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Podcast Episodes

The Juicebox Podcast is from the writer of the popular diabetes parenting blog Arden's Day and the award winning parenting memoir, 'Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal: Confessions of a Stay-At-Home Dad'. Hosted by Scott Benner, the show features intimate conversations of living and parenting with type I diabetes.

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#516 How We Eat: Intermittent Fasting

Scott Benner

Author and podcaster Gin Stephens explains Intermittent Fasting.

You can always listen to the Juicebox Podcast here but the cool kids use: Apple Podcasts/iOS - Spotify - Amazon MusicGoogle Play/Android - iHeart Radio -  Radio PublicAmazon Alexa or wherever they get audio.

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, and welcome to Episode 516 of the Juicebox Podcast.

On this episode of the podcast I'm joined by fellow podcaster and author Gin Stephens. Jen is the host of intermittent fasting stories, and the intermittent fasting podcast. She's also the author of a number of intermittent fasting books. her newest one clean ish, eat mostly clean, live mainly clean and unlock your body's natural ability to self clean comes out in January of 2022. I've been looking for someone to come on for quite some time to explain intermittent fasting to me, Jen does not have type one or type two diabetes. But she is a person who is very well versed in talking about it. And I've had some interesting run ins with the fasting idea, and I wanted to understand more about it. Maybe this will help you with your life with type one. Or maybe you're the parent of a child with type one who's looking for a new way to eat one way or the other. This is the next in my series of how we episodes. While you're listening, please remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan or becoming bold with insulin. It is incredibly difficult to compile the data needed to help people living with Type One Diabetes. That's why the T one D exchange has asked me to ask you to consider joining the T one D exchange. All you have to do is answer a simple survey that only lasts it's a number of minutes. If it took you more than 10 minutes, I'd be surprised it took me like seven when I filled it out. You need to be a US resident who has type one, or a US resident who is the caregiver or person with type one. That's all you need to be. And you go to P one d exchange.org. Ford slash juice box. When you get there, everything is 100% HIPAA compliant. It is completely completely completely anonymous. And the questions aren't that difficult. They're not deep probing personal questions. They're kind of simple overview questions. But when they get answers from enough people, that data becomes important for people with type one. I'm going to tell you a little more about it later. But please consider going to T one d exchange.org. forward slash juice box. You'll be helping people living with type one diabetes, and you'll be supporting the podcast. I'll tell you more about it later. For now, I'd like you to meet Jim.

Gin Stephens 2:50
Well, hi, I'm so glad to be here. My name is Gin Stephens and I was an elementary teacher for 28 years. So I retired from that. Just before I retired, I wrote a little book called delayed on deny about living an intermittent fasting lifestyle and ran some Facebook groups and it turned into a full time career. So I love teaching and now just manage intermittent fasting support groups, and wrote another book that came out in June of 2020 called Bad speech repeat, which was a New York Times bestseller. So I am loving my intermittent fasting lifestyle and have maintained an over right right around 80 pounds loss since I first lost the weight in 2014 to 2015. So intermittent fasting has turned into my lifestyle and my career. And I just love it. Wow,

Scott Benner 3:44
I have to say I've been looking for someone to talk about this specific subject for a while. And it took me a lot of picking around because you'll reach out to people who were like I do intermittent fasting and I have this or that you think okay, well, they must be used to talking about it. And then you reach out to them like nah, I'd rather not like cheese, how can this be your thing and you don't want to talk about it. But I am so happy to have found you. What's the name of your podcast?

Gin Stephens 4:08
Well, I actually have three podcasts. Okay, the podcast are now you're gonna think I'm crazy. Well, that's a lot of podcasts. Right?

Scott Benner 4:15
You know what, then let's go backwards first, for a second. We'll get to the internet people a listener, like right away, this guy's gonna start talking is that asking about intermittent fasting? But so I want to understand first, you're a teacher. Right? And are you a teacher who's looking to change their lifestyle and finds this thing and then opens up the support group?

Gin Stephens 4:37
Yep, that's exactly what happened. I was even like many of your listeners, I'm sure. I was a chronic dilator I mean, I started dieting in high school before I even needed the diet, right? Because my mother was a dance teacher. And so I was always obsessed with issues counting calories like out in my 11th grade year. This was back in gosh 1984 85 This is how long ago it was I took a computer programming class with words learning basic, that was the name of the programming language. And I programmed a calorie counter program. So I've always had my head and diets. But over the years, you know, as I went to college graduated from college, my weight continued to yo yo, up and down, you know, the yo yos got higher, you know, would go up more than I would go down more. And so it started to look like a big roller coaster over time. And eventually, in 2014, I found myself at 210 pounds, which was officially obese. You know, I had a doctorate and gifted and talented education, and you have a master's degree in natural sciences. And I thought, you know, I'm smart, Why can I not figure out really how to lose the weight and keep it off? And so I just always was in search of that. Thank goodness, intermittent fasting has been the answer, because I have maintained in my goal range since 2015. Even as I've gone through menopause, I'm now on the other side of that, and still maintaining, but you know, it's what I was looking for all those years. And I just didn't know it. Okay,

Scott Benner 6:02
so I have I'm just for context, how tall are you? I'm five, five. Okay, and now you weigh more like 130 ish.

Gin Stephens 6:12
Yeah, right around there. I haven't weighed myself in years, because I just go by the fit of my clothes now. Right? So you must be close to fit.

Scott Benner 6:21
Is that? Is that a freeing idea to not step on a scale?

Gin Stephens 6:24
Yes, it really, really is. Like, in context, I'm coming from the beach. I'm at the beach right now. And I've been here for two weeks, I'm going home tomorrow. And you know, I know my weight would be up. If I were weighing the scale, just because I've eaten differently. You know, it's been a week, your family, I ate out a lot. And so you know what it got to me. But all this lifetime of dieting, you know, I would get on the scale and see that the number was up intellectually, I know, well, it's because they ate differently. I didn't gain, you know, fat, all this fat over the course of two weeks at the beach. And it goes down over the next few days. But then you start having those diety thoughts, like, Oh, I better go on a diet. And what I learned with intermittent fasting is it all takes care of itself, you know, you live the lifestyle. It just all works out, like I said, so I've been maintaining my weight since 2015. You know, if my honest GPS get a little tight, then I just realized that our time to maybe tighten up those eating windows a little bit, and it all works out? Well, it's so much more freeing, and I lose that diet thought that I was so trapped in before,

Scott Benner 7:25
how much of being a teacher helps you organize a support group

Gin Stephens 7:30
100%, I'm gonna tell you the very best preparation for working with a large group of adults, as well as being an elementary school teacher, because you learn classroom management and how to deal with, with people, you know, little people are, you know, grow up to be big people, and they have the same personalities. And so, you know, my skills is managing groups of people really has helped me with running the Facebook groups. I've since left Facebook, I'm no longer there. But which is a whole different story. But it really is very helpful. And also, I realized, being an elementary teacher, it helps me write books. You know, people are like, Wow, you've written this in a way that I really understand it. And one of my friends said, Gosh, I think all books should be written by teachers. And I think, yeah, that's what we're trying to do. We're trying to deliver content to people in a way that makes sense. That's my whole background, you

Scott Benner 8:26
and I talk in pictures. And I think that's why this podcast is positive for people. Because I'm explaining how to how I use insulin for my daughter and a number of other things. And what I hear back more often from people than not is that I really understand it when you explain it. It's very easy to grasp. It's not very technical. It's in my head. Yeah, it's just your boy.

Gin Stephens 8:50
Yeah, I was had an endocrinologist. I mean, think about this. I'm an elementary teacher, I had an endocrinologist, email me and say, Wow, your explanation of I don't I don't even know what probably I was talking about insulin and the type two diabetes and fasting this of course, very different from type one diabetes, as you know, but he said, it really helped me understand in a way I'd never understood it before. I'm like, well, that's just wacky.

Scott Benner 9:16
Yeah, I just had an endo. I just recorded with an endo last week who came on to tell me that the podcast changed how they talk to their patients. Wow, is very cool. But it's it just goes to show that some people are good at delivering a message and some people aren't. And I suspected maybe the teaching part helped you? Yeah, I'm just gonna stay here for one more second before we get to the fasting thing. You said you're not on Facebook anymore. Did you create your own group off online somewhere else? It's not through Facebook.

Gin Stephens 9:42
You know, I did. I did. And it's it's small. I had gotten up to almost 500,000 group members across my combined Facebook groups. But you know, Facebook started making a lot of mistakes with their artificial intelligence. In fact, just this morning, and I haven't been on Facebook since March, I left March 29 is the day I walked away. You know, recording this, gosh, three months later, almost Well, almost to the day. But just today when I left one of my Facebook groups still active, but run by moderators, but I haven't been there just today I got a deem by Facebook me. Obviously, it's something I posted months and months ago. But they said that I posted something that went against cybersecurity. I mean, I have not been posting on Facebook, like I said, since March, that's been over three months. And today, and because I'm the quote, admin of the group that goes against group studying against the group, if we get too many of those, they shut down the group, right. And, you know, we're intermittent fasting support group. And so my fear was, in the fall, they started cracking down on health groups. And, you know, we all know, you know, the spread of quote, misinformation is something they're trying to go against, but they were shutting down, like essential oil groups and things like that, like a friend of mine had a cooking group, and it got shut down overnight while she was asleep. And she didn't know why. And she was also, you know, off of Facebook, like she had her account had been deactivated. And then her group of 10,000 had been shut down. So I started thinking, you know, I did all of my work on Facebook, and with one click, they could shut me down,

Scott Benner 11:17
right? From an algorithm.

Gin Stephens 11:19
Yeah, yeah, based on I mean, I don't what did I do months ago, or even I may put it in a post I made years ago, I,

Scott Benner 11:26
someone in my group was once reported for bullying by the algorithm. And I looked, and they were just sarcastically saying something to someone that everyone involved in the conversation completely understood.

Gin Stephens 11:36
Oh, we got a Dang. And on the group, I'm one of the moderators, and it counts more when it's a moderator and admin, that's what gets your group shut down. But one of the moderators got a ding for saying, it was it was called bullying. And she had said this to a group member, she's like, well, don't worry, once you're fat adapted, fasting gets much easier. Okay, well, the AI saw your fat that's in contact, your fat adapted? Yeah, I mean, that's a perfectly good contact. And then she appealed it, and she got like a Facebook Jail for like a week. And it counted against the group. Because she was a moderator. And we're like, wait a minute, this is crazy. So I, you know, I started feeling the threat of I could really lose everything I've built, you know, you don't have email addresses of the group numbers. So I walked away, and it feels great

Scott Benner 12:25
for you. That's excellent. So and I agree, I that my Facebook page, I mean, I don't have 500,000. But there's 13,000 people in there, I only started at maybe a year and a half ago, and much more niche group of people, obviously. But, uh, I have that thought sometimes like, what if I like, what if this just gets taken from me by an algorithm? Or by something like that it's helping all these people? How do I find them to say, I don't even know what to do. So maybe I'll have to, in the back of my mind, start figuring out what you learned. So people can have a safer place. But nevertheless, I asked you on the show, because I am probably I am not a good eater in general, meaning that if it's green, or natural, or in any way reasonably good for you, I probably never had it before or eating it under protest that when I was 12. And I, my body retains water, like I'm in the seventh month of a pregnancy. So if I, if I eat too much of anything, I can wake up in the morning, four pounds heavier. It's absolutely right. It's It's crazy. So I'm always and forever and the people know listening, I'm always in forever just like messing with one thing or another, but I never do anything specifically. And then one day I run into intermittent fasting. And I have not kept up with it for I guess reasons that have nothing to do with how well it worked. But I went to a schedule of like eating from, I guess 11 to seven maybe 11am to 7pm. And I started with like a I don't I think I might have started with like a 36 hour water fast. And I went right into intermittent and then I must have lost 15 pounds in like a week. Wow. waterway 100%. And but as I was going and then I kept moving. I started testing the theory, I started acting like a like a scientist, I was like, I'm gonna eat everything in between this gap of time. And it was stuff that I don't even normally eat stuff that I would not consider Good for you. And I couldn't gain weight. Right? And so I don't understand that. And then here's the other side of it. My daughter's had type one diabetes, and she's two she's 17. Now this podcast reaches a lot of people who use insulin and have type one and type two diabetes. When my daughter wakes up in the morning, and overnight her blood sugars are absolutely fantastic because there's no fast acting insulin in her and there's no food, that kind of stuff. And it hit me one day. Arden fasts my daughter Just not on the schedule you would think of she basically goes to bed at 10pm and doesn't really wake up and start eating till nine or 10am. She's basically a 1212 eater, right. And her blood sugars are super stable in that time and no lows, like just very stable. So I'm looking for somebody to really explain the nuts and bolts of intermittent fasting, how it works. And I think you might be the person so whatever it is, you tell people about it, I'd love it if you could tell my listeners now.

Gin Stephens 15:30
Well, you know, you've seen it in action and your daughter her blood sugar is very stable because she's not taking in any any fuel wants to sleeping. And our bodies just running right along. You know, our bodies can can be fueled by what we're taking in. you're consuming or our bodies can be fueled from within, right. So within, like, let's say your fasting, there are two places your body can get your fuel one would be glycogen stores. I mean, how basic Do I need to get into this?

Scott Benner 16:05
Like in your liver, your liver, your liver holds glycogen

Gin Stephens 16:08
up? Yeah, your liver, your liver holds glycogen, your muscles hold glycogen, right? So you know, if nothing's coming in, that's the first place your body's going to turn. And it's gonna you know, it days since to save the glycogen in your muscles for for activity, but it'll it'll dip into that liver glycogen. And it's still nothing is coming in. Oh, and by the way, that's why you may see during a fad that you may see blood sugar go up. And you might think, well, how is this possible, I haven't eaten anything was my blood sugar up? Well, that's because your liver is releasing the glycogen. And it's going in your bloodstream. So you have to be aware of that your blood sugar can go up while you're fasting because the it's coming from within your body. So once your liver gets depleted of glycogen, to a certain degree, your body's like, Alright, dude, we got to do something else, we got to get some more fuel. And that's when it starts tapping into your fat stores for fuel for fuel. Sorry, you drink some coffee, I'm drinking my black coffee right now. So you start tapping in your fat stores for fuel and your body really has a lot of fat stores on board. And it can keep you going for a long time. And it can also make ketones out of your fat stores that fuels your brain very well. This is not the same as you know, diabetic ketoacidosis, obviously, which is something you'll have to watch out for. But you you feel great. So your brain has a steady source of fuel from the the ketones that are being produced. And you know, a lot of people think that you only make ketones if you're on the keto diet, and that's not true. Fasting is very ketogenic. And so, you know, I carbs my eating window every day. But during the fast, I find myself, you know, dipping into ketosis, you know, as I get into the later part of the fast, you know, before my eating window opens. So I have great mental clarity, and great sustained energy during the day, you know, for whatever I need. So I really think our bodies are meant to be metabolically flexible like this, if you think about the standard way that we've been really told to eat for the past few decades, you know, breakfast is, quote, the most important meal of the day, and you need to eat to boost your metabolism. And all these things, we've been told that people are eating like six times a day snacks in between, we're constantly putting sources of energy into our body. And so we never have to tap into our stored fat for fuel.

Scott Benner 18:33
Right, you're just always staying on, you're always keeping the gas tank full. So you don't know

Gin Stephens 18:37
exactly, we're always in the Fed state. And so we never, we never have a chance to even you know, to dip into our fat stores. Really, and you know, we're meant to be metabolically flexible, which means we're able to, you know, change our fuel source as needed, once your body adjusts to intermittent fasting courses doesn't happen on day one. But once you adjust, your body can just do what it needs to do and you don't feel terrible.

Scott Benner 19:03
You feel great in the fasted state, your body just makes that shift naturally like it's supposed to do. It's funny, as I was doing it, it occurred to me, I've been talking about this a lot lately that because of the internet, you have to name things because if they don't have a name, you can't look for it. Right? But if if you would have eaten like this 30 years ago, what somebody would have said, like, how do you eat, you would have said, Oh, I skipped breakfast and I don't eat when the sun goes down. That might be all you'd say. Yeah, you know, and that really is what you're doing right? And you're creating this, this thing that you're describing this time where your body can kind of just say, Alright, now I'm going to work on your fat. I'm going to take the storage and then at some point, I guess you get the storage depleted down where physically you appear more of the way you're hoping to. And then you eat during the eating schedule, which puts it back in and then you stop eating during the fasting schedule and then your body He pulls it back out again. And then you're in this kind of nice back and forth

Gin Stephens 20:03
all this. Absolutely, that's what happens. And another name for intermittent fasting, that's a little more sciency time restricted eating, you know that that sounds a little bit better to some people, you know, oh, I follow time restricted eating, which means you just eat within the window of time. And you know, the cats out of the bag, a lot of people are like, I'm not gonna call intermittent fasting, you can call it whatever you want that I mean, it is called fasting, you know, in the general landscape, but time restricted eating just maybe sounds a little better to some people. But even though it's the same thing,

Scott Benner 20:32
and I gotta tell you, I don't care what it sounds like, I there's, there's a whole series inside of the podcast mind called how we eat and somebody with Type One Diabetes comes on, and talks about their eating style, so that people can see that people eat in all different ways. My theory, my theory being everyone with type ones using insulin, they just need to understand how to use it for their style. And so I just couldn't find a type one who intermittent fast. And it seemed more technical than just explaining how they did it. So that's why I asked you to come on. And I presume

Gin Stephens 21:05
Have you ever read the book mastering diabetes? Have you seen that one?

