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Scott Benner 0:00
In this the 100 and 79th episode of the Juicebox Podcast, I'll be speaking with Brian, diagnosed as an adult. Brian grew up with a mom who he said and I'm quoting, we all knew mom had a condition, but didn't really know what that condition was early on. He knows now, this episode of the podcast is titled behind the cheese. And it is sponsored today by Dexcom Omni pod and dancing for diabetes, I would very much like you to go to Miami pod.com forward slash juicebox. dex comm comm forward slash juicebox or dancing for diabetes, that's the number four. All these links are available in the show notes of your podcast player at Juicebox podcast.com. or hopefully after all this time in your memory. Please remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice, medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before being bold with insulin. And now on to the show.

Ryan 1:03
My name is Ryan, I was diagnosed with type one, about a year ago a little over a year ago was right before New Year's Eve 2016. And I'm 27 years old. So toward the later in life, the spectrum of what a diagnosis as I've learned, but I'm not a stranger to type one my whole life My mom has had type one so it was in my family. But and as I think we'll probably get into it, it was in my family but it was a secret. And it was a very we had it there was a large stigma around it and so I I kind of sort of knew we had it but never was really exposed to it. And so that all changed Of course when I was diagnosed but so but then I'm a huge podcast lover So I found your podcast affected by Scott and and and really dove in listened to binge listened to everything. I think everybody tells you the same story binge listened to everything I didn't listen to and listen to going forward. And my mom and I listened together now. So that so it's been a real it's been a real change. Now that I've started listening and about six months ago, and I'm got my bold t shirt and I'm a convert.

Scott Benner 2:20
Let me try to sort it out a little bit. So you're 27 you diagnosed and you're 26 but your mom, we can we share your mom's ages just for?

Ryan 2:29
Yeah, she's a she's a mid 50s

Scott Benner 2:32
Okay, so your mom. Okay, well, let's everybody. Guys, I'm on the east coast. So you're all go getters. You're 27 you're married. Your mom was like having babies in her 20s. Like, like, No One No One relaxes on the east coast. Like, go go go. Yeah. So you. You grew up 27 years with a mom who had Type One Diabetes the entire time was she did she have diabetes when you were born?

Ryan 2:59
Yes. Yeah, she was diagnosed when she was 16. So back back in the dark ages, as I say, but yeah, yeah. And I would say so for for most of my life. We always knew that mom had a condition. You know, she she, you know, she she had syringes that you'd see every now and then. And we it was it was not discussed in the house. And I think that was it was less so her. It was less so that you know, I don't think had anything to do with our ability to absorb it, you know, certainly we would have been supportive and caring and anyway, but the way my mom describes it is that her treatment throughout her whole life has always been very negatively focused on her. And she had lots of bad NGOs who blamed her for her a one sees and you know, people always looking at her well, why are you eating what you're eating? or Why are you doing what you're doing? And that's always casting a negative shadow. And so I think that she was trying to her defense mechanism was to hold that all in. Yeah. But it was really only till I was on the hospital bed when my blood sugar was six to 700 when I got diagnosed that we really start talking about her her diabetes, which is amazing. Do you

Scott Benner 4:16
think that because of the the experience she had growing up with it and how she was treated that when she was finally in control of her life the one decision she was able to make about this I'm not talking about this anymore? And and because I guess probably the conversation around her diabetes was so negative the entire time that maybe she just didn't want that around you guys get what I mean? Like maybe that's the only way she knew how to talk about it or I don't know like I know you want her to come on and she's a little nervous about it. And you want to guys want to do it together. The technology doesn't allow for a three way sadly. But that is it's interesting. So maybe we'll hold off and hey, Ryan's mom, we'll get you on here someday you'll be okay. Right.

Ryan 4:58
She listening We live in So,

Scott Benner 5:00
so but but but okay, but your perspective, you're growing up with a mother who has type one diabetes, and you don't really know much about it and you don't see much about it. Like, did you physically like did you, like cognitively understand that she had type one? Or was it as simple as mom sometimes used as a needle for things?

Ryan 5:21
It was, it was mom sometimes uses a needle for things. There'd be these scary looking glass things in the fridge. But they were always like, behind the cheese, you know, all the way in the back of that drawer. You know? It wasn't like, out, like, buy them in my fridge, you know?

Scott Benner 5:36
Right? This episode's gonna be called behind the cheese in case you're wondering. Keep going.

Unknown Speaker 5:40
While we got episode title in the

Scott Benner 5:43
first couple of minutes. Yeah, you you whip that right out. Thank

Unknown Speaker 5:46
you very much.

Scott Benner 5:48
So so we But see, this is fascinating. Like, I don't know if I'm sure it seems fairly normal to you, and probably less so now that you're diagnosed. But I mean, that's in my life. We don't hide things like that. Like there's there's nobody keeping See, I hope not. I mean, or maybe they aren't. I don't know. But, but but secrets like that aren't kept. And so and so she's doing so because she's injecting she's considered probably was getting low at times, you know, she probably felt sick from being high times. And none of that ever came out. Can I ask you at any point as you got older? Did you think your mom was a drug user? Did it ever occur to you as you were like, hitting your teens? Like I think mom like is using or?

Ryan 6:29
No, in my in my teens, I think in my teens and as I as I came closer to you know, as I was in high school and about leaving for college, and then I didn't know it was diabetes? Yeah, yeah. But no, but but I didn't know what type of diabetes it was. I didn't. And to be fair, I didn't know much about diabetes myself. Other than, you know, she would inject and always had candy in the car. As a kid that was awesome. There was always like, always candy in the car. Like, like, candy corn.

Scott Benner 7:00
Brian's mom's Willy Wonka, which is our backup title.

Unknown Speaker 7:04
But but

Ryan 7:05
learn is. And then what I've learned since then, is that, you know, when she was on regular, and she was on these other incidents, which are much less less predictable, you know, she just never knew where she would be. And, you know, and and in that case there, what she was always taught, which she'd been taught me was that high is better than low. That like, always be high.

Scott Benner 7:26
And you'll be fine. And so you didn't Did you? Um, I'm guessing, but because she was doing that. Did you ever have an emergency situation with her as a child? And do you have brothers and sisters? I guess?

Ryan 7:35
I do. I've got two brothers. They're younger and they're, they're identical twins. And so because we wish they were one of them is doing trial net. And so we're interested to see you know, if one it wonder if they both do trial net, and I wonder if they're gonna have the same results. So I'm just saying who's interesting.

Scott Benner 7:53
I'm just wondering if you guys were ever driving around as kids, you know, like mom is so much fun when she drives she swears back and forth and or did you guys never you never had anything like that she was really keeping her blood sugar high did to try to safeguard you guys. Dad in the house. You're with a marriage. Your parents married? Yep.

Ryan 8:11
Yep. My dad's a doctor. No, he was always, you know, helping her be proactive about it.

Scott Benner 8:16
Do you think your dad had interactions with her like insulin and things like that? Or was he just more about like, D Can you say what kind of doctor he was?

