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DISCLAIMER: This text is the output of AI based transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate due to inaudible passages or transcription errors and should not be treated as an authoritative record. Nothing that you read here constitutes advice medical or otherwise. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making changes to a healthcare plan.

Scott Benner 0:00
Hello, everyone, welcome to Episode 196 of the Juicebox Podcast. Today's episode is sponsored by dancing for diabetes Dexcom and Omni pod. There are links in your show notes or Juicebox podcast.com for all the sponsors, but you can always go to my omnipod.com forward slash juicebox dexcom.com forward slash choose box or dancing the number four diabetes.com to learn more. Today's episode is with Susan, Susan reached out and wanted to know if I had an episode about depression anxiety in the mental health aspect of type one diabetes. I didn't. So I asked her to come on to talk about it. In her initial outreach to me, she said that she had struggled with these things prior to the diagnosis of her daughter, but that they got amped up in her words, after diabetes. She said she was doing better now but had her moments and wanted to know if other people could share their insights so that she could learn. Turns out I didn't have an episode about that. So Susan came on very generously to talk about her life. For a topic that I wasn't sure I could find fun in we really did. And yet got out a lot of really interesting stuff. So sit back, relax. And remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should ever be considered advice, medical or otherwise. This is Susan.

Susan 1:30
My name is Susan. And my daughter, Jenna V is 16. And she's our T one D. I also have another daughter Michaela, who's 14 who is not T one. And yeah, we've been doing this for almost two years now.

Scott Benner 1:48
Okay, Jennifer, she was she was diagnosed when she was 14.

Unknown Speaker 1:51
Yes.

Scott Benner 1:52
So you, you reached out and you were like, hey, do you have any episodes about like anxiety, depression, like the mental health stuff that goes along with Type One Diabetes? And I was like, I don't but do you want to come on and talk about something I felt bad about? Susan, I'm sorry. But uh,

Susan 2:08
oh, no, no, no, I was like, God done it. Now.

Scott Benner 2:11
Trust me, You're not the first person to get sucked in like that. There have been other people like does, especially the poor and the peoples or anybody on the talks about MDI, like, there'll be you if you come. So. So I really appreciate you first having the question. And then secondly, reaching out and thirdly, being willing to be the guinea pig for this cup for this conversation. So So I guess, tell me a little bit about, you know, when when Genevieve was diagnosed with, you know, my guess Let me ask a question. First, would you say that you are you a family who lived in kind of an anxiety lifestyle to begin with? Or did this come with diabetes?

Susan 2:52
Yeah, well see? Yes. So I've struggled my whole life with regulating my mental health, I have issues with depression. And it's always been something that I've lived with like, and I didn't realize it until I was in my 20s that it was a problem. And I had kids in my 30s and, and now, I'm not 30 anymore. And so over the years, I've you know, done some work and I learn all kinds of coping skills and different things like that. But then, when I had done a vive, you know, she always was an anxious child. And she I mean, we're having conversations Well, what whatever you call a conversation with a four year old about the fact that she didn't want to dry when she was older. Because part scared her

Scott Benner 3:49
that's interesting. That's what she had for you like I don't know when this is exactly gonna happen in my life, but I can tell you right now I'm not getting involved. My life in this house and anywhere about 150 yards from here.

Susan 4:04
Exactly, exactly. You know, um, we were I think we were driving to preschool or something and I was joking with her like you what you want to get to sitting behind the wheel waiting for me I think I'm like, let's go to like, Oh,

Unknown Speaker 4:20
no, no way.

Scott Benner 4:21
You don't understand me or maybe a when you're just ignoring it, but I never Yeah, that's well, that is really something to see it go back. Ah, that is interesting. And did you recognize it for what it was then or back then? Do you just think like, Wow, my kids thinking about weird things?

Susan 4:36
Well, yes, and no, you know, it's like, okay, four year old things like this right now. Like, Oh, great. My kids things like this. Perfect.

Scott Benner 4:48
Which, the one I made.

Susan 4:50
Right, exactly, exactly. Yeah. And then her sister. He has always been kind of a lover to death, by the way, is some quirky Like I would cut her nails and she's like, those are mine. Put them back on. Like, you thank you for Yeah. You always

Scott Benner 5:08
know you're in for hearing something fun about someone's kids when they preface it by going, No, I like the kid. I just want to make sure you understand that first.

Susan 5:18
That mother's curse. I hope you have one that's just like you.

Scott Benner 5:23
Oh my god, I didn't tell you the fingernails thing. I don't mean to laugh so early on a serious subject. But that was fantastic. I that might have been like, I might have been like, Hey, honey, let's go to the mall. And maybe Mommy will forget you there. Go bother someone else with this fingernails situation.

Susan 5:43
factly. But you know, on the other hand, both of them went to the same preschool at different times. Of course, there's different ages. And I go to drop them off. And I'm hanging out in the first couple days. They don't mean to leave by like the third day is independent of each other. Right? They look at me and go, you can go now. like, Okay, see you later. As I'm running away, right? Yeah. Right.

Scott Benner 6:08
I'm like, wow, Is this true? Can I get out of here for real? No. Well, so yeah. So it comes and goes and it's wrapped around different things. Right.

Susan 6:16
Like, I got traffic. Yeah. And so Genevieve had started high school, we start High School, in our district in ninth grade. And, but a little, we live in a really big area. But we live in a very small school district and only had five schools, six schools for K through eight. And so she went to the next district over for high school. So she went from the Middle School of us, I'd say, at the time, 600 kids to a high school have almost 1600 Okay, and, and it's high school, and it's different, and the schedules didn't level up, right. And the whole year, she is just amped up means everything is making her nervous and everything is just to the nth degree. And I'm like, Oh, god, it's good thing. I only have two kids. Now. I know why boarding school isn't too bad. I'm married for 11 not money. No more guy. That's not enough. As he sits right here. Yeah, that's

Unknown Speaker 7:22
right.

Susan 7:24
It's an old joke. But, you know, what happened was that I'm looking back. I think she was sick.

Unknown Speaker 7:33
Do you think I'm sorry? What?

Susan 7:35
I think she was starting to get sick. Okay. Um,

Scott Benner 7:38
do you think the diabetes was on its way then?

Unknown Speaker 7:41
Yeah.

Scott Benner 7:42
How would you like to smile? And I mean, smile really big. All you have to do is go to dancing for diabetes.com. That's dancing the number for diabetes.com. Go get yourself a smile.

Susan 7:57
He started not working well, I would say probably February. But her demeanor really started to change at Christmas time. And it was just everything was doom and gloom. And she was the typical 14 year old drama child and this, you know, picking on our sister and I am just fine. I don't need you know.

Scott Benner 8:23
I am aware of what you're talking about.

Susan 8:25
Yeah. Do you have a 30 foot? rd? 13? Yes. Yeah, and

Scott Benner 8:30
I'm married. I have people in my life who I never say act like that. Because I'm afraid they'll kill me in my sleep. But yeah, so she you think it was her higher blood sugars may be coupled with anxiety? Or do you? Do you look back now and think maybe it was more about the high blood sugars or it's hard to know,

Susan 8:49
I think it's hard to know. But I wrote it off for so long as her just being 14 empathy in 14 and a girl in high school and blah, blah, blah, right? And she has always been on the 95th percentile of height and weight. So she's always been like an Amazon. And around Christmas time, she's like, I want to drop a few pounds. And um, you know, and I'm like, okay, more high school stuff. Let's just keep an eye on it. She's just wasn't doing anything crazy. And I needed to buy a swimsuit for her in California, or at least in our school district. They have the swim units, because we have a pool pool. Those guys both have pools, and I bought her swimsuit and she comes out to show me that it fits or not, and she's so proud of herself. That she's lost some weight. And I'm less than a month later we went to go shopping for some spring clothes. And she just seemed off all week. We were on break, but it was where we have April break. Every spring and we go to the put give her some clothes. She goes into the dressing room. She goes, Mom, I need a bigger size. And I'm thinking to myself, no, you don't, because you've been losing weight. And I go in there and I look at her, and the clothes are just falling off of her. And she's like, I need bigger size. I know how to you need a smaller stuff, right? And I'm realizing, oh my god, she's not just not feeling well, her cognitive ability is not there. Oh, wow.

