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Scott Benner 0:00
Hello friends, welcome to episode 1088 of the Juicebox Podcast

my guest today has had type one diabetes for over 35 years and she wishes to remain anonymous. This is her story

please remember that nothing you hear on the Juicebox Podcast should be considered advice medical or otherwise, always consult a physician before making any changes to your health care plan or becoming bold with insulin.

If you're not already subscribed or following in your favorite audio app, please take the time now to do that it really helps the show and get those automatic downloads set up so you never miss an episode. Thank you so much for listening

if you'd like to wear the same insulin pump that Arden does, all you have to do is go to Omni pod.com/juice box. That's it. Head over now and get started today. And you'll be wearing the same tubeless insulin pump that Arden has been wearing. Since she was four years old. Arden has been getting her diabetes supplies from us med for three years, you can as well, US med.com/juice box or call 888-721-1514 My thanks to us med for sponsoring this episode. And for being longtime sponsors of the Juicebox Podcast. There are links in the show notes and links at juicebox podcast.com. To us Med and all the sponsors.

Anonymous Female Speaker 2:14
I have had type one diabetes for 35 years, actually a little over 35 years. I was diagnosed on August 24 1987. How do I know the exact date you might wonder I was diagnosed on my birthday?

Scott Benner 2:30
Hey, wow, that's terrific. How old were you that day? I was five. My god, that's terrible. All right, five years old and 87. And you've had diabetes for how long?

Anonymous Female Speaker 2:43
A little over 35 years.

Scott Benner 2:45
Wow. So you're 40 you were diagnosed on your fifth birthday, you said you had fragments of memories. Tell me what you remember.

Anonymous Female Speaker 2:54
Um, I remember being in the hospital. And I remember being scared. And I remember being calmed down by other kids who were racing in the hallway, on wheelchairs. And there happened to be an extra wheelchair. So I was able to join in there racing. I remember sharing a room with a screaming baby. And that being very additionally stressful. I remember my dad crying a lot. And my mom was away lecturing in another country. And so she wasn't there for the first few days. But I remember her coming. So I must have been in the hospital for a few days in order for her to to have a memory of her being there.

Scott Benner 3:44
Yeah. Did you have brothers and sisters at that point? Or do you know? No,

Anonymous Female Speaker 3:48
I'm an only child. Okay. My father is a type one. And my parents did get pregnant before me. And my mom had a miscarriage and it somehow I don't really know how being that it was my father's side. But it was somehow related to my father being a type one that the miscarriage I guess it just got blamed on him being like one that's interesting. My parents tried to adopt. I don't know what year this was. I just know it was years before I was born. Because my mother was a full time working woman who traveled a lot and because my father is a type one, they were denied adoption. And I was their miracle baby, I guess.

Scott Benner 4:39
Still are in 8787 you get denied and adoption for the husband being type one. That's interesting.

Anonymous Female Speaker 4:47
I was born in 82. So this was probably in the 70s. I see.

Scott Benner 4:52
Okay. You think Have you ever spoken to your father about him being upset that day? Oh, yeah.

Anonymous Female Speaker 5:00
My dad is actually a large part of my story, I guess. My father was diagnosed in 1969. He probably had type one for many years without knowing it. He grew up very poor in New York City, and he didn't get diagnosed until he got drafted. For Vietnam. He, apparently a lot of draft dodgers were adding sugar to their urine. So he had to get tested multiple times in front of a panel, making sure that he wasn't doing that. Oh, and that's how he got diagnosed. They're like, okay, so this is legit. And we're sorry to inform you. Yeah,

Scott Benner 5:44
yeah. At least you don't have to go to Vietnam. But you got diabetes. What do you mean, you think you had it for a while? Do you think he was Lada?

Anonymous Female Speaker 5:51
I don't know. Yeah.

Scott Benner 5:53
I mean, you can't have it too long. They'll kill you if you don't diagnose it. So like, he's got to have some help from his pancreas along the way. But was there stories that would indicate that he looked back and saw saw bits and pieces of it at times? Or no,

Anonymous Female Speaker 6:07
I think a lot of it was a blur for him. He remembers being very thirsty. And his favorite thing or drink was Coca Cola. So clearly, that would have made things worse. I imagine. Maybe he had a long honeymoon phase. That's crazy.

Scott Benner 6:25
And are you and he's similar in personality.

Anonymous Female Speaker 6:29
My father passed away in 2015. We do have had a lot in common. When I was I think I became an independent diabetic at a very young age because of him, which I think is both a good and a bad thing. As I grew up, I think that a lot of things that were normal for him were outdated for me. And perhaps my care would have been a lot better if I wasn't given like information that he was given, like, you know, you want to keep your blood sugar's under 220, if you can, was kind of like the norm throughout my life with him.

Scott Benner 7:18
How old was he when he passed? Early 60s was a complications from type one.

Anonymous Female Speaker 7:24
Yes, he started having very, very severe hypoglycemic episodes, he became severely hypo unaware, he would have seizures in the middle of the night, quite frequently. And we discovered that some of those features involve many strokes. So he developed dementia. And the last, I want to say five years of his life is spent in assisted living. I'm sorry.

Scott Benner 7:54
Yeah, that's terrible. How long did it take you to figure out that you shouldn't be managing your diabetes, like it was 1969. diabetes,

Anonymous Female Speaker 8:02
summer camp, probably was when those ideas were first introduced to me. My parents actually sent me to a diabetes summer camp, I believe, is in New Jersey, shortly after my diagnosis, but I don't remember much of it. I remember hating it, I think that I was too young for it. And we didn't try again until I was a teenager. And then it was, whoa, this is the best thing ever, you know, like, meeting other people like me?

Scott Benner 8:33
How old do you think you were when you went back the second time?

Anonymous Female Speaker 8:37
I want to say 13. Okay.

Scott Benner 8:40
And that was good for you to see other people.

Anonymous Female Speaker 8:43
Yeah, absolutely.

Scott Benner 8:46
What happens? Do you see people using technology that you don't have or dealing with things differently? And then it kind of dawns on you that there might be more than one way to do this?

Anonymous Female Speaker 8:58
I think normalizing it in general, like, I've always felt this sense of rejection and shame. And I like I always for as long as I can remember, tried to hide the fact that I was a type one. And being in an environment where basically everybody is doing the same things that you are, you know, I felt more out about it. If that makes sense.

Scott Benner 9:23
Yeah, it does. Hey, the shame makes sense, but rejection how

Anonymous Female Speaker 9:29
it's hard to describe. I always had my my diabetes. Like for as long as I can remember, I didn't, I couldn't test my blood sugar privately. I just wouldn't do it at all. This feeling of judgment, like my machine was done with me. You know, when I was first diagnosed, we didn't have glucometers actually, I mean, sure. That came about eventually, but you don't ketone strips. Yeah, that's

Scott Benner 9:59
how I used to tell strip logic, my opinion on something right?

Anonymous Female Speaker 10:03
Well, ketone strips like to test ketones, but we actually had something similar, but it was blood glucose strips that you would like match the color from the blood strip to the side of the bottle. Okay. And my dad and I, we thought we were so creative, or he did, would cut the strips in half. So we could save money and both use the same strip, and use less blood because these test strips required a drop of blood, like the size of a pencil eraser, you know, okay. And then we got our first glucometer, which actually use the same strips, I want to say it was an Accu check. And it was the same method, except instead of comparing the color to the side of the bottle, you put the strip in the machine, so we couldn't cut them anymore. Anyway, that was kind of a side story. I think once seeing actual numbers, was when I started to develop that feeling of rejection and judgment.

Scott Benner 11:00
I see. You know, you're not the first person to tell me they cut the strips in half. Oh, yeah, it's not. I know, you're probably like, This is crazy. But I'm like, No, I've heard that before. Okay. So when you see a number, and it feels like a grade, I'm guessing, and then you feel like you're failing?

