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Scott Benner 0:00
You are listening to Episode 748 of the Juicebox Podcast.

On today's show, we're going to be speaking with Rebecca who is the parent of a child with type one diabetes, who also has autism. While you're listening, please remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan. We're becoming bold with insulin. Are you a US resident who has type one diabetes, or is the caregiver of someone with type one? If you are, please take a few moments to completely fill out the survey AT T one D exchange.org. Forward slash juicebox. I'd like to take a moment to thank you because last month in August of 2022, the Juicebox Podcast hit a momentous milestone, a half a million downloads in one calendar month. Thank you so much for listening for sharing and supporting the show really means the world to me, thank you.

This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by us med. Get your diabetes supplies from us med. That's how we do it. To get started, all you have to do is call 888-721-1514. Or go to us med.com Ford slash juice box. When you call that number, or click on that link, you'll be able to get a free benefits check and get started with us med. This episode of the podcast is also sponsored by Ian pen from Medtronic diabetes. If you're looking for an insulin pen that gives you much of the functionality of an insulin pump. You want the in pen in pen today.com Head over learn more and get started today. Hey, Rebecca. Hi. How are you? I'm good. I'm I don't know. It seems really to me.

Rebecca 2:31
Okay, at this point in my life, it's always too early.

Scott Benner 2:35
Yeah, I just don't know. I don't ever. I don't know. I I feel like I'm three years into COVID. Like, nothing's this like, right? Like my, my wife's like, I'm gonna go to work and it's like, okay, so she went, and she comes home she was nobody was there. Magari it's the companies can't even get people to go back to work. They're like, go back to work. And people like, all right, they just don't go from home or they're just not showing up. Let's work from home stuff like these working for home for so long. That they you know, they're just like, like it now. So everyone calls their boss with a reason. We can't come in. I got this, you know, and then the 60 people are supposed to show up at an office building. There's four people there those four people are like, Oh, no coming back if nobody else is coming back, you know. And, and so my wife's like, now she's in the dining room again. And now it's not even the dining room anymore. We got rid of the dining room table like she's using it as a desk she put a sofa in there you know like I'm like I'm like she's never gonna go back. We need time apart.

Rebecca 3:44
I missed I miss working i People are crazy. Ya know?

Scott Benner 3:51
I think the worst thing is my wife is a real like Type A like hardworking person. So all this does, like you would think like oh, it eliminates her commute. And you know, probably saves her all kinds of time. It just gives her three more hours a day to work.

Rebecca 4:05
Hey Scott, I'm sorry Give me one second the nurse is calling me from school ready Hello. You understand but are you there?

Scott Benner 4:16
You know I was

Rebecca 4:19
to be sorry, the data sabot nurse today and she she saw the Dexcom and the phone and the new pod and she's like, which ones which?

Scott Benner 4:31
Well, we'll just tell you what, introduce yourself and we'll then we'll jump right in.

Rebecca 4:35
Um, I am Rebecca burn Werth. I'm a stay at home mama to Asher and archer. And Asher's my little my little diabetic. He's four years old in he's also got autism on top of it. That's why That's why I was message you and like, Hey, I don't know if you'd like to talk to anyone who has autism on top of diabetes, but like I'm willing

Scott Benner 5:01
So ash, first of all, did you name your children so that one day they'd be on a CW show what's going on?

Rebecca 5:08
It was just laziness because we had such a hard time picking out Asher's name. When it came to a little Archer, we're like, we'll just stick with a

Scott Benner 5:15
honestly, did you really just replaced the s with an orange SC, right? Oh, pretty

Rebecca 5:21
much. Yeah, Archer is one more letter, but they're pretty common. They're, I mean, they're pretty close. Yeah, guys, I also like people getting confused. So

Scott Benner 5:31
let's keep most of these letters. And so is Archer younger or older than Ashraf, He's younger. He's too. He's too. Okay. So, I, we're going to start off by saying that what I know about autism fits in a thimble. So I'm going to be asking a lot of questions. Okay.

Rebecca 5:48
Okay. I feel like I'm still learning too. I'm sure I know more than you.

Scott Benner 5:53
Did you imagine? Honestly, Rebecca, at the end of this time, can you imagine if the takeaway was that I knew more about autism than you did?

Rebecca 6:02
I mean, I would actually be happy about that, because I feel like I'm plugged into the type one diabetes community. And I've learned a lot from them. But autism not plugged in with anyone yet. I gotcha. interest. And, and so it's been a lot easier to learn about diabetes than autism. I've also had a harder time with the autism diagnosis than the diabetes one.

Scott Benner 6:24
All right, let's find out about all that. She have a baby? And how quickly did it become evident that Asher had autism.

Rebecca 6:38
I feel like I caught it late. And it's because we've moved six times since Asher was born. And I'm now going to be seven times. So we weren't plugged into a community, we didn't have a lot of people we could hang out with, he didn't hang out with other kids. And my little one just came home, you're probably going to hear him. And so we thought that he was just having a hard time learning to talk because he didn't have a lot of people to talk to. Okay, other than mom and dad. Looking back, I'm I feel like I could have caught it around two years old, instead of when I did, which was this past year, so more around three years old. And plus, it was during COVID. So you top that all off. We moved during COVID and literally met no one at that time. So it's just a lot of no community for him to talk to. Why

Scott Benner 7:39
are you a military family? Are you running from the law, like what's going

Rebecca 7:43
on? I was the National Guard. So I didn't move a lot for that. It's just my husband and we got married. I felt like decently young. We both just gotten out of college and it's just trying to find a stable job since then. And he's a contractor. Okay, so I know, I know, a lot of people will hear contractor know what that means. But it just basically he works for himself and usually is on one to two year contracts with people. So it's been a lot of moving around.

Scott Benner 8:10
Following work. Yeah, yeah. Okay, much. Alright. So what do you say? Well, hold on a second. How old is Asher? When he gets type one.

Rebecca 8:20
He was two and a half years old.

Scott Benner 8:23
Okay, so you, let's figure out how you learned about that. What What were the signs that got you to a type one diagnosis.

Rebecca 8:30
Um, I actually had I had gestational diabetes with little Asher. And Daniel is actually the one that caught it. My husband, I feel like he has had watched me with my pregnancy and connected the dots with Asher he had gotten really thirsty. And he would get tired and just lay down on the ground while trying to play with his toys. And Daniel came to me is like back, I think he might have diabetes. So like, Why No, he's like, yeah, he's does one of the sciences. They drink a lot. And he's just drinking so much and paying so much for my that No, but I of course went and looked, I just didn't want it to do diabetes. I went and started researching. I'm like, okay, so I called the doctor and took him in. And it was one of those instances where the doctor just wouldn't listen to mom. And I told him, I'm like, Hey, I'm worried my son has diabetes. So I brought him in to get tested. And the doctor was like, No, I think he just has a UTI. So bring them in tomorrow, and we'll test them for UTI. I'm like, No, I would like you to test him for diabetes because I really think that's it. These are all the things we've been seeing with him. And we're worried so we'd like to get him tested just to check is like okay, well bring them in in morning. And I brought him in in the morning after he had fasted. He's a hungry baby who is miserable because I'm not letting him to drink anything. It And it was a nurse practitioner who was very sweet instead of the doctor this time and she was like, okay, she sat down. She's like, so you think Asher has a UTI? I'm like, No, I think he has diabetes. And she's like, what? I'm like, Yeah, I brought him in because I want to test them for diabetes. She's like, Oh, I'm so sorry. That's not in my chart at all up? Of course, not. Like, I want him tested for diabetes. I've had him tested for UTIs here recently, and like, I don't think that's it. And she's like, Okay, well, we'll test them for diabetes, and just to, as a backup will test him for UTI. And I'm like, okay, so um, she tested is a one C there, as well as his blood sugar, and his blood sugar was really high. And so she's like, Well, based on the blood sugar, I am worried, but we'll get back to you. And then, of course, had the appointment later. And the same doctor who wouldn't listen to me was at the appointment. I was just so further, he did apologize or anything when he had been such a speaker. And he didn't remember me either.

