+ Click for EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

---

DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, and welcome to episode 573 of the Juicebox Podcast.

On today's show, I'll be speaking to the mother of two adopted children, one of whom has type one diabetes. Abby's on the show, specifically now in November because not only is it diabetes Awareness Month, but it's National Adoption Awareness Month as well. And I'm adopted to, so I don't know why that matters. Sorry, I just threw that in. Now I'm feeling stupid for saying it. Let me go to something else. Nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, please Always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan, or becoming bold with insulin. Speaking of diabetes Awareness Month, I'm still trying to get as many people as I can to sign up and take the T one D exchange survey AT T one D exchange.org. Forward slash juicebox. It was my goal to put 1000 people on the survey this month and we're off to a pretty good start, but I definitely need more. So I hope you can help T one D exchange.org. Forward slash juicebox you have to be type one, or the caregiver of a type one and be a US citizen.

This episode of The Juicebox Podcast is sponsored by Omni pod makers of the Omni pod dash and the Omni pod promise. Find out right now if you're eligible to get a free 30 day trial of the Omni pod dash at Omni pod.com forward slash juice box. Later I'll tell you more about that free trial and explain with the Omni pod promises. today's podcast is also sponsored by Dexcom, makers of the Dexcom G six continuous glucose monitor. You can head there right now to their website dexcom.com forward slash juice box to find out more about the Dexcom G six. Where to get started. Were the same CGM that Arden's been wearing for forever@dexcom.com Ford slash juice box.

Abby 2:18
I'm Abby, my family and I live in the Nashville Tennessee area, you will pick up a southern accent as we were talking, it sneaks out every now and then married for almost 18 years, my husband as a firefighter. So that has an interesting dynamic. We have two kiddos. My oldest is eight and a half. And he has our type one. And our youngest. also has special needs a different sort of special needs. She is seven. So that's my crew.

Scott Benner 2:51
And just so we know like right out the gate. Both the kids are adopted. Yes, they're

Abby 2:55
both internationally adopted. My oldest, Shay is our son. He came home when he was one. We actually got him on the morning of his first birthday. He is Taiwanese native Taiwanese. And then our youngest came home at three and a half. And she is from China.

Scott Benner 3:13
So that's us. Can I ask you what made you adopt?

Abby 3:17
Oh, yeah, that's like a whole separate podcast. We'll make it all part of this one. Yeah, no. So my husband and I had been married for about 10 years, we knew that we wanted children. We also were in alignment, that that wasn't happening, the natural biological way. And we did not want to have any type of like, interventions to make that happen. And so my heart was drawn toward adoption. Really early on. He has his own story. But he would tell you that he had to wrestle with some pride around well, this isn't like the way I thought we were going to start a family and kind of struggled with some maybe ego, even if he was being honest of this isn't what I expected. But obviously came around and we were in agreement that that was what we were going to do to start a family. And yeah, we started on the path of

Scott Benner 4:09
going to adoption, pick through that for a second show. i You don't have to obviously share anything you don't want to share. Why is it hard not to feel like it's your fault when you can't conceive?

Abby 4:20
Oh, that's a great question. Um, I think, you know, we did go through diagnostic testing. And so we did have answers. I do say, I will say this, I think there's something unique and as a female, people automatically assume there's something broken in you as the the woman in terms of like, this is what a female is supposed to be able to do. And I think, yeah, there was a season of life where I felt sort of broken and that and that things weren't functioning as they should be like, if I'm also very honest, this is part of my story. This sounds probably kind of strange, but up until that point in my life if I had wanted something to go a certain way of my life like it had happened, you know, where I went to college, I got my first choice. Like, when I graduated, like what job I wanted, and I, you know, things just sort of always fell into place for me. So just from a personal, honestly, from it shifted my faith pretty substantially in terms of Oh, like, I'm actually not in charge of any of this. And this is I'm not in control, and my life isn't gonna just be plotted out the way that I think it's gonna go. And so that there was a grieving process in that. Yeah, this was supposed to be something that was easy, and it's not for us.

Scott Benner 5:36
How old were you when you started trying?

Abby 5:39
Um, we got married very what we, what we now know, was very young, we didn't think we were young, we were 23 and 24. And so I was just out of grad school. And so we were when we got when we started trying, so I was two, Gosh, 28,

Scott Benner 5:54
I guess, after you started trying, how long before you thought this isn't gonna happen?

Abby 5:59
Um, gosh, so the doctor won't even talk to you about that conversation until you've tried for a year. So for a year, we were sort of in like, No Man's Land of like, okay, is something wrong is something like, are we just slow in this process, like what's happening, and so at the one year mark, when it hadn't happened, that's when we started some diagnostic testing, just to get some answers so that we knew what was going on, and then could make decisions from

Scott Benner 6:27
there about the time you find yourself under the bed with a wrench tightening up all the books. I don't know what's going on, but the bed is falling apart. That's the point at the point where you start thinking like, No, I don't want to have sex again.

Abby 6:45
Trust me, it becomes a job at that point where it's like, yeah, it was, it was, you know, looking back, it was a very challenging season of life. And that's to put it mildly, of course, you know, on this side of it, totally worth all of the difficulty and the, you know, the frustration, and I love that I often say the, the way that I know that part of my life is healed. And that story is because I would not go back and write that story any differently if I could. And for a long time, I didn't believe that was possible.

Scott Benner 7:20
So if I give you a magic wand, and I say, I can make your fertility, no trouble, but you lose the kids you have and you make your own babies, you wouldn't do that.

Abby 7:27
Never, not for absolutely any reason when I ever this is the what was meant to be for us.

Scott Benner 7:35
Can I ask you as an adoptive person myself? How do you talk to your children about them being adopted? Because but first My question is, is even though I imagined physically, they look much different than you? Does that really? I mean, what age does the kid even start noticing that?

Abby 7:54
Yeah, it's interesting, because, you know, that happens differently, honestly, for each kid. And we do have a unique situation where, you know, our children are domestically adopted, they're not Caucasian. So obviously, like, we don't physically have the same characteristics, but the, you know, we did have to go through a lot of kind of parenting prep, you know, to become parents on this path, and which I'm deeply grateful for, you know, you could be resentful and like, Why do I have to do all this, but in reality, what you are taught and trained. It's really, really important. So you learn how do you have these conversations with your children? When is the age that you start having conversation? And so the biggest thing for us is that our children would never ever remember having a conversation about, like, they would never be able to go back and be like, I remember the day I was told that I was adopted. I don't have that, either. Yeah. And so that's an indicator of success. And so I will tell my mom, yeah, we, yeah, I mean, we just named we gave, especially our oldest, we gave him language very, very early on of you know, who birth mom birth father birth family. We talked, we had, you know, books that normalize that, like families all like different, like, it just was a normal conversation. And so the, and we still, to this day, read a lot of books that help both of them understand, like, it's okay, we talked about having both and feelings like, you can feel both happy that this is where you are, and at the same time, deeply sad that you're not in your family of origin that you don't know who they are, you know, we can hold space for both of those things. I'm not saying we do this well, you know, all the time, but we've tried to be very intentional about making space for whatever feelings that they have. Our son is very emotionally mature for an eight and a half year old boy. very in tune with how other people feel how he's feeling. Our youngest one Because of her medical conditions processes things a little bit differently. So she's a little bit blissfully unaware, even though we've had conversations. It's but they're very different between the two of them.