Anonymous Female Speaker 11:21
Yeah. And then my parents started a star chart. I wasn't very good at getting stars. So I don't, I don't think that was very beneficial.

Scott Benner 11:33
Yeah, you got to make some of the stars easy to get, if you're gonna do that, as a parent, I said, there's a prototype for you make sure they get some don't just set up and go one day. Do you think that your personality leans in this direction? If you don't have diabetes are away from it.

Anonymous Female Speaker 11:50
I think one thing that I really struggle with is determining whether or not diabetes is the cause of it. I say, if, if this is just kind of like a natural behavior for me, and were like, you know, like, just put my mind does, or if diabetes somehow, like, triggered it. And I can't place like a defining moment. But I do also have ADD, and hypothyroid. And I've just recently learned about women with ADB, suffering from rejection sensitivity disorder. This is a very new term for me, I heard about it for the first time in an add support group online about a year ago. Just reading up on it, it's just like, it kind of sparked a lot of memories, which is part of the reason why I wrote to you about being on the podcast, was that this was a whole new thing for me like, oh, well, maybe this memory had something to do with RSD. And and how I reacted to that situation, you know,

Scott Benner 12:55
yeah, it's a break. I want to break this into chunks. Because I thought what you said a minute ago was really interesting. The idea that you don't, I'm changing your words, but you you aren't sure if you're the person you were meant to be? Or if you're this person, because you have diabetes, is that right? Yeah, you could put it that way. Yeah. And so would I be having these reactions or feelings if I didn't have type one? Oh, yeah. Is your is your thyroid well maintained?

Anonymous Female Speaker 13:28
Yeah, actually, that's been something that has been very level ever since I started Synthroid, as a child. My father took Synthroid

Scott Benner 13:35
as well. Yeah. What's your TSH?

Anonymous Female Speaker 13:39
I don't know that number off the top of my head, find out

Scott Benner 13:42
because I think at two or under is most beneficial. And a lot of doctors will tell you, Oh, it's four. It's terrific. It's in range. So look at that, because there can be anxiety, mood, there's a lot of stuff that can come from a higher TSH and an unbalanced thyroid, too. So that's worth looking at. Do you how's your energy? You have good energy? Are you tired a lot? I used to hate ordering my daughter's diabetes supplies. I never had a good experience. And it was frustrating. But it hasn't been that way for a while actually for about three years now. Because that's how long we've been using us med us med.com/juice box or call 888721151 for us med is the number one distributor for FreeStyle Libre systems nationwide. They are the number one specialty distributor for Omni pod dash. The number one fastest growing tandem distributor nationwide, the number one rated distributor index com customer satisfaction surveys. They have served over 1 million people with diabetes since 1996. And they always provide 90 days worth of supplies. In fast and free shipping, US med carries everything from insulin pumps, and diabetes testing supplies to the latest CGM like the libre three and Dexcom G seven. They accept from Medicare nationwide and over 800 private insurers find out why us med has an A plus rating with the Better Business Bureau at us med.com/juice box or just call them at 888-721-1514 get started right now. And you'll be getting your supplies the same way we do.

Anonymous Female Speaker 15:36
My energy goes up and down throughout the day. I'm not a morning person. But once I'm up at going then I'm pretty good through the day. I remember my energy levels being very poor when I was younger, I think because my blood sugar's were very out of control. I did have a very unusual eating disorder when I when I was young. Again, kind of like going back on well is wasn't RSD like kind of affiliated to my eating disorder because unlike other eating disorders that I've heard about, like diet, bulimia, and things like that, my never really had anything to do with weight or weight loss, or intentional weight loss, I should say. Um,

Scott Benner 16:25
how did it how did it manifest? Just lemons. I'm just kidding. Well, what was it? I,

Anonymous Female Speaker 16:33
I was a binge eater. Specific to sugar. I don't know how it started. But it's goes as far back as I can remember, I think perhaps somewhat triggered by you know, you're not allowed to have sugar. So maybe it was a little bit of a rebellion. Sure. But I don't, I don't remember feeling rebellious. I could eat a whole pizza in one sitting. I would eat like a whole package of hotdogs, getting home from school. If I had the opportunity to go into a store and buy bags and bags of candy. I would just eat them all in one sitting. I remember like one of the worst of it was filling an ice cream cone with pure cane sugar and just looking the sugar out of the ice cream cone.

Scott Benner 17:20
Oh my gosh. That's it. Yeah, dedication. So

Anonymous Female Speaker 17:23
I began I would eat packages of waffles. And I never I wasn't believed it. I never threw up. I never. I never denied myself insulin. I you know, I always took my long acting. I always took my short acting. I never counted my carbs. I never did anything like that. I would just be like, Oh, I just I just ate a ton of sugar. So I'm gonna reg Bolus. You

Scott Benner 17:48
think this eating this eating you think was about proving that you can like Did somebody tell you not to eat these things? At some point? You're like, Yo, I'm going to

Anonymous Female Speaker 17:58
possibly, I don't know. But it was it was binging. It was really bad binging. And it wasn't until I was like a young teenager that I realized what how severe of a problem it was or actually even realized it was a problem at all, you know, because I wasn't overweight from it or anything. I was a subscriber to I think it was teen magazine. And there was an article about binge eating. And this girl was describing how she just couldn't stop eating when she was in. You know, like described her binges. And I just read the whole thing. And I'm like, That's me. I do that. Okay. And I went to school the next day, I was probably about 15 Because it was high school. And I was a freshman. Yeah. And I, I went to the school counselor with the article in hand. And I said, Hey, you know, I think I've got a really big problem here. This is me, like, I read this article, and this is me. And the counselor literally looked me up and down and said, No, it isn't you're not overweight. binge eaters are fat. That just went on from there. I was like, No, I took his answer as reality and like, okay, he's right. I don't have a problem. And I felt embarrassed, ashamed, rejected, for being wronged. And then I was institutionalized for it a year later.

Scott Benner 19:28
I have to tell you that the closest I've come to crying during a recording this week, is you saying that the counselor turned joy. I'm not kidding. I mean, to imagine the luck of a young person having an eating disorder, recognizing it through a magazine article, taking it to a trusted adult, and like, Hey, I figured out something wrong with me. I need help and they're like, shut up. That's not you know, it's really heartbreaking. I mean, genuinely, I'm, I'm so sorry. I've been wrestling with this thought for a few days now about how much how much in the world goes unsolved. Or how many things go off the rails needlessly because people who don't know, are not, don't don't check themselves there, they feel completely comfortable saying the first thing that comes to their head, and not knowing, and, and how that derails people constantly, or derails, you know, entire movements, you know, things that people say that they want to. They think they're being inspiring, or they think that they're, you know, knowledgeable and they're wrong. And then something like this happens. And I don't know, it felt so personal to me that, that that time got wasted for you, and that you got lucky enough to trick into an answer. And then, you know, you were that close to being helped. And, and then would you say a year later, you ended up in an institution over it?

Anonymous Female Speaker 21:05
Yeah. So I was having like, week, eight episodes, I guess, but I didn't recognize them. I was just like, oh, I ate too much. I don't feel good. But again, like I never heard, or, I later found out when I was in the hospital that my my form of purging was elevated blood sugars. But it wasn't intentional. But that that's why I wasn't gaining weight from all that food

Scott Benner 21:33
I was eating. Yeah, sure. And yeah, that's what I was, I was waiting for you to say that. But right, your blood sugar was so high, your body couldn't even hold on to fat. So

Anonymous Female Speaker 21:41
there was, I was seeing a therapist. And I don't even know, where my parents were through all this really, I mean, my mom did travel a lot for work. Maybe I was just, I guess I was just really good at hiding it. And my parents really put a lot of independence on me, you know, so there wasn't a lot of checks and balances there. So I certainly don't put any blame on their parents to keep clear. But I went to a therapist appointment and, and I started throwing up bile in the middle of the appointment. And the therapist was like, Okay, there's something wrong. And I feel like this is a cry for help. And we're taking him to a hospital right now. And it wasn't like an ER, it was like an inpatient like, mental mental institution. And they brought me to the eating disorder unit. And I was there for two days. And apparently, because I had an over eating disorder without purging, which is something that they really had no experience with. It was having a negative effect on the other patients in the unit. So they moved me to the juvenile mental unit, I suppose you'd call it. It was like Girl Interrupted, no joke. Probably the most horrible experience of my life being being there. And my my eating disorder wasn't really addressed. It was more ignored. All of the other kids on the unit, went on field trips to the candy machines and the soda machines, and I was not allowed to go I was the only one left behind. And then I did something that was probably like, to this day, I regret more than anything I've ever done. I gave a girl lancets in exchange for her bringing me back food from the candy machines. Because she was a cutter. Oh,

Scott Benner 23:40
wow. That's some black market trading right there.