Ryan 8:26
dietary, so not knowing nothing to do with insulin. But he's he's very, he's very aware. And I think would, he'd helped her make decisions but you know, but but but not, you know, she she was in control. I think that there was there was always this feeling that whether it be you know, people in her life or doctors or things that it the way she described it to me and is that she could never do it. Right. And I now having struggled with this for a year, I I understand how you can feel that. And that's the worst feeling in the world. Because you couldn't you couldn't do everything, quote unquote, right? You know, I've got a Dexcom and Omnipod. I filled them. I'm bumping and nudging and fiddling and calculating all day. I still you know, we all still have crappy days show. But to do that, and then and then have a doctor tell you, you're the problem. Hmm. That's That's tough.

Scott Benner 9:24
Yeah, no kidding. Because you have no tools whatsoever. No real understanding, no direction and guidance. And then it doesn't go perfectly which it never was going to in that situation. Yeah. And then the last thing that you hear is it's because you didn't do something right. And you can't even imagine what that might may or may not be like that's that's always the when I when I speak to people, even privately, is one of the things that like, is so overwhelmingly obvious when you start talking to people right away is that they want to do it right. It's not that they don't want to it's just that no one's ever explained what you know what that looks like. And you You stop and wonder, do they not explain it? Because they don't know why either. And, and, and then, if that's the case, like what would lead a doctor then to blame you if they don't even know it? Right? That's fascinating. Like, someone's got to be at fault here. It's not gonna be me. You know, so they, so they laid on you, which is maybe the worst thing in the world. Okay, so tell me a little bit about your diagnosis how to present. spend two minutes today, finding out about a little organization that does a lot of good for children living with diabetes, go to dancing for diabetes.com. Just scroll down and look at the smiling faces. That's all I want you to do. Dancing the number for diabetes.com that's it simple. You can do that. Tell me a little bit about your diagnosis. How did it present

Ryan 10:48
so classic story, I was losing a lot of weight quick. So I got down really nice, a lot of weight loss, and very, very thirsty. So started drinking everything in sight, which, and then me thinking I'm losing all this weight. And I'm so thirsty. What should I drink? regular soda? Of course, because because I want to get those calories back. Right. Right. So here we go. So that did wonders for my blood sugar. And then so you know, I just combination of a lot of things. And then think what what brought it to a head was being up all night, drinking, drinking, drinking, and then as a 27 year old wetting the bed, because you can't control yourself from drinking so much, which is, I guess, embarrassing to say on a podcast. But I think everybody on this show understands. And so I thought it was a UTI. So went in for UTI got a blood test. That, you know, took a day. So they sent me home and then whatever, I didn't think about it, I drank more of my regular soda. And then I was like, something is not right. I was just feeling really crappy. And so I went to urgent care where they just as a routine did a finger prick. And I was remember, I don't remember my exact number. I should have taken a phone picture of it. But I think I was like high six hundreds, low seven hundreds. And they're like up to the emergency room.

Scott Benner 12:09
Just at that moment. Did you think I have what mom house like? When does that connection happened?

Ryan 12:15
The moment they brought it out? Because Because so my wife and I, I can't speak highly enough of both my mom and my wife how supportive they've both been. And so my wife is she of course she's googling away. And you know, this is 2017. So we're at Google and googling, googling, googling and putting everything together. And, you know, and and so, she had mentioned diabetes early on. And of course, my reaction was, yeah, no, you know, it's I you know, my mom does have it. Yeah, but I, you know, I, I'm skeptical. And then sure enough, when I saw the number I was like, that's, you know,

Scott Benner 12:54
it must have been horrifying when they came at you with that meter. You. That must have been the moment where you thought Oh,

Ryan 12:59
yeah, it was, it was and actually you know, what the another I remember the urologist who I first went to for thinking it was a UTI said, you know, this really does sound a lot like diabetes. Do you have diabetes in your family? And I kind of shrugged her off. I was like, Yeah, I do. But not, you know, this is not

Unknown Speaker 13:16
enough to kinda Ryan gets

Unknown Speaker 13:19
talking about Yeah, yeah.

Unknown Speaker 13:21
I have a UTI. Let's stick with that.

Unknown Speaker 13:24
Yeah. Yeah.

Scott Benner 13:26
I don't want the other thing. The other thing, it messes with the butter in the refrigerator, and you don't understand where this is gonna go, buddy. I So did they put you in the hospital?

Ryan 13:36
They did. They did. Yeah. And, and so I have I have a another condition. I have epilepsy as well, which is I actually developed epilepsy and diabetes within the same year. So that's, and so I had a relationship at a hospital in New York, with a few doctors. And so I went there. I took myself there. And they kept me for a few hours, just with fluids. They said that that was like the latest standard of care. I did find out afterwards, though, that they they shouldn't have sent me home that like they, they sent me home. I think I was like 300. And they said, well, you'll get your Atlantis in the morning. I was told I shouldn't done that.

Scott Benner 14:17
But you had insurance. Ryan, are they trying to get you out of there? What was going on? No, I

Ryan 14:20
haven't. Yeah, no, my whole family was there. We could we would have been there. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. But But then, you know, but then, you know, and this is a challenge, I think of what my experience was that then, then the next step is okay, we need to get an appointment the endocrinologist. Okay, how's like, how's three months from now? Like, how's next, how's Tuesday from, you know, Tuesday, three months from now Really? Yeah, and I guess just maybe in Manhattan, it was busy or the people who took my insurance was busy, but I ended up seeing a GP to get, you know, some initial prescriptions and then I got into the endocrinologist A few weeks later. Yeah.

Scott Benner 15:04
So they just, it's Well, I mean, for people who don't live in or have ever visited Manhattan, the, the level of, you know, I don't want to be to fifth 1950s. But the level of hustle and bustle in New York is, is unlike almost anywhere else in the world. And if you are stuck in one of those situations, where you don't know what to ask for, for yourself, you could easily get hustled through, you know, like going and so you basically went and found a, an insulin and needle dealer until you could get with your, with an endocrinologist and the GP set you up with what they give you, they give you pens or

Ryan 15:43
pens, I started pens. And, and you could so and thankfully, I had my, my mom was my endo through this, because she, you know, she was living with this. And so I had that benefit of I never, I always had like an on call, person to ask. And so exactly, he was a dealer, and he gave me pants, and just until I could see the endocrinologist and get myself set up. So

Scott Benner 16:10
how does your mom manage right now? What is she doing? Well, when you were diagnosed, how was she managing?

Ryan 16:15
So when I was diagnosed, we were both on injections. And both lantis and novalogic, just the standard basal bolus. And then I actually in my email, if you remember in Scott, Scott, my email to you, I said, my diagnosis was the best thing that ever happened to her. Because, you know, as opposed to now have hiding it, she embraced it. And she ran and got a dex comment and Omni pod faster than me. She was like, boom, out of the gate. You know, she she like she immediately started trying to help me. So she, she then got an omni pod and the Dexcom Around the same time, a little about a month or two after I got diagnosed. And I got them a few months after

Scott Benner 16:56
that. Not surprising, we really do talk about it all the time. We you know, in the last episode that you know, will be months ago by the time yours is on. But you know that idea that when it's you when as the parent, when you have a health issue, you're like, I'll be okay. And the minute it's your kid, you're like, Oh, we need to fix this I'll you know, I'll do anything into your mom is pretty much a 40 year type one by the time you're diagnosed, if not pretty close, right? And I really am giving away that I'm actually not bad at math. But but then it's another joke. It's ruined, right?