Scott Benner 10:12
Sam, did you? Obviously? Well, not obviously. So your son didn't have type one when you got them? Correct. Okay. Did you get going for your second? Were you purposely looking to help a child with special needs?

Abby 10:26
No, not intentionally. So we felt very strongly that so I mean, a lot of people don't know this, when you adopt part of the paperwork, especially for international adoption is you have like a medical questionnaire that you fill out of what types of medical conditions and are comfortable parenting. And this is like this massive list, and you literally have to check off boxes of when I when I accepted child that had this not this. We, my husband felt very strongly, you know, this is not a puppy, right? Like, you're not selectively choosing things. And we also felt like if we had had children biologically, like you don't, you don't do that, right, like you, this is your child, and whenever that child has his, you manage it, in whatever situation. So, um, there might have been maybe two things that we said that we did not feel equipped. And it was more about, like how our home is set up. Like we have stairs, if you have a children that a child that's in a wheelchair, like obviously, like you're going to have to sell your home and find something that's a little bit more accommodating. So minus like very one or two conditions. We were open to anything. Um, when we got matched with our daughter, she was not known to have any special needs. We knew she was at risk for something, but in so she could get stateside and get an MRI that could not be confirmed. But the third day we were in China, she had a seizure on us. And we very quickly realized that she did have it's called sturge Weber syndrome. It's similar to epilepsy, but a little bit more complicated. And our son was with us on that trip. And at that time, he was undiagnosed type one.

Scott Benner 12:11
Okay. Can I ask an honest question? Sure. You're in China, that happens. Is there any part of you that's like, just back up and leave?

Abby 12:22
Oh, so I do not say this, like flippantly at all that experience, there was 100% trauma experience, like hands down, it was trauma experience for us. And for for both kids, it was probably, up until this point in my life, maybe the worst thing of one of the worst things that I've ever lived through was that experience. Um, I remember when we went to the emergency room, we were with our translator, the first and this is things we take for granted in the United States, like walking into an emergency room and being treated and the first er, we walked in, they were like, we can't help you because she's a child. And we only treat adults, so like you need to leave. And so we like get back in the van and like drop to another emergency room that would see children. It's utter chaos. There's no order, there's no organization. And there was a, you know, we had a CT scan, they literally Googled her syndrome, printed off the information and handed it to us and said through the translator, we've never treated a child that has this. You just need to go back to your hotel room like we cannot help you. We don't know what to tell you. And we got got back to our hotel room. This was again, we'd been there for four days, and we still had 10 days left in China before we could come home. It's a very regimented process. You don't just go at your own pace. And I remember sitting in the floor of the hotel room is she she appeared as if she'd had a stroke. I mean, that's what had happened. We later found out it something called Todd's paralysis. It's like a temporary paralysis that can happen. But we didn't know that. And I remember just this utter overwhelm of we flew over here with like a healthy child. And you know, we knew this was going to be tough, but all of a sudden, like is she going to be permanently disabled? Like is she going to recover like we have we're here restrained and it was Yeah, overwhelming would be an understatement. At least

Scott Benner 14:41
I know the intention is to adopt a baby but your entire lead up to that is not expecting anything like this. It feels like it would be like if I took you into a hospital and just said okay that person's troubles are your troubles now.

Abby 14:54
Yeah, just because you know, they say you know in adoption into unique because you You know, biological parents, the bond is instant, right? Because that child was grown, you know, in a in your womb, and when it's delivered like that bond, it's instantaneous. And in adoption, it's okay. To name that that bond isn't instantaneous and, and especially for our daughter, we, I remember we talked about this and this is true for for Shay as well, our oldest, like we had loved them from afar while we were waiting, but like when we got there and got her and in her instance, like we were complete strangers to her. Yeah, so like, she did not love as she did not even know us. And so, yeah, it's, um, love is an is a choice in that moment, right? It's not like it's not a feeling it's a decision that she is mine. And even if those like feelings, aren't they, I mean, and also she was three and a half, you know that it's, it's different than a newborn. And so, so you're very unique process. So

Scott Benner 16:02
even though it's not instantaneous, you have to make the decision in that moment, that this isn't, this isn't a transactional thing. No. I'm gonna She's mine. Yeah, this is my child. I love this child. And let's figure out what to do next.

Abby 16:17
Absolutely. I mean, you go, I mean, you do go into 100%. Like Mama Bear mode in a moment. You're so overwhelmed. But it's also like, this is my child. So now we got to get it, we got to get to work, we got to figure out

Scott Benner 16:31
so even though you haven't given birth, you have that it's so funny that you're on today. Last night, I was in the in the house with Arden and a number of her friends. And in the course of some conversation, one of her friends was saying, I don't know that they didn't think they were gonna have kids or something. And I said, I there has to be a switch somewhere on the way out when the baby comes by and like, flips it. I was like, because you'll just, you'll be surprised at what a different person you are after you're a mom, but you have the same exact experience.

Abby 17:00
Oh, without question. Now, of course, I can't. You know, I don't have children biologically. But I would argue extensively that my feelings toward my children are 1,000% the same. They are they are mine. And that those maternal instincts, they are they're just as present and known as if I had carried them. Yeah, it's, it's really amazing how that works. And now some of that takes grows, right? Because again, it's not a I didn't have them for nine months and carry them in that sense. And so

Scott Benner 17:41
I guess you're lacking all the hormone to that you have during pregnancy lately, right? Yeah. Well, I can tell you, I have two younger brothers that are biological to my, to my parents. And I never once felt like my mom treated me any differently than the way I couldn't sense it. If she was doing it. She was hiding it really well. That she wasn't. So all of this happens. Yes. And I love making this podcast, I just realized, while you were talking, I was like this podcast thing. In general, it's like maybe the greatest thing I'm ever gonna do. So at what point the shake, get type one.