Scott Benner 11:10
He didn't from how from when it was

Rebecca 11:12
like a week? Late, remember me? That's been that's been most of our experience with with medical stuff since since I felt like I got pregnant.

Scott Benner 11:25
Well, you're probably are you diabetes? I'm sorry. Just let me ask you. Are you always new in the because you're moving so much to meet the doctors not have a chance to get to know you?

Rebecca 11:35
Maybe? Maybe that's it. But even like, I know a lot of people have issues with emergency rooms. But like, I've had issues with the emergency rooms where it almost killed me because I was bleeding internally, and they just don't listen to me. I don't know. Like face that's like, I'm dramatic or something. But they don't listen to me. I don't know.

Scott Benner 11:56
Can we for a second? That's interesting. Do you find that? Do you find that in the rest of your life as well? To people? Is it your voice or your because I've said this on here before but I do more of my business over the phone? Because I have a deep voice.

Rebecca 12:12
But I think maybe I'm too nice. Okay. But I genuinely think a lot of times, I'm just too nice and don't put my foot forward as strong as I should, I guess. But I don't know. When it came to my baby. I was pretty pretty forward. But with myself, I don't. I'm very quick to like jump in to battle for people I care about, but not for me. So they'll walk all over me. But with Asher, I was pretty forceful about the diabetes. They were like No, and have been ever since. Gosh, it's been a lot of fighting even to get the autism diagnosis. But we got it.

Scott Benner 12:48
So you don't have type one in your life from maybe six months or so before? You've you figured out the autism. Is that right?

Rebecca 12:58
Yeah. Let me just work out the time. Yeah, because he got he got diagnosed too. So it was probably about six months till we started really noticing. Okay. And it was because it was because I was looking for a preschool for him. And no one would take him because of diabetes. I was really struggling. And I called the one preschool that was like a peer program where they have a bunch of kids come in that have special needs as well as kids without special needs. And I was trying to get him as one of the kids without special needs of mine was filling out the form. It really sounded to me like Asher was special needs. I was like, oh, no, I don't think they're gonna accept them. And the lady, Becky, she's wonderful. She works at the school. She called me she's like, so I feel like you were very honest on this application. And she's like, I feel like, maybe we can bring after it and get him screened. So he can become one of our students on the other side if you're open to that. And so,

Scott Benner 14:10
Becca, let me ask a couple of questions here because I think I'm following you, but you're not 100% saying it. So you're as you're filling out a form, in your mind trying to be like type one diabetes, that's not special needs. And that forms asking you questions, and you're like, yes, yes. Yeah. Oh, geez. Yes. And then you hand the form to someone else. That person looks at it and says this kid has autism.

Rebecca 14:37
She didn't say he had autism. She said she wanted to get him screen and that she thought she thought speech delays based on what I wrote speech. Have speech delays. Yeah, he has speech delays along with autism because I was like, I understand the difference, but

Scott Benner 14:52
because as I heard that I'm like, but that form is really well designed. If it can just oh yeah, if he could just pluck that out. But so she saw speech to lays okay, then he goes into testing, I'm assuming this is where we get to it.

Rebecca 15:05
Yeah, it was about three months of testing. And at that point I had already started, I took him into the doctor and already started the process of getting them into behavioral psychologists. But there was a year long waiting time to get him like medically diagnosed for autism. So the school diagnose him for me. And he started school there, which has been a huge blessing this past year, he loves it so much in and no one else would take us so he wouldn't have been in school, if not for that. And then he the process of getting him diagnosed medically, I ended up having to travel about four hours away to a psychologist that would allow me to pay out of pocket. And she diagnosed him we paid out of pocket rather than using our insurance to give them an early diagnosis. So I could start getting some more help like speech therapy and occupational therapy, and ABA therapy. So I really had to rush it because I don't know if COVID is affecting the system or if it's always like this, but they say the earlier you intercepted the better and I was already late so I was like I gotta do some digging for, for him.

Scott Benner 16:20
So how do they describe? Again, I'm not I'm a little bit of a neophyte on this here. But is autism designated in severity or levels? Or how to how was it thought of by the, by the medical community?

Rebecca 16:35
From what I understand, it's different everywhere. The psychologist I went to gave him a level two autism out of three. But some parents just based on Facebook, like autism pages that I've followed, say that their their doctors didn't even give them a level, they just say, hey, they have diabetes on the forum, and are not diabetes, I'm sorry, autism, on the form. But we got a level two diagnosis, but not everyone gets a level on the autism spectrum.

Scott Benner 17:06
So if you describe Asher to me, like what are the things that you see that? That now that you know, he's autistic, what do you attribute to autism, in his, in his life,

Rebecca 17:21
his ability to communicate, he communicates different than everyone else. And I think one of the best examples that really helped me understand my son a little more, I was reading a book on autism. I don't remember it, I could send it to you after this. But the guy said he's like, this kid kept, kept saying, whenever he met people, he would quote, the scene from The Wizard of Oz, where the witch comes in the Good Witch. And she says something to Dorothy to like, say hello, but it's like grand and exuberant, and it's a quote, so it's a little longer than hell up. And every time the kid saw someone new, or, or, or saw like his mom after school or something, he would say that, and the doctor helped her understand the doctor wrote the book helped his mother understand. He's telling you Hello, from what he understands to him, Wizard of Oz was just this very memorable moment, where she comes over and says, Hello, in this grand way. And that's how he's learned to say hello. So he's saying hello to you in that moment. And Asher, when he gets really upset, he'll start quoting things that he loves, like he loves Winnie the Pooh for the longest time growing up. And he would quote this part where we got upset when he was upset with me, because I'm like doing diabetes things or I'm not understanding what he's trying to say. He would start quoting this little scene from from Winnie the Pooh. And I didn't understand why for the longest time until I read that book. I'm like, Oh, he's trying to tell me Mommy, I'm upset with you. I'm upset you aren't understanding me. So it's just his his speech has been the biggest thing. I feel like

Scott Benner 19:13
Does that happen with everything? Or is it just big things? I mean, he like does he go into King Lear if he wants to drink of water or

Rebecca 19:23
he speaks of like, one word two words. I'm lucky to get a sentence out of him because he doesn't understand how to form sentences. So if he wants I give him like the sugar free lemonade if he wants lemonade, he's like juice or if if he's gone to the bathroom in his diaper and wants changed, he says body I'm trying to make food. I've got this little board upstairs with all these pictures that he can like run and point to to communicate to me if you want something,

Scott Benner 19:58
and that all works well for him.

Rebecca 20:01
I mean, it could be better, but we started speech therapy. So I think he's one of the autism spectrum children that's actually going to talk to me one day, it's just gonna take a little time. Because he's super smart. It's just his speech is what gets in the way.

Scott Benner 20:21
Is there anything besides the speech that's indicative of autism?