Ryan 17:31
No. Regular listeners will know that you're actually really good at math.

Scott Benner 17:36
Just pretend that I don't know, for fun, but but the but the point is is so she's 40 years with diabetes doing injections. And then her son gets type one. And she's like, Okay, well, I better ramp this up. So I can be a good I don't know, leader for him, maybe I want to maybe she's trying to put together a good example. Maybe she wants to figure it out so that she can help you with it. Like who knows why. But it's a parenting instinct that looked like it kicked in right away. But then it ends up benefiting her too.

Ryan 18:02
It was amazing. You know, everything got better for her and me and I think it just it. It took her out of the place. I think she was in for 40 years, which was you know, we don't talk about it Don't feel bad for me into like now, at Christmas this year. Like it's all we talked about. It's like who's got a better line? For the linguini? You know, like that, like that was what we talked about?

Scott Benner 18:28
And why maybe the kids your own?

Ryan 18:32
No, no. Married is it two years?

Scott Benner 18:34
Okay. Yeah, please don't sit. That's not time Trust me. And so, um, but but my point my point is, I guess with that is that, you know, she she does all this and now she's talking about it even? I think I think what I'm hearing is I think there's sort of two kinds of people, right? There are people who grew up, maybe sometimes don't have great, great family lives are great situations as kids and they either replicate that and and they become that thing where they are they they fight against it. They go the other way, a lot of times, and it feels to me like your mom just did not want you to have the same she doesn't want you to have the same experience with diabetes that she had.

Ryan 19:12
She always says that. Yeah, you're right. You're spot on.

Scott Benner 19:15
Because of the Omnipod insulin pump. A few days ago, I had this thought Arden was sleeping and her pump needed to be changed. It was just time. I thought I think I can do it while she's sleeping. And I would have gotten away with it to one of those dogs over there Bart at something going on outside as I was entering Arden's room. My point is after over a decade using the AMI pod tubeless insulin pump, I genuinely believed that I could put a new pump on Arden without her waking up. Doesn't that sound like nice? Does it give you an overall picture of something that's just easy and quick? Because it is. You know what else is easy and quick getting a free no obligation demo of the Omni pod tubeless insulin pump. That's right, if you go to my Omni pod.com forward slash juice box, or click on the links to your show notes, or Juicebox podcast.com fill out the tiniest bit of information. I'm talking just like your name and address, the good people at ami pod, the company who makes Arden's insulin pump, the one she is used for a decade, they would love to send you out a demonstration so that you can see if what you hear me talking about here on the podcast would ring true for you. The greatest thing, of course, that there's no obligation, if you don't want it, don't get more. But if you do want it is super simple. Just contact them back and say, Hey, I love this demo, and I want to get started. And they'll help you do it. My Omni pod.com forward slash juice box with the links in your show notes or Juicebox podcast.com. If you're on social media, Facebook or Twitter, shout out on the pilot and let them know you use it and you'll love it. And you heard about it on the Juicebox Podcast. And now back to Ryan.

She doesn't want you to have the same experience with diabetes that she had. That's beautiful. Honestly, I'm something I'm very touched by that. So so she really she pulls herself out of all of her comfort zones. And, and says herself, I'm going to help Brian and in the in the in the in the course of it ends up helping herself what kind of an improvement not that you need to speak for too much. But what kind of improvement is she seeing? Having switched from you know, I? You know,

Ryan 21:30
I don't know, numbers wise, but I know that I know it. I'm sure if I were to ask her how everyone sees it done. I'm sure they're better, like they have to be. But what I do know is that like, like, I'm, I'm I thought I describe it. It's It's like she now. Whereas in the past, she would want she would tell me she always she never wanted to drive under 150 because she'd be worried that she'd go too low. And she told me story I now all the stories come out. And so you know, she so so she clearly was running very high for a walk for a long time because she was just nervous, you know, afraid of the insulin afraid of being in the car afraid of doing those things. And now she you look at her graphs, and she's like hanging out at 90 and you know, she's like she's better than me.

Scott Benner 22:28
It's just not fear. It's the fear like we I mean, I can't I can't repeat myself too much of the podcast will be being saying it the same thing over and over again. But it controls you at some point you just you you make a decision that there's some number that means safety. And you can't try to be lower than that. But what she's learned is what everybody else has learned. If you can be steady at 150. You could be study at one time. Like what's the difference?

Ryan 22:52
Yeah, yeah, I always think about that. Yeah, let them battle it out at one time. Yeah,

Scott Benner 22:56
that's where that's where fight should happen with insulin in the food. Arden I'm having the best 24 hours with Arden's blood

Unknown Speaker 23:01
sugar.

Scott Benner 23:03
But two days before that, it was a mess. You know, and it turned I think it was I think I should have bailed on her infusion sooner. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I think I noticed that, that her pump was probably just not doing what I wanted it to do, which just usually means for whatever reason, your infusions just not working really well, wherever your pump is in. And instead, I kind of, I thought, Oh, no, I'll take one more stab at it. And I should have changed it right then and there. And I didn't and then I had a busy day like me personally, where I had a lot of stuff going on. And I just wasn't paying as close attention to it as I should have been at the end of that 24 hours. When I said now this pumps gotta come off and I took it off. What I realized is all I had was two big peaks, you know, and it looked like we were fighting against her blood sugar for the entire day. And then you get a you know, put a new site on, and now everything's great now, I mean, honestly, overnight at nine all night, you know, she gets up and drink something on our way out the door. She goes to one I think she's 119 now it's sitting there. It's just It's perfect. Like it's like, Yeah, but but but somehow but can you imagine getting into a situation where you see like the one ad and you go Oh, that's okay. You know, like I go I'm just gonna leave it there because I get to drive the kids somewhere later and and then your body becomes accustomed to that one ad and, and so it feels right and just it's a it's sad to think that it do you feel? Do you ever now that you know what this is? Do you feel any guilt when she talks about that she stayed high for kind of safety sake.