Hey, did you know you may be eligible for a free 30 day trial beyond the pod dash, that's a free 30 days of using an insulin pump. Actually not just an insulin pump, a tubeless insulin pump, an insulin pump that you can wear in the shower, or while you're swimming while you're relaxing, running around, exercising, living sleeping, everything, you never have to take it off. And because you don't have to take it off to shower you can't forget to put it back on which can happen when you're using a tube pump. So that's pretty much it head on the pod.com forward slash juice box. Find out if you're eligible for a free 30 day trial of the Omni pod dash. Now if you're thinking yes, God I would, but I'm waiting for the next big thing from Omni pod. So, you know, I don't want to get started with this because then what if I can't switch or something? Well, that's not actually a problem. Because with the Omni pod promise, there is no need to wait for the next big thing. With the Omni pod promise you can upgrade to Omni pods latest technologies for no additional cost as soon as they're available to you and covered by your insurance terms and conditions apply. And you can find out all the details again at Omni pod.com forward slash juicebox. And the promise is actually simple a lot like the Omni pod, meaning there's no strings attached. You're just eligible for it. You don't have to sign up for it. You just get an omni pod dash now and if something new comes just call them up and get the process started. I'm telling you right now my daughter has been wearing an omni pod since she was four years old. She is downstairs and she is 17 that is 13 years every day. of wearing an omni pod. It has been nothing but a friend to us in this journey with type one, and I think you'll like it to Omni pod.com forward slash juicebox. So the only pods a big part of why my daughter's a one C has been between five, two and six two for the last seven years. But another huge part is the Dexcom. And right now Arden is wearing the Dexcom G six continuous glucose monitor. I'm picking up my phone, I'm going to my app, I'm telling you Arden's blood sugar is 121 Arden actually had a big meal recently at a restaurant right after a pump change. So, you know, had to be pretty aggressive for things not to get out of hand. But we've been using the data that's coming back from the Dexcom to stay on top of that blood sugar, no spikes, and we're not going to crash low as we bring her down. Because we can see her blood sugar in real time right in front of us. Not just the number, but the speed and direction that it's moving. It's crazy, right 121 and stable is a lot different than 121 and rising or 121 and falling. So we're able to make thoughtful boluses right now, so we can get Arden's blood sugar back to the range we want it to be in before she goes to bed without causing a low Dexcom gives you that information, the kind that you need. If you're going to make decisions like that, good decisions with insulin dexcom.com forward slash juice box get yourself a Dexcom G six today. Did you know not only can I see Arden's blood sugar, but up to 10 followers could I'm using an iPhone, but you could use an Android wouldn't matter. It could mix and match. Actually, I could use an Android my wife could use an iPhone Arden could use it doesn't use iOS 910 followers. So up to 10 people can see her blood sugar in real time right on their phone. And if Arden didn't have a phone, she could just use the Dexcom receiver. You don't have to have a phone to use the Dexcom you do need to have a phone to be a follower. You understand dexcom.com forward slash juicebox links in the show notes, links at Juicebox Podcast comm support the sponsors support the show oh don't forget to take the survey AT T one D exchange.org. Forward slash juicebox back to Abby.

And what age

Abby 22:24
so we came home from China. That was September of 2018. So we get home and you know if I'm honest, like life isn't awesome. You know, that's kind of common. She again, she was medically complicated. You know, we work we're very pro therapy in this household. And we have a counselor that we work with. And she has sort of laughed and said that we live the trauma trifecta, which is my husband comes from a kind of a childhood that had trauma, he is exposed to a job where every third day for 24 hours. He's in trauma environment as a firefighter, and then we're raising children that come from a trauma environment. And so you know, that isn't always fun. And so that first year we were home was really, really tough. And you know, again for Shay, imagine like you get a sibling overnight, that's three and a half. And she's getting a lot of attention because she's medically needy and complex. And we were you know, ambulance at the house overnight stays in the hospital, you know, Mrs. Appointments, lots of you know stuff, and she was getting a lot of attention. And so behavioral was like he struggled in that year we were home, we all were struggling to just sort of stay afloat. So, in retrospect, I can look back and see some of his behavior issues. I do think were related to the fact that his blood sugar was probably off the charts. And what I can now see in him like when he's high, it's that like massive irritability and you know, like explosiveness, sometimes I can see that. And so I can look back in that lens. And probably guess that some of that was his blood sugar, you know, making it worse because we didn't know that that was going on. But there was just some things that started to emerge, that we started to put the pieces together that something else might be going on. And so Sophie, you came home in September of 2018. And he was diagnosed November 8 of 2019.

Scott Benner 24:45
So just did you just go into a room for a half a second and be like, Oh, come on.

Abby 24:51
No, I can tell you where I was sitting. I was and we came home from the hospital and I was sitting on the edge of the bathtub. Just weeping and feeling like, wow, like, I am not equipped for this journey. You know what I mean? Like that. And also if I'm just very honest. Like, again, from a faith perspective, like really god like, what, what else have you got for me? Because this this is a lot. I'm not sure I'm capable of walking this road. I mean, I really had that feeling.

Scott Benner 25:29
Are you even 30 years old at that point?

Abby 25:32
I was actually I'm much older than I'm right now. Almost 42. So

Scott Benner 25:39
you're like, you're 12?

Abby 25:42
I'll take that. Thank you. No, I feel like I trust me since November 8 of 2019. I feel like I've aged significantly, but no, I'll be I was, I guess, yeah, I was 40. I just turned 40 A month before when he was diagnosed.

Scott Benner 25:55
It's telling because, you know, people who are younger than that, who don't feel like they have things together, probably the back of the hair like, oh, I have to have it together. By the time I'm 40. Right. And I was already there. So I share on the podcast pretty freely that I don't think I was even like, the person I am right now as far as like, thoughtful. You've just over the last couple of years. I just feel like, I'm a guy. But like, as my I get older, my testosterone dwindles a little bit. I can focus a little more on other stuff. But it is like, you don't know what it's like to be a man. It's, it's like a med tear to see. Yeah. Yeah. You know, like, it's hard. Like, it really gets a hold of you. So

Abby 26:37
yeah, well, and it's interesting. I think that's one thing that made, you know, again, when when you when your family gets a type one diagnosis, and I do feel like, you know, the family honestly gets the diagnosis, because it has a ripple effect, as you know very well. And where, and this, again, is part of our story that we try to share openly and honestly is like, yeah, it will, it will take your marriage and test it to the limit as much as possible in terms of we already felt like we were sort of fragile. You know, we were had just walked through a lot. And then that when that diagnosis came on top of that, it really, you know, I grieved and was and felt really sad. I let myself kind of sit in that sadness. And my husband's response to that feeling instead of grief. It was rage. He was just so angry. So angry. Angry that it had happened. Angry that just angry. Yeah. 100% the only thing that felt like he could sit with was like utter rage. He was just so mad. Yeah. And that was very hard for us to walk through together of me feeling sad. And him feeling Rayji right.

Scott Benner 28:01
And like it was you're taking care of the kids. So right and like

Abby 28:05
me, me wanting to just like, not, it's so interesting, again, that mother instinct, I can almost take you back there was like a moment, he was probably been diagnosed for two weeks. And there was like this feeling that like rushed over me of, you know, Abby, get it together, like the you are his mother. And you can be sad, but you have got to fight like hell. Now. There's no other choice. Like you don't get to lay down and just give up or just feel like this is overwhelming or feel like, you know, there was just this primal urge of like, fight and do whatever you need to do to make this the best it can be that like, I could take you to the moment of like, I remember that feeling of okay, that's enough. And like, now it's time to get to work.

Scott Benner 28:58
Yeah, cuz the the, the alternative is you just lay down and die. Yes.

