It was a long Sunday and the nights hours were burning away quickly. We just wanted to have a fast and easy dinner when we made the call. It ended up being anything but.
I pre-bolused. I counted carbs. I over-estimated those carbs. I set temp basal rates. I did everything that I know how to do and two hours later, it appeared as though my foresight had won the battle. Arden's BG was 150 two hours after insulin and some ninety minutes after she finished eating. I was victorious!
That victory was however, short-lived - Chicken and rice... not so nice
The next few hours were a slugfest. I traded punches with diabetes all night. It hit me in the jaw, a countered with a bolus. It responded with a gut punch, I shot insulin with a needle. Uppercut, water bottle. Jab, Temp basal. We went back and forth like two prize fighters in a ten round fight. This exchange went on until four in the morning, I was staggered by the unrelenting nature of the attack. Defeated physically as well as spiritually.
We just wanted a number four with dumplings
It's so incredibly frustrating at times. The old diabetes adage really does stand true. You can do everything that you did the day before in the exact same situation and get completely different results. We don't make a habit out of Chinese take-out, but I was certain that I had developed a great system for combating those crazy carbs. Not on this night I guess, my best laid schemes failed me.
But little Mouse, you are not alone, In proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid schemes of mice and men
Go often awry
The most difficult part of staying up overnight in these situations isn't the loss of sleep, though that did eventually catch up to me. It's the stillness of the dark and how it allows you the time to reflect on what the high BG is doing to your child's body. The darkness makes me want to be better. Do better, make better decisions. I do a fair job of not beating myself up in these moments, I try to learn their lesson. Knowing that you are standing in the dark with me helps keep that attitude in the forefront of my mind. We are only alone in these moments if we forget that somewhere, there is another person just like us, having the same doubts, fighting the same fights. The DOC is always with you!