Scott Benner 21:08
I don't read as a general rule, because I'm a boy. No, because I'm very busy. And I and I have seen people on the Facebook page talk about that. But to the extent that I understand what it is, I think it's they eat like a lot of fruit and vegetables and the

Gin Stephens 21:24
type one that that that's what's what's why I brought it up their type one. And they are I don't know if they're completely vegan, but they're very plant based, low fat plant based. But they talk about, you know, why that works so well, in for type one, and also, but the intermittent fasting, so they do intermittent fasting and like that plant base,

Scott Benner 21:44
my my thought around eating is that it's sort of like my thought around everything, but you can't, there might be a perfect solution. But I don't think you can make everybody do it. So I prefer to just say, look, here are all the options. Maybe one of these fits you.

Gin Stephens 22:01
Well, we're all different when it comes to what foods work for our bodies. And science is actually telling us this more and more. You know, the whole field of personalized nutrition is popping up. They're doing a lot of really interesting research on it. A lot of it comes from our gut microbiome. And like we've found, you know, I get like, let's just say glycaemic index, you know, we've all heard of the glycemic index and glycemic response, probably your audience more than most. But it blew my mind when I realized when I finally understood that we all have individual glycaemic responses, like the way I respond to a potato might be different from the way you respond to a potato. And, you know, it, there's not a universal glycaemic response to any food.

Scott Benner 22:41
Yeah. You know, if I, if I completely cut sugar out of my life, my gi system doesn't work as well. Really, I don't need a ton of it, but I need a little bit of sugar and then the entire process start to finish goes better. That was a really I

Gin Stephens 22:58
need to eat starchy, starchy carbs, I feel better when I eat starchy carbs, you know, I tried to do keto, back in the day before intermittent fasting the whole summer of 2014. I was like, I'm gonna lose weight with keto because then I'll never have to quote diet again. I'm just gonna eat this. I'm just forever by lose any weight. And I felt awful. And I never felt satisfied. I never felt full even though I was eating so much fat, so much food. And then that was when I said, Forget it. I'm just gonna do intermittent fasting. And I'd heard about it, I knew about it. I dabbled in it, but I couldn't make it stick as a lifestyle. Then finally, in 2014, when I switched from keto to intermittent fasting, I reintroduced carbs. And I finally started losing weight. And I felt so much better. And I'm like, Hmm, I really do need to eat carbs. And you know, when I try to try to avoid them, I do not feel satisfied. So I believe that we're really are all different. goes back to what lives in your gut microbiome.

Scott Benner 23:56
Well, let me ask you this when you're not eating when you're in the fasting part of the intermittent fasting, so the intermittent is I'm intermittently eating and the fast thing is, I'm also intermittently fasting when I'm in the fasting part. What if forget, type ones for a second? Okay, type twos and people who don't have diabetes is is fasting lessening your need for insulin?

Gin Stephens 24:20
Well, it would Yes, because you're our bodies know people whose bodies produce insulin are in our bodies when we release the insulin in response to food in our blood sugar going up and so with those of us who have have a working pancreas, insulin is coming out. Like if I were to drink a diet soda right now, for example, my brain says Oh, we got something sweet coming in. That means sugar because our brains don't understand Oh no, this is made in the lab. This is artificially sweet because all throughout history, everything that came in that tasted sweet was fruit or honey or sugar or you know it was going to give us a blood sugar was going to go up. Doesn't happen with with the diet sodas. So our bodies release insulin in response with this valic phase insulin response. And so high levels of insulin are actually anti lipolytic, which means keep us from tapping into store fat. So, like if I just drink diet soda all day long and had no food coming in, I would not be tapping into my fat stores very well, because my insulin would stay up even though my foods coming in because I'm sending that food signal. You know, we don't want to send food signals to our body when we're not really eating.

Scott Benner 25:42
Interesting. Okay,

Gin Stephens 25:43
it is very interesting. I learned all of this from reading Dr. Jason funks. work. I didn't understand that before. You know, we all have been taught that oven has zero calories. It's diet, it's good for you. And when I read the obesity code, I was like, Oh, no wonder we all have all these problems. Yeah, type two diabetes is really a disease that starts with too much insulin. You were were insulin resistant, it follows you know, a pattern of insulin resistance. Insulin is too high, our body becomes more resistant. It all just breaks down over time. And leading to insulin dependent type two diabetics, you know, my dad is in that situation. But I actually read a great article. I think it was written by a nurse practitioner, I can't remember but it was when I was researching for fasciae strappy that talked about hyperinsulinemia and our fasting insulin levels. And again, this is not going to be the same thing for someone with Type One Diabetes, but for someone on the way to type two diabetes. And basically she said we're testing the wrong thing. You know, we track your a one C, and blood sugars, but really, fasted insulin starts to go up even before your a one c starts to go up. So that would be the thing to actually track your tracking unit. She said the wrong thing. If everyone knows what their fasted insulin is doing, you could actually take care of that and maybe prevent your one C from from going up prevent the the progression to type two diabetes, my mom and I'm not a doctor. So yeah, listen,

Scott Benner 27:17
people listening to this know this. They're not getting medical advice here from me. Yeah, bad for me. Yeah, don't worry. There's a big disclaimer at the beginning. So you just didn't hear it. I so my mom is 78 years old, and I'm adopted. So she's not biologically my mom. But she started about a year ago, seeing her a one seat rise, and her father had type two diabetes. And I said to her, like, we're in the middle of a pandemic. And I'm like, Mom, listen, here's what I want you to do. was like, I put her on an intermittent schedule, and a lower carb than she does maybe not more than maybe 30 carbs a day. And her a once he came. I mean, she's 78 and she wasn't being active and ra once he dropped down like a point, awesome.

Gin Stephens 28:01
Intermittent fasting does that. Also, you know, you got to make sure that during the fast you're not doing anything that would make your body think foods coming in so you avoid anything with any kind of sweetener. No matter what they tell you. They're like, Oh, no glycemic response. Well, not right now. Avoid any kind of sweetener or food flavor. Don't put lemon in your water. Don't put cucumber in your water, avoid, you know, fruity herbal teas like Apple Cinnamon delight, that kind of thing. You don't want your body to think foods coming in.

Scott Benner 28:29
Can we talk about this on another episode where a CD who's on named Jenny said that when a person who doesn't have diabetes, smells food, or even believes they're about to eat that their insulin starts to work? Yeah, to help keep your blood sugar levels true.

Gin Stephens 28:46
Yeah, it's true. It's your body sensing these food cues. And that cephalic phase insulin response, you know, your body's like, Alright, food is coming in. So you know, we don't want to worry about things we can't control. Like if you're walking through the mall and you smell Cinnabon, you don't need to freak out but

Scott Benner 29:04
I just pictured someone throwing themselves off the second floor into the planter,

Gin Stephens 29:09
where the clothes pan on their nose. You don't need to do all that right? Just you know, don't put anything in you can control what you're drinking, you can control that very easily.

Scott Benner 29:17
Yeah. So if I'm intermittent fasting, I don't even want to have tea before my my eating time starts

Gin Stephens 29:25
you can have you can have black tea, plain tea, green tea, anything that's made of actual tea,

Scott Benner 29:30
that I put sugar into it or something like that. Boom, I'm done. Yeah,

Gin Stephens 29:34
I don't want to add anything to it. So a bitter flavor profile like it's found in black coffee because I'm drinking my black coffee right now. I had to learn to love it because I used to be a heavy stevia user I would put vanilla cream stevia and cinnamon in my coffee and it was a delicious treat. My brain thought it was a delicious treat to but switching to black coffees made all the difference because the bitter flavor profile is not associated with, you know, calories are coming in. So your brain does not see that as a food cue.

Scott Benner 30:04
Does, can the schedule move about? Like, can I, I can do 10 to six one day or noon to eight, like if I'm gonna go out to dinner later like it does that work?

Gin Stephens 30:13
Absolutely. And, you know, you can, you're talking about an eight hour eating window and an eight hour eating window is a great schedule for someone who is not trying to lose weight. Someone who just wants my husband, for example, he never needed to lose weight. He's a PhD organic chemist, and he does a loose 16 eight, he eats lunch, he eats dinner, that's it. And on the weekends, sometimes you might shift a little earlier and have like a really like a brunch kind of lunch, if it's gonna be doing a lot of yard work or something. And it's flexible for him. Now, if you're a woman like me, or if you're trying to lose weight, you may need a shorter eating window, you know, five hour eating window was my weight loss sweet spot. And waiting till later in the day to open my eating window worked better for me, but it's really your your study of one, you've got to figure out what feels like a lifestyle to you. Because intermittent fasting is not something that you want to start and stop, start and stop. You know, your metabolic flexibility can be affected. If you go long stretches without doing any intermittent fasting, you'll have to go through the adjustment period again. And that's the hardest part. So you want to you want to find a lifestyle that is the right amount of fasting for what feels good to you, and allows you to meet whatever the goals are the path,

Scott Benner 31:31
that adjustment period. I am obviously it's probably different for other people, but is there an average on how many weeks until you're not you don't feel hungry, and it feels normal to you.

Gin Stephens 31:41
It really does vary from person to person. So if anyone is starting intermittent fasting, I would encourage them to read or Scott, listen to my book fast, please repeat. It's on Audible. And I actually read it to you, I have something in there called the 28 day Fast Start, and that is your adjustment period. And so that's kind of an average. Now, if you're, you know, pretty metabolically healthy, you might adjust more quickly. Or if you've dabbled in intermittent fasting before, if you're eating, you know, a low carb diet that would also help your body probably make the transition more quickly. versus if you're someone who has been battling your weight for a long time you know, your type two diabetic, you've been obese for a while, it might take your body a couple of months, and maybe 28 days is not going to be enough, you may need to tweak what you're eating as well. Over time, it's really going to be different for everybody, you need to ease in as much as you need to. But understand the goal, you know, you fast clean, which you avoiding any of those food cues, you stick to plain water, no flavors added. You can have sparkling water as long as it's unflavored black coffee, plain tea, stick to the clean fast. And then even your eating window, close reading window, do it again tomorrow. And you just really learn to listen to your body. If you ever feel shaky or nauseous during the during the adjustment period, or really anytime that that may be a sign that your blood sugar is too low now that your audience would be testing their blood sugar so they would know you know in that case, go ahead and eat Don't be a hero. Don't push them through something that your body's telling you eat and you eat.

Scott Benner 33:20
I also have a fairly big caregiver audience too. So a lot of people who don't have type one that you know our parents and you know, might need the information as well like this. This is a an interesting episode for me kind of crosses a lot of different different audience members that I don't normally do. What what are their you said the fast clean What about when you're eating?

Gin Stephens 33:50
When you're eating you know, you eat what what you how you want to eat. You know, as I already said, there's no one way of eating that works for everyone. You know, they're there for I'll use two books for example. One is mastering diabetes that I already mentioned, written by two guys are type one they eat. Like I said, it might even be vegan like that vegan, and that's what they recommend. Well, then on the on the flip side, we've got the diabetes code written by Dr. Jason Fung and he represents our he recommends that you use a high fat low carb approach. And both approaches they're like 180 from each other, but they're working for different people. But what both have in common is the fasting. You know, so that's that's a commonality between both books. You have intermittent fasting in there. And then during the eating window, you find a way that works well for you. I mean, I eat all the foods. I'm also metabolically healthy, I don't have diabetes, and I never was diagnosed with pre diabetes or anything. Although I was probably on my way at 210 pounds. I had a lot of abdominal fat. And you know, that's a big sign of metabolic syndrome. So I'm pretty sure I wasn't you know, especially Looking at my dad, I was on that path. But you know, I eat all the foods. I feel better when I eat real foods and avoid ultra processed foods, although I still eat ultra processed foods every day. Like I love crackers and chips. I just do fit them in around my whole foods instead of making them the centerpiece.

Scott Benner 35:18
Yeah, so you're not having a bag of chips? Oh, gosh, no. So what if I'm gonna go down the other side of the spectrum for a second? What if you're a person is like, I can eat on a schedule, but I'm not going to eat well? Will there be any benefit for them? If they're, like, literally at McDonald's during their eating window?

Gin Stephens 35:37
Well, you know, yes, I like to say the magic happens during the clean fast, although what you eat is important. You're gonna be, you're gonna be better, you know, we need to nourish our bodies, because that's really what makes them work well, but they did a study with rats, I believe. And so I'm just talking about at the top of my head here. I don't have the details in front of me, but they fed different groups of rats different ways. And they also did intermittent fasting with the rats and the ones who continue to eat. I think they called it the cafeteria diet. It was, you know, ultra processed foods. Those rats had health benefits from the fasting even though they they ate the junky food.

Scott Benner 36:18
I made it I go, you stumbled and you use two different colloquialisms and you blinded them. You started I said, I'm talking out of my head, which I believe is I'm talking out of my ass and talking off the top of my head put the

Gin Stephens 36:29
guy did. I'm also in the south. And we don't say we don't say bad word. I know. Of course, we're trying to women not to do that. Also, I taught school for 28 years so often and changing what I'm saying.

Scott Benner 36:44
I like I said, we don't say that you just don't say that more people can hear you.

Gin Stephens 36:47
Well, we say around our trusted people. And really, things have changed over time to almost 52. So it's hard to unlearn those habits. And again, you have to be super careful in a classroom full of kids.

Scott Benner 36:57
It was delightful. When I heard the two colloquialisms get blended together and you rolled right through it. I was like, that's so interesting. Am I not asking you anything? I should be asking you because I really don't know enough about this?

Gin Stephens 37:09
Well, you know, the one thing I guess you might want to ask is, is it different? Or I'm just gonna tell you, I'm gonna just answer it, you know, the different for you, whether you're type one or type two? And the answer is yes, obviously, you know, you're going to if you're type one, you're going to really need to possibly work with your endocrinologist. Hopefully, your endocrinologist is is knowledgeable about intermittent fasting more and more of them are. But you may need a different plan than someone who's type two, of course,

Scott Benner 37:40
right? Well, I just going off of that and telling you something you might never need to know, but might find interesting. So my daughter uses less Basal insulin overnight than she does during the day. Right? And so I'm imagining that if people want to try this with type one, they're gonna run into a similar situation, but it might not be as Stark and helpful as they think. Because there's still other things at play that when you have the pancreas where any

Gin Stephens 38:10
factors? Yeah, I mean, right. And be aware that your blood sugar might go up, you know, like after the workout, for example, if you're fasting, and you work out, you might see your blood sugar pop up, because your muscles are dumping that glycogen, you know, and so you still have to be on top of that, even though no food has come in, you do have to keep your eye on it.

Scott Benner 38:34
I just recorded a variable Episode The other day that may or may not be up by the time this goes up that discusses the difference for type ones between anaerobic exercise and aerobic exercise and what happens to your blood sugar in both situations. And when you tax your muscles lift heavy weights, you are most definitely going to see a blood sugar rise afterwards. Yeah, right. I'm even talking about growth hormone for kids. Hormones from you know, menstrual cycles. Like all this stuff is not going to be completely squelched by as far as I can tell through my daughter through a fasting schedule. But what I can tell you is that, that during my daughter's eating schedule, she eats about like every other 17 year old kid on the planet. Yeah, some days it's a salad and she looks like a dainty lady and Downton Abbey. And other days. She's like, I need nachos and cheese. And I was like, Okay, and then you end up at some like fast food place and she's dipping nachos into a giant vat of what I don't even know what it is. They say it's case. Oh, but I mean, come on. What does that even mean? But, but so she eats sort of, you know, off and on like that, but her weight is very stable. That's good. Yeah. And a lot of times her age as she gets older. No, no, I know. But but but I'm just saying that. I also know children her age that don't eat on a fasting schedule and mix stuff like that in and they don't have the amount of success. She also exercises and You know, you know she, I don't want to paint her as a babysitter. She's a, I would call her an American eater, right. But if there's a more healthy side to that she's, she's off to that side a little bit. That's gonna show snack on carrots.

Gin Stephens 40:15
Right? Oh, that's good. Yeah, getting getting in the vegetables. That's important. You know, I, I was raised, you know, during the time when we just thought if you just took a vitamin, it'd be fine. You know, who needs to eat vegetables, take your vitamins. And so I've had to learn a lot about food. I have a new book coming out, called clean ish. It's coming out on January of 2020. It's available for pre order now. But it really you know, it's I was doing research for that book. It really helped me see, oh, gosh, we need more than just that vitamin pill. You know, we need to nourish our bodies with the, you know, fruits and vegetables. And so I'm making even more of an effort than I was before I eat the rainbow. Not the Skittles, but a real rainbow Rainbow.