Rebecca 20:25
Um, he does seem to have some issues with fine motor skills, but overall, he's pretty good with it. He just struggles with like a fork, or a spoon. He he's awkward at holding them. But he's, he's not as severe as some autistic children I've seen. And most I feel like I don't, I don't want to, like lump it all because they're all so different. All autistic children, but I know a lot of them aren't very social. They avoid eye contact. They're very scared of the world around them and very sensitive to touch. But I'm blessed in that Ash are loves. He loves cuddling. He loves being held, he loves being hugged. He loves adventure. He loves going new places and seeing new people. So there's a lot to him that that he a lot of the symptoms to autism that he didn't get. Seven the cats. I'm sorry, my cats being really hyper.

Scott Benner 21:28
Okay, we can't see we can't see your cat.

Rebecca 21:33
She's, she's usually pretty scared. If she doesn't speak it out in here to have fun, which is rare. It's

Scott Benner 21:39
just sort of stopped talking. You're like, hey, cats. And I was like, Oh, I'm sorry. For 20 minutes into this. I'm starting to get Bolus apart, Rebecca is gonna lose her mind. Anyway, so. Okay. How is the I'm trying to figure out how to ask this question. I guess so. No, no, no, not not like, I'm going to insult you. I just I'm trying to Rebecca, I don't know, if you realize this, I'm trying to layer a story together. So at the end, you feel like you've been taken on an adventure, but I have not at all, given any thought to this prior to getting this. So

Rebecca 22:17
Toki I enjoy your podcast, thank

Scott Benner 22:19
you. I want to know your husband sees the lethargy and the urination and the drinking. He connects that to your gestational diabetes, something he saw there, you get diagnosed. I mean, at that point, you just have a, you know, you have a young child with diabetes. And are you starting that journey with what like, what do they send you home with this? My first question?

Rebecca 22:48
Um, well, I have just gotten out of the military. And he's a contractor. So we had no health insurance. When Asher got diagnosed, we were in between getting health insurance from the military and then trying to find some for him. So we they sent us home with the bare minimum, while we try to figure out so we came home with a little vial of insulin and, and a bunch of syringes, and reader, which I actually had a ton of, like glucometers at home, as well as ketone test strips. But that was all new to me, because my gestational diabetes wasn't so bad that I needed insulin, I I just had to have a pretty strict diet. I was pregnant. So all of that was pretty new to us. It was a neck and I pretty difficult. No kidding,

Scott Benner 23:51
right. So you dig into that first? And did you find it? I mean, how overwhelming was it for you? New Baby, were you pregnant?

Rebecca 24:06
No, but I had a little I think Archer did math. And he was only three months old at the time, maybe? I don't know. No. Three months old. He would have been it would have been a year and three months.

Scott Benner 24:21
Okay. But that's still that's a very new baby on top of a young a young child who now has diabetes. So you're a little overwhelmed by the way every time you say I was in the National Guard and my husband's a contractor I just assumed he's a hired killer for the government you understand right? No, he's sounds like you're jumping around the country often people but

Rebecca 24:45
he would love me told that he were a total nerd some play like Dungeons and Dragons and he's always a rogue

Scott Benner 24:54
don't even please never tell me what he does. Okay, because I just like it It's like assuming like an under the cover of night you guys like swoop into like Minneapolis and take out a congressman and then just leave. You know what I mean?

Rebecca 25:07
I think when he does, it's pretty cool. But no, he's not like Tom Cruise.

Scott Benner 25:11
Gotcha. So she but he moves around a lot. It sounds like his job is active. Are you kind of on your own with the diabetes? Are you guys doing it together?

Rebecca 25:21
No, he actually works from home. Okay, yeah,

Scott Benner 25:24
he brings the bodies there. That's nice. No, but no. Okay, so So are you guys are sort of in it together? Yeah,

Rebecca 25:35
yeah. He's very involved. Really good, daddy.

Scott Benner 25:40
Excellent. Do you have like CGM now or how are you managing?

Rebecca 25:45
Yeah, we got the Dexcom was one of the first things we got. I feel like, I felt like I got it pretty quick, too. I think it was four months in. Yeah, we've been on the Dexcom for a while now. And I feel like if I had to choose anything, that would be the one thing that I could not do without for him.

Scott Benner 26:05
Does Asher have trouble telling you if he's low or high? Or how he feels?

Rebecca 26:10
I feel like he doesn't really have to. But I don't think he understands it. No. He doesn't understand when he's lower high, he'll just come up to me and ask for juice. There have been a few times very surprised me, like, in the middle of the night before his Dexcom went out off one time he came into the room, which he never does. And asked for juice. So yeah, I think he understands it. But he doesn't know how to tell me.

Scott Benner 26:40
What's that mean? It's obviously it's a major sticking point for for his day to day life, not just not just with diabetes. I'm trying to imagine as he gets older, how he's going to interact with that, like, can he test his blood sugar? Or

Rebecca 26:55
I think he will be able to Yeah, yeah.

Scott Benner 26:58
He understands what's happening in any, like way, often at his age.

Rebecca 27:02
No, I think it maybe 12 or 14, he'll be able to start doing that. That's me hoping he'll be able to start doing it by himself. But like, we can't even get him to get potty trained right now. My two year olds almost potty trained, but we're struggling with Asher. So

Scott Benner 27:21
how does that manifest real life does he have? He's wearing diapers?

Rebecca 27:25
Yeah, he's still wearing pull ups. Okay.

Scott Benner 27:29
And so it's so interesting that he can connect his like anger as an example with cartoon anger on television. And, and it's enough to make him recite something even though he doesn't speak in sentences, usually. But he's not, but he doesn't connect, like the urge to go to the bathroom or going to the bathroom. Yeah, that must be

Rebecca 27:54
going to the bathroom. It's more. He is used to a routine and he doesn't like that getting changed. That's one of the things with autistic children, you tend to get them on a strict routine because they have a hard time understanding the world changing around them. I see so that it's predictable, and they know what's coming next. And so trying to switch him out of pull ups when he's always warm pull ups has been very difficult because he's like, I don't do it that way. I do it this way. Mommy. We don't we don't we don't change things. So I think He's smart. He's just a little stubborn.

Scott Benner 28:34
Saying lady, this is working for me. I gotta be honest with you. I don't know how you feel about it, but I love not going into the bathroom. I don't know why fantastic Have you found that getting your diabetes supplies can be a pain in the butt. I have to but not any longer because now we're getting Arden's diabetes supplies from us med to get a free benefits check, just call 888-721-1514 or go to us med.com forward slash juicebox. US med has served over 1 million diabetes customers since 1996. And they want you to know that they're offering you better service and better care than you're getting now. US med always provides 90 days worth of supplies, and fast and free shipping. They carry everything from insulin pumps and diabetes testing supplies to the latest CGM like the FreeStyle Libre two and the Dexcom G six. Arden gets her Dex comps and her on the pods from us met us met accepts Medicare nationwide and over 800 private insurers. US med is the number one distributor for FreeStyle Libre systems. The number one specialty distributor from the pod dash number one fastest growing tank distributor, the number one rated distributor index com customer service satisfaction surveys. And they are proud of the white glove treatment that they offer their customers. Us med.com forward slash juice box or call 888-721-1514. And that 888 Number is special just for Juicebox Podcast listeners. Now if you decide to go to the website, it's super simple. Here's what it tells you when you get there. Getting started is easy. from the comfort of your own home or office, you can now join over 1 million satisfied customers who rely on our staff of courteous, knowledgeable and trained us met customer care representatives to keep you up to date with your medical and diabetic supplies delivered right to your door. Super simple benefits check name, phone number, email, zip code, and then just hit the button that says Request a free benefits check. It's that easy. Let us med take care of your supplies so you don't have to worry.