Ryan 24:47
You should understand it. I understand it in a way that I think if you would, I think when I first got diagnosed I was and I was especially when I was in my honeymoon. I was a little bit hard on both of us in that You know, oh, well, you know, he's like, you know, why would you drink juice which you should just take these glucose tablets, which you know exactly the number of carbs and it'll tell you exactly how much you're going to go up. And like, I think I, I even fell victim to it at the beginning during my honeymoon period where I thought I figured it all out. But then over time, I start to see and sympathize in a way I think only somebody who has it or someone who's caring for somebody who has it knows

Scott Benner 25:27
can understand it. Yeah. Isn't it interesting how, how when, when given the opportunity, as adults, we always take a shot at our fat we always look at our parents and be like, see, I figured something out you I could do better. Yeah, you've spent a lot of time told me what to do. But get in line, honey, because now I know something. And then but didn't it didn't take you too long to fit, I guess when your pancreas sputtered out there. So you're like, I don't know what I'm doing. Right? Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 25:53
yeah. And I

Scott Benner 25:55
know, I just I interviewed somebody. It's not gonna be up. It's not up yet. But he came on and he was so like, I am like, I let him go. And he was like, I'm really good at this. Well, but you're in your honeymoon, right? Yeah. And he gave this great interview. And then he emailed me back, like two months later, and he's like, maybe I should come on again. Because that's like, yeah, did it get harder? And he's like, it definitely did

Ryan 26:15
it. Cuz. Yeah, they call it the honeymoon for a reason. I I actually, I had my endo retest me twice. So I told her I don't have diabetes here. I said, I said, You do? And I said, you sure you're doing that? I think it's the gene test. They do that there's some sort of test that they do. And and I was like You sure? Like, are you sure you want me around again? Yes,

Scott Benner 26:41
that's my I told that story. For us personally, but it's one of my saddest moments. When my my friend's a pediatrician, I called him and I started out by saying, I'm wrong, and I need you to stop me. And as soon as I start talking about I have to say this out loud. I don't think Arden has diabetes. And then he you know, you could feel sadness in his silence. And he's like, no, Scotty she does. And I was like, okay, because their blood sugar, they start going on like a lunatic for like, the last two days, you know? And he's like, yeah, that happens. And I was like, Oh, okay. That's the saddest thing. Thank you. It really is that that moment even happens. You'll see as years go on, like you'll you'll get a head cold or something. And for some reason, your budget will just sit at 90 for two days, because you're cold and it won't seem like it takes much insulin to move anything around. And you sort of forget you have it for a little while. And it just would then when that when the pendulum swings back again, for a second, you're like, oh, boy, that that was nice. Not really thinking about it for a couple of days like that, you know? Right. Right. So tell me a little bit about soup, because you start off. You find the podcast pretty quickly, right? Yeah,

Ryan 27:53
I did. Yeah, I did. And I so I guess I'm a big podcast junkie. So I am I, I went through a period of weight loss where I lost about 80 pounds and had a podcast that I loved through it. And so I knew that like, you know, a good, it's amazing what a good podcast or being connected to a good community can do. Like, it's just the great, greatest format. And so I said, I knew, I knew, I hope something like this existed. And sure enough, then I found this. But actually, when I first found it, I said to myself, my first reaction was, Oh, this is a this is a podcast for kids with diabetes. And this won't apply to me. You know, this is like kids and parents, and, you know, and I feel for them, but I almost it almost felt like we had a different disease. Not I mean, not not obviously not. Do don't, obviously we don't have the perspective is different. I'm caring for myself, I've so I've lived 27 years, and and now I have to relearn. But as I listened more and more, I've realized that we're whether you're a caregiver, or you're a young child, or somewhere in between, we actually are all dealing with the same thing. And so it's entirely relevant.

Scott Benner 29:08
I mean, it's the same. It's the same, mostly and like, you know, I've had people on who were saying, like, I want to be bold, but I live by myself. And I think, Oh, well, that is definitely different. Because if I completely if I completely bungle this, for Arden, I'm still here, you know, even if, even if she's incapable, I'm still capable. But it doesn't make the Manage. Here's why I think it's, I don't want to say it's more. I don't want to say it's more valuable. I think a person with living with diabetes could could give the same advice to but I can. I think if I was a mom, it might be different because my connection might be slightly different. But because I think because I have enough of a guy and I have enough of the inability to disconnect myself emotionally from things if I need to. So when I'm managing Arden's blood sugar, I am most of the time able to look at her. Not like the little girl that I love, but as something that needs to happen. I don't know if that makes sense or not like I can kind of remove a little bit of the emotion out of it, and stick with the nuts and bolts of of what has to have does.

Ryan 30:18
It does and when and when she goes low, you're not feeling crappy. I mean, not that you don't sympathize or empathize with her but but what I'm saying is that you can you can kind of fight through that fog or you can fight through the fog of being high.

Scott Benner 30:30
I'm gonna say something completely that I hope comes out the right way. Like I sometimes see moms online panicking when their kids are low. I don't feel that way. Now, I don't know if it's, if it's, you know, I don't know that it's a gender thing, but I do know it could just be an experiencing they might not have as much experience with it. But I you know, I I saw a picture on Instagram the other day. And there's stuff in this pictures of strewn everywhere. There's clearly somebody had a low, like a pretty bad low when there's food and wrappers and you know, like, this whole thing looks like a thicket Attali really, it looks like a typhoon hit hit a pharmacy, you know what I mean? And, and the person's in their post, I mean, they're devastated. And then I get to the end of the post, and the kids blood sugar was like, 40 I'm like, you panicked at 40? And, you know, I was like, I, I don't, that doesn't strike me that way. Like, like, my daughter's like, I'm dizzy. I'm shaky, like, all that stuff's going on. Like, all right, well, this is what we do, like, do this not do this. Now do this now. Wait. Now task now. Like, you know, it seems like more of a formula to me, I afterwards, I might walk into my bedroom and, you know, scream into a pillow or something like that. But, but in the moment, I don't have that feeling that that person described in that post, like, they were panicking. Right. And, and I don't know, maybe, maybe it's a timing thing. Maybe it's a little bit of all this mixed together. I don't know what it is. But I think that whatever it is, whatever this podcast ends up being, it's funny how when you make the thing, you're the last person to understand exactly what it is. But it all just seems to work for some reason. Give me type one diabetes, I might be really terrible at taking care of myself. I've no idea. Yeah, you know,

Ryan 32:16
I do you find that Arden though. So somebody So you talked about, like being very methodical with you know, when when you have a low and I mean, I'm wondering if she has this experience, you or her have this experience, but like when you get low like that, and it could be 40s it could be even 50s you start to get like the adrenaline rushing and you start to get like, I need to I need to get everything inside. And you start panicking. Do you think like, have you ever noticed, if you're not there to be with her and go through it methodically, like will will she do that? Because I mean, I know I will. Part of the reason why Yes, if it's a 40 I know like my in my logical brain that I can just treat this with a few sips of juice. But in my like primal like adrenaline rushing, I'll just eat everything. And that's how

Scott Benner 33:02
you take a bite of the cabinet door by mistake. Yeah, yeah, Arden is in her. When she gets in the 50s she's funny, she gets whimsical and sarcastic. It's very, like, whatever, I'll take care of it. If I die, I die. Like Like, it's a lot like that. Like, she gets into a very kind of like mellow like, like it'll be and I'm like Arden you know, I really need you to pick something now because I don't want her to have to drink a juice. Like there are moments when as lows coming up. I'm like, you know, if you just ate something right now, we wouldn't be we wouldn't be in a panic situation. 10 minutes from now like you like now when she gets that that whimsical thing like the just, you know, and it'll be fine. She starts like rummaging through drawers like slowly and like I'm sitting there trying not to go like try not to say like go faster, would you please go faster? And sometimes I do. And sometimes I'm like, I just I'm going to pick something if you don't pick something. And then she looks at me. And then the starcast she's like, I got it and I'm like, okay, but then once she hits that, that spot that you're talking about, the tone changes. Immediately. She's now she's serious. And she but she doesn't she she verbalizes it by saying I'm really dizzy or I'm really hungry. Like Like, it's just it becomes very like I need to be there and that's when her her diabetes fight or flight kicks in and she starts eating things when you get to that point. The problem is you stopped thinking about like, what food or what liquid is most valuable in this situation. Now that's just like whatever. I noticed whatever's in front of her is what she grabs. True and like sometimes I'll be like, honey, that's not gonna work fast enough.