Scott Benner 41:02
Well, I tell people all the time that you know, you can, you can figure out how to use insulin for almost anything. But just because you know how to Bolus for Fruity Pebbles doesn't mean you should have them every day. Right? You know, right. And that eating less processed food. Also, I bring it up here a lot, Jen, I cut out oils. And it made a big difference in my life.

Gin Stephens 41:25
Oh, yeah. Those inflammatory oils? Really. I mean, I have a co host on the intermittent fasting podcast. And she's been talking about those for a long time. And I was like, Yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah. I don't want to hear about that. But when I started really digging into the science, she was right that 70 of those seed oils that are the modern oils are just not good for us. So I picked the olive oil at home. You know, an avocado oil is also a better choice.

Scott Benner 41:55
All I have is I only use cold pressed, not processed olive oil. That's the only thing it's in the house with the exception if I want to be honest for a second, there is a small can of canola oil, which is not I found not good. But I needed to pop popcorn. And other than that it has no use in our life. I can't drink. Yeah. So and popcorn is a thing around here. So and I make it like it's 1948 in a pot with a lid, you know? Yeah, and put real butter on it. Oh, you're gonna have popcorn? I don't understand going halfway.

Gin Stephens 42:30
No butter and salt. That's delicious. But But yeah, ultra processed foods are a problem. You know, I really think if we could, if we could do cheap things for the world, everyone stopped eating ultra processed foods. And when we stopped drinking all these garbage beverages, which really actually, point one would take care of because, you know, you go to the beverage aisle of any grocery store mega Mart, Costco anywhere, be that right? There is so many of our health problems, everything. We've got artificial flavors, sweeteners. It's just It's terrible. But if we all just started eating real food,

Scott Benner 43:05
I think the health of the world would just be changed, just boom like that. So the people who listened to the show mostly probably know that a number of weeks ago, I had to go, you'll probably enjoy this as a person as a podcast. My son had to go from the east coast to the west coast. And he had to stay there for five weeks to work out. He's training for a baseball thing. And the first week he was going to be there. We didn't have lodging for him. And I was going to be with him the first week and we just couldn't set up lodging. And a listener of the show put us up in their house for a week. Which I know even probably sounds crazy to you. But I had

Gin Stephens 43:45
no it does not sound crazy to me because I've had events with my community we've on cruises, and so Yeah, no kidding. It's free. Free COVID

Scott Benner 43:54
so the reason I'm telling you this is because my son and I lived with this, this beautiful family for a week. But they don't drink anything but water. Yeah, and by the time we were there five or six days, I started looking in the mirror and thinking like I'm losing weight. Yeah, but they eat more than I do. And so I was eating on their schedule not like times a day but like they have big they have a big meal every night for dinner like kind of thing like their nights I don't eat very much and things like that. And I was like losing weight really quickly. Right so I got home and I said to my wife I was like can we make one small change? There's always Snapple in the house diet snap, I was like, Can we stop buying that? Oh,

Gin Stephens 44:35
yeah, that's that. Yep. I would absolutely not drink that. Just drink water. Really? I really think if every person whether you're fasting or not only drank plain water with no flavors added black coffee, plain tea, don't add anything to it. I think the health of the world would just blossom he amazing. Yeah.

Scott Benner 44:53
Well, so then I got a little I got a little sneaky. And I was like well let me like try to make this a little better for the people in the house and I brought in like a bubbly water, but it has a flavor in it. Yeah. And I'm not losing weight the way I did when I was at those people's houses,

Gin Stephens 45:06
I promise you stick to the stick to the unflavored. The plain like I have, you know, the lucky boy in the blue can. That's unflavored. Okay, I'll drink that. I also like sanpellegrino mineral water in a flavor added. You know, I like the bubbles. How about that?

Scott Benner 45:22
I just all occurred to me as you were talking, honestly, over the last 15 minutes. I was like, Oh, I cut out the Snapple. Yeah, didn't replace it with just pure water. How about that? Yeah.

Gin Stephens 45:32
And even you know, forget about what I talked about before with the Alec pays insulin response, you know, then the diet sweetener, or the artificial sweeteners affect our gut microbiome in a negative way. We're learning more about that. And so much of our health stems from the gut, you know, even like what your glycaemic responses, it's related to what lives in your gut. So, you know, we want to encourage a healthy population in our gut and they thrive on the real foods, and the ultra processed foods cultivate an entirely different gut microbiome, that it's going to lead you towards, you know, unhealthy outcomes. Will you see that over and over and over? Every study confirms that there's never been a study that shows that ultra processed foods lead to better health outcome. Over time, two things

Scott Benner 46:21
come to mind at once. I had a really beautiful doctor on and she talked about just thyroid stuff, because right, autoimmune things kind of travel in packs. So if you have type one, you might have a thyroid, you might have celiac, like there's other things that would pop up and they'd at least be in the family. So I add them into the show. And she was talking about gut health. And she's like, it's one of those things we can't really quantify yet the way we want to. But there's something there. And it's really important.

Gin Stephens 46:51
It really is. I'm following a researcher. His name is Dr. Tim Spector. He's out of UK, the UK and he is doing a lot of work with personalized nutrition right now. And you know, he's studied identical twins and a lot of genetic research, but he's really focused on the gut now. And it's just astonishing how important it is.

Scott Benner 47:11
Well, I don't know how much this connects. But I told you, I stopped I took all the other oils out of my life, which means now I won't eat something that's deep fried, you know, you know, that kind of stuff. But we ended up in a, you know, one of our like, kind of local bar restaurants recently. And I just stayed away from things that were fried. But then someone didn't finish their chicken wings. And I had a couple of them. And I recognize that I'm sorry if this is too much information for people, but I recognized after I ate them, I am now on a countdown to need to be near a bathroom. Because my stomach is not accustomed to the oil anymore.

Gin Stephens 47:50
That's true. I went You know, you're at the beach with my family. We went to my dad really wanted to go to a seafood buffet. And I was like, Okay, well fine. Keep the dad happy. And so we had the whole family and we went and you know everything there was fraud, pretty much and the crab legs dipping them in that fake butter. It was you know, not the kind of food I would normally eat. But you're right. The next day I was in the bathroom more than normal. Yeah, it was that food and then I was so puffy, I felt inflamed. But you know, I'm, as I talked about in my new book title, clean ish, I'm clean ish. I'm not, you know, obsessive, like gonna sit there with my family and refuse to eat because this is not what I normally eat. Or, you know, go munching just, you know, Iceberg lettuce off the salad bar. I was like, Okay, this is not what I do normally, but I'm going to, I'm going to eat this food and it'll be okay.

Scott Benner 48:39
I'm learning a lot from you. Because you and I are really similar except I didn't stick to the intermittent fasting. I I'm, I'm ish around it like I'm not your intermittent fasting ish. I'm not Yeah, I'm not eating after dark kind of things. But I am eating earlier in the day than I should be. But I was gonna say about the ish part this weekend coming up, July 4, right. And we're getting together at my mother in law's house for the first time in a long time. And I said, Well, I'm gonna bring a pizza oven. I'll make pizzas but I'm gonna make the dough from hand like like actually from scratch. I'll use double zero, like finely milled flour, which believe it or not, impacts me differently than buying like flowers that are milled the American way. I do believe that. Yeah. super interesting. And so when you come down to it with this one that being is the flour the dough is going to be nothing more than flour, salt, Eastern water, and then I will spend a little extra money to put a higher quality cheese on it. Right and and you know, a couple of toppings they'll be like mushrooms they have some might be a little sausage for somebody that's really going to be it and my body will process that pizza. No problem.

Gin Stephens 49:47
Absolutely. You're so right that I actually know my own wheat into flour on occasion and, and bake from Super scratch and it's just such a different experience that really makes a huge difference. You know when people are like a pizza is so bad for you? Well, not not if you're making it like this, right? I mean, if I ordered like a Pizza Hut pizza with Lord knows what they even put on that right? I

Scott Benner 50:10
know exactly what I'm thinking like I thinking of that pizza right now building it in my head. And I know every base ingredient that's in there and I mean down to the fact that it's only that thing that's in there, there's nothing right involved in it. And it's easier on my system.

Gin Stephens 50:25
100% it really is astonishing. So, you know, that's the thing you can eat all the foods you love. I mean, I eat potatoes all the time. But you know, when I when I make them at home, I'll cut a potato up, toss it in olive oil, throw it in the oven, roast it, and it's like Kevin frost, but you know, roasted in my oven. Yeah. And I don't feel bad. However, the first night I was at the beach when I drove here. I went over to the little beach bar because I always like to go there one time and I had a burger and fries and I felt like garbage. Yeah, there's got to be my stomach. Like why did I need these fries with me? My stomach hurt? Why did I do it?

Scott Benner 51:01
Jim, do you? Do you ever talk about that on the on your show? Do you ever think about it your personal life? Like I know everything you've said today makes 100% sense to me. I've seen it happen in my own life. Why will later today I walk past the candy dish and put a gumdrop in my mouth? Like Why? What happened to me when I was little Jen?

Gin Stephens 51:22
Because we're humans, and you know, we, we were not living the life of perfection, right? It's not easy to do that. And it doesn't feel good. And but you do start like I've gotten better at the, you know, thinking about how will I feel later if I have that? Do I really want to go through that like like I've gone through recently, and we're going through menopause. alcohol affects me more dramatically now than it used to. So you're used to every night at the beach? Definitely, I would have at least a couple glasses of wine. But I don't sleep as well when I drink alcohol. So now I'm like you're at the beach not drinking anything. Yeah. Because I want to feel I want to sleep well. And I want to wake up and feel refreshed. So you know, we just start to prioritize wanting to feel good. I feel

Scott Benner 52:06
like I'm gonna mature right when I die. And then it's gonna be late. Like, you know, like, what my wife said the other day, like, they were out shopping my wife and my daughter, and they found this little restaurant and they were like, come over. So I came, and I'm eating and I'm all the entire time eating all I can think is this isn't gonna work out. I then I couldn't sleep that night. Yeah, I was up at like four in the morning awake. And like, I still felt like I was processing my dinner that I had nine hours before that. And it just was I all I could think when I was laying there is like, you're pretty bright guy. Like, when are you going to like, stop?

Gin Stephens 52:40
Well, yeah, we can be slow learners, because, you know, food is a sensory experience. And there's so much more to it than just what you're putting in your mouth. If you're there with your family, and you have these feelings associated with it. And, you know, like, like me and that beach bar, you know, I come to the beach, the first thing I do is head over to the beach bar and have a burger. My wife will say, you know, if I didn't have the fries, I would have felt Okay, I just know that. Yeah, in the next time,

Scott Benner 53:06
I won't order the fries. So it really is about some like real like memories that just the food like relates to an obviously foods relatable to memories. It's when it's when it happens too frequently, that it ends up being unhealthy for you like my wife, say, if I'm at a movie, and there's not popcorn, I might as well not be at the movie. And I don't understand that. But obviously there's a way she grew up that that just that makes a movie for her. Yeah, again. Oh, yeah. That's interesting. It really is. I really I genuinely appreciate you doing this. But I don't want to miss anything. And like I said, I feel like a bit of a neophyte here. But do you think we covered? Did you if if somebody listened back to this? Will they understand intermittent fasting enough to understand if they wanted to know more about it?

Gin Stephens 53:50
I think so you really It's not scary. It just sounds scary. And there's there's a saying I didn't make it up. I don't even know where it originated. But your diets are easy and contemplation and hard and execution. We all know that from diets we tried before. Well, intermittent fasting is the exact opposite. It's hard and contemplation, but easy and execution. You know, you're it sounds like it's going to be so hard and you're going to you know, be starving and hangry. But once your body adjusts, it is so much easier than trying to diet all the time or eat frequent small meals. It frees up your mind to do other things. You have great sustained energy. And you're like, you know, why have I not always eaten this way? In fact, one of the things I hear from people all the time, is that, you know, this is how I used to eat when I was a teenager or when I went to college, but then everybody said you got to eat breakfast. It's the most important meal of the day. So I forced myself to eat it. So I would be quite healthy. And that's when my problems all started that a lot of people really look back to that and they're like or you know, I had a grandma and she just would sit for coffee all morning and then She had a tiny little lunch and a dinner with Grandpa and she was healthy until she died at age 95. And so, you know, everybody's got, you know, stories like that.

Scott Benner 55:09
You make me think that of something I said to my wife was like, we were healthier when we had less money. And I, yeah, and the money is about being able to afford food and end up in this context and being able to have something around always that you mean to have, like having options in your refrigerator.

Gin Stephens 55:28
Well, yeah. And we've also had been trained to fear hunger, like, you better have a snack in your purse in case you're like out shopping and you need to eat something real quick.

Scott Benner 55:36
I have to agree with what you just said before. And I'll tell you, I'm motivated to do this and stick to it better because I, after a couple of days, had to almost remind myself to start eating at noon. Right. And, and I did feel terrific. I will be honest, my back.

Gin Stephens 55:53
Start eating at noon. You know, are Would you like to lose a few pounds or you feel like you're exactly where you'd like today?

Scott Benner 55:58
Oh, you're delightful. No, I should lose a few pounds.

Gin Stephens 56:05
If you would like to lose a few pounds, and maybe you don't open your window till three. You know you have a little snack and then later a great dinner.

Scott Benner 56:14
Okay, listen, I'm up for doing something. I'm 50 gin in a couple of weeks. And I do have that underlying fear that I'm going to tip over some edge that I can't crawl back over again. Well, when is your birthday? July 12. Damn July 23. Happy birthday. My daughter's the 22nd. Okay, yeah. Awesome. Almost birthday twin. Yeah, we're so close. Close enough. Well, I let me first say I really appreciate this. And I will absolutely put links to your books in the show notes. And and when I do an intro, I'll I'll I'll do a nice, awesome buttoning

Gin Stephens 56:50
here. And I think you'll you'll enjoy clean ish. I know that you said you don't read but listen to I'll be recording the audio eventually. It'll be out at the same time. It'll be out in January as well. I just haven't recorded it yet. But you listen to parts of fast paced repeat on audio. And when clean ish comes out. It really I learned so many things. You I thought I knew a lot. But as I was researching, I learned so much more. And it really just inspired me the subtitle is eat mostly clean, live mainly clean, and unlock your body's natural ability to self clean, and you know, talk all about our toxic load and even the things we're putting on our bodies and how that affects us. We're just in a different kind of world now than you know, 100 200 years ago.

Scott Benner 57:33
Now I agree. You just said I'm gonna let you go about put on your body's meaning of like hand creams and stuff like oh, yeah, effect. Yeah.

Gin Stephens 57:39
Yeah, it all you know, goes through the skin, we know that it does, you know, because everybody's seen someone use a therapeutic patch for something or other. It's a great medication delivery system. So if if medications can be delivered through patches than what you put on your skin is delivered in the exact same way. So you know, our toxic loads are just crazy these days, and babies are born with toxins in their cord blood. Then we go down this rabbit hole forever. But it really what I learned was shocking to me, even though I thought I knew a lot. And it really inspired me to make a difference with you know, like I said, I'm clean ish, but I make changes where it wherever I can. So I can still live a life where if I want to go to the beach bar and have fries I can and still be healthy. The fasting helps with that with the clean and self cleaning that happens during the fasted state. But there's other things but fruits and vegetables help our bodies self clean to Well,

Scott Benner 58:37
I've really enjoyed this.

First, let me thank Jen for coming on the show and sharing all of her knowledge about intermittent fasting. For anyone who cares on the day this episode comes out and I don't know what the date is, you're gonna have to look at the calendar. Actually, that won't help you because if you look at it the day after it comes out. Anyway, I think it's about like the end of July 2021. I'm going to start an intermittent fasting lifestyle. I'm going to start it back up again. And I'm going to stick with it for at least 30 days. So if you're on the private Facebook group, I'll be reporting there about it. So I'm using this to hold myself accountable. The first 30 days goes well, I'll extend it

Oh, you might not know where the private Facebook group is. It's called Juicebox Podcast type one diabetes. I think there's a link in the show notes if there's not definitely you can get to it through Juicebox Podcast comm or just searching Juicebox Podcast Type One Diabetes on Facebook. Don't forget to check Jen out. She's got like she said three podcasts I said to at the beginning but I think it's three. She's got a ton of great books. They're all available on I'm on what they call the amazon.com. You can head over there and just type in her name Jin Stevens it's with a Ph. I could do it with you real quick. You people are so needy Hold on a second. I know no one asked ci g i n s t e p h e n s and then when you hit enter, it's all your keyboard. pops right up all of her books, fast feast repeat. She wasn't wrong. It's the best seller and others don't delay living in intermittent fasting lifestyle clean ish. Wow. She's prolific this Jen Stevens. Now if you go to Juicebox Podcast calm and do a little scrolling down. You'll see all of the how we eat series right there. Vegan carnivore plant based gluten free. Low Carb Bernstein fodmap keto flexitarian. Today, intermittent fasting, and there are more coming. People have all different kinds of ways they eat. And I find each and every one of them interesting. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Juicebox Podcast. Thank you for sharing the show with friends, doctors, thank you for sharing it with your patients patients. Thank you for sharing it with your doctors. You guys are terrific. I couldn't do this without you. All the great ratings and reviews and emails and messages. They mean the world to me. I'll be back very soon with another episode of the Juicebox Podcast.