Scott Benner 10:31
So you that there was a disconnect between, like bigger and smaller that she couldn't? Yeah. Okay. How, how much after that? Are we at the hospital being diagnosed? Because I'm dying to know what what was really one see when that happened? Or? Okay. Yeah, so she was really in trouble, huh?

Susan 10:50
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, and she doesn't mind me telling the story, although it is embarrassing. But you know, I'm a mother. That's my job. We can you tell that we use humor a lot to

Scott Benner 11:02
I think it's very valuable. So she's already with it. I'm alright with it. Let's go. Yeah.

Susan 11:07
So by this time, speaking, going back a little bit to the anxiety By this time, he was having what I call mental health days, at least once a month. Or she would wake up and just not be able to do the day. And she wasn't a student. So I'm like, okay, just stay home, have a mental health day, get your group together, you know, and go back to school the next day, and we'll just take it as it comes, right. So then, of course, we have this April break, and I can tell her cognitive ability is off. And then she just keeps going downhill from there. And she's sleeping a lot. She you know, she didn't even nap as a baby in here. She's coming home every day and taking naps. And her color is off. And just everything right. And that last week, she got diagnosed on April, that week before she she's kind of just doing her thing, but really off. And she tells me like by Thursday, and say or Thursday, Mom, I haven't gone to the bathroom. And I can't remember the last time I went number two. I know. And I'm like, okay, and thinking back to the whole shopping experience. I'm like, wow, what, I wonder how long it's been. But I start tracking her. And so by Friday, she hadn't gone. And so I start giving her stuff. It starts out really mild. And you know, I have some prune juice, and let's do this. And by Sundays, nothing had happened, but she had thrown up. And so I kept her home on Monday and I told my husband, I'm going to give her a fleet. Mmm. And that stuff's like rocket fuel. Right? And if that doesn't work, I'm scared. And I was already scared. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 13:02
sure.

Susan 13:03
And of course, so my anxiety starts to kick in. Because I am like, you know what the heck is going on? Right? I gave her I gave her the enema. It doesn't even move her. And so I call him I said, Can you please come home? He commutes from like, literally over an hour away because of traffic. And he doesn't get home till the late afternoon. Yeah, she walks from your house. Exactly. Yeah, right. Exactly. Yeah. Um, and, um, so he gets home. And then like, we got to go to the clinic, the walk in clinic I didn't even know tried to get an appointment. And so we go to the walking clinic. And we're there longer there. And she's so lethargic. And she's the, the on call. Doctor was actually a pediatrician. And she looks at Genevieve. And she goes, You know, I don't know, what do you think? And I'm like, I don't know, I'm thinking maybe moto? I'm not sure, you know. And she is like, well, we're gonna run some tests and ran some tests and some numbers were off and she goes, we're gonna run some more tests. And she comes back and she's like, well, Genovese diabetic, I call What?

Scott Benner 14:18
What does that mean? What are we talking about? Emily is diabetic. I saw that on television. That doesn't make any sense. So you know, the answer's no, no diabetes in your family, nothing that made you think about it, as

Susan 14:32
well. Okay. That's the irony because type type two runs in my family. My grandmother was diabetic. My dad was diabetic, type two, my great grandmother.

Scott Benner 14:44
And so when the when the first when she first says diabetes, do you think like, do you attach it to like what your parents had?

Susan 14:51
And yeah, yeah, to a certain extent, but at the same time, no, because the presentation was so completely different. Yeah, you know, and the other irony is, is that I'm always, you know, trying to be a good mom, drink your water do this, do that, right. And when we were at that shopping trip, and earlier in April, to visit my mom, I needed a new water bottle. Got like 10? And she goes, No, I need a bigger one. And I'm like, you know, Genevieve is drinking a lot of water is a sign of diabetes, we should now come and keep an eye on that. And then I immediately forgot that Congress. Oh,

Scott Benner 15:28
wow. It's like that funny. And what was the distance between that and and being in that clinic?

Susan 15:33
to eight weeks? Oh,

Scott Benner 15:35
you know, listen, first of all, it takes a while to figure it out. There's no reason to think, you know, a lot of the things you mentioned, I remember the Arden, like the last bowel movement she had was in a diaper. And it was so dry that I like scan through the diaper and it broke by it was like it crushed. And I was like, well, that's weird. And you would think that I would have went well, that's weird, Call an ambulance. But you know, right. Because that really would have been the way to go. And then, you know, days and days later when we figured out that she has diabetes. And then you look back with hindsight, you think, wow, I was watching her die. Like she she was dying. And I was and I was busy going, uh, you want a fleet enema? It really does make you feel terrible. But in the end, there's no way to really know, you know, it's not it's just it's in the end it become It's lucky that you figured it out, you got her somewhere and it got caught. And then she didn't end up being a, you know, a sad statistic of being, you know, a being diagnosed too late. Well, so tell me this, then that's a pretty incredible story. When the diabetes gets there, and everything's, you know, you're you're back home? And is it when when does the mental health stuff presented itself? Is it immediately? And how does it affect things?

Susan 16:54
Right? Well, for me, I just went into, you know, standard operating procedure mode, right? We do this and we do that. And I'm, we're part of, we were a blessing and a curse. We are part of the Lucile Packard Stanford hospital system. And so we get really great care. But it's a teaching hospital. Really smart people who, and I, you know, I feel kind of bad saying this, because, of course, I kept my daughter alive. But I'm not on the qulified

Scott Benner 17:34
we're just getting in the world of, of medicine, and they're seeing maybe sometimes you're seeing things for the first time or still figuring it out.

Susan 17:42
Well, it's just all very clinical, you know. So, as far as you know, textbook eat, right. So, they, they're very knowledgeable. By the time they actually see patients on a regular basis. They're full fledged doctors, this is their practice. Right? But, um, everything's always like, Huh, that's interesting. You know,

Scott Benner 18:05
you don't really finale to it and the fields are there. Yeah,

Susan 18:09
yes. Yes. Exactly. Exactly. And so I'm, you know, I'm, I'm trying to navigate this world, I'm trying to navigate this world on no sleep. You know, um, and so it's just on top of all of this, they're telling me, Oh, no, she needs to do manage it all by herself, because almost an adult, and I'm thinking, you know,

Scott Benner 18:36
it 14 how you're almost an adult? Yeah,

Susan 18:38
I like two weeks ago, I thought she was an idiot.

Scott Benner 18:43
The kid doesn't know the difference between bigger and smaller.