Anonymous Female Speaker 23:44
Yeah, that's how bad it was.

Scott Benner 23:47
Did you do you remember having the thought like, I'm gonna let this girl cut herself so I can get food.

Anonymous Female Speaker 23:55
I reported like as at right after she gave me the food. I reported her for having sharps.

Scott Benner 24:03
like, look, I gotta get these m&m somehow. I'm gonna tell I'm gonna say Don't worry. I'll save you right after. My gosh. That's, that's intense. Like really, really? Like that's an intense decision. How old were you then? 16 Wow, that's something else. How long did you end up being there in total?

Anonymous Female Speaker 24:26
It's so erased from my mind that I really not sure. I could say like, three four weeks. And it could have been a week but felt like that. Right? But I think maybe six weeks because I do remember halfway through being allowed to go home for a day. And then coming back. Yeah. It was a really weird experience because like, some of the people in the unit were hard to handle I mean, like, you know, like strapped to beds once in a while, like There was actually one moment. A one night I remember that worked for teenagers. It was co Ed, it kind of felt like summer camp when you're having a good day, if that makes sense. My roommate and I like we snuck out to like, hang out with a couple boys. You know, and we got caught. She got strapped to a bed and rolled away. I don't know what happened to the guys. And I was thrown in a room stripped of my clothes completely naked, like in like locked in this room. With nothing like not even a mattress. It's just a cold floor. And I just like thinking about it right now. I'm like shaking. Like I can't believe that. It's something that happened to me like, I am a normal person, you know? And that is a story that is in my past. Like, how is that possible?

Scott Benner 25:48
Right? I had an eating disorder and you end up in that situation? Geez, oh, what does that add? 97. Cohen, is that in the early 2000s?

Anonymous Female Speaker 26:02
I want to say late 90s. Okay, yeah, it must it must have been like 9796 97.

Scott Benner 26:09
Okay, geez, the hell he is. Sometimes you hear people's stories, you're like I expected more from the world, like, you know, I guess not. But, Jesus? Well, that'll keep you from getting involved with any kind of like system again, I imagine you'll avoid, like the plague. Where your parents in contact with you during those six weeks. In 2015, I needed support to start making this podcast and Omni pod was there. They bought my first ad, in a year when the entire podcast got as many downloads, as it probably got today, on the pod was there to support the show. And they have been every year for nine seasons. I want to thank them very much. And I want to ask you to check them out at Omni pod.com/juicebox.

Anonymous Female Speaker 27:01
I was like family therapy sessions. I don't really remember much. I remember my dad. I mean, like he definitely felt self loathing. I mean, even before any of this happened, you know, this is my fault. This has happened to me, too. This is my fault that you have this condition, you know, oh, I didn't you know, I think at the time, there wasn't really a genetic link. But I mean, both my parents were doctors. So if any, anybody knew it would be my dad, but he was still convinced. He was like, No, this is my fault.

Scott Benner 27:39
It's such a strange thing, isn't it to think that. Because if your dad had blue eyes, and you had blue eyes, he wouldn't be like, well, that's my fault. You know, or my doing? He didn't give you blue eyes. But it is weird how people think about stuff like that. But I understand it. And I mean, it's been obvious since the beginning of your story. He's, he's crying in the hospital, in my mind, he's going over, oh, I have diabetes. I did this. You know, like, that's, I'm assuming his his pathway of thought. Which is, I mean, has to be really difficult to deal with. I would imagine, you know, for from his perspective. And then it's probably hard to see things even more so going wrong for you. Because then you think, oh, again, here we are the thing I gave her. And this is her struggle. Did Yeah. Do you feel a moment where like this sort of drama, like it's gone from your life? Or do you? Does it stick with you constantly? Are you able to move past some of these things? How does how does all that work?

Anonymous Female Speaker 28:46
The whole hospitalization part of my life is kind of like almost not a memory anymore. I really just kind of started thinking about it again, because I thought it was relevant to my story to just speak with you today. Okay. But I mean, it has it has had an effect on me. But I'm almost in denial that it ever happened. Like it just seems so unreal.

Scott Benner 29:14
Something you just don't think about anymore. It just is part of the past. Are you fine I remember

Anonymous Female Speaker 29:17
like how they manage my diabetes to when I was in the hospital just seemed so archaic as well, you know, like I had gone back into time machine again and you know, they would prick my finger with this javelin and wipe it again with alcohol afterwards. And I thought that that was so strange and they wouldn't you know, actually push it for more blood until the alcohol itself was dry and off more often than not, you know, the wound close up. She's just kind of so weird.

Scott Benner 29:55
How did you learn about the rejection sensitive Have you dysphoria, that's just in the last year for you.

Anonymous Female Speaker 30:03
I learned about it in a Facebook support group for women with ADD. Some people were, you know, like, we're saying, Oh, is this, you know, am I being unreasonable with this situation? Or is my RSP acting up again? And, you know, I commented on a couple of those posts, and what is this RSD that everybody keeps talking about? And they, you know, told me what the acronym was for. And I started doing some research on it. And I was like, hmm, that definitely sounds like something that I'm afflicted with, you know, I talked to my PCP about it, and she had never heard of it. So apparently, it doesn't exist. But I think that it is something that's so new that it is still questionable whether or not it is a diagnosable thing, right? It's still up in the air.

Scott Benner 30:51
But if you're having the feeling, I mean, does it match the description? I'm seeing online extreme emotional sensitivity and pain triggered by the perception that a person has been rejected? Or criticized? No. Is that Yeah, so yeah,

Anonymous Female Speaker 31:05
I mean, it can be? What's the word I'm looking for? Like disabling? Yeah. I mean, sometimes, there are things that I will not do because of that fear of what somebody will think of me? Do

Scott Benner 31:19
they have to say it? Or do Can you just infer from them that they're unhappy or dissatisfied, and it'll hit you that?

Anonymous Female Speaker 31:28
Sometimes, it's actually something that hits me hard is when somebody does say it. And that's okay, that was hurtful. But because somebody actually did say it, in my mind, everybody is thinking it. Oh,

Scott Benner 31:42
I see. Okay. And then that I had, like,

Anonymous Female Speaker 31:47
a good friend say to me to ones, you know, if it was her words, if you had more respect for your diabetes, other people would have more respect for you. And it hurt it, it hurts so bad, because I was there. I didn't know what it meant. And I'm pick apart all the possibilities of what it could mean. And I wrote like, a really nice paragraph, because this was through messenger. About, you know, I don't really know what you meant by this. I just want you didn't. Could you please, you know, elaborate a little bit more on what you meant by that. And she said, you know exactly what I mean, I don't need to explain myself to you. This is not a conversation I want to have. Did she start when she started? If not, we're not friends anymore.

Scott Benner 32:44
I was gonna say what stops you from going, Oh, this is whole, and then I'm done with it. To break it down. You sound like you manage your, your disease as well. Like, it's not like you're not being respectful of it like, this is her projecting something she's thinking on to you. But then you're you're, you're absorbing it instead of just going that's not right. Because you didn't think it was right, because you responded to her and said, Hey, I don't I don't think I'm doing that. What are you talking about? And I don't know why. What stops you? I mean, I'm sure you've thought about this and don't have an answer, but like, What stops you from not just disregarding there were

Anonymous Female Speaker 33:20
others? I think that was the most hurtful part of that statement was others would respect you. Because she wasn't just speaking for herself when she added that word.

