I'm like, oh, maybe this would be an issue. Or maybe somebody would care about this. Like, I really don't have that experience in any meaningful way. So,
Alex 1:02:51
um, I yeah, i don't i don't i think that i think more so I have something to say about I am, your daughter I know is young. And she should, you know, not have sex until she's ready. But I hope that people don't ever feel like they're less beautiful for wearing a pod or a dex calm, or any of those things. Because I've struggled a lot with that in my life. And I hope that women start, you know, we start to normalize beauty like Doug has done, I work in advertising. So like Doug has done a beautiful job of normalizing what we what we consider beautiful with women and advertising and like, I would love to see, you know, Dexcom I know they listen to this, I would love to see like a Dexcom ad of women in lingerie with x comms or partner with dub or do something like that. But, you know, we have to start normalizing some of these things that we're afraid of.
Scott Benner 1:03:40
Yeah, no, it would be amazing if him back that dove ad as an example of somebody who was wearing some sort of a device and it wouldn't even matter what it was really just No,
Alex 1:03:48
I'd see it, you know, yeah, I was in New Orleans the other day and I was at the Superdome. I do a lot of event work. And there is an ad it's it's I forgot who it's for. But there's one of the athletes and he's wearing an omni pod plastered across like when you're walking into the into the Superdome plastered across his and so and he's, he's diabetic. And so it's for this hospital, and it was a diabetes type of genre of advertising. But I was proud. I took a picture of it. I was proud to see it. You know, it's the first time I'd really seen large scale advertising. Somebody wearing something diabetic. I think that's super cool.
Scott Benner 1:04:23
Yeah, well, we always talk about representation around gender or, you know, sexual, like, you know, the way you identify, but like, that's important for everybody to see yourself in something else. Right. Like it's just, it's incredibly important. Otherwise you hide, and that's absolutely terrible. That is just it's terrible if you're hiding and so I guess what I'll say is that even though I don't feel like I'm talking about sex, I completely agree with you. I don't want my daughter living a life where she's with guys she doesn't mean to be with because of you know, she She doesn't feel good about herself or she doesn't want to speak up, or that she wouldn't do something because she'd be afraid of what somebody saw like that, to me would be horrible. Like, it really is. It's a part about parenting we don't talk about very frequently, but, you know, you parent your kids through all these things. And then they get to like, the sexual part of their lives, and we really don't help them anymore. Right, you know, because of embarrassment or whatever meal maybe on both sides or whatever, but, you know, so there's ways to talk to your children before that time comes up, where you can instill in them a real like, like meaningful self confidence, that should transcend a lot of the different situations in their life. And I think that, you know, hopefully that'll help them with, you know, with being intimate with people as well. That's, uh, that makes sense to me.
Unknown Speaker 1:05:46
Absolutely,
Scott Benner 1:05:47
Alex, you were terrific. Thank you very much. This is not a comfortable thing to do. I wouldn't imagine. Would you tell me, what was it not?
Alex 1:05:55
I think, you know, again, I have a different perspective about it. I wish people talked about sex and sexuality more. I'm very open with my personal life. I think that I tried to do at least I try, I tried to clean it up where I could and be as high up as much decorum as I could. But I felt you make it easy. You make it easy to talk about this type of thing. I'll say that. Well, thank you.
Scott Benner 1:06:17
I have one silly question. Have you ever uttered the words not on my CGM?
Alex 1:06:24
Um, I've definitely I mean, I've, especially with the arm stuff, you know, when I'm worrying about art, I've definitely been grabbed a few times in a good way. Um, you know, and, and I'm like, Hey, watch out, you know, so? No, not those specific words. Have you
Scott Benner 1:06:39
ever covered it in that moment? How do you decide between your hair and the seat?
Unknown Speaker 1:06:46
Yeah.
Scott Benner 1:06:48
Oh, man,
Alex 1:06:50
you know, it's been a while, I think whenever I've been with somebody that has grabbed my arm and kind of, uh, you know, a rougher way or whatever, in a good way. Um, I think they get really scared. And they they're like, Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. You know, it's, it's probably even more of that reaction.