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#515 Chris Dudley

Scott Benner

In 1987, Chris joined the Cleveland Cavaliers and became the first person to play in the NBA with Type 1 Diabetes.

www.chrisdudley.org

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, welcome to Episode 515 of the Juicebox Podcast.

In the 1987 NBA Draft, the Cleveland Cavaliers chose Chris Dudley. He went on to play 16 seasons for a handful of teams and even made it to the NBA Finals once. He also has type one diabetes, and he runs a camp for kids with type one, called the Chris Dudley foundation. You can learn more about it at Chris dudley.org. Today, Chris and I are going to talk about a ton of stuff playing in the NBA being diagnosed with type one playing in the NBA with type one, what it was like to face Michael Jordan, his camp, and all the other stuff that popped into my head while we were chatting. While you're listening to the show today, I'd love it if you could remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, please always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan. We're becoming bold with this.

This show is sponsored today by the glucagon that my daughter carries g vo hypo Penn. Find out more at G Vogue glucagon.com forward slash Juicebox Podcast is also sponsored by the Dexcom g six continuous glucose monitor, I want you to go to dexcom.com Ford slash juice box right now where you can learn more about the Dexcom g six and even get started. It'll be the best decision that you've ever made.

Chris Dudley 2:06
My name is Chris Dudley, from diabetes perspective. I got diabetes in 1981 when I was 16 years old, playing the NBA for 16 years and we started the foundation in the Christopher Reeve Foundation for kids with diabetes in 1994, about 25 years of basketball camp for kids with Type One Diabetes. I kid kids from all over the country all over the world really with that kids from globally. And he just 10 through 16 boys and girls and and we've also done a lot of other outreach for for diabetes as well.

Scott Benner 2:50
Can you think back to when you develop the basketball camp originally? What made you do it?

Chris Dudley 2:57
Yeah, you know, so I so backing up so 1981 and really dating myself here, but it's alright. You know, obviously diabetes was in different different spot. It was who's tough. And when you got diagnosed with diabetes, it it was a you know, I tell story that the first thing I asked the doctor is am I gonna live. And by that I didn't mean next week or whatever. But how long? What does this mean? Because at that time, it meant a shortened lifespan. So it was, you know, it just rocked my world. And then it was of course what I still be able to play basketball and got the affirmative on both which which wasn't always the case back then. Sometimes they discouraged athletics activity because of the risk of of getting low blood sugars. And so fortunately, that was changing. That's when studies were coming out and saying activity was good for your overall health, your blood control. seems obvious now but at the time, it was a it was a concern. And so So anyway, fast forward and go through high school, go through college make it into the league, I was the first and only player to play at that time in the NBA with Type One Diabetes. And it was I was almost you almost didn't want to let anybody know I did. But yeah, I really wanted to establish myself as an NBA player and have diabetes kind of be an afterthought versus should we sign this guy because we don't know we can make it right. Once I prove that and and more people became aware that I had in the diet in the diabetes community that I had diabetes, I get a lot of letters from kids or parents. How do you do it? How do you What's your game day route? What do you what do you eat? What kind of insulin? How do you how do you play an activity with with having with while having diabetes. And so I'd always been asked about doing it. Most pro players are about doing a basketball camp get involved with camp. And so my wife, my wife, and I came up with the idea with squids combiner and which have a have a camp for, for for kids with diabetes. And so the long winded answer is that it was really the Genesis was really the outreach from kids and parents asking, you know, and just realizing what a need there was for

Scott Benner 5:40
right. Wait at that time. So, so you're diagnosed in high school? Imagine you're playing in high school, you go to college and play. Is it? Are you just like using regular mph? Did you just kind of shooting insulin in the morning and an evening and kind of eating on a schedule?

Chris Dudley 5:55
Yeah, I'm trying to remember. I think I started off doing that. And then at some point, pretty soon after I went to the mall, I shot a day. Okay, are you taking a shot before? Before every meal?

Scott Benner 6:14
They call it fruit? Now you're getting basil once on a meal mealtime ends? Yes. Did you test very frequently.

Chris Dudley 6:19
I did. You know sometimes better than sometimes more than others. But with with playing with playing sports, you really felt like I had to write. And you know, on game days,

Scott Benner 6:33
I would test as many as 16 times on game day just to really have it dialed in. Right. And so did you. Looking back? I'm assuming now you manage differently. You have a pumper. You still MDI?

Chris Dudley 6:46
I do net. So now I have the Omni pod. So I have the pump. And then I have Dexcom Dexcom. So

Scott Benner 6:55
So now you have a real vision into what's happening. Like looking back. Were you playing at an elevated blood sugar? Or do you not even know? Yes, yeah.

Chris Dudley 7:02
Yes. I think it definitely was. Because, you know, if you're playing, you know, practice is one thing but a games another. If you're playing in front of 20,000 people, you're more worried about going Whoa, going on? Yeah. So So yeah, I definitely do and I would. Looking back, I would have loved to have had a Dexcom or something. I mean, I'd love pump too. But just to know what my blood sugar was doing? Would have been in nano kidding.

Scott Benner 7:33
So I, I asked my son, I was like, what should I ask Chris? When I talked to him? And he was just like, well, you have to ask him what it's like to play against Michael Jordan at some point. And I was like, Okay, I'll see if I'll see if he wants to talk about that. But yes, happy to. Yeah, no kidding. But But staying into the diabetes for a second longer. If you're elevated, like, do you think you were at a deficit? Yes, no kidding. I

Chris Dudley 7:59
do. I think, you know, I took a lot of pride in I never wanted to miss game because the diabetes, I really never wanted diabetes to be an issue. And I felt like, you know, right or wrong, I felt like an almost an obligation for those in the community to show you know, diabetes isn't going to prevent me from from playing and show that you can play in the NBA and, and I felt like I established that early in my career where a couple years where I think I played all 82 games, or if I missed a game. I never missed a game because diabetes. But in doing so. I also know that there was times that I was either worked, you know, borderline wlos. or certainly it may be higher blood sugar. And there were plenty of times you know, I joke around with kids that you know that I never missed a game. But there were plenty of games where I had I was running up and down the court having drank three cans of apple juice or something to get my blood sugar up, right. So it wasn't wasn't always easy. And I think it would have been a lot easier or better today to kind of be a little bit tighter control right? With all the technology and not to mention the speed of insulin increased in in the 90s right it keeps it keeps improving but there was a rapid when we went from Oh, wait from that regular human log or whatever it really Yeah, it really helped.

Scott Benner 9:41
Did the coaches and players know I mean, and by No, I mean, what did you play with some people who flat out didn't know you had diabetes? And did you play with people who knew but didn't pay any attention to it?

Chris Dudley 9:53
Um, well, everybody would have known I think, but there might have been some Who just didn't pay attention?

Scott Benner 10:05
Right? Well wouldn't even understand I would imagine to.

Chris Dudley 10:07
Yeah, I mean, you know, I'm testing my blood sugar in the locker room before we're going out. And so I mean, it wasn't like, so they would know that the person who had to really know and be dialed in was the train trainer, of course. And with coaches, they knew, but I really didn't want them to have to think about it. Think about it. Yeah, that wasn't there. That was on me and the trainer to do that to be ready, when when your number's called. And

Scott Benner 10:35
the fear there is that if they feel like there's a weakness, then there's a reason to put somebody else out there instead of you. Whether it's diabetes or anything. Right, right. Yeah. Okay. Wow. That's a lot of pressure. How did you do that for 16 years?

Chris Dudley 10:49
Well, yeah, you just get in a routine. I mean, it just becomes your Yeah, you're kind of your way of life. Yeah. Yeah. And I think with the coaches, and let me differentiate. In case we have any younger listeners or players is that a number one in the NBA, you have a full training staff. And so having that relationship with the trainer takes that pressure off if you're in high school, or, or younger, or club basketball, or whatever the coach has to know. And be very, very aware of it, right? Because there is no trainer. There's no intermediary.

Scott Benner 11:28
Yeah, so it's you and your parents. Exactly. There still is that pressure, my daughter's going to be 17 this summer, but when she was younger, she played softball, like fairly competitively, meaning that they were like a winner. So away from going to the Little League World Series when she was 12. And she only had one bad low while she was playing. And it was enough, she was at third base. And the inning ended and she gestured to me came through the dugout and said something's wrong. Like that's all she said. And she had a low that was in the 30s and 40s, it took a while to come back up again. But when her bat rolled around, even it like back then 10 1112 years old, I think she felt pressured to go hit because she did not want anybody to think that this was gonna stop her from doing that. And I don't, I'll never get into her head as to why. But I watched her go hit with a blood sugar that was maybe only 70 and had just started coming up and she fought through it, but you could tell something was wrong with her. I wish she was a little older when that happened. So I could talk to her about it. But

Chris Dudley 12:32
and you know, the thing that and that's great point in that. What's tough, too is is you know, with with diabetes is you get that well and yes, you can recover in your blood sugar's back up to 70 and going higher and getting to get to 100. But you still don't feel right, right, you know that the low blood sugar can throw off it, I've found that even exercise now that you know, a kind of a giveaway for me that my blood sugar is going down? Or is my balance is off. I just don't have the same. I can just feel it physically. So it's to your earlier question. Yes, you can you can make it you can play and but but there are, it does affect you. I don't

Scott Benner 13:14
know if you'll want to answer this. But is there ever a time where you're running down the court thinking I shouldn't be out here?

Chris Dudley 13:20
Ah, there was times where I was like, I need a timeout.

Scott Benner 13:27
Somebody foul somebody, I just want to know that you found somebody one time to get a break. That's

Chris Dudley 13:33
well, you know that well. And the thing is, and again, everybody as diabetes knows this is what's so hard about it with playing is or can be difficult is that you're by you still have everything else that everybody else is going through, right. I mean, either we play 82 games, there's times where you have a cold or you don't feel great or you can get a good night's sleep, and it's hard sometimes to differentiate, I feel off is my blood sugar. So when I say I want to timeout it's not always that someone was saying I need to test to make sure because I was I didn't have that confidence that that I was not that I was maybe going in sometimes he tests me like, no, you're fine. It just you just don't feel good. Because people who don't have type one when they feel off their next thought is and I wonder if I have too much insulin I'm about to pass out in front of 35,000 people exactly.

Scott Benner 14:27
Yeah, that's that's a it's a good point. And now would you mind if you know what were your Awan sees when you were playing? Do you have any idea?

Chris Dudley 14:38
They weren't they were two sevens. I tried to get below seven but you know and the ANC is is great in a lot of ways. But the and now we're talking about time and range i think is is more important because with the agency. I would have good agency sometimes but I might have been you know What 50 plus 180? is when you know, I mean, you can,

Scott Benner 15:05
yeah, you can fool the test by having a lot of lows and a lot of highs and seeing it bounce out. I just know that that was the only way that they paid attention to it back then your, your point is 100%, right time and range, less variability. That really is a great measure of health. I was just wondering, I mean, but sevens were, that was probably better than what the ADA was asking for at that point.

Chris Dudley 15:27
Yeah, no, I think so. You know, I, you know, I've worked, I worked hard at it, to try to keep it you know, to stay in range. So,

Scott Benner 15:36
when you're a professional athlete, it just, there's an inference that your body is just that it operates differently than some people's. So do you have to back then were you eating? Like, they like the guys now? Like, the guys now look like superheroes? You know what I mean? Like, you look like a tall man who was athletic when you played like, the guys now look like they could grab you and throw you if they wanted to? Did you eat more specifically? Or was it more like? I don't know, it wasn't like cheeseburgers and basketball, like, what was the vibe? Ah,

Chris Dudley 16:09
it's good. Quiet, you know, that was always a struggle with the, with the trainers and trying to get, they kind of had to balance that out where they would try to get good, it was kind of funny, they would try to get healthy food on the when the planes when you're, when you're traveling or the team meals, and then they found if it was too healthy, kind of like with our kids. It's too healthy. Nobody's going to eat it. And kind of defeats the purpose. So I was, you know, I was aware, but I don't think there was the emphasis that there is today on on what you're eating by

Scott Benner 16:47
on a fine tuning of

Chris Dudley 16:49
what do you know, it's kind of fun. I mean, I played with some guys who did literally like could eat a hamburger before the game and go out and just kill it and you know, kind of laugh about country strong and just right. I mean, what guys are just tremendous athletes. It catches up with the waiter, but they were I couldn't do what they did. But but just I think that's where diabetes, actually is that there are some blessings on diabetes are some advantages and one is you do get to know your body better. And I did go through the process of Alright, what what is my body work better? What type of food is work better with? Yeah,

Scott Benner 17:26
it just occurred to me that over the last couple of decades, as we understand nutrition better, that it doesn't just happen overnight that there is a transition of talking generations into believing differently. And I watched my son's 21 now he plays college baseball, and right up until about a year and a half ago he had that like just here I'll take a handful of this and that and you know you're running out on the field with a doughnut in your mouth almost you know in between games and now as he's getting into 21 years old, he's like, I don't think I should be eating this and I was like yeah, I don't think so either and he doesn't have type one my daughter does but it's just very interesting to see that happen in my mind like you know you always your your head goes to ideas of you know, old baseball players playing you know, with hangovers and stuff like that and and being the best. Alright, so I just have to ask you,

Unknown Speaker 18:21
Jordan,

Scott Benner 18:23
just the so much better at the time than everyone else, or it still stacks up today.

Chris Dudley 18:30
It still stacks up today he to me he's the best player ever.

Scott Benner 18:42
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My daughter turned 17 years old yesterday. She got her driver's license, gave her a cupcake and we went out to dinner. When she woke up this morning. She went to the beach with her brother and some friends. Just like most 17 year olds, she slept in a little bit in the morning and got up but not quite enough time to eat before she went to the beach. She got a car. They drove to the shore. They spent a few hours on the beach and they came home the entire time. I could see Arden's blood sugar on my phone. Why is that? Well, it's because Arden's wearing the Dexcom g six continuous glucose monitor my wife and I could both see Arden's blood sugar on our iPhones. And if we had Android phones, we could see it there as well. Arden can share her numbers with up to 10 followers. And so can you dexcom.com forward slash juice box. One point I sent Arden a text that said just this was that food. And what I was talking about was that I saw her blood sugar kind of go from 191 30. And she said, No. And I said hydrate and Bolus. And she did. And that was that dexcom.com forward slash juice box, the speed and direction of the blood sugar are available at your fingertips on your iPhone, your Android, or you can use the Dexcom receiver. So if you're the person with type one, and you don't want to look at it on your phone, you could use the receiver or you can use your cell phone, the apps are terrific. And sharing with other people is amazing. Seeing your blood sugar, and the speed it's moving in. That's life changing. Please take a second, Get started today. With the Dexcom you will not be sorry. If you're using insulin, seeing your blood sugar in real time is about the best thing that could happen. It allows you to make these great decisions with insulin and with food. And you get to see if things are going right or wrong. So next time, you can say to yourself, Oh, you know what did a unit for that went up to 140 and kind of sat there corrected later with a unit. Maybe next time I'll use two units for that. I don't know something like that. These are made up numbers. But you get what I'm saying right? You see what happens cause and effect, and you get to make better decisions next time. The links in the show notes of your podcast buyer will take you there. The links at Juicebox Podcast comm will take you there but you can always just type it in dexcom.com forward slash juicebox g vo glucagon comm forward slash juicebox. And don't forget he's not a sponsor. But he's doing such a great job on the show today, Chris dudley.org All right. Let's get back to Chris and the story about Michael Jordan. Just like how I let him answer the question I'm do a cliffhanger on you. Bet you weren't expecting that.

Chris Dudley 22:39
I was fortunate I got when I was in college, I went down to work jobs at the basketball camps down at UNC where Jordan went and he would play during summer so I got to play with him during the summer. And then obviously my he's a couple years older than I am but I was played mostly during his time and had a lot of when I was a kid when we played the ball a couple times early in the playoffs. And what Jordan Jordan to me was, you know wasn't is the best player to play again.

Scott Benner 23:16
Yeah, I saw my my son tries to make the point that even the fifth guy on a bad team is incredibly athletic now, and I try to read like I try to retell the best I can I always go to the one story where I tell him. I was watching the game one day and and Michael Jordan turned his ankle completely over, like his foot went underneath of his leg and it was bent sideways and you thought for sure he'd never walk again. And he stood up and hobbled, hobbled, hobbled, hobbled and then ran. And I was like, I don't understand. You know, you ever see Reggie White's knee hyperextend. And then he leaves. It's an amazing video, his knee goes backwards. The way it's supposed to go forwards he leaves the field. If you're a Philadelphia fan, you think I'm never gonna see Reggie white again. And two plays later. He's back out there playing. And I'm just like, I don't understand how that happens. Like now some people just get amazing gifts, you know, physical gifts like that. So you bring him back right now. 25 years old, drop him in the league. He's the best player in the league squared. Really? No kidding. So how do you keep up with that? When you're like when you're everyone else? What's the plan?