Ryan 34:44
I do have that. Yeah, like, like, I'll just eat bread or crackers.

Scott Benner 34:47
Right? You have three pieces of bread all that means that you're gonna pass out on the floor and wake up. 45 minutes later, go home now the bread worked. And so and so she loses her ability to like Choose the right thing. And then there's were some being someone being with you. And having said that this does not happen a lot with us. But it's not to say that it won't at some point or that, you know this when we start handing her off, as you know, that more and more care to her that she's not going to have more problems than we had in me like, there's, it's frightening. I Excuse me, I know how your mom feels.

Ryan 35:22
Yeah. And I knew and my wife has been in that in that caregiver situation too. And, you know, she said, My wife was a Dexcom follower for me. And she's, she's always been very active, she's at all my appointments, she comes to everything. And she, she listens to the podcast, she really tries to learn it. And so, she's doing that for me to some extent, but you know, obviously, it's a different relationship, just because she's not with me all the time. But I get what she calls the the Katy glucose alerts, when when Dexcom goes to a certain level, she'll text me and be like, this is my, yeah, your next Comic Con alarm. But when I when I alarm, then you got to do something about Ryan, we have bills,

Scott Benner 36:01
and I count on you to pay some of them. So can you please eat something really quickly?

Unknown Speaker 36:06
Exactly.

Scott Benner 36:07
I don't want to take the love out of this. But my car payment, you know what I mean, buddy? Well, it I think that's a very interesting relationship, the the spouse, like because you see some people who get like, super involved. You know, I spoke to somebody once, who was the husband of somebody who his wife had type one. And she was just thrilled for his help. You know what I mean? And he enjoyed helping her. And I've seen some people say, I don't tell my spouse anything about this, you know, it's private, more the way your mom was, it's private, I don't talk about it with them. I know people personally, who their spouse will come to me and say, I really wish they would tell me more about this, but the person just won't. Like they just they've had diabetes for so long. And it's just not something they've ever shared with anybody else. Mm hmm.

Ryan 37:02
Yeah, I can see when it's a longer when it's a longer term thing, or maybe they've had it before they met the person. And I, I can see that. That definitely plays a role.

Scott Benner 37:11
It always makes me wonder because the person I'm thinking of is not. There's not bad, but it's not the greatest manager of it. And I wonder, I've wondered before, like, what, what must it feel like to have had something for 20 or 30 years and still be struggling with it? Like, it must be embarrassing to just say out loud, like, you know, like, like, I've had 30 years of this, and I still don't know, and it's not their fault, because just like we talked about earlier, no tools, no direction, you know, not somebody's not giving you the right advice. And it's just, it's, you know, life's repetitive, like, you got to get up in the morning, you got to keep going, you know, I don't know everything I'm supposed to know. And but I still get through my days, but, you know, the things that I'm talking about don't, you know, don't get any side effects from a disease. So right, you know, but it still happens, it's still you still get by even though they're, you know, you could be doing something better, but you just can't imagine what that thing is. And nobody seems to be able to tell you what it is. Right? That's that's sort of what the podcast means to me like really is I just don't, it makes you sad to think that that's, that's happened. It's somebody sitting and struggling and I don't know it, you know, in a very simplistic way, I feel like there's somebody in my backyard and a hole and I have a ladder and I'm just you know, if I don't, why would I not go out and throw the ladder in the hole? Like why am I Why am I looking out my window? Go? Who's a guy in a hole out there? Yeah, whatever. You know, like, like, and just he'll, it'll be alright, somebody else he'll figure it out it just, to me. This is the information that's that you just have to tell people like if you if you're not going to pass it on. It's wrong. Like, you know, like, now that you know, if you ever meet somebody with type one, like I want you to go tell somebody like not forget the pockets. You tell them what you figured out, you know, I mean, like, I think that's how my overarching goal is that one day if we do this enough, that there won't be NGOs and doctors that give incomplete information and start this cycle over and over again, because that's all that's happening here is that there's a cycle that happens. it restarts every day with somebody diagnosis. I mean, one one day we're gonna have more people telling people more doctors telling patients good information than bad and that should swing that should swing everything to the to the other side. That's my my little goal for the podcast.

Ryan 39:35
I hope so. Yeah, I hope so. But it's uh i i've always been impressed with the community I and and i think before you have something like this you hear community and you think you know you do the walk you do this you know you do you know that you know, you've been raised money these are all good things but but if you're so right about how it's like the guy you throwing those are like really throwing somebody somebody ladder. Yeah, and You know, my mom says that this podcast she sometimes she'll like, she'll like call me and it's like, How does he know what's in my head? Like he's saying exactly what I you know, that's exactly what I do. And now that I hear somebody say it, I'm not gonna feel bad about it anymore. And things like that, it's something as simple as that just hearing somebody do what you already do. Is is great, you know that, like I, you know, we talked about stalking a lot. You talk about stalking a lot, how I remember when I was diagnosed, everybody I talked to warn me about stacking, stacking, stacking, stacking, stacking, careful about stacking, don't want to stack stack stack stack. And now, I think we all agree that you got to be careful, I mean, insulin will get will get you in trouble. But you know, if you're doing something, and it's you're rising out and out of control, you do need, you can do something about it with a pump, maybe less so with injections. But, you know, that was example of something where every time I added more insulin on top, I felt like I was breaking all these rules. And then I listened to your, I think is one of the earlier episodes where he was like, you know, if we go above 150, let's just add a little bit more. And what's the worst that could happen?