Scott Benner 33:32
Oh, like there's a cabal of people who don't respect you somewhere. Yeah,

Anonymous Female Speaker 33:36
like we have a lot of mutual friends. And now I'm, you know, I just have this in my head. I everybody is thinking this about me, everybody, whatever it is that she's thinking about me and they're all thinking about me now. Oh,

Scott Benner 33:47
I see. Do you really believe that's true? A

Anonymous Female Speaker 33:52
little bit. She and quite a few of our mutual friends. Were there for me when I started having my severe retinopathy issues. But they never really gave me the opportunity to explain how it happened. And how it happened. Scott was not I mean, I can say that was probably a repercussions from my days over eating. How it actually happened happened was when I started on ducks calm. I started on the G four when it first came out. A friend of mine from diabetes summer camp that I'm friends with on Facebook had gotten it and that she knew quite a bit about my history. And she was telling me about it on Facebook. And she said, Yeah, you really want to look into this Dexcom and it's life changing. Like you can see what your blood sugar is every five minutes. And you know, at this time, I was still struggling to test myself and it wasn't just about seeing the number on the meter and the meter judging me. Just a myriad of reasons that I just wasn't testing And but I was totally open to this idea of having a discreet little box in my in my purse that I could pull out once in a while and be like, Oh, wow, check that up. Yeah. So I'm not making a show of it and, and the information is just mine. And so I got it. And I brought it. Interesting story was I brought the receiver to the hospital, my next CD appointment, and I handed it to her and she's like, I've never seen one of these before. I don't think I have the cords are the software to download information. And I was like, really? Apparently, I was the first one at my hospital to get one because I went out on my own to do it. Yeah. And they're a Medtronic sponsored hospital. Not anymore. They've got tons of patients on Dexcom. Now, yeah, my bad. But knowing those numbers and having the frequency of seeing like what food is doing to me, I started injecting more, I started correcting more. And my agency was dropping so fast. I like I, before I started Dexcom, I was little over a 10 I was down to a 7.5. In less than three months. I was walking down the street one day and just look like looking through a red lava lamp. There's dreams of blood and my vision. And I don't know what's happening. And the general consensus of everything that I went through, and the people that helped me behind my back, if she had taken better care of herself. This is her fault. And the very few people that I've shared with that, you know, I said, actually, this happened to me because I dropped my agency too fast. This happened to me because I got in tighter control and got better, too quickly. Yeah.

Scott Benner 36:57
Nobody told you that, that you should have done it slower. That's really Yeah.

Anonymous Female Speaker 37:02
And I don't know that it was even really known that. Because my endocrinologist was so proud. My CDE was so proud. And then I go see a retinal surgeon. And he and use. I've been seeing so much of this with this new technology.

Scott Benner 37:21
Did they were they able to fix it? I mean, you got some bleeders, obviously, but is that under control? Now? I

Anonymous Female Speaker 37:26
had a vitrectomy in each eye. And it's been stable for six years. Oh, good

Scott Benner 37:33
for you. Yeah, I, it's funny that as you're telling your story, the people who if there are people out there judging you those who would do that, obviously the first of all, they don't have anywhere near all the information. They don't understand the history of it, or you know what it was like to manage in the 60s, which would have informed your father who would have informed you. Sounds like your mom traveled a lot your dad was around. You're young, you alluded to something earlier, you never got back to it. But you said that you were given your kind of autonomy early and it was good and bad. And what I took from that was the good part was you knew how to do the things. But the bad part was you were a little kid in charge of a really difficult disease. And yeah, and you don't how are you really going to see big picture stuff and make decisions and adjustments. There's no way for a kid to do that.

Anonymous Female Speaker 38:29
And those people, my parents wanted to give me that independence. I just went in the wrong direction. Well,

Scott Benner 38:35
I mean, that's, uh, I appreciate you feeling that way. But like, from an outsider's perspective, I don't know, what else would you expect to happen to, you know, for a little kid to be like, I mean, name another thing, you'd put a little kid in charge of? You know what I mean? Would you be in charge of like paying the electric bill? Probably not. You know, like, you have to, I don't know, pressure wash the house every spring? I'm not putting an eight year old in charge of that. But diabetes? Yeah, sure. They could do that. But it's a very, I mean, we talked about it now because we know better. And we see, you know, data, but children with diabetes benefit from their parents involvement into their early to mid 20s. And that's not something that you got, you know, and it's not like, it's like you said, it's not like somebody's fault. It's not like your parents were like, malicious. They just they were doing the 70s thing like she you know, this is her thing, and she'll need to know how to do it. So let's get her out in front of it now and teach her what to do, except there were so much more to do that nobody knew about.

Anonymous Female Speaker 39:39
And I think also that that there was a much higher fear of hypoglycemia than hyperglycemia. Yeah, for my dad for both my dad's generation and a little bit in mind too. Especially when my dad started being like hypo autoware sometimes got violent. Yeah.

Scott Benner 39:59
All right, and I see you're trying to avoid that you're trying to avoid passing out you're trying to avoid having a seizure. And, and maybe that was the right thing to do with the time. It's the carryover. That's always the problem. Like when we leave one generation of care and go into another one, it's the carryover that hurts. Like I get, I get that your dad spheres were, what they were based on the technology and the insulin, but then there's something better available, and you're still playing by the old rules. That's, that's where the, the sense of loss comes from. Like, there's, there's because you exist in a time where you were doing a thing, and there was a better thing. And that, that that's where that terrible feeling comes from, like your dad's fate was of the time he was born no different than if I don't know, people used to have babies. And like, you know, they'd have 10 babies to get three of them to live. Nobody felt bad about that at the time, because that's how it worked. So you're like, oh, it's sad. But this is how it works. And you know, people get diabetes in the 60s, and they don't live very long. And that's sad. But this is how it works. It's, it's when I hear the stories of the carryover people like women who were told, there's a woman on here once, I think she was diagnosed in college, and her doctor told her to quit college, and go home and enjoy her life, because she'd never have a job long enough for it to matter. And a man wouldn't want her. Like that happened. Not that long ago. It's crazy.

Anonymous Female Speaker 41:33
I actually had a doctor say something similar to me. But it was after my my retinopathy and my vision was still very, very bad. I was and I am single, I live alone. And she told me that I should quit my job so I could get on disability. So I wouldn't have to worry about being able to afford like, Dexcom my insulin pump and my insulin. I

Scott Benner 42:01
spoke to a woman yesterday who got divorced to get health care. And, you know, you know what, it led to an actual divorce. Like they were they were a happy family who split up so that they could qualify for health care. And then, you know, they actually split up later. Yeah,

Anonymous Female Speaker 42:20
I actually, I did go on disability. I followed her advice, and I was on disability for two years. Then I found a job that was able to accommodate me and, and I do I do have vision loss. And then it turned out I was making too much money. And now I'm being sued by Social Security for like $15,000. Fine.

Scott Benner 42:42
Yes. You must have had some wacky essay when CS when you were a little huh. With the with the eating disorder, and the DK that you didn't know was happening. You must have been in the 13. It's like up there.

Anonymous Female Speaker 42:56
I wouldn't be surprised. I do think that there was a little bit of enabling when I first went to do some

Scott Benner 43:04
broke up. Hold on a second.

Anonymous Female Speaker 43:07
Sorry, it year. Hey, I'm sorry. You broke up. Comparing a one season I was. I'm sorry.

Scott Benner 43:13
You broke up a little bit of enabling. Can you do that part? Again?

Anonymous Female Speaker 43:17
A little bit of enabling at diabetes summer camp, talking to you know, comparing ANC. See, between 11 and 14 and thinking well, mines finds only in the high 10s. So if they're fine, and they're higher than me, I'm fine.