Abby 29:02
I mean, you could just let it slide. I've talked to other moms, you know, that have been their children have been diagnosed, since shame and just can empathize so deeply with that feeling of just wanting to, like let it swallow you up, like the grief and the sadness and the overwhelm of like, I just, I cannot do this. But as a mother, it is simply not a choice that's afforded to us. Right? You You do not you do not do that. It's your child and you'll do whatever you need to do.

Scott Benner 29:35
Right. It's a for me, it was more of a leap. I think because I'm not a mom, you know, honestly, yeah. But I was a stay at home dad. There was this time where I felt like my wife if she was with them right now, like if she was with them every day, she would know what to do. There'd be a more instinctual thing going on. And then that would mean they'd receive something that they probably need. deserve. And I have to stop acting like I'm just keeping them alive. throw myself into this, this feeling and which is why now I feel like I'm probably just too overly shy from being able to give birth myself. But I just realized that guys, like if I'm not as emotional as I need to be, and I don't overcome all the demons of how I grew up and all of my problems, then I am just going to extensively throw everything that went wrong with me on to them. Yeah, and steal this experience they would have had with my wife it financially, we could have done it the other way. Yeah. And so I was like, alright, well, I'll give over to it. But it's the hard part was that it felt like you were giving something else away. And I didn't know what that thing was the idea of what I thought my life was going to be or what I wanted it to be or something like that. Right. But once I realized that they were the most important thing, then, and I dedicated myself to it, then I didn't feel like I lost anything. Now I just feel like I'm I have a different purpose. And I'm doing a really good job at it. Yes. Interesting. You know, absolutely. Yeah. Phil. Oh, wow. See how much diabetes Yeah. I get notes from people sometimes, like I learned a lot about the world from your podcast, it's always about diabetes. And I was like,

Abby 31:18
oh, wide range of topics. You never know what you're gonna hear.

Scott Benner 31:21
Talk about Bolus is every time. That's no fun. Okay, so what was the diagnosis? Like, what what made you notice that it was happening?

Abby 31:33
Again, my husband is a firefighter. He's also an EMT. And so he has, you know, he's medically inclined, I'm not a clinician by background, but I have worked in health care for years. And I'm like, clinically, I guess, literate would be the best way to describe that.

Scott Benner 31:48
I guess then you found out he had type one diabetes when your husband ran his head through the drywall. Not quite. You just You heard him yelling, going. And then boom, but

Abby 32:00
that was not quite. So there. Again, behavioral was, we had seen some regression in Shea's behavior once Sophia came home, and we were trying to parse out like how much of this is adoption behavior, how much of this is developmentally like he's just struggling because he has a new sibling like it was, we were in this space of there's some stuff going on, he had had a history of like occasional urinary tract infections. And so we started to see some regression around wetting the bed. And this was a child that was like, the easiest kid to potty train, like had never, I mean, he just was simple. It was so easy. And then all of a sudden, it became like, this repeated thing. In full disclosure, I have a lot of mom guilt about this, like it. I was irritated and angry with him at times, because I was like, it felt in the moment like regression around attention seeking, right, I just have been trying to do something like power staff it was, and I'm like, I know you're capable. You've been capable of this for like, so many years, like what's going on? So that and then so that was one thing, one part. And then that was coupled with he is, you know, does so well at school and is a very, like rule oriented kid, meaning he like, loves his teacher doesn't get in trouble. And always, he's just that kind of kid. He always has been. And he got his card pulled in first grade for asking to go to the restroom, when they had just gone to the restroom at lunch. And I was like, Why did you need to go to the restroom? He was like, I just, I was thirsty a lot. And so you know, it was funny, but not funny. Ironic, I guess my husband that it's like, and maybe you've had people say this before, it's like, if we just didn't say the word then it just wouldn't come true. Both of us like telepathically, you're like, we need to make sure he doesn't have type one. But in but to say out loud, let's go get him screened for diabetes. We just were like, Yeah, let's just like make an appointment as a pediatrician and double check that he doesn't have a UTI that there's not something like strange going on very, under the radar. Like we're just gonna this is a it's gonna be a non issue.

Scott Benner 34:20
being super casual knowing that you're wrong.

Abby 34:24
I mean, honestly, I'm going to be I know what you mean. Um, this is part of me being naive in this I was like, you know, he's Asian. And the propensity of type one in the Asian population is a lot lower. So I was like, He's not gonna have diabetes. He's, he's native Taiwanese, like the odds of uttama nice child having type one has to be even more tiny, then like, the average, you know, population. And so in my mind, I had sort of already written it off of like, there's no way this could be it.

Scott Benner 34:58
Yeah, you didn't do the math for you. Like we flew all the way to China to do a lovely thing. And the baby had medical issues immediately. Maybe we are the people this stuff happens.

Abby 35:10
Yes, obviously not done the math.

Scott Benner 35:13
So can I stop for a second? It's super funny, because I hope people are listening who have, you know, natural children who have these problems? And they feel like, oh, it's, you know, like, we're cursed, or did this stuff always happens to us, like, you randomly took people from other places still had the same issue was

Abby 35:35
absolutely I'm still, oddly enough, Phil, you know, I've read and listened to people talk about this weird feeling of like responsibility of like, Oh, these are my genes. And like that is that I, quote unquote, cause this, you know, like that what happens is a parent, I even had those same feelings. And again, you know, genetically, I have no responsibility for either my children, they do not obviously share any of the same genes. And I still had this weird feeling when he was diagnosed of like, I'm responsible for this or like, did, what did I do here? You know what I mean, even though that made no logical sense. But that's how I just resonate with biological parents who have that feeling of Gosh, this, these are my genetics somehow that like, set this up to happen.

Scott Benner 36:22
That's not Yeah, that's not even specific to people having genetics, like their own biological children. Wow. Yeah. I don't even know why I brought up what I said, other than I think there's a lesson in the word somewhere, but I haven't parsed it out yet. I don't know what it is, but that you can let go of that guilt. Now. If you have it. It's not you didn't do anything?

Abby 36:42
Absolutely. So much.

Scott Benner 36:45
There's so many people that I talked to through the podcast, that it's become kind of obvious that a lot of people who say they have type one have sort of like Irish English backgrounds. And I know that anecdotal, but I mean, unless that's the only people are listening to the podcast, but it seems they see I'm not marketing to it, just a pasty white crowd, you know, so I don't think that's what's going on. But think about that, like, what if that's true, like, forget it? If it is, or it isn't, just make it true for a second, for the sake of argument. You didn't choose where your ancestors were from? This has nothing to do with you. And yet you'll spend time like beating yourself up over it. It's sad.