Susan 18:48
And you're asking her to dose herself. Are you on crap? Yeah, no,

Unknown Speaker 18:53
not here. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Susan 18:54
That's right. You've got four PhDs got it. So yeah. And so we this whole time, this whole years has been me an internal mental struggle about how much to manage, and how much to let go, which has just been I was just telling my husband last night, it has just throw me to the wall. You know, and you add to the sleeplessness on top of it. Even with a we have a dexcom. And, like the other night, I was up to one o'clock because I was watching a trend and I'm like, it don't like this trend too much. And it started to even out and I'm like, Okay, I think I'm safe. I go to bed. I literally fall asleep when the alarm goes off. But I'm so tired. I didn't even hear the alarm. He didn't hear the alarm. Genevieve didn't hear the alarm. And she wakes up and she's she's a mom, I'm only in the 50s and I'm like, Okay, what do you do? Because I had a juice and so kidney went back to sleep. But it took me a while to do that.

Scott Benner 19:55
And she did she struggle a little bit to like with her dexterity and to actually Take it and thinker get her wake herself up to do it all that

Susan 20:03
Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's in bed going, I really should get up but I really don't want to this woman

Scott Benner 20:11
the low blood sugar death spiral, I'll just sit here and die. And so I tell you I've, I've said it on here before I've washed out and sit in my living room inside. I'm like, Hey, you got to get up and get something she's like, I'm just gonna sit here and die. And I think partly she's joking. And I think partly she's in that. Yeah, where her brains like going, it's gonna be alright, like, go to the light, you know? And so I hear you. Well, listen, first of all, you know, sitting up and watching, like something you think is going to happen? I think we all have done that, that that's certainly true. Can you tell me like a little nuts and bolts? What were you looking at as a number? And like around that one o'clock time? Where did it go? Where you're like, Oh, this is gonna be okay, and I went to sleep. You guys, you guys are great. In the last 30 days, more Juicebox Podcast listeners have gone to try a free no obligation demo of the Omni pod tubeless insulin pump than almost any other time. In the four years I've been doing this podcast, there was only one month with more link clicks. And that month I was on my ads were great that month, you didn't even have a chance. But seriously, if you haven't tried the Omni pod yet, did you know that they have a free, no obligation demonstration, they'll send you a pod in the mail. And you can actually wear it and see what you think there's no obligation, as I just said, you know what that means you're not obligated to do anything. And it is 100%. Free. And free is the best amount of money you can owe somebody. I mean, if you owed somebody 10 cents, that's not even as good as free. I mean, for 10 cents, you'd have to like get an envelope, write a check, put a stamp on it probably cost you $1 50 to send somebody 10 cents, but free, you don't even have to send, they don't ask you over at the Omni pod to put like nothing in an envelope and send it to them. There's nothing for you to do, except try on the pod and say to yourself, hey, that's Scott guy at the podcast. He's making sense, this thing is amazing. I'm gonna keep going, I'm gonna keep doing, I want to wear a tubeless insulin pump. I want to set temp basals I want to do extended boluses. I want to live free of tubing free of needles. This is what I want. And how do I get that I go to my omnipod.com forward slash juice box. Or I click on the links in the show notes on your podcast player right now. Or at Juicebox podcast.com. You know you want to.

Susan 22:44
So it had started out around 120. And it was a dot dot dot down to around 90, e and then played with 92 and 93 for like five or six dots. And like I said by within It's one o'clock and I've convinced myself this is fine. It's gonna hold up. Yeah, it's gonna hold up. Not really, in some of it might be me being tired. And some of it might be me just wishful thinking. Not really. Yeah, I'm

Scott Benner 23:13
going to sleep now. Right? No, no.

Susan 23:17
You know, if I had looked at the previous thoughts, which I knew about, but I was just so focused on those three or four or five, that, you know, she was like 300, you know, a couple hours earlier.

Scott Benner 23:27
Okay. So you're in that spot, really where when we talk about that a lot like highs end up causing lows, because yeah, you get the 300 because you've missed time, some insulin at some point, probably for your dinner. And then eventually you look at that 300 long enough and you go, okay, more insulin. But then now the insulins in and it's mis timed off the back end of the carbs, the carbs disappear, then the insulin is leftover. You have a big blood sugar, so it takes time for it to come down. But then when it gets in that like not that freefall but that drift. Yeah, yeah. There's no way to stop that drift ever like it? You probably it's interesting, but at isn't it when you stop and think about it? If 1130 ish, you would have just shut her bazel off for probably an hour that night that that 93 probably would have held up? Yep, Yeah, yep. And so have you seen that in the past?

Susan 24:20
Yes. And, you know, and we go and we go in spurts about it. Because the more I hands off I am, the more this tends to happen. And the irony is, is that I started listening to Juicebox Podcast, I'd say September, like right after school started for us. I was

Scott Benner 24:41
at the end of 2017. You started listening.

Susan 24:43
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, this last school year. And so I would say hey, listen to this guy. And you know, and she's like, Oh, that's interesting, and she loved hearing stories. So I'd pick her up and to love hearing stories about Arden and in you and you know where caller I listened to that day, sometimes it was two or three because I tend to bid stuff.

Scott Benner 25:04
Sure in case you're stuck in your car. So it's perfect. Yeah,

Susan 25:07
exactly.

Scott Benner 25:08
I never understood really why I have way more downloads in California till I stopped and thought about the like, because every state in the country listens to this podcast, which is really cool. And countries around the world, I've almost an all of them. But man, California is disproportionately bigger for downloads, and I realized that people are just trapped in your cars.

Susan 25:28
We are. I don't know why I pay a mortgage, you know? Yeah. Our shower at the house and live in the car. Um, so, you know, so we've talked a lot about friends and we talk a lot about, you know, let's try to head things off and she's gotten when she thinks about it, when she's actively managing. She's really good. You have to keep her a one c between, I'd say it's six, six and seven. That's great. Um, which I mean, what's a mommy look like better, but she's doing it on her own as a six year old. I think that's amazing. That's really good. You know, because I really don't I, like I don't even know I have every time I touch that PDF, because we also have an on the pod. I had to stop and think how does this damn thing work?

Scott Benner 26:12
Oh, that's great. So she really does have a hold of it then. And yeah, listen to get the 300 I mean, it's not it doesn't sound like it's all the time obviously with that. Yeah. So she's doing great, but, but it's but it is it becomes a bigger thought like the rest of like, how to get this 300 down as quick as I can without it being a low leader, and especially bumping up on, you know, going to bed and let's you know,

Susan 26:38
well, and this is the this is the thing and where this whole? Like, is she not? She depressed? Is she anxious? Is she not paying attention? Is she? Um, she like, Oh, well, you know, this is my life now. You know? And are is it just her being 16? and not wanting to

Scott Benner 27:00
know, all that a little bit mixed together? And how to figure that out? Right?

Susan 27:06
And I and I manage? I'm the one who manages the night stuff. If it comes up? If I wake up? I'm

Unknown Speaker 27:16
like that.

Susan 27:17
Yeah, right. Exactly. And, um, because remember, my husband is live with us. He lives in the car. And you know, so it's like, Okay, this isn't you having a low and feeling like, crap the next day. It's me, too. You know, and so then I think about my getting everyone keeps playing. Because we're in the college season, you have an older one too. So you know what the whole, you know, LSAT, and where are you going to college nephew's visit in? Blah, blah, blah? And here's me I start spiraling going? Um, yeah, how's that gonna work? You know, because I'm not going to be there if she goes away to school, but I don't want to I don't want diabetes to define our life. Okay. You know, for sure. So, well, let's see what I mean. And on and on. I do.