Scott Benner 43:38
Killing it. Yeah, look at me. beaten them by a whole point. Yeah, you know, it's funny. I've heard old timey diabetes camp stories. And I've heard as many that are like, I found people there. And I learned how to do things. As I've heard stories are like, oh, you know, right. That's where I learned to be diabetic. Because people people told me how to cut their my insulin to lose weight there. And that's where I learned how to do this. I'm like, Oh, geez. So I mean, there's this there's going to be an element of humanity everywhere. And sometimes it's this dumb luck is who you bumped into, like imagine had you gone to a counselor who didn't think oh, you eating disorder has to mean overweight? You you would have been better off in that situation. Yeah, hopefully, you know, but I don't Oh my gosh, really is crazy. Do you think there's a way to? I mean, have you left it all behind you or does it still color your existence today? Everything that happened?

Anonymous Female Speaker 44:38
I think it does color my existence in a different way. I mean, I've never actually let go of engine it for a while it was replaced with alcohol. The calories from the food I used to binge, but with less of an effect on my blood. Sugar. So I did go through. It was It wasn't terrible. It wasn't terrible, but it became a problem. actually kind of a side story to that was when I recognized that I had an alcohol problem. It was when I would get withdrawal symptoms from not drinking. So I went to the hospital and you know, decided I needed a, what do you call it like a medically guided detox, okay. And I went to the ER for it and waited in the waiting room for probably over 12 hours, and I was shaking. When they finally took me in and said, we don't do detox from alcohol here. There's nothing we can do for you. So that, you know, they gave me some fluids and I I overdosed on insulin on purpose to make them take me in. And so I was admitted. And I told my I did the detox there. And I was there for about a week, my endocrinologist came to visit me and my CDE came to visit me and a PCP came to visit me. I told them all what I did, I told them, I said, I took a shot of fast acting insulin to get admitted. And they said, good for you. You need it though. So I feel like again, like this is kind of a reoccurring thing in my life. I recognize I have a problem. I go get help. And I get turned away. Yeah,

Scott Benner 46:34
binging is like, like, I think binging is like good indication of depression or anxiety. And it doesn't it shouldn't matter what you're binging honestly. Like it just yeah, that doesn't that part doesn't make sense that, like, why does it matter? Like what it is? And how come they could take you if you were dying, but not take you because of an alcohol thing? And yeah, cheese?

Anonymous Female Speaker 47:00
And I've been I've been able to manage the binge drinking. Ever since you know, all I needed was that detox? And then I've been fine. Was it?

Scott Benner 47:12
Is it alcoholism? Or is it just wanting to take something in in great quantity?

Anonymous Female Speaker 47:17
A second? Yeah, I believe.

Scott Benner 47:21
It's interesting. Have you spoken to a therapist about that ever?

Anonymous Female Speaker 47:23
I've had a really hard time finding a therapist, and I'm not quite sure if I, if I'm ready to do like an online therapy. But there is very little available. I tried a couple of them. The last one I tried, you know, one was probably two years ago. And she said, Oh, your father passed have type one diabetes, you have type one diabetes, it must be so hard for you to know that you're going to die young, of the same thing your dad died of. And I was like, Okay, I'm not coming back here.

Scott Benner 47:58
For people who don't understand. What backwards part of the country do you live? Oh, my gosh, you know, what's interesting about about mental health and therapy is I was approached by an online therapy company about doing advertisements for them. And I thought, well, that might be helpful for people. Let me kind of just get an idea. I went into my Facebook group, so many people, and then I'm like, would you guys want me to do this? You know, it would come with, like, you'd save 10% when you signed up and stuff like that? And like, you know, would that be something you were interested in? The amount of people who are like, Oh, my God, please do that. That would be terrific. I'm going to do that. Thanks, like, overwhelming response, like, callin an overwhelming response. So I'm like, alright, I'll do this. So I go back to the company, I'll say, Yeah, sure. I'll do it. Like, they set me up with a link. And I put it out there. And two people have signed up. And I think it really has taught me the difference between saying, Yeah, you know, I probably should go to therapy, and actually being able to do it. Like, like, make yourself like, do it, that it's an expanse between those two situations, because I can't tell you how many hundreds of people were like, please do that. As soon as you put this link here, I will be clicking on it. And then everybody, nobody touched it. So it's not an easy thing to get involved in. You know, like, I understand why it's a leap. And then if you make the leap, and you get there and somebody so holy doesn't understand the thing you're talking about, Well, geez, like, you know, what do you suppose to do? Your dad died of it, so you're gonna die of it. Great. Thanks. And then what do you do you find yourself in the position of educating the therapist.

Anonymous Female Speaker 49:43
Yeah, you know, paying for it, paying,

Scott Benner 49:46
paying to catch them up. Great. Let me do a trailer about diabetes for you. You charge me $40 While we're doing terrific, and therapy is not covered by a lot of people's insurance. A lot of out of pocket cost. So you want to you want to have a decent experience when you start? Oh my gosh, all right, well, what's the answer? Like? Like, I mean, you're 40 years old. So you've been through all of this, like, what's your wisdom on it?

Anonymous Female Speaker 50:18
I think that I'm kind of being my own therapist in a way, you know, doing research on, you know, the rejection sensitive dysphoria. And something I read in an article about RSD is like, Sure, there's no treatment for it. But it can be, you can overcome it by defining why it's happening. Like, oh, I don't just, you know, I'm not just having a panic attack out of nowhere, right now. Take a breath and realize why you're having it, what's triggering it? And that's been helpful for me. Just another thing that's

Scott Benner 50:54
maybe giving him

Anonymous Female Speaker 50:56
Yeah, yeah. It's also been a little helpful for me to, you know, since having our Dexcom and Omni pod and having a history of constantly hiding it, and not letting anybody know, being more expressive about it. Like I try to, I try to put my placement now in spots where people will see it and asked me about it. And that's been mentally, life changing for me.

Scott Benner 51:28
Yeah, that's excellent. I'm a proponent of loud and proud on diabetes, like, just, you know, and if you have to start small with just peeking out of your arm, you know, your sleeve or something like that, then right on, but it's just, it's too big of a part of your life, it's too important to your health, to hide, because the hiding lends you to say things like, Well, I'm not going to test right now. Because somebody's going to see, or I'm not going to help myself right now. Because I don't want people to know or, like, that's just dangerous physically. And psychologically. I think you kind of, I understand if you don't want to, for people to know, but I just think long term, it's a, it's a benefit. If you if you're open about it. Also, the openness is never hardly what you think, you know, I mean, like, it sucks that you met people who were like, you know, gave you crap who you thought were friends, but is it not better not to have those people's friends? Like, at least, you know, right, that their heads? Like, you know, I mean, have you met other people who don't care that you have diabetes and don't have big opinions about things they don't understand? Yeah, I mean, it's just, it's a everything's just such a process. You know, that's the part that

Anonymous Female Speaker 52:42
I can't believe it's about 20 years ago now. I've met a lot of type ones in my town. Have you? That's excellent. Yeah. And I was surprised.

Scott Benner 52:54
There you are. I see you people. I think it's terrific. I mean, Arden I think Arden's only friend with type one is somebody she's, she's very close with, who's a friend she met online, but they've never actually met in person. But they talk and you know, they're very close. They're both in college now. And it and I think it's been beneficial for both of them to know each other. It just really has been, you know, I think they met because I think the girl tried to follow me on Instagram and follow Arden by mistake. And that's how that's how they how they ended up meeting each other. So that just can't be said enough. That you need to be able to see yourself in the world around you. It's important. You know,

Anonymous Female Speaker 53:40
I first my first friend in this town, that was a type one had the same eye surgeon as I did. And so she went through it all before I did and was very supportive of that. And I was having a follow up I exam. And she was on Facebook, and she had just had a double organ transplant. She had a kidney, pancreas transplant. And I saw that she was active on Facebook and I said, Hey, you want to you want to visit her? Because I'm in the hospital for an eye exam. And she's like, Yeah, sure. So I went up to her floor and the nurse said she just had a double transplant yesterday. She's exhausted. She can't have any visitors. And I was like, Well, I have it on good authority that she's sitting up in bed on her phone on Facebook right now. Are you sure?