Scott Benner 41:08
I'm fascinated when someone gets the 300 and 400. They're like, well, we bolus two hours ago. And the doctor says that the insulin could take three to four. I'm like, what are we talking about? I'll tell you what we're talking about. Dexcom bonus points for longtime listeners who saw this coming heard me say what are we talking about and thought Scott's gonna put it next got Matt right here, you've leveled up to a platinum listener. I don't know what you're gonna do with that information. But Congratulations, the dexcom continuous glucose monitor, got my hands curled up really tight. And I'm thinking to myself, what is left for me to do to explain to you how incredibly valuable data that comes back from the dex comments. I was just saying to someone today privately on the phone, please stop thinking of a CGM is just something that tells you when your blood sugar is getting low. It is so much more than that. The information that comes from your dexcom CGM is the cornerstone, it is the foundation of how you make decisions about your insulin. Those decisions control highs and lows. They allow you to do things like Temp Basal ng to stop, you know, an 85 blood sugar that's drifting down instead of eating food that you don't want. The information allows you to say you know what I'm 130. And my blood sugar is rising a little bit. I bet if I just put a tiny bit of insulin right here, I could get right back to 90. Again, just bumping and nudging your blood sugar, no giant boluses that end up with lows later, dex calm, it's where that information comes from. I can't stress it enough. I'm running out of ways to say it. Go to dexcom.com forward slash juicebox links in your show notes or at Juicebox podcast.com. Get started today, with a tool that is going to change your life. I didn't even have time to mention that you can see your loved ones blood sugars from anywhere in the world. Don't bring that up. Oh, and by the way, if you're listening and you're from Dexcom, I am totally not running out of ways to say this. Please keep advertising. I'm fascinated when someone gets the 300 and 400. They're like, well, we bolus two hours ago. And the doctor says that the insulin could take three to four. I'm like what are we talking about? Just get your blood sugar down. Like I I think this podcast at some point is going to just devolve into me going blood sugar high more insulin. Because it just it just it made sense. It makes sense. I mean, I get not being able to pull the trigger because like you said that word stalking is scary. Well, my God, it's it's it. The connotation that's put on it by the time you leave the doctor's office stalking is like don't don't shoot a person is what it feels like, you know, like, it's, you're going to die if you do that. And okay, on the first day, you know what I mean? But on the on the second day in the third day, when it keeps happening keeps happening like it does it not occur to anyone that that means you don't have enough insulin. And it's it's funny because you have to have a real success with a bolus before you can know hey, this really could work. You know, like the first time that I gave my daughter Chinese food and her blood sugar didn't go over 90 that doesn't tell me I got lucky that time that tells me that that's possible. You know, and so and so if her blood sugar is now 150 after Chinese food for instance, I did something wrong I miss timed it or I didn't use enough for a combination of those two ideas. And and there's something else I could continue to do. Like I get that people don't want to be low on the backside. But I think what they what people end up missing is when it's happening to you the first time you eat something your blood sugar Are shoots way up, and then you wait three hours and it gets really low. That's not because you use too much insulin, it's because you miss time that insulin, it might actually be the exact amount of insulin that you needed. But you just didn't use it in the correct timing format. When you can get that idea into your mind, like 10 units was enough, I just needed the Pre-Bolus. And then the spike wouldn't have happened. And when the spike doesn't happen, then that insulin gets used up fighting with the blood sugar, and then there is no low later. Or if there's a low it's a it's a drifting low, it's not a crashing, falling low. And when you start feeling, when that starts making sense to you, this whole thing, just, it gets easier. You know what I mean? Like it like real quickly, because even when something still goes wonky, you're not lost as to why it went wonky, you kind of you still feel in your heart, like, Oh, I know what I did. And so I can make another another move without panicking, I guess. Yeah, do you find that?

Ryan 46:02
Uh, I do I do, I think I think it's, I was gonna say is that, you know, it's, of course, always easier said than done. And you'll be the first to admit that, you know, you have good days, and you have bad days, I found actually, what I found is that I with, so just being a working brain working eight to five in an office setting, I travel every week for work, so I'm always on the road on airplanes internationally. And so, so it, um, like it, it requires a level of concentration to do that, that is sometimes hard. That's, I think the biggest barrier that I have that like all that all of that works, if you're able to be on top of it all the time, which, you know, sometimes you go into an important meeting with your boss or something like that. And then you know, you, you know, I I've gotten pretty good about the like, put the PDM really low and make them out on the pot updates without anybody seeing it. But it's, you know, it's, it's, there's some times where you're just like, no, I cannot deal with my diabetes right now.

Scott Benner 47:05
Well, because do you feel is it because you're, you know, you're going to be judged? And even if it's quietly or subconsciously by another person, you still? Do you think you still to them? Look, I don't search for a better word you look broken, like or weak or like something like do you think in a business situation that puts them in a situation? They're like, Oh, I'm above? Because I can see that making? perfect sense. You know,

Ryan 47:31
it's not that No, it's not that I at least I've never, I could see how somebody would feel that way. I've never felt that. What I've felt is it actually it sometimes I just don't feel like going through the whole story. Because when I have gone through the story, people are curious and And oftentimes, they're very nice people I work with, you know, we're, we're very close and, but but then you go through like, Oh, so what can't you eat? Or the next time we're together at a you know, I was speaking with somebody about this. And the next time we were together at an office event. I went to I pre I was so excited I Pre-Bolus for for, for this, like these fried chicken bites that we were having, which are covered in sauce. And I was like, and they were looking at me like, can you have that? You know, and put like very, very, like very trying to be helped currently and like understanding, but it's like, you know, I like wouldn't even begin

Scott Benner 48:26
I want to eat the chicken that explain it to me. Yeah,

Ryan 48:28
and it comes from a good place. Sure. But, um, but you know, it's just like, and then you know, and then I like I've had Oh, if I keep my pump and my Dexcom up my arms, and I've had people you know, tap you on the arm like Oh, hey, you know good job or Good to see you and then Oh, what's that? And and I'll always tell them how insulin pump and but you know, I? I have to gauge with the person how far you want to get into it. Because there's a lot of misinformation out there. And just some people just do not equipped to hear it.

Scott Benner 49:00
Yeah, no, I know. And I'm hearing what you're saying you don't you can't spend 15 minutes every time somebody grabs your arm and says hello to explain diabetes to them. It just, it almost feels like you should do what we did. And when Arden was in elementary school, just bring everyone together one time.

Unknown Speaker 49:18
Give them the whole talk and be like all right. I appreciate your love. Like Get away from me. And let me go

Scott Benner 49:24
live my life. Listen when someone taps you on the arm says what's that you just get real quiet and go I'm a truck mule?

Ryan 49:33
Yeah, I'm sure they'd love that.

Scott Benner 49:33
Yeah, just well not at work maybe somewhere.

Ryan 49:36
It's hard enough going through you know so at at airports the I typically don't go through the machine where you have to put your arms up and you get scammed. But but but when you do go through those, you get randomly selected for them of course your devices show up and now that's hard enough there and you know, some sometimes their understanding and they just they just breeze by and other other times it takes a little bit more consciousness They're getting better though.

Scott Benner 50:01
Do you ever get pulled aside, Arden gets pulled aside and she gets swapped every time?

Unknown Speaker 50:06
Um, no, I

Scott Benner 50:08
don't, I don't think I have. So we tell them up front, we just say, hey, she's got an insulin pump and they pull her through, and they take her off the side, but then they swab it to make sure there's no explosives.

Ryan 50:19
Yeah, that

Scott Benner 50:20
Yeah, so I'm like, Okay,

Ryan 50:22
all right. I can just,

Unknown Speaker 50:24
yeah, this is the world. Hmm.

Scott Benner 50:26
So okay, yeah, let's make sure I'm not willing to blow up my 12 year old.