Scott Benner 28:06
Okay, so we'll take a break here for a second, while Indy drinks water. What are you doing? I left the water on the floor and the dog never cried. Just let it happen. We'll put the ad in here. Do you know that since dancing for diabetes has been advertising on this podcast, they've begun to get donations from all over the globe. I can't thank you enough. And they can't either. But they would like to try by showing you pictures and videos of adorable children dancing. It's hit dancing for diabetes.com it's dancing the number for diabetes.com. They also have a great Instagram and Facebook page. You should go check it out. Thank you so much for supporting them. I want to go back to sort of what what I was I'm hearing a little bit about the the anxiety and stuff. So what what so far what I've heard from you is kind of goes back to an episode from a couple weeks ago, like you worry about things before they're real. Right? Right. And, and that but but the difference between someone doing that consciously, and someone having anxiety or you know, depression, it's a different road. And so, you know, so if it's just someone being dramatic and panicking, you can say to them, like worries, a waste of imagination, you know, and that's a, that's a reasonable thing to tell somebody, like snap out of it, stop doing that. Right?

Unknown Speaker 29:34
Right.

Scott Benner 29:35
But if you're a person who lives with anxiety, that's just me saying something to you, it's not valuable anyway. And so that is more what I was hoping to talk about today, which is Yeah, when you actually have a, you know, a clinical diagnosis or you are a person who know you live with this anxiety, how does how do you negotiate these things and have you found a way through yet

Susan 29:58
um, you know, when I'm taking good care of myself, I know, I do all the things that everybody's supposed to do, eat right, get enough sleep. For me, meditating really helps us having that, you know, even if it's literally 30 seconds of clear your mind, because, you know, stop it, literally stop it. I'm trying to live in the moment, it's, you know, all those platitudes, they're there for a reason. And so when I really try to do that, and just really just take a breath, and, you know, I have two amazing daughters who are just phenomenally hilarious. And who do, you know, who are good people, you know, and I have a husband who puts up with me, and all my craziness. And I have, you know, I have my own business. And, you know, I own a house, you know, I just go through all these things, to be thankful for

Scott Benner 30:58
him to stop yourself, and you just remind yourself that things aren't nearly as bad as they feel. Is that right? And a lot of good that you you're not recognizing always?

Susan 31:08
Exactly. Because my mind once it's like, it's a program, you know, like, some people are programmed to be, I don't know, authors, or, you know, racecar drivers, or whatever my mind is programmed to think of worst case scenarios. You know,

Scott Benner 31:25
I hear you What if our jet plane crashes into a volcano, we don't own a jet plane. But what if we get one and write that kind of stuff? And I'll tell you, if you've listened to these podcasts going back over these hundred and however many episodes, I have spoken to people, sometimes you can tell while they're talking that their anxiety is in control that they don't have the ability to stop it. And and the answer isn't, we'll be less anxious. The answer is, how do I cope with who I am in this situation? Right, right. And that's really what I think you were reaching out and asking like you what you were wanted was I, I need to click on one of these downloads, where someone tells me they're really anxious, and this is how they handle it, not how they not how they fixed it. Is that right?

Susan 32:08
Right. Right. And, you know, yes, because get online and you see, you know, there's things like Facebook, or even the podcasts are a double edged sword, right? Because you can identify, I think you've even talked about this before, to you know, people like, Oh, my God, I'm up into the middle of the night, you know, I look at my number, it's 40 going straight down. And that's great in the moment, because like, Okay, I'm not the only one in the whole universe who's dealing with this, right. But there's never there's very rarely the next step.

Scott Benner 32:42
Yeah. There's no value past that.

Susan 32:44
Yes, yes. And that's what I was kind of looking for. I mean, there's a, because we're such a weak subset. I mean, how many people have T one D, right? And how many parents are dealing with this? And here's Okay. And then this is where my mind is not healthy. I actually have a dear friend, I met her when our oldest. So for babies, it's like a new moms group. And her daughter was diagnosed, she was less than two.

Scott Benner 33:15
So if you've known a person whose child has had type one,

Susan 33:19
type one, right? Yeah.

Scott Benner 33:20
Did you ever go to her for help or anything?

Susan 33:23
Oh, we're in the hospital, you know, and I email her literally in the middle of the night. And here we are, and this is what's happening. But don't worry, don't you don't need to come over and you because I'm worried about her and her lack of sleep. Now, I worry about my crap and her crap, too.

Scott Benner 33:43
You know, it's really interesting, really, because there is a moment there where most people would be like, Listen, if there's anything you can offer me in the way of advice? Yeah, I'd like to hear it. And you were like, No, you must be tired from your kid having diabetes. You have anxiety enough for her and for you.

Susan 34:02
And we actually just met last week for coffee. And it's so funny, because we've always been good friends. But I walk into the establishment. And there's literally like, 10 of us who've stayed friends since this class and sit down abuse. Ah, yeah. But not all of us get together all the time. So most of them were ordering coffee, and she cooked. And I just complained for a minute and then like, go for it. Please.

Scott Benner 34:29
I listened to a podcast I wish they would curse on but they don't.

Susan 34:34
You know, I wasn't that you were like, gonna take a while to edit. Because, you know,

Scott Benner 34:39
we did curse a couple of times. Yeah, yeah, there's part of me that thinks I want it to be good for kids to listen to, which is and I know that I say sometimes that I curse, like almost consistently through my life. Like I am genuinely amazed when I talk to somebody for an hour and this podcast and I didn't curse I sometimes I finished. I'm like, Wow, what an accomplishment. But I wish there was a way in iTunes to just make one of them explicit. So I could have somebody on it, we could just have like a, like a planning session like that. But then you'd have to make the whole show explicit, or the whole show clean. So I can't do that. But you guys got together for coffee. And you did that?

Susan 35:18
Oh, yeah. Yeah. And it was, you know, and it was just a whole new bonding experience. And like, a month before that I had actually emailed her and go, Okay, I know, I'm crazy. You know, I'm crazy. I would I feel bad contacting you, when I have a question. Because you are not the, you know, authority, just because you've been doing it longer. And she just email back like, yeah, you are crazy. You can always ask me about anything, you know. And so, you know, yeah. When I when I emailed you and said, hey, that's really I you know, because I feel like I'm learning so much from the podcast and from your other listeners, you know, when they when you have conversations with them, I'm like, you know, there's maybe I am doing much better than I think because my anxiety is telling me I'm crazy. I'm

Scott Benner 36:11
what is interesting, isn't it that your daughter's 16 managing her blood sugar mostly on her own? And her Awan see you said was really is I thought very good. And so what is it you're worried about? Like and you but you did. You mentioned it earlier? Let me let me stop myself. I shouldn't have even asked the question, right now worried about college, which is like, probably two and a half years from now.

Susan 36:34
All right. Well, it's a year from now a year

Scott Benner 36:37
and a half year and a half a year. But see, you just did it there. What really is the difference between a year and a half from now in two and a half years. Now? The point is, it's a long time from now.

Susan 36:47
Not tomorrow night.

Scott Benner 36:50
And that's so much can happen between now and then that and now I'm going to be cliched. And I'm going to go back to the title one of those old episodes. By the time somebody hears this one. Worry is a waste of imagination, because you're worried about something a year and a half from now, that might work itself out in that year, if you can be thinking about something actually important right now. Right? What?

Susan 37:12
I still haven't done

Scott Benner 37:14
what I was just gonna say if you weren't riddled with anxiety, what should you be thinking about right now?

Susan 37:21
I should probably be thinking about like, do I have food for dinner tonight? Do you know? I'm finishing my taxes, which are like 90% done, but I can't seem to get them done. I'm going to the gym. Right?