Chris Dudley 24:26
It's hard enough. And I think the game has changed, but it was a different. I mean, there's some things that are better today. Probably they're they're definitely the skill level has gone up as far as the outside. There's such a premium on outside shooting. That has definitely changed but the game then was so much more physical. So the counter argument to is could some of the guys today be as successful. Back then, back then, if they're getting ready every time they go. They're laying there. Someone's punching him in the ribs. said they're getting in touch. So, you know, that's so funny you said it's just a different deal. And I do think the one and we've we've kind of touched on it. One huge advantage you have today that would have played out for guys back then is, is the nutrition, the strength, medical, they don't play the same. They take off back to backs they rest more they it's just a it was more of a grind even more of a grind back. Especially in especially when it first came in the week than it than it is today. It's it's a little bit and part of it is the dollars that have gone. Gone into it that are in the league. I think there was a an article about LeBron, and that he spends, I don't know, was close to a million dollars on someone. Massage and nutritionists and cook and this and that. And for good reason. I mean, he's unbelievable. Yeah, he's a freak of nature. And he takes he, he works at it. And so I think that's changed to an extent. It's helped.

Scott Benner 26:09
I guess it's sort of the way people drive a show car. You only take it out on Sundays when it's sunny driving a little slower. And you you played in a time where they're like, Listen, we're driving you every day until you fall apart. Even someone else will come. But even the length of your career. Was that even uncommon back then?

Chris Dudley 26:29
Yeah, no, it's, well, you know, the average. I mean, some guys do it. But the average in the league is three, three years. So there's a lot of turnover. And if you get past 10 Yeah, it was definitely uncommon. You're, it'll be unseen today, because guys come out earlier. So they start younger. When I when I played, there were some players that came direct or a couple years in, but even Michael Jordan was a junior when he came into the league, a junior in college, right? So they're younger. So it'll be just, it will be interesting to see if they go, they can go as long

Scott Benner 27:12
or not. was their club like did you know Ron Santo and Bobby Clarke? Like, did you have a mean? Like, did you guys know? Yeah, or No, those

Chris Dudley 27:20
were my heroes, but I really didn't know him. Okay. And so I was well, where I grew up in. I lived in Philly till I was 12. And so I was a big fan of the Broad Street Broad Street boys. Philadelphia Flyers went back to back Stanley Cups in the 70s. So I was huge Bobby card pant, before I got diabetes. And so when I found out he had diabetes, that was huge for me, and very

Scott Benner 27:45
inspirational. So I grew up in Bucks County, right outside of the Northeast. And okay, and I have to tell you, when I found out Bobby Clarke had type one diabetes, it was only like 10 years ago. And then you think back to how he played. And I don't even understand, that doesn't even make any sense, you know? But I guess it was a different time. I don't know Sam fold is. He's a GM of the Phillies now. But when he was on the podcast, he just told me when I was playing, if you saw me in the outfield chewing gum, I was lower. I thought I was low. And if I was chewing seeds, I thought I was okay. That was like, the extent of what he would do. You know, it's, it's really fascinating.

Chris Dudley 28:22
Well, I remember when I was a kid here in it, the flyers practice would have they'd always have orange juice and like a chocolate bar over on the bench.

Scott Benner 28:29
And that was forgotten. Yeah, that's crazy. It really is. Okay, so how do people find out about the foundation? And what do you want from them? You want them to learn about it? You want him to donate to it? You want him to come out to a to an event? What is it you're trying to do? And how are you handling this with COVID?

Chris Dudley 28:48
Well, so Chris, God, we got to work. Look up the foundation. And and obviously, we're nonprofit and we always accept donations. Because we're putting on camp every year with this would last year would have been the 25th this would be the 26. Last year we held camp, but it was virtual. So and unfortunately this year, we're back doing the same it's either virtual or we may try to do a couple I may go to different spots and meet with kids a few different places. We're trying we're looking into doing that. But we just couldn't hold camp this year because because the COVID because of the restrictions that are in place now. And it just it really breaks our heart that we can't do it the camps normally indoors or outdoors. Outdoors so it's uh you know, back east and you got the Poconos

Scott Benner 29:56
night. Sure.

Chris Dudley 29:57
So the camps up there. It This is Kind of that kind of setting. Okay, and it's an outdoor with bunkhouses outdoor courts, swimming pool rolling hills and you know volleyball court and so it's great. It's a great outdoor bunkhouse kind of what which kind of envision camp? Right.

Scott Benner 30:17
That's amazing. I have more questions if you have time. Yeah, I do. So do you have any other autoimmune issues? thyroid, celiac.

Chris Dudley 30:28
I've been on a thyroid. I take a thyroid, blanking on the name right now but I took a thyroid pill every morning centroid centroid Thank you. No problem. Yep.

Scott Benner 30:39
How long? When were you diagnosed with that? And is it hashimotos? Or is it hypothyroidism? Do you know is it autoimmune or is that? Not?

Chris Dudley 30:48
I think it's hypo. I don't think I think it's the latter. I think it's a I've been on a you know, probably 15 years. I think maybe more than that. I just know, I've been taking this for forever. And it's been with just taking the one pill every morning. I've been.

Scott Benner 31:06
It's been good. So after you got on playing this happen?

Chris Dudley 31:11
You know, that's quick question. I don't even Yeah, I think it was right after it.

Scott Benner 31:14
Okay, when I say Yeah. And do you remember? Where you lithologic hair falling out? Like, do you remember what led you to it? Or just the blood test caught it?

Chris Dudley 31:23
It was just a blood test. They just said you're a little either a little higher, a little? Well, whatever it was, right? We recommend this bill. No kidding. So that's what I have. Other net? No, we have a number of kids at Camp who have celiac. And yeah, different than we would have some diet, things that we do a camp for kids.

Scott Benner 31:48
Yeah, there's there's definitely an increased occurrence of things like that even low vitamin D seems to be really common with people with type one. It's just it's interesting that I like to ask people how about in your family line? any other type one in your line?

Chris Dudley 32:04
Yeah, my uncle. So my father's brother had diabetes passed away now. But he had diabetes from a young kid on so my father when I had to sit and I had the classic symptoms, you know, being incredibly thirsty and having to go to the bathroom and he caught it earlier than probably normally would have. Because of my uncle. And I went went to the drugstore got the I think it was called test tape back then and

Scott Benner 32:34
peed on it. Right? Yeah. Different world that you got on you that fell on your cell phone? What your blood sugar? I know, it's such a different world. Yeah. And it really is something because you live through and had diabetes through a couple of leaps. You went from one insulin to another kind of insulin, you went from one testing to another time. And now this would you? If they told you that they could implant cells in you that would start making insulin again and give you a medication that would stop your body from killing the cells? You would do it? Or would you not? That's good question. What are the side effects? Yeah, right. Well, that's the obvious first question, but I don't know. I'm just my bigger question is as somebody who's lived for this many decades with type one, are you looking to get rid of it? Or do you not think about it like that anymore?

Chris Dudley 33:29
Um, I'd loved it for there to be a cure. And I have to say I'd love there to be a cure not so much for me, but for the kids and for others, because I've learned to live with it. And so it's But yeah, I mean, when my way is, you know, technology is great when it works right when when you get a bad you're in a meeting and the pumps goes bad are you I don't know if the what device you're on. But if you've gone through the doorway, and you've caught your pod on your you know, whatever, or you're on the plane and all of a sudden it's like bad pie, you know, all that stuff that the the nav, I think the toughest part is just the 24 seven of it that you just don't get a break. So yeah, I'd like to be certainly would want there to be a cure. But but but again, I would rather you know, kind of tell I don't think the kids at my camp, I don't know that they're going to live through their whole life with having diabetes. I think we're getting closer and closer. It's amazing. I

Scott Benner 34:33
had there was a gentleman on a couple months ago and there's this drug that right now when you get diagnosed, if they catch you early enough, they put you on this drug and it can hold off the onset for like years. It's fabulous. You know,

Chris Dudley 34:46
in fact I'm involved with a company here up in Oregon that's working on. We have tests a screen that will show Are you at risk of getting Are you going to get Type One wind. Yeah, if you and and before used to be. And they've been trying to do the screen. And this is a much quicker, easier test and what's now where you got it, you got to do it, send it back to the web and wait a couple weeks or whatever get the results. Before it was in I talked with my wife about this, you didn't necessarily want to give the test to your kids when they were young, because they're going to get, you know, take blood and all that. But because there was nothing you could do about it. Now you can do something about it. So that's very, very exciting that you can

Scott Benner 35:33
Are you talking about trialnet? Yeah, sure. They were on recently to a lot of people were they Yeah,

Chris Dudley 35:39
yeah. So trial net, and knowing it's a much bigger their, their pitch for people to get tested is completely different now than it was even just a couple years ago. Because now you have something that you can actually enter was thoughts that you could do certain things, give a little insulin do certain things to kind of prevent it before. But now we know concretely that you can postpone it, which is, which is awesome news.

Scott Benner 36:06
It's amazing. Technology. It's it's some of this newer stuff is the closest stuff I've seen, that seems like it's you uses science that we understand now. And that it feels like it has like an endpoint. It's not just like, we're gonna try this and see where we get to. It's really cool. And But with that, you know, I

Chris Dudley 36:24
think it's I think we're getting so much closer and closer, closer, but you also don't want to be you still got to deal with the diabetes. And you still you don't want to give newly diagnosed

Scott Benner 36:37
people the feeling that they don't have to take care of themselves, because it's gonna go away. Yeah, I tell my daughter, look, I lived with the hope that somebody will figure this out. But I don't expect it. I guess that's the difference. Like I hope but I don't expect my daughter's a once he's been in the mid fives for seven years. Now. She doesn't have any dietary restrictions. Like we've like this podcast, what we usually talk about is how to use insulin in ways that keep you you know, from spiking and having problems like that blank screen. Yeah, it's very cool. But at the same time, I like knowing that people are out there working on this stuff. It's interesting. No, I

Chris Dudley 37:15
do too. And I just throw that caveat, not not to be negative. But it's I remember parents telling me and this is your 20 years ago, or even when I was hanging on, so it was like, well, there's probably going to be five or 10 years. You know, and that was just that's what they said. Yeah. Yeah. So so it's like, yeah, I think we're getting in worthy. Whether there's going to be the magic pill kind of cure with no side effects. And I don't know if they're, or it's just gonna be the technology just gets better, better better. And we're on the closed loop system, or whatever it

Scott Benner 37:52
might be. It's just getting so much better. My daughter's using an algorithm and I have to tell you that we were really good at it prior and there's things to learn when you're using an algorithm adjustments you have to make but I have not slept so well as as I have since she's been on that it to see the algorithm take away basil to stop like, drifting low blood sugar is amazing. And it just it unless you really mess up overnight. She doesn't get low

Chris Dudley 38:20
overnight. And would you mind me asking what kind of what are you guys using? Yeah, Riley wink or anything like that. So she's,

Scott Benner 38:28
she's looping right now. Yeah, so she loops with an omni pod, a Dexcom. And we actually use the orange link. It's a new link that came out that seems more stable for us. But I'm excited to try on the pot five, because it eliminates the link. And it eliminates the need for me to understand how to build an app and keep it on our phone and things like that. And she's going to be heading off to college soon. So I would like it to be more retail, I guess. And on the orange, how is orange different than the Riley's? Yeah, I don't honestly know. I just bought her Riley link was Boston up because she drops it all the time. And and I went to buy a new one. And I bought the orange one to try it. And I'll just tell you that. I just told somebody this in the podcast the other day, but I am in a two story house. And Arden was in the dining room with my wife at the end of the night. She went upstairs with her phone, but forgot the orange link behind but her bedroom is above the dining room. And we never knew it kept it kept the algorithm running the whole time. So yeah, so it's really cool. I mean, and just it's somebody made that that there's a guy somewhere who's like, I'll do this, you know, it's really fascinating, but I am excited to get the Omnipod five and give it a whirl and see how it goes. But yeah, I think algorithms are the future. And I hope everybody who wants one can get one financial Yes. It's really something. Your kids did you ever test your kids?

Chris Dudley 39:55
Ah, yes. And they've no God. I mean No, no, but no diabetes, obviously, and not at risk. Okay. And I

Scott Benner 40:05
guess my last question for you is, because I'm assuming you've been married for a while. He's your wife at all, you're smiling, like as I happen? Is your wife at all involved in your diabetes? Or would you? And to what level? How does that work for you guys?

Chris Dudley 40:22
Well, early on, I mean, she was awesome. And she really dove into kind of understanding that, and you know what diabetes was, and really helping me with diet and diving into that control and making sure it's now you know, a big deal. Obviously, especially before, we've been able to get kind of a tighter control with all the technology we're talking about, but a big deal and even today is worried about low blood sugars when you're driving or different things and really making sure she always made sure I was prepared really helped me with, with with with my diabetes, and not letting me just not forget about it or ignore it. You know, it's great. Because we all go through that emotional, right, I think we all go through it. I know our campers do, but at times where you just want to like, I just don't want to deal with this. But still, she's been awesome. That's absolutely awesome.

Scott Benner 41:26
You know, it's funny, right? About an hour before you and I did this, my daughter's going to school virtually from our house. And I got a notification. So my, my Dexcom is set at 70 and 120. So I got this notification, she was going over 120, which we don't usually see. And I walked in and I was like, what's going on? She goes, Oh, my pod ran out of insulin, I forgot to tell you. And it was just like, like, like a half an hour ago. So he starts drifting up. And that was the thing you were talking about before. I think like, even when you're good at it, and you've been doing it forever. You almost forget the technology, which is a blessing. But at the same time, you know, you see more newly diagnosed people are like, well, I changed my pump at this time. So that it it's ready to be changed. Like you don't do that after a while, you know? No, so she just shut her camera off and stood up and we swapped her pod real quick. And she sat back down and she was on her way again. But yeah, it's a really different world. I don't think that my daughter will ever appreciate how you grew up with diabetes. I don't think she'll have any preference

Chris Dudley 42:21
for no and I, I think rod sail he taught you about Nimrod, Santos. But it's amazing to me that he played a time before testlets. Yeah, it's like, how did you do that? That's just incredible. And, you know, he, someone I didn't hear him tell, but I've heard the story taught of him going up to bat and having double vision and, you know, tell a story. Of course, he just he had to guess which ball to hit. And he hit the right one, and you know, home run or whatever. But it's just, but the fact that what they dealt with people before, even before for myself is amazing. And what he went through is incredibly difficult. And even Bobby Clarke was much more difficult than what I went through is definitely but it got it's gotten better and better and better and better. It's just easier. Yeah,

Scott Benner 43:13
baseball does fascinate me too, because it is such a schedule. And when it's when they're not playing, they're traveling. And you hear guys, like, you know, I don't know how far my son's ever gonna go. But he's, he knows guys that play. And some of them stopped playing because of just like the mental fatigue of it. Like they just can't keep up in their heads anymore. He had a friend that was in the White Sox organization. And the guy said, first of all, I got there, and we were all like the exact same athlete, he says, which is really a bummer, because you're not better than anybody all of a sudden, you know, and he goes, and then it's just every day and then on a bus. And he's like it was it was just hard to keep up, you know. But then, like you were saying earlier, then put Type One Diabetes on top of that. It says it's a hell of an accomplishment. It really is. You know, especially, you know, I don't imagine that they see you as I mean, I don't know, but do you really get seen as a person? Are you like a thing that the team owns that they want to work? You know what I mean? Like, are you are you a tool? Or are you a person and how much? How much of that is your problem? And how much of it is theirs? Right?

Chris Dudley 44:15
Yeah. Well, it's I do remember once, early in my career, wait for the I was in New Jersey and Bill Fitz, which coach training camp I was, I was struggling with my control. And I mean, there were times in training camp where I would go with two days, you're just going so hard where I almost didn't take into it. And you're just because a hard what your body's going through. Right. And it was a different day. They don't do that the same way anymore. Sure. But it was brutal. But I remember I was kind of maybe had to sit out and was just having a hard time with it. And he just kind of pulled me aside and said hey, we pay you a lot of money your professor and he was great guy and he Right here for me, but he said, You, we, your professional, we pay a lot of money. Get out of control. Yeah, figure it out. And it was it was a little bit of tough love. And it was, I was like, Okay,

Scott Benner 45:13
how old do you think you are then? We said Jersey is probably 25. Yeah. That's amazing. Well, you know, I guess. I mean, honestly, do you grow up? This? It's got nothing to do with diabetes, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but you emotionally grow up slower? When this is your life? Like when you're doing something like this, it's on a national stage, you're good at it, you're making money? Is there not the need to be mature? through your 20s?