Abby 37:25
Think it's because our brain desperately wants to assign meaning to something when it's catastrophic, right? We just need we need meaning and we need a reason. And so like, our brains will do anything to try to make this make sense when like, it's never going to make sense, right? You just have to accept it. You could almost pick Yeah, so I'm sorry. Um, so yeah, so we had these, you know, symptoms, and this is how nonchalant we were sort of being about it. My husband was training for this very intense. It's called smoke diverse training. He was going out of state for this. He'd been training for like, 12 weeks crazy intense, like, it's like the Navy Seals of like firefighter training that he was like going to do. And he was leaving town that the morning of the appointment. And so he was like, Look, let me take him to his appointment, we'll do like a daddy son breakfast date at like waffle house, I'll take him to his appointment, and I'll take him back to school. And that way, I can see him before I leave for the weekend. And so I'm always the one that like, goes to the appointments and does all that. And I was like, You know what, you take it, that's fine. That's how naive I was at this is gonna be like a non issue. And, you know, he called me and they had done, you know, a finger stick and his glucose in the office was over 500. And he was like, You need to get in the car, like, you need to get here. And so, um, barely remember the drive to the pediatrician. It was about 15 minutes away. I was probably doing 100 miles an hour to get there, like threw stuff in a bag, because I knew we were going to the emergency room because that, you know, and so we got there went straight to the local children's hospital. And it was on a Friday morning when we got to the emergency room and very thankful that we did apparently intervene soon his agency at diagnosis was only 8.4. So he did not have to go. He was not in DKA. We did not have to. We didn't even get admitted. We stayed in the emergency room for about 12 hours. And then we're able well maybe not even that long. We were able to be discharged straight to the outpatient endocrinology office on campus and get all of our education and stuff and so the whole from the appointment to the time we got home that night was probably about 15 hours and then yeah, so he didn't even have to say yes no and then so he is always reminds me now of like Mom, I told you I was doing the best I could But like you didn't believe me, and I'm like I know. And that makes me a horrible mother because I did not believe you.

Scott Benner 40:05
I tried to be really honest on this podcast. And if you think that you can't feel attacked by your children, sometimes it's a completely irrational thought. But they do something sometimes. And it's hard not to think, Yo, you don't know me, but I used to be a person with dreams, who was in charge of someone's life, and I'm here doing this thing I can you run through that thing in your head, then you're like that. They didn't ask to be here. Yes. Or no, like, I'm thinking, you know,

Abby 40:31
and I say that a lot is like, you know, neither, especially in our children's situations, like, you know, they, they, this is not the life like they had no say, in any of this, right? Like, this is like, they are here in this world in this life. And, yeah, they didn't really have a

Scott Benner 40:48
choice in that being adopted. It's twofold. Really, like you really did decide to get them You didn't just be like, Hey, let's see which one comes out. You were like, I'm gonna go get somebody, you know, yes. Intentional? Not that. Not that. Not that having sex. Maybe isn't intentional, but I don't know, there's something about that, that makes it feel like, like, more so. Okay. So

Abby 41:07
and good. It's, it's interesting, because, you know, I didn't when we brought home, Sophia, I did not feel I didn't identify as like a special needs parent, or like a child, I just, you know, he was always like, my healthy 95th, percentile height, weight, you know, just, he, you know, I just didn't identify that. And then overnight, you know, I was the parent of a child with a complex medical condition that was going for testing, and it needed medication and needed monitoring. And I didn't know anything about that world. And so it literally was a flipping of the switch with her. And what I'm grateful for is that I can clearly see how hurt her joining our family was in some way equipping me for what was ahead. I just did not know that was coming. Right. So I was already in a much different place. Thanks to her. In terms of I know what I'm capable of, I know that I can manage something. So that I don't know when when we got his diagnosis. Yes. Well, obviously, like overwhelmed and all of the things that is it's a natural feeling. I also felt strangely strangely equipped, because I already had a child that had complex medical needs that I had to manage

Scott Benner 42:23
your expectations for yourself are different at that point to where you don't. It's not like, I wonder if I can do this. It's like, well, yes, I know. I can, you know,

Abby 42:31
I've proven it. Yeah. I'm capable

Scott Benner 42:33
doesn't mean you deserve more for all the, for all the religious people listening right now, I'm not saying that Abby was, like God, a baby with type one because she was ready for it. Because I, I understand the sentiment behind that. And I know when people say that to you, like, Oh, if anybody could do it, you could like that's a nice sentiment. But I mean, in real world, that's bull, you know. So

Abby 42:56
I agreed. I had a pastor one time that's used an expression that he says things say easy, but they live hard. And I feel like that's in that category. Right? Like, it's easy for someone to say that about, but like the lived experience of that is obviously a completely different

Scott Benner 43:11
story. It also paints the picture that if I'm, if I'm a screw up, then nothing bad will happen to me, which is weird. Like, like, I tell people like, look, just don't be ready for anything and nothing battle. Yeah, it'll be. Yeah, I do. I do want to, before we move on, reach back to something you said so, so long ago already, that I let get past is that your life just worked up until then. You had something you wanted to do it? You did it, it happened. And I think that is so common for people like, you know, I mean, I can be honest, I guess you you grew up one of two ways. I can tell you that. Nothing in my life happened easily. But I grew up that way. But for somebody who did, like I watched my kids, like my son's athletic, he's handsome, he's strong. He goes to do something he does it, he decides when he's 2121, I might want to try to pitch and goes out and like throws a ball 91 and a half miles an hour, the first time he's like, Oh, maybe I could just get drafted and do this. I was like, you know, like, like that stuff. And then out of nowhere, he got Hashimotos. And I watched it, like, crushed him. Not for long. He pulled himself together, but it crushed him because I kept thinking, nothing's ever really gone wrong. Or, you know, like he doesn't have any perspective for something not working out the way he wants it to. Yes. And I keep wondering if maybe when he's older, hopefully I can try to stay alive long enough. I wonder if he'll look back and think like, Thank thank, thankfully, something happened. That gave me some better perspective. Because when stuff goes too well for you, you really don't have any real world perspective. And

Abby 44:48
yeah, grit is not developed, right? In that sense whenever it's only easy and not that you you know, want to sign up for like tough experiences in life. But I think, again, that's why on this side of it I couldn't say I'm grateful that it happened the way that it did for us because I would not be the person. I mean, I know that's sort of cheesy and people use that expression in different ways. But like, honestly, I wouldn't be the person that I am. If that had not happened, and it shifted me and shaped me in a way that like, it changed me for the better, you know, even though it was not something that I would have willingly, like signed up to experience.

Scott Benner 45:25
No, I I understand that sentiment, I completely agree. Okay, so you're home from the hospital? Yes. It's only a few years ago. Do you start with like Bucky? Or do they give you the start out?