Scott Benner 37:34
So my bigger question is, is ignoring those things also causing you anxiety?

Susan 37:39
Sure, because that's how being an adult

Scott Benner 37:41
you are in a cycle of insanity. By the way, we might call this episode cycle of insanity, but probably not. But but but but so. But there's a there's a that to me. When you said you have somebody to talk to about this. I said no. When I said to have you on you had to realize that at some point we were going to get into like trying to figure out how could you do better. And so that's my first thought as a unlicensed unqualified therapist through a podcast, which is literally as meaningless as talking to a wall but

Susan 38:16
no advice whatsoever, because that's not we

Scott Benner 38:18
don't give advice here on the Juicebox Podcast. That's right and but here's what it sounds like to me is that by by worrying about the future, you stop yourself from considering the present, which then also causes you more anxiety which totally makes it impossible for you to find that quiet place where you can remember that things are going better than you think that you have a lot of good stuff in your life and that you're it's not all doom and gloom and and so then I think in my mind your your answer should be that you really have to force yourself to only thinking about today and tomorrow. Like do it do that for a little while until you get yourself out of that cycle and then because if you get rid of this today, anxiety about the taxes in the gym and all that stuff you should be doing what's for dinner, then maybe you will be more focused on the blood sugar's not have a 300 gets you up to one o'clock in the morning that has a blood sugar of 50 overnight, which then makes you worry the next day about the next day. You have to somewhere you have to start clean. Yeah, you know, you have to just push everything off your desk and go I don't care what any of this is I'm throwing it out. And we're gonna start over again. Because if not, you can't it's too life is too bang bang it happens too quickly. You you'll never lose the triggers from today that trigger tonight the trigger tonight the trigger tomorrow that caused bad blood sugars that cause anxiety that cause you not to buy gym bla bla bla bla bla how do you do that?

Unknown Speaker 39:51
Right now? Not

Scott Benner 39:52
right you got to tell me if you find yourself wondering what is my blood Sure, we're thinking, I hope my daughter's blood sugar is not going up today. I hope it's not going down. I hope it's staying steady. I hope. I hope I hope I hope I wonder I wonder if you find yourself hoping and wondering. You don't need to do that. Because Dexcom can take out the wonder and add in wonder. See how wonder can be used two different ways in the English language? What a messed up language Hmm. Like you wonder about something like you think about it and decide I can't decide if this is true or not because I don't have enough information that's wondering. But then wonder like all bright eyed and like, Oh my god, this is amazing. same word spelled the same way. What a messed up language, maybe halfway through the ad. Sorry, next time. If you want to know what someone's blood sugar's doing or what your blood sugar's doing which direction it's moving in how fast it's going. The dexcom g six continuous glucose monitor is right for you. Not only is it FDA approved to make treatment decisions that's give yourself insulin without a finger stick. But it shows you what your blood sugar is, and how fast it's moving. Or if it's moving at all. Imagine to know that your blood sugar's 90 and steady. Instead of having it be 90 when you check it with a finger stick and then wonder I don't know is it about the Fall is about to go up? I'll never know because I only know what I'm testing. But not with Dexcom. Next time is continuous. That's the see in the CGM. You know what else it does? It shares loved ones blood sugars with anyone you want. So for instance, I know what Arden's blood sugar is right now while she's at school, and you could to go to dexcom.com, forward slash juicebox, with the links in the show notes at Juicebox podcast.com. And get started today. Don't wonder anymore. be full of wonder.

Unknown Speaker 41:47
Oh, yes, right.

Scott Benner 41:48
Scott, how do I do that? No, no, no. So after going through it like that, and thinking about it in a real kind of nuts and bolts way, like what do you think your first step should be?

Susan 41:59
Well, you know, you're absolutely right, I do need to literally like wainfleet and just start fresh in.

Unknown Speaker 42:09
I think I need this sometimes.

Susan 42:11
Why yes. And sometimes I'm really good about that. You know, I physically say stop it. And I and I think what has happened is that I've gotten to this bad cycle in the last few years. And it's almost as if diabetes has triggered me again, somehow because I used to not, I was I go in cycles about how bad this is. But it's gotten, I literally had a friend told me one day you are out of control, you are literally spinning out of control. And I was able to stop it for a little while. And I found it amping up again,

Scott Benner 42:41
and have to understand that it's going to ramp up. Because like I said, this isn't just you having a this is not just an academic conversation you do you are a person with anxiety so so maybe you have to just realize that when it's when you see it ramp up, you have to start over and clean slate and I'll tell you it's funny as we're talking. It just occurred to me that I say to my wife all the time or on the podcast, like there are times when when you get on that like roller coaster with your blood sugar's The only answer is to stop, like stop eating, you know, no more carbs until we can get back to a steady place and start over again. Because like some roller coasters, you can't stop. You can't, you can only get off them. And so you know, it's not like you. I think this is very similar in that like, maybe you can write maybe you don't I mean, maybe you can't stop it from ever happening. But maybe you need to recognize sooner. Okay. This is this is a start over need, like right here. Like I have to start over right now. And even if that's every day, do you know what I mean? Like me, even if I do you know what I mean?

Susan 43:47
Yeah, maybe they'll put people meditate in the morning.

Scott Benner 43:50
I don't have anxiety. That's I mean, as we're talking about it, oh my god, I'm so grateful. And I don't mean to joke. I don't feel that way. You know, because it is. It does feel insurmountable as you're talking about it, but at the same time, you can't let it be that you're gonna have to find a way to knock it back. I

Unknown Speaker 44:10
start over again.

Susan 44:12
Right. Well, and it doesn't do anybody any good is that I know intellectually, I know that all the preparing in the world is not going to the zombies are still gonna come. Right. You know,

Scott Benner 44:22
it is the saddest part of listening to you talking. I don't you're not bumming me out. Like it's that the it's not controllable. Like that. It's not it's not just Oh, like you said academically or understand this. So it should happen. And right. It really is. I mean, there's a ton of stuff in life like that. Like I'm pretty sure I understand. I shouldn't have had an Oreo last night but I totally right. Yeah. And say it. Hmm. And you know, is it

Susan 44:50
Well, no, it is it is because, you know, in the past, I've been on meds the past and they have been helpful, but those even then they don't know make things go away. They just make things more manageable. At the end of the day, I have to learn coping skills to manage I can't only wait for beds to make them go away is for you to be so doped up your

Scott Benner 45:13
zombie. Yeah, right. That's not.

Susan 45:15
That's that's not living either. Right. Right. Yeah. You know, being a mother, you know?

Scott Benner 45:20
Yeah. Well, and then I guess the more important part is, is that you only have a year and a half left to here, watch online, I'll add to your anxiety you. Sorry, Susan, you have a year and a half left to set a good example, for your daughter before she leaves for school. Right. And that might be the most important part of this, maybe you won't ever be okay. But you really do need to do everything you can do to send her out in the world with these tools. Because the one she gets there without them. I mean, that's, that's the thing you should really be worried about. Right? Is is staying on this path, and then her leaving on this path. So if you need a way to shock yourself back into, like, you know, reality over and over again, maybe that's the focus you use. It's like, I need to do this for her. You know, for me,

Susan 46:12
yeah. Oh, wow. Hold. I'm having a moment. Hold on a second. Sorry. No, that's okay.

Scott Benner 46:18
Perfect, so people can hear you. I'm just kidding.

Susan 46:23
Me, My nose is that big.