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I mean, it's interesting. Like it makes you think about how many things you teach a child that they just do because you tell them the beginning until it becomes a habit for them. Except if you can't. If you can't get Asher over that leap that like no go do it here. He's like, Yeah, no, thanks. Yeah, that's interesting. It's insane

Rebecca 33:45
to me because they'd be like, if orchard come first in Azure second, I would have been able to catch Asher's autism so much quicker because Archer, I just watch him and he's like jumping and leaps and bounds as far as communication he, he he's able to put his shoes on and already when Nasser is just now starting to, like, try to get dressed and put his shoes on. He's he, he talks in sentences. Sometimes the nightmare like picks up new words every single day. And he's just so on top of things. And Asher, I look now and Archer is catching up to Asher. And I'm like, wow, I wish I had no more. But well, I wonder your new parent?

Scott Benner 34:29
Yeah, no, I mean, listen, you don't you don't know what you don't know right now.

Rebecca 34:33
I mean, we caught us. I'm proud that we caught his diabetes so early. We caught it really early. But as far as autism, I really wish I could have caught it early, but I feel like we're still fighting to get him through it so

Scott Benner 34:48
well. It makes me wonder if one day as Archer kind of like matures and starts doing some of the things you need to ask her to do. I wonder if Asher won't be able to model it because he's seeing Archer doing it. It

Rebecca 35:01
was already learning language from his brother. Okay, no that much he I see him copying his brother a good amount. So hoping when I potty trained Archer Asher would be like, Oh, what are you doing but so far now not interested? Like doing it even with our jaggedy little I have these little keto cookies and they give him a cookie every time he goes potty and Asher loves those things. I'm like, let your brother's getting cookie. Like whatever. I'm still going in my

Scott Benner 35:30
bathroom and that toilet. I'll give you anything you want. Well, I think maybe although I imagine Archer is probably like in the bathroom. Like why always in the audience when I'm in here? Like, you're like, Look, buddy, look at what's going on in the body. Isn't that great? Now, well, gosh, is that? Is it incredibly taxing for you personally?

Rebecca 35:55
What what part like one partner?

Scott Benner 35:59
Rebecca, your wife?

Rebecca 36:02
I think my husband would say yes, it is.

Scott Benner 36:06
But how do you see your support? Pretty young, right?

Rebecca 36:11
I am 29. So I don't feel that young anymore.

Scott Benner 36:15
You're pretty young. Yeah, it's 29. You've got a four year old.

Rebecca 36:19
So I'm about to turn 30. And Jenny.

Scott Benner 36:23
That's what you're dreading.

Rebecca 36:25
Because everyone's making baby, my husband and his friends joke about it all year long. It feels like a 30 this year. Oh my great.

Scott Benner 36:33
Try to tell my wife she was 50 the other day and she corrected me because she's not she's a couple years younger than that. What's the difference? She goes, there's, there's a lot of difference.

Rebecca 36:43
It's zero,

Scott Benner 36:45
I guess. Trust me, don't matter. But, um, but But I mean, seriously, like day to day? Are you overwhelmed? Are you? I mean, do you lie to yourself? Are you just okay, you know,

Rebecca 37:01
I feel like I will be very honest. I actually I started taking some depression pills, after all of these diagnosis. So I would say that I think it's affected me quite a bit. I think I handled the diabetes, okay. Because I kind of felt in control. Like, I had all of this technology. And like, if I, if I am on top of things, if I, if I wait, can I say what you say, like me aggressive with insulin and whatnot Am I can I think keep his numbers down. And this is something I can control because I'm blessed that he's born now, with all of this technology that makes it so much easier. But then he got his autism diagnosis, and it just kind of felt very much out of my control. I remember that was kind of like the breaking point for me. They, they they told me he had autism. And I took him to the park and just let him play because he just so adventurous, loves playing all day. And they just sat on the there was a rock climbing wall thing that's kind of like a cave. And I just sat on top of that and cried in answer actually came over and actually recognize that I was sad, which he's not good at recognizing emotions one of the time I think that's one of the only times they can think he actually understood I was sad, and came over and just hugged me, he stopped playing and just hugged me for a little bit. But it it made sense because I, I would watch I have a friend named Anna, whose son got diagnosed with diabetes a month before me. And she's, she's the one who showed me your podcast. She's guided me a lot on on his diabetes and helped me a lot on his diabetes. And I would watch her with her son who's very close to Asher's age. And just compare and be like he understands so much she can explain to him he understands what is going on while with Asher he would get so upset while I'm trying to with all but syringes and trying to put the Dexcom on him and the pump on him and and I hated how miserable it was making him and the fact that I couldn't explain to him I was doing it out of love for him. And the desire for him to stay here with me as long as he can and be healthy because of my efforts while he's on stage. So that was the hardest part for me with his autism was just not being able to tell him baby I'm hurting you because they love you. In so the communication with autism has been the hardest part. That's that was the breaking point when I realized oh, this is it. He's not gonna learn to Tucked in a few months, it's gonna be a while. Do you?

Scott Benner 40:05
Do you? Do you believe that he understands you? He just can't tell you he understands? Where do you think

Rebecca 40:12
he understands more than I think he does? I don't think he understands his diabetes and what it is and that he's different, which I think is okay. I think it's okay, I think he's gonna be oblivious a lot of the times to how different he is. And that in that way, autism might be a bit of a blessing, because he's like, Oh, I'm just gonna go play now. And he's not going to notice, oh, I'm wearing these robot parts, and they aren't. He's just gonna be like, Oh, why aren't you doing this? Okay, and go on with his life. But it's just the early years that are gonna be really hard on me, because I can't talk to him. But I think I will get to talk to him at some point.

Scott Benner 40:54
Well, can you? Are you able to communicate with them in other ways? Is the I mean, you said he's not great with seeing other people's emotions. But can you hug him? Or?

Rebecca 41:05
Yeah, he loves cuddling. He understands like, I can give him directions be like, go get your shoes, or did he come here and work on night night? And a lot of that he's come to understand just the basic every day because we've had him on a strict schedule. And so he understands what's coming next. He knows what I'm saying. But then there are times where the says something from a cartoon or something good in he says it in a correct circumstance, but like it actually makes sense. I'm like, Whoa, okay. You learn something my boss and baby Good job. So it's just it's hit or miss all day. It's full of more surprises than I think most most parents I know. Most parents get a lot of surprises on the daily but Asher it's it's big leaps and bounds. With the smallest things. I get to celebrate small things with him all the time. Like oh my gosh, you just said three words together. That's awesome, baby. Good job. So

Scott Benner 42:01
cool. Okay, well, I'm finding this overwhelming I'm sorry, but that's pretty unfair, isn't it? an hour, I'm just gonna, like, you know, I'm taking my dog to a candle and you're still gonna be there with Asher. And I'm like, oh, gosh, this is a lot. Is there any autism in either of your extended families?

Rebecca 42:27
No, not diagnosed. Um, my husband and I think that maybe there could be like some very, what's I'm trying to think of a way to word this, but not severe, not severe autism. Um, but it's not diagnosed. It's just that generation right before autism really became more pronounced in in the world.

Scott Benner 42:56
How about diabetes or other autoimmune diseases?

Rebecca 42:59
Um, my grandpa, I don't remember. I feel like he was like 29 when he got type one diabetes, so my grandpa did get diabetes. Other than him? I don't know of any other diabetes. I know that according to everyone, I'm pre diabetic, but I don't have type one. Mine would be type two because of the gestational diabetes.