Ryan 50:34
Here, 100 units,

Unknown Speaker 50:35
100 units of anything, have anything in there to do any damage? Anybody,

Ryan 50:40
I actually get more worried that, you know, when they do that, when they do the pat downs, they like, you know, they move their arms across your arms or across your legs, I actually get worried. They'll just, you know, they'll rip out my Dexcom or they'll move the pot off. It's like a lot of force. But sometimes they'd be like, No, no, no, I

Scott Benner 50:55
hear what you're saying. Like, just everything eat. But you know, it's funny in the last couple of minutes, but you've characterized as I go to the airport, I'm worried about whether my stuff might get ripped off, or if this is gonna happen, or if it's talk to him about this. When I'm at work. If someone touches my arm, and I have to decide, like, how much of this do I want? It's a lot of thinking about it that. I wonder how much of it is? I don't even know what to say about that. Like, but I see it's a burden for like, it can be a burden for an adult for certain.

Ryan 51:25
You know, yeah, burden may be a burden is a burden is one word. I mean, I think I I'm I'm an optimist about it. So I you know, I am, I'm very hopeful. And I know that closed loop is coming. And these things are getting smaller. And I'm very, I'm not holding my breath for it. But I know it's happening.

Scott Benner 51:44
Dancing for diabetes spreads awareness to the art of dance, they do this to better educate the community to raise funds to find a cure. And to inspire those with diabetes to live healthy and active lives. Please find out more go to dancing for diabetes.com that's dancing, the number for diabetes.com there's also links in your show notes. But also, I

Ryan 52:06
think that that I mean, if I know a lot of parents of young kids, listen, and are probably like you are thinking about, you know, what happens to my kids as they grow up, and they're entering the workforce. And now I didn't have this in college, I developed this later in life. But you know, I, I had pretty much the most demanding work schedule, I think, you know, that you could have, and I was able to bounce back into it. So you know, regular travel back and forth to India, regular travel back and forth to the central Central and Latin America. You know, every Monday through Thursday, I'm out and back in hotels. And so it's it's a it's a lot. But I'm in technology consulting. But I learned to adapt. And and I and that's why I'm optimistic if I can do it, because anybody can do it.

Scott Benner 52:59
I believe that I certainly do believe that. I don't think that. I don't think that it's as limiting as some people get scared that it is it's just, it's just more pre planning. It's you know, it's it's like it's when you hear Chris Freeman talk about, you know, cross country skiing in the Olympics with diabetes, all it is all he says about it is you just have to plan ahead. Oh, my God. Okay, well,

Ryan 53:21
yeah, I've listened to some of your episodes on that I die. It's crazy. I can

Scott Benner 53:26
go things like cross country ski.

Ryan 53:28
Yeah, no, no, it's like, I'm just trying to get on a plane, flew to Chicago.

Scott Benner 53:31
That's all

Ryan 53:32
Yeah, but um, but you know, all the little logistical things. And I think what I've, what I've tried to start doing too, is, you know, so for example, when my mom travels, she, she has like, half a suitcase devoted to supplies, you know, like 20, supplies here, and spicy and supplies here. And I've tried to get a little more tactical with the way I'm traveling and that it. So so for example, when I went to India, I've been to India a few times since I got diagnosed, and that I knew, it's not easy. In India, especially where I was to go get the insulin, I needed to get to get the caps that fit my pens, so I brought a lot with me. But when I'm in Chicago, or when I'm in Boston, I can kind of dial it back a little bit, you know, and I can use that part of my brain to worry about something else. Yeah.

Scott Benner 54:19
I think that that's a if you're, if you're solving enough with your money, if you have a little bit of cash and you have insurance, you can't panic too much about like I, I told my I remember this when I first met my wife, and she was packing up to go back to college. But she had all of this stuff with her. You know, she was just bringing toothpaste and like all this, I said, Where do you go to college? And you're like, is it on Mars? Because there's a grocery store probably like near your school, right? And like, you could just go in there and buy toothpaste instead of transporting toothpaste across state lines, which seems like a lot of effort. And she had our explanation like She's like, I just like knowing it's all there. Plus, my mom pays for it. If I buy it at home like, Well, that makes sense. But there is that overwhelming feeling a lot that I find myself a couple of times a year saying to someone in my family, we're in America, we're not going somewhere where we can't get this, you know what I mean? Like it, you know, some people are more rural than others. And I get that, but in a lot of hubs, and a lot of like, you know, coastal, like cities. If you have insurance and are on a Mac card, you should probably be okay. You know, so but at the same time, we fly to islands, we vacation on St. JOHN, not frequently, but when we go away to somewhere warm, that's where we go. And when we do that, Ryan, I could keep 10 diabetics alive for two weeks. Like I am literally in my own endocrinology department when I got there. And I saw I get your mom like there is that over? Like it is just an overwhelming feeling like, I'll bring 10 pods with me for a week. Right? And that's, you know, that's a month's worth of pods. I've brought four times as many miles as I need, but I still get like, well, what if that this happens, or in the very beginning, we split them up into two different bags? Because we're like, well, what if one of the bags gets lost?

Ryan 56:15
i? That was my mom's recommendation to me. Yeah, I yes. I've heard of this technique. All the panic in the world.

Scott Benner 56:21
Like you don't need action. Yeah, yeah, we just throw enough in a carry on. But like, what I do is I take enough for the week and carry on and the rest gets packed away. And then so and it's very simple, like it but at the same time, there's a great episode earlier on from a person who has type one whose daughter, daughter, oh, my God, my memory, was it her kid has type one and they travel constantly. And to listen to how easily she travels with it is, like inspiring. Like she's just like, that's no big deal. But that's Yeah, didn't hear that. That's her comfort level with travel, though. You know what I mean? This is a season traveler. And so they don't have all the other stress that goes along. Like my mom just flew out to Arizona, out of Newark the other day, and you're from around here, like, you'll hear people bad mouthing, I've almost never had a bad experience flying it out of Newark. It's always just fine. You know, it's not, that's not great, but it's fine. I get off the I get off the ground. And my mom's like, you know, her flight leaves at four. I was like, You know what time you want me to get there? She's

Unknown Speaker 57:25
like, I don't know, noon. I'm

Unknown Speaker 57:25
like noon.

Scott Benner 57:28
What do you make it a life? I was like, like, you know, like, what if we got you there around two? And then you can feel the panic, because she doesn't fly very often. You know, it's like, I think two will be okay, about 130. Would that make you happy? And you know, and then she's an hour sit in chairs waiting for a plane to take off? And I don't know, I think some people travel, the travel itself freaks them out. Ryan, you were coming up on an hour. So I just wanted to make sure we we hit things that you want to talk about? Yeah, well, I

Ryan 57:57
so I had to. I was thinking about, you know what, I wonder what what Scott will ask me. But then also, what's something that I've thought a lot about, which is is it easier to be diagnosed younger? Or later? In my case? And I just think it's I don't think there's a right answer to that question. I think it's just something I've always thought about each one as

Scott Benner 58:24
I was gonna say, each one has its, you know, I like here's one you could say like, if you're diagnosed sooner earlier, when you're younger, then maybe all this just feels like your life. And right. But at the same time, you also have like, I remember somebody telling me one time like, oh, type ones, don't worry about this type ones don't develop like, like long term, like problems till it'll feel like 30 years, and I'm like, well, then she'll be 32. I was like, wait, well, how is that comforting? You know, and so at the same time, if if any of that holds true, you might get into your late 50s, before you have an issue while my daughter might have to live the bulk of her life with a problem if she has one. And so there is no good answer. I think that you can break it down into even if you want to try to say psychologically, like, Well, when I have it, it feels normal to me. But that's to somebody who, through a ton of good luck, you know, good doctors, good support, whatever, maybe is having a decent time with it. But what about the person who's diagnosed at two whose mom looks at him and goes, I don't know what to do about this. You know what I mean? And by the time you're 18, you're, you're in renal failure. Like, what would that person be? You know what I mean? Like, and at least you as an adult, you could take control, like a seven year old can't take control. You know, I mean, but at the same time you live 25 years without diabetes. That's gotta suck extra double. Like, like that's that's like being born with sight and going blind.