Chris Dudley 45:45
No, no, I mean, I would say. And that's one of the reasons sometimes guys who asked, they don't ask you guys, you kind of, you know, you find out quickly. It's a it's a, it's a job, it's a profession. I mean, it's great. I mean, writing the wrong playing with the best talent in the world playing on TV. It's, it's, it's, it's incredible. But it's a job and the ones you see. And that's why teams always want they want to have a few veterans around, they want the veterans kind of mentor the guy, because the veterans are the ones. Take it cert, you know, they're the ones putting in the time. The successful the most successful players, it's usually not that hard. Obviously, they're incredibly physically gifted, but they're also the ones who put in incredible amounts of time and really treated as a profession. Right. So the answer question, yeah, there are some that are immature, especially when they first come into weed, and kind of falling, you know, have money in your pocket and the attention and all that, but the ones that last are usually turned into a job. Yeah, yeah.

Scott Benner 46:49
It makes a lot of sense. I treat this podcast like a job. I have to be honest. And if I didn't, I mean, these things would seemingly have nothing to do with each other. But if I didn't treat this, like a job, it wouldn't exist the way it does, it would fall apart. Right? It's just, it's crazy. Is there anything I didn't bring up that you were hoping to talk about?

Chris Dudley 47:10
No, I just think with Well, you know, with our foundation, yeah, maybe what I'd like to touch on with the foundation and and you asked earlier, we'd love for people yet to go on or go on our website at Chris duffy.org. And with the camp, and the thing I found is that that the initial thought behind camp was that kids, it'd be awesome to teach kids how to play basketball I have in type one diabetes, and that that is awesome. And some we do and we we teach them about the diabetes we teach them about it's basketball camp. So it's a it's a two in one. It's a regular basketball camp that's wrapped into with diabetes, but the rip, but some of the real value of camp has been getting to know others who are walking in the same shoes. And just how important that is, when I grew up when I got diagnosed 16 sophomore in high school, I really don't think I knew anybody with diabetes that or I didn't have any friends with diabetes. For years I didn't in high school to college, and it can be kind of lonely. I mean, you have friends, but there's certain things you just can't, it's just not the same. And I think that connection that happens there a camp when other kids now our campers, they stay in touch all year, all year long. And they don't with through social media, whatever. But I think that's invaluable, because so often we have, we have a camp, we have on a Thursday night, we have this thing called pass the ball where someone, you go up front, and you kind of talk about something, you hold the ball and pass the next person that comes up. But some of the stories people tell you that breaks your heart of just how alone they are, how they're ostracized for having diabetes, or whatever, whatever it may be, and kind of a teen years are are tough without diabetes, but they can be very tough with diabetes. And so I think that's something for us all to just kind of keep in mind. And that's why I love that you're doing this this podcast. And I love that you're kind of having that stretching the diabetes community, because it's I love talking about I mean, it's helpful to kind of pick your brain you pick, you know, whatever. I think it's so important. So when I say, look, thank you for what you're doing. And you know, that's what we're doing with our campus. Well,

Scott Benner 49:37
I appreciate that. I appreciate that you're doing it. And I'll tell you that when I started this, I really just thought that I was a person who wrote about diabetes. And people would tell me that when they read the stuff they had, you know, better control for the lack of a better way of saying it real quickly. And when I made the podcast, I thought that's what the podcast was going to be about. I just thought it was gonna be about talking about how to use insulin, how to have better outcomes. But I meet people and interview people who love the show, who who already understand how to manage their insulin, and never needed the show for that they needed it to hear another person with diabetes, tell a story, or to realize that other people like them, which is such a trite thing to say, but it's incredibly true. Like, you need to have a community and if you can't find it in person, finding it, you know, like, this is apparently pretty valuable. And I did not expect that. So yeah, it's very cool to be able to bring people together. And I'll tell you, we do i do topics that I don't think most people talk about, there's a woman on here two weeks ago, who's got bipolar disorder and diabetes. So grow on here trying to shake heroin addiction and type one, like you said, there's other things that go like there's real people life, and then you get diabetes on top of it. So we have people on all the time talking about difficult stuff. And, and it would be your inclination to think well, you know, don't have a girl on who's done heroin, like people won't like that. But that's not the truth. The truth is, is that there's a lot of people live in a lot of lives. And a lot of them have type one diabetes, too. So it's very, like I really, I really appreciate you coming on and, and sharing all this with me and, and I just, I appreciate you taking the time. Thank you. Yeah, no, my pleasure. Absolutely. Thank you. So no, great. Hey, Kelsey, can you jump back on for a second? Hello, Kelsey, I'm still recording because you're a fan of the show. You get to talk for a second so you can hear yourself one day when you're listening to this. Oh, awesome. Thank you. That was pretty much it. Do you have type one as well?

Unknown Speaker 51:36
I do. Yeah, I've had type one since I was seven years old. Right. And you.

Scott Benner 51:41
You work with Chris through the foundation?

Unknown Speaker 51:43
Yes. Yeah. I worked full time for the Chris Dudley foundation and help out with camp every summer and we're looking forward to when we can get back in person.

Chris Dudley 51:52
I just wanted to record. Chelsea's got a great story. So Kelsey was a camper. Kelsey, what age did you come in 10. First 10. So long time lifer camper. And then Kelsey met her husband, who also has type one at camp.

Scott Benner 52:07
Kelsey, you met your husband at Chris's camp?

Unknown Speaker 52:10
I did. Yeah. He came as a basketball coach. And I was working there and we got married last May.

Scott Benner 52:18
Chris did that mean you had to pay for the wedding? I don't understand. I got off because it was a nice wedding. COVID wedding? COVID. Oh, no kidding. Oh, she you just got How old? are you now? Kelsey?

Unknown Speaker 52:33
I am 20. I will be 29. In about a week.

Scott Benner 52:35
Wow. Good for you. Are you thinking of having little children? Yep. Someday? Did you? I'm aligned with what Chris was saying earlier about? Some people don't want to know. And some people want to know, do you think you would test your kids?

Unknown Speaker 52:48
Yeah, for sure. It's definitely something I kind of go back and forth on because like you guys were saying it. You know, nowadays, there's the technology so that if you do know, there's stuff you can do about it. I think when I was younger, and I would hear people talk about it and be like, Well, why would you do that, then they just have to sit there and wait for it to happen. But now there's so much technology that I think it would be interesting to see, especially with both parents having type one. Well, Kelsey,

Scott Benner 53:15
I think you might have heard them already. But the pro tip series might help when you decided to be pregnant one day. And I don't know if you've heard the I had Samantha on. So Chris, I this girl came on with type one who I interviewed her in her first second third trimester. And then I interviewed her postpartum as well. And it just so she could talk about what it was like to be pregnant with type one. And I hear from a lot of women that it's helpful. So I'm not rushing you, Kelsey, but you are 29. So let's get

Unknown Speaker 53:44
no, that's awesome. I have friends as well that I think would really enjoy that.

Scott Benner 53:49
That's really cool. Well, I appreciate you. I know Kelsey reached out and Chris, she found me for you. So I'm really grateful for and I would just want to listen Say hi to her. Alright guys, I hope you guys have a great day. Thank you so much. All right. Thank you.

Well, I'd like to thank Chris from the Chris Dudley foundation. Chris dudley.org. I want to thank Dexcom for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. Also, a huge thank you to one of today's sponsors. g Vogue glucagon, find out more about chivo Kibo pen at G Vogue glucagon.com Ford slash juicebox you spell that GVOKEGL Uc? ag o n.com. forward slash juicebox.

Hey, this is gonna be like months from now. But I also recorded with Kelsey, from the end of the episode, she was really great. I don't know when you're gonna hear that. But I enjoyed talking to her very much, in fact, and I think you'll enjoy hearing from her. Anyway, if you're looking for a great basketball camp, and you're out in the greater Northwest, definitely check out, definitely check out check out there, definitely check out Chris dudley.org to learn more about the Chris Dudley foundation. And I'm leaving all that checkout stuff in there, because I gotta be honest with you. I'm not perfect. Sometimes I get on a roll, and I'm like, Wow, I can't believe I got all that out without messing up. And sometimes I say Checkout, instead of checkout or checkout instead of checkout or whatever. I'm a little tired. It's late at night here. I'll talk to you guys soon. I really appreciate your listening, sharing the show. Last week, the show hit a million downloads just for 2021. So in 2021, we were at a million already. That was crazy. The show in total should hit 4 million any, any time. Now. I don't know if I've got a celebration planned around that or not. I'm not really sure what I could do. But I can tell you this. It's because of you. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for listening. Thank you for telling your doctors, doctors, thank you for telling your patients. I can't thank all of you enough. This show would not grow without the fervent support of the listeners. And I know that I wish I could say thank you 1000 times. I'll talk to you soon.


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#514 Sharing the Care of a T1D Child

Scott Benner

The Psychology of Type 1

Erica is a licensed marriage and family therapist who herself has had Type 1 diabetes for over 30 years and who specializes in working with people with diabetes and their families and caregivers—from those newly diagnosed to those experiencing it for decades. She and Scott discuss burnout, emotions surrounding diagnosis, and dealing with diabetes distress and constructive ways to prevent it from impairing one’s function. http://erikaforsyth.com

You can always listen to the Juicebox Podcast here but the cool kids use: Apple Podcasts/iOS - Spotify - Amazon MusicGoogle Play/Android - iHeart Radio -  Radio PublicAmazon Alexa or their favorite podcast app.

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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, and welcome to Episode 514 of the Juicebox Podcast.

Hey, Erica Forsyth is back. You remember Erica, she's a licensed marriage and family therapist who herself has type one diabetes, actually for more than three decades. She specializes in working with people with diabetes, and their families and caregivers. Today, she and I are going to talk about a lot of interpersonal stuff, relationships, managing type one when you're married, or with a partner. What happens when one of you is a little better at it than the other? All kinds of different topics today, Erica has been on the show a number of times. So if you enjoy her, check out Episode 407-440-5479 and 473. You would have thought I would have done this in order but I didn't. Please remember while you're listening that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, please always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan, or becoming bold with insulin. If you live in California, and you'd like to hire Erica, you can do that. I'll put our contact information in the show notes at the end of the episode.

This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by touched by type one, please check them out. They have a mission to elevate awareness of type one diabetes, raise funds to find a cure and inspire those with diabetes to thrive. They have a ton of programs, you can find out all about them at touched by type one.org. Now if you love the Facebook, they're there and Instagram just the same. So Instagram, Facebook, and touched by type one.org. At that link find out about their annual conference, their dance program. They have a beautiful program where they send out information to newly diagnosed people. They call that their D box program. You can go right now and ask for a D box. Listen, it's a great organization. I speak at their events every chance I get. I'm really excited to support them. Don't forget that their programs and services are for those living with the daily reality of type one diabetes. They offer a supportive community with many interactive programs and creative resources designed to empower one to thrive with T one day. If you're interested, there are links in your show notes and links at Juicebox Podcast comm your comms Erica? Hi, Erica. How are you? Hi, good morning. Doing well. How are you? You're doing well even though I ghosted you last time we were supposed to record. Yes, okay. We can still be friends. I'm apologizing in front of people. So that you know, I mean, because I've been told that my apologies do not seem sincere. And so I want to make sure that I'm being sincere. I just messed up. And actually my calendar messed up. But I also know it's important not to blame other things when you're apologizing. So it's my fault.

Unknown Speaker 3:18
Honestly,

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 3:19
I accept your apology. Thank

Scott Benner 3:20
you. It's Apple's fault. If we're being clear. We have a couple of questions here that seem to go together. This one from Katie, how do I handle disagreements between caregivers over management approaches? And she's sort of got a secondary question here that I think goes right along with it. And she says, How do I handle when one person is better at managing than the other? So that seems like a real interpersonal question, right?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 3:50
Yes, well, I think when we're thinking about caregivers, and couples, tried to co parent and co manage their child's diabetes, I would first want to take a step back and assess how is your relationship doing in general, while the diabetes could be significant, interfering and how and how you're relating as a couple? Are there? Were there other issues prior to the diagnosis? I would want to assess you know, your communication, your emotional and physical intimacy? And maybe say Is it is it appropriate before diving into how to manage the diabetes? Is it appropriate to go and maybe do some therapy or some work around your basic kind of communication skills and understanding of how you relate to one another? So that would be my first step. But if you feel like you're in a good place, as in your in your relationship with your partner, and things are going well in, in other areas of your life, then I would look at that then dive into the type One and first maybe understand I think, in your in your world to Scott, that it's just it's pretty natural for one caregiver to kind of be the primary caregiver. And that happens because as we know, it takes a lot of time and consistent work and understanding of all the nuances of how your child's blood sugar goes up and down based on food and exercise and all the small intricacies around that. So it takes time and unless both caregivers from the beginning, are equally spending the same amount of time understanding all of that it's natural for one caregiver to to understand it better.

Unknown Speaker 5:44
Yeah. Sorry, go ahead. I

Scott Benner 5:47
want to ask is this what it's making me feel like is this what would be commonly put under the heading of correlation does not imply causation? The people, people don't really like, I hear what you're saying, like you've now introduced this new thing into your life. But it's not as if we're all wrong walking around in a perfect existence. And now we have a problem. We have a lot of little problems that many of us have learned how to ignore, not necessarily deal with. And now this thing's pushed to the to the forefront. It is not ignorable, right, you can't you can't look away from yours or your child's diabetes, the way you could look away from snoring spouse, or you know, something, you know, even more, you know, impactful is that is that what you're saying here is like, you kind of got to get your ducks in a row before you can tackle this thing.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 6:43
If you had the time, and we're able to do that, because I think if there are other underlying issues that you have either been ignoring, or you can still kind of function in that, you know, a normal, you know, quote, normal way, in a in a relationship. That's, that's one thing, right? Like, if you're, you're functioning, you're doing your work, maybe you're you're managing your children, whether you both are, you know, working in home or not are outside the house. But then yes, like this, this pace you can't ignore, you can only ignored, you know, you ignore the dishes ignored, like your responsibilities in the home. Yeah. And eventually, something will happen. But yes, you can't ignore this. But this could be this diagnosis could be the moment when you realize you know what, that we do need to deal with these other issues as well in our marriage or our relationship, so that we can then move forward together, whether that means one person is the primary caregiver of the type one or they you both are, but I would really encourage couples. For example, if they do come to work with me, we will work on the diabetes piece. But often I will encourage them to also go to either marital or relational therapy, to address kind of these other underlying issues.