Scott Benner 43:21
Right. Okay. Well,

Rebecca 43:23
hey. What's okay, yeah, my my husband's great grandfather was diabetic, I guess. So it's on both sides. Type one. There's a lot of type one. There's a lot of autoimmune diseases on my husband's side to not diabetes with a lot of autoimmune diseases that are really weird ones that don't ask me to name

Scott Benner 43:43
you don't even you don't have examples. Yeah.

Rebecca 43:46
I'm sure my husband could do another one. Your uncle has honey. includes this.

Scott Benner 43:56
You trying to make me look foolish while I'm googling kleos

Rebecca 43:58
this month? I can't say it. Yeah, I can't say it. I got it. There chat. There's a chat. Let me see.

Scott Benner 44:06
It's a it's a spine disorder.

Rebecca 44:09
Yeah, it's like I know that it kind of like all of his spine molds together over time. Um, it's very painful. And he has to like constantly stay on top of working out and stuff to keep it from getting like,

Scott Benner 44:25
trying to see us together to see if they're calling it autoimmune. And I'll say it I'll do my best to say it in a second. Ankylosing Spondylitis

Rebecca 44:40
Ankylosing Spondylitis that sounds that's how my husband said at least initially pretty good but

Scott Benner 44:45
I'm not great with words is both an autoimmune type of arthritis and a chronic inflammation inflammatory disease and autoimmune disease develops in your body. Yeah, I don't need to be told about it. I mean, diseases thanks. It's more common among men usually begins in early The adulthood symptoms typically appear include reduced flexibility in the spine, reduces flexibility eventually results in hunched forward posture pain, the back and joints is also common. Interesting.

Rebecca 45:14
Daniel actually has an autoimmune disease I always forget because I know I know he's he doesn't like it but I don't notice it is what is it honey vitiligo vitiligo what? Yeah, it's what Michael Jackson had. Yeah, no, no. All over the place and I don't really care. I think he's still handsome.

Scott Benner 45:39
So his his skin is like he has less pigment in some places. Yeah. Okay.

Rebecca 45:44
I feel like he's still white though. It's not noticeable to me. So

Scott Benner 45:48
Daniel is so white. You can see this middle Lago

Rebecca 45:53
we my friends joke, you know, um, but it's goodness. The vampire movie that came out when I was younger Twilight. Okay. And word from Twilight. A lot of my friends say that he looks like that pale white like he's not quite that failed. But he is pretty pale. He could definitely be Edward on Halloween.

Scott Benner 46:13
Either think a t shirt. I'm so white. You can see my vitiligo was hilarious.

Rebecca 46:19
And that is pretty great.

Scott Benner 46:20
I purposefully stopped myself because you were like, you know, the vampire movie that came out when you were when I was young. And my brain jumped to Interview with a Vampire. And then you said Twilight, I was like, Oh, God, I'm so much older than Rebecca.

Rebecca 46:37
I love Twilight. Oh, goodness.

Scott Benner 46:42
Did you know I did. I'm gonna try to find out what your Interview with a Vampire came out because I'm feeling 19 9402 years before that. And by the way, I wasn't all that young in 1994. I was Oh, good. I was like 25 Maybe?

Rebecca 46:59
Oh, yeah. You're a bit older. I think maybe my parents age.

Scott Benner 47:06
Really? Um, how old are your parents? They're about 50 years old. Yep. I could be your father Rebecca. That can't be true. Hold on. Just that you're 29 Let me get a pen real quick. Homozygous 50. A put those 29 under it. Now the nines. You carry the one I get one. And then this becomes a four. Oh, yeah, I guess maybe I could be. Well, that's upsetting. Jesus? What do you try to bum me out?

Rebecca 47:39
No, does the I'm bummed about being 33

Scott Benner 47:43
I can't believe that I can be your father. That's so terrible. I gotta give up soon, I guess right? It's over? No, no,

Rebecca 47:56
no. You got a lot left.

Scott Benner 47:59
How old is the oldest person? You could be the mother of?

Rebecca 48:03
Oh, goodness. Let me think. I mean, if I could have had a kid pretty young,

Scott Benner 48:10
right? Let's say you have a team practice. I'd say you're right. You have a baby team. You can have a 14 year old right now. I could, how would that make you feel?

Rebecca 48:20
I find it terrifying. Well, that's

Scott Benner 48:21
how I feel thinking. I

Rebecca 48:25
mean, it's not because like, it's not because if it just it's the idea of owning it, or having a team that that's the part that terrifies people.

Scott Benner 48:35
You know, I do? No idea what it's like,

Rebecca 48:38
I didn't want low girls for a reason. Oh, guess what?

Scott Benner 48:41
It's not a pleasure, that all hope is kind of terrible. You say something to her. And she's like, I'm not doing that. Like wait. And then I don't know what to do. Because that's the part where my dad would have like, thrown me through a wall. So I don't even know what to say, you know, like, Wait a minute. You're just not gonna do it. Please do it. Now. That guy. I don't know what to say. What's next? I mean, when reasoning when I mean look at the world when reasoning doesn't work. We pretty much jump right to war. And so I don't know what the

Rebecca 49:20
ground is pretty quick on that. But how does that even happen?

Scott Benner 49:22
Like I'm not gonna let her go to school or do her homework or I don't know the whole things. I'm

Rebecca 49:27
not gonna go to school when she's been out of school for it like

Scott Benner 49:31
Yeah, I know. Right? Basically been in school for high school. I can't wait till she gets to college. And she's like, Oh my God every day. It's it's crazy. Okay, so All right. Let's go back to your for a second. Did the you felt depressed? And then you tried. What did they give you?

Rebecca 49:52
Oh, goodness.

Scott Benner 49:53
I like like, you don't quite know the name of anything, Rebecca. I don't. You're like my husband.

Rebecca 49:58
My brain I Oh, I some things. I'm just like, yeah, that can go.

Scott Benner 50:03
Oh no, I find it kind of delightful. You're like my husband has an autoimmune disease. I don't know what it's called. Hey, baby. What's that thing called? The why? Oh, he's handsome. Don't worry about it. So anyway, so you're on something? Did it help?

Rebecca 50:20
Yeah, it's Zoloft. That's what it is. Yeah, it's when I was very weary about going on, on pills, because they scare me if I like I saw a lot of friends like turn pretty. turn bad on pills. So it scared me. But she said that this was the least had the least amount of side effects and was the safest one that's working for you. She can? Yeah, she said she can give it to pregnant moms. So she's like, I feel like this is good. And I've been a lot better on it. I'm much better. My husband whenever I snap on him, or, like crying over dumb things. He's like, did you take your pill?

Scott Benner 51:01
First, I would like to ask, Is it funny? It's just like with diabetes? Like, are you low? I don't want to yell if you're low. If you've took the pill, I don't know what to say all the sudden, you take the pill that I know that I'm you're actually mad and I'm scared. Oh, my gosh. This seems like a no brainer question. But let me just ask it anyway. Any plans on having more children?

Rebecca 51:26
No. I might adopt, I really want to adopt. It's just I feel like I need to get Asher in a place where it's a little easier on me and him before we look into adopting,

Scott Benner 51:38
and then some more difficult questions, do you? I mean, diabetes is one of those things where I think parents minds race ahead, like what happens when they go to college or get married? Right. But autism, I would imagine is that times a million.

Rebecca 51:55
Yeah. I felt like I struggled a lot with the fact that I was worried. I might have a kid in the house forever. I feel like I've reached a point where I think he's going to be very independent and go off on his own at some time. I think he'll need a guiding hand sometimes. But I'm Mom, I'm always here. I'm always a call away. I don't. I think he'll be okay. As far as that goes.