Abby 45:38
So we started out on asking like, what do we come home from the hospital

Scott Benner 45:43
insulin needle? Yeah. So we came

Abby 45:47
home on nollag. Obviously, injections and on Oh, my goodness, I just went blank on his long acting insulin. No, the other one. Just see, but thank you, my brain. It's been so long since I've had to think of it because he's on a pump now. And so like, I haven't hit? Yeah, so we came home on Tuesday, but and no vlog. And yeah, you know, the first that first weekend was horrible, like, a lot of parents, like, you know, he cried. And, you know, he also was a constant snacker. And he loved second portions of everything. And, you know, for him to realize that this can't be, you know, that that world is over, at least for now. And we have to figure out how to do this. And that weekend was horrible, you know, for him and just grieving, watching him grieve the loss of what he knew prior, you know, I always have deep empathy for kids that are diagnosed, even in their, like teen years, because it's like, you clearly know what life was like before this. And even for him at, you know, seven. He knew what life was like prior to this. And so yeah, so we were on that combination from diagnosis in November, and because of the podcasts, and because I'm an avid reader, and I, like will devour content, if given the opportunity. I always laugh and say, I just proceeded to get myself a master's degree and all things like diabetes related and studied and proved to our endo that we were not a typical family in the sense that we could handle, we could handle the data of having a depth Dexcom it was not going to overwhelm me. You know, we had that whole conversation of, if we put you on one too early, it's going to overwhelm you because there's so much data to look at. And I just made the argument that the lack of that data was giving me anxiety, like I wanted to know, honestly, he got the Dexcom, the week before Thanksgiving. So again, we we got it pretty quick. Yeah, that was the first time I felt like I could breathe was just when we got that I felt like, Okay, I feel like I can breathe just a little bit in terms of sleeping, which still doesn't, you know, isn't super great. But it was better than and then started to advocate pretty heavily that we wanted a pump. But we wanted to make sure that we were letting Shea drive that conversation and not us. And I actually think it was maybe one of our diabetes education classes where one of the nurses had said, like, parents push often for a pump very quickly, but just be mindful, it isn't on your body. And so like, you do need to make sure that it's what your child wants, and that you're not the one trying to push for that. And so I I did try to take that to heart and make sure I was we were giving him voice in that. And we actually went to a like a regional type one event in January of that year. And he was in like a kid's class that day while the parents were in sessions. And it was it was a JDRF event. And we got in the car that day to come home and he was like, Mom, they all had pumps. I want to pump like, you know, that was his first visual exposure to other kids that had it and he was like, Yeah, that's what I want. Yeah,

Scott Benner 49:16
no one had a pocket full of needles like me. Yeah.

Abby 49:19
So once he was able to verbalize like, Yes, I know, I want that. Then I started full force. Like we're doing this like as fast as possible. And so he transitioned to a pump in March of 2020. Literally, he was on spring break, and never went back to school of course because of COVID. And so when on the on the pod and yeah, we've been on that ever since.

Scott Benner 49:47
Well, I think when Omnipod five happens your overnights might get a little better.

Abby 49:51
Oh, I just Yeah, I was reading an article just this week to my husband and we were just like, Well, life is gonna be awesome. Very soon.

Scott Benner 50:00
had COVID not happen? I think it would be out already. Yeah. So

Abby 50:04
we were willing, he's been very vocal again, he loves his AMI pod even, like, we let him of course he came home with, you know, a couple different options and tried them but for him the the, because of the fact that his to Bliss, I mean, he just he was like there is no other option for me. He was adamant that that's what he wanted. And it's been, like, wonderful for him and life giving in so many ways.

Scott Benner 50:33
How did you find the podcast?

Abby 50:35
So I have a, I grew up in a small town and the neighboring county, like we were very small town as well. And, you know, we all you know, everybody close by you and that sort of thing. And so there was another mom that she went to like a local high school that was like in the county over from mine. And we've always known each other and her daughter has type one and I believe the Facebook post I made of when we came home the next day, it was a picture of him in the ER and asking, you know, letting everybody know what was going on. I can go back and look, I actually think she commented in that thread tagged you or the podcast when you you commented back. Oh, did I? And yes. Remember, and yeah, so that's he was the weekend we were diagnosed. And so

Scott Benner 51:27
he found it right away. Like listening. And

Abby 51:31
yes, I remember, binging multiple is pre pro tips. Like, that wasn't a thing. Really. I mean, like you hadn't organized it in that sense. And so I just remember, like binging I think in that Facebook post, I asked, Where should I start? And you gave me some suggestions in that thread of like, here's a few episodes to get you started. And yeah, so thankfully, I didn't go too long at all, before I found you as a resource.

Scott Benner 51:59
That's cool. It's hard for me to remember the podcast the way I intended it in the beginning, because it was so like loosely like I'm like, let me just get started. And like, I'll tell the story. And we'll see where it leads to. It's fascinating, like I'm really, really touched by the fact that it could be valuable to anybody.

Abby 52:19
Well, you know, and really neat story. I've used it so often. I mean, even in my current full time job, I work remotely that was pre COVID. It's a virtual organization for the most part, and you know, a person on a different team than mine. Her daughter was diagnosed just a few months ago, and even just this past week, she had DM to me and slack and said, My daughter, we're struggling, she's still on in VR. She's sneaking food, I don't know what I'm going to do. And immediately I was able to go and like you had an episode on that. And I was like, Damn that to her and said, like, Have you listened to this? And she's like a habit. So thank you. So it's just always nice. I feel like when somebody has a question, there's usually always an episode that matches

Scott Benner 53:03
I'm starting to feel good. That that's true. Because I'm starting to find myself seeing people's questions and be like, Oh, I can just answer with an episode. Like, that's really cool. Like, what you get out of longevity, too. Yes, it's been around for a while. I'm thrilled that it. I didn't ask you, but it has been helpful for

Abby 53:19
you. Oh, no, it's been immensely helpful in so many ways. Um, yeah, it was. It gave me language that I didn't know that I needed. And I really do feel like it helped me advocate in a different way, I felt more confident in my ability to advocate for even for a pump. I just felt like I had the language to just know what I wanted to say that the whole thing about, I know, it's a tagline now, but like being bold with insulin, I'm so thankful that I listened to that early on. So that that feeling of being afraid of giving too much like that just never I didn't sit in that space because I had listened to that episode. So early on maybe in the first week we were diagnosed that that didn't have time to take root where I had that fear. And so I don't know, it's just always it started me off on a foundation that I felt like made. Yeah, it made our transition to this world. A lot less lonely. For sure.

Scott Benner 54:20
That's excellent. I have to say that. The idea of I know, I've seen people, like, you know, people who are like maybe like more low carb, they'll be like, That's the bold with insulin guy. And I want them to know, like, I didn't come up with that. Like, I know, it's the title of the episode. But if you listen enough, you realize that while I'm editing, I just go Oh, those are words that sound like a title. And I put them on. I don't really think too deeply. So it was maybe two years after that episode came out that I started seeing people use the phrase on social media. And I remember thinking, that has to be me, because I've never I heard anyone say that before, so much so that I was like, I think that's an episode title. Like, I wasn't really even certain, you know. And then I went back and it was I started asking people questions like, yeah, there's that episode that teaches you to be bold with it. And I was like, Oh, is that what it does? Like, that wasn't like I was just telling a story that day. You know, I think that was just that's a one on one episode. I'm just talking into the microphone. Yeah. And I think back and I'm like, I wonder what would have happened if I picked three different words out? That that would have been it would have been it, you know, Would you've been running around saying a different thing? Or? Yeah, it's, it's a, it's kind of weird that that's the case. And I just spoke with them. I've spoken recently with two different hospitals. And I should knock on some blood because I really want to do this. But I think I might be invited to teach their staff how to talk to people about diabetes, that would be here. And that is just comes from having all these conversations with. Yeah, yes. And you guys are all like, sort of like, my knowledge is now an amalgam of all of your experiences. Yeah, it's weird. I feel like I'm, I don't know. Like, I feel like I'm like, I'm like, Siri.