Ryan 59:56
I almost made it. Yeah, I almost made it. Yeah, yeah. Well, and I think about a two in the sense that like you're really learning to do a lot of things that you took for granted so. So it's like you basically you become a kid again, because you're thinking, you know, you're What am I eating? When am I eating? Well, of course, sleeping is all changed, you know, my, I don't get the same sleep as I used to i, it's all very different. And so that you know, and I agree there's like, each one has its each one has its perks, differences,

Scott Benner 1:00:27
call them that. I think of life in a very oddly incremental way. Excuse me, what I mean by that is like, even when I was a teenager, I was like, Well, when I was 16, I grew up in Pennsylvania, like I can drive, like, Okay, and then like, I guess the next thing to try to live for is 21. Like now, and who knows why now, I'm 21. I voted in there at 18. That was kind of cool. And then you get to that, like, you know, when some people get cancer when they're younger, and happens to them in their 30s. So when you get to your end of your 30s, like, Oh, I'm not going to be one of those people gets cancer in their 30s. Like, I know, this might sound ridiculous, totally how my brain works. And then I get into my 40s. And I'm like, Well, I'm not divorced yet. This is cool. Like, like, you know, maybe like maybe I'm going to be one of those people who doesn't get divorced. And then a couple of your friends get divorced, no, like, Oh, this is great, because it betters my odds. And like, because everyone you know, Ryan's not going to get divorced. So the more of your friends who get divorced, the better your odds are. Makes no sense. Absolutely how my brain works. And so even when I see somebody dying, I'm like, ooh, wasn't me, we're not all gonna die. And like, I don't know, I don't know why that is. But I do a small portion of that. I think I do. I use what I'm talking about when I'm thinking about art. Like, I got her through her, like, eight, 910 1112 years without her, like, just being burdened by this. And now can I get her through this like 13 1415 without her rebelling against it so much that she just, this all goes away? Like all this, you know, the health suffers? And then what about when she's 16? And 17? doesn't want me involved anymore? Like how my house that handoff that slow hand off of diabetes gonna go? And what about when she leaves for college? Like, it's, it's funny. As a person in my mid 40s. Now, I just think of things like I just need to live until Black Panther comes out like those are my like, new like, like, adult goals, like, don't get me like, I really do want to see that Star Wars movie. Maybe I'll just eat a little better. You know, and like that kind of stuff. But for her, the segments are so close. It's it's, you know, there, there seemed like there are so many. Like, I almost feel like I'm running a race with hurdles. But I don't have enough time to get my feet under me again, before I have to jump again. And when I was just thinking about it for myself, it was just like, it was whimsical Bs, you know, like, Oh, I just need to make it till now and now. But with her, it seems like there's a new goal. And I know people can find that. It does feel overwhelming, because it feels like you can never relax it. And that's something I hear people talk about a lot. Like, every time I get this thing figured out. Something changes. And I have a lot of empathy for that. Because that is a that is a terrible feeling like that you're never going to it's almost like cleaning your house or doing the laundry.

Ryan 1:03:18
Yeah, it never ends. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:03:19
you're not gonna you're not gonna stop it.

Ryan 1:03:21
Yeah, yeah. But at the same time, I'm a big believer that everybody is stealing with something, you know, everybody has is struggling with something. And, you know, obviously, some things are more severe than others. But, you know, there are, you know, we have to have this on our mind. But, you know, there are other things that we don't have on our mind and other people do. And so and, you know, that's I and so that you so you know, it's, um, you know, to think that people are going to think that it's easy for somebody who struggled like, like, for example, last night when I was up at 3am, to think that other people are sleeping soundly and everything is hunky dory for everybody doesn't have type one diabetes. Everybody has to overcome things. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:04:08
somebody's got something else. And even if it's not your health, it's something else or you don't know, it could be money, it could end up being you know, it could be domestic violence. Like there's a lot of things. Everyone's got something. What what, in my mind is what you hope for is you don't get too many something's.

Unknown Speaker 1:04:24
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Scott Benner 1:04:25
Right. Because then those are the people who really, there they get under a weight that that I mean, how do you climb out of it? Like, what do you do if you wake up in the morning, you have diabetes, and your husband hits you, you know, like, wow, what do I do now? You know what I mean? What if you're being harassed at work? And you have, can you imagine going to work trying to like deal with your diabetes and you know, you're going to be sexually harassed by your boss. At some point during the day, you might be like, this is the best job.

Ryan 1:04:53
Terrible and any night I wouldn't be surprised if there are people who deal with things like that person. Terrible.

Scott Benner 1:05:00
No, no, I, I definitely hear what you're saying. It's, I think it's important to remember that too, especially when you hear, like, sometimes you see people lash out online, like, you know, something happens and they're like, you know, put up a picture of candy. And they're like, I'm trying to give myself diabetes or my kids diabetes, like, that's insulting and stupid. And at the same time I ever see that like, like somebody. You've never seen someone put up a photo of food, they're eating so much food, and they say something like trying to get diabetes.

Unknown Speaker 1:05:28
You know, I,

Scott Benner 1:05:29
you're busy working right. Fine.

Ryan 1:05:31
I understand. Yeah, it's like, oh, yeah. Well, I have people will tell me Yeah. Oh, so you, you ate too much. Sugar, right. That's why you got diabetes varies a lot. But the point is,

Scott Benner 1:05:41
is that I always when I see that going on, I think, like, what sadness is in that person that this is, like, even a way they would express themselves? Do you know what I mean? Like, like, maybe we got a, maybe we have to cut them a break, too, because this is not something that a comfortable, happy person says out loud. You know, we're up on an hour, and I have to, I have to jump into something else. So I would love to keep talking, because this has been really great. But I'm gonna let you go and say thank you. Thank you so much to Elizabeth forest. Elizabeth is the founder of dancing for diabetes. She wants you to know that they will continue to serve until a cure is found. But at dancing for diabetes calm To find out more about this great organization that's doing so much. And when you're done with that dexcom.com forward slash juice box, my omnipod.com forward slash juice box Get started today with the greatest CGM and the most amazing tubeless insulin pump. You will not be sorry. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you for the great reviews and ratings that I've seen on iTunes recently. Thank you. Thank you. And look for a bonus episode in a couple of days. Just going to be a quick one, about how you can enter a contest. You'd like to win something for free. I know you would. And this contest is going to help other people listen to the podcast. Keep being bold with insulin, and I'll see you next week.