Scott Benner 1:07:05
Yeah, it's, it's very much. You know, so I'm going to tell a story here. And then I will let you go. So this is an incredibly personal story. I wrote a book A number of years ago. And I got to do a book signing in a major bookstore. And it was during the week, and I was excited. I was up early in the morning, super excited. My wife had stayed home from work to help throughout the day, and come to the book signing and everything. And I, we've been married for a fairly long time. And I came upstairs when she was waking up. And I was like, Hey, what's up? And she's like, nothing. I'm like, I have my book signing today. She's like, right on, like, Doesn't that seem like the sort of thing that people celebrate with sexual activity? And she's like, she looks at me. Like, that's hard to say no to that. So he's probably right. So she's like, Yeah, I think so. Right? So in my excitement, because I had been married a really long time, and I thought to myself, she'll change your mind. Like, I have to get to the act before she goes, why am I saying yes to this? So I'd like I sort of leap into bed. And I very much by mistake, pin one of her nipples to the mattress with my hand. Oh, God. And that's what you made me think of when you said sometimes people can grab it and be like, Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Because I just left back. And I was like, Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. And it just, it gave me the same feeling like that idea of, I'm enthusiastic. But I, you know, I pinched you or I, you know, I stepped on your foot or whatever it ends up being like, it's just it's such a shocking thing in that moment. And you are so sorry about it. When it happens. You're just like, and you feel embarrassed to a little bit like, Oh, I can't believe I did that. Luckily, for me, I was able to persist. But it was it was like it gave me that feeling when you said that like that idea of like, you know, Could somebody reach you know, his, his Okay, his hips would probably be a bad place, right?
Alex 1:09:00
Yeah. So I'm wearing it like right about my butt right now. And yes, it's been that sort of isn't the place of where I sometimes I'm a grabbed you know, for sure. And so it's happening probably a little bit right now, more than it has on my arms. But um, it's a real thing. And and, you know, it's hopefully you're hopefully it's on strong enough where it's not gonna just come off or get ripped off easily. And it's and and
Scott Benner 1:09:23
from a purely emotional standpoint, you're beyond it now, right? Like if you started out with your CGM on your back above your butt, and you were on the bottom, and then suddenly, somebody was like, hey, flip over. You wouldn't think oh, but my CGM is there.
Alex 1:09:38
No, I'm sorry. Oh, yeah, I feel like it takes like maybe two weeks and then you're like now that thing's on there. It's not probably going to come off unless you're on a polities machine right and
Scott Benner 1:09:47
and and the same as somebody seeing it also stops bothering you after you realize it's not a problem for them.
Alex 1:09:53
Totally. I think the first I think, well, I don't know the first time you have sex with anybody and they they see you with You know, in your in a sexual situation Valentine's has come Valentine's Day is coming up. And so a lot of women, you know, myself included, you go get maybe a special outfit for that evening activities. And you're worried about like, I when I went and picked my outfit out I was like, Well what's gonna kind of cover up this area? Like I do look for stuff like that. Because I want to be a sexual person to to my boyfriend, you know, I don't want to look like a robot. So I think you you do and you don't you start to care. But then sometimes there's a special occasions where you're like, you're like, I care more, I guess. Yeah,
Scott Benner 1:10:37
it sounds like not unlike most of life. It's a balance
Unknown Speaker 1:10:41
real, absolutely.
Scott Benner 1:10:42
Define where you're comfortable and kind of stay in that space. Alright, Alex, I really appreciate this. I thank you so very much. I'm glad you did this. I hundred percent. didn't imagine anyone would when I said it out loud. There have been like, honestly, like the drinking thing. I thought, okay, someone will do that right. And even weed thing I thought that'll probably happen. But you and I are recording. And in two days, there's going to be an addiction episode of this podcast, like a wow, a really serious trauma and addiction episode with somebody. And now you're talking about very openly about having sex from a female perspective, there's going to be a guy that comes on and talks about it from a male perspective. It's really cool that people are willing to do this.
Alex 1:11:27
I think that it's important what you're doing of this, because these are not things that are as one of the reasons I started my dating with diabetes, you know, Instagram, like people just don't talk about this kind of thing. And they should, there are so many resources for parents and for you know, newly diagnosed and that kind of thing. But as you get to be an adult, there's just not as much stuff for us. So it's really nice. And people queued it up sometimes
Scott Benner 1:11:49
when they do it. And that's not what this needs. Like, I really need you to tell me like, Look, you know, while we're doing it in this position, your thing shouldn't be gay. That's what we need, like real like, like, like, real talk, right? Like, absolutely how things are so that people don't have to wonder and let them let them hear it. So they're not struggling, okay. It's just seemed horrible to me that people could struggle with something like this, but you were so eloquent about it. It's a real, emotional decision to make. And, you know, I don't think we give people enough information about that. So seriously, it was really well done. I appreciate it. I'm gonna stop this and ask you one brief question. Okay, thanks so much.
Unknown Speaker 1:12:29
Thank you.
Scott Benner 1:12:33
Huge thanks to Alex for the bravery it showed to come on today and talk about her sex life and having Type One Diabetes equally as brave. The supportive Dexcom on the pod and touched by type one, always huge thanks to the sponsors. There are links in your show notes or at Juicebox podcast.com. But you go to my on the pod.com forward slash juice box dexcom.com forward slash juice box or touched by type one.org. To learn more about the sponsors of the Juicebox Podcast,
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