Scott Benner 54:33
So I need so let's go.

Anonymous Female Speaker 54:37
So the nurse checked in on her and let me in. And she interest. She was awake and talking to me and I it was so important to me to see her because I had such a huge question. And my question to her was, do you feel low? Because I'm thinking wow, yesterday you were a type one diabetic and today you're not You know,

Scott Benner 55:01
oh, and does the 85 blood sugar feel low to you? Yeah, but it

Anonymous Female Speaker 55:06
doesn't like and you have a pancreas that's doing it for you like my, I don't know in my mind I thought it's actually feels low

Scott Benner 55:15
gotta be dizzy this girl but no right like it's it's the action it's the action of the insulin that gives you that feeling like the fall like you ever hear people say you can I can feel the fall. And yeah, I can relate to that. Yeah, it's because that the insulin is moving your blood sugar in a way that you know it's not natural and completely natural to so it's something you can feel oh, that's really interesting you still friends? Yeah,

Anonymous Female Speaker 55:41
yeah, that's cool that she doesn't have the pancreas anymore and she did have to get a another kidney but otherwise she's doing great.

Scott Benner 55:49
That's cool yeah sometimes the organs don't make it I interviewed somebody recently who had to go through a couple before the one they have now that seems to be you know holding on so really weird world how long did she not have diabetes for?

Anonymous Female Speaker 56:05
I think it was almost a year.

Scott Benner 56:08
Oh my gosh, that's it seems like I can't tell if that's bad or not like me like if getting the year off is terrific. And just I'll take it or if it's such a letdown when it when you see your blood sugar start creeping up again, like, oh, geez,

Anonymous Female Speaker 56:22
I've heard the pancreas is such a hard one to keep though.

Scott Benner 56:27
Yeah, though, it can be for sure. I mean, organs in general, I like I said, I was interviewing a guy who's had a number of transplants. And he got like eight years out of one and he was thrilled about it.

Anonymous Female Speaker 56:37
Nice. Yeah. So anyway,

Scott Benner 56:40
is there anything that we haven't talked about that we should have something I didn't bring up or something you meant to say that hasn't gotten said? Sure. I

Anonymous Female Speaker 56:46
think I wanted to talk about my mom a little bit. But

Scott Benner 56:50
weekend. Don't worry. I just that's why I wanted to bring it up. So let me ask you before we start, are you less nervous than you were an hour ago? Yeah. There's a moment when you started cruising. And I was like, Oh, she's okay now. And

Anonymous Female Speaker 57:04
I think that at some points, like my ADD kicks in and I kind of go off topic. And then I'm like, where was I again? Okay, but then

Scott Benner 57:11
I haven't noticed you go off topic once.

Anonymous Female Speaker 57:14
Oh, really? I felt like I did a lot. No, I

Scott Benner 57:18
thought you were very clear and linear. And I didn't. I mean, if you listen to the podcast, like I didn't do the I didn't do the pulp fiction thing to you too much. I didn't go back in time, and then come back up here to the President and go back again, which I liked doing. I didn't do that as much with you. But I still thought you were. I never felt like oh, what is she talking about? Like, I never had that feeling one time. So maybe you're being hard on yourself?

Unknown Speaker 57:44
I often am.

Scott Benner 57:46
Yeah, I didn't have a thought like that at all. Alright, so what about your mom? When

Anonymous Female Speaker 57:52
I was nine, we we moved. And I had my first seizure that I remember, in the middle of the night. We had just gotten a puppy. My puppy woke my parents up. And I slept walked, I guess into the hallway right outside my parents.

Scott Benner 58:17
Outside your parents. Sorry. Hey, I'm sorry. I lost you outside your parents outside your parents room? Yep. Yeah.

Anonymous Female Speaker 58:25
And my mom called 911. And can you guess what happened?

Scott Benner 58:36
The dog can play that the little girl that got her is broken. No,

Anonymous Female Speaker 58:39
my mom called 911 and got the DDD. This number does not exist in your area. Really? Yeah. So this was in 1991. And 911 was not something that existed everywhere. And I know that's hard to believe, right? Yeah. So my mom got a an operator who got her to emergency dispatch. And I came to surrounded by firemen in full gear, because they didn't know that what they were responding to. They were all volunteers. I guess they gave me some dextrose brought me to the hospital. But my mom was so impressed by what happened she she joined the fire department.

Scott Benner 59:31
Yeah, that's that's incredible. Also, and you're good I was just gonna say is not off topic, but you're reminding me that we all used to have stickers on our telephones with the phone numbers for the police the fire in the ambulance. Yeah, because there was no 911 there these little square like two inch thicker square and they had the three numbers on them. You stuck them to your phone. So you had the huh you reminded me something I'd forgotten about how about that. How Yeah. And then your mom just like, let's was your I was gonna say we should mom looking to hook up with a fireman but he she was married so that's inappropriate. But what happened? She became a volunteer fireman.

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:00:13
Um, she became a paramedic. Yeah. She's about to retire his doctor and see, she's a forensic pathologist, I should say. And she joined the volunteer fire department, and I went to college in 2001. And in September of 2001, my mom was missing in New York City. Wait, how? He wasn't a New York City Department, but she was in New York City. She just jumped into action on 911.

Scott Benner 1:00:44
Oh, my gosh. So she was in the area. Yeah.

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:00:48
And the fire department she belonged to did go there. I mean, it was in. But they were in the center of it. When it happened. They went to help in the aftermath. But my mom happened to be there on 911. She just kind of jumped into action. And my dad and I didn't hear from her for about a week. She's fine now.

Scott Benner 1:01:10
Oh, a week. She was just received like her, or was she just working?

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:01:16
She was just working. But also all the phones were down. Yeah, no, I remember. So she was trying to get in touch with my dad and I and my dad was stuck on. I want to say the Washington Bridge for hours. So I didn't hear from him for a while. My dad was a professor at the College, Mount St. Vincent. So he was stuck getting out of the city. So you know, both my parents were kind of MIA for about 24 hours. And then then it was just my mom that was missing. And you know, it was September you don't didn't really have many friends yet. Being a freshman in college. Oh,

Scott Benner 1:01:51
my God. Yeah, you're just by yourself at school. While this is all happening. It's very frightening for people who didn't live through it as an adult like we lived in. Well, in central New Jersey when it happened. My wife was working in man, Hatton for years before that, but had just very recently moved to Jersey City to her building got moved to Jersey City. And people's cell phones, like we didn't used to leave our cell phones on all the time off. That's something people know or not because the batteries would die. So yeah, you turn them on to make a call. And you know, now plugging your phone in and charging it as a part of everyday life. But back then, yeah, you wouldn't do that all the time. So my, my wife is calling me, you know, to say, they're evacuating my building. And we're being pushed on foot into, like past the past the highway. They're just making them walk West, basically, away from the city. And later, she found out it's because they used her building as a morgue. And, yeah, they were they were ferrying bodies to her building, which was right on the water. And then just doctors who happen to work in the buildings around were triaging people and stacking, stacking bodies up. But the people they pushed out of the building, they just, they just basically pointed and they were like walk and the cops just pushed you. They just kept pushing them away. So my wife and a girl she worked with, made their way to the girl's car that was parked in a lot somewhere. And they just finally made their way out and got on the Jersey Turnpike, and headed south because she was trying to get my wife home. So I had to call a family member because Cole was a baby. And I basically it just was like, I met my father and on the side of the road. And I was like, here's his bottles. Here's his formula. I put his car seat, my father in law's truck, and I was like, I'm going to go find Kelly. And then I just headed north. But we couldn't, we weren't in contact. So we would pick up the phone at certain intervals and kind of report where we were. And like no lie like we saw each other. We worked it out so we could see each other on opposite sides of the turnpike. And then I just found a place to cross over and I crossed over and grabbed her. I think that whole process of driving what would have been a 45 minute ride an hour ride in a normal day. And then getting her back again. I was gone for about nine hours trying to get her out of the city. Like it was it was really something and then her friend didn't get home till well after midnight after that. It's just a crazy time and you're sitting in college and nobody can find your mom or your dad. Yeah, that's terrible.