Scott Benner 52:25
Tell me more about that concern. Is that a concern that I'll be 133 years old, and my 60 year old will be living with me kind of feeling or is it? Is it a feeling like your life won't get to move on? Or his life won't get to move on? Or like, what's the real? What's the fear? Like it

Rebecca 52:43
makes me sound so selfish but my life? No, I was I was very independent, very adventurous. And I'm and I'm a go getter. I loved I was valedictorian, and join the military and work three jobs to get through school. Like I was always very active. And I've had to be a stay at home mom for my kids. And I'm learning the blessings in that but i It's not easy for me at all.

Scott Benner 53:14
I can give it a lot of way.

Rebecca 53:16
Yeah. Yeah. I am adventurous. And I'm I know, I tell myself that like when they're like 12 and above, we could go on adventures together. But I'm having a very hard time at this age.

Scott Benner 53:33
Would you like some some stark truths from my life that Oh, no, no, I know. Everything you hope for the future doesn't happen. I believe I've learned that already. But here's the good news. If you just accept that it really does get easier. It turns out that the problem is with ready. It's hope that kills you

Rebecca 53:57
know, there's okay. There's a what is it? Pandora's box. You know that story? Hope was the only thing left in the box. And I remember I majored in English and I remember having to write a paper on whether I thought that was because home was good and didn't need to be released. Or else or hope was so bad that one thing got left from the box of all these terrible things because it was like it was too bad to let loose. Man

Scott Benner 54:30
so the taking the I was gonna say Joking aside, I'm not joking, but let me give it better context, I guess. So I became a stay at home father in 2000. Okay, now we all know that was 22 years ago. My God when you were seven years old, but okay. And it happened for us, like not a plan. So we were married, and then we noticed we were pregnant and And then we noticed there was going to be a baby. And you know, during the pregnancy, it became one of our jobs. It felt to me to go look into daycares. And so after because I worked more locally, I would come home in the afternoon and go check out daycare centers. And one day, I just came home to Kelly and I was like, I really don't want to put the baby in daycare, it made me feel like we were kenneling it, you know what I mean, hadn't even met the baby yet. I was already like, looking for a place to like, put it. And that seemed kind of wrong. To me. It made me make this outlandish statement to my wife, I was like, You should stay home with the baby when the baby comes. Now. If you could have gone back 22 years and met us, you would know that Kelly was our only hope for decent income. You know, saying that she should not work was sort of, I mean, she laughed directly at me when I told her. She's like how she's like, I think she said, If I quit my job, we're gonna live in a trailer, like somewhere like in a swamp or something like that. I forget how she put it exactly, because that's what you're gonna be able to afford, which I found emasculating. But point taken. She was right. And then she said, I think you'd be a great stay at home dad, why don't you stop working and stay home with the baby? And I was like, okay, so you know, you're young, and just like, whatever I got. Alright, that makes sense. I think in the end, the swing was like, $900, back then, like, you know what I mean, we lost 900 bucks for me quitting my job every month, which was just not very much back then. You know, like, it was just like, we're like, whatever. And so, and you start doing the other bills, you know, like, Well, geez, by the time you take out gas, and me going to lunch, and like, you know, this might be a breakeven, we might be able to do this. So baby comes, here comes coal. And now I handle it in a very kind of functional way. Like, I'm like, treating him like a project or a job or something that has to happen, right, and I'm just doing the things. And I was pretty miserable for a while, because I kept thinking about all the stuff that I wanted to do with my life that seemed like there was no possible way I was ever going to do now. And it wasn't until I made kind of the conscious decision to find joy in being his dad, that that stuff stopped mattering. And it turned out that I had had all these, I mean, call them dreams, but that's the wrong word. I had all these ideas of things that I thought would be great to do. And they seemed like possibilities to me, which was great. So because they seem tangible. It felt like I lost them. But in truth, I wasn't any of those things that I thought I wanted to be or try or do. They were just, they were just out in front of me kind of like a carrot on a stick, like, oh, maybe you could write a book where maybe you could do this. And suddenly you're raising a baby, and you can't do any of that, like, you know, none of that's happening. And then when I made his happiness, or his accomplishments, or our accomplishments together my goal, then suddenly I was I was actually reaching my goals, it was actually better than hoping to be a thing that I probably was never going to be anyway. Because I could actually do those things. And it was helping him. And so when I found joy in being a stay at home dad, I was able to let go of that feeling that I had lost something that makes sense. No, it

Rebecca 58:38
does. I felt like someone here recently said something that gave me a lot of peace. We're in we're in the process of selling our home, and I had to travel to Pennsylvania to look for our next home. While Daniel stayed here with the kiddos. And, um, when I went up there a realtor, my mother in law, she loves talking and she was telling her realtor or story over the past few years, which has been kind of crazy. And we're believers and she's like, it was crazy the way things lined up, like God had everything in order. And she told her testimony and then the lady looked at me she's like, I hope you know, it's very clear that you're doing something right. You're living right. And it just kind of like put me at peace and like you know, I'm I don't like being a stay at home mom, but I'm doing the right thing for my kids and the right thing for my husband. And well and I'm seeing the blessings as a result of that. No,

Scott Benner 59:47
no, that's lovely. Does Asher travel well like Does he like date outings and things like that? Are they difficult Are they pretty easy?

Rebecca 59:56
Um, he loves going places for you. I mean, In for me, not really, because that's something you can learn from autism. He a lot of the questions on like, surveys and stuff I had to fill out was like, Does it seem like your kid is deaf sometimes do you say his or her name and they just don't seem to hear you. And you think they might be deaf? And I knew Asher was a deaf, but I'm like, yeah, definitely. Because I'll say his name over and over. And he's just in a whole other dimension or something. Yeah, and, and it's because they just are. So when Chuck rain didn't just so zoned in on one thing, I feel like that's why a lot of autistic, a lot of geniuses have had autism, because they're so good at focusing on one thing, but when we go out places that zoning out is so stressful, because he can just zone out on something and he's done it and I've got a handle. I literally had a nightmare like two nights ago about having to go save one son, who was about to get hit by a car, but leave Asher who doesn't listen, and does it like, can't hear me and I'm probably gonna lose him the moment I let go of him. And it just really, it just shows what an anxious person I am. That stupid nightmare drives me nuts. But it's really hard just because he doesn't hear me and it's not like he's ignoring me. He's just in another world. It's full of wonder,

Scott Benner 1:01:35
I have to tell you, I regretted saying does Asher travel well, because I felt like I was categorizing him like a, I don't know, like egg salad sandwich. Like, does he hold up throughout the day? But I didn't mean it that way. I just meant, like, can you go out and be adventurous just on a different level. But at the moment, it's not easy for you?

Rebecca 1:01:56
Yeah, it's not easy. I try. I got like a Skype zone membership for them for a little while we'd go there and play. It just needs to be like a controlled, a controlled area that I can keep tabs on him like an indoor playground or a gate. I always go to the gated parks and stuff for them to play. Like, give me a second Archer, honey. Put that back, please. Thank you. Thank you.

Scott Benner 1:02:25
Hi. That's alright, to get your weed. I'm just kidding.

Rebecca 1:02:30
We're in the process are appraisers coming in today. So I have decorations out that I don't always put out and he of course was touching on them. That's why I don't always put them out.

Scott Benner 1:02:39
I can't believe you're like moving again and buy homes. So you're well.