Scott Benner 8:07
I'm going to say something that you might find crazy. But but that's amazing advice. And if anybody wants my opinion, go do that. But if you're not going to do it, or if you have a spouse who won't get involved, or you just say to yourself, I can't afford that. I know this is gonna sound crazy, but let's reverse engineer your, your understanding of the human mind. How do we put this into? How do we put this into a little tiny box that we can ignore? If we like, you know, I know that's wrong, but don't you think that's what's going to happen? In some cases, and we don't ever give people not you and me, but But in general, we give people great advice in the world, but it's not always followable for everybody, like how do we make it followable? For the people who don't have the time or the inclination? Who might be listening and saying, This isn't because I need to go to therapy. It's because my husband's a jerk. Like, like, you know, when you're thinking that way, like, Is there a Wait, wait, is this the wrong phase? It's like asking how to do drugs safely, although I've done an episode on that. So I guess maybe that is my question. Do you have anything? Like, are you just gonna, you can just say pass, but do you have thoughts on that?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 9:22
Yeah, no, I think I mean, I appreciate that question. Because in reality, yes, it does take time, it does take money. It does take if you're going to therapy, and you have multiple children, you have to get there's so many you don't have to get a babysitter. There's so many things to in order to do that and prioritize your relationship and in real life that sometimes is feels impossible. And so I understand that and I get it. So if we were to say, okay, that's not a reality for, you know, this family, then I would then say okay, what's the set? What's the next best thing that we can do, I would say a couple things. I think, if one person is managing, quote better or has a better understanding of how to manage the child's diabetes, then there needs to be maybe a good agreement, you know, within your household of Okay, this person is going to manage the day to day. But at the same time, the other partner has to come to at least a basic knowledge level. And maybe that means going and listening to your pro tip series or having, you know, like, a day in a life of being the kid, the primary caregiver, to understand not only the time and energy it takes to be, you know, watching the CGM all night long and not sleeping, and dealing with the lows and the highs. Knowing that an X like a soccer practice is going to affect your child's blood sugar may be different than the soccer game, like all these small things that you get to pick up on if you are the primary caregiver. And so

Scott Benner 11:04
if I don't want to cut you off, but the pressure yes plays such a big point like the like when you're in charge of keeping someone healthy. There is a there's a low degree of pressure that doesn't go away. If you don't know what you're doing. Like if you understand it, then the pressure comes and goes situationally, but when you don't understand that it feels constantly 24 seven, like you're killing somebody. And yeah, that's not obvious to the other person who's not involved in the management. I mean, I have to say, for me, that's been the biggest leap is to get across to like when you do such a good job, but that came out wrong, but I do a really good job taking care of art and sculpture, so much so that she probably doesn't, and hopefully never will feel the full possibility of impact from diabetes. And because of that her perspective is different. My wife's perspective is different if they lived in a house where her blood sugar's were ping ponging all over the place for the last 12 years, then they'd see it differently, too. But it I maybe it's possible, I make it look easy sometimes. But it doesn't make it less impactful on me. And then you can't get that I don't want to call it respect. But you can't get that understanding from onlookers. I don't know if all that

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 12:21
yes, yes. So you because you're doing it. So well. And and I hear your concern, saying that like you are you're doing a great job, right? And so then you don't nobody else is experiencing the side effects or the consequences of of the, you know, the roller coasters, etc. And so then people might think, or your wife might suspect, oh, it's not that hard, right. But in reality, we know that the primary caregiver experiences burnout, for sure. All of the things that we've talked about in the other episodes of distress, the burnout, the resentment of I am working hard to keep our child alive, and my partner doesn't understand how hard it is. And then that leads to resentment 100% of the time. So while it might not work in a lot of families to have this, like, equitable, an equal amount of time in terms of CO managing, there does need to be some level of understanding, which will lead to the respect and the gratitude of what it takes to do what you're doing,

Scott Benner 13:32
and the knowledge to know when not to get on what's happening. Like, I don't really know a better way to say that, like, you know what I mean, like, if I'm in charge of the checkbook, Erica and you have nothing to do with it. You don't look over my shoulder every once in a while and go, what are you doing here is like, Look, if you want to be involved in the checkbook, be involved in the checkbook. But, you know, we've been a lot, you know, we've been together a long time here, everything's fine. All the bills are paid God little savings going. I'm doing a good job. Like it's, it's, it would be like if I showed up at your office, and stood in the corner, and 15 minutes into a session said, Hey, Eric, are you sure that's the question you want to ask here? Like, you'd be like, Who are you in this situation? You don't know what's happening. It's, it's can be very difficult not to respond. Like you've been attacked, even if maybe that person wasn't attacking you. Maybe they were just like, interested or thought they had a good idea to add or something like that. But I mean, maybe it's just maybe I'm just letting too much of myself out here. But, but but you know what I mean, you can feel really, like somebody's coming after you in that situation.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 14:32
Right? And so then I would say, okay, going back to Okay, how are you communicating as a couple? What are the what are you leading with? What is your tone? How are the questions being asked? Is that why did you Why did you Bolus this amount for that food in that kind of tone? Or is it Gosh, I'm really curious. So I know for next time, can you help me understand why you gave this amount for that food?

Scott Benner 14:55
Those those little sentences are so incredibly important in personal communication, especially amongst people who've been around each other for a long time. And because you just get the feeling like the other person knows what I mean, but they don't, it doesn't matter how long you've been together, it's a very nice way to start a conversation by saying, Hey, I was wondering if you could explain to me what just happened here, because I don't understand it. And I would like to, like you have to put yourself in a slightly, I don't know it, like, professionally speaking, if it's a dominant, and sub and sub position, but you have to be kind of in the sub position for a second, like I find, listen, I'm pretty good at talking to people. And I think that one of the ways you talk to people well is by making them feel comfortable, and letting them feel like they can get their thoughts out. And when you come at somebody, and you're very demanding, that does not ever happen that way. And so I think, even when you've known somebody for a very long time, those words that might feel like the polite words you say, for the guy at the gas station really should be used between people who know each other as well.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 16:04
Yes, yes, I think tone has everything to do with, you know, how we receive, deliver and receive messages. Obviously, body language, and words are important too. But tone is extremely important. And so an understanding that if the, if you're the non primary caregiver, there needs to be that level of understanding that my my partner is exhausted, because they probably aren't sleeping well at all. And they are constantly under this level of stress of what you know, trying to keep your child alive. But you aren't going to get that or you won't be able to come from that position of empathy, unless you have this basic level of knowledge and understanding. And so I think going back to that point of how can you integrate your partner into the CO management, or at least common understanding of what it means to manage the diabetes. And I think, you know, some some families that I've worked with, they will like, if one caregiver is away for the weekend, then the other person is forced to learn, right? And trial by fire, maybe the other caregivers helping via text and call, Okay, I see the arrow going this way, let's do this. But slowly allowing, you know, the other caregiver to experience what it's like, and maybe maybe the other caregiver is still the primary one, but to allow for these opportunities for both the primary caregiver to get sort of a break, and the other caregiver to experience Wow, that was really challenging to build in that empathy and understanding. The the other point around that the Yeah, so the tone, to build empathy, and understanding. I'll pause there.

Scott Benner 18:00
No, I this is, you know, because we talked before we started recording, but this is about to happen to me, like I'm gonna have my wife managed remotely for six days or so while I'm gone somewhere. And I'm reminding myself as much as I'm reminding other people, but I wonder too, like, is it folly to like to say to the person who's in that situation? Now, here's another job for you explain that to your spouse, how for them how they need to, you know, be that to make this successful? Like, maybe you should just force them to listen to this and be like, Listen, just listen to that. That's what I mean to say to you, but I don't have time. Maybe like I, because when do you run out of time, like because this isn't your only thing. Like it's funny what we just explained, as a person who was a stay at home dad for 20 years, you take out the word diabetes and put into housework. And we just had the same exact conversation, honestly, like I did things around the house that people didn't appreciate, and everyone who does the dishes, or the laundry or, you know, sweeps under the bed. You know, they understand that, you know, when when your spouse isn't sneezing at night, because there's not a big dust bunny under the bed. Nobody stops to thank you for that. They don't even know what happened. It's just it's the idea of, of stopping yourself from taking people for granted, I guess, right?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 19:24
Yes. And, and I think it goes back to get the time and the energy of you know, oftentimes caregivers will tell me like, well, it's just easier for me to do it. So I'm just gonna keep doing it. But we know that that's you can't do that forever. We also know that diabetes is going to go away. And so you're going to continue to come, you know, experienced that pattern of resentment and burnout if they're if you aren't getting any kind of support or understanding or gratitude for what you are doing. And so I mean, if you're if your partner was open to either listening to the episodes that, you know, the pro tips or the basic diabetes understanding, I know for a lot of families upon diagnosis, because when other the other caregiver either has to work or take care of the other kids. So from the get go, it is often one caregiver and the child in the hospital, and learning what it means, you know, going through all of the seminars and classes and education. And so even from, you know, day one, the one caregiver is going to know and understand more than the other because of just of circumstances and not because they're trying to be cruel. Yeah. And so, but then the then the patterns, you know, continue. So I think it's never too late to ask your your partner to say, Gosh, I'm, we're experiencing this, this cycle of, you know, you either you either criticize the way I'm doing it, but you don't really understand how to do it, or I'm feeling resentful, because you don't know how or I'm so exhausted and stressed out that I have no time to connect with my caregiver, because I just need to sleep when I can to say all those things out loud when you're not in the midst of an argument, and then ask for like, Okay, how can we not necessarily fix this, but address this, and maybe it is having some understanding, maybe it is allowing the other caregiver to experience, you know, taking the kids to the park, or the you know, with your child to diabetes to the park, having these small moments of like, wow, that was really scary. When I noticed my child was going below and I didn't have anything to, to bring it up, bring that, you know, we'd have any snacks. So all these things, allowing the caring other caregiver to experience to hopefully build in that empathy, which is what we think what you really want is like empathy, and understanding and gratitude as the primary caregiver from from experience,

Scott Benner 22:01
may I lay down just a little layer of blue collar advice here. And I know this is not going to be politically correct. But if you can't get all that done, coming as a straight guy, from my opinion, if you just said something like if you understood extended Bolus is better, I'd have more energy for sex, that probably moves most guys in the direction you want to go.

Unknown Speaker 22:24
That's, that's,

Scott Benner 22:25
that's what I do. Bottom line, bottom line, yeah, you make me a girl. That's how I attack this. I'm like, Listen, you don't what you don't understand is, and then I say, whatever, you know, floats the person's boat. On the other side. I say there'd be more of that. If there was more of this from you. I think that's good. I think that puts most guys right back in line, to be perfectly honest. And by the way, men who aren't the best advice of this whole episode? Yeah. And men who are swayed by that argument, I don't understand you at all. What do you think of that? I once drove to Delaware to have sex, you understand? I didn't live in Delaware. I was like, wait, what's gonna happen? If I come there? Oh,

Unknown Speaker 23:07
I'm on my way.

Scott Benner 23:09
We just get in the car, take a shower. Here I go, I'll be there in four. Yeah, you got to understand how to move the chess pieces around. But it is such a huge problem. like not to make light of it. But I do want to take I do want to like walk across the courtroom and take the other side for a second. If you're the person who doesn't get it. I always want to say that, you know, because I see people online are always like, my spouse doesn't understand that. And they always add, they always act like they're, it's on purpose. They don't get involved on purpose. But I wonder how many times those people aren't scared out of their minds, or like afraid to do the wrong thing?

You know what I mean? I'm also there are a lot of people who are afraid to act until they're sure. And I know that seems like the same idea. But it's not like there are some people who can't make an action until they have all the answers before they go. And now you're making this a health issue around a child, probably I'm guessing a child that this person loves a lot. And they're probably like, I don't know what to do. I mean, you're keeping her alive, I'll let me stay out of it. And then, and then the human part gets involved where you do realize this is easier not to be involved in this. And that's where it starts to go wrong, when you willfully stay out of it is different than when you stay out of it because you're afraid. There's a difference there, I

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 24:34
think. Yes. I appreciate that perspective, because I think maybe what could be helpful in that if that is the case, to sit down with your partner and say, can you help me understand why? Like, maybe you've gotten into these patterns and roles, right? But you're realizing it's not sustainable. And to say like have your partner or give your partner an opportunity to just They all have those things to say, Gosh, and I see they're scared, because I don't know how. And I'm fearful of making a mistake. And you are much better at it than I would ever be. And I don't, I don't want to try. I don't want to mess it up. And I think that would be helpful to for your, for the primary caregiver to to hear that and maybe have some empathy to have like, okay, maybe I've just done it all. And it's easier for me to do it. But you know, I'm experiencing all these side effects. But my my partner may want to may want to try, but there's fear or there's Yeah, it didn't know. And then that fear has led to Well, I just, I don't I don't want to do it. Well, now what about any any? Yeah, go ahead. And

Scott Benner 25:50
what about in a more? What's the word? What about when your partner is actually a bad actor? There's a question here, I'm not gonna attach the person's name to it. But it says, What if the other parent pretends that you don't exist will not help you or give advice without making you feel like a horrible parent that is killing their child, I guess what I'd like to know is how to get this person to help me with how they manage our son, which he seems the when he has so much resentment for me that he can't get over it or put it aside. So this sounds like a scenario where one person wants to help, does not have the tools they need. And then the other person is just is just crushing them every time they come at them. You don't know what you're doing, you're gonna kill them. Like that kind of thing. And I have to tell you, this message is not gender the way you would expect it today. So So what if you've got a bad actor in the situation? Like, what's the I mean, that's a bigger difference, like, how do you fix it? And I guess, when do you say, the rest of my relationship? I'm happy with this part. I'm not happy with I guess not even just around diabetes, like At what point you just, what's what what I want to say like, what do you When do you just accept people's flocks? So there's two questions.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 27:14
Yeah. And, and this question, yeah, and I understand that. So the one one parent has the understanding of how to do it. And the other parent wants to know how, but when the when this parent tries, the other, the primary caregiver, kind of shames and ridicules and B raids his other parent in terms of like, you're not, you're doing a terrible job, you're going to kill our child,

Scott Benner 27:44
is it a power? Is that a power move?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 27:48
It feels, I mean, from this particular question, it feels like there might be some other issues going on. In in the marriage, I'm not I can, I don't know, this scenario, I don't know this person. But it feels like if there's so much power, and there's shame, and there's. And there's obviously there's resentment here, because the one parent knows how to do it well, and is angry, it feels like there's a lot of anger to underneath this of, you don't know how to do it. And if whenever you try, you mess it up. And so it feels like there's either some, you know, on, on either felt or expressed anger or sadness, even around, not to make it all about the sadness, but it feels like there's some other underlying emotions underneath this. And I think if this happens, and I've written, I do read a lot on you know, on the, the Facebook group that these, these kinds of things happen. And if it's to the point where it's so contentious all the time of whenever one parent wants to try to help, I would highly, highly encourage, you know, marital or relational therapy, because I feel like it might be difficult to get to this to the issue of the diabetes unless there's some rebuilt like there's, there's obviously a violation of either trust or love or connection. It feels

Scott Benner 29:20
like the one person is almost gleeful that there's something to to come at the other person with, like, oh, now I've a really good reason to call them names and tell them their bad stuff. There's, I mean, do you get that vibe from that a little bit like, Oh, just it's an opportunity. Like, I'm a bad person, I'm doing bad things to my spouse. And this is a great opportunity for me to do that. Like I don't know why someone would want to do that. But if you wanted to, honestly, your don't know how to handle our kids diabetes is a great way to make somebody feel terrible. Yeah, yes. Usually, I think the way I think of them, huh? I don't think you think about people the way I do.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 30:05
Well, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. And usually when we're lashing out, and we are shaming another person, because they aren't doing it the way we think we should do things, then I feel like there's some other some something else is underneath that

Scott Benner 30:21
Healthy People don't do that to each other. What's that? How a mentally healthy people don't do that to each other? Is that right? Or no,

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 30:30
I would say maybe people who are necessarily struggling with this, when you are communicating in this, in our you know, with with type one, your one person is going to be fatigued, and unstressed. And so it's hard to operate and communicate and be mindful of your tone and all that. So I think acknowledging that, but not excusing certain behaviors, I think when you are at this kind of crisis moment of we cannot connect on how to manage our child's type one, to have to sit down and try to find moments when you aren't actually heated, to be able to share your experience of how you're how you're trying to manage the type one, when you're not trying to manage the type one, if that makes sense.

Scott Benner 31:18
Yeah, you know, when I see that become problematic. So first of all, I'm gonna flip flop here for a second. I, I say all the time that you can't let yourself get exhausted because you do not notice it happen. And the detriments from being exhausted, are many they're varied. They go through your life, and you do not know you're doing it. Sometimes you are genuinely lashing out at people and not even aware that you're doing it. But I've always been, that's the thought I've always had in the back of my head too. Like, this isn't a conversation for now, then the problem becomes, when does that conversation? Yeah, and you know, like, and you think, oh, at the end of the day, you mean, at the end of the day, Erica, when you get in bed, and we're both reminded we're not gonna have sex with each other, because we're so pissed, because that's not a fun time to talk. And then you sit there quietly, and you're like, I'm gonna bring it up, this is a good time. And then you hear the CGM or something like that. And I get I get just finding. This isn't just around this idea. But time out time, like pause time is super important. And incredibly difficult to create.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 32:23
I think yes. Yeah. So, so challenging. But you, I feel like you, if you want to make changes and how you communicate and relate with your partner, then you have to make certain sacrifices and prioritize. So maybe it's okay, we're not going to carve out an hour, we're going to carve out 10 minutes, and we're gonna agree to the date and time. And then you're both prepared. And whether maybe you put your whatever you need to do to prioritize that 10 minutes or 20 minutes. And follow through on that. Because then, if you aren't making these priorities, these times are these moments to connect about the issues that are going to continue. Yeah, then the issues are going to continue. See, I think that you both need to be on the same page. Yeah, I

Scott Benner 33:14
think that's the most important thing that's been said so far, is that that you're not going to get to any of this inside of another situation. And you really are going to, like, you know how they say, you know, what do they say save the first 10% of your income bank before you pay your bills, pay yourself before you pay your bills? I think there there's something to that, like, you know, you can look at each other and go look, we're obviously arguing a lot, things aren't going well. You're yelling at me, I'm yelling at you. Maybe you're not yelling, maybe like, Look, I'm mad at you, I don't even tell you. But we we're not going to be able to do that. Now. We literally need to put on the calendar. A space and time. This is when we do it. And we sit down and just agree that you can't let anger into this moment. You can't bring your grudges in here. I'm gonna say how I feel you say how you feel. And the goal has to be for us to find middle ground. And and not to pile one issue on top. And I would think one issue at a time. Like don't go in with a list. You don't I mean? Am I wrong? Like there's times when I say things and I'm like, at some point she's gonna tell me I'm an idiot. Is this the moment?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 34:21
No, I think yes. Don't go into a list and stay in the emotion as best you can around what you're experiencing if I mean if you were trying to work on connection, because if you don't feel connected, it's hard to problem solve. And so, you know, I feel I feel exhausted, I feel resentful, or I feel like I doing it all by myself. And then the other person is like, Well, I I don't know how or I feel fearful or I feel like you never get them to give me a chance. If you feel like you can't get through those types of conversations, then that would be another indicator of like, maybe We need to go back to and not unlike not in cats, you know, therapy, but maybe it's like two or three, check in sessions with a being someone

Scott Benner 35:09
moderated conversations, right?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 35:11
moderating helps you communicate and helps you rephrase certain things, being mindful of your tone your butt, all those things. So I think just understanding when I'm when I'm suggesting marital therapy, it's not necessarily, you know, go and do try and fix all the things, it's just maybe going back to some a couple sessions of basic communication to help rebuild that connection and kind of rebuild that trust. Yeah, we don't you guys are in it together. Yeah.