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:04:35
Yeah, my dad and I spoke every every night. Remember the first night that we got in touch with each other? We ended the call and then he called me right back and you said you didn't say I love you. And I was like dad, you know I love you. And he's like, Yeah, but you didn't say it. And I think from you know with your mom missing from now on like we need to say it before we say goodbye like every time we speak on the phone, and that became our thing. And then up until he died that was always or never ended a conversation without saying I love you.

Scott Benner 1:05:06
That's a That's lovely. Really very, very lovely. I can tell you that the Manhattan is from my house, I don't know how many miles I can actually figure it out. But you could walk out of the back door of my house. And just smoke was just rising up in the air for days. And I'm, I'm a good hour and I don't know, 15 minutes from the from the city by car. I'm actually looking at it right now I am. I'm 46 miles away. And I could step outside of my house and look up and see smoke. Like it was next to me it felt like, really, really insane. So well, let's say you and your father had this nice thing, right? He said, I love you every time. And did you ever have the feeling that the therapist tried to give you the I'm gonna die early?

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:06:05
Oh, I've thought about it. I think maybe I thought about that even before she said it. But it was, you know, it still wasn't her place to say so I still upset with her for saying it, even if I already thought it.

Scott Benner 1:06:18
Yeah, it's also not accurate. But another thing that my father,

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:06:21
you know, would say a lot throughout my childhood was You're so lucky, your generation is going to see a cure, you're going to be cured. And I think that that also had a little bit of a detrimental part to my self care. Yeah. Like, oh, I can treat my body like crap. Now because I will be cured in the future. Yeah, I believed him. You know, it was my dad, I believe them. Yeah, that's

Scott Benner 1:06:49
a misstep. I understand wanting to say it, but you can't put that in someone's head. Because, like I understand they somebody wants to say that because of a hopeful thing. But I think the very problem you just described as the concern. You know, what if I that makes people think well, then I don't have to take this very seriously, because I won't be here forever. And that yeah, that's tough. No, I'm sorry.

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:07:11
And my I mean, my my parents were pretty renowned doctors, and my dad, you know, it wasn't just like, oh, you know, what my daddy says is always true. But he had some backup to it, I guess.

Scott Benner 1:07:25
If somebody's gonna know, be this guy. So yeah. Well, well, are you interested in like you said, You've been single and you live alone? Is that something you? Are you? Is that something you're doing on purpose? Are you looking for somebody? Or what do you think? No.

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:07:42
I think that that's another thing that, you know, I've been struggling with. I think that some of my other behaviors tend to push people away. I do have tenants. So I'm not alone alone. I do have trouble asking for help, though. So sometimes, even if my one of my tenants is home, I called an ambulance. But no, I'm not single on purpose, I

Scott Benner 1:08:10
guess. Can I ask you a question? You just said like some of your actions can push people away? Do you have examples? It

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:08:17
might just be in my head. Kind of think of an example. I I mean, I I guess the only example that really comes to mind is something that happened when I was in a relationship where I was having quite a few low blood sugars. And once in a while, didn't have enough with me. I wasn't prepared with enough to treat it. And my significant other had to go out of his way to to get something for me. And it was a huge inconvenience. And I think that had a large impact on our relationship.

Scott Benner 1:08:53
What a therapist say that you're looking for somebody to take care of you the way you didn't feel like you were taking care of taking care of a child.

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:09:00
Not really well. I mean, a therapist might say that, but I want to say I am capable of taking care of myself, of course.

Scott Benner 1:09:07
Yeah, no, no, of course you are. But is there any part of you that's just like, what if wouldn't it be cool if somebody else thought about this and not me? I bring it up because we we just saw the kids recently, and it was on spring break. So Arden went to where Cole is we all met there. And Arden spent the first couple of nights Cole's apartment and then we were like, Look, you you know, you stay here. Obviously, you're come back to the hotel, like mom and I got whatever you want to do. And like you can see like, they were having a good time. My son wanted her to stay and she's like, Hold on, I'm sorry. She's like, I'm gonna go back to the hotel so dad can take care of my diabetes tonight. Like she's like, I just want a day off, like from this. And I mean, that was a very conscious statement. But I wonder if if that doesn't happen subconsciously where you just like oh, I wish somebody else would just remember to bring you can juice box so I don't have to do it. look like that kind of thing? I don't know. It's, it's interesting.

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:10:02
Well, in a way getting a Dexcom and an omni pod was that for me?

Scott Benner 1:10:09
Yeah, give it to give it to them. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think you should date you seem lovely. And I'm sure somebody would be very lucky to be with you. So

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:10:18
I got, I got set up on a date a few years ago. And my friend introduced me to her friend, and I, like for the life of me, you know, you're a great guy, but I don't understand why my friend thought that you and I were compatible. And then he took out his insulin pump.

Scott Benner 1:10:38
Had nothing else in common, but there was nothing else.

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:10:40
I was like, Oh, okay.

Scott Benner 1:10:45
I don't know, it's not always that hard. My wife and I, like, we don't have the same sense of humor. We don't like, like, she thinks about things differently than I do. And I mean, it still works. You know, it's just, I don't know. Anyway, I say, give it a try. It's up to you. Of course, I'm not in charge of your life. But again, I think somebody be lucky to be with you. So

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:11:07
just getting out there and finding a place to meet people. I guess I'm a little skeptical of the online dating.

Scott Benner 1:11:12
It's not that hard. Your girl. Boys will just like, you just just take a shower, look, half clean walk outside, one of us will be like, Hey, what's up? Very easy to impress. You don't have to try as hard as you think. Really not that hard. I think clean and looking like both eyes going in the same direction would be enough. Then your loveliness will shine through and you'll find people but yeah, I don't know. So I can't imagine honestly, like I I don't understand dating. Like I've dated when I was younger. When people were around. I remember my cousin telling me, as I was graduating from high school, my cousin said, Wait till you see how hard it is to meet girls when you're not in school anymore. And I was like, oh, what's he talking about? But man is right. And so, you know, I know. It's hard. Like, it's like, how do you really? How do you get around somebody enough to get a vibe for them? Before you try it out? You can't? Right? So you just kind of jump in cold? And you know, it seems like you might have a little trouble with like that. Like, I mean, you were really nervous just having like being on this in the beginning. So like that initial like, yeah, I can see where it would be hard. How about it work? Is that a bad spot? Probably

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:12:28
inappropriate for where I work now. But I mean, there's been some interest in previous jobs. I guess. There was one there was one. I mean, I guess it's not really dating related. But this place I was working was kind of set up with a bunch of cubicles. And this new guy started about the same age as me, and at the time. And some co workers came up to me and said, Hey, so and so like, he really needs your help. And I thought that they meant like, training him on something on a computer program, or whatever. So I go over to him. And he is daring at his computer screen. He's not responding to anything I'm saying to him. And somebody shoves a juice bottle in my in my hand and says, He has the same thing as you fix him.

Scott Benner 1:13:21
big help. Thanks a lot. And I was just and

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:13:25
use a big guy. I mean, like, basketball player, straight from college kind of size, you know. And I was thinking about how my dad would get violent sometimes. And I just took a few steps back and said, somebody called 911 don't find the other diabetic in the room. What if

Scott Benner 1:13:45
I get low during this? What's gonna happen?

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:13:48
And then like, I don't know, later on, people tried to play matchmaker between him and I but friends. Oh, good.

Scott Benner 1:13:56
Nice. All right. Wow. All right. I'm done trying to help you. I really do appreciate you coming on and sharing all this with us. Thank you.