Abby 56:11
So good. So good analogy I like,

Scott Benner 56:14
and I love like getting better and better. I got a thank you from a little kid today, like a little voice note. That was like, it just is like this little six year old kid. And he's like, Thanks for teaching my mom all this stuff. And I sent it to Jenny. And I said, I'm better at this because of you. And, and so I think it's just starting to be that thing where it's just we're feeding ourselves and each other. And it's a very, very cool, so I get a little misty when I talk about and usually recording, so it's easier to get away with. But your story is messed up.

Abby 56:49
Oh, I say like, when I we go places like we just went to family camp for our second year in a row. And I was like, meeting with the counselors that we're going to be working with him. And I'm like, like our family. We're a lot. We're very complicated. So just buckle up. Let me explain all because a lot going on.

Scott Benner 57:07
Has anything helped you? And your husband like you were sad. He was mad? Are you guys in those places? Still? And if not, what do you think helped?

Abby 57:18
Yeah, oh, I mean, a lot of therapy, honestly, a lot of support. I mean, really, honestly, therapy has helped immensely actually talking about. I mean, we were pro therapy before this, but I think like specifically being able to process that process that and how each one of us were feeling very different and having very different reactions to that. And especially for him helping him come to terms with like, what caused that in him. And it was like the lack of control and as a weird and maybe you can relate to this as a dad also this like, we talked about, like mom instincts with this, like, primal feeling as a dad that my job is to protect and feeling like for whatever weird reason I didn't. And this even though that's illogical, right? Like, that's not possible, but him feeling like this has happened. And like, again, this, I didn't do my job as a dad, like I don't I feel like I messed up somehow. And which was not obviously a healthy response, which he had to unpack and figuring out, but I think it was I read something not too long ago, and she used the analogy of scaffolding on a cathedral and how, you know, scaffolding is so ugly. And it may it takes a building that's, you know, beautiful otherwise, and like, it just makes it look so ugly, but it's necessary to restore and maintain something that's precious. And, you know, I think I've said we have lived these last few years with a lot of scaffolding up. Yeah, it's been ugly, but it's also been very necessary to preserve what's precious, you know, underneath all that. And so we are slowly like those pieces of scaffolding are being like removed. But it's been an ugly process. You know, it's not been always nice and neat, but it's worth it. It's just it takes time. Right healing around that sort of stuff just is a long process. But we're it's a much better place and where we were, it's just it took a lot to get us where we are.

Scott Benner 59:32
I have two episodes coming up soon that will be out for months by the time yours goes up. There are two different therapists and they're both about relationships and yeah, around type one because it's so difficult and I relate to what you're saying because I am inherently inside of me. I want to fix problems. Yes. And then just not just big ideas. Like if you were to come to me and tell me about your De, and it sounded like something inside of it wasn't going right. There was a time in my life where I wouldn't have been able, I wouldn't have even been able to hear your story, I would have already been constructing a way to fix the problem that you just, I wasn't even listening to the people who were talking to me. I was like, How do I fix this for them? Yes. And it's obvious, like if you listen, it's obvious. I'm adopted for one, right? My parents, even my adoptive parents are divorced. And when my mom when my mom dad broke up, I became kind of the de facto parent of my brothers. Like, I've been fixing people's problems since I was little. Yeah, yeah. You know, and now I get into a situation where every problem doesn't need to be fixed. Yeah, I can't stop myself. Like, I'm a fireman who sees a fire everywhere. Even. Yes,

Abby 1:00:46
exactly. Yeah, that was like, he was used to being that guy, right? Like, I'm on scene, I'm in control. Like, we're gonna get this figured out. And then, and then it like, struck really close to home of just being reminded like, I am not in control. I think the fragility of life gets very thrown in your face, right? Instant of like, okay, there are some things that I this is real, like, I can't prevent things from happening, you know, they're gonna deal with hardships, and I cannot take away from them. And so what, how am I gonna sit with that uncomfortable feeling? You know, it's something I can't fix.

Scott Benner 1:01:26
You also get a false sense that you're actually fixing something like even even in the firemen analogy, you go, you put the fire out, you leave. And you're like, we did it. Except they still don't have a place to live, their cat's dead. They don't have clothing. They look like you didn't really fix the whole thing. You put the fire out, right? And so even when your kids are asking you stuff, and you're like, Well, you know, I don't know, XYZ do this, that fixes that problem. I still wasn't listening to all of the other emotional entanglements that were going on. I was like, Well, I see a tangible problem in front of me, I know how to fix it. Which is why you'll hear me like joke and not joke on the podcast. And I say like, if the zombies come you come find me. Because I'm gonna be at the end, right? But it doesn't mean I'm going to be alive and happy. I'm just gonna be alive, right? I'll be, it's not like, um, it's not like, I'm going to be able to build a utopia somewhere. I'm just not gonna let the monster get me. Yes. Yeah, kind of how I feel. Let me sense anyway, I imagine your husband probably had similar feelings. It's cool that you did that. Did you have to cajole him? Or did he go willingly? And what way to therapy?

Abby 1:02:34
Oh, no. Well, I think because we had already we had such a foundation of like, being a pro therapy family, because we needed to be even before you know, he was even before she came home. We've always been a family when you when your kiddos are adopted. You know, if you're if you're wise, you don't wait for problems to emerge. Like you're you try to be in front of a lot of that. And so a lot of what we've done was probably what I would call proactive therapy. And and we were kind of trying to get in front of things have good conversations about stuff. But this No, he didn't fight it. Because he also knew that the end result of if we didn't process it, or like, you know, walk that path to healing was not going to end well. Like he knew. So yeah, he went, it took us a little bit to find the right person. We struggled a little bit with that, but it's been one of the healthiest things and I think honestly should be required for your link every newly diagnosed family, I think you should get you know, and Dexcom and a therapist.

Scott Benner 1:03:42
I just said this somewhere else, but I'll put it here too. COVID did one good thing. If it did anything. His mental health has gone online in a big way. And yes, it made it much more accessible for Pete green. So I think that's great. Yeah, dude, you were amazing. I didn't know you were great. I struggled to get you. So what happened that I moved you first because of my trip? Oh,

Abby 1:04:07
yes. So I think so. We had booked it. And then you emailed and needed to move it. And I think I must have not moved it on my calendar. I left the original appointment. So I thought it was yesterday. Yeah. And then when the reminder came out from Squarespace. It was like it's today. And I was like that I'm like, I have a team meeting at that time slot that was like we had a training and it was like non negotiable. I had to attend. I was like, I'm not going to be able to do it. And so yeah, I'm glad that

Scott Benner 1:04:35
thank you. I can tell you that. I can tell what you do for a living because you are You were so good at laying this out. Oh, yay. I've never not I don't think I've spoken this little in a long time.