Scott Benner 35:39
Not everybody needs to be torn down to the bad thing that happened to him when they were six and a half to get to it. Right, right. We're not, you don't need everybody to go to see doctor, it doesn't have to be Freudian psychology, I guess psychiatry is saying, right, right. Go to therapy and, and have somebody there who hears who can hear in your sentence that you're about to stirrups and stop you go, right. Yes,

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 36:01
the objective objective listener who can help guide the conversation. And, and I think that could be really beneficial. But going back to, you know, your the first point was, you know, well, we just can't we don't do enough time to that, then maybe start smaller, start with the 10 minutes on your calendar. And then and be respectful of the time. So okay, 10 minutes is done, or whatever the time that you've allotted, and then schedule out the next time and knowing that you're not going to fix everything, that first connection, you know, that first calendered conversation,

Scott Benner 36:36
I ask you a question, that it's a start, that might not feel like it fits here, but in my mind, it does a little bit. Just generally speaking, gender broken out over gender lines? Do we have different expectations? Like, are men's general expectations of a partner different than that of a woman's expectations of a partner? And is that how a person can be doing what they feel is the best they can? And it can somehow ring hollow to the other side? Because it's not what you're not doing the thing that the other person is actually looking for? And there's no way to know that. Because you're doing the thing that if somebody did it for you, you'd be thrilled about that was convoluted, but did you understand what I meant?

Unknown Speaker 37:20
Right? Yeah.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 37:21
But I, I wouldn't, I wouldn't break it down by gender, I would break it down by personality by how you were raised. Maybe you're you're you're making choices and doing things by your own personal experience. And And oftentimes, we either feel like how how you were raised is the right way, or you feel like how you were raised is the wrong way. And you're going to do the opposite, right? But I feel like we often we function out of that. Society, even break it down by gender, but

Scott Benner 37:52
Well, okay, I was wrong. See, it's good. I this is why I like you, because you call me out. But so but the idea of like, I'm doing the best I can, and oh my god, I wish someone would treat me this way. And then you don't get it back. Like meaning like you're like, oh, it didn't land. You know what I mean? Like the person I was trying to help is just completely left hollow from this. I don't know what to do next. And even it's simple to say like, you can ask that person what they want. But sometimes people don't know what they want. And or sometimes they have trouble telling you what they want. It's theirs. Or should people not be should we all just live isolated, ARCA? Is that what we're learning?

Unknown Speaker 38:37
Okay, you

Scott Benner 38:38
live in our cave, and then just come out for sex day and then go back in the cave again? Is that what this should be?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 38:44
Oh, my gosh, that would be so sad. No, we are we are we are relational. I think we want to be we want to be acknowledged. And in that we can also acknowledge others, you know, for what, for all that least, that's been seen and done.

Scott Benner 39:00
You said something at the beginning, that I wanted to kind of just kind of end on here with this conversation if you think we're done. But you talked about like lose the loss of physical intimacy. And is that and is that an easier way to mend fences than talking? Like if you've lost a physical connection can leaping back into that or trying to fix that? Is that easier to fix than talking? I guess is my question.

Unknown Speaker 39:31
No,

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 39:33
gosh, I think what depending on the the the couple, one, one party one partner might feel like the reason why there isn't the emotional intimacy because the physical intimacy is lacking, right. And the other partner might feel like Well, I don't want to be physically intimate because I don't feel emotionally connected with you.

Scott Benner 39:57
Well, that makes sense.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 39:58
And you could come to a you know This impasse right, because one person's needs aren't being met and the other then that they're not going to give the other person the other needs. So it's going back to understanding what are what are your partner's needs? And off? Maybe it is it can we need to. Some one needs to give a little. Whether the partners like holding out to feel emotionally connected before before they feel comfortable physically, or,

Scott Benner 40:27
like it didn't need to be I know, because I joke around you probably thought I met like swinging from the chandelier. But could it just be like, holding hands or like touching someone on the shoulder when you walk past them? Or just giving the other person the feeling like you're not avoiding them? Like, you don't mean like, sex, it's got to start somewhere. And because if because the stuff we're talking about, is, is not intuitive for the people for people sometimes. But like, you have to move in the right direction, or you continue to move in the wrong direction. And like me, I just feel like you have to fight upstream sometimes, and maybe just holding someone's hand or sitting next to them while they're watching television or something like that. would go a long way to making another person feel comfortable. I might be wrong. I'm just

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 41:11
No, no, no, you're good. I think starting Yes, starting small and we don't, if you feel like there has been zero physical intimacy, and one partner is feeling like there's no way I'm ever going to ever want to have sex with this person until we get to this spot emotionally. To go back yes to saying maybe my partner's love language is physical touch and intimacy. So how can I help bridge that that might be an easier way, as you said, just start smaller with the small touches gestures. And that might lead to both of you then feeling more open and ready to have some more emotional intimacy, conversations, communication. So I think it just depends on what knowing knowing your own, quote, love language and your partners. And then being willing one, one person often has to take the first step. I'm just

Scott Benner 42:09
saying those old touches charging those old Tom and Jerry cartoons when they had to get past the Bulldog, they throw steak over the fence. That's all I'm getting out here. And and I listen to the rest of the reality of what you just said, I don't not understand that. I know a person might not want to be intimate with somebody that they don't feel comfortable with. That obviously makes 1,000% sense. But I mean, once you're in it for a while, once you're married for 10 or 15 years, and you see things you're just like, wow, none of this is going the way I want. I mean, are you just what do you just riding it out? Like it just feels like you're just climbing higher and higher on the Titanic try not to get wet. You know, it's gonna happen eventually. So, try something. You know what I mean? I don't know. Yeah, I

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 42:56
should try something being open to give, you know, trying some intervention, trying some gesture, to to make a change. Because as we know, we're gonna, we're not going to change, things aren't going to change

Scott Benner 43:10
stuffs not just going to magically get better.

Unknown Speaker 43:13
And

Scott Benner 43:14
even that like feeling of like, oh, I'll get mellower. As I get older, it's you'll have too much resentment at that point. And won't matter if you don't have the piss and vinegar to fight anymore. You're still not going to like the person you're looking at. Because you're going to feel like you wasted time or life or I don't know, you got to do something is how I feel about it. Like you have to try something. And, and I do think the idea that someone needs to be the not the bigger person, I believe in the intent of that phrase, but not the words of that phrase, if that makes sense. If someone has to go first, if someone's got to swallow hard and go, Alright, fine. I'll do this. Like, I'll be the one and and do it with a lot of joy not not angry, you think begrudgingly right? You can't be progressing about it. That's all I fixed

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 44:00
that there. But there's hope i think you know, just being being hopeful and holding on that remembering go I think if you're at the place where you feel hopeless to go back to remembering how you first met as often this is like a and I know we're wrapping up here but maybe it's your you don't when you scheduling that time together to not first address the issue at hand but to reflect on how you first met, the feelings doing you you had and the experiences you you created together to go back and remember remind yourself and your partner and and reflect together to maybe go back to the beginning could be a place to start as well to kind of reignite that sense of hope.

Scott Benner 44:47
How much value is there in being reasonable about who you who you're with to like At what point do you just say, you know, maybe this isn't what I was hoping this person was going to turn into but If I'm being honest, this is who they are, they're being really consistent. Like, at what point? Can I say I love you. I don't like this part about you, but I love you. And I'm gonna stop focusing on the thing I don't like and and see the bigger picture. Like, I don't know if that's wrong or not like I'm genuinely asking like, at what point do you not like, expect somebody to be perfect and say to yourself, there was a time when that, you know, picadillo didn't bother me. And now it's the only thing I can look at.

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 45:29
Mm hmm. And I think yeah, if you were, if you were in that place, and trying to figure out how to come to that place of, of acceptance, embracing who your partner is loving that your partner, then maybe that's the time for you to do some own, like reflection to whether that's, you know, by yourself through journaling, reading books, therapy, to kind of get to that place of can you do that? Do you want to? And can you get to that place of, of acceptance? Yeah,

Scott Benner 46:03
I want to be clear that I'm just trying to talk through this, like, I genuinely don't think like, if it comes across, like, I think you should, you know, have a have a whiskey and water at the bedside at the, you know, at the table with the newspaper in his pipe, and it's 1950. And when he comes home, you rub his feet, put on his slippers, and then go flop on the bed till he's ready to bang on you. Like, I'm not saying that, like, I really am not trying to put that out there. Okay, like, I seriously don't think that I don't have those thoughts about relationships. I just think that it's, it's hard to see the other person's side. And sometimes it's, it's just, it's, it's difficult to, in this conversation, this kind of conversation where I'm trying to play, I'm trying to argue both sides while you and I are talking, that it I don't want people to think like, oh, he just thinks that women should you know, be barefoot and pregnant? Like, I don't feel that way. And I don't. And I don't think I didn't pick up. Yeah, I'm glad I just now I'm nervous at the end here. Because we're talking about Jesus, there's somebody out there right now is like, I'm not just gonna have sex with him to shut him up. But I'm not saying that.

Unknown Speaker 47:10
I genuinely,

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 47:12
I think I mean, I think bottom line is that, you know, marriage or relationships, it takes work, and, and you got to be willing to do the work. And then when you integrate a chronic illness into the equation, it's going to take even more work. And I think, oftentimes, it's hard to it's hard to do the work. It just is

Scott Benner 47:38
there, there are close to 90,000 scholarly articles that come back if you google divorced and chronic illness or something like that. So this is not a new problem that you're having. I think that's important to know that, that people could feel like oh, my God, this is it. Like I was bad at being a spouse, or I picked the wrong part. If you think that most people aren't going through this, you're out of your minds, like like this. Yeah, this is everybody's life. Nobody, nobody gets away with this. They just find some people are just better at pretending I always say the happier people look more foolish they are. So

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 48:20
probably sometimes, too, but I think it's just it takes Yes. I mean, that's a very true thing of, you know, divorce within, or as a result, or a part of, you know, living with a chronic illness or having a child with chronic illness. And I think just knowing the Yes, that you're not alone, that it's, it is challenging, and it does, it takes it takes work on top of the work that you're doing to to keep your child alive. Yeah,

Scott Benner 48:52
I have a very pragmatic approach to like happiness. I don't expect to be happy every day. And I even expect that there could be days that turn into weeks where nothing that I would, you know, think of is like really super exciting. And something I'm glad to be doing, you know, might happen, I might get stuck in a work cycle. It's happened to me over the last couple of weeks, like I've had to, I've had to prepare the podcast. Instead of preparing a week of it, I've had to prepare three weeks of it to cover my absence, right. And so I've been working like crazy. So I've been getting up working, going to sleep getting up working, like I've over and over and over again. And if you know, I've heard no lie, I've heard 15 hours of this podcast in the last five days, like editing and doing things and I've said, you know, learn more on the pod.com forward slash juicebox more in the last 48 hours than I've said it in like three weeks. So it's not fun work. But I also think that way about life, like I think if I live I don't know if I figure if I live 80 years and the first 15 kind of don't count cuz I don't really remember, I'm so much so you know, if I've got 60 years in there, and 20 of them are terrific, and 10 of them are pretty good, and five of them are alright, and 10 of them sucked, and five of them were terrible. When I get to the end, that's not bad to me, like, to me, that makes sense that every day is not going to be a carnival. Now, when they start happening, long stretches, obviously, that's a different problem. But I mean, I just don't, I don't have a happiness expectation, I'm happy to be happy. And there are plenty of times that I'm happy. But I'm not sad when I'm not elated. Is that healthy? Or am I fooling myself into accepting too little?

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 50:40
Well, I think what you're saying is, you know, life life is it can be a grind sometimes. And, and accepting that and working towards it, and you're working towards something, and you're doing something that you enjoy, are passionate about, knowing that it life is going to ebb and flow. And so I think that it's having it's a realistic perspective of, there are going to be hard moments, they're going to be moments that feel just kind of ordinary, and they're gonna be moments that are great. And to accept that, you know, those seasons don't last forever. Just like, you know, most emotions don't last forever, they come and go. And I think that being able to kind of live in that. And through that is, is where you're at peace. And it takes it takes work, I'm sure you know, you've worked to get there emotionally,

Scott Benner 51:29
yeah, things can and we'll get better like judging your whole existence by the bad thing that's happening right now, in my mind is a mistake. I, I love there are people on this planet that I love more than myself. And I've had amazing interactions with them. Sometimes just days, after they've said something to me that I'd think oh, well, I'm never gonna see this person again. Or this person hates my guts, but they're just they could be also going through something and likely are, I just don't, I don't give up. Like, I just think like, this is what it is. And we just make the best of it every day, and some days will be better than others. I just want to give people hope, especially when you find yourself newly diagnosed, or you're in that situation where right now you barely understand what's going on. But your spouse really doesn't understand it. Like it, it's genuinely not gonna stay like this forever. And you might look back on this time and wonder why you were so well not wonder what you were so upset about, you'll know what you were so upset about. But you'll be you'll, you'll think, Wow, I can't believe we got out of that I'd never expected to leave that moment. But you can and

Erika Forsyth, MFT, LMFT 52:36
you've likely right. But when you're in it, and you're in that newly diagnosed stage and haze and shock, I mean, it's it's hard to access, or even comprehend that whatever. And that that particular stage. So that's why you need somebody

Scott Benner 52:50
to tell you challenging, that's why I said it, because you need somebody to tell you, this isn't going to be like this forever. I mean, the way I usually put it is diabetes is hard, it doesn't get easier, you just get way better at it. And that makes it feel easier. And and you You shouldn't make the you shouldn't you shouldn't worry about that distinction. Because you know, you can do hard things and you are going to do hard things and it's going to be around diabetes, if diabetes, you know, I that's going to be the hard thing that you're going to do. And you can like get some help. You can do it. It's and if you don't understand, like you said, you know, earlier Erica, like referenced like listening to some of the protests, but she's not just like butter and my bread. She really thinks that like you just need somebody Yeah, go find something that's valuable. Like to me, if you have a spouse that doesn't understand those defining diabetes episodes are digestible. They're short, and they at least give them context. And then maybe some of the things you say to them, they'll have context for because you might be using words they don't even understand. And they're just nodding along. Try not to look like an idiot, you know, you don't know. Yeah, people are complicated. Disgusting. The whole thing's a mess. Alright. Life is hard. Yeah, there you go. But it's not always hard. And it doesn't have to be this hard. Like sometimes you can you get through it or you make it better yourself. You are really kind of the master of your own domain. You know, you can I think that's a Seinfeld episode, which is about masturbation, which is not what I meant. So let's just keep moving. But you can you can be the master of of your, what am I looking for here? What's the word I want? You to future? You're out your perspective. Yeah, you have anything of all these things. You can change the way you think about stuff. I listen. It's not apples to apples, but I grew up pretty broke. You know, and my life wasn't terrific. And there are a lot of times you had to get up in the morning and just I mean, if you want my secret, which is no secret, I am eternally hopeful. Like you will never meet a person who wakes up, reset more than I do. If something goes wrong today, I will wake up tomorrow with the same enthusiasm I had before that bad thing happened. I don't see another way around it. I don't I, I don't think I could carry all that baggage. You know what I mean? So I just don't i don't walk with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I I don't believe I could do it. So I just I reset my hope I am a very hopeful person. And I wake up every day, expecting things to go well. And if they don't, it's okay. I'll try again tomorrow. That's pretty much it. But yes, it's good to healthy. Thank you. First, let's thank touched by type one, again, you can find them at touched by type one.org. You can also find them on Facebook, and Instagram. They are a wonderful organization. And all they really want is for you to check them out. Take advantage of their programs. I also want to thank Erika, and you can find out more about what she does at Erica foresight.com. That's erikforsyth.com.

There's so much music left. I'm having a hard time sitting here quietly. I'd like to take just a moment to thank you all. I know this happens frequently. But it happens frequently because of how great you guys are and how supportive you are. The podcast keeps having months that are better than the previous month. Meaning there are more people downloading and streaming the show this month and last month, more last month in the month before that had record days record weeks. For the past four weeks in a row. The podcast has grown pretty substantially. It's it's astounding actually. The reason I'm telling you is because this is 100% because of you. Absolutely. When you leave a great review, wherever you're listening, rate the show highly tell somebody about it. Tell your doctor about it. Doctors when you tell your patients, it just keeps growing and growing. And the message keeps spreading farther and farther. I am very, very, very, very grateful for how much you all put into the podcast. So thank you very much for your efforts for listening for downloading for streaming however you listen. But mostly for sharing the show. It is a really big deal. I appreciate that you're listening, and I'll be back very soon with another episode.


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