Scott Benner 46:26
If you want to make any grand pronouncements about the podcast right now, remind people to subscribe at the end of it while you're sniffling? Sure.

Susan 46:34
Well, you know, the whole thing started with talking to Genevieve about blood sugars and maybe trying to get them under control. But you hadn't had a podcast? You said multiple times that it was the first time I had heard it, about how you talk about, um, you want artists to be her authentic, best self. Yeah. Right. And so I was telling Genevieve about that. And we started talking about, you know, when she's high fees, really anxious. And she's low, he gets into these deep, dark depression. And she actually really that first year, she really struggled with depression. And she's still not, at least not to me, she doesn't articulate why or where she was with that. But you know, we both know that when she keeps her blood sugar, we spend like, like 90 and 120. That is, that's my girl.

Unknown Speaker 47:29
Yeah, right.

Susan 47:30
And anything outside those numbers, she starts being a crazy teenager, as opposed to chubby

Scott Benner 47:38
guy just it ramps everything up in one way or the other just throws your throws off that. I mean, listen, it's not it's not that hard to understand, right, your brain a certain level of, of sugar to work properly. And when you give it too much or too little, you get weird effects, like the ones you described. And, you know, yeah, and then and then the anxiety comes. And then the anxiety makes the managing the diabetes harder, which keeps you with the blood sugars. And that's why these tools for the blood sugars are probably I'm hoping valuable, too, which is really yeah, like nuts and bolts ways to, like, just kind of stay ahead of things. So you don't have to sometimes think too much about it. You just have to remember, you know, a mantra saying I just need to be bold here. Or it's I'd rather deal with a low than a high like that kind of like stuff that we talked about in the podcast that I hope makes day to day stuff. You know, it's always my goal that you don't think about it as much that it's just like, Oh, this is the situation this thing applies here. And

Susan 48:39
Exactly, exactly. And so, you know, I think what I've done talking to you and kind of talking about myself, that was bad.

Scott Benner 48:51
And I'm like, she'll talk herself right through it. And it'll be fine. Good.

Susan 48:54
Yeah. And then you'll put me up for your amusement.

Scott Benner 48:58
for other people to learn, like you learn

Susan 49:00
other people's amusement Got it? Okay. I'm fine with it. Um, but I have started, I've just kind of transferred some of my anxiety into her numbers. Like I can't control them. Right? my anxieties around things I can't control right. And so I just need to be me. I can't I've not heard numbers. I'm not, you know, or anyone see is not a great on me. You know, we're two separate people. Yeah, I

Scott Benner 49:29
think that one of the biggest things I did for myself and in conjunction then we did for Arden was and I was able to do it more. It's just like a cognitive decision where that might not be the same for you. But I was able to say that to myself, like, okay, when something goes and that's why you hear me talk about on the podcast like this. Now when something goes wrong, it can't be wrong. Like I can't think of it as a mistake, right or a mess up. It has to just be ra that happened. Here's what I learned from it. I'll use that. Later, so something like this doesn't happen again. And and leave it behind. And I don't know if that's just me luckily being able to do that with my personality, but I didn't do it at first, I can tell that I can tell you that in the beginning, these things all piled on top of me like wet blankets, and you know, worse and worse and worse. And, and I don't know, just one day, I realized, if I don't do this, I'm gonna make myself crazy, and I'm gonna kill her, you know, so I have, I have to do this. And there are plenty of things in life, whether you have anxiety, or depression or your your you don't, or you have any other number of things going on, there are plenty of moments in life as an adult, and sometimes as a child, that you have to throw the gauntlet down for yourself and say, if I don't do this, I'm not going to file follow a path with my life, that it's going to be valuable as far as I can tell. And sometimes some people do it and some people don't. You know, so I think in the end, if that's your, that's it, it's like, you have to decide, like, Am I going to whatever my demons are, am I going to push past them?

Susan 51:01
Right. Right. And if you know, I, you know, one of my I actually don't worry about Lowe's anymore. And I attribute that to the podcast. So, um, well, what's

Scott Benner 51:18
low that you don't worry about

Susan 51:20
what 5050 used to? Like? I was like, literally hyperventilating. Um, because 50 is really close to 40 and 40. It's really close to the number of the word low, which is, you know, then what the hell are you? You know, and so that helps a lot. And oh, and I'm just, we're just a couple pieces of candy or a juice box do normal. Right? And yes,

Scott Benner 51:48
and I agree, listen, obviously, I agree with you. 100%. But of course, situationally 50 falling really fast is you might want to panic then, but not not, you know, not panic like that. But do something more specifically. But if you drift down and hit a 50, you're like, Okay, here's some stuff. And this will come back up again, that that's, I think that's healthy, and it needs to be listened. Jeff's yesterday and Arden's endo appointment, she pulls all this data up in front of me. And she goes, I see a 62 here I don't like and I said the I didn't like it either. I said that she goes, what happened. I said she has diabetes, we use manmade insulin, right. That's what happened. And so, you know, she looked at me and I look back at her and I'm like, Look, I gotta be honest with you. I don't want my daughter's blood sugar to go under 70 if I can help it, I said, but I'm not gonna get upset if it's 60. And I'm also not going to get upset if it's 60 for a little while. 1520 minutes. I'm not worried about that. I said, You know, I don't want it to go below there. And when it gets to 50 I, you know, I would definitely everything ramps up a little bit. But I'm not running around with my my hair on fire. I also tried to avoid it at all costs, like you should understand the other side of it. But you can't point to a 62 in this graph and tell me what happened here. Because if you don't know what happened here, you shouldn't be in the room with me.

Susan 53:11
I know. Yes, exactly. Who's the one with the five degrees?

Scott Benner 53:16
Yeah, by the way, and she understood and if it was gone like that, you know, and she said, maybe attempt bazel there would have helped I said, I think it definitely would have you're 100% right. And I'll think about it next time. I appreciate it. And that was

Susan 53:30
sort of the that was the end of that. Yeah. Yeah, I've had to turn off the highlighter. Um, because this goes back to letting Genevieve manage her diabetes. Okay. And me trying to step back and actually trying to alleviate some of the anxiety because Genevieve has always had a habit of managing it really well during the day she comes home after school and it's like she forgets that she has diabetes. And so then I was I felt it was just one more thing for me to harp on. You pick up your socks, your homework, check your blood sugar, you know, why did you do that? Bolus, Bolus, Bolus Bolus woman fall asleep?

Scott Benner 54:12
I'm gonna stop you for a second. Yeah. You said she gets good grades.

Unknown Speaker 54:17
Mm hmm.

Scott Benner 54:18
Stop bugging her about her homework then. let that go. Yeah, yeah. Right. And and so what if there's some socks on the floor? What's that go to? Like, give yourself a break from that stuff? Like, like, you know what I mean? Like, find ways to find ways to like give yourself permission to not worry about things that in the end aren't going to matter. No matter Yeah. I mean, listen, I like a clean house. My house is clean right now. But it also looks lived in there's pots on the countertop. There's, you know, there's a basket full of half, you know, finished clothes on next to my bag like we live in this house. Yeah, you know, there are no people taking care of us. So there's always going to be that level of that and I and with us I'll tell you to the decision I made with my son as he was going off towards college, which he's now you know, just a couple months away from leaving. I kept thinking like, Alright, like, he's not great at this, but he's gonna be gone soon. So I need to put more of this on him. And let him see what happens when it doesn't work out. It's not like it's gonna get fixed right away. But at least he won't find out all these things in a wash on his first week of college.

Susan 55:23
Exactly. Right. Yeah.