Rebecca 1:02:46
Okay. This one we're hoping is a permanent move for a little while. Lease this this home we thought was going to be for a little while. But this home we bought before Asher got diabetes and autism and all these things, okay. And we don't know anyone here. And we just want a support group. So we're moving back to where my husband and I met where his parents live and where his best friend live. And we have our church and just people so maybe I can actually go on a date with my husband sometimes. And actually be able to have him I went to urgent care here recently. And in he couldn't go with me. He had to stay with the kids. I'm like, so we're like be what people nearby that can learn about Ashers disease, his grandparents can learn about it, his best friend can learn about it that way if anything ever happens to us. He has someone to go to

Scott Benner 1:03:45
right. Oh, that makes sense. I know that feeling of like, you know, I think it's called divide and conquer. But in the moment, it doesn't feel like that. It's like you do this? I'll do that. You stop this from burning down. I'll stop this from flooding. And I'll see you later tonight. And you kind of move in different directions. I mean, listen, it's it's what the right way. I feel like I feel like people would expect me to be like trying to be uplifting to you, but I don't think there's any reason to both

Rebecca 1:04:14
be honest. Yeah. Terry.

Scott Benner 1:04:19
Things aren't exactly rosy. But I think there's a way to think there's a way to live that life. Because you're obviously going to I mean, what is the alternative? And you're gonna go to the mall and not come home, right? Like there's no other like, Have you considered that by the way?

Rebecca 1:04:39
I joke to my husband about it. Like I could have gone to the grocery store. I

Scott Benner 1:04:43
gotta go get Scratchers and cigarettes. I'll be back. I do think there's a way to live like really well. Yeah, outside of these things. It's just it's just a mindset, really, and it's not similar to the one you had when you were 23, and you were like, I'll probably get married and we'll just like, do cool stuff. And me and the kid and the husband will jump off a mountain together. And it's gonna,

Rebecca 1:05:10
like show you the type of person I was and still am somewhere in there. My like 10 year goal was to major in English, and then go teach for a few years because I got a grant for teaching and in Alaska for two years, because I needed two years of experience in teaching to go teach at an international school overseas in Thailand. And I intended to move every few years from one country to the next teaching English. Because I love traveling.

Scott Benner 1:05:44
So were you going to take your husband with you? Or what was the plan there?

Rebecca 1:05:48
I did it. I did it play another husband. I fell in love. I completely changed that plan, which is okay. It's fine. Don't

Scott Benner 1:06:00
worry everything.

Rebecca 1:06:01
I mean, I'm looking back at him. Because I feel like at the beginning of our marriage, it caused some issues. But no, I did love my husband.

Scott Benner 1:06:10
I definitely know my wife didn't want to get married. And I'm not certain she loves me. So it's not like we've been together a really long time. But my wife said, she used to think about her life as she wanted to live in an apartment in New York City with white furniture. That's how she would put it white furniture. I think that was her way of saying like, by herself,

Rebecca 1:06:33
he literally stood the annual white couch the other day, and I was like, I wish I could have this

Scott Benner 1:06:40
you can't Rebecca gonna be white anymore. So the new house have a little ground outside it done.

Rebecca 1:06:49
I almost didn't look at the new house because the pictures showed just like this miniature space out back and like, it looks like it has no yard. And I'm happy I went because there was like a whole lot to the left of the house. That was a very big space. That was perfect place for the kids gonna be the first thing we're gonna do, we're gonna fence it in. And I keep saying I want to get the boys to playground so that we can all just hang out outside, right?

Scott Benner 1:07:17
Or you can release them outside and their release. Drink and see how that goes with your depression medication. I'm just kidding.

Rebecca 1:07:25
We're gonna get a dog. Oh,

Scott Benner 1:07:28
Rebecca, you need more things to take care of. You should definitely get

Rebecca 1:07:31
love and talk. Oh my goodness, my parents bought me mom when I was 16 after a really bad breakup, because I'm an emotional wreck all the time, apparently in life. And that dog was like a therapy therapy dog for me.

Scott Benner 1:07:45
My baby, make sure it has no health issues. Please. Don't even get one that like itches.

Rebecca 1:07:50
I'm gonna get diabetes.

Scott Benner 1:07:53
Your dog will definitely get diabetes, its legs will fall off. It'll need you to carry it somewhere. Oh, no, like, yeah, you'll be like, Oh, this is fine. I know how to do all this work. Wow, this is? It's interesting, because you're so new to all of this, that you almost don't know what you're doing yet. Anyway. But yeah, it's interesting to hear you're feeling your way through it, you know,

Rebecca 1:08:19
learning. Maybe I maybe I help a parent by that's working through the whole autism diagnosis thing, because there. I will say something I didn't know. There are schools in every single state that are early intervention schools that are free from the state for autistic children, or just special needs children.

Scott Benner 1:08:40
How do you find that?

Rebecca 1:08:41
I stumbled upon it. But I looked it up in Pennsylvania. I looked up early intervention schools. And what was another search that I did for that? Special Needs schools for young children? Yeah, there were a ton of resources online when I googled that for Pennsylvania since we're moving up there. And now

Scott Benner 1:09:04
I see it early intervention programs. I just Googled early intervention services. And yeah, it comes up for like every state. Yeah. All right. Well, there you go. Well, we did something good than if we got that.

Rebecca 1:09:18
Yeah. Something I stumbled upon it by pure luck, but maybe someone else can hear this and be like, Oh, yay. so helpful.

Scott Benner 1:09:26
You said, online. There's there are there communities. I mean, are you in my Facebook group is an example.

Rebecca 1:09:33
I am in your Facebook group. And there are autism like Facebook groups. I actually deleted all of my social media though, for my mental health. It's helped a lot so I can't direct people to good Facebook group for autism anymore.

Scott Benner 1:09:52
Tell me about that a little bit. So you were finding community online but something about being online wasn't good for you? I just

Rebecca 1:09:58
feel like since co All of it and like the election and everything, everything has gotten so toxic on social media, that it just ended up stressing me out every every day that I got on social media and looked. It's like someone's lashing out at someone who has an opinion on something and just seeing all the hate was really discouraging to me and just seeing all the crap that's going on in the world, but I feel like I'm dealing with all this crap in my own life as like, you know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go ahead and delete this might have been a lot better since I deleted it. My husband likes it too. So he's like, Oh, my wife is actually paying attention to me and not scrolling through Facebook. So

Scott Benner 1:10:41
Honey, honey, honey, well, have you not found Have you not

Rebecca 1:10:45
found wordly wordly What's that?

Scott Benner 1:10:49
I don't know. It's this thing that I see my wife doing? You fill in like, you get like, Oh, is

Rebecca 1:10:54
it a game?

Scott Benner 1:10:55
Thank you. I think it's like it on the New York Times website if I'm not mistaken, but I guess you get. Alright. Let me see if I can understand. I think you get six opportunities to spell a five letter word. And within that, you have to say, God, how bad I am. Wordle if it works, looks like Wordle Yeah, like Wordle le so

Rebecca 1:11:20
it's one of those like games again, I forget what was the one that came out? It was like a bunch of numbers that look just like this. And I was obsessed with it and played it non stop.

Scott Benner 1:11:30
I don't know. I just have not played this

Rebecca 1:11:33
and I'm not gonna learn it because I can tell will be a problem.