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:14:06
Did you have any questions on anything else? Um,

Scott Benner 1:14:09
I don't think so. Like it's more of an emotional journey for me when people tell stories like this, like I leave it. I think no differently than the people listening. Like, I feel like I started with you when you were five and and I ended here, you seem happy, which makes me happy. But I don't think that no, no, I don't think that there is anything that you didn't answer along the way that I did. I mean, I wondered about a lot of things while we were talking but they all came out during the conversation. I feel I feel pretty good about it, actually.

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:14:45
So I currently maintain myself at about a seven a one C okay. I feel like I do have room to improve but not too drastically or rapidly. Right? I'm on the Omnipod Five now, and it's going well, for me, that's where I'm at.

Scott Benner 1:15:04
That's excellent. Good for you. comfortable and happy. is a perfect place. Yeah, yeah. Do you think you'll be in the sixes?

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:15:12
I think now that I mean, it's only been a month since I've been on the Omnipod. Five. But I already have such a reduced reduction in my fear of getting low. Good, that I feel more comfortable being in the lower one hundreds where I used to. I used to eat like a little bite of chocolate or something if I was 99 or 100.

Scott Benner 1:15:35
Now you wait to see what happens. Yeah,

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:15:37
yeah, cuz I know, like, my pump isn't going to let me keep dropping. So I feel more comfortable. And I'm already at a time and range at about 70% time and range, where it used to be like 3040,

Scott Benner 1:15:52
I should try to slice off about 10% of the confidence that I gave my daughter and give it to you. Because there's times on text here. I'm like, Hey, this is not holding up. You really like could you eat something, please? And she's like, it'll be fine. I'm like, it's not, I'm watching it, it's not gonna be fine. And she's just like, the opposite of that. She's like, it'll be alright. It'll be alright. And then when it's not, she's like, alright, she handles it. But there's moments when she's like, 75. And I'm looking at trends. And I'm like art, and this is going to be 60 in like, 15 minutes. And she's like, No, I might be alright. She's like, the algorithms trying to fix it. I'm like, I know, I see. But I don't think that's how it's gonna go. And I wish I could just take a little bit of that. Just I'll slide it over to you. Because it sucks to hear that somebody is still like, it has your level of understanding, but because of past situations, like you're, you're still more comfortable around like 120 130. Right? Yeah, absolutely. But I think you'll get there. I mean, I think the algorithms do a really good job of, of mimicking that confidence that you're talking about, like, well, at least this thing, the way I tend to think of it is, I know, it's not 100% I'm not going to get low, but I know there's a thing helping me to stop from falling like a stone. And that that's, that's pretty helpful. Like, you know, like the idea that it's been taking my basil away for 45 minutes, because it's predicting this low. I've seen Luke do it. And I'm sure you know, control IQ and all of them. Like they're trying to stop, like a drastic low. And there's something I don't know, there's something more comfortable about a drift to 60 than like, Hey, I'm 90 and then 10 minutes later, I'm 60. That's a

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:17:36
different world. So I used to be a two to three juicebox a night. person before starting Omnipod five, I was on Omnipod arrows. Wow. Ever since starting Omnipod five, I haven't had any juice boxes. I can still be in the club, though. Right?

Scott Benner 1:17:52
Oh, for sure. But this is such a that's such a wonderful like, improvement.

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:17:58
It's a big difference. Yeah,

Scott Benner 1:18:00
yeah. No, that's fantastic news. Oh, wow. Good for you. I mean, just the calories alone, but the unbroken sleep is a big deal. And it confidence when you're sleeping. And that's all like really, really important. I'm glad for you. And

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:18:16
I don't feel the need to go to bed with an elevated sugar.

Scott Benner 1:18:19
Good for you. That's a huge leap. And how long have you been doing it? a month. Oh, my gosh, this is terrific. Yeah, you'll have you'll be in the sixes in like three months. Probably. Thank you. Yeah, no, just from that, just from the thing. How long have you been listening the podcast?

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:18:35
I started not too long after you started. And then I kind of forgot about it. Sorry, door. And I went like a few years without listening. And then I picked it back up when I started considering upgrading my pump. So probably bout a year ago. I picked it up back up again. Oh, good for

Scott Benner 1:18:57
you. While you were there. In 2015. You were listening. Yeah. Wow. Geez, I thought I was talking to myself back then. Thank you. Terrific. The first year of the podcast had as many downloads as yesterday had. Which is really bizarre to say all out. But I really I really thought that like, and I and that first year, my wife's like, what do you think I'm like, It's going great. I was like, I can't believe I got 25,000 people to listen to the show this year. Like that's so cool. You know, I was I was all excited. And and now like there are days that go by, like if there's like the like, I don't know, like holidays pop up and you get like a little reduction on a holiday or something like that. I'm like, Where'd everybody go? What are you talking about? This is like 23,000 people downloaded the show yesterday. And I was like I know but I was really expecting 25 out for 24 and a half. And she's like, What are you talking about? I'm like I have standards. But that's it's very interesting to hear that somebody that was there in the beginning. That's very, very interesting for me and cool to hear. Thank you very much.

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:20:04
You're welcome. Of course, the sound quality is improved.

Scott Benner 1:20:09
I was gonna say, at least I bought a better microphone. I had a great microphone back then I just didn't know what I was doing. And this one, this one's better. This microphone is so cool, than if I just go a couple of steps away. It won't pick my voice up. And so in this scenario, when I don't have access to a recording studio, you still get a good silence around my voice. With this microphone. I wish I would have I see. Yeah, I wish I would have thought to, to do it sooner. Like the other day I was recording. And a trash truck went down the street. And the microphone didn't pick it up. I was like, Oh, this thing's terrific. But oh my gosh, yeah, I were doing the best jobs now. And people were really enjoying it, which is something I didn't I was like, I wonder how this is gonna go over. But we're running like a best of episode once a week. And I'm getting a lot of

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:21:01
I've heard a couple of them come up this past week. Yeah. And I'm getting good feedback from

Scott Benner 1:21:05
people. But it's the sound like when it pops up. And I hear that old microphone. I cringe. I'm like,

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:21:10
yeah. Anyway.

Scott Benner 1:21:14
It's cool. All right. Well, thank you very much. I'm gonna get

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:21:18
that this is an after

Scott Benner 1:21:20
Oh, or good question. I had this thought about 45 minutes ago, and I don't think it is. Cool. Yeah, I don't think it is. And, you know, I try to say this every time it comes up, but I don't love that the after dark episodes are called after dark episodes. It's not a function of something I would do. It's a function of people listening. So I what I learned is, is that people need a warning sometimes. And not everybody's cool here and about like, a heroin Bender, and and, you know, and stuff like that. I don't see it that way. Like, I wouldn't mark any of them like that. But I don't know. I mean, you had an eating disorder, but I don't see that that's, you know, suffering. Yeah. I mean, I know, I don't see this was an as an after dark. Do you think so? What did you think? Um,

Anonymous Female Speaker 1:22:13
I didn't think so either. But, you know, it's just kind of curious.

Scott Benner 1:22:17
Ya know, I wondered about it. Like I said, about 45 minutes ago, and I didn't break down anything or, or have any thoughts that would make me think that way. So no, I don't think so. All right. Great. Excellent. Hold on one second for me. Okay. Sure.

I'd like to thank my anonymous guests for coming on the show today and sharing her story. If you'd like to wear the same insulin pump that Arden does, all you have to do is go to Omni pod.com/juice box. That's it. Head over now and get started today. And you'll be wearing the same tubeless insulin pump that Arden has been wearing since she was four years old. A huge thanks to us med for sponsoring this episode of The Juicebox Podcast. Don't forget us med.com/juice box this is where we get our diabetes supplies from you can as well use the link or call 888-721-1514 Use the link or call the number get your free benefits check so that you can start getting your diabetes supplies the way we do from us med. Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back soon with another episode of The Juicebox Podcast.