Scott Benner 55:25
Yeah. So it is really as much as it's been your job to be like, Jen, have you homework, homework, homework homework for all these years, it's now your job to stop saying it. Like, it's now your job to tell her Hey, look, I think you're a great kid. I love how your grades are. I'm not going to be up your butt as much about homework. But I need you to know that I am going to check back in on it once in a while. And I have an expectation that you're going to continue on the path you're on right now. Don't Don't lie, don't you know? Do yourself the favor of continuing like this, and I'm gonna do you the favor of not watching anymore.

Susan 55:59
Right? Yeah. And I have been much better about that. That that does help. And that's where I learned from she has arms, but I don't anymore. About the high. Okay. And that has helped my anxiety because I'm on my dad's side a very slow death for type two diabetes, unmanaged. Right. And so like when you know, when you hear people talk about, oh, how am I going to get my kids to understand the high will? You know, over the course of time we'll do this to their body generally thought happened? Right? What happened to her Oprah,

Scott Benner 56:36
but that doesn't even listen,

Susan 56:38
but it doesn't register to us. Of course, even though she's seen it.

Scott Benner 56:42
Yes. Yeah. Like that's him. Not me. Exactly. Listen, again. You know, how many people who smoke go to the doctor and like, Hey, I went to the doctor, nothing was wrong. Smoking doesn't affect me the way it affects everyone else like, Oh, yeah, sure it doesn't. And so I you know, and, and I get that, but again, if anyone sees are good, why are you worried about that? Right, I'm gonna leave all that silence. And when I edit this together so that everyone can hear you go, Oh, yeah, I don't know. Why am I worried about that? It's so worried about the things that need to be worried about. There's plenty of stuff in the world that needs to be worried about I'm sure you know, like, so in your world. Don't Don't waste time on the stuff that's working. Well. I mean, that would be like, literally, if I got done with you here. I walked through my house into my kitchen, which has now been standing since 2010. When we remodeled this house. And if I looked at the cabinets in the wall and thought Oh, I hope they don't fall today.

Susan 57:41
Oh my god, you're right. Oh, yeah.

Scott Benner 57:42
I really hope the cabinets don't fall off the wall today. Why would I worry about that? You mean like you can. It really is. It's where you're going to find your peace is to is to just put your effort and stop thinking of it as worry, by the way, put your effort into the things that need your effort. And the things that don't need your effort. Don't need your effort. They work. They just work. I tell my wife all the time. I'm like, Has this ever been a problem in our life? And she was no one I'm like, Well, why are you expecting it to be? That doesn't make any sense. We've never had an issue with this. For as long as we've known each other Why would you think that today's the day and and by the way, Susan, if today's the day, then deal with it then. You know like yes, it's interesting. You were you almost have the across that bridge when I come to it concept backwards.

Susan 58:38
Yes, I do. I do. Right? Like Yeah, I

Unknown Speaker 58:41
have. Good. I'm sorry.

Susan 58:43
Oh, no, I was gonna say I it's like, I have created my own Swiss Army Knife of useless crap.

Scott Benner 58:50
It really, it's interesting. You are a Swiss Army Knife of useless crap. Because seriously, I'll cross that bridge when it comes when I come to it about my taxes. That's a bad idea. The taxes idea you need to get to right away because that really is a thing that's happening and that has a time sensitive situation. My daughter's not going to understand high blood sugars and how it's going to kill her like my father but our eight one C is seven. That's really not something you should be thinking about.

Susan 59:20
That's kind of that's that's the definition of crazy, right? Right.

Scott Benner 59:25
Well, it might be a little bit but but at the same time and I see how it was not to laugh because it's it's a hard to like see it and not Yeah, and not be able to just stop. I mean that again, it's what's gonna stick with me when you and I get done talking today is, is this has been a really great upbeat conversation about a really kind of like dark idea, but right when it sticks with me later, all I'm going to realize is Wow, she is a bright woman who understood and still couldn't like, stop herself from worrying that the cabinets were going to fall off the wall. Like that's it. insane,

Susan 1:00:01
right? I mean, really? Yeah, it really is.

Scott Benner 1:00:04
It really comes down to at some point you have I said it the other day on an episode. I love this idea that a couple of times a year, frozen urine from an airplane falls and kills somebody. It happens statistically. Right? Right. But could you imagine if you wandered your entire life thinking frozen urine is gonna fall on my head and kill me in a second? What a waste that would be. And, and, and it really, I mean, I don't know what your motivating factor will be to get you back to clean slate faster. But that's what in my mind, that's what you need to do is you need to remember that you have to clean slate it sometimes there's going to be stuff that's going to pop in your head that you can't fix and make go away. So you just have to throw it out.

Unknown Speaker 1:00:48
And okay, recognize it

Scott Benner 1:00:49
soon enough that it doesn't pile up to where you can't see the desk.

Susan 1:00:52
I now have a new measuring stick. Go ahead. I'm just gonna call it the frozen the frozen urine measuring.

Scott Benner 1:01:00
I am not gonna worry about frozen urine falling on my head tonight that maybe is what you should say to yourself when you wake up.

Susan 1:01:07
I'm gonna measure it against that. Which one would be more likely? Yeah, well, some of my scenarios would probably be more likely I have to

Scott Benner 1:01:16
tell you that now that I've really considered this. It's very possible. I'm just going to call the episode frozen. You're on won't fall on me. And so I just it really, I mean, it really is. There are a billion things that go like I'll tell you something I so I bought we bought a house that was this tiny like shack basically, right? And we always knew one day we're gonna be more successful, we're gonna knock this shack down, because this is great property. And we're gonna build this better house, which we eventually were able to do. On the corner of this little thousand square foot house that we bought originally was this oak tree. And I had the luck one day of being outside long time years and years ago working on my house, and this old man pulls up, pulls in my driveway, and he says, Hi, how are you? My name is bah, bah, bah, I built this house with my brother and I lived in it for many years and raised my family here and I was like, Oh my gosh, so great to meet us in his 60s. Then he walked around the property with me there's this long line of bushes that he loved and I thought I felt so bad because I was I genuinely had already rented a machine to rip him out of the ground but it just hadn't been delivered yet. Right. And and then he told me about I have these a couple of these great oak trees on these oak trees on my property and this one that's right on the corner of the house. And he tells me one day my wife and I drove to the farm and he points back to where there are houses now behind me because used to be a farm back there. We drove with my car and a shovel. We dug up this little sapling. I planted it there. And here it is now. It's got to be no lie. 15 or 20 feet around and its base it is this huge, healthy, amazing tree. And Susan, if it ever falls, it's going to kill everyone. Oh, right on the corner of my house right at Arden's bedroom, right. And we had some bad weather this season and like really high winds and stuff like that, and art looks at me and goes, is my tree gonna be okay, and I would absolutely. And then I walked out. I never thought about it. I got what am I gonna do? Am I gonna? Am I gonna sell the house? Am I gonna? Like, am I gonna go out there right now and cut down 100 foot tall tree like what am I What? It's probably it's been there for since that old man was 20. And he planted, it's fine. It's never fallen. I pay somebody every couple of years to take the dead branches out of it so they don't fall on my house. I can't worry about that oak tree. I can't if that oak tree is what kills me, then. Then that's, that's how I die then I but I can't spend my time worrying about end. If I can't stop thinking about that oak tree falling and killing me that it is incumbent incumbent upon me to either cut it down or sell this house and move. But I'm not going to live in it every day wondering if the oak tree is gonna fall my house. That's I can't bring myself to waste my time like that. Because, Susan, but one thing that offends me more than anything else is wasted time. It really burns my ass in a way that like, I hate having conversations with people where they're lying. And I know they're lying. And they know I'm yeah. I'm like, why are we doing this? I could have a heart attack in a second. This is how I'm going to use my last couple of seconds. I had an order last night. I can't make it much longer. Like you know, like that. That kind of thing. I

Susan 1:04:37
might hit frozen. Wow. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:04:40
I just don't. I can't abide wasted time. And at the moment, you are a delightful person with two wonderful girls. And a husband who's probably a saint from this conversation. I'm thinking yeah, and I don't want you to waste your time with it.