Scott Benner 1:11:37
Oh, look at it. You're like Kelly, Kelly. Kelly. She's my I'm trying to find a five letter word like, why? Like I married you. Oh my god. Hold on a second. Can we speak for five letter words? Do we come back to me please? Yeah, we're that or she just likes like there's like this Tetra. See kind of game. She's like, this is very relaxing. We just putting shapes together. And now it's like, what are you doing? Anyway, I understand like, it is, I mean, there's so much good online. And but there's so much of what you described. And sometimes it's hard that you're walking a path trying to get to the good stuff. And you've got to dodge in and out of everything else. And it isn't I'm

Rebecca 1:12:17
also I'm also a people pleaser, if I was in direct sales, and I felt like it made me very popular. Got me a lot of ladies who love just messaging me and love my life. And that was good. That was beautiful. I loved I loved spending time and meeting new people that way. But it got really overwhelming because I felt like I had to respond to literally everyone.

Scott Benner 1:12:39
Oh, you have that pressure? Yeah. So I used to feel like my, my Facebook group is huge. And I used to feel like, like, I used to feel like oh my god, like what am I? Like, am I supposed to answer all these? Like, how would I do that? And then and then I was able to let go of that. But I got lucky because the group can kind of like help itself. And you know, but I know. There's a pressure you're like, well, somebody asked, like I'm tagged in something. It's almost like it's almost like somebody's texting you you're not answering them. You're like they're expecting an answer. Like, you know, if I'm open to being tagged in something, then I should follow through. And it does get overwhelming. I found though that keeping online simple. My first rule on the Facebook page is I'm going to read it to you it says Be nice, be helpful, be human, treat people the way you would hope to be treated if you break the rules that I'm going to have to kick you and I don't want to be involved in both. I really just like, you know, oh God, just please don't make me. I don't want to be involved make me need to stop. Like there are people who know me. Well. We're like, sometimes you post something. And the way I read it is it says, Well, you all just leave me alone. And it's just it's a strange thing, but it's tough because it gives and takes you know and yeah, but if it's if it's bad for you, then it's bad for you.

Rebecca 1:14:04
Yeah. I felt like it was okay until Asher got sick did bluey stop honey. What's up? Hi. He finally reached his limit. He's

Scott Benner 1:14:16
just like, you're done. Lady. It's over now. Tell the guy to buy Well, that's fine. Rebecca, tell me Is there anything that we didn't talk about that you wanted to? Um, I don't think so. Know that you're okay with this guy headed

Rebecca 1:14:30
off? Yeah, I think I hit all the key points.

Scott Benner 1:14:34
I will let you go find out what's up with Blue's Clues. Is that what I'm talking?

Rebecca 1:14:38
Louie Louie? Yeah, it's really cute. Honestly, just sit and watch the episodes are super short a Disney plus and I think you'll get a kick out of it because you're a stay at home dad.

Scott Benner 1:14:49
I like that you say you don't like it but you're like this blue is good. It's good watch and

Rebecca 1:14:53
so it literally I will happily sit and watch this with my kids. How

Scott Benner 1:14:58
do I spell bluee Me What's wrong?

Rebecca 1:15:01
Oh, he paused. Oh no, it's very cute. Like, there are episodes of him, like the dad taking his kids to like take out or something. And, and he's tell them don't play with that. Don't pee in the bush. Don't do this. Don't do this, like totally stressed out. And the lady comes out with his takeout and she's like, just give it a few minutes. I'll bring the rest of it out in a minute. And the kids are like, what does that mean? Daddy's like, go play in the water. It's really cute.

Scott Benner 1:15:36
I'm glad you like it. I think you're gonna like more of this as time passes. You're like, Listen, I'm gonna tell you something. I could probably sing the theme songs to every TV show that was popular for kids when my kids were little. And you wouldn't have no idea what I was talking about. Like, like Rolie polie. Olie

Rebecca 1:15:57
oh my gosh, no, I know. Rolie polie.

Scott Benner 1:16:00
I know. I know OG Blue's Clues, right with Steve, like not this other person who you think is then it's not really

Rebecca 1:16:07
realized that because I could be your daughter. I probably know all of those. I don't speak as I will. But ages that I do them.

Scott Benner 1:16:16
I once went to a live staging of bear in the big blue house. What do you think of that?

Rebecca 1:16:22
That is awesome. No, it's not very jealous.

Scott Benner 1:16:27
It's definitely not awesome. Are you really I love

Rebecca 1:16:31
to bear the big blue house. We didn't have TV. So we only got to watch it would be with our grandparents house. And that was what I always wanted to

Scott Benner 1:16:38
watch. Wait a minute, they didn't let you have TV?

Rebecca 1:16:41
No, we grew up in Idaho. And we played outside all day. Bare feet. So

Scott Benner 1:16:46
oh my gosh, I can't believe you didn't have TV. I don't even know how to like process that. I felt like you just said I was abused as a child.

Rebecca 1:16:57
We have VHS tapes, but like you don't you only watch them like a few times. And you're done. So we spent most of our time playing

Scott Benner 1:17:04
how many states have you lived in? Do you know?

Rebecca 1:17:07
Um, I Okay, goodness, born in Hawaii, to Texas, grew up in Idaho, moved to Pennsylvania, lived in Oregon for a little while. Went back to Pennsylvania, went to Virginia for a few years, ended up in Maryland, then went to Georgia. Then went to Pennsylvania again, then Maryland again now Virginia, and I'm going back to Pennsylvania.

Scott Benner 1:17:35
She that was 13 different homes. Three times in Pennsylvania twice in Maryland. Is that right? You lived in? Is that 10 Different states then?

Rebecca 1:17:45
I don't know. I lost my fingers.

Scott Benner 1:17:49
Um, so if you all saw me with my fingers just now you'd be you'd probably be sad for yourself that you're listening to the podcast.

Rebecca 1:17:56
I was enjoying listening to you do math on your age. I wasn't gonna interrupt you. Because I found it quite humorous.

Scott Benner 1:18:03
Believe how old I am. All right. Rebecca, get the hell out of you bumming me out. And and you're making me feel good. Because you're, you're um,

Rebecca 1:18:12
I'm a hot mess Express. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:18:13
but you seem okay. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think that's really is the takeaway from it. It's been better. Well, yeah, hell.

Rebecca 1:18:22
No. I mean, like, I've been better than I was.

Scott Benner 1:18:25
You're like, you're getting better. But yes, I

Rebecca 1:18:27
have been better.

Scott Benner 1:18:28
Imagine. I mean, at least in Hawaii, Hawaii. Were born Hawaii.

Rebecca 1:18:33
Yeah, that sounds like all I remember is the cockroach. So that's the only memory I have a boy.

Scott Benner 1:18:39
So it's not as nice as I wish more.

Rebecca 1:18:41
No, I'm my first memory was mom cuz they were military. And we were in military housing. And I remember going up the stairs with mom and mom saw this huge cockroach and like turned into Spider Woman, and ended up in a corner holding onto the railing like standing up on it somehow yelling for my dad. That's my first memory.

Scott Benner 1:19:03
He told me that the people that I was counting on to, to protect the country are afraid of cockroaches because apparently breaking down my entire spiders that I was in the military. So yeah, you're breaking down my whole construct of my safety. So you're saying that like a foreign country would just have to show up with a bunch of cockroaches and spiders and we'd lose a war immediately. No, I think we might. Great. Everything's fine, Rebecca. Alright, listen. Keep your head down.

Normally, I'd be like, what's our takeaway here, but our takeaway is just that you're laughing? And I think that's good. Yeah, you know, all right. Well, I really appreciate you doing this with me. Thank

Rebecca 1:19:49
you. Yeah. Thanks for having me.

Scott Benner 1:19:51
Have a good time.

Rebecca 1:19:52
I did. I enjoyed myself. I like talking. So that's perfect that you're talking to someone that As an adult, so

Scott Benner 1:20:02
Alright, hold on one second

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