Abby 1:04:50
I'm a talker too. So I'm from the south. We thought I don't

Scott Benner 1:04:55
know. But had you gone in a way that I would have been like, Oh, this is blowing the flow of this. I would have Like redirect, did you okay, but I was like, wow, she's doing so good. Like, there was a moment. I was like, I wonder if I could leave? Do I mean to be here? She's doing such a good job, I could probably go make a sandwich or something and come back and just be like, you know?

Abby 1:05:17
That was a compliment. I hope it wasn't that I was taught. No,

Scott Benner 1:05:20
no, absolutely compliment. You. There are Listen, you guys hear every episode that I record? I think of only maybe destroyed two or three of them for reasons of the people that recorded asked, you know, and they've always been reasonable. I've always thought at the same time, you know, you're right, let's be done with this one. But there are some people who are more natural at getting their story out. There are some people who feel the flow of it, there's some people have it planned out in their head, and that stifles them. And there's some people that have it planned out in their head, and that helps them. Yeah, I think about like little Sophia from Russia. And if you heard hers, right, at one point, I tried to move on, and she was sort of like, huh, we're not done here yet. We need to go through this cart. Alright, geez. You know, like, but that's But everybody's different. But everyone's great in their own way. Yeah. Just you were. You clearly talk to people and explain things to them. Yeah. In Your Life. Yeah. So yeah, really good.

Abby 1:06:20
Um, absolutely. So thank you. I'm, like, I really am grateful for for I mean, I know people say that to you. And I know, you probably. I don't think I mean, you don't probably get tired of hearing it. But in, honestly, like, you were a lifeboat to our family when we like desperately needed it. So now I'm gonna cry. Okay. Thank you very much. I really appreciate people don't understand this world. And you feel so lonely when you're first diagnosed, and there was something so comforting about like, I just didn't feel alone, because I could listen in it. I mean, it just, and it also an action person, I just felt like there was this like, again, when that primal instinct of like, get to work, I felt like it gave me something tangible to do, like I can do, like, I can consume his content, and I can do something with it. And I felt like it gave me empowerment of like, I don't have to just sit here and wallow and feel like it because this is bad. Like, I can do something about this. And so the actionable part of it, I've always appreciated.

Scott Benner 1:07:39
No, that's cool, because that's one of the things I did on purpose. So is the idea of boiling the concepts down that they were so small and understandable that you could actually be like, I think I could try this. Yes, you know, like, instead of just feeling because you have to get over to the idea that everyone newly diagnosed, or even if you're struggling, you're overwhelmed. If you knew what to do, you'd be doing it, of course, right? It's not happening. If you're a parent, you've got the anxiety and the stress if you're an adult with type one, or were otherwise your blood sugars are bouncing all over the place. It's difficult to think. And now people come in with these overly complicated technical explanations with a bunch of words you don't understand. And after they're done, you're like, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. What am I supposed to do with that? Right? So I thought, why don't I just explain to people what's in my head? Yeah, you know, which is just, like I've said before, like, I don't have the ability to break that stuff down, either. That's why I made the podcast because yeah, I mean, that's why the Podcast, the podcast exists, because I didn't want to count carbs. That's one reason, you know, I needed a different way to do it. I've come to realize now over time, in my heart, it's a it's a time capsule for Arden a little bit, like, you know, like I wanted to be able to, like understand diabetes, like even if like she wakes up when she's 30. And she's like, let me figure out what this guy was talking about. You know what I mean? Like, it'll all be there for for her. I love that man. And it teaches me, like, while I go, I have a lot of ideas while I'm talking to people or moments like even like when the podcast is kind of like delved into, like talking to therapists, or like that kind of thing. It's all really important. And we say it's important, but then no one talks about it. Yeah. And I think that self help, which it ends up being is far less about directions. And more about like, like visceral understanding. Yes, the shared experience. Yeah, you people give people bullet points and expect them to fix their life with it.

Abby 1:09:39
It's so true. I also think there's something again, this is my world is there is something like, deeply sacred about holding someone's story. And like that's what you do is like you, you, you, people come on here and like, You are the holder of that space and like that, that is Is there is something in that that's really, really special and unique. It matters, you know, people being able to tell their story and that sense and having somebody hold space for that, like, it is important. It really is someone

Scott Benner 1:10:14
has to do that. It's, and it can't just be anyone. And I don't mean this as a pat on my back, but like he can't just it has to be somebody who holds your attention. Whose voice makes you feel comfortable, whose Guess whose cadence makes you feel like, like, I remember watching Dave Chappelle receive, like the Kennedy Center Honors. And he said that when he was growing up his mom, um, I don't know all the details. So I'm gonna sound like an idiot for a second. But there's this this older idea of that there's a storyteller in the tribe. And that, and that she saw him that way. And and I was like, oh, that's super interesting. And, and I don't see this is any different than that? Yes. Right. So it's very specific. It's very niche. It's diabetes. Yeah. Almost more specifically, type one, although I do think a lot of the management stuff we talk about. Even the ideas if not the insulin fits with type two. Yeah, has application. But I just, I think what you said is really, like insightful. And I appreciate it. Because it's so easy to look at this and be like, Oh, it's a podcast. But it's, it's everybody from all over the world. Yeah, getting to add into the story of what it's like to live with type one place where it's actually consumable, not like, oh, I ran into an article once, but then I didn't see the next one about the next person that this is the hub. It happens here. Yeah. And so that is magical. Yeah. And, and it's, it's perpetuated by the people who listen, because you don't grow a podcast on purpose. You don't buy ads. Yeah. talk people into listening to it. It literally has to be your friend telling you, yeah, and you doing this and people have

Abby 1:11:54
to be organic. It just doesn't

Scott Benner 1:11:57
work. Well, first, let's thank Abby for coming on the show and telling us that amazing story. Thank you, Abby. I want to remind you that it's diabetes Awareness month in November and National Adoption Awareness Month. Thanks so much to Dexcom makers, the Dexcom G six continuous glucose monitor for sponsoring this episode of The Juicebox Podcast. And thanks again to Omni pod head over to their website and find out about that on the pod dash. See if you're eligible for the free 30 day trial. That's it on the pod.com forward slash juice box. And of course, the Dexcom address is dexcom.com forward slash juice box. There are links to these and all the sponsors in the show notes of your podcast player at juicebox podcast.com.

Couple of little things at the end here. First of all, thank you very much for listening to the show and for supporting the Juicebox Podcast by sharing it with other people. I really appreciate that. What else Oh, T one D exchange.org. Forward slash juicebox. US resident has type one diabetes. US resident is the caregiver of someone with type one in less than 10 minutes, you can fill out a survey that will help other people with type one diabetes, and it will help the podcast. If you're enjoying the podcast, you should check out the Facebook group Juicebox Podcast type one diabetes, it's a private group so you can go in there and really talk about type one. There are over 17,000 members in that group who understand life with type one diabetes, the group is absolutely free. should go check it out.