Susan 1:04:56
Right. Right, right.

Scott Benner 1:04:59
So I don't know. How are we gonna end this? Because we're at an hour. I don't know what to do.

Susan 1:05:02
Yeah. No, I you know, just hearing someone else say that. I'm, you know that I'm a delightful person, but then I'm wasting time because I wasted time. You can ask anybody that is a big annoyance for me. Sure. And because there's so much to be done in the day, there's so many things to worry about, you know, so many planes fly over my head.

Scott Benner 1:05:26
Exactly. It's Susan, listen, when you get done with this later, and you realize your husband should have told you this 10 years ago. Don't be mad at him. He still wants to have sex with you. I don't have that. I don't have to worry about that. So I'm able to say whatever I want to you. If you think I could say this to my wife, you're out of your mind.

Susan 1:05:47
Yeah, no worries about what's gonna happen there.

Scott Benner 1:05:49
I tried to bring up to my wife the other day, she comes to Oh my God, I hope she never hears as she comes downstairs. My wife has a when my wife's period comes her sense of smell like junk. Yeah. Right. So she comes downstairs think she smells something is like a mad person, like stomping around that everything. I don't smell anything. I don't know what she's talking about. And I stopped her and I just go, like I said, very thoughtfully. I'm not even kidding. I wasn't joking with her anything. I just said, Hey, you know, your periods coming in a couple of days, you know how your sense of smell gets? I think that might just be what's going on. Let me and I was gonna say like, let me take the trash out in case you know, there's a banana peel at the bottom that you're super sniffer is finding, you know, I couldn't even get those words out of him how she looked at me like I killed our children. And I was like, Oh, my God, I was just trying to be honest with you. What a mistake that was ruined the next two hours of my life, which is why your poor husband has not said this to you before. But why but why I'm able to, because I have no expectation that you and I ever gonna have sex.

Susan 1:06:54
That would be a feat in and of itself having been on opposite coasts?

Scott Benner 1:06:58
Well, you would think and so but, but seriously, like, I think what you were saying is right, is it sometimes you just need somebody to say something that you that you know, already? So I've done nothing here today is what I'm saying? Oh, well, you? Oh, well. At least that's another hour closer to death. We're good. But no, seriously, like, like, do you think like, so I feel like I should say something like more clinically valuable. Like if this conversation was helpful to you? Do you think that talking to a therapist once in a while is your answer? What do you what do you thinking is, I really want to know what this last hour made you consider

Susan 1:07:36
what I really need to know to say I need to take care of myself, but actually do it consistently. Like, I know what I need to do. I just need to make the time for myself to do it. Like instead of worrying about whether or not you know, gentlemen is going to be a 7.1 versus a 6.9 a one c Yeah, I should go to the gym, right and sweat it out. Or, you know, go to the movies or whatever it is I need to do for myself at that moment as opposed to just sitting there bawling and poop over.

Scott Benner 1:08:12
And you have to consider this to like, as you're talking about a onesies, Arden got hers yesterday is a five nine, the time before the time before that it was a six two. In my mind, I don't see any difference between a five nine and a six, two.

Susan 1:08:25
That's my point to it's like, really super serious.

Scott Benner 1:08:29
Right? And you shouldn't hear 5962 and then think of your seven one and go oh my God, what a heart. It's not a heart. Think of it. Think of it this way. The things that are encumbering you that are probably leading to your agency being a little higher than mine is. Are the things I'm not encumbered by so your your answer isn't to worry more your answers to worry less. And then they once he comes with it. And I and I do say this a lot. I hope people believe me. The less you think about diabetes, once you've got the plan, the easier it is and the easier it is the less stress that comes with less stress, less anxiety, less worried all it's almost I simplified it down to these ideas. I follow these ideas. If it doesn't go the way I expect I just start over again in my mind. And right and that freedom has allowed me not to panic and worry, I tell you there I used to cry out like you know, randomly, you know, and that doesn't happen to me anymore. Right? It's just it's it's it's a wonderful thing. It's just something that I genuinely believe you and anybody listening will get to at some point.

Susan 1:09:37
Yes. Yeah. Like I almost think I I've been thinking lately about not even having the share app on my phone. Um, but the concern there is I am the character, the nighttime caretaker if she were to go low.

Scott Benner 1:09:52
Susan, I don't think having the information is your anxiety. I think it's how you deal with it. That your anxiety because yeah, there You're just gonna worry about it still, right? Oh, yeah,

Susan 1:10:03
I just don't have any data to show whether or not

Scott Benner 1:10:06
don't out stone outsmart yourself like seriously like, you know, I listen if I'm you, yeah, and I'm not you if I'm you I go to the weekends, and on the weekends I push her her high threshold down to 130. And I tell her look, every time we hit this 130 we're gonna nudge it back a little bit, until that becomes her commonplace. And then you want to work, you want to stop worrying that our blood sugar is going to get high. reinforce the idea that we don't let it get high. And by and then once that becomes the way things go, then that's where you're that's where the anxiety goes away. I have not looked at Arden's blood sugar once since you and I have been talking not, I haven't even considered it. And I'm going to pull it up now for you. It's 84. Not only is it 84, but it's been between 70 and 130 for the last 12 hours. Yeah. And I haven't really thought about it much at all. And there's a pump change in there. And so and so, the point isn't that I'm better at it than you are because I not. The point is, is that I've gotten to a place that you're not at yet.

Susan 1:11:17
Yeah, well, and here's the other kicker is that I don't have any in reality, I have no control over Genovese numbers, because she takes care of it. All right. Yeah. Yeah. So why am I even freaking out?

Scott Benner 1:11:30
I have no idea says

Susan 1:11:34
all kinds of special. That's why

Scott Benner 1:11:35
I guess I listen. I genuinely think that it's something you can do. Can we keep in touch? I'd love to know. Yeah. All right. I'm gonna say goodbye here. Because we're like an hour and 10 minutes.

Unknown Speaker 1:11:47
Oh, sure.

Scott Benner 1:11:49
Thank you so much for coming on those.

Susan 1:11:51
Oh, no worry.

Scott Benner 1:11:53
Dexcom on the pod and dancing for diabetes. Much love. Thank you for supporting the show. Go to Miami pod.com forward slash juicebox. Ex con com forward slash juicebox or dancing the number four diabetes.com to learn more about the sponsors. Thank you so much to Susan for coming on and sharing so openly. That was amazing. There are a few more weeks left in 2018. We are going to finish up strong this year. A lot of great episodes including and get ready. When I tell you this you might want to hold on to something if you're washing dishes don't get near like a sharp knife right now. If you're walking through the grocery store, let's not bang into an old lady. Listen to this right here. Coming soon to the Juicebox Podcast in December of 2018. The star of ABCs blackish. Anthony Anderson. Oh, that's right. This is the podcast that delivers. There's a couple other ones, but I mean, honestly, you know